Пип

00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,767

The imagery

of cobblestone streets,

00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,602

craggy London buildings,

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:21,772

and nutmeg-filled

Yorkshire puddings.

00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,483

Hello, I'm a British person.

00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:28,112

For years now, the character Pip

has been featured prominently

00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:30,114

in the American show

South Park.

00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:33,659

However, many Americans don't

realize where Pip came from.

00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:36,037

He's the prowling,

adorable little Englishman

00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:39,123

from Charles Dickens'

timeless classic

00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:41,500

Great Expectations.

00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,961

And so, tonight,

the makers of South Park

00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,714

have agreed to take a break

from their regular show

00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:49,216

and instead present

the prestigious Dickens tale

00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:51,844

in its entirety

from beginning to end.

00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,679

Indeed,

after watching this show,

00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,723

you'll know the timeless classic

00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:58,392

as if you'd read

the cliffsnotes themselves.

00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:01,187

Our story is set in England,

00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:04,774

in the small town of

Draffordshire-upon-Topsmart,

00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,526

where a young blond-haired boy

named Pip

00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,987

was on his way

to see his parents.

00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,163

'Ello, Mum.

'Ello, Dad.

00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,123

It certainly is nice

to see you again.

00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,584

Don't worry. Sister is still

taking very good care of me.

00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,377

She just loves

to smack me in the face

00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:26,420

and tell me I'm worthless.

00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:28,547

Oh, we have such fun together!

00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,219

Well, it's getting dark,

Mum and Dad.

00:01:33,344 --> 00:01:34,762

I'll see you again soon.

00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,727

Wha--

Wha--

you little Wiversham?

00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,979

Oh, hello. Why, you look

like an escaped convict.

00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,773

Did we breakie-wakies

out of prison?

00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,275

Oh, dear,

but you're shackled.

00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,568

Here, let me help you.

00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:50,945

What are you doing

with those?

00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:53,114

I'm an apprentice blacksmith.

There you are.

00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:55,741

And here's a sandwich.

You must be starving.

00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:58,994

Why are you

so easy to help me?

00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,538

It's not for me

to judge you, sir.

00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:01,664

We are all the same.

00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:07,294

Don't quite all smell the same,

though, I'm afraid.

00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,131

Pip, where

have you been?!

00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:11,382

Wha--

00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:12,550

Lovely day, isn't it?

00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:14,343

What the hell's

lovely about it?!

00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,762

Joe, teach this boy

some bloody cynicism!

00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,806

Oh, I don't know

about that.

00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,975

I just like to keep

to me blacksmithing.

00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:24,854

Hey, look -I've made me

a metal fire poker.

00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:27,481

A lot of bloody good

a fire poker's gonna do

00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:29,024

when I'm starving to death!

00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:30,985

Why don't you make us

some bloody food to eat?!

00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:35,406

Alright, look here--

I made me a metal orange.

00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:36,991

Stuff your metal orange,

you bastard!

00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:40,286

You're not worth a tablespoon

of nightingale droppings,

00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:42,163

you metal-pounding fairy!

00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:45,207

And you -why don't you get

a job?! You're 8 years old now!

00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:49,879

Oh, lookee here -I've gone

and made a metal newspaper.

00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,338

Shut up, you silly nit!

00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,382

What the hell

are we supposed to do

00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:54,967

with a metal newspaper?!

00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,469

Well, for starters,

we can look in the want ads

00:02:57,595 --> 00:02:59,346

and see if we can

find Pip a job.

00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,890

Oh, look here!

00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,225

"Young man wanted

for paid position."

00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,518

Where?

- Where?

00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,645

"Havesham residence

seeks young boy

00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,147

"to play

with lonely daughter.

00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:09,440

"Will pay up to...

00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:11,483

20 quid a day?!"

00:03:11,609 --> 00:03:12,818

That's a lot of money-woney.

00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,195

You can keep

a little girl company

00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,030

for 20 quid a day, Pip.

00:03:16,155 --> 00:03:20,659

And old Mrs. Havesham is the

wealthiest woman in the town!

00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,494

Well, the very next day,

00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:26,123

Pip went to old Miss Havesham's

house to inquire about the job,

00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:29,668

and it was there that he met

the girl of his dreams.

00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:32,004

Who are you?

00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,089

I've come to answer

the want ad.

00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,467

Is that so,

you smelly little bastard?

00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,719

What?!

- This way,

you pathetic squirt.

00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:43,515

This way, you beef-witted,

shriveled-up monkey's penis.

00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:48,979

Up here, you gamy mass

of baby vomit.

00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:51,357

In here.

00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:52,650

Oh, after you, miss.

00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,151

I'm not going in there,

00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,903

you stupid puddle

of a homeless man's urine.

00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,742

Who is that?

00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,410

I've come to answer

the want ad, ma'am.

00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:05,704

Come closer.

Look at me.

00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:08,958

Does it frighten you

to look upon a woman

00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,335

who has not seen the sun

in over 20 years?

00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,337

Oh, no, no!

You sort of look upon women

00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,506

who have not seen the sun

for over 20 years

00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:16,548

quite a lot these days.

00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:19,051

I sometimes have sick fancies,

00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,387

and I have a fancy I should

like to see someone play.

00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,513

So, play.

00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,099

Play.

00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,308

Um...

00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,437

Estella,

play with this boy.

00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:31,689

With him?

00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:34,608

But he's just a commoner!

00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:38,028

But you can

break his heart.

00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,698

Alright, boy,

let us play.

00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:42,116

Righty-o.

What are we going to play?

00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,994

We are going to play

a little game called

00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:47,162

"smack the blond boy

in the head with a large log."

00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:49,957

Yes! My sister and I play

that game all the time!

00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:51,625

Who will go first?

00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,920

Oh, you stupid,

pathetic boy!

00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,007

What do you think of her?

00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,759

Well, I -I think

she's very pretty.

00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,636

Hmm. What else?

00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,054

I think she's

rather insulting.

00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,682

You quite fancy her,

don't you?

00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:10,185

Come back again next week.

We shall play some more.

00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,982

That night,

Pip spent all his sleeping hours

00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:18,193

unable to get Estella's

beautiful face out of his mind.

00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:21,655

Stop dreaming about me,

you slow-witted rectal belch.

00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,158

Day after day,

Pip visited Estella.

00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:26,910

Sometimes they would play.

Sometimes they would talk.

00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:30,122

But every single day,

Pip's love for Estella grew.

00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,917

Don't you want

to play anymore?

00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:35,919

Boy, do you still

think I'm pretty?

00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,796

Oh, well... yes, miss.

00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,882

And do you still think

I'm insulting?

00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,509

Oh, um...

not so much as before.

00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,136

Ow!

- I hate you!

00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:46,430

You're an oozing, painful

hemorrhoid that belches pus.

00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,974

Oh, dear.

- You can kiss me if you like.

00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:53,604

Come, let us walk

in the daisy garden.

00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:56,231

Oh, what fun it is

to splash about in a fountain!

00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:57,900

You there,

the prowling little boy.

00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,318

I bet you can't

jump on my back.

00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:01,111

Go on, then.

Try and jump on my back.

00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,446

Who is that?

00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,198

Just another playmate

hired to amuse me.

00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,033

You didn't think you were

the only one, did you?

00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,743

Oh, I rather

thought I was.

00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,953

Oh, you silly,

small-testicled boy.

