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Пип
Pip
Сезон: 04Серия: 14
Описание
Пересказ произведения Чарльза Диккенса «Большие надежды». В главной роли — Пип.
Субтитры
- 00:00:11,429 --> 00:00:14,390 Ahh...Dickens.
- 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,767 The imagery of cobblestone streets,
- 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,602 craggy London buildings,
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:21,772 and nutmeg-filled Yorkshire puddings.
- 00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,483 Hello, I'm a British person.
- 00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:28,112 For years now, the character Pip has been featured prominently
- 00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:30,114 in the American show <i>South Park.</i>
- 00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:33,659 However, many Americans don't realize where Pip came from.
- 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:36,037 He's the prowling, adorable little Englishman
- 00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:39,123 from Charles Dickens' timeless classic
- 00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:41,500 <i>Great Expectations.</i>
- 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,961 And so, tonight, the makers of <i>South Park</i>
- 00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,714 have agreed to take a break from their regular show
- 00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:49,216 and instead present the prestigious Dickens tale
- 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:51,844 in its entirety from beginning to end.
- 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,679 Indeed, after watching this show,
- 00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,723 you'll know the timeless classic
- 00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:58,392 as if you'd read the cliffsnotes themselves.
- 00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:01,187 Our story is set in England,
- 00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:04,774 in the small town of Draffordshire-upon-Topsmart,
- 00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,526 where a young blond-haired boy named Pip
- 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,987 was on his way to see his parents.
- 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,163 'Ello, Mum. 'Ello, Dad.
- 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,123 It certainly is nice to see you again.
- 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,584 Don't worry. Sister is still taking very good care of me.
- 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,377 She just loves to smack me in the face
- 00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:26,420 and tell me I'm worthless.
- 00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:28,547 Oh, we have such fun together!
- 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,219 Well, it's getting dark, Mum and Dad.
- 00:01:33,344 --> 00:01:34,762 I'll see you again soon.
- 00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,727 Wha-- Wha-- you little Wiversham?
- 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,979 Oh, hello. Why, you look like an escaped convict.
- 00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,773 Did we breakie-wakies out of prison?
- 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,275 Oh, dear, but you're shackled.
- 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,568 Here, let me help you.
- 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:50,945 What are you doing with those?
- 00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:53,114 I'm an apprentice blacksmith. There you are.
- 00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:55,741 And here's a sandwich. You must be starving.
- 00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:58,994 Why are you so easy to help me?
- 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,538 It's not for me to judge you, sir.
- 00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:01,664 We are all the same.
- 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:07,294 Don't quite all smell the same, though, I'm afraid.
- 00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,131 Pip, where have you been?!
- 00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:11,382 Wha--
- 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:12,550 Lovely day, isn't it?
- 00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:14,343 What the hell's lovely about it?!
- 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,762 Joe, teach this boy some bloody cynicism!
- 00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,806 Oh, I don't know about that.
- 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,975 I just like to keep to me blacksmithing.
- 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:24,854 Hey, look -I've made me a metal fire poker.
- 00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:27,481 A lot of bloody good a fire poker's gonna do
- 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:29,024 when I'm starving to death!
- 00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:30,985 Why don't you make us some bloody food to eat?!
- 00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:35,406 Alright, look here-- I made me a metal orange.
- 00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:36,991 Stuff your metal orange, you bastard!
- 00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:40,286 You're not worth a tablespoon of nightingale droppings,
- 00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:42,163 you metal-pounding fairy!
- 00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:45,207 And you -why don't you get a job?! You're 8 years old now!
- 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:49,879 Oh, lookee here -I've gone and made a metal newspaper.
- 00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,338 Shut up, you silly nit!
- 00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,382 What the hell are we supposed to do
- 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:54,967 with a metal newspaper?!
- 00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,469 Well, for starters, we can look in the want ads
- 00:02:57,595 --> 00:02:59,346 and see if we can find Pip a job.
- 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,890 Oh, look here!
- 00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,225 "Young man wanted for paid position."
- 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,518 Where? - Where?
- 00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,645 "Havesham residence seeks young boy
- 00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,147 "to play with lonely daughter.
- 00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:09,440 "Will pay up to...
- 00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:11,483 20 quid a day?!"
- 00:03:11,609 --> 00:03:12,818 That's a lot of money-woney.
- 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,195 You can keep a little girl company
- 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,030 for 20 quid a day, Pip.
- 00:03:16,155 --> 00:03:20,659 And old Mrs. Havesham is the wealthiest woman in the town!
- 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,494 Well, the very next day,
- 00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:26,123 Pip went to old Miss Havesham's house to inquire about the job,
- 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:29,668 and it was there that he met the girl of his dreams.
- 00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:32,004 Who are you?
- 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,089 I've come to answer the want ad.
- 00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,467 Is that so, you smelly little bastard?
- 00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,719 What?! - This way, you pathetic squirt.
- 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:43,515 This way, you beef-witted, shriveled-up monkey's penis.
- 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:48,979 Up here, you gamy mass of baby vomit.
- 00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:51,357 In here.
- 00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:52,650 Oh, after you, miss.
- 00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,151 I'm not going in there,
- 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,903 you stupid puddle of a homeless man's urine.
- 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,742 Who is that?
- 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,410 I've come to answer the want ad, ma'am.
- 00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:05,704 Come closer. Look at me.
- 00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:08,958 Does it frighten you to look upon a woman
- 00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,335 who has not seen the sun in over 20 years?
- 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,337 Oh, no, no! You sort of look upon women
- 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,506 who have not seen the sun for over 20 years
- 00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:16,548 quite a lot these days.
- 00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:19,051 I sometimes have sick fancies,
- 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,387 and I have a fancy I should like to see someone play.
- 00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,513 So, play.
- 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,099 Play.
- 00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,308 Um...
- 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,437 Estella, play with this boy.
- 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:31,689 With <i>him?</i>
- 00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:34,608 But he's just a commoner!
- 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:38,028 But you can break his heart.
- 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,698 Alright, boy, let us play.
- 00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:42,116 Righty-o. What are we going to play?
- 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,994 We are going to play a little game called
- 00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:47,162 "smack the blond boy in the head with a large log."
- 00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:49,957 Yes! My sister and I play that game all the time!
- 00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:51,625 Who will go first?
- 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,920 Oh, you stupid, pathetic boy!
- 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,007 What do you think of her?
- 00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,759 Well, I -I think she's very pretty.
- 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,636 Hmm. What else?
- 00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,054 I think she's rather insulting.
- 00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,682 You quite fancy her, don't you?
- 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:10,185 Come back again next week. We shall play some more.
- 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,982 That night, Pip spent all his sleeping hours
- 00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:18,193 unable to get Estella's beautiful face out of his mind.
- 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:21,655 <i>Stop dreaming about me, you slow-witted rectal belch.</i>
- 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,158 Day after day, Pip visited Estella.
- 00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:26,910 Sometimes they would play. Sometimes they would talk.
- 00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:30,122 But every single day, Pip's love for Estella grew.
- 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,917 Don't you want to play anymore?
- 00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:35,919 Boy, do you still think I'm pretty?
- 00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,796 Oh, well... yes, miss.
- 00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,882 And do you still think I'm insulting?
- 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,509 Oh, um... not so much as before.
- 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,136 Ow! - I hate you!
- 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:46,430 You're an oozing, painful hemorrhoid that belches pus.
- 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,974 Oh, dear. - You can kiss me if you like.
