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Trapper Keeper
Сезон: 04Серия: 12
Описание
Картман завладел опасным устройством, способным захватить мир. В детском саду класс мистера Гаррисона устраивает выборы с непонятным результатом.
Субтитры
- 00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:10,428 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:12,013 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,597 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:15,474 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:16,684 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:16,809 --> 00:00:18,352 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,187 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,023 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:23,524 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,192 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,156 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:31,991 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:36,704 Dude, what's your little brother doing here?
- 00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,247 Ike is starting his first day of kindergarten.
- 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,749 But isn't he only three years old?
- 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,292 Yeah, but he's some kind of genius
- 00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:42,793 so he's getting advanced placement in kindergarten.
- 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:44,378 I pooped my pants.
- 00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,172 But, dude, check out my new <i>Trapper Keeper.</i>
- 00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:48,924 It has five different compartments for each subject in school
- 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,510 and it's all covered with pictures from "Dawson's Creek". - Cool!
- 00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:53,596 Hey dudes, check out my sweet "Dawson's Creek" Trapper Keeper
- 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:56,724 Ultra-Keeper Futura 2000.
- 00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,351 Yeah, well, it's got 10 different compartments for every subject in school,
- 00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:01,145 electronic pencil sharpener,
- 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:04,106 four plastic bags with electronic zippers, copy machine, fax,
- 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,816 a better picture of Dawson's Creek on the back than Kyle's.
- 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,777 Flat screen TV and of course, <i>Onstar.</i>
- 00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:10,071 Wow, cool. - Godammit, Cartman!
- 00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:11,739 You only got that because you knew my mom wouldn't buy it for me!
- 00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,449 Oh, but you have a Trapper Keep--
- 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,992 oh, you got the little "Crapper Keeper", didn't you?
- 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,744 Well, at least your stupid brother got a briefcase.
- 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,788 He's going to kindergarten because he's a genius.
- 00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,414 He's not a genius, he's a little douche bag.
- 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:21,916 I pooped my pants!
- 00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:23,918 He's smarter than you, fat boy!
- 00:01:24,043 --> 00:01:25,294 I don't even know how you made it to the fourth grade after all the--
- 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,213 Trapper Keeper, I need to drown out my annoying friend,
- 00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:29,965 please initiate music: country, high volume.
- 00:01:33,219 --> 00:01:36,555 Nobody gives a crap about your Trapper Keeper, Cartman!
- 00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:44,396 Ms. Crabtree!
- 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,315 There's another creepy homeless guy on the bus.
- 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,942 Sit down and shut up!
- 00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,276 But they smell like pee!
- 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,736 I am not a homeless person.
- 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,655 I am a new fourth-grade student. - You are?
- 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,825 Yes, my name is Bill, Bill Cosby.
- 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,535 Aren't you a little old to be in grade school?
- 00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,453 I was held back 10 hu-man grades--
- 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,664 unh-I mean, grades.
- 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,916 Do you companion friends know Eric Cartman?
- 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:04,959 Yeah, that's me.
- 00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:06,710 Eric Cartman?
- 00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:09,505 And you have a Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper Futura S-2000?
- 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,173 Yeah, you already know about it?
- 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,509 Yes, yes, I do.
- 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,637 Well, "nobody gives a crap about your Trapper Keeper, Cartman."
- 00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,806 I'm gonna shove that thing up your ass!
- 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,474 Dude, do you really care if Cartman has something that's better than yours?
- 00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,101 No, I don't! I don't care!
- 00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:24,311 Ooh, Kyle.
- 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,154 Hey, there he is.
- 00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:36,115 That's the kid that's supposed to be some kind of genius.
- 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,410 Yeah, he's only three and he's already in kindergarten.
- 00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:41,537 Come on.
- 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,415 So, you think you're smarter than the rest of us?
- 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,001 You think you know more about the world
- 00:02:47,126 --> 00:02:49,295 just because you're only three and we're five?
- 00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,881 I'm go ba-ba.
- 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,216 Okay, children, let's take our seats.
- 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,969 My name is Mr. Garrison,
- 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,263 and I'm the new kindergarten teacher.
- 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,390 I used to be the third-grade teacher,
- 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,226 but I had a little "nervous breakdown"
- 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,145 and went into the mountains where I lived off of
- 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,606 "rat carcasses".
- 00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:12,401 But I'm all better now and school was nice enough to let me go on teaching...
- 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,112 As long as it was for kindergarten.
- 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:17,031 But it's not a demotion, no.
- 00:03:17,156 --> 00:03:19,158 I mean, just because a teacher was teaching third grade
- 00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,659 and now is teaching kindergarten--
- 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,369 that's not a demotion, is it?
- 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,413 No, that's right, it's not.
- 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,373 Well, let's start with roll call.
- 00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,417 Ah, let's see... Filmore Anderson?
- 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,543 Here.
- 00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,003 Sally Bans? - Here.
- 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:33,380 Alright, Ike Broflovski?
- 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,507 "Cookie Monster."
- 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:38,052 Broflovski, I had your older brother Kyle in my third-grade class.
- 00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:40,804 He's a very smart kid, I'm sure you are too.
- 00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:42,681 Well, that's bad news for everybody else
- 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,559 because I will be grading you all on a curve.
- 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:53,275 And so the other thing that makes my Trapper Keeper cooler than Kyle's
- 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,195 is that it can add any peripheral device to itself automatically.
- 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,572 I can take something as simple as this calculator and--
- 00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:00,824 Trapper Keeper? - Trapper Keeper active.
- 00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:02,326 Hybrid with "Wellington Bear" calculator.
- 00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,994 Ready for hybrid.
- 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,288 And now, I can use Wellington Bear calculator too.
- 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,539 Wow.
- 00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:09,667 May I hold your Trapper Keeper?
- 00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:11,377 Uh, no, I'm afraid not, Bill Cosby,
- 00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:13,754 because it is coded to the prints on my fingers.
- 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,172 If anybody but me tries to hold it
- 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,174 big metal spikes come out and pierce through their hands.
- 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:19,051 Oh, you're so full of crap, Cartman!
- 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,636 Metal spikes will not come out!
- 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,931 Oh really, then why don't you hold it?
- 00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,849 Well, go on, Kyle,
- 00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:28,602 if it doesn't have metal spikes, then hold it.
- 00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,145 Hold it. - I'm gonna!
- 00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:32,064 Hold it. - I will!
- 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,984 And that's how the relationship with my father sort of ended.
- 00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:37,152 There's still some sort of skeletons in the closet,
- 00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,530 but things between us are a little better.
- 00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:43,367 Okay, children, well now it's time for us to elect a class president.
- 00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,619 So first we must pick nominees.
- 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,871 Who would like to nominate someone?
- 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:51,834 I nominate Filmore because he's the smartest kid in the class.
- 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,878 Okay, Filmore, you'll be our first nominee.
- 00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,338 And who else?
- 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,798 Yes, Jenny.
- 00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,009 I gotta go doody.
- 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:03,053 In a minute, Jenny-- who else wants to nominate a class president?
- 00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:06,098 Oh, come on, you can't have an election with just one person running,
- 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,766 what's the fun in that?
- 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,060 Ike, how about you, you're a genius?
- 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,854 No.
- 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:16,150 Okay, our second nominee is "Ike... the Genius".
- 00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:19,153 Okay, children, now we'll hear briefly from each nominee.
- 00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:22,031 Filmore, why don't you go first.
