Школьный портфель

00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:12,013

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,597

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:15,474

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:16,684

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:16,809 --> 00:00:18,352

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,187

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,023

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:23,524

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,192

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,156

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:31,991

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:36,704

Dude, what's your little

brother doing here?

00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,247

Ike is starting his

first day of kindergarten.

00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,749

But isn't he only

three years old?

00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,292

Yeah, but he's

some kind of genius

00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:42,793

so he's getting advanced

placement in kindergarten.

00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:44,378

I pooped my pants.

00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,172

But, dude, check out

my new Trapper Keeper.

00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:48,924

It has five different compartments for each

subject in school

00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,510

and it's all covered with

pictures from "Dawson's Creek".

- Cool!

00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:53,596

Hey dudes, check out

my sweet "Dawson's Creek"

Trapper Keeper

00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:56,724

Ultra-Keeper

Futura 2000.

00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,351

Yeah, well, it's got 10 different compartments for

every subject in school,

00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:01,145

electronic

pencil sharpener,

00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:04,106

four plastic bags with electronic zippers,

copy machine, fax,

00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,816

a better picture of Dawson's Creek on

the back than Kyle's.

00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,777

Flat screen TV and

of course, Onstar.

00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:10,071

Wow, cool.

- Godammit, Cartman!

00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:11,739

You only got that because

you knew my mom wouldn't

buy it for me!

00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,449

Oh, but you have

a Trapper Keep--

00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,992

oh, you got the little

"Crapper Keeper", didn't you?

00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,744

Well, at least your stupid

brother got a briefcase.

00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,788

He's going to kindergarten

because he's a genius.

00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,414

He's not a genius,

he's a little douche bag.

00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:21,916

I pooped my pants!

00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:23,918

He's smarter

than you, fat boy!

00:01:24,043 --> 00:01:25,294

I don't even know how you

made it to the fourth grade

after all the--

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Trapper Keeper, I need to

drown out my annoying friend,

00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:29,965

please initiate music:

country, high volume.

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Nobody gives a crap about

your Trapper Keeper, Cartman!

00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:44,396

Ms. Crabtree!

00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,315

There's another creepy

homeless guy on the bus.

00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,942

Sit down

and shut up!

00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,276

But they smell

like pee!

00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,736

I am not

a homeless person.

00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,655

I am a new

fourth-grade student.

- You are?

00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,825

Yes, my name is Bill,

Bill Cosby.

00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,535

Aren't you a little old

to be in grade school?

00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,453

I was held back

10 hu-man grades--

00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,664

unh-I mean, grades.

00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,916

Do you companion friends

know Eric Cartman?

00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:04,959

Yeah, that's me.

00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:06,710

Eric Cartman?

00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:09,505

And you have a Dawson's Creek

Trapper Keeper Futura S-2000?

00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,173

Yeah, you already

know about it?

00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,509

Yes, yes, I do.

00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,637

Well, "nobody gives a crap about

your Trapper Keeper, Cartman."

00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,806

I'm gonna shove that thing

up your ass!

00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,474

Dude, do you really care

if Cartman has something

that's better than yours?

00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,101

No, I don't!

I don't care!

00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:24,311

Ooh, Kyle.

00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,154

Hey, there he is.

00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:36,115

That's the kid that's supposed

to be some kind of genius.

00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,410

Yeah, he's only three and

he's already in kindergarten.

00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:41,537

Come on.

00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,415

So, you think you're smarter

than the rest of us?

00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,001

You think you know more

about the world

00:02:47,126 --> 00:02:49,295

just because you're

only three and we're five?

00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,881

I'm go ba-ba.

00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,216

Okay, children,

let's take our seats.

00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,969

My name is Mr. Garrison,

00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,263

and I'm the new

kindergarten teacher.

00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,390

I used to be the

third-grade teacher,

00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,226

but I had a little

"nervous breakdown"

00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,145

and went into the mountains

where I lived off of

00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,606

"rat carcasses".

00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:12,401

But I'm all better now

and school was nice enough

to let me go on teaching...

00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,112

As long as it was

for kindergarten.

00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:17,031

But it's not

a demotion, no.

00:03:17,156 --> 00:03:19,158

I mean, just because a teacher

was teaching third grade

00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,659

and now is teaching

kindergarten--

00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,369

that's not

a demotion, is it?

00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,413

No, that's right,

it's not.

00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,373

Well, let's start with

roll call.

00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,417

Ah, let's see...

Filmore Anderson?

00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,543

Here.

00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,003

Sally Bans?

- Here.

00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:33,380

Alright,

Ike Broflovski?

00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,507

"Cookie Monster."

00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:38,052

Broflovski, I had your

older brother Kyle in my

third-grade class.

00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:40,804

He's a very smart kid,

I'm sure you are too.

00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:42,681

Well, that's bad news

for everybody else

00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,559

because I will be

grading you all on a curve.

00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:53,275

And so the other thing that

makes my Trapper Keeper

cooler than Kyle's

00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,195

is that it can add

any peripheral device

to itself automatically.

00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,572

I can take something as simple

as this calculator and--

00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:00,824

Trapper Keeper?

- Trapper Keeper active.

00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:02,326

Hybrid with "Wellington Bear"

calculator.

00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,994

Ready for hybrid.

00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,288

And now, I can use

Wellington Bear calculator too.

00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,539

Wow.

00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:09,667

May I hold your

Trapper Keeper?

00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:11,377

Uh, no, I'm afraid not,

Bill Cosby,

00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:13,754

because it is coded to

the prints on my fingers.

00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,172

If anybody but me

tries to hold it

00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,174

big metal spikes come out

and pierce through their hands.

00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:19,051

Oh, you're so full of

crap, Cartman!

00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,636

Metal spikes

will not come out!

00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,931

Oh really, then why don't

you hold it?

00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,849

Well, go on, Kyle,

00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:28,602

if it doesn't have

metal spikes, then hold it.

00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,145

Hold it.

- I'm gonna!

00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:32,064

Hold it.

- I will!

00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,984

And that's how the relationship

with my father sort of ended.

00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:37,152

There's still some sort of

skeletons in the closet,

00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,530

but things between us

are a little better.

00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:43,367

Okay, children, well now

it's time for us to elect

a class president.

00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,619

So first

we must pick nominees.

00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,871

Who would like to

nominate someone?

00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:51,834

I nominate Filmore because he's

the smartest kid in the class.

00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,878

Okay, Filmore, you'll be

our first nominee.

00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,338

And who else?

00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,798

Yes, Jenny.

00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,009

I gotta go doody.

00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:03,053

In a minute, Jenny--

who else wants to nominate

a class president?

00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:06,098

Oh, come on, you can't have

an election with just

one person running,

00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,766

what's the fun

in that?

00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,060

Ike, how about you,

you're a genius?

00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,854

No.

00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:16,150

Okay, our second nominee

is "Ike... the Genius".

00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:19,153

Okay, children, now we'll hear

briefly from each nominee.

00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:22,031

Filmore, why don't you

go first.

00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:26,452

If I'm elected class president,

I'll call for bigger chairs.

00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:30,331

And on Fridays I'll add

two minutes to nap time.

00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:31,290

Thank you.

00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:33,167

Very enthralling.

00:05:33,292 --> 00:05:35,627

Okay, Ike,

how about you?

00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:39,048

Cookie Monster... Eyes.

00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:42,718

Well, this is gonna be

a tough one, kids.

00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,137

Oh no, dude, here comes

that weird new kid.

