Бой калек

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♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

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♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:17,018

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:19,061

♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting

"howdy, neighbor" ♪

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♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

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♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,991

♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

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Well, you boys

must be pretty excited--

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Your first night

of scouts.

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It's gonna suck;

there's gonna be

00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:41,125

all these new kids there

we don't know.

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Yeah.

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Well, now,

that's part of the fun.

00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,088

Yeah, both Kenny's dad and I

were in scouts for years.

00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,298

Was your dad

in scouts, Cartman?

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Oh, yeah,

you don't have a dad.

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That's not funny!

Jesus Christ!

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Are you excited for your

first night of scouts, Timmy?

00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:56,432

Yeah, Timmy!

00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,433

Yeah,

he's excited.

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Hey, fellas.

Hey, Butters.

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Boy, am I glad

to see you guys.

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There's lots of kids here

from other schools.

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I don't know anybody.

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All right, boys,

we're gonna head to the bar.

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We'll be back

to pick you up at 9:00.

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You boys just make sure

to obey the scout leader, now.

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He's the man in charge.

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Hello, scouts!

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Hey, it's Big Gay Al.

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Hello, Stanley.

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I was happy to see you

and your

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little friends' names

on the list.

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Timmy!

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You're the new scout leader?

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I just got transferred in.

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I think everyone's here now,

so we can get started.

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Come on, scouts.

We've got work to do.

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- Hooray!

- See you, Dad.

00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:38,099

Hey, are you parents

gonna stand there all night?

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This meeting is for scouts only,

you silly gooses.

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Now, before

we get started, scouts,

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I want to introduce you

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to someone very special here

tonight.

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He's a brave little boy

with disabilities

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who proves just by being here

that scouts are for everyone!

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Timmy!

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So let's all all give

a big round of applause

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to little Jimmy.

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Well, hello,

everyone.

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J-Jimmy?

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Look, I'm not saying the new

scout leader's a bad person.

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I just don't think

he should be a scout leader.

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Well, he got to where he is

by being a good scout.

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Maybe we should just

leave him alone.

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Well, how gay is he?

00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,306

He's really,

really gay.

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Well, then I don't want

my boy there, either.

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So he's a homosexual.

So what?

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I have nothing against

homosexuals either, Randy,

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but the big camping trip

is next week.

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Are you saying you're fine

with this guy camping overnight

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alone with our boys?

00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,028

You know, boys emulate

authority figures.

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Even if it doesn't

turn them gay,

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they can end up

all talking all femme

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and prancing around

like girls.

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Ah, that's ridiculous.

00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,204

People, people! Please!

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You're forgetting

that homosexuality is a choice.

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As many of you know, I myself

went through a homosexual phase.

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But the light of Christ

showed me how to change.

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Just give me two hours

with this man,

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and I can

convert him back.

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That's what you said

about Peterson,

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and then you ended up

having sex with him.

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- That's right.

- You did.

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And so that's how to make

banana nut muffins.

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And now,

as a very special treat,

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our very special

friend Jimmy

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is going to do

what he loves most:

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motivational

stand-up comedy.

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Let's give him

a big hand.

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Wow, what a great audience.

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Well, just in case

you were wondering,

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I do have

a disability:

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I am totally happy with the way

I was born, very much.

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I travel to different states

and talk to kids

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about being proud

of what they are.

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My mom says God

has a p-plan for everyone.

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I guess I was plan "B."

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You guys like impersonations?

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Timmy.

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How about Jimmy Stewart?

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"Merry Christmas,

movie house."

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And John Travolta --

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"Oh, my God,

Mr. Kotter.

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Mr. Kotter, oh, my God.

Mr. Kotter."

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Jimmy's funny, dude.

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Yeah, well,

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he's the coolest kid

with disabilities in the world.

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Hmph!

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Uh, Kenny, it's 9:00.

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Come on, Stanley.

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Oops, guess we're

out of time, kids.

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Now, remember,

tomorrow you all have bake sales

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in your respective neighborhoods

to raise money.

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We'll meet back here

next Tuesday

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and see who raised the most.

00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,867

Good luck!

- Hey, I've got a great idea.

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Why don't we see

if Jimmy wants

00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:03,994

to come be

in our scout club?

00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,955

Hey, yeah.

- Timmy, Timmy.

00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,414

Hey, Jimmy, you want to come

join our bake sale

00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,208

in South Park tomorrow?

00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:10,709

Jeez, sure, that'd be great.

Thanks, fellas.

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Come on, Stan.

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Bye, Big Gay Al.

We had a great time.

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- Yeah, thanks.

- Bye, Jimmy!

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See you tomorrow

at the bake sale, fellas.

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You were right, Dad.

00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,176

Scouts is awesome.

- Yeah!

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We told ghost stories

and learned

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how to make a tornado

in a glass bottle.

00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:23,889

Yeah, we learned

how to make cakes and muffins

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for our bake sale.

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And best of all,

we met this kid named Jimmy.

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He's disabled but he doesn't

let it ruin his life.

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He's awesome!

- Aah!

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Yeah, we're gonna use him

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to help raise money

at our bake sale.

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Cartman, don't say "use him",

you big silly goose.

00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,110

Ah!

00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:37,111

What did you say?

00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,779

I just called Cartman a name.

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He's a silly goose.

00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:41,282

Uh-huh.

00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:43,951

You do not say

"big silly goose"!

00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:45,786

You call him an asshole

like a normal kid.

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But, dad,

I was just trying to--

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Stanley, you call your friend

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an asshole this instant!

00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,000

Asshole?

00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,334

That's better.

00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:53,585

Don't call me asshole,

you son of a bitch.

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Uh, hello?

00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,967

We're having a bake sale

to raise money

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for scout troop number six-nine.

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Uh, please stop by

and give us a hand.

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And now,

for your entertainment --

00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:07,891

our new best friend,

stand-up comic Jimmy!

00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,978

Wow, what a great audience.

00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:13,314

I just flew into South Park.

Boy, are my crutches tired.

00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,192

What a terrific audience.

00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,819

You know,

people sometimes ask me,

00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,280

"Are you angry at God

for making disabled people?"

00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:24,241

I say, "no, I think the world

is better with President Bush."

00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,330

What a brave little boy.

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He's able to use comedy

to overcome his handicap.

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I love him!

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Timmy.

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Well, I sure have met

00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:37,171

a lot of interesting people

here in South Park.

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How about that

Eric Cartman kid, huh?

00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:42,134

"God damn it.

No, kitty, that's my pot pie!

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God damn it!

God damn it!"

00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,056

Heh, heh.

- I don't sound like that.

00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,892

And how about

that school counselor?