- 00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:26,452 If I'm elected class president, I'll call for bigger chairs.
- 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:30,331 And on Fridays I'll add two minutes to nap time.
- 00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:31,290 Thank you.
- 00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:33,167 Very enthralling.
- 00:05:33,292 --> 00:05:35,627 Okay, Ike, how about you?
- 00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:39,048 Cookie Monster... Eyes.
- 00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:42,718 Well, this is gonna be a tough one, kids.
- 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,137 Oh no, dude, here comes that weird new kid.
- 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,514 Oh, hello, Eric, can I be your hu-man friend?
- 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,683 Unh-I mean, friend.
- 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,810 I don't know, dude, I'm not supposed to have male friends that are over 30.
- 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,937 I kinda got screwed on that once.
- 00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:56,440 Please, we can have fun and play games like hu-man four square.
- 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:59,026 I mean, four square.
- 00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,487 Dude, you can't just ask to be somebody's friend and be their friend!
- 00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:02,988 It doesn't work that way.
- 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,032 If you want my friendship you have to pay me.
- 00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,408 Oh, I see.
- 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,160 Alright, I'll pay 100 galga stones--
- 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:11,205 I mean, human dollars, I mean, dollars.
- 00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:12,790 Okay, that's cool.
- 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,500 Can we play some hu-man tether ball?
- 00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:15,959 Alright.
- 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,461 Pretty sweet, you guys,
- 00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:18,754 getting 100 bucks to play tether ball with some--
- 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:19,797 serve! - Ah!
- 00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,423 Got it!
- 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,092 Dude, he's running off with your Trapper Keeper!
- 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,676 Wha-huh!
- 00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,595 You son of a bitch!
- 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:27,846 Wait a minute, lucky for me
- 00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,848 I have my Trapper Keeper homing device.
- 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,392 What the hell just happened?
- 00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:34,686 Damn, I thought fourth grade was gonna be different.
- 00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:39,650 So that's six votes for Filmore and six votes for Ike.
- 00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:42,820 And the last vote is for...
- 00:06:42,945 --> 00:06:48,200 Ah, let's see, Flora, I can't tell who you voted for.
- 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,202 You've got the winning vote, Flora, who'd you pick?
- 00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,703 I don't know.
- 00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:53,414 Flora, you have to pick one, Filmore or Ike.
- 00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:56,750 Um, I vote for... I don't know.
- 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,710 Oh great, Flora's undecided.
- 00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:00,921 Well, you're just gonna have to sit there Flora
- 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,840 and think about it until you come up with an answer.
- 00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,174 Okay.
- 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,551 Flora, just say you vote for Filmore
- 00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:07,386 so we can all go home.
- 00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:08,846 Um...
- 00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,973 No, you want Ike to be president.
- 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,599 We're gonna be here all night.
- 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,560 Why don't you guys just concede?
- 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:15,727 Yeah! Yeah!
- 00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:16,854 Why don't you just concede?
- 00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:18,272 Yeah!
- 00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:19,440 Filmore! Filmore! Filmore! Filmore!
- 00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:21,483 I want Filmore to be-- I want Ike--
- 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,819 Oh, for Christ's sakes, you're all acting like a bunch of kids!
- 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,657 Turn left here, we're getting close! Get your gun ready.
- 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,368 Eric, I'm not gonna shoot anybody for taking your school folder.
- 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:32,995 It was not a school folder,
- 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,830 it was a Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper Futura S-2000!
- 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,457 And if-there he is!
- 00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:37,291 Ah!
- 00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:38,375 Gotcha!
- 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,418 Hey!
- 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,378 Aah!
- 00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:49,928 Whoa, dude.
- 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,853 Oh, try to take my Trapper Keeper, will you?
- 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,022 Please, you do not understand.
- 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,857 Book him, Barbrady, another job well done.
- 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,401 That Trapper Keeper has to be destroyed.
- 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,612 Why are you so obsessed with Cartman's Trapper Keeper, Bill Cosby?
- 00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,197 Bill Cosby!
- 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:11,909 No, listen to me! I am not really Bill Cosby.
- 00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:14,995 My name is BSM-471.
- 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,457 I am a cyborg engineered by hu-mans from the year 2034.
- 00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,417 Well, I knew you weren't Bill Cosby.
- 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,336 I have come to destroy that Trapper Keeper
- 00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,421 because it was the Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper
- 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:27,174 that belongs to an Eric Cartman in South Park
- 00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:30,385 which three years from now manifests itself into an omnipotent super being
- 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:32,179 and destroys all of hu-manity.
- 00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,765 In the year 2004,
- 00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:38,602 a hybrid assimilating computer linked with a satellite uplink computer.
- 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,270 From there, it was able to slowly take over
- 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,022 every computer in the world.
- 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,774 It became stronger and stronger
- 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:47,319 until, by the year 2018, it broke away from mankind
- 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:50,030 and there was nothing the hu-mans could do.
- 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,866 It wasn't long before Mighty Trapper Keeper
- 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,410 started to destroy everything it saw as useless...
- 00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,871 Including humans.
- 00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,915 The nations tried everything to stop it--
- 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,000 nuclear devices, seismic missiles--
- 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,835 but nothing worked.
- 00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,588 The hu-mans built robots of their own, whole armies of them.
- 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:10,092 But nothing was strong enough to stop Trapper Keeper.
- 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:15,013 And so finally, the hu-mans decided to send
- 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,391 one of their robots into the past to destroy the Trapper Keeper
- 00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,309 before it even got started.
- 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,311 Wow, that's amazing.
- 00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,855 Man, I guess sometimes we let our technology and stuff grow too fast.
- 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,691 What do you think, Officer Barbrady?
- 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,401 Huh-oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
- 00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:32,072 And so Eric, now you see why we must destroy your Trapper Keeper.
- 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:35,284 You guys, did I mention that it has a pencil sharpener
- 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:37,035 <i>and</i> a crayon sharpener?
- 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,787 Cartman, it takes over the world and destroys all of humanity!
- 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,622 What would you guys have me do, huh?
- 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,416 Walk around with just a plain old trapper keeper like Kyle's,
- 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,126 is that what you want? - Yes!
- 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,003 Godammit! Here, take it!
- 00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:47,504 Do you want my heart as well?
- 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:50,257 You'll find it on the bottom of your shoes!
- 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,971 I decided.
- 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,556 Oh, thank God, Flora.
- 00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,016 Alright, who do you vote for?
- 00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,809 Umm, Ike.
- 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,352 Yay! Yay!
- 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,896 Okay, so then the total is six votes for Filmore
- 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,565 and now seven votes for Ike.
- 00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,358 Ike is the new class president.
- 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,319 We want a recount. - What?
- 00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,321 Recount, recount, recount...
- 00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,740 Oh, of all the juvenile things I've ever heard--
- 00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:17,075 You lost, Filmore, don't be such a baby!
- 00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:22,080 Alright, alright, I'll count up the ballots again.
- 00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,417 Okay, we had one vote for Filmore...
- 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:29,630 And this time I again get six votes for Filmore and seven votes for Ike.
- 00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:31,632 Count 'em again. - Yeah!
- 00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:34,676 No, children, I've recounted 106 times now
- 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,762 and I keep coming up with seven to six!
- 00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,889 Except in the one instance where it came out seven to five
- 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,849 and one where it came out 12 to 14.
- 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,435 It's over! Ike is class president!
- 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,063 Wait, there's still the absent kid.
- 00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:48,315 Yeah, Carlos is absent, we have to wait for his vote.
