Большая общественная проблема

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♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

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♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

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♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

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♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

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♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

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Hey, you guys,

look what I have!

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What?

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Four tickets

to The Lion King on stage.

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Oh.

- Oh.

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Oh, come on, you guys,

it's supposed to be really cool.

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Yeah, no,

it sounds really cool.

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You guys, you guys,

oh, my God!

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Oh, my God,

you guys!

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What, dough boy?

- I was just--

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I was just watching the TV.

They had this commercial.

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So?

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So guess

what they're gonna say

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tonight on that show

Cop Drama.

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What?

- No, come on, guess.

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They're gonna say something

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that's never been said

on television.

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What?

- You'll never guess.

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What?

- Guess.

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God damn it, Cartman,

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What are they gonna say

on Cop Drama?

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You ready?

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Tonight on Cop Drama,

on TV, they're gonna say...

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"shit".

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They're gonna say

"shit" on television?

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They can't say "shit"

on television.

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It was just on the news!

People are freakin' out, dude!

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Holy fucking shit.

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We gotta watch.

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Yeah, I'm gonna have people

over to my house to see it.

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But I've got these tickets

to see Lion King on stage.

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Maybe you didn't

hear me, Kyle.

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I said "shit,"

on television.

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It's just a marketing ploy

by the network,

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like that time they had

the first male-to-male kiss

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with Terrance and Phillip.

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Oh, come on, dude,

this is history.

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It's stupid.

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Jeez, you're a little

irritable, Kyle.

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What's the matter, you got

some sand in your vagina?

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No, I don't have sand

in my vagina.

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I just think

it's a little immature

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for us to be

standing around,

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talking about one dumb word

being on TV!

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Hey, uh, Sam,

did you hear the news?

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Yeah, they're gonna

say "shit" on television.

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We should all get together

and watch it at the bar.

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Yeah!

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Yeah.

- Yeah.

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Are you guys gonna

let your kids watch?

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Oh, sure.

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I mean, you know, Cop Drama's

a very artsy, dramatic show.

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and they're gonna

say "shit"!

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Hey, Butters, I got tickets

to go see Lion King tonight,

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and I decided to invite you

before anybody else.

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Oh, sorry, I can't.

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They're gonna say "shit"

on Cop Drama,

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and my mom and dad say

I have to watch it with them

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so I don't take it

the wrong way.

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How many ways

are there to take it?

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It's just a stupid word!

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Hey, everybody,

it's on in 30 minutes!

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Listen, Mitchell, I put

my life on the line every day.

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How dare you accuse me?

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Oh, I bet this is it.

Here it comes.

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I'm doing my job, Frank.

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We have to know

where that evidence was shipped.

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Oh, was that it?

Was that it?

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"Shipped".

he said "shipped".

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I told you we don't have

a record of that, and besides,

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your job is to protect

the men who serve this force.

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God damn it, when are they

gonna say "shit"?

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Shh!

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Maybe...

Maybe protect them from you.

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Maybe you're forgetting

who you're talking to.

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And maybe you're forgetting

I used to be a cop, too!

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Yeah, you used to be

a lot of things!

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Oh, he doesn't know Mitchell

slept with his wife, does he?

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That's it.

I've had enough of this.

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Don't you turn

your back on me, you.

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I said enough!

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Is it?

Will it ever be enough?

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Cop Drama will return

after these messages.

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Jesus Christ,

another commercial?

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Are they ever

gonna say "shit"?

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I'm sure

they're just holding it

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to the very last scene.

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- Ugh!

- Where you going, Kyle?

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I'm going to the kitchen.

This is stupid!

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But you're gonna miss it.

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They're gonna say "shit"

and you're gonna miss it.

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I don't really

give a fuck.

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Oh.

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Just understand

that it's my job.

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I still think

you're a good cop.

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Well, Mitchell,

I guess you're going to do

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what you're gonna do.

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Let's just try and stay friends

no matter what.

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You're right.

Maybe I'll see you around.

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Goodbye.

Oh, and, Mitchell?

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You've got some shit on the side

of your mouth right there.

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Oh, yeah,

oh, thanks, thanks.

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Wow!

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Whoa!

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- Oh!

- Whoa!

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They did it.

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I can't believe

they actually said it.

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Dude, you missed it, Kyle.

It was so awesome!

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Well, I hope it lived up

to all the hype.

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You must feel

so much better now.

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Kyle, we've gotta get

that sand out of your vagina.

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It's making you cranky.

Does it itch?

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Do you really think

anything's

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gonna be

any different now?

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Do you really think

that this will have

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the tiniest, smallest effect

on the world?

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It's still the same old

world out there. Look!

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What the hell?

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Whoa, dude,

it's raining frogs.

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Oh, whatever.

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Last night, the daring

and bold show Cop Drama

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broke new ground

by saying "shit" on television,

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making "shit" officially okay

to say around the country.

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A recent poll shows

that 24% of Americans

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think the show has pushed

the envelope too far,

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while a whopping 76%

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say they don't really

give a shit.

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In other news,

a strange virus

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which causes victims

to vomit up their intestines

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is making life shitty

for a small farming community.

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Rick Watts

has the story.

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Thanks, Tom.

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Shit is certainly going down

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here in the small town--

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Whoa, shit!

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All right, children,

in lieu of the common usage,

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I'm supposed to clarify

the school's position

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on the word "shit".

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Wow, we can say "shit"

in school now?

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Oh, this is ridiculous.

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Just because they say it on TV,

it's all right?

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Yes, but only

in the figurative noun form

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or the adjective form.

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Huh?

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You can only use it

in the nonliteral sense.

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For instance:

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"That's a shitty picture of me,"

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is now fine.

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However, the literal

noun form of,

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"This is a picture of shit,"

is still naughty.

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I don't get it.

- Me neither.

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The adjective form

is now also acceptable.

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"The weather

outside is shitty."

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However, the literal adjective

is not appropriate.

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For example:

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"My bad diarrhea made the inside

of the toilet bowl shitty,

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"and I had to clean it

with a rag

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which then also

became shitty."

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That's right out.

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S...S...

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Shit!

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Very good, Timmy.

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Uh, Ms. Choksondik,

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can we say it

in the expletive,

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like, "oh, shit",

or, "shit on a shingle"?

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Yes, that's now fine.

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Wow, this is gonna be great--

a whole new word.

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It's not new!

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I'm gonna look "shit" up in

the encyclopedia and prove it.

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Don't mind Kyle, everyone.

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He's just got a little sand

in his vagina.

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There's no sand

in my vagina!

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Boys, watch your language,

shit!

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And so, children,

instead of saying,

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"hand in your papers",

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I may now say,

"hand in your shit".

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Any questions?

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What about,

"I have to take a shit"?

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No!

No, Filmore!

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You can say,

"I have to poop and shit",

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or, "oh, shit,

I have to poop",

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but not,

"I have to shit".

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- Are we all clear?

- No!

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Look,

it's all about context.

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For example, recently,

I have come out

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and admitted

that I was a homosexual.

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I'm gay.

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That means that now I can say

the word "fag".

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On television, they usually

don't allow "fag".

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But because I'm gay,

it's all right.

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And with the new approval

of the word "shit",

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that means that finally,

I am free to say...

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♪ Hey, there,

Shitty Shitty Fag Fag ♪

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♪ Shitty Shitty Fag Fag,

how do ya do ♪

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♪ Hey, there,

Shitty Shitty Fag Fag ♪

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♪ Shitty Shitty Fag Fag,

how do you do ♪

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Oh, this is great.

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Well, that store

has such lovely shit.

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Yeah, too bad I don't have

shit for cash right now.

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Oh, looks like the weather

might turn shitty.