00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,895

"Drugs are bad.

Drugs are bad, okay?

00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,230

Drugs are bad, okay?

Okay?"

00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,774

Wow, what a great

audience.

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"Mr. Hat, be quiet,

Mr. Hat.

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"Mr.--hello, there, children,

Mr. Hat.

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"Hello, Mr. Hat.

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"I'm making salisbury steak

for lunch--

00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,741

salisbury steak for lunch."

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"God damn it!

God damn it!"

00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:11,038

And of course,

my very favorite...

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"Timmy! Timmy!

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I'm living a lie.

I'm living a lie, Timmy!"

00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,171

"Timmy,

I'm living a lie.

00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,964

Ah, Timmy!"

00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:23,008

Sometimes it's like, "please,

Timmy, learn a new word."

00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,426

"Timmy! Timmy!"

00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,140

Wow, it looks like

when it comes to comedy,

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I really take the c-c...

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I really take the ca...

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I really take the ca-cake.

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Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy!

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Timmy!

00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,197

Well, this is it.

00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:46,949

We've simply gotten

too many complaints

00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,909

from concerned parents

about him.

00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,202

I'm afraid

we don't have a choice.

00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,286

Hiya, fellas!

00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:52,955

How are you today, scout?

00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,124

I'm super.

Thanks for asking.

00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,875

The troops are off

having bake sales,

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and I'm pleased to report

that we have already raised

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over $600 for the event.

00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:01,296

Yippee!

00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,298

Uh, Big Gay Al,

00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:06,969

It has recently come to our

attention that you are...gay.

00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,387

Well, stop the presses.

00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,264

You figure that out

all by yourself, silly buns?

00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,141

Yes, well,

unfortunately for you,

00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:15,144

the scouts have a policy

that openly gay men

00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,770

cannot belong.

00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,814

We are left

with no options, Mr. Al.

00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,984

I'm afraid you are hereby...

out of scouts.

00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,820

Out of scouts?

00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,655

We're sorry,

Mr. Gay Al.

00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,824

But I've been in scouts

since I was nine.

00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,826

It's a huge part

of my life.

00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,704

You must understand

that scouts is a private club,

00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:35,289

a club that follows

certain beliefs,

00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:38,167

and one of those beliefs is

that homosexuality is immoral.

00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,794

I see.

00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,838

It's nothing

against you personally.

00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,214

What if I promise

not to be gay anymore?

00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:45,924

Pinkie swear!

00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,843

We think it's best

you just move on.

00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,386

Right.

Move on.

00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:57,186

Oh, hey, Timmy.

00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,854

I'm glad you called,

very much.

00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,939

I've been detecting some

animosity towards me lately,

00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,316

and I was hoping

we could bury the hatchet.

00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:03,358

Timmy.

00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:04,943

What's that?

00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,653

A-libba-la,

Timmy.

00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:08,030

A present?

You got me a present?

00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,364

Timmy!

00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,033

Gee, you didn't have

to do that.

00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,160

I mean, I understand why

you'd be jealous of my talents.

00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:14,745

If you work at it,

maybe you could be

00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,288

as handi-capable

as I am, huh?

00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,081

Wow, a parka.

00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,666

You didn't

have to do that, Tim-Tim.

00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:20,876

Tim, Timmy.

00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,252

Oh, sure.

I'll see if it fits.

00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,632

This is very warm.

Thanks a lot, Tim-Tim.

00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:27,382

Well, I'll see you around.

00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:29,051

Timmy!

00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,225

There he is.

Kill him! Kill him!

00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,893

Oh, wait.

That's not him.

00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,690

Thanks again,

Tim-Tim!

00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:44,900

Tim, Timmy!

00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,643

Bye, scouts.

00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,979

Okay, okay, Mark.

Stop playing now.

00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:23,313

Hey, don't yell at me.

00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,190

You asked me to come over

and play sad songs

00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,817

for you to pack to,

and then you yell at me.

00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:28,944

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,029

But now I've packed

everything away, so just--

00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,990

well, play something

uplifting like--

00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:34,283

"I'm gonna put

all this behind me

00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,827

and make it okay" music.

00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,745

♪ Oh, I don't want her,

you can have her ♪

00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,163

♪ She's too fat for me ♪

00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:42,165

Oh, Jesus, Mark.

00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,797

Parents, this is the new

scout leader, Mr. Grazier.

00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,008

He will be taking over

for the homosexual.

00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:51,758

Nice to meet you.

00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,219

Marsh, right? We actually

kind of know each other.

00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,387

Your wife and mine

are friends.

00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,347

Your wife, huh?

00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:58,557

Carol is is the head

00:09:58,599 --> 00:09:59,766

of a girls' Mountain Scouts troop.

00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:02,227

Well, I guess we're

off to the bar until 9:00, then.

00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,021

Gonna go pound some brews, huh?

00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:06,315

And so I says to him,

"hey, I may be handicapped,

00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,191

but I'm not deaf."

00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,028

Wow, what a terrific audience.

00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,863

Well, for my next joke,

I'm gonna need a volunteer

00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,448

from the audience,

very much.

00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:16,033

How about you, Timmy?

- Timmy.

00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,200

Sure, come on up here,

Tim-Tim.

00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,162

Timmy,

Ladies and Gentlemen.

00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,913

Let's all give him a hand,

very much.

00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:23,665

Come to think of it,

give him a pair of legs, too.

00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:28,128

Here, Timmy.

Put on this silly hat.

00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,047

Just for a second, Timmy.

00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:32,215

Don't be a jerk, Timmy.

00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,091

Hey, don't push me!

00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:34,301

Timmy!

00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:35,802

Cripple fight!

00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,220

That is enough, scouts!

00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:38,388

Take your seats!

00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,806

Aww!

00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,099

All right, scouts.

00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:44,102

I am your new scout master,

Mr. Grazier.

00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,146

Together, we are going to become

the best, the sleekest,

00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:48,857

the most well-polished

scout troop in all of Colorado.

00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,692

Isn't that right?

00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,777

When I ask you a question,

00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:53,320

you will answer,

"yes, scout master."

00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:54,237

Do I make myself clear?

00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:55,781

Yes, scout master.

00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:57,157

Good.

00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,993

Now, the first activity

for this evening will be...

00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,912

Naked pictures.

00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:04,289

I'm going to take some pictures

of each of you naked

00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,166

in case we need them for later.

00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,334

Aww.

00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:09,127

Oh, what is this?

00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,879

If there's one thing I hate,

it's a whiny platoon.

00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,339

"We don't want

to do push-ups!

00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,132

"We don't want

to get up early!

00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:16,343

We don't want to have you

take naked pictures of us!"

