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Всемирный флейтовый концерт
World Wide Recorder Concert
Сезон: 03Серия: 17
Описание
Мистер Гаррисон страдает из-за давней психологической травмы. Друзья решают пошалить на всемирном флейтовом концерте.
Субтитры
- 00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:11,387 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,639 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,433 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:16,517 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,185 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:20,187 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:21,397 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,691 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:23,816 --> 00:00:24,859 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,360 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,615 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:33,701 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:35,202 This Saturday,
- 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,662 pox presents the musical event of the new millennium.
- 00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:39,790 You all remember playing the recorder in elementary school.
- 00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,083 Well, this Saturday, in Oklahoma City,
- 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,544 over 4 million third grade students
- 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:44,920 from all over the country
- 00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:46,505 will gather in one place, and, at the same time,
- 00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,300 play <i>My Country 'Tis Of Thee</i> on their recorders.
- 00:00:49,425 --> 00:00:52,094 It's the largest third grade recorder concert ever!
- 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,846 Special guest conductor, Yoko Ono,
- 00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:56,182 and woodwind virtuoso Kenny G, will lead this fantastic event.
- 00:00:56,307 --> 00:00:58,851 This Saturday at 11:00 Eastern, 10:00 Central...
- 00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:02,146 the world will be watching.
- 00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,564 Okay, children, we've still got some time
- 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:05,066 to practice the song
- 00:01:05,191 --> 00:01:07,401 before we load up the bus and head out for Oklahoma.
- 00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:08,819 Now, come on.
- 00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:09,779 There's gonna be over 4 million third graders
- 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,448 from all over the country there,
- 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:15,409 and I want to make sure that South Park is the best, okay?
- 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,953 Recorders up.
- 00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:19,955 And-a one, and-a two, and-a...
- 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,294 ♪ Of liberty ♪ You're late!
- 00:01:27,797 --> 00:01:29,840 ♪ My father-- ♪ What the hell was that?
- 00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:31,717 God damn it, I don't think you children
- 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,094 have been working on your fingering!
- 00:01:33,219 --> 00:01:34,470 That's not true, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:35,221 Kyle was working on his fingering
- 00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:36,305 with his mom all night long.
- 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,057 Shut up, fat ass!
- 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:39,558 No, seriously, Kyle's mom says
- 00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:41,185 Kyle's getting really good at fingering.
- 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,771 Shut up, Eric.
- 00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:45,064 There's gonna be 4 million children
- 00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:46,482 playing this song at the same time
- 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,275 on their recorders, and so help me God,
- 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,069 South Park Elementary is not gonna be the only ones
- 00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:50,486 that don't know the song.
- 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:53,072 Try again!
- 00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:55,407 Recorders up.
- 00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:57,701 And-a one, and-a two, and-a...
- 00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:03,958 Mm-kay, that's sounding great, kids.
- 00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:05,126 Sure, if you like the sound
- 00:02:05,251 --> 00:02:07,002 of a peacock getting its neck broken.
- 00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:09,046 Mm-kay, kids, we have some news.
- 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,757 Uh, there's been a terrible flood in Oklahoma, mm-kay?
- 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:12,758 So the 4 million recorder children's event
- 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:17,513 is being moved to Arkansas.
- 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:18,722 Arkansas?
- 00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,391 What's Arkansas? Is that a state?
- 00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:22,017 The trip shouldn't take any longer,
- 00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:24,395 but i'll hand out these updated contact sheets
- 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,689 so that your parents will know where you are, mm-kay?
- 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:27,398 Mr. Mackey, can I talk to you for a second?
- 00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,733 Mm-kay.
- 00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:31,902 Mr. Mackey, I can't go to Arkansas.
- 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,279 Somebody's gonna have to fill in for me.
- 00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:35,156 What? We can't find anybody to fill in for you.
- 00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:36,782 Why can't you go to Arkansas?
- 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,492 Arkansas is where I grew up.
- 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:39,785 My parents live there.
- 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,204 My...father still lives there.
- 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,373 Well, don't you want to see them?
- 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,584 I haven't seen my father for 23 years.
- 00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:50,421 Uh, perhaps you should sit down, Mr. Garrison, mm-kay?
- 00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:53,424 Mr. Garrison, I know this is very difficult, mm-kay?
- 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,176 But I must ask--
- 00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:58,637 is there a history of sexual abuse in your family?
- 00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:01,849 Some, yes.
- 00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,309 There was my uncle, Richard.
- 00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:05,227 He--he molested me.
- 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,395 When was that?
- 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,438 Saturday.
- 00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:08,689 Last--last Saturday.
- 00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:10,232 He's a paraplegic, but it didn't--
- 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:11,233 Mm-kay, and-- and your father?
- 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,777 He molested you when you were a boy?
- 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:19,158 Mr. Garrison, I think when we get to Arkansas,
- 00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,784 you need to see your father.
- 00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:24,330 You need to face this demon in your closet, mm-kay?
- 00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:25,873 Don't look at me.
- 00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:27,875 I'll go on your bastard trip,
- 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,335 but just don't look at me!
- 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,755 That was pretty cool.
- 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,048 Mm-kay.
- 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,641 Okay, how about this one, Kenny?
- 00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:44,808 Uh-uh.
- 00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,518 No? How about this?
- 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:48,270 Nope. - Hmm, interesting.
- 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,689 Let's see. How about this?
- 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,316 Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
- 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:53,817 We're trying to find "the brown noise".
- 00:03:53,943 --> 00:03:55,611 It's this one pitch, this certain frequency,
- 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:56,403 that makes people lose bowel control.
- 00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,530 What's "lose bowel control"?
- 00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:00,449 That's a scientific term for crapping your pants.
- 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:01,492 Oh, brother, here we go again.
- 00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,535 Cartman, there is not a sound frequency
- 00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:04,954 that makes people crap their pants.
- 00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:06,372 Yes, there is!
- 00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:07,373 The French experimented with it in World War II.
- 00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:09,541 Nuh-uh. - How about this one, Kenny?
- 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:10,793 Uh-uh.
- 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,336 There is no brown noise, fat boy.
- 00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,837 That's nice.
- 00:04:13,963 --> 00:04:15,172 When I find it, I'll just make you crap yourself
- 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:16,257 so you look like Karen Carpenter.
- 00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:17,216 Who's Karen Carpenter?
- 00:04:21,387 --> 00:04:23,430 Mr. Garrison, are you alright?
- 00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:25,891 Mr. Garrison isn't here right now.
- 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,060 Mm-kay, Mr. Garrison, you're just having a hard time
- 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:30,688 dealing with the memories of your father's sexual abuse,
- 00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:33,190 so you switched personalities to Mr. Hat, mm-kay?
- 00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,358 Oh, good one, Sherlock.
- 00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:35,693 You figure that out all by yourself?
- 00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:38,362 Mm-kay, I think the best thing for Mr. Garrison to do
- 00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:39,863 is to go <i>see</i> his father.
- 00:04:39,989 --> 00:04:41,156 No! No, you moron!
- 00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:42,950 Mr. Garrison can't let the memories in!
- 00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,159 Just leave us alone!
- 00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:45,953 Mm-kay, Mr. Hat, you need to let me talk
- 00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:47,621 to Mr. Garrison, mm-kay?
- 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,249 Why would he want to talk to a second-rate,
- 00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:51,792 dopey-ass, elementary school psychologist?
- 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:52,793 What did you say?
- 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,420 You heard me, jackass.
- 00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:56,547 There's monkeys that make better counselors than you.
- 00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,299 Why, you son of a bitch!
- 00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,303 Whoa, Mr. Mackey and Mr. Hat are fighting.
- 00:05:02,428 --> 00:05:04,013 I'm gonna kick your ass, mm-kay?
- 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,020 Be quiet back there!
- 00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:13,022 Uh, no!
- 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,525 You may have won this time, Mr. Hat.
- 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:27,619 Mm-kay, I want everyone to stay together, mm-kay?
- 00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:28,579 Nobody move.
- 00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:29,621 School?
- 00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:31,623 Excuse me?
- 00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:33,042 What school are you from?
- 00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:35,002 Oh, uh, we're from South Park, Colorado.
- 00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:36,879 Alright, South Park school, you go over there
- 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,505 next to the kids from New York.
- 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:42,092 No, no, don't put the Florida kids in the building.
- 00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:43,385 Hey, look at the freakin' Eskimos
- 00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,137 in their little hats and gloves.
