Зуб за зуб зубной феи 2000 — Друзья узнают, что зубная фея — выдумка, и собираются разбогатеть за счёт этого мифа. Но вскоре оказывается, что идея пришла в голову не только им.

Предыдущая серия S03 E17 Всемирный флейтовый концерт

Следующая серия S04 E02 Тупое преступление Картмана 2000

Зуб за зуб зубной феи 2000

Tooth Fairy's Tats 2000

Сезон: 04Серия: 01

Описание

Друзья узнают, что зубная фея — выдумка, и собираются разбогатеть за счёт этого мифа. Но вскоре оказывается, что идея пришла в голову не только им.

Субтитры

00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:09,927 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:11,846 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:11,971 --> 00:00:13,681 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,641 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:16,684 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:00:16,809 --> 00:00:18,686 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,354 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,273 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
00:00:22,398 --> 00:00:23,566 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,026 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:29,905 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:31,490 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:34,118 Mom, Mom!
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,203 Mom, seriously, something wonderful has happened!
00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:37,455 What is it, snookums?
00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:38,998 Mom, look. The Tooth Fairy.
00:00:39,123 --> 00:00:40,708 I put a tooth under my pillow, and she gave me $2.
00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,334 She's only given me a lousy quarter before.
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:44,045 Oh, my.
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:46,338 She must think that you are a very special little muffin.
00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:48,174 Yeah, this is so tits!
00:00:48,299 --> 00:00:49,508 Don't say tits, Eric.
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,594 Oh, I mean, this is so cool!
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,345 Well, perhaps now you should take that money
00:00:53,471 --> 00:00:54,597 and open up a savings account
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,390 that has compounded daily interest.
00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:59,060 You can compound daily my ass with interest, Mom.
00:00:59,185 --> 00:01:00,978 I'm going to the toy store and buy me a skateboard.
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:02,938 But, Eric, I think maybe the Tooth Fairy
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,441 wants you to use that money to learn about saving.
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:06,942 Mom, you don't know what the Tooth Fairy
00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:08,611 wants me to do with this money, okay?
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,279 You're not the Tooth Fairy. I'll see you later.
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,990 Oh, man, this is so tits!
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:14,825 You guys, you're not going to believe this!
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,160 Oh, my god, you guys, seriously!
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:17,661 Just wait until you hear this, you guys!
00:01:17,787 --> 00:01:18,788 I'm rich, I'm totally rich!
00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,164 Aren't you stoked?
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,415 What the hell's wrong with Cartman?
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:22,958 He's fat and he's stupid?
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:25,503 Look at what the Tooth Fairy left me last night.
00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:27,296 $2. - No way.
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,757 For one tooth? - For one tooth.
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:31,634 Dude, every time I lost a tooth, I only got a quarter.
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,052 I only got a jar of gefilte fish.
00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:34,470 Well, that doesn't matter,
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:37,556 because I have an idea that is totally tits.
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:39,016 Totally what?
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,351 Look, I don't know why the Tooth Fairy's
00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:41,727 being so cool to me.
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,104 Maybe she's hot for me. I don't know.
00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:44,396 But if we all chip in with teeth,
00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:45,940 then I can hide them under my pillow,
00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:47,983 and we can get enough money to buy a Sega Dreamcast.
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,110 Sega Dreamcast?
00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:50,444 All we need is teeth.
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:51,862 I already lost all my baby teeth.
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:53,781 Me too.
00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:55,241 Mm-mm.
00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:56,575 You still have baby teeth, Kenny?
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,035 No way! - Kenny, think about it.
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,204 Don't you want a Sega Dreamcast?
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:03,999 Alright, Kenny's in, you guys!
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,000 Tits!
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:08,921 Okay, the string is tied to Kenny's tooth.
00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:09,922 You ready over there?
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:10,965 Almost.
00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:12,716 You ready, Timmy? - Timmy!
00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:13,884 When I say go, you slam
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,302 your electric wheelchair into high gear.
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:16,929 Okay, Timmy? - Timmy!
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:18,931 Right, you're Timmy. - Timmy, labalayah!
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,101 I'll tell you why it has to be you, Kenny.
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,352 Because your family is poor
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,812 and therefore has bad oral hygiene,
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,814 so your teeth are going to fall out someday anyway.
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:28,899 If you think about it, you should actually be thanking us.
00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:30,401 "Oh, thank you guys."
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,027 You're welcome, Kenny. - Fuck you!
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,779 Alright, get ready, Timmy. - Timmy!
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,239 Hey guys, what are you doing?
00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:36,824 What does it look like we're doing, Butters?
00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:38,450 We need a tooth, so we're using
00:02:38,576 --> 00:02:40,077 Timmy's wheelchair to pull out one of Kenny's.
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:41,787 Oh, hey, I got a loose tooth right here.
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,122 - You what? - You what?
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:44,665 Timmy! - Yep.
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:45,833 One of mine came out not two hours ago.
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,543 Uh, Butters, could we have it?
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,503 Well, heck, no, you can't have it.
00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:51,255 Why, I'm going to stick it under my pillow
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,506 and get money from the Tooth Fairy.
00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:54,633 She gives me 50 cents a tooth.
00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,010 Well, I'll see you, fellas.
00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:57,303 Dude, maybe we don't have to rip a tooth
00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:58,971 out of Kenny's mouth.
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,389 Yeah, we just have to get Butters' tooth.
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,891 Whoo-hoo! - How we gonna get it from him?
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:03,475 I guess we'll have to sneak into his house
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:04,727 after he goes to sleep tonight.
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,854 Yeah, let's go. - Go, Timmy, go!
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:08,522 Yaaah, Timmy!
00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:10,566 No, Timmy, wait! - Timmy!
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:15,237 Oof!
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,325 You guys, I can see Kenny's little ping-a-ling.
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:20,326 Waaah!
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,922 Higher, you guys.
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:35,341 Jesus Christ, why did we pick the fat guy to lift up in there?
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:38,427 Ah! Careful, you assholes!
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,262 To the left, you guys, left.
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,556 No, camera left, camera left.
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,475 That's it. Now down.
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,559 What the? Who's there?
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:46,685 Who is that?
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:50,272 I am the Tooth Fairy, my child.
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,691 Oh, sorry, Miss Fairy, I didn't mean to gaze at you.
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,318 I'm back asleep now. See?
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:57,863 Yes, now I will leave you tidings under your pillow.
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,536 Oh, gosh, I didn't think you'd be so fat.
00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,330 Hey! - Come on, fat-ass.
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:09,041 Do not open your eyes until morning,
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:12,253 or else I will kick you in the nuts,
00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:14,046 square in the nuts.
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,714 Yes, ma'am.
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:16,715 Well?
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,509 Bull's-eye.
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:19,885 ♪ Tucky-tucky time ♪
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,221 ♪ It's the best time of the night ♪
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,139 I love that song, Mom. Sing it again.
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:26,100 No, honey, mommy's got to save her throat.
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:27,476 I have to work tonight.
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,437 Okay. Good night.
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:31,605 What do you have there, Eric?
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:32,898 Another tooth fell out today.
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,608 I'm leaving it for the Tooth Fairy.
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:37,403 Oh, my, the Tooth Fairy will have to give you a big surprise
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:39,154 for losing two teeth in two days.
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,197 I know, huh?
00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:42,491 You guys, oh, my God, you guys!
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,909 You're not going to believe it!
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,244 It's beyond rational thought, you guys!
00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:46,704 Holy crap, you guys!
00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:48,539 Did the tooth fairy come? - $4.
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:49,790 Oh, my God! - Wow!
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,083 Do you guys know what this means?
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,751 Yeah, we just got to keep finding teeth
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:53,794 and putting them under your pillow.
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,506 Dentist's office.
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,216 Oh, hello. Dr. Roberts?
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:00,592 It's Miss Cartman.
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,594 Oh, yes, Miss Cartman, what can I do for you?
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:03,804 Well, it's my son.
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,723 He's lost a lot of his baby teeth,
00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,599 and I was starting to get worried.