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Oh, I don't really

give a shit.

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I've done enough shit

outside today and shit.

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Shit, Peter,

you look like shit.

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Oh, shit, I feel like shit.

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I think I--

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Holy shit!

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Did you see

that shit?

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What kind of shit is this?

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That is some

weird shit.

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Susan, your shit's ready!

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You know

where this shit goes?

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Shit if I know.

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Nice going,

shit for brains.

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♪ Old Macdonald

took a shit ♪

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♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

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Dumb shit!

00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:51,847

♪ Hey, there,

Shitty Shitty Fag Fag ♪

00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,475

♪ Shitty Shitty Fag Fag,

how do ya do ♪

00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:55,476

♪ Hey, there-♪

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Oh, shit, excuse me.

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Hey, watch it, fag!

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What did you call me?

00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:01,607

I called you a fag,

00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:02,983

because I'm gay,

00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,360

and that means I'm free

to use the word "fag"!

00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:07,488

So piss off,

you fag-shitter.

00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:08,780

Ha, ha, ha!

00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,033

♪ Hey, there,

Shitty Shitty Fag Fag ♪

00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,494

♪ Shitty Shitty Fag Fag,

ba doop a doop doo ♪

00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:14,703

This sucks.

00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:15,913

Now that shit's out,

00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:17,581

it isn't fun

to say it anymore.

00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:18,832

yeah, they've taken

all the fun out of "shit".

00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,334

We're gonna have to start

saying other bad words,

00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,044

like "cock" and "fuck"

and "meecrob".

00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,545

what's "meecrob"?

00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,339

you know, that stuff you get

as an appetizer

00:08:25,464 --> 00:08:26,507

at Thai food restaurants.

00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:28,759

Meecrob is way grosser

than shit, dude.

00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:30,928

I'd scarf down a whole

wet bucket full of shit

00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:32,387

before I ate another

plate of meecrob.

00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:33,597

You guys, you guys!

00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,307

I looked up

the word "shit".

00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:36,642

I think it might

have something to do

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with people dying.

00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,436

What?

00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:40,646

Haven't you noticed

everyone getting sick?

00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:42,439

It all started when they

said "shit" on television.

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Oh, Kyle, you are

so full of meecrob.

00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,026

I am not full

of meecro--what?

00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:47,694

Look, the word "shit"

first showed up

00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,613

in English in the 1340's,

00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:51,782

the same time as something

called "The Black Death."

00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,575

What's that?

00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,910

Kyle, do you still have

sand in your vagina

00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,036

about us not going

to Lion King with you?

00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,538

I mean, shit, dude,

let it go.

00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:58,705

Look, it might be

coincidence,

00:08:58,830 --> 00:08:59,790

but I think

we better ask someone.

00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:01,166

Come on!

00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:12,636

A 75 share--my God,

I never thought it was possible.

00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:13,845

Sir, your "shit" idea

00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,514

has turned

the entire network around.

00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:17,391

We're proud to work for you.

00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,560

Sir, I'd just like

to take this opportunity--

00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:21,478

and I'm sure I speak

for all of us

00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:24,565

when I say you are the most

creative genius in Hollywood.

00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:28,110

And, well, I'd let you

have me if you wanted.

00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,070

Thanks, Roger,

but I've only just started.

00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,446

You see,

I've already figured out

00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,115

our new marketing scheme

technique

00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,158

for the next

run of shows.

00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:36,743

Whoa!

He's unstoppable.

00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,078

What's the new idea?

I can hardly wait.

00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,705

I'm about to piss myself.

00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:43,959

This Saturday, on HBC,

we're going to say...

00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,546

"shit"...

Twice.

00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:50,007

Twice!

- Brilliant.

00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,550

Think of the repetition.

00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:53,594

It's like saying it once,

but double.

00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:54,886

Well, gentlemen,

let's get on it.

00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:55,887

Ho!

00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,600

♪ Baby,

you are so fine ♪

00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:00,934

♪ And shit ♪

00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,686

♪ The shit you do,

the shit you say ♪

00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,147

♪ I'll jump on your shit

any day ♪

00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,815

Oh, hello, there,

children.

00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,525

Hey, Chef.

00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:09,860

Chef, do you know

where "shit" comes from?

00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:11,653

Uh, from your ass,

children.

00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,030

No, no, no--

the word "shit".

00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:14,865

Ohh...

00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:16,742

Detective Sandy Vagina here

thinks that "shit"

00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,702

might have something to do

with everyone getting sick.

00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,245

It said in my book

that the word "shit"

00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:21,705

started

the exact same time

00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,248

as something called

"The Black Death."

00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,250

The Black Death?

Are you sure?

00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:26,752

What's the Black Death, Chef?

00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,795

Latoya Jackson, children.

00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,297

Ohh!

00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,840

But I think,

back in those days,

00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:32,841

it meant something else--

00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,844

The Plague.

00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:39,514

It says here the word "shit" has

been around for over 600 years.

00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,683

It comes from the Anglo-Saxon

word "scite."

00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,518

right, but in the 1340's,

00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,187

people in England

stopped calling it "scite"

00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,980

and started

calling it "shit"--

00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,774

the same year

as the black plague.

00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:51,485

This is the oldest book

in the library--

00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:54,488

a priceless original

of England's history.

00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,990

Just about everything you could

want to know about the plague

00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,784

is in this great tome.

00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,828

Oh, shit.

00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:05,165

Well, this other book

has some good information, too.

00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,750

The Black Plague--

00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,710

over half of Europe

was killed by it.

00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,295

Look, they're puking out

their intestines

00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,838

just like the people here.

00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:12,881

Look at this, children.

00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,174

It says the people in England

00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:15,676

believed that the plague

was a curse,

00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:17,219

"a dark magic infliction

00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,930

brought on by a mass utterance

of a word of curse."

00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:21,723

Word of curse?

00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,101

A...curse word.

- Of course!

00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:25,894

I've never even thought

00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,688

about why we use the term

"curse word" before.

00:11:27,813 --> 00:11:30,107

Because it brings a curse,

like the Black Death.

00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:31,149

You guys, look here.

00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,026

In this Nancy Drew mystery,

00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,028

Nancy goes to the beach and

gets sand trapped in her shoe.

00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:37,698

This could explain

how Kyle got it in his vagina.

00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:38,949

Cartman,

this is serious!

00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,659

So am I, Kyle.

00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:42,244

If that sand in your vagina

doesn't get released,

00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,912

you could become

a walking time bomb.

00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,831

Heh, heh, heh.

00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:47,958

if you don't mind,

I'll have to close up now.

00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,794

They're going to say "shit"

seven times on HBC and--

00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:53,922

Holy shit!

- Oh-ho, gross!

00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,174

Dude, this plague

is spreading like wildfire.

00:11:58,093 --> 00:12:00,178

Uh-oh.

- Uh-oh.

00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:01,805

Kenny's got it,

heh, heh.

00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,223

We gotta

do something, Chef.

00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,850

If we don't stop

that network,

00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:07,185

"shit" will become

an even more acceptable word.

00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,730

Children, we've got to warn

those producers in Hollywood

00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:12,190

that the plague and "shit"

could be linked.

00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:17,696

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen.

This is your captain speaking.

00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,656

If you look out the right side

of the aircraft,

00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,825

you can see

some interesting shit.

00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,076

And over on the left side,

00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,162

there's some

interesting shit, too.

00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:27,873

We should be arriving in

Los Angeles in about two hours.

00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:29,666

Until then, we invite you

to sit back, relax,

00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:30,625

and enjoy

our shitty service.

00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:33,962

God damn it, Kenny, don't

get your plague germs on me!

00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,797

Cartman,

stop being an asshole!