- 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:46,221 Yeah, huh.
- 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:48,682 Whoa, look at this kid's coat.
- 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,309 Hey, kid, what's the matter?
- 00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:51,769 You a freakin' burn victim or somethin', what?
- 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,189 Who the hell are these guys?
- 00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,608 I didn't know they was inviting rednecks to this event.
- 00:05:57,733 --> 00:05:58,901 We're not rednecks.
- 00:05:59,026 --> 00:05:59,943 Yeah, that's Texans, butthole.
- 00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:01,445 Oh, yeah?
- 00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,113 Well, you look like a bunch of queefs to me, huh?
- 00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:07,117 You guys, what's a "queef"?
- 00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,827 Kenny? - I don't know.
- 00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:09,953 Oh, brother, you guys don't even know
- 00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,372 what a queef is, huh?
- 00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:13,248 Of course we know what a queef is, you queef.
- 00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:14,708 Oh, yeah? Well, what is it then?
- 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:15,709 Uh... - Why, don't you know?
- 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:16,794 Are all redneck queefs from Colorado
- 00:06:16,919 --> 00:06:18,796 as stupid as yous?
- 00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:20,047 Alright, dick hole--
- 00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:21,673 I need everyone's attention, please.
- 00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:24,301 We will now all be moving in an orderly fashion
- 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,303 to our assigned hotels.
- 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:29,348 Please follow your group leaders to check in.
- 00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:32,684 Yeah, see ya later, queefs.
- 00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:36,814 I can't find the word "queef" anywhere.
- 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:37,981 Well, keep looking.
- 00:06:38,107 --> 00:06:39,316 We got to find out what it means
- 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,609 before we see those New Yorker kids again.
- 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:41,610 Well, let's try the dictionary.
- 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,237 "Queasy, Quebec, queen, quelch,"
- 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,613 no "queef," damn it!
- 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:45,948 Hey, I found it, you guys! I found it!
- 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,157 You did? What's it mean?
- 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,283 What's it mean? What's it mean?
- 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:49,660 I told you guys. Here it is, right here,
- 00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:50,702 "the brown noise"!
- 00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:51,578 Ah! - Damn it, Cartman.
- 00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:52,663 "An oscillation of sound
- 00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,790 that causes the bowels to loosen."
- 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,542 See, that means crap your pants.
- 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:59,128 "The brown noise is believed to be 92ȼ
- 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,712 below the lowest octave of E Flat."
- 00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:01,713 What does that mean?
- 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,048 Who cares? Come on.
- 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,716 We have to find out what "queef" means.
- 00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:05,467 Keep reading.
- 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,180 I can do this.
- 00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:11,890 I have to do this.
- 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,604 Hello, Dad.
- 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:18,605 Oh, hello, Son.
- 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,732 Can I...come in?
- 00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:24,111 Uh, sure, of course.
- 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,112 Your mom's out at Bridge night.
- 00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:27,030 You want a beer or somethin'?
- 00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:28,157 No, I don't think that will solve any of our problems,
- 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,534 though you seem to think it did.
- 00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:32,077 Wh-what?
- 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,245 I have a lot of demons that I need to face, Father.
- 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,706 I need to know some things.
- 00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:37,249 Okay, like what?
- 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,585 Alright, alright, let's just cut right to it.
- 00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,173 I’ve come to ask you about the sexual abuse, Dad.
- 00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:45,632 What? - I have to know why.
- 00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,843 Right here and now, we're gonna talk about this!
- 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,178 What the hell are you talking about?
- 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,846 I never sexually abused you.
- 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:51,597 I know.
- 00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:52,639 I want to know why not.
- 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:53,974 What? - Was it that I was ugly?
- 00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,560 Oh, my God!
- 00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:57,936 I wasn't good enough for you, was that it, Dad?
- 00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,480 Well...no!
- 00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:00,772 Sure, you could go off
- 00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:02,441 and screw any whore on Ryland Street,
- 00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,193 but when it came to your own son, you were just too busy!
- 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,203 alright, everyone, quiet, please.
- 00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,330 There are over 4 million of you,
- 00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,916 so we must have quiet.
- 00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:21,502 At this time I would like to introduce the woman
- 00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:22,461 who is making this all possible:
- 00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:23,921 Yoko Ono!
- 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,973 <i>...My Country 'Tis Of Thee.</i>
- 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,475 You heard her.
- 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,809 We'll start the rehearsal in a few minutes.
- 00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:39,978 Those New Yorker kids are gonna be here any second,
- 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,688 and we still don't know what queef means.
- 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,232 Well, we can still pretend like we know what it means.
- 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,650 No, they'll catch on.
- 00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:46,026 Hey, wait a minute, I've got a great idea.
- 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:47,277 Let's make up our own word.
- 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,196 We can make up a word and then use it.
- 00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,948 And then they'll act like they know it and we'll bust 'em.
- 00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:52,574 Yeah, that'll make 'em look stupid.
- 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:53,534 What word could we make up?
- 00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,786 How about "finkleroy"?
- 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,079 No, no, not finkleroy.
- 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,997 How 'bout "geebo" or--or "mung"?
- 00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:00,541 Yeah, mung! - Mung's good.
- 00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:02,834 Shh, here they come.
- 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,127 Well, hello there, queefs.
- 00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:05,921 All bundled up nice and warm, are we?
- 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,256 You know what you guys are?
- 00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:07,881 You guys are nothing but mung.
- 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,758 What did you call us?
- 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,009 We're not mung, you're mung.
- 00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,470 Oh, so you know what mung means, huh?
- 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:14,888 Of course we know what mung means.
- 00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,849 Yeah, do you think we wouldn't know what mung means?
- 00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,227 We busted you.
- 00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:21,937 Yeah. Mung isn't even a word.
- 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:22,938 We made it up.
- 00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:27,859 You guys are even stupider than I thought.
- 00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,236 Mung is so a word.
- 00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,238 It is?
- 00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:32,614 Yeah, it is. Uh-huh.
- 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,865 Yeah, mung is the stuff that comes out
- 00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:36,910 when you push down on a pregnant woman's stomach.
- 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,537 Ew! - Oh.
- 00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:39,871 You guys didn't know that?
- 00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:44,459 Come on, guys,
- 00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:45,877 let's get away from these rednecks
- 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:46,461 before we get redneckasitis or somethin'.
- 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,755 You dumbass, Cartman.
- 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:49,965 Yeah, next time you make up a word,
- 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,258 don't make up one that already exists!
- 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,929 It's so nice to see you, son.
- 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,681 I'm so proud that you're part
- 00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,933 of the Four Million Child Recorder Blow.
- 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,184 Yes, I hope it's okay
- 00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:02,769 if I stay here a few nights, Mother.
- 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:03,979 I-I have some things
- 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,397 I really need to talk to you about.
- 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,190 About what?
- 00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:08,734 Mother,
- 00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:12,112 did you know that Dad never sexually molested me?
- 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,155 That--that can't be.
- 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,782 He never did, Mom, not once.
- 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:16,783 That's not true!
- 00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:19,244 Your father loved you...often.
- 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,495 He never did, Mom,
- 00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,664 and I think you knew he never did.
- 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,334 No, no, if I knew, I would've made him do it.
- 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,044 You stood by and let it happen.
- 00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:29,546 You saw him come home drunk and then just go right to sleep.
- 00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:30,839 I'm not listening.
- 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,841 Face it, Mother, he never abused me!
- 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:34,801 Wh-what's going on?
- 00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:37,012 Mother won't hear the truth.
- 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,348 He says you didn't molest him as a child.
- 00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:40,682 I didn't! You knew I didn't.
- 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,267 No! I didn't know.
- 00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:43,685 I'm not listening!
- 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,562 You can't close your eyes forever, Mother.
- 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,899 Mother, wait.
- 00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:51,652 Alright...
- 00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:52,944 We must have...
- 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,114 <i>Imagine</i> sung for the performance tomorrow.
- 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:57,616 Okay, children,
- 00:10:57,741 --> 00:11:00,452 we need to pay closer attention to the sheet music.
- 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,079 Remember, if you get lost,
- 00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:03,830 just follow along with Mr. Kenny G here.
- 00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,166 Hey, that's it, Kenny.
- 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,417 Maybe Kenny G can show us
- 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:08,377 where 92ȼ below the lowest E Flat is.
- 00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,212 Then we'll know the brown noise.
- 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,380 Yeah!
- 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,507 And-a one...
- 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,765 Stop! Stop, stop it!
