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Бой калек
Cripple Fight!
Сезон: 05Серия: 02
Описание
Большой Эл-гомосек становится вожатым у скаутов. Тимми ревнует друзей к другому физически неполноценному — Джимми и дерётся с ним.
Субтитры
- 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:10,469 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,430 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:13,931 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:15,933 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:17,018 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:19,061 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,896 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,398 ♪ People spouting "howdy, neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,858 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:23,983 --> 00:00:25,818 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:30,239 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,991 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:36,996 Well, you boys must be pretty excited--
- 00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:38,914 Your first night of scouts.
- 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:39,999 It's gonna suck; there's gonna be
- 00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:41,125 all these new kids there we don't know.
- 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,752 Yeah.
- 00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,378 Well, now, that's part of the fun.
- 00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,088 Yeah, both Kenny's dad and I were in scouts for years.
- 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,298 Was your dad in scouts, Cartman?
- 00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:48,215 Oh, yeah, you don't have a dad.
- 00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:52,386 That's not funny! Jesus Christ!
- 00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:54,305 Are you excited for your first night of scouts, Timmy?
- 00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:56,432 Yeah, Timmy!
- 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,433 Yeah, he's excited.
- 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,940 Hey, fellas. Hey, Butters.
- 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,358 Boy, am I glad to see you guys.
- 00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:08,027 There's lots of kids here from other schools.
- 00:01:08,152 --> 00:01:09,695 I don't know anybody.
- 00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,155 All right, boys, we're gonna head to the bar.
- 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,907 We'll be back to pick you up at 9:00.
- 00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:14,700 You boys just make sure to obey the scout leader, now.
- 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:15,826 He's the man in charge.
- 00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:18,287 Hello, scouts!
- 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,914 Hey, it's Big Gay Al.
- 00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:20,956 Hello, Stanley.
- 00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:22,166 I was happy to see you and your
- 00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,751 little friends' names on the list.
- 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:24,794 Timmy!
- 00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:26,712 You're the new scout leader?
- 00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,255 I just got transferred in.
- 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,132 I think everyone's here now, so we can get started.
- 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,176 Come on, scouts. We've got work to do.
- 00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:33,886 - Hooray! - See you, Dad.
- 00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:38,099 Hey, are you parents gonna stand there all night?
- 00:01:38,224 --> 00:01:40,935 This meeting is for scouts only, you silly gooses.
- 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,898 Now, before we get started, scouts,
- 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,024 I want to introduce you
- 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,151 to someone very special here tonight.
- 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,278 He's a brave little boy with disabilities
- 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:54,156 who proves just by being here that scouts are for everyone!
- 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:55,491 Timmy!
- 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,159 So let's all all give a big round of applause
- 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,828 to little Jimmy.
- 00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:01,163 Well, hello, everyone.
- 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:05,042 J-Jimmy?
- 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,464 Look, I'm not saying the new scout leader's a bad person.
- 00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,466 I just don't think he should be a scout leader.
- 00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,343 Well, he got to where he is by being a good scout.
- 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,845 Maybe we should just leave him alone.
- 00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,471 Well, how gay is he?
- 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,306 He's really, really gay.
- 00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:20,933 Well, then I don't want my boy there, either.
- 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,185 So he's a homosexual. So what?
- 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,312 I have nothing against homosexuals either, Randy,
- 00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,148 but the big camping trip is next week.
- 00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:29,358 Are you saying you're fine with this guy camping overnight
- 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,068 alone with our boys?
- 00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,028 You know, boys emulate authority figures.
- 00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,738 Even if it doesn't turn them gay,
- 00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:36,490 they can end up all talking all femme
- 00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,367 and prancing around like girls.
- 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,493 Ah, that's ridiculous.
- 00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,204 People, people! Please!
- 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:45,207 You're forgetting that homosexuality is a choice.
- 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:49,920 As many of you know, I myself went through a homosexual phase.
- 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,047 But the light of Christ showed me how to change.
- 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,299 Just give me two hours with this man,
- 00:02:53,424 --> 00:02:55,092 and I can convert him back.
- 00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:56,969 That's what you said about Peterson,
- 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,512 and then you ended up having sex with him.
- 00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,389 - That's right. - You did.
- 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,726 And so that's how to make banana nut muffins.
- 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,728 And now, as a very special treat,
- 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,354 our very special friend Jimmy
- 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:08,856 is going to do what he loves most:
- 00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:10,941 motivational stand-up comedy.
- 00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,234 Let's give him a big hand.
- 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,237 Wow, what a great audience.
- 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,780 Well, just in case you were wondering,
- 00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:18,240 I do have a disability:
- 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,451 I am totally happy with the way I was born, very much.
- 00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:22,244 I travel to different states and talk to kids
- 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,996 about being proud of what they are.
- 00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:26,415 My mom says God has a p-plan for everyone.
- 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,375 I guess I was plan "B."
- 00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:32,087 You guys like impersonations?
- 00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,256 Timmy.
- 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,091 How about Jimmy Stewart?
- 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,343 "Merry Christmas, movie house."
- 00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:38,886 And John Travolta --
- 00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:40,095 "Oh, my God, Mr. Kotter.
- 00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:41,764 Mr. Kotter, oh, my God. Mr. Kotter."
- 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:43,807 Jimmy's funny, dude.
- 00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:45,309 Yeah, well,
- 00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,394 he's the coolest kid with disabilities in the world.
- 00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:48,896 Hmph!
- 00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:50,397 Uh, Kenny, it's 9:00.
- 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,107 Come on, Stanley.
- 00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,442 Oops, guess we're out of time, kids.
- 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,444 Now, remember, tomorrow you all have bake sales
- 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,446 in your respective neighborhoods to raise money.
- 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,781 We'll meet back here next Tuesday
- 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,115 and see who raised the most.
- 00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,867 Good luck! - Hey, I've got a great idea.
- 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:02,868 Why don't we see if Jimmy wants
- 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:03,994 to come be in our scout club?
- 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,955 Hey, yeah. - Timmy, Timmy.
- 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,414 Hey, Jimmy, you want to come join our bake sale
- 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,208 in South Park tomorrow?
- 00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:10,709 Jeez, sure, that'd be great. Thanks, fellas.
- 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:11,919 Come on, Stan.
- 00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,462 Bye, Big Gay Al. We had a great time.
- 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,256 - Yeah, thanks. - Bye, Jimmy!
- 00:04:15,381 --> 00:04:17,049 See you tomorrow at the bake sale, fellas.
- 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,050 You were right, Dad.
- 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,176 Scouts is awesome. - Yeah!
- 00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:20,719 We told ghost stories and learned
- 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,263 how to make a tornado in a glass bottle.
- 00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:23,889 Yeah, we learned how to make cakes and muffins
- 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:25,266 for our bake sale.
- 00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:27,101 And best of all, we met this kid named Jimmy.
- 00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:28,894 He's disabled but he doesn't let it ruin his life.
- 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:29,895 He's awesome! - Aah!