00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:17,844

Man, this guy sucks.

00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,138

Now, fall in

and strip down, scouts!

00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,684

All right, scouts.

00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:24,351

We're gonna end this meeting

00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,228

With a little puppet show.

00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,979

Here's a little scout.

00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:31,191

He's always prepared.

He's always ready.

00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,819

Now, here's the little scout

telling his parents

00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:36,238

that Mr. Grazier

took naked pictures of him.

00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,322

Look what happens.

00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:40,367

Oh, no!

Oh, oh!

00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:41,702

Ohh!

00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,829

Do I make myself clear, scouts?

00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,205

Yes, scout master!

00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,040

Oh, hello, parents.

00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,000

All right, that's all the time

we have for tonight, scouts.

00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:50,377

We sure had a great time,

didn't we?

00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:52,713

Yes, sir, scout master!

00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,840

Wow, you sure

whipped those kids into shape.

00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:56,883

Yeah, now they're

acting like men.

00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:58,719

Well, you know

what I say about kids:

00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,303

they're all pink on the inside.

00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:01,763

You bet.

- I heard that.

00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,473

See you, Mr. Grazier.

00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,275

Go away. I'm dead.

00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:16,903

Oh, well,

here he is.

00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:17,904

Big Gay Al,

what are you doing?

00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,698

Yeah, get your

big gay ass off the couch

00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:20,991

and come be

our scout master again!

00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,367

I can't, kids.

00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,077

I've been kicked out of scouts.

00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,829

Kicked out? Oh, no.

00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,998

But you have to come back.

We hate our new scout leader.

00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:29,374

Really?

Why?

00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,418

We can't tell you.

00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,211

Why not?

00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:36,631

Oh, no, no!

Oh, no, no! Oh, no, no!

00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,676

Please, Big Gay Al,

We don't want

00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,927

to go on a camp trip

with this guy next week.

00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:43,138

Boys, there's nothing

I can do.

00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,140

The scouts

don't allow homosexuals.

00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,683

Well, then that settles it.

00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,101

Fellas, what we're

gonna have to do

00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:51,730

is try to ch-change

the scouts' rules, very much.

00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,774

- What do we want?

- Gays in scouts!

00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,650

When do we want it?

- Timmy!

00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,277

- What do we want?

- Gays in scouts!

00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:58,737

When do we want it?

- Timmy!

00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,989

Oh, no.

00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,287

- What do we want?

- Gays in scouts!

00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,789

When do we want it?

- Timmy!

00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:09,998

Alright, this looks like

the perfect place

00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,291

to get some signatures.

00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:12,876

Puppies.

Puppies for sale.

00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,419

Beat it, toots.

00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:15,420

We got discrimination work

to do.

00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,713

Alright,

let's set up.

00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,590

Hi, we're here

to collect signatures

00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,884

in support to force the scouts

to accept gays.

00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,844

Uh, hello?

Gays in scouts?

00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:23,929

God damn it.

00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:24,971

Hey! Why don't we have Jimmy

00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:26,389

do some stand-up comedy?

00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:27,849

Like at our bake sale,

very much?

00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,017

That's a great idea.

00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,644

Attention, Ladies and Gentlemen--

00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,771

now for your entertainment,

stand-up comic Jimmy!

00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,940

Wow, what a great audience.

00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:37,442

For my first joke,

I'm gonna need a volunteer.

00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:38,735

Come on up here, Tim-Tim.

00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,573

Timmy, when I tell you

to do something, you do it.

00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:44,866

Timmy!

00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,326

Timmy, don't make me

kick your ass.

00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,994

Timmy!

- Put on your hat!

00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,372

Timmy!

- P-put it on!

00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,082

Dude, this looks

like it could get ugly.

00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,837

Timmy.

Timmy.

00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:59,923

Not this year.

00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,593

Timmy, Timmy.

00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:06,930

Cripple fight!

00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,142

Come on.

Come on!

00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:14,938

Timmy.

00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:27,534

Cripple fight!

00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,579

Attention, shoppers--

00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,998

Outside today,

we have cripple fight.

00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:33,957

Cripple fight outside.

00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:49,931

Jesus Christ, dude.

00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,683

Oh my God!

00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:52,893

Just let 'em

have it out, Susan.

00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,102

They'll run

out of steam soon.

00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:58,899

Hel-lo, Timmy.

00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:00,483

Hel-lo, Timmy!

00:15:00,609 --> 00:15:01,693

Timmy!

- No!

00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,544

Timmy?

00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,421

Timmy...

00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,633

I told you,

put on the hat!

00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,017

You dirty motherfucker.

00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,440

What's going on?

00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,025

Some kind

of gay pride rally.

00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:28,863

Timmy!

00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:39,708

Tom, I'm standing out front

of Henry's Supermarket,

00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,002

where five brave little boys

are holding a rally

00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:44,379

to support gays in scouting.

00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,506

The rally is drawing

so much attention

00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,882

that people

from all over the country

00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,509

are taking media notice.

00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,511

Those boys

have shown me the light.

00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,680

I never knew the Mountain Scouts

was a hate group.

00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,890

This is a wake-up call

to America.

00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,476

We cannot turn our backs

on gays anymore.

00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,562

Oh, God, they're actually

pulling it off.

00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,605

The rally has also

caught the attention

00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:05,358

of old scouts members

like Steven Spielberg,

00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:08,319

director of such films

as Always and 1 94 1.

00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,697

I salute those boys

and their courage.

00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,825

I am hereby cutting

all my funding to the scouts.

00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,493

The rally

has also caught the attention

00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,829

of high-power lawyer

Gloria Allred.

00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,998

It is a disgrace

that these homophobes

00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,916

are allowed

to discriminate!

00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,461

I am taking this case on

personally!

00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:25,879

With this kind

of support, Tom,

00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,964

these boys are sure

to have a victory for gays.

00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:28,965

Back to you.

00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,633

Thanks, Chris.

00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,719

In other news,

the FBI has finally caught

00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:35,513

the child molester

known as Mr. Slippy Fist.

00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,390

The sick child molester

was found

00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,268

with disturbing, graphic photos

of young boys naked,

00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,561

which we will show you now.

00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,938

"Here's one.

And here's another.

00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,690

Eddie?

- Oh, my God.

00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,984

"Here, look at this one.

Sick son of a bitch.

00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:49,027

There's one right here."

00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:52,572

Oh, yeah!

00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:02,749

Timmy!

00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,180

All right, boys.

Break it up.

00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,563

All rise.

00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:29,234

In the case of Big Gay Al

vs. Mountain Scouts of America,

00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,903

due to the overwhelming

show of support,

00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:35,198

it is the ruling of this court

that the scouts must allow

00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,992

Big Gay Al and all gays

into their club.