00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:12,831

Come, let us walk

through the rose garden.

00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,625

Yes, good.

00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:18,128

She will break his pathetic

heart into a million pieces.

00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,845

Well, what a spot

poor Pip was in!

00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,263

He was hired to be the friend

00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,182

of the very harsh

and beautiful Estella.

00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,184

And although she treated him

like dirt--

00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,436

or perhaps because

she treated him like dirt--

00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,814

Pip found himself more in love

with the little girl

00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,148

each and every day.

00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,901

Oh, bless him!

Isn't he lovely?

00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:42,653

But isn't it sad?

00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:44,029

Because Pip knew that someone

00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,407

as sophistated

and as wealthy as Estella

00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:48,033

could never love him,

00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:51,036

for he was just a simple

blacksmith's apprentice.

00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:54,331

And so you bang

on this side,

00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,041

a bang on that side,

00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,253

and there you have it--

your very own metal fuzzy dice.

00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:00,337

Yes, I see.

00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:01,755

Ha ha. Lovely.

00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,549

Eh, what's all this, Pip?

00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:06,051

Joe, do you know

anything about girls?

00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,511

Sure!

00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:10,055

They're those things

with vaginas in them.

00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,558

But do you know

anything about them,

00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:13,892

about how they work?

00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,978

Oh, I don't know

about that.

00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,397

I just like to keep

to me blacksmithing.

00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,399

Do you think that a girl

who's rich and educated

00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,443

would ever want to be

with a blacksmith?

00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,694

Oh.

00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:26,655

Oh...

No, I don't think so, Pip.

00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,907

Who could that be?

00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,118

Joe the blacksmith?

- The same.

00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:32,411

I'm a lawyer from London

00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,413

in search of a young lad

named Pip.

00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:35,497

I'm Pip, sir.

00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,332

I've been sent to offer you

00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:40,085

a reasonable sum of money in

exchange for your apprentice.

00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,546

Oh, well,

Pip's not for sale, sir.

00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,339

I have a client

00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:45,424

who wishes to give

this bright child a future.

00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,384

Anything he desires.

Do you still object?

00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,553

Heaven forbid

I should stand in the way

00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,054

of Pip's future, but--

00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:52,806

He will one day inherit

a handsome property,

00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,016

but the owner

of that property

00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,767

wants him first

to travel to London

00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:57,144

and learn to be a gentleman.

00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:59,438

That's great news!

00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:00,981

There's only

one condition, Pip--

00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,275

your benefactor wishes

to remain anonymous.

00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,486

Oh it must be Miss Havesham.

- Uh-uh!

00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,696

If you have any suspicion

of who that person might be,

00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,907

you're to keep it in your

own breast, understood?

00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:12,701

Yes, sir.

- Then you will go to London

in a week's time.

00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,994

Here's 20 sovereigns.

00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,537

Well, Blacksmith,

you look stunned.

00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,664

I am, sir.

- Then I shall take my leave.

00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,124

Good evening, gentlemen,

00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,751

and we shall see you

in London next week, Pip.

00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:21,752

Goodbye, sir.

00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:23,962

Pip, a young gentleman...

00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:27,716

of great expectations!

00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:38,310

You shall stay here with

your roommate, Mr. Pocket.

00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,020

He is a distinguished

young lad

00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,064

who will help you on your way

to being a gentleman.

00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,607

I trust you see

no problem with this?

00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,567

None, sir.

I should think not.

00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,070

On up, then, and prepare

for school on the morrow.

00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,279

Yes, sir!

Thank you, sir!

00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,787

Mr. Pip.

- Mr. Pocket?

00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,372

Pray, come in!

00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,582

Thank you kindly.

You look rather familiar.

00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,085

As do you. Perhaps we've

seen each other before.

00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,711

As to our lodging,

it's not splendid.

00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,089

This is our sitting room--

chairs and tables and carpet.

00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,674

This is my little bedroom--

rather musty.

00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:09,758

And this is your bedroom.

00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:10,968

My, how lovely.

00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,594

What a gay time

we shall have!

00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,846

Gay as in festive, not as

in penetration of the bum.

00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,682

You're holding

your bags all this time!

00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:18,433

Let me take them!

I'm quite ashamed!

00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,394

Oh, it's quite alright.

Lord bless me!

00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:22,980

You're the gentleman I saw

in Miss Havesham's house!

00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:25,023

Yes, of course!

You're the prowling little boy!

00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,191

What a smashing

coincidence!

00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,484

Perhaps, but perhaps not.

00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,111

Miss Havesham

is very generous indeed.

00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,363

That old biddy -I have nothing

to do with her anymore.

00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,906

She's absolutely mad.

- What do you mean?

00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,075

Don't you know about

Miss Havesham's melancholy past?

00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,661

It's quite a story and shall

be discussed over dinner.

00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,539

Time for a smashing meal and

the story of Miss Havesham.

00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,416

Pocket, may I ask you

a favor?

00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,126

I am desperately trying

to become a gentleman

00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,877

for the love

of a certain girl.

00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:47,921

Will you tell me if I do

something wrong at the table?

00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,132

You'll do fine, dear fellow.

Now, on to Miss Havesham.

00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,800

She was raised

by a wealthy father

00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,510

and grew up to be

a spoiled brat.

00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,512

I might mention that,

in London, it is not the custom

00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,139

to put the knife

in the mouth.

00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,683

Oh, dear, I'm terribly sorry.

- Not at all, I'm sure!

00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:02,561

Miss Havesham grew up

to be a lovely young lady,

and soon a man came along,

00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,354

which gets me to the cruel

part of the story--

00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,189

Merely breaking off to remark

that a dinner napkin

00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:07,608

should never be placed

into the tumbler.

00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,234

Sorry, sorry.

- Not at all, I'm sure!

00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,986

This man pursued

Miss Havesham closely

00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,362

and professed

to be devoted to her.

00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,114

She passionately

loved him back.

00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,991

The marriage day was fixed,

the wedding dresses bought,

00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,076

the wedding guests invited,

and finally the day came.

00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,244

But not the groom.

00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,621

I break from the tale

only to mention

00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,247

that one should never pass gas

at the table.

00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,625

Oh, excuse me.

- Not at all, I'm sure!

00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,335

The groom never showed.

00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,961

He simply wrote a letter

that Miss Havesham received

00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:29,379

20 minutes

before the wedding.

00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,006

At half 9:00--

the time when she stopped

00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,466

all the clocks

in the house.

00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:34,259

She laid waste to the house,

as you have seen it,

00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,136

and has never since

looked upon the light of day.

00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,596

The story ends, Pip,

with me suggesting

00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,306

that one should never

pull out their wee-wee

00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:41,224

and check it for scabs

whilst at the table.

00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:44,102

Terribly sorry, Pocket.

- Not at all, I'm sure!

00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,438

and so Pip spent

the next several months

00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,148

learning how to be a gentleman.

00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,317

He was schooled

in several languages,

00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,027

he was taught fencing

and marksmanship,

00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,821

and he was shown how to dance

and how to eat box.

00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:57,991

And after it all, after weeks

and weeks of intense schooling,

00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:01,787

Pip was finally

a full-fledged gentleman.

00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:05,499

Proud of himself, Pip decided

to pay Miss Havesham a visit

00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,709

to thank her for her generosity

00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:11,380

and to see if he was indeed now

good enough for Estella.