- 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,025 Oh, will you grow up?!
- 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,153 Absent kids count, absent kids count, absent kids...
- 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:55,322 Jesus, alright, we'll wait for tomorrow
- 00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:59,326 so the absent kid can cast his vote, now go home!
- 00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:05,040 Good morning, hu-mans. - Hey, Bill Cosby.
- 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,167 I have successfully destroyed Eric Cartman's Trapper Keeper.
- 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,835 I broke it apart,
- 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,629 dipped the motherboards in acid, burnt the memory chips
- 00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:14,091 and sent the wiring to the four corners of Canada. - That should do it.
- 00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,927 So what are you gonna do with your crappy robot life now, Bill Cosby?
- 00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,762 Well, that is a problem that is causing me some disconcern-ment.
- 00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,098 I am still here, but I shouldn't be here.
- 00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:23,225 If Trapper Keeper has been stopped, then I should not exist,
- 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,643 but here I am.
- 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:25,936 Something is still not right.
- 00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,396 Hey, dudes.
- 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:28,355 Cartman, you still got a Trapper Keeper!
- 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,482 Yeah, I'm a genius.
- 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,442 Last night I went home and told my mom that I lost the last one.
- 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,403 Then I cried and I cried, and finally she felt so bad
- 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,238 that she took me to the store and bought me a new one.
- 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,447 So everything worked out.
- 00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:38,865 Oh, no!
- 00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,409 Cartman, you dumb ass! You can't get a new one.
- 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,327 Why the hell not?
- 00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:44,204 Because if <i>your</i> Trapper Keeper takes over the world,
- 00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,206 then maybe it was <i>this</i> Trapper Keeper and not the one before.
- 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,291 So then you guys burnt my last one for no reason.
- 00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:50,127 We will have to destroy this Trapper Keeper.
- 00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:52,462 But I don't think I can get my mom to buy me another one.
- 00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:55,090 Don't you get it? You can't have <i>any</i> Trapper Keepers, fat ass!
- 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,508 Oh, that is bull crap!
- 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,051 And you know what I think?
- 00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,220 I think this whole thing is a setup!
- 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,264 That's right, Kyle got this guy to say he's a robot from the future
- 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,307 just because he's jealous of my Trapper Keeper.
- 00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:05,767 And you know what else?
- 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,477 Screw you guys, I'm going home.
- 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:08,770 Cartman!
- 00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,355 No-screw you guys. Home.
- 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,481 Well, that does it.
- 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,774 Hey, what are you doing?
- 00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:13,775 I'm afraid I have no other choice.
- 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,610 For the sake of humanity I have to kill him.
- 00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,028 Oh, okay. - Yeah, that's fine.
- 00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:18,613 No, wait! - What?
- 00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:19,990 Can I do it?
- 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,491 Oh well, I suppose.
- 00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,118 Sweet-kiss your ass good-bye, fat boy!
- 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,995 Wait, perhaps there is another way.
- 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,705 If you could take me to where Eric Cartman lives,
- 00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,790 I could try reasoning with his human mother.
- 00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,375 Well, yeah, or we could just kill him.
- 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,668 Yeah, that'd be faster. He's right there.
- 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,962 I'm afraid I can't.
- 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,423 I think I'm actually starting to feel what you humans call "compassion".
- 00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:37,799 It is an amazing feeling.
- 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,092 Ah! Ah!
- 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,052 Alright, children, as you know,
- 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,764 we've been waiting for the absent kid's ballot to come in.
- 00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,307 Well, his mother was nice enough
- 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,808 to bring him in from the hospital
- 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,393 so that he could cast his vote.
- 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,228 Mrs. Harris.
- 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,734 Thank you very much, Billy.
- 00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,402 Don't forget to pick up your lung.
- 00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:01,406 Alright, the absent kid's ballot is for... Filmore.
- 00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,949 Yay! Yay!
- 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,619 Wait one minute!
- 00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,496 Oh Jesus- tap-dancing-Christ.
- 00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:09,206 I think the ballots were misleading.
- 00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:11,124 Some kids didn't understand who they were voting for.
- 00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,168 There's a box next to Filmore's name
- 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,628 and a box next to Ike's.
- 00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:15,587 What's not to understand?
- 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,088 You're just saying that
- 00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,924 'cause you know you're gonna lose now.
- 00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,051 No, I'm saying that because you're a booger-face!
- 00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:22,803 Well, just you wait,
- 00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:25,597 'cause my famous aunt is on her way right now.
- 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,098 Who's your famous aunt?
- 00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:29,476 My Aunt Rosie, Rosie O'Donnell.
- 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:32,020 Your Aunt Rosie O'Donnell is coming here?
- 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,606 Yeah, she's very active in politics.
- 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,358 She's gonna set all of this straight.
- 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,360 Oh, no.
- 00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:43,782 Recharging.
- 00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,909 Sweet. You're so cool, Trapper Keeper,
- 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,494 I would never let those assholes take you away.
- 00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,287 ♪ I don't wanna wait ♪
- 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,122 ♪ For my Trapper Keeper to be over... ♪
- 00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:55,377 Trapper Keeper ready to insorb.
- 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,628 Oh, cool.
- 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,172 Trapper Keeper merging.
- 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,423 Whoa.
- 00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,596 And so you see, Ms. Cart-man,
- 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,682 you cannot buy your son Eric another Trapper Keeper.
- 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,725 Not now, not ever!
- 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,769 Right, because it will hybrid with all those other processors
- 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,313 and generate a whole new era of technological darkness.
- 00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:16,857 Correct.
- 00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:19,025 Well, I certainly won't buy him any more then, Bill.
- 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,819 Good, now all that is left to do
- 00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,529 is destroy the Trapper Keeper Eric has now.
- 00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:23,697 Where is he?
- 00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:25,323 In his room.
- 00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:27,701 But, why don't I show you the rest of the house first.
- 00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,077 Uh-oh. - Here we go again.
- 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,537 Come this way, Billy.
- 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,289 Well come on, let's go upstairs
- 00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,291 and get Cartman's Trapper Keeper ourselves.
- 00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:35,625 Kyle is just jealous of you, Trapper Keeper.
- 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,377 You kick ass!
- 00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:38,670 ♪ I don't wanna wait for my Trapper Keeper- ♪
- 00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:43,383 Open up, Cartman, we're taking your Trapper Keeper.
- 00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:46,761 ♪ Screw you guys screw you guys ♪
- 00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,013 ♪ Screw you guys- ♪
- 00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,472 Trapper Keeper ready to insorb.
- 00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,057 Heh.
- 00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,559 Dammit, Cartman, open up!
- 00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:55,145 Trapper Keeper ready for hybrid.
- 00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:58,148 Oh sweet, what's it gonna hybrid with now?
- 00:14:58,273 --> 00:15:00,150 Cartman, you might as well open up,
- 00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:01,735 we're just gonna have Bill Cosby bust the door down
- 00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,695 after he finishes having sex with your mom!
- 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,281 Cartman?
- 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,324 Ahh!
- 00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:10,869 He's not gonna open it, break it down.
- 00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:11,953 You break it down.
- 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,371 Okay, ready-- 1, 2, 3, not it.
- 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,831 Not it. You lose, Kenny.
- 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,583 Oh!
- 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,964 Oh my God-- they killed Kenny!
- 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,466 You ba-!
- 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,677 Ahh!
- 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:37,562 Ooh yeah, oh <i>yeah</i>!