- 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,146 Yeah, we're gonna use him
- 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:32,815 to help raise money at our bake sale.
- 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,817 Cartman, don't say "use him", you big silly goose.
- 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,110 Ah!
- 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:37,111 What did you say?
- 00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,779 I just called Cartman a name.
- 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:39,989 He's a silly goose.
- 00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:41,282 Uh-huh.
- 00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:43,951 You do not say "big silly goose"!
- 00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:45,786 You call him an asshole like a normal kid.
- 00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:46,453 But, dad, I was just trying to--
- 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:47,830 Stanley, you call your friend
- 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,915 an asshole this instant!
- 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,000 Asshole?
- 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,334 That's better.
- 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:53,585 Don't call me asshole, you son of a bitch.
- 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,340 Uh, hello?
- 00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,967 We're having a bake sale to raise money
- 00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,677 for scout troop number six-nine.
- 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,804 Uh, please stop by and give us a hand.
- 00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,139 And now, for your entertainment --
- 00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:07,891 our new best friend, stand-up comic Jimmy!
- 00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,978 Wow, what a great audience.
- 00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:13,314 I just flew into South Park. Boy, are my crutches tired.
- 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,192 What a terrific audience.
- 00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,819 You know, people sometimes ask me,
- 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,280 "Are you angry at God for making disabled people?"
- 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:24,241 I say, "no, I think the world is better with President Bush."
- 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,330 What a brave little boy.
- 00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:31,832 He's able to use comedy to overcome his handicap.
- 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:32,958 I love him!
- 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,126 Timmy.
- 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,461 Well, I sure have met
- 00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:37,171 a lot of interesting people here in South Park.
- 00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:39,131 How about that Eric Cartman kid, huh?
- 00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:42,134 "God damn it. No, kitty, that's my pot pie!
- 00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,469 God damn it! God damn it!"
- 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,056 Heh, heh. - I don't sound like that.
- 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,892 And how about that school counselor?
- 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,895 "Drugs are bad. Drugs are bad, okay?
- 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,230 Drugs are bad, okay? Okay?"
- 00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,774 Wow, what a great audience.
- 00:05:56,899 --> 00:05:58,275 "Mr. Hat, be quiet, Mr. Hat.
- 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,235 "Mr.--hello, there, children, Mr. Hat.
- 00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,695 "Hello, Mr. Hat.
- 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,364 "I'm making salisbury steak for lunch--
- 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,741 salisbury steak for lunch."
- 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,743 "God damn it! God damn it!"
- 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:11,038 And of course, my very favorite...
- 00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:12,790 "Timmy! Timmy!
- 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,958 I'm living a lie. I'm living a lie, Timmy!"
- 00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,171 "Timmy, I'm living a lie.
- 00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,964 Ah, Timmy!"
- 00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:23,008 Sometimes it's like, "please, Timmy, learn a new word."
- 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,426 "Timmy! Timmy!"
- 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,140 Wow, it looks like when it comes to comedy,
- 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:31,892 I really take the c-c...
- 00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,143 I really take the ca...
- 00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:34,770 I really take the ca-cake.
- 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,273 Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy!
- 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,110 Timmy!
- 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,197 Well, this is it.
- 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:46,949 We've simply gotten too many complaints
- 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,909 from concerned parents about him.
- 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,202 I'm afraid we don't have a choice.
- 00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,286 Hiya, fellas!
- 00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:52,955 How are you today, scout?
- 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,124 I'm super. Thanks for asking.
- 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,875 The troops are off having bake sales,
- 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,752 and I'm pleased to report that we have already raised
- 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,379 over $600 for the event.
- 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:01,296 Yippee!
- 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,298 Uh, Big Gay Al,
- 00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:06,969 It has recently come to our attention that you are...gay.
- 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,387 Well, stop the presses.
- 00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,264 You figure that out all by yourself, silly buns?
- 00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,141 Yes, well, unfortunately for you,
- 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:15,144 the scouts have a policy that openly gay men
- 00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,770 cannot belong.
- 00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,814 We are left with no options, Mr. Al.
- 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,984 I'm afraid you are hereby... out of scouts.
- 00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,820 Out of scouts?
- 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,655 We're sorry, Mr. Gay Al.
- 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,824 But I've been in scouts since I was nine.
- 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,826 It's a huge part of my life.
- 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,704 You must understand that scouts is a private club,
- 00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:35,289 a club that follows certain beliefs,
- 00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:38,167 and one of those beliefs is that homosexuality is immoral.
- 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,794 I see.
- 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,838 It's nothing against you personally.
- 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,214 What if I promise not to be gay anymore?
- 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:45,924 Pinkie swear!
- 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,843 We think it's best you just move on.
- 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,386 Right. Move on.
- 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:57,186 Oh, hey, Timmy.
- 00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,854 I'm glad you called, very much.
- 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,939 I've been detecting some animosity towards me lately,
- 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,316 and I was hoping we could bury the hatchet.
- 00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:03,358 Timmy.
- 00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:04,943 What's that?
- 00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,653 A-libba-la, Timmy.
- 00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:08,030 A present? You got me a present?
- 00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,364 Timmy!
- 00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,033 Gee, you didn't have to do that.
- 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,160 I mean, I understand why you'd be jealous of my talents.
- 00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:14,745 If you work at it, maybe you could be
- 00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,288 as handi-capable as I am, huh?
- 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,081 Wow, a parka.
- 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,666 You didn't have to do that, Tim-Tim.
- 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:20,876 Tim, Timmy.
- 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,252 Oh, sure. I'll see if it fits.
- 00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,632 This is very warm. Thanks a lot, Tim-Tim.
- 00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:27,382 Well, I'll see you around.
- 00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:29,051 Timmy!
- 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,225 There he is. Kill him! Kill him!
- 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,893 Oh, wait. That's not him.
- 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,690 Thanks again, Tim-Tim!
- 00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:44,900 Tim, Timmy!
- 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,643 Bye, scouts.
- 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,979 Okay, okay, Mark. Stop playing now.
- 00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:23,313 Hey, don't yell at me.
- 00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,190 You asked me to come over and play sad songs
- 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,817 for you to pack to, and then you yell at me.
- 00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:28,944 I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,029 But now I've packed everything away, so just--
- 00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,990 well, play something uplifting like--
- 00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:34,283 "I'm gonna put all this behind me
- 00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,827 and make it okay" music.
- 00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,745 ♪ Oh, I don't want her, you can have her ♪
- 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,163 ♪ She's too fat for me ♪
- 00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:42,165 Oh, Jesus, Mark.
- 00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,797 Parents, this is the new scout leader, Mr. Grazier.
- 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,008 He will be taking over for the homosexual.
- 00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:51,758 Nice to meet you.
- 00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,219 Marsh, right? We actually kind of know each other.
- 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,387 Your wife and mine are friends.
- 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,347 Your wife, huh?
- 00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:58,557 Carol is is the head
- 00:09:58,599 --> 00:09:59,766 of a girls' Mountain Scouts troop.