00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:40,161

Alright!

00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,956

Well, we've all learned

an important lesson,

00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,457

That just because

somebody's gay

00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:46,292

doesn't mean they're gonna

molest children.

00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:47,460

Straight people

do that, too.

00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,965

And furthermore,

the scout elders

00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,092

will be put into stocks

for three days

00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,136

so they can see how it feels

to be outcasts.

00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,222

We did it!

We did it!

00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:02,267

I did it! I did it!

Ha-ha!

00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:06,938

Today is a great day

for democracy.

00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,606

The scouts have been exposed

00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:11,067

for the vile gay bashers

they are!

00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,153

And we owe it all to me,

00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,530

and these six

brave little boys.

00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:19,367

Five brave little boys.

00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,078

And now, here to take

his official oath

00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,206

back into scouts,

is Big Gay Al.

00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,959

Thank you all very much.

00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,669

But I don't want this.

00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,504

What'd he say?

- Huh?

00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,174

Look, I appreciate

what you kids did.

00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:35,300

I really do.

00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:36,384

But this isn't what I wanted.

00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,344

I'm proud to be gay.

00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:39,679

And I'm proud

to be in a country

00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,514

where I'm free

to express myself.

00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,558

But freedom

is a two-way street.

00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,935

If I'm free

to express myself,

00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,480

then the scouts have to be free

to express themselves, too.

00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,232

I know these men.

00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,985

They are good men.

They are kind men.

00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,279

They do what they think

is best for kids.

00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,531

No matter how wrong

we think they might be,

00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,659

it isn't right for us

to force them to think our way.

00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:04,662

It's up to us to persuade

and help them see the light,

00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,539

not extort them to.

00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,000

Please, don't cut

the scouts' funding.

00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,002

The scouts help and have always

helped a lot of kids.

00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:12,420

That's why I love them.

00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:15,256

I will continue to persuade them

to change their minds,

00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,342

but this is the wrong way

to do it.

00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:21,054

So I am hereby

dropping my case

00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:22,639

and allowing the scouts

their right

00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,266

to not allow gays

into their private club.

00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:26,517

Uh...

00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,061

Hooray!

- Hooray!

00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:30,230

So wait.

Did we do good?

00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:31,731

Yeah, I think so.

00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,274

Yeah, we kick ass.

00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,401

Come on, kids.

Let's go get some ice cream.

00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:38,363

You can't do this!

You homophobe!

00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:39,989

Well, Timmy,

I guess we learned

00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:41,407

an important lesson too,

very much.

00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:42,951

There is room

for more than one

00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,327

handi-capable person

in scouts.

00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:45,954

Timmy.

00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:46,955

I'm glad we're best friends now.

00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,791

See you at scouts.

- Timmy.

00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:56,047

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:58,049

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,593

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:02,095

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy,

Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:03,096

Ahh!

00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:04,264

Dude, Timmy, come on.

00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:05,181

We're gonna be late

for scouts.

00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:10,478

Alright, boys.

I am your new scout leader.

00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,605

Everything is going to be

just fine.

00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,440

No naked pictures.

00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,441

Uh, Timmy?

00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:17,568

Yes, Timmy?

00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:18,945

Oh, dear.

00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:20,280

Jimmy?

- Yes?

00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:21,614

You know our policy.

00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:23,992

I'm afraid

you're out of scouts.

00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:24,993

Out of scouts?

00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:28,454

Timmy.

00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:30,039

What?

00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:31,082

Hey, wait a minute.

This is crazy.

00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,292

You can't do this.

00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:33,960

Wow, I never knew

Jimmy was gay.

00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:34,961

Me, neither.

00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:36,546

No! No!

00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:37,630

Timmy!

00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,430

♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:13,931

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:15,933

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:16,058 --> 00:00:17,018

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:19,061

♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,896

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,398

♪ People spouting

"howdy, neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,858

♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,983 --> 00:00:25,818

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:28,946

♪ [muffled] ♪

00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:30,239

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,991

♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:36,996

Well, you boys

must be pretty excited--

00:00:37,121 --> 00:00:38,914

Your first night

of scouts.

00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:39,999

It's gonna suck;

there's gonna be

00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:41,125

all these new kids there

we don't know.

00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,752

Yeah.

00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,378

Well, now,

that's part of the fun.

00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,088

Yeah, both Kenny's dad and I

were in scouts for years.

00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:47,298

Was your dad

in scouts, Cartman?

00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:48,215

Oh, yeah,

you don't have a dad.

00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:50,051

[laughter]

00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:52,386

That's not funny!

Jesus Christ!

00:00:52,511 --> 00:00:54,305

Are you excited for your

first night of scouts, Timmy?

00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:56,432

Yeah, Timmy!

00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:57,433

Yeah,

he's excited.

00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,940

Hey, fellas.

Hey, Butters.

00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,358

Boy, am I glad

to see you guys.

00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:08,027

There's lots of kids here

from other schools.

00:01:08,152 --> 00:01:09,695

I don't know anybody.

00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:11,155

All right, boys,

we're gonna head to the bar.

00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,907

We'll be back

to pick you up at 9:00.

00:01:13,032 --> 00:01:14,700

You boys just make sure

to obey the scout leader, now.

00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:15,826

He's the man in charge.

00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:18,287

Hello, scouts!

00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,914

Hey, it's Big Gay Al.

00:01:20,039 --> 00:01:20,956

Hello, Stanley.

00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:22,166

I was happy to see you

and your

00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,751

little friends' names

on the list.

00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:24,794

Timmy!

00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:26,712

You're the new scout leader?

00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,255

I just got transferred in.

00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,132

I think everyone's here now,

so we can get started.

00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:32,176

Come on, scouts.

We've got work to do.

00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:33,886

All: Hooray!

- See you, Dad.

00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:38,099

Hey, are you parents

gonna stand there all night?

00:01:38,224 --> 00:01:40,935

This meeting is for scouts only,

you silly gooses.

00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,898

Now, before

we get started, scouts,

00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:47,024

I want to introduce you

00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,151

to someone very special here

tonight.

00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,278

He's a brave little boy

with disabilities

00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:54,156

who proves just by being here

that scouts are for everyone!

00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:55,491

Timmy!

00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:57,159

So let's all all give

a big round of applause

00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,828

to little Jimmy.

00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:01,163

Well, hello,

everyone.

00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,665

[applause]

00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:05,042

J-Jimmy?

00:02:07,920 --> 00:02:10,464

Look, I'm not saying the new

scout leader's a bad person.

00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:12,466

I just don't think

he should be a scout leader.