- 00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:28,355 That was a terrify! That was a horribly!
- 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,815 What am I gonna do?
- 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,316 What the hell is that lady talking about?
- 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:33,026 I have no idea.
- 00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,655 Uh, Mr. Garrison Senior?
- 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,699 Uh, that's me.
- 00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:39,950 Uh, my name is Mr. Mackey.
- 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,576 I'm your school counselor, mm-kay.
- 00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:43,537 What can I do for ya?
- 00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:44,996 I want to talk to you about your son.
- 00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:47,165 I'm his<i>...therapist</i>, mm-kay.
- 00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,917 Oh, brother.
- 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,794 Look, I didn't sexually abuse my son when he was younger.
- 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,295 You didn't?
- 00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:54,005 No! He's upset because I <i>didn't</i> molest him.
- 00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:55,799 Oh...hmm.
- 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,676 Well, I guess that's a little different.
- 00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,469 A little, yeah.
- 00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:01,680 He thinks if I don't molest him, it means I don't love him.
- 00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:02,764 Well, now, uh, what's he supposed to think, Mr. Garrison?
- 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,141 I mean, look at all the media--
- 00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:07,185 all the magazine ads and television ads
- 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,980 talking about sexual molestation, mm-kay.
- 00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,356 He sees all that and assumes that you didn't molest him
- 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:15,986 because of some flaw in his looks or personality.
- 00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:18,029 I didn't do it because it's wrong.
- 00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:20,574 I know, I know, but I'm afraid this problem
- 00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:22,993 has run very deep through Mr. Garrison's mental state.
- 00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:25,078 I'm worried that if you don't something,
- 00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:25,704 well, it could kill him.
- 00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:27,622 Hold on a second.
- 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:28,832 Are you actually suggesting
- 00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:31,293 that I have sex with my 41-year-old son?
- 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,211 There comes a time in every father's life
- 00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:34,880 when he must ask himself,
- 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:38,175 "how far will I go to save my son's life?" Mm-kay?
- 00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:40,761 Well, I won't have sex with him!
- 00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:42,596 Well, I've said all I can say.
- 00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:44,514 I know it's difficult,
- 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:48,935 but family is about compromises, mm-kay.
- 00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,896 Don't lose your son over this, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:54,983 Don't lose your son.
- 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,193 Mm-kay?
- 00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,697 Am I the only sane person left on Earth?
- 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,157 Tomorrow the world will be tuning in
- 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:05,619 as over 4 million children play <i>My Country 'Tis Of Thee</i>
- 00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:06,787 on their recorders.
- 00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:08,079 It is by far the largest gathering
- 00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:10,207 of little plastic recorders in human history.
- 00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:11,875 Yoko Ono has--
- 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,960 Well, Mom said I could sleep in the guest room tonight.
- 00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,003 Good night, Dad.
- 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,255 Good night.
- 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:21,218 Guess I'll just go on up to bed now.
- 00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:24,262 Uh-huh.
- 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:25,889 Don't really have any pajamas.
- 00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:28,642 Guess I'll just sleep in my boxers or something.
- 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:33,271 Should be fine.
- 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:34,731 Uh, I'll leave the door open a little
- 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:37,734 in case you need to see me about anything.
- 00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:39,694 Won't be necessary.
- 00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:48,078 I'll just-- just be going up to bed now.
- 00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,664 G-guess maybe I won't even wear those boxers.
- 00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:52,332 I'm not going to molest you!
- 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,458 You don't love me!
- 00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:55,710 I want to die!
- 00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:58,505 God damn it!
- 00:13:58,630 --> 00:13:59,881 I wish we could find a way
- 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:00,924 to get back at those New Yorker kids.
- 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:01,633 Yeah, they think they're so cool.
- 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:04,094 You guys!
- 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:05,428 You guys, we found it! We found it, you guys!
- 00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:05,971 Calm down, Cartman. You found what?
- 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,973 The brown noise!
- 00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:09,224 Kenny and me found the brown noise!
- 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,600 Here, look, look, okay, let's see, okay.
- 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,018 Okay, okay.
- 00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,729 Ready, Kenny? - Ready.
- 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,024 Ooh, ooh!
- 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,902 No way. I don't believe it.
- 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:21,820 I'm seriously, you guys.
- 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,446 Come on, watch.
- 00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:25,532 Okay.
- 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:28,451 Whoa, oh, my God!
- 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,453 Oh, I crapped my pants!
- 00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:31,663 That's amazing.
- 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,081 I told you guys.
- 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,666 Dude, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,376 That they should bring back <i>Chicago Hope</i>
- 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:37,669 for another season? - Totally!
- 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:38,920 No, that we could use the brown noise
- 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,088 to get back at those asshole New Yorker kids.
- 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,382 Oh! - Yeah, dude.
- 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,009 They should bring back another season
- 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:44,926 of <i>Chicago Hope</i> though, seriously.
- 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:51,892 Hey, what's the matter there, Garrison?
- 00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,227 You look kind of sad.
- 00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:55,645 Oh, I'm havin' some troubles at home.
- 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,230 Well, come on, tell us about it.
- 00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:58,106 We always help each other out, don't we, fellas?
- 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,150 Yeah! - Yeah, that's right.
- 00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:01,276 Yeah.
- 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,652 Alright, it's just that--
- 00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:03,945 I mean, we're all family men here, right?
- 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,030 Sure! - Sure are!
- 00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,698 I am, I know that.
- 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,783 Well, can I ask you guys a difficult question?
- 00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:09,868 Absolutely. - Of course.
- 00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:11,328 Come on, Garrison.
- 00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:14,039 Alright, would you have sex with you son
- 00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:18,543 to save his life?
- 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,211 Oh, this is one of them scruples questions,
- 00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,421 ain't it?
- 00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:22,672 No, no, I got a better one:
- 00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,466 would you have sex with your mother
- 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,927 to save your father's life?
- 00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:28,762 Ooh! - Oh, yeah.
- 00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:31,097 Oh, like if someone had a gun to your father's head and said,
- 00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:33,141 "have sex with your mother, or else I'll shoot him"?
- 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,267 Yeah. - Ooh, that's a tough one.
- 00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:35,644 Hmm...
- 00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:36,853 No, no, wait, uh...you don't understand.
- 00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,146 How 'bout if someone made you
- 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,272 have sex with your mother and father
- 00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:40,732 to save your own life?
- 00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:41,691 No!
- 00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,068 No way.
- 00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:44,903 But if it was to save my mother's life,
- 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,279 I think I would have to have sex with my father.
- 00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,530 Yep. - Me too.
- 00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:50,033 Well, I think that goes without saying.
- 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,410 Actually, I'm just talking about a son.
- 00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,120 Well, personally,
- 00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:56,122 I would have sex with my son to save my mother's life.
- 00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:57,999 It depends--how big a gun are we talkin' here?
- 00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:58,959 Uh, he doesn't have a gun.
- 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,460 The father doesn't have a gun?
- 00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:01,920 No! Nobody's got a gun!
- 00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:02,879 I think if someone said
- 00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,881 "have sex with your mother,
- 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,633 or else I'm gonna kill your son,"
- 00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:07,926 but he didn't have a gun,
- 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,010 I wouldn't do it.
- 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:09,594 He could have a knife, though.
- 00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:10,095 Yeah. - Right.
- 00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:12,430 Sure, a knife.
- 00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,224 If a killer put a knife to my throat and said,
- 00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:16,059 "have sex with your father
- 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:17,352 "or else I'm gonna kill your mother
- 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,395 while having sex with you,"
- 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,439 I would have sex with myself.
- 00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:22,482 Yeah, I would. - Uh-huh.
- 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:24,025 That makes sense.
- 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,069 What's he talking about? What'd he say?
- 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,404 How do we write the note, Cartman?
- 00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:28,363 "Lowest E Flat..."
- 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,699 I think it looks like this.
- 00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,158 Alright, now all we do
- 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,910 is wipe out the last note on their sheet music
- 00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:34,744 and change it to the tone Cartman played.
- 00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:37,580 Come on.
- 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:41,626 There!
- 00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,294 That should do it.
- 00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,213 Sweet, I can't wait to see 'em crap their pants
- 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,464 in front of everybody, you guys.
- 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,133 Okay, let's get back to the room.
- 00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,176 What's this?
- 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,721 Revised music for tomorrow?
- 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:55,098 Chip, did you get revised music for tomorrow?
- 00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,307 What?
