Господь, ты там? Это я, Иисус — Стэн страдает от одиночества, потому что его друзья решили, что у них начался период полового созревания, и Картман создаёт для них клуб.

Предыдущая серия S03 E15 Классические рождественские песни от мистера Хэнки

Следующая серия S03 E17 Всемирный флейтовый концерт

Господь, ты там? Это я, Иисус

Are You There God? It's Me, Jesus

Сезон: 03Серия: 16

Описание

Стэн страдает от одиночества, потому что его друзья решили, что у них начался период полового созревания, и Картман создаёт для них клуб.

Субтитры

00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:36,847 Ну, и чем займёмся на Новый Год?
00:00:36,848 --> 00:00:37,741 Нужно, чтобы он был необычным.
00:00:37,742 --> 00:00:40,485 Знаю, это должна быть самая великая ночь в нашей жизни.
00:00:40,486 --> 00:00:42,352 Чуваки!!! Чуваки!!! У меня такое!..
00:00:42,353 --> 00:00:43,156 Что, толстая жопа?
00:00:43,157 --> 00:00:46,807 Я стал МУЖИКОМ ! У меня началось половое созревание!
00:00:47,369 --> 00:00:48,178 Да ты гонишь.
00:00:48,179 --> 00:00:49,471 Неа, на самом деле.
00:00:49,472 --> 00:00:50,337 А как ты узнал?
00:00:50,338 --> 00:00:53,028 Просто. Вчера у меня была менструация!
00:00:53,852 --> 00:00:54,858 У тебя была... что?
00:00:54,859 --> 00:00:56,289 Менструация, парниша!
00:00:56,315 --> 00:00:58,414 Видишь ли, в жизни каждого ребенка настаёт момент,
00:00:58,415 --> 00:01:00,548 когда он вырастает, и тогда начинается естественный ход вещей
00:01:00,549 --> 00:01:02,865 заключенный в том, что из жопы идет кровь несколько дней в месяц.
00:01:02,866 --> 00:01:04,056 Ты это придумал!
00:01:04,705 --> 00:01:06,903 Мисс Алертон! Что значит "началась менструация"?
00:01:06,904 --> 00:01:09,832 Ребятки... Не думаю, что я могу объяснить...
00:01:09,833 --> 00:01:10,850 Ну, пожалуйста! Это важно.
00:01:10,851 --> 00:01:14,241 Ну, это, когда наступает половая зрелость и начинает идти кровь...
00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,372 того... снизу...
00:01:15,738 --> 00:01:17,513 Полный п*здец, пацаны! Картмэн не гонит.
00:01:17,514 --> 00:01:18,947 Чуваки, боюсь, я не смогу
00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:20,561 тусоваться с вами в канун Нового Года...
00:01:20,562 --> 00:01:22,040 Мне придётся общаться со взрослой компанией,
00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:24,251 потому что теперь... Я - взрослый!
00:01:24,515 --> 00:01:27,269 У меня кровь из жопы, А вы, ребята, лохи!
00:01:27,270 --> 00:01:29,969 У меня кровь из жопы, А вы, ребята, лохи!
00:01:29,970 --> 00:01:31,820 Блин! Картмэн не должен созревать быстрее нас!
00:01:31,821 --> 00:01:33,247 Ну, может, и у нас скоро это начнётся!
00:01:33,248 --> 00:01:34,849 Пойду проверю, может, уже появилась течь...
00:01:34,850 --> 00:01:36,863 Я тоже!
00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:39,534 Местные новости: желудочный вирус распространяется.
00:01:39,535 --> 00:01:42,694 Он вызывает кровотечение из толстой кишки у некоторых детей.
00:01:42,695 --> 00:01:45,219 Доктора заверяют, что о вирусе не стоит беспокоиться,
00:01:45,220 --> 00:01:48,913 и что с инфекцией легко бороться обычными антибиотиками.
00:01:48,914 --> 00:01:52,144 Осталось всего 4 дня до Новогодней Ночи 1999!
00:01:52,698 --> 00:01:54,727 Новое тысячелетие уже на пороге,
00:01:54,728 --> 00:01:57,089 и люди по всему миру уже начали его отмечать
00:01:57,090 --> 00:01:59,300 с песнями, плясками, убийствами.
00:02:00,464 --> 00:02:02,510 Но, наверное, самое большое событие Миллениума
00:02:02,511 --> 00:02:04,719 сейчас происходит в Саут Парке, штат Колорадо,
00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:08,549 где люди собрались вместе, чтобы иметь счастье узреть Иисуса Христа.
00:02:08,550 --> 00:02:10,326 С нами на связи Крэг Нэцл.
00:02:10,327 --> 00:02:11,074 Спасибо, Том!
00:02:11,075 --> 00:02:13,255 Действительно, осталось 4 дня до нового тысячелетия,
00:02:13,256 --> 00:02:16,348 и сотни, если не тысячи людей съехались со всего мира
00:02:16,349 --> 00:02:19,193 в поисках Иисуса, который сейчас в своем доме в Саут Парке.
00:02:19,194 --> 00:02:21,943 Все с восторгом ожидают, когда Иисус выйдет,
00:02:21,944 --> 00:02:26,998 потому что, как мы все знаем, если Иисус выйдет из своего дома и не испугается своей тени,
00:02:26,999 --> 00:02:30,819 то это будет означать, что новое тысячелетие будет полно мира и любви.
00:02:30,820 --> 00:02:32,910 О! Похоже, Иисус может выйти!
00:02:35,782 --> 00:02:38,232 Смотри, Томми! Вот он! Видишь его?
00:02:38,999 --> 00:02:40,669 Мам, он очень опрятный!
00:02:45,943 --> 00:02:47,095 Все затихли, Том.
00:02:47,096 --> 00:02:48,996 Похоже, паренёк немного нервничает...
00:02:48,997 --> 00:02:50,485 Он сделал еще один шаг, Том!
00:02:50,486 --> 00:02:53,056 Это - прекрасная новость для всех нас!
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,652 Хм, народ, чё делаете?
00:03:00,007 --> 00:03:01,377 Могу Я вам помочь?
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:06,830 Вообще то... Сейчас Миллениум, Иисус...
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,065 Ну, да.
00:03:09,066 --> 00:03:10,556 Ну... Это - МИЛЛЕННИУМ...
00:03:11,821 --> 00:03:12,831 Да... Точно...
00:03:13,688 --> 00:03:15,958 Ну, и? Что случится в Миллениум?
00:03:16,668 --> 00:03:17,498 Я не знаю.
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:18,956 Мы думали, Ты знаешь!
00:03:18,957 --> 00:03:20,277 Да, Ты должен знать!
00:03:20,278 --> 00:03:22,320 Точно, ты - Иисус и у Тебя Власть...
00:03:22,321 --> 00:03:23,302 О...
00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:24,528 Ну...
00:03:24,529 --> 00:03:27,289 А... Уверуйте в Меня и найдёте Мир во Мне....
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,168 Да, да, да! Мы уже слушали эту чушь около 2000 лет,
00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:31,445 и мы хотим чего-нибудь новенького.
00:03:31,446 --> 00:03:33,283 Ради Христа, это - 2000 год!
00:03:33,284 --> 00:03:34,138 Да!
00:03:34,139 --> 00:03:35,240 Ну, так чего же вы хотите?
00:03:35,241 --> 00:03:36,815 Мы хотим увидеть Бога.
00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:38,186 Да, своими глазами.
00:03:38,210 --> 00:03:38,974 Да!!!
00:03:38,975 --> 00:03:41,043 Мы следовали за тобой вслепую 2000 лет,
00:03:41,044 --> 00:03:42,579 и мы думаем, что самое меньшее, что может сделать Бог,
00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:45,090 это - показаться в канун Нового Года.
00:03:45,194 --> 00:03:46,520 Да!!!
00:03:46,521 --> 00:03:47,231 А... Э...
00:03:47,803 --> 00:03:49,653 Дайте-ка подумать минутку.
00:03:52,735 --> 00:03:53,565 Это - хорошо?
00:03:53,921 --> 00:03:55,628 Не знаю, это - хорошо или нет?
00:03:55,629 --> 00:03:56,628 Алё?
00:03:56,629 --> 00:03:57,744 Чувак, у тебя менструация началась?
00:03:57,745 --> 00:03:59,341 Нет, у меня из жопы кровь не идёт.
00:03:59,342 --> 00:04:00,016 У меня тоже.
00:04:00,017 --> 00:04:01,249 Но я еще раз проверил, и Картмэн прав:
00:04:01,250 --> 00:04:03,272 менструация - начало полового созревания.
00:04:03,273 --> 00:04:04,317 Ну, если это только у Картмэна,
00:04:04,318 --> 00:04:06,471 и если он думает, что он - взрослый чтобы встречать с нами Новый Год,
00:04:06,472 --> 00:04:07,253 то - забей на него.
00:04:07,254 --> 00:04:09,044 Да.
00:04:23,291 --> 00:04:23,897 Не тормози, Картмэн!
00:04:23,898 --> 00:04:25,528 Нам нужно запланировать праздник!
00:04:25,529 --> 00:04:26,574 Чуваки, попридержите коней.
00:04:26,575 --> 00:04:29,085 Это очень важно для взрослых людей.
00:04:29,153 --> 00:04:30,043 "ЗАТЫЧКИ 2000", тампоны. Что тут...
00:04:30,044 --> 00:04:33,274 Предлагает полную защиту при сильном течении...
00:04:33,980 --> 00:04:38,135 Хлопчатобумажные тампоны. ...ого ...максимальная задержка ...так ...во влагалище...
00:04:38,136 --> 00:04:41,786 Бобровая плотина. Ого! Чуваки, а эта - с крылышками!
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,139 Была?!
00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:45,350 У тебя была менструация, Кенни?
00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:48,987 Что ж, добро пожаловать в клуб, Кенни.
00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:50,871 У тебя менструация, значит теперь ты - МУЖИК !
00:04:50,872 --> 00:04:52,648 Мы можем встречать вместе Новый Год!
00:04:52,649 --> 00:04:55,105 Но сначала тебе нужно купить немного прокладок, чтобы засунуть их в штаны.
00:04:55,106 --> 00:04:58,036 Тогда ты не запачкаешь кровью свои трусы.
00:04:59,954 --> 00:05:03,641 Том, на секунду показалось, что Иисус выходил из дома,
00:05:03,642 --> 00:05:05,081 но потом Он вернулся назад,
00:05:05,082 --> 00:05:07,251 тем не менее, появляется всё больше людей
00:05:07,252 --> 00:05:09,895 Это - конец ТЫСЯЧЕЛЕТИЯ! Пожалуйста, не убивай нас, Иисус! ...чтобы оказать свою поддержку Иисусу в качестве его поклонников.
00:05:09,896 --> 00:05:11,458 Ну вот, я не знаю, конечно, но мне кажется,
00:05:11,459 --> 00:05:13,404 что если Он действительно тот, за кого Себя выдаёт,
00:05:13,405 --> 00:05:15,738 то лучше бы Ему что-нибудь сделать в Новый Год,
00:05:15,739 --> 00:05:18,009 потому что это есть в Библии...
00:05:18,449 --> 00:05:19,533 Отец...
00:05:19,534 --> 00:05:20,888 Мне нужно поговорить с Тобой.
00:05:20,889 --> 00:05:22,859 Пожалуйста, Отец, явись Мне.
00:05:26,850 --> 00:05:28,280 Что такое, Сын Мой?
00:05:28,992 --> 00:05:29,559 Отец...
00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:33,012 Все стали опять обращать на Меня внимание из-за нового тысячелетия.
00:05:33,013 --> 00:05:34,384 Я возвращаюсь, в некотором смысле.
00:05:34,385 --> 00:05:36,655 Ага, как до тебя Джон Траволта,
00:05:36,718 --> 00:05:39,321 ты переживаешь второе возрождение веры.
00:05:39,322 --> 00:05:40,755 Это - Миллениум, Отец...
00:05:40,756 --> 00:05:41,936 Люди хотят увидеть Тебя.
00:05:41,937 --> 00:05:45,467 Нет, их глаза еще не готовы увидеть подобия Меня.
00:05:45,676 --> 00:05:49,116 Но, Отец, я думаю, что это может быть хорошей возможностью для моего возвращения!
00:05:49,117 --> 00:05:51,507 Иисус, будь осторожней с гордыней.
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:52,870 Просто появись.
00:05:52,872 --> 00:05:54,543 Ты можешь спуститься, сказать "Привет" парочке людей,
00:05:54,544 --> 00:05:55,769 и успеешь вернуться до 12:30.
00:05:55,770 --> 00:05:56,960 Извини, Сын Мой,
00:05:57,237 --> 00:05:59,137 но, если Ты хочешь заработать всеобщую любовь,
00:05:59,138 --> 00:06:02,188 то Тебе придётся сделать это самостоятельно.
00:06:03,698 --> 00:06:05,848 Айк, можно с тобой поговорить?
00:06:06,414 --> 00:06:08,196 Айк... Я не знаю, что мне делать.