00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,514

Oh, hello, Eric, can I be

your hu-man friend?

00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,683

Unh-I mean, friend.

00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,810

I don't know, dude,

I'm not supposed to have

male friends that are over 30.

00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,937

I kinda got screwed

on that once.

00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:56,440

Please, we can have fun

and play games like

hu-man four square.

00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:59,026

I mean, four square.

00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,487

Dude, you can't just ask

to be somebody's friend

and be their friend!

00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:02,988

It doesn't

work that way.

00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,032

If you want my friendship

you have to pay me.

00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,408

Oh, I see.

00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,160

Alright, I'll pay

100 galga stones--

00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:11,205

I mean, human dollars,

I mean, dollars.

00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:12,790

Okay, that's cool.

00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,500

Can we play some

hu-man tether ball?

00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:15,959

Alright.

00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,461

Pretty sweet, you guys,

00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:18,754

getting 100 bucks to play

tether ball with some--

00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:19,797

serve!

- Ah!

00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,423

Got it!

00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,092

Dude, he's running off

with your Trapper Keeper!

00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,676

Wha-huh!

00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,595

You son of a bitch!

00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:27,846

Wait a minute,

lucky for me

00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,848

I have my Trapper Keeper

homing device.

00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,392

What the hell

just happened?

00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:34,686

Damn, I thought fourth grade

was gonna be different.

00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:39,650

So that's six votes for Filmore

and six votes for Ike.

00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:42,820

And the last vote is for...

00:06:42,945 --> 00:06:48,200

Ah, let's see, Flora,

I can't tell who you voted for.

00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,202

You've got the winning vote,

Flora, who'd you pick?

00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,703

I don't know.

00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:53,414

Flora, you have to pick one,

Filmore or Ike.

00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:56,750

Um, I vote for...

I don't know.

00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,710

Oh great,

Flora's undecided.

00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:00,921

Well, you're just gonna have to

sit there Flora

00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,840

and think about it until

you come up with an answer.

00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,174

Okay.

00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,551

Flora, just say

you vote for Filmore

00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:07,386

so we can

all go home.

00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:08,846

Um...

00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,973

No, you want Ike

to be president.

00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,599

We're gonna be here

all night.

00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,560

Why don't you guys

just concede?

00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:15,727

Yeah!

Yeah!

00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:16,854

Why don't you

just concede?

00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:18,272

Yeah!

00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:19,440

Filmore!

Filmore!

Filmore!

Filmore!

00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:21,483

I want Filmore to be--

I want Ike--

00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,819

Oh, for Christ's sakes,

you're all acting like

a bunch of kids!

00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,657

Turn left here,

we're getting close!

Get your gun ready.

00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,368

Eric, I'm not gonna shoot

anybody for taking

your school folder.

00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:32,995

It was not a school folder,

00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,830

it was a Dawson's Creek

Trapper Keeper Futura S-2000!

00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,457

And if-there he is!

00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:37,291

Ah!

00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:38,375

Gotcha!

00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,418

Hey!

00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,378

Aah!

00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:49,928

Whoa, dude.

00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,853

Oh, try to take my

Trapper Keeper, will you?

00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,022

Please, you do not

understand.

00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,857

Book him, Barbrady,

another job well done.

00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,401

That Trapper Keeper

has to be destroyed.

00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,612

Why are you so obsessed

with Cartman's Trapper

Keeper, Bill Cosby?

00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,197

Bill Cosby!

00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:11,909

No, listen to me!

I am not really Bill Cosby.

00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:14,995

My name is BSM-471.

00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,457

I am a cyborg engineered by

hu-mans from the year 2034.

00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,417

Well, I knew you

weren't Bill Cosby.

00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,336

I have come to destroy

that Trapper Keeper

00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,421

because it was the Dawson's

Creek Trapper Keeper

00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:27,174

that belongs to

an Eric Cartman in South Park

00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:30,385

which three years from now

manifests itself into an

omnipotent super being

00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:32,179

and destroys

all of hu-manity.

00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,765

In the year 2004,

00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:38,602

a hybrid assimilating computer

linked with a satellite

uplink computer.

00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,270

From there, it was able to

slowly take over

00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,022

every computer in the world.

00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,774

It became stronger

and stronger

00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:47,319

until, by the year 2018,

it broke away from mankind

00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:50,030

and there was nothing

the hu-mans could do.

00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,866

It wasn't long before

Mighty Trapper Keeper

00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,410

started to destroy everything

it saw as useless...

00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,871

Including humans.

00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,915

The nations tried everything

to stop it--

00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,000

nuclear devices,

seismic missiles--

00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,835

but nothing worked.

00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,588

The hu-mans built robots of

their own, whole armies of them.

00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:10,092

But nothing was strong enough

to stop Trapper Keeper.

00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:15,013

And so finally,

the hu-mans decided to send

00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,391

one of their robots

into the past to destroy

the Trapper Keeper

00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,309

before it

even got started.

00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,311

Wow,

that's amazing.

00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,855

Man, I guess sometimes

we let our technology and

stuff grow too fast.

00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,691

What do you think,

Officer Barbrady?

00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,401

Huh-oh, I'm sorry,

I wasn't listening.

00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:32,072

And so Eric, now you

see why we must destroy

your Trapper Keeper.

00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:35,284

You guys, did I mention

that it has a pencil sharpener

00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:37,035

and a crayon sharpener?

00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,787

Cartman, it takes over the world

and destroys all of humanity!

00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,622

What would you guys

have me do, huh?

00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,416

Walk around with just

a plain old trapper

keeper like Kyle's,

00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,126

is that what you want?

- Yes!

00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,003

Godammit!

Here, take it!

00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:47,504

Do you want

my heart as well?

00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:50,257

You'll find it on the

bottom of your shoes!

00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,971

I decided.

00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,556

Oh, thank God, Flora.

00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,016

Alright,

who do you vote for?

00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,809

Umm, Ike.

00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,352

Yay!

Yay!

00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,896

Okay, so then the total

is six votes for Filmore

00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,565

and now seven votes

for Ike.

00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,358

Ike is the new

class president.

00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,319

We want a recount.

- What?

00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,321

Recount, recount,

recount...

00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,740

Oh, of all the juvenile things

I've ever heard--

00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:17,075

You lost, Filmore,

don't be such a baby!

00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:22,080

Alright, alright,

I'll count up the ballots again.

00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,417

Okay, we had

one vote for Filmore...

00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:29,630

And this time I again

get six votes for Filmore

and seven votes for Ike.

00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:31,632

Count 'em again.

- Yeah!

00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:34,676

No, children,

I've recounted 106 times now

00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,762

and I keep coming up with

seven to six!

00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,889

Except in the one instance where

it came out seven to five

00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,849

and one where it came out

12 to 14.

00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,435

It's over!

Ike is class president!

00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,063

Wait, there's still

the absent kid.

00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:48,315

Yeah, Carlos is absent,

we have to wait for his vote.

00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,025

Oh, will you grow up?!

00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,153

Absent kids count,

absent kids count,

absent kids...

00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:55,322

Jesus, alright,

we'll wait for tomorrow

00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:59,326

so the absent kid can cast

his vote, now go home!

00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:05,040

Good morning, hu-mans.

- Hey, Bill Cosby.

00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,167

I have successfully destroyed

Eric Cartman's Trapper Keeper.

00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,835

I broke it apart,

00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,629

dipped the motherboards in acid,

burnt the memory chips

00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:14,091

and sent the wiring

to the four corners of Canada.