- 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,351 Miss Ono has made revisions again.
- 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,812 We've got to get these copied 4 million times
- 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:01,980 and make the revisions to the projected music.
- 00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:03,565 Come on, hurry!
- 00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:16,077 Dad?
- 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:24,669 I--I'm just fast asleep, not hearing anything.
- 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:25,503 Oh! Whoa!
- 00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:27,547 Oh, Dad!
- 00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,257 Oh, goodness gracious!
- 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,885 Don't stop, Dad, stop! Well, how could you?
- 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,141 Well, Mom, Dad... I guess I better be going.
- 00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:39,559 The concert's gonna start soon.
- 00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:42,437 Are you sure you can't stay one more night, Son?
- 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,564 No, I think all my work here is done.
- 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,649 Dad, I don't know what to say.
- 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,777 I feel closer to you than I ever have.
- 00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:51,112 Well, I just hope that now we can put the past behind us
- 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,947 and--and try to be a normal family again.
- 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,574 We sure can.
- 00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:55,116 Well, I’ve got a worldwide telecast recorder concert
- 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,619 to get to.
- 00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,621 We'll be watching on TV. Make us proud, son.
- 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:00,705 I will.
- 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:03,166 Good bye, Mom. Good bye, Dad.
- 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,335 ♪ Gray skies are gonna clear up ♪
- 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,796 ♪ Put on a happy face ♪
- 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,422 You did the right thing, Papa.
- 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,591 I didn't do squat.
- 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:12,842 Here you go, a hundred bucks.
- 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,637 Oh, that's okay, keep your money.
- 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:16,888 Thanks.
- 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,185 Live from Oklahoma City,
- 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,561 4 million third-grade students
- 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,230 from all over the country,
- 00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:27,857 playing <i>My Country 'Tis Of Thee</i> on their recorders.
- 00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:30,151 Fasten your seatbelt.
- 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,988 Dude, I can't wait till those New Yorker kids
- 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,490 play the brown noise and crap their pants.
- 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,450 We have to watch them. We can't miss it.
- 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:38,660 Are we all ready to play?
- 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:39,744 Thanks.
- 00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,996 Okay, let's see the music.
- 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,581 This is gonna be sweet!
- 00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:45,959 Oh, no, dude, look! It's the music we changed.
- 00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,252 Uh-oh.
- 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:48,670 Dude, if 4 million people
- 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,296 play the brown noise at the same time...
- 00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:52,090 One, two...
- 00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:55,510 No!
- 00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:05,645 Stop, stop!
- 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,272 Aren't those our boys?
- 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,357 Oh, no! What are they doing?
- 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,652 No!
- 00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:29,377 Tom, I'm standing in New York city,
- 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,088 but it could just as well be any town on Earth right now.
- 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,757 The desolation, the damage is exactly the same
- 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,509 in every city the whole world over.
- 00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,761 It's been just under 20 hours since everyone on Earth
- 00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,096 pooped their pants,
- 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:41,931 and people still roam their damaged homes
- 00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:43,224 with disbelief and loss.
- 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,726 Rick?
- 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:45,894 Alan, I'm standing at ground zero.
- 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,730 Here, the damage is greater than anywhere.
- 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,106 Like the rest of the world,
- 00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,858 everyone here has crapped their pants.
- 00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:54,277 Some crapped themselves to death,
- 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:57,947 and still others ruined perfectly good pairs of pants.
- 00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,450 A nation mourns and tries to rebuild,
- 00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:02,202 but the big question that remains is:
- 00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:03,620 how did this happen?
- 00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:07,290 Well, I’d say other than making everyone in the world
- 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,459 crap their pants,
- 00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:10,335 our event went over really well.
- 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:11,920 Really well? Really well?
- 00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,671 You're gonna be-- I tell you again.
- 00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:17,342 Alright, come on, everybody.
- 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:21,012 We've got a long bus ride back to Colorado, mm-kay?
- 00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:22,305 Well, that whole experience sure did suck.
- 00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,933 Yeah, but you know, I learned something today.
- 00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,017 We were so worried about how cool we looked
- 00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:28,394 to those New Yorker kids that we forgot--
- 00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:29,812 we're already totally cool,
- 00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:31,189 even if we don't know what queef means.
- 00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:33,650 "Queef" is a vaginal expulsion of gas, mm-kay.
- 00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:34,734 Huh?
- 00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,152 Here they are. - Yeah!
- 00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:37,820 Oh, brother, let's just get out of here.
- 00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:39,155 Hey, not so fast.
- 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,282 We know it was you guys that changed the music
- 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,116 and made everyone on Earth crap their pants.
- 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,160 Uh...
- 00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:44,535 Yeah, we knows all about it.
- 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,412 Oh, no!
- 00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:47,664 Yeah, me and the guys,
- 00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:48,665 well, we was talkin', and well...
- 00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:49,749 Well, we just want you to know that
- 00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:50,750 we think you're pretty cool.
- 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:51,918 Huh? - You do?
- 00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,127 Sure. I mean, everybody on Earth
- 00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:53,836 shat themselves 'cause of you,
- 00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:55,630 and that's pretty cool.
- 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:56,673 I mean, that's pretty amazing.
- 00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:57,632 Yeah, we was wrong about you guys.
- 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:58,967 We're sorry.
- 00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:00,593 Well, that's fine, that's fine.
- 00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:01,594 Next time, just remember that we're all pretty cool
- 00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:03,596 on the West Side, too,
- 00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:04,639 if you know what I'm saying.
- 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,140 Yeah, see you guys later.
- 00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,601 Come on, boys, you're holdin' up the bus.
- 00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:11,145 Oh, wow, look, it's Kenny G himself.
- 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,480 Thank you for a wonderful concert, Mr. G.
- 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:16,234 G-good bye.
- 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,027 Oh, well, thank you.
- 00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:20,530 You know, it's funny, you kiss just like my Dad.
- 00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:24,033 Well, Miss Crabtree, this certainly has been a great trip.
- 00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:25,034 Let's head home.
- 00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:27,078 Which way should we go?
- 00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:32,292 Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning.
- 00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:11,387 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,639 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,433 Both: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:16,517 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,185 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:18,310 --> 00:00:20,187 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:21,397 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,691 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:23,816 --> 00:00:24,859 ♪ Headin' on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,360 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:30,197 ♪ [muffled] ♪
- 00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,615 ♪ Come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:33,701 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:35,202 This Saturday,
- 00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:36,662 pox presents the musical event of the new millennium.
- 00:00:36,787 --> 00:00:39,790 You all remember playing the recorder in elementary school.
- 00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,083 Well, this Saturday, in Oklahoma City,
- 00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,544 over 4 million third grade students
- 00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:44,920 from all over the country
- 00:00:45,046 --> 00:00:46,505 will gather in one place, and, at the same time,
- 00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,300 play <i>My Country 'Tis Of Thee</i> on their recorders.
- 00:00:49,425 --> 00:00:52,094 It's the largest third grade recorder concert ever!
- 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,846 Special guest conductor, Yoko Ono,
- 00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:56,182 and woodwind virtuoso Kenny G, will lead this fantastic event.
- 00:00:56,307 --> 00:00:58,851 This Saturday at 11:00 Eastern, 10:00 Central...
- 00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:02,146 the world will be watching.
- 00:01:02,271 --> 00:01:03,564 Okay, children, we've still got some time
- 00:01:03,689 --> 00:01:05,066 to practice the song
- 00:01:05,191 --> 00:01:07,401 before we load up the bus and head out for Oklahoma.
- 00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:08,819 [groans and sighs] Now, come on.
- 00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:09,779 There's gonna be over 4 million third graders
- 00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:12,448 from all over the country there,
- 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:15,409 and I want to make sure that South Park is the best, okay?
- 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,953 Recorders up.
- 00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:19,955 And-a one, and-a two, and-a...
- 00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:23,626 [playing <i>my Country 'Tis Of Thee</i> off-key]
- 00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,294 ♪ Of liberty ♪ You're late!
- 00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,671 ♪♪
- 00:01:27,797 --> 00:01:29,840 ♪ My father-- ♪ What the hell was that?
- 00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:31,717 God damn it, I don't think you children
- 00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:33,094 have been working on your fingering!
- 00:01:33,219 --> 00:01:34,470 That's not true, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:35,221 Kyle was working on his fingering
- 00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:36,305 with his mom all night long.