00:06:08,197 --> 00:06:09,809 У всех ребят уже началась менструация.
00:06:09,810 --> 00:06:11,255 А у меня, кажется, нет.
00:06:11,256 --> 00:06:15,746 Я не могу быть последним, у кого она появится. Просто не могу.
00:06:15,928 --> 00:06:17,794 У Картмэна она началась, потом у Кенни.
00:06:17,795 --> 00:06:20,038 А вдруг завтра Стэн скажет, что у него она тоже появилась, и я останусь один?
00:06:20,039 --> 00:06:22,729 Я могу даже перестать быть их другом!
00:06:27,175 --> 00:06:28,068 Да!
00:06:28,069 --> 00:06:29,732 Я мог бы просто сказать, что у меня началась менструация!
00:06:29,733 --> 00:06:30,862 Навряд ли они станут проверять.
00:06:30,863 --> 00:06:32,049 Я могу просто сказать, что у меня менструация,
00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:33,427 потому что когда-нибудь она у меня действительно начнется.
00:06:33,428 --> 00:06:34,287 Это - не настоящая ложь,
00:06:34,288 --> 00:06:36,542 это - просто небольшое забегание вперёд!
00:06:36,543 --> 00:06:38,093 Спасибо огромное, Айк.
00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,242 Так значит, вы, парни, не собираетесь отмечать Новый Год с нами?
00:06:40,243 --> 00:06:41,923 Слушай, Кенни и я - уже взрослые.
00:06:41,924 --> 00:06:43,784 Мы не можем отмечать Новый Год с кучкой детей.
00:06:43,785 --> 00:06:46,055 Ты достал себе прокладок, Кенни?
00:06:47,204 --> 00:06:49,414 Тампон? Что это такое "тампон"?
00:06:50,668 --> 00:06:51,657 Ого, а это не больно?
00:06:51,658 --> 00:06:52,253 (Самую малость)
00:06:52,254 --> 00:06:54,092 ПАЦАНЫ ! У МЕНЯ ТОЖЕ НАЧАЛАСЬ МЕНСТРУАЦИЯ!
00:06:54,093 --> 00:06:55,043 Вау, здорово!
00:06:55,313 --> 00:06:55,891 Началась?
00:06:55,892 --> 00:06:57,696 Да, я страдал фигнёй в своей комнате,
00:06:57,697 --> 00:06:59,546 а потом как начал менструировать!
00:06:59,547 --> 00:07:00,197 Зашибись!
00:07:00,576 --> 00:07:02,301 Тогда тебе нужно быть в нашем с Кенни клубе.
00:07:02,302 --> 00:07:04,916 Мама дала мне книгу "Женщина, Которая Бегает С Волками",
00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:07,244 и я выясняю все про нашу Власть Богини!
00:07:07,245 --> 00:07:08,442 Неужели у нас есть Власть?!
00:07:08,443 --> 00:07:08,993 Да, пойдём!
00:07:08,994 --> 00:07:10,314 Мы можем всё настроить у меня в клубе
00:07:10,315 --> 00:07:12,465 и подготовиться к Новому Году.
00:07:13,127 --> 00:07:14,762 Эй, не расстраивайся, Стэн.
00:07:14,763 --> 00:07:18,833 Просто некоторые из нас взрослеют немного дольше остальных.
00:07:23,089 --> 00:07:24,999 Бог, Ты там? Это я, Стэн.
00:07:25,172 --> 00:07:26,228 Если Ты не против,
00:07:26,229 --> 00:07:29,270 Я не хочу быть единственным ребенком, у которого не появилась менструация до Нового Года.
00:07:29,271 --> 00:07:31,101 Не мог бы Ты немного ускорить мое развитие, а?
00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:33,612 Спасибо Тебе, Бог. Твой друг, Стэн.
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,679 Бог, Ты там? Это Я, Иисус.
00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:45,190 Бог, Мне кажется, у Меня есть настоящий шанс вернуться.
00:07:45,191 --> 00:07:47,831 По какой-то причине люди опять начали следовать за Мной.
00:07:47,832 --> 00:07:51,120 Мне 2000 лет, но Я опять чувствую себя на 28.
00:07:51,121 --> 00:07:52,831 Я думаю, что Мне удастся вернуть всех на путь истинный,
00:07:52,832 --> 00:07:54,653 потому что Я только что сделал пару звонков,
00:07:54,654 --> 00:08:00,944 и Я собираюсь поставить САМОЕ ИЗУМИТЕЛЬНОЕ НОВОГОДНЕЕ ЗРЕЛИЩЕ, КОТОРОЕ МИР КОГДА-ЛИБО ВИДЕЛ!
00:08:04,463 --> 00:08:05,801 ДОБРОЕ УТРО, САУТ ПАРК!
00:08:05,802 --> 00:08:06,471 СЕЙЧАС 8 УТРА,
00:08:06,472 --> 00:08:09,702 И ОСТАЛОСЬ ВСЕГО 2 ДНЯ ДО НОВОГО ТЫСЯЧЕЛЕТИЯ.
00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:12,638 Чёрт...
00:08:12,639 --> 00:08:13,528 ЧЁРТ! ЧЁРТ! ЧЁРТ!
00:08:13,529 --> 00:08:15,679 Стэнли, дорогой, что стряслось?!
00:08:15,860 --> 00:08:18,070 У меня кровь из жопы не идёт!
00:08:19,103 --> 00:08:21,282 Ты знаешь, это - хорошо, дорогой.
00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:23,793 НЕТ, ЭТО - НЕ ХОРОШО!!! ЭТО - УЖАСНО!!!
00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:26,006 Бог, Ты там?
00:08:26,007 --> 00:08:26,957 Это Я, Стэн.
00:08:27,212 --> 00:08:28,416 Почему Ты не ответил мне?
00:08:28,417 --> 00:08:29,622 Я знаю, Ты очень занят важными делами,
00:08:29,623 --> 00:08:31,266 но это - вопрос жизни и смерти.
00:08:31,267 --> 00:08:32,404 Если у меня не будет менструации,
00:08:32,405 --> 00:08:34,703 то мои друзья не разрешат мне тусоваться с ними в Новогоднюю Ночь.
00:08:34,704 --> 00:08:38,834 Пожалуйста, ну, пожалуйста, ниспошли мне поскорее менструацию.
00:08:40,856 --> 00:08:41,626 Вот и Он!
00:08:41,704 --> 00:08:42,534 Он выходит!
00:08:43,422 --> 00:08:45,212 Я долго думал, дети Мои,
00:08:45,327 --> 00:08:46,152 и... вы правы!
00:08:46,153 --> 00:08:47,386 Я полистал Библию,
00:08:47,387 --> 00:08:48,547 и там на самом деле говорится,
00:08:48,548 --> 00:08:51,898 что что-то очень большое случится в Миллениум.
00:08:52,513 --> 00:08:54,320 Я говорил со Своим Отцом Небесным,
00:08:54,321 --> 00:08:57,385 и Он согласился, что Миллениум - это очень символично для нас всех.
00:08:57,386 --> 00:09:00,916 И ТЕ, КТО УВЕРОВАЛ В МЕНЯ, ДА БУДУТ ВОЗНАГРАЖДЕНЫ!
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,395 Итак, чем мы займёмся...
00:09:02,396 --> 00:09:04,783 Завтра ночью... 1999 канун Нового Года ...
00:09:04,784 --> 00:09:07,297 Род СТЮАРТ только что согласился играть
00:09:07,298 --> 00:09:10,555 на КОНЦЕРТЕ ВОЗВРАЩЕНИЯ, который будет в "РИО" - ГОСТИНИЦЕ И КАЗИНО в ЛАС ВЕГАСЕ!
00:09:10,556 --> 00:09:12,226 И ВЫ ВСЕ ПРИГЛАШЕНЫ!!!
00:09:16,106 --> 00:09:18,616 МЫ ЗНАЛИ, ТЫ СМОЖЕШЬ ЭТО, ИИСУС!!!
00:09:20,153 --> 00:09:22,257 Я лучше закажу себе билет на рейс в Вегас!!
00:09:22,258 --> 00:09:23,688 Он - мой Спаситель...
00:09:24,937 --> 00:09:26,427 О, Он - мой Господь...
00:09:27,421 --> 00:09:28,851 Он дал мне надежду,
00:09:29,884 --> 00:09:31,674 Когда я только родился...
00:09:32,331 --> 00:09:35,441 И Он возносит меня в Своих кротких руках...
00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:39,912 Итак, все готовы?
00:09:40,127 --> 00:09:41,077 Богиня Ветра?
00:09:41,705 --> 00:09:42,705 Здесь!
00:09:42,706 --> 00:09:43,596 Богиня Луны?
00:09:43,907 --> 00:09:44,917 Богиня ЛУНЫ?!?
00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:47,700 И я, Богиня Абсолютного Наслаждения, здесь...
00:09:47,701 --> 00:09:49,582 Итак, это первая встреча клуба для подростков,
00:09:49,583 --> 00:09:50,824 у которых началась менструация.
00:09:50,825 --> 00:09:52,952 Мы собирались поговорить о наших менструациях и о пацанах.
00:09:52,953 --> 00:09:54,328 Давайте сначала поговорим о пацанах.
00:09:54,329 --> 00:09:55,712 Я думаю, Крэг - довольно клёвый чел,
00:09:55,713 --> 00:09:57,118 но не думаю, что Клайд - очень клёвый.
00:09:57,119 --> 00:09:58,293 Я думаю, что Клайд - отчасти клёвый.
00:09:58,294 --> 00:10:00,504 Но Крэг стопудово круче Клайда.
00:10:04,223 --> 00:10:05,398 Да, это всё ставит на свои места.
00:10:05,399 --> 00:10:06,863 Теперь давайте поговорим о наших менструациях.
00:10:06,864 --> 00:10:07,786 Сначала Кайл.
00:10:07,787 --> 00:10:08,678 Э...
00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:09,824 Ну...
00:10:09,825 --> 00:10:10,947 Э...
00:10:10,948 --> 00:10:12,219 В чём дело, Кайл?
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:13,410 Ни в чем... Э...
00:10:13,411 --> 00:10:14,637 Моя менструация очень...
00:10:14,638 --> 00:10:16,548 Ээ...
00:10:17,004 --> 00:10:17,903 Ну...
00:10:17,904 --> 00:10:20,054 Моя менструация проходит мягко.
00:10:21,103 --> 00:10:22,010 Что ж, в этом есть смысл.
00:10:22,011 --> 00:10:24,041 Моя тоже проходит без помех.
00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:28,884 О, Стэн, привет!
00:10:29,085 --> 00:10:29,813 Привет, Шеф.
00:10:29,814 --> 00:10:30,464 Как оно?
00:10:31,027 --> 00:10:31,822 Плохо.
00:10:31,823 --> 00:10:32,773 Почему плохо?
00:10:32,953 --> 00:10:33,808 Можно мне зайти?
00:10:33,809 --> 00:10:34,699 Ну, конечно.
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,914 Итак, маленький бедолага, что стряслось?
00:10:37,915 --> 00:10:38,805 Шеф, у меня
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,102 есть друг, вот,
00:10:40,289 --> 00:10:41,589 и этот друг в глубокой заднице,
00:10:41,590 --> 00:10:43,814 потому что у всех других ребят его возраста началась менструация,
00:10:43,815 --> 00:10:44,714 а у него ещё нет.
00:10:44,715 --> 00:10:47,065 А, ты говоришь о своей старшей сестре Шелли?
00:10:47,066 --> 00:10:47,571 Нет.
00:10:47,572 --> 00:10:49,096 О твоей маленькой подружке Венди?!
00:10:49,097 --> 00:10:50,189 Слушай, кто бы это ни был.
00:10:50,190 --> 00:10:51,476 Смысл в том, что у всех других есть менструация,
00:10:51,477 --> 00:10:52,525 а у этого человека - нет.
00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:53,336 Видишь ли, Стэн...
00:10:53,337 --> 00:10:55,129 Ты действительно знаешь, что такое менструация?
00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:56,408 Да, нам Картмэн рассказал.
00:10:56,409 --> 00:10:59,027 Стэн, давай-ка, я спою тебе маленькую песенку про менструальный цикл,
00:10:59,028 --> 00:11:01,132 Я думаю, это может помочь тебе разобраться.
00:11:01,133 --> 00:11:02,985 Давай.
00:11:02,986 --> 00:11:05,256 О, детка, да, детка, оу, детка.
00:11:06,125 --> 00:11:08,695 Да, детка, да, детка, СЕЙЧАС, детка.
00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:10,829 О, да, да ДА, детка.
00:11:12,382 --> 00:11:14,052 Да да да, вау, детка...
00:11:15,714 --> 00:11:17,444 А! А! А?... Нет! Детка!
00:11:19,702 --> 00:11:21,432 Оу... детка... нет... нет...
00:11:22,038 --> 00:11:23,696 Э... Нет, я в порядке, я спокоен...
00:11:23,697 --> 00:11:24,767 Всё в порядке.