00:05:07,725 --> 00:05:10,394 Well, losing baby teeth is a natural thing, Miss Cartman.
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:11,687 How many has he lost?
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,731 About 112.
00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:16,483 112?
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,861 Yes. 15 of them in one night.
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,030 Perhaps he should switch toothpaste?
00:05:21,155 --> 00:05:24,533 Your son wouldn't happen to be an alligator, would he?
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,618 No? Hmm, I see.
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,287 Well, I'm afraid I can't help you right now.
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:30,956 The American Dental Association Convention is this week.
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,334 But as soon as I get back, I'll look into it.
00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:34,376 Oh, thank you.
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:35,544 Freebie next week!
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:36,795 What?
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:39,173 Ti--
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,632 Tooth?
00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:41,800 What the hell?
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,510 Mom! - Yes, Eric?
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,971 The stupid Tooth Fairy forgot to bring me money last night.
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,515 Call the police. - Oh, Eric, poopie, sit down.
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,017 Mommy has something to tell you.
00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:51,560 It's just that...
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:55,230 Well, there is no Tooth Fairy, Eric.
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:57,274 I've been putting all that money under your pillow.
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,109 And because you've had so many teeth fall out,
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,944 I've actually run out of money and can't go
00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:04,323 to the grocery store for at least a month.
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,493 You almost had me for a second there, Mom.
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:08,952 There's no tooth fairy.
00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:10,329 I suppose you're going to tell me
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:12,748 there's no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or Jesus either.
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,294 Mom?
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:18,754 I'm sorry, Eric.
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,589 All children find out sooner or later.
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,591 You--you're serious here.
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,592 There really is no Tooth Fairy?
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,094 No, honey, it's just--
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:26,804 How could--how could you lie to me, Mother?
00:06:26,929 --> 00:06:28,263 Lie right to my face.
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,682 Oh, Eric, it's just part of being a child.
00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:32,059 How can I trust you?
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,770 How can I trust anyone ever again, Mother?
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,855 I guess that to make it in this life,
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,483 I can only trust myself.
00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:41,610 Myself and Willikins Bear, of course.
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:42,945 Eric. Eric, wait.
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,822 No, Mother! No more lies!
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,412 Dude, where's the money? - There is no money.
00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:52,621 No more money?
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,123 What are you talking about, Cartman?
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,624 We're only $167 away from getting a Sega.
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,210 I know. - Cartman, what's going on?
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,712 You guys...
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:02,214 Oh, God, I don't even know how to tell you this.
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,299 Tell us what?
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,093 You guys, there's--there's no Tooth Fairy, you guys.
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:07,469 There, I said it.
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,138 What do you mean there's no Tooth Fairy?
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,014 My mom's been giving us the money all this time.
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:12,724 And your parents are the ones who left you money.
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:14,435 Dude. - That can't be.
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,894 My parents wouldn't lie to me.
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,354 But now my mom's given us so much money
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,440 that she's bankrupt, and we're poor like Kenny.
00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:20,858 Don't touch me, Kenny. - You're wrong!
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,526 If my dad says something is real,
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:23,527 then it's real.
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,279 Kyle, open your eyes, man.
00:07:25,404 --> 00:07:26,864 It's not true!
00:07:29,575 --> 00:07:30,742 Oh, hello, son.
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:32,202 Dad, there is so a Tooth Fairy, huh?
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:33,829 What? Oh.
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,414 Kyle, let's have a little talk.
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,374 Oh my god, you did lie to me!
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,501 No, Kyle, she's just make-believe,
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,044 like Peter Pan.
00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:42,254 Peter Pan too?
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,590 Kyle-- what about Moses and Abraham?
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:46,008 Well, they were probably real.
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,634 Probably? Is Atlantis real?
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:49,011 Probably not.
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,471 But, Kyle, adults make up those things
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:51,972 because they're fun for children.
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,307 Fun for children? Fun for children?
00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:54,975 Look at me, dad.
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,810 I don't even know what's real anymore, yaaahhh!
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,108 Man, I can't believe all our parents
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,068 lied to us about the Tooth Fairy.
00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:06,945 What about Dan Rather? Do you think he's real?
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,655 No, man. That's just a TV show.
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,365 You guys, you guys, I figured it out!
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,867 What, that your parents lied to you too?
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,035 Yeah, but it's okay.
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,286 We can still get our Sega Dreamcast.
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,662 How?
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:17,456 Look, the Tooth Fairy is all made up, right?
00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:19,249 All made up, not real. Nothing's real.
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,877 So all we have to do is go to a really rich kid's house,
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,587 put our tooth under his pillow,
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,547 wait for his parents to leave him a whole butt load of money,
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,965 and then sneak back in and take it.
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,008 Whoo-hoo!
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,176 The kid'll never even know.
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:30,719 Oh, dude, that is tits!
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,721 I mean, that is big fat Oprah tits right there!
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:33,847 Oh my God, what if I'm not real?
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,224 We can take the bus to the city.
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,600 There's super-rich people down there.
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:37,601 Yeah!
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:38,644 I mean, what if I'm just
00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:39,728 part of my parents' reality?
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,230 Come on, Kyle.
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,439 What if this is all just somebody's dream?
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,823 Wow, look at the size of these houses.
00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:53,867 Told you, dude, Cherry Creek is the richest part of Denver.
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,744 I'll bet these kids get at least ten bucks a tooth
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:56,828 from the "Tooth Fairy."
00:08:56,954 --> 00:08:58,163 Hey, that house looks perfect.
00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,706 There's obviously kids living there.
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,333 Here, you can tell this is the kid's window
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:02,668 'cause it's got Mega Man stickers on it.
00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:03,961 Cartman, once you're in the kid's room,
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:05,671 leave the tooth under the pillow, then come back out.
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:07,256 We'll wait for the parents to see it and leave money,
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:08,632 then swing you back in the house to grab it.
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,050 Got it.
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,635 This is the smartest business venture ever.
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,307 What the?
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,184 Hey, what the hell are you guys doing?
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,019 We're gonna sneak a tooth under this rich kid's pillow,
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:22,896 then come back and collect the Tooth Fairy money
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:25,357 that his parents leave him.
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,942 Hey, you can't do that. - Why not?
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,443 Because that's what we're doing.
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:29,695 Yeah, you ripped off our idea.
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,029 What the hell are you talking about?
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,864 We've been doing this for over two years.
00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:35,033 Two years? - Nice tooth fairy costume.
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,660 You think anybody'd believe you in that?
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,120 It's better than your dress.
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,746 You look like a bad Jennifer Lopez nightmare.
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,416 How dare you!
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,042 Look, this is our turf.
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,211 You better scram before the boss breaks your legs.
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,588 You scram. We were here first.
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:48,672 What's going on?
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,299 Oh, it's the Tooth Fairies.
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:51,592 Oh, nice going. Now you woke him up.
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:53,051 You woke him up.
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,595 I don't have any loose teeth, Miss Fairies,
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:55,929 but I have been a very good boy.
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,514 - Shut up! - Alright, that does it.
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:58,807 Come on, we're going to see the boss.
00:09:58,932 --> 00:09:59,933 Who's the boss?
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:00,684 Loogie.
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,354 My associates here tell me
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:05,731 you were working Cherry Creek tonight.
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,357 Is that true? - Uh, yeah.
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:08,984 Right on our turf, boss.
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,235 I ain't never seen that kind of disre--
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,903 We were there first!
00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:13,238 Kids have been doing the Tooth Fairy racket
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,781 in this town for years.
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,533 I do it just like my big brother before me
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:17,909 and my oldest brother before that.
00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:19,661 Damn it, and we thought we were so original.
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,455 Let me ask you something.
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,624 You were gonna sneak a tooth under this rich kid's pillow.
00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:25,792 Then what? - What do you mean?
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,252 How are the kid's parents gonna know
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,755 there was a tooth under their child's pillow?
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,340 Ha!
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,258 You guys don't even know how the tooth trade works.
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,718 What's a tooth trade?
