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Субтитры
eng__.srt
eng__.srt
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♪ Gonna have myself
a time ♪
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,889
♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,349
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:16,642
♪ I'm going down
to South Park ♪
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,686
♪ Gonna leave
my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,396
♪ Ample parking
day or night ♪
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,189
♪ People spouting
"howdy neighbor" ♪
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,315
♪ Headin' on up
to South Park ♪
00:00:23,441 --> 00:00:24,817
♪ Gonna see
if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:30,072
♪ Come on down
to South Park ♪
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,116
♪ And meet
some friends of mine ♪
00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:37,663
Alright, children,
as I'm sure you all remember,
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:40,082
today we're gonna continue
our biology lesson
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,876
by dissecting an organism.
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:43,335
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:45,463
Now, what we are
going to dissect today
00:00:45,588 --> 00:00:47,214
is the West Indian manatee.
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,508
Manatees are mammals
that live in the oceans
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,886
and are often called
"the gentle clowns of the sea."
00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:54,638
Uh, Miss Choksondick,
aren't manatees endangered?
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,265
They sure are, Wendy,
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,393
and that's why we must learn
what's inside them.
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:01,479
Now, we don't have quite enough
manatees to go around,
00:01:01,604 --> 00:01:03,355
so I think we're gonna have
to split up into groups of four.
00:01:03,481 --> 00:01:05,483
Hey,
ours is still alive!
00:01:05,608 --> 00:01:06,859
Oh, hold on.
00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:11,197
Now, children,
our first incision
00:01:11,322 --> 00:01:12,448
will be along the abdomen.
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:13,616
I can't do it, dude.
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,117
Oh, don't be
such a baby.
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,494
You do it, Kenny.
- Mm-mm.
00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:17,620
Come on, Kenny.
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:18,788
I'll give you five bucks
to do it.
00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,247
Five bucks!
00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:20,998
Too bad Cartman's
missing this.
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:22,041
He must be really sick.
00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,793
Say, Terrance,
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,920
this body appears to have
been moved since the murder.
00:01:26,045 --> 00:01:27,797
Look at the forensic evidence
around the torso.
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:29,131
I don't see anything.
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:31,008
Look closer.
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,760
Closer.
00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:35,554
I still don't see
anything, Phillip.
00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:36,889
Wait, wait.
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:38,224
I know what's
gonna happen, Mom.
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:38,974
You want to know
what's gonna happen?
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:40,476
Keep looking, Terrance.
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,977
The forensic evidence
is right around here.
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,529
Whoa, that totally
surprised me!
00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:53,155
I can't believe how this show
manages to stay fresh.
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,032
Huh, Mom?
- Yes, sweetie.
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:56,742
Mom, can you go make me
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,619
a toaster-pastry-
chocolate-mix-butter bar?
00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:01,288
Oh, honey, why don't you
go make it yourself?
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:03,582
Mommy's expecting
some company.
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,709
God, I have to do
everything around here.
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,505
♪ You'll never find... ♪
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,466
♪ No matter how you search ♪
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,177
♪ Someone who loves you tender ♪
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,846
♪ Like I do ♪
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:23,936
♪ I'm not braggin'
on myself, baby ♪
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,187
♪ But the- ♪
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,815
What the hell's
going on?
00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:29,692
Uh, sweetie,
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,361
your friends wanted
to have a talk with you.
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:35,114
Eric, your friends
and your family
00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,741
are all concerned
about your weight, m'kay?
00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,243
What?
00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:40,703
We believe that you
might have a problem.
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:41,787
You're God damn right
I have a problem.
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:42,955
Terrance & Phillip is on,
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:43,998
and I don't have anywhere
to sit!
00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:45,166
Now, what the hell
is this?
00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:46,625
It's called
intervention, Eric.
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,377
Your friends and I
have all chipped in,
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,171
and we're going to
send you up
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,089
to a weight-management
retreat.
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:54,008
Fat camp?
- Yes, fat camp.
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:55,217
Alright, I don't know
who the hell
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,927
put you all up to this,
00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,804
but I am sure as hell not going
to any gay-ass fat camp!
00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:00,890
Now, Eric,
all these people came here
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,893
and paid to send you to camp
because they care about you.
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:05,352
Yeah, except for me.
00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:06,020
I just wanted
to see the look on your face
00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:07,188
when they told you.
00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:08,647
Mom, tell them!
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,399
Tell them I'm not fat;
I'm just big-boned!
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,734
Tell them all the stories about
how everyone in your family
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,569
was big as a child
but then grew into their bodies.
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,196
Oh, sweetie,
those were all lies.
00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:16,614
You're just fat.
00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:22,161
And now we will be removing
the spleen.
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:23,662
Notice how the manatee's
spleen is designed for--
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,706
Ah, Miss Choksondick,
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,041
can we have a quick word
with you?
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:28,751
Alright.
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:29,585
Continue with the removal
of the spleen, children.
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,753
I'll be right back.
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,713
Oh, dude,
check this out.
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:34,215
That's so gross.
00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,591
Hey, Kenny, how much
for you to eat this?
00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:37,676
I'll give you 10 bucks
to eat it.
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,386
I'll throw in five.
00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:40,804
And so, apparently,
there's been a little mix-up.
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:42,306
The manatees
were meant to go
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:43,682
to the Denver shelter
aquarium,
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,184
and the frogs
were meant to come here.
00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:46,602
Oh, dear.
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,103
I'll throw in a dollar!
- I've got three.
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:49,438
Come on, dude.
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,439
All you gotta do
is eat it really fast.
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,857
41 bucks.
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:54,944
Ew-hoo-hoo!
He did it!
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:57,821
Alright, children, now,
let's get back in our seats.
00:03:57,947 --> 00:04:01,533
Uh, we are now going to put
the manatees back together.
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,581
And it has basketball courts
and tennis courts,
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:11,502
and you can call mommy
anytime you want.
00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:13,671
Oh, sweetie-kins,
don't be mad.
00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:15,631
I'm sure you're
going to have a good time.
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,633
And when you come back,
you'll be all healthy and thin.
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,469
Howdy, there!
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,887
I'm one of
the weight counselors here.
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:23,264
This must be
Eric Cartman.
00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,349
Yes, I'm afraid
he's a little moody.
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:26,809
Oh, we'll change that.
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,477
Hello, camper.
My name is Rick.
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:29,979
How are you doing?
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,981
Well, I'm pissed off, Rick.
How are you?
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,732
I'm doing great!
00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,693
Why don't you come on out,
and we'll get you oriented?
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:37,987
I'll take care of him
from here, ma'am.
00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:40,030
Oh.
Well, good-bye, sweetie.
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,116
Don't touch me.
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:44,535
Eric, this is the beginning
of a whole new life for you!
00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,084
Have you got any candy?
- No.
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,295
My mom says I ain't
to eat no candy here.
00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:55,629
I'm supposed
to lose weight.
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,423
Alright!
00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,633
Everybody's here, and that means
we can get down to business.
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,677
Over the next few weeks,
we're gonna learn
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,053
that losing weight is fun!
Right, gang?
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:05,514
Right.
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,474
Wait a second.
Do you kids hear something?
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:08,851
Why, I could've swore that--
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,519
Rrrawr!
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,855
Oh, no, kids!
It's glutinous fat!
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,774
I'm gonna take over your body
and make you slow.
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:17,776
Oh.
What are we going to do?
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,028
Wait, I know.
00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:21,905
I can knock it out with...
exercise!
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:23,699
And...proper diet!
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,200
Oh, no!
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:27,619
Exercise and proper diet
have killed me.
00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:29,913
I guess we took care
of that bad old fat,
00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:30,914
didn't we, kids?
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,083
Yeah!
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,127
Well, hold on a second,
because that glutinous fat
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,212
was really our good friend
Susan,
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,173
who's another
weight counselor!
