Господь, ты там? Это я, Иисус

00:00:36,848 --> 00:00:37,741

Нужно, чтобы он был необычным.

00:00:37,742 --> 00:00:40,485

Знаю, это должна быть самая

великая ночь в нашей жизни.

00:00:40,486 --> 00:00:42,352

Чуваки!!! Чуваки!!! У меня такое!..

00:00:42,353 --> 00:00:43,156

Что, толстая жопа?

00:00:43,157 --> 00:00:46,807

Я стал МУЖИКОМ ! У меня

началось половое созревание!

00:00:47,369 --> 00:00:48,178

Да ты гонишь.

00:00:48,179 --> 00:00:49,471

Неа, на самом деле.

00:00:49,472 --> 00:00:50,337

А как ты узнал?

00:00:50,338 --> 00:00:53,028

Просто. Вчера у меня была менструация!

00:00:53,852 --> 00:00:54,858

У тебя была... что?

00:00:54,859 --> 00:00:56,289

Менструация, парниша!

00:00:56,315 --> 00:00:58,414

Видишь ли, в жизни каждого

ребенка настаёт момент,

00:00:58,415 --> 00:01:00,548

когда он вырастает, и тогда

начинается естественный ход вещей

00:01:00,549 --> 00:01:02,865

заключенный в том, что из жопы

идет кровь несколько дней в месяц.

00:01:02,866 --> 00:01:04,056

Ты это придумал!

00:01:04,705 --> 00:01:06,903

Мисс Алертон! Что значит

"началась менструация"?

00:01:06,904 --> 00:01:09,832

Ребятки... Не думаю,

что я могу объяснить...

00:01:09,833 --> 00:01:10,850

Ну, пожалуйста! Это важно.

00:01:10,851 --> 00:01:14,241

Ну, это, когда наступает половая

зрелость и начинает идти кровь...

00:01:14,242 --> 00:01:15,372

того... снизу...

00:01:15,738 --> 00:01:17,513

Полный п*здец, пацаны!

Картмэн не гонит.

00:01:17,514 --> 00:01:18,947

Чуваки, боюсь, я не смогу

00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:20,561

тусоваться с вами

в канун Нового Года...

00:01:20,562 --> 00:01:22,040

Мне придётся общаться

со взрослой компанией,

00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:24,251

потому что теперь... Я - взрослый!

00:01:24,515 --> 00:01:27,269

У меня кровь из жопы,

А вы, ребята, лохи!

00:01:27,270 --> 00:01:29,969

У меня кровь из жопы,

А вы, ребята, лохи!

00:01:29,970 --> 00:01:31,820

Блин! Картмэн не должен

созревать быстрее нас!

00:01:31,821 --> 00:01:33,247

Ну, может, и у нас

скоро это начнётся!

00:01:33,248 --> 00:01:34,849

Пойду проверю, может,

уже появилась течь...

00:01:34,850 --> 00:01:36,863

Я тоже!

00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:39,534

Местные новости: желудочный

вирус распространяется.

00:01:39,535 --> 00:01:42,694

Он вызывает кровотечение из

толстой кишки у некоторых детей.

00:01:42,695 --> 00:01:45,219

Доктора заверяют, что

о вирусе не стоит беспокоиться,

00:01:45,220 --> 00:01:48,913

и что с инфекцией легко

бороться обычными антибиотиками.

00:01:48,914 --> 00:01:52,144

Осталось всего 4 дня

до Новогодней Ночи 1999!

00:01:52,698 --> 00:01:54,727

Новое тысячелетие уже на пороге,

00:01:54,728 --> 00:01:57,089

и люди по всему миру

уже начали его отмечать

00:01:57,090 --> 00:01:59,300

с песнями, плясками, убийствами.

00:02:00,464 --> 00:02:02,510

Но, наверное, самое

большое событие Миллениума

00:02:02,511 --> 00:02:04,719

сейчас происходит в Саут

Парке, штат Колорадо,

00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:08,549

где люди собрались вместе, чтобы

иметь счастье узреть Иисуса Христа.

00:02:08,550 --> 00:02:10,326

С нами на связи Крэг Нэцл.

00:02:10,327 --> 00:02:11,074

Спасибо, Том!

00:02:11,075 --> 00:02:13,255

Действительно, осталось

4 дня до нового тысячелетия,

00:02:13,256 --> 00:02:16,348

и сотни, если не тысячи

людей съехались со всего мира

00:02:16,349 --> 00:02:19,193

в поисках Иисуса, который

сейчас в своем доме в Саут Парке.

00:02:19,194 --> 00:02:21,943

Все с восторгом ожидают, когда Иисус выйдет,

00:02:21,944 --> 00:02:26,998

потому что, как мы все знаем,

если Иисус выйдет из своего дома

и не испугается своей тени,

00:02:26,999 --> 00:02:30,819

то это будет означать, что новое

тысячелетие будет полно мира и любви.

00:02:30,820 --> 00:02:32,910

О! Похоже, Иисус может выйти!

00:02:35,782 --> 00:02:38,232

Смотри, Томми! Вот он! Видишь его?

00:02:38,999 --> 00:02:40,669

Мам, он очень опрятный!

00:02:45,943 --> 00:02:47,095

Все затихли, Том.

00:02:47,096 --> 00:02:48,996

Похоже, паренёк немного нервничает...

00:02:48,997 --> 00:02:50,485

Он сделал еще один шаг, Том!

00:02:50,486 --> 00:02:53,056

Это - прекрасная новость для всех нас!

00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,652

Хм, народ, чё делаете?

00:03:00,007 --> 00:03:01,377

Могу Я вам помочь?

00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:06,830

Вообще то... Сейчас Миллениум, Иисус...

00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,065

Ну, да.

00:03:09,066 --> 00:03:10,556

Ну... Это - МИЛЛЕННИУМ...

00:03:11,821 --> 00:03:12,831

Да... Точно...

00:03:13,688 --> 00:03:15,958

Ну, и? Что случится в Миллениум?

00:03:16,668 --> 00:03:17,498

Я не знаю.

00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:18,956

Мы думали, Ты знаешь!

00:03:18,957 --> 00:03:20,277

Да, Ты должен знать!

00:03:20,278 --> 00:03:22,320

Точно, ты - Иисус и у Тебя Власть...

00:03:22,321 --> 00:03:23,302

О...

00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:24,528

Ну...

00:03:24,529 --> 00:03:27,289

А... Уверуйте в Меня и найдёте Мир во Мне....

00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:30,168

Да, да, да! Мы уже слушали

эту чушь около 2000 лет,

00:03:30,169 --> 00:03:31,445

и мы хотим чего-нибудь новенького.

00:03:31,446 --> 00:03:33,283

Ради Христа, это - 2000 год!

00:03:33,284 --> 00:03:34,138

Да!

00:03:34,139 --> 00:03:35,240

Ну, так чего же вы хотите?

00:03:35,241 --> 00:03:36,815

Мы хотим увидеть Бога.

00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:38,186

Да, своими глазами.

00:03:38,210 --> 00:03:38,974

Да!!!

00:03:38,975 --> 00:03:41,043

Мы следовали за тобой

вслепую 2000 лет,

00:03:41,044 --> 00:03:42,579

и мы думаем, что самое

меньшее, что может сделать Бог,

00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:45,090

это - показаться в канун Нового Года.

00:03:45,194 --> 00:03:46,520

Да!!!

00:03:46,521 --> 00:03:47,231

А... Э...

00:03:47,803 --> 00:03:49,653

Дайте-ка подумать минутку.

00:03:52,735 --> 00:03:53,565

Это - хорошо?

00:03:53,921 --> 00:03:55,628

Не знаю, это - хорошо или нет?

00:03:55,629 --> 00:03:56,628

Алё?

00:03:56,629 --> 00:03:57,744

Чувак, у тебя менструация началась?

00:03:57,745 --> 00:03:59,341

Нет, у меня из жопы кровь не идёт.

00:03:59,342 --> 00:04:00,016

У меня тоже.

00:04:00,017 --> 00:04:01,249

Но я еще раз проверил, и Картмэн прав:

00:04:01,250 --> 00:04:03,272

менструация - начало полового созревания.

00:04:03,273 --> 00:04:04,317

Ну, если это только у Картмэна,

00:04:04,318 --> 00:04:06,471

и если он думает, что он - взрослый

чтобы встречать с нами Новый Год,

00:04:06,472 --> 00:04:07,253

то - забей на него.

00:04:07,254 --> 00:04:09,044

Да.

00:04:23,291 --> 00:04:23,897

Не тормози, Картмэн!

00:04:23,898 --> 00:04:25,528

Нам нужно запланировать праздник!

00:04:25,529 --> 00:04:26,574

Чуваки, попридержите коней.

00:04:26,575 --> 00:04:29,085

Это очень важно для взрослых людей.

00:04:29,153 --> 00:04:30,043

"ЗАТЫЧКИ 2000", тампоны.

Что тут...

00:04:30,044 --> 00:04:33,274

Предлагает полную защиту

при сильном течении...

00:04:33,980 --> 00:04:38,135

Хлопчатобумажные тампоны.

...ого ...максимальная задержка

...так ...во влагалище...

00:04:38,136 --> 00:04:41,786

Бобровая плотина.

Ого! Чуваки, а эта - с крылышками!

00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,139

Была?!

00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:45,350

У тебя была менструация, Кенни?

00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:48,987

Что ж, добро пожаловать в клуб, Кенни.

00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:50,871

У тебя менструация,

значит теперь ты - МУЖИК !

00:04:50,872 --> 00:04:52,648

Мы можем встречать вместе Новый Год!

00:04:52,649 --> 00:04:55,105

Но сначала тебе нужно купить

немного прокладок,

чтобы засунуть их в штаны.

00:04:55,106 --> 00:04:58,036

Тогда ты не запачкаешь кровью свои трусы.

00:04:59,954 --> 00:05:03,641

Том, на секунду показалось,

что Иисус выходил из дома,

00:05:03,642 --> 00:05:05,081

но потом Он вернулся назад,

00:05:05,082 --> 00:05:07,251

тем не менее, появляется всё больше людей

00:05:07,252 --> 00:05:09,895

Это - конец ТЫСЯЧЕЛЕТИЯ!

Пожалуйста, не убивай нас, Иисус!

...чтобы оказать свою поддержку

Иисусу в качестве его поклонников.

00:05:09,896 --> 00:05:11,458

Ну вот, я не знаю,

конечно, но мне кажется,

00:05:11,459 --> 00:05:13,404

что если Он действительно

тот, за кого Себя выдаёт,

00:05:13,405 --> 00:05:15,738

то лучше бы Ему что-нибудь

сделать в Новый Год,

00:05:15,739 --> 00:05:18,009

потому что это есть в Библии...

00:05:18,449 --> 00:05:19,533

Отец...

00:05:19,534 --> 00:05:20,888

Мне нужно поговорить с Тобой.

