Возможно

00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,639

Hello, Satan!

00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,224

Saddam.

00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,892

Us Jews don't

believe in Hell.

00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:18,227

But what if

we're wrong?

00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,895

Let's go!

00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,148

They killed Kenny!

00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:24,358

He had sins that

he didn't confess!

00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:27,903

No, Saddam, I told you,

I'm with Chris now.

00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:29,697

Boys, it is your

Christian duty

00:00:29,822 --> 00:00:31,282

to save the souls

of your friends.

00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:32,700

I love you, Satan.

00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,243

I love you too, Saddam.

00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,412

Agh!

00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,247

Fonz, there is no way

you can jump that shark

with your waterskis!

00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,957

Ay, I've gotta try,

Richie!

00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,752

Ooh!

00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,462

Dude, if this guy's

going to Hell?

00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,921

Who's gonna save us?

00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:47,131

Well, it looks like

we're gonna have to save

00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:48,883

Everyone in this town

ourselves!

00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:50,259

Go Fonz!

00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,261

Aaaayyyy--

00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,472

And now the exciting conclusion

of "South Park"!

00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:55,473

Aayyyyy!

00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:57,767

Aaghgh!

00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,145

I told him

he couldn't do it.

00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:09,445

I am saying this because

we must be saved-a!

00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,239

The Lord is powerful

and he will smote the sinners

00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,742

and send them

to everlasting Hell-a!

00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:16,911

If you do not live

your life for him-a!

00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,080

Then to the lake of fire

you shall go-a!

00:01:19,205 --> 00:01:21,248

You see that, parents?

00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,501

Your children have

refused to come in to class

since this morning!

00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:26,128

I'm afraid your son

is the leader, Ms. Cartman.

00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,838

Apparently he's read

the entire Bible

00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:30,049

and now he's scaring

the hell out of everyone.

00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:31,884

Poopie-kins!

00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:34,303

It's time to stop preaching

damnation to everyone, sweetie.

00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,764

Don't you guys, um...

00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:38,599

Persercrute our

religious beliefs!

00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,017

Yeah!

00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,352

We're not trying to

persecute you, kids.

00:01:41,477 --> 00:01:43,104

But you're supposed

to be in school!

00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:44,188

What purpose

does school have?

00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,856

The Bible says

the only goal in this life

00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:47,608

is to praise God and

get into heaven!

00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,985

Yeah, this life is short,

the afterlife is forever!

00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:52,738

Don't listen to them, kids,

you have to go to school!

00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:54,615

Many of you knew

Kenny McCormick.

00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,867

He was a playful, school-going

eight-year-old.

00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:58,202

And then yesterday...

00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,371

He was smacked down

by the Lord-a!

00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:02,915

God bitch slapped him right

to the fiery depths of Hell!

00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,416

So when will you go?

00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:06,043

Tomorrow, ten years?

Does it matter?

00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:07,586

No!

00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:08,963

Because unless you give

this life to the Lord,

00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:10,881

that life belongs

to Satan!

00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,341

Agh!

00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,510

But we cannot worship God

in that church

00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,095

where the priest

of sin resides!

00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,680

So we will build

a new church!

00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,266

With crystal walls,

a ceiling eighty-feet high,

00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:23,018

and a slide that

connects this part myha

to this part mhya!

00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,395

Who will help us!

00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:25,563

I will!

I will!

00:02:25,688 --> 00:02:26,897

Praise God-a!

00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,363

if I go spend the night

with Saddam,

00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,448

then it's over

between me and Chris.

00:02:36,574 --> 00:02:38,450

Chris has been

so nice to me.

00:02:38,576 --> 00:02:41,203

And I know Saddam will

just hurt me again.

00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,998

Maybe I'll just

go talk to Saddam.

00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:47,751

I need closure, yeah,

that's it, I need closure.

00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:49,253

What am I doing?

00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:51,213

What took ya

so long, baby?

00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,591

Saddam, I'm just

here to talk.

00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:56,468

Great, let's talk!

00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,638

Mmm, this bed

is comfy-womfy!

00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,099

Saddam, I only came here

because I need closure.

00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,101

Sounds fun, you know me,

I'll try anything!

00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:05,769

No, Saddam,

listen to me--

00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:07,188

Would you like a drink?

00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:10,065

Maybe just a little one,

I have to go back soon.

00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:13,068

I need you to understand that

we can't be together anymore.

00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:15,112

I need you to not

come by the condo,

00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:16,655

and not try

to see me.

00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,116

Chris thinks we can all

be friends, but I don't.

00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:20,993

And I have to focus

on Chris now.

00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,703

What is this?

00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,997

These hotels have all kinds

of crazy channels.

00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,373

Saddam, will you

listen to me?

00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:27,625

Chris is

a great person!

00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:29,335

He is the one I want

to be with now!

00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:31,921

Really, so then

what are you doing here?

00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:34,548

I don't know about you,

00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,759

but this video is

gettin' me pretty hot.

00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:37,718

Saddam...

00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,929

Here, have another drink.

00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,894

Ugh, oh God,

my head!

00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:49,730

I drank too much...

Chris?

00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:50,981

Oh no!

00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:54,693

Man, look at that!

00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,695

We went through fourteen

bottles of vegetable oil!

00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,155

Ooh, I'm all greasy!

00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,907

Oh God,

what time is it?

00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:01,325

Last night was awesome!

00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:02,868

Aren't we

together again now?

00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,328

I don't know,

I guess so.

00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,330

But now I have to go home

and tell Chris.

00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:08,123

Screw him!

00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:10,584

No, Saddam, I at least

owe him an explanation.

00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,962

I just don't know

what I'm gonna say.

00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:16,382

I know how to solve

this little problem.

00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,551

We are now entering Ensenada,

00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:22,179

the second largest city

on the Mexican Baja Peninsula.

00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:25,474

We have now traveled over

2000 miles since leaving

New York City!

00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,518

We'll just be stopping here

for a few moments for gas

00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:30,479

and then our tour will continue

on to its final destination!

00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,690

Oiga, hay algo pegado

bajo el autobus!

00:04:32,815 --> 00:04:35,609

Que? What's stuck to

the bottom of the bus?

00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:38,612

Hmph!

00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,572

Oh, goodness.

00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:41,949

We must have run over

a little Mexican

further up north.

00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:43,033

Is it okay?

00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,868

Pienso que si.

00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:48,372

Well, here's fifty

for the gas, adios!

00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,582

Where am I?

Que?

00:04:50,708 --> 00:04:52,793

Where am I?

Que?

00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,344

It is beautiful.

00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,929

Thine church is

almost completeth.

00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,639

There's no way God would

want to send us to Hell now!

00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,057

Yeah this church

kicks a--

00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,517

It, it kicks.

00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,102

Hello, boys.

00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,603

Don't try to take me

away again, Mom and Dad!

00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:12,980

I told you, I renounced

the Jewish faith!

00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:15,065

It's not that, Kyle.

00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,318

It's just that

Eric's mother needs to

see you all right away.

00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:20,779

Just really quick, she says

it's very important.

00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:22,573

Very well,

yea, guys,

00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,992

let us walk to mine home

and see what mine mom wants.

00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:28,495

I sure hope this works.

00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:31,665

Hello, kiddies!

00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:34,418

I made you all powdered-donut

pancake surprise!

00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:35,961

Wow, cool!

00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,421

No, it is a trick!

00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:39,006

Do not vex me,

oh temptress!

00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:40,924

What?

00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,134

This is a distraction

from our work on the church!

00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,802

Do not think that you can

tempt us with toys...

00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,637

And games...

00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,723

And tidings of powdered-donut

pancake surprise!

00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,558

For it is the afterlife

we concern ourselves with!

00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,102

Not the pleasures

on this earth!

00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:53,771

But salvation

in the world after!

00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:55,189

Yeah!

00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,274

Oh, well,

alrighty then.

00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,026

I don't think it worked.

00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:00,736

Aw!

Aw!