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,065 Осторожно, спинка кровати, детка...
00:11:27,066 --> 00:11:28,293 Посмотри, сейчас... это... оу...
00:11:28,294 --> 00:11:29,647 Я тебе скажу, что...
00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,198 О... Как насчет... о...
00:11:32,267 --> 00:11:35,917 Почему бы мне не звякнуть тебе на следующей недели?
00:11:36,812 --> 00:11:39,541 Это и есть моя песенка про менструальный цикл, Стэн.
00:11:39,542 --> 00:11:41,572 Ну как, теперь тебе понятно?
00:11:42,615 --> 00:11:43,476 Значит, ты говоришь,
00:11:43,477 --> 00:11:44,488 что этому человеку не нужно расстраиваться,
00:11:44,489 --> 00:11:48,081 потому, что у всех менструация начинается в разное время.
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,398 Это то, что я говорил?
00:11:49,399 --> 00:11:50,484 НО ЭТО - НЕ ЧЕСТНО!!!
00:11:50,485 --> 00:11:51,764 ЭТО - НЕ ЧЕСТНО, КОГДА СЕГОДНЯ ТЫ НА ВЕРШИНЕ,
00:11:51,765 --> 00:11:52,679 ТЫ - САМЫЙ КЛАССНЫЙ ЧЕЛ В ЭТОМ ГОРОДЕ,
00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:53,929 А ЗАВТРА ТЫ ОПЯТЬ ВНИЗУ,
00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:54,930 ПОТОМУ, ЧТО У ВСЕХ ИЗ ЖОПЫ ТЕЧЁТ КРОВЬ! КРОМЕ ТЕБЯ!
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,373 И, ЕЙ-БОГУ, ЕСЛИ Я НЕ МОГУ МЕН-СТур-ИРОВАТЬ
00:11:57,374 --> 00:11:59,367 Я НЕ СОБИРАЮСЬ СИДЕТЬ ДОМА И БЫТЬ ЕДИНСТВЕННЫМ ВОСЬМИЛЕТНИМ ПАЦАНОМ БЕЗ МЕНСТРуАЦИИ !
00:11:59,368 --> 00:12:01,578 МНЕ НУЖНО ЧТО-НИБУДЬ СДЕЛАТЬ!!!
00:12:01,986 --> 00:12:05,336 Мда, должно быть, я не понял всю среднюю часть.
00:12:07,015 --> 00:12:10,124 Не могу передать словами, как взволнован Род Стюарт по поводу концерта в Миллениум.
00:12:10,125 --> 00:12:11,225 Он немного постарел,
00:12:11,226 --> 00:12:13,605 но вы увидите, как он всё ещё может ЗАЖИГАТЬ.
00:12:13,606 --> 00:12:14,907 Да, я тоже взволнован.
00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:17,199 Я думаю, это может вернуть детей Моего Отца к их вере
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,330 и Мне внимание,
00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:20,018 потому что Я - Агнец Божий.
00:12:20,019 --> 00:12:21,134 Да, и э... знаешь,
00:12:21,135 --> 00:12:23,224 Род - заслуженный ветеран, поэтому мне придётся
00:12:23,225 --> 00:12:24,556 просить больше денег,
00:12:24,557 --> 00:12:25,620 но мы об этом позже поговорим.
00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:26,631 А вот и Род!
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:34,050 Здорово, Род, рад видеть тебя!
00:12:34,778 --> 00:12:37,188 Э... Народ очень рад, что ты будешь играть.
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,695 Это действительно даст им много веры в Меня.
00:12:39,696 --> 00:12:41,979 Я уверен, что вместе мы сделаем вечеринку в Миллениум
00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:44,158 САМОЙ ЛУЧШЕЙ НОВОГОДНЕЙ ГУЛЯНКОЙ ВООБЩЕ!!!
00:12:44,159 --> 00:12:45,036 ...срать ...штаны...
00:12:45,037 --> 00:12:45,847 Чего?
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:46,725 ...срать ...штаны...
00:12:46,726 --> 00:12:47,616 Срать штаны?
00:12:47,656 --> 00:12:48,600 ...сратьмоиштаны...
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,797 Ты насрал в свои штаны?
00:12:49,798 --> 00:12:50,868 Срать в штаны.
00:12:50,877 --> 00:12:51,493 Оу.
00:12:51,494 --> 00:12:52,564 Э... Медсестра?
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,893 Кажется, Мистер Стюарт испражнился в свои штаны.
00:12:54,894 --> 00:12:55,920 Опять?!
00:12:55,921 --> 00:12:57,222 Так, Мистер Стюарт,
00:12:57,223 --> 00:13:01,353 что мы говорили о том, чтобы не выпускать Мистера Какашку?
00:13:04,945 --> 00:13:07,599 Да, Стэн, половое созревание - это очень удивительная штука.
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,218 Это - то, что связывает нас вместе, что делает нас едиными!
00:13:10,219 --> 00:13:12,546 А что, если бы у кого-то никогда не было полового созревания?
00:13:12,547 --> 00:13:14,213 Никогда не было полового созревания?!
00:13:14,214 --> 00:13:15,738 У кого никогда не было полового созревания?
00:13:15,739 --> 00:13:17,285 Ни у кого! То есть... ну...
00:13:17,286 --> 00:13:18,037 это...
00:13:18,038 --> 00:13:18,751 ...у папы.
00:13:18,752 --> 00:13:20,752 У твоего папы никогда не было периода полового созревания?!
00:13:20,753 --> 00:13:21,154 Нет...
00:13:21,155 --> 00:13:21,779 а... и...
00:13:21,780 --> 00:13:22,694 Поэтому он послал меня сюда.
00:13:22,695 --> 00:13:24,211 Потому, что он очень стесняется, чтобы самому прийти.
00:13:24,212 --> 00:13:25,766 Ну, я не могу сказать, что упрекаю его.
00:13:25,767 --> 00:13:27,142 Так вы знаете, что ему может помочь?
00:13:27,143 --> 00:13:31,213 Ну, я полагаю, что самое логическое решение будут гормоны.
00:13:31,287 --> 00:13:33,377 Гормоны?
00:13:34,158 --> 00:13:35,065 Да...
00:13:35,066 --> 00:13:37,832 Скажи своему папе, чтобы он принимал только одну таблетку в неделю.
00:13:37,833 --> 00:13:39,305 Это должно быть тем, что ему нужно.
00:13:39,306 --> 00:13:42,192 И скажи, чтобы он не волновался. Тайна останется со мной.
00:13:42,193 --> 00:13:44,074 Огромное вам спасибо, Доктор Мефесто! Вы - самый лучший!
00:13:44,075 --> 00:13:45,145 Да не за что.
00:13:45,429 --> 00:13:47,879 Ах, просто обожаю помогать людям...
00:13:48,980 --> 00:13:51,550 "Гормоны", одна таблетка еженедельно.
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:02,861 Теперь, для нашего первого мероприятия клуба
00:14:02,862 --> 00:14:04,468 нам нужно засунуть руку в эту маленькую миску
00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:05,449 и вытащить слово.
00:14:05,450 --> 00:14:06,060 Мы посмотрим на слово,
00:14:06,061 --> 00:14:09,051 и будем думать, что оно означает для нас.
00:14:09,423 --> 00:14:11,933 Хорошо, сегодня слово - "духовность".
00:14:12,317 --> 00:14:13,849 Оно означает для меня...
00:14:13,850 --> 00:14:14,800 Эй, придурки!
00:14:17,034 --> 00:14:19,845 О, посмотрите, это же - маленький мальчик, у которого ещё нет менструации.
00:14:19,846 --> 00:14:20,968 Можешь не волноваться!
00:14:20,969 --> 00:14:22,426 Я начал принимать гормоны!!
00:14:22,427 --> 00:14:23,081 Гормоны?
00:14:23,082 --> 00:14:24,896 Да, они ускоряют твое половое созревание.
00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:25,967 И я пришел, чтобы сказать,
00:14:25,968 --> 00:14:28,534 что мое созревание будет намного больше, чем у вас!
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,855 Чувак, я не думаю, что восьмилетнему чуваку следует принимать гормоны.
00:14:30,856 --> 00:14:32,543 Да, ты не должен принуждать свое созревание, Стэн.
00:14:32,544 --> 00:14:33,436 Ты должен позволить ему прийти,
00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:34,597 как утренняя роса.
00:14:34,598 --> 00:14:36,300 Так чем займёмся в Новый Год?!
00:14:36,301 --> 00:14:38,845 Ну, МЫ поедем с нашими семьями в Лас Вегас.
00:14:38,846 --> 00:14:42,036 Если захочешь поехать, то я думаю, там будет немного малышей.
00:14:42,037 --> 00:14:43,947 ПОЙДУ ПРИМУ ЕЩЁ ГОРМОНОВ!!!
00:14:45,236 --> 00:14:47,035 Итак, слово было "духовность".
00:14:47,036 --> 00:14:51,282 Я верю, что Богиня во мне - это моя духовность, потому что...
00:14:51,283 --> 00:14:52,035 Тише, Кенни.
00:14:52,036 --> 00:14:54,186 ...Богиня живет во всех нас и...
00:14:55,287 --> 00:14:58,277 ЧЁРТ ТЕБЯ ЗА НОГУ, КЕННИ, ПАСТЬ ЗАКРЫЛ!!!
00:14:59,661 --> 00:15:00,551 Нихера себе!
00:15:04,011 --> 00:15:05,240 Мистер и мисс МакКормик?
00:15:05,241 --> 00:15:05,790 Да?
00:15:05,791 --> 00:15:06,451 Мне очень жаль...
00:15:06,452 --> 00:15:07,785 Мы не смогли спасти вашего сына...
00:15:07,786 --> 00:15:08,916 Боже ты мой!!!!
00:15:09,138 --> 00:15:10,808 Мой малыш Кенни умер!!!
00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:12,055 Не могу в это поверить!!!
00:15:12,056 --> 00:15:13,596 Просто вы привезли его слишком поздно.
00:15:13,597 --> 00:15:14,618 Мы уже ничего не могли сделать.
00:15:14,619 --> 00:15:15,629 Что случилось?
00:15:15,775 --> 00:15:17,010 Доктор, что его убило?
00:15:17,011 --> 00:15:20,613 В общем, мы нашли застрявший тампон в жопе вашего малыша...
00:15:20,614 --> 00:15:22,901 По видимому, он был там несколько дней.
00:15:22,902 --> 00:15:25,513 Это закупорило его и в итоге разорвало изнутри,
00:15:25,514 --> 00:15:27,004 как треснувшую бочку.
00:15:27,172 --> 00:15:28,062 БОЖЕ МОЙ!!!!
00:15:28,438 --> 00:15:31,881 Я беспокоюсь, что это могло быть подражание какой-то бредовой причуде.
00:15:31,882 --> 00:15:34,108 Возможно, все дети запихивают тампоны себе в жопу,
00:15:34,109 --> 00:15:38,011 потому что они увидели, как это делали Бэкстрит Бойз на MTV, ну, или что-то в этом роде.
00:15:38,012 --> 00:15:40,011 Мы должны отыграть очко в этой битве,
00:15:40,012 --> 00:15:43,284 простите, конечно, за каламбур. А вообще-то прямо сейчас мне нужно успеть на самолет в Вегас,
00:15:43,285 --> 00:15:44,801 чтобы увидеть Миллениум-шоу Рода Стюарта.
00:15:44,802 --> 00:15:46,832 Род Стюарт будет в Вегасе?!?
00:15:47,952 --> 00:15:50,839 Том, я - в прямом эфире из Лас Вегаса, где завтра ночью
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,690 будет встреча Нового Года.
00:15:53,654 --> 00:15:55,745 Иисус Христос, наш Господь и Спаситель,
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:59,299 представляет Рода Стюарта - бесспорного короля поп музыки,
00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:00,816 прямо здесь у гостиницы прямо за мной.
00:16:00,817 --> 00:16:03,587 Похоже, что Иисус на самом деле уже здесь.
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,845 Все очень возбуждены, потому что ходят слухи,
00:16:05,846 --> 00:16:09,069 что САМ БОГ собирается показать себя на этом празднике!!!
00:16:09,070 --> 00:16:09,540 Чего?!?
00:16:09,541 --> 00:16:10,365 А вы, мэм?
00:16:10,366 --> 00:16:12,023 Как вы думаете, Бог собирается показаться завтра ночью?
00:16:12,024 --> 00:16:13,094 Ясно как день!
00:16:13,168 --> 00:16:15,023 Об этом и Иисус нынче толковал.
00:16:15,024 --> 00:16:16,715 Он не может нас подвести!
00:16:16,716 --> 00:16:18,263 О, нет!
00:16:18,264 --> 00:16:19,214 Бог, ты там?
00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:21,010 Отец...
00:16:21,011 --> 00:16:24,481 Пожалуйста, подумай ещё и покажись завтра на шоу!
00:16:26,467 --> 00:16:28,369 Алло?
00:16:28,370 --> 00:16:29,329 Стэнли!