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,345 Look, any schmuck can sneak through a window
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:37,554 wearing a pretty dress.
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,473 The tooth racket is much more involved.
00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:41,350 We keep careful track of what houses we've hit
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,684 so that we don't hit the same one twice
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,102 in less than two months.
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,562 Inside the house, we not only have to sneak
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:46,772 a tooth under the pillow,
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,815 but leave a note for Mom and Dad to see.
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,567 This is how we let the parents know
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,028 to leave money under the pillow.
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,946 Once the notes have been placed in the last house,
00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:57,366 we start all over, going back to the first house.
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,076 But this time, all we have to do
00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:00,827 is collect money.
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:02,913 And the kids never know what hit them.
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:04,289 Wow.
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,874 The hardest part is getting teeth.
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,334 We try various places:
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,794 cemeteries,
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:11,421 hockey games,
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,423 anywhere we can find them.
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:14,800 No!
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:16,176 The teeth we do manage to acquire
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,679 are then sorted according to size, color, and quality.
00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:20,097 But there's never enough teeth.
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:21,932 Never enough.
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,183 Amazing.
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:24,726 Man, that is tits!
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:27,020 And now my only problem is,
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:29,690 what do I do with you?
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,192 Tell you what, how would you like
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:33,902 to run the South Park tooth racket for me?
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,987 Oh. I don't know.
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:38,198 It's that, or else I can cut off your penises.
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:40,367 Hmm, work for you?
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:41,993 Have my penis cut off?
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:43,995 Work for you? Have my penis cut off?
00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,330 Let's see. - Cartman!
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,748 How much do we get if we work for you?
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,208 I'll cut you in at 2%.
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,085 2%?
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,336 Have my penis cut off? 2%--
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,337 We're in.
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:56,425 Fellow dentists, as you all know,
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,552 we are still having numerous reports of missing teeth
00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,137 from all over the country.
00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:03,223 There are also reports of missing Tooth Fairy money.
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:06,768 We believe that there can be only one logical reason
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,770 for all of this.
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:13,275 A giant half-chicken, half-squirrel
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,110 that steals either teeth or money
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,112 from children as they sleep in order to build
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:20,198 some kind of giant nest for its genetically superior
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:22,200 and potentially dangerous offspring.
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,703 We believe also that this creature would have at least
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,747 a mild understanding of algebra
00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:28,290 and that it--
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:33,211 Uh, excuse me, I think I have a more logical theory.
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:35,380 Well--well, by all means, Mr. Foley,
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:36,590 enlighten us.
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:37,883 I think what we've got here
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,177 is some kind of black market tooth racket,
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,262 something where one group is stealing the money and teeth
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,681 from another group for a profit.
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:51,813 Oh, Mr. Foley, you realize how ridiculous that sounds.
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:52,898 It's not ridiculous.
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:53,940 It's very possible.
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:55,233 I've seen it happen before.
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:56,985 Where? In Montreal.
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,324 And where, pray, is this
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:03,867 <i>Montreal?</i>
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,535 Look, I know how to handle this.
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,245 All we have to do is bring down the kingpin,
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,371 and the rest will fall.
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:09,956 You'll see.
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:11,708 I'll have it taken care of in a matter of weeks.
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,877 Very well, Mr. Foley,
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,505 you go on your wild goose chase.
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:19,591 And meanwhile, we'll deal with the real problems at hand.
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:22,344 I will.
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,429 Anyway...
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:25,931 The half-chicken, half-squirrel
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:28,391 would most likely be about 3 to 4 1/2 feet tall.
00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:30,519 His large beak is probably detachable,
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:31,686 and works as a flotation device.
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,407 Hello there, children.
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:45,659 Hey, Chef.
00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:46,910 We all want double desserts today.
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,495 Oh, well, I'm afraid
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,455 that the school charges extra for that.
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,415 Yeah, well, that ain't nothin' but a thang.
00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:53,750 Oh, my God.
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:56,044 There's got to be at least $15 here.
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,587 That's right. Keep the change, my man.
00:13:57,712 --> 00:14:00,340 Well, look at you cute little crackers,
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,676 with your money and your fancy clothes
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,094 and your cell phones.
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:05,720 It's almost like you are--
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,138 Oh my God!
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:09,182 Children, what have I told you about drugs?
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,184 That there's a time and a place for everything
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,185 and it's called college.
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,770 That's right.
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,272 And the only thing worse than doing drugs
00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:16,857 is dealing drugs.
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,441 I'm going to tell you about when I was your age
00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:20,318 and got offered drugs.
00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:24,364 Ooh, come on, now. - Hey, kid.
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:26,241 You want to try some dope? - What?
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,243 Come on, kid, don't you want to get high?
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,786 Hey, man, I don't need dope.
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,329 Let me sing you a little song.
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:33,456 ♪ I can't wait until I grow up ♪
00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:35,375 ♪ And my weenie gets big and strong ♪
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,168 ♪ 'cause when it does, I'm gonna bust ♪
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,379 ♪ And make love to you, Amanda, all night long ♪
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:42,507 ♪ I'm gonna make love to you, Amanda, in about ten years ♪
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,259 What the hell is he talking about?
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,011 ♪ And this toothpick is gonna turn into an oak tree ♪
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:47,262 Uh, Chef?
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,430 ♪ I'm gonna knock you down ♪
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,098 Chef. - ♪ And knock you all around ♪
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,141 Chef! - Huh?
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,309 We're not dealing drugs.
00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:53,852 You're not? - No.
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:55,979 Oh, well, children, whatever you're doing,
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,188 just remember this:
00:14:57,314 --> 00:14:59,524 having money may seem fun, but--
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,236 Oh, never mind.
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,487 - Thanks, Chef. - See ya.
00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:06,448 Damn, that little Amanda was fine.
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,491 I got to look her up.
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,327 Dude, having this much money is great.
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,745 Working for Loogie rules.
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:14,164 Yeah, but you know, why do we need Loogie?
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:15,749 We know how the trade works.
00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,876 Why don't we do it ourselves and keep all the profit?
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,920 We can't do that, dude; Loogie will kick our asses.
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,880 Oh, what the hell is that little Polack gonna do, huh?
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:25,342 Come on, you guys, I say we create our own mob crime family.
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:26,718 Dude, this book says there could be
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:29,012 infinite alternate realities to every reality.
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,013 Shut up, Kyle.
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,225 They're what? They're not gonna pay me?
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:35,477 Who the hell do they think they are?
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,145 I want those South Park kids dead.
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,521 I want their families dead.
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,106 I want their houses burned to the ground.
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,858 Oh, hi, there, mister.
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,902 My mommy and daddy are out front if you need them.
00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,362 Let's cut the crap, kid.
00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:46,780 My name is Tom Foley.
00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:49,658 I'm with the American Dental Association.
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,159 Sit down, Mr. Foley.
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,243 You want some spaghetti?
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,244 No, thanks.
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,246 I just brushed.
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,666 I just wanted to let you know that I'm on to you.
00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:58,959 I told the A.D.A. a thousand times.
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,043 I know nothing about teeth.
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,378 I'm just an eight-year-old boy
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,213 who likes climbing trees and playing in puddles.
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,173 I am going to find out who the boss is.
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,217 And when I do, I'm going to bust his ass
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:10,261 and everyone's ass who helped hide his ass.
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:17,435 So you've brought me 400 pounds of teeth from China?
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,479 That's right, yeah; it's all top-grade stuff too.
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:21,731 These Chinese kids are selling their teeth for peanuts, see?
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:23,149 How much?
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:24,359 Well, Tang Lee wants 30,
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,695 but I can cut you a deal for 28, yeah?
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:27,862 What do you say, huh?
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:29,114 Can I ask you a question, Weasel?
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:31,157 Well--well--well, sure, sure.
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:32,492 Do you think I'm an idiot?
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:33,868 Huh?
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,412 These are cat teeth, you son of a bitch!
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,372 You trying to sell me 400 pounds of cat teeth?
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,665 Get out of my sight!