00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,840

Good evening, Miss Havesham.

- Come closer, Pip.

00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:16,134

My, you're quite

the gentleman now, aren't you?

00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:17,427

Thanks to you.

- Perhaps.

00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,179

Estella's been off

to school as well.

00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,555

She's become quite the lady.

00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,516

Would you like to see

a picture of her?

00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,227

Oh, my, she is even

prettier than before.

00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,646

Oh, you love her,

don't you, Pip?

00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:30,232

I don't know. I mean,

I think about her every day.

00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,942

Do you know

what love is, Pip?

00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,527

It is blind devotion,

00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:36,154

unquestioning self-humiliation,

utter submission,

00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,823

trust and belief

against yourself

00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,366

and against the whole world,

00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:42,119

giving up your whole

heart and soul to Smiter.

00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,829

Righto.

- Love her, Pip.

00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,414

I developed her

into what she is

00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,582

so that she might...

be loved.

00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,459

Yes, but...

Where will I find her?

00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,253

There's a dance

at the palace tomorrow night.

00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,796

Estella will be there.

00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:55,549

Go and seek her out.

And love her -love her!

00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:57,426

Thank you, Miss Havesham,

for everything!

00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,052

I'm the happiest boy

in the land!

00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,971

And if she wounds you, love her,

00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:03,306

if she tears your heart

into pieces--

00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:05,392

and as you get older,

it will tear deeper--

00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:06,435

love her!

00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:15,318

Yes, our young Pip

had come a long way,

00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:17,487

from the apprentice

of a blacksmith

00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:20,240

to a fine young gentleman

of great expectations.

00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:23,702

And now he was to finally see

his beloved Estella again

00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:27,080

at a grand ball held by

the King of England, Tony Blair.

00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:30,125

It was here that Pip would

finally and formally ask Estella

00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,501

to be his girlfriend,

00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:34,504

and all would be right

with the world.

00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:40,719

Hello! Estella?

00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:43,430

Pip! My goodness,

how you've changed.

00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,015

Yes, I've become

a gentleman.

00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,141

May I?

00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,058

I suppose.

00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,272

So, how is it that you've

learned to dress and dance?

00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,149

Well, I was sent to be

schooled in London.

00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,110

I see. And you no longer live

with the blacksmith?

00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,695

Oh, I see Joe

once in a while,

00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,739

but I don't have much

in common with him anymore

00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:02,741

a gentleman and all.

- Naturally.

00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,330

It is wonderful to

see you again, Estella.

00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,748

Is it? Why?

00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,124

Because I believe

I'm in love with you.

00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,251

Pip, you must know

that I have no heart.

00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:15,295

I think you do.

00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,047

Oh, I have a heart to be shot

or stabbed in, no doubt,

00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,174

and if it ceased to beat,

I should cease to be.

00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,759

But you know what I mean.

00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,553

I have no softness there,

no sympathy, sentiment.

00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,096

I see past that, Estella.

00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:27,015

I see a little girl

who wants to be warm and kind.

00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,892

Hey, Estella,

let's get out of here.

00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:31,770

Alright, Steve.

Just one moment.

00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:33,230

Who -who is that?

00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,732

That is Steve.

He is 17 and has a car.

00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,026

I see. And you fancy

this Steve fellow?

00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,861

I should--

he's my boyfriend.

00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,822

Boyfriend!

- What's the matter, Pip?

00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,740

I don't understand.

I did everything right.

00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:45,116

I stopped being

a poor commoner.

00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,743

I even blew off

my loving Joe!

00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:49,329

It's -it's the way it goes

sometimes, Pip.

00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:50,497

He's 17 and has a car.

00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:52,374

I'm -I'm very...

00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,084

I'm...leaving.

00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,551

Miss Havesham,

you have to talk to Estella.

00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,010

She's going out with a--

00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,471

Well, well, well,

if it isn't Mr. Pip.

00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,391

Miss Havesham. But I--

00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,184

Don't they make

a handsome couple, Pip?

00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:13,270

Look at the way

he holds her hand.

00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:14,604

But I don't understand.

00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,231

You sent me away

to become a gentleman

00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,108

so that I could be with Estella.

00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:19,985

Things aren't always

what they seem, Pip.

00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,112

Oh, what's the matter?

00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:25,282

Did she...break your heart?

00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:29,327

Well, I suppose that if you

set out to break my heart,

00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,288

you did a very good

job of it...

00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:32,914

Because it certainly does hurt.

00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,208

Yes, tell me about the pain.

00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,794

Tell me about the crushing

and the prickly things.

00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:41,381

It's as if

someone has ahold of my heart

00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,174

and is squeezing it

very tightly.

00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,635

Yes! And it is somewhat

difficult to breathe.

00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,429

Hey, wait a second!

00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:50,307

You mean this whole thing was

just a setup by your mom?

00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:53,059

Is your heart broken as well?

Tell me all about it.

00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:54,978

But why do you make

your daughter hurt people?

00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,314

Why?

Well, that's simple.

00:14:57,439 --> 00:14:59,816

Because I need the tears

of broken hearted men

00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:02,193

to use in my Genesis device.

00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:06,281

You see, my foolish child,

I am growing very old.

00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:10,035

But tonight I will fuse my soul

into Estella's once and for all,

00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,162

and then I can go on

breaking men's hearts

00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:13,997

for another generation.

00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:15,707

What the hell?!

00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:18,376

Estella, prepare yourself

for the Genesis platform.

00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,295

Oh, no, you don't!

00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,130

You're my girl, and I'm not

letting you walk out on me!

00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:25,884

What the--

00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,260

And as for you, Pip,

00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:30,138

my robot monkeys

should take care of you!

00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,183

Aah!

00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,394

Ah!

00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:40,815

Pip?

00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:43,068

Pip, old chap?

- Joe?

00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:46,112

That's right.

You're safe and warm now.

00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,365

Joe found you lying facedown

in the street, Mr. Pip.

00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,867

You were in a state. You've been

unconscious for nearly three hours.

00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,494

Miss Havesham has all the men

00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,412

who have had their hearts broken

by Estella in her house!

00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,164

Why would she have

wasted all that time

00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,041

sending me to school and turning

me into a gentleman?!

00:15:58,166 --> 00:15:59,542

Well, about that, Pip...

00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,836

There's another person

who wants to see you.

00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,214

'Ello, Pip.

You remember me?

00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,759

I'll rip off your arms

and shove 'em up your arse!

00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:11,137

Why, you're the escaped convict

I helped a long time ago.

00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,722

Yes.

After you helped me,

00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,891

I moved to Wales and made

something of myself.

00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,226

If it weren't for you,

00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:18,186

I'd have never

become a millionaire.

00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,814

He's the one that sent

you to London, Pip.

00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:23,608

He's the one that sent you off

to be a gentleman.

00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:26,069

You? But why?

00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,697

Because back then you treated me

like any other person.

00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,198

You weren't a snob,

00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,950

and you helped me

like you would a rich man.

00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,285

Oh, dear. All this time

I thought it was Miss Havesham.

00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,620

She totally

let me believe it.

00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,163

I tried to tell you.

00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,999

She's a vengeful woman

who wanted nothing more

00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:41,292

than to see you hurt along

with the rest of the male sex.

00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,461

Well, I've certainly

learned a lot--

00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,714

that being a gentleman

doesn't mean learning to dance

00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,215

or proper table manners.