00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:14,343

Well, he got to where he is

by being a good scout.

00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:15,845

Maybe we should just

leave him alone.

00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,471

Well, how gay is he?

00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,306

He's really,

really gay.

00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:20,933

Well, then I don't want

my boy there, either.

00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,185

So he's a homosexual.

So what?

00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,312

I have nothing against

homosexuals either, Randy,

00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,148

but the big camping trip

is next week.

00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:29,358

Are you saying you're fine

with this guy camping overnight

00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,068

alone with our boys?

00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,028

You know, boys emulate

authority figures.

00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:34,738

Even if it doesn't

turn them gay,

00:02:34,864 --> 00:02:36,490

they can end up

all talking all femme

00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,367

and prancing around

like girls.

00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:39,493

Ah, that's ridiculous.

00:02:39,618 --> 00:02:42,204

People, people! Please!

00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:45,207

You're forgetting

that homosexuality is a choice.

00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:49,920

As many of you know, I myself

went through a homosexual phase.

00:02:50,045 --> 00:02:52,047

But the light of Christ

showed me how to change.

00:02:52,173 --> 00:02:53,299

Just give me two hours

with this man,

00:02:53,424 --> 00:02:55,092

and I can

convert him back.

00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:56,969

That's what you said

about Peterson,

00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,512

and then you ended up

having sex with him.

00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,389

- That's right.

- You did.

00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,726

And so that's how to make

banana nut muffins.

00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:05,728

And now,

as a very special treat,

00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,354

our very special

friend Jimmy

00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:08,856

is going to do

what he loves most:

00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:10,941

motivational

stand-up comedy.

00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,234

Let's give him

a big hand.

00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:13,736

[applause]

00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,237

Wow, what a great audience.

00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:16,780

Well, just in case

you were wondering,

00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:18,240

I do have

a disability:

00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,451

I am totally happy with the way

I was born, very much.

00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:22,244

I travel to different states

and talk to kids

00:03:22,369 --> 00:03:23,996

about being proud

of what they are.

00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:26,415

My mom says God

has a p-plan for everyone.

00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,375

I guess I was plan "B."

00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,377

[laughter]

00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:32,087

You guys like impersonations?

00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:33,088

[applause]

00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,256

Timmy.

00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,091

How about Jimmy Stewart?

00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:37,343

"Merry Christmas,

movie house."

00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:38,886

And John Travolta --

00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:40,095

"Oh, my God,

Mr. Kotter.

00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:41,764

Mr. Kotter, oh, my God.

Mr. Kotter."

00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:42,765

[laughter]

00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:43,807

Jimmy's funny, dude.

00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:45,309

Yeah, well,

00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:47,394

he's the coolest kid

with disabilities in the world.

00:03:47,519 --> 00:03:48,896

Hmph!

00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:50,397

Uh, Kenny, it's 9:00.

00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,107

Come on, Stanley.

00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,442

Oops, guess we're

out of time, kids.

00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,444

Now, remember,

tomorrow you all have bake sales

00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,446

in your respective neighborhoods

to raise money.

00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,781

We'll meet back here

next Tuesday

00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,115

and see who raised the most.

00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,867

Good luck!

- Hey, I've got a great idea.

00:04:01,992 --> 00:04:02,868

Why don't we see

if Jimmy wants

00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:03,994

to come be

in our scout club?

00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,955

Hey, yeah.

- Timmy, Timmy.

00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,414

Hey, Jimmy, you want to come

join our bake sale

00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,208

in South Park tomorrow?

00:04:09,333 --> 00:04:10,709

Jeez, sure, that'd be great.

Thanks, fellas.

00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:11,919

Come on, Stan.

00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,462

Bye, Big Gay Al.

We had a great time.

00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,256

Yeah, thanks.

- Both: Bye, Jimmy!

00:04:15,381 --> 00:04:17,049

See you tomorrow

at the bake sale, fellas.

00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:18,050

You were right, Dad.

00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,176

Scouts is awesome.

- Yeah!

00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:20,719

We told ghost stories

and learned

00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,263

how to make a tornado

in a glass bottle.

00:04:22,388 --> 00:04:23,889

Yeah, we learned

how to make cakes and muffins

00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:25,266

for our bake sale.

00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:27,101

And best of all,

we met this kid named Jimmy.

00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:28,894

He's disabled but he doesn't

let it ruin his life.

00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:29,895

He's awesome!

- Aah!

00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,146

Yeah, we're gonna use him

00:04:31,272 --> 00:04:32,815

to help raise money

at our bake sale.

00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,817

Cartman, don't say "use him",

you big silly goose.

00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:36,110

Ah!

00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:37,111

What did you say?

00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:38,779

I just called Cartman a name.

00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:39,989

He's a silly goose.

00:04:40,114 --> 00:04:41,282

Uh-huh.

00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:43,951

You do not say

"big silly goose"!

00:04:44,076 --> 00:04:45,786

You call him an asshole

like a normal kid.

00:04:45,911 --> 00:04:46,453

But, dad,

I was just trying to--

00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:47,830

Stanley, you call your friend

00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,915

an asshole this instant!

00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:51,000

Asshole?

00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:52,334

That's better.

00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:53,585

Don't call me asshole,

you son of a bitch.

00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,340

Uh, hello?

00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,967

We're having a bake sale

to raise money

00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,677

for scout troop number six-nine.

00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,804

Uh, please stop by

and give us a hand.

00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,139

And now,

for your entertainment --

00:05:05,264 --> 00:05:07,891

our new best friend,

stand-up comic Jimmy!

00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,978

Wow, what a great audience.

00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:13,314

I just flew into South Park.

Boy, are my crutches tired.

00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,691

[laughter]

00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,192

What a terrific audience.

00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,819

You know,

people sometimes ask me,

00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,280

"Are you angry at God

for making disabled people?"

00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:24,241

I say, "no, I think the world

is better with President Bush."

00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:27,703

[laughter]

00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,330

What a brave little boy.

00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:31,832

He's able to use comedy

to overcome his handicap.

00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:32,958

I love him!

00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,126

Timmy.

00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:35,461

Well, I sure have met

00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:37,171

a lot of interesting people

here in South Park.

00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:39,131

How about that

Eric Cartman kid, huh?

00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:42,134

"God damn it.

No, kitty, that's my pot pie!

00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,469

God damn it!

God damn it!"

00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:45,387

[laughter]

00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,056

Heh, heh.

- I don't sound like that.

00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:49,892

And how about

that school counselor?

00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,895

"Drugs are bad.

Drugs are bad, okay?

00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:55,230

Drugs are bad, okay?

Okay?"

00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:56,774

Wow, what a great

audience.