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,125 Lousy little scum.
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:41,126 What?
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:42,460 This is your last chance, kid.
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,004 Either you give the boss his cut,
00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:45,714 or else we're gonna throw your pal into the river
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:46,840 wearing concrete galoshes.
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:48,258 I ain't giving you crap.
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,260 Kenny's not afraid of you.
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:51,720 Oh my god, this book says
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,221 that negative and positive are the same thing,
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,889 that real and not real are one.
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,182 He's not gonna do it?
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,308 He's not gonna do it?
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:58,393 He's not gonna do it, boss.
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,395 Well, then, throw him in.
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,814 All right, kid, time to die.
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,905 Oh, man, how deep is the Platte River?
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,323 To which Ms. Clinton replied,
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,159 "I don't even like vagina."
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:15,910 Finally tonight, a human interest story.
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,328 Dan Akawa is live.
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:18,872 Thanks, Tom.
00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:21,041 I'm here at the house of little Billy Circlovich.
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:23,376 Billy is in desperate need of a bone marrow transplant,
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:24,878 or he will most certainly die.
00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:27,964 Billy, how much more money do you need for the transplant?
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,466 $600--
00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:30,550 Louder, Billy, we can't hear you!
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,218 $600. - Wow, that's a lot of money.
00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:33,803 How the hell are you gonna get all that
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,055 in the short amount of time you have left?
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,973 I don't know.
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:39,017 Well, Billy, I also understand that you lost a tooth today.
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:40,602 Billy, we want you to put that tooth
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,062 under your pillow tonight,
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,980 because we have a feeling that the Tooth Fairy
00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:45,148 is going to leave you
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,358 $600 for it.
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:48,068 Really? - Really?
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:50,403 Yes, really, $600.
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:52,072 I might also mention that Billy lives
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:54,240 in Crestview Apartments just off Arapaho Road on Emporia Street.
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:55,950 Back to you, Tom.
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,535 How was that?
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,537 Perfect. The trap is set.
00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:01,247 Oh, come on, you really think anyone
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:02,999 will fall for something that stupid?
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:04,834 $600, you guys!
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,252 Come on, get your stuff together.
00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:07,712 This is gonna be tits!
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,005 Dude, this book says that I don't exist
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,715 unless I think I do, but what if I don't?
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,217 Will somebody take those books away from him?
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,722 Be sure to put your loose tooth
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:18,973 under your pillow, Billy.
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:19,974 Okay, Mom.
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,147 Thank you for helping, gentlemen.
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,524 If this sting operation works,
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,109 some bogus tooth fairy should be showing up
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:30,318 to take the sick kid's money.
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,653 When they touch the kid's pillow,
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,071 an alarm will sound.
00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:34,531 And that's when you hit the button, Murphy,
00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:35,782 and activate the lights.
00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:37,158 - Everybody got it? - Got it.
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,994 Duh, which button do I hit again, boss?
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,412 Just kidding.
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:42,956 You know how there's always the dumb guy
00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,207 in sting operations in the movies?
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:45,750 I was just--you know, I was just acting--
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:48,253 I just like--yeah--oh.
00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:49,712 Hurry up, you guys; we got to get
00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:51,714 that sick kid's Tooth Fairy money before Loogie does.
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,133 I can't deal with it, Stan.
00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:54,467 I mean, all this stuff I've been reading,
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:55,718 I really don't think I exist.
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:57,303 Dude, just stop thinking about it.
00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:59,055 But I can't, because what if thinking about it
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:01,099 is the only thing keeping my space-time together?
00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:02,350 Help! Hey, you guys, over here!
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,352 Sometimes I think I can see time slowing down
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,436 and my own existence fading.
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,398 Good night, Mom. Good night, Dad.
00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:11,985 Alright, everyone keep your eyes peeled.
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,153 I'm going to bed now, Mommy.
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:14,445 I put my tooth under the pillow.
00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:15,947 Do you really think the Tooth Fairy
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:17,365 will give me money for the transplant?
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,950 I think so, Billy. I think so.
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:20,577 I can't wait to feel healthy and strong again.
00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,412 Yeah, well, you're gonna have to wait
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,497 a little bit longer, Billy, 'cause that 600 bucks is mine.
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:26,291 Light is a wave unless it's observed.
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:29,377 That means all matter is just a wave.
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:30,670 Nothing's real.
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:34,465 Reality and--oh, God, it's happening!
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:35,967 Kyle?
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,845 Hey, something strange is happening with the computers.
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,848 Well, well, well, what do we have here?
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:43,766 Oh, shit.
00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:46,060 Did you bastards really think you could hide from me forever?
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:49,022 Klosky, put this butt wipe out of his misery.
00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:50,732 I got it. The Tooth Fairy!
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,735 Let's move out!
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:54,736 Well, crap.
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:55,778 Give it up, kids.
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,030 You're surrounded by dentists.
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,615 It was a trap. - That's right.
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,783 And now it's all exposed. You're through.
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:01,951 The only thing left to do
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,703 is haul all you kids down to prison.
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,121 This is reality.
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:08,124 I am everywhere and nowhere.
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,209 What the hell?
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:10,210 Kyle?
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:11,586 I am nothing
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,671 and everything.
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,227 Aha! I told you.
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,023 Let's get out of here!
00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:40,490 Huh. That was pretty weird.
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,116 Jesus!
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,451 The little sick kid was a setup all along.
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,536 How could I be so stupid? - What?
00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:47,247 I can't believe I fell for such an obvious trap.
00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:48,623 What the hell's wrong with me?
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,417 Well, don't take it too hard, dude.
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:52,752 That's what grown-ups do; they lie.
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,629 Lie right to your face.
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,089 Oh, well, maybe it's good my empire has fallen.
00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:57,090 Really? - Yeah.
00:20:57,215 --> 00:20:58,466 I kind of wanted to play on
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,176 the flag football team this year, anyways.
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:02,053 So you're not going to hurt us or nothing?
00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:04,222 No, in a way, I'm just glad the whole thing's over with.
00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:06,266 Yeah, but you know, I've learned something today.
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:07,976 You see, the basis of all reasoning
00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:09,227 is the mind's awareness of itself.
00:21:09,352 --> 00:21:10,395 What we think,
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,063 the external objects we perceive,
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:14,399 are all like actors that come on and offstage.
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,484 But our consciousness, the stage itself,
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,194 is always present to us.
00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:21,614 Tits.
00:21:55,606 --> 00:21:56,232 Timmy!

00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:09,927 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:11,846 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:11,971 --> 00:00:13,681 Both: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,641 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:16,684 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:00:16,809 --> 00:00:18,686 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,354 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,273 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
00:00:22,398 --> 00:00:23,566 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:25,026 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:25,151 --> 00:00:28,612 ♪ [muffled] ♪
00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:29,905 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:31,490 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:34,118 Mom, Mom!
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,203 Mom, seriously, something wonderful has happened!
00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:37,455 What is it, snookums?
00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:38,998 Mom, look. The Tooth Fairy.
00:00:39,123 --> 00:00:40,708 I put a tooth under my pillow, and she gave me $2.
00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,334 She's only given me a lousy quarter before.
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:44,045 Oh, my.
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:46,338 She must think that you are a very special little muffin.
00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:48,174 Yeah, this is so tits!
00:00:48,299 --> 00:00:49,508 Don't say tits, Eric.
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,594 Oh, I mean, this is so cool!
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,345 Well, perhaps now you should take that money
00:00:53,471 --> 00:00:54,597 and open up a savings account
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,390 that has compounded daily interest.
00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:59,060 You can compound daily my ass with interest, Mom.
00:00:59,185 --> 00:01:00,978 I'm going to the toy store and buy me a skateboard.
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:02,938 But, Eric, I think maybe the Tooth Fairy
00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,441 wants you to use that money to learn about saving.
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:06,942 Mom, you don't know what the Tooth Fairy
00:01:07,068 --> 00:01:08,611 wants me to do with this money, okay?
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,279 You're not the Tooth Fairy. I'll see you later.