00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:01,779

Let us get back to

our work at the church.

00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:05,074

Yea, I shall answer

the phone-na.

00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,325

Hello?

00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,327

Mprh mprm rm

rmph rm rmph!

00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,496

Oh my God!

- What?

00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:12,373

It's Kenny, he's calling

from beyond the grave!

00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:13,374

Kenny?

What's he say!

00:06:13,499 --> 00:06:14,625

Ask him what

Hell is like!

00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:16,085

Kenny, you have to

tell us about Hell!

00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,753

Give us every last

horrible detail!

00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,797

Um...

00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,094

Oh God, Chris is gonna be

so mad at me!

00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:26,929

Well, here goes...

00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,389

Hey, you.

00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:29,890

Hi, Chris.

00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,684

You...

Were out all night.

00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:34,353

Yeah, I just...

00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:36,647

Spent the night walking

around the marina.

00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:39,316

Satan, you know you're

not a very good liar.

00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,692

You went and saw Saddam,

didn't you?

00:06:40,818 --> 00:06:42,236

Yes.

00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:44,738

Satan...

I understand.

00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:45,989

What?

00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:47,825

I still feel secure

and safe with you.

00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:49,576

Oh, no!

00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:51,370

What, what's wrong?

I said it's okay.

00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:52,704

I know!

00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:54,039

Well, what more

do you want from me?

00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:56,291

Well, could you not be

such a pussy about it?

00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:58,502

I mean,

can't you just say

00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,796

"if you ever see Saddam again

I'll break your legs"

00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,298

or "I'm gonna go kick

Saddam's ass" or something?

00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:05,259

Satan, I'm a 90's man.

00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:08,011

I cry when I need to,

I share my feelings

00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:09,805

and I keep my mind open

about everything.

00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:13,016

Just give me some boundaries,

be jealous!

00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:15,727

Go throw a football around,

for Christ's sake!

00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,521

Now you're starting

to hurt my feelings.

00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:20,107

I'm sorry, Chris.

00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:23,402

It's not you,

really, it's me.

00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,737

You're the best thing

that's ever happened to me

00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:28,991

and for some reason,

I can't just accept that.

00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,160

Die, pussy!

Aahghgh!

00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,578

Chris!

00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:33,912

Saddam what the Hell

are you doing?

00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:36,248

There, I got rid of

the problem for you!

00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,249

Now there's no conflict!

00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,501

No, not like this!

00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,135

Friends, I have to tell you

that last night,

00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,804

I received a phone call

from beyond the grave!

00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:53,724

It was our departed friend,

Kenny,

00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:55,601

calling from

the depths of Hell!

00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:59,521

And he described what Hell

is like in horrid detail!

00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,191

He said that in Hell,

the smell is awful!

00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:05,611

He said that in Hell,

everyone speaks Spanish!

00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:06,737

Aagh!

Aagh!

00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:08,947

He said there

is water in Hell,

00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:11,950

but if you drink it,

you pee blood out your ass

for seven hours!

00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:12,826

No!

No!

00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,828

And perhaps worst of all,

00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:18,081

in Hell, there are

dozens and dozens of

little trinket stores.

00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:20,459

But they all have the same

little trinkets in them!

00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:21,585

Aaghgh!

Aaghgh!

00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,003

Where is our daughter!

00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,296

Dad?

00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,006

Marcy, you are coming home

this instant!

00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:28,634

We are saving your daughter

from the clutches of Hell, sir!

00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:30,928

You're not going to make

my daughter part of your cult!

00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,013

Your daughter could

die tomorrow and then what?

00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,224

You're just a stupid little

fat kid who thinks that--

00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,433

Stephen?

00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,685

Stephen, no!

00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,354

The Lord has

spoken again!

00:08:40,479 --> 00:08:42,397

Oh forgive us, Lord,

for our sins!

00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:43,690

Forgive us Lord!

Forgive us Lord!

00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:44,983

Let us pray!

00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,652

Heavenly Father,

do not send us to Hell.

00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:47,736

We're sorry.

00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,321

Whatever we did,

we're sorry.

00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,531

Stephen?

00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:51,949

Stephen!

00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,785

Where-where am I?

00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:57,162

Where are we?

- Oh my God!

00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,205

What's happening?

00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,790

Aaghgh!

00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:00,832

Hello newcomers

and welcome.

00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:02,543

Can everybody hear me?

Hello?

00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,545

Can everybody-okay.

00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:06,255

I'm the Hell director.

00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:10,217

It looks like we have about

8,615 of you newbies today.

00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:13,011

And for those of you

who were a little confused,

00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,556

uh, you are dead

and this is Hell.

00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:18,475

So abandon all hope and

yadda-yadda-yadda.

00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,895

Uh, we're now going to start

the orientation process

which will last about--

00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,564

Hey, wait a minute,

I shouldn't be here!

00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,732

I was a totally strict

and devout Protestant!

00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:27,025

I thought we went

to heaven!

00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,069

Yes, well, I'm afraid

you were wrong.

00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:31,071

I was a practicing

Jehovah's Witness.

00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:33,031

You picked

the wrong religion, as well.

00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:34,741

Well, who was right?

Who gets into heaven?

00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:37,035

I'm afraid it was

the Mormons.

00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,371

Yes, the Mormons

were the correct answer.

00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,039

Aw!

Aw!

00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:42,541

So now, I'd like to

quickly introduce

00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,752

your new ruler and master

for eternity, Satan.

00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,838

Rrrarrghghh!

00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:49,172

Aaaahghgh!

Aaaahghgh!

00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,883

Now you are all

part of my domain!

00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,845

Every day Hell grows larger

and my minions...

00:09:54,970 --> 00:09:58,140

My minions...

00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,475

I'm sorry, I just

can't do this today.

00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:03,437

I'm just--

I'm sorry.

00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,318

Uh, okay,

thank you Satan.

00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:10,402

Satan!

00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,195

Excuse me, excuse me.

00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:14,281

Chris, but I thought

you were dead!

00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:16,992

Yeah, well, where was

I gonna go, Detroit?

00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,910

Chris I didn't mean for

Saddam to stab you--

00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,287

Hey, it's alright.

00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:21,913

All that matters is

that I'm back

00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:23,624

and we're together

forever, right?

00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:27,294

Uh, yeah, great.

00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:28,920

Aw!

Aw!

00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:33,216

Let's see,

Matthew 15:1-1.

00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:36,094

"Not that which goeth

into the mouth defileth a man,

00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,555

but that which come out

of the mouth defileth a man."

00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,474

That's a good one,

Clyde frog, interesting.

00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,142

Look, Eric, Sister Anne

has come to visit you.

00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,644

Yea, it is nice

to see you, Sister,

00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:45,687

but I must prepare

for my next sermon.

00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,731

Eric, you need to stop

what you're doing.

00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,858

You need to tell all the kids

to go back to school

00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,485

and back to their

normal lives.

00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,278

Sister, have you read

this book?

00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,614

Yes, Eric, a lot more

than you have.

00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:58,825

Then you know what it says

happens to those that don't

follow the Lord-a.

00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,286

Eric, the Lord doesn't just

send everybody to Hell.

00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,829

That wouldn't make sense.

00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,456

He wants people

to live their lives.

00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,166

Are you saying that what

the Bible says isn't true?

00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,793

No!

00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:09,252

We've got Jews

and perverts and bullies

00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:11,296

and all kinds of sinners

in this town, Sister Anne-a.

00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,340

And without the priest, we've

decided to save ourselves.

00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:16,134

The only ones the kids

can trust now are me and Jesus!

00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:17,761

Ugh!

00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,805

Wait a minute,

that's it!

00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:22,432

And I am going to save

all of you right now!

00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:24,309

I am going to

heal your sins!

00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,977

Whoa.

00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,857

Hello, Satan!

Oh, crap, it's you.

00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,025

Yeah, it's me.

00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,485

I thought I killed you.

00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,112

Yeah, well-

00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:36,238

where was I gonna go,

Detroit?