00:05:56,899 --> 00:05:58,275

"Mr. Hat, be quiet,

Mr. Hat.

00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,235

"Mr.--hello, there, children,

Mr. Hat.

00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,695

"Hello, Mr. Hat.

00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,364

"I'm making salisbury steak

for lunch--

00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,741

salisbury steak for lunch."

00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,743

"God damn it!

God damn it!"

00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,078

[laughter and applause]

00:06:09,203 --> 00:06:11,038

And of course,

my very favorite...

00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:12,790

"Timmy! Timmy!

00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,958

I'm living a lie.

I'm living a lie, Timmy!"

00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:16,085

[laughter]

00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,294

[groans]

00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,171

"Timmy,

I'm living a lie.

00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,964

Ah, Timmy!"

00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:23,008

Sometimes it's like, "please,

Timmy, learn a new word."

00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,426

"Timmy! Timmy!"

00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:26,053

[yells]

00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,140

Wow, it looks like

when it comes to comedy,

00:06:30,265 --> 00:06:31,892

I really take the c-c...

00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,143

I really take the ca...

00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:34,770

I really take the ca-cake.

00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:35,771

[laughter and applause]

00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,273

All: Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy!

00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,110

Timmy!

00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,197

Well, this is it.

00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:46,949

We've simply gotten

too many complaints

00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,909

from concerned parents

about him.

00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,202

I'm afraid

we don't have a choice.

00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,286

Hiya, fellas!

00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:52,955

How are you today, scout?

00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,124

I'm super.

Thanks for asking.

00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,875

The troops are off

having bake sales,

00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,752

and I'm pleased to report

that we have already raised

00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,379

over $600 for the event.

00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:01,296

Yippee!

00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:03,298

Uh, Big Gay Al,

00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:06,969

It has recently come to our

attention that you are...gay.

00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,387

Well, stop the presses.

00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,264

You figure that out

all by yourself, silly buns?

00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:12,141

Yes, well,

unfortunately for you,

00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:15,144

the scouts have a policy

that openly gay men

00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,770

cannot belong.

00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:18,814

We are left

with no options, Mr. Al.

00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,984

I'm afraid you are hereby...

out of scouts.

00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,820

Out of scouts?

00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,655

We're sorry,

Mr. Gay Al.

00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,824

But I've been in scouts

since I was nine.

00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,826

It's a huge part

of my life.

00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,704

You must understand

that scouts is a private club,

00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:35,289

a club that follows

certain beliefs,

00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:38,167

and one of those beliefs is

that homosexuality is immoral.

00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,794

I see.

00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,838

It's nothing

against you personally.

00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,214

What if I promise

not to be gay anymore?

00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:45,924

Pinkie swear!

00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,843

We think it's best

you just move on.

00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,386

Right.

Move on.

00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:57,186

Oh, hey, Timmy.

00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:58,854

I'm glad you called,

very much.

00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,939

I've been detecting some

animosity towards me lately,

00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:02,316

and I was hoping

we could bury the hatchet.

00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:03,358

[friendly]

Timmy.

00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:04,943

What's that?

00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,653

A-libba-la,

Timmy.

00:08:06,778 --> 00:08:08,030

A present?

You got me a present?

00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,364

Timmy!

00:08:09,490 --> 00:08:11,033

Gee, you didn't have

to do that.

00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,160

I mean, I understand why

you'd be jealous of my talents.

00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:14,745

If you work at it,

maybe you could be

00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,288

as handi-capable

as I am, huh?

00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,081

Wow, a parka.

00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:19,666

You didn't

have to do that, Tim-Tim.

00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:20,876

Tim, Timmy.

00:08:21,001 --> 00:08:22,252

Oh, sure.

I'll see if it fits.

00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,632

This is very warm.

Thanks a lot, Tim-Tim.

00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:27,382

Well, I'll see you around.

00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:29,051

Timmy!

00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:33,805

[horn honks]

00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:34,973

[bird screeches]

00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,225

There he is.

Kill him! Kill him!

00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,893

Oh, wait.

That's not him.

00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,019

[cows mooing]

00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:41,230

[loud crash]

00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,690

Thanks again,

Tim-Tim!

00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:44,900

[angrily]

Tim, Timmy!

00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,903

[soft piano music]

00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:55,744

♪♪

00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:09,258

[sighs]

00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:19,643

[sighs]

Bye, scouts.

00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,979

Okay, okay, Mark.

Stop playing now.

00:09:22,104 --> 00:09:23,313

Hey, don't yell at me.

00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,190

You asked me to come over

and play sad songs

00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:26,817

for you to pack to,

and then you yell at me.

00:09:26,942 --> 00:09:28,944

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,029

But now I've packed

everything away, so just--

00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,990

well, play something

uplifting like--

00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:34,283

"I'm gonna put

all this behind me

00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,827

and make it okay" music.

00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,745

♪ Oh, I don't want her,

you can have her ♪

00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,163

♪ She's too fat for me ♪

00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:42,165

Oh, Jesus, Mark.

00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,797

Parents, this is the new

scout leader, Mr. Grazier.

00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,008

He will be taking over

for the homosexual.

00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:51,758

Nice to meet you.

00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,219

Marsh, right? We actually

kind of know each other.

00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:55,387

Your wife and mine

are friends.

00:09:55,512 --> 00:09:57,347

Your wife, huh?

00:09:57,472 --> 00:09:58,557

Carol is is the head

00:09:58,599 --> 00:09:59,766

of a girls' Mountain Scouts troop.

00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:02,227

Well, I guess we're

off to the bar until 9:00, then.

00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:04,021

Gonna go pound some brews, huh?

00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:06,315

And so I says to him,

"hey, I may be handicapped,

00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,191

but I'm not deaf."

00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:09,401

[laughter]

00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,028

Wow, what a terrific audience.

00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,863

Well, for my next joke,

I'm gonna need a volunteer

00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,448

from the audience,

very much.

00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:16,033

How about you, Timmy?

- Timmy.

00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:17,200

Sure, come on up here,

Tim-Tim.

00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:18,785

[laughter]

00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,162

Timmy,

Ladies and Gentlemen.

00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,913

Let's all give him a hand,

very much.

00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:23,665

Come to think of it,

give him a pair of legs, too.

00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:24,833

[laughter]

00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:28,128

Here, Timmy.

Put on this silly hat.

00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,047

Just for a second, Timmy.

00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:32,215

Don't be a jerk, Timmy.

00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,091

Hey, don't push me!

00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:34,301

Timmy!

00:10:34,426 --> 00:10:35,802

Cripple fight!

00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,220

That is enough, scouts!

00:10:37,346 --> 00:10:38,388

Take your seats!