- 00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,609 What the hell is that?
- 00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,819 Oh my God! What is that thing?
- 00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,738 Children, there's some huge bulbous monstrosity
- 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,406 heading for the classroom!
- 00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,033 Oh my God, it's awful!
- 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,701 It's coming for the door!
- 00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:56,206 Hello, kids. - Aunt Rosie.
- 00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,416 Run for your lives, children, I'll try to fight it off!
- 00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,377 That's my aunt, Rosie O'Donnell.
- 00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:01,836 Oh.
- 00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,506 Oh, uh, pleasure to meet you, Ms. Donnell.
- 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,466 You're looking... well.
- 00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:08,093 Don't worry, kids, everything's gonna be fine.
- 00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,761 What's the problem?
- 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,764 Aunt Rosie, we think I won class president.
- 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,224 No, Ike won.
- 00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:15,433 Look, it's very simple--
- 00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:16,977 we took a vote and the vote tied
- 00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,478 so now we've gotta come up with a way--
- 00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:21,022 Well it obviously isn't that simple, is it?
- 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,774 I mean, you'd think a little kindergarten teacher
- 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,192 could've handled this,
- 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:27,153 but now we're gonna do it my way!
- 00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:36,496 We are Trapper Keeper.
- 00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:39,416 Oh no, it's heading for Cheyenne Moun-tain.
- 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:40,709 Why is that bad?
- 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,961 It was when the Trapper Keeper assimilated
- 00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,547 with the supercomputer at Cheyenne Moun-tain
- 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,508 that it was able to fuse into our defensive computers.
- 00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:51,594 Then we have to stop it before it gets there.
- 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,847 Step on it, Bill Cosby!
- 00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:58,184 Hey Mark, look.
- 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:03,606 Wow, that is about the nicest Trapper Keeper I've ever seen.
- 00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,443 Cartman, you have to stop.
- 00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:10,447 We are Trapper Keeper, we are one.
- 00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:14,325 A part of your friend <i>must</i> still be alive in there.
- 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,788 He is in there.
- 00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:21,041 That must be what Trapper Keeper is using for ventilation.
- 00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:23,418 If one of you could get in there, you could reach the C.P.U.
- 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,502 1, 2, 3, not it.
- 00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,171 Not it-- Ahh, dammit.
- 00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,060 What are you doing, Kyle?
- 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,062 I'm going to try and break you away from the computer, Cartman,
- 00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,563 I need to remove the C.P.U.
- 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,982 I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Kyle.
- 00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,025 Screw you, fat ass!
- 00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,651 Hey, screw you.
- 00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,653 Cartman! Ah!
- 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,238 No!
- 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,951 Okay, so then what we need to do,
- 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,204 is count everybody's vote by hand.
- 00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:01,664 And after that, we're gonna go over the votes again manually and then--
- 00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:04,667 Oh stop it, stop it, stop it!!!
- 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:08,421 Look, kids, we're all in this kindergarten class together.
- 00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,090 We have to respect one another
- 00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:13,134 or else we're in for a terrible school year.
- 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,719 We're just making sure
- 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,097 that the kids who voted for my nephew don't get cheated.
- 00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:20,600 Half the kids in the class didn't vote for your nephew! So what about them?
- 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:23,394 You don't give a crap about them because they're not on your side!
- 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,022 People like you preach tolerance and open-mindedness all the time,
- 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,524 but when it comes to middle America
- 00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,400 you think we're all evil and stupid country yokels
- 00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,486 who need your political enlightenment!
- 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,364 Well, just because you're on TV doesn't mean you know crap about the government!!
- 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,574 Now get your ass back on first class
- 00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:39,619 and respect this class' right to make up their own minds!!
- 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,957 Oh, sorry, I got a little off the subject there, kids.
- 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,625 How dare you!
- 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,545 I will not be preached at by a country bumpkin.
- 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:51,548 I'm leaving this podunk town, but in my place
- 00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:54,092 I'm gonna send more lawyers, statesmen and press
- 00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,803 than you have ever seen!
- 00:18:56,928 --> 00:19:00,056 Oh, no, children, I think I just made this a whole lot worse.
- 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,026 Ahh!
- 00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,862 Whoa!
- 00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:18,616 Well, that does it.
- 00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,535 I'm gonna have to report this.
- 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,037 Guard one to base-- Ahh!
- 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,664 It is infusing with everything.
- 00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,291 It is already too powerful to stop.
- 00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:29,377 Kyle's got to succeed, he's just got to.
- 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,881 I can't reach the C.P.U.
- 00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,257 What are you doin'?
- 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,758 Get out of my way.
- 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,178 Oh no, now there's two of those things.
- 00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:40,221 No, I think that other thing is Rosie O'Donnell.
- 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,015 Huh? Which one?
- 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:43,474 It's like I'm seeing double.
- 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,644 I said, get out of my way!
- 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,104 Aahhh!
- 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,029 Ew.
- 00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:58,198 Look, I think that infusing with Rosie O'Donnell
- 00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,575 has made Trapper Keeper sick.
- 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:04,954 Euhhh... bad pie, bad pie.
- 00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:07,540 This is your chance, Kyle, Cartman is weakened.
- 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,877 Got him.
- 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,383 He did it!
- 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:25,058 Okay, children, the lawyers for Ike's side
- 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,227 have agreed with the lawyer's on Filmore's side
- 00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:30,438 to hold another meeting regarding form 22-f.
- 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,273 Do we all have that form?
- 00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:33,524 Is this the kindergarten classroom?
- 00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:36,110 Jesse Jackson? - That's right.
- 00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,029 I believe the African-American students in your class
- 00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,530 were misrepresented.
- 00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,075 We don't have any African- Americans in our class!
- 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,203 Oh-bye.
- 00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:47,205 Alright, so apparently what we're gonna do now
- 00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,457 is hand count each person's ballot.
- 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,835 Mr. Garrison, I concede.
- 00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,797 You-you what?
- 00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:58,091 I don't wanna play anymore 'cause this game is stupid.
- 00:20:58,216 --> 00:20:59,842 Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
- 00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:02,470 Ike, you could be class president.
- 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,597 I pooped my pants!
- 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,307 Can we finger paint now?
- 00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,518 Finger paint! Finger paint!
- 00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:12,522 Ah-yes, yes, let's finger paint!
- 00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:13,898 You did it, Kyle.
- 00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,275 Kyle saved your life, fat ass.
- 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,402 Look, I'm fading!
- 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:19,946 It must of worked, I don't exist!
- 00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:21,739 Oh, that's a bitch.
- 00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:24,409 Oh, well, I guess everything's fine now.
- 00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:25,493 So let's go home.
- 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,578 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, Cartman--
- 00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:29,580 All you've been doing is making fun of Kyle and now he saved your life.
- 00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:30,957 You at least owe him a thank you.
- 00:21:31,082 --> 00:21:32,333 Oh, man...
- 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,543 Cartman!
- 00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:35,336 Alright, alright.
- 00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:36,921 Kyle...
- 00:00:09,593 --> 00:00:10,428 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:12,013 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,597 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:15,474 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:16,684 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:16,809 --> 00:00:18,352 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,187 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,023 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:23,524 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,192 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:28,487 ♪ [Mumbling] ♪
- 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,156 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:31,991 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:36,704 Dude, what's your little brother doing here?
- 00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,247 Ike is starting his first day of kindergarten.
- 00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,749 But isn't he only three years old?