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,990 Oh, man, this is so tits!
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:14,825 You guys, you're not going to believe this!
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,160 Oh, my god, you guys, seriously!
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:17,661 Just wait until you hear this, you guys!
00:01:17,787 --> 00:01:18,788 I'm rich, I'm totally rich!
00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,164 Aren't you stoked?
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,415 What the hell's wrong with Cartman?
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:22,958 He's fat and he's stupid?
00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:25,503 Look at what the Tooth Fairy left me last night.
00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:27,296 $2. - No way.
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,757 For one tooth? - For one tooth.
00:01:29,882 --> 00:01:31,634 Dude, every time I lost a tooth, I only got a quarter.
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,052 I only got a jar of gefilte fish.
00:01:33,177 --> 00:01:34,470 Well, that doesn't matter,
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:37,556 because I have an idea that is totally tits.
00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:39,016 Totally what?
00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:40,351 Look, I don't know why the Tooth Fairy's
00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:41,727 being so cool to me.
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,104 Maybe she's hot for me. I don't know.
00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:44,396 But if we all chip in with teeth,
00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:45,940 then I can hide them under my pillow,
00:01:46,065 --> 00:01:47,983 and we can get enough money to buy a Sega Dreamcast.
00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,110 Together: Sega Dreamcast?
00:01:49,235 --> 00:01:50,444 All we need is teeth.
00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:51,862 I already lost all my baby teeth.
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:53,781 Me too.
00:01:53,906 --> 00:01:55,241 Mm-mm.
00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:56,575 You still have baby teeth, Kenny?
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,035 No way! - Kenny, think about it.
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:00,204 Don't you want a Sega Dreamcast?
00:02:00,329 --> 00:02:02,623 [mumbling angrily]
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:03,999 Alright, Kenny's in, you guys!
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,000 Tits!
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,294 [bell ringing]
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:08,921 Okay, the string is tied to Kenny's tooth.
00:02:09,046 --> 00:02:09,922 You ready over there?
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:10,965 Almost.
00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:12,716 You ready, Timmy? - Timmy!
00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:13,884 When I say go, you slam
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,302 your electric wheelchair into high gear.
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:16,929 Okay, Timmy? - Timmy!
00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:18,931 Right, you're Timmy. - Timmy, labalayah!
00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,599 [muffled]
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,101 I'll tell you why it has to be you, Kenny.
00:02:22,226 --> 00:02:23,352 Because your family is poor
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:24,812 and therefore has bad oral hygiene,
00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,814 so your teeth are going to fall out someday anyway.
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:28,899 If you think about it, you should actually be thanking us.
00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:30,401 "Oh, thank you guys."
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,027 You're welcome, Kenny. - [muffled] Fuck you!
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,779 Alright, get ready, Timmy. - Timmy!
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,239 Hey guys, what are you doing?
00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:36,824 What does it look like we're doing, Butters?
00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:38,450 We need a tooth, so we're using
00:02:38,576 --> 00:02:40,077 Timmy's wheelchair to pull out one of Kenny's.
00:02:40,202 --> 00:02:41,787 Oh, hey, I got a loose tooth right here.
00:02:41,912 --> 00:02:43,122 Together: You what? - [muffled] You what?
00:02:43,247 --> 00:02:44,665 Timmy! - Yep.
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:45,833 One of mine came out not two hours ago.
00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,543 Uh, Butters, could we have it?
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,503 Well, heck, no, you can't have it.
00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:51,255 Why, I'm going to stick it under my pillow
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,506 and get money from the Tooth Fairy.
00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:54,633 She gives me 50 cents a tooth.
00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,010 Well, I'll see you, fellas.
00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:57,303 Dude, maybe we don't have to rip a tooth
00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:58,971 out of Kenny's mouth.
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,389 Yeah, we just have to get Butters' tooth.
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,891 Whoo-hoo! - How we gonna get it from him?
00:03:02,016 --> 00:03:03,475 I guess we'll have to sneak into his house
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:04,727 after he goes to sleep tonight.
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,854 Yeah, let's go. - Go, Timmy, go!
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:08,522 Yaaah, Timmy!
00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:10,566 No, Timmy, wait! - [yelling] Timmy!
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,902 [muffled]
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:15,237 Oof!
00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,072 [laughs]
00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:19,325 You guys, I can see Kenny's little ping-a-ling.
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:20,326 Waaah!
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:32,922 Higher, you guys.
00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:35,341 Jesus Christ, why did we pick the fat guy to lift up in there?
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:38,427 Ah! Careful, you assholes!
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,262 To the left, you guys, left.
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:42,556 No, camera left, camera left.
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,475 That's it. Now down.
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,559 What the? Who's there?
00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:46,685 Who is that?
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:50,272 I am the Tooth Fairy, my child.
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,691 Oh, sorry, Miss Fairy, I didn't mean to gaze at you.
00:03:52,816 --> 00:03:54,318 I'm back asleep now. See?
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:57,863 Yes, now I will leave you tidings under your pillow.
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,536 Oh, gosh, I didn't think you'd be so fat.
00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:06,330 Hey! - Come on, fat-ass.
00:04:06,455 --> 00:04:09,041 Do not open your eyes until morning,
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:12,253 or else I will kick you in the nuts,
00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:14,046 square in the nuts.
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,714 Yes, ma'am.
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:16,715 Well?
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:18,509 Bull's-eye.
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:19,885 ♪ Tucky-tucky time ♪
00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,221 ♪ It's the best time of the night ♪
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:24,139 I love that song, Mom. Sing it again.
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:26,100 No, honey, mommy's got to save her throat.
00:04:26,225 --> 00:04:27,476 I have to work tonight.
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,437 Okay. Good night.
00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:31,605 What do you have there, Eric?
00:04:31,730 --> 00:04:32,898 Another tooth fell out today.
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,608 I'm leaving it for the Tooth Fairy.
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:37,403 Oh, my, the Tooth Fairy will have to give you a big surprise
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:39,154 for losing two teeth in two days.
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,197 I know, huh?
00:04:41,657 --> 00:04:42,491 You guys, oh, my God, you guys!
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,909 You're not going to believe it!
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,244 It's beyond rational thought, you guys!
00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:46,704 Holy crap, you guys!
00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:48,539 Did the tooth fairy come? - $4.
00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:49,790 Oh, my God! - Wow!
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,083 Do you guys know what this means?
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,751 Yeah, we just got to keep finding teeth
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:53,794 and putting them under your pillow.
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,506 [phone rings] Dentist's office.
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,216 Oh, hello. Dr. Roberts?
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:00,592 It's Miss Cartman.
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,594 Oh, yes, Miss Cartman, what can I do for you?
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:03,804 Well, it's my son.
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,723 He's lost a lot of his baby teeth,
00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,599 and I was starting to get worried.
00:05:07,725 --> 00:05:10,394 Well, losing baby teeth is a natural thing, Miss Cartman.
00:05:10,519 --> 00:05:11,687 How many has he lost?
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,731 About 112.
00:05:15,107 --> 00:05:16,483 112?
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,861 Yes. 15 of them in one night.
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,030 Perhaps he should switch toothpaste?
00:05:21,155 --> 00:05:24,533 Your son wouldn't happen to be an alligator, would he?
00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:26,618 No? Hmm, I see.
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,287 Well, I'm afraid I can't help you right now.
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:30,956 The American Dental Association Convention is this week.
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:33,334 But as soon as I get back, I'll look into it.
00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:34,376 Oh, thank you.
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:35,544 Freebie next week!
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:36,795 What?
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:39,173 Ti--
00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,632 Tooth?
00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:41,800 What the hell?
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,510 Mom! - Yes, Eric?
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,971 The stupid Tooth Fairy forgot to bring me money last night.
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,515 Call the police. - Oh, Eric, poopie, sit down.
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,017 Mommy has something to tell you.
00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:51,560 It's just that...
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:55,230 Well, there is no Tooth Fairy, Eric.
00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:57,274 I've been putting all that money under your pillow.