- 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,057 Shut up, fat ass! - [chuckling]
- 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:39,558 No, seriously, Kyle's mom says
- 00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:41,185 Kyle's getting really good at fingering.
- 00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:41,727 [guffawing]
- 00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,771 Shut up, Eric.
- 00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:45,064 There's gonna be 4 million children
- 00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:46,482 playing this song at the same time
- 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:48,275 on their recorders, and so help me God,
- 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,069 South Park Elementary is not gonna be the only ones
- 00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:50,486 that don't know the song.
- 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:53,072 Try again!
- 00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:55,407 Recorders up.
- 00:01:55,533 --> 00:01:57,701 And-a one, and-a two, and-a...
- 00:01:57,827 --> 00:02:01,956 [playing out of sync and off-key]
- 00:02:02,081 --> 00:02:03,958 Mm-kay, that's sounding great, kids.
- 00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:05,126 Sure, if you like the sound
- 00:02:05,251 --> 00:02:07,002 of a peacock getting its neck broken.
- 00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:09,046 Mm-kay, kids, we have some news.
- 00:02:09,171 --> 00:02:11,757 Uh, there's been a terrible flood in Oklahoma, mm-kay?
- 00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:12,758 So the 4 million recorder children's event
- 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:17,513 is being moved to Arkansas.
- 00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:18,722 Arkansas?
- 00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,391 What's Arkansas? Is that a state?
- 00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:22,017 The trip shouldn't take any longer,
- 00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:24,395 but i'll hand out these updated contact sheets
- 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,689 so that your parents will know where you are, mm-kay?
- 00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:27,398 Mr. Mackey, can I talk to you for a second?
- 00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,733 Mm-kay.
- 00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:31,902 Mr. Mackey, I can't go to Arkansas.
- 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,279 Somebody's gonna have to fill in for me.
- 00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:35,156 What? We can't find anybody to fill in for you.
- 00:02:35,281 --> 00:02:36,782 Why can't you go to Arkansas?
- 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,492 Arkansas is where I grew up.
- 00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:39,785 My parents live there.
- 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:42,204 My...father still lives there.
- 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,373 Well, don't you want to see them?
- 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,584 I haven't seen my father for 23 years.
- 00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:50,421 Uh, perhaps you should sit down, Mr. Garrison, mm-kay?
- 00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:53,424 Mr. Garrison, I know this is very difficult, mm-kay?
- 00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,176 But I must ask--
- 00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:58,637 is there a history of sexual abuse in your family?
- 00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:01,849 Some, yes.
- 00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,309 There was my uncle, Richard.
- 00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:05,227 He--he molested me.
- 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,395 When was that?
- 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,438 Saturday.
- 00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:08,689 Last--last Saturday.
- 00:03:08,814 --> 00:03:10,232 He's a paraplegic, but it didn't--
- 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:11,233 Mm-kay, and-- and your father?
- 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,777 He molested you when you were a boy?
- 00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:16,947 [sobbing]
- 00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:19,158 Mr. Garrison, I think when we get to Arkansas,
- 00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,784 you need to see your father.
- 00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:24,330 You need to face this demon in your closet, mm-kay?
- 00:03:24,455 --> 00:03:25,873 Don't look at me.
- 00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:27,875 I'll go on your bastard trip,
- 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,335 but just don't look at me!
- 00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:30,836 [sobbing]
- 00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,755 That was pretty cool.
- 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,048 Mm-kay.
- 00:03:34,173 --> 00:03:37,092 [twangy banjo music]
- 00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:41,597 ♪♪
- 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,641 Okay, how about this one, Kenny?
- 00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:44,808 [plays note] Uh-uh.
- 00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,518 No? How about this? [plays note]
- 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:48,270 Nope. - Hmm, interesting.
- 00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:50,689 Let's see. How about this? [plays note]
- 00:03:50,814 --> 00:03:52,316 Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
- 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:53,817 We're trying to find "the brown noise".
- 00:03:53,943 --> 00:03:55,611 It's this one pitch, this certain frequency,
- 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:56,403 that makes people lose bowel control.
- 00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:58,530 What's "lose bowel control"?
- 00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:00,449 That's a scientific term for crapping your pants.
- 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:01,492 Oh, brother, here we go again.
- 00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,535 Cartman, there is not a sound frequency
- 00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:04,954 that makes people crap their pants.
- 00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:06,372 Yes, there is!
- 00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:07,373 The French experimented with it in World War II.
- 00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:09,541 Nuh-uh. - How about this one, Kenny?
- 00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:10,793 [plays note] Uh-uh.
- 00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:12,336 There is no brown noise, fat boy.
- 00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:13,837 That's nice.
- 00:04:13,963 --> 00:04:15,172 When I find it, I'll just make you crap yourself
- 00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:16,257 so you look like Karen Carpenter.
- 00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:17,216 Who's Karen Carpenter?
- 00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:19,551 [screams]
- 00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:21,262 [whimpering]
- 00:04:21,387 --> 00:04:23,430 Mr. Garrison, are you alright?
- 00:04:23,555 --> 00:04:25,891 Mr. Garrison isn't here right now.
- 00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,060 Mm-kay, Mr. Garrison, you're just having a hard time
- 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:30,688 dealing with the memories of your father's sexual abuse,
- 00:04:30,813 --> 00:04:33,190 so you switched personalities to Mr. Hat, mm-kay?
- 00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,358 Oh, good one, Sherlock.
- 00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:35,693 You figure that out all by yourself?
- 00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:38,362 Mm-kay, I think the best thing for Mr. Garrison to do
- 00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:39,863 is to go <i>see</i> his father.
- 00:04:39,989 --> 00:04:41,156 No! No, you moron!
- 00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:42,950 Mr. Garrison can't let the memories in!
- 00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:44,159 Just leave us alone!
- 00:04:44,285 --> 00:04:45,953 Mm-kay, Mr. Hat, you need to let me talk
- 00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:47,621 to Mr. Garrison, mm-kay?
- 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:50,249 Why would he want to talk to a second-rate,
- 00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:51,792 dopey-ass, elementary school psychologist?
- 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:52,793 What did you say?
- 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,420 You heard me, jackass.
- 00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:56,547 There's monkeys that make better counselors than you.
- 00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,299 Why, you son of a bitch!
- 00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,303 Whoa, Mr. Mackey and Mr. Hat are fighting.
- 00:05:02,428 --> 00:05:04,013 I'm gonna kick your ass, mm-kay?
- 00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,264 [cheering]
- 00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:09,101 [blows landing, grunting]
- 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,020 Be quiet back there!
- 00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:13,022 Uh, no!
- 00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:14,481 [panting]
- 00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,525 You may have won this time, Mr. Hat.
- 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:27,619 Mm-kay, I want everyone to stay together, mm-kay?
- 00:05:27,745 --> 00:05:28,579 Nobody move.
- 00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:29,621 School?
- 00:05:29,747 --> 00:05:31,623 Excuse me?
- 00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:33,042 What school are you from?
- 00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:35,002 Oh, uh, we're from South Park, Colorado.
- 00:05:35,127 --> 00:05:36,879 Alright, South Park school, you go over there
- 00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,505 next to the kids from New York.
- 00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:42,092 No, no, don't put the Florida kids in the building.
- 00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:43,385 Hey, look at the freakin' Eskimos
- 00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,137 in their little hats and gloves.
- 00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:46,221 Yeah, huh.
- 00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:47,473 [laughter]
- 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:48,682 Whoa, look at this kid's coat.
- 00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:50,309 Hey, kid, what's the matter?
- 00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:51,769 You a freakin' burn victim or somethin', what?
- 00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:53,395 [laughter]
- 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,189 Who the hell are these guys?
- 00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,608 I didn't know they was inviting rednecks to this event.
- 00:05:57,733 --> 00:05:58,901 We're not rednecks.
- 00:05:59,026 --> 00:05:59,943 Yeah, that's Texans, butthole.
- 00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:01,445 Oh, yeah?
- 00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,113 Well, you look like a bunch of queefs to me, huh?
- 00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:04,323 [laughter]
- 00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:07,117 You guys, what's a "queef"?
- 00:06:07,242 --> 00:06:08,827 Kenny? - I don't know.
- 00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:09,953 Oh, brother, you guys don't even know
- 00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,372 what a queef is, huh?
- 00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:13,248 Of course we know what a queef is, you queef.
- 00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:14,708 Oh, yeah? Well, what is it then?
- 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:15,709 Uh... - Why, don't you know?