- 00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:02,227 Well, I guess we're off to the bar until 9:00, then.
- 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,021 Gonna go pound some brews, huh?
- 00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:06,315 And so I says to him, "hey, I may be handicapped,
- 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,191 but I'm not deaf."
- 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,028 Wow, what a terrific audience.
- 00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,863 Well, for my next joke, I'm gonna need a volunteer
- 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,448 from the audience, very much.
- 00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:16,033 How about you, Timmy? - Timmy.
- 00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,200 Sure, come on up here, Tim-Tim.
- 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,162 Timmy, Ladies and Gentlemen.
- 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,913 Let's all give him a hand, very much.
- 00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:23,665 Come to think of it, give him a pair of legs, too.
- 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:28,128 Here, Timmy. Put on this silly hat.
- 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,047 Just for a second, Timmy.
- 00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:32,215 Don't be a jerk, Timmy.
- 00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,091 Hey, don't push me!
- 00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:34,301 Timmy!
- 00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:35,802 Cripple fight!
- 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,220 That is enough, scouts!
- 00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:38,388 Take your seats!
- 00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,806 Aww!
- 00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,099 All right, scouts.
- 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:44,102 I am your new scout master, Mr. Grazier.
- 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,146 Together, we are going to become the best, the sleekest,
- 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:48,857 the most well-polished scout troop in all of Colorado.
- 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,692 Isn't that right?
- 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,777 When I ask you a question,
- 00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:53,320 you will answer, "yes, scout master."
- 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:54,237 Do I make myself clear?
- 00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:55,781 Yes, scout master.
- 00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:57,157 Good.
- 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,993 Now, the first activity for this evening will be...
- 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,912 Naked pictures.
- 00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:04,289 I'm going to take some pictures of each of you naked
- 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,166 in case we need them for later.
- 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,334 Aww.
- 00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:09,127 Oh, what is this?
- 00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,879 If there's one thing I hate, it's a whiny platoon.
- 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,339 "We don't want to do push-ups!
- 00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,132 "We don't want to get up early!
- 00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:16,343 We don't want to have you take naked pictures of us!"
- 00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:17,844 Man, this guy sucks.
- 00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,138 Now, fall in and strip down, scouts!
- 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,684 All right, scouts.
- 00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:24,351 We're gonna end this meeting
- 00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,228 With a little puppet show.
- 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,979 Here's a little scout.
- 00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:31,191 He's always prepared. He's always ready.
- 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,819 Now, here's the little scout telling his parents
- 00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:36,238 that Mr. Grazier took naked pictures of him.
- 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,322 Look what happens.
- 00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:40,367 Oh, no! Oh, oh!
- 00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:41,702 Ohh!
- 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,829 Do I make myself clear, scouts?
- 00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,205 Yes, scout master!
- 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,040 Oh, hello, parents.
- 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,000 All right, that's all the time we have for tonight, scouts.
- 00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:50,377 We sure had a great time, didn't we?
- 00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:52,713 Yes, sir, scout master!
- 00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,840 Wow, you sure whipped those kids into shape.
- 00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:56,883 Yeah, now they're acting like men.
- 00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:58,719 Well, you know what I say about kids:
- 00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,303 they're all pink on the inside.
- 00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:01,763 You bet. - I heard that.
- 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,473 See you, Mr. Grazier.
- 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,275 Go away. I'm dead.
- 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:16,903 Oh, well, here he is.
- 00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:17,904 Big Gay Al, what are you doing?
- 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,698 Yeah, get your big gay ass off the couch
- 00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:20,991 and come be our scout master again!
- 00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,367 I can't, kids.
- 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,077 I've been kicked out of scouts.
- 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,829 Kicked out? Oh, no.
- 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,998 But you have to come back. We hate our new scout leader.
- 00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:29,374 Really? Why?
- 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,418 We can't tell you.
- 00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,211 Why not?
- 00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:36,631 Oh, no, no! Oh, no, no! Oh, no, no!
- 00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,676 Please, Big Gay Al, We don't want
- 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,927 to go on a camp trip with this guy next week.
- 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:43,138 Boys, there's nothing I can do.
- 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,140 The scouts don't allow homosexuals.
- 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,683 Well, then that settles it.
- 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,101 Fellas, what we're gonna have to do
- 00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:51,730 is try to ch-change the scouts' rules, very much.
- 00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,774 - What do we want? - Gays in scouts!
- 00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,650 When do we want it? - Timmy!
- 00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,277 - What do we want? - Gays in scouts!
- 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:58,737 When do we want it? - Timmy!
- 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,989 Oh, no.
- 00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,287 - What do we want? - Gays in scouts!
- 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,789 When do we want it? - Timmy!
- 00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:09,998 Alright, this looks like the perfect place
- 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,291 to get some signatures.
- 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:12,876 Puppies. Puppies for sale.
- 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,419 Beat it, toots.
- 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:15,420 We got discrimination work to do.
- 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,713 Alright, let's set up.
- 00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,590 Hi, we're here to collect signatures
- 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,884 in support to force the scouts to accept gays.
- 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,844 Uh, hello? Gays in scouts?
- 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:23,929 God damn it.
- 00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:24,971 Hey! Why don't we have Jimmy
- 00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:26,389 do some stand-up comedy?
- 00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:27,849 Like at our bake sale, very much?
- 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,017 That's a great idea.
- 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,644 Attention, Ladies and Gentlemen--
- 00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,771 now for your entertainment, stand-up comic Jimmy!
- 00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,940 Wow, what a great audience.
- 00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:37,442 For my first joke, I'm gonna need a volunteer.
- 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:38,735 Come on up here, Tim-Tim.
- 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,573 Timmy, when I tell you to do something, you do it.
- 00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:44,866 Timmy!
- 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,326 Timmy, don't make me kick your ass.
- 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,994 Timmy! - Put on your hat!
- 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,372 Timmy! - P-put it on!
- 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,082 Dude, this looks like it could get ugly.
- 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,837 Timmy. Timmy.
- 00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:59,923 Not this year.
- 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,593 Timmy, Timmy.
- 00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:06,930 Cripple fight!
- 00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,142 Come on. Come on!
- 00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:14,938 Timmy.
- 00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:27,534 Cripple fight!
- 00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,579 Attention, shoppers--
- 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,998 Outside today, we have cripple fight.
- 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:33,957 Cripple fight outside.
- 00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:49,931 Jesus Christ, dude.
- 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,683 Oh my God!
- 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:52,893 Just let 'em have it out, Susan.
- 00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,102 They'll run out of steam soon.
- 00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:58,899 Hel-lo, Timmy.
- 00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:00,483 Hel-lo, Timmy!
- 00:15:00,609 --> 00:15:01,693 Timmy! - No!
- 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,544 Timmy?
- 00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,421 Timmy...
- 00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,633 I told you, put on the hat!
- 00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,017 You dirty motherfucker.
- 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,440 What's going on?
- 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,025 Some kind of gay pride rally.