- That should do it.

00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,927

So what are you gonna do

with your crappy robot life

now, Bill Cosby?

00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,762

Well, that is a problem

that is causing me some

disconcern-ment.

00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,098

I am still here,

but I shouldn't be here.

00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:23,225

If Trapper Keeper

has been stopped,

then I should not exist,

00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,643

but here I am.

00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:25,936

Something is still

not right.

00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,396

Hey, dudes.

00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:28,355

Cartman, you still got

a Trapper Keeper!

00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,482

Yeah, I'm a genius.

00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,442

Last night I went home

and told my mom that

I lost the last one.

00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,403

Then I cried and I cried,

and finally she felt so bad

00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,238

that she took me to the store

and bought me a new one.

00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,447

So everything worked out.

00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:38,865

Oh, no!

00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,409

Cartman, you dumb ass!

You can't get a new one.

00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,327

Why the hell not?

00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:44,204

Because if your Trapper Keeper

takes over the world,

00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,206

then maybe it was this Trapper

Keeper and not the one before.

00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,291

So then you guys burnt

my last one for no reason.

00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:50,127

We will have to destroy

this Trapper Keeper.

00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:52,462

But I don't think I can get

my mom to buy me another one.

00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:55,090

Don't you get it?

You can't have any

Trapper Keepers, fat ass!

00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,508

Oh, that is bull crap!

00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,051

And you know

what I think?

00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,220

I think this whole thing

is a setup!

00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,264

That's right, Kyle got this guy

to say he's a robot

from the future

00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,307

just because he's jealous

of my Trapper Keeper.

00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:05,767

And you know what else?

00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,477

Screw you guys,

I'm going home.

00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:08,770

Cartman!

00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,355

No-screw you guys.

Home.

00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,481

Well, that does it.

00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,774

Hey, what are you doing?

00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:13,775

I'm afraid I have

no other choice.

00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,610

For the sake of humanity

I have to kill him.

00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,028

Oh, okay.

- Yeah, that's fine.

00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:18,613

No, wait!

- What?

00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:19,990

Can I do it?

00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,491

Oh well, I suppose.

00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,118

Sweet-kiss your ass

good-bye, fat boy!

00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,995

Wait, perhaps

there is another way.

00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,705

If you could take me to

where Eric Cartman lives,

00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,790

I could try reasoning

with his human mother.

00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,375

Well, yeah, or we could

just kill him.

00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,668

Yeah, that'd be faster.

He's right there.

00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,962

I'm afraid I can't.

00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,423

I think I'm actually

starting to feel what you

humans call "compassion".

00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:37,799

It is an

amazing feeling.

00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,092

Ah!

Ah!

00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,052

Alright, children,

as you know,

00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,764

we've been waiting for

the absent kid's ballot

to come in.

00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,307

Well, his mother

was nice enough

00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,808

to bring him in

from the hospital

00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,393

so that he could

cast his vote.

00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,228

Mrs. Harris.

00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,734

Thank you

very much, Billy.

00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,402

Don't forget to

pick up your lung.

00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:01,406

Alright, the absent kid's

ballot is for... Filmore.

00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,949

Yay!

Yay!

00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,619

Wait one minute!

00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,496

Oh Jesus-

tap-dancing-Christ.

00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:09,206

I think the ballots

were misleading.

00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:11,124

Some kids didn't understand

who they were voting for.

00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,168

There's a box next to

Filmore's name

00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,628

and a box next to Ike's.

00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:15,587

What's not to

understand?

00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,088

You're just saying that

00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,924

'cause you know

you're gonna lose now.

00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,051

No, I'm saying that

because you're

a booger-face!

00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:22,803

Well, just you wait,

00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:25,597

'cause my famous aunt is

on her way right now.

00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,098

Who's your famous aunt?

00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:29,476

My Aunt Rosie,

Rosie O'Donnell.

00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:32,020

Your Aunt Rosie O'Donnell

is coming here?

00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,606

Yeah, she's very active

in politics.

00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,358

She's gonna set

all of this straight.

00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,360

Oh, no.

00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:43,782

Recharging.

00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,909

Sweet. You're so cool,

Trapper Keeper,

00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,494

I would never let

those assholes take you away.

00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,287

♪ I don't wanna wait ♪

00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,122

♪ For my Trapper Keeper

to be over... ♪

00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:55,377

Trapper Keeper

ready to insorb.

00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,628

Oh, cool.

00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,172

Trapper Keeper merging.

00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,423

Whoa.

00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,596

And so you see,

Ms. Cart-man,

00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,682

you cannot buy your son Eric

another Trapper Keeper.

00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,725

Not now, not ever!

00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,769

Right, because it will

hybrid with all those

other processors

00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,313

and generate a whole new era

of technological darkness.

00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:16,857

Correct.

00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:19,025

Well, I certainly won't

buy him any more then, Bill.

00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,819

Good, now all

that is left to do

00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,529

is destroy the Trapper Keeper

Eric has now.

00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:23,697

Where is he?

00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:25,323

In his room.

00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:27,701

But, why don't I show you

the rest of the house first.

00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,077

Uh-oh.

- Here we go again.

00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,537

Come this way, Billy.

00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,289

Well come on,

let's go upstairs

00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,291

and get Cartman's

Trapper Keeper ourselves.

00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:35,625

Kyle is just jealous

of you, Trapper Keeper.

00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,377

You kick ass!

00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:38,670

♪ I don't wanna wait

for my Trapper Keeper- ♪

00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:43,383

Open up, Cartman, we're

taking your Trapper Keeper.

00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:46,761

♪ Screw you guys

screw you guys ♪

00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,013

♪ Screw you guys- ♪

00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,472

Trapper Keeper

ready to insorb.

00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,057

Heh.

00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,559

Dammit, Cartman,

open up!

00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:55,145

Trapper Keeper

ready for hybrid.

00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:58,148

Oh sweet, what's it gonna

hybrid with now?

00:14:58,273 --> 00:15:00,150

Cartman, you might

as well open up,

00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:01,735

we're just gonna have Bill Cosby

bust the door down

00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,695

after he finishes having sex

with your mom!

00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,281

Cartman?

00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,324

Ahh!

00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:10,869

He's not gonna open it,

break it down.

00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:11,953

You break it down.

00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,371

Okay, ready--

1, 2, 3, not it.

00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,831

Not it.

You lose, Kenny.

00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,583

Oh!

00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,964

Oh my God--

they killed Kenny!

00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,466

You ba-!

00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,677

Ahh!

00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:37,562

Ooh yeah, oh yeah!

00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,609

What the hell is that?

00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,819

Oh my God!

What is that thing?

00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,738

Children, there's some

huge bulbous monstrosity

00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,406

heading for the classroom!

00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,033

Oh my God,

it's awful!

00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,701

It's coming

for the door!

00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:56,206

Hello, kids.

- Aunt Rosie.

00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,416

Run for your lives, children,

I'll try to fight it off!

00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,377

That's my aunt,

Rosie O'Donnell.

00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:01,836

Oh.

00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,506

Oh, uh, pleasure to

meet you, Ms. Donnell.

00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,466

You're looking... well.

00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:08,093

Don't worry, kids,

everything's gonna be fine.

00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,761

What's the problem?

00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,764

Aunt Rosie, we think

I won class president.

00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,224

No, Ike won.

00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:15,433

Look,

it's very simple--

00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:16,977

we took a vote

and the vote tied

00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,478

so now we've gotta

come up with a way--

00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:21,022

Well it obviously isn't

that simple, is it?