00:16:29,330 --> 00:16:32,320 Проснись, дорогой, пора ехать в Лас Вегас!
00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:40,463 Ух ты, блин...
00:16:40,464 --> 00:16:41,534 У меня сиськи!
00:16:49,487 --> 00:16:53,557 Да, Лас Вегас - довольно классное место для нас, взрослых...
00:16:54,087 --> 00:16:59,935 Итак, народ, вы готовы позажигать в Миллениум?!?!
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:00,926 Отче Мой, иже на Небеси...
00:17:00,927 --> 00:17:02,626 ПОЖАЛУЙСТА, сделай, чтобы вечернее шоу прошло хорошо.
00:17:02,627 --> 00:17:03,892 ПОЖАЛУЙСТА, пусть им понравится!
00:17:03,893 --> 00:17:05,232 Эй, а вот и Стэн.
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:06,352 Я ничего не пропустил?
00:17:06,353 --> 00:17:08,591 Ух ты, Стэн... У тебя симпатичные сиськи.
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,102 Стэн, менструации ещё нет?
00:17:10,103 --> 00:17:11,173 Нет, нету, но...
00:17:11,338 --> 00:17:12,720 Не волнуйся, однажды у тебя начнется.
00:17:12,721 --> 00:17:13,252 Пойдём, Кайл.
00:17:13,253 --> 00:17:16,003 Посмотрим, какие тампоны есть в Вегасе.
00:17:16,422 --> 00:17:17,657 Скажу вам кое что:
00:17:17,658 --> 00:17:19,186 я чертовски взволнован!
00:17:19,187 --> 00:17:21,101 У нас осталось 4 часа до Нового Года,
00:17:21,102 --> 00:17:23,372 и я думаю, что пора начинать!!!
00:17:23,757 --> 00:17:24,820 ДАМЫ И ГОСПОДА!
00:17:24,821 --> 00:17:25,462 ВСТРЕЧАЙТЕ,
00:17:25,463 --> 00:17:26,282 КАК И БЫЛО ОБЕЩАНО,
00:17:26,283 --> 00:17:29,273 МИСТЕР РОД-САМА-СЕКСУАЛЬНОСТЬ СТЮАРТ!!!
00:17:57,490 --> 00:17:58,500 Блин, чувак...
00:18:01,044 --> 00:18:02,234 ....сратьштаны....
00:18:04,549 --> 00:18:05,679 ОТСТОЙ ПОЛНЫЙ!!!
00:18:06,097 --> 00:18:07,313 ДА!!!
00:18:07,314 --> 00:18:08,204 Всё, хватит!
00:18:08,569 --> 00:18:09,724 ВЫВОДИТЕ БОГА!!!
00:18:09,725 --> 00:18:10,598 ДА!
00:18:10,599 --> 00:18:11,235 О, нет!
00:18:11,236 --> 00:18:13,746 ХОТИМ БОГА! ХОТИМ БОГА! ХОТИМ БОГА!
00:18:15,604 --> 00:18:16,441 Пожалуйста, Отец...
00:18:16,442 --> 00:18:17,752 СДЕЛАЙ ЧТО-НИБУДЬ!
00:18:18,338 --> 00:18:18,918 Э...
00:18:18,919 --> 00:18:19,389 Народ!
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,610 Боюсь, что Бог не сможет сделать это сегодня...
00:18:21,611 --> 00:18:24,210 И мы приехали в Лас Вегас для ЭТОГО?!?!?
00:18:24,211 --> 00:18:26,014 ЭТО - САМЫЙ УЖАСНЫЙ НОВОГОДНИЙ ВЕЧЕР!!!
00:18:26,015 --> 00:18:27,385 Спасибочки тебе, Иисус!!!
00:18:27,386 --> 00:18:28,276 ДЕРЖИ ЕГО!!!
00:18:32,650 --> 00:18:34,576 Том, я в прямом эфире из Лас Вегаса,
00:18:34,577 --> 00:18:38,130 в котором стремительно проходит вечеринка, известная как самая весёлая в истории.
00:18:38,131 --> 00:18:39,433 Все в жуткой ярости и
00:18:39,434 --> 00:18:41,220 начали строить большой крест,
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:46,191 на котором еще раз распнут нашего Господа и Спасителя, Иисуса Христа...
00:18:46,384 --> 00:18:47,992 Иисус, почему Бог ненавидит меня?
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:48,475 А?
00:18:48,476 --> 00:18:49,356 Он не ненавидит тебя.
00:18:49,357 --> 00:18:50,084 Он ненавидит Меня.
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:51,741 Он собирается позволить ещё раз Меня распнуть.
00:18:51,742 --> 00:18:52,751 Меня Он больше ненавидит.
00:18:52,752 --> 00:18:53,913 Он не отвечает на мои молитвы.
00:18:53,914 --> 00:18:54,886 Я молюсь ему каждый день.
00:18:54,887 --> 00:18:56,360 А он ни разу не ответил мне.
00:18:56,361 --> 00:18:58,458 Ну, да... Но если Бог не отвечал на твои молитвы,
00:18:58,459 --> 00:18:59,926 это ещё не значит, что Он не заботится о тебе.
00:18:59,927 --> 00:19:01,927 Ну, а почему тогда Он не давал мне то, что я хотел?
00:19:01,928 --> 00:19:02,324 Видишь ли...
00:19:02,325 --> 00:19:03,768 Бог не может просто отвечать каждой молитве
00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:05,701 и внезапно давать тебе всё, что ты захочешь.
00:19:05,702 --> 00:19:07,543 Это и составляет суть нашей жизни.
00:19:07,544 --> 00:19:08,254 В смысле?
00:19:08,327 --> 00:19:10,265 Если бы Бог отвечал на все наши молитвы,
00:19:10,266 --> 00:19:12,749 то нам бы нечего было делать самим.
00:19:12,750 --> 00:19:14,168 Жизнь - это проблемы,
00:19:14,169 --> 00:19:16,079 и преодоление этих проблем,
00:19:16,139 --> 00:19:17,973 и рост, и учёба на ошибках.
00:19:17,974 --> 00:19:20,450 Если бы Бог просто всё определил для нас...
00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:23,154 Тогда бы не было никакого смысла нашего существования...
00:19:23,155 --> 00:19:25,509 Именно поэтому он не покажется на новогодней вечеринке...
00:19:25,510 --> 00:19:26,400 Я только хочу менструацию...
00:19:26,401 --> 00:19:27,608 Я понял это, Отец!
00:19:27,609 --> 00:19:29,559 Мне нужно было понять это всё Самому...
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,333 Я был побеждён Своей популярностью,
00:19:31,334 --> 00:19:35,044 и позволил гордыне занять место праведной мудрости...
00:19:37,091 --> 00:19:38,341 Вау, что это?
00:19:40,369 --> 00:19:41,031 Это - Отец...
00:19:41,032 --> 00:19:42,921 Бог? Бог собирается явить себя.
00:19:42,922 --> 00:19:44,412 ЛЮДИ! Я ВИЖУ ЕГО !!!
00:19:46,878 --> 00:19:48,128 Отец, Ты пришел...
00:19:48,236 --> 00:19:50,664 Теперь взгляните на Меня, дети Мои,
00:19:50,665 --> 00:19:51,855 и познайте Меня.
00:19:52,054 --> 00:19:52,884 Не бойтесь.
00:19:53,785 --> 00:19:55,395 Блаженны вы, дети Мои.
00:19:57,722 --> 00:19:58,972 Это - Бог?
00:19:59,425 --> 00:20:01,455 Да, это - Мой Отец, Создатель.
00:20:01,848 --> 00:20:03,158 Он - Альфа и Омега.
00:20:03,193 --> 00:20:04,323 Начало и Конец.
00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:06,337 Ну, да, но... вот это вот?
00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:09,268 И каким ты Меня ожидал увидеть, сын Мой?
00:20:10,547 --> 00:20:12,393 Уж во всяком случае не ЭТИМ!
00:20:12,394 --> 00:20:15,366 Поскольку сейчас конец первых двух тысячелетий,
00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:16,437 Я позволю вам,
00:20:16,456 --> 00:20:17,166 дети Мои,
00:20:17,386 --> 00:20:19,056 задать мне один вопрос.
00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:21,567 Один вопрос?
00:20:21,699 --> 00:20:22,589 Только один?
00:20:22,702 --> 00:20:23,869 Что нам у Него спросить?
00:20:23,870 --> 00:20:25,215 Нужно внимательно подумать.
00:20:25,216 --> 00:20:27,215 Мы можем спросить у Него всё, что угодно, как то
00:20:27,216 --> 00:20:28,439 "в чём смысл жизни"
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:28,971 или
00:20:28,972 --> 00:20:30,066 "для чего мы здесь"!
00:20:30,067 --> 00:20:32,577 У МЕНЯ ЕСТЬ!! У МЕНЯ ЕСТЬ ВОПРОС!!
00:20:32,716 --> 00:20:34,367 Теперь-то ты мне ответишь раз и на всегда!!
00:20:34,368 --> 00:20:38,738 ПОЧЕМУ ТАК СЛУЧИЛОСЬ, ЧТО У МЕНЯ ДО СИХ ПОР НЕТ МЕНСТРУАЦИИ?!
00:20:39,057 --> 00:20:40,667 Сын Мой, ты - мальчик.
00:20:40,952 --> 00:20:42,700 У мальчиков не бывает менструации.
00:20:42,701 --> 00:20:44,251 Это только у девочек.
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,672 У твоих друзей немного кровоточили жопы
00:20:46,673 --> 00:20:48,821 из-за острой кишечной инфекции...
00:20:48,822 --> 00:20:51,408 А твой друг Кайл просто лгал про это.
00:20:51,409 --> 00:20:52,514 Как он узнал?!?
00:20:52,515 --> 00:20:55,016 Ты достигнешь половой зрелости, когда придёт время,
00:20:55,017 --> 00:20:57,858 но у тебя никогда не будет менструации, потому что ты - мужчина...
00:20:57,859 --> 00:20:58,689 с сиськами.
00:20:58,770 --> 00:21:00,140 Так молвил Господь.
00:21:00,349 --> 00:21:02,619 А теперь я возвращаюсь на небо.
00:21:05,268 --> 00:21:05,935 ЭЙ, СТОЙ!!!
00:21:05,936 --> 00:21:08,182 ЭТО НЕЛЬЗЯ СЧИТАТЬ КАК ВОПРОС, ПРАВДА!?!
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:12,313 Я отвечу на следующий вопрос в канун 4000-го Нового Года.
00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:14,547 Вы это слышали?!
00:21:14,548 --> 00:21:15,956 У меня и не должно быть менструации!
00:21:15,957 --> 00:21:18,647 Вот почему Бог не отвечал мне раньше!
00:21:19,734 --> 00:21:22,664 Ребята, я жутко рад, что всё разрешилось!
00:21:23,803 --> 00:21:25,976 Думаю, теперь мы можем все праздновать Новый Год, да?
00:21:25,977 --> 00:21:28,940 Забыть ли старую любовь
00:21:28,941 --> 00:21:31,915 И не грустить о ней?
00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:35,086 Забыть ли старую любовь
00:21:35,087 --> 00:21:37,928 И дружбу прежних дней?
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:42,507 За дружбу старую до дна !
00:21:42,508 --> 00:21:43,621 МОЧИ НЕДОНОСКА !!!
00:21:55,101 --> 00:21:58,101 subtitles were made by Stillwaiting
00:21:58,102 --> 00:22:01,102 stillwaiting@gorodok.net

00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:11,345 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,431 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:15,266 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:16,767 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,144 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:20,438 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:20,563 --> 00:00:21,856 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,524 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:24,984 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:26,777 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:31,866 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:00:31,991 --> 00:00:33,576 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪♪
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:36,620 Dude what are we gonna do for New Year's Eve?
00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:37,204 It has to be awesome!
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,789 I know!
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,249 It's probably gonna be the biggest night of our lives!
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,542 You guys, you guys!
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:42,334 Guess what?!
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:43,169 What, fat ass?
00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:44,462 I've become a man!
00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,796 I've started puberty, you guys!
00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,131 Hmmph?
00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:48,215 No, you didn't!
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,258 Yes, I really did!
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,342 How do you know?
00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:51,177 Well, because yesterday,
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:52,636 I got my period.
00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:54,263 You got your what?
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,015 My period, you guys!
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,142 You see, there comes a time in every child's life
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,478 when they grow up, and nature starts to takes it's course
00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:02,605 by having you bleed out of your ass for a few days every month.
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:03,898 You're making that up!
00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:06,525 Ms. Alton, what's it mean to get a period?
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:09,111 Well boys, I don't think I can tell you--
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,738 Please, it's important!
00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:14,158 Well, it's when puberty hits, and you bleed,
00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:15,534 y'know, "down there".
00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:16,744 Holy shit, dude!
00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:17,953 Cartman's right!
00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:19,205 Well guys, I'm afraid I won't be able
00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:20,623 to hang out with you on New Year's Eve,
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,083 I have to hang out with the older crowd
00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,418 because now... I'm mature.