- 00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:53,604 Come, let us walk in the daisy garden.
- 00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:56,231 Oh, what fun it is to splash about in a fountain!
- 00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:57,900 You there, the prowling little boy.
- 00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,318 I bet you can't jump on my back.
- 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:01,111 Go on, then. Try and jump on my back.
- 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,446 Who is that?
- 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,198 Just another playmate hired to amuse me.
- 00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,033 You didn't think you were the only one, did you?
- 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,743 Oh, I rather thought I was.
- 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,953 Oh, you silly, small-testicled boy.
- 00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:12,831 Come, let us walk through the rose garden.
- 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,625 Yes, good.
- 00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:18,128 She will break his pathetic heart into a million pieces.
- 00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,845 Well, what a spot poor Pip was in!
- 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,263 He was hired to be the friend
- 00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,182 of the very harsh and beautiful Estella.
- 00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,184 And although she treated him like dirt--
- 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,436 or perhaps <i>because</i> she treated him like dirt--
- 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,814 Pip found himself more in love with the little girl
- 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,148 each and every day.
- 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,901 Oh, bless him! Isn't he lovely?
- 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:42,653 But isn't it sad?
- 00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:44,029 Because Pip knew that someone
- 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,407 as sophistated and as wealthy as Estella
- 00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:48,033 could never love him,
- 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:51,036 for he was just a simple blacksmith's apprentice.
- 00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:54,331 And so you bang on this side,
- 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,041 a bang on that side,
- 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,253 and there you have it-- your very own metal fuzzy dice.
- 00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:00,337 Yes, I see.
- 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:01,755 Ha ha. Lovely.
- 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,549 Eh, what's all this, Pip?
- 00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:06,051 Joe, do you know anything about girls?
- 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,511 Sure!
- 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:10,055 They're those things with vaginas in them.
- 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,558 But do you know anything <i>about</i> them,
- 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:13,892 about how they work?
- 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,978 Oh, I don't know about that.
- 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,397 I just like to keep to me blacksmithing.
- 00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,399 Do you think that a girl who's rich and educated
- 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,443 would ever want to be with a blacksmith?
- 00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,694 Oh.
- 00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:26,655 Oh... No, I don't think so, Pip.
- 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,907 Who could that be?
- 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,118 Joe the blacksmith? - The same.
- 00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:32,411 I'm a lawyer from London
- 00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,413 in search of a young lad named Pip.
- 00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:35,497 I'm Pip, sir.
- 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,332 I've been sent to offer you
- 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:40,085 a reasonable sum of money in exchange for your apprentice.
- 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,546 Oh, well, Pip's not for sale, sir.
- 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,339 I have a client
- 00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:45,424 who wishes to give this bright child a future.
- 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,384 Anything he desires. Do you still object?
- 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,553 Heaven forbid I should stand in the way
- 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,054 of Pip's future, but--
- 00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:52,806 He will one day inherit a handsome property,
- 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,016 but the owner of that property
- 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,767 wants him first to travel to London
- 00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:57,144 and learn to be a gentleman.
- 00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:59,438 That's great news!
- 00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:00,981 There's only one condition, Pip--
- 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,275 your benefactor wishes to remain anonymous.
- 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,486 Oh it must be Miss Havesham. - Uh-uh!
- 00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,696 If you have any suspicion of who that person might be,
- 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,907 you're to keep it in your own breast, understood?
- 00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:12,701 Yes, sir. - Then you will go to London in a week's time.
- 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,994 Here's 20 sovereigns.
- 00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,537 Well, Blacksmith, you look stunned.
- 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,664 I <i>am</i>, sir. - Then I shall take my leave.
- 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,124 Good evening, gentlemen,
- 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,751 and we shall see you in London next week, Pip.
- 00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:21,752 Goodbye, sir.
- 00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:23,962 Pip, a young gentleman...
- 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:27,716 of great expectations!
- 00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:38,310 You shall stay here with your roommate, Mr. Pocket.
- 00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,020 He is a distinguished young lad
- 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,064 who will help you on your way to being a gentleman.
- 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,607 I trust you see no problem with this?
- 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,567 None, sir. I should think not.
- 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,070 On up, then, and prepare for school on the morrow.
- 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,279 Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!
- 00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,787 Mr. Pip. - Mr. Pocket?
- 00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,372 Pray, come in!
- 00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,582 Thank you kindly. You look rather familiar.
- 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,085 As do you. Perhaps we've seen each other before.
- 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,711 As to our lodging, it's not splendid.
- 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,089 This is our sitting room-- chairs and tables and carpet.
- 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,674 This is my little bedroom-- rather musty.
- 00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:09,758 And this is your bedroom.
- 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:10,968 My, how lovely.
- 00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,594 What a gay time we shall have!
- 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,846 Gay as in festive, not as in penetration of the bum.
- 00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,682 You're holding your bags all this time!
- 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:18,433 Let me take them! I'm quite ashamed!
- 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,394 Oh, it's quite alright. Lord bless me!
- 00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:22,980 You're the gentleman I saw in Miss Havesham's house!
- 00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:25,023 Yes, of course! You're the prowling little boy!
- 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,191 What a smashing coincidence!
- 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,484 Perhaps, but perhaps not.
- 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,111 Miss Havesham is very generous indeed.
- 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,363 That old biddy -I have nothing to do with her anymore.
- 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,906 She's absolutely mad. - What do you mean?
- 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,075 Don't you know about Miss Havesham's melancholy past?
- 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,661 It's quite a story and shall be discussed over dinner.
- 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,539 Time for a smashing meal and the story of Miss Havesham.
- 00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,416 Pocket, may I ask you a favor?
- 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,126 I am desperately trying to become a gentleman
- 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,877 for the love of a certain girl.
- 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:47,921 Will you tell me if I do something wrong at the table?
- 00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,132 You'll do fine, dear fellow. Now, on to Miss Havesham.
- 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,800 She was raised by a wealthy father
- 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,510 and grew up to be a spoiled brat.
- 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,512 I might mention that, in London, it is not the custom
- 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,139 to put the knife in the mouth.
- 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,683 Oh, dear, I'm terribly sorry. - Not at all, I'm sure!
- 00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:02,561 Miss Havesham grew up to be a lovely young lady, and soon a man came along,
- 00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,354 which gets me to the cruel part of the story--
- 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,189 Merely breaking off to remark that a dinner napkin
- 00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:07,608 should never be placed into the tumbler.
- 00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,234 Sorry, sorry. - Not at all, I'm sure!
- 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,986 This man pursued Miss Havesham closely
- 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,362 and professed to be devoted to her.
- 00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,114 She passionately loved him back.
- 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,991 The marriage day was fixed, the wedding dresses bought,
- 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,076 the wedding guests invited, and finally the day came.
- 00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,244 But not the groom.
- 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,621 I break from the tale only to mention
- 00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,247 that one should never pass gas at the table.
- 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,625 Oh, excuse me. - Not at all, I'm sure!
- 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,335 The groom never showed.
- 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,961 He simply wrote a letter that Miss Havesham received
- 00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:29,379 20 minutes before the wedding.
- 00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,006 At half 9:00-- the time when she stopped
- 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,466 all the clocks in the house.
- 00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:34,259 She laid waste to the house, as you have seen it,
- 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,136 and has never since looked upon the light of day.
- 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,596 The story ends, Pip, with me suggesting
- 00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,306 that one should never pull out their wee-wee
- 00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:41,224 and check it for scabs whilst at the table.