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,883
Heh, it was a lady
in a costume.
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,760
Would somebody put this retard
out of his misery?
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,597
What's the matter?
- Kenny's not feeling so good.
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,265
That manatee spleen
made him sick.
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,017
Uh-oh, I guess we shouldn't
have made him eat it.
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:53,354
Ew!
00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:54,938
Well, at least you
got it out of your system.
00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:56,565
Oh, dude, you can still
kind of see the spleen!
00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,193
How much, Kenny?
- What?
00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:00,819
I'll give you five bucks
to eat your puke.
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:01,820
I'm in for five.
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:02,863
Oh, you guys.
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:04,031
I got three.
- Six.
00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:05,741
Uh, here,
you can scoop it up
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,993
in my R. Kelly thermos.
00:06:10,496 --> 00:06:13,499
That's 19 bucks,
Kenny.
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,460
Kick ass, dude!
00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:18,545
You know, dude, there might be
something to this.
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,130
Yeah, people are willing
to pay big money
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:21,215
to see Kenny
do this stuff.
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,472
Doing great, kids.
Come on!
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,229
This...is...
bullcrap!
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:37,689
Well, I sure enjoyed
my carrots and protein bar.
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,691
How about you, gang?
- I'm starving.
00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:41,026
This is it.
I'm going to die here.
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,070
I hope you all left room
for dessert.
00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:46,615
Soybean pudding
for everybody!
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,534
Are you gonna eat
your soybean pudding?
00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:50,119
Take it!
I can't eat this crap!
00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,496
Me neither. I have to have
sugar, or I'm gonna die.
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:54,081
Yeah, well,
when I was in prison,
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,458
we used to sneak stuff in
by hiding it up our ass.
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,793
I've got some fudge
hidden up my ass.
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,336
You want some?
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:00,754
Yeah, I'm not falling
for that one again.
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:05,884
Alright, Clyde Frog,
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,010
we just gotta clear
the counselor building,
00:07:07,136 --> 00:07:08,303
and we're free.
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,059
We did it, Clyde Frog!
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,602
Now the only question is,
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,563
do we go home
to our traitor mom and friends,
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,314
or do we start a new life
on the run?
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,400
An ice-cream truck!
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:22,651
Hey, wait!
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,069
Boy, am I glad
to see you.
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:25,529
Can I interest you
in some ice cream?
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,030
You're damn right
you can!
00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:28,574
Two roller pops, please.
00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:31,243
Alrighty, do you want
this kind or this kind?
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,954
Huh? Oh!
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,957
They tricked us
again, huh?
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:39,585
Oh, God damn it!
Let me out of here!
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,045
Hang on, we'll be back at camp
in a matter of no time.
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,134
They always get us.
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:48,760
Sometimes it's
an ice-cream truck,
00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:50,512
sometimes it's
a taco stand,
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:51,680
but they always
fool us.
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,681
I can't help it.
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,016
I'd give anything,
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,559
any amount of money
for some candy.
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,186
Hey, kids!
Looks like we had
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,146
some attempted escapees
again tonight.
00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:00,689
Escape-a-roo!
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,816
Now, campers,
I know that camp is tough,
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,776
but you have to believe
that you can do it,
00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,570
and you have to know that
until you drop the weight,
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:07,738
you can't leave!
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:09,239
There is no escape.
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,450
So let's just all
put on our "try hard" helmets
00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:13,076
and accept
that the only way out of camp
00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:14,620
is to lose the weight!
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:15,913
Ah, damn it.
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,336
Thanks for coming,
everybody.
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,505
What's all this about,
Mrs. Cartman?
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:26,590
Is Eric having trouble
at his weight-management camp?
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:27,674
We knew
he wouldn't make it.
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,301
Oh, no,
quite the contrary.
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:31,762
Eric showed up
and surprised me last night.
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,472
Ladies and gentlemen,
00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:36,600
I would like to present to you
the new Eric Cartman.
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,894
Hey, dudes!
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,604
Whoa!
- I don't believe it.
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:41,980
Believe it.
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:44,066
He lost 40 pounds
at his fat camp.
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,443
Eric,
that's fantastic, m'kay!
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:48,862
Congratulations.
How do you feel?
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,322
I feel awesome.
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,366
What the hell did they do
with all the fat?
00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:54,618
There must've been enough
to last an Eskimo family months.
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,161
You know, Kyle, there was
a time when your fat jokes
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:57,579
would have gotten to me,
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,331
but now I'm totally slim
and totally happy.
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:00,791
In fact, I'd say
I'm a little bit trimmer
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:02,543
than you, fat boy.
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,127
Just kidding, Kyle.
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,797
I made some healthy
tofu pudding to celebrate.
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:07,881
Who wants some?
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,716
Me, me, me, me!
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,552
Dude, I don't know
if I'm gonna like
00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:13,011
the new Eric Cartman.
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:14,137
Did you like the old one?
- Good point.
00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:16,306
And now back
to Jesus and Pals
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,350
on South Park public access.
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:19,810
Back to our
courageous story
00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,478
of a little boy's triumph
over obesity.
00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,397
Eric, yea, you found
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:25,524
that the spirit of the Lord
inside you gave you strength.
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,859
No, actually I found a diet
that totally works.
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,695
A little boy
who overcame the odds.
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,196
Let's hear it
for Eric Cartman!
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,117
Well, our second guest
tonight
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,743
is a young man
named Kenny McCormick,
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:37,744
who is going to eat
dog crap.
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:40,163
Kenny?
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:00,267
Yes!
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,394
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,521
Damn it, all I got
was a little golf clap.
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:05,814
Thanks for coming
on the show, Kenny.
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,024
Sure.
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:08,191
Do it again!
Do it again!
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:09,318
Hey, kid,
I'll give you 20 bucks
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:10,902
to eat a really old
piece of bacon.
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,195
This is ridiculous!
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:13,780
So, Kenny,
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,074
how did you discover
that you had this...talent?
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,409
We thought of it, Jesus.
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,869
I mean, Kenny's the one
that does it all,
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,287
but we were the masterminds
of the whole thing.
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:21,872
I can't say I approve
of this, my children.
00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:23,915
Huh? Why not?
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,876
Because Kenny
is only doing things
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,169
that anybody could do...
for money.
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,379
He's a prostitute.
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,465
I'll pay him 50 bucks
to eat someone else's vomit.
00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:32,841
Yeah, go for it!
Yeah!
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,301
What's a prostitute?
- I don't know.
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,848
Hello, there, children.
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:40,849
Hey, Chef.
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,100
Chef, what's a prostitute?
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,144
Dag nabbit, children!
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:45,771
How come every time
you come in here,
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:48,398
you gotta be asking me questions
I shouldn't be answering?
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:50,609
"Chef, what's a clitoris?
What's a lesbian, Chef?
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:52,402
How come they call it
a 'rim job,' Chef?"
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,571
For once, can't you just
come in here and say,
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,365
"Hi, Chef.
Nice day, isn't it?"
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:57,491
Hi, Chef.
Nice day, isn't it?
00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:59,326
It sure is.
Thank you.
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,036
Chef, what's a prostitute?
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,788
Unh-unh. You children
are gonna get me in trouble
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,122
with the principal again.
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,666
Lunchtime!
I'm starved!
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:06,667
Oh, my God!
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,418
Eric?
- That's me.
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:11,296
Chef was just about to tell us
what a prostitute is.
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,757
Why do you need to know
what a prostitute is, anyway?
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:15,842
Because Jesus told us
that Kenny's a prostitute.
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,469
Is he?
- Yeah, am I?
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,721
Well, no, of course,
Kenny is not a prostitute.
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,515
Why?
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,351
Well, because, children,
a prostitute is someone who...
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,311
You can pay
for certain services.