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,109 And because you've had so many teeth fall out,
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,944 I've actually run out of money and can't go
00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:04,323 to the grocery store for at least a month.
00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:05,699 [laughs]
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,493 You almost had me for a second there, Mom.
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:08,952 There's no tooth fairy.
00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:10,329 I suppose you're going to tell me
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:12,748 there's no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or Jesus either.
00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,294 Mom?
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:18,754 I'm sorry, Eric.
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,589 All children find out sooner or later.
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,591 You--you're serious here.
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,592 There really is no Tooth Fairy?
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,094 No, honey, it's just--
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:26,804 How could--how could you lie to me, Mother?
00:06:26,929 --> 00:06:28,263 Lie right to my face.
00:06:28,389 --> 00:06:30,682 Oh, Eric, it's just part of being a child.
00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:32,059 How can I trust you?
00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:34,770 How can I trust anyone ever again, Mother?
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,855 I guess that to make it in this life,
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,483 I can only trust myself.
00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:41,610 Myself and Willikins Bear, of course.
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:42,945 Eric. Eric, wait.
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:44,822 No, Mother! No more lies!
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,412 Dude, where's the money? - There is no money.
00:06:51,537 --> 00:06:52,621 No more money?
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,123 What are you talking about, Cartman?
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,624 We're only $167 away from getting a Sega.
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,210 I know. - Cartman, what's going on?
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,712 You guys...
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:02,214 Oh, God, I don't even know how to tell you this.
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,299 Tell us what?
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,093 You guys, there's--there's no Tooth Fairy, you guys.
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:07,469 There, I said it.
00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:09,138 What do you mean there's no Tooth Fairy?
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:11,014 My mom's been giving us the money all this time.
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:12,724 And your parents are the ones who left you money.
00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:14,435 Dude. - That can't be.
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,894 My parents wouldn't lie to me.
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:17,354 But now my mom's given us so much money
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:19,440 that she's bankrupt, and we're poor like Kenny.
00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:20,858 Don't touch me, Kenny. - You're wrong!
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,526 If my dad says something is real,
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:23,527 then it's real.
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,279 Kyle, open your eyes, man.
00:07:25,404 --> 00:07:26,864 It's not true!
00:07:29,575 --> 00:07:30,742 Oh, hello, son.
00:07:30,868 --> 00:07:32,202 Dad, there is so a Tooth Fairy, huh?
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:33,829 What? Oh.
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,414 Kyle, let's have a little talk.
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,374 Oh my god, you did lie to me!
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,501 No, Kyle, she's just make-believe,
00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,044 like Peter Pan.
00:07:41,170 --> 00:07:42,254 Peter Pan too?
00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:44,590 Kyle-- what about Moses and Abraham?
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:46,008 Well, they were probably real.
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,634 Probably? Is Atlantis real?
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:49,011 Probably not. [screams]
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:50,471 But, Kyle, adults make up those things
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:51,972 because they're fun for children.
00:07:52,097 --> 00:07:53,307 Fun for children? Fun for children?
00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:54,975 Look at me, dad.
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,810 I don't even know what's real anymore, yaaahhh!
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,108 Man, I can't believe all our parents
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:05,068 lied to us about the Tooth Fairy.
00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:06,945 What about Dan Rather? Do you think he's real?
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:08,655 No, man. That's just a TV show.
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,365 You guys, you guys, I figured it out!
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:11,867 What, that your parents lied to you too?
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,035 Yeah, but it's okay.
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:14,286 We can still get our Sega Dreamcast.
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,662 How?
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:17,456 Look, the Tooth Fairy is all made up, right?
00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:19,249 All made up, not real. Nothing's real.
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,877 So all we have to do is go to a really rich kid's house,
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,587 put our tooth under his pillow,
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,547 wait for his parents to leave him a whole butt load of money,
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:26,965 and then sneak back in and take it.
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,008 Whoo-hoo!
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,176 The kid'll never even know.
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:30,719 Oh, dude, that is tits!
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,721 I mean, that is big fat Oprah tits right there!
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:33,847 Oh my God, what if I'm not real?
00:08:33,972 --> 00:08:35,224 We can take the bus to the city.
00:08:35,349 --> 00:08:36,600 There's super-rich people down there.
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:37,601 Yeah!
00:08:37,726 --> 00:08:38,644 I mean, what if I'm just
00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:39,728 part of my parents' reality?
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,230 Come on, Kyle.
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:42,439 What if this is all just somebody's dream?
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,823 Wow, look at the size of these houses.
00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:53,867 Told you, dude, Cherry Creek is the richest part of Denver.
00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,744 I'll bet these kids get at least ten bucks a tooth
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:56,828 from the "Tooth Fairy."
00:08:56,954 --> 00:08:58,163 Hey, that house looks perfect.
00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,706 There's obviously kids living there.
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,333 Here, you can tell this is the kid's window
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:02,668 'cause it's got Mega Man stickers on it.
00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:03,961 Cartman, once you're in the kid's room,
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:05,671 leave the tooth under the pillow, then come back out.
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:07,256 We'll wait for the parents to see it and leave money,
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:08,632 then swing you back in the house to grab it.
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,050 Got it.
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,635 This is the smartest business venture ever.
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,307 What the?
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:19,184 Hey, what the hell are you guys doing?
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,019 We're gonna sneak a tooth under this rich kid's pillow,
00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:22,896 then come back and collect the Tooth Fairy money
00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:25,357 that his parents leave him.
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:26,942 Hey, you can't do that. - Why not?
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,443 Because that's what we're doing.
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:29,695 Yeah, you ripped off our idea.
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,029 What the hell are you talking about?
00:09:31,154 --> 00:09:32,864 We've been doing this for over two years.
00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:35,033 Two years? - Nice tooth fairy costume.
00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:36,660 You think anybody'd believe you in that?
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,120 It's better than your dress.
00:09:38,245 --> 00:09:39,746 You look like a bad Jennifer Lopez nightmare.
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,416 How dare you!
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,042 Look, this is our turf.
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,211 You better scram before the boss breaks your legs.
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:47,588 You scram. We were here first.
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:48,672 What's going on?
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,299 Oh, it's the Tooth Fairies.
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:51,592 Oh, nice going. Now you woke him up.
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:53,051 You woke him up.
00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,595 I don't have any loose teeth, Miss Fairies,
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:55,929 but I have been a very good boy.
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,514 All: Shut up! - Alright, that does it.
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:58,807 Come on, we're going to see the boss.
00:09:58,932 --> 00:09:59,933 Who's the boss?
00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:00,684 Loogie.
00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:04,354 My associates here tell me
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:05,731 you were working Cherry Creek tonight.
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,357 Is that true? - Uh, yeah.
00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:08,984 Right on our turf, boss.
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,235 I ain't never seen that kind of disre--
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,903 We were there first!
00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:13,238 Kids have been doing the Tooth Fairy racket
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:14,781 in this town for years.
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,533 I do it just like my big brother before me
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:17,909 and my oldest brother before that.
00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:19,661 Damn it, and we thought we were so original.
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,455 Let me ask you something.
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,624 You were gonna sneak a tooth under this rich kid's pillow.
00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:25,792 Then what? - What do you mean?
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,252 How are the kid's parents gonna know
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,755 there was a tooth under their child's pillow?
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,340 Ha!
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,258 You guys don't even know how the tooth trade works.
00:10:33,383 --> 00:10:34,718 What's a tooth trade?
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,345 Look, any schmuck can sneak through a window
00:10:36,470 --> 00:10:37,554 wearing a pretty dress.
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,473 The tooth racket is much more involved.
00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:41,350 We keep careful track of what houses we've hit
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:42,684 so that we don't hit the same one twice
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,102 in less than two months.
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,562 Inside the house, we not only have to sneak
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:46,772 a tooth under the pillow,
00:10:46,897 --> 00:10:48,815 but leave a note for Mom and Dad to see.
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,567 This is how we let the parents know
00:10:50,692 --> 00:10:53,028 to leave money under the pillow.
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,946 Once the notes have been placed in the last house,
00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:57,366 we start all over, going back to the first house.