00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,774

I mean, you'd think a little

kindergarten teacher

00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,192

could've handled this,

00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:27,153

but now we're gonna

do it my way!

00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:36,496

We are Trapper Keeper.

00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:39,416

Oh no, it's heading for

Cheyenne Moun-tain.

00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:40,709

Why is that bad?

00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,961

It was when the

Trapper Keeper assimilated

00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,547

with the supercomputer

at Cheyenne Moun-tain

00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,508

that it was able to fuse

into our defensive computers.

00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:51,594

Then we have to stop it

before it gets there.

00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,847

Step on it,

Bill Cosby!

00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:58,184

Hey Mark, look.

00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:03,606

Wow, that is about the nicest

Trapper Keeper I've ever seen.

00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,443

Cartman,

you have to stop.

00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:10,447

We are Trapper Keeper,

we are one.

00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:14,325

A part of your friend must

still be alive in there.

00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,788

He is in there.

00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:21,041

That must be what Trapper Keeper

is using for ventilation.

00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:23,418

If one of you could

get in there, you could

reach the C.P.U.

00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,502

1, 2, 3, not it.

00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,171

Not it--

Ahh, dammit.

00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,060

What are you

doing, Kyle?

00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,062

I'm going to try

and break you away from

the computer, Cartman,

00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,563

I need to remove

the C.P.U.

00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,982

I'm afraid I can't

let you do that, Kyle.

00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,025

Screw you, fat ass!

00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,651

Hey, screw you.

00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,653

Cartman!

Ah!

00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,238

No!

00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,951

Okay, so then what

we need to do,

00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,204

is count everybody's vote

by hand.

00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:01,664

And after that, we're gonna

go over the votes again

manually and then--

00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:04,667

Oh stop it, stop it,

stop it!!!

00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:08,421

Look, kids, we're all in this

kindergarten class together.

00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,090

We have to

respect one another

00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:13,134

or else we're in for

a terrible school year.

00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,719

We're just making sure

00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,097

that the kids who voted for

my nephew don't get cheated.

00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:20,600

Half the kids in the class

didn't vote for your nephew!

So what about them?

00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:23,394

You don't give a crap

about them because

they're not on your side!

00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,022

People like you preach

tolerance and open-mindedness

all the time,

00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,524

but when it comes to

middle America

00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,400

you think we're all evil

and stupid country yokels

00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,486

who need your

political enlightenment!

00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,364

Well, just because you're on TV

doesn't mean you know crap

about the government!!

00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,574

Now get your ass

back on first class

00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:39,619

and respect this class' right

to make up their own minds!!

00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,957

Oh, sorry, I got a little

off the subject there, kids.

00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,625

How dare you!

00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,545

I will not be preached at

by a country bumpkin.

00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:51,548

I'm leaving this podunk town,

but in my place

00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:54,092

I'm gonna send more lawyers,

statesmen and press

00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,803

than you have

ever seen!

00:18:56,928 --> 00:19:00,056

Oh, no, children, I think I just

made this a whole lot worse.

00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,026

Ahh!

00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,862

Whoa!

00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:18,616

Well, that does it.

00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,535

I'm gonna have to

report this.

00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,037

Guard one to base--

Ahh!

00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,664

It is infusing

with everything.

00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,291

It is already

too powerful to stop.

00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:29,377

Kyle's got to succeed,

he's just got to.

00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,881

I can't reach

the C.P.U.

00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,257

What are you doin'?

00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,758

Get out of my way.

00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,178

Oh no, now there's

two of those things.

00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:40,221

No, I think that other thing

is Rosie O'Donnell.

00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,015

Huh? Which one?

00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:43,474

It's like

I'm seeing double.

00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,644

I said,

get out of my way!

00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,104

Aahhh!

00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,029

Ew.

00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:58,198

Look, I think that infusing

with Rosie O'Donnell

00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,575

has made

Trapper Keeper sick.

00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:04,954

Euhhh... bad pie,

bad pie.

00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:07,540

This is your chance, Kyle,

Cartman is weakened.

00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,877

Got him.

00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,383

He did it!

00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:25,058

Okay, children,

the lawyers for Ike's side

00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,227

have agreed with the lawyer's

on Filmore's side

00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:30,438

to hold another meeting

regarding form 22-f.

00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,273

Do we all

have that form?

00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:33,524

Is this the

kindergarten classroom?

00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:36,110

Jesse Jackson?

- That's right.

00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,029

I believe the African-American

students in your class

00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,530

were misrepresented.

00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,075

We don't have any African-

Americans in our class!

00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,203

Oh-bye.

00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:47,205

Alright, so apparently

what we're gonna do now

00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,457

is hand count

each person's ballot.

00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,835

Mr. Garrison,

I concede.

00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,797

You-you what?

00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:58,091

I don't wanna play anymore

'cause this game is stupid.

00:20:58,216 --> 00:20:59,842

Yeah, it doesn't

make any sense.

00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:02,470

Ike, you could be

class president.

00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,597

I pooped my pants!

00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,307

Can we finger paint now?

00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,518

Finger paint!

Finger paint!

00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:12,522

Ah-yes, yes,

let's finger paint!

00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:13,898

You did it, Kyle.

00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,275

Kyle saved your life,

fat ass.

00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,402

Look, I'm fading!

00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:19,946

It must of worked,

I don't exist!

00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:21,739

Oh, that's a bitch.

00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:24,409

Oh, well, I guess

everything's fine now.

00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:25,493

So let's go home.

00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,578

Hey, whoa, whoa,

whoa, Cartman--

00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:29,580

All you've been doing

is making fun of Kyle

and now he saved your life.

00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:30,957

You at least owe him

a thank you.

00:21:31,082 --> 00:21:32,333

Oh, man...

00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,543

Cartman!

00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:35,336

Alright, alright.

00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:36,921

Kyle...

00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:12,013

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:12,138 --> 00:00:13,597

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:15,474

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:16,684

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:16,809 --> 00:00:18,352

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:20,187

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:22,023

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:23,524

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,192

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:28,487

♪ [Mumbling] ♪

00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,156

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:31,991

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:36,704

Dude, what's your little

brother doing here?

00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,247

Ike is starting his

first day of kindergarten.

00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,749

But isn't he only

three years old?

00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:41,292

Yeah, but he's

some kind of genius

00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:42,793

so he's getting advanced

placement in kindergarten.

00:00:42,918 --> 00:00:44,378

I pooped my pants.

00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,172

But, dude, check out

my new Trapper Keeper.

00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:48,924

It has five different compartments for each

subject in school

00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:51,510

and it's all covered with

pictures from "Dawson's Creek".

- Cool!

00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:53,596

Hey dudes, check out

my sweet "Dawson's Creek"

Trapper Keeper

00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:56,724

Ultra-Keeper

Futura 2000.

00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,351

Yeah, well, it's got 10 different compartments for

every subject in school,

00:00:59,477 --> 00:01:01,145

electronic

pencil sharpener,

00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:04,106

four plastic bags with electronic zippers,

copy machine, fax,

00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,816

a better picture of Dawson's Creek on

the back than Kyle's.

00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,777

Flat screen TV and

of course, Onstar.

00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:10,071

Wow, cool.

- Godammit, Cartman!

00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:11,739

You only got that because

you knew my mom wouldn't

buy it for me!

00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:13,449

Oh, but you have

a Trapper Keep--

00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:14,992

oh, you got the little

"Crapper Keeper", didn't you?