00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,948

Do you have a couple minutes

to go for a walk?

00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:38,990

A walk?!

00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,743

Yeah, just real quick,

around the park or something.

00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:43,370

Is this some kind of trick?

00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,288

No, I just want you to go

for a quick walk with me.

00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:46,832

Please?

00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:48,500

Well, alright, just let me

grab something real quick.

00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:51,211

♪ Da da da da daa ♪

00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,215

Okay, let's walk.

00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,677

Saddam,

00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:00,512

I get the feeling that

you don't like me very much.

00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:01,972

Gee, whatever

gave you that idea?

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,557

When I stabbed you

in the head?

00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,809

Look, Satan is a very

important person to me.

00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,686

And I know he's an important

person to you, too.

00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:10,772

So don't you think it's best

for us to try and get along?

00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,358

I realize that some things

about me bother you,

00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:14,901

so I'd like to hear

what those things are,

00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:16,445

so that I can

work on them.

00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:17,904

You know why

I don't like you, Chris?

00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,281

Because you're

the kind of guy,

00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,991

who, if somebody

didn't like him,

00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,534

he would take them for a walk

in the park and ask them why.

00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,369

You're a pussy!

00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:27,330

Aaaaaaghhhhhh!

00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:29,166

Oh God!

00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:30,125

Ha ha ha ha!

00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,376

Nooo!

Aaghhgh!

00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:32,419

Agahgh!

00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,962

Ow!

00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,047

Blagh!

00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:45,599

Today this Jewish boy

and all sinners are

going to be saved-a!

00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,350

Kyle, do you

believe in God-a?

00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:48,643

Yes!

00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,728

Do you want to be

saved from Hell-a?

00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:50,896

Yes!

00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,189

That's good,

because right now

00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:54,149

all the Jewness is

coming out of your body,

00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,359

being replaced by

the spirit of God-a!

00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,028

Bap!

- Ow!

00:12:58,153 --> 00:12:59,529

Praise God,

how do you feel now?

00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,114

Do you feel the light of God

inside of you?

00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:02,491

Uh, I think so.

00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:03,950

Praise the Lord!

00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:05,702

Yay!

Yay!

00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,329

♪ For he is Lord ♪

00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,581

♪ He is Lord ♪

00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,082

Bring up the next person!

00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,043

This boy has been

crippled with sin.

00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:15,420

But I hear God saying

that this boy will walk!

00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,838

Hallelujah!

00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,048

Timmy!

00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,382

We are gonna save you

00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:20,926

and you are gonna walk

with the Lord-a!

00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:21,927

Timmy!

00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:23,595

Devil be gone-a!

00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,679

Hagh!

00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,139

Now walk, Timmy!

00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:27,474

Hagh!

00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,100

Come on, Timmy,

get out of that chair-a!

00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:30,477

The Lord wants you

to walk, Timmy!

00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,437

Walk, Timmy!

00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,980

Timmy!

00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,023

He walks!

00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,107

Wow!

Wow!

00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:37,859

Wagh!

00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,152

Yes, praise the Lord!

00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,905

Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord!

00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:45,242

And now it's like there's

one guy who's horrible to me,

00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:47,202

but I'm totally

sexually attracted to,

00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,204

and then one guy who's

really nice to me,

00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,706

but I'm not sexually

attracted to at all!

00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:52,916

Wow, that really sucks.

00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:54,793

I've asked

everybody for advice,

00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:56,878

but nobody seems

to know the answer.

00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,548

Well, there's one person

who I always used to ask

when I needed advice.

00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:00,298

Who?

00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:01,758

God.

00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:03,718

God?

I can't do that.

00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:06,471

I haven't spoken to God

in, like, 5,000 years.

00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:09,766

Well then,

maybe it's time.

00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:14,938

♪ Doot doot doo

doot doot doo ♪

00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,731

♪ Doot doot doo ♪

♪ Doot doot doo ♪

00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,150

♪ For he is Lord

Lord Lord Lord ♪

00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:20,110

Where are you from,

little boy?

00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:21,444

Denver.

00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:22,904

And God is telling me

that you have...

00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,030

Bad eyesight,

is that it?

00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:25,156

Yeah, that's right!

00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:26,491

Ohh!

00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,118

Well, God is going to

heal those eyes

00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,412

and save you from

the devil be gone-a!

00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,955

Hooray!

00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,916

♪ For he is Lord

Lord Lord Lord ♪

00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:38,211

Right here we have

a little girl who is

very, very ugly.

00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,547

Do you believe he's going to

cure your face of the uglies?

00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,007

Yes!

00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:43,383

He's gonna take

that ugly face

00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:45,218

and make you reasonable

to look at bwap!

00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:46,970

Wrrrrrrrr!

00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,638

Oh good Lord,

somebody say amen!

00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:49,931

Amen!

Amen!

00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,516

♪ Doot doot doo ♪

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,898

Hi, hi, welcome

to Heaven, brother!

00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:00,150

You followed the Mormon faith

and so you've been let in!

00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:02,360

Uh, actually,

I'm just stopping by.

00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,321

Well, you picked

a great time!

00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:05,947

We've got

cookies and punch

00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,574

and were just about to

start playing charades!

00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,117

Hooray!

Hooray!

00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,619

And then Brother Stephen's

brought his guitar

00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,996

so we can sing songs about

how much it hurts to lie!

00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:14,372

Oooh!

Oooh!

00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,207

Uh, look, I just need

to talk with God.

00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:17,876

Is he around?

00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,045

Sure, all you have to do is

say his name and he's there.

00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,379

I'm so grateful for that.

00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:22,714

Me too!

Me too!

00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,090

Great, thanks.

00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:28,303

Uh, hello, God?

00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:33,558

It's uh...

Satan.

00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:38,939

Yea, look upon me

and know me.

00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:39,940

Hi, God.

00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:41,232

Hello, Satan.

00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:42,817

It's been

a long time.

00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:43,902

Yeah.

00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,487

What brings you here?

00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,530

Do you wish to mount your

unholy war against Heaven?

00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:50,992

No, I have a problem and

I need your advice.

00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,411

You want to rule

more than Hell?

00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:54,955

You want to destroy

the Earth?

00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,582

No, it's kind of

a long story but...

00:15:57,707 --> 00:16:01,461

Well, it all started

when this Iraqi dictator,

Saddam Hussein,

00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,546

was killed by

a pack of wild boars.

00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:05,882

I remember when I first

met him in Hell,

00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,134

it was a lovely morning

in April and...

00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:11,221

♪ Oh praise the Lord ♪

00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,264

And now I am receiving

a message directly from God!

00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,100

God is telling me...

00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,769

That each and every one of you

is to walk up to this stage

00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,105

and give me one dollar!

00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:24,401

So, I want everyone

to feel the love of God

by coming on up here

00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:26,695

and putting a dollar

in the box-a!

00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,364

Come on, don't be shy,

come on-a!

00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,032

Dude, that seems

kind of weird.

00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,118

Yeah, I don't remember him

saying anything about this.

00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:37,372

And now Chris and Saddam

just keep killing each other

over and over

00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,582

and I don't know

which one to pick!

00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:43,086

Jesus, what the Hell

happened to you?

00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,713

Huh?

00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:47,007

You got kicked outta here

for being a headstrong rebel.

00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:49,175

And now you're

a whiny little bitch.

00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,720

I just don't know

which one to pick!

00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,055

No, you've become dependent

on relationships,

00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,307

so you haven't even

considered the option

00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,560

of not being with

either of them!

00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,228

If you're not sexually

attracted to someone,

00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,604

you're not ever

going to be.

00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,189

But Saddam

isn't right either.

00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:04,399

He's the other extreme.

00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,401

You need to

spend time alone,

00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,029

so that you can find

the balance the middle ground.

00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:11,031

That's what I always do,

because I'm a Buddhist.

00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,657

God, you're right.

00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,325

You know, I've had

steady relationships

00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:16,119

for the last

thousand years.