00:05:20,889 --> 00:05:22,859

Пожалуйста, Отец, явись Мне.

00:05:26,850 --> 00:05:28,280

Что такое, Сын Мой?

00:05:28,992 --> 00:05:29,559

Отец...

00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:33,012

Все стали опять обращать на Меня

внимание из-за нового тысячелетия.

00:05:33,013 --> 00:05:34,384

Я возвращаюсь, в некотором смысле.

00:05:34,385 --> 00:05:36,655

Ага, как до тебя Джон Траволта,

00:05:36,718 --> 00:05:39,321

ты переживаешь второе возрождение веры.

00:05:39,322 --> 00:05:40,755

Это - Миллениум, Отец...

00:05:40,756 --> 00:05:41,936

Люди хотят увидеть Тебя.

00:05:41,937 --> 00:05:45,467

Нет, их глаза еще не готовы

увидеть подобия Меня.

00:05:45,676 --> 00:05:49,116

Но, Отец, я думаю, что это может быть

хорошей возможностью для моего возвращения!

00:05:49,117 --> 00:05:51,507

Иисус, будь осторожней с гордыней.

00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:52,870

Просто появись.

00:05:52,872 --> 00:05:54,543

Ты можешь спуститься,

сказать "Привет" парочке людей,

00:05:54,544 --> 00:05:55,769

и успеешь вернуться до 12:30.

00:05:55,770 --> 00:05:56,960

Извини, Сын Мой,

00:05:57,237 --> 00:05:59,137

но, если Ты хочешь

заработать всеобщую любовь,

00:05:59,138 --> 00:06:02,188

то Тебе придётся сделать это самостоятельно.

00:06:03,698 --> 00:06:05,848

Айк, можно с тобой поговорить?

00:06:06,414 --> 00:06:08,196

Айк... Я не знаю, что мне делать.

00:06:08,197 --> 00:06:09,809

У всех ребят уже началась менструация.

00:06:09,810 --> 00:06:11,255

А у меня, кажется, нет.

00:06:11,256 --> 00:06:15,746

Я не могу быть последним,

у кого она появится. Просто не могу.

00:06:15,928 --> 00:06:17,794

У Картмэна она началась, потом у Кенни.

00:06:17,795 --> 00:06:20,038

А вдруг завтра Стэн скажет, что у него

она тоже появилась, и я останусь один?

00:06:20,039 --> 00:06:22,729

Я могу даже перестать быть их другом!

00:06:27,175 --> 00:06:28,068

Да!

00:06:28,069 --> 00:06:29,732

Я мог бы просто сказать,

что у меня началась менструация!

00:06:29,733 --> 00:06:30,862

Навряд ли они станут проверять.

00:06:30,863 --> 00:06:32,049

Я могу просто сказать, что у меня менструация,

00:06:32,050 --> 00:06:33,427

потому что когда-нибудь

она у меня действительно начнется.

00:06:33,428 --> 00:06:34,287

Это - не настоящая ложь,

00:06:34,288 --> 00:06:36,542

это - просто небольшое забегание вперёд!

00:06:36,543 --> 00:06:38,093

Спасибо огромное, Айк.

00:06:38,106 --> 00:06:40,242

Так значит, вы, парни, не собираетесь

отмечать Новый Год с нами?

00:06:40,243 --> 00:06:41,923

Слушай, Кенни и я - уже взрослые.

00:06:41,924 --> 00:06:43,784

Мы не можем отмечать Новый Год с кучкой детей.

00:06:43,785 --> 00:06:46,055

Ты достал себе прокладок, Кенни?

00:06:47,204 --> 00:06:49,414

Тампон? Что это такое "тампон"?

00:06:50,668 --> 00:06:51,657

Ого, а это не больно?

00:06:51,658 --> 00:06:52,253

(Самую малость)

00:06:52,254 --> 00:06:54,092

ПАЦАНЫ ! У МЕНЯ ТОЖЕ НАЧАЛАСЬ МЕНСТРУАЦИЯ!

00:06:54,093 --> 00:06:55,043

Вау, здорово!

00:06:55,313 --> 00:06:55,891

Началась?

00:06:55,892 --> 00:06:57,696

Да, я страдал фигнёй в своей комнате,

00:06:57,697 --> 00:06:59,546

а потом как начал менструировать!

00:06:59,547 --> 00:07:00,197

Зашибись!

00:07:00,576 --> 00:07:02,301

Тогда тебе нужно быть

в нашем с Кенни клубе.

00:07:02,302 --> 00:07:04,916

Мама дала мне книгу

"Женщина, Которая Бегает С Волками",

00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:07,244

и я выясняю все про нашу Власть Богини!

00:07:07,245 --> 00:07:08,442

Неужели у нас есть Власть?!

00:07:08,443 --> 00:07:08,993

Да, пойдём!

00:07:08,994 --> 00:07:10,314

Мы можем всё настроить у меня в клубе

00:07:10,315 --> 00:07:12,465

и подготовиться к Новому Году.

00:07:13,127 --> 00:07:14,762

Эй, не расстраивайся, Стэн.

00:07:14,763 --> 00:07:18,833

Просто некоторые из нас

взрослеют немного дольше остальных.

00:07:23,089 --> 00:07:24,999

Бог, Ты там? Это я, Стэн.

00:07:25,172 --> 00:07:26,228

Если Ты не против,

00:07:26,229 --> 00:07:29,270

Я не хочу быть единственным

ребенком, у которого не появилась

менструация до Нового Года.

00:07:29,271 --> 00:07:31,101

Не мог бы Ты немного

ускорить мое развитие, а?

00:07:31,102 --> 00:07:33,612

Спасибо Тебе, Бог. Твой друг, Стэн.

00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:41,679

Бог, Ты там? Это Я, Иисус.

00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:45,190

Бог, Мне кажется, у Меня

есть настоящий шанс вернуться.

00:07:45,191 --> 00:07:47,831

По какой-то причине люди

опять начали следовать за Мной.

00:07:47,832 --> 00:07:51,120

Мне 2000 лет, но Я опять

чувствую себя на 28.

00:07:51,121 --> 00:07:52,831

Я думаю, что Мне удастся

вернуть всех на путь истинный,

00:07:52,832 --> 00:07:54,653

потому что Я только

что сделал пару звонков,

00:07:54,654 --> 00:08:00,944

и Я собираюсь поставить

САМОЕ ИЗУМИТЕЛЬНОЕ

НОВОГОДНЕЕ ЗРЕЛИЩЕ,

КОТОРОЕ МИР КОГДА-ЛИБО ВИДЕЛ!

00:08:04,463 --> 00:08:05,801

ДОБРОЕ УТРО, САУТ ПАРК!

00:08:05,802 --> 00:08:06,471

СЕЙЧАС 8 УТРА,

00:08:06,472 --> 00:08:09,702

И ОСТАЛОСЬ ВСЕГО 2 ДНЯ

ДО НОВОГО ТЫСЯЧЕЛЕТИЯ.

00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:12,638

Чёрт...

00:08:12,639 --> 00:08:13,528

ЧЁРТ! ЧЁРТ! ЧЁРТ!

00:08:13,529 --> 00:08:15,679

Стэнли, дорогой, что стряслось?!

00:08:15,860 --> 00:08:18,070

У меня кровь из жопы не идёт!

00:08:19,103 --> 00:08:21,282

Ты знаешь, это - хорошо, дорогой.

00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:23,793

НЕТ, ЭТО - НЕ ХОРОШО!!! ЭТО - УЖАСНО!!!

00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:26,006

Бог, Ты там?

00:08:26,007 --> 00:08:26,957

Это Я, Стэн.

00:08:27,212 --> 00:08:28,416

Почему Ты не ответил мне?

00:08:28,417 --> 00:08:29,622

Я знаю, Ты очень занят важными делами,

00:08:29,623 --> 00:08:31,266

но это - вопрос жизни и смерти.

00:08:31,267 --> 00:08:32,404

Если у меня не будет менструации,

00:08:32,405 --> 00:08:34,703

то мои друзья не разрешат мне

тусоваться с ними в Новогоднюю Ночь.

00:08:34,704 --> 00:08:38,834

Пожалуйста, ну, пожалуйста,

ниспошли мне поскорее менструацию.

00:08:40,856 --> 00:08:41,626

Вот и Он!

00:08:41,704 --> 00:08:42,534

Он выходит!

00:08:43,422 --> 00:08:45,212

Я долго думал, дети Мои,

00:08:45,327 --> 00:08:46,152

и... вы правы!

00:08:46,153 --> 00:08:47,386

Я полистал Библию,

00:08:47,387 --> 00:08:48,547

и там на самом деле говорится,

00:08:48,548 --> 00:08:51,898

что что-то очень большое

случится в Миллениум.

00:08:52,513 --> 00:08:54,320

Я говорил со Своим Отцом Небесным,

00:08:54,321 --> 00:08:57,385

и Он согласился, что Миллениум

- это очень символично для нас всех.

00:08:57,386 --> 00:09:00,916

И ТЕ, КТО УВЕРОВАЛ В МЕНЯ,

ДА БУДУТ ВОЗНАГРАЖДЕНЫ!

00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:02,395

Итак, чем мы займёмся...

00:09:02,396 --> 00:09:04,783

Завтра ночью... 1999 канун Нового Года ...

00:09:04,784 --> 00:09:07,297

Род СТЮАРТ только что согласился играть

00:09:07,298 --> 00:09:10,555

на КОНЦЕРТЕ ВОЗВРАЩЕНИЯ, который будет

в "РИО" - ГОСТИНИЦЕ И КАЗИНО в ЛАС ВЕГАСЕ!

00:09:10,556 --> 00:09:12,226

И ВЫ ВСЕ ПРИГЛАШЕНЫ!!!

00:09:16,106 --> 00:09:18,616

МЫ ЗНАЛИ, ТЫ СМОЖЕШЬ ЭТО, ИИСУС!!!

00:09:20,153 --> 00:09:22,257

Я лучше закажу себе билет на рейс в Вегас!!

00:09:22,258 --> 00:09:23,688

Он - мой Спаситель...

00:09:24,937 --> 00:09:26,427

О, Он - мой Господь...

00:09:27,421 --> 00:09:28,851

Он дал мне надежду,

00:09:29,884 --> 00:09:31,674

Когда я только родился...

00:09:32,331 --> 00:09:35,441

И Он возносит меня в Своих кротких руках...

00:09:38,662 --> 00:09:39,912

Итак, все готовы?

00:09:40,127 --> 00:09:41,077

Богиня Ветра?

00:09:41,705 --> 00:09:42,705

Здесь!

00:09:42,706 --> 00:09:43,596

Богиня Луны?

00:09:43,907 --> 00:09:44,917

Богиня ЛУНЫ?!?

00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:47,700

И я, Богиня Абсолютного Наслаждения, здесь...