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,063
Like what?
- Like keeping you company.
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,981
Understand?
- No.
00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:32,484
You see, children, sometimes
a man needs to be with a woman,
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,653
but sometimes,
when the lovin' is over,
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:37,989
the woman just want to talk
and talk and talk and talk.
00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:40,534
♪ But a prostitute is someone
who would love you ♪
00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:44,162
♪ No matter who you are
or what you look like ♪
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,998
Yes, it's true, children.
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:48,792
♪ That's not why
you pay a prostitute ♪
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,585
♪ No, you don't
pay for her to stay ♪
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:53,338
♪ You're paying her
to leave afterward ♪
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:57,008
♪ That's why I praise the Lord
for prostitutes ♪
00:11:57,134 --> 00:12:00,470
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. James Taylor!
00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,597
♪ A prostitute is like
any other woman ♪
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,182
♪ They all trade
something for sex ♪
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:06,852
♪ And they do it well ♪
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:08,353
♪ That's why I say ♪
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:09,938
♪ Prostitutes,
prostitutes ♪
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,648
♪ They-♪
Ohh!
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:17,320
James Taylor, what the hell
you doing in here,
00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:19,322
singing about prostitutes
to the children?
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:20,866
Get out of here!
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,578
These children tricked me!
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,838
Oh, there you are.
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:36,506
Alright,
I got the goods --
00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:38,508
some candy bars, a few donuts,
and some beef gravy.
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,469
Is anyone starting
to suspect anything?
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,387
Nobody. Your mom even thinks
I'm a skinny you.
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,264
Awesome.
Alright, throw it over.
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,724
Uh-uh, one thing.
I want a bigger cut.
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,058
What?
- I'm the one risking my ass,
00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:48,560
running around
in that stupid town
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:49,644
pretending to be you
and collecting all the food
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,480
to bring up here.
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:52,773
All you have to do is sit back
and sell it to the fat kids!
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:54,149
Alright, alright,
keep your voice down!
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,317
I'll bump you
up to 10%.
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,027
20%.
- Suck my balls, 20%!
00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:58,236
Fine.
Then I shall bid you good day.
00:12:58,361 --> 00:12:59,946
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,490
Fine, 20%, but just remember
that your parents think
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:02,908
you're at the drug rehab center
next door.
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,576
You blow your cover,
and we're both screwed.
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:11,208
You guys!
You have to check this tape out!
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,418
Hey, we're trying to study.
Finals are tomorrow.
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:14,961
No, dude,
check this out!
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:17,088
It's this kid who does
all kinds of crazy stuff.
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,925
Check it out!
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,635
He jumped into a portapotty
at a construction site
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,094
and stayed there
for four days!
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:24,179
Whoa!
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:29,851
Oh, gross!
- Sick!
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,061
That's awesome!
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,896
Hey, guys,
check this out!
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:39,611
Get ready for THE KRAZY KENNY SHOW!!!
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,279
and now here's your host,
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,740
the kid who will do anything
to himself for money...
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:47,452
Kra-a-a-a-zy Kenny!
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:49,913
Kenny, through the past weeks,
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,665
we've seen you eat mice,
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,500
pretend to kill newborn babies
to shock their mothers,
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,168
and wash your hair
with battery acid.
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,753
The question
on all our minds is,
00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:58,296
what are you
gonna do next?
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,427
Oh, ho ho!
You heard him, folks.
00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:07,764
Kenny is going to give
a sensual, full-body massage
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,016
to his own grandfather!
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:12,102
Oh, ho!
Whoo-hoo!
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,286
Wow, this is Kenny's
best show ever!
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:30,912
This is so juvenile.
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,330
Cartman, what the hell's
the matter with you?
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,165
Yeah, you've gotten lame since
you got skinny. What's up?
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:35,500
Nothing.
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:36,835
Can I have some licorice
to take home?
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,255
Alright, campers,
good work today.
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,798
Lights out,
and we'll see you tomorrow
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:42,924
for more exercise
and proper diet.
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,761
All "beddy-byes"
for the night, are they?
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,555
I don't know what
we're doing wrong, Susan.
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,015
These kids aren't
losing the weight.
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,850
We'll just have
to give them more time.
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,351
They'll do it.
- They'll do it!
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,853
They'll do it!
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,106
Alright,
they're gone.
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:02,027
The Cartman Store
is open!
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:07,032
Two donuts and a pack
of licorice, please.
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:09,492
Two donuts
and a pack of licorice.
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:10,952
Hello, tony.
The usual?
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:16,207
Why are you crying, Chad?
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:18,209
'Cause I'm always
gonna be fat.
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:21,004
I don't wanna eat no sweets,
but I can't control myself
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,173
when they're right
in front of me like this.
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,259
All my life,
I've been fat.
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:27,844
I've been to seven camps,
00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:30,055
and I swore to my mama
that I'd lose the weight.
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:33,016
I want to,
but I can't help myself.
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:37,062
Hey, Chad.
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:39,189
You know what you need?
You need a friend.
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:40,732
I do?
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:41,733
Yes...
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,276
A chocolate friend.
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,739
Mr. Candy Bar
doesn't judge you, Chad.
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,200
Mr. Candy Bar likes you
just the way you are.
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:52,285
Look at how yummy
and sweet he is.
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,208
There you go.
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,752
That'll just be $4.
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,882
There you go.
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,425
This week on pay-per-view,
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,302
Krazy Kenny will crawl up
into a woman's uterus
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:11,012
and stay there for six hours.
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,847
Don't miss
this once-in-a-lifetime event.
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:13,890
Order now!
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:17,185
Alright, so we're back
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,436
talking to three
competing celebrities:
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,188
Tom Green, Johnny Knoxville
from MTV's Jackass,
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,940
and Krazy Kenny.
- Hey, Howard.
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,233
Krazy Kenny is here
to promote
00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:24,901
his pay-per-view special
this week,
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,946
where he will crawl up
into a bus driver's uterus
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,239
and stay there
for six hours.
00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:30,699
Wow.
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,450
Now, some people think
that all you guys do
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,327
is perform sick
and disgusting acts
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:36,371
for shock value and money,
which makes you whores.
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,373
But I'd like
to prove them wrong,
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,710
so what I'm gonna do
is offer each of you $50,000
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,294
to give me oral sex
right now.
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:44,379
I'm in.
- Me too.
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,588
- And me.
Oh!
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:46,506
Fine, I'll do it
for 40, then.
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,674
30
- 20.
00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,426
10 bucks.
00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:50,343
Ooh, the kid says
he'll do it for 10 bucks.
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:51,594
Damn it, I'm out.
- Me too.
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,721
I guess he is
the biggest whore.
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:53,763
Alright let's
get going, then.
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:54,681
Can we cut the cameras?
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,226
And we're gonna reach
for the sky...
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,186
and down to the ground.
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:01,813
and up to the sky.
00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:05,900
and down to the ground.
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,153
Please, Mr. Sanders.
- No, I have had it!
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,612
What's happening?
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:11,114
Horace's parents
want to take him home.
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,907
Oh, but he's not
ready yet.
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,868
Look at what
you've done to my boy!
00:17:14,993 --> 00:17:17,412
You told Horace that he was
responsible for his weight.
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,789
You made him believe that
with exercise and proper diet,
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,124
he could be thin,
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,293
when we told you
that it was his genetics.
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:24,836
They can lose the weight
if they try.
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,087
Look at these kids!
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,630
They're not getting
any thinner!
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:28,715
Your camp is a fraud.
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,258
You need to accept
the fact
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,635
that most fat people
are just genetically fat.
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,679
Please, sir, if you
give us one more week--
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:35,722
Your time is up!
00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:37,307
Yeah, your time is up.
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:39,309
And I'm going to call
all the other parents
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,186
and tell them to come
claim their kids as well.