00:01:15,117 --> 00:01:16,744

Well, at least your stupid

brother got a briefcase.

00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,788

He's going to kindergarten

because he's a genius.

00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,414

He's not a genius,

he's a little douche bag.

00:01:20,539 --> 00:01:21,916

I pooped my pants!

00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:23,918

He's smarter

than you, fat boy!

00:01:24,043 --> 00:01:25,294

I don't even know how you

made it to the fourth grade

after all the--

00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,213

Trapper Keeper, I need to

drown out my annoying friend,

00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:29,965

please initiate music:

country, high volume.

00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:33,094

[twangy country music]

00:01:33,219 --> 00:01:36,555

Nobody gives a crap about

your Trapper Keeper, Cartman!

00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:44,396

Ms. Crabtree!

00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,315

There's another creepy

homeless guy on the bus.

00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,942

Sit down

and shut up!

00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,276

But they smell

like pee!

00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,736

I am not

a homeless person.

00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,655

I am a new

fourth-grade student.

- You are?

00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:55,825

Yes, my name is Bill,

Bill Cosby.

00:01:55,950 --> 00:01:57,535

Aren't you a little old

to be in grade school?

00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,453

I was held back

10 hu-man grades--

00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,664

unh-I mean, grades.

00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,916

Do you companion friends

know Eric Cartman?

00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:04,959

Yeah, that's me.

00:02:05,084 --> 00:02:06,710

Eric Cartman?

00:02:06,836 --> 00:02:09,505

And you have a Dawson's Creek

Trapper Keeper Futura S-2000?

00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,173

Yeah, you already

know about it?

00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,509

Yes, yes, I do.

00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:16,637

Well, "nobody gives a crap about

your Trapper Keeper, Cartman."

00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:18,806

I'm gonna shove that thing

up your ass!

00:02:18,931 --> 00:02:20,474

Dude, do you really care

if Cartman has something

that's better than yours?

00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,101

No, I don't!

I don't care!

00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:24,311

Ooh, Kyle.

00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,154

Hey, there he is.

00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:36,115

That's the kid that's supposed

to be some kind of genius.

00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,410

Yeah, he's only three and

he's already in kindergarten.

00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:41,537

Come on.

00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,415

So, you think you're smarter

than the rest of us?

00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,001

You think you know more

about the world

00:02:47,126 --> 00:02:49,295

just because you're

only three and we're five?

00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,881

I'm go ba-ba.

00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,216

Okay, children,

let's take our seats.

00:02:54,341 --> 00:02:56,969

My name is Mr. Garrison,

00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,263

and I'm the new

kindergarten teacher.

00:02:59,388 --> 00:03:01,390

I used to be the

third-grade teacher,

00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,226

but I had a little

"nervous breakdown"

00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,145

and went into the mountains

where I lived off of

00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,606

"rat carcasses".

00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:12,401

But I'm all better now

and school was nice enough

to let me go on teaching...

00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,112

As long as it was

for kindergarten.

00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:17,031

But it's not

a demotion, no.

00:03:17,156 --> 00:03:19,158

I mean, just because a teacher

was teaching third grade

00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,659

and now is teaching

kindergarten--

00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:22,369

that's not

a demotion, is it?

00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,413

No, that's right,

it's not.

00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,373

Well, let's start with

roll call.

00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:28,417

Ah, let's see...

Filmore Anderson?

00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:29,543

Here.

00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:31,003

Sally Bans?

- Here.

00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:33,380

Alright,

Ike Broflovski?

00:03:33,505 --> 00:03:35,507

"Cookie Monster."

00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:38,052

Broflovski, I had your

older brother Kyle in my

third-grade class.

00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:40,804

He's a very smart kid,

I'm sure you are too.

00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:42,681

Well, that's bad news

for everybody else

00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:45,559

because I will be

grading you all on a curve.

00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:53,275

And so the other thing that

makes my Trapper Keeper

cooler than Kyle's

00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,195

is that it can add

any peripheral device

to itself automatically.

00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,572

I can take something as simple

as this calculator and--

00:03:58,697 --> 00:04:00,824

Trapper Keeper?

- Trapper Keeper active.

00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:02,326

Hybrid with "Wellington Bear"

calculator.

00:04:02,451 --> 00:04:03,994

Ready for hybrid.

00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:06,288

And now, I can use

Wellington Bear calculator too.

00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,539

[everyone]

Wow.

00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:09,667

May I hold your

Trapper Keeper?

00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:11,377

Uh, no, I'm afraid not,

Bill Cosby,

00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:13,754

because it is coded to

the prints on my fingers.

00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:15,172

If anybody but me

tries to hold it

00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,174

big metal spikes come out

and pierce through their hands.

00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:19,051

Oh, you're so full of

crap, Cartman!

00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:20,636

Metal spikes

will not come out!

00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:23,931

Oh really, then why don't

you hold it?

00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,849

Well, go on, Kyle,

00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:28,602

if it doesn't have

metal spikes, then hold it.

00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,145

Hold it.

- I'm gonna!

00:04:30,271 --> 00:04:32,064

Hold it.

- I will!

00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,984

And that's how the relationship

with my father sort of ended.

00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:37,152

There's still some sort of

skeletons in the closet,

00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,530

but things between us

are a little better.

00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:43,367

Okay, children, well now

it's time for us to elect

a class president.

00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,619

So first

we must pick nominees.

00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,871

Who would like to

nominate someone?

00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:51,834

I nominate Filmore because he's

the smartest kid in the class.

00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,878

Okay, Filmore, you'll be

our first nominee.

00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,338

And who else?

00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,798

Yes, Jenny.

00:04:57,923 --> 00:05:00,009

I gotta go doody.

00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:03,053

In a minute, Jenny--

who else wants to nominate

a class president?

00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:06,098

Oh, come on, you can't have

an election with just

one person running,

00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,766

what's the fun

in that?

00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,060

Ike, how about you,

you're a genius?

00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:11,854

No.

00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:16,150

Okay, our second nominee

is "Ike... the Genius".

00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:19,153

Okay, children, now we'll hear

briefly from each nominee.

00:05:19,278 --> 00:05:22,031

Filmore, why don't you

go first.

00:05:22,156 --> 00:05:26,452

If I'm elected class president,

I'll call for bigger chairs.

00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:30,331

And on Fridays I'll add

two minutes to nap time.

00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:31,290

Thank you.

00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:33,167

Very enthralling.

00:05:33,292 --> 00:05:35,627

Okay, Ike,

how about you?

00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:39,048

Cookie Monster... Eyes.

00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:42,718

Well, this is gonna be

a tough one, kids.

00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,137

Oh no, dude, here comes

that weird new kid.

00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,514

Oh, hello, Eric, can I be

your hu-man friend?

00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,683

Unh-I mean, friend.

00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,810

I don't know, dude,

I'm not supposed to have

male friends that are over 30.

00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,937

I kinda got screwed

on that once.

00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:56,440

Please, we can have fun

and play games like

hu-man four square.

00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:59,026

I mean, four square.

00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,487

Dude, you can't just ask

to be somebody's friend

and be their friend!

00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:02,988

It doesn't

work that way.

00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,032

If you want my friendship

you have to pay me.

00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,408

Oh, I see.

00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,160

Alright, I'll pay

100 galga stones--

00:06:08,285 --> 00:06:11,205

I mean, human dollars,

I mean, dollars.

00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:12,790

Okay, that's cool.

00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,500

Can we play some

hu-man tether ball?

00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:15,959

Alright.