00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:17,829

When one ends,

I just start another one,

00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:20,707

but I haven't taken the time

to be secure with myself.

00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,250

Bingo.

00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:25,128

Hey, thanks, God.

00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:28,298

I forgot how clear

you make things sometimes.

00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:29,758

It was nice

to see you again, Satan.

00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,009

You, too.

00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:32,552

Good-bye.

00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:36,848

Would you like to stay

for some cookies and punch?

00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,141

Yes, would you?

00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:39,809

Uh, no, I need to be

getting back.

00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:42,145

Oh alright then, but you're

gonna miss our big play!

00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:45,690

Yes, we're going to do

a play about how alcohol

can ruin family life.

00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,903

Well, sounds great,

but I really gotta go.

00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:52,572

Well, he seemed

like a nice fellow.

00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,574

Yes!

00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:56,284

Let's make things

out of egg cartons!

00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:57,994

Ooh let's!

Good idea!

00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,789

♪ Doot doot doo

doot doot doo ♪

00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:03,583

Yeeess, yeeesss!

00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:07,087

It worked, you guys,

it actually worked!

00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:08,254

What worked?

00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:09,881

Everybody bought

the whole act!

00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,050

They'll keep giving and giving

until we have it all!

00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:13,218

What?

- What?

00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:14,594

You're keeping

that money yourself?

00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:15,804

Of course, you guys,

and then we can make...

00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:18,139

Ten million dollars!

00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,016

Look, the "Tooth Fairy"

thing didn't work,

00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,268

the "boy band" thing

didn't last, so I tried

this route.

00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,104

Wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait.

00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:25,355

You mean that this whole thing

has just been a way for you

00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:26,481

to make

ten million dollars?

00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,191

It all came to me

days ago,

00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:29,776

when we were first

in Sunday School.

00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:31,611

But what about going

to Hell and all that?

00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,446

Dude, if God is

all-understanding,

he wouldn't send us to Hell.

00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:34,656

Even Sister Anne

told me that!

00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,282

Then why didn't

you tell us?

00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:38,368

My brain is of a much

larger size than you guys.

00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:39,619

I couldn't expect you

to understand.

00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,454

Not until you actually saw

the cash flow.

00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:43,498

The only thing of yours

that's larger in size

is your big fat ass!

00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,458

Suck my balls.

00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:46,876

Dude, I am so

disillusioned right now.

00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:48,920

Die, pussy!

00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,046

Ow!

00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,631

Aagh!

00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,675

Wagahgh!

00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,051

Aahh!

00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,512

Guys, guys, guys!

00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,639

Look, you both can

stop fighting now.

00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:00,974

I've made a decision.

00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,058

You have?

00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:03,810

Yes, I...

00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,520

Don't want to be with

either one of you.

00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:06,521

What?

- What?

00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,273

Saddam,

you're an asshole

00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,191

and you'll never be

the friend that I want.

00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,485

And Chris, well,

you're a pussy

00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,487

and you'll never be

the lover I want.

00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:19,742

So I'm just gonna be

alone for a while and

learn to like myself.

00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,995

Satan, can we go

for a walk in the park?

00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,997

No, I'm not going

on a walk.

00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,583

You're a pussy, Chris

and you drive me crazy,

go away.

00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:27,917

Fine.

00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:31,504

You can't leave me, Satan,

I won't let you!

00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:35,008

Today is another day

00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,468

and that's another dollar

the Lord needs from you-a!

00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,554

So come on up and

give to the Lord-a!

00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,723

Alright, kids,

it's time to go!

00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,516

It's time for

this to stop.

00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:46,102

Sister Anne is

a blasphemaaa!

00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:47,520

I know you won't

listen to me.

00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,814

That's why I brought

somebody else.

00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,026

Wow!

Oohh!

00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:54,027

Jesus!

00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:55,778

Uh-oh.

00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,238

Kids, you all need to stop

spending all your time here

00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,406

and go back to school.

00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,533

Jesus, ex-nay

on the ool-skay.

00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,660

God doesn't want you

to spend all your time

being afraid of Hell

00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,204

or praising his name.

00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:06,414

God wants you to spend

your time helping others

00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,374

and living a good,

happy life.

00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:10,627

That's how

you live for him.

00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,253

Yes, by doing that...

00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,339

And putting a dollar

in the box-a!

00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:16,591

Let's go ice skating!

00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,509

Yay!

Yay!

00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:20,511

We can help Timmy learn

how to ice skate, too.

00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:21,471

Yeah!

00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:23,932

No, come back!

00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,059

You face

everlasting damnation!

00:20:26,184 --> 00:20:28,228

Wait!

00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:30,897

No, no, I can't be

cheated out of my

ten million dollars again!

00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:32,190

God dammit!

00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:33,274

Serves you right,

Cartman!

00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,109

Yeah!

00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,986

But, Eric, I think this time

I have to teach you a lesson.

00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:39,530

I'm sending you somewhere

to think about your sins!

00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:41,074

You're gonna

send me to Hell?

00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,993

No, worse!

00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:47,330

Eric, Eric!

00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:48,790

Oh crap!

00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:54,712

♪ Da da da daa ♪

00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:55,630

Hi, Bob!

Hi, Rick!

00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:56,673

Hi, Satan.

00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:57,966

There you are!

00:20:58,091 --> 00:20:59,384

Ugh, not again.

00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:00,969

You know you can't

live without me!

00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:02,845

Now get that ass

back to bed!

00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,265

Saddam, I told you,

I don't need you anymore.

00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:06,474

You can't leave me, Satan.

00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:07,892

Nobody leaves me!

00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:09,394

Yes, I can!

00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:11,271

Agahgh!

00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:12,814

You little prick!

00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,607

Goodbye forever, Saddam!

00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:16,025

What are you

talking about?

00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:17,610

You can kill me,

but I'll be back tomorrow!

00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:19,529

Not this time!

00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:22,031

I asked a favor of

an old friend of mine

to let you in.

00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:24,033

Let me in where?

00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,329

What the-what the Hell

is this place?

00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:29,664

Hello and welcome!

00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:30,581

We're glad you

made it, brother!

00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:31,916

Who the hell are you?

00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:33,751

We're just about

to do a play

00:21:33,876 --> 00:21:36,087

about how much stealing

hurts you deep inside.

00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:37,463

Come join us!

Let's go!

00:21:37,588 --> 00:21:38,756

You're here forever!

00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:39,716

No!

00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:41,509

Noooooooooooo!

00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,639

Hello, Satan!

00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,224

Saddam.

00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,892

Us Jews don't

believe in Hell.

00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:18,227

But what if

we're wrong?

00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,895

Let's go!

00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:22,148

They killed Kenny!

00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:24,358

He had sins that

he didn't confess!

00:00:24,483 --> 00:00:27,903

No, Saddam, I told you,

I'm with Chris now.

00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:29,697

Boys, it is your

Christian duty

00:00:29,822 --> 00:00:31,282

to save the souls

of your friends.

00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:32,700

I love you, Satan.

00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,243

I love you too, Saddam.

00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,412

[all]

Agh!

00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,247

Fonz, there is no way

you can jump that shark

with your waterskis!

00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:39,957

Ay, I've gotta try,

Richie!

00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,752

Ooh!

00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,462

Dude, if this guy's

going to Hell?

00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,921

Who's gonna save us?

00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:47,131

Well, it looks like

we're gonna have to save

00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:48,883

Everyone in this town

ourselves!

00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:50,259

Go Fonz!

00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:52,261

Aaaayyyy--

00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:54,472

[narrator]

And now the exciting conclusion

of "South Park"!

00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:55,473

Aayyyyy!

00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:57,767

Aaghgh!

00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:01,145

I told him

he couldn't do it.

00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:09,445

I am saying this because

we must be saved-a!

00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,239

The Lord is powerful

and he will smote the sinners

00:01:12,364 --> 00:01:14,742

and send them

to everlasting Hell-a!