- 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:16,794 Are all redneck queefs from Colorado
- 00:06:16,919 --> 00:06:18,796 as stupid as yous?
- 00:06:18,921 --> 00:06:20,047 Alright, dick hole--
- 00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:21,673 I need everyone's attention, please.
- 00:06:21,799 --> 00:06:24,301 We will now all be moving in an orderly fashion
- 00:06:24,426 --> 00:06:26,303 to our assigned hotels.
- 00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:29,348 Please follow your group leaders to check in.
- 00:06:29,473 --> 00:06:32,684 Yeah, see ya later, queefs.
- 00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:36,814 I can't find the word "queef" anywhere.
- 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:37,981 Well, keep looking.
- 00:06:38,107 --> 00:06:39,316 We got to find out what it means
- 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,609 before we see those New Yorker kids again.
- 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:41,610 Well, let's try the dictionary.
- 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,237 "Queasy, Quebec, queen, quelch,"
- 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:44,613 no "queef," damn it!
- 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:45,948 Hey, I found it, you guys! I found it!
- 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,157 You did? What's it mean?
- 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,283 What's it mean? What's it mean?
- 00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:49,660 I told you guys. Here it is, right here,
- 00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:50,702 "the brown noise"!
- 00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:51,578 Ah! - Damn it, Cartman.
- 00:06:51,703 --> 00:06:52,663 "An oscillation of sound
- 00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,790 that causes the bowels to loosen."
- 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,542 See, that means crap your pants.
- 00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:59,128 "The brown noise is believed to be 92ȼ
- 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,712 below the lowest octave of E Flat."
- 00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:01,713 What does that mean?
- 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,048 Who cares? Come on.
- 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,716 We have to find out what "queef" means.
- 00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:05,467 Keep reading.
- 00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,180 [sighs] I can do this.
- 00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:11,890 I have to do this.
- 00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:14,768 [doorbell rings]
- 00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,604 Hello, Dad.
- 00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:18,605 Oh, hello, Son.
- 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,732 Can I...come in?
- 00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:24,111 Uh, sure, of course.
- 00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,112 Your mom's out at Bridge night.
- 00:07:25,237 --> 00:07:27,030 You want a beer or somethin'?
- 00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:28,157 No, I don't think that will solve any of our problems,
- 00:07:28,282 --> 00:07:30,534 though you seem to think it did.
- 00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:32,077 Wh-what?
- 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:33,245 I have a lot of demons that I need to face, Father.
- 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,706 I need to know some things.
- 00:07:35,831 --> 00:07:37,249 Okay, like what?
- 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,585 Alright, alright, let's just cut right to it.
- 00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:41,378 [sighs]
- 00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:44,173 I’ve come to ask you about the sexual abuse, Dad.
- 00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:45,632 What? - I have to know why.
- 00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:47,843 Right here and now, we're gonna talk about this!
- 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,178 What the hell are you talking about?
- 00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,846 I never sexually abused you.
- 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:51,597 I know.
- 00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:52,639 I want to know why not.
- 00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:53,974 What? - Was it that I was ugly?
- 00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,560 Oh, my God!
- 00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:57,936 I wasn't good enough for you, was that it, Dad?
- 00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,480 Well...no!
- 00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:00,772 Sure, you could go off
- 00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:02,441 and screw any whore on Ryland Street,
- 00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,193 but when it came to your own son, you were just too busy!
- 00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:10,324 [sobbing]
- 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:14,203 alright, everyone, quiet, please.
- 00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,330 There are over 4 million of you,
- 00:08:16,455 --> 00:08:18,916 so we must have quiet.
- 00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:21,502 At this time I would like to introduce the woman
- 00:08:21,627 --> 00:08:22,461 who is making this all possible:
- 00:08:22,586 --> 00:08:23,921 Yoko Ono!
- 00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:29,426 [speaking gibberish]
- 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,973 <i>...My Country 'Tis Of Thee.</i>
- 00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:36,475 You heard her.
- 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,809 We'll start the rehearsal in a few minutes.
- 00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:39,978 Those New Yorker kids are gonna be here any second,
- 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,688 and we still don't know what queef means.
- 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:43,232 Well, we can still pretend like we know what it means.
- 00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,650 No, they'll catch on.
- 00:08:44,775 --> 00:08:46,026 Hey, wait a minute, I've got a great idea.
- 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:47,277 Let's make up our own word.
- 00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,196 We can make up a word and then use it.
- 00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:50,948 And then they'll act like they know it and we'll bust 'em.
- 00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:52,574 Yeah, that'll make 'em look stupid.
- 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:53,534 What word could we make up?
- 00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,786 How about "finkleroy"?
- 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,079 No, no, not finkleroy.
- 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,997 How 'bout "geebo" or--or "mung"?
- 00:08:59,122 --> 00:09:00,541 Yeah, mung! - Mung's good.
- 00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:02,834 Shh, here they come.
- 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,127 Well, hello there, queefs.
- 00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:05,921 All bundled up nice and warm, are we?
- 00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,256 You know what you guys are?
- 00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:07,881 You guys are nothing but mung.
- 00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,758 What did you call us?
- 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,009 We're not mung, you're mung.
- 00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,470 Oh, so you know what mung means, huh?
- 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:14,888 Of course we know what mung means.
- 00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:17,849 Yeah, do you think we wouldn't know what mung means?
- 00:09:17,975 --> 00:09:18,976 [laughter]
- 00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,227 We busted you.
- 00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:21,937 Yeah. Mung isn't even a word.
- 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:22,938 We made it up.
- 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:26,149 [laughter]
- 00:09:26,275 --> 00:09:27,859 You guys are even stupider than I thought.
- 00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,236 Mung is so a word.
- 00:09:29,361 --> 00:09:31,238 It is?
- 00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:32,614 Yeah, it is. Uh-huh.
- 00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,865 Yeah, mung is the stuff that comes out
- 00:09:33,991 --> 00:09:36,910 when you push down on a pregnant woman's stomach.
- 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,537 Ew! - Oh.
- 00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:39,871 You guys didn't know that?
- 00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:43,166 [laughter]
- 00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:44,459 Come on, guys,
- 00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:45,877 let's get away from these rednecks
- 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:46,461 before we get redneckasitis or somethin'.
- 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,755 You dumbass, Cartman.
- 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:49,965 Yeah, next time you make up a word,
- 00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,258 don't make up one that already exists!
- 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,929 It's so nice to see you, son.
- 00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:57,681 I'm so proud that you're part
- 00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,933 of the Four Million Child Recorder Blow.
- 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,184 Yes, I hope it's okay
- 00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:02,769 if I stay here a few nights, Mother.
- 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:03,979 I-I have some things
- 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,397 I really need to talk to you about.
- 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,190 About what?
- 00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:08,734 [sighs] Mother,
- 00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:12,112 did you know that Dad never sexually molested me?
- 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:13,155 That--that can't be.
- 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,782 He never did, Mom, not once.
- 00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:16,783 That's not true!
- 00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:19,244 Your father loved you...often.
- 00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:20,495 He never did, Mom,
- 00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,664 and I think you knew he never did.
- 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:25,334 No, no, if I knew, I would've made him do it.
- 00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:27,044 You stood by and let it happen.
- 00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:29,546 You saw him come home drunk and then just go right to sleep.
- 00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:30,839 I'm not listening.
- 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,841 Face it, Mother, he never abused me!
- 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:33,759 [sobbing]
- 00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:34,801 Wh-what's going on?
- 00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:37,012 Mother won't hear the truth.
- 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,348 He says you didn't molest him as a child.
- 00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:40,682 I didn't! You knew I didn't.
- 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,267 No! I didn't know.
- 00:10:42,392 --> 00:10:43,685 I'm not listening!
- 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,562 You can't close your eyes forever, Mother.
- 00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:46,855 [sobbing]
- 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,899 Mother, wait.
- 00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:51,652 Alright... [speaking gibberish]
- 00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:52,944 We must have... [speaking gibberish]
- 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:56,114 <i>Imagine</i> sung for the performance tomorrow.
- 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:57,616 Okay, children,
- 00:10:57,741 --> 00:11:00,452 we need to pay closer attention to the sheet music.
- 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,079 Remember, if you get lost,
- 00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:03,830 just follow along with Mr. Kenny G here.
- 00:11:03,955 --> 00:11:06,166 Hey, that's it, Kenny.
- 00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,417 Maybe Kenny G can show us
- 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:08,377 where 92ȼ below the lowest E Flat is.