- 00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:28,863 Timmy!
- 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:39,708 Tom, I'm standing out front of Henry's Supermarket,
- 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,002 where five brave little boys are holding a rally
- 00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:44,379 to support gays in scouting.
- 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,506 The rally is drawing so much attention
- 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,882 that people from all over the country
- 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,509 are taking media notice.
- 00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,511 Those boys have shown me the light.
- 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,680 I never knew the Mountain Scouts was a hate group.
- 00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,890 This is a wake-up call to America.
- 00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,476 We cannot turn our backs on gays anymore.
- 00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,562 Oh, God, they're actually pulling it off.
- 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,605 The rally has also caught the attention
- 00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:05,358 of old scouts members like Steven Spielberg,
- 00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:08,319 director of such films as <i>Always</i> and <i>1 94 1.</i>
- 00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,697 I salute those boys and their courage.
- 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,825 I am hereby cutting all my funding to the scouts.
- 00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,493 The rally has also caught the attention
- 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,829 of high-power lawyer Gloria Allred.
- 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,998 It is a disgrace that these homophobes
- 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,916 are allowed to discriminate!
- 00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,461 I am taking this case on personally!
- 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:25,879 With this kind of support, Tom,
- 00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,964 these boys are sure to have a victory for gays.
- 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:28,965 Back to you.
- 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,633 Thanks, Chris.
- 00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,719 In other news, the FBI has finally caught
- 00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:35,513 the child molester known as Mr. Slippy Fist.
- 00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,390 The sick child molester was found
- 00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,268 with disturbing, graphic photos of young boys naked,
- 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,561 which we will show you now.
- 00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,938 "Here's one. And here's another.
- 00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,690 Eddie? - Oh, my God.
- 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,984 "Here, look at this one. Sick son of a bitch.
- 00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:49,027 There's one right here."
- 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:52,572 Oh, yeah!
- 00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:02,749 Timmy!
- 00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,180 All right, boys. Break it up.
- 00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,563 All rise.
- 00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:29,234 In the case of Big Gay Al vs. Mountain Scouts of America,
- 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,903 due to the overwhelming show of support,
- 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:35,198 it is the ruling of this court that the scouts must allow
- 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,992 Big Gay Al and all gays into their club.
- 00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:40,161 Alright!
- 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,956 Well, we've all learned an important lesson,
- 00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,457 That just because somebody's gay
- 00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:46,292 doesn't mean they're gonna molest children.
- 00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:47,460 Straight people do that, too.
- 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,965 And furthermore, the scout elders
- 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,092 will be put into stocks for three days
- 00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,136 so they can see how it feels to be outcasts.
- 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,222 We did it! We did it!
- 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:02,267 I did it! I did it! Ha-ha!
- 00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:06,938 Today is a great day for democracy.
- 00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,606 The scouts have been exposed
- 00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:11,067 for the vile gay bashers they are!
- 00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,153 And we owe it all to me,
- 00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,530 and these six brave little boys.
- 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:19,367 Five brave little boys.
- 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,078 And now, here to take his official oath
- 00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,206 back into scouts, is Big Gay Al.
- 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,959 Thank you all very much.
- 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,669 But I don't want this.
- 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,504 What'd he say? - Huh?
- 00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,174 Look, I appreciate what you kids did.
- 00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:35,300 I really do.
- 00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:36,384 But this isn't what I wanted.
- 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,344 I'm proud to be gay.
- 00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:39,679 And I'm proud to be in a country
- 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,514 where I'm free to express myself.
- 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,558 But freedom is a two-way street.
- 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,935 If I'm free to express myself,
- 00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,480 then the scouts have to be free to express themselves, too.
- 00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,232 I know these men.
- 00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,985 They are good men. They are kind men.
- 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,279 They do what they think is best for kids.
- 00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,531 No matter how wrong we think they might be,
- 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,659 it isn't right for us to force them to think our way.
- 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:04,662 It's up to us to persuade and help them see the light,
- 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,539 not extort them to.
- 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,000 Please, don't cut the scouts' funding.
- 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,002 The scouts help and have always helped a lot of kids.
- 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:12,420 That's why I love them.
- 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:15,256 I will continue to persuade them to change their minds,
- 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,342 but this is the wrong way to do it.
- 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:21,054 So I am hereby dropping my case
- 00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:22,639 and allowing the scouts their right
- 00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,266 to not allow gays into their private club.
- 00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:26,517 Uh...
- 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,061 Hooray! - Hooray!
- 00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:30,230 So wait. Did we do good?
- 00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:31,731 Yeah, I think so.
- 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,274 Yeah, we kick ass.
- 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,401 Come on, kids. Let's go get some ice cream.
- 00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:38,363 You can't do this! You homophobe!
- 00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:39,989 Well, Timmy, I guess we learned
- 00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:41,407 an important lesson too, very much.
- 00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:42,951 There is room for more than one
- 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,327 handi-capable person in scouts.
- 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:45,954 Timmy.
- 00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:46,955 I'm glad we're best friends now.
- 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,791 See you at scouts. - Timmy.
- 00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:56,047 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:58,049 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,593 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:02,095 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:03,096 Ahh!
- 00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:04,264 Dude, Timmy, come on.
- 00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:05,181 We're gonna be late for scouts.
- 00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:10,478 Alright, boys. I am your new scout leader.
- 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,605 Everything is going to be just fine.
- 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,440 No naked pictures.
- 00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,441 Uh, Timmy?
- 00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:17,568 Yes, Timmy?
- 00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:18,945 Oh, dear.
- 00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:20,280 Jimmy? - Yes?
- 00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:21,614 You know our policy.
- 00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:23,992 I'm afraid you're out of scouts.
- 00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:24,993 Out of scouts?
- 00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:28,454 Timmy.
- 00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:30,039 What?
- 00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:31,082 Hey, wait a minute. This is crazy.
- 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,292 You can't do this.
- 00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:33,960 Wow, I never knew Jimmy was gay.
- 00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:34,961 Me, neither.
- 00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:36,546 No! No!
- 00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:37,630 Timmy!
- 00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:10,469 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,430 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:13,931 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:15,933 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:17,018 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:19,061 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,896 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,398 ♪ People spouting "howdy, neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,858 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:23,983 --> 00:00:25,818 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:28,946 ♪ [muffled] ♪
- 00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:30,239 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,991 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:36,996 Well, you boys must be pretty excited--
- 00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:38,914 Your first night of scouts.
- 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:39,999 It's gonna suck; there's gonna be
- 00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:41,125 all these new kids there we don't know.
- 00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,752 Yeah.
- 00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,378 Well, now, that's part of the fun.
- 00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,088 Yeah, both Kenny's dad and I were in scouts for years.
- 00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,298 Was your dad in scouts, Cartman?
- 00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:48,215 Oh, yeah, you don't have a dad.
- 00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,051 [laughter]
- 00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:52,386 That's not funny! Jesus Christ!
- 00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:54,305 Are you excited for your first night of scouts, Timmy?