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,796 ♪ I got my period and you guys didn't ♪
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:27,963 ♪ I got my period ♪
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,882 ♪ And you guys didn't ♪
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,509 Dude, Cartman can't hit puberty before us!
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:32,802 Well maybe we'll get ours soon, too!
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,345 I'm gonna go see if I'm bleeding out my ass!
00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:35,638 Me too!
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,183 In local news, a stomach virus is going around
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,436 that is causing bleeding of the colon in some small children.
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,855 Doctors are telling parents that the virus is nothing to worry about
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,732 and that the infections can be dealt with
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,567 with simple antibiotics.
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:52,404 Well, it's just four days until New Year's Eve 1999.
00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,156 The new millennium is almost upon us,
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,909 and all over the world, people have started to celebrate
00:01:57,034 --> 00:02:00,538 by dancing, singing and killing one another.
00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:02,164 But probably the biggest event of the millennium
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,625 is one happening in South Park, Colorado
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,335 where people have gathered for a chance to see
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,087 Jesus Christ.
00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,089 Craig Netzle is standing by.
00:02:10,214 --> 00:02:12,925 Thanks, Tom, it is indeed four days until the new millennium
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,635 and hundreds, if not thousands, of people
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,095 have come from all over the world
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,388 seeking Jesus...
00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,140 here at his house in South Park.
00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:21,642 Everyone is giddy with anticipation for Jesus to come out
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:22,935 because, as we all know,
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,687 if Jesus comes out of his house,
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,522 and is not scared by his shadow,
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,440 it means the next thousand years
00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:30,109 will be full of peace and love.
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:33,320 Oh, it looks like Jesus might be coming out!
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,324 Oh look, Tommy, there he is!
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:38,367 Can you see him?
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,286 He's neat, Mommy.
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,917 Everyone is quiet here, Tom,
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,544 looks like the little fella's a bit nervous.
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,546 But he has taken another step out, Tom...
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,590 this is great news for us!
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:57,803 Ummm... what are you people doing?
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,640 Can I help you with something?
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,145 Well, it's the millennium, Jesus.
00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:09,023 Uh, huh?
00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:11,442 It's the <i>millennium.</i>
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:12,776 Yeah! - Right!
00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:15,571 So, what happens at the millennium?
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,406 I don't know.
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,908 We thought you did!
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,242 Yeah, you're supposed to know.
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,203 Yeah, you're <i>Jesus</i>!
00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,538 Oh. Well...
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:27,249 yea, believe in me and ye shall find peace.
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,667 Yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:29,919 we've heard that crap for about 2,000 years now.
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,545 We wanna hear something new!
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,130 It's the year 2000 for Christ's sake!
00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:34,173 Yeah!
00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:35,257 Well, what do you want?
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,634 We want to see God!
00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,135 Yeah, with our own eyes.
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,511 Yeah!
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:40,888 We've followed blindly for thousands of years
00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:42,348 and we think the least God can do
00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,642 is show up for New Year's Eve 1999!
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,185 Yeah!
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:49,688 Oh, uhhh, let me think about that for a minute.
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:53,734 Is that good?
00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:54,318 I dunno, is that good?
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,695 Hello?
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:57,905 Dude, did you get your period yet?
00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,031 No, there's no blood coming out of my ass.
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,532 Mine either, but I double-checked
00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:01,909 and Cartman was right.
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:02,868 Your period is the start of puberty.
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,495 Well, if Cartman is the only one who gets it
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,537 and he thinks he's too grown up to hang out with us,
00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:06,872 then screw him anyways.
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:07,915 Yeah!
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,258 Woo-hoo!
00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,759 Yay-heyy!
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,057 C'mon Cartman, we have to make plans for new year's.
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,558 Hold your horses, guys.
00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:28,185 This is very important for mature people!
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,020 Let's see...
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,648 "Offers complete protection during heavy flow...
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:36,860 "Maximum stoppage of vaginal chunks..."
00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:39,488 Ooh, this one's got wings, you guys!
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,489 Woo-hoo!
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,450 You did!
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:44,201 You got your period, too, Kenny?
00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:48,789 Well, welcome to the club, Kenny.
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,749 You got your period, so now you're a man!
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,501 We can hang out together on New Year's Eve.
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:53,877 But first you need to buy some maxi-pads
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,212 to stuff in the back of your pants
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,255 so you don't get blood on your underwear.
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,840 Woo-hoo!
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,927 Tom, it looked for a second as if
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,637 Jesus was going to come out of his house,
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,055 but then he went back inside.
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,932 But meanwhile, more and more people are showing up
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,934 to show their support for Jesus.
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,270 Well, the way I see it,
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,188 if he really is who he says he is,
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,524 well, then, he better do something on New Year's Eve
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,067 'cause it's in the Bible!
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,821 Father, I need to talk to you.
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,990 Please Father, appear to me.
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,370 What is it, my child?
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,373 Father, everyone is starting to pay attention to me again
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:32,875 because of the new millennium.
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,501 I'm kind of making a comeback!
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:36,587 Yea, like John Travolta before you,
00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:38,797 you are experiencing a second revival.
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,341 It's the millennium, Father.
00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:42,176 People want to see you.
00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:45,471 Nay, their eyes are not yet prepared to see the likes of me.
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:48,682 But, Dad, I think this may be my one big shot at a comeback!
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,477 Be ye be careful of pride, Jesus.
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:52,978 Just make an appearance.
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,396 You can come down, say hi to a few people
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,190 and can be back by 12:30!
00:05:56,315 --> 00:05:58,817 I'm sorry, my son, but if you want to earn everyone's love
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,861 you will have to do it yourself.
00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,032 Ike, can I talk to you?
00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,367 Uh-uh, different.
00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:07,910 Ike, I don't know what to do.
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,286 All the guys are getting their periods
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,871 and I don't think I am.
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,373 I can't be the last one to get it,
00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:13,499 I just can't!
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,667 Wa-wa, cheery.
00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,419 Cartman got his, then Kenny.
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,088 What if tomorrow, Stan says he got his
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,756 and I'm left out?
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,049 I might not even get to be their friend any more.
00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:23,884 No, merky sahga...
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,969 Murgy, miggy mowse.
00:06:26,095 --> 00:06:27,679 Yeah!
00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,515 I could just <i>say</i> I got my period.
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:30,808 It's not like they'll check!
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:31,850 I can just say I got my period
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,560 'cause I really will get it someday!
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,479 It's not really lying, it's jumping the gun a little.
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:36,730 Coo-kle, ma-kle.
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,357 Thanks a lot, Ike.
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:39,942 So you guys aren't gonne spend New Year's Eve with us?
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,735 Look, Kenny and I are mature now.
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,570 We can't spend New Year's Eve with a couple of kids!
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,863 Did you get your maxi-pads, Kenny?
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,158 Tampon? What's a tampon?
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,453 Ooh, doesn't that hurt?
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:52,913 Mmhpt-mhhpm.
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,039 You guys, I got my period, too!
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,040 Wow, cool!
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,458 You did?
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,709 Yeah, I was just hanging out in my room
00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,128 then I period-ed all over the place.
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,546 Alright!
00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:02,131 You have to be in me and Kenny's club, then.
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:04,800 My mom gave me this <i>Women Who Run With The Wolves</i> book
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,885 and I'm finding out all about our Goddess powers.
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,595 Awesome, we get powers?
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:09,888 Yeah, c'mon, we can set up everything in my clubhouse
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,890 and get ready for New Year's Eve!
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:14,268 Hey, don't feel bad, Stan.
00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:17,479 Some of us just mature a little later than others.
00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:25,320 "Are you there, God? It's me, Stan.
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:27,239 "if you wouldn't mind, I don't want to be the only kid
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,408 "who doesn't get his period before the new year.
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,118 "Could you speed up my development a little?
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:33,620 "Thanks God, your friend, Stan."
00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:41,587 "Are you there God? It's me, Jesus.
00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:44,590 "I feel like I've got a real shot at a comeback, God.
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,926 "For whatever reason, people are starting to follow me again.
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,721 "I'm 2,000 years old, but I feel like I'm 28 again.
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,639 "I think I'm going to win everybody back
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,600 "because I just made a few phone calls
00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:57,186 "and I'm going to put on the most amazing new year's spectacle
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,229 this world has ever seen!"
00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,487 Good morning South Park, it's 8 A.M.
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:09,740 And only two more days until the new millennium!
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,034 Dammit!
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:12,618 Dammit!
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:13,368 Dammit!
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,495 Dammit!
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,829 Stanley, honey, what's the matter?
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:18,040 I'm not bleeding out of my ass!
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,959 Well... that's <i>good</i>, honey.
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,253 No, it's not, it's terrible!
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,965 Are you there, God? It's me, Stan.
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,342 How come you didn't help me?
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:29,426 I know you're really busy with things,
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,011 but this is a matter of life and death.
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,055 If I don't get my period
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,264 my friends won't let me hang out with them on New Year's Eve.
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,975 Please, <i>please</i> give me my period soon.
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,480 Here he comes!
00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:42,814 He's coming out!
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,983 I've given it much thought, my children,
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,401 and you are right.
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,487 After reviewing the Bible it does indeed say
00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:50,656 that something very big is going to happen at the millennium.
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,618 I have spoken to my father in Heaven
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,204 and he agreed that the millennium is significant to all of us.
00:08:57,329 --> 00:08:59,748 And ye who believe in me <i>shall</i> be rewarded!
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,001 So, what we're gonna do tomorrow night--
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,878 New Year's Eve 1999--
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:08,131 We just got <i>Rod Stewart</i> to agree to play a comeback concert
00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:10,217 at the Rio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:12,886 and you're all going!
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:17,724 We knew you could do it, Jesus!
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,229 I better book my ass a flight to Vegas!
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:27,442 ♪ For he is savior, for he is Lord ♪
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:32,322 ♪ He gives me hope when I have only been bored ♪
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:36,535 ♪ And he lifts me up with his gentle arms... ♪
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:39,871 Okay, is everyone accounted for?
00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:40,747 Goddess Wind?
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:41,748 Here!
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:42,624 Goddess Moon?
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,459 Goddess Moon!
00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:45,752 I'm here!
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,462 And I'm here, Goddess Earthly Delight.
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,172 So, this is the first meeting of our club
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,632 for teens who have gotten their periods.
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,676 We're supposed to talk about our periods and boys.
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:53,885 Let's talk about boys first.
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,220 I think Craig is pretty cool
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,888 but I don't think Clyde is very cool.
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,223 I think Clyde is kind of cool
00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,683 but Craig is definitely cooler than Clyde.
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,314 Okay, that settles that.
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:06,815 Now let's talk about our periods.
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:07,733 Kyle, you first.
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:09,860 Oh, uh... ummm...
00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:11,987 What's the matter, Kyle?
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,030 Nothing!
00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:15,741 Uh, my period is really, uh...
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:19,745 Uh, period is going swimmingly!
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:23,081 Okay, that makes sense, mine is going swimmingly, too!
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:23,957 Mine, too!
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,250 Whew!
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,503 Oh, hello, Stan!
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:29,546 Hey, Chef.
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:30,505 How's it going?
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,590 Bad.
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:32,799 Why bad?
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:33,842 Can I come in?
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,260 Well, sure!
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,763 Now what's the matter, little cracker?
00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,806 Chef, I have this friend, see...
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,558 And this person is really bummed out
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,226 because everyone else the same age has gotten their period
00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:44,853 and this person hasn't.
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,521 Oh, you're talking about your older sister, Shelly.
00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,023 No.
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:48,982 Your little girlfriend, Wendy.
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,359 Look, it doesn't matter who it is
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,276 the point is that everyone else got their period
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:52,694 and this person hasn't.
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,279 Look, Stan, do you really know what a period is?
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,198 Yeah, Cartman told us.
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:59,201 Stan, let me sing you a little song about the menstrual cycle.
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,952 I think it might clear things up for you.
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,621 Okay.
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:05,582 ♪ Ooh baby, yeah baby, ooh baby ♪
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:08,877 ♪ Yeah baby, yeah baby, now baby ♪
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,255 ♪ Ooh yeah, yes yes baby ♪
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:15,634 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah, uh-huh baby ♪
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:19,554 ♪ Aw--aw--aw aw no, baby ♪
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,890 ♪ Eww baby, naw naw ♪
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,351 ♪ No I'm cool, it's okay ♪
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:27,020 ♪ Watch out for the bedspread, baby ♪
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,271 ♪ Look out, now-- ♪
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:29,690 ♪ Uh, I'll tell you what ♪
00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:31,274 ♪ Uh, how about uhh... ♪
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:35,362 ♪ Why don't I call you next week ♪
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,032 And that's my song about the menstrual cycle, Stan.
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,951 Did that clear things up for you?
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:44,246 So, what you're saying is this person shouldn't be bummed
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,289 because everybody has their period at a different time?
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,917 Is that what I said?
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,544 But it's not fair!