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:42,729
Your camp was
a waste of time!
00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:44,397
But Dad, I--
- What?
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,485
Nothing.
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:49,527
We're in trouble, Rick.
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,075
Alright, Ms. Crabtree,
is it comfortable enough?
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,743
How long
have I gotta sit here?
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:57,911
Six hours.
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,245
Hell, I'll do six hours
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:01,039
for the 500 bucks
you're paying me.
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,749
Great.
- You guys, it's Kenny!
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,417
He's been arrested
for prostitution in New York.
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:05,627
For what?
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:06,878
For giving Howard Stern
a hummer.
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:08,588
What's a hummer?
- I don't know!
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,381
All I know is, Kenny's in jail
for at least three months!
00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:11,674
Three months?
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:12,634
But the pay-per-view
is tomorrow!
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,010
I know!
00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:18,598
We've worked so hard,
come so close.
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:19,974
Now we'll never see Kenny
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,476
crawl up into
Ms. Crabtree's uterus.
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,853
You know, maybe we've all
learned something here.
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,313
I mean, we set Kenny up
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,981
to further and further
himself each time,
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,525
having to always
outdo himself.
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:30,318
Now he's in jail
for being a whore,
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,029
and perhaps, just perhaps,
we are to blame.
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,116
Alright,
that does it!
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,326
This has been bothering
the hell out of me.
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,537
I knew it!
You're not Cartman at all!
00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:41,454
Uh-oh.
00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:47,961
Well, we've seen him do
00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:49,671
just about every disgusting
thing in the book,
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,631
and today,
live on pay-per-view,
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:54,217
Krazy Kenny is going to crawl
into a woman's uterus
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,969
for six hours!
00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,681
Well, Ms. Crabtree,
your cervix has been dilated,
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,141
your womb equipped
with oxygen.
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:02,142
How do you feel?
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,768
I feel great!
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,478
I haven't had this much
attention paid to my cooch
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:07,147
since I was 16!
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:08,690
Hooray!
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,150
Well, let's bring out
the man of the hour.
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:11,901
You know him as--
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:13,862
Don't worry, dude,
you're gonna do great.
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,155
No way.
I'm not doing this.
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,739
Oh, you're doing it,
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:18,199
or else we're gonna bust
your whole scheme wide-open
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:19,617
and tell your mom
you haven't actually been
00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:20,952
at your drug rehab
this whole time.
00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:22,537
But this isn't fair!
- Deal, druggie.
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:26,708
And here he is,
Kenny McCormick!
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,842
We can watch him
on the monitors.
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:38,469
How you doing in there, Kenny?
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:41,306
That's my boy.
00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:42,682
Good-bye, Chad.
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,559
We'll be wanting a refund,
naturally.
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,728
Naturally.
- Good-bye, Alice.
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,438
Good-bye.
Thank you.
00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:50,273
Oh, don't thank us.
We failed you.
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,692
65, 66, 67...
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:55,236
Wait a second.
This isn't right.
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,946
Hmm?
Hmm?
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,907
It's time for me to be
responsible for my own actions.
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,743
Mom, Dad, we've been eating
candy this whole time.
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,953
Eric Cartman's been
sneaking in junk food.
00:20:04,078 --> 00:20:06,039
Eh, shut up,
you heif, Chad.
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,415
No, he's right.
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:08,499
The counselors
been doing a good job.
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:09,709
We've just been
cheating.
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,127
Yeah.
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:12,545
I believe
I can lose the weight
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:13,963
with exercise
and proper diet.
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:15,632
I don't want
to make excuses no more.
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,967
- Me neither!
- Yeah!
00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:20,470
If you take us back,
we promise we won't cheat.
00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:22,722
Well, it's alright with me.
Parents?
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,225
Well, what the heck?
00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,643
Maybe when
you're all done,
00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:28,603
you can teach me
a thing or two, huh, son?
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,730
You know,
you guys are right.
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:33,107
I'm sick of being
the fat kid too.
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,109
I've been making excuses
all my life,
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,820
but I know deep down
that if I took responsibility
00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:40,114
and really tried hard,
if we all try together,
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,075
we really can lose
the weight!
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,035
Oh, no, not you.
You're not welcome here anymore.
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:44,994
Yeah!
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,288
What?
- Buh-bye.
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,042
Well, screw you, fat-asses!
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,676
4, 3, 2, 1!
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:02,136
He did it!
Come on out, Kenny.
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:05,723
You made it six hours, Kenny.
Come on out of there.
00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:08,309
Ms. Crabtree, maybe you
could give him a little push.
00:21:12,355 --> 00:21:15,024
Ew!
00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:16,401
He's dead.
00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:18,152
The pressure
must have killed him.
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:20,863
I told you
I was a tight virgin flower!
00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:23,116
Oh, my God!
They killed Kenny...sort of.
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:25,576
Yeah, they kind of killed
Kenny's...look-alike.
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:27,328
You bastards!
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,747
Well, he gave his life
for our amusement.
00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:31,708
One little boy who dared
to be different:
00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:36,462
let us never forget
Kenny McCormick.
00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:38,631
Who is that?
00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:40,800
♪ A prostitute is someone
who would love you ♪
00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:44,470
♪ No matter who you are
or what you look like ♪
00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:47,223
Yes, it's true, children.
00:21:47,348 --> 00:21:49,350
♪ That's not why
you pay a prostitute ♪
00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:51,060
♪ No, you don't
pay for her to stay ♪
00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:53,980
♪ You're paying her
to leave afterward ♪
00:21:54,105 --> 00:21:57,608
♪ That's why I praise the Lord
for prostitutes ♪
eng__SDH.srt
eng__SDH.srt
00:00:10,261 --> 00:00:12,096
♪ Gonna have myself
a time ♪
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,889
♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,349
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:16,642
♪ I'm going down
to South Park ♪
00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,686
♪ Gonna leave
my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,396
♪ Ample parking
day or night ♪
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,189
♪ People spouting
"howdy neighbor" ♪
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,315
♪ Headin' on up
to South Park ♪
00:00:23,441 --> 00:00:24,817
♪ Gonna see
if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:28,654
♪ [muffled] ♪
00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:30,072
♪ Come on down
to South Park ♪
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,116
♪ And meet
some friends of mine ♪
00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:35,286
[bell ringing]
00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:37,663
Alright, children,
as I'm sure you all remember,
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:40,082
today we're gonna continue
our biology lesson
00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,876
by dissecting an organism.
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:43,335
[all]
Yeah! Whoo-hoo!
00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:45,463
Now, what we are
going to dissect today
00:00:45,588 --> 00:00:47,214
is the West Indian manatee.
00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,508
Manatees are mammals
that live in the oceans
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,886
and are often called
"the gentle clowns of the sea."
00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:54,638
Uh, Miss Choksondick,
aren't manatees endangered?
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,265
They sure are, Wendy,
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:59,393
and that's why we must learn
what's inside them.
00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:01,479
Now, we don't have quite enough
manatees to go around,
00:01:01,604 --> 00:01:03,355
so I think we're gonna have
to split up into groups of four.
00:01:03,481 --> 00:01:05,483
Hey,
ours is still alive!
00:01:05,608 --> 00:01:06,859
Oh, hold on.
00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:09,737
[grunts]
00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:11,197
Now, children,
our first incision
00:01:11,322 --> 00:01:12,448
will be along the abdomen.
00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:13,616
I can't do it, dude.
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,117
Oh, don't be
such a baby.
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,494
You do it, Kenny.
- Mm-mm.
00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:17,620
Come on, Kenny.
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:18,788
I'll give you five bucks
to do it.
00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,247
[muffled]
Five bucks!
00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:20,998
Too bad Cartman's
missing this.
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:22,041
He must be really sick.
00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:23,793
Say, Terrance,
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,920
this body appears to have
been moved since the murder.
00:01:26,045 --> 00:01:27,797
Look at the forensic evidence
around the torso.
00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:29,131
I don't see anything.
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:31,008
Look closer.
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,760
Closer.
00:01:32,885 --> 00:01:34,386
[straining]
00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:35,554
I still don't see
anything, Phillip.
00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:36,889
Wait, wait.
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:38,224
I know what's
gonna happen, Mom.
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:38,974
You want to know
what's gonna happen?
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:40,476
Keep looking, Terrance.
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,977
The forensic evidence
is right around here.
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:42,978
[straining]
00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:43,979
[farts]
00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:46,482
[laughing]
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,067
[farts]
00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:49,819
[laughing]
00:01:49,944 --> 00:01:51,529
Whoa, that totally
surprised me!
00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:53,155
I can't believe how this show
manages to stay fresh.
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,032
Huh, Mom?
- Yes, sweetie.
00:01:55,157 --> 00:01:56,742
Mom, can you go make me
00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,619
a toaster-pastry-
chocolate-mix-butter bar?
00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:01,288
Oh, honey, why don't you
go make it yourself?
00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:03,582
Mommy's expecting
some company.
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,709
God, I have to do
everything around here.
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,505
♪ You'll never find... ♪
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:10,881
[humming]
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,466
♪ No matter how you search ♪
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,177
♪ Someone who loves you tender ♪
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,846
♪ Like I do ♪
00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,931
[humming]
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:23,936
♪ I'm not braggin'
on myself, baby ♪
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,187
♪ But the- ♪
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:27,815
What the hell's
going on?
00:02:27,940 --> 00:02:29,692
Uh, sweetie,
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,361
your friends wanted
to have a talk with you.
00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:35,114
Eric, your friends
and your family
00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:37,741
are all concerned
about your weight, m'kay?
00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,243
What?
00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:40,703
We believe that you
might have a problem.
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:41,787
You're God damn right
I have a problem.
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:42,955
Terrance & Phillip is on,
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:43,998
and I don't have anywhere
to sit!
00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:45,166
Now, what the hell
is this?
00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:46,625
It's called
intervention, Eric.
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,377
Your friends and I
have all chipped in,
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,171
and we're going to
send you up
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,089
to a weight-management
retreat.
00:02:52,214 --> 00:02:54,008
Fat camp?
- Yes, fat camp.
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:55,217
Alright, I don't know
who the hell
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,927
put you all up to this,
00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:58,804
but I am sure as hell not going
to any gay-ass fat camp!
00:02:58,929 --> 00:03:00,890
Now, Eric,
all these people came here
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,893
and paid to send you to camp
because they care about you.
00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:05,352
Yeah, except for me.
00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:06,020
I just wanted
to see the look on your face
00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:07,188
when they told you.
00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:08,647
Mom, tell them!
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,399
Tell them I'm not fat;
I'm just big-boned!
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,734
Tell them all the stories about
how everyone in your family
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,569
was big as a child
but then grew into their bodies.
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,196
Oh, sweetie,
those were all lies.
00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:16,614
You're just fat.
00:03:19,491 --> 00:03:22,161
And now we will be removing
the spleen.
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:23,662
Notice how the manatee's
spleen is designed for--
00:03:23,787 --> 00:03:25,706
Ah, Miss Choksondick,
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:27,041
can we have a quick word
with you?
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:28,751
Alright.
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:29,585
Continue with the removal
of the spleen, children.
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,753
I'll be right back.
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,713
Oh, dude,
check this out.
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:34,215
That's so gross.
00:03:34,340 --> 00:03:35,591
Hey, Kenny, how much
for you to eat this?
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:36,800
[muffled]
00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:37,676
I'll give you 10 bucks
to eat it.
00:03:37,801 --> 00:03:39,386
I'll throw in five.
00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:40,804
And so, apparently,
there's been a little mix-up.
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:42,306
The manatees
were meant to go
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:43,682
to the Denver shelter
aquarium,
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,184
and the frogs
were meant to come here.
00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:46,602
Oh, dear.
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,103
I'll throw in a dollar!
- I've got three.
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:49,438
Come on, dude.
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,439
All you gotta do
is eat it really fast.
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,857
41 bucks.
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:53,150
[children groaning]
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:54,944
Ew-hoo-hoo!
He did it!
00:03:55,069 --> 00:03:57,821
Alright, children, now,
let's get back in our seats.
00:03:57,947 --> 00:04:01,533
Uh, we are now going to put
the manatees back together.
00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,581
And it has basketball courts
and tennis courts,
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:11,502
and you can call mommy
anytime you want.
00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:13,671
Oh, sweetie-kins,
don't be mad.
00:04:13,796 --> 00:04:15,631
I'm sure you're
going to have a good time.
00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:17,633
And when you come back,
you'll be all healthy and thin.
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,469
Howdy, there!
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:21,887
I'm one of
the weight counselors here.
00:04:22,012 --> 00:04:23,264
This must be
Eric Cartman.
00:04:23,389 --> 00:04:25,349
Yes, I'm afraid
he's a little moody.
00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:26,809
Oh, we'll change that.
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,477
Hello, camper.
My name is Rick.
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:29,979
How are you doing?
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,981
Well, I'm pissed off, Rick.
How are you?
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,732
I'm doing great!
00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,693
Why don't you come on out,
and we'll get you oriented?
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:37,987
I'll take care of him
from here, ma'am.
00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:40,030
Oh.
Well, good-bye, sweetie.
00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:42,116
Don't touch me.
00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:44,535
Eric, this is the beginning
of a whole new life for you!
00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,084
Have you got any candy?
- No.
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,295
My mom says I ain't
to eat no candy here.
00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:55,629
I'm supposed
to lose weight.
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,423
Alright!
00:04:57,548 --> 00:04:59,633
Everybody's here, and that means
we can get down to business.
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,677
Over the next few weeks,
we're gonna learn
00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,053
that losing weight is fun!
Right, gang?
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:05,514
Right.
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,474
Wait a second.
Do you kids hear something?
00:05:07,599 --> 00:05:08,851
Why, I could've swore that--
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,519
Rrrawr!
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,855
Oh, no, kids!
It's glutinous fat!
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,774
I'm gonna take over your body
and make you slow.
00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:17,776
Oh.
What are we going to do?
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,028
Wait, I know.
00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:21,905
I can knock it out with...
exercise!
00:05:22,031 --> 00:05:23,699
And...proper diet!
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,200
Oh, no!
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:27,619
Exercise and proper diet
have killed me.
00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:29,913
I guess we took care
of that bad old fat,
00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:30,914
didn't we, kids?
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,083
Yeah!
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,127
Well, hold on a second,
because that glutinous fat
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:37,212
was really our good friend
Susan,
00:05:37,338 --> 00:05:39,173
who's another
weight counselor!
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,883
Heh, it was a lady
in a costume.
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:42,760
Would somebody put this retard
out of his misery?
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,597
What's the matter?
- Kenny's not feeling so good.
00:05:46,722 --> 00:05:48,265
That manatee spleen
made him sick.
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,017
Uh-oh, I guess we shouldn't
have made him eat it.
00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:51,769
[vomiting]
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:53,354
All: Ew!
00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:54,938
Well, at least you
got it out of your system.
00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:56,565
Oh, dude, you can still
kind of see the spleen!
00:05:57,900 --> 00:05:59,193
How much, Kenny?
- [muffled] What?
00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:00,819
I'll give you five bucks
to eat your puke.
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:01,820
I'm in for five.
00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:02,863
Oh, you guys.
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:04,031
I got three.
- Six.
00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:05,741
Uh, here,
you can scoop it up
00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:07,993
in my R. Kelly thermos.
00:06:10,496 --> 00:06:13,499
That's 19 bucks,
Kenny.
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:14,875
[all groaning]
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,460
Kick ass, dude!
00:06:16,585 --> 00:06:18,545
You know, dude, there might be
something to this.
00:06:18,670 --> 00:06:20,130
Yeah, people are willing
to pay big money
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:21,215
to see Kenny
do this stuff.
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:28,472
Doing great, kids.
Come on!
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,808
[all panting and coughing]
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,229
This...is...
bullcrap!
00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:37,689
Well, I sure enjoyed
my carrots and protein bar.
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:39,691
How about you, gang?
- I'm starving.
00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:41,026
This is it.
I'm going to die here.
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:43,070
I hope you all left room
for dessert.
00:06:43,195 --> 00:06:46,615
Soybean pudding
for everybody!
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,534
Are you gonna eat
your soybean pudding?
00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:50,119
Take it!
I can't eat this crap!
00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,496
Me neither. I have to have
sugar, or I'm gonna die.
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:54,081
Yeah, well,
when I was in prison,
00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,458
we used to sneak stuff in
by hiding it up our ass.
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,793
I've got some fudge
hidden up my ass.
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,336
You want some?
00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:00,754
Yeah, I'm not falling
for that one again.
00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:05,884
Alright, Clyde Frog,
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,010
we just gotta clear
the counselor building,
00:07:07,136 --> 00:07:08,303
and we're free.
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,431
[panting]
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:14,059
We did it, Clyde Frog!
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,602
Now the only question is,
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:17,563
do we go home
to our traitor mom and friends,
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,314
or do we start a new life
on the run?
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,400
An ice-cream truck!
00:07:21,525 --> 00:07:22,651
Hey, wait!
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:24,069
Boy, am I glad
to see you.
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:25,529
Can I interest you
in some ice cream?
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,030
You're damn right
you can!
00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:28,574
Two roller pops, please.
00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:31,243
Alrighty, do you want
this kind or this kind?
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,954
Huh? Oh!
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,957
They tricked us
again, huh?
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:39,585
Oh, God damn it!
Let me out of here!
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,045
Hang on, we'll be back at camp
in a matter of no time.
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,134
They always get us.
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:48,760
Sometimes it's
an ice-cream truck,
00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:50,512
sometimes it's
a taco stand,
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:51,680
but they always
fool us.
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:52,681
I can't help it.
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,016
I'd give anything,
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,559
any amount of money
for some candy.
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:57,186
Hey, kids!
Looks like we had
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,146
some attempted escapees
again tonight.
00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:00,689
Escape-a-roo!
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,816
Now, campers,
I know that camp is tough,
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,776
but you have to believe
that you can do it,
00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,570
and you have to know that
until you drop the weight,
00:08:06,695 --> 00:08:07,738
you can't leave!
00:08:07,863 --> 00:08:09,239
There is no escape.
00:08:09,364 --> 00:08:11,450
So let's just all
put on our "try hard" helmets
00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:13,076
and accept
that the only way out of camp
00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:14,620
is to lose the weight!
00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:15,913
Ah, damn it.
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,584
[indistinct conversations]
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,336
Thanks for coming,
everybody.
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,505
What's all this about,
Mrs. Cartman?
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:26,590
Is Eric having trouble
at his weight-management camp?
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:27,674
We knew
he wouldn't make it.
00:08:27,799 --> 00:08:29,301
Oh, no,
quite the contrary.
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:31,762
Eric showed up
and surprised me last night.
00:08:31,887 --> 00:08:33,472
Ladies and gentlemen,
00:08:33,597 --> 00:08:36,600
I would like to present to you
the new Eric Cartman.
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,894
Hey, dudes!
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,604
Whoa!
- I don't believe it.
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:41,980
Believe it.
00:08:42,105 --> 00:08:44,066
He lost 40 pounds
at his fat camp.
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,443
Eric,
that's fantastic, m'kay!
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:48,862
Congratulations.
How do you feel?
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,322
I feel awesome.
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,366
What the hell did they do
with all the fat?
00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:54,618
There must've been enough
to last an Eskimo family months.
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,161
You know, Kyle, there was
a time when your fat jokes
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:57,579
would have gotten to me,
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,331
but now I'm totally slim
and totally happy.
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:00,791
In fact, I'd say
I'm a little bit trimmer
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:02,543
than you, fat boy.
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,127
Just kidding, Kyle.
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,797
I made some healthy
tofu pudding to celebrate.
00:09:06,922 --> 00:09:07,881
Who wants some?
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,716
Me, me, me, me!
00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,552
Dude, I don't know
if I'm gonna like
00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:13,011
the new Eric Cartman.
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:14,137
Did you like the old one?
- Good point.
00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:16,306
And now back
to Jesus and Pals
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:18,350
on South Park public access.
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:19,810
Back to our
courageous story
00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:21,478
of a little boy's triumph
over obesity.
00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,397
Eric, yea, you found
00:09:23,522 --> 00:09:25,524
that the spirit of the Lord
inside you gave you strength.
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:27,859
No, actually I found a diet
that totally works.
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,695
A little boy
who overcame the odds.
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,196
Let's hear it
for Eric Cartman!
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,574
[applause]
00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:35,117
Well, our second guest
tonight
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:36,743
is a young man
named Kenny McCormick,
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:37,744
who is going to eat
dog crap.
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:40,163
Kenny?
00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:44,126
[dramatic music plays]
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,210
[splurt]
00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:48,005
[all groaning]
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:56,054
♪♪
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,224
[all groan]
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:00,267
Yes!
00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:02,394
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,521
Damn it, all I got
was a little golf clap.
00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:05,814
Thanks for coming
on the show, Kenny.
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,024
[muffled]
Sure.
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:08,191
Do it again!
Do it again!
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:09,318
Hey, kid,
I'll give you 20 bucks
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:10,902
to eat a really old
piece of bacon.
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,195
This is ridiculous!
00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:13,780
So, Kenny,
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:16,074
how did you discover
that you had this...talent?
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,409
We thought of it, Jesus.
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,869
I mean, Kenny's the one
that does it all,
00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,287
but we were the masterminds
of the whole thing.
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:21,872
I can't say I approve
of this, my children.
00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:23,915
Huh? Why not?
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:25,876
Because Kenny
is only doing things
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,169
that anybody could do...
for money.
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,379
He's a prostitute.
00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,465
I'll pay him 50 bucks
to eat someone else's vomit.
00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:32,841
Yeah, go for it!
Yeah!
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,301
What's a prostitute?
- I don't know.
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,848
Hello, there, children.
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:40,849
All: Hey, Chef.
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:42,100
Chef, what's a prostitute?
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:44,144
Dag nabbit, children!
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:45,771
How come every time
you come in here,
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:48,398
you gotta be asking me questions
I shouldn't be answering?
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:50,609
"Chef, what's a clitoris?
What's a lesbian, Chef?
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:52,402
How come they call it
a 'rim job,' Chef?"
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,571
For once, can't you just
come in here and say,
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,365
"Hi, Chef.
Nice day, isn't it?"
00:10:56,490 --> 00:10:57,491
Hi, Chef.
Nice day, isn't it?
00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:59,326
It sure is.
Thank you.
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,036
Chef, what's a prostitute?
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,788
Unh-unh. You children
are gonna get me in trouble
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,122
with the principal again.
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:05,666
Lunchtime!
I'm starved!
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:06,667
Oh, my God!
00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,418
Eric?
- That's me.
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:11,296
Chef was just about to tell us
what a prostitute is.
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,757
Why do you need to know
what a prostitute is, anyway?
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:15,842
Because Jesus told us
that Kenny's a prostitute.
00:11:15,967 --> 00:11:17,469
Is he?
- [muffled] Yeah, am I?
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,721
Well, no, of course,
Kenny is not a prostitute.
00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,515
Why?
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,351
Well, because, children,
a prostitute is someone who...
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:26,311
You can pay
for certain services.
00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:28,063
Like what?
- Like keeping you company.
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,981
Understand?
- No.
00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:32,484
You see, children, sometimes
a man needs to be with a woman,
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,653
but sometimes,
when the lovin' is over,
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:37,989
the woman just want to talk
and talk and talk and talk.
00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:40,534
♪ But a prostitute is someone
who would love you ♪
00:11:40,659 --> 00:11:44,162
♪ No matter who you are
or what you look like ♪
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,998
Yes, it's true, children.
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:48,792
♪ That's not why
you pay a prostitute ♪
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,585
♪ No, you don't
pay for her to stay ♪
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:53,338
♪ You're paying her
to leave afterward ♪
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:57,008
♪ That's why I praise the Lord
for prostitutes ♪
00:11:57,134 --> 00:12:00,470
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. James Taylor!
00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:02,597
♪ A prostitute is like
any other woman ♪
00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,182
♪ They all trade
something for sex ♪
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:06,852
♪ And they do it well ♪
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:08,353
♪ That's why I say ♪
00:12:08,478 --> 00:12:09,938
Both: ♪ Prostitutes,
prostitutes ♪
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,648
♪ They-♪
Ohh!
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:12,858
[music stops]
00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:17,320
James Taylor, what the hell
you doing in here,
00:12:17,446 --> 00:12:19,322
singing about prostitutes
to the children?
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:20,866
Get out of here!
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:24,578
These children tricked me!
00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,331
[panting]
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,838
Oh, there you are.
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:36,506
Alright,
I got the goods --
00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:38,508
some candy bars, a few donuts,
and some beef gravy.
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,469
Is anyone starting
to suspect anything?
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,387
Nobody. Your mom even thinks
I'm a skinny you.
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,264
Awesome.
Alright, throw it over.
00:12:44,389 --> 00:12:45,724
Uh-uh, one thing.
I want a bigger cut.
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,058
What?
- I'm the one risking my ass,
00:12:47,184 --> 00:12:48,560
running around
in that stupid town
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:49,644
pretending to be you
and collecting all the food
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:51,480
to bring up here.
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:52,773
All you have to do is sit back
and sell it to the fat kids!
00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:54,149
Alright, alright,
keep your voice down!
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,317
I'll bump you
up to 10%.
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,027
20%.
- Suck my balls, 20%!
00:12:57,152 --> 00:12:58,236
Fine.
Then I shall bid you good day.
00:12:58,361 --> 00:12:59,946
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,490
Fine, 20%, but just remember
that your parents think
00:13:01,615 --> 00:13:02,908
you're at the drug rehab center
next door.
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:04,576
You blow your cover,
and we're both screwed.
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:11,208
You guys!
You have to check this tape out!
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,418
Hey, we're trying to study.
Finals are tomorrow.
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:14,961
No, dude,
check this out!
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:17,088
It's this kid who does
all kinds of crazy stuff.
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,925
Check it out!
00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:21,635
He jumped into a portapotty
at a construction site
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,094
and stayed there
for four days!
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:24,179
All: Whoa!
00:13:27,182 --> 00:13:28,141
[splat]
[Kenny groans]
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:29,851
Oh, gross!
- Sick!
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,061
That's awesome!
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:32,896
Hey, guys,
check this out!
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:39,611
Get ready for THE KRAZY KENNY SHOW!!!
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,279
and now here's your host,
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,740
the kid who will do anything
to himself for money...
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:47,452
Kra-a-a-a-zy Kenny!
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:48,745
[applause]
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:49,913
Kenny, through the past weeks,
00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,665
we've seen you eat mice,
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,500
pretend to kill newborn babies
to shock their mothers,
00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,168
and wash your hair
with battery acid.
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:56,753
The question
on all our minds is,
00:13:56,878 --> 00:13:58,296
what are you
gonna do next?
00:13:58,421 --> 00:13:59,297
[applause]
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:01,925
[muffled]
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:04,427
Oh, ho ho!
You heard him, folks.
00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:07,764
Kenny is going to give
a sensual, full-body massage
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:10,016
to his own grandfather!
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:12,102
Oh, ho!
Whoo-hoo!
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,946
[lotion squishing]
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:26,032
[all groaning]
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,286
Wow, this is Kenny's
best show ever!
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:30,912
This is so juvenile.
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,330
Cartman, what the hell's
the matter with you?
00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,165
Yeah, you've gotten lame since
you got skinny. What's up?
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:35,500
Nothing.
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:36,835
Can I have some licorice
to take home?
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,255
Alright, campers,
good work today.
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,798
Lights out,
and we'll see you tomorrow
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:42,924
for more exercise
and proper diet.
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,761
All "beddy-byes"
for the night, are they?
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,555
I don't know what
we're doing wrong, Susan.
00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:50,015
These kids aren't
losing the weight.
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,850
We'll just have
to give them more time.
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:53,351
They'll do it.
- They'll do it!
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:54,853
They'll do it!
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,106
Alright,
they're gone.
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:02,027
The Cartman Store
is open!
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:07,032
Two donuts and a pack
of licorice, please.
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:09,492
Two donuts
and a pack of licorice.
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:10,952
Hello, tony.
The usual?
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:14,789
[sobbing]
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:16,207
Why are you crying, Chad?
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:18,209
'Cause I'm always
gonna be fat.
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:21,004
I don't wanna eat no sweets,
but I can't control myself
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,173
when they're right
in front of me like this.
00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:24,591
[sobbing]
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,259
All my life,
I've been fat.
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:27,844
I've been to seven camps,
00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:30,055
and I swore to my mama
that I'd lose the weight.
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:33,016
I want to,
but I can't help myself.
00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:35,560
[sobbing]
00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:37,062
Hey, Chad.
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:39,189
You know what you need?
You need a friend.
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:40,732
[sniffles]
I do?
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:41,733
Yes...
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,276
A chocolate friend.
00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:45,445
[sobs]
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,739
Mr. Candy Bar
doesn't judge you, Chad.
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,200
Mr. Candy Bar likes you
just the way you are.
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:52,285
Look at how yummy
and sweet he is.
00:15:52,410 --> 00:15:54,663
[sobbing]
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,208
There you go.
00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:00,752
That'll just be $4.
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,462
[crying]
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:05,882
There you go.
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:07,425
This week on pay-per-view,
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,302
Krazy Kenny will crawl up
into a woman's uterus
00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:11,012
and stay there for six hours.
00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:12,847
Don't miss
this once-in-a-lifetime event.
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:13,890
Order now!
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:17,185
Alright, so we're back
00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:18,436
talking to three
competing celebrities:
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,188
Tom Green, Johnny Knoxville
from MTV's Jackass,
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,940
and Krazy Kenny.
- Hey, Howard.
00:16:22,065 --> 00:16:23,233
Krazy Kenny is here
to promote
00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:24,901
his pay-per-view special
this week,
00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:27,946
where he will crawl up
into a bus driver's uterus
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,239
and stay there
for six hours.
00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:30,699
Wow.
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,450
Now, some people think
that all you guys do
00:16:32,575 --> 00:16:34,327
is perform sick
and disgusting acts
00:16:34,452 --> 00:16:36,371
for shock value and money,
which makes you whores.
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:38,373
But I'd like
to prove them wrong,
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,710
so what I'm gonna do
is offer each of you $50,000
00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,294
to give me oral sex
right now.
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:44,379
I'm in.
- Me too.
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,588
- [muffled] And me.
Oh!
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:46,506
Fine, I'll do it
for 40, then.
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,674
30
- 20.
00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:49,426
[muffled] 10 bucks.
00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:50,343
Ooh, the kid says
he'll do it for 10 bucks.
00:16:50,468 --> 00:16:51,594
Damn it, I'm out.
- Me too.
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,721
I guess he is
the biggest whore.
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:53,763
Alright let's
get going, then.
00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:54,681
Can we cut the cameras?
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,226
And we're gonna reach
for the sky...
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,186
[all grunt]
and down to the ground.
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:01,813
[all grunt]
and up to the sky.
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:02,939
[all grunt]
00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:05,900
and down to the ground.
00:17:06,026 --> 00:17:08,153
Please, Mr. Sanders.
- No, I have had it!
00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:09,612
What's happening?
00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:11,114
Horace's parents
want to take him home.
00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,907
Oh, but he's not
ready yet.
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,868
Look at what
you've done to my boy!
00:17:14,993 --> 00:17:17,412
You told Horace that he was
responsible for his weight.
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,789
You made him believe that
with exercise and proper diet,
00:17:19,914 --> 00:17:21,124
he could be thin,
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,293
when we told you
that it was his genetics.
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:24,836
They can lose the weight
if they try.
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,087
Look at these kids!
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,630
They're not getting
any thinner!
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:28,715
Your camp is a fraud.
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,258
You need to accept
the fact
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,635
that most fat people
are just genetically fat.
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,679
Please, sir, if you
give us one more week--
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:35,722
Your time is up!
00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:37,307
Yeah, your time is up.
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:39,309
And I'm going to call
all the other parents
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,186
and tell them to come
claim their kids as well.
00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:42,729
Your camp was
a waste of time!
00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:44,397
But Dad, I--
- What?
00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,485
Nothing.
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:49,527
We're in trouble, Rick.
00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:55,075
Alright, Ms. Crabtree,
is it comfortable enough?
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,743
How long
have I gotta sit here?
00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:57,911
Six hours.
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,245
Hell, I'll do six hours
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:01,039
for the 500 bucks
you're paying me.
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,749
Great.
- You guys, it's Kenny!
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,417
He's been arrested
for prostitution in New York.
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:05,627
For what?
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:06,878
For giving Howard Stern
a hummer.
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:08,588
What's a hummer?
- I don't know!
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,381
All I know is, Kenny's in jail
for at least three months!
00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:11,674
Three months?
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:12,634
But the pay-per-view
is tomorrow!
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:14,010
I know!
00:18:16,179 --> 00:18:18,598
We've worked so hard,
come so close.
00:18:18,723 --> 00:18:19,974
Now we'll never see Kenny
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,476
crawl up into
Ms. Crabtree's uterus.
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,853
You know, maybe we've all
learned something here.
00:18:23,978 --> 00:18:25,313
I mean, we set Kenny up
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,981
to further and further
himself each time,
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:28,525
having to always
outdo himself.
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:30,318
Now he's in jail
for being a whore,
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,029
and perhaps, just perhaps,
we are to blame.
00:18:34,531 --> 00:18:36,116
Alright,
that does it!
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,326
This has been bothering
the hell out of me.
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,537
I knew it!
You're not Cartman at all!
00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:41,454
Uh-oh.
00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,376
[applause]
00:18:46,501 --> 00:18:47,961
Well, we've seen him do
00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:49,671
just about every disgusting
thing in the book,
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:51,631
and today,
live on pay-per-view,
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:54,217
Krazy Kenny is going to crawl
into a woman's uterus
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:55,969
for six hours!
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:57,846
[applause]
00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,681
Well, Ms. Crabtree,
your cervix has been dilated,
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,141
your womb equipped
with oxygen.
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:02,142
How do you feel?
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,768
I feel great!
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:05,478
I haven't had this much
attention paid to my cooch
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:07,147
since I was 16!
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:08,690
All: Hooray!
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,150
Well, let's bring out
the man of the hour.
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:11,901
You know him as--
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:13,862
Don't worry, dude,
you're gonna do great.
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,155
No way.
I'm not doing this.
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,739
Oh, you're doing it,
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:18,199
or else we're gonna bust
your whole scheme wide-open
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:19,617
and tell your mom
you haven't actually been
00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:20,952
at your drug rehab
this whole time.
00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:22,537
But this isn't fair!
- Deal, druggie.
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:24,497
[muffled]
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:26,708
And here he is,
Kenny McCormick!
00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:34,549
[squishing]
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,842
We can watch him
on the monitors.
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:38,469
How you doing in there, Kenny?
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:41,306
That's my boy.
00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:42,682
Good-bye, Chad.
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:44,559
We'll be wanting a refund,
naturally.
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:46,728
Naturally.
- Good-bye, Alice.
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:48,438
Good-bye.
Thank you.
00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:50,273
Oh, don't thank us.
We failed you.
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,692
65, 66, 67...
00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:55,236
Wait a second.
This isn't right.
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,946
Hmm?
Hmm?
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:58,907
It's time for me to be
responsible for my own actions.
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,743
Mom, Dad, we've been eating
candy this whole time.
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,953
Eric Cartman's been
sneaking in junk food.
00:20:04,078 --> 00:20:06,039
Eh, shut up,
you heif, Chad.
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,415
No, he's right.
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:08,499
The counselors
been doing a good job.
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:09,709
We've just been
cheating.
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,127
Kids: Yeah.
00:20:11,252 --> 00:20:12,545
I believe
I can lose the weight
00:20:12,670 --> 00:20:13,963
with exercise
and proper diet.
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:15,632
I don't want
to make excuses no more.
00:20:15,757 --> 00:20:17,967
Me neither!
- All: Yeah!
00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:20,470
If you take us back,
we promise we won't cheat.
00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:22,722
Well, it's alright with me.
Parents?
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,225
Well, what the heck?
00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,643
Maybe when
you're all done,
00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:28,603
you can teach me
a thing or two, huh, son?
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,730
You know,
you guys are right.
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:33,107
I'm sick of being
the fat kid too.
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,109
I've been making excuses
all my life,
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,820
but I know deep down
that if I took responsibility
00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:40,114
and really tried hard,
if we all try together,
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,075
we really can lose
the weight!
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,035
Oh, no, not you.
You're not welcome here anymore.
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:44,994
All: Yeah!
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,288
What?
- Buh-bye.
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:48,915
[kids cheering]
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,042
Well, screw you, fat-asses!
00:20:53,127 --> 00:20:54,963
[sobbing]
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,676
All: 4, 3, 2, 1!
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:02,136
He did it!
Come on out, Kenny.
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:05,723
You made it six hours, Kenny.
Come on out of there.
00:21:05,848 --> 00:21:08,309
Ms. Crabtree, maybe you
could give him a little push.
00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:09,394
[grunting]
00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:12,230
[all groaning]
00:21:12,355 --> 00:21:15,024
All: Ew!
00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:16,401
He's dead.
00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:18,152
The pressure
must have killed him.
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:20,863
I told you
I was a tight virgin flower!
00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:23,116
Oh, my God!
They killed Kenny...sort of.
00:21:23,241 --> 00:21:25,576
Yeah, they kind of killed
Kenny's...look-alike.
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:27,328
You bastards!
00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:29,747
Well, he gave his life
for our amusement.
00:21:29,872 --> 00:21:31,708
One little boy who dared
to be different:
00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:36,462
let us never forget
Kenny McCormick.
00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:38,631
Who is that?
00:21:38,756 --> 00:21:40,800
♪ A prostitute is someone
who would love you ♪
00:21:40,925 --> 00:21:44,470
♪ No matter who you are
or what you look like ♪
00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:47,223
Yes, it's true, children.
00:21:47,348 --> 00:21:49,350
♪ That's not why
you pay a prostitute ♪
00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:51,060
♪ No, you don't
pay for her to stay ♪
00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:53,980
♪ You're paying her
to leave afterward ♪
00:21:54,105 --> 00:21:57,608
♪ That's why I praise the Lord
for prostitutes ♪
Скриншоты