00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:16,911

If you do not live

your life for him-a!

00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,080

Then to the lake of fire

you shall go-a!

00:01:19,205 --> 00:01:21,248

You see that, parents?

00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:23,501

Your children have

refused to come in to class

since this morning!

00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:26,128

I'm afraid your son

is the leader, Ms. Cartman.

00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:27,838

Apparently he's read

the entire Bible

00:01:27,963 --> 00:01:30,049

and now he's scaring

the hell out of everyone.

00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:31,884

Poopie-kins!

00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:34,303

It's time to stop preaching

damnation to everyone, sweetie.

00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,764

Don't you guys, um...

00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:38,599

Persercrute our

religious beliefs!

00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,017

[all]

Yeah!

00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,352

We're not trying to

persecute you, kids.

00:01:41,477 --> 00:01:43,104

But you're supposed

to be in school!

00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:44,188

What purpose

does school have?

00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,856

The Bible says

the only goal in this life

00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:47,608

is to praise God and

get into heaven!

00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,985

Yeah, this life is short,

the afterlife is forever!

00:01:50,111 --> 00:01:52,738

Don't listen to them, kids,

you have to go to school!

00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:54,615

Many of you knew

Kenny McCormick.

00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,867

He was a playful, school-going

eight-year-old.

00:01:56,992 --> 00:01:58,202

And then yesterday...

00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,371

He was smacked down

by the Lord-a!

00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:02,915

God bitch slapped him right

to the fiery depths of Hell!

00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,416

So when will you go?

00:02:04,542 --> 00:02:06,043

Tomorrow, ten years?

Does it matter?

00:02:06,168 --> 00:02:07,586

No!

00:02:07,711 --> 00:02:08,963

Because unless you give

this life to the Lord,

00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:10,881

that life belongs

to Satan!

00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,341

[all]

Agh!

00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,510

But we cannot worship God

in that church

00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,095

where the priest

of sin resides!

00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,680

So we will build

a new church!

00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,266

With crystal walls,

a ceiling eighty-feet high,

00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:23,018

and a slide that

connects this part myha

to this part mhya!

00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,395

Who will help us!

00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:25,563

I will!

I will!

00:02:25,688 --> 00:02:26,897

Praise God-a!

00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:29,316

[screaming]

00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,363

if I go spend the night

with Saddam,

00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,448

then it's over

between me and Chris.

00:02:36,574 --> 00:02:38,450

Chris has been

so nice to me.

00:02:38,576 --> 00:02:41,203

And I know Saddam will

just hurt me again.

00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,998

Maybe I'll just

go talk to Saddam.

00:02:44,123 --> 00:02:47,751

I need closure, yeah,

that's it, I need closure.

00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:49,253

What am I doing?

00:02:49,378 --> 00:02:51,213

What took ya

so long, baby?

00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,591

Saddam, I'm just

here to talk.

00:02:53,716 --> 00:02:56,468

Great, let's talk!

00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,638

Mmm, this bed

is comfy-womfy!

00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,099

Saddam, I only came here

because I need closure.

00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,101

Sounds fun, you know me,

I'll try anything!

00:03:04,226 --> 00:03:05,769

No, Saddam,

listen to me--

00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:07,188

Would you like a drink?

00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:10,065

Maybe just a little one,

I have to go back soon.

00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:13,068

I need you to understand that

we can't be together anymore.

00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:15,112

I need you to not

come by the condo,

00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:16,655

and not try

to see me.

00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,116

Chris thinks we can all

be friends, but I don't.

00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:20,993

And I have to focus

on Chris now.

00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,703

What is this?

00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,997

These hotels have all kinds

of crazy channels.

00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,373

Saddam, will you

listen to me?

00:03:26,498 --> 00:03:27,625

Chris is

a great person!

00:03:27,750 --> 00:03:29,335

He is the one I want

to be with now!

00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:31,921

Really, so then

what are you doing here?

00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:34,548

I don't know about you,

00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,759

but this video is

gettin' me pretty hot.

00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:37,718

Saddam...

00:03:37,843 --> 00:03:39,929

Here, have another drink.

00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,894

Ugh, oh God,

my head!

00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:49,730

I drank too much...

Chris?

00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:50,981

Oh no!

00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:54,693

Man, look at that!

00:03:54,818 --> 00:03:56,695

We went through fourteen

bottles of vegetable oil!

00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,155

Ooh, I'm all greasy!

00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,907

Oh God,

what time is it?

00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:01,325

Last night was awesome!

00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:02,868

Aren't we

together again now?

00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,328

I don't know,

I guess so.

00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,330

But now I have to go home

and tell Chris.

00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:08,123

Screw him!

00:04:08,249 --> 00:04:10,584

No, Saddam, I at least

owe him an explanation.

00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,962

I just don't know

what I'm gonna say.

00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:16,382

I know how to solve

this little problem.

00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:19,551

[tour guide]

We are now entering Ensenada,

00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:22,179

the second largest city

on the Mexican Baja Peninsula.

00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:25,474

We have now traveled over

2000 miles since leaving

New York City!

00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,518

We'll just be stopping here

for a few moments for gas

00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:30,479

and then our tour will continue

on to its final destination!

00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,690

Oiga, hay algo pegado

bajo el autobus!

00:04:32,815 --> 00:04:35,609

Que? What's stuck to

the bottom of the bus?

00:04:37,319 --> 00:04:38,612

Hmph!

00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:40,572

Oh, goodness.

00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:41,949

We must have run over

a little Mexican

further up north.

00:04:42,074 --> 00:04:43,033

Is it okay?

00:04:43,158 --> 00:04:44,868

Pienso que si.

00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:48,372

Well, here's fifty

for the gas, adios!

00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,582

Where am I?

Que?

00:04:50,708 --> 00:04:52,793

Where am I?

Que?

00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,344

It is beautiful.

00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:03,929

Thine church is

almost completeth.

00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,639

There's no way God would

want to send us to Hell now!

00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,057

Yeah this church

kicks a--

00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:08,517

It, it kicks.

00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,102

Hello, boys.

00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,603

Don't try to take me

away again, Mom and Dad!

00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:12,980

I told you, I renounced

the Jewish faith!

00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:15,065

It's not that, Kyle.

00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,318

It's just that

Eric's mother needs to

see you all right away.

00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:20,779

Just really quick, she says

it's very important.

00:05:20,904 --> 00:05:22,573

Very well,

yea, guys,

00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,992

let us walk to mine home

and see what mine mom wants.

00:05:25,117 --> 00:05:28,495

I sure hope this works.

00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:31,665

Hello, kiddies!

00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:34,418

I made you all powdered-donut

pancake surprise!

00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:35,961

Wow, cool!

00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,421

No, it is a trick!

00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:39,006

Do not vex me,

oh temptress!

00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:40,924

What?

00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,134

This is a distraction

from our work on the church!

00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:43,802

Do not think that you can

tempt us with toys...

00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,637

And games...

00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,723

And tidings of powdered-donut

pancake surprise!

00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,558

For it is the afterlife

we concern ourselves with!

00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,102

Not the pleasures

on this earth!

00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:53,771

But salvation

in the world after!

00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:55,189

Yeah!

00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,274

Oh, well,

alrighty then.

00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,026

I don't think it worked.

00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:00,736

Aw!

Aw!

00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:01,779

Let us get back to

our work at the church.

00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,322

[ring]

00:06:03,447 --> 00:06:05,074

Yea, I shall answer

the phone-na.

00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:06,325

Hello?

00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,327

Mprh mprm rm

rmph rm rmph!

00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:10,496

Oh my God!

- What?

00:06:10,621 --> 00:06:12,373

It's Kenny, he's calling

from beyond the grave!

00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:13,374

Kenny?

What's he say!

00:06:13,499 --> 00:06:14,625

Ask him what

Hell is like!

00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:16,085

Kenny, you have to

tell us about Hell!

00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,753

Give us every last

horrible detail!

00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,797

Um...