- 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:44,102 Terribly sorry, Pocket. - Not at all, I'm sure!
- 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,438 and so Pip spent the next several months
- 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,148 learning how to be a gentleman.
- 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,317 He was schooled in several languages,
- 00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,027 he was taught fencing and marksmanship,
- 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,821 and he was shown how to dance and how to eat box.
- 00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:57,991 And after it all, after weeks and weeks of intense schooling,
- 00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:01,787 Pip was finally a full-fledged gentleman.
- 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:05,499 Proud of himself, Pip decided to pay Miss Havesham a visit
- 00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,709 to thank her for her generosity
- 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:11,380 and to see if he was indeed now good enough for Estella.
- 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,840 Good evening, Miss Havesham. - Come closer, Pip.
- 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:16,134 My, you're quite the gentleman now, aren't you?
- 00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:17,427 Thanks to you. - Perhaps.
- 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,179 Estella's been off to school as well.
- 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,555 She's become quite the lady.
- 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,516 Would you like to see a picture of her?
- 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,227 Oh, my, she is even prettier than before.
- 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,646 Oh, you love her, don't you, Pip?
- 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:30,232 I don't know. I mean, I think about her every day.
- 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,942 Do you know what love is, Pip?
- 00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,527 It is blind devotion,
- 00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:36,154 unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission,
- 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,823 trust and belief against yourself
- 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,366 and against the whole world,
- 00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:42,119 giving up your whole heart and soul to Smiter.
- 00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,829 Righto. - Love her, Pip.
- 00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,414 I developed her into what she is
- 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,582 so that she might... be loved.
- 00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,459 Yes, but... Where will I find her?
- 00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,253 There's a dance at the palace tomorrow night.
- 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,796 Estella will be there.
- 00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:55,549 Go and seek her out. And love her -love her!
- 00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:57,426 Thank you, Miss Havesham, for everything!
- 00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,052 I'm the happiest boy in the land!
- 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,971 And if she wounds you, love her,
- 00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:03,306 if she tears your heart into pieces--
- 00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:05,392 and as you get older, it will tear deeper--
- 00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:06,435 love her!
- 00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:15,318 Yes, our young Pip had come a long way,
- 00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:17,487 from the apprentice of a blacksmith
- 00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:20,240 to a fine young gentleman of great expectations.
- 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:23,702 And now he was to finally see his beloved Estella again
- 00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:27,080 at a grand ball held by the King of England, Tony Blair.
- 00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:30,125 It was here that Pip would finally and formally ask Estella
- 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,501 to be his girlfriend,
- 00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:34,504 and all would be right with the world.
- 00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:40,719 Hello! Estella?
- 00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:43,430 Pip! My goodness, how you've changed.
- 00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,015 Yes, I've become a gentleman.
- 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,141 May I?
- 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,058 I suppose.
- 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,272 So, how is it that you've learned to dress and dance?
- 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,149 Well, I was sent to be schooled in London.
- 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,110 I see. And you no longer live with the blacksmith?
- 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,695 Oh, I see Joe once in a while,
- 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,739 but I don't have much in common with him anymore
- 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:02,741 a gentleman and all. - Naturally.
- 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,330 It is wonderful to see you again, Estella.
- 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,748 Is it? Why?
- 00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,124 Because I believe I'm in love with you.
- 00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,251 Pip, you must know that I have no heart.
- 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:15,295 I think you do.
- 00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,047 Oh, I have a heart to be shot or stabbed in, no doubt,
- 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,174 and if it ceased to beat, I should cease to be.
- 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,759 But you know what I mean.
- 00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,553 I have no softness there, no sympathy, sentiment.
- 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,096 I see past that, Estella.
- 00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:27,015 I see a little girl who wants to be warm and kind.
- 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,892 Hey, Estella, let's get out of here.
- 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:31,770 Alright, Steve. Just one moment.
- 00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:33,230 Who -who is that?
- 00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,732 That is Steve. He is 17 and has a car.
- 00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,026 I see. And you fancy this Steve fellow?
- 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,861 I should-- he's my boyfriend.
- 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,822 Boyfriend! - What's the matter, Pip?
- 00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,740 I don't understand. I did everything right.
- 00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:45,116 I stopped being a poor commoner.
- 00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,743 I even blew off my loving Joe!
- 00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:49,329 It's -it's the way it goes sometimes, Pip.
- 00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:50,497 He's 17 and has a car.
- 00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:52,374 I'm -I'm very...
- 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,084 I'm...leaving.
- 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,551 Miss Havesham, you have to talk to Estella.
- 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,010 She's going out with a--
- 00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,471 Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. Pip.
- 00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,391 Miss Havesham. But I--
- 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,184 Don't they make a handsome couple, Pip?
- 00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:13,270 Look at the way he holds her hand.
- 00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:14,604 But I don't understand.
- 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,231 You sent me away to become a gentleman
- 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,108 so that <i>I</i> could be with Estella.
- 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:19,985 Things aren't always what they seem, Pip.
- 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,112 Oh, what's the matter?
- 00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:25,282 Did she...break your heart?
- 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:29,327 Well, I suppose that if you set out to break my heart,
- 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,288 you did a very good job of it...
- 00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:32,914 Because it certainly does hurt.
- 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,208 Yes, tell me about the pain.
- 00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,794 Tell me about the crushing and the prickly things.
- 00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:41,381 It's as if someone has ahold of my heart
- 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,174 and is squeezing it very tightly.
- 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,635 Yes! And it is somewhat difficult to breathe.
- 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,429 Hey, wait a second!
- 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:50,307 You mean this whole thing was just a setup by your mom?
- 00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:53,059 Is your heart broken as well? Tell me all about it.
- 00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:54,978 But why do you make your daughter hurt people?
- 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,314 Why? Well, that's simple.
- 00:14:57,439 --> 00:14:59,816 Because I need the tears of broken hearted men
- 00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:02,193 to use in my Genesis device.
- 00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:06,281 You see, my foolish child, I am growing very old.
- 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:10,035 But tonight I will fuse my soul into Estella's once and for all,
- 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,162 and then I can go on breaking men's hearts
- 00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:13,997 for another generation.
- 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:15,707 What the hell?!
- 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:18,376 Estella, prepare yourself for the Genesis platform.
- 00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,295 Oh, no, you don't!
- 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,130 You're <i>my</i> girl, and I'm not letting you walk out on me!
- 00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:25,884 What the--
- 00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,260 And as for you, Pip,
- 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:30,138 my robot monkeys should take care of you!
- 00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,183 Aah!
- 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,394 Ah!
- 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:40,815 Pip?
- 00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:43,068 Pip, old chap? - Joe?
- 00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:46,112 That's right. You're safe and warm now.
- 00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,365 Joe found you lying facedown in the street, Mr. Pip.
- 00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,867 You were in a state. You've been unconscious for nearly three hours.
- 00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,494 Miss Havesham has all the men
- 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,412 who have had their hearts broken by Estella in her house!
- 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,164 Why would she have wasted all that time
- 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,041 sending me to school and turning me into a gentleman?!
- 00:15:58,166 --> 00:15:59,542 Well, about that, Pip...
- 00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,836 There's another person who wants to see you.
- 00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,214 'Ello, Pip. You remember me?
- 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,759 <i>I'll rip off your arms and shove 'em up your arse!</i>
- 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:11,137 Why, you're the escaped convict I helped a long time ago.