00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,183

The ratings are in, sir.

00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,185

We broke another record

last night

00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:51,813

with the show that said "shit"

seven times.

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,690

Where is the roof

on this thing?

00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,609

I mean, how can we

top ourselves now?

00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:57,319

Gentlemen, I have it,

00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:00,113

the end-all, greatest

marketing ploy of all time.

00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:07,245

Tonight, on HBC, we will air

all our sitcoms live

00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:11,291

and have everyone say "shit"

in place of their written lines.

00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:14,044

And we'll call it

"Must Shit TV."

00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:15,170

Bravo!

00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,922

Night of a million shits!

00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,882

Now, doing this live

will be difficult, so we must--

00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,217

Hold on a minute,

Mr. Producer.

00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:22,010

Who are you?

00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,345

My name is Chef,

and these are the children.

00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,388

We've come to warn you

about "shit".

00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,724

Oh, brother, another

Christian protest group.

00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,184

Who wants

to take this one?

00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,393

I'll get it.

00:13:30,519 --> 00:13:32,270

Gentlemen, we appreciate

your concern.

00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:33,897

Here at HBC,

the general goal is providing

00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,106

the highest, most

thought-provoking entertainment.

00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:36,358

How great is it

that we live in a country

00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,276

where an artist

can express himself freely.

00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:39,653

That's not only the American

spirit; it's the HBC spirit,

00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:40,362

which allows us to make

great family programming,

00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,113

like Halo the Turtle,

00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:43,865

and, of course, everyone's

favorite show, Cop Drama.

00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,158

We can't thank you enough

for bringing your concerns

00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,201

to our network, for it is you,

the loyal HBC viewer,

00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,911

who makes this great network

00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:51,873

and, indeed,

the great country that it is.

00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,250

All right, now,

as I was saying--

00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,293

Hey, hold on a minute!

- Are they still here?

00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,712

Haven't you people noticed

all the strange things going on?

00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,297

We think that

you might have caused it

00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,925

by helping make "shit"

an everyday word.

00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,093

Right, right.

00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,970

It's true.

00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:06,346

We think that word might be

plaguing our friend Kenny.

00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,430

Do you have

any proof of this?

00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:09,099

No.

00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,017

Then get out of here

before we have you thrown out!

00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:14,729

But we can keep the

Halo the Turtle dolls, right?

00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:15,981

Damn cracker-ass

producers!

00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:17,190

Now what are we

gonna do, Chef?

00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,025

I don't know,

children.

00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,695

I guess we got to get the word

out to people some other way.

00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:23,822

Aaahh!

00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,448

Oh, shit!

00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:27,909

Aaahh!

00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,661

Stand aside!

00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:30,662

All right, now,

we have to get

00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:31,705

all our biggest names

to say "shit."

00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:32,831

And then we're gonna--

00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:34,291

Halt your evil plans!

00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:35,792

Huh?

00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,377

I possess

the Rune Stone of Undoing.

00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:40,672

Who is in charge here?

00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,299

Oh, no!

00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:45,176

You guys didn't hire me

a stripper for my birthday.

00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:47,012

Oh, tell me

you guys didn't.

00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:50,056

Show your true form, Geldan,

lest you be afraid.

00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:54,644

Your short time

in this world is at an end.

00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,938

Ach! The rune stone

has no effect.

00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,148

You are not Geldan.

00:14:58,273 --> 00:14:59,858

I never said I was.

00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,234

You'll die anyway,

00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:04,946

for you have spread

the word of curse.

00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,114

Security.

00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:10,160

Aach!

00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,953

Who are you?

00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,371

Take this.

00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,873

What are we supposed

to do with it?

00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,042

Ehhhgggh.

00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,627

Now what?

00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:19,836

We've got to find

people who know

00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,254

what the hell

this is all about.

00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:22,964

Children, we're gonna

have to go to the land

00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,884

of castles, knights,

and kings.

00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:31,765

Lords and Ladies,

we bid you welcome

00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,392

to the grandest casino

in the land--

00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:38,271

Excalibur!

00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:41,149

Take a free spin.

Double your odds.

00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,734

Excuse me,

do you work here?

00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,819

How can I help you,

noble sir?

00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:47,113

We need some help identifying

an ancient English stone.

00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,782

A what?

00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:50,158

It might hold the key

to a curse.

00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,744

Uh, I can help get you

some credit

00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,913

or a comp meal, perhaps.

00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:56,164

Dude, we need help

from the British.

00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,208

Look, kid,

this is just a casino.

00:15:58,333 --> 00:15:59,709

I can't help you.

00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:00,877

You know,

not every British person

00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:03,713

knows about wizards

and dragons and curses.

00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:06,132

We just need help

identifying this.

00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:09,052

a rune stone of Gaelic!

Where did you get this?

00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:10,261

You know what it is?

00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:12,305

The Skire once spoke

of such a stone.

00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,307

Come, we must see

the sorcerer.

00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:18,979

Get ready

for Must Shit TV!

00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:22,774

Starting now, four straight

hours of pure shit!

00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,275

It's all live!

00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,069

Hey...shit.

00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,197

Hey, shit.

00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,033

Yeah. Yeah, shit.

00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,911

This is it,

my greatest work.

00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:37,789

Cocktails,

cocktails.

00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,791

These Americans

wish to see the Skire.

00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:42,043

Let us make haste

to the Inner Sanctum.

00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,128

How could

you foolish Americans

00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:44,879

bring the wrath of scorn

00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:47,215

by mass chanting

the word of wretchedness?

00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,342

Uh, yeah,

we didn't mean to.

00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:52,220

Didn't you realize "shit"

is a curse word?

00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,972

Well, yeah,

but I don't think we knew

00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:56,182

that "curse word" meant...

curse word.

00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:59,185

Ha, leave it to Americans

to think that no means yes,

00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,187

"pissed" means angry,

00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,897

and "curse word"

means something

00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,566

other than a word

that's cursed!

00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:11,114

Let me see the stone.

- But I don't get it.

00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,991

People use curse words

all the time.

00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,118

Saying a word of curse

once in a while does nothing.

00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,412

It's only when spoken

repeatedly and en masse

00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,330

that the curse

takes place.

00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:20,915

I've seen this before.

00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,751

Stones that were used

by the Knights

00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,169

of Standards

and Practices.

00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,212

Knights of Standards

and Practices?

00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:28,423

A legion of men sworn

to do whatever necessary

00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,216

to keep the words at bay.

00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:32,052

But they were

just a myth.

00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:33,386

"You know what?

00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,471

You're dumb as shit."

00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:35,889

"Oh, yeah?

00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:37,766

Well, I don't really

give a shit."

00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,517

You know, that word's

getting kind of old.

00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:41,061

It's not really funny

anymore.

00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:42,479

Yeah, they're gonna

have to come up

00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:44,022

with a new swear word soon.

00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,899

Well, they can't use "fag",

00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:48,276

because you can't say "fag"

unless you're a homosexual.

00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,861

Really?

00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,029

So we can't

say ""?

00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:52,530

No, see,

you got beeped.

00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:55,200

You mean you have to be

a to say ""?

00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:56,451

That's right.

00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,119

Well, that's not fair.

00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,413

I should be able

to say "fag"!

00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,956

Hey, you didn't

get beeped.

00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,124

Uh-oh.

00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,501

Well, well, well,

guess we learned

00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,961

something new about you, Jimbo,

you friggin' fag.

00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,338

You wanna make out

or something?

00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:10,298

"Oh, man,

I am up shit creek."

00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,801

"Serves you right,

shit for brains."

00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:15,220

"Man, how could I be

such a dumb sh--"

00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:18,056

Say not the word

of curse!