00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:51,670 It's not fair that one day you're on top,
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,046 you're the coolest kid in town,
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,756 and the next day you're at the bottom again
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:55,632 because everyone has blood coming out of their ass but you!
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,509 And if I can't men-strate then, by God,
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,344 I'm not gonna sit around and be the only periodless 8-year-old boy!
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,054 I'm gonna do something about it!
00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:03,682 Whoa!
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,183 I musta' missed a <i>whole</i> middle part, there!
00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:08,603 I can't tell you how excited Rod Stewart is
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,063 about this millennium concert.
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:11,523 He's gotten a little older,
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,150 but you're gonna see how much he can still rock.
00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:14,609 Oh, I'm excited, too.
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,403 I think it will bring my father's children
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,071 back to their faith and back to mine eyes.
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,656 For I am the lamb of God.
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,451 Yeah, and y'know, Rod is a seasoned veteran
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,369 so I'm going to have to ask for a bit more cash.
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:25,454 But we can talk about that later.
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,122 Here comes Rod now.
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,584 Owww...
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,378 Hey Rod, great to see you!
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:34,755 Owww...
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,923 Uh, the folks are sure glad you're playing.
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:39,593 It's really given them a lot of faith in me again.
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,762 I'm sure that together we can make this millennium party
00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:44,055 the best New Year's bash ever!
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:44,848 Poopans...
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:45,724 What?
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:46,725 Poo pants.
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:47,726 "Poo pants"?
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:48,643 Pooped pants.
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,811 Y-You pooped your pants?
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:50,896 Pooped my pants.
00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,481 Oh...
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,357 Uh-- Nurse, Mr. Stewart has apparently pooped his pants!
00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:55,984 Again?!
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,736 Now Mr. Stewart,
00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:00,864 what did we say about trying to hold in Mr. Dookie?
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,287 Yes, puberty is a very wonderful thing, Stan.
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,914 It's what links us all together.
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,041 Makes us one.
00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:12,334 What happens if there's someone who never went through puberty?
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,668 Never went through puberty?
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,170 Who never went through puberty?
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,546 Nobody... I mean, uh...
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,632 Uh, well... my dad!
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,550 Your father never went through puberty?
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,552 No and uh... that's why he sent me here.
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:23,970 Because he's too embarrassed to come himself.
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:25,555 Well, I can't say that I blame him.
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,973 So, do you know anything that can help him?
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,892 Well I should think that the most logical solution would be--
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,143 hormones!
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,479 Hormones?
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:35,649 Yes, here, tell your father
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,484 to take just one of these pills every week.
00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:39,236 It could be just what he needs.
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:42,280 And be sure to tell him that his secret is safe with me.
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:43,865 Thanks a lot, Doctor, you're the best!
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:44,991 My pleasure.
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:47,577 I just love helping people.
00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:03,134 Now, for our first club activity,
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:04,469 we're supposed to reach into this little dish
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:05,512 and pull out a word.
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,013 We look at the word
00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,266 and think about what that word means to us.
00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:12,644 Okay, today's word is "spirituality".
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,187 What that means to me is--
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:15,814 Hey, assholes!
00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:18,275 Hey, look, it's that little boy
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,860 who hasn't gotten his period yet.
00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:21,069 Don't you worry about that!
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,070 I've started taking hormones!
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,864 Hormones?
00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:24,990 Yeah, they make you have your puberty quicker.
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:26,867 And I'm just here to tell you
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,660 that my puberty is gonna be bigger than any of you guys!
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,912 Dude, I don't think 8-year-olds are supposed to take hormones.
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,706 Yeah, you shouldn't force your period, Stan.
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,708 You should let it come like the morning dew.
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,334 So what are we gonna do for new year's?
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,295 Well, we're going with our families to Las Vegas.
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:41,047 I guess there'll be some younger kids there...if you want to go.
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:44,634 Argh, I'm gonna go take some more hormones.
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,137 Now, the word is "spirituality".
00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:49,681 I believe that the Goddess in me is my sprituality because--
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,433 Ughnnn...
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,851 Quiet, Kenny.
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:53,602 The Goddess lives in all of us--
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,395 Ugh-ugnn!
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,813 Goddammit Kenny, shut the hell up!
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,690 Ughhhnn!
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,234 Whoa, dude!
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,155 Mr. and Ms. McCormick?
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,740 Yes?
00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:07,782 I'm sorry, we couldn't save your son.
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:08,867 Oh my God...
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,410 My little Kenny's gone!
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,287 I can't believe it!
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,663 We just didn't get to him in time.
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:14,664 There's nothing we could do.
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:15,790 What happened?
00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,500 What killed him, Doctor?
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,462 Well, we found a tampon stuck up your child's ass.
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,589 Apparently, he'd had it up there for several days.
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,674 It plugged him up until he finally burst
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,093 from the inside out like a ruptured septic tank.
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:28,553 Oh my God!
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:29,930 My worry is that he could have been following
00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,723 some kind of crazy new fad.
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,100 Perhaps the children are all shoving tampons up their ass
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,811 because they've seen the <i>Backstreet Boys</i> doing it on TV or something.
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,898 We must get to the bottom of this!
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,483 If you'll pardon the pun.
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,318 But, actually, right now, I've got to catch plane to Las Vegas
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,819 to see the Rod Stewart Millennium Show.
00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,613 Rod Stewart's gonna be in Vegas?
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:50,116 Tom, I'm here live in Las Vegas
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,452 where tomorrow night <i>the</i> New Year's Eve event
00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:53,828 is going to happen.
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:55,497 Jesus Christ, our Lord and savior,
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:59,000 is presenting Rod Stewart, the undisputed king of pop
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,086 right here at this hotel behind me.
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,630 It looks as though Jesus really has come through.
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,840 Everyone is very excited because rumor has it
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:08,885 that God himself is gonna show up to the event.
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,512 What?
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:11,721 How about you, m'aam, do you think God is gonna show up?
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,056 Of course he is.
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,724 This is Jesus we're talking about!
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,017 He wouldn't let us down.
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,813 Oh no! Are you there, God?
00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:22,232 Father, will you please reconsider
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,859 and show up tomorrow?
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,404 Hello?
00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:32,784 Stanley, wake up, honey... it's time to leave for Las Vegas!
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,291 Whoa, dude!
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:41,960 I've got boobs!
00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:52,262 Hey, Las Vegas is a pretty cool place for us mature people.
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:54,973 Alright, people...
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,392 Are we ready to rock the millennium?
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,564 Father in Heaven, please let tonight's show go well.
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,024 Please make them like it.
00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:05,275 Hey, here comes Stan.
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,776 Have I missed anything?
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,570 Wow, Stan, you've really got some nice titties, there.
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:09,904 Did you get your period yet, Stan?
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,156 No, I didn't, but--
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:12,782 Don't worry, you'll get someday.
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,492 C'mon, Kyle, let's go see what kind of tampons they have
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,703 here in Las Vegas.
00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:17,746 Well, I'll tell you one thing...
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:19,330 I sure as heck am excited!
00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:21,166 We've got about 4 hours to the new year,
00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:24,210 so it think it's time to start it up!
00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:26,337 Ladies and Gentlemen, here he is, as promised
00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:30,133 Mr. Rod "Do You Think I'm Sexy" Stewart!
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,603 ♪ Owwww... ♪
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:46,983 ♪ Owwww... ♪
00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:54,032 ♪ Owww, ohhh, owwww ♪
00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,162 Whoa, man!
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:03,124 Oops, I pooped 'em.
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:05,752 This sucks balls!
00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,003 Yeah! - Yeah!
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:09,547 Alright, enough of this, bring out God!
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:10,340 Yeah!
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:11,716 Oh no!
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:12,592 We want God!
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:13,676 We want God!
00:18:13,802 --> 00:18:15,178 We want God!
00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:17,180 Please Father, do something!
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,765 We want God!
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:21,810 Uh, folks, I'm afraid God can't make it tonight.
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,062 We came all the way to Las Vegas for this?
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:25,897 This is the worst New Year's ever!
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,273 Thanks a lot, Jesus!
00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,025 Let's get him!
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,988 Well, Tom, I'm here live in Las Vegas
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:37,367 at what is quickly becoming known as the gayest party ever.
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:40,203 Everyone is so outraged that they are building a large cross
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,872 in which to, once again, crucify our Lord and savior,
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,249 Jesus Christ.
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:47,043 Jesus, why does God hate me?
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,379 Huh? He doesn't hate you, he hates me!
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:50,839 He's gonna let me be crucified again.
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,048 He hates me more.
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,591 He doesn't answer my prayers.
00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:55,510 I prayed to him every day and he never answered me.
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,679 But just because God doesn't answer your prayers
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,264 doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,141 Well, then, why didn't he give me what I wanted?
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,101 God can't just answer every prayer
00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:04,519 and suddenly give you everything you want.
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,479 That takes all the living out of life.
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:07,814 What do you mean?
00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,607 If God answered all our prayers,
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,651 there'd be nothing left for us to do ourselves.
00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:14,821 Life is about problems, and overcoming those problems.
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:17,157 And growing and learning from obstacles.
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:18,950 If God just fixed everything for us,
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:22,370 then there'd be no point in our existence.
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,956 That's why he wouldn't show up to my new year's party.
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:25,999 I just wanted my period.
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,333 I get it now, Father!
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,543 I had to learn all this on my own.
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,587 I was overcome with my new popularity
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,214 and I let pride get in the way of good judgment.
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,844 Whoa, what is that?
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:40,722 It's Dad.
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,599 God is going to show himself?
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:43,892 Look, I can see him!
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:47,604 Father, you came!
00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:51,274 Now, look upon me, my children, and know me.
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:56,029 Be ye not afraid, blessed art thou, my children.
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,448 That's God?
00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:00,992 Yea, 'tis my father the creator.
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,703 He is the alpha, the omega, the beginning and the end.
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,622 Well yeah, but<i>... that</i>?!
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,917 What did you expect me to look like, my son?
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,669 Well not like <i>that</i>!
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:14,464 Since it is the end of the first 2,000 years
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:18,218 I will allow you, my children, to ask me one question.
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,720 One question?
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:21,930 Only one?
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,264 What should we ask him?
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,432 We have to think carefully!
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,100 We can ask him anything we want
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,560 like, "what's the meaning of life?"
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,229 Oo, "why are we here?"
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,606 I have it, I have the question!
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,900 Now you have to answer me once and for all...
00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:37,487 How come I haven't gotten my period yet?
00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,531 My child, you are a boy.
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:43,326 Boys do not get periods, that's only for girls.
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,787 Your friends were bleeding a little bit out of their asses
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,872 because of an acute colon infection
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:50,333 and your friend Kyle simply lied about it.
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,834 How'd he know that!?
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,003 You will hit puberty when the time is right.
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,839 But you will never have a period, because you are a man.
00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,174 With titties.
00:20:58,299 --> 00:20:59,592 Thus, spaketh the Lord.
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,678 And now, I return to Heaven.
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,224 Hey, wait!
00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:07,684 That doesn't count as our question, does it?
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,477 I'll answer another on New Year's Eve
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,479 in the year 4000.
00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:14,440 Did you hear that, everybody?
00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,608 I'm not even <i>supposed</i> to have my period
00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:17,735 that's why God wasn't answering me before!
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:22,156 Boy, I'm sure glad everything worked out okay!
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,702 I guess now, we can all celebrate the new year, huh?
00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:28,371 ♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪
00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:31,332 ♪ And never brought to mind ♪
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:34,043 ♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪
00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:37,255 ♪ And auld lang syne ♪
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:40,174 ♪ For auld lang syne my dear ♪
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,884 ♪ For auld lang syne ♪
00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:43,261 Let's get him!
00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:45,096 Yeah!
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,431 Ahhhhhh!!

00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:11,345 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,431 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:15,266 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:16,767 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,144 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:20,438 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:20,563 --> 00:00:21,856 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,524 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:24,984 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:26,777 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:30,072 ♪ [Mumbling] ♪
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:31,866 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:00:31,991 --> 00:00:33,576 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪♪
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:36,620 Dude what are we gonna do for New Year's Eve?
00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:37,204 It has to be awesome!
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,789 I know!
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,249 It's probably gonna be the biggest night of our lives!
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,542 You guys, you guys!
00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:42,334 Guess what?!
00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:43,169 What, fat ass?
00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:44,462 I've become a man!
00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,796 I've started puberty, you guys!
00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,131 Hmmph?
00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:48,215 No, you didn't!
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,258 Yes, I really did!
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,342 How do you know?
00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:51,177 Well, because yesterday,
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:52,636 I got my period.
00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:54,263 You got your what?
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,015 My period, you guys!
00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,142 You see, there comes a time in every child's life
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,478 when they grow up, and nature starts to takes it's course
00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:02,605 by having you bleed out of your ass for a few days every month.
00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:03,898 You're making that up!
00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:06,525 Ms. Alton, what's it mean to get a period?
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:09,111 Well boys, I don't think I can tell you--
00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,738 Please, it's important!
00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:14,158 Well, it's when puberty hits, and you bleed,
00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:15,534 y'know, "down there".