- 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,722 Yes. After you helped me,
- 00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,891 I moved to Wales and made something of myself.
- 00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,226 If it weren't for you,
- 00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:18,186 I'd have never become a millionaire.
- 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,814 He's the one that sent you to London, Pip.
- 00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:23,608 He's the one that sent you off to be a gentleman.
- 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:26,069 You? But why?
- 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,697 Because back then you treated me like any other person.
- 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,198 You weren't a snob,
- 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,950 and you helped me like you would a rich man.
- 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,285 Oh, dear. All this time I thought it was Miss Havesham.
- 00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,620 She totally let me believe it.
- 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,163 I tried to tell you.
- 00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,999 She's a vengeful woman who wanted nothing more
- 00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:41,292 than to see you hurt along with the rest of the male sex.
- 00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,461 Well, I've certainly learned a lot--
- 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,714 that being a gentleman doesn't mean learning to dance
- 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,215 or proper table manners.
- 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,385 It means being a gentle man, gentle to everyone.
- 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,137 Righto, Pip. Righto.
- 00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,723 And now I suppose there's only one thing left to do.
- 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,474 What's that, Pip?
- 00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,852 If Miss Havesham is determined to do this to others...
- 00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,937 Let's go kick her ass!
- 00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,022 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
- 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:10,196 And now we come to the final act of the Dickens classic tale
- 00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:13,450 in which the stage is set for an epic showdown.
- 00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,161 Miss havesham's robot monkeys prove a formidable foe,
- 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,496 but Pip is not about to let Estella's soul
- 00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:21,458 be forever consumed by the Genesis device.
- 00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:26,254 And now the thrilling conclusion of "Great Expectations."
- 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,009 Are you ready, Estella?
- 00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:33,011 Are you ready to complete the cycle?
- 00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,387 Yes, mother.
- 00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:39,309 Not so fast, you ugly, ancient bitch!
- 00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:40,477 Pip?
- 00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:45,065 Your man-hating days are over, Havesham!
- 00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:46,775 Quite the contrary, Blacksmith.
- 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:49,736 My revenge on the male race is only about to begin.
- 00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,154 Dear God, Pip. Look!
- 00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,948 Estella, help me! I'm your boyfriend!
- 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,617 So am I. And me.
- 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,368 We were all Estella's boyfriends
- 00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,120 at one time or another, and now we're doomed.
- 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,955 Yes, cry away, males.
- 00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,625 Once your tears have collected into the Genesis device,
- 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,960 the fusion of Estella and me will be complete.
- 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,212 You won't get away with this!
- 00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:08,129 Won't I?
- 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,803 Let the transformation begin.
- 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,640 Pip, she started the device!
- 00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:22,227 Pocket, get over there and do whatever it takes
- 00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:23,603 to keep those blokes from crying.
- 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:24,604 Righto, Pip.
- 00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,439 It begins.
- 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,441 Come, Estella. You can't want to be part of this!
- 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,151 It is... what I was raised for.
- 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,154 Hello, gentlemen.
- 00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,572 Whatever you do, please do not cry.
- 00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,825 Havesham's device fuels itself on your tears, I'm afraid.
- 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,284 How are we not to cry?
- 00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:39,911 Our hearts have been broken, our lives ruined,
- 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:41,371 and now we are set to die.
- 00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:44,207 Yes, but just think about... panda bears!
- 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,377 Oh, they're so cuddly and sweet, panda bears are.
- 00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,295 What silly little noses they have!
- 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,965 Panda bears make me sad. They're almost extinct.
- 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,300 Oh, right, right. Let's not think about panda bears, then.
- 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:55,885 Let's think about...swimming!
- 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,470 Oh, what jolly fun swimming is,
- 00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,430 with a splishy-splash and a hold-your-breath-tight!
- 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,100 Yes.
- 00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,144 Get out of that chair, you old cow!
- 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,940 Estella, listen to me.
- 00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,859 You are a wonderful girl with a kind heart.
- 00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,986 I told you, Pip, I have no heart.
- 00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,738 But you do! And I shall prove it to you once and for all.
- 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,034 Look at this adorable little bunny.
- 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,870 Oh, my. He's very cute.
- 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,122 You see? A heartless person wouldn't care about this bunny.
- 00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:25,999 They'd just as soon break its neck.
- 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,587 Oh. But look at this bunny.
- 00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:32,046 There. You see that?
- 00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,756 You have too big a heart to kill two baby bunnies.
- 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:37,343 Right.
- 00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:39,387 Oh, what fun it is to collect stamps!
- 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,139 Lick the backs, put them into books--
- 00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,641 all tidy with their smashing pictures and bright colors!
- 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:46,644 My father died in a stamp-collecting accident.
- 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,521 Right, let's not talk about stamp collecting, then.
- 00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:49,772 Let's talk about...
- 00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:51,482 ice skating!
- 00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,443 Oh, what fun ice skating is! Who can catch me?
- 00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,778 Who can catch the ice-skating king? That's me!
- 00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,822 I can't fight 'em off no more!
- 00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:00,617 A person with a heart could never kill nine baby bunnies.
- 00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,535 So you do have too big a heart to--
- 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,413 10 baby bunnies.
- 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,165 There's too many of 'em!
- 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,751 Oh, please, sirs, you must not cry.
- 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,128 We can't help it. You're boring us to tears!
- 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,674 Pip, it's too late!
- 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:20,261 26 baby bunnies.
- 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,138 I don't want to. I don't see the point in this.
- 00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,140 What? - I don't want to kill any more of them.
- 00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:27,018 There! You see?! You <i>do</i> have a heart!
- 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,354 You think so? Let me see it. Maybe I <i>can</i> kill it.
- 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,232 No, no, I'm sure of it. You have a heart.
- 00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:34,359 You want your own life. Come with me now!
- 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,070 Yes...
- 00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:44,953 No-o-o!
- 00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:46,829 Aaah!
- 00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:48,456 Ooh, top smart, Pip!
- 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:51,751 You did it, Pip!
- 00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:58,841 Well, I guess old Miss Havesham won't be taking any revenge
- 00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:00,551 on any more blokes, eh?
- 00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:03,263 Yes, her poor, miserable life is finally over.
- 00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:05,306 You're released from her now, Estella.
- 00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,141 Now we can begin our life together.
- 00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,352 Yes. Yes, my small-testicled love.
- 00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,145 Oh, I'm <i>so</i> glad everything has worked out.
- 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,647 Where are all my little bunnies
- 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,607 that you borrowed, then, Pip?
- 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:16,985 And they all lived happily ever after.
- 00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:20,571 Except for Pocket, who died of Hepatitis B.
- 00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:24,575 So ends Charles Dickens' "Great Expectations."
- 00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:27,453 We hope you now have a deeper appreciation for Pip,
- 00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:30,999 and, indeed, all masterpieces of literature like this one.
- 00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:33,793 Until next time, I'm a British person.
- 00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,628 Good night.
- 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:06,298 [Antonio Vivaldi's "Four Seasons: Spring" plays]
- 00:00:11,429 --> 00:00:14,390 [British accent] Ahh...Dickens.
- 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,767 The imagery of cobblestone streets,
- 00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,602 craggy London buildings,
- 00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:21,772 and nutmeg-filled Yorkshire puddings.
- 00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,483 Hello, I'm a British person.
- 00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:28,112 For years now, the character Pip has been featured prominently
- 00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:30,114 in the American show <i>South Park.</i>
- 00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:33,659 However, many Americans don't realize where Pip came from.