00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:19,557

Ugh!

00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,392

What the--

- Holy shit!

00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:24,354

Oh, boy, this show is really

reaching for plot now.

00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:25,855

The knights were formed

00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,398

to keep curse words

to a minimum.

00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:30,068

Should a curse word ever be

let out, they would return.

00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:32,445

A rune stone for each

word of curse was made,

00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:35,573

representing each of the eight

words that so offended God.

00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:36,533

Look, there's the "f" word.

00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:37,617

and "asshole".

00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,035

I knew it--

"meecrob"!

00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,495

"Meecrob"

is a curse word!

00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,205

God must hate it

as much as I do.

00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:43,414

Look at this --

00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,041

The writing here

claims this stone

00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,919

can defeat the evil Geldan,

who will rise

00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,295

when the word of curse

has been said

00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,630

enough times

to give him power.

00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,549

Then all the world

will be destroyed.

00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:54,217

All the world

destroyed?

00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,260

My house, too?

00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:56,886

Oh, no!

- What?

00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:59,347

Tonight is the night

of a million shits on HBC!

00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,266

It's gonna be said

over and over.

00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:02,392

Then we haven't

much time.

00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:03,643

We must go.

00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,603

Turn off those devices

of broadcast!

00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:08,189

What is going on here?

Stop this shit.

00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:11,067

We are the Royal Order

of Standards and Practices!

00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:14,362

We command you to stop

saying the curse word.

00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,197

Listen,

Mr. Shiny Pants,

00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:17,907

I am the head

of this network,

00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:20,451

and I will say "shit"

all I want.

00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:23,329

Shit, shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:25,498

Shit shit shit shit shit shit

shit shit shit shit shit --

00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:27,709

Shit shit shit shit shit

shit shit shit shit --

00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,295

Shit shit shit shit

shit shit shit shit!

00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,355

Oh, shit.

00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:53,776

And now

back to Must Shit TV,

00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:55,778

here on HBC.

00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:59,449

He is too strong!

00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,993

We cannot fight him

without the rune stone!

00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:03,536

My--

my God, sir,

00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:05,121

What have you unleashed

upon the world?

00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:06,748

I didn't know.

00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,500

I didn't know!

00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:13,546

I-I can't follow

this shitty story line at all.

00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:15,673

Wait!

00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:18,885

Oh, boy, that thing has really

got sand in its vagina.

00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:21,221

The rune stone!

Face it towards Geldan.

00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:26,809

Ah, dude, lame.

00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,519

Lame, bummer, dude.

00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:30,104

What a stupid voice.

00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,856

it's okay.

The curse has been lifted.

00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,816

What?

- Huh?

00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,110

Yeah, we all gotta make sure

it doesn't come back.

00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:37,820

You see, we've learned

something today.

00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:39,948

Swearing can be fun,

but doing it all the time

00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,407

causes a lot of problems.

00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:43,451

We're all saying

the "s" word too much.

00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,827

Kyle.

00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:46,537

Look, Gerald,

Kyle's on television.

00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:47,997

Uh-huh.

00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:50,083

The Knights of Standards

and Practices were created

00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:51,793

to make sure that bad words

were kept to a minimum.

00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,628

Curse words--

00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,463

they're called that

because they are cursed.

00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,965

We have to go back

to only using curse words

00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,633

in rare, extreme

circumstances.

00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,510

And besides, so much use

of a dirty word

00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:02,387

takes away

from its impact.

00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:03,846

We believe in free speech

and all that,

00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,431

but leaving

a few words taboo

00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:06,891

just adds to the fun

of English.

00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,977

So please, everyone,

00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,479

from now on, you've got to try

and watch your language.

00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:12,897

Yeah.

00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:15,900

Yeah.

00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:17,193

It makes sense.

got that right.

00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:18,987

Is this still

part of the show?

00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:21,572

We're sorry, noble Knights

of Standards and Practices.

00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:23,992

From now on,

we will obey your laws.

00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:25,827

See that you do.

00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:27,537

I'm very proud of you,

children.

00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:28,746

Let's all go home and find

00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:30,123

a nice white woman

to make love to.

00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,791

Yeah, and Kenny didn't die.

00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:33,876

Yeah, I didn't--

00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:35,878

Holy sh--

poop.

00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:37,672

Ha, I love you guys.

00:00:10,428 --> 00:00:12,138

♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:13,973

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:15,599

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:16,934

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,936

♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

00:00:19,061 --> 00:00:20,521

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:22,606

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,732 --> 00:00:24,108

♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:25,651

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,776 --> 00:00:28,738

♪ [muffled] ♪

00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:30,281

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:32,074

♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:35,036

Hey, you guys,

look what I have!

00:00:35,161 --> 00:00:36,370

What?

00:00:36,495 --> 00:00:38,164

Four tickets

to The Lion King on stage.

00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:39,665

Oh.

- Oh.

00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:42,126

Oh, come on, you guys,

it's supposed to be really cool.

00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:44,253

Yeah, no,

it sounds really cool.

00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,755

You guys, you guys,

oh, my God!

00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:47,089

Oh, my God,

you guys!

00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:49,467

What, dough boy?

- I was just--

00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:51,343

I was just watching the TV.

They had this commercial.

00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:52,553

So?

00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,013

So guess

what they're gonna say

00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:55,139

tonight on that show

Cop Drama.

00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,307

What?

- No, come on, guess.

00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:57,600

They're gonna say something

00:00:57,725 --> 00:00:58,768

that's never been said

on television.

00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,186

What?

- You'll never guess.

00:01:00,311 --> 00:01:01,437

What?

- Guess.

00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:02,605

God damn it, Cartman,

00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:03,731

What are they gonna say

on Cop Drama?

00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:05,483

You ready?

00:01:05,608 --> 00:01:10,112

Tonight on Cop Drama,

on TV, they're gonna say...

00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:12,031

"shit".

00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:13,574

[gasps] They're gonna say

"shit" on television?

00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,409

They can't say "shit"

on television.

00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:16,577

It was just on the news!

People are freakin' out, dude!

00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,204

Holy fucking shit.

00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:20,039

[muffled]

We gotta watch.

00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:21,457

Yeah, I'm gonna have people

over to my house to see it.

00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,250

But I've got these tickets

to see Lion King on stage.

00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:24,668

Maybe you didn't

hear me, Kyle.

00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:27,379

I said "shit,"

on television.

00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:29,298

It's just a marketing ploy

by the network,

00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:30,758

like that time they had

the first male-to-male kiss

00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:32,093

with Terrance and Phillip.

00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:33,469

Oh, come on, dude,

this is history.

00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:34,678

It's stupid.

00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:36,430

Jeez, you're a little

irritable, Kyle.

00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:37,765

What's the matter, you got

some sand in your vagina?

00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:39,183

No, I don't have sand

in my vagina.

00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:40,559

I just think

it's a little immature

00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:41,811

for us to be

standing around,

00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:43,104

talking about one dumb word

being on TV!

00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:45,606

Hey, uh, Sam,

did you hear the news?

00:01:45,731 --> 00:01:48,275

Yeah, they're gonna

say "shit" on television.

00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,195

We should all get together

and watch it at the bar.

00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,404

Yeah!

00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:53,656

Yeah.

- Yeah.

00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,157

Are you guys gonna

let your kids watch?

00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,076

Oh, sure.

00:01:57,201 --> 00:01:58,702

I mean, you know, Cop Drama's

a very artsy, dramatic show.

00:01:58,828 --> 00:02:00,538

and they're gonna

say "shit"!

00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:04,208

Hey, Butters, I got tickets

to go see Lion King tonight,

00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,418

and I decided to invite you

before anybody else.

00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:08,254

Oh, sorry, I can't.