00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:25,094

Oh God, Chris is gonna be

so mad at me!

00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:26,929

Well, here goes...

00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,389

Hey, you.

00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:29,890

Hi, Chris.

00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:32,684

You...

Were out all night.

00:06:32,810 --> 00:06:34,353

Yeah, I just...

00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:36,647

Spent the night walking

around the marina.

00:06:36,772 --> 00:06:39,316

Satan, you know you're

not a very good liar.

00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,692

You went and saw Saddam,

didn't you?

00:06:40,818 --> 00:06:42,236

Yes.

00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:44,738

Satan...

I understand.

00:06:44,863 --> 00:06:45,989

What?

00:06:46,115 --> 00:06:47,825

I still feel secure

and safe with you.

00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:49,576

Oh, no!

00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:51,370

What, what's wrong?

I said it's okay.

00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:52,704

I know!

00:06:52,830 --> 00:06:54,039

Well, what more

do you want from me?

00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:56,291

Well, could you not be

such a pussy about it?

00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:58,502

I mean,

can't you just say

00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:00,796

"if you ever see Saddam again

I'll break your legs"

00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,298

or "I'm gonna go kick

Saddam's ass" or something?

00:07:03,424 --> 00:07:05,259

Satan, I'm a 90's man.

00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:08,011

I cry when I need to,

I share my feelings

00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:09,805

and I keep my mind open

about everything.

00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:13,016

Just give me some boundaries,

be jealous!

00:07:13,142 --> 00:07:15,727

Go throw a football around,

for Christ's sake!

00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,521

Now you're starting

to hurt my feelings.

00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:20,107

I'm sorry, Chris.

00:07:20,232 --> 00:07:23,402

It's not you,

really, it's me.

00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,737

You're the best thing

that's ever happened to me

00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:28,991

and for some reason,

I can't just accept that.

00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,160

Die, pussy!

Aahghgh!

00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:32,578

Chris!

00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:33,912

Saddam what the Hell

are you doing?

00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:36,248

There, I got rid of

the problem for you!

00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,249

Now there's no conflict!

00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,501

No, not like this!

00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:48,135

Friends, I have to tell you

that last night,

00:07:48,260 --> 00:07:50,804

I received a phone call

from beyond the grave!

00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,139

[gasp]

[gasp]

00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:53,724

It was our departed friend,

Kenny,

00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:55,601

calling from

the depths of Hell!

00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:59,521

And he described what Hell

is like in horrid detail!

00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:02,191

He said that in Hell,

the smell is awful!

00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:05,611

He said that in Hell,

everyone speaks Spanish!

00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:06,737

Aagh!

Aagh!

00:08:06,862 --> 00:08:08,947

He said there

is water in Hell,

00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:11,950

but if you drink it,

you pee blood out your ass

for seven hours!

00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:12,826

No!

No!

00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,828

And perhaps worst of all,

00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:18,081

in Hell, there are

dozens and dozens of

little trinket stores.

00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:20,459

But they all have the same

little trinkets in them!

00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:21,585

Aaghgh!

Aaghgh!

00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,003

Where is our daughter!

00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,296

Dad?

00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:26,006

Marcy, you are coming home

this instant!

00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:28,634

We are saving your daughter

from the clutches of Hell, sir!

00:08:28,759 --> 00:08:30,928

You're not going to make

my daughter part of your cult!

00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,013

Your daughter could

die tomorrow and then what?

00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,224

You're just a stupid little

fat kid who thinks that--

00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,433

Stephen?

00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,685

Stephen, no!

00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:40,354

The Lord has

spoken again!

00:08:40,479 --> 00:08:42,397

Oh forgive us, Lord,

for our sins!

00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:43,690

Forgive us Lord!

Forgive us Lord!

00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:44,983

Let us pray!

00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,652

Heavenly Father,

do not send us to Hell.

00:08:46,777 --> 00:08:47,736

We're sorry.

00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,321

Whatever we did,

we're sorry.

00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,531

Stephen?

00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:51,949

Stephen!

00:08:52,074 --> 00:08:54,785

Where-where am I?

00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:57,162

Where are we?

- Oh my God!

00:08:57,287 --> 00:08:58,205

What's happening?

00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,790

Aaghgh!

00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:00,832

Hello newcomers

and welcome.

00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:02,543

Can everybody hear me?

Hello?

00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,545

Can everybody-okay.

00:09:04,670 --> 00:09:06,255

I'm the Hell director.

00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:10,217

It looks like we have about

8,615 of you newbies today.

00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:13,011

And for those of you

who were a little confused,

00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,556

uh, you are dead

and this is Hell.

00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:18,475

So abandon all hope and

yadda-yadda-yadda.

00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,895

Uh, we're now going to start

the orientation process

which will last about--

00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,564

Hey, wait a minute,

I shouldn't be here!

00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,732

I was a totally strict

and devout Protestant!

00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:27,025

I thought we went

to heaven!

00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,069

Yes, well, I'm afraid

you were wrong.

00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:31,071

I was a practicing

Jehovah's Witness.

00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:33,031

You picked

the wrong religion, as well.

00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:34,741

Well, who was right?

Who gets into heaven?

00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:37,035

I'm afraid it was

the Mormons.

00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,371

Yes, the Mormons

were the correct answer.

00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,039

Aw!

Aw!

00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:42,541

So now, I'd like to

quickly introduce

00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,752

your new ruler and master

for eternity, Satan.

00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,838

Rrrarrghghh!

00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:49,172

Aaaahghgh!

Aaaahghgh!

00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,883

Now you are all

part of my domain!

00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,845

Every day Hell grows larger

and my minions...

00:09:54,970 --> 00:09:58,140

My minions...

00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,475

I'm sorry, I just

can't do this today.

00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:03,437

I'm just--

I'm sorry.

00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,318

Uh, okay,

thank you Satan.

00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:10,402

Satan!

00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,195

Excuse me, excuse me.

00:10:12,321 --> 00:10:14,281

Chris, but I thought

you were dead!

00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:16,992

Yeah, well, where was

I gonna go, Detroit?

00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,910

Chris I didn't mean for

Saddam to stab you--

00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,287

Hey, it's alright.

00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:21,913

All that matters is

that I'm back

00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:23,624

and we're together

forever, right?

00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:27,294

Uh, yeah, great.

00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:28,920

Aw!

Aw!

00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:33,216

Let's see,

Matthew 15:1-1.

00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:36,094

"Not that which goeth

into the mouth defileth a man,

00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,555

but that which come out

of the mouth defileth a man."

00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,474

That's a good one,

Clyde frog, interesting.

00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,142

Look, Eric, Sister Anne

has come to visit you.

00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:43,644

Yea, it is nice

to see you, Sister,

00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:45,687

but I must prepare

for my next sermon.

00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:47,731

Eric, you need to stop

what you're doing.

00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,858

You need to tell all the kids

to go back to school

00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,485

and back to their

normal lives.

00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,278

Sister, have you read

this book?

00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,614

Yes, Eric, a lot more

than you have.

00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:58,825

Then you know what it says

happens to those that don't

follow the Lord-a.

00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,286

Eric, the Lord doesn't just

send everybody to Hell.

00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:02,829

That wouldn't make sense.

00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,456

He wants people

to live their lives.

00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,166

Are you saying that what

the Bible says isn't true?

00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,793

No!

00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:09,252

We've got Jews

and perverts and bullies

00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:11,296

and all kinds of sinners

in this town, Sister Anne-a.

00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,340

And without the priest, we've

decided to save ourselves.

00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:16,134

The only ones the kids

can trust now are me and Jesus!

00:11:16,259 --> 00:11:17,761

Ugh!

00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:19,805

Wait a minute,

that's it!

00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:22,432

And I am going to save

all of you right now!

00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:24,309

I am going to

heal your sins!

00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,977

Whoa.

00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,857

Hello, Satan!

Oh, crap, it's you.

00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,025

Yeah, it's me.

00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:33,485

I thought I killed you.