00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,806

Aww!

00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,099

All right, scouts.

00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:44,102

I am your new scout master,

Mr. Grazier.

00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,146

Together, we are going to become

the best, the sleekest,

00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:48,857

the most well-polished

scout troop in all of Colorado.

00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,692

Isn't that right?

00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,777

When I ask you a question,

00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:53,320

you will answer,

"yes, scout master."

00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:54,237

Do I make myself clear?

00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:55,781

All: Yes, scout master.

00:10:55,906 --> 00:10:57,157

Good.

00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,993

Now, the first activity

for this evening will be...

00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,912

Naked pictures.

00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:04,289

I'm going to take some pictures

of each of you naked

00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,166

in case we need them for later.

00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,334

All: Aww.

00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:09,127

Oh, what is this?

00:11:09,252 --> 00:11:10,879

If there's one thing I hate,

it's a whiny platoon.

00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,339

"We don't want

to do push-ups!

00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:14,132

"We don't want

to get up early!

00:11:14,257 --> 00:11:16,343

We don't want to have you

take naked pictures of us!"

00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:17,844

Man, this guy sucks.

00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,138

Now, fall in

and strip down, scouts!

00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,684

All right, scouts.

00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:24,351

We're gonna end this meeting

00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,228

With a little puppet show.

00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,979

Here's a little scout.

00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:31,191

He's always prepared.

He's always ready.

00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,819

Now, here's the little scout

telling his parents

00:11:33,944 --> 00:11:36,238

that Mr. Grazier

took naked pictures of him.

00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,322

Look what happens.

00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:40,367

Oh, no!

Oh, oh!

00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:41,702

Ohh!

00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:43,829

Do I make myself clear, scouts?

00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,205

All: Yes, scout master!

00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:47,040

Oh, hello, parents.

00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,000

All right, that's all the time

we have for tonight, scouts.

00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:50,377

We sure had a great time,

didn't we?

00:11:50,502 --> 00:11:52,713

All: Yes, sir, scout master!

00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,840

Wow, you sure

whipped those kids into shape.

00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:56,883

Yeah, now they're

acting like men.

00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:58,719

Well, you know

what I say about kids:

00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:00,303

they're all pink on the inside.

00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:01,763

You bet.

- I heard that.

00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,473

See you, Mr. Grazier.

00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,690

[doorbell rings]

00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,275

Go away. I'm dead.

00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:16,903

Oh, well,

here he is.

00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:17,904

Big Gay Al,

what are you doing?

00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,698

Yeah, get your

big gay ass off the couch

00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:20,991

and come be

our scout master again!

00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,367

I can't, kids.

00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:24,077

I've been kicked out of scouts.

00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,829

Kicked out? Oh, no.

00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,998

But you have to come back.

We hate our new scout leader.

00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:29,374

Really?

Why?

00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:31,418

We can't tell you.

00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,211

Why not?

00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:36,631

Oh, no, no!

Oh, no, no! Oh, no, no!

00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,676

Please, Big Gay Al,

We don't want

00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:40,927

to go on a camp trip

with this guy next week.

00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:43,138

Boys, there's nothing

I can do.

00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:45,140

The scouts

don't allow homosexuals.

00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,683

Well, then that settles it.

00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,101

Fellas, what we're

gonna have to do

00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:51,730

is try to ch-change

the scouts' rules, very much.

00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,774

What do we want?

- All: Gays in scouts!

00:12:53,899 --> 00:12:55,650

When do we want it?

- Timmy!

00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:57,277

What do we want?

- All: Gays in scouts!

00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:58,737

When do we want it?

- Timmy!

00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:00,989

Oh, no.

00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,287

What do we want?

- All: Gays in scouts!

00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,789

When do we want it?

- Timmy!

00:13:08,914 --> 00:13:09,998

Alright, this looks like

the perfect place

00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,291

to get some signatures.

00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:12,876

Puppies.

Puppies for sale.

00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,419

Beat it, toots.

00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:15,420

We got discrimination work

to do.

00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,713

Alright,

let's set up.

00:13:16,838 --> 00:13:18,590

Hi, we're here

to collect signatures

00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,884

in support to force the scouts

to accept gays.

00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,844

Uh, hello?

Gays in scouts?

00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:23,929

God damn it.

00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:24,971

Hey! Why don't we have Jimmy

00:13:25,096 --> 00:13:26,389

do some stand-up comedy?

00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:27,849

Like at our bake sale,

very much?

00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,017

That's a great idea.

00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,644

Attention, Ladies and Gentlemen--

00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:32,771

now for your entertainment,

stand-up comic Jimmy!

00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,940

Wow, what a great audience.

00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:37,442

For my first joke,

I'm gonna need a volunteer.

00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:38,735

Come on up here, Tim-Tim.

00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,573

Timmy, when I tell you

to do something, you do it.

00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:44,866

Timmy!

00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,326

Timmy, don't make me

kick your ass.

00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:47,994

Timmy!

- Put on your hat!

00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,372

Timmy!

- P-put it on!

00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,082

Dude, this looks

like it could get ugly.

00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,837

Timmy.

Timmy.

00:13:56,962 --> 00:13:59,923

Not this year.

00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,593

Timmy, Timmy.

00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:06,930

Cripple fight!

00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,142

Come on.

Come on!

00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:14,938

Timmy.

00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:17,941

[organ playing]

00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:24,322

♪♪

00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:27,534

Cripple fight!

00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:28,577

[all talking excitedly]

00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,579

Attention, shoppers--

00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,998

Outside today,

we have cripple fight.

00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:33,957

Cripple fight outside.

00:14:34,082 --> 00:14:35,667

[all cheering]

00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:38,461

[both grunting]

00:14:48,013 --> 00:14:49,931

Jesus Christ, dude.

00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,683

Oh my God!

00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:52,893

Just let 'em

have it out, Susan.

00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,102

They'll run

out of steam soon.

00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:58,899

Hel-lo, Timmy.

00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:00,483

Hel-lo, Timmy!

00:15:00,609 --> 00:15:01,693

Timmy!

- No!

00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,820

[grunts]

[groans]

00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,781

[both grunting]

00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,544

Timmy?

00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:21,421

Timmy...

00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,633

I told you,

put on the hat!

00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,017

You dirty motherfucker.

00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,440

What's going on?

00:15:40,565 --> 00:15:42,025

Some kind

of gay pride rally.

00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:45,028

[both grunting]

00:16:00,418 --> 00:16:01,544

[crunch]

00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:03,254

[screaming]

00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:21,314

[both yelling]

00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:27,821

[groaning]

00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:28,863

Timmy!