- 00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:56,432 Yeah, Timmy!
- 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,433 Yeah, he's excited.
- 00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,940 Hey, fellas. Hey, Butters.
- 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,358 Boy, am I glad to see you guys.
- 00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:08,027 There's lots of kids here from other schools.
- 00:01:08,152 --> 00:01:09,695 I don't know anybody.
- 00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,155 All right, boys, we're gonna head to the bar.
- 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,907 We'll be back to pick you up at 9:00.
- 00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:14,700 You boys just make sure to obey the scout leader, now.
- 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:15,826 He's the man in charge.
- 00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:18,287 Hello, scouts!
- 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,914 Hey, it's Big Gay Al.
- 00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:20,956 Hello, Stanley.
- 00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:22,166 I was happy to see you and your
- 00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,751 little friends' names on the list.
- 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:24,794 Timmy!
- 00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:26,712 You're the new scout leader?
- 00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,255 I just got transferred in.
- 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,132 I think everyone's here now, so we can get started.
- 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,176 Come on, scouts. We've got work to do.
- 00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:33,886 All: Hooray! - See you, Dad.
- 00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:38,099 Hey, are you parents gonna stand there all night?
- 00:01:38,224 --> 00:01:40,935 This meeting is for scouts only, you silly gooses.
- 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,898 Now, before we get started, scouts,
- 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,024 I want to introduce you
- 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,151 to someone very special here tonight.
- 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,278 He's a brave little boy with disabilities
- 00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:54,156 who proves just by being here that scouts are for everyone!
- 00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:55,491 Timmy!
- 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,159 So let's all all give a big round of applause
- 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,828 to little Jimmy.
- 00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:01,163 Well, hello, everyone.
- 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,665 [applause]
- 00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:05,042 J-Jimmy?
- 00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,464 Look, I'm not saying the new scout leader's a bad person.
- 00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,466 I just don't think he should be a scout leader.
- 00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,343 Well, he got to where he is by being a good scout.
- 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,845 Maybe we should just leave him alone.
- 00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,471 Well, how gay is he?
- 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,306 He's really, really gay.
- 00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:20,933 Well, then I don't want my boy there, either.
- 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,185 So he's a homosexual. So what?
- 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,312 I have nothing against homosexuals either, Randy,
- 00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,148 but the big camping trip is next week.
- 00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:29,358 Are you saying you're fine with this guy camping overnight
- 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,068 alone with our boys?
- 00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,028 You know, boys emulate authority figures.
- 00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,738 Even if it doesn't turn them gay,
- 00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:36,490 they can end up all talking all femme
- 00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,367 and prancing around like girls.
- 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,493 Ah, that's ridiculous.
- 00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,204 People, people! Please!
- 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:45,207 You're forgetting that homosexuality is a choice.
- 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:49,920 As many of you know, I myself went through a homosexual phase.
- 00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,047 But the light of Christ showed me how to change.
- 00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,299 Just give me two hours with this man,
- 00:02:53,424 --> 00:02:55,092 and I can convert him back.
- 00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:56,969 That's what you said about Peterson,
- 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,512 and then you ended up having sex with him.
- 00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,389 - That's right. - You did.
- 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,726 And so that's how to make banana nut muffins.
- 00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,728 And now, as a very special treat,
- 00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,354 our very special friend Jimmy
- 00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:08,856 is going to do what he loves most:
- 00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:10,941 motivational stand-up comedy.
- 00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,234 Let's give him a big hand.
- 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:13,736 [applause]
- 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,237 Wow, what a great audience.
- 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,780 Well, just in case you were wondering,
- 00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:18,240 I do have a disability:
- 00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,451 I am totally happy with the way I was born, very much.
- 00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:22,244 I travel to different states and talk to kids
- 00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,996 about being proud of what they are.
- 00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:26,415 My mom says God has a p-plan for everyone.
- 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,375 I guess I was plan "B."
- 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,377 [laughter]
- 00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:32,087 You guys like impersonations?
- 00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:33,088 [applause]
- 00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,256 Timmy.
- 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,091 How about Jimmy Stewart?
- 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,343 "Merry Christmas, movie house."
- 00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:38,886 And John Travolta --
- 00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:40,095 "Oh, my God, Mr. Kotter.
- 00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:41,764 Mr. Kotter, oh, my God. Mr. Kotter."
- 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:42,765 [laughter]
- 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:43,807 Jimmy's funny, dude.
- 00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:45,309 Yeah, well,
- 00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,394 he's the coolest kid with disabilities in the world.
- 00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:48,896 Hmph!
- 00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:50,397 Uh, Kenny, it's 9:00.
- 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,107 Come on, Stanley.
- 00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,442 Oops, guess we're out of time, kids.
- 00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,444 Now, remember, tomorrow you all have bake sales
- 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,446 in your respective neighborhoods to raise money.
- 00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,781 We'll meet back here next Tuesday
- 00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,115 and see who raised the most.
- 00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,867 Good luck! - Hey, I've got a great idea.
- 00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:02,868 Why don't we see if Jimmy wants
- 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:03,994 to come be in our scout club?
- 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,955 Hey, yeah. - Timmy, Timmy.
- 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,414 Hey, Jimmy, you want to come join our bake sale
- 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,208 in South Park tomorrow?
- 00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:10,709 Jeez, sure, that'd be great. Thanks, fellas.
- 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:11,919 Come on, Stan.
- 00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,462 Bye, Big Gay Al. We had a great time.
- 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,256 Yeah, thanks. - Both: Bye, Jimmy!
- 00:04:15,381 --> 00:04:17,049 See you tomorrow at the bake sale, fellas.
- 00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,050 You were right, Dad.
- 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,176 Scouts is awesome. - Yeah!
- 00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:20,719 We told ghost stories and learned
- 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,263 how to make a tornado in a glass bottle.
- 00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:23,889 Yeah, we learned how to make cakes and muffins
- 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:25,266 for our bake sale.
- 00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:27,101 And best of all, we met this kid named Jimmy.
- 00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:28,894 He's disabled but he doesn't let it ruin his life.
- 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:29,895 He's awesome! - Aah!
- 00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,146 Yeah, we're gonna use him
- 00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:32,815 to help raise money at our bake sale.
- 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,817 Cartman, don't say "use him", you big silly goose.
- 00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,110 Ah!
- 00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:37,111 What did you say?
- 00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,779 I just called Cartman a name.
- 00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:39,989 He's a silly goose.
- 00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:41,282 Uh-huh.
- 00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:43,951 You do not say "big silly goose"!
- 00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:45,786 You call him an asshole like a normal kid.
- 00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:46,453 But, dad, I was just trying to--
- 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:47,830 Stanley, you call your friend
- 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,915 an asshole this instant!
- 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,000 Asshole?
- 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,334 That's better.
- 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:53,585 Don't call me asshole, you son of a bitch.
- 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,340 Uh, hello?
- 00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,967 We're having a bake sale to raise money
- 00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,677 for scout troop number six-nine.