00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,385

It means being a gentle man,

gentle to everyone.

00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,137

Righto, Pip. Righto.

00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,723

And now I suppose there's

only one thing left to do.

00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,474

What's that, Pip?

00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,852

If Miss Havesham is determined

to do this to others...

00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,937

Let's go kick her ass!

00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,022

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:10,196

And now we come to the final act

of the Dickens classic tale

00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:13,450

in which the stage is set

for an epic showdown.

00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,161

Miss havesham's robot monkeys

prove a formidable foe,

00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,496

but Pip is not about to let

Estella's soul

00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:21,458

be forever consumed

by the Genesis device.

00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:26,254

And now the thrilling conclusion

of "Great Expectations."

00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,009

Are you ready, Estella?

00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:33,011

Are you ready

to complete the cycle?

00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,387

Yes, mother.

00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:39,309

Not so fast,

you ugly, ancient bitch!

00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:40,477

Pip?

00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:45,065

Your man-hating days

are over, Havesham!

00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:46,775

Quite the contrary,

Blacksmith.

00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:49,736

My revenge on the male race

is only about to begin.

00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,154

Dear God, Pip. Look!

00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,948

Estella, help me!

I'm your boyfriend!

00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,617

So am I.

And me.

00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,368

We were all

Estella's boyfriends

00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,120

at one time or another,

and now we're doomed.

00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,955

Yes, cry away, males.

00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,625

Once your tears have collected

into the Genesis device,

00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,960

the fusion of Estella and me

will be complete.

00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,212

You won't get away with this!

00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:08,129

Won't I?

00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,803

Let the transformation begin.

00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,640

Pip, she started

the device!

00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:22,227

Pocket, get over there

and do whatever it takes

00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:23,603

to keep those blokes

from crying.

00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:24,604

Righto, Pip.

00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,439

It begins.

00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,441

Come, Estella. You can't want

to be part of this!

00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,151

It is...

what I was raised for.

00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,154

Hello, gentlemen.

00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,572

Whatever you do,

please do not cry.

00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,825

Havesham's device fuels itself

on your tears, I'm afraid.

00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,284

How are we not to cry?

00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:39,911

Our hearts have been broken,

our lives ruined,

00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:41,371

and now we are set

to die.

00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:44,207

Yes, but just think about...

panda bears!

00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,377

Oh, they're so cuddly and sweet,

panda bears are.

00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,295

What silly little noses

they have!

00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,965

Panda bears make me sad.

They're almost extinct.

00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,300

Oh, right, right. Let's not

think about panda bears, then.

00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:55,885

Let's think about...swimming!

00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,470

Oh, what jolly fun

swimming is,

00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,430

with a splishy-splash and

a hold-your-breath-tight!

00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,100

Yes.

00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,144

Get out of that chair,

you old cow!

00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,940

Estella, listen to me.

00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,859

You are a wonderful girl

with a kind heart.

00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,986

I told you, Pip,

I have no heart.

00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,738

But you do! And I shall prove it

to you once and for all.

00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,034

Look at this

adorable little bunny.

00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,870

Oh, my.

He's very cute.

00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,122

You see? A heartless person

wouldn't care about this bunny.

00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:25,999

They'd just as soon

break its neck.

00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,587

Oh.

But look at this bunny.

00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:32,046

There. You see that?

00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,756

You have too big a heart

to kill two baby bunnies.

00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:37,343

Right.

00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:39,387

Oh, what fun it is

to collect stamps!

00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,139

Lick the backs,

put them into books--

00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,641

all tidy with their smashing

pictures and bright colors!

00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:46,644

My father died

in a stamp-collecting accident.

00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,521

Right, let's not talk about

stamp collecting, then.

00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:49,772

Let's talk about...

00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:51,482

ice skating!

00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,443

Oh, what fun ice skating is!

Who can catch me?

00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,778

Who can catch

the ice-skating king? That's me!

00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,822

I can't fight 'em off no more!

00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:00,617

A person with a heart could

never kill nine baby bunnies.

00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,535

So you do have too big

a heart to--

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,413

10 baby bunnies.

00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,165

There's too many of 'em!

00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,751

Oh, please, sirs,

you must not cry.

00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,128

We can't help it.

You're boring us to tears!

00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,674

Pip, it's too late!

00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:20,261

26 baby bunnies.

00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,138

I don't want to.

I don't see the point in this.

00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,140

What?

- I don't want to kill

any more of them.

00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:27,018

There! You see?!

You do have a heart!

00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,354

You think so? Let me see it.

Maybe I can kill it.

00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,232

No, no, I'm sure of it.

You have a heart.

00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:34,359

You want your own life.

Come with me now!

00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,070

Yes...

00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:44,953

No-o-o!

00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:46,829

Aaah!

00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:48,456

Ooh, top smart, Pip!

00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:51,751

You did it, Pip!

00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:58,841

Well, I guess old Miss Havesham

won't be taking any revenge

00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:00,551

on any more blokes, eh?

00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:03,263

Yes, her poor, miserable life

is finally over.

00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:05,306

You're released

from her now, Estella.

00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,141

Now we can begin

our life together.

00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,352

Yes.

Yes, my small-testicled love.

00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,145

Oh, I'm so glad

everything has worked out.

00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,647

Where are all

my little bunnies

00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,607

that you borrowed,

then, Pip?

00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:16,985

And they all lived

happily ever after.

00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:20,571

Except for Pocket,

who died of Hepatitis B.

00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:24,575

So ends Charles Dickens'

"Great Expectations."

00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:27,453

We hope you now have

a deeper appreciation for Pip,

00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:30,999

and, indeed, all masterpieces

of literature like this one.

00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:33,793

Until next time,

I'm a British person.

00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,628

Good night.

00:00:11,429 --> 00:00:14,390

[British accent]

Ahh...Dickens.

00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,767

The imagery

of cobblestone streets,

00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,602

craggy London buildings,

00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:21,772

and nutmeg-filled

Yorkshire puddings.

00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,483

Hello, I'm a British person.

00:00:24,608 --> 00:00:28,112

For years now, the character Pip

has been featured prominently

00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:30,114

in the American show

South Park.

00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:33,659

However, many Americans don't

realize where Pip came from.

00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:36,037

He's the prowling,

adorable little Englishman

00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:39,123

from Charles Dickens'

timeless classic

00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:41,500

Great Expectations.

00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,961

And so, tonight,

the makers of South Park

00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,714

have agreed to take a break

from their regular show

00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:49,216

and instead present

the prestigious Dickens tale

00:00:49,341 --> 00:00:51,844

in its entirety

from beginning to end.

00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:53,679

Indeed,

after watching this show,

00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,723

you'll know the timeless classic

00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:58,392

as if you'd read

the cliffsnotes themselves.

00:00:58,517 --> 00:01:01,187

Our story is set in England,

00:01:01,312 --> 00:01:04,774

in the small town of

Draffordshire-upon-Topsmart,

00:01:04,899 --> 00:01:07,526

where a young blond-haired boy

named Pip

00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,987

was on his way

to see his parents.

00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,163

'Ello, Mum.

'Ello, Dad.

00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,123

It certainly is nice

to see you again.

00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,584

Don't worry. Sister is still

taking very good care of me.

00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,377

She just loves

to smack me in the face

00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:26,420

and tell me I'm worthless.

00:01:26,545 --> 00:01:28,547

Oh, we have such fun together!