00:10:57,491 --> 00:10:59,076 But this time, all we have to do
00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:00,827 is collect money.
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:02,913 And the kids never know what hit them.
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:04,289 Together: Wow.
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:05,874 The hardest part is getting teeth.
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,334 We try various places:
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,794 cemeteries,
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:11,421 hockey games,
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,423 anywhere we can find them.
00:11:13,548 --> 00:11:14,800 No!
00:11:14,925 --> 00:11:16,176 The teeth we do manage to acquire
00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:18,679 are then sorted according to size, color, and quality.
00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:20,097 But there's never enough teeth.
00:11:20,222 --> 00:11:21,932 Never enough.
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,183 Amazing.
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:24,726 Man, that is tits!
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:27,020 And now my only problem is,
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:29,690 what do I do with you?
00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:30,816 [growls]
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,192 Tell you what, how would you like
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:33,902 to run the South Park tooth racket for me?
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,987 Oh. I don't know.
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:38,198 It's that, or else I can cut off your penises.
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:40,367 Hmm, work for you?
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:41,993 Have my penis cut off?
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:43,995 Work for you? Have my penis cut off?
00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,330 Let's see. - Cartman!
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,748 How much do we get if we work for you?
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,208 I'll cut you in at 2%.
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,085 2%?
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,336 Have my penis cut off? 2%--
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:52,337 We're in.
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:56,425 Fellow dentists, as you all know,
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,552 we are still having numerous reports of missing teeth
00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,137 from all over the country.
00:12:00,262 --> 00:12:03,223 There are also reports of missing Tooth Fairy money.
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:06,768 We believe that there can be only one logical reason
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:08,770 for all of this.
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:13,275 A giant half-chicken, half-squirrel
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,110 that steals either teeth or money
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,112 from children as they sleep in order to build
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:20,198 some kind of giant nest for its genetically superior
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:22,200 and potentially dangerous offspring.
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,703 We believe also that this creature would have at least
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,747 a mild understanding of algebra
00:12:26,872 --> 00:12:28,290 and that it--
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:33,211 Uh, excuse me, I think I have a more logical theory.
00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:35,380 Well--well, by all means, Mr. Foley,
00:12:35,505 --> 00:12:36,590 enlighten us.
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:37,883 I think what we've got here
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,177 is some kind of black market tooth racket,
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,262 something where one group is stealing the money and teeth
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,681 from another group for a profit.
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:48,560 [all laughing]
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:51,813 Oh, Mr. Foley, you realize how ridiculous that sounds.
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:52,898 It's not ridiculous.
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:53,940 It's very possible.
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:55,233 I've seen it happen before.
00:12:55,358 --> 00:12:56,985 Where? In Montreal.
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,988 [all laughing]
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,324 And where, pray, is this
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:03,867 <i>Montreal?</i>
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,535 Look, I know how to handle this.
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,245 All we have to do is bring down the kingpin,
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:08,371 and the rest will fall.
00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:09,956 You'll see.
00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:11,708 I'll have it taken care of in a matter of weeks.
00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,877 Very well, Mr. Foley,
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,505 you go on your wild goose chase.
00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:19,591 And meanwhile, we'll deal with the real problems at hand.
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:22,344 I will.
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:23,178 [chuckles]
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,429 Anyway...
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:25,931 The half-chicken, half-squirrel
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:28,391 would most likely be about 3 to 4 1/2 feet tall.
00:13:28,517 --> 00:13:30,519 His large beak is probably detachable,
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:31,686 and works as a flotation device.
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:35,357 [school bell rings]
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,613 [funky music]
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:42,989 ♪♪
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,407 Hello there, children.
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:45,659 Together: Hey, Chef.
00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:46,910 We all want double desserts today.
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,495 Oh, well, I'm afraid
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,455 that the school charges extra for that.
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,415 Yeah, well, that ain't nothin' but a thang.
00:13:52,541 --> 00:13:53,750 Oh, my God.
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:56,044 There's got to be at least $15 here.
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,587 That's right. Keep the change, my man.
00:13:57,712 --> 00:14:00,340 Well, look at you cute little crackers,
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:02,676 with your money and your fancy clothes
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,094 and your cell phones.
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:05,720 It's almost like you are--
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,138 Oh my God!
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:09,182 Children, what have I told you about drugs?
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,184 Together: That there's a time and a place for everything
00:14:11,309 --> 00:14:12,185 and it's called college.
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,770 That's right.
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,272 And the only thing worse than doing drugs
00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:16,857 is dealing drugs.
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,441 I'm going to tell you about when I was your age
00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:20,318 and got offered drugs.
00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:24,364 Ooh, come on, now. - Hey, kid.
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:26,241 You want to try some dope? - What?
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,243 Come on, kid, don't you want to get high?
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,786 Hey, man, I don't need dope.
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,329 Let me sing you a little song.
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:33,456 ♪ I can't wait until I grow up ♪
00:14:33,582 --> 00:14:35,375 ♪ And my weenie gets big and strong ♪
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,168 ♪ 'cause when it does, I'm gonna bust ♪
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:39,379 ♪ And make love to you, Amanda, all night long ♪
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:42,507 ♪ I'm gonna make love to you, Amanda, in about ten years ♪
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:44,259 What the hell is he talking about?
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,011 ♪ And this toothpick is gonna turn into an oak tree ♪
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:47,262 Uh, Chef?
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,430 ♪ I'm gonna knock you down ♪
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,098 Chef. - ♪ And knock you all around ♪
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,141 Chef! - Huh?
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:52,309 We're not dealing drugs.
00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:53,852 You're not? - No.
00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:55,979 Oh, well, children, whatever you're doing,
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,188 just remember this:
00:14:57,314 --> 00:14:59,524 having money may seem fun, but--
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,236 Oh, never mind.
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,487 Together: Thanks, Chef. - See ya.
00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:06,448 Damn, that little Amanda was fine.
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,491 I got to look her up.
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,327 Dude, having this much money is great.
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,745 Working for Loogie rules.
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:14,164 Yeah, but you know, why do we need Loogie?
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:15,749 We know how the trade works.
00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:17,876 Why don't we do it ourselves and keep all the profit?
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:19,920 We can't do that, dude; Loogie will kick our asses.
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,880 Oh, what the hell is that little Polack gonna do, huh?
00:15:22,005 --> 00:15:25,342 Come on, you guys, I say we create our own mob crime family.
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:26,718 Dude, this book says there could be
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:29,012 infinite alternate realities to every reality.
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,013 Shut up, Kyle.
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,225 [nasally voice] They're what? They're not gonna pay me?
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:35,477 Who the hell do they think they are?
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,145 I want those South Park kids dead.
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,521 I want their families dead.
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,106 I want their houses burned to the ground.
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,858 [high-pitched voice] Oh, hi, there, mister.
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,902 My mommy and daddy are out front if you need them.
00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,362 Let's cut the crap, kid.
00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:46,780 My name is Tom Foley.
00:15:46,905 --> 00:15:49,658 I'm with the American Dental Association.
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,159 [nasally voice] Sit down, Mr. Foley.
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,243 You want some spaghetti?
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,244 No, thanks.
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,246 I just brushed.
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,666 I just wanted to let you know that I'm on to you.
00:15:57,791 --> 00:15:58,959 I told the A.D.A. a thousand times.
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,043 I know nothing about teeth.
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,378 I'm just an eight-year-old boy
00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,213 who likes climbing trees and playing in puddles.
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,173 I am going to find out who the boss is.
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,217 And when I do, I'm going to bust his ass
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:10,261 and everyone's ass who helped hide his ass.
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:17,435 So you've brought me 400 pounds of teeth from China?
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,479 That's right, yeah; it's all top-grade stuff too.
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:21,731 These Chinese kids are selling their teeth for peanuts, see?
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:23,149 How much?
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:24,359 Well, Tang Lee wants 30,
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,695 but I can cut you a deal for 28, yeah?
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:27,862 What do you say, huh?
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:29,114 Can I ask you a question, Weasel?