- 00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,212 Then we'll know the brown noise.
- 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,380 Yeah!
- 00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,507 And-a one... [speaking gibberish]
- 00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:16,468 [off-key recorders playing]
- 00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:19,846 [moaning]
- 00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,765 Stop! Stop, stop it!
- 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:25,936 [shouting gibberish]
- 00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:28,355 That was a terrify! That was a horribly!
- 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:29,815 What am I gonna do?
- 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:31,316 What the hell is that lady talking about?
- 00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:33,026 I have no idea.
- 00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,655 Uh, Mr. Garrison Senior?
- 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,699 Uh, that's me.
- 00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:39,950 Uh, my name is Mr. Mackey.
- 00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,576 I'm your school counselor, mm-kay.
- 00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:43,537 What can I do for ya?
- 00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:44,996 I want to talk to you about your son.
- 00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:47,165 I'm his<i>...therapist</i>, mm-kay.
- 00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,917 Oh, brother.
- 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,794 Look, I didn't sexually abuse my son when he was younger.
- 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,295 You didn't?
- 00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:54,005 No! He's upset because I <i>didn't</i> molest him.
- 00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:55,799 Oh...hmm.
- 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,676 Well, I guess that's a little different.
- 00:11:57,801 --> 00:11:59,469 A little, yeah.
- 00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:01,680 He thinks if I don't molest him, it means I don't love him.
- 00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:02,764 Well, now, uh, what's he supposed to think, Mr. Garrison?
- 00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:04,141 I mean, look at all the media--
- 00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:07,185 all the magazine ads and television ads
- 00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,980 talking about sexual molestation, mm-kay.
- 00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,356 He sees all that and assumes that you didn't molest him
- 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:15,986 because of some flaw in his looks or personality.
- 00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:18,029 I didn't do it because it's wrong.
- 00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:20,574 I know, I know, but I'm afraid this problem
- 00:12:20,699 --> 00:12:22,993 has run very deep through Mr. Garrison's mental state.
- 00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:25,078 I'm worried that if you don't something,
- 00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:25,704 well, it could kill him.
- 00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:27,622 Hold on a second.
- 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:28,832 Are you actually suggesting
- 00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:31,293 that I have sex with my 41-year-old son?
- 00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,211 There comes a time in every father's life
- 00:12:33,336 --> 00:12:34,880 when he must ask himself,
- 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:38,175 "how far will I go to save my son's life?" Mm-kay?
- 00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:40,761 Well, I won't have sex with him!
- 00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:42,596 Well, I've said all I can say.
- 00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:44,514 I know it's difficult,
- 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:48,935 but family is about compromises, mm-kay.
- 00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:50,896 Don't lose your son over this, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:54,983 Don't lose your son.
- 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,193 Mm-kay?
- 00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,697 Am I the only sane person left on Earth?
- 00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:02,157 Tomorrow the world will be tuning in
- 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:05,619 as over 4 million children play <i>My Country 'Tis Of Thee</i>
- 00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:06,787 on their recorders.
- 00:13:06,912 --> 00:13:08,079 It is by far the largest gathering
- 00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:10,207 of little plastic recorders in human history.
- 00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:11,875 Yoko Ono has--
- 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,960 Well, Mom said I could sleep in the guest room tonight.
- 00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,003 Good night, Dad.
- 00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,255 Good night.
- 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:21,218 Guess I'll just go on up to bed now.
- 00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:24,262 Uh-huh.
- 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:25,889 Don't really have any pajamas.
- 00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:28,642 Guess I'll just sleep in my boxers or something.
- 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:33,271 Should be fine.
- 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:34,731 Uh, I'll leave the door open a little
- 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:37,734 in case you need to see me about anything.
- 00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:39,694 Won't be necessary.
- 00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:48,078 I'll just-- just be going up to bed now.
- 00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,664 G-guess maybe I won't even wear those boxers.
- 00:13:50,789 --> 00:13:52,332 I'm not going to molest you!
- 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,458 You don't love me!
- 00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:54,668 [sobbing]
- 00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:55,710 I want to die!
- 00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:58,505 God damn it!
- 00:13:58,630 --> 00:13:59,881 I wish we could find a way
- 00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:00,924 to get back at those New Yorker kids.
- 00:14:01,049 --> 00:14:01,633 Yeah, they think they're so cool.
- 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:04,094 You guys!
- 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:05,428 You guys, we found it! We found it, you guys!
- 00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:05,971 Calm down, Cartman. You found what?
- 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,973 The brown noise!
- 00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:09,224 Kenny and me found the brown noise!
- 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,600 Here, look, look, okay, let's see, okay.
- 00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,018 Okay, okay.
- 00:14:12,143 --> 00:14:14,729 Ready, Kenny? - Ready.
- 00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:15,814 [plays low, muddy tone]
- 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:16,815 [bowel sputter]
- 00:14:16,940 --> 00:14:18,024 Ooh, ooh!
- 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:19,234 [muffled crying]
- 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,902 No way. I don't believe it.
- 00:14:21,027 --> 00:14:21,820 I'm seriously, you guys.
- 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,446 Come on, watch.
- 00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:25,532 Okay.
- 00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:26,950 [plays low, muddy tone]
- 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:28,451 [bowel sputter] Whoa, oh, my God!
- 00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,453 Oh, I crapped my pants!
- 00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:31,663 That's amazing.
- 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,081 I told you guys.
- 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,666 Dude, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,376 That they should bring back <i>Chicago Hope</i>
- 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:37,669 for another season? - Totally!
- 00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:38,920 No, that we could use the brown noise
- 00:14:39,045 --> 00:14:40,088 to get back at those asshole New Yorker kids.
- 00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,382 Oh! - Yeah, dude.
- 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,009 They should bring back another season
- 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:44,926 of <i>Chicago Hope</i> though, seriously.
- 00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:51,892 Hey, what's the matter there, Garrison?
- 00:14:52,017 --> 00:14:54,227 You look kind of sad.
- 00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:55,645 Oh, I'm havin' some troubles at home.
- 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,230 Well, come on, tell us about it.
- 00:14:57,355 --> 00:14:58,106 We always help each other out, don't we, fellas?
- 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,150 Yeah! - Yeah, that's right.
- 00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:01,276 Yeah.
- 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,652 Alright, it's just that--
- 00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:03,945 I mean, we're all family men here, right?
- 00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:05,030 Sure! - Sure are!
- 00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,698 I am, I know that.
- 00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:08,783 Well, can I ask you guys a difficult question?
- 00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:09,868 Absolutely. - Of course.
- 00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:11,328 Come on, Garrison.
- 00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:14,039 Alright, would you have sex with you son
- 00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:18,543 to save his life?
- 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,211 Oh, this is one of them scruples questions,
- 00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,421 ain't it?
- 00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:22,672 No, no, I got a better one:
- 00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,466 would you have sex with your mother
- 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,927 to save your father's life?
- 00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:28,762 Ooh! - Oh, yeah.
- 00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:31,097 Oh, like if someone had a gun to your father's head and said,
- 00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:33,141 "have sex with your mother, or else I'll shoot him"?
- 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,267 Yeah. - Ooh, that's a tough one.
- 00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:35,644 Hmm...
- 00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:36,853 No, no, wait, uh...you don't understand.
- 00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,146 How 'bout if someone made you
- 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,272 have sex with your mother and father
- 00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:40,732 to save your own life?
- 00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:41,691 [all] No!
- 00:15:41,816 --> 00:15:43,068 No way.
- 00:15:43,193 --> 00:15:44,903 But if it was to save my mother's life,
- 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,279 I think I would have to have sex with my father.
- 00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:47,530 Yep. - Me too.
- 00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:50,033 Well, I think that goes without saying.
- 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,410 Actually, I'm just talking about a son.
- 00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,120 Well, personally,
- 00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:56,122 I would have sex with my son to save my mother's life.
- 00:15:56,247 --> 00:15:57,999 It depends--how big a gun are we talkin' here?
- 00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:58,959 Uh, he doesn't have a gun.
- 00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,460 The father doesn't have a gun?
- 00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:01,920 No! Nobody's got a gun!
- 00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:02,879 I think if someone said
- 00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,881 "have sex with your mother,
- 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,633 or else I'm gonna kill your son,"
- 00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:07,926 but he didn't have a gun,
- 00:16:08,051 --> 00:16:09,010 I wouldn't do it.
- 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:09,594 He could have a knife, though.