00:09:47,701 --> 00:09:49,582

Итак, это первая встреча клуба для подростков,

00:09:49,583 --> 00:09:50,824

у которых началась менструация.

00:09:50,825 --> 00:09:52,952

Мы собирались поговорить

о наших менструациях и о пацанах.

00:09:52,953 --> 00:09:54,328

Давайте сначала поговорим о пацанах.

00:09:54,329 --> 00:09:55,712

Я думаю, Крэг - довольно клёвый чел,

00:09:55,713 --> 00:09:57,118

но не думаю, что Клайд - очень клёвый.

00:09:57,119 --> 00:09:58,293

Я думаю, что Клайд - отчасти клёвый.

00:09:58,294 --> 00:10:00,504

Но Крэг стопудово круче Клайда.

00:10:04,223 --> 00:10:05,398

Да, это всё ставит на свои места.

00:10:05,399 --> 00:10:06,863

Теперь давайте поговорим о наших менструациях.

00:10:06,864 --> 00:10:07,786

Сначала Кайл.

00:10:07,787 --> 00:10:08,678

Э...

00:10:08,679 --> 00:10:09,824

Ну...

00:10:09,825 --> 00:10:10,947

Э...

00:10:10,948 --> 00:10:12,219

В чём дело, Кайл?

00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:13,410

Ни в чем... Э...

00:10:13,411 --> 00:10:14,637

Моя менструация очень...

00:10:14,638 --> 00:10:16,548

Ээ...

00:10:17,004 --> 00:10:17,903

Ну...

00:10:17,904 --> 00:10:20,054

Моя менструация проходит мягко.

00:10:21,103 --> 00:10:22,010

Что ж, в этом есть смысл.

00:10:22,011 --> 00:10:24,041

Моя тоже проходит без помех.

00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:28,884

О, Стэн, привет!

00:10:29,085 --> 00:10:29,813

Привет, Шеф.

00:10:29,814 --> 00:10:30,464

Как оно?

00:10:31,027 --> 00:10:31,822

Плохо.

00:10:31,823 --> 00:10:32,773

Почему плохо?

00:10:32,953 --> 00:10:33,808

Можно мне зайти?

00:10:33,809 --> 00:10:34,699

Ну, конечно.

00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,914

Итак, маленький бедолага, что стряслось?

00:10:37,915 --> 00:10:38,805

Шеф, у меня

00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,102

есть друг, вот,

00:10:40,289 --> 00:10:41,589

и этот друг в глубокой заднице,

00:10:41,590 --> 00:10:43,814

потому что у всех других ребят

его возраста началась менструация,

00:10:43,815 --> 00:10:44,714

а у него ещё нет.

00:10:44,715 --> 00:10:47,065

А, ты говоришь о своей

старшей сестре Шелли?

00:10:47,066 --> 00:10:47,571

Нет.

00:10:47,572 --> 00:10:49,096

О твоей маленькой подружке Венди?!

00:10:49,097 --> 00:10:50,189

Слушай, кто бы это ни был.

00:10:50,190 --> 00:10:51,476

Смысл в том, что у всех

других есть менструация,

00:10:51,477 --> 00:10:52,525

а у этого человека - нет.

00:10:52,526 --> 00:10:53,336

Видишь ли, Стэн...

00:10:53,337 --> 00:10:55,129

Ты действительно знаешь,

что такое менструация?

00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:56,408

Да, нам Картмэн рассказал.

00:10:56,409 --> 00:10:59,027

Стэн, давай-ка, я спою тебе маленькую

песенку про менструальный цикл,

00:10:59,028 --> 00:11:01,132

Я думаю, это может помочь тебе разобраться.

00:11:01,133 --> 00:11:02,985

Давай.

00:11:02,986 --> 00:11:05,256

О, детка, да, детка, оу, детка.

00:11:06,125 --> 00:11:08,695

Да, детка, да, детка, СЕЙЧАС, детка.

00:11:09,279 --> 00:11:10,829

О, да, да ДА, детка.

00:11:12,382 --> 00:11:14,052

Да да да, вау, детка...

00:11:15,714 --> 00:11:17,444

А! А! А?... Нет! Детка!

00:11:19,702 --> 00:11:21,432

Оу... детка... нет... нет...

00:11:22,038 --> 00:11:23,696

Э... Нет, я в порядке, я спокоен...

00:11:23,697 --> 00:11:24,767

Всё в порядке.

00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,065

Осторожно, спинка кровати, детка...

00:11:27,066 --> 00:11:28,293

Посмотри, сейчас... это... оу...

00:11:28,294 --> 00:11:29,647

Я тебе скажу, что...

00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:31,198

О... Как насчет... о...

00:11:32,267 --> 00:11:35,917

Почему бы мне не звякнуть

тебе на следующей недели?

00:11:36,812 --> 00:11:39,541

Это и есть моя песенка

про менструальный цикл, Стэн.

00:11:39,542 --> 00:11:41,572

Ну как, теперь тебе понятно?

00:11:42,615 --> 00:11:43,476

Значит, ты говоришь,

00:11:43,477 --> 00:11:44,488

что этому человеку

не нужно расстраиваться,

00:11:44,489 --> 00:11:48,081

потому, что у всех менструация

начинается в разное время.

00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:49,398

Это то, что я говорил?

00:11:49,399 --> 00:11:50,484

НО ЭТО - НЕ ЧЕСТНО!!!

00:11:50,485 --> 00:11:51,764

ЭТО - НЕ ЧЕСТНО, КОГДА СЕГОДНЯ ТЫ НА ВЕРШИНЕ,

00:11:51,765 --> 00:11:52,679

ТЫ - САМЫЙ КЛАССНЫЙ ЧЕЛ В ЭТОМ ГОРОДЕ,

00:11:52,680 --> 00:11:53,929

А ЗАВТРА ТЫ ОПЯТЬ ВНИЗУ,

00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:54,930

ПОТОМУ, ЧТО У ВСЕХ ИЗ ЖОПЫ

ТЕЧЁТ КРОВЬ! КРОМЕ ТЕБЯ!

00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,373

И, ЕЙ-БОГУ, ЕСЛИ Я НЕ МОГУ МЕН-СТур-ИРОВАТЬ

00:11:57,374 --> 00:11:59,367

Я НЕ СОБИРАЮСЬ СИДЕТЬ ДОМА И БЫТЬ

ЕДИНСТВЕННЫМ ВОСЬМИЛЕТНИМ

ПАЦАНОМ БЕЗ МЕНСТРуАЦИИ !

00:11:59,368 --> 00:12:01,578

МНЕ НУЖНО ЧТО-НИБУДЬ СДЕЛАТЬ!!!

00:12:01,986 --> 00:12:05,336

Мда, должно быть,

я не понял всю среднюю часть.

00:12:07,015 --> 00:12:10,124

Не могу передать словами,

как взволнован Род Стюарт

по поводу концерта в Миллениум.

00:12:10,125 --> 00:12:11,225

Он немного постарел,

00:12:11,226 --> 00:12:13,605

но вы увидите, как он

всё ещё может ЗАЖИГАТЬ.

00:12:13,606 --> 00:12:14,907

Да, я тоже взволнован.

00:12:14,908 --> 00:12:17,199

Я думаю, это может вернуть

детей Моего Отца к их вере

00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:18,330

и Мне внимание,

00:12:18,472 --> 00:12:20,018

потому что Я - Агнец Божий.

00:12:20,019 --> 00:12:21,134

Да, и э... знаешь,

00:12:21,135 --> 00:12:23,224

Род - заслуженный ветеран,

поэтому мне придётся

00:12:23,225 --> 00:12:24,556

просить больше денег,

00:12:24,557 --> 00:12:25,620

но мы об этом позже поговорим.

00:12:25,621 --> 00:12:26,631

А вот и Род!

00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:34,050

Здорово, Род, рад видеть тебя!

00:12:34,778 --> 00:12:37,188

Э... Народ очень рад, что ты будешь играть.

00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,695

Это действительно даст им много веры в Меня.

00:12:39,696 --> 00:12:41,979

Я уверен, что вместе мы

сделаем вечеринку в Миллениум

00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:44,158

САМОЙ ЛУЧШЕЙ НОВОГОДНЕЙ ГУЛЯНКОЙ ВООБЩЕ!!!

00:12:44,159 --> 00:12:45,036

...срать ...штаны...

00:12:45,037 --> 00:12:45,847

Чего?

00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:46,725

...срать ...штаны...

00:12:46,726 --> 00:12:47,616

Срать штаны?

00:12:47,656 --> 00:12:48,600

...сратьмоиштаны...

00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,797

Ты насрал в свои штаны?

00:12:49,798 --> 00:12:50,868

Срать в штаны.

00:12:50,877 --> 00:12:51,493

Оу.

00:12:51,494 --> 00:12:52,564

Э... Медсестра?

00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,893

Кажется, Мистер Стюарт испражнился в свои штаны.

00:12:54,894 --> 00:12:55,920

Опять?!

00:12:55,921 --> 00:12:57,222

Так, Мистер Стюарт,

00:12:57,223 --> 00:13:01,353

что мы говорили о том,

чтобы не выпускать Мистера Какашку?

00:13:04,945 --> 00:13:07,599

Да, Стэн, половое созревание

- это очень удивительная штука.

00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:10,218

Это - то, что связывает нас

вместе, что делает нас едиными!

00:13:10,219 --> 00:13:12,546

А что, если бы у кого-то никогда

не было полового созревания?

00:13:12,547 --> 00:13:14,213

Никогда не было полового созревания?!

00:13:14,214 --> 00:13:15,738

У кого никогда не было полового созревания?

00:13:15,739 --> 00:13:17,285

Ни у кого! То есть... ну...

00:13:17,286 --> 00:13:18,037

это...

00:13:18,038 --> 00:13:18,751

...у папы.

00:13:18,752 --> 00:13:20,752

У твоего папы никогда не было

периода полового созревания?!

00:13:20,753 --> 00:13:21,154

Нет...

00:13:21,155 --> 00:13:21,779

а... и...

00:13:21,780 --> 00:13:22,694

Поэтому он послал меня сюда.

00:13:22,695 --> 00:13:24,211

Потому, что он очень стесняется,

чтобы самому прийти.

00:13:24,212 --> 00:13:25,766

Ну, я не могу сказать, что упрекаю его.

00:13:25,767 --> 00:13:27,142

Так вы знаете, что ему может помочь?

00:13:27,143 --> 00:13:31,213

Ну, я полагаю, что самое

логическое решение будут гормоны.

00:13:31,287 --> 00:13:33,377

Гормоны?

00:13:34,158 --> 00:13:35,065

Да...

00:13:35,066 --> 00:13:37,832

Скажи своему папе, чтобы он

принимал только одну таблетку в неделю.

00:13:37,833 --> 00:13:39,305

Это должно быть тем, что ему нужно.

00:13:39,306 --> 00:13:42,192

И скажи, чтобы он не волновался.

Тайна останется со мной.

00:13:42,193 --> 00:13:44,074

Огромное вам спасибо, Доктор Мефесто!

Вы - самый лучший!

00:13:44,075 --> 00:13:45,145

Да не за что.

00:13:45,429 --> 00:13:47,879

Ах, просто обожаю помогать людям...

00:13:48,980 --> 00:13:51,550

"Гормоны", одна таблетка еженедельно.

00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:02,861

Теперь, для нашего первого мероприятия клуба

00:14:02,862 --> 00:14:04,468

нам нужно засунуть руку в эту маленькую миску

00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:05,449

и вытащить слово.

00:14:05,450 --> 00:14:06,060

Мы посмотрим на слово,

00:14:06,061 --> 00:14:09,051

и будем думать, что оно означает для нас.

00:14:09,423 --> 00:14:11,933

Хорошо, сегодня слово - "духовность".

00:14:12,317 --> 00:14:13,849

Оно означает для меня...

00:14:13,850 --> 00:14:14,800

Эй, придурки!

00:14:17,034 --> 00:14:19,845

О, посмотрите, это же - маленький мальчик,

у которого ещё нет менструации.

00:14:19,846 --> 00:14:20,968

Можешь не волноваться!

00:14:20,969 --> 00:14:22,426

Я начал принимать гормоны!!

00:14:22,427 --> 00:14:23,081

Гормоны?

00:14:23,082 --> 00:14:24,896

Да, они ускоряют твое половое созревание.

00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:25,967

И я пришел, чтобы сказать,

00:14:25,968 --> 00:14:28,534

что мое созревание будет

намного больше, чем у вас!

00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,855

Чувак, я не думаю, что восьмилетнему

чуваку следует принимать гормоны.

00:14:30,856 --> 00:14:32,543

Да, ты не должен принуждать

свое созревание, Стэн.

00:14:32,544 --> 00:14:33,436

Ты должен позволить ему прийти,

00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:34,597

как утренняя роса.

00:14:34,598 --> 00:14:36,300

Так чем займёмся в Новый Год?!

00:14:36,301 --> 00:14:38,845

Ну, МЫ поедем с нашими семьями в Лас Вегас.

00:14:38,846 --> 00:14:42,036

Если захочешь поехать, то я

думаю, там будет немного малышей.

00:14:42,037 --> 00:14:43,947

ПОЙДУ ПРИМУ ЕЩЁ ГОРМОНОВ!!!

00:14:45,236 --> 00:14:47,035

Итак, слово было "духовность".

00:14:47,036 --> 00:14:51,282

Я верю, что Богиня во мне

- это моя духовность, потому что...

00:14:51,283 --> 00:14:52,035

Тише, Кенни.

00:14:52,036 --> 00:14:54,186

...Богиня живет во всех нас и...

00:14:55,287 --> 00:14:58,277

ЧЁРТ ТЕБЯ ЗА НОГУ, КЕННИ, ПАСТЬ ЗАКРЫЛ!!!

00:14:59,661 --> 00:15:00,551

Нихера себе!

00:15:04,011 --> 00:15:05,240

Мистер и мисс МакКормик?

00:15:05,241 --> 00:15:05,790

Да?

00:15:05,791 --> 00:15:06,451

Мне очень жаль...

00:15:06,452 --> 00:15:07,785

Мы не смогли спасти вашего сына...

00:15:07,786 --> 00:15:08,916

Боже ты мой!!!!

00:15:09,138 --> 00:15:10,808

Мой малыш Кенни умер!!!

00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:12,055

Не могу в это поверить!!!

00:15:12,056 --> 00:15:13,596

Просто вы привезли его слишком поздно.

00:15:13,597 --> 00:15:14,618

Мы уже ничего не могли сделать.

00:15:14,619 --> 00:15:15,629

Что случилось?

00:15:15,775 --> 00:15:17,010

Доктор, что его убило?

00:15:17,011 --> 00:15:20,613

В общем, мы нашли застрявший

тампон в жопе вашего малыша...

00:15:20,614 --> 00:15:22,901

По видимому, он был там несколько дней.

00:15:22,902 --> 00:15:25,513

Это закупорило его и

в итоге разорвало изнутри,

00:15:25,514 --> 00:15:27,004

как треснувшую бочку.

00:15:27,172 --> 00:15:28,062

БОЖЕ МОЙ!!!!

00:15:28,438 --> 00:15:31,881

Я беспокоюсь, что это могло быть

подражание какой-то бредовой причуде.

00:15:31,882 --> 00:15:34,108

Возможно, все дети запихивают

тампоны себе в жопу,

00:15:34,109 --> 00:15:38,011

потому что они увидели,

как это делали Бэкстрит Бойз на MTV,

ну, или что-то в этом роде.

00:15:38,012 --> 00:15:40,011

Мы должны отыграть очко в этой битве,

00:15:40,012 --> 00:15:43,284

простите, конечно, за каламбур.

А вообще-то прямо сейчас мне

нужно успеть на самолет в Вегас,

00:15:43,285 --> 00:15:44,801

чтобы увидеть Миллениум-шоу Рода Стюарта.

00:15:44,802 --> 00:15:46,832

Род Стюарт будет в Вегасе?!?

00:15:47,952 --> 00:15:50,839

Том, я - в прямом эфире из

Лас Вегаса, где завтра ночью

00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,690

будет встреча Нового Года.

00:15:53,654 --> 00:15:55,745

Иисус Христос, наш Господь и Спаситель,

00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:59,299

представляет Рода Стюарта

- бесспорного короля поп музыки,

00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:00,816

прямо здесь у гостиницы прямо за мной.

00:16:00,817 --> 00:16:03,587

Похоже, что Иисус на самом деле уже здесь.

00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,845

Все очень возбуждены, потому что ходят слухи,

00:16:05,846 --> 00:16:09,069

что САМ БОГ собирается показать

себя на этом празднике!!!

00:16:09,070 --> 00:16:09,540

Чего?!?

00:16:09,541 --> 00:16:10,365

А вы, мэм?

00:16:10,366 --> 00:16:12,023

Как вы думаете, Бог собирается

показаться завтра ночью?

00:16:12,024 --> 00:16:13,094

Ясно как день!

00:16:13,168 --> 00:16:15,023

Об этом и Иисус нынче толковал.

00:16:15,024 --> 00:16:16,715

Он не может нас подвести!

00:16:16,716 --> 00:16:18,263

О, нет!

00:16:18,264 --> 00:16:19,214

Бог, ты там?

00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:21,010

Отец...

00:16:21,011 --> 00:16:24,481

Пожалуйста, подумай ещё

и покажись завтра на шоу!

00:16:26,467 --> 00:16:28,369

Алло?

00:16:28,370 --> 00:16:29,329

Стэнли!

00:16:29,330 --> 00:16:32,320

Проснись, дорогой, пора ехать в Лас Вегас!

00:16:39,167 --> 00:16:40,463

Ух ты, блин...

00:16:40,464 --> 00:16:41,534

У меня сиськи!

00:16:49,487 --> 00:16:53,557

Да, Лас Вегас - довольно классное

место для нас, взрослых...

00:16:54,087 --> 00:16:59,935

Итак, народ, вы готовы

позажигать в Миллениум?!?!

00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:00,926

Отче Мой, иже на Небеси...

00:17:00,927 --> 00:17:02,626

ПОЖАЛУЙСТА, сделай, чтобы

вечернее шоу прошло хорошо.

00:17:02,627 --> 00:17:03,892

ПОЖАЛУЙСТА, пусть им понравится!

00:17:03,893 --> 00:17:05,232

Эй, а вот и Стэн.

00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:06,352

Я ничего не пропустил?

00:17:06,353 --> 00:17:08,591

Ух ты, Стэн...

У тебя симпатичные сиськи.

00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:10,102

Стэн, менструации ещё нет?

00:17:10,103 --> 00:17:11,173

Нет, нету, но...

00:17:11,338 --> 00:17:12,720

Не волнуйся, однажды у тебя начнется.

00:17:12,721 --> 00:17:13,252

Пойдём, Кайл.

00:17:13,253 --> 00:17:16,003

Посмотрим, какие тампоны есть в Вегасе.

00:17:16,422 --> 00:17:17,657

Скажу вам кое что:

00:17:17,658 --> 00:17:19,186

я чертовски взволнован!

00:17:19,187 --> 00:17:21,101

У нас осталось 4 часа до Нового Года,

00:17:21,102 --> 00:17:23,372

и я думаю, что пора начинать!!!

00:17:23,757 --> 00:17:24,820

ДАМЫ И ГОСПОДА!

00:17:24,821 --> 00:17:25,462

ВСТРЕЧАЙТЕ,

00:17:25,463 --> 00:17:26,282

КАК И БЫЛО ОБЕЩАНО,

00:17:26,283 --> 00:17:29,273

МИСТЕР РОД-САМА-СЕКСУАЛЬНОСТЬ СТЮАРТ!!!

00:17:57,490 --> 00:17:58,500

Блин, чувак...

00:18:01,044 --> 00:18:02,234

....сратьштаны....

00:18:04,549 --> 00:18:05,679

ОТСТОЙ ПОЛНЫЙ!!!

00:18:06,097 --> 00:18:07,313

ДА!!!

00:18:07,314 --> 00:18:08,204

Всё, хватит!

00:18:08,569 --> 00:18:09,724

ВЫВОДИТЕ БОГА!!!

00:18:09,725 --> 00:18:10,598

ДА!

00:18:10,599 --> 00:18:11,235

О, нет!

00:18:11,236 --> 00:18:13,746

ХОТИМ БОГА! ХОТИМ БОГА! ХОТИМ БОГА!

00:18:15,604 --> 00:18:16,441

Пожалуйста, Отец...

00:18:16,442 --> 00:18:17,752

СДЕЛАЙ ЧТО-НИБУДЬ!

00:18:18,338 --> 00:18:18,918

Э...

00:18:18,919 --> 00:18:19,389

Народ!

00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:21,610

Боюсь, что Бог не сможет сделать это сегодня...

00:18:21,611 --> 00:18:24,210

И мы приехали в Лас Вегас для ЭТОГО?!?!?

00:18:24,211 --> 00:18:26,014

ЭТО - САМЫЙ УЖАСНЫЙ НОВОГОДНИЙ ВЕЧЕР!!!

00:18:26,015 --> 00:18:27,385

Спасибочки тебе, Иисус!!!

00:18:27,386 --> 00:18:28,276

ДЕРЖИ ЕГО!!!

00:18:32,650 --> 00:18:34,576

Том, я в прямом эфире из Лас Вегаса,

00:18:34,577 --> 00:18:38,130

в котором стремительно проходит вечеринка,

известная как самая весёлая в истории.

00:18:38,131 --> 00:18:39,433

Все в жуткой ярости и

00:18:39,434 --> 00:18:41,220

начали строить большой крест,

00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:46,191

на котором еще раз распнут нашего

Господа и Спасителя, Иисуса Христа...

00:18:46,384 --> 00:18:47,992

Иисус, почему Бог ненавидит меня?

00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:48,475

А?

00:18:48,476 --> 00:18:49,356

Он не ненавидит тебя.

00:18:49,357 --> 00:18:50,084

Он ненавидит Меня.

00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:51,741

Он собирается позволить

ещё раз Меня распнуть.

00:18:51,742 --> 00:18:52,751

Меня Он больше ненавидит.

00:18:52,752 --> 00:18:53,913

Он не отвечает на мои молитвы.

00:18:53,914 --> 00:18:54,886

Я молюсь ему каждый день.

00:18:54,887 --> 00:18:56,360

А он ни разу не ответил мне.

00:18:56,361 --> 00:18:58,458

Ну, да... Но если Бог

не отвечал на твои молитвы,

00:18:58,459 --> 00:18:59,926

это ещё не значит,

что Он не заботится о тебе.

00:18:59,927 --> 00:19:01,927

Ну, а почему тогда Он не давал

мне то, что я хотел?

00:19:01,928 --> 00:19:02,324

Видишь ли...

00:19:02,325 --> 00:19:03,768

Бог не может просто отвечать каждой молитве

00:19:03,769 --> 00:19:05,701

и внезапно давать тебе всё, что ты захочешь.

00:19:05,702 --> 00:19:07,543

Это и составляет суть нашей жизни.

00:19:07,544 --> 00:19:08,254

В смысле?

00:19:08,327 --> 00:19:10,265

Если бы Бог отвечал на все наши молитвы,

00:19:10,266 --> 00:19:12,749

то нам бы нечего было делать самим.

00:19:12,750 --> 00:19:14,168

Жизнь - это проблемы,

00:19:14,169 --> 00:19:16,079

и преодоление этих проблем,

00:19:16,139 --> 00:19:17,973

и рост, и учёба на ошибках.

00:19:17,974 --> 00:19:20,450

Если бы Бог просто всё определил для нас...

00:19:20,451 --> 00:19:23,154

Тогда бы не было никакого

смысла нашего существования...

00:19:23,155 --> 00:19:25,509

Именно поэтому он не покажется

на новогодней вечеринке...

00:19:25,510 --> 00:19:26,400

Я только хочу менструацию...

00:19:26,401 --> 00:19:27,608

Я понял это, Отец!

00:19:27,609 --> 00:19:29,559

Мне нужно было понять это всё Самому...

00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,333

Я был побеждён Своей популярностью,

00:19:31,334 --> 00:19:35,044

и позволил гордыне занять

место праведной мудрости...

00:19:37,091 --> 00:19:38,341

Вау, что это?

00:19:40,369 --> 00:19:41,031

Это - Отец...

00:19:41,032 --> 00:19:42,921

Бог? Бог собирается явить себя.

00:19:42,922 --> 00:19:44,412

ЛЮДИ! Я ВИЖУ ЕГО !!!

00:19:46,878 --> 00:19:48,128

Отец, Ты пришел...

00:19:48,236 --> 00:19:50,664

Теперь взгляните на Меня, дети Мои,

00:19:50,665 --> 00:19:51,855

и познайте Меня.

00:19:52,054 --> 00:19:52,884

Не бойтесь.

00:19:53,785 --> 00:19:55,395

Блаженны вы, дети Мои.

00:19:57,722 --> 00:19:58,972

Это - Бог?

00:19:59,425 --> 00:20:01,455

Да, это - Мой Отец, Создатель.

00:20:01,848 --> 00:20:03,158

Он - Альфа и Омега.

00:20:03,193 --> 00:20:04,323

Начало и Конец.

00:20:04,570 --> 00:20:06,337

Ну, да, но... вот это вот?

00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:09,268

И каким ты Меня ожидал увидеть, сын Мой?

00:20:10,547 --> 00:20:12,393

Уж во всяком случае не ЭТИМ!

00:20:12,394 --> 00:20:15,366

Поскольку сейчас конец

первых двух тысячелетий,

00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:16,437

Я позволю вам,

00:20:16,456 --> 00:20:17,166

дети Мои,

00:20:17,386 --> 00:20:19,056

задать мне один вопрос.

00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:21,567

Один вопрос?

00:20:21,699 --> 00:20:22,589

Только один?

00:20:22,702 --> 00:20:23,869

Что нам у Него спросить?

00:20:23,870 --> 00:20:25,215

Нужно внимательно подумать.

00:20:25,216 --> 00:20:27,215

Мы можем спросить у Него

всё, что угодно, как то

00:20:27,216 --> 00:20:28,439

"в чём смысл жизни"

00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:28,971

или

00:20:28,972 --> 00:20:30,066

"для чего мы здесь"!

00:20:30,067 --> 00:20:32,577

У МЕНЯ ЕСТЬ!! У МЕНЯ ЕСТЬ ВОПРОС!!

00:20:32,716 --> 00:20:34,367

Теперь-то ты мне ответишь раз и на всегда!!

00:20:34,368 --> 00:20:38,738

ПОЧЕМУ ТАК СЛУЧИЛОСЬ,

ЧТО У МЕНЯ ДО СИХ ПОР НЕТ МЕНСТРУАЦИИ?!

00:20:39,057 --> 00:20:40,667

Сын Мой, ты - мальчик.

00:20:40,952 --> 00:20:42,700

У мальчиков не бывает менструации.

00:20:42,701 --> 00:20:44,251

Это только у девочек.

00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,672

У твоих друзей немного кровоточили жопы

00:20:46,673 --> 00:20:48,821

из-за острой кишечной инфекции...

00:20:48,822 --> 00:20:51,408

А твой друг Кайл просто лгал про это.

00:20:51,409 --> 00:20:52,514

Как он узнал?!?

00:20:52,515 --> 00:20:55,016

Ты достигнешь половой

зрелости, когда придёт время,

00:20:55,017 --> 00:20:57,858

но у тебя никогда не будет

менструации, потому что ты - мужчина...

00:20:57,859 --> 00:20:58,689

с сиськами.

00:20:58,770 --> 00:21:00,140

Так молвил Господь.

00:21:00,349 --> 00:21:02,619

А теперь я возвращаюсь на небо.

00:21:05,268 --> 00:21:05,935

ЭЙ, СТОЙ!!!

00:21:05,936 --> 00:21:08,182

ЭТО НЕЛЬЗЯ СЧИТАТЬ КАК ВОПРОС, ПРАВДА!?!

00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:12,313

Я отвечу на следующий вопрос

в канун 4000-го Нового Года.

00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:14,547

Вы это слышали?!

00:21:14,548 --> 00:21:15,956

У меня и не должно быть менструации!

00:21:15,957 --> 00:21:18,647

Вот почему Бог не отвечал мне раньше!

00:21:19,734 --> 00:21:22,664

Ребята, я жутко рад, что всё разрешилось!

00:21:23,803 --> 00:21:25,976

Думаю, теперь мы можем

все праздновать Новый Год, да?

00:21:25,977 --> 00:21:28,940

Забыть ли старую любовь

00:21:28,941 --> 00:21:31,915

И не грустить о ней?

00:21:31,916 --> 00:21:35,086

Забыть ли старую любовь

00:21:35,087 --> 00:21:37,928

И дружбу прежних дней?

00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:42,507

За дружбу старую до дна !

00:21:42,508 --> 00:21:43,621

МОЧИ НЕДОНОСКА !!!

00:21:55,101 --> 00:21:58,101

subtitles were made by Stillwaiting

00:21:58,102 --> 00:22:01,102

stillwaiting@gorodok.net

00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,431

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:15,266

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:16,767

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,144

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:20,438

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:20,563 --> 00:00:21,856

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,524

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:24,984

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:26,777

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:31,866

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:31,991 --> 00:00:33,576

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪♪

00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:36,620

Dude what are we gonna do

for New Year's Eve?

00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:37,204

It has to be awesome!

00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,789

I know!

00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,249

It's probably gonna be

the biggest night of our lives!

00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,542

You guys, you guys!

00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:42,334

Guess what?!

00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:43,169

What, fat ass?

00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:44,462

I've become a man!

00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,796

I've started puberty,

you guys!

00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,131

Hmmph?

00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:48,215

No, you didn't!

00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,258

Yes, I really did!

00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,342

How do

you know?

00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:51,177

Well, because yesterday,

00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:52,636

I got my period.

00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:54,263

You got your what?

00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,015

My period, you guys!

00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,142

You see, there comes a time

in every child's life

00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,478

when they grow up, and nature

starts to takes it's course

00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:02,605

by having you bleed out of your

ass for a few days every month.

00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:03,898

You're making that up!

00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:06,525

Ms. Alton, what's it mean

to get a period?

00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:09,111

Well boys, I don't think

I can tell you--

00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,738

Please, it's important!

00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:14,158

Well, it's when puberty hits,

and you bleed,

00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:15,534

y'know, "down there".

00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:16,744

Holy shit,

dude!

00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:17,953

Cartman's right!

00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:19,205

Well guys, I'm afraid

I won't be able

00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:20,623

to hang out with you

on New Year's Eve,

00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,083

I have to hang out

with the older crowd

00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,418

because now...

I'm mature.

00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,796

♪ I got my period

and you guys didn't ♪

00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:27,963

♪ I got my period ♪

00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,882

♪ And you

guys didn't ♪

00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,509

Dude, Cartman can't

hit puberty before us!

00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:32,802

Well maybe we'll get

ours soon, too!

00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,345

I'm gonna go see if

I'm bleeding out my ass!

00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:35,638

Me too!

00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,183

In local news, a stomach virus

is going around

00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,436

that is causing bleeding of the

colon in some small children.

00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,855

Doctors are telling parents that the virus is

nothing to worry about

00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,732

and that the infections

can be dealt with

00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,567

with simple antibiotics.

00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:52,404

Well, it's just four days

until New Year's Eve 1999.

00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,156

The new millennium

is almost upon us,

00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,909

and all over the world,

people have started to celebrate

00:01:57,034 --> 00:02:00,538

by dancing, singing

and killing one another.

00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:02,164

But probably the biggest event

of the millennium

00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,625

is one happening

in South Park, Colorado

00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,335

where people have gathered

for a chance to see

00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,087

Jesus Christ.

00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,089

Craig Netzle

is standing by.

00:02:10,214 --> 00:02:12,925

Thanks, Tom, it is indeed four

days until the new millennium

00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,635

and hundreds, if not thousands,

of people

00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,095

have come from

all over the world

00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,388

seeking Jesus...

00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,140

here at his house

in South Park.

00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:21,642

Everyone is giddy with anticipation for Jesus

to come out

00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:22,935

because, as we all know,

00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,687

if Jesus comes

out of his house,

00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,522

and is not

scared by his shadow,

00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,440

it means the next

thousand years

00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:30,109

will be full of

peace and love.

00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:33,320

Oh, it looks like

Jesus might be coming out!

00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,324

Oh look, Tommy,

there he is!

00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:38,367

Can you see him?

00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,286

He's neat, Mommy.

00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,917

Everyone is

quiet here, Tom,

00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,544

looks like the little fella's

a bit nervous.

00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,546

But he has taken

another step out, Tom...

00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,590

this is great news for us!

00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:57,803

Ummm... what are

you people doing?

00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,640

Can I help you

with something?

00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,145

Well, it's the millennium, Jesus.

00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:09,023

Uh, huh?

00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:11,442

It's the millennium.

00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:12,776

Yeah!

- Right!

00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:15,571

So, what happens

at the millennium?

00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,406

I don't know.

00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,908

We thought

you did!

00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,242

Yeah, you're

supposed to know.

00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,203

Yeah, you're Jesus!

00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,538

Oh. Well...

00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:27,249

yea, believe in me

and ye shall find peace.

00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,667

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:29,919

we've heard that crap

for about 2,000 years now.

00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,545

We wanna hear

something new!

00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,130

It's the year 2000

for Christ's sake!

00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:34,173

Yeah!

00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:35,257

Well, what do you want?

00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,634

We want to see God!

00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,135

Yeah, with our own eyes.

00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,511

Yeah!

00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:40,888

We've followed blindly

for thousands of years

00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:42,348

and we think

the least God can do

00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,642

is show up for

New Year's Eve 1999!

00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,185

Yeah!

00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:49,688

Oh, uhhh, let me

think about that for a minute.

00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:53,734

Is that good?

00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:54,318

I dunno,

is that good?

00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,695

Hello?

00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:57,905

Dude, did you get

your period yet?

00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,031

No, there's no blood

coming out of my ass.

00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,532

Mine either, but

I double-checked

00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:01,909

and Cartman was right.

00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:02,868

Your period is

the start of puberty.

00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,495

Well, if Cartman is

the only one who gets it

00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,537

and he thinks he's too

grown up to hang out with us,

00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:06,872

then screw him anyways.

00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:07,915

Yeah!

00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,258

Woo-hoo!

00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,759

Yay-heyy!

00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,057

C'mon Cartman, we have to

make plans for new year's.

00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,558

Hold your horses, guys.

00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:28,185

This is very important

for mature people!

00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,020

Let's see...

00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,648

"Offers complete protection

during heavy flow...

00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:36,860

"Maximum stoppage of

vaginal chunks..."

00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:39,488

Ooh, this one's

got wings, you guys!

00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,489

Woo-hoo!

00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,450

You did!

00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:44,201

You got your

period, too, Kenny?

00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:48,789

Well, welcome to

the club, Kenny.

00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,749

You got your period,

so now you're a man!

00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,501

We can hang out together

on New Year's Eve.

00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:53,877

But first you need to buy

some maxi-pads

00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,212

to stuff in the

back of your pants

00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,255

so you don't get

blood on your underwear.

00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,840

Woo-hoo!

00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,927

Tom, it looked

for a second as if

00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,637

Jesus was going to

come out of his house,

00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,055

but then he went

back inside.

00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,932

But meanwhile, more and more

people are showing up

00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,934

to show their support

for Jesus.

00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,270

Well, the way

I see it,

00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,188

if he really is

who he says he is,

00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,524

well, then, he better

do something on New Year's Eve

00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,067

'cause it's

in the Bible!

00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,821

Father, I need to

talk to you.

00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,990

Please Father, appear to me.

00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,370

What is it,

my child?

00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,373

Father, everyone is starting to

pay attention to me again

00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:32,875

because of

the new millennium.

00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,501

I'm kind of

making a comeback!

00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:36,587

Yea, like John Travolta

before you,

00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:38,797

you are experiencing

a second revival.

00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,341

It's the millennium, Father.

00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:42,176

People want to

see you.

00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:45,471

Nay, their eyes are not yet

prepared to see the likes of me.

00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:48,682

But, Dad, I think this may be

my one big shot at a comeback!

00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,477

Be ye be careful of pride, Jesus.

00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:52,978

Just make an appearance.

00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,396

You can come down,

say hi to a few people

00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,190

and can be back by 12:30!

00:05:56,315 --> 00:05:58,817

I'm sorry, my son, but if you

want to earn everyone's love

00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,861

you will have to do it yourself.

00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,032

Ike, can I

talk to you?

00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,367

Uh-uh, different.

00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:07,910

Ike, I don't know

what to do.

00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,286

All the guys are

getting their periods

00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,871

and I don't think I am.

00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,373

I can't be the

last one to get it,

00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:13,499

I just can't!

00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,667

Wa-wa,

cheery.

00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,419

Cartman got his,

then Kenny.

00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,088

What if tomorrow,

Stan says he got his

00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,756

and I'm left out?

00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,049

I might not even get to be

their friend any more.

00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:23,884

No, merky sahga...

00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,969

Murgy,

miggy mowse.

00:06:26,095 --> 00:06:27,679

Yeah!

00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,515

I could just say

I got my period.

00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:30,808

It's not like

they'll check!

00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:31,850

I can just say

I got my period

00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,560

'cause I really will

get it someday!

00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,479

It's not really lying,

it's jumping the gun a little.

00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:36,730

Coo-kle, ma-kle.

00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,357

Thanks a lot, Ike.

00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:39,942

So you guys aren't gonne spend

New Year's Eve with us?

00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,735

Look, Kenny and I

are mature now.

00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,570

We can't spend New Year's Eve

with a couple of kids!

00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,863

Did you get your

maxi-pads, Kenny?

00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,158

Tampon?

What's a tampon?

00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,453

Ooh, doesn't that hurt?

00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:52,913

Mmhpt-mhhpm.

00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,039

You guys, I got

my period, too!

00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,040

Wow, cool!

00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,458

You did?

00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,709

Yeah, I was just

hanging out in my room

00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,128

then I period-ed

all over the place.

00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,546

Alright!

00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:02,131

You have to be in

me and Kenny's club, then.

00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:04,800

My mom gave me this Women Who

Run With The Wolves book

00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,885

and I'm finding out all about

our Goddess powers.

00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,595

Awesome, we get powers?

00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:09,888

Yeah, c'mon, we can set up

everything in my clubhouse

00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,890

and get ready for

New Year's Eve!

00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:14,268

Hey, don't feel bad, Stan.

00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:17,479

Some of us just mature

a little later than others.

00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:25,320

"Are you there, God?

It's me, Stan.

00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:27,239

"if you wouldn't mind,

I don't want to be the only kid

00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,408

"who doesn't get his period

before the new year.

00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,118

"Could you speed up my

development a little?

00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:33,620

"Thanks God,

your friend, Stan."

00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:41,587

"Are you there God?

It's me, Jesus.

00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:44,590

"I feel like I've got a real

shot at a comeback, God.

00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,926

"For whatever reason, people are

starting to follow me again.

00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,721

"I'm 2,000 years old, but I feel

like I'm 28 again.

00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,639

"I think I'm going to win

everybody back

00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,600

"because I just made

a few phone calls

00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:57,186

"and I'm going to put on

the most amazing new year's

spectacle

00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,229

this world has ever seen!"

00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,487

Good morning

South Park, it's 8 A.M.

00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:09,740

And only two more days

until the new millennium!

00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,034

Dammit!

00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:12,618

Dammit!

00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:13,368

Dammit!

00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,495

Dammit!

00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,829

Stanley, honey,

what's the matter?

00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:18,040

I'm not bleeding

out of my ass!

00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,959

Well... that's

good, honey.

00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,253

No, it's not,

it's terrible!

00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,965

Are you there, God?

It's me, Stan.

00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,342

How come you

didn't help me?

00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:29,426

I know you're really

busy with things,

00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,011

but this is a matter

of life and death.

00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,055

If I don't get my period

00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,264

my friends won't let me hang out with them

on New Year's Eve.

00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,975

Please, please

give me my period soon.

00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,480

Here he comes!

00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:42,814

He's coming out!

00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,983

I've given it

much thought, my children,

00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,401

and you are right.

00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,487

After reviewing the Bible

it does indeed say

00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:50,656

that something very big is going to happen

at the millennium.

00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,618

I have spoken to

my father in Heaven

00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,204

and he agreed that the millennium is significant

to all of us.

00:08:57,329 --> 00:08:59,748

And ye who believe in me

shall be rewarded!

00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,001

So, what we're gonna do

tomorrow night--

00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,878

New Year's Eve 1999--

00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:08,131

We just got Rod Stewart to agree

to play a comeback concert

00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:10,217

at the Rio Hotel and Casino

in Las Vegas

00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:12,886

and you're all going!

00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:17,724

We knew you could

do it, Jesus!

00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,229

I better book my ass

a flight to Vegas!

00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:27,442

♪ For he is savior,

for he is Lord ♪

00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:32,322

♪ He gives me hope when

I have only been bored ♪

00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:36,535

♪ And he lifts me up

with his gentle arms... ♪

00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:39,871

Okay, is everyone

accounted for?

00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:40,747

Goddess Wind?

00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:41,748

Here!

00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:42,624

Goddess Moon?

00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,459

Goddess Moon!

00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:45,752

I'm here!

00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,462

And I'm here,

Goddess Earthly Delight.

00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,172

So, this is the first meeting

of our club

00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,632

for teens who have

gotten their periods.

00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,676

We're supposed to talk

about our periods and boys.

00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:53,885

Let's talk

about boys first.

00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,220

I think Craig

is pretty cool

00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,888

but I don't think

Clyde is very cool.

00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,223

I think Clyde

is kind of cool

00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,683

but Craig is definitely

cooler than Clyde.

00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,314

Okay, that settles that.

00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:06,815

Now let's talk about

our periods.

00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:07,733

Kyle, you first.

00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:09,860

Oh, uh... ummm...

00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:11,987

What's the matter, Kyle?

00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,030

Nothing!

00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:15,741

Uh, my period

is really, uh...

00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:19,745

Uh, period is

going swimmingly!

00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:23,081

Okay, that makes sense,

mine is going swimmingly, too!

00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:23,957

Mine, too!

00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,250

Whew!

00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,503

Oh, hello, Stan!

00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:29,546

Hey, Chef.

00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:30,505

How's it going?

00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,590

Bad.

00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:32,799

Why bad?

00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:33,842

Can I come in?

00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,260

Well, sure!

00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,763

Now what's the matter,

little cracker?

00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,806

Chef, I have this

friend, see...

00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,558

And this person

is really bummed out

00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,226

because everyone else

the same age has gotten

their period

00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:44,853

and this person hasn't.

00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,521

Oh, you're talking about

your older sister, Shelly.

00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,023

No.

00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:48,982

Your little

girlfriend, Wendy.

00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,359

Look, it doesn't

matter who it is

00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,276

the point is that everyone else

got their period

00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:52,694

and this person hasn't.

00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,279

Look, Stan, do you really

know what a period is?

00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,198

Yeah, Cartman told us.

00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:59,201

Stan, let me sing you a little

song about the menstrual cycle.

00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,952

I think it might

clear things up for you.

00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,621

Okay.

00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:05,582

♪ Ooh baby, yeah baby,

ooh baby ♪

00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:08,877

♪ Yeah baby,

yeah baby, now baby ♪

00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,255

♪ Ooh yeah, yes yes baby ♪

00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:15,634

♪ Yeah yeah yeah,

uh-huh baby ♪

00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:19,554

♪ Aw--aw--aw

aw no, baby ♪

00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,890

♪ Eww baby,

naw naw ♪

00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,351

♪ No I'm cool,

it's okay ♪

00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:27,020

♪ Watch out for the

bedspread, baby ♪

00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,271

♪ Look out, now-- ♪

00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:29,690

♪ Uh, I'll

tell you what ♪

00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:31,274

♪ Uh, how about uhh... ♪

00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:35,362

♪ Why don't I

call you next week ♪

00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,032

And that's my song about

the menstrual cycle, Stan.

00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,951

Did that clear

things up for you?

00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:44,246

So, what you're saying is

this person shouldn't be bummed

00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,289

because everybody has their

period at a different time?

00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,917

Is that what I said?

00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,544

But it's not fair!

00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:51,670

It's not fair that

one day you're on top,

00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,046

you're the coolest

kid in town,

00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,756

and the next day you're

at the bottom again

00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:55,632

because everyone has blood coming out

of their ass but you!

00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,509

And if I can't men-strate

then, by God,

00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,344

I'm not gonna sit around and be the only

periodless

8-year-old boy!

00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,054

I'm gonna do

something about it!

00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:03,682

Whoa!

00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,183

I musta' missed a whole middle part, there!

00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:08,603

I can't tell you

how excited Rod Stewart is

00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,063

about this

millennium concert.

00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:11,523

He's gotten

a little older,

00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,150

but you're gonna see

how much he can still rock.

00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:14,609

Oh, I'm excited, too.

00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,403

I think it will bring

my father's children

00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,071

back to their faith

and back to mine eyes.

00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,656

For I am

the lamb of God.

00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,451

Yeah, and y'know,

Rod is a seasoned veteran

00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,369

so I'm going to have to

ask for a bit more cash.

00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:25,454

But we can talk

about that later.

00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,122

Here comes Rod now.

00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,584

Owww...

00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,378

Hey Rod,

great to see you!

00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:34,755

Owww...

00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,923

Uh, the folks are sure

glad you're playing.

00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:39,593

It's really given them

a lot of faith in me again.

00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,762

I'm sure that together we can

make this millennium party

00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:44,055

the best New Year's bash ever!

00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:44,848

Poopans...

00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:45,724

What?

00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:46,725

Poo pants.

00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:47,726

"Poo pants"?

00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:48,643

Pooped pants.

00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,811

Y-You pooped your pants?

00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:50,896

Pooped my pants.

00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,481

Oh...

00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,357

Uh-- Nurse, Mr. Stewart has

apparently pooped his pants!

00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:55,984

Again?!

00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,736

Now Mr. Stewart,

00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:00,864

what did we say about

trying to hold in Mr. Dookie?

00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,287

Yes, puberty is a

very wonderful thing, Stan.

00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,914

It's what links us

all together.

00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,041

Makes us one.

00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:12,334

What happens if there's someone

who never went through puberty?

00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,668

Never went

through puberty?

00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,170

Who never went

through puberty?

00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,546

Nobody...

I mean, uh...

00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,632

Uh, well... my dad!

00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,550

Your father never

went through puberty?

00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,552

No and uh... that's why

he sent me here.

00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:23,970

Because he's too

embarrassed to come himself.

00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:25,555

Well, I can't say

that I blame him.

00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,973

So, do you know anything

that can help him?

00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,892

Well I should think that the

most logical solution would be--

00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,143

hormones!

00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,479

Hormones?

00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:35,649

Yes, here,

tell your father

00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,484

to take just one of

these pills every week.

00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:39,236

It could be just what he needs.

00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:42,280

And be sure to tell him that

his secret is safe with me.

00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:43,865

Thanks a lot, Doctor,

you're the best!

00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:44,991

My pleasure.

00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:47,577

I just love

helping people.

00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:03,134

Now, for our

first club activity,

00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:04,469

we're supposed to reach

into this little dish

00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:05,512

and pull out a word.

00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,013

We look at the word

00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,266

and think about what

that word means to us.

00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:12,644

Okay, today's word is

"spirituality".

00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,187

What that means

to me is--

00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:15,814

Hey, assholes!

00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:18,275

Hey, look, it's

that little boy

00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,860

who hasn't gotten

his period yet.

00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:21,069

Don't you worry

about that!

00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,070

I've started

taking hormones!

00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,864

Hormones?

00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:24,990

Yeah, they make you

have your puberty quicker.

00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:26,867

And I'm just

here to tell you

00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,660

that my puberty is gonna be

bigger than any of you guys!

00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,912

Dude, I don't think 8-year-olds

are supposed to take hormones.

00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,706

Yeah, you shouldn't

force your period, Stan.

00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,708

You should let it come

like the morning dew.

00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,334

So what are we

gonna do for new year's?

00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,295

Well, we're going with our

families to Las Vegas.

00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:41,047

I guess there'll be some younger

kids there...if you want to go.

00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:44,634

Argh, I'm gonna go

take some more hormones.

00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,137

Now, the word is

"spirituality".

00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:49,681

I believe that the Goddess in me

is my sprituality because--

00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,433

Ughnnn...

00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,851

Quiet, Kenny.

00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:53,602

The Goddess lives

in all of us--

00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,395

Ugh-ugnn!

00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,813

Goddammit Kenny,

shut the hell up!

00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,690

Ughhhnn!

00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,234

Whoa, dude!

00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,155

Mr. and Ms. McCormick?

00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,740

Yes?

00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:07,782

I'm sorry, we couldn't

save your son.

00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:08,867

Oh my God...

00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,410

My little Kenny's gone!

00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,287

I can't believe it!

00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,663

We just didn't

get to him in time.

00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:14,664

There's nothing

we could do.

00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:15,790

What happened?

00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,500

What killed him,

Doctor?

00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,462

Well, we found a tampon

stuck up your child's ass.

00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,589

Apparently, he'd had it

up there for several days.

00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,674

It plugged him up

until he finally burst

00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,093

from the inside out

like a ruptured septic tank.

00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:28,553

Oh my God!

00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:29,930

My worry is that he

could have been following

00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,723

some kind of

crazy new fad.

00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,100

Perhaps the children are all

shoving tampons up their ass

00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,811

because they've seen the

Backstreet Boys doing it

on TV or something.

00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,898

We must get to

the bottom of this!

00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,483

If you'll pardon the pun.

00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,318

But, actually, right now, I've got to

catch plane to Las Vegas

00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,819

to see the Rod Stewart

Millennium Show.

00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,613

Rod Stewart's

gonna be in Vegas?

00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:50,116

Tom, I'm here

live in Las Vegas

00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,452

where tomorrow night

the New Year's Eve event

00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:53,828

is going to happen.

00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:55,497

Jesus Christ,

our Lord and savior,

00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:59,000

is presenting Rod Stewart,

the undisputed king of pop

00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,086

right here at

this hotel behind me.

00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,630

It looks as though Jesus

really has come through.

00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,840

Everyone is very excited

because rumor has it

00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:08,885

that God himself is gonna

show up to the event.

00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,512

What?

00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:11,721

How about you, m'aam, do you

think God is gonna show up?

00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,056

Of course he is.

00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,724

This is Jesus

we're talking about!

00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,017

He wouldn't

let us down.

00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,813

Oh no!

Are you there, God?

00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:22,232

Father, will you

please reconsider

00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,859

and show up tomorrow?

00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,404

Hello?

00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:32,784

Stanley, wake up, honey...

it's time to leave for Las Vegas!

00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,291

Whoa, dude!

00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:41,960

I've got boobs!

00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:52,262

Hey, Las Vegas is a pretty cool

place for us mature people.

00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:54,973

Alright, people...

00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,392

Are we ready to

rock the millennium?

00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,564

Father in Heaven, please let

tonight's show go well.

00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,024

Please make them like it.

00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:05,275

Hey, here comes Stan.

00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,776

Have I missed anything?

00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,570

Wow, Stan, you've really got

some nice titties, there.

00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:09,904

Did you get your

period yet, Stan?

00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,156

No, I didn't, but--

00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:12,782

Don't worry, you'll get someday.

00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,492

C'mon, Kyle, let's go see

what kind of tampons they have

00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,703

here in Las Vegas.

00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:17,746

Well, I'll tell you

one thing...

00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:19,330

I sure as heck am excited!

00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:21,166

We've got about 4 hours

to the new year,

00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:24,210

so it think it's time

to start it up!

00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:26,337

Ladies and Gentlemen,

here he is, as promised

00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:30,133

Mr. Rod

"Do You Think I'm Sexy"

Stewart!

00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,603

♪ Owwww... ♪

00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:46,983

♪ Owwww... ♪

00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:54,032

♪ Owww, ohhh, owwww ♪

00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,162

Whoa, man!

00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:03,124

Oops, I pooped 'em.

00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:05,752

This sucks balls!

00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,003

Yeah!

- Yeah!

00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:09,547

Alright, enough of this,

bring out God!

00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:10,340

Yeah!

00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:11,716

Oh no!

00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:12,592

We want God!

00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:13,676

We want God!

00:18:13,802 --> 00:18:15,178

We want God!

00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:17,180

Please Father,

do something!

00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,765

We want God!

00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:21,810

Uh, folks, I'm afraid

God can't make it tonight.

00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,062

We came all the way

to Las Vegas for this?

00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:25,897

This is the worst

New Year's ever!

00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,273

Thanks a lot, Jesus!

00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,025

Let's get him!

00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,988

Well, Tom, I'm here live

in Las Vegas

00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:37,367

at what is quickly becoming

known as the gayest party ever.

00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:40,203

Everyone is so outraged that

they are building a large cross

00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,872

in which to, once again,

crucify our Lord and savior,

00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,249

Jesus Christ.

00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:47,043

Jesus, why does

God hate me?

00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,379

Huh? He doesn't hate you, he hates me!

00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:50,839

He's gonna let me

be crucified again.

00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,048

He hates me more.

00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,591

He doesn't

answer my prayers.

00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:55,510

I prayed to him every day

and he never answered me.

00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,679

But just because God

doesn't answer your prayers

00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,264

doesn't mean he

doesn't care about you.

00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,141

Well, then, why didn't

he give me what I wanted?

00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,101

God can't just

answer every prayer

00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:04,519

and suddenly give you

everything you want.

00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,479

That takes all the

living out of life.

00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:07,814

What do you mean?

00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,607

If God answered

all our prayers,

00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,651

there'd be nothing left

for us to do ourselves.