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:31,157 Well--well--well, sure, sure.
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:32,492 Do you think I'm an idiot?
00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:33,868 Huh?
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,412 These are cat teeth, you son of a bitch!
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,372 You trying to sell me 400 pounds of cat teeth?
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,665 Get out of my sight! [yells]
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,125 Lousy little scum.
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:41,126 [phone rings] What?
00:16:41,251 --> 00:16:42,460 This is your last chance, kid.
00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,004 Either you give the boss his cut,
00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:45,714 or else we're gonna throw your pal into the river
00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:46,840 wearing concrete galoshes.
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:48,258 I ain't giving you crap.
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,260 Kenny's not afraid of you.
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:51,720 Oh my god, this book says
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,221 that negative and positive are the same thing,
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,889 that real and not real are one.
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,182 He's not gonna do it?
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,308 [muffled] He's not gonna do it?
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:58,393 He's not gonna do it, boss.
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,395 Well, then, throw him in.
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,814 All right, kid, time to die.
00:17:02,939 --> 00:17:04,733 [muffled]
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,905 Oh, man, how deep is the Platte River?
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,323 To which Ms. Clinton replied,
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,159 "I don't even like vagina."
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:15,910 Finally tonight, a human interest story.
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,328 Dan Akawa is live.
00:17:17,454 --> 00:17:18,872 Thanks, Tom.
00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:21,041 I'm here at the house of little Billy Circlovich.
00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:23,376 Billy is in desperate need of a bone marrow transplant,
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:24,878 or he will most certainly die.
00:17:25,003 --> 00:17:27,964 Billy, how much more money do you need for the transplant?
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:29,466 [quietly] $600--
00:17:29,591 --> 00:17:30,550 Louder, Billy, we can't hear you!
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:32,218 $600. - Wow, that's a lot of money.
00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:33,803 How the hell are you gonna get all that
00:17:33,928 --> 00:17:35,055 in the short amount of time you have left?
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,973 I don't know.
00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:39,017 Well, Billy, I also understand that you lost a tooth today.
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:40,602 Billy, we want you to put that tooth
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,062 under your pillow tonight,
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,980 because we have a feeling that the Tooth Fairy
00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:45,148 is going to leave you
00:17:45,273 --> 00:17:47,358 $600 for it.
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:48,068 Really? - Really?
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:50,403 Yes, really, $600.
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:52,072 I might also mention that Billy lives
00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:54,240 in Crestview Apartments just off Arapaho Road on Emporia Street.
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:55,950 Back to you, Tom.
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,535 How was that?
00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,537 Perfect. The trap is set.
00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:01,247 Oh, come on, you really think anyone
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:02,999 will fall for something that stupid?
00:18:03,124 --> 00:18:04,834 $600, you guys!
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:06,252 Come on, get your stuff together.
00:18:06,377 --> 00:18:07,712 This is gonna be tits!
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,005 Dude, this book says that I don't exist
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,715 unless I think I do, but what if I don't?
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,217 Will somebody take those books away from him?
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,722 Be sure to put your loose tooth
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:18,973 under your pillow, Billy.
00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:19,974 Okay, Mom.
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,852 [periscope whirrs]
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,147 Thank you for helping, gentlemen.
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,524 If this sting operation works,
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,109 some bogus tooth fairy should be showing up
00:18:29,234 --> 00:18:30,318 to take the sick kid's money.
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,653 When they touch the kid's pillow,
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,071 an alarm will sound.
00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:34,531 And that's when you hit the button, Murphy,
00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:35,782 and activate the lights.
00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:37,158 Everybody got it? - Together: Got it.
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,994 Duh, which button do I hit again, boss?
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,412 [chuckles] Just kidding.
00:18:41,538 --> 00:18:42,956 You know how there's always the dumb guy
00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,207 in sting operations in the movies?
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:45,750 I was just--you know, I was just acting--
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:48,253 I just like--yeah--oh.
00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:49,712 Hurry up, you guys; we got to get
00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:51,714 that sick kid's Tooth Fairy money before Loogie does.
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,133 I can't deal with it, Stan.
00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:54,467 I mean, all this stuff I've been reading,
00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:55,718 I really don't think I exist.
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:57,303 Dude, just stop thinking about it.
00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:59,055 But I can't, because what if thinking about it
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:01,099 is the only thing keeping my space-time together?
00:19:01,224 --> 00:19:02,350 Help! Hey, you guys, over here!
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,352 Sometimes I think I can see time slowing down
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:05,436 and my own existence fading.
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,398 Good night, Mom. Good night, Dad.
00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:11,985 Alright, everyone keep your eyes peeled.
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,153 I'm going to bed now, Mommy.
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:14,445 I put my tooth under the pillow.
00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:15,947 Do you really think the Tooth Fairy
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:17,365 will give me money for the transplant?
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:18,950 I think so, Billy. I think so.
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:20,577 I can't wait to feel healthy and strong again.
00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:22,412 Yeah, well, you're gonna have to wait
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,497 a little bit longer, Billy, 'cause that 600 bucks is mine.
00:19:24,622 --> 00:19:26,291 Light is a wave unless it's observed.
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:29,377 That means all matter is just a wave.
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:30,670 Nothing's real.
00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:34,465 Reality and--oh, God, it's happening!
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:35,967 Kyle?
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,845 Hey, something strange is happening with the computers.
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:41,848 Well, well, well, what do we have here?
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:43,766 Oh, shit.
00:19:43,892 --> 00:19:46,060 Did you bastards really think you could hide from me forever?
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:49,022 Klosky, put this butt wipe out of his misery.
00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:50,732 I got it. The Tooth Fairy!
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:51,774 [alarm sounds]
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:53,735 Let's move out!
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:54,736 Well, crap.
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:55,778 Give it up, kids.
00:19:55,904 --> 00:19:57,030 You're surrounded by dentists.
00:19:57,155 --> 00:19:58,615 It was a trap. - That's right.
00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,783 And now it's all exposed. You're through.
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:01,951 The only thing left to do
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:03,703 is haul all you kids down to prison.
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,121 This is reality.
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:08,124 I am everywhere and nowhere.
00:20:08,249 --> 00:20:09,209 What the hell?
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:10,210 Kyle?
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:11,586 I am nothing
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,671 and everything.
00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:17,634 [all screaming]
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:20,595 [funky rock music]
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,098 ♪♪
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,934 [roars]
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,227 Aha! I told you.
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,855 [kids screaming]
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,023 Let's get out of here!
00:20:38,321 --> 00:20:40,490 Huh. That was pretty weird.
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,116 Jesus!
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,451 The little sick kid was a setup all along.
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,536 How could I be so stupid? - What?
00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:47,247 I can't believe I fell for such an obvious trap.
00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:48,623 What the hell's wrong with me?
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,417 Well, don't take it too hard, dude.
00:20:51,542 --> 00:20:52,752 That's what grown-ups do; they lie.
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:54,629 Lie right to your face.
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,089 Oh, well, maybe it's good my empire has fallen.
00:20:56,214 --> 00:20:57,090 Really? - Yeah.
00:20:57,215 --> 00:20:58,466 I kind of wanted to play on
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,176 the flag football team this year, anyways.
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:02,053 So you're not going to hurt us or nothing?
00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:04,222 No, in a way, I'm just glad the whole thing's over with.
00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:06,266 Yeah, but you know, I've learned something today.
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:07,976 You see, the basis of all reasoning
00:21:08,101 --> 00:21:09,227 is the mind's awareness of itself.
00:21:09,352 --> 00:21:10,395 What we think,
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,063 the external objects we perceive,
00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:14,399 are all like actors that come on and offstage.
00:21:14,524 --> 00:21:16,484 But our consciousness, the stage itself,
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,194 is always present to us.
00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:21,614 Tits.
00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:27,161 [grunts]
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:30,331 [grunts]
00:21:50,101 --> 00:21:52,061 [screaming and gurgling]
00:21:55,606 --> 00:21:56,232 Timmy!

Скриншоты

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