- 00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:10,095 Yeah. - Right.
- 00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:12,430 Sure, a knife.
- 00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,224 If a killer put a knife to my throat and said,
- 00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:16,059 "have sex with your father
- 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:17,352 "or else I'm gonna kill your mother
- 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,395 while having sex with you,"
- 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:21,439 I would have sex with myself.
- 00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:22,482 Yeah, I would. - Uh-huh.
- 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:24,025 That makes sense.
- 00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,069 What's he talking about? What'd he say?
- 00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:27,404 How do we write the note, Cartman?
- 00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:28,363 "Lowest E Flat..."
- 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,699 I think it looks like this.
- 00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:32,158 Alright, now all we do
- 00:16:32,283 --> 00:16:33,910 is wipe out the last note on their sheet music
- 00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:34,744 and change it to the tone Cartman played.
- 00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:37,580 Come on.
- 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:41,626 There!
- 00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,294 That should do it.
- 00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,213 Sweet, I can't wait to see 'em crap their pants
- 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,464 in front of everybody, you guys.
- 00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:48,133 Okay, let's get back to the room.
- 00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,176 What's this?
- 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:52,721 Revised music for tomorrow?
- 00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:55,098 Chip, did you get revised music for tomorrow?
- 00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:56,307 What?
- 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:58,351 Miss Ono has made revisions again.
- 00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,812 We've got to get these copied 4 million times
- 00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:01,980 and make the revisions to the projected music.
- 00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:03,565 Come on, hurry!
- 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:09,487 [keys jingling, door closing]
- 00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:14,367 [footsteps slowly approaching]
- 00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:16,077 Dad?
- 00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:19,247 [door creaking]
- 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:24,669 I--I'm just fast asleep, not hearing anything.
- 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:25,503 Oh! Whoa!
- 00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:27,547 [bed creaking] Oh, Dad!
- 00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,257 Oh, goodness gracious!
- 00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,885 Don't stop, Dad, stop! Well, how could you?
- 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:38,141 Well, Mom, Dad... I guess I better be going.
- 00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:39,559 The concert's gonna start soon.
- 00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:42,437 Are you sure you can't stay one more night, Son?
- 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,564 No, I think all my work here is done.
- 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,649 Dad, I don't know what to say.
- 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:48,777 I feel closer to you than I ever have.
- 00:17:48,902 --> 00:17:51,112 Well, I just hope that now we can put the past behind us
- 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:52,947 and--and try to be a normal family again.
- 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:54,574 We sure can.
- 00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:55,116 Well, I’ve got a worldwide telecast recorder concert
- 00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:57,619 to get to.
- 00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,621 We'll be watching on TV. Make us proud, son.
- 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:00,705 I will.
- 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:03,166 Good bye, Mom. Good bye, Dad.
- 00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,335 ♪ Gray skies are gonna clear up ♪
- 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:07,796 ♪ Put on a happy face ♪
- 00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:09,422 You did the right thing, Papa.
- 00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:11,591 I didn't do squat.
- 00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:12,842 Here you go, a hundred bucks.
- 00:18:12,967 --> 00:18:15,637 Oh, that's okay, keep your money.
- 00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:16,888 Thanks.
- 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,185 Live from Oklahoma City,
- 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:23,561 4 million third-grade students
- 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,230 from all over the country,
- 00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:27,857 playing <i>My Country 'Tis Of Thee</i> on their recorders.
- 00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:30,151 Fasten your seatbelt.
- 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,988 Dude, I can't wait till those New Yorker kids
- 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,490 play the brown noise and crap their pants.
- 00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,450 We have to watch them. We can't miss it.
- 00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:38,660 Are we all ready to play?
- 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:39,744 Thanks.
- 00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,996 Okay, let's see the music.
- 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:43,581 This is gonna be sweet!
- 00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:45,959 Oh, no, dude, look! It's the music we changed.
- 00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:47,252 Uh-oh.
- 00:18:47,377 --> 00:18:48,670 Dude, if 4 million people
- 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,296 play the brown noise at the same time...
- 00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:52,090 One, two... [speaking gibberish]
- 00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:54,467 [playing <i>My Country 'Tis Of Thee]</i>
- 00:18:54,592 --> 00:18:55,510 [all] No!
- 00:19:03,017 --> 00:19:05,645 Stop, stop!
- 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:07,272 Aren't those our boys?
- 00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:09,357 Oh, no! What are they doing?
- 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,652 [yelling] No!
- 00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:13,945 [all playing low, muddy tone]
- 00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:15,029 [mass bowel sputters]
- 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:17,157 [yelling]
- 00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:20,076 [worldwide screaming]
- 00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:24,622 [static]
- 00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:27,584 [screaming, siren wailing]
- 00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:29,377 Tom, I'm standing in New York city,
- 00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,088 but it could just as well be any town on Earth right now.
- 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,757 The desolation, the damage is exactly the same
- 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,509 in every city the whole world over.
- 00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,761 It's been just under 20 hours since everyone on Earth
- 00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,096 pooped their pants,
- 00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:41,931 and people still roam their damaged homes
- 00:19:42,056 --> 00:19:43,224 with disbelief and loss.
- 00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:44,726 Rick?
- 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:45,894 Alan, I'm standing at ground zero.
- 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,730 Here, the damage is greater than anywhere.
- 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,106 Like the rest of the world,
- 00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,858 everyone here has crapped their pants.
- 00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:54,277 Some crapped themselves to death,
- 00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:57,947 and still others ruined perfectly good pairs of pants.
- 00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,450 A nation mourns and tries to rebuild,
- 00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:02,202 but the big question that remains is:
- 00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:03,620 how did this happen?
- 00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:05,288 [nonchalant whistling]
- 00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:07,290 Well, I’d say other than making everyone in the world
- 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,459 crap their pants,
- 00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:10,335 our event went over really well.
- 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:11,920 Really well? Really well?
- 00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,671 You're gonna be-- I tell you again.
- 00:20:13,796 --> 00:20:15,548 [shouting gibberish]
- 00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:17,342 Alright, come on, everybody.
- 00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:21,012 We've got a long bus ride back to Colorado, mm-kay?
- 00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:22,305 Well, that whole experience sure did suck.
- 00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,933 Yeah, but you know, I learned something today.
- 00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,017 We were so worried about how cool we looked
- 00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:28,394 to those New Yorker kids that we forgot--
- 00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:29,812 we're already totally cool,
- 00:20:29,938 --> 00:20:31,189 even if we don't know what queef means.
- 00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:33,650 "Queef" is a vaginal expulsion of gas, mm-kay.
- 00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:34,734 Huh?
- 00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,152 Here they are. - Yeah!
- 00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:37,820 Oh, brother, let's just get out of here.
- 00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:39,155 Hey, not so fast.
- 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,282 We know it was you guys that changed the music
- 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,116 and made everyone on Earth crap their pants.
- 00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,160 Uh...
- 00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:44,535 Yeah, we knows all about it.
- 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,412 Oh, no!
- 00:20:46,537 --> 00:20:47,664 Yeah, me and the guys,
- 00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:48,665 well, we was talkin', and well...
- 00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:49,749 Well, we just want you to know that
- 00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:50,750 we think you're pretty cool.
- 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:51,918 Huh? - You do?
- 00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,127 Sure. I mean, everybody on Earth
- 00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:53,836 shat themselves 'cause of you,
- 00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:55,630 and that's pretty cool.
- 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:56,673 I mean, that's pretty amazing.
- 00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:57,632 Yeah, we was wrong about you guys.
- 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:58,967 We're sorry.
- 00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:00,593 Well, that's fine, that's fine.
- 00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:01,594 Next time, just remember that we're all pretty cool
- 00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:03,596 on the West Side, too,
- 00:21:03,721 --> 00:21:04,639 if you know what I'm saying.
- 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,140 Yeah, see you guys later.
- 00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,601 Come on, boys, you're holdin' up the bus.
- 00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:11,145 Oh, wow, look, it's Kenny G himself.
- 00:21:11,271 --> 00:21:12,480 Thank you for a wonderful concert, Mr. G.
- 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:16,234 G-good bye.
- 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,027 Oh, well, thank you.
- 00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:20,530 You know, it's funny, you kiss just like my Dad.
- 00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:24,033 Well, Miss Crabtree, this certainly has been a great trip.
- 00:21:24,158 --> 00:21:25,034 Let's head home.
- 00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:27,078 Which way should we go?
- 00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:32,292 Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning.
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