00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:09,505

They're gonna say "shit"

on Cop Drama,

00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,340

and my mom and dad say

I have to watch it with them

00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:12,758

so I don't take it

the wrong way.

00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:14,176

How many ways

are there to take it?

00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:15,553

It's just a stupid word!

00:02:15,678 --> 00:02:18,264

Hey, everybody,

it's on in 30 minutes!

00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:19,765

[commotion]

00:02:23,227 --> 00:02:25,688

Listen, Mitchell, I put

my life on the line every day.

00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,189

How dare you accuse me?

00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,732

Oh, I bet this is it.

Here it comes.

00:02:28,858 --> 00:02:30,484

I'm doing my job, Frank.

00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:32,528

We have to know

where that evidence was shipped.

00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:33,779

Oh, was that it?

Was that it?

00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,573

"Shipped".

he said "shipped".

00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:38,159

I told you we don't have

a record of that, and besides,

00:02:38,284 --> 00:02:40,870

your job is to protect

the men who serve this force.

00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:42,621

God damn it, when are they

gonna say "shit"?

00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:44,248

Shh!

00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,792

Maybe...

Maybe protect them from you.

00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,295

Maybe you're forgetting

who you're talking to.

00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,714

And maybe you're forgetting

I used to be a cop, too!

00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,757

Yeah, you used to be

a lot of things!

00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:56,260

Oh, he doesn't know Mitchell

slept with his wife, does he?

00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:57,845

That's it.

I've had enough of this.

00:02:57,970 --> 00:02:59,597

Don't you turn

your back on me, you.

00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,182

I said enough!

00:03:01,307 --> 00:03:04,310

Is it?

Will it ever be enough?

00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:07,104

Cop Drama will return

after these messages.

00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,106

Jesus Christ,

another commercial?

00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:10,274

Are they ever

gonna say "shit"?

00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:11,567

I'm sure

they're just holding it

00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,651

to the very last scene.

00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,486

Both: Ugh!

- Where you going, Kyle?

00:03:14,612 --> 00:03:16,280

I'm going to the kitchen.

This is stupid!

00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,865

But you're gonna miss it.

00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,158

They're gonna say "shit"

and you're gonna miss it.

00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:19,742

I don't really

give a fuck.

00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:20,743

Oh.

00:03:22,745 --> 00:03:25,206

Just understand

that it's my job.

00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:26,624

I still think

you're a good cop.

00:03:26,749 --> 00:03:28,709

Well, Mitchell,

I guess you're going to do

00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,252

what you're gonna do.

00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:32,296

Let's just try and stay friends

no matter what.

00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:34,757

You're right.

Maybe I'll see you around.

00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,635

Goodbye.

Oh, and, Mitchell?

00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,678

You've got some shit on the side

of your mouth right there.

00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,180

Oh, yeah,

oh, thanks, thanks.

00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:42,598

All: Wow!

00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:43,599

Both: Whoa!

00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:44,767

Oh!

All: Whoa!

00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:47,353

[cheers and applause]

00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:48,729

They did it.

00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,356

I can't believe

they actually said it.

00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:52,691

Dude, you missed it, Kyle.

It was so awesome!

00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,401

Well, I hope it lived up

to all the hype.

00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:56,403

You must feel

so much better now.

00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,322

Kyle, we've gotta get

that sand out of your vagina.

00:03:58,447 --> 00:04:00,199

It's making you cranky.

Does it itch?

00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:01,242

Do you really think

anything's

00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:02,534

gonna be

any different now?

00:04:02,660 --> 00:04:03,827

Do you really think

that this will have

00:04:03,953 --> 00:04:05,579

the tiniest, smallest effect

on the world?

00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:07,456

It's still the same old

world out there. Look!

00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:10,542

[frogs croaking]

00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:12,169

What the hell?

00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:13,170

Whoa, dude,

it's raining frogs.

00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:14,463

Oh, whatever.

00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,924

Last night, the daring

and bold show Cop Drama

00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:20,678

broke new ground

by saying "shit" on television,

00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:23,347

making "shit" officially okay

to say around the country.

00:04:23,472 --> 00:04:25,891

A recent poll shows

that 24% of Americans

00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,768

think the show has pushed

the envelope too far,

00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:29,770

while a whopping 76%

00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,605

say they don't really

give a shit.

00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:33,607

In other news,

a strange virus

00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:36,360

which causes victims

to vomit up their intestines

00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,196

is making life shitty

for a small farming community.

00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:40,698

Rick Watts

has the story.

00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:41,740

Thanks, Tom.

00:04:41,865 --> 00:04:43,325

Shit is certainly going down

00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:44,535

here in the small town--

00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:47,538

[retching]

00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:48,872

Whoa, shit!

00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:50,791

[school bell ringing]

00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:52,793

All right, children,

in lieu of the common usage,

00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,753

I'm supposed to clarify

the school's position

00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,672

on the word "shit".

00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,299

Wow, we can say "shit"

in school now?

00:04:58,424 --> 00:04:59,633

Oh, this is ridiculous.

00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,302

Just because they say it on TV,

it's all right?

00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:03,554

Yes, but only

in the figurative noun form

00:05:03,679 --> 00:05:04,346

or the adjective form.

00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:05,848

Huh?

00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,975

You can only use it

in the nonliteral sense.

00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:08,976

For instance:

00:05:09,101 --> 00:05:11,186

"That's a shitty picture of me,"

00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:12,396

is now fine.

00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:14,565

However, the literal

noun form of,

00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:17,401

"This is a picture of shit,"

is still naughty.

00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:18,819

I don't get it.

- Me neither.

00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,322

The adjective form

is now also acceptable.

00:05:21,447 --> 00:05:24,658

For example: "The weather

outside is shitty."

00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:27,494

However, the literal adjective

is not appropriate.

00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:28,996

For example:

00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:32,374

"My bad diarrhea made the inside

of the toilet bowl shitty,

00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,792

"and I had to clean it

with a rag

00:05:33,917 --> 00:05:35,711

which then also

became shitty."

00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,004

That's right out.

00:05:37,129 --> 00:05:38,756

S...S...

00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:40,424

Shit!

00:05:40,549 --> 00:05:41,675

Very good, Timmy.

00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,344

Uh, Ms. Choksondik,

00:05:43,469 --> 00:05:45,346

can we say it

in the expletive,

00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:47,765

like, "oh, shit",

or, "shit on a shingle"?

00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,516

Yes, that's now fine.

00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,769

Wow, this is gonna be great--

a whole new word.

00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:53,604

It's not new!

00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:55,814

I'm gonna look "shit" up in

the encyclopedia and prove it.

00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:57,399

Don't mind Kyle, everyone.

00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,942

He's just got a little sand

in his vagina.

00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:00,486

There's no sand

in my vagina!

00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,821

Boys, watch your language,

shit!

00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:04,823

And so, children,

instead of saying,

00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,492

"hand in your papers",

00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:08,577

I may now say,

"hand in your shit".

00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,329

Any questions?

00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,830

What about,

"I have to take a shit"?

00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:13,415

No!

No, Filmore!

00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:14,917

You can say,

"I have to poop and shit",

00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,502

or, "oh, shit,

I have to poop",

00:06:16,627 --> 00:06:17,711

but not,

"I have to shit".

00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,546

Are we all clear?

All: No!

00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:21,757

Look,

it's all about context.

00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,385

For example, recently,

I have come out

00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:26,553

and admitted

that I was a homosexual.

00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:27,888

I'm gay.

00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:31,683

That means that now I can say

the word "fag".

00:06:31,809 --> 00:06:35,646

On television, they usually

don't allow "fag".