- 00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,292 Yeah, but he's some kind of genius
- 00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:42,793 so he's getting advanced placement in kindergarten.
- 00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:44,378 I pooped my pants.
- 00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,172 But, dude, check out my new <i>Trapper Keeper.</i>
- 00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:48,924 It has five different compartments for each subject in school
- 00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,510 and it's all covered with pictures from "Dawson's Creek". - Cool!
- 00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:53,596 Hey dudes, check out my sweet "Dawson's Creek" Trapper Keeper
- 00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:56,724 Ultra-Keeper Futura 2000.
- 00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,351 Yeah, well, it's got 10 different compartments for every subject in school,
- 00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:01,145 electronic pencil sharpener,
- 00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:04,106 four plastic bags with electronic zippers, copy machine, fax,
- 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,816 a better picture of Dawson's Creek on the back than Kyle's.
- 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,777 Flat screen TV and of course, <i>Onstar.</i>
- 00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:10,071 Wow, cool. - Godammit, Cartman!
- 00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:11,739 You only got that because you knew my mom wouldn't buy it for me!
- 00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,449 Oh, but you have a Trapper Keep--
- 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,992 oh, you got the little "Crapper Keeper", didn't you?
- 00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,744 Well, at least your stupid brother got a briefcase.
- 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,788 He's going to kindergarten because he's a genius.
- 00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,414 He's not a genius, he's a little douche bag.
- 00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:21,916 I pooped my pants!
- 00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:23,918 He's smarter than you, fat boy!
- 00:01:24,043 --> 00:01:25,294 I don't even know how you made it to the fourth grade after all the--
- 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,213 Trapper Keeper, I need to drown out my annoying friend,
- 00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:29,965 please initiate music: country, high volume.
- 00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:33,094 [twangy country music]
- 00:01:33,219 --> 00:01:36,555 Nobody gives a crap about your Trapper Keeper, Cartman!
- 00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:44,396 Ms. Crabtree!
- 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,315 There's another creepy homeless guy on the bus.
- 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,942 Sit down and shut up!
- 00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,276 But they smell like pee!
- 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,736 I am not a homeless person.
- 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,655 I am a new fourth-grade student. - You are?
- 00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,825 Yes, my name is Bill, Bill Cosby.
- 00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,535 Aren't you a little old to be in grade school?
- 00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,453 I was held back 10 hu-man grades--
- 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,664 unh-I mean, grades.
- 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,916 Do you companion friends know Eric Cartman?
- 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:04,959 Yeah, that's me.
- 00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:06,710 Eric Cartman?
- 00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:09,505 And you have a Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper Futura S-2000?
- 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,173 Yeah, you already know about it?
- 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,509 Yes, yes, I do.
- 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,637 Well, "nobody gives a crap about your Trapper Keeper, Cartman."
- 00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,806 I'm gonna shove that thing up your ass!
- 00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,474 Dude, do you really care if Cartman has something that's better than yours?
- 00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,101 No, I don't! I don't care!
- 00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:24,311 Ooh, Kyle.
- 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,154 Hey, there he is.
- 00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:36,115 That's the kid that's supposed to be some kind of genius.
- 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,410 Yeah, he's only three and he's already in kindergarten.
- 00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:41,537 Come on.
- 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,415 So, you think you're smarter than the rest of us?
- 00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,001 You think you know more about the world
- 00:02:47,126 --> 00:02:49,295 just because you're only three and we're five?
- 00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,881 I'm go ba-ba.
- 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,216 Okay, children, let's take our seats.
- 00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,969 My name is Mr. Garrison,
- 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,263 and I'm the new kindergarten teacher.
- 00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,390 I used to be the third-grade teacher,
- 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,226 but I had a little "nervous breakdown"
- 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,145 and went into the mountains where I lived off of
- 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,606 "rat carcasses".
- 00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:12,401 But I'm all better now and school was nice enough to let me go on teaching...
- 00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,112 As long as it was for kindergarten.
- 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:17,031 But it's not a demotion, no.
- 00:03:17,156 --> 00:03:19,158 I mean, just because a teacher was teaching third grade
- 00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,659 and now is teaching kindergarten--
- 00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,369 that's not a demotion, is it?
- 00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,413 No, that's right, it's not.
- 00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,373 Well, let's start with roll call.
- 00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,417 Ah, let's see... Filmore Anderson?
- 00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,543 Here.
- 00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,003 Sally Bans? - Here.
- 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:33,380 Alright, Ike Broflovski?
- 00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,507 "Cookie Monster."
- 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:38,052 Broflovski, I had your older brother Kyle in my third-grade class.
- 00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:40,804 He's a very smart kid, I'm sure you are too.
- 00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:42,681 Well, that's bad news for everybody else
- 00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,559 because I will be grading you all on a curve.
- 00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:53,275 And so the other thing that makes my Trapper Keeper cooler than Kyle's
- 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,195 is that it can add any peripheral device to itself automatically.
- 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,572 I can take something as simple as this calculator and--
- 00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:00,824 Trapper Keeper? - Trapper Keeper active.
- 00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:02,326 Hybrid with "Wellington Bear" calculator.
- 00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,994 Ready for hybrid.
- 00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,288 And now, I can use Wellington Bear calculator too.
- 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,539 [everyone] Wow.
- 00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:09,667 May I hold your Trapper Keeper?
- 00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:11,377 Uh, no, I'm afraid not, Bill Cosby,
- 00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:13,754 because it is coded to the prints on my fingers.
- 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,172 If anybody but me tries to hold it
- 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,174 big metal spikes come out and pierce through their hands.
- 00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:19,051 Oh, you're so full of crap, Cartman!
- 00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,636 Metal spikes will not come out!
- 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,931 Oh really, then why don't you hold it?
- 00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,849 Well, go on, Kyle,
- 00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:28,602 if it doesn't have metal spikes, then hold it.
- 00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,145 Hold it. - I'm gonna!
- 00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:32,064 Hold it. - I will!
- 00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,984 And that's how the relationship with my father sort of ended.
- 00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:37,152 There's still some sort of skeletons in the closet,
- 00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,530 but things between us are a little better.
- 00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:43,367 Okay, children, well now it's time for us to elect a class president.
- 00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,619 So first we must pick nominees.
- 00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,871 Who would like to nominate someone?
- 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:51,834 I nominate Filmore because he's the smartest kid in the class.
- 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,878 Okay, Filmore, you'll be our first nominee.
- 00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,338 And who else?
- 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,798 Yes, Jenny.
- 00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,009 I gotta go doody.
- 00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:03,053 In a minute, Jenny-- who else wants to nominate a class president?
- 00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:06,098 Oh, come on, you can't have an election with just one person running,
- 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,766 what's the fun in that?
- 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,060 Ike, how about you, you're a genius?
- 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,854 No.
- 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:16,150 Okay, our second nominee is "Ike... the Genius".
- 00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:19,153 Okay, children, now we'll hear briefly from each nominee.
- 00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:22,031 Filmore, why don't you go first.
- 00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:26,452 If I'm elected class president, I'll call for bigger chairs.
- 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:30,331 And on Fridays I'll add two minutes to nap time.
- 00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:31,290 Thank you.
- 00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:33,167 Very enthralling.
- 00:05:33,292 --> 00:05:35,627 Okay, Ike, how about you?
- 00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:39,048 Cookie Monster... Eyes.
- 00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:42,718 Well, this is gonna be a tough one, kids.
- 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,137 Oh no, dude, here comes that weird new kid.