00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,461

Pretty sweet, you guys,

00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:18,754

getting 100 bucks to play

tether ball with some--

00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:19,797

serve!

- Ah!

00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,423

Got it!

00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,092

Dude, he's running off

with your Trapper Keeper!

00:06:23,217 --> 00:06:24,676

Wha-huh!

00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,595

You son of a bitch!

00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:27,846

Wait a minute,

lucky for me

00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,848

I have my Trapper Keeper

homing device.

00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,392

What the hell

just happened?

00:06:31,517 --> 00:06:34,686

Damn, I thought fourth grade

was gonna be different.

00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:39,650

So that's six votes for Filmore

and six votes for Ike.

00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:42,820

And the last vote is for...

00:06:42,945 --> 00:06:48,200

Ah, let's see, Flora,

I can't tell who you voted for.

00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,202

You've got the winning vote,

Flora, who'd you pick?

00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,703

I don't know.

00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:53,414

Flora, you have to pick one,

Filmore or Ike.

00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:56,750

Um, I vote for...

I don't know.

00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:58,710

Oh great,

Flora's undecided.

00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:00,921

Well, you're just gonna have to

sit there Flora

00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:02,840

and think about it until

you come up with an answer.

00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:04,174

Okay.

00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,551

Flora, just say

you vote for Filmore

00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:07,386

so we can

all go home.

00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:08,846

Um...

00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,973

No, you want Ike

to be president.

00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:12,599

We're gonna be here

all night.

00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:14,560

Why don't you guys

just concede?

00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:15,727

Yeah!

Yeah!

00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:16,854

Why don't you

just concede?

00:07:16,979 --> 00:07:18,272

Yeah!

00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:19,440

Filmore!

Filmore!

Filmore!

Filmore!

00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:21,483

I want Filmore to be--

I want Ike--

00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,819

Oh, for Christ's sakes,

you're all acting like

a bunch of kids!

00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,821

[police sirens]

00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,657

Turn left here,

we're getting close!

Get your gun ready.

00:07:28,782 --> 00:07:31,368

Eric, I'm not gonna shoot

anybody for taking

your school folder.

00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:32,995

It was not a school folder,

00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,830

it was a Dawson's Creek

Trapper Keeper Futura S-2000!

00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,457

And if-there he is!

00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:37,291

Ah!

00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:38,375

Gotcha!

00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,418

Hey!

00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,378

Aah!

00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:48,469

[electric whir]

00:07:48,594 --> 00:07:49,928

Whoa, dude.

00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,853

Oh, try to take my

Trapper Keeper, will you?

00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,022

Please, you do not

understand.

00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,857

Book him, Barbrady,

another job well done.

00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:04,401

That Trapper Keeper

has to be destroyed.

00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,612

Why are you so obsessed

with Cartman's Trapper

Keeper, Bill Cosby?

00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:08,197

Bill Cosby!

00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:11,909

No, listen to me!

I am not really Bill Cosby.

00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:14,995

My name is BSM-471.

00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,457

I am a cyborg engineered by

hu-mans from the year 2034.

00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:20,417

Well, I knew you

weren't Bill Cosby.

00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,336

I have come to destroy

that Trapper Keeper

00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,421

because it was the Dawson's

Creek Trapper Keeper

00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:27,174

that belongs to

an Eric Cartman in South Park

00:08:27,299 --> 00:08:30,385

which three years from now

manifests itself into an

omnipotent super being

00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:32,179

and destroys

all of hu-manity.

00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,765

In the year 2004,

00:08:34,890 --> 00:08:38,602

a hybrid assimilating computer

linked with a satellite

uplink computer.

00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,270

From there, it was able to

slowly take over

00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:42,022

every computer in the world.

00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,774

It became stronger

and stronger

00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:47,319

until, by the year 2018,

it broke away from mankind

00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:50,030

and there was nothing

the hu-mans could do.

00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,866

It wasn't long before

Mighty Trapper Keeper

00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,410

started to destroy everything

it saw as useless...

00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,871

Including humans.

00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,915

The nations tried everything

to stop it--

00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,000

nuclear devices,

seismic missiles--

00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,835

but nothing worked.

00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,588

The hu-mans built robots of

their own, whole armies of them.

00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:10,092

But nothing was strong enough

to stop Trapper Keeper.

00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:15,013

And so finally,

the hu-mans decided to send

00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,391

one of their robots

into the past to destroy

the Trapper Keeper

00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,309

before it

even got started.

00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,311

Wow,

that's amazing.

00:09:21,436 --> 00:09:23,855

Man, I guess sometimes

we let our technology and

stuff grow too fast.

00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,691

What do you think,

Officer Barbrady?

00:09:25,816 --> 00:09:27,401

Huh-oh, I'm sorry,

I wasn't listening.

00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:32,072

And so Eric, now you

see why we must destroy

your Trapper Keeper.

00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:35,284

You guys, did I mention

that it has a pencil sharpener

00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:37,035

and a crayon sharpener?

00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,787

Cartman, it takes over the world

and destroys all of humanity!

00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,622

What would you guys

have me do, huh?

00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:42,416

Walk around with just

a plain old trapper

keeper like Kyle's,

00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,126

is that what you want?

- Yes!

00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,003

Godammit!

Here, take it!

00:09:46,128 --> 00:09:47,504

Do you want

my heart as well?

00:09:47,629 --> 00:09:50,257

You'll find it on the

bottom of your shoes!

00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,971

I decided.

00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,556

Oh, thank God, Flora.

00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,016

Alright,

who do you vote for?

00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,809

Umm, Ike.

00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,352

Yay!

Yay!

00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,896

Okay, so then the total

is six votes for Filmore

00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,565

and now seven votes

for Ike.

00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,358

Ike is the new

class president.

00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,319

We want a recount.

- What?

00:10:10,444 --> 00:10:12,321

Recount, recount,

recount...

00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,740

Oh, of all the juvenile things

I've ever heard--

00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:17,075

You lost, Filmore,

don't be such a baby!

00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,620

[wailing]

00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:22,080

Alright, alright,

I'll count up the ballots again.

00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,417

Okay, we had

one vote for Filmore...

00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:29,630

And this time I again

get six votes for Filmore

and seven votes for Ike.

00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:31,632

Count 'em again.

- Yeah!

00:10:31,757 --> 00:10:34,676

No, children,

I've recounted 106 times now

00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,762

and I keep coming up with

seven to six!

00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,889

Except in the one instance where

it came out seven to five

00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,849

and one where it came out

12 to 14.

00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,435

It's over!

Ike is class president!

00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:46,063

Wait, there's still

the absent kid.

00:10:46,188 --> 00:10:48,315

Yeah, Carlos is absent,

we have to wait for his vote.

00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,025

Oh, will you grow up?!

00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,153

Absent kids count,

absent kids count,

absent kids...

00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:55,322

Jesus, alright,

we'll wait for tomorrow

00:10:55,447 --> 00:10:59,326

so the absent kid can cast

his vote, now go home!

00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:02,287

[school bell rings]

00:11:02,412 --> 00:11:05,040

Good morning, hu-mans.

- Hey, Bill Cosby.

00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,167

I have successfully destroyed

Eric Cartman's Trapper Keeper.

00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:08,835

I broke it apart,

00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,629

dipped the motherboards in acid,

burnt the memory chips

00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:14,091

and sent the wiring

to the four corners of Canada.

- That should do it.

00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,927

So what are you gonna do

with your crappy robot life

now, Bill Cosby?