- 00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:36,037 He's the prowling, adorable little Englishman
- 00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:39,123 from Charles Dickens' timeless classic
- 00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:41,500 <i>Great Expectations.</i>
- 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,961 And so, tonight, the makers of <i>South Park</i>
- 00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,714 have agreed to take a break from their regular show
- 00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:49,216 and instead present the prestigious Dickens tale
- 00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:51,844 in its entirety from beginning to end.
- 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,679 Indeed, after watching this show,
- 00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,723 you'll know the timeless classic
- 00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:58,392 as if you'd read the cliffsnotes themselves.
- 00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:01,187 Our story is set in England,
- 00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:04,774 in the small town of Draffordshire-upon-Topsmart,
- 00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,526 where a young blond-haired boy named Pip
- 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,987 was on his way to see his parents.
- 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,163 'Ello, Mum. 'Ello, Dad.
- 00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,123 It certainly is nice to see you again.
- 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,584 Don't worry. Sister is still taking very good care of me.
- 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,377 She just loves to smack me in the face
- 00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:26,420 and tell me I'm worthless.
- 00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:28,547 Oh, we have such fun together!
- 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,219 Well, it's getting dark, Mum and Dad.
- 00:01:33,344 --> 00:01:34,762 I'll see you again soon.
- 00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,727 Wha-- Wha-- you little Wiversham?
- 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,979 Oh, hello. Why, you look like an escaped convict.
- 00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,773 Did we breakie-wakies out of prison?
- 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,275 Oh, dear, but you're shackled.
- 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,568 Here, let me help you.
- 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:50,945 What are you doing with those?
- 00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:53,114 I'm an apprentice blacksmith. There you are.
- 00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:55,741 And here's a sandwich. You must be starving.
- 00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:58,994 Why are you so easy to help me?
- 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,538 It's not for me to judge you, sir.
- 00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:01,664 We are all the same.
- 00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:07,294 Don't quite all smell the same, though, I'm afraid.
- 00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:08,629 [rhythmic clanging]
- 00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,131 Pip, where have you been?!
- 00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:11,382 Wha--
- 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:12,550 Lovely day, isn't it?
- 00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:14,343 What the hell's lovely about it?!
- 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,762 Joe, teach this boy some bloody cynicism!
- 00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,806 Oh, I don't know about that.
- 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,975 I just like to keep to me blacksmithing.
- 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:24,854 Hey, look -I've made me a metal fire poker.
- 00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:27,481 A lot of bloody good a fire poker's gonna do
- 00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:29,024 when I'm starving to death!
- 00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:30,985 Why don't you make us some bloody food to eat?!
- 00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:35,406 Alright, look here-- I made me a metal orange.
- 00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:36,991 Stuff your metal orange, you bastard!
- 00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:40,286 You're not worth a tablespoon of nightingale droppings,
- 00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:42,163 you metal-pounding fairy!
- 00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:45,207 And you -why don't you get a job?! You're 8 years old now!
- 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:49,879 Oh, lookee here -I've gone and made a metal newspaper.
- 00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,338 Shut up, you silly nit!
- 00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,382 What the hell are we supposed to do
- 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:54,967 with a metal newspaper?!
- 00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,469 Well, for starters, we can look in the want ads
- 00:02:57,595 --> 00:02:59,346 and see if we can find Pip a job.
- 00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,890 Oh, look here!
- 00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,225 "Young man wanted for paid position."
- 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,518 Where? - Where?
- 00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,645 "Havesham residence seeks young boy
- 00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,147 "to play with lonely daughter.
- 00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:09,440 "Will pay up to...
- 00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:11,483 20 quid a day?!"
- 00:03:11,609 --> 00:03:12,818 That's a lot of money-woney.
- 00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,195 You can keep a little girl company
- 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,030 for 20 quid a day, Pip.
- 00:03:16,155 --> 00:03:20,659 And old Mrs. Havesham is the wealthiest woman in the town!
- 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,494 British person: Well, the very next day,
- 00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:26,123 Pip went to old Miss Havesham's house to inquire about the job,
- 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:29,668 and it was there that he met the girl of his dreams.
- 00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:32,004 Who are you?
- 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,089 I've come to answer the want ad.
- 00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,467 Is that so, you smelly little bastard?
- 00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,719 What?! - This way, you pathetic squirt.
- 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:43,515 This way, you beef-witted, shriveled-up monkey's penis.
- 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:48,979 Up here, you gamy mass of baby vomit.
- 00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:51,357 In here.
- 00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:52,650 Oh, after you, miss.
- 00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,151 I'm not going in there,
- 00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,903 you stupid puddle of a homeless man's urine.
- 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,742 Who is that?
- 00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,410 I've come to answer the want ad, ma'am.
- 00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:05,704 Come closer. Look at me.
- 00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:08,958 Does it frighten you to look upon a woman
- 00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,335 who has not seen the sun in over 20 years?
- 00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,337 Oh, no, no! You sort of look upon women
- 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,506 who have not seen the sun for over 20 years
- 00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:16,548 quite a lot these days.
- 00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:19,051 I sometimes have sick fancies,
- 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,387 and I have a fancy I should like to see someone play.
- 00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,513 So, play.
- 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,099 Play.
- 00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,308 Um...
- 00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,437 Estella, play with this boy.
- 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:31,689 With <i>him?</i>
- 00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:34,608 But he's just a commoner!
- 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:38,028 But you can break his heart.
- 00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,698 Alright, boy, let us play.
- 00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:42,116 Righty-o. What are we going to play?
- 00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,994 We are going to play a little game called
- 00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:47,162 "smack the blond boy in the head with a large log."
- 00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:49,957 Yes! My sister and I play that game all the time!
- 00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:51,625 Who will go first?
- 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,920 Oh, you stupid, pathetic boy!
- 00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,007 What do you think of her?
- 00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,759 Well, I -I think she's very pretty.
- 00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,636 Hmm. What else?
- 00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,054 I think she's rather insulting.
- 00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,682 You quite fancy her, don't you?
- 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:10,185 Come back again next week. We shall play some more.
- 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,982 British Person: That night, Pip spent all his sleeping hours
- 00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:18,193 unable to get Estella's beautiful face out of his mind.
- 00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:21,655 <i>Stop dreaming about me, you slow-witted rectal belch.</i>
- 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,158 Day after day, Pip visited Estella.
- 00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:26,910 Sometimes they would play. Sometimes they would talk.
- 00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:30,122 But every single day, Pip's love for Estella grew.
- 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,917 Don't you want to play anymore?
- 00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:35,919 Boy, do you still think I'm pretty?
- 00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,796 Oh, well... yes, miss.
- 00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,882 And do you still think I'm insulting?
- 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,509 Oh, um... not so much as before.
- 00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,136 Ow! - I hate you!
- 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:46,430 You're an oozing, painful hemorrhoid that belches pus.
- 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,974 Oh, dear. - You can kiss me if you like.
- 00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:53,604 Come, let us walk in the daisy garden.
- 00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:56,231 Oh, what fun it is to splash about in a fountain!
- 00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:57,900 You there, the prowling little boy.
- 00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,318 I bet you can't jump on my back.
- 00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:01,111 Go on, then. Try and jump on my back.
- 00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,446 Who is that?
- 00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,198 Just another playmate hired to amuse me.
- 00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,033 You didn't think you were the only one, did you?