- 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,514 Oh, hello, Eric, can I be your hu-man friend?
- 00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,683 Unh-I mean, friend.
- 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,810 I don't know, dude, I'm not supposed to have male friends that are over 30.
- 00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,937 I kinda got screwed on that once.
- 00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:56,440 Please, we can have fun and play games like hu-man four square.
- 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:59,026 I mean, four square.
- 00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,487 Dude, you can't just ask to be somebody's friend and be their friend!
- 00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:02,988 It doesn't work that way.
- 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,032 If you want my friendship you have to pay me.
- 00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,408 Oh, I see.
- 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,160 Alright, I'll pay 100 galga stones--
- 00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:11,205 I mean, human dollars, I mean, dollars.
- 00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:12,790 Okay, that's cool.
- 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,500 Can we play some hu-man tether ball?
- 00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:15,959 Alright.
- 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,461 Pretty sweet, you guys,
- 00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:18,754 getting 100 bucks to play tether ball with some--
- 00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:19,797 serve! - Ah!
- 00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,423 Got it!
- 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,092 Dude, he's running off with your Trapper Keeper!
- 00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,676 Wha-huh!
- 00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,595 You son of a bitch!
- 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:27,846 Wait a minute, lucky for me
- 00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,848 I have my Trapper Keeper homing device.
- 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,392 What the hell just happened?
- 00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:34,686 Damn, I thought fourth grade was gonna be different.
- 00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:39,650 So that's six votes for Filmore and six votes for Ike.
- 00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:42,820 And the last vote is for...
- 00:06:42,945 --> 00:06:48,200 Ah, let's see, Flora, I can't tell who you voted for.
- 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,202 You've got the winning vote, Flora, who'd you pick?
- 00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,703 I don't know.
- 00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:53,414 Flora, you have to pick one, Filmore or Ike.
- 00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:56,750 Um, I vote for... I don't know.
- 00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,710 Oh great, Flora's undecided.
- 00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:00,921 Well, you're just gonna have to sit there Flora
- 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,840 and think about it until you come up with an answer.
- 00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,174 Okay.
- 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,551 Flora, just say you vote for Filmore
- 00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:07,386 so we can all go home.
- 00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:08,846 Um...
- 00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,973 No, you want Ike to be president.
- 00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,599 We're gonna be here all night.
- 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,560 Why don't you guys just concede?
- 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:15,727 Yeah! Yeah!
- 00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:16,854 Why don't you just concede?
- 00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:18,272 Yeah!
- 00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:19,440 Filmore! Filmore! Filmore! Filmore!
- 00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:21,483 I want Filmore to be-- I want Ike--
- 00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,819 Oh, for Christ's sakes, you're all acting like a bunch of kids!
- 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,821 [police sirens]
- 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,657 Turn left here, we're getting close! Get your gun ready.
- 00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,368 Eric, I'm not gonna shoot anybody for taking your school folder.
- 00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:32,995 It was not a school folder,
- 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,830 it was a Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper Futura S-2000!
- 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,457 And if-there he is!
- 00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:37,291 Ah!
- 00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:38,375 Gotcha!
- 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,418 Hey!
- 00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,378 Aah!
- 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:48,469 [electric whir]
- 00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:49,928 Whoa, dude.
- 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,853 Oh, try to take my Trapper Keeper, will you?
- 00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,022 Please, you do not understand.
- 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,857 Book him, Barbrady, another job well done.
- 00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,401 That Trapper Keeper has to be destroyed.
- 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,612 Why are you so obsessed with Cartman's Trapper Keeper, Bill Cosby?
- 00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,197 Bill Cosby!
- 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:11,909 No, listen to me! I am not really Bill Cosby.
- 00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:14,995 My name is BSM-471.
- 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,457 I am a cyborg engineered by hu-mans from the year 2034.
- 00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,417 Well, I knew you weren't Bill Cosby.
- 00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,336 I have come to destroy that Trapper Keeper
- 00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,421 because it was the Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper
- 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:27,174 that belongs to an Eric Cartman in South Park
- 00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:30,385 which three years from now manifests itself into an omnipotent super being
- 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:32,179 and destroys all of hu-manity.
- 00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,765 In the year 2004,
- 00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:38,602 a hybrid assimilating computer linked with a satellite uplink computer.
- 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,270 From there, it was able to slowly take over
- 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,022 every computer in the world.
- 00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,774 It became stronger and stronger
- 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:47,319 until, by the year 2018, it broke away from mankind
- 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:50,030 and there was nothing the hu-mans could do.
- 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,866 It wasn't long before Mighty Trapper Keeper
- 00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,410 started to destroy everything it saw as useless...
- 00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,871 Including humans.
- 00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,915 The nations tried everything to stop it--
- 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,000 nuclear devices, seismic missiles--
- 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,835 but nothing worked.
- 00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,588 The hu-mans built robots of their own, whole armies of them.
- 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:10,092 But nothing was strong enough to stop Trapper Keeper.
- 00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:15,013 And so finally, the hu-mans decided to send
- 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,391 one of their robots into the past to destroy the Trapper Keeper
- 00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,309 before it even got started.
- 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,311 Wow, that's amazing.
- 00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,855 Man, I guess sometimes we let our technology and stuff grow too fast.
- 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,691 What do you think, Officer Barbrady?
- 00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,401 Huh-oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.
- 00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:32,072 And so Eric, now you see why we must destroy your Trapper Keeper.
- 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:35,284 You guys, did I mention that it has a pencil sharpener
- 00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:37,035 <i>and</i> a crayon sharpener?
- 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,787 Cartman, it takes over the world and destroys all of humanity!
- 00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,622 What would you guys have me do, huh?
- 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,416 Walk around with just a plain old trapper keeper like Kyle's,
- 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,126 is that what you want? - Yes!
- 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,003 Godammit! Here, take it!
- 00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:47,504 Do you want my heart as well?
- 00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:50,257 You'll find it on the bottom of your shoes!
- 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,971 I decided.
- 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,556 Oh, thank God, Flora.
- 00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,016 Alright, who do you vote for?
- 00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,809 Umm, Ike.
- 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,352 Yay! Yay!
- 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,896 Okay, so then the total is six votes for Filmore
- 00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,565 and now seven votes for Ike.
- 00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,358 Ike is the new class president.
- 00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,319 We want a recount. - What?
- 00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,321 Recount, recount, recount...
- 00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,740 Oh, of all the juvenile things I've ever heard--
- 00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:17,075 You lost, Filmore, don't be such a baby!
- 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,620 [wailing]
- 00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:22,080 Alright, alright, I'll count up the ballots again.
- 00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,417 Okay, we had one vote for Filmore...
- 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:29,630 And this time I again get six votes for Filmore and seven votes for Ike.
- 00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:31,632 Count 'em again. - Yeah!
- 00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:34,676 No, children, I've recounted 106 times now
- 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,762 and I keep coming up with seven to six!
- 00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,889 Except in the one instance where it came out seven to five
- 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,849 and one where it came out 12 to 14.
- 00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,435 It's over! Ike is class president!
- 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,063 Wait, there's still the absent kid.
- 00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:48,315 Yeah, Carlos is absent, we have to wait for his vote.
- 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,025 Oh, will you grow up?!
- 00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,153 Absent kids count, absent kids count, absent kids...
- 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:55,322 Jesus, alright, we'll wait for tomorrow
- 00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:59,326 so the absent kid can cast his vote, now go home!