- 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,804 Uh, please stop by and give us a hand.
- 00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,139 And now, for your entertainment --
- 00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:07,891 our new best friend, stand-up comic Jimmy!
- 00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,978 Wow, what a great audience.
- 00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:13,314 I just flew into South Park. Boy, are my crutches tired.
- 00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,691 [laughter]
- 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,192 What a terrific audience.
- 00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,819 You know, people sometimes ask me,
- 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,280 "Are you angry at God for making disabled people?"
- 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:24,241 I say, "no, I think the world is better with President Bush."
- 00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:27,703 [laughter]
- 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,330 What a brave little boy.
- 00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:31,832 He's able to use comedy to overcome his handicap.
- 00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:32,958 I love him!
- 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,126 Timmy.
- 00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,461 Well, I sure have met
- 00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:37,171 a lot of interesting people here in South Park.
- 00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:39,131 How about that Eric Cartman kid, huh?
- 00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:42,134 "God damn it. No, kitty, that's my pot pie!
- 00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,469 God damn it! God damn it!"
- 00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:45,387 [laughter]
- 00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,056 Heh, heh. - I don't sound like that.
- 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,892 And how about that school counselor?
- 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,895 "Drugs are bad. Drugs are bad, okay?
- 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,230 Drugs are bad, okay? Okay?"
- 00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,774 Wow, what a great audience.
- 00:05:56,899 --> 00:05:58,275 "Mr. Hat, be quiet, Mr. Hat.
- 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,235 "Mr.--hello, there, children, Mr. Hat.
- 00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,695 "Hello, Mr. Hat.
- 00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,364 "I'm making salisbury steak for lunch--
- 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,741 salisbury steak for lunch."
- 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,743 "God damn it! God damn it!"
- 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,078 [laughter and applause]
- 00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:11,038 And of course, my very favorite...
- 00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:12,790 "Timmy! Timmy!
- 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,958 I'm living a lie. I'm living a lie, Timmy!"
- 00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:16,085 [laughter]
- 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,294 [groans]
- 00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,171 "Timmy, I'm living a lie.
- 00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,964 Ah, Timmy!"
- 00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:23,008 Sometimes it's like, "please, Timmy, learn a new word."
- 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,426 "Timmy! Timmy!"
- 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,053 [yells]
- 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,140 Wow, it looks like when it comes to comedy,
- 00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:31,892 I really take the c-c...
- 00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,143 I really take the ca...
- 00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:34,770 I really take the ca-cake.
- 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:35,771 [laughter and applause]
- 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,273 All: Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy!
- 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,110 Timmy!
- 00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,197 Well, this is it.
- 00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:46,949 We've simply gotten too many complaints
- 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,909 from concerned parents about him.
- 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,202 I'm afraid we don't have a choice.
- 00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,286 Hiya, fellas!
- 00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:52,955 How are you today, scout?
- 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,124 I'm super. Thanks for asking.
- 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,875 The troops are off having bake sales,
- 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,752 and I'm pleased to report that we have already raised
- 00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,379 over $600 for the event.
- 00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:01,296 Yippee!
- 00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,298 Uh, Big Gay Al,
- 00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:06,969 It has recently come to our attention that you are...gay.
- 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,387 Well, stop the presses.
- 00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,264 You figure that out all by yourself, silly buns?
- 00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,141 Yes, well, unfortunately for you,
- 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:15,144 the scouts have a policy that openly gay men
- 00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,770 cannot belong.
- 00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,814 We are left with no options, Mr. Al.
- 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,984 I'm afraid you are hereby... out of scouts.
- 00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,820 Out of scouts?
- 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,655 We're sorry, Mr. Gay Al.
- 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,824 But I've been in scouts since I was nine.
- 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,826 It's a huge part of my life.
- 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,704 You must understand that scouts is a private club,
- 00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:35,289 a club that follows certain beliefs,
- 00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:38,167 and one of those beliefs is that homosexuality is immoral.
- 00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,794 I see.
- 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,838 It's nothing against you personally.
- 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,214 What if I promise not to be gay anymore?
- 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:45,924 Pinkie swear!
- 00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,843 We think it's best you just move on.
- 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,386 Right. Move on.
- 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:57,186 Oh, hey, Timmy.
- 00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,854 I'm glad you called, very much.
- 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,939 I've been detecting some animosity towards me lately,
- 00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,316 and I was hoping we could bury the hatchet.
- 00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:03,358 [friendly] Timmy.
- 00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:04,943 What's that?
- 00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,653 A-libba-la, Timmy.
- 00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:08,030 A present? You got me a present?
- 00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,364 Timmy!
- 00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,033 Gee, you didn't have to do that.
- 00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,160 I mean, I understand why you'd be jealous of my talents.
- 00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:14,745 If you work at it, maybe you could be
- 00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,288 as handi-capable as I am, huh?
- 00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,081 Wow, a parka.
- 00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,666 You didn't have to do that, Tim-Tim.
- 00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:20,876 Tim, Timmy.
- 00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,252 Oh, sure. I'll see if it fits.
- 00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,632 This is very warm. Thanks a lot, Tim-Tim.
- 00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:27,382 Well, I'll see you around.
- 00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:29,051 Timmy!
- 00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:33,805 [horn honks]
- 00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:34,973 [bird screeches]
- 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,225 There he is. Kill him! Kill him!
- 00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,893 Oh, wait. That's not him.
- 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,019 [cows mooing]
- 00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:41,230 [loud crash]
- 00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,690 Thanks again, Tim-Tim!
- 00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:44,900 [angrily] Tim, Timmy!
- 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,903 [soft piano music]
- 00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:55,744 ♪♪
- 00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,258 [sighs]
- 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,643 [sighs] Bye, scouts.
- 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,979 Okay, okay, Mark. Stop playing now.
- 00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:23,313 Hey, don't yell at me.
- 00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,190 You asked me to come over and play sad songs
- 00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,817 for you to pack to, and then you yell at me.
- 00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:28,944 I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,029 But now I've packed everything away, so just--
- 00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,990 well, play something uplifting like--
- 00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:34,283 "I'm gonna put all this behind me
- 00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,827 and make it okay" music.
- 00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,745 ♪ Oh, I don't want her, you can have her ♪
- 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,163 ♪ She's too fat for me ♪
- 00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:42,165 Oh, Jesus, Mark.
- 00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,797 Parents, this is the new scout leader, Mr. Grazier.
- 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,008 He will be taking over for the homosexual.
- 00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:51,758 Nice to meet you.
- 00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,219 Marsh, right? We actually kind of know each other.
- 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,387 Your wife and mine are friends.
- 00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,347 Your wife, huh?
- 00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:58,557 Carol is is the head
- 00:09:58,599 --> 00:09:59,766 of a girls' Mountain Scouts troop.
- 00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:02,227 Well, I guess we're off to the bar until 9:00, then.
- 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,021 Gonna go pound some brews, huh?
- 00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:06,315 And so I says to him, "hey, I may be handicapped,
- 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,191 but I'm not deaf."