00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:16,744 Holy shit, dude!
00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:17,953 Cartman's right!
00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:19,205 Well guys, I'm afraid I won't be able
00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:20,623 to hang out with you on New Year's Eve,
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,083 I have to hang out with the older crowd
00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,418 because now... I'm mature.
00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,796 ♪ I got my period and you guys didn't ♪
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:27,963 ♪ I got my period ♪
00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,882 ♪ And you guys didn't ♪
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,509 Dude, Cartman can't hit puberty before us!
00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:32,802 Well maybe we'll get ours soon, too!
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,345 I'm gonna go see if I'm bleeding out my ass!
00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:35,638 Me too!
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,183 In local news, a stomach virus is going around
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,436 that is causing bleeding of the colon in some small children.
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,855 Doctors are telling parents that the virus is nothing to worry about
00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,732 and that the infections can be dealt with
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,567 with simple antibiotics.
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:52,404 Well, it's just four days until New Year's Eve 1999.
00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,156 The new millennium is almost upon us,
00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,909 and all over the world, people have started to celebrate
00:01:57,034 --> 00:02:00,538 by dancing, singing and killing one another.
00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:02,164 But probably the biggest event of the millennium
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,625 is one happening in South Park, Colorado
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,335 where people have gathered for a chance to see
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,087 Jesus Christ.
00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,089 Craig Netzle is standing by.
00:02:10,214 --> 00:02:12,925 Thanks, Tom, it is indeed four days until the new millennium
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,635 and hundreds, if not thousands, of people
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,095 have come from all over the world
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,388 seeking Jesus...
00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,140 here at his house in South Park.
00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:21,642 Everyone is giddy with anticipation for Jesus to come out
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:22,935 because, as we all know,
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,687 if Jesus comes out of his house,
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,522 and is not scared by his shadow,
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,440 it means the next thousand years
00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:30,109 will be full of peace and love.
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:33,320 Oh, it looks like Jesus might be coming out!
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,324 Oh look, Tommy, there he is!
00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:38,367 Can you see him?
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,286 He's neat, Mommy.
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,917 Everyone is quiet here, Tom,
00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,544 looks like the little fella's a bit nervous.
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,546 But he has taken another step out, Tom...
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,590 this is great news for us!
00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:57,803 Ummm... what are you people doing?
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,640 Can I help you with something?
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,145 Well, it's the millennium, Jesus.
00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:09,023 Uh, huh?
00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:11,442 It's the <i>millennium.</i>
00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:12,776 Yeah! - Right!
00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:15,571 So, what happens at the millennium?
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,406 I don't know.
00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,908 We thought you did!
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,242 Yeah, you're supposed to know.
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,203 Yeah, you're <i>Jesus</i>!
00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,538 Oh. Well...
00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:27,249 yea, believe in me and ye shall find peace.
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,667 Yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:29,919 we've heard that crap for about 2,000 years now.
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,545 We wanna hear something new!
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,130 It's the year 2000 for Christ's sake!
00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:34,173 [all] Yeah!
00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:35,257 Well, what do you want?
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,634 We want to see God!
00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,135 Yeah, with our own eyes.
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,511 [all] Yeah!
00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:40,888 We've followed blindly for thousands of years
00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:42,348 and we think the least God can do
00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,642 is show up for New Year's Eve 1999!
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,185 [all] Yeah!
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:49,688 Oh, uhhh, let me think about that for a minute.
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:53,734 Is that good?
00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:54,318 I dunno, is that good?
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,152 [phone ringing]
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,695 Hello?
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:57,905 Dude, did you get your period yet?
00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,031 No, there's no blood coming out of my ass.
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,532 Mine either, but I double-checked
00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:01,909 and Cartman was right.
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:02,868 Your period is the start of puberty.
00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,495 Well, if Cartman is the only one who gets it
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,537 and he thinks he's too grown up to hang out with us,
00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:06,872 then screw him anyways.
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:07,915 Yeah!
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,258 Woo-hoo!
00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,759 Yay-heyy!
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,057 C'mon Cartman, we have to make plans for new year's.
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,558 Hold your horses, guys.
00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:28,185 This is very important for mature people!
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,020 Let's see...
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,648 "Offers complete protection during heavy flow...
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:36,860 "Maximum stoppage of vaginal chunks..."
00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:39,488 Ooh, this one's got wings, you guys!
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,489 Woo-hoo!
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,157 [mumbling]
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,450 You did!
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:44,201 You got your period, too, Kenny?
00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:47,037 [mumbling]
00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:48,789 Well, welcome to the club, Kenny.
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,749 You got your period, so now you're a man!
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,501 We can hang out together on New Year's Eve.
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:53,877 But first you need to buy some maxi-pads
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,212 to stuff in the back of your pants
00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,255 so you don't get blood on your underwear.
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,840 Woo-hoo!
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,927 Tom, it looked for a second as if
00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,637 Jesus was going to come out of his house,
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,055 but then he went back inside.
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,932 But meanwhile, more and more people are showing up
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,934 to show their support for Jesus.
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,270 Well, the way I see it,
00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,188 if he really is who he says he is,
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,524 well, then, he better do something on New Year's Eve
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,067 'cause it's in the Bible!
00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:18,485 [sigh]
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,821 Father, I need to talk to you.
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,990 Please Father, appear to me.
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,370 What is it, my child?
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,373 Father, everyone is starting to pay attention to me again
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:32,875 because of the new millennium.
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,501 I'm kind of making a comeback!
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:36,587 Yea, like John Travolta before you,
00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:38,797 you are experiencing a second revival.
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,341 It's the millennium, Father.
00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:42,176 People want to see you.
00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:45,471 Nay, their eyes are not yet prepared to see the likes of me.
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:48,682 But, Dad, I think this may be my one big shot at a comeback!
00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,477 Be ye be careful of pride, Jesus.
00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:52,978 Just make an appearance.
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,396 You can come down, say hi to a few people
00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,190 and can be back by 12:30!
00:05:56,315 --> 00:05:58,817 I'm sorry, my son, but if you want to earn everyone's love
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,861 you will have to do it yourself.
00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,032 Ike, can I talk to you?
00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,367 Uh-uh, different.
00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:07,910 Ike, I don't know what to do.
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,286 All the guys are getting their periods
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,871 and I don't think I am.
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,373 I can't be the last one to get it,
00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:13,499 I just can't!
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,667 Wa-wa, cheery.
00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,419 Cartman got his, then Kenny.
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,088 What if tomorrow, Stan says he got his
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,756 and I'm left out?
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,049 I might not even get to be their friend any more.
00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:23,884 No, merky sahga...
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,969 Murgy, miggy mowse.
00:06:26,095 --> 00:06:27,679 Yeah!
00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,515 I could just <i>say</i> I got my period.
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:30,808 It's not like they'll check!
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:31,850 I can just say I got my period
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,560 'cause I really will get it someday!
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,479 It's not really lying, it's jumping the gun a little.
00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:36,730 Coo-kle, ma-kle.
00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,357 Thanks a lot, Ike.
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:39,942 So you guys aren't gonne spend New Year's Eve with us?
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,735 Look, Kenny and I are mature now.
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,570 We can't spend New Year's Eve with a couple of kids!
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,863 Did you get your maxi-pads, Kenny?
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:46,740 [mumbling]
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,158 Tampon? What's a tampon?
00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,160 [mumbling]
00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,453 Ooh, doesn't that hurt?
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:52,913 Mmhpt-mhhpm.
00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,039 You guys, I got my period, too!
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,040 Wow, cool!
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,458 You did?
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,709 Yeah, I was just hanging out in my room
00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,128 then I period-ed all over the place.
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,546 Alright!
00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:02,131 You have to be in me and Kenny's club, then.
00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:04,800 My mom gave me this <i>Women Who Run With The Wolves</i> book
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,885 and I'm finding out all about our Goddess powers.
00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,595 Awesome, we get powers?
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:09,888 Yeah, c'mon, we can set up everything in my clubhouse
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,890 and get ready for New Year's Eve!
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:14,268 Hey, don't feel bad, Stan.
00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:17,479 Some of us just mature a little later than others.
00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:25,320 "Are you there, God? It's me, Stan.
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:27,239 "if you wouldn't mind, I don't want to be the only kid
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,408 "who doesn't get his period before the new year.
00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,118 "Could you speed up my development a little?
00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:33,620 "Thanks God, your friend, Stan."
00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:41,587 "Are you there God? It's me, Jesus.
00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:44,590 "I feel like I've got a real shot at a comeback, God.
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,926 "For whatever reason, people are starting to follow me again.
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,721 "I'm 2,000 years old, but I feel like I'm 28 again.
00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,639 "I think I'm going to win everybody back
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,600 "because I just made a few phone calls
00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:57,186 "and I'm going to put on the most amazing new year's spectacle
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,229 this world has ever seen!"
00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,776 [radio]
00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,487 Good morning South Park, it's 8 A.M.
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:09,740 And only two more days until the new millennium!
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,034 Dammit!
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:12,618 Dammit!
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:13,368 Dammit!
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,495 Dammit!
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,829 Stanley, honey, what's the matter?
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:18,040 I'm not bleeding out of my ass!
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,959 Well... that's <i>good</i>, honey.
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,253 No, it's not, it's terrible!
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,965 Are you there, God? It's me, Stan.
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,342 How come you didn't help me?
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:29,426 I know you're really busy with things,
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,011 but this is a matter of life and death.
00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,055 If I don't get my period
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,264 my friends won't let me hang out with them on New Year's Eve.
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,975 Please, <i>please</i> give me my period soon.
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,480 Here he comes!
00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:42,814 He's coming out!
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,983 I've given it much thought, my children,
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,401 and you are right.
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,487 After reviewing the Bible it does indeed say
00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:50,656 that something very big is going to happen at the millennium.
00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:52,616 [cheering]
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,618 I have spoken to my father in Heaven
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,204 and he agreed that the millennium is significant to all of us.
00:08:57,329 --> 00:08:59,748 And ye who believe in me <i>shall</i> be rewarded!
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,208 [cheers]
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,001 So, what we're gonna do tomorrow night--
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,878 New Year's Eve 1999--
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:08,131 We just got <i>Rod Stewart</i> to agree to play a comeback concert
00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:10,217 at the Rio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:12,886 and you're all going!
00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:17,724 We knew you could do it, Jesus!
00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:20,185 [cheers and applause]
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,229 I better book my ass a flight to Vegas!
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:27,442 ♪ For he is savior, for he is Lord ♪
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:32,322 ♪ He gives me hope when I have only been bored ♪
00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:36,535 ♪ And he lifts me up with his gentle arms... ♪
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:39,871 Okay, is everyone accounted for?
00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:40,747 Goddess Wind?
00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:41,748 Here!
00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:42,624 Goddess Moon?
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,459 Goddess Moon!
00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:45,752 I'm here!
00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,462 And I'm here, Goddess Earthly Delight.
00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,172 So, this is the first meeting of our club
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,632 for teens who have gotten their periods.
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,676 We're supposed to talk about our periods and boys.
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:53,885 Let's talk about boys first.
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,220 I think Craig is pretty cool
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,888 but I don't think Clyde is very cool.
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,223 I think Clyde is kind of cool
00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,683 but Craig is definitely cooler than Clyde.
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:04,021 [mumbling]
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,314 Okay, that settles that.
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:06,815 Now let's talk about our periods.
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:07,733 Kyle, you first.
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:09,860 Oh, uh... ummm...
00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:11,987 What's the matter, Kyle?
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,030 Nothing!
00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:15,741 Uh, my period is really, uh...
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:19,745 Uh, period is going swimmingly!
00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:23,081 Okay, that makes sense, mine is going swimmingly, too!
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:23,957 Mine, too!
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,250 Whew!
00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:27,002 [knocking]
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,503 Oh, hello, Stan!
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:29,546 Hey, Chef.
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:30,505 How's it going?
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,590 Bad.
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:32,799 Why bad?
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:33,842 Can I come in?
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,260 Well, sure!
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,763 Now what's the matter, little cracker?
00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,806 Chef, I have this friend, see...
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,558 And this person is really bummed out
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,226 because everyone else the same age has gotten their period
00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:44,853 and this person hasn't.
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,521 Oh, you're talking about your older sister, Shelly.
00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,023 No.
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:48,982 Your little girlfriend, Wendy.
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,359 Look, it doesn't matter who it is
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,276 the point is that everyone else got their period
00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:52,694 and this person hasn't.
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,279 Look, Stan, do you really know what a period is?
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,198 Yeah, Cartman told us.
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:59,201 Stan, let me sing you a little song about the menstrual cycle.
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,952 I think it might clear things up for you.
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,621 Okay.