00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,219

Well, it's getting dark,

Mum and Dad.

00:01:33,344 --> 00:01:34,762

I'll see you again soon.

00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,727

Wha--

Wha--

you little Wiversham?

00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,979

Oh, hello. Why, you look

like an escaped convict.

00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:45,773

Did we breakie-wakies

out of prison?

00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,275

Oh, dear,

but you're shackled.

00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:49,568

Here, let me help you.

00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:50,945

What are you doing

with those?

00:01:51,070 --> 00:01:53,114

I'm an apprentice blacksmith.

There you are.

00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:55,741

And here's a sandwich.

You must be starving.

00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:58,994

Why are you

so easy to help me?

00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,538

It's not for me

to judge you, sir.

00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:01,664

We are all the same.

00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:07,294

Don't quite all smell the same,

though, I'm afraid.

00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:08,629

[rhythmic clanging]

00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,131

Pip, where

have you been?!

00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:11,382

Wha--

00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:12,550

Lovely day, isn't it?

00:02:12,675 --> 00:02:14,343

What the hell's

lovely about it?!

00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,762

Joe, teach this boy

some bloody cynicism!

00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:18,806

Oh, I don't know

about that.

00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,975

I just like to keep

to me blacksmithing.

00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:24,854

Hey, look -I've made me

a metal fire poker.

00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:27,481

A lot of bloody good

a fire poker's gonna do

00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:29,024

when I'm starving to death!

00:02:29,150 --> 00:02:30,985

Why don't you make us

some bloody food to eat?!

00:02:31,110 --> 00:02:35,406

Alright, look here--

I made me a metal orange.

00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:36,991

Stuff your metal orange,

you bastard!

00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:40,286

You're not worth a tablespoon

of nightingale droppings,

00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:42,163

you metal-pounding fairy!

00:02:42,288 --> 00:02:45,207

And you -why don't you get

a job?! You're 8 years old now!

00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:49,879

Oh, lookee here -I've gone

and made a metal newspaper.

00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,338

Shut up, you silly nit!

00:02:51,463 --> 00:02:53,382

What the hell

are we supposed to do

00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:54,967

with a metal newspaper?!

00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:57,469

Well, for starters,

we can look in the want ads

00:02:57,595 --> 00:02:59,346

and see if we can

find Pip a job.

00:02:59,471 --> 00:03:00,890

Oh, look here!

00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,225

"Young man wanted

for paid position."

00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:04,518

Where?

- Where?

00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:06,645

"Havesham residence

seeks young boy

00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,147

"to play

with lonely daughter.

00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:09,440

"Will pay up to...

00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:11,483

20 quid a day?!"

00:03:11,609 --> 00:03:12,818

That's a lot of money-woney.

00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,195

You can keep

a little girl company

00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,030

for 20 quid a day, Pip.

00:03:16,155 --> 00:03:20,659

And old Mrs. Havesham is the

wealthiest woman in the town!

00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,494

British person:

Well, the very next day,

00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:26,123

Pip went to old Miss Havesham's

house to inquire about the job,

00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:29,668

and it was there that he met

the girl of his dreams.

00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:32,004

Who are you?

00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,089

I've come to answer

the want ad.

00:03:34,215 --> 00:03:36,467

Is that so,

you smelly little bastard?

00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,719

What?!

- This way,

you pathetic squirt.

00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:43,515

This way, you beef-witted,

shriveled-up monkey's penis.

00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:48,979

Up here, you gamy mass

of baby vomit.

00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:51,357

In here.

00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:52,650

Oh, after you, miss.

00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,151

I'm not going in there,

00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,903

you stupid puddle

of a homeless man's urine.

00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,742

Who is that?

00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,410

I've come to answer

the want ad, ma'am.

00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:05,704

Come closer.

Look at me.

00:04:06,956 --> 00:04:08,958

Does it frighten you

to look upon a woman

00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,335

who has not seen the sun

in over 20 years?

00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,337

Oh, no, no!

You sort of look upon women

00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:15,506

who have not seen the sun

for over 20 years

00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:16,548

quite a lot these days.

00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:19,051

I sometimes have sick fancies,

00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,387

and I have a fancy I should

like to see someone play.

00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:22,513

So, play.

00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,099

Play.

00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,308

Um...

00:04:28,852 --> 00:04:30,437

Estella,

play with this boy.

00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:31,689

With him?

00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:34,608

But he's just a commoner!

00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:38,028

But you can

break his heart.

00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,698

Alright, boy,

let us play.

00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:42,116

Righty-o.

What are we going to play?

00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,994

We are going to play

a little game called

00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:47,162

"smack the blond boy

in the head with a large log."

00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:49,957

Yes! My sister and I play

that game all the time!

00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:51,625

Who will go first?

00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,920

Oh, you stupid,

pathetic boy!

00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,007

What do you think of her?

00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,759

Well, I -I think

she's very pretty.

00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,636

Hmm. What else?

00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,054

I think she's

rather insulting.

00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,682

You quite fancy her,

don't you?

00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:10,185

Come back again next week.

We shall play some more.

00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:14,982

British Person: That night,

Pip spent all his sleeping hours

00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:18,193

unable to get Estella's

beautiful face out of his mind.

00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:21,655

Stop dreaming about me,

you slow-witted rectal belch.

00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,158

Day after day,

Pip visited Estella.

00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:26,910

Sometimes they would play.

Sometimes they would talk.

00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:30,122

But every single day,

Pip's love for Estella grew.

00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,917

Don't you want

to play anymore?

00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:35,919

Boy, do you still

think I'm pretty?

00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,796

Oh, well... yes, miss.

00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,882

And do you still think

I'm insulting?

00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,509

Oh, um...

not so much as before.

00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,136

Ow!

- I hate you!

00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:46,430

You're an oozing, painful

hemorrhoid that belches pus.

00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,974

Oh, dear.

- You can kiss me if you like.

00:05:50,768 --> 00:05:53,604

Come, let us walk

in the daisy garden.

00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:56,231

Oh, what fun it is

to splash about in a fountain!

00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:57,900

You there,

the prowling little boy.

00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,318

I bet you can't

jump on my back.

00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:01,111

Go on, then.

Try and jump on my back.

00:06:01,236 --> 00:06:02,446

Who is that?

00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,198

Just another playmate

hired to amuse me.

00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:06,033

You didn't think you were

the only one, did you?

00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,743

Oh, I rather

thought I was.

00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,953

Oh, you silly,

small-testicled boy.

00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:12,831

Come, let us walk

through the rose garden.

00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:14,625

Yes, good.

00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:18,128

She will break his pathetic

heart into a million pieces.

00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,845

Well, what a spot

poor Pip was in!

00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,263

He was hired to be the friend

00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,182

of the very harsh

and beautiful Estella.

00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,184

And although she treated him

like dirt--

00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,436

or perhaps because

she treated him like dirt--

00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,814

Pip found himself more in love

with the little girl

00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,148

each and every day.

00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:40,901

Oh, bless him!

Isn't he lovely?

00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:42,653

But isn't it sad?

00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:44,029

Because Pip knew that someone

00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:46,407

as sophistated

and as wealthy as Estella

00:06:46,532 --> 00:06:48,033

could never love him,

00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:51,036

for he was just a simple

blacksmith's apprentice.