00:06:35,771 --> 00:06:38,023

But because I'm gay,

it's all right.

00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,651

And with the new approval

of the word "shit",

00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:44,029

that means that finally,

I am free to say...

00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,615

♪ Hey, there,

Shitty Shitty Fag Fag ♪

00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,951

♪ Shitty Shitty Fag Fag,

how do ya do ♪

00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,495

♪ Hey, there,

Shitty Shitty Fag Fag ♪

00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,705

♪ Shitty Shitty Fag Fag,

how do you do ♪

00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:55,416

Oh, this is great.

00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,796

Well, that store

has such lovely shit.

00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,715

Yeah, too bad I don't have

shit for cash right now.

00:07:03,841 --> 00:07:05,801

Oh, looks like the weather

might turn shitty.

00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,636

Oh, I don't really

give a shit.

00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,304

I've done enough shit

outside today and shit.

00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:10,973

Shit, Peter,

you look like shit.

00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,724

Oh, shit, I feel like shit.

00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:14,768

I think I--

[retching]

00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:15,936

Holy shit!

00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,438

Did you see

that shit?

00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:19,106

What kind of shit is this?

00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:20,441

That is some

weird shit.

00:07:20,566 --> 00:07:21,567

Susan, your shit's ready!

00:07:21,692 --> 00:07:22,776

You know

where this shit goes?

00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:23,861

Shit if I know.

00:07:23,986 --> 00:07:24,987

Nice going,

shit for brains.

00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,321

♪ Old Macdonald

took a shit ♪

00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:27,406

♪ E-I-E-I-O ♪

00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:28,824

Dumb shit!

00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,007

[thunder booming]

00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:51,847

♪ Hey, there,

Shitty Shitty Fag Fag ♪

00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,475

♪ Shitty Shitty Fag Fag,

how do ya do ♪

00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:55,476

♪ Hey, there-♪

00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:56,977

Oh, shit, excuse me.

00:07:57,102 --> 00:07:58,854

Hey, watch it, fag!

00:07:58,979 --> 00:07:59,771

What did you call me?

00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:01,607

I called you a fag,

00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:02,983

because I'm gay,

00:08:03,108 --> 00:08:05,360

and that means I'm free

to use the word "fag"!

00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:07,488

So piss off,

you fag-shitter.

00:08:07,613 --> 00:08:08,780

Ha, ha, ha!

00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,033

♪ Hey, there,

Shitty Shitty Fag Fag ♪

00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,494

♪ Shitty Shitty Fag Fag,

ba doop a doop doo ♪

00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:14,703

This sucks.

00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:15,913

Now that shit's out,

00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:17,581

it isn't fun

to say it anymore.

00:08:17,706 --> 00:08:18,832

yeah, they've taken

all the fun out of "shit".

00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:20,334

We're gonna have to start

saying other bad words,

00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,044

like "cock" and "fuck"

and "meecrob".

00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:23,545

what's "meecrob"?

00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,339

you know, that stuff you get

as an appetizer

00:08:25,464 --> 00:08:26,507

at Thai food restaurants.

00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:28,759

Meecrob is way grosser

than shit, dude.

00:08:28,884 --> 00:08:30,928

I'd scarf down a whole

wet bucket full of shit

00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:32,387

before I ate another

plate of meecrob.

00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:33,597

You guys, you guys!

00:08:33,722 --> 00:08:35,307

I looked up

the word "shit".

00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:36,642

I think it might

have something to do

00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:37,643

with people dying.

00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,436

What?

00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:40,646

Haven't you noticed

everyone getting sick?

00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:42,439

It all started when they

said "shit" on television.

00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,566

Oh, Kyle, you are

so full of meecrob.

00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,026

I am not full

of meecro--what?

00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:47,694

Look, the word "shit"

first showed up

00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,613

in English in the 1340's,

00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:51,782

the same time as something

called "The Black Death."

00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,575

What's that?

00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,910

Kyle, do you still have

sand in your vagina

00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,036

about us not going

to Lion King with you?

00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,538

I mean, shit, dude,

let it go.

00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:58,705

Look, it might be

coincidence,

00:08:58,830 --> 00:08:59,790

but I think

we better ask someone.

00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:01,166

Come on!

00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:05,003

[sniffing]

00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:12,636

A 75 share--my God,

I never thought it was possible.

00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:13,845

Sir, your "shit" idea

00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,514

has turned

the entire network around.

00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:17,391

We're proud to work for you.

00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,560

Sir, I'd just like

to take this opportunity--

00:09:19,685 --> 00:09:21,478

and I'm sure I speak

for all of us

00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:24,565

when I say you are the most

creative genius in Hollywood.

00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:28,110

And, well, I'd let you

have me if you wanted.

00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,070

Thanks, Roger,

but I've only just started.

00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,446

You see,

I've already figured out

00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,115

our new marketing scheme

technique

00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,158

for the next

run of shows.

00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:36,743

Whoa!

He's unstoppable.

00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,078

What's the new idea?

I can hardly wait.

00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,705

I'm about to piss myself.

00:09:39,830 --> 00:09:43,959

This Saturday, on HBC,

we're going to say...

00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:47,546

"shit"...

Twice.

00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:50,007

Twice!

- Brilliant.

00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:51,550

Think of the repetition.

00:09:51,675 --> 00:09:53,594

It's like saying it once,

but double.

00:09:53,719 --> 00:09:54,886

Well, gentlemen,

let's get on it.

00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:55,887

All: Ho!

00:09:56,013 --> 00:09:58,015

[school bell ringing]

00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,600

♪ Baby,

you are so fine ♪

00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:00,934

♪ And shit ♪

00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:02,686

♪ The shit you do,

the shit you say ♪

00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,147

♪ I'll jump on your shit

any day ♪

00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,815

Oh, hello, there,

children.

00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,525

All: Hey, Chef.

00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:09,860

Chef, do you know

where "shit" comes from?

00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:11,653

Uh, from your ass,

children.

00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:13,030

No, no, no--

the word "shit".

00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:14,865

Ohh...

00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:16,742

Detective Sandy Vagina here

thinks that "shit"

00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,702

might have something to do

with everyone getting sick.

00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:20,245

It said in my book

that the word "shit"

00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:21,705

started

the exact same time

00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,248

as something called

"The Black Death."

00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,250

The Black Death?

Are you sure?

00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:26,752

What's the Black Death, Chef?

00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,795

Latoya Jackson, children.

00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,297

All: Ohh!

00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,840

But I think,

back in those days,

00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:32,841

it meant something else--

00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:35,844

The Plague.

00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:39,514

It says here the word "shit" has

been around for over 600 years.

00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,683

It comes from the Anglo-Saxon

word "scite."

00:10:41,808 --> 00:10:43,518

right, but in the 1340's,

00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,187

people in England

stopped calling it "scite"

00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,980

and started

calling it "shit"--

00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:48,774

the same year

as the black plague.

00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:51,485

This is the oldest book

in the library--

00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:54,488

a priceless original

of England's history.

00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,990

Just about everything you could

want to know about the plague

00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,784

is in this great tome.

00:10:58,909 --> 00:10:59,826

[blows]

00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:01,828

Oh, shit.

00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:05,165

Well, this other book

has some good information, too.

00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,750

The Black Plague--

00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,710

over half of Europe

was killed by it.

00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,295

Look, they're puking out

their intestines

00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,838

just like the people here.

00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:12,881

Look at this, children.

00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,174

It says the people in England

00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:15,676

believed that the plague

was a curse,

00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:17,219

"a dark magic infliction

00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,930

brought on by a mass utterance

of a word of curse."

00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:21,723

Word of curse?

00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,101

A...curse word.

- Of course!