00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,112

Yeah, well-

00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:36,238

[together]

where was I gonna go,

Detroit?

00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,948

Do you have a couple minutes

to go for a walk?

00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:38,990

A walk?!

00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,743

Yeah, just real quick,

around the park or something.

00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:43,370

Is this some kind of trick?

00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:45,288

No, I just want you to go

for a quick walk with me.

00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:46,832

Please?

00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:48,500

Well, alright, just let me

grab something real quick.

00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:51,211

♪ Da da da da daa ♪

00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,215

Okay, let's walk.

00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,677

Saddam,

00:11:58,802 --> 00:12:00,512

I get the feeling that

you don't like me very much.

00:12:00,637 --> 00:12:01,972

Gee, whatever

gave you that idea?

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,557

When I stabbed you

in the head?

00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,809

Look, Satan is a very

important person to me.

00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,686

And I know he's an important

person to you, too.

00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:10,772

So don't you think it's best

for us to try and get along?

00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,358

I realize that some things

about me bother you,

00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:14,901

so I'd like to hear

what those things are,

00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:16,445

so that I can

work on them.

00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:17,904

You know why

I don't like you, Chris?

00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,281

Because you're

the kind of guy,

00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,991

who, if somebody

didn't like him,

00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,534

he would take them for a walk

in the park and ask them why.

00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,369

You're a pussy!

00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:27,330

Aaaaaaghhhhhh!

00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:29,166

Oh God!

00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:30,125

Ha ha ha ha!

00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,376

Nooo!

Aaghhgh!

00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:32,419

Agahgh!

00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,962

Ow!

00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,047

Blagh!

00:12:42,179 --> 00:12:45,599

Today this Jewish boy

and all sinners are

going to be saved-a!

00:12:45,724 --> 00:12:47,350

Kyle, do you

believe in God-a?

00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:48,643

Yes!

00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,728

Do you want to be

saved from Hell-a?

00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:50,896

Yes!

00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,189

That's good,

because right now

00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:54,149

all the Jewness is

coming out of your body,

00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,359

being replaced by

the spirit of God-a!

00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,028

Bap!

- Ow!

00:12:58,153 --> 00:12:59,529

Praise God,

how do you feel now?

00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,114

Do you feel the light of God

inside of you?

00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:02,491

Uh, I think so.

00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:03,950

Praise the Lord!

00:13:04,075 --> 00:13:05,702

Yay!

Yay!

00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,329

♪ For he is Lord ♪

00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,581

♪ He is Lord ♪

00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,082

Bring up the next person!

00:13:11,208 --> 00:13:13,043

This boy has been

crippled with sin.

00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:15,420

But I hear God saying

that this boy will walk!

00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:16,838

Hallelujah!

00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,048

Timmy!

00:13:18,173 --> 00:13:19,382

We are gonna save you

00:13:19,508 --> 00:13:20,926

and you are gonna walk

with the Lord-a!

00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:21,927

Timmy!

00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:23,595

Devil be gone-a!

00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:24,679

Hagh!

00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:26,139

Now walk, Timmy!

00:13:26,264 --> 00:13:27,474

Hagh!

00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,100

Come on, Timmy,

get out of that chair-a!

00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:30,477

The Lord wants you

to walk, Timmy!

00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,437

Walk, Timmy!

00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:33,980

Timmy!

00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:35,023

He walks!

00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,107

Wow!

Wow!

00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:37,859

Wagh!

00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:39,152

Yes, praise the Lord!

00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:41,905

Praise the Lord!

Praise the Lord!

00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:45,242

And now it's like there's

one guy who's horrible to me,

00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:47,202

but I'm totally

sexually attracted to,

00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,204

and then one guy who's

really nice to me,

00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,706

but I'm not sexually

attracted to at all!

00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:52,916

Wow, that really sucks.

00:13:53,041 --> 00:13:54,793

I've asked

everybody for advice,

00:13:54,918 --> 00:13:56,878

but nobody seems

to know the answer.

00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,548

Well, there's one person

who I always used to ask

when I needed advice.

00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:00,298

Who?

00:14:00,423 --> 00:14:01,758

God.

00:14:01,883 --> 00:14:03,718

God?

I can't do that.

00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:06,471

I haven't spoken to God

in, like, 5,000 years.

00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:09,766

Well then,

maybe it's time.

00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:14,938

♪ Doot doot doo

doot doot doo ♪

00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,731

♪ Doot doot doo ♪

♪ Doot doot doo ♪

00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,150

♪ For he is Lord

Lord Lord Lord ♪

00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:20,110

Where are you from,

little boy?

00:14:20,235 --> 00:14:21,444

Denver.

00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:22,904

And God is telling me

that you have...

00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,030

Bad eyesight,

is that it?

00:14:24,155 --> 00:14:25,156

Yeah, that's right!

00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:26,491

[all]

Ohh!

00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,118

Well, God is going to

heal those eyes

00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:30,412

and save you from

the devil be gone-a!

00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,955

[all]

Hooray!

00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,916

♪ For he is Lord

Lord Lord Lord ♪

00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:38,211

Right here we have

a little girl who is

very, very ugly.

00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:40,547

Do you believe he's going to

cure your face of the uglies?

00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,007

Yes!

00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:43,383

He's gonna take

that ugly face

00:14:43,508 --> 00:14:45,218

and make you reasonable

to look at bwap!

00:14:45,343 --> 00:14:46,970

Wrrrrrrrr!

00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,638

Oh good Lord,

somebody say amen!

00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:49,931

Amen!

Amen!

00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:51,516

♪ Doot doot doo ♪

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,898

Hi, hi, welcome

to Heaven, brother!

00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:00,150

You followed the Mormon faith

and so you've been let in!

00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:02,360

Uh, actually,

I'm just stopping by.

00:15:02,485 --> 00:15:04,321

Well, you picked

a great time!

00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:05,947

We've got

cookies and punch

00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,574

and were just about to

start playing charades!

00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:09,117

Hooray!

Hooray!

00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:10,619

And then Brother Stephen's

brought his guitar

00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,996

so we can sing songs about

how much it hurts to lie!

00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:14,372

Oooh!

Oooh!

00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,207

Uh, look, I just need

to talk with God.

00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:17,876

Is he around?

00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:20,045

Sure, all you have to do is

say his name and he's there.

00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,379

I'm so grateful for that.

00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:22,714

Me too!

Me too!

00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:24,090

Great, thanks.

00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:28,303

Uh, hello, God?

00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:33,558

It's uh...

Satan.

00:15:35,685 --> 00:15:38,939

Yea, look upon me

and know me.

00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:39,940

Hi, God.

00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:41,232

Hello, Satan.

00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:42,817

It's been

a long time.

00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:43,902

Yeah.

00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,487

What brings you here?

00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,530

Do you wish to mount your

unholy war against Heaven?

00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:50,992

No, I have a problem and

I need your advice.

00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,411

You want to rule

more than Hell?

00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:54,955

You want to destroy

the Earth?

00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,582

No, it's kind of

a long story but...

00:15:57,707 --> 00:16:01,461

Well, it all started

when this Iraqi dictator,

Saddam Hussein,

00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:03,546

was killed by

a pack of wild boars.

00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:05,882

I remember when I first

met him in Hell,

00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:08,134

it was a lovely morning

in April and...

00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:11,221

♪ Oh praise the Lord ♪

00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,264

And now I am receiving

a message directly from God!

00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,100

God is telling me...

00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,769

That each and every one of you

is to walk up to this stage

00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,105

and give me one dollar!

00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:24,401

So, I want everyone

to feel the love of God

by coming on up here

00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:26,695

and putting a dollar

in the box-a!

00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,364

Come on, don't be shy,

come on-a!

00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:31,032

Dude, that seems

kind of weird.

00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,118

Yeah, I don't remember him

saying anything about this.

00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:37,372

And now Chris and Saddam

just keep killing each other

over and over

00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,582

and I don't know

which one to pick!