00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,830

[hammering]

00:06:52,955 --> 00:06:54,331

And so you bang

on this side,

00:06:54,456 --> 00:06:56,041

a bang on that side,

00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:59,253

and there you have it--

your very own metal fuzzy dice.

00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:00,337

Yes, I see.

00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:01,755

Ha ha. Lovely.

00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,549

Eh, what's all this, Pip?

00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:06,051

Joe, do you know

anything about girls?

00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:07,511

Sure!

00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:10,055

They're those things

with vaginas in them.

00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:12,558

But do you know

anything about them,

00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:13,892

about how they work?

00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,978

Oh, I don't know

about that.

00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,397

I just like to keep

to me blacksmithing.

00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,399

Do you think that a girl

who's rich and educated

00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,443

would ever want to be

with a blacksmith?

00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:23,694

Oh.

00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:26,655

Oh...

No, I don't think so, Pip.

00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,907

[knock on door]

Who could that be?

00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,118

Joe the blacksmith?

- The same.

00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:32,411

I'm a lawyer from London

00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,413

in search of a young lad

named Pip.

00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:35,497

I'm Pip, sir.

00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,332

I've been sent to offer you

00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:40,085

a reasonable sum of money in

exchange for your apprentice.

00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,546

Oh, well,

Pip's not for sale, sir.

00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,339

I have a client

00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:45,424

who wishes to give

this bright child a future.

00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,384

Anything he desires.

Do you still object?

00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,553

Heaven forbid

I should stand in the way

00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,054

of Pip's future, but--

00:07:51,180 --> 00:07:52,806

He will one day inherit

a handsome property,

00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,016

but the owner

of that property

00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,767

wants him first

to travel to London

00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:57,144

and learn to be a gentleman.

00:07:57,269 --> 00:07:59,438

That's great news!

00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:00,981

There's only

one condition, Pip--

00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,275

your benefactor wishes

to remain anonymous.

00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,486

Oh it must be Miss Havesham.

- Uh-uh!

00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,696

If you have any suspicion

of who that person might be,

00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,907

you're to keep it in your

own breast, understood?

00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:12,701

Yes, sir.

- Then you will go to London

in a week's time.

00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:13,994

Here's 20 sovereigns.

00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,537

Well, Blacksmith,

you look stunned.

00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,664

I am, sir.

- Then I shall take my leave.

00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,124

Good evening, gentlemen,

00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,751

and we shall see you

in London next week, Pip.

00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:21,752

Goodbye, sir.

00:08:21,877 --> 00:08:23,962

Pip, a young gentleman...

00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:27,716

of great expectations!

00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:31,261

[bell tolling]

00:08:35,307 --> 00:08:38,310

You shall stay here with

your roommate, Mr. Pocket.

00:08:38,435 --> 00:08:40,020

He is a distinguished

young lad

00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,064

who will help you on your way

to being a gentleman.

00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,607

I trust you see

no problem with this?

00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,567

None, sir.

I should think not.

00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,070

On up, then, and prepare

for school on the morrow.

00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,279

Yes, sir!

Thank you, sir!

00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,787

Mr. Pip.

- Mr. Pocket?

00:08:56,912 --> 00:08:58,372

Pray, come in!

00:08:58,497 --> 00:09:00,582

Thank you kindly.

You look rather familiar.

00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,085

As do you. Perhaps we've

seen each other before.

00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:04,711

As to our lodging,

it's not splendid.

00:09:04,836 --> 00:09:07,089

This is our sitting room--

chairs and tables and carpet.

00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:08,674

This is my little bedroom--

rather musty.

00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:09,758

And this is your bedroom.

00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:10,968

My, how lovely.

00:09:11,093 --> 00:09:12,594

What a gay time

we shall have!

00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:14,846

Gay as in festive, not as

in penetration of the bum.

00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,682

You're holding

your bags all this time!

00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:18,433

Let me take them!

I'm quite ashamed!

00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:20,394

Oh, it's quite alright.

Lord bless me!

00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:22,980

You're the gentleman I saw

in Miss Havesham's house!

00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:25,023

Yes, of course!

You're the prowling little boy!

00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,191

What a smashing

coincidence!

00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,484

Perhaps, but perhaps not.

00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,111

Miss Havesham

is very generous indeed.

00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,363

That old biddy -I have nothing

to do with her anymore.

00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,906

She's absolutely mad.

- What do you mean?

00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:35,075

Don't you know about

Miss Havesham's melancholy past?

00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:37,661

It's quite a story and shall

be discussed over dinner.

00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,539

Time for a smashing meal and

the story of Miss Havesham.

00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,416

Pocket, may I ask you

a favor?

00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,126

I am desperately trying

to become a gentleman

00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,877

for the love

of a certain girl.

00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:47,921

Will you tell me if I do

something wrong at the table?

00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,132

You'll do fine, dear fellow.

Now, on to Miss Havesham.

00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,800

She was raised

by a wealthy father

00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,510

and grew up to be

a spoiled brat.

00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,512

I might mention that,

in London, it is not the custom

00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,139

to put the knife

in the mouth.

00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,683

Oh, dear, I'm terribly sorry.

- Not at all, I'm sure!

00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:02,561

Miss Havesham grew up

to be a lovely young lady,

and soon a man came along,

00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,354

which gets me to the cruel

part of the story--

00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,189

Merely breaking off to remark

that a dinner napkin

00:10:06,315 --> 00:10:07,608

should never be placed

into the tumbler.

00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,234

Sorry, sorry.

- Not at all, I'm sure!

00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:10,986

This man pursued

Miss Havesham closely

00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,362

and professed

to be devoted to her.

00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,114

She passionately

loved him back.

00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,991

The marriage day was fixed,

the wedding dresses bought,

00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,076

the wedding guests invited,

and finally the day came.

00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:19,244

But not the groom.

- [farts]

00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,621

I break from the tale

only to mention

00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,247

that one should never pass gas

at the table.

00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,625

Oh, excuse me.

- Not at all, I'm sure!

00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,335

The groom never showed.

00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:27,961

He simply wrote a letter

that Miss Havesham received

00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:29,379

20 minutes

before the wedding.

00:10:29,504 --> 00:10:31,006

At half 9:00--

the time when she stopped

00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,466

all the clocks

in the house.

00:10:32,591 --> 00:10:34,259

She laid waste to the house,

as you have seen it,

00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,136

and has never since

looked upon the light of day.

00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,596

The story ends, Pip,

with me suggesting

00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,306

that one should never

pull out their wee-wee

00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:41,224

and check it for scabs

whilst at the table.

00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:44,102

Terribly sorry, Pocket.

- Not at all, I'm sure!

00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:46,438

British Person: and so Pip spent

the next several months

00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:48,148

learning how to be a gentleman.

00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,317

He was schooled

in several languages,

00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,027

he was taught fencing

and marksmanship,

00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,821

and he was shown how to dance

and how to eat box.

00:10:54,946 --> 00:10:57,991

And after it all, after weeks

and weeks of intense schooling,

00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:01,787

Pip was finally

a full-fledged gentleman.

00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:05,499

Proud of himself, Pip decided

to pay Miss Havesham a visit

00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,709

to thank her for her generosity

00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:11,380

and to see if he was indeed now

good enough for Estella.

00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,840

Good evening, Miss Havesham.

- Come closer, Pip.

00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:16,134

My, you're quite

the gentleman now, aren't you?

00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:17,427

Thanks to you.