- 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,743 Oh, I rather thought I was.
- 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,953 Oh, you silly, small-testicled boy.
- 00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:12,831 Come, let us walk through the rose garden.
- 00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,625 Yes, good.
- 00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:18,128 She will break his pathetic heart into a million pieces.
- 00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,845 Well, what a spot poor Pip was in!
- 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,263 He was hired to be the friend
- 00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,182 of the very harsh and beautiful Estella.
- 00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,184 And although she treated him like dirt--
- 00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,436 or perhaps <i>because</i> she treated him like dirt--
- 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,814 Pip found himself more in love with the little girl
- 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,148 each and every day.
- 00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,901 Oh, bless him! Isn't he lovely?
- 00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:42,653 But isn't it sad?
- 00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:44,029 Because Pip knew that someone
- 00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,407 as sophistated and as wealthy as Estella
- 00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:48,033 could never love him,
- 00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:51,036 for he was just a simple blacksmith's apprentice.
- 00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,830 [hammering]
- 00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:54,331 And so you bang on this side,
- 00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,041 a bang on that side,
- 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,253 and there you have it-- your very own metal fuzzy dice.
- 00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:00,337 Yes, I see.
- 00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:01,755 Ha ha. Lovely.
- 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,549 Eh, what's all this, Pip?
- 00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:06,051 Joe, do you know anything about girls?
- 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,511 Sure!
- 00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:10,055 They're those things with vaginas in them.
- 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,558 But do you know anything <i>about</i> them,
- 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:13,892 about how they work?
- 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,978 Oh, I don't know about that.
- 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,397 I just like to keep to me blacksmithing.
- 00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,399 Do you think that a girl who's rich and educated
- 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,443 would ever want to be with a blacksmith?
- 00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,694 Oh.
- 00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:26,655 Oh... No, I don't think so, Pip.
- 00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,907 [knock on door] Who could that be?
- 00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,118 Joe the blacksmith? - The same.
- 00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:32,411 I'm a lawyer from London
- 00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,413 in search of a young lad named Pip.
- 00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:35,497 I'm Pip, sir.
- 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,332 I've been sent to offer you
- 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:40,085 a reasonable sum of money in exchange for your apprentice.
- 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,546 Oh, well, Pip's not for sale, sir.
- 00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,339 I have a client
- 00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:45,424 who wishes to give this bright child a future.
- 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,384 Anything he desires. Do you still object?
- 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,553 Heaven forbid I should stand in the way
- 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,054 of Pip's future, but--
- 00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:52,806 He will one day inherit a handsome property,
- 00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,016 but the owner of that property
- 00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,767 wants him first to travel to London
- 00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:57,144 and learn to be a gentleman.
- 00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:59,438 That's great news!
- 00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:00,981 There's only one condition, Pip--
- 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,275 your benefactor wishes to remain anonymous.
- 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,486 Oh it must be Miss Havesham. - Uh-uh!
- 00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,696 If you have any suspicion of who that person might be,
- 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,907 you're to keep it in your own breast, understood?
- 00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:12,701 Yes, sir. - Then you will go to London in a week's time.
- 00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,994 Here's 20 sovereigns.
- 00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,537 Well, Blacksmith, you look stunned.
- 00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,664 I <i>am</i>, sir. - Then I shall take my leave.
- 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,124 Good evening, gentlemen,
- 00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,751 and we shall see you in London next week, Pip.
- 00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:21,752 Goodbye, sir.
- 00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:23,962 Pip, a young gentleman...
- 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:27,716 of great expectations!
- 00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:31,261 [bell tolling]
- 00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:38,310 You shall stay here with your roommate, Mr. Pocket.
- 00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,020 He is a distinguished young lad
- 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,064 who will help you on your way to being a gentleman.
- 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,607 I trust you see no problem with this?
- 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,567 None, sir. I should think not.
- 00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,070 On up, then, and prepare for school on the morrow.
- 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,279 Yes, sir! Thank you, sir!
- 00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,787 Mr. Pip. - Mr. Pocket?
- 00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,372 Pray, come in!
- 00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,582 Thank you kindly. You look rather familiar.
- 00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,085 As do you. Perhaps we've seen each other before.
- 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,711 As to our lodging, it's not splendid.
- 00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,089 This is our sitting room-- chairs and tables and carpet.
- 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,674 This is my little bedroom-- rather musty.
- 00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:09,758 And this is your bedroom.
- 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:10,968 My, how lovely.
- 00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,594 What a gay time we shall have!
- 00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,846 Gay as in festive, not as in penetration of the bum.
- 00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,682 You're holding your bags all this time!
- 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:18,433 Let me take them! I'm quite ashamed!
- 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,394 Oh, it's quite alright. Lord bless me!
- 00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:22,980 You're the gentleman I saw in Miss Havesham's house!
- 00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:25,023 Yes, of course! You're the prowling little boy!
- 00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,191 What a smashing coincidence!
- 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,484 Perhaps, but perhaps not.
- 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,111 Miss Havesham is very generous indeed.
- 00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,363 That old biddy -I have nothing to do with her anymore.
- 00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,906 She's absolutely mad. - What do you mean?
- 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,075 Don't you know about Miss Havesham's melancholy past?
- 00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,661 It's quite a story and shall be discussed over dinner.
- 00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,539 Time for a smashing meal and the story of Miss Havesham.
- 00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,416 Pocket, may I ask you a favor?
- 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,126 I am desperately trying to become a gentleman
- 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,877 for the love of a certain girl.
- 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:47,921 Will you tell me if I do something wrong at the table?
- 00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,132 You'll do fine, dear fellow. Now, on to Miss Havesham.
- 00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,800 She was raised by a wealthy father
- 00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,510 and grew up to be a spoiled brat.
- 00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,512 I might mention that, in London, it is not the custom
- 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,139 to put the knife in the mouth.
- 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,683 Oh, dear, I'm terribly sorry. - Not at all, I'm sure!
- 00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:02,561 Miss Havesham grew up to be a lovely young lady, and soon a man came along,
- 00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,354 which gets me to the cruel part of the story--
- 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,189 Merely breaking off to remark that a dinner napkin
- 00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:07,608 should never be placed into the tumbler.
- 00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,234 Sorry, sorry. - Not at all, I'm sure!
- 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,986 This man pursued Miss Havesham closely
- 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,362 and professed to be devoted to her.
- 00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,114 She passionately loved him back.
- 00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,991 The marriage day was fixed, the wedding dresses bought,
- 00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,076 the wedding guests invited, and finally the day came.
- 00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,244 But not the groom. - [farts]
- 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,621 I break from the tale only to mention
- 00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,247 that one should never pass gas at the table.
- 00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,625 Oh, excuse me. - Not at all, I'm sure!
- 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,335 The groom never showed.
- 00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,961 He simply wrote a letter that Miss Havesham received
- 00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:29,379 20 minutes before the wedding.
- 00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,006 At half 9:00-- the time when she stopped
- 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,466 all the clocks in the house.
- 00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:34,259 She laid waste to the house, as you have seen it,
- 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,136 and has never since looked upon the light of day.
- 00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,596 The story ends, Pip, with me suggesting
- 00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,306 that one should never pull out their wee-wee
- 00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:41,224 and check it for scabs whilst at the table.
- 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:44,102 Terribly sorry, Pocket. - Not at all, I'm sure!
- 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,438 British Person: and so Pip spent the next several months
- 00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,148 learning how to be a gentleman.