00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,762

Well, that is a problem

that is causing me some

disconcern-ment.

00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,098

I am still here,

but I shouldn't be here.

00:11:21,223 --> 00:11:23,225

If Trapper Keeper

has been stopped,

then I should not exist,

00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,643

but here I am.

00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:25,936

Something is still

not right.

00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:27,396

Hey, dudes.

00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:28,355

Cartman, you still got

a Trapper Keeper!

00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:30,482

Yeah, I'm a genius.

00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,442

Last night I went home

and told my mom that

I lost the last one.

00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,403

Then I cried and I cried,

and finally she felt so bad

00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,238

that she took me to the store

and bought me a new one.

00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,447

So everything worked out.

00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:38,865

Oh, no!

00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,409

Cartman, you dumb ass!

You can't get a new one.

00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,327

Why the hell not?

00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:44,204

Because if your Trapper Keeper

takes over the world,

00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:46,206

then maybe it was this Trapper

Keeper and not the one before.

00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,291

So then you guys burnt

my last one for no reason.

00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:50,127

We will have to destroy

this Trapper Keeper.

00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:52,462

But I don't think I can get

my mom to buy me another one.

00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:55,090

Don't you get it?

You can't have any

Trapper Keepers, fat ass!

00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,508

Oh, that is bull crap!

00:11:56,633 --> 00:11:58,051

And you know

what I think?

00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,220

I think this whole thing

is a setup!

00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,264

That's right, Kyle got this guy

to say he's a robot

from the future

00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,307

just because he's jealous

of my Trapper Keeper.

00:12:04,433 --> 00:12:05,767

And you know what else?

00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,477

Screw you guys,

I'm going home.

00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:08,770

Cartman!

00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,355

No-screw you guys.

Home.

00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:11,481

Well, that does it.

00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:12,774

Hey, what are you doing?

00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:13,775

I'm afraid I have

no other choice.

00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,610

For the sake of humanity

I have to kill him.

00:12:15,736 --> 00:12:17,028

Oh, okay.

- Yeah, that's fine.

00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:18,613

No, wait!

- What?

00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:19,990

Can I do it?

00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,491

Oh well, I suppose.

00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:23,118

Sweet-kiss your ass

good-bye, fat boy!

00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,995

Wait, perhaps

there is another way.

00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,705

If you could take me to

where Eric Cartman lives,

00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,790

I could try reasoning

with his human mother.

00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,375

Well, yeah, or we could

just kill him.

00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:31,668

Yeah, that'd be faster.

He's right there.

00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,962

I'm afraid I can't.

00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,423

I think I'm actually

starting to feel what you

humans call "compassion".

00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:37,799

It is an

amazing feeling.

00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:39,092

Ah!

Ah!

00:12:39,217 --> 00:12:41,052

Alright, children,

as you know,

00:12:41,178 --> 00:12:43,764

we've been waiting for

the absent kid's ballot

to come in.

00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,307

Well, his mother

was nice enough

00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,808

to bring him in

from the hospital

00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,393

so that he could

cast his vote.

00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:50,228

Mrs. Harris.

00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,734

Thank you

very much, Billy.

00:12:55,859 --> 00:12:57,402

Don't forget to

pick up your lung.

00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:01,406

Alright, the absent kid's

ballot is for... Filmore.

00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:02,949

Yay!

Yay!

00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,619

Wait one minute!

00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:07,496

Oh Jesus-

tap-dancing-Christ.

00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:09,206

I think the ballots

were misleading.

00:13:09,331 --> 00:13:11,124

Some kids didn't understand

who they were voting for.

00:13:11,249 --> 00:13:13,168

There's a box next to

Filmore's name

00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,628

and a box next to Ike's.

00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:15,587

What's not to

understand?

00:13:15,712 --> 00:13:17,088

You're just saying that

00:13:17,214 --> 00:13:18,924

'cause you know

you're gonna lose now.

00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,051

No, I'm saying that

because you're

a booger-face!

00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:22,803

Well, just you wait,

00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:25,597

'cause my famous aunt is

on her way right now.

00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,098

Who's your famous aunt?

00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:29,476

My Aunt Rosie,

Rosie O'Donnell.

00:13:29,601 --> 00:13:32,020

Your Aunt Rosie O'Donnell

is coming here?

00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,606

Yeah, she's very active

in politics.

00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,358

She's gonna set

all of this straight.

00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:38,360

Oh, no.

00:13:42,239 --> 00:13:43,782

Recharging.

00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,909

Sweet. You're so cool,

Trapper Keeper,

00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,494

I would never let

those assholes take you away.

00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,287

[to Dawson's theme]

♪ I don't wanna wait ♪

00:13:49,412 --> 00:13:51,122

♪ For my Trapper Keeper

to be over... ♪

00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:55,377

Trapper Keeper

ready to insorb.

00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,628

Oh, cool.

00:13:56,753 --> 00:13:59,172

Trapper Keeper merging.

00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:00,423

Whoa.

00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,596

And so you see,

Ms. Cart-man,

00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,682

you cannot buy your son Eric

another Trapper Keeper.

00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,725

Not now, not ever!

00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:12,769

Right, because it will

hybrid with all those

other processors

00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:15,313

and generate a whole new era

of technological darkness.

00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:16,857

Correct.

00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:19,025

Well, I certainly won't

buy him any more then, Bill.

00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:20,819

Good, now all

that is left to do

00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:22,529

is destroy the Trapper Keeper

Eric has now.

00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:23,697

Where is he?

00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:25,323

In his room.

00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:27,701

But, why don't I show you

the rest of the house first.

00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:29,077

Uh-oh.

- Here we go again.

00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,537

Come this way, Billy.

00:14:30,662 --> 00:14:32,289

Well come on,

let's go upstairs

00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:34,291

and get Cartman's

Trapper Keeper ourselves.

00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:35,625

Kyle is just jealous

of you, Trapper Keeper.

00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,377

You kick ass!

00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:38,670

♪ I don't wanna wait

for my Trapper Keeper- ♪

00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:40,463

[knocking]

00:14:40,589 --> 00:14:43,383

[Kyle]

Open up, Cartman, we're

taking your Trapper Keeper.

00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:46,761

♪ Screw you guys

screw you guys ♪

00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:48,013

♪ Screw you guys- ♪

00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,472

Trapper Keeper

ready to insorb.

00:14:49,598 --> 00:14:51,057

Heh.

00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,559

Dammit, Cartman,

open up!

00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:55,145

Trapper Keeper

ready for hybrid.

00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:58,148

Oh sweet, what's it gonna

hybrid with now?

00:14:58,273 --> 00:15:00,150

Cartman, you might

as well open up,

00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:01,735

we're just gonna have Bill Cosby

bust the door down

00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,695

after he finishes having sex

with your mom!

00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:04,988

[Cartman struggling]

00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,281

Cartman?

00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,324

Ahh!

00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:10,869

He's not gonna open it,

break it down.

00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:11,953

You break it down.

00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:13,371

Okay, ready--

1, 2, 3, not it.

00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,831

Not it.

You lose, Kenny.

00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:16,583

Oh!

00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,964

Oh my God--

they killed Kenny!

00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,466

You ba-!

00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,677

Ahh!

00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:37,562

[Mrs. Cartman]

Ooh yeah, oh yeah!

00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,609

What the hell is that?

00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,819

Oh my God!

What is that thing?

00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,738

Children, there's some

huge bulbous monstrosity

00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,406

heading for the classroom!

00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:50,033

Oh my God,

it's awful!