- Perhaps.

00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,179

Estella's been off

to school as well.

00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,555

She's become quite the lady.

00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,516

Would you like to see

a picture of her?

00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,227

Oh, my, she is even

prettier than before.

00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:27,646

Oh, you love her,

don't you, Pip?

00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:30,232

I don't know. I mean,

I think about her every day.

00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,942

Do you know

what love is, Pip?

00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,527

It is blind devotion,

00:11:33,652 --> 00:11:36,154

unquestioning self-humiliation,

utter submission,

00:11:36,279 --> 00:11:37,823

trust and belief

against yourself

00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:39,366

and against the whole world,

00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:42,119

giving up your whole

heart and soul to Smiter.

00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,829

Righto.

- Love her, Pip.

00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,414

I developed her

into what she is

00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:47,582

so that she might...

be loved.

00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,459

Yes, but...

Where will I find her?

00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,253

There's a dance

at the palace tomorrow night.

00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,796

Estella will be there.

00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:55,549

Go and seek her out.

And love her -love her!

00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:57,426

Thank you, Miss Havesham,

for everything!

00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,052

I'm the happiest boy

in the land!

00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,971

And if she wounds you, love her,

00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:03,306

if she tears your heart

into pieces--

00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:05,392

and as you get older,

it will tear deeper--

00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:06,435

love her!

00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:15,318

Yes, our young Pip

had come a long way,

00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:17,487

from the apprentice

of a blacksmith

00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:20,240

to a fine young gentleman

of great expectations.

00:12:20,365 --> 00:12:23,702

And now he was to finally see

his beloved Estella again

00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:27,080

at a grand ball held by

the King of England, Tony Blair.

00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:30,125

It was here that Pip would

finally and formally ask Estella

00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,501

to be his girlfriend,

00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:34,504

and all would be right

with the world.

00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:36,006

[chamber music plays]

00:12:39,468 --> 00:12:40,719

Hello! Estella?

00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:43,430

Pip! My goodness,

how you've changed.

00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,015

Yes, I've become

a gentleman.

00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,141

May I?

00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,058

I suppose.

00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,272

So, how is it that you've

learned to dress and dance?

00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,149

Well, I was sent to be

schooled in London.

00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:57,110

I see. And you no longer live

with the blacksmith?

00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:58,695

Oh, I see Joe

once in a while,

00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:00,739

but I don't have much

in common with him anymore

00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:02,741

a gentleman and all.

- Naturally.

00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,330

It is wonderful to

see you again, Estella.

00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,748

Is it? Why?

00:13:09,873 --> 00:13:11,124

Because I believe

I'm in love with you.

00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,251

Pip, you must know

that I have no heart.

00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:15,295

I think you do.

00:13:15,420 --> 00:13:17,047

Oh, I have a heart to be shot

or stabbed in, no doubt,

00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:19,174

and if it ceased to beat,

I should cease to be.

00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,759

But you know what I mean.

00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:23,553

I have no softness there,

no sympathy, sentiment.

00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,096

I see past that, Estella.

00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:27,015

I see a little girl

who wants to be warm and kind.

00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,892

Hey, Estella,

let's get out of here.

00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:31,770

Alright, Steve.

Just one moment.

00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:33,230

Who -who is that?

00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,732

That is Steve.

He is 17 and has a car.

00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,026

I see. And you fancy

this Steve fellow?

00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,861

I should--

he's my boyfriend.

00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,822

Boyfriend!

- What's the matter, Pip?

00:13:41,947 --> 00:13:43,740

I don't understand.

I did everything right.

00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:45,116

I stopped being

a poor commoner.

00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,743

I even blew off

my loving Joe!

00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:49,329

It's -it's the way it goes

sometimes, Pip.

00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:50,497

He's 17 and has a car.

00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:52,374

I'm -I'm very...

00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,084

I'm...leaving.

00:13:58,213 --> 00:13:59,714

[lightning crashes]

00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,551

Miss Havesham,

you have to talk to Estella.

00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,010

She's going out with a--

00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:06,471

Well, well, well,

if it isn't Mr. Pip.

00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,391

Miss Havesham. But I--

00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:11,184

Don't they make

a handsome couple, Pip?

00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:13,270

Look at the way

he holds her hand.

00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:14,604

But I don't understand.

00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,231

You sent me away

to become a gentleman

00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:18,108

so that I could be with Estella.

00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:19,985

Things aren't always

what they seem, Pip.

00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,112

Oh, what's the matter?

00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:25,282

Did she...break your heart?

00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:29,327

Well, I suppose that if you

set out to break my heart,

00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,288

you did a very good

job of it...

00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:32,914

Because it certainly does hurt.

00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,208

Yes, tell me about the pain.

00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,794

Tell me about the crushing

and the prickly things.

00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:41,381

It's as if

someone has ahold of my heart

00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:43,174

and is squeezing it

very tightly.

00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,635

Yes! And it is somewhat

difficult to breathe.

00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,429

Hey, wait a second!

00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:50,307

You mean this whole thing was

just a setup by your mom?

00:14:50,432 --> 00:14:53,059

Is your heart broken as well?

Tell me all about it.

00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:54,978

But why do you make

your daughter hurt people?

00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:57,314

Why?

Well, that's simple.

00:14:57,439 --> 00:14:59,816

Because I need the tears

of broken hearted men

00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:02,193

to use in my Genesis device.

00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:06,281

You see, my foolish child,

I am growing very old.

00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:10,035

But tonight I will fuse my soul

into Estella's once and for all,

00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,162

and then I can go on

breaking men's hearts

00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:13,997

for another generation.

00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:15,707

What the hell?!

00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:18,376

Estella, prepare yourself

for the Genesis platform.

00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,295

Oh, no, you don't!

00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,130

You're my girl, and I'm not

letting you walk out on me!

00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:25,884

What the--

00:15:26,009 --> 00:15:27,260

And as for you, Pip,

00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:30,138

my robot monkeys

should take care of you!

00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:33,183

[robot monkeys screeching]

Aah!

00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,394

Ah!

00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:40,815

Pip?

00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:43,068

Pip, old chap?

- Joe?

00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:46,112

That's right.

You're safe and warm now.

00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,365

Joe found you lying facedown

in the street, Mr. Pip.

00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,867

You were in a state. You've been

unconscious for nearly three hours.

00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,494

Miss Havesham has all the men

00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,412

who have had their hearts broken

by Estella in her house!

00:15:54,537 --> 00:15:56,164

Why would she have

wasted all that time

00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,041

sending me to school and turning

me into a gentleman?!

00:15:58,166 --> 00:15:59,542

Well, about that, Pip...

00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,836

There's another person

who wants to see you.

00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,214

'Ello, Pip.

You remember me?

00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,759

I'll rip off your arms

and shove 'em up your arse!

00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:11,137

Why, you're the escaped convict

I helped a long time ago.

00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,722

Yes.

After you helped me,

00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,891

I moved to Wales and made

something of myself.

00:16:15,016 --> 00:16:16,226

If it weren't for you,

00:16:16,351 --> 00:16:18,186

I'd have never

become a millionaire.

00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,814

He's the one that sent

you to London, Pip.

00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:23,608

He's the one that sent you off

to be a gentleman.

00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:26,069

You? But why?

00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,697

Because back then you treated me

like any other person.

00:16:28,822 --> 00:16:30,198

You weren't a snob,

00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,950

and you helped me

like you would a rich man.