00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:43,086

Jesus, what the Hell

happened to you?

00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,713

Huh?

00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:47,007

You got kicked outta here

for being a headstrong rebel.

00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:49,175

And now you're

a whiny little bitch.

00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,720

I just don't know

which one to pick!

00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,055

No, you've become dependent

on relationships,

00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,307

so you haven't even

considered the option

00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,560

of not being with

either of them!

00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,228

If you're not sexually

attracted to someone,

00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,604

you're not ever

going to be.

00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,189

But Saddam

isn't right either.

00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:04,399

He's the other extreme.

00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,401

You need to

spend time alone,

00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:09,029

so that you can find

the balance the middle ground.

00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:11,031

That's what I always do,

because I'm a Buddhist.

00:17:11,156 --> 00:17:12,657

God, you're right.

00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,325

You know, I've had

steady relationships

00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:16,119

for the last

thousand years.

00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:17,829

When one ends,

I just start another one,

00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:20,707

but I haven't taken the time

to be secure with myself.

00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:22,250

Bingo.

00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:25,128

Hey, thanks, God.

00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:28,298

I forgot how clear

you make things sometimes.

00:17:28,423 --> 00:17:29,758

It was nice

to see you again, Satan.

00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,009

You, too.

00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:32,552

Good-bye.

00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:36,848

Would you like to stay

for some cookies and punch?

00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:38,141

Yes, would you?

00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:39,809

Uh, no, I need to be

getting back.

00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:42,145

Oh alright then, but you're

gonna miss our big play!

00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:45,690

Yes, we're going to do

a play about how alcohol

can ruin family life.

00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,903

Well, sounds great,

but I really gotta go.

00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:52,572

Well, he seemed

like a nice fellow.

00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,574

Yes!

00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:56,284

Let's make things

out of egg cartons!

00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:57,994

Ooh let's!

Good idea!

00:17:58,119 --> 00:18:00,789

♪ Doot doot doo

doot doot doo ♪

00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:03,583

Yeeess, yeeesss!

00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:07,087

It worked, you guys,

it actually worked!

00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:08,254

What worked?

00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:09,881

Everybody bought

the whole act!

00:18:10,006 --> 00:18:12,050

They'll keep giving and giving

until we have it all!

00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:13,218

What?

- What?

00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:14,594

You're keeping

that money yourself?

00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:15,804

Of course, you guys,

and then we can make...

00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:18,139

Ten million dollars!

00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,016

Look, the "Tooth Fairy"

thing didn't work,

00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,268

the "boy band" thing

didn't last, so I tried

this route.

00:18:22,393 --> 00:18:24,104

Wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait.

00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:25,355

You mean that this whole thing

has just been a way for you

00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:26,481

to make

ten million dollars?

00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:28,191

It all came to me

days ago,

00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:29,776

when we were first

in Sunday School.

00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:31,611

But what about going

to Hell and all that?

00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,446

Dude, if God is

all-understanding,

he wouldn't send us to Hell.

00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:34,656

Even Sister Anne

told me that!

00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,282

Then why didn't

you tell us?

00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:38,368

My brain is of a much

larger size than you guys.

00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:39,619

I couldn't expect you

to understand.

00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,454

Not until you actually saw

the cash flow.

00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:43,498

The only thing of yours

that's larger in size

is your big fat ass!

00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:45,458

Suck my balls.

00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:46,876

Dude, I am so

disillusioned right now.

00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:48,920

Die, pussy!

00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:50,046

Ow!

00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,631

Aagh!

00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,675

Wagahgh!

00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,051

Aahh!

00:18:55,176 --> 00:18:57,512

Guys, guys, guys!

00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,639

Look, you both can

stop fighting now.

00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:00,974

I've made a decision.

00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:02,058

You have?

00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:03,810

Yes, I...

00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,520

Don't want to be with

either one of you.

00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:06,521

What?

- What?

00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,273

Saddam,

you're an asshole

00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:10,191

and you'll never be

the friend that I want.

00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,485

And Chris, well,

you're a pussy

00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:14,487

and you'll never be

the lover I want.

00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:19,742

So I'm just gonna be

alone for a while and

learn to like myself.

00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:21,995

Satan, can we go

for a walk in the park?

00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,997

No, I'm not going

on a walk.

00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,583

You're a pussy, Chris

and you drive me crazy,

go away.

00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:27,917

Fine.

00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:31,504

You can't leave me, Satan,

I won't let you!

00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:35,008

Today is another day

00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,468

and that's another dollar

the Lord needs from you-a!

00:19:37,594 --> 00:19:39,554

So come on up and

give to the Lord-a!

00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,723

Alright, kids,

it's time to go!

00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,516

It's time for

this to stop.

00:19:43,641 --> 00:19:46,102

Sister Anne is

a blasphemaaa!

00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:47,520

I know you won't

listen to me.

00:19:47,645 --> 00:19:49,814

That's why I brought

somebody else.

00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,026

Wow!

Oohh!

00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:54,027

Jesus!

00:19:54,152 --> 00:19:55,778

Uh-oh.

00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,238

Kids, you all need to stop

spending all your time here

00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,406

and go back to school.

00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,533

Jesus, ex-nay

on the ool-skay.

00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,660

God doesn't want you

to spend all your time

being afraid of Hell

00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,204

or praising his name.

00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:06,414

God wants you to spend

your time helping others

00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,374

and living a good,

happy life.

00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:10,627

That's how

you live for him.

00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,253

Yes, by doing that...

00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,339

And putting a dollar

in the box-a!

00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:16,591

Let's go ice skating!

00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,509

Yay!

Yay!

00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:20,511

We can help Timmy learn

how to ice skate, too.

00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:21,471

Yeah!

00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:23,932

No, come back!

00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,059

You face

everlasting damnation!

00:20:26,184 --> 00:20:28,228

Wait!

00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:30,897

No, no, I can't be

cheated out of my

ten million dollars again!

00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:32,190

God dammit!

00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:33,274

Serves you right,

Cartman!

00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:35,109

Yeah!

00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,986

But, Eric, I think this time

I have to teach you a lesson.

00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:39,530

I'm sending you somewhere

to think about your sins!

00:20:39,656 --> 00:20:41,074

You're gonna

send me to Hell?

00:20:41,199 --> 00:20:43,993

No, worse!

00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:47,330

Eric, Eric!

00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:48,790

Oh crap!

00:20:53,503 --> 00:20:54,712

♪ Da da da daa ♪

00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:55,630

Hi, Bob!

Hi, Rick!

00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:56,673

Hi, Satan.

00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:57,966

There you are!

00:20:58,091 --> 00:20:59,384

Ugh, not again.

00:20:59,509 --> 00:21:00,969

You know you can't

live without me!

00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:02,845

Now get that ass

back to bed!

00:21:02,971 --> 00:21:05,265

Saddam, I told you,

I don't need you anymore.

00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:06,474

You can't leave me, Satan.

00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:07,892

Nobody leaves me!

00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:09,394

Yes, I can!

00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:11,271

Agahgh!

00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:12,814

You little prick!

00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:14,607

Goodbye forever, Saddam!

00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:16,025

What are you

talking about?

00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:17,610

You can kill me,

but I'll be back tomorrow!

00:21:17,735 --> 00:21:19,529

Not this time!

00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:22,031

I asked a favor of

an old friend of mine

to let you in.

00:21:22,156 --> 00:21:24,033

Let me in where?

00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,329

What the-what the Hell

is this place?

00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:29,664

Hello and welcome!

00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:30,581

We're glad you

made it, brother!

00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:31,916

Who the hell are you?

00:21:32,041 --> 00:21:33,751

We're just about

to do a play

00:21:33,876 --> 00:21:36,087

about how much stealing

hurts you deep inside.

00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:37,463

Come join us!

Let's go!

00:21:37,588 --> 00:21:38,756

You're here forever!

00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:39,716

No!

00:21:39,841 --> 00:21:41,509

Noooooooooooo!