- 00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:02,287 [school bell rings]
- 00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:05,040 Good morning, hu-mans. - Hey, Bill Cosby.
- 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,167 I have successfully destroyed Eric Cartman's Trapper Keeper.
- 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,835 I broke it apart,
- 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,629 dipped the motherboards in acid, burnt the memory chips
- 00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:14,091 and sent the wiring to the four corners of Canada. - That should do it.
- 00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,927 So what are you gonna do with your crappy robot life now, Bill Cosby?
- 00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,762 Well, that is a problem that is causing me some disconcern-ment.
- 00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,098 I am still here, but I shouldn't be here.
- 00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:23,225 If Trapper Keeper has been stopped, then I should not exist,
- 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,643 but here I am.
- 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:25,936 Something is still not right.
- 00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,396 Hey, dudes.
- 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:28,355 Cartman, you still got a Trapper Keeper!
- 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,482 Yeah, I'm a genius.
- 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,442 Last night I went home and told my mom that I lost the last one.
- 00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,403 Then I cried and I cried, and finally she felt so bad
- 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,238 that she took me to the store and bought me a new one.
- 00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,447 So everything worked out.
- 00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:38,865 Oh, no!
- 00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,409 Cartman, you dumb ass! You can't get a new one.
- 00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,327 Why the hell not?
- 00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:44,204 Because if <i>your</i> Trapper Keeper takes over the world,
- 00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,206 then maybe it was <i>this</i> Trapper Keeper and not the one before.
- 00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,291 So then you guys burnt my last one for no reason.
- 00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:50,127 We will have to destroy this Trapper Keeper.
- 00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:52,462 But I don't think I can get my mom to buy me another one.
- 00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:55,090 Don't you get it? You can't have <i>any</i> Trapper Keepers, fat ass!
- 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,508 Oh, that is bull crap!
- 00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,051 And you know what I think?
- 00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,220 I think this whole thing is a setup!
- 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,264 That's right, Kyle got this guy to say he's a robot from the future
- 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,307 just because he's jealous of my Trapper Keeper.
- 00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:05,767 And you know what else?
- 00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,477 Screw you guys, I'm going home.
- 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:08,770 Cartman!
- 00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,355 No-screw you guys. Home.
- 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,481 Well, that does it.
- 00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,774 Hey, what are you doing?
- 00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:13,775 I'm afraid I have no other choice.
- 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,610 For the sake of humanity I have to kill him.
- 00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,028 Oh, okay. - Yeah, that's fine.
- 00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:18,613 No, wait! - What?
- 00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:19,990 Can I do it?
- 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,491 Oh well, I suppose.
- 00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,118 Sweet-kiss your ass good-bye, fat boy!
- 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,995 Wait, perhaps there is another way.
- 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,705 If you could take me to where Eric Cartman lives,
- 00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,790 I could try reasoning with his human mother.
- 00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,375 Well, yeah, or we could just kill him.
- 00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,668 Yeah, that'd be faster. He's right there.
- 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,962 I'm afraid I can't.
- 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,423 I think I'm actually starting to feel what you humans call "compassion".
- 00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:37,799 It is an amazing feeling.
- 00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,092 Ah! Ah!
- 00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,052 Alright, children, as you know,
- 00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,764 we've been waiting for the absent kid's ballot to come in.
- 00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,307 Well, his mother was nice enough
- 00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,808 to bring him in from the hospital
- 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,393 so that he could cast his vote.
- 00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,228 Mrs. Harris.
- 00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,734 Thank you very much, Billy.
- 00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,402 Don't forget to pick up your lung.
- 00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:01,406 Alright, the absent kid's ballot is for... Filmore.
- 00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,949 Yay! Yay!
- 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,619 Wait one minute!
- 00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,496 Oh Jesus- tap-dancing-Christ.
- 00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:09,206 I think the ballots were misleading.
- 00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:11,124 Some kids didn't understand who they were voting for.
- 00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,168 There's a box next to Filmore's name
- 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,628 and a box next to Ike's.
- 00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:15,587 What's not to understand?
- 00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,088 You're just saying that
- 00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,924 'cause you know you're gonna lose now.
- 00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,051 No, I'm saying that because you're a booger-face!
- 00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:22,803 Well, just you wait,
- 00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:25,597 'cause my famous aunt is on her way right now.
- 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,098 Who's your famous aunt?
- 00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:29,476 My Aunt Rosie, Rosie O'Donnell.
- 00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:32,020 Your Aunt Rosie O'Donnell is coming here?
- 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,606 Yeah, she's very active in politics.
- 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,358 She's gonna set all of this straight.
- 00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,360 Oh, no.
- 00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:43,782 Recharging.
- 00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,909 Sweet. You're so cool, Trapper Keeper,
- 00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,494 I would never let those assholes take you away.
- 00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,287 [to Dawson's theme] ♪ I don't wanna wait ♪
- 00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,122 ♪ For my Trapper Keeper to be over... ♪
- 00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:55,377 Trapper Keeper ready to insorb.
- 00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,628 Oh, cool.
- 00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,172 Trapper Keeper merging.
- 00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,423 Whoa.
- 00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,596 And so you see, Ms. Cart-man,
- 00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,682 you cannot buy your son Eric another Trapper Keeper.
- 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,725 Not now, not ever!
- 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,769 Right, because it will hybrid with all those other processors
- 00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,313 and generate a whole new era of technological darkness.
- 00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:16,857 Correct.
- 00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:19,025 Well, I certainly won't buy him any more then, Bill.
- 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,819 Good, now all that is left to do
- 00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,529 is destroy the Trapper Keeper Eric has now.
- 00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:23,697 Where is he?
- 00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:25,323 In his room.
- 00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:27,701 But, why don't I show you the rest of the house first.
- 00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,077 Uh-oh. - Here we go again.
- 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,537 Come this way, Billy.
- 00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,289 Well come on, let's go upstairs
- 00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,291 and get Cartman's Trapper Keeper ourselves.
- 00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:35,625 Kyle is just jealous of you, Trapper Keeper.
- 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,377 You kick ass!
- 00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:38,670 ♪ I don't wanna wait for my Trapper Keeper- ♪
- 00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,463 [knocking]
- 00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:43,383 [Kyle] Open up, Cartman, we're taking your Trapper Keeper.
- 00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:46,761 ♪ Screw you guys screw you guys ♪
- 00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,013 ♪ Screw you guys- ♪
- 00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,472 Trapper Keeper ready to insorb.
- 00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,057 Heh.
- 00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,559 Dammit, Cartman, open up!
- 00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:55,145 Trapper Keeper ready for hybrid.
- 00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:58,148 Oh sweet, what's it gonna hybrid with now?
- 00:14:58,273 --> 00:15:00,150 Cartman, you might as well open up,
- 00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:01,735 we're just gonna have Bill Cosby bust the door down
- 00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,695 after he finishes having sex with your mom!
- 00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:04,988 [Cartman struggling]
- 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,281 Cartman?
- 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,324 Ahh!
- 00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:10,869 He's not gonna open it, break it down.
- 00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:11,953 You break it down.
- 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,371 Okay, ready-- 1, 2, 3, not it.
- 00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,831 Not it. You lose, Kenny.
- 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,583 Oh!
- 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,964 Oh my God-- they killed Kenny!
- 00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,466 You ba-!
- 00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,677 Ahh!
- 00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:37,562 [Mrs. Cartman] Ooh yeah, oh <i>yeah</i>!