00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:25,894

I've never even thought

00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,688

about why we use the term

"curse word" before.

00:11:27,813 --> 00:11:30,107

Because it brings a curse,

like the Black Death.

00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:31,149

You guys, look here.

00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:33,026

In this Nancy Drew mystery,

00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:35,028

Nancy goes to the beach and

gets sand trapped in her shoe.

00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:37,698

This could explain

how Kyle got it in his vagina.

00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:38,949

Cartman,

this is serious!

00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,659

So am I, Kyle.

00:11:40,784 --> 00:11:42,244

If that sand in your vagina

doesn't get released,

00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,912

you could become

a walking time bomb.

00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:45,831

Heh, heh, heh.

00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:47,958

if you don't mind,

I'll have to close up now.

00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,794

They're going to say "shit"

seven times on HBC and--

00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,129

[retching]

00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:53,922

Holy shit!

- Oh-ho, gross!

00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,174

Dude, this plague

is spreading like wildfire.

00:11:56,299 --> 00:11:57,968

[Kenny coughs and sneezes]

00:11:58,093 --> 00:12:00,178

Uh-oh.

- [muffled] Uh-oh.

00:12:00,303 --> 00:12:01,805

Kenny's got it,

heh, heh.

00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,223

We gotta

do something, Chef.

00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,850

If we don't stop

that network,

00:12:04,975 --> 00:12:07,185

"shit" will become

an even more acceptable word.

00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,730

Children, we've got to warn

those producers in Hollywood

00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:12,190

that the plague and "shit"

could be linked.

00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:17,696

Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen.

This is your captain speaking.

00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:19,656

If you look out the right side

of the aircraft,

00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,825

you can see

some interesting shit.

00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,076

And over on the left side,

00:12:23,201 --> 00:12:25,162

there's some

interesting shit, too.

00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:27,873

We should be arriving in

Los Angeles in about two hours.

00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:29,666

Until then, we invite you

to sit back, relax,

00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:30,625

and enjoy

our shitty service.

00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:32,210

[coughs and sneezes]

00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:33,962

God damn it, Kenny, don't

get your plague germs on me!

00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,797

Cartman,

stop being an asshole!

00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,183

The ratings are in, sir.

00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:48,185

We broke another record

last night

00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:51,813

with the show that said "shit"

seven times.

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,690

Where is the roof

on this thing?

00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,609

I mean, how can we

top ourselves now?

00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:57,319

Gentlemen, I have it,

00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:00,113

the end-all, greatest

marketing ploy of all time.

00:13:00,238 --> 00:13:02,741

[applause]

00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:07,245

Tonight, on HBC, we will air

all our sitcoms live

00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:11,291

and have everyone say "shit"

in place of their written lines.

00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:14,044

And we'll call it

"Must Shit TV."

00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:15,170

Bravo!

00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,922

Night of a million shits!

00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,882

Now, doing this live

will be difficult, so we must--

00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,217

Hold on a minute,

Mr. Producer.

00:13:20,342 --> 00:13:22,010

Who are you?

00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,345

My name is Chef,

and these are the children.

00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,388

We've come to warn you

about "shit".

00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,724

Oh, brother, another

Christian protest group.

00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,184

Who wants

to take this one?

00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,393

I'll get it.

00:13:30,519 --> 00:13:32,270

Gentlemen, we appreciate

your concern.

00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:33,897

[quickly] Here at HBC,

the general goal is providing

00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:35,106

the highest, most

thought-provoking entertainment.

00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:36,358

How great is it

that we live in a country

00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,276

where an artist

can express himself freely.

00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:39,653

That's not only the American

spirit; it's the HBC spirit,

00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:40,362

which allows us to make

great family programming,

00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,113

like Halo the Turtle,

00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:43,865

and, of course, everyone's

favorite show, Cop Drama.

00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:45,158

We can't thank you enough

for bringing your concerns

00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:46,201

to our network, for it is you,

the loyal HBC viewer,

00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,911

who makes this great network

00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:51,873

and, indeed,

the great country that it is.

00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,250

All right, now,

as I was saying--

00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,293

Hey, hold on a minute!

- Are they still here?

00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,712

Haven't you people noticed

all the strange things going on?

00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,297

We think that

you might have caused it

00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,925

by helping make "shit"

an everyday word.

00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,093

Right, right.

00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,970

It's true.

00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:06,346

We think that word might be

plaguing our friend Kenny.

00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:07,430

Do you have

any proof of this?

00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:09,099

No.

00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,017

Then get out of here

before we have you thrown out!

00:14:11,142 --> 00:14:14,729

But we can keep the

Halo the Turtle dolls, right?

00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:15,981

Damn cracker-ass

producers!

00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:17,190

Now what are we

gonna do, Chef?

00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,025

I don't know,

children.

00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,695

I guess we got to get the word

out to people some other way.

00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:23,822

Aaahh!

00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,448

Oh, shit!

00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:27,909

Aaahh!

00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,661

Stand aside!

00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:30,662

All right, now,

we have to get

00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:31,705

all our biggest names

to say "shit."

00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:32,831

And then we're gonna--

00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:34,291

Halt your evil plans!

00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:35,792

Huh?

00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,377

I possess

the Rune Stone of Undoing.

00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:40,672

Who is in charge here?

00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,299

Oh, no!

00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:45,176

You guys didn't hire me

a stripper for my birthday.

00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:47,012

Oh, tell me

you guys didn't.

00:14:47,137 --> 00:14:50,056

Show your true form, Geldan,

lest you be afraid.

00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:54,644

Your short time

in this world is at an end.

00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,938

Ach! The rune stone

has no effect.

00:14:57,063 --> 00:14:58,148

You are not Geldan.

00:14:58,273 --> 00:14:59,858

I never said I was.

00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,234

You'll die anyway,

00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:04,946

for you have spread

the word of curse.

00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,114

Security.

00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,324

[gunshots]

00:15:07,449 --> 00:15:10,160

Aach!

00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,953

Who are you?

00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,371

Take this.

00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,873

What are we supposed

to do with it?

00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,042

Ehhhgggh.

00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,627

Now what?

00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:19,836

We've got to find

people who know

00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,254

what the hell

this is all about.

00:15:21,379 --> 00:15:22,964

Children, we're gonna

have to go to the land

00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,884

of castles, knights,

and kings.

00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:31,765

Lords and Ladies,

we bid you welcome

00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,392

to the grandest casino

in the land--

00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:38,271

Excalibur!

00:15:38,396 --> 00:15:41,149

Take a free spin.

Double your odds.

00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,734

Excuse me,

do you work here?

00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:44,819

How can I help you,

noble sir?

00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:47,113

We need some help identifying

an ancient English stone.

00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,782

A what?

00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:50,158

It might hold the key

to a curse.

00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,744

Uh, I can help get you

some credit

00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,913

or a comp meal, perhaps.

00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:56,164

Dude, we need help

from the British.

00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,208

Look, kid,

this is just a casino.

00:15:58,333 --> 00:15:59,709

I can't help you.

00:15:59,834 --> 00:16:00,877

You know,

not every British person

00:16:01,002 --> 00:16:03,713

knows about wizards

and dragons and curses.

00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:06,132

We just need help

identifying this.

00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:09,052

a rune stone of Gaelic!

Where did you get this?

00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:10,261

You know what it is?

00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:12,305

The Skire once spoke

of such a stone.

00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,307

Come, we must see

the sorcerer.

00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:18,979

Get ready

for Must Shit TV!

00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:22,774

Starting now, four straight

hours of pure shit!

00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,275

It's all live!

00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,069

Hey...shit.

00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,946

[laughter]

00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,197

Hey, shit.

00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,033

Yeah. Yeah, shit.