00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:14,821

Life is about problems,

and overcoming those problems.

00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:17,157

And growing and learning

from obstacles.

00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:18,950

If God just fixed

everything for us,

00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:22,370

then there'd be

no point in our existence.

00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,956

That's why he wouldn't

show up to my new year's party.

00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:25,999

I just wanted

my period.

00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,333

I get it now, Father!

00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,543

I had to learn

all this on my own.

00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,587

I was overcome with

my new popularity

00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,214

and I let pride get in the way

of good judgment.

00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,844

Whoa, what is that?

00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:40,722

It's Dad.

00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,599

God is going to

show himself?

00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:43,892

Look, I can see him!

00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:47,604

Father, you came!

00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:51,274

Now, look upon me,

my children, and know me.

00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:56,029

Be ye not afraid,

blessed art thou, my children.

00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,448

That's God?

00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:00,992

Yea, 'tis my father

the creator.

00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,703

He is the alpha, the omega,

the beginning and the end.

00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,622

Well yeah,

but... that?!

00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,917

What did you expect me

to look like, my son?

00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,669

Well not like that!

00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:14,464

Since it is the end

of the first 2,000 years

00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:18,218

I will allow you, my children,

to ask me one question.

00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,720

One question?

00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:21,930

Only one?

00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,264

What should

we ask him?

00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,432

We have to

think carefully!

00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,100

We can ask him

anything we want

00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,560

like, "what's the

meaning of life?"

00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,229

Oo, "why are we here?"

00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,606

I have it,

I have the question!

00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,900

Now you have to answer me

once and for all...

00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:37,487

How come I haven't

gotten my period yet?

00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,531

My child, you are a boy.

00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:43,326

Boys do not get periods,

that's only for girls.

00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,787

Your friends were bleeding

a little bit out of their asses

00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,872

because of an

acute colon infection

00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:50,333

and your friend Kyle

simply lied about it.

00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,834

How'd he know that!?

00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,003

You will hit puberty

when the time is right.

00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,839

But you will never have a

period, because you are a man.

00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,174

With titties.

00:20:58,299 --> 00:20:59,592

Thus, spaketh the Lord.

00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,678

And now, I return to Heaven.

00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,224

Hey, wait!

00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:07,684

That doesn't count as our

question, does it?

00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,477

I'll answer another on

New Year's Eve

00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,479

in the year 4000.

00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:14,440

Did you hear that,

everybody?

00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,608

I'm not even supposed

to have my period

00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:17,735

that's why God wasn't

answering me before!

00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:22,156

Boy, I'm sure glad

everything worked out okay!

00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,702

I guess now, we can all

celebrate the new year, huh?

00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:28,371

♪ Should auld acquaintance

be forgot ♪

00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:31,332

♪ And never

brought to mind ♪

00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:34,043

♪ Should auld acquaintance

be forgot ♪

00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:37,255

♪ And auld lang syne ♪

00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:40,174

♪ For auld lang syne

my dear ♪

00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,884

♪ For auld lang syne ♪

00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:43,261

Let's get him!

00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:45,096

Yeah!

00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,431

Ahhhhhh!!

00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,431

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:13,556 --> 00:00:15,266

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:16,767

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,144

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:20,438

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:20,563 --> 00:00:21,856

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,524

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:24,984

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:26,777

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:30,072

♪ [Mumbling] ♪

00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:31,866

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:31,991 --> 00:00:33,576

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪♪

00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:36,620

Dude what are we gonna do

for New Year's Eve?

00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:37,204

It has to be awesome!

00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,789

I know!

00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:40,249

It's probably gonna be

the biggest night of our lives!

00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,542

You guys, you guys!

00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:42,334

Guess what?!

00:00:42,460 --> 00:00:43,169

What, fat ass?

00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:44,462

I've become a man!

00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,796

I've started puberty,

you guys!

00:00:45,921 --> 00:00:47,131

Hmmph?

00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:48,215

No, you didn't!

00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,258

Yes, I really did!

00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,342

How do

you know?

00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:51,177

Well, because yesterday,

00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:52,636

I got my period.

00:00:52,762 --> 00:00:54,263

You got your what?

00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:56,015

My period, you guys!

00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,142

You see, there comes a time

in every child's life

00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,478

when they grow up, and nature

starts to takes it's course

00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:02,605

by having you bleed out of your

ass for a few days every month.

00:01:02,730 --> 00:01:03,898

You're making that up!

00:01:04,023 --> 00:01:06,525

Ms. Alton, what's it mean

to get a period?

00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:09,111

Well boys, I don't think

I can tell you--

00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,738

Please, it's important!

00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:14,158

Well, it's when puberty hits,

and you bleed,

00:01:14,283 --> 00:01:15,534

y'know, "down there".

00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:16,744

Holy shit,

dude!

00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:17,953

Cartman's right!

00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:19,205

Well guys, I'm afraid

I won't be able

00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:20,623

to hang out with you

on New Year's Eve,

00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,083

I have to hang out

with the older crowd

00:01:22,208 --> 00:01:24,418

because now...

I'm mature.

00:01:24,543 --> 00:01:26,796

♪ I got my period

and you guys didn't ♪

00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:27,963

♪ I got my period ♪

00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:29,882

♪ And you

guys didn't ♪

00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,509

Dude, Cartman can't

hit puberty before us!

00:01:31,634 --> 00:01:32,802

Well maybe we'll get

ours soon, too!

00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:34,345

I'm gonna go see if

I'm bleeding out my ass!

00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:35,638

Me too!

00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,183

In local news, a stomach virus

is going around

00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,436

that is causing bleeding of the

colon in some small children.

00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:44,855

Doctors are telling parents that the virus is

nothing to worry about

00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,732

and that the infections

can be dealt with

00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:48,567

with simple antibiotics.

00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:52,404

Well, it's just four days

until New Year's Eve 1999.

00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,156

The new millennium

is almost upon us,

00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,909

and all over the world,

people have started to celebrate

00:01:57,034 --> 00:02:00,538

by dancing, singing

and killing one another.

00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:02,164

But probably the biggest event

of the millennium

00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,625

is one happening

in South Park, Colorado

00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,335

where people have gathered

for a chance to see

00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,087

Jesus Christ.

00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,089

Craig Netzle

is standing by.

00:02:10,214 --> 00:02:12,925

Thanks, Tom, it is indeed four

days until the new millennium

00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,635

and hundreds, if not thousands,

of people

00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,095

have come from

all over the world

00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,388

seeking Jesus...

00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,140

here at his house

in South Park.

00:02:19,265 --> 00:02:21,642

Everyone is giddy with anticipation for Jesus

to come out

00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:22,935

because, as we all know,

00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,687

if Jesus comes

out of his house,

00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:26,522

and is not

scared by his shadow,

00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,440

it means the next

thousand years

00:02:28,566 --> 00:02:30,109

will be full of

peace and love.

00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:33,320

Oh, it looks like

Jesus might be coming out!

00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,324

Oh look, Tommy,

there he is!

00:02:37,449 --> 00:02:38,367

Can you see him?

00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,286

He's neat, Mommy.

00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,917

Everyone is

quiet here, Tom,

00:02:47,042 --> 00:02:48,544

looks like the little fella's

a bit nervous.

00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,546

But he has taken

another step out, Tom...

00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,590

this is great news for us!

00:02:54,133 --> 00:02:57,803

Ummm... what are

you people doing?

00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,640

Can I help you

with something?

00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,145

Well, it's the millennium, Jesus.

00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:09,023

Uh, huh?

00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:11,442

It's the millennium.

00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:12,776

Yeah!

- Right!

00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:15,571

So, what happens

at the millennium?

00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,406

I don't know.

00:03:17,531 --> 00:03:18,908

We thought

you did!

00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,242

Yeah, you're

supposed to know.

00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,203

Yeah, you're Jesus!

00:03:22,328 --> 00:03:24,538

Oh. Well...

00:03:24,663 --> 00:03:27,249

yea, believe in me

and ye shall find peace.

00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,667

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:29,919

we've heard that crap

for about 2,000 years now.

00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:31,545

We wanna hear

something new!

00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,130

It's the year 2000

for Christ's sake!

00:03:33,255 --> 00:03:34,173

[all]

Yeah!

00:03:34,298 --> 00:03:35,257

Well, what do you want?

00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,634

We want to see God!

00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,135

Yeah, with our own eyes.

00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,511

[all]

Yeah!

00:03:39,637 --> 00:03:40,888

We've followed blindly

for thousands of years

00:03:41,013 --> 00:03:42,348

and we think

the least God can do

00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,642

is show up for

New Year's Eve 1999!

00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:46,185

[all]

Yeah!

00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:49,688

Oh, uhhh, let me

think about that for a minute.

00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:53,734

Is that good?

00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:54,318

I dunno,

is that good?

00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,152

[phone ringing]

00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,695

Hello?

00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:57,905

Dude, did you get

your period yet?

00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,031

No, there's no blood

coming out of my ass.

00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:00,532

Mine either, but

I double-checked

00:04:00,658 --> 00:04:01,909

and Cartman was right.

00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:02,868

Your period is

the start of puberty.

00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,495

Well, if Cartman is

the only one who gets it

00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,537

and he thinks he's too

grown up to hang out with us,

00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:06,872

then screw him anyways.

00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:07,915

Yeah!

00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,258

Woo-hoo!

00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,759

Yay-heyy!

00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,057

C'mon Cartman, we have to

make plans for new year's.

00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,558

Hold your horses, guys.

00:04:26,684 --> 00:04:28,185

This is very important

for mature people!

00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,020

Let's see...

00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,648

"Offers complete protection

during heavy flow...

00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:36,860

"Maximum stoppage of

vaginal chunks..."

00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:39,488

Ooh, this one's

got wings, you guys!

00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,489

Woo-hoo!

00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,157

[mumbling]

00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,450

You did!

00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:44,201

You got your

period, too, Kenny?

00:04:44,326 --> 00:04:47,037

[mumbling]

00:04:47,162 --> 00:04:48,789

Well, welcome to

the club, Kenny.

00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:50,749

You got your period,

so now you're a man!

00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,501

We can hang out together

on New Year's Eve.

00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:53,877

But first you need to buy

some maxi-pads

00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,212

to stuff in the

back of your pants

00:04:55,337 --> 00:04:56,255

so you don't get

blood on your underwear.

00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,840

Woo-hoo!

00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,927

Tom, it looked

for a second as if

00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:03,637

Jesus was going to

come out of his house,

00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:05,055

but then he went

back inside.

00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,932

But meanwhile, more and more

people are showing up

00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,934

to show their support

for Jesus.

00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,270

Well, the way

I see it,

00:05:11,395 --> 00:05:13,188

if he really is

who he says he is,

00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,524

well, then, he better

do something on New Year's Eve

00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,067

'cause it's

in the Bible!

00:05:17,192 --> 00:05:18,485

[sigh]

00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,821

Father, I need to

talk to