00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:51,701

It's coming

for the door!

00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:56,206

Hello, kids.

- Aunt Rosie.

00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,416

Run for your lives, children,

I'll try to fight it off!

00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,377

That's my aunt,

Rosie O'Donnell.

00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:01,836

Oh.

00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:04,506

Oh, uh, pleasure to

meet you, Ms. Donnell.

00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:06,466

You're looking... well.

00:16:06,591 --> 00:16:08,093

Don't worry, kids,

everything's gonna be fine.

00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,761

What's the problem?

00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,764

Aunt Rosie, we think

I won class president.

00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,224

No, Ike won.

00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:15,433

Look,

it's very simple--

00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:16,977

we took a vote

and the vote tied

00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,478

so now we've gotta

come up with a way--

00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:21,022

Well it obviously isn't

that simple, is it?

00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:22,774

I mean, you'd think a little

kindergarten teacher

00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,192

could've handled this,

00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:27,153

but now we're gonna

do it my way!

00:16:32,117 --> 00:16:36,496

[distorted robotic Cartman]

We are Trapper Keeper.

00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:39,416

Oh no, it's heading for

Cheyenne Moun-tain.

00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:40,709

Why is that bad?

00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:42,961

It was when the

Trapper Keeper assimilated

00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,547

with the supercomputer

at Cheyenne Moun-tain

00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:48,508

that it was able to fuse

into our defensive computers.

00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:51,594

Then we have to stop it

before it gets there.

00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,847

Step on it,

Bill Cosby!

00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:58,184

Hey Mark, look.

00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:03,606

Wow, that is about the nicest

Trapper Keeper I've ever seen.

00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,443

Cartman,

you have to stop.

00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:10,447

We are Trapper Keeper,

we are one.

00:17:10,572 --> 00:17:14,325

A part of your friend must

still be alive in there.

00:17:16,161 --> 00:17:17,120

[fart]

00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,788

He is in there.

00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:21,041

That must be what Trapper Keeper

is using for ventilation.

00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:23,418

If one of you could

get in there, you could

reach the C.P.U.

00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,502

1, 2, 3, not it.

00:17:24,627 --> 00:17:26,171

Not it--

Ahh, dammit.

00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:29,049

[sputtering gas]

00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:31,176

[heart beating]

00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:37,891

[silence]

00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,060

[Cartman, hal-like]

What are you

doing, Kyle?

00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,062

I'm going to try

and break you away from

the computer, Cartman,

00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,563

I need to remove

the C.P.U.

00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,982

I'm afraid I can't

let you do that, Kyle.

00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,025

Screw you, fat ass!

00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,651

Hey, screw you.

00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,653

Cartman!

Ah!

00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,238

No!

00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,283

[kids clamoring]

00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,951

Okay, so then what

we need to do,

00:17:57,077 --> 00:17:59,204

is count everybody's vote

by hand.

00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:01,664

And after that, we're gonna

go over the votes again

manually and then--

00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:04,667

Oh stop it, stop it,

stop it!!!

00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:08,421

Look, kids, we're all in this

kindergarten class together.

00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,090

We have to

respect one another

00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:13,134

or else we're in for

a terrible school year.

00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:14,719

We're just making sure

00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,097

that the kids who voted for

my nephew don't get cheated.

00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:20,600

Half the kids in the class

didn't vote for your nephew!

So what about them?

00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:23,394

You don't give a crap

about them because

they're not on your side!

00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,022

People like you preach

tolerance and open-mindedness

all the time,

00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,524

but when it comes to

middle America

00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,400

you think we're all evil

and stupid country yokels

00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,486

who need your

political enlightenment!

00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:34,364

Well, just because you're on TV

doesn't mean you know crap

about the government!!

00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,574

Now get your ass

back on first class

00:18:36,699 --> 00:18:39,619

and respect this class' right

to make up their own minds!!

00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,663

[gasps]

00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,957

Oh, sorry, I got a little

off the subject there, kids.

00:18:44,082 --> 00:18:45,625

How dare you!

00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,545

I will not be preached at

by a country bumpkin.

00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:51,548

I'm leaving this podunk town,

but in my place

00:18:51,673 --> 00:18:54,092

I'm gonna send more lawyers,

statesmen and press

00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,803

than you have

ever seen!

00:18:56,928 --> 00:19:00,056

Oh, no, children, I think I just

made this a whole lot worse.

00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,026

Ahh!

00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,862

Whoa!

00:19:17,615 --> 00:19:18,616

Well, that does it.

00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,535

I'm gonna have to

report this.

00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,037

Guard one to base--

Ahh!

00:19:23,163 --> 00:19:24,664

It is infusing

with everything.

00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,291

It is already

too powerful to stop.

00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:29,377

Kyle's got to succeed,

he's just got to.

00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,881

I can't reach

the C.P.U.

00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:34,257

What are you doin'?

00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,758

Get out of my way.

00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,178

Oh no, now there's

two of those things.

00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:40,221

No, I think that other thing

is Rosie O'Donnell.

00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,015

Huh? Which one?

00:19:42,140 --> 00:19:43,474

It's like

I'm seeing double.

00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,644

I said,

get out of my way!

00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:48,104

Aahhh!

00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,152

[bubbling spatter]

00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:56,029

[Cartman cyborg]

Ew.

00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:58,198

Look, I think that infusing

with Rosie O'Donnell

00:19:58,323 --> 00:20:00,575

has made

Trapper Keeper sick.

00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:04,954

[Cartman]

Euhhh... bad pie,

bad pie.

00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:07,540

This is your chance, Kyle,

Cartman is weakened.

00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,877

Got him.

00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,383

He did it!

00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:21,930

[all arguing]

00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:25,058

Okay, children,

the lawyers for Ike's side

00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,227

have agreed with the lawyer's

on Filmore's side

00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:30,438

to hold another meeting

regarding form 22-f.

00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,273

Do we all

have that form?

00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:33,524

Is this the

kindergarten classroom?

00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:36,110

Jesse Jackson?

- That's right.

00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,029

I believe the African-American

students in your class

00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,530

were misrepresented.

00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:42,075

We don't have any African-

Americans in our class!

00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,203

Oh-bye.

00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:47,205

Alright, so apparently

what we're gonna do now

00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,457

is hand count

each person's ballot.

00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,835

Mr. Garrison,

I concede.

00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:55,797

You-you what?

00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:58,091

I don't wanna play anymore

'cause this game is stupid.

00:20:58,216 --> 00:20:59,842

Yeah, it doesn't

make any sense.

00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:02,470

Ike, you could be

class president.

00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:04,597

I pooped my pants!

00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,307

Can we finger paint now?

00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,518

Finger paint!

Finger paint!

00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:12,522

Ah-yes, yes,

let's finger paint!

00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:13,898

You did it, Kyle.

00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,275

Kyle saved your life,

fat ass.

00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,402

Look, I'm fading!

00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:19,946

It must of worked,

I don't exist!

00:21:20,071 --> 00:21:21,739

Oh, that's a bitch.

00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:24,409

Oh, well, I guess

everything's fine now.

00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:25,493

So let's go home.

00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,578

Hey, whoa, whoa,

whoa, Cartman--

00:21:27,704 --> 00:21:29,580

All you've been doing

is making fun of Kyle

and now he saved your life.

00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:30,957

You at least owe him

a thank you.

00:21:31,082 --> 00:21:32,333

Oh, man...

00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:33,543

Cartman!

00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:35,336

Alright, alright.

00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:36,921

Kyle...