- 00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:09,401 [laughter]
- 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,028 Wow, what a terrific audience.
- 00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,863 Well, for my next joke, I'm gonna need a volunteer
- 00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,448 from the audience, very much.
- 00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:16,033 How about you, Timmy? - Timmy.
- 00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,200 Sure, come on up here, Tim-Tim.
- 00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:18,785 [laughter]
- 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,162 Timmy, Ladies and Gentlemen.
- 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,913 Let's all give him a hand, very much.
- 00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:23,665 Come to think of it, give him a pair of legs, too.
- 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:24,833 [laughter]
- 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:28,128 Here, Timmy. Put on this silly hat.
- 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,047 Just for a second, Timmy.
- 00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:32,215 Don't be a jerk, Timmy.
- 00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,091 Hey, don't push me!
- 00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:34,301 Timmy!
- 00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:35,802 Cripple fight!
- 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,220 That is enough, scouts!
- 00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:38,388 Take your seats!
- 00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,806 Aww!
- 00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,099 All right, scouts.
- 00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:44,102 I am your new scout master, Mr. Grazier.
- 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,146 Together, we are going to become the best, the sleekest,
- 00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:48,857 the most well-polished scout troop in all of Colorado.
- 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,692 Isn't that right?
- 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,777 When I ask you a question,
- 00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:53,320 you will answer, "yes, scout master."
- 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:54,237 Do I make myself clear?
- 00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:55,781 All: Yes, scout master.
- 00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:57,157 Good.
- 00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,993 Now, the first activity for this evening will be...
- 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,912 Naked pictures.
- 00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:04,289 I'm going to take some pictures of each of you naked
- 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,166 in case we need them for later.
- 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,334 All: Aww.
- 00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:09,127 Oh, what is this?
- 00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,879 If there's one thing I hate, it's a whiny platoon.
- 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,339 "We don't want to do push-ups!
- 00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,132 "We don't want to get up early!
- 00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:16,343 We don't want to have you take naked pictures of us!"
- 00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:17,844 Man, this guy sucks.
- 00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,138 Now, fall in and strip down, scouts!
- 00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,684 All right, scouts.
- 00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:24,351 We're gonna end this meeting
- 00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,228 With a little puppet show.
- 00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,979 Here's a little scout.
- 00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:31,191 He's always prepared. He's always ready.
- 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,819 Now, here's the little scout telling his parents
- 00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:36,238 that Mr. Grazier took naked pictures of him.
- 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,322 Look what happens.
- 00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:40,367 Oh, no! Oh, oh!
- 00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:41,702 Ohh!
- 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,829 Do I make myself clear, scouts?
- 00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,205 All: Yes, scout master!
- 00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,040 Oh, hello, parents.
- 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,000 All right, that's all the time we have for tonight, scouts.
- 00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:50,377 We sure had a great time, didn't we?
- 00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:52,713 All: Yes, sir, scout master!
- 00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,840 Wow, you sure whipped those kids into shape.
- 00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:56,883 Yeah, now they're acting like men.
- 00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:58,719 Well, you know what I say about kids:
- 00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,303 they're all pink on the inside.
- 00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:01,763 You bet. - I heard that.
- 00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,473 See you, Mr. Grazier.
- 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,690 [doorbell rings]
- 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,275 Go away. I'm dead.
- 00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:16,903 Oh, well, here he is.
- 00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:17,904 Big Gay Al, what are you doing?
- 00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,698 Yeah, get your big gay ass off the couch
- 00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:20,991 and come be our scout master again!
- 00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,367 I can't, kids.
- 00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,077 I've been kicked out of scouts.
- 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,829 Kicked out? Oh, no.
- 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,998 But you have to come back. We hate our new scout leader.
- 00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:29,374 Really? Why?
- 00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,418 We can't tell you.
- 00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,211 Why not?
- 00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:36,631 Oh, no, no! Oh, no, no! Oh, no, no!
- 00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,676 Please, Big Gay Al, We don't want
- 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,927 to go on a camp trip with this guy next week.
- 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:43,138 Boys, there's nothing I can do.
- 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,140 The scouts don't allow homosexuals.
- 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,683 Well, then that settles it.
- 00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,101 Fellas, what we're gonna have to do
- 00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:51,730 is try to ch-change the scouts' rules, very much.
- 00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,774 What do we want? - All: Gays in scouts!
- 00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,650 When do we want it? - Timmy!
- 00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,277 What do we want? - All: Gays in scouts!
- 00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:58,737 When do we want it? - Timmy!
- 00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,989 Oh, no.
- 00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,287 What do we want? - All: Gays in scouts!
- 00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,789 When do we want it? - Timmy!
- 00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:09,998 Alright, this looks like the perfect place
- 00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,291 to get some signatures.
- 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:12,876 Puppies. Puppies for sale.
- 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,419 Beat it, toots.
- 00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:15,420 We got discrimination work to do.
- 00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,713 Alright, let's set up.
- 00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,590 Hi, we're here to collect signatures
- 00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,884 in support to force the scouts to accept gays.
- 00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,844 Uh, hello? Gays in scouts?
- 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:23,929 God damn it.
- 00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:24,971 Hey! Why don't we have Jimmy
- 00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:26,389 do some stand-up comedy?
- 00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:27,849 Like at our bake sale, very much?
- 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,017 That's a great idea.
- 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,644 Attention, Ladies and Gentlemen--
- 00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,771 now for your entertainment, stand-up comic Jimmy!
- 00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,940 Wow, what a great audience.
- 00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:37,442 For my first joke, I'm gonna need a volunteer.
- 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:38,735 Come on up here, Tim-Tim.
- 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,573 Timmy, when I tell you to do something, you do it.
- 00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:44,866 Timmy!
- 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,326 Timmy, don't make me kick your ass.
- 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,994 Timmy! - Put on your hat!
- 00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,372 Timmy! - P-put it on!
- 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,082 Dude, this looks like it could get ugly.
- 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,837 Timmy. Timmy.
- 00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:59,923 Not this year.
- 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,593 Timmy, Timmy.
- 00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:06,930 Cripple fight!
- 00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,142 Come on. Come on!
- 00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:14,938 Timmy.
- 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,941 [organ playing]
- 00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:24,322 ♪♪
- 00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:27,534 Cripple fight!
- 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:28,577 [all talking excitedly]
- 00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,579 Attention, shoppers--
- 00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,998 Outside today, we have cripple fight.
- 00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:33,957 Cripple fight outside.
- 00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:35,667 [all cheering]
- 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:38,461 [both grunting]
- 00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:49,931 Jesus Christ, dude.
- 00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,683 Oh my God!
- 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:52,893 Just let 'em have it out, Susan.
- 00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,102 They'll run out of steam soon.
- 00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:58,899 Hel-lo, Timmy.
- 00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:00,483 Hel-lo, Timmy!
- 00:15:00,609 --> 00:15:01,693 Timmy! - No!