- 00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,317 He was schooled in several languages,
- 00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,027 he was taught fencing and marksmanship,
- 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,821 and he was shown how to dance and how to eat box.
- 00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:57,991 And after it all, after weeks and weeks of intense schooling,
- 00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:01,787 Pip was finally a full-fledged gentleman.
- 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:05,499 Proud of himself, Pip decided to pay Miss Havesham a visit
- 00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,709 to thank her for her generosity
- 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:11,380 and to see if he was indeed now good enough for Estella.
- 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,840 Good evening, Miss Havesham. - Come closer, Pip.
- 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:16,134 My, you're quite the gentleman now, aren't you?
- 00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:17,427 Thanks to you. - Perhaps.
- 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,179 Estella's been off to school as well.
- 00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,555 She's become quite the lady.
- 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,516 Would you like to see a picture of her?
- 00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,227 Oh, my, she is even prettier than before.
- 00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,646 Oh, you love her, don't you, Pip?
- 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:30,232 I don't know. I mean, I think about her every day.
- 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,942 Do you know what love is, Pip?
- 00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,527 It is blind devotion,
- 00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:36,154 unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission,
- 00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,823 trust and belief against yourself
- 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,366 and against the whole world,
- 00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:42,119 giving up your whole heart and soul to Smiter.
- 00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,829 Righto. - Love her, Pip.
- 00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,414 I developed her into what she is
- 00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,582 so that she might... be loved.
- 00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,459 Yes, but... Where will I find her?
- 00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,253 There's a dance at the palace tomorrow night.
- 00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,796 Estella will be there.
- 00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:55,549 Go and seek her out. And love her -love her!
- 00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:57,426 Thank you, Miss Havesham, for everything!
- 00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,052 I'm the happiest boy in the land!
- 00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,971 And if she wounds you, love her,
- 00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:03,306 if she tears your heart into pieces--
- 00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:05,392 and as you get older, it will tear deeper--
- 00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:06,435 love her!
- 00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:15,318 Yes, our young Pip had come a long way,
- 00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:17,487 from the apprentice of a blacksmith
- 00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:20,240 to a fine young gentleman of great expectations.
- 00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:23,702 And now he was to finally see his beloved Estella again
- 00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:27,080 at a grand ball held by the King of England, Tony Blair.
- 00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:30,125 It was here that Pip would finally and formally ask Estella
- 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,501 to be his girlfriend,
- 00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:34,504 and all would be right with the world.
- 00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,006 [chamber music plays]
- 00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:40,719 Hello! Estella?
- 00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:43,430 Pip! My goodness, how you've changed.
- 00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,015 Yes, I've become a gentleman.
- 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,141 May I?
- 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,058 I suppose.
- 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,272 So, how is it that you've learned to dress and dance?
- 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,149 Well, I was sent to be schooled in London.
- 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,110 I see. And you no longer live with the blacksmith?
- 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,695 Oh, I see Joe once in a while,
- 00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,739 but I don't have much in common with him anymore
- 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:02,741 a gentleman and all. - Naturally.
- 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,330 It is wonderful to see you again, Estella.
- 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,748 Is it? Why?
- 00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,124 Because I believe I'm in love with you.
- 00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,251 Pip, you must know that I have no heart.
- 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:15,295 I think you do.
- 00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,047 Oh, I have a heart to be shot or stabbed in, no doubt,
- 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,174 and if it ceased to beat, I should cease to be.
- 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,759 But you know what I mean.
- 00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,553 I have no softness there, no sympathy, sentiment.
- 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,096 I see past that, Estella.
- 00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:27,015 I see a little girl who wants to be warm and kind.
- 00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,892 Hey, Estella, let's get out of here.
- 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:31,770 Alright, Steve. Just one moment.
- 00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:33,230 Who -who is that?
- 00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,732 That is Steve. He is 17 and has a car.
- 00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,026 I see. And you fancy this Steve fellow?
- 00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,861 I should-- he's my boyfriend.
- 00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,822 Boyfriend! - What's the matter, Pip?
- 00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,740 I don't understand. I did everything right.
- 00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:45,116 I stopped being a poor commoner.
- 00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,743 I even blew off my loving Joe!
- 00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:49,329 It's -it's the way it goes sometimes, Pip.
- 00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:50,497 He's 17 and has a car.
- 00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:52,374 I'm -I'm very...
- 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,084 I'm...leaving.
- 00:13:58,213 --> 00:13:59,714 [lightning crashes]
- 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,551 Miss Havesham, you have to talk to Estella.
- 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,010 She's going out with a--
- 00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,471 Well, well, well, if it isn't Mr. Pip.
- 00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,391 Miss Havesham. But I--
- 00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,184 Don't they make a handsome couple, Pip?
- 00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:13,270 Look at the way he holds her hand.
- 00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:14,604 But I don't understand.
- 00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,231 You sent me away to become a gentleman
- 00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,108 so that <i>I</i> could be with Estella.
- 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:19,985 Things aren't always what they seem, Pip.
- 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,112 Oh, what's the matter?
- 00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:25,282 Did she...break your heart?
- 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:29,327 Well, I suppose that if you set out to break my heart,
- 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,288 you did a very good job of it...
- 00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:32,914 Because it certainly does hurt.
- 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,208 Yes, tell me about the pain.
- 00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,794 Tell me about the crushing and the prickly things.
- 00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:41,381 It's as if someone has ahold of my heart
- 00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,174 and is squeezing it very tightly.
- 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,635 Yes! And it is somewhat difficult to breathe.
- 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,429 Hey, wait a second!
- 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:50,307 You mean this whole thing was just a setup by your mom?
- 00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:53,059 Is your heart broken as well? Tell me all about it.
- 00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:54,978 But why do you make your daughter hurt people?
- 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,314 Why? Well, that's simple.
- 00:14:57,439 --> 00:14:59,816 Because I need the tears of broken hearted men
- 00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:02,193 to use in my Genesis device.
- 00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:06,281 You see, my foolish child, I am growing very old.
- 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:10,035 But tonight I will fuse my soul into Estella's once and for all,
- 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,162 and then I can go on breaking men's hearts
- 00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:13,997 for another generation.
- 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:15,707 What the hell?!
- 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:18,376 Estella, prepare yourself for the Genesis platform.
- 00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,295 Oh, no, you don't!
- 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,130 You're <i>my</i> girl, and I'm not letting you walk out on me!
- 00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:25,884 What the--
- 00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,260 And as for you, Pip,
- 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:30,138 my robot monkeys should take care of you!
- 00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,183 [robot monkeys screeching] Aah!
- 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,394 Ah!
- 00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:40,815 Pip?
- 00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:43,068 Pip, old chap? - Joe?
- 00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:46,112 That's right. You're safe and warm now.
- 00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,365 Joe found you lying facedown in the street, Mr. Pip.
- 00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,867 You were in a state. You've been unconscious for nearly three hours.
- 00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,494 Miss Havesham has all the men
- 00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,412 who have had their hearts broken by Estella in her house!
- 00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,164 Why would she have wasted all that time
- 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,041 sending me to school and turning me into a gentleman?!
- 00:15:58,166 --> 00:15:59,542 Well, about that, Pip...
- 00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,836 There's another person who wants to see you.
- 00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,214 'Ello, Pip. You remember me?
- 00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,759 <i>I'll rip off your arms and shove 'em up your arse!</i>
- 00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:11,137 Why, you're the escaped convict I helped a long time ago.