00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,285

Oh, dear. All this time

I thought it was Miss Havesham.

00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,620

She totally

let me believe it.

00:16:35,745 --> 00:16:37,163

I tried to tell you.

00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,999

She's a vengeful woman

who wanted nothing more

00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:41,292

than to see you hurt along

with the rest of the male sex.

00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:43,461

Well, I've certainly

learned a lot--

00:16:43,586 --> 00:16:45,714

that being a gentleman

doesn't mean learning to dance

00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,215

or proper table manners.

00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,385

It means being a gentle man,

gentle to everyone.

00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:52,137

Righto, Pip. Righto.

00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:54,723

And now I suppose there's

only one thing left to do.

00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,474

What's that, Pip?

00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:58,852

If Miss Havesham is determined

to do this to others...

00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,937

Let's go kick her ass!

00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:02,022

Yeah!

Yeah!

Yeah!

00:17:06,651 --> 00:17:10,196

And now we come to the final act

of the Dickens classic tale

00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:13,450

in which the stage is set

for an epic showdown.

00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,161

Miss havesham's robot monkeys

prove a formidable foe,

00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,496

but Pip is not about to let

Estella's soul

00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:21,458

be forever consumed

by the Genesis device.

00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:26,254

And now the thrilling conclusion

of "Great Expectations."

00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:31,009

Are you ready, Estella?

00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:33,011

Are you ready

to complete the cycle?

00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:34,387

Yes, mother.

00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:39,309

Not so fast,

you ugly, ancient bitch!

00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:40,477

Pip?

00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:45,065

Your man-hating days

are over, Havesham!

00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:46,775

Quite the contrary,

Blacksmith.

00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:49,736

My revenge on the male race

is only about to begin.

00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:51,154

Dear God, Pip. Look!

00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,948

Estella, help me!

I'm your boyfriend!

00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,617

So am I.

And me.

00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,368

We were all

Estella's boyfriends

00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:59,120

at one time or another,

and now we're doomed.

00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,955

Yes, cry away, males.

00:18:01,081 --> 00:18:03,625

Once your tears have collected

into the Genesis device,

00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,960

the fusion of Estella and me

will be complete.

00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,212

You won't get away with this!

00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:08,129

Won't I?

00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:11,216

[screeching]

00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:14,803

Let the transformation begin.

00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,640

Pip, she started

the device!

00:18:18,765 --> 00:18:20,350

[crying]

00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:22,227

Pocket, get over there

and do whatever it takes

00:18:22,352 --> 00:18:23,603

to keep those blokes

from crying.

00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:24,604

Righto, Pip.

00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,439

It begins.

00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,441

Come, Estella. You can't want

to be part of this!

00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:30,151

It is...

what I was raised for.

00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,154

Hello, gentlemen.

00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:34,572

Whatever you do,

please do not cry.

00:18:34,697 --> 00:18:36,825

Havesham's device fuels itself

on your tears, I'm afraid.

00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:38,284

How are we not to cry?

00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:39,911

Our hearts have been broken,

our lives ruined,

00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:41,371

and now we are set

to die.

00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:44,207

Yes, but just think about...

panda bears!

00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,377

Oh, they're so cuddly and sweet,

panda bears are.

00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,295

What silly little noses

they have!

00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:51,965

Panda bears make me sad.

They're almost extinct.

00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,300

Oh, right, right. Let's not

think about panda bears, then.

00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:55,885

Let's think about...swimming!

00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,470

Oh, what jolly fun

swimming is,

00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,430

with a splishy-splash and

a hold-your-breath-tight!

00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,100

Yes.

00:19:02,225 --> 00:19:04,144

Get out of that chair,

you old cow!

00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:05,353

[hawks]

00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,522

[gurgles]

00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,940

Estella, listen to me.

00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,859

You are a wonderful girl

with a kind heart.

00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,986

I told you, Pip,

I have no heart.

00:19:13,111 --> 00:19:15,738

But you do! And I shall prove it

to you once and for all.

00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:17,866

[screeching]

00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:20,034

Look at this

adorable little bunny.

00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,870

Oh, my.

He's very cute.

00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,122

You see? A heartless person

wouldn't care about this bunny.

00:19:24,247 --> 00:19:25,999

They'd just as soon

break its neck.

00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:28,293

[crack, bunny squeaks]

00:19:28,418 --> 00:19:30,587

Oh.

But look at this bunny.

00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:32,046

There. You see that?

00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,756

You have too big a heart

to kill two baby bunnies.

00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:35,842

[crack, bunny squeaks]

00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:37,343

Right.

00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:39,387

Oh, what fun it is

to collect stamps!

00:19:39,512 --> 00:19:41,139

Lick the backs,

put them into books--

00:19:41,264 --> 00:19:43,641

all tidy with their smashing

pictures and bright colors!

00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:46,644

My father died

in a stamp-collecting accident.

00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,521

Right, let's not talk about

stamp collecting, then.

00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:49,772

Let's talk about...

00:19:49,898 --> 00:19:51,482

ice skating!

00:19:51,608 --> 00:19:53,443

Oh, what fun ice skating is!

Who can catch me?

00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,778

Who can catch

the ice-skating king? That's me!

00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,822

I can't fight 'em off no more!

00:19:57,947 --> 00:20:00,617

A person with a heart could

never kill nine baby bunnies.

00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,535

So you do have too big

a heart to--

00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:03,661

[crack, bunny squeaks]

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,413

10 baby bunnies.

00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,165

There's too many of 'em!

00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:09,751

[crying]

Oh, please, sirs,

you must not cry.

00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,128

We can't help it.

You're boring us to tears!

00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:16,674

Pip, it's too late!

00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:20,261

26 baby bunnies.

00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,138

I don't want to.

I don't see the point in this.

00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:24,140

What?

- I don't want to kill

any more of them.

00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:27,018

There! You see?!

You do have a heart!

00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:29,354

You think so? Let me see it.

Maybe I can kill it.

00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,232

No, no, I'm sure of it.

You have a heart.

00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:34,359

You want your own life.

Come with me now!

00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,070

Yes...

00:20:43,159 --> 00:20:44,953

No-o-o!

00:20:45,078 --> 00:20:46,829

Aaah!

00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:48,456

Ooh, top smart, Pip!

00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:51,751

You did it, Pip!

00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:58,841

Well, I guess old Miss Havesham

won't be taking any revenge

00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:00,551

on any more blokes, eh?

00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:03,263

Yes, her poor, miserable life

is finally over.

00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:05,306

You're released

from her now, Estella.

00:21:05,431 --> 00:21:07,141

Now we can begin

our life together.

00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,352

Yes.

Yes, my small-testicled love.

00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,145

Oh, I'm so glad

everything has worked out.

00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,647

Where are all

my little bunnies

00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,607

that you borrowed,

then, Pip?

00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:16,985

And they all lived

happily ever after.

00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:20,571

Except for Pocket,

who died of Hepatitis B.

00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:24,575

So ends Charles Dickens'

"Great Expectations."

00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:27,453

We hope you now have

a deeper appreciation for Pip,

00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:30,999

and, indeed, all masterpieces

of literature like this one.

00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:33,793

Until next time,

I'm a British person.

00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,628

Good night.

00:21:35,753 --> 00:21:37,964

[Antonio Vivaldi's

"Four Seasons: Spring" plays]