- 00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,609 What the hell is that?
- 00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,819 Oh my God! What is that thing?
- 00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,738 Children, there's some huge bulbous monstrosity
- 00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,406 heading for the classroom!
- 00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,033 Oh my God, it's awful!
- 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,701 It's coming for the door!
- 00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:56,206 Hello, kids. - Aunt Rosie.
- 00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,416 Run for your lives, children, I'll try to fight it off!
- 00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,377 That's my aunt, Rosie O'Donnell.
- 00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:01,836 Oh.
- 00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,506 Oh, uh, pleasure to meet you, Ms. Donnell.
- 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,466 You're looking... well.
- 00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:08,093 Don't worry, kids, everything's gonna be fine.
- 00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,761 What's the problem?
- 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,764 Aunt Rosie, we think I won class president.
- 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,224 No, Ike won.
- 00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:15,433 Look, it's very simple--
- 00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:16,977 we took a vote and the vote tied
- 00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,478 so now we've gotta come up with a way--
- 00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:21,022 Well it obviously isn't that simple, is it?
- 00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,774 I mean, you'd think a little kindergarten teacher
- 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,192 could've handled this,
- 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:27,153 but now we're gonna do it my way!
- 00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:36,496 [distorted robotic Cartman] We are Trapper Keeper.
- 00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:39,416 Oh no, it's heading for Cheyenne Moun-tain.
- 00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:40,709 Why is that bad?
- 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,961 It was when the Trapper Keeper assimilated
- 00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,547 with the supercomputer at Cheyenne Moun-tain
- 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,508 that it was able to fuse into our defensive computers.
- 00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:51,594 Then we have to stop it before it gets there.
- 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,847 Step on it, Bill Cosby!
- 00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:58,184 Hey Mark, look.
- 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:03,606 Wow, that is about the nicest Trapper Keeper I've ever seen.
- 00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,443 Cartman, you have to stop.
- 00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:10,447 We are Trapper Keeper, we are one.
- 00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:14,325 A part of your friend <i>must</i> still be alive in there.
- 00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:17,120 [fart]
- 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,788 He is in there.
- 00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:21,041 That must be what Trapper Keeper is using for ventilation.
- 00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:23,418 If one of you could get in there, you could reach the C.P.U.
- 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,502 1, 2, 3, not it.
- 00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,171 Not it-- Ahh, dammit.
- 00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:29,049 [sputtering gas]
- 00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:31,176 [heart beating]
- 00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:37,891 [silence]
- 00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,060 [Cartman, hal-like] What are you doing, Kyle?
- 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,062 I'm going to try and break you away from the computer, Cartman,
- 00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,563 I need to remove the C.P.U.
- 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,982 I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Kyle.
- 00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,025 Screw you, fat ass!
- 00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,651 Hey, screw you.
- 00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,653 Cartman! Ah!
- 00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,238 No!
- 00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,283 [kids clamoring]
- 00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,951 Okay, so then what we need to do,
- 00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,204 is count everybody's vote by hand.
- 00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:01,664 And after that, we're gonna go over the votes again manually and then--
- 00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:04,667 Oh stop it, stop it, stop it!!!
- 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:08,421 Look, kids, we're all in this kindergarten class together.
- 00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,090 We have to respect one another
- 00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:13,134 or else we're in for a terrible school year.
- 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,719 We're just making sure
- 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,097 that the kids who voted for my nephew don't get cheated.
- 00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:20,600 Half the kids in the class didn't vote for your nephew! So what about them?
- 00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:23,394 You don't give a crap about them because they're not on your side!
- 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,022 People like you preach tolerance and open-mindedness all the time,
- 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,524 but when it comes to middle America
- 00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,400 you think we're all evil and stupid country yokels
- 00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,486 who need your political enlightenment!
- 00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,364 Well, just because you're on TV doesn't mean you know crap about the government!!
- 00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,574 Now get your ass back on first class
- 00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:39,619 and respect this class' right to make up their own minds!!
- 00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,663 [gasps]
- 00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,957 Oh, sorry, I got a little off the subject there, kids.
- 00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,625 How dare you!
- 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,545 I will not be preached at by a country bumpkin.
- 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:51,548 I'm leaving this podunk town, but in my place
- 00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:54,092 I'm gonna send more lawyers, statesmen and press
- 00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,803 than you have ever seen!
- 00:18:56,928 --> 00:19:00,056 Oh, no, children, I think I just made this a whole lot worse.
- 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,026 Ahh!
- 00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,862 Whoa!
- 00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:18,616 Well, that does it.
- 00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,535 I'm gonna have to report this.
- 00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,037 Guard one to base-- Ahh!
- 00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,664 It is infusing with everything.
- 00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,291 It is already too powerful to stop.
- 00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:29,377 Kyle's got to succeed, he's just got to.
- 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,881 I can't reach the C.P.U.
- 00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,257 What are you doin'?
- 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,758 Get out of my way.
- 00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,178 Oh no, now there's two of those things.
- 00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:40,221 No, I think that other thing is Rosie O'Donnell.
- 00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,015 Huh? Which one?
- 00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:43,474 It's like I'm seeing double.
- 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,644 I said, get out of my way!
- 00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,104 Aahhh!
- 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,152 [bubbling spatter]
- 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,029 [Cartman cyborg] Ew.
- 00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:58,198 Look, I think that infusing with Rosie O'Donnell
- 00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,575 has made Trapper Keeper sick.
- 00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:04,954 [Cartman] Euhhh... bad pie, bad pie.
- 00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:07,540 This is your chance, Kyle, Cartman is weakened.
- 00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,877 Got him.
- 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,383 He did it!
- 00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:21,930 [all arguing]
- 00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:25,058 Okay, children, the lawyers for Ike's side
- 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,227 have agreed with the lawyer's on Filmore's side
- 00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:30,438 to hold another meeting regarding form 22-f.
- 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,273 Do we all have that form?
- 00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:33,524 Is this the kindergarten classroom?
- 00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:36,110 Jesse Jackson? - That's right.
- 00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,029 I believe the African-American students in your class
- 00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,530 were misrepresented.
- 00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,075 We don't have any African- Americans in our class!
- 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,203 Oh-bye.
- 00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:47,205 Alright, so apparently what we're gonna do now
- 00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,457 is hand count each person's ballot.
- 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,835 Mr. Garrison, I concede.
- 00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,797 You-you what?
- 00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:58,091 I don't wanna play anymore 'cause this game is stupid.
- 00:20:58,216 --> 00:20:59,842 Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
- 00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:02,470 Ike, you could be class president.
- 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,597 I pooped my pants!
- 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,307 Can we finger paint now?
- 00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,518 Finger paint! Finger paint!
- 00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:12,522 Ah-yes, yes, let's finger paint!
- 00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:13,898 You did it, Kyle.
- 00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,275 Kyle saved your life, fat ass.
- 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,402 Look, I'm fading!
- 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:19,946 It must of worked, I don't exist!
- 00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:21,739 Oh, that's a bitch.
- 00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:24,409 Oh, well, I guess everything's fine now.
- 00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:25,493 So let's go home.
- 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,578 Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, Cartman--
- 00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:29,580 All you've been doing is making fun of Kyle and now he saved your life.
- 00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:30,957 You at least owe him a thank you.
- 00:21:31,082 --> 00:21:32,333 Oh, man...
- 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,543 Cartman!
- 00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:35,336 Alright, alright.
- 00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:36,921 Kyle...
Скриншоты