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:05,582 ♪ Ooh baby, yeah baby, ooh baby ♪
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:08,877 ♪ Yeah baby, yeah baby, now baby ♪
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,255 ♪ Ooh yeah, yes yes baby ♪
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:15,634 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah, uh-huh baby ♪
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:19,554 ♪ Aw--aw--aw aw no, baby ♪
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,890 ♪ Eww baby, naw naw ♪
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,351 ♪ No I'm cool, it's okay ♪
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:27,020 ♪ Watch out for the bedspread, baby ♪
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,271 ♪ Look out, now-- ♪
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:29,690 ♪ Uh, I'll tell you what ♪
00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:31,274 ♪ Uh, how about uhh... ♪
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:35,362 ♪ Why don't I call you next week ♪
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,032 And that's my song about the menstrual cycle, Stan.
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,951 Did that clear things up for you?
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:44,246 So, what you're saying is this person shouldn't be bummed
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,289 because everybody has their period at a different time?
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,917 Is that what I said?
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,544 But it's not fair!
00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:51,670 It's not fair that one day you're on top,
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,046 you're the coolest kid in town,
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,756 and the next day you're at the bottom again
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:55,632 because everyone has blood coming out of their ass but you!
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,509 And if I can't men-strate then, by God,
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,344 I'm not gonna sit around and be the only periodless 8-year-old boy!
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,054 I'm gonna do something about it!
00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:03,682 Whoa!
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,183 I musta' missed a <i>whole</i> middle part, there!
00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:08,603 I can't tell you how excited Rod Stewart is
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,063 about this millennium concert.
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:11,523 He's gotten a little older,
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,150 but you're gonna see how much he can still rock.
00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:14,609 Oh, I'm excited, too.
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,403 I think it will bring my father's children
00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,071 back to their faith and back to mine eyes.
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,656 For I am the lamb of God.
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,451 Yeah, and y'know, Rod is a seasoned veteran
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,369 so I'm going to have to ask for a bit more cash.
00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:25,454 But we can talk about that later.
00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,122 Here comes Rod now.
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,584 Owww...
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,378 Hey Rod, great to see you!
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:34,755 Owww...
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,923 Uh, the folks are sure glad you're playing.
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:39,593 It's really given them a lot of faith in me again.
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,762 I'm sure that together we can make this millennium party
00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:44,055 the best New Year's bash ever!
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:44,848 [muttering] Poopans...
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:45,724 What?
00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:46,725 Poo pants.
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:47,726 "Poo pants"?
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:48,643 Pooped pants.
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,811 Y-You pooped your pants?
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:50,896 Pooped my pants.
00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,481 Oh...
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,357 Uh-- Nurse, Mr. Stewart has apparently pooped his pants!
00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:55,984 Again?!
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,736 Now Mr. Stewart,
00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:00,864 what did we say about trying to hold in Mr. Dookie?
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,287 Yes, puberty is a very wonderful thing, Stan.
00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,914 It's what links us all together.
00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,041 Makes us one.
00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:12,334 What happens if there's someone who never went through puberty?
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,668 Never went through puberty?
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,170 Who never went through puberty?
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,546 Nobody... I mean, uh...
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,632 Uh, well... my dad!
00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,550 Your father never went through puberty?
00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,552 No and uh... that's why he sent me here.
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:23,970 Because he's too embarrassed to come himself.
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:25,555 Well, I can't say that I blame him.
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,973 So, do you know anything that can help him?
00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,892 Well I should think that the most logical solution would be--
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,143 hormones!
00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,479 Hormones?
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:35,649 Yes, here, tell your father
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,484 to take just one of these pills every week.
00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:39,236 It could be just what he needs.
00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:42,280 And be sure to tell him that his secret is safe with me.
00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:43,865 Thanks a lot, Doctor, you're the best!
00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:44,991 My pleasure.
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:47,577 I just love helping people.
00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:03,134 Now, for our first club activity,
00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:04,469 we're supposed to reach into this little dish
00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:05,512 and pull out a word.
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,013 We look at the word
00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,266 and think about what that word means to us.
00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:12,644 Okay, today's word is "spirituality".
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,187 What that means to me is--
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:15,814 Hey, assholes!
00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:18,275 Hey, look, it's that little boy
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,860 who hasn't gotten his period yet.
00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:21,069 Don't you worry about that!
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,070 I've started taking hormones!
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,864 Hormones?
00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:24,990 Yeah, they make you have your puberty quicker.
00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:26,867 And I'm just here to tell you
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,660 that my puberty is gonna be bigger than any of you guys!
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,912 Dude, I don't think 8-year-olds are supposed to take hormones.
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,706 Yeah, you shouldn't force your period, Stan.
00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,708 You should let it come like the morning dew.
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,334 [voice cracking] So what are we gonna do for new year's?
00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,295 Well, we're going with our families to Las Vegas.
00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:41,047 I guess there'll be some younger kids there...if you want to go.
00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:44,634 Argh, I'm gonna go take some more hormones.
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,137 Now, the word is "spirituality".
00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:49,681 I believe that the Goddess in me is my sprituality because--
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,433 Ughnnn...
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,851 Quiet, Kenny.
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:53,602 The Goddess lives in all of us--
00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,395 Ugh-ugnn!
00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,813 Goddammit Kenny, shut the hell up!
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,690 Ughhhnn!
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,234 Whoa, dude!
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,155 Mr. and Ms. McCormick?
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,740 Yes?
00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:07,782 I'm sorry, we couldn't save your son.
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:08,867 Oh my God...
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,410 My little Kenny's gone!
00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,287 I can't believe it!
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,663 We just didn't get to him in time.
00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:14,664 There's nothing we could do.
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:15,790 What happened?
00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,500 What killed him, Doctor?
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,462 Well, we found a tampon stuck up your child's ass.
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,589 Apparently, he'd had it up there for several days.
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,674 It plugged him up until he finally burst
00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,093 from the inside out like a ruptured septic tank.
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:28,553 Oh my God!
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:29,930 My worry is that he could have been following
00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,723 some kind of crazy new fad.
00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,100 Perhaps the children are all shoving tampons up their ass
00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,811 because they've seen the <i>Backstreet Boys</i> doing it on TV or something.
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,146 [sob]
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,898 We must get to the bottom of this!
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,483 If you'll pardon the pun.
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,318 But, actually, right now, I've got to catch plane to Las Vegas
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,819 to see the Rod Stewart Millennium Show.
00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,613 Rod Stewart's gonna be in Vegas?
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:50,116 Tom, I'm here live in Las Vegas
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,452 where tomorrow night <i>the</i> New Year's Eve event
00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:53,828 is going to happen.
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:55,497 Jesus Christ, our Lord and savior,
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:59,000 is presenting Rod Stewart, the undisputed king of pop
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,086 right here at this hotel behind me.
00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,630 It looks as though Jesus really has come through.
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,840 Everyone is very excited because rumor has it
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:08,885 that God himself is gonna show up to the event.
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,512 What?
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:11,721 How about you, m'aam, do you think God is gonna show up?
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,056 Of course he is.
00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,724 This is Jesus we're talking about!
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,017 He wouldn't let us down.
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,813 Oh no! Are you there, God?
00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:22,232 Father, will you please reconsider
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,859 and show up tomorrow?
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,404 Hello?
00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:32,784 Stanley, wake up, honey... it's time to leave for Las Vegas!
00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,291 Whoa, dude!
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:41,960 I've got boobs!
00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:50,010 [cheering]
00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:52,262 Hey, Las Vegas is a pretty cool place for us mature people.
00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:54,973 Alright, people...
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,392 Are we ready to rock the millennium?
00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:00,311 [cheers]
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,564 Father in Heaven, please let tonight's show go well.
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,024 Please make them like it.
00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:05,275 Hey, here comes Stan.
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,776 [deep voice] Have I missed anything?
00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,570 Wow, Stan, you've really got some nice titties, there.
00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:09,904 Did you get your period yet, Stan?
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,156 No, I didn't, but--
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:12,782 Don't worry, you'll get someday.
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,492 C'mon, Kyle, let's go see what kind of tampons they have
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,703 here in Las Vegas.
00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:17,746 Well, I'll tell you one thing...
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:19,330 I sure as heck am excited!
00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:21,166 We've got about 4 hours to the new year,
00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:24,210 so it think it's time to start it up!
00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:26,337 Ladies and Gentlemen, here he is, as promised
00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:30,133 Mr. Rod "Do You Think I'm Sexy" Stewart!
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,136 [music kicking]
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,603 ♪ Owwww... ♪
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:46,983 ♪ Owwww... ♪
00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:54,032 ♪ Owww, ohhh, owwww ♪
00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,162 Whoa, man!
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:03,124 Oops, I pooped 'em.
00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:05,752 This sucks balls!
00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,003 Yeah! - [all] Yeah!
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:09,547 Alright, enough of this, bring out God!
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:10,340 Yeah!
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:11,716 Oh no!
00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:12,592 [all] We want God!
00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:13,676 We want God!
00:18:13,802 --> 00:18:15,178 We want God!
00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:17,180 Please Father, do something!
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,765 We want God!
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:21,810 Uh, folks, I'm afraid God can't make it tonight.
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,062 We came all the way to Las Vegas for this?
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:25,897 This is the worst New Year's ever!
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,273 Thanks a lot, Jesus!
00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,025 Let's get him!
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,988 Well, Tom, I'm here live in Las Vegas
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:37,367 at what is quickly becoming known as the gayest party ever.
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:40,203 Everyone is so outraged that they are building a large cross
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,872 in which to, once again, crucify our Lord and savior,
00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,249 Jesus Christ.
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:47,043 Jesus, why does God hate me?
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,379 Huh? He doesn't hate you, he hates me!
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:50,839 He's gonna let me be crucified again.
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,048 He hates me more.
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,591 He doesn't answer my prayers.
00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:55,510 I prayed to him every day and he never answered me.
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,679 But just because God doesn't answer your prayers
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,264 doesn't mean he doesn't care about you.
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,141 Well, then, why didn't he give me what I wanted?
00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,101 God can't just answer every prayer
00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:04,519 and suddenly give you everything you want.
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,479 That takes all the living out of life.
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:07,814 What do you mean?
00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,607 If God answered all our prayers,
00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,651 there'd be nothing left for us to do ourselves.
00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:14,821 Life is about problems, and overcoming those problems.
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:17,157 And growing and learning from obstacles.
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:18,950 If God just fixed everything for us,
00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:22,370 then there'd be no point in our existence.
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,956 That's why he wouldn't show up to my new year's party.
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:25,999 I just wanted my period.
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,333 I get it now, Father!
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,543 I had to learn all this on my own.
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,587 I was overcome with my new popularity
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,214 and I let pride get in the way of good judgment.
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,844 Whoa, what is that?
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:40,722 It's Dad.
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,599 God is going to show himself?
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:43,892 Look, I can see him!
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:47,604 Father, you came!
00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:51,274 Now, look upon me, my children, and know me.
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:56,029 Be ye not afraid, blessed art thou, my children.
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,448 That's God?
00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:00,992 Yea, 'tis my father the creator.
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,703 He is the alpha, the omega, the beginning and the end.
00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,622 Well yeah, but<i>... that</i>?!
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,917 What did you expect me to look like, my son?
00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,669 Well not like <i>that</i>!
00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:14,464 Since it is the end of the first 2,000 years
00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:18,218 I will allow you, my children, to ask me one question.
00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,720 One question?
00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:21,930 Only one?
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,264 What should we ask him?
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,432 We have to think carefully!
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,100 We can ask him anything we want
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,560 like, "what's the meaning of life?"
00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,229 Oo, "why are we here?"
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,606 I have it, I have the question!
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,900 Now you have to answer me once and for all...
00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:37,487 How come I haven't gotten my period yet?
00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,531 My child, you are a boy.
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:43,326 Boys do not get periods, that's only for girls.
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,787 Your friends were bleeding a little bit out of their asses
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,872 because of an acute colon infection
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:50,333 and your friend Kyle simply lied about it.
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,834 How'd he know that!?
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,003 You will hit puberty when the time is right.
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,839 But you will never have a period, because you are a man.
00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,174 With titties.
00:20:58,299 --> 00:20:59,592 Thus, spaketh the Lord.
00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,678 And now, I return to Heaven.
00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,224 Hey, wait!
00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:07,684 That doesn't count as our question, does it?
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,477 I'll answer another on New Year's Eve
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,479 in the year 4000.
00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:14,440 Did you hear that, everybody?
00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,608 I'm not even <i>supposed</i> to have my period
00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:17,735 that's why God wasn't answering me before!
00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:22,156 Boy, I'm sure glad everything worked out okay!
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,702 I guess now, we can all celebrate the new year, huh?
00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:28,371 ♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪
00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:31,332 ♪ And never brought to mind ♪
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:34,043 ♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪
00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:37,255 ♪ And auld lang syne ♪
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:40,174 ♪ For auld lang syne my dear ♪
00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,884 ♪ For auld lang syne ♪
00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:43,261 Let's get him!
00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:45,096 [all] Yeah!
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,431 Ahhhhhh!!
00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:48,474 [crashing]
00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:50,560 [yelling]
00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:53,062 [glass breaking]
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:57,692 [screaming and yelling]

Скриншоты

Господь, ты там? Это я, Иисус — скриншот 1

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Господь, ты там? Это я, Иисус — скриншот 27