00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:39,708

Tom, I'm standing out front

of Henry's Supermarket,

00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,002

where five brave little boys

are holding a rally

00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:44,379

to support gays in scouting.

00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,506

The rally is drawing

so much attention

00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,882

that people

from all over the country

00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,509

are taking media notice.

00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,511

Those boys

have shown me the light.

00:16:51,636 --> 00:16:53,680

I never knew the Mountain Scouts

was a hate group.

00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,890

This is a wake-up call

to America.

00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,476

We cannot turn our backs

on gays anymore.

00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:00,562

Oh, God, they're actually

pulling it off.

00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,605

The rally has also

caught the attention

00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:05,358

of old scouts members

like Steven Spielberg,

00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:08,319

director of such films

as Always and 1 94 1.

00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:10,697

I salute those boys

and their courage.

00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:13,825

I am hereby cutting

all my funding to the scouts.

00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,493

The rally

has also caught the attention

00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,829

of high-power lawyer

Gloria Allred.

00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,998

It is a disgrace

that these homophobes

00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,916

are allowed

to discriminate!

00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,461

I am taking this case on

personally!

00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:25,879

With this kind

of support, Tom,

00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,964

these boys are sure

to have a victory for gays.

00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:28,965

Back to you.

00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,633

Thanks, Chris.

00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,719

In other news,

the FBI has finally caught

00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:35,513

the child molester

known as Mr. Slippy Fist.

00:17:35,638 --> 00:17:37,390

The sick child molester

was found

00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,268

with disturbing, graphic photos

of young boys naked,

00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,561

which we will show you now.

00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,938

[TV]

"Here's one.

And here's another.

00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,690

Eddie?

- Oh, my God.

00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,984

[TV]

"Here, look at this one.

Sick son of a bitch.

00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:49,027

There's one right here."

00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:51,404

[both yelling]

00:17:51,529 --> 00:17:52,572

Oh, yeah!

00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,866

[groans]

00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:57,619

[both grunting]

00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,748

[choking]

00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:02,749

Timmy!

00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,180

All right, boys.

Break it up.

00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,563

All rise.

00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:29,234

In the case of Big Gay Al

vs. Mountain Scouts of America,

00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:31,903

due to the overwhelming

show of support,

00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:35,198

it is the ruling of this court

that the scouts must allow

00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,992

Big Gay Al and all gays

into their club.

00:18:38,118 --> 00:18:40,161

Alright!

[people cheering]

00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,956

Well, we've all learned

an important lesson,

00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,457

That just because

somebody's gay

00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:46,292

doesn't mean they're gonna

molest children.

00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:47,460

Straight people

do that, too.

00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,212

[people cheering]

00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,965

And furthermore,

the scout elders

00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,092

will be put into stocks

for three days

00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,136

so they can see how it feels

to be outcasts.

00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:57,595

[people cheering]

00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,222

We did it!

We did it!

00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:02,267

I did it! I did it!

Ha-ha!

00:19:02,392 --> 00:19:04,144

[reporters speaking

simultaneously]

00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:06,938

Today is a great day

for democracy.

00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,606

The scouts have been exposed

00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:11,067

for the vile gay bashers

they are!

00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:13,153

And we owe it all to me,

00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:15,530

and these six

brave little boys.

00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:16,656

[bird screeches]

00:19:16,781 --> 00:19:19,367

Five brave little boys.

00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,078

And now, here to take

his official oath

00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,206

back into scouts,

is Big Gay Al.

00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:27,959

Thank you all very much.

00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,669

But I don't want this.

00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:31,504

What'd he say?

- Huh?

00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:34,174

Look, I appreciate

what you kids did.

00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:35,300

I really do.

00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:36,384

But this isn't what I wanted.

00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,344

I'm proud to be gay.

00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:39,679

And I'm proud

to be in a country

00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,514

where I'm free

to express myself.

00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,558

But freedom

is a two-way street.

00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,935

If I'm free

to express myself,

00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:49,480

then the scouts have to be free

to express themselves, too.

00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,232

I know these men.

00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,985

They are good men.

They are kind men.

00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,279

They do what they think

is best for kids.

00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,531

No matter how wrong

we think they might be,

00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:01,659

it isn't right for us

to force them to think our way.

00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:04,662

It's up to us to persuade

and help them see the light,

00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,539

not extort them to.

00:20:06,664 --> 00:20:09,000

Please, don't cut

the scouts' funding.

00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:11,002

The scouts help and have always

helped a lot of kids.

00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:12,420

That's why I love them.

00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:15,256

I will continue to persuade them

to change their minds,

00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,342

but this is the wrong way

to do it.

00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:21,054

So I am hereby

dropping my case

00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:22,639

and allowing the scouts

their right

00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:25,266

to not allow gays

into their private club.

00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:26,517

Uh...

00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,061

Hooray!

- Hooray!

00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:30,230

So wait.

Did we do good?

00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:31,731

Yeah, I think so.

00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,274

Yeah, we kick ass.

00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,401

Come on, kids.

Let's go get some ice cream.

00:20:35,526 --> 00:20:38,363

You can't do this!

You homophobe!

00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:39,989

Well, Timmy,

I guess we learned

00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:41,407

an important lesson too,

very much.

00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:42,951

There is room

for more than one

00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,327

handi-capable person

in scouts.

00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:45,954

Timmy.

00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:46,955

I'm glad we're best friends now.

00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,791

See you at scouts.

- Timmy.

00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:56,047

[to the tune of Old Macdonald]

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:58,049

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,593

♪ Timmy, Timmy,

Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:02,095

♪ Timmy, Timmy, Timmy,

Timmy, Timmy ♪

00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:03,096

Ahh!

00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:04,264

Dude, Timmy, come on.

00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:05,181

We're gonna be late

for scouts.

00:21:07,725 --> 00:21:10,478

Alright, boys.

I am your new scout leader.

00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,605

Everything is going to be

just fine.

00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:14,440

No naked pictures.

00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,441

Uh, Timmy?

00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:17,568

Yes, Timmy?

00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:18,945

Oh, dear.

00:21:19,070 --> 00:21:20,280

Jimmy?

- Yes?

00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:21,614

You know our policy.

00:21:21,739 --> 00:21:23,992

I'm afraid

you're out of scouts.

00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:24,993

Out of scouts?

00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:28,454

Timmy.

00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:30,039

What?

00:21:30,164 --> 00:21:31,082

Hey, wait a minute.

This is crazy.

00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,292

You can't do this.

00:21:32,417 --> 00:21:33,960

Wow, I never knew

Jimmy was gay.

00:21:34,085 --> 00:21:34,961

Me, neither.

00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:36,546

No! No!

00:21:36,671 --> 00:21:37,630

Timmy!