- 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,820 [grunts] [groans]
- 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,781 [both grunting]
- 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,544 Timmy?
- 00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,421 Timmy...
- 00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,633 I told you, put on the hat!
- 00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,017 You dirty motherfucker.
- 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,440 What's going on?
- 00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,025 Some kind of gay pride rally.
- 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:45,028 [both grunting]
- 00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:01,544 [crunch]
- 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:03,254 [screaming]
- 00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:21,314 [both yelling]
- 00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,821 [groaning]
- 00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:28,863 Timmy!
- 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:39,708 Tom, I'm standing out front of Henry's Supermarket,
- 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,002 where five brave little boys are holding a rally
- 00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:44,379 to support gays in scouting.
- 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,506 The rally is drawing so much attention
- 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,882 that people from all over the country
- 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,509 are taking media notice.
- 00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,511 Those boys have shown me the light.
- 00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,680 I never knew the Mountain Scouts was a hate group.
- 00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,890 This is a wake-up call to America.
- 00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,476 We cannot turn our backs on gays anymore.
- 00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,562 Oh, God, they're actually pulling it off.
- 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,605 The rally has also caught the attention
- 00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:05,358 of old scouts members like Steven Spielberg,
- 00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:08,319 director of such films as <i>Always</i> and <i>1 94 1.</i>
- 00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,697 I salute those boys and their courage.
- 00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,825 I am hereby cutting all my funding to the scouts.
- 00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,493 The rally has also caught the attention
- 00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,829 of high-power lawyer Gloria Allred.
- 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,998 It is a disgrace that these homophobes
- 00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,916 are allowed to discriminate!
- 00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,461 I am taking this case on personally!
- 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:25,879 With this kind of support, Tom,
- 00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,964 these boys are sure to have a victory for gays.
- 00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:28,965 Back to you.
- 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,633 Thanks, Chris.
- 00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,719 In other news, the FBI has finally caught
- 00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:35,513 the child molester known as Mr. Slippy Fist.
- 00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,390 The sick child molester was found
- 00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,268 with disturbing, graphic photos of young boys naked,
- 00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,561 which we will show you now.
- 00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,938 [TV] "Here's one. And here's another.
- 00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,690 Eddie? - Oh, my God.
- 00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,984 [TV] "Here, look at this one. Sick son of a bitch.
- 00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:49,027 There's one right here."
- 00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:51,404 [both yelling]
- 00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:52,572 Oh, yeah!
- 00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,866 [groans]
- 00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,619 [both grunting]
- 00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,748 [choking]
- 00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:02,749 Timmy!
- 00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,180 All right, boys. Break it up.
- 00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,563 All rise.
- 00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:29,234 In the case of Big Gay Al vs. Mountain Scouts of America,
- 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,903 due to the overwhelming show of support,
- 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:35,198 it is the ruling of this court that the scouts must allow
- 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,992 Big Gay Al and all gays into their club.
- 00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:40,161 Alright! [people cheering]
- 00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,956 Well, we've all learned an important lesson,
- 00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,457 That just because somebody's gay
- 00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:46,292 doesn't mean they're gonna molest children.
- 00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:47,460 Straight people do that, too.
- 00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,212 [people cheering]
- 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,965 And furthermore, the scout elders
- 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,092 will be put into stocks for three days
- 00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,136 so they can see how it feels to be outcasts.
- 00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:57,595 [people cheering]
- 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,222 We did it! We did it!
- 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:02,267 I did it! I did it! Ha-ha!
- 00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:04,144 [reporters speaking simultaneously]
- 00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:06,938 Today is a great day for democracy.
- 00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,606 The scouts have been exposed
- 00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:11,067 for the vile gay bashers they are!
- 00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,153 And we owe it all to me,
- 00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,530 and these six brave little boys.
- 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:16,656 [bird screeches]
- 00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:19,367 Five brave little boys.
- 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,078 And now, here to take his official oath
- 00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,206 back into scouts, is Big Gay Al.
- 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,959 Thank you all very much.
- 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,669 But I don't want this.
- 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,504 What'd he say? - Huh?
- 00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,174 Look, I appreciate what you kids did.
- 00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:35,300 I really do.
- 00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:36,384 But this isn't what I wanted.
- 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,344 I'm proud to be gay.
- 00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:39,679 And I'm proud to be in a country
- 00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,514 where I'm free to express myself.
- 00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,558 But freedom is a two-way street.
- 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,935 If I'm free to express myself,
- 00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,480 then the scouts have to be free to express themselves, too.
- 00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,232 I know these men.
- 00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,985 They are good men. They are kind men.
- 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,279 They do what they think is best for kids.
- 00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,531 No matter how wrong we think they might be,
- 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,659 it isn't right for us to force them to think our way.
- 00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:04,662 It's up to us to persuade and help them see the light,
- 00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,539 not extort them to.
- 00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,000 Please, don't cut the scouts' funding.
- 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,002 The scouts help and have always helped a lot of kids.
- 00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:12,420 That's why I love them.
- 00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:15,256 I will continue to persuade them to change their minds,
- 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,342 but this is the wrong way to do it.
- 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:21,054 So I am hereby dropping my case
- 00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:22,639 and allowing the scouts their right
- 00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,266 to not allow gays into their private club.
- 00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:26,517 Uh...
- 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,061 Hooray! - Hooray!
- 00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:30,230 So wait. Did we do good?
- 00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:31,731 Yeah, I think so.
- 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,274 Yeah, we kick ass.
- 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,401 Come on, kids. Let's go get some ice cream.
- 00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:38,363 You can't do this! You homophobe!
- 00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:39,989 Well, Timmy, I guess we learned
- 00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:41,407 an important lesson too, very much.
- 00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:42,951 There is room for more than one
- 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,327 handi-capable person in scouts.
- 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:45,954 Timmy.
- 00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:46,955 I'm glad we're best friends now.
- 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,791 See you at scouts. - Timmy.
- 00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:56,047 [to the tune of <i>Old Macdonald]</i> ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:58,049 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,593 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:02,095 ♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪
- 00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:03,096 Ahh!
- 00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:04,264 Dude, Timmy, come on.
- 00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:05,181 We're gonna be late for scouts.
- 00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:10,478 Alright, boys. I am your new scout leader.
- 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,605 Everything is going to be just fine.
- 00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,440 No naked pictures.
- 00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,441 Uh, Timmy?
- 00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:17,568 Yes, Timmy?
- 00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:18,945 Oh, dear.
- 00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:20,280 Jimmy? - Yes?
- 00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:21,614 You know our policy.
- 00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:23,992 I'm afraid you're out of scouts.
- 00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:24,993 Out of scouts?
- 00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:28,454 Timmy.
- 00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:30,039 What?
- 00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:31,082 Hey, wait a minute. This is crazy.
- 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,292 You can't do this.
- 00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:33,960 Wow, I never knew Jimmy was gay.
- 00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:34,961 Me, neither.
- 00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:36,546 No! No!
- 00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:37,630 Timmy!
Скриншоты