00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,911

This is it,

my greatest work.

00:16:35,036 --> 00:16:37,789

Cocktails,

cocktails.

00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,791

These Americans

wish to see the Skire.

00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:42,043

Let us make haste

to the Inner Sanctum.

00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,128

How could

you foolish Americans

00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:44,879

bring the wrath of scorn

00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:47,215

by mass chanting

the word of wretchedness?

00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,342

Uh, yeah,

we didn't mean to.

00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:52,220

Didn't you realize "shit"

is a curse word?

00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:53,972

Well, yeah,

but I don't think we knew

00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:56,182

that "curse word" meant...

curse word.

00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:59,185

Ha, leave it to Americans

to think that no means yes,

00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,187

"pissed" means angry,

00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:02,897

and "curse word"

means something

00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:04,566

other than a word

that's cursed!

00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:11,114

Let me see the stone.

- But I don't get it.

00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,991

People use curse words

all the time.

00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,118

Saying a word of curse

once in a while does nothing.

00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,412

It's only when spoken

repeatedly and en masse

00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,330

that the curse

takes place.

00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:20,915

I've seen this before.

00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:22,751

Stones that were used

by the Knights

00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:24,169

of Standards

and Practices.

00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,212

Knights of Standards

and Practices?

00:17:26,337 --> 00:17:28,423

A legion of men sworn

to do whatever necessary

00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,216

to keep the words at bay.

00:17:30,341 --> 00:17:32,052

But they were

just a myth.

00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:33,386

[TV]

"You know what?

00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,471

You're dumb as shit."

00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:35,889

"Oh, yeah?

00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:37,766

Well, I don't really

give a shit."

00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,517

You know, that word's

getting kind of old.

00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:41,061

It's not really funny

anymore.

00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:42,479

Yeah, they're gonna

have to come up

00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:44,022

with a new swear word soon.

00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,899

Well, they can't use "fag",

00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:48,276

because you can't say "fag"

unless you're a homosexual.

00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:49,861

Really?

00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,029

So we can't

say "[bleep]"?

00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:52,530

No, see,

you got beeped.

00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:55,200

You mean you have to be

a [bleep] to say "[bleep]"?

00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:56,451

That's right.

00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,119

Well, that's not fair.

00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:00,413

I should be able

to say "fag"!

00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,956

Hey, you didn't

get beeped.

00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,124

Uh-oh.

00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,501

Well, well, well,

guess we learned

00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,961

something new about you, Jimbo,

you friggin' fag.

00:18:07,087 --> 00:18:08,338

You wanna make out

or something?

00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:10,298

[TV]

"Oh, man,

I am up shit creek."

00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,801

"Serves you right,

shit for brains."

00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:15,220

"Man, how could I be

such a dumb sh--"

00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:18,056

Say not the word

of curse!

00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:19,557

Ugh!

00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,392

What the--

- Holy shit!

00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:24,354

Oh, boy, this show is really

reaching for plot now.

00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:25,855

The knights were formed

00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,398

to keep curse words

to a minimum.

00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:30,068

Should a curse word ever be

let out, they would return.

00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:32,445

A rune stone for each

word of curse was made,

00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:35,573

representing each of the eight

words that so offended God.

00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:36,533

Look, there's the "f" word.

00:18:36,658 --> 00:18:37,617

and "asshole".

00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:39,035

I knew it--

"meecrob"!

00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,495

"Meecrob"

is a curse word!

00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,205

God must hate it

as much as I do.

00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:43,414

Look at this --

00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,041

The writing here

claims this stone

00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,919

can defeat the evil Geldan,

who will rise

00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,295

when the word of curse

has been said

00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,630

enough times

to give him power.

00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,549

Then all the world

will be destroyed.

00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:54,217

All the world

destroyed?

00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,260

My house, too?

00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:56,886

Oh, no!

- What?

00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:59,347

Tonight is the night

of a million shits on HBC!

00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,266

It's gonna be said

over and over.

00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:02,392

Then we haven't

much time.

00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:03,643

We must go.

00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:05,603

Turn off those devices

of broadcast!

00:19:05,728 --> 00:19:08,189

What is going on here?

Stop this shit.

00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:11,067

We are the Royal Order

of Standards and Practices!

00:19:11,192 --> 00:19:14,362

We command you to stop

saying the curse word.

00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,197

Listen,

Mr. Shiny Pants,

00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:17,907

I am the head

of this network,

00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:20,451

and I will say "shit"

all I want.

00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:23,329

Shit, shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:25,498

Shit shit shit shit shit shit

shit shit shit shit shit --

00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:27,709

Shit shit shit shit shit

shit shit shit shit --

00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,295

Shit shit shit shit

shit shit shit shit!

00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:33,381

[rumbling]

00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:38,344

[thunder booming]

00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:40,180

[people screaming]

00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:47,520

[all scream]

00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,355

Oh, shit.

00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:53,776

And now

back to Must Shit TV,

00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:55,778

here on HBC.

00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,780

[people screaming]

00:19:57,906 --> 00:19:59,449

He is too strong!

00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,993

We cannot fight him

without the rune stone!

00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:03,536

My--

my God, sir,

00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:05,121

What have you unleashed

upon the world?

00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:06,748

I didn't know.

00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:09,500

I didn't know!

00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:13,546

I-I can't follow

this shitty story line at all.

00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:15,673

Wait!

00:20:15,798 --> 00:20:18,885

Oh, boy, that thing has really

got sand in its vagina.

00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:21,221

The rune stone!

Face it towards Geldan.

00:20:24,766 --> 00:20:26,809

[Cartman-like voice]

Ah, dude, lame.

00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:28,519

Lame, bummer, dude.

00:20:28,645 --> 00:20:30,104

What a stupid voice.

00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:31,856

it's okay.

The curse has been lifted.

00:20:31,981 --> 00:20:33,816

What?

- Huh?

00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:36,110

Yeah, we all gotta make sure

it doesn't come back.

00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:37,820

You see, we've learned

something today.

00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:39,948

Swearing can be fun,

but doing it all the time

00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,407

causes a lot of problems.

00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:43,451

We're all saying

the "s" word too much.

00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,827

Kyle.

00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:46,537

Look, Gerald,

Kyle's on television.

00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:47,997

Uh-huh.

00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:50,083

The Knights of Standards

and Practices were created

00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:51,793

to make sure that bad words

were kept to a minimum.

00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,628

Curse words--

00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,463

they're called that

because they are cursed.

00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,965

We have to go back

to only using curse words

00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,633

in rare, extreme

circumstances.

00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,510

And besides, so much use

of a dirty word

00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:02,387

takes away

from its impact.

00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:03,846

We believe in free speech

and all that,

00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,431

but leaving

a few words taboo

00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:06,891

just adds to the fun

of English.

00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:08,977

So please, everyone,

00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,479

from now on, you've got to try

and watch your language.

00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:12,897

[everyone]

Yeah.

00:21:13,022 --> 00:21:14,691

[scattered applause]

00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:15,900

Yeah.

00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:17,193

It makes sense.

got that right.

00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:18,987

Is this still

part of the show?

00:21:19,112 --> 00:21:21,572

We're sorry, noble Knights

of Standards and Practices.

00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:23,992

From now on,

we will obey your laws.

00:21:24,117 --> 00:21:25,827

See that you do.

00:21:25,952 --> 00:21:27,537

I'm very proud of you,

children.

00:21:27,662 --> 00:21:28,746

Let's all go home and find

00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:30,123

a nice white woman

to make love to.

00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,791

Yeah, and Kenny didn't die.

00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:33,876

Yeah, I didn't--

[retches]

00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:35,878

Holy sh--

poop.

00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:37,672

Ha, I love you guys.