- 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,722 Yes. After you helped me,
- 00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,891 I moved to Wales and made something of myself.
- 00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,226 If it weren't for you,
- 00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:18,186 I'd have never become a millionaire.
- 00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,814 He's the one that sent you to London, Pip.
- 00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:23,608 He's the one that sent you off to be a gentleman.
- 00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:26,069 You? But why?
- 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,697 Because back then you treated me like any other person.
- 00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,198 You weren't a snob,
- 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,950 and you helped me like you would a rich man.
- 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,285 Oh, dear. All this time I thought it was Miss Havesham.
- 00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,620 She totally let me believe it.
- 00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,163 I tried to tell you.
- 00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,999 She's a vengeful woman who wanted nothing more
- 00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:41,292 than to see you hurt along with the rest of the male sex.
- 00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,461 Well, I've certainly learned a lot--
- 00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,714 that being a gentleman doesn't mean learning to dance
- 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,215 or proper table manners.
- 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,385 It means being a gentle man, gentle to everyone.
- 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,137 Righto, Pip. Righto.
- 00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,723 And now I suppose there's only one thing left to do.
- 00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,474 What's that, Pip?
- 00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,852 If Miss Havesham is determined to do this to others...
- 00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,937 Let's go kick her ass!
- 00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,022 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
- 00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:10,196 And now we come to the final act of the Dickens classic tale
- 00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:13,450 in which the stage is set for an epic showdown.
- 00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,161 Miss havesham's robot monkeys prove a formidable foe,
- 00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,496 but Pip is not about to let Estella's soul
- 00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:21,458 be forever consumed by the Genesis device.
- 00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:26,254 And now the thrilling conclusion of "Great Expectations."
- 00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,009 Are you ready, Estella?
- 00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:33,011 Are you ready to complete the cycle?
- 00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,387 Yes, mother.
- 00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:39,309 Not so fast, you ugly, ancient bitch!
- 00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:40,477 Pip?
- 00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:45,065 Your man-hating days are over, Havesham!
- 00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:46,775 Quite the contrary, Blacksmith.
- 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:49,736 My revenge on the male race is only about to begin.
- 00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,154 Dear God, Pip. Look!
- 00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,948 Estella, help me! I'm your boyfriend!
- 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,617 So am I. And me.
- 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,368 We were all Estella's boyfriends
- 00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,120 at one time or another, and now we're doomed.
- 00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,955 Yes, cry away, males.
- 00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,625 Once your tears have collected into the Genesis device,
- 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,960 the fusion of Estella and me will be complete.
- 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,212 You won't get away with this!
- 00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:08,129 Won't I?
- 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,216 [screeching]
- 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,803 Let the transformation begin.
- 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,640 Pip, she started the device!
- 00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,350 [crying]
- 00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:22,227 Pocket, get over there and do whatever it takes
- 00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:23,603 to keep those blokes from crying.
- 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:24,604 Righto, Pip.
- 00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,439 It begins.
- 00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,441 Come, Estella. You can't want to be part of this!
- 00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,151 It is... what I was raised for.
- 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,154 Hello, gentlemen.
- 00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,572 Whatever you do, please do not cry.
- 00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,825 Havesham's device fuels itself on your tears, I'm afraid.
- 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,284 How are we not to cry?
- 00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:39,911 Our hearts have been broken, our lives ruined,
- 00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:41,371 and now we are set to die.
- 00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:44,207 Yes, but just think about... panda bears!
- 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,377 Oh, they're so cuddly and sweet, panda bears are.
- 00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,295 What silly little noses they have!
- 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,965 Panda bears make me sad. They're almost extinct.
- 00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,300 Oh, right, right. Let's not think about panda bears, then.
- 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:55,885 Let's think about...swimming!
- 00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,470 Oh, what jolly fun swimming is,
- 00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,430 with a splishy-splash and a hold-your-breath-tight!
- 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,100 Yes.
- 00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,144 Get out of that chair, you old cow!
- 00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:05,353 [hawks]
- 00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,522 [gurgles]
- 00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,940 Estella, listen to me.
- 00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,859 You are a wonderful girl with a kind heart.
- 00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,986 I told you, Pip, I have no heart.
- 00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,738 But you do! And I shall prove it to you once and for all.
- 00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:17,866 [screeching]
- 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,034 Look at this adorable little bunny.
- 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,870 Oh, my. He's very cute.
- 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,122 You see? A heartless person wouldn't care about this bunny.
- 00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:25,999 They'd just as soon break its neck.
- 00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,293 [crack, bunny squeaks]
- 00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,587 Oh. But look at this bunny.
- 00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:32,046 There. You see that?
- 00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,756 You have too big a heart to kill two baby bunnies.
- 00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:35,842 [crack, bunny squeaks]
- 00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:37,343 Right.
- 00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:39,387 Oh, what fun it is to collect stamps!
- 00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,139 Lick the backs, put them into books--
- 00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,641 all tidy with their smashing pictures and bright colors!
- 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:46,644 My father died in a stamp-collecting accident.
- 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,521 Right, let's not talk about stamp collecting, then.
- 00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:49,772 Let's talk about...
- 00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:51,482 ice skating!
- 00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,443 Oh, what fun ice skating is! Who can catch me?
- 00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,778 Who can catch the ice-skating king? That's me!
- 00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,822 I can't fight 'em off no more!
- 00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:00,617 A person with a heart could never kill nine baby bunnies.
- 00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,535 So you do have too big a heart to--
- 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:03,661 [crack, bunny squeaks]
- 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,413 10 baby bunnies.
- 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,165 There's too many of 'em!
- 00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,751 [crying] Oh, please, sirs, you must not cry.
- 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,128 We can't help it. You're boring us to tears!
- 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,674 Pip, it's too late!
- 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:20,261 26 baby bunnies.
- 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,138 I don't want to. I don't see the point in this.
- 00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,140 What? - I don't want to kill any more of them.
- 00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:27,018 There! You see?! You <i>do</i> have a heart!
- 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,354 You think so? Let me see it. Maybe I <i>can</i> kill it.
- 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,232 No, no, I'm sure of it. You have a heart.
- 00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:34,359 You want your own life. Come with me now!
- 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,070 Yes...
- 00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:44,953 No-o-o!
- 00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:46,829 Aaah!
- 00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:48,456 Ooh, top smart, Pip!
- 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:51,751 You did it, Pip!
- 00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:58,841 Well, I guess old Miss Havesham won't be taking any revenge
- 00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:00,551 on any more blokes, eh?
- 00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:03,263 Yes, her poor, miserable life is finally over.
- 00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:05,306 You're released from her now, Estella.
- 00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,141 Now we can begin our life together.
- 00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,352 Yes. Yes, my small-testicled love.
- 00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,145 Oh, I'm <i>so</i> glad everything has worked out.
- 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,647 Where are all my little bunnies
- 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,607 that you borrowed, then, Pip?
- 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:16,985 And they all lived happily ever after.
- 00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:20,571 Except for Pocket, who died of Hepatitis B.
- 00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:24,575 So ends Charles Dickens' "Great Expectations."
- 00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:27,453 We hope you now have a deeper appreciation for Pip,
- 00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:30,999 and, indeed, all masterpieces of literature like this one.
- 00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:33,793 Until next time, I'm a British person.
- 00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,628 Good night.
- 00:21:35,753 --> 00:21:37,964 [Antonio Vivaldi's "Four Seasons: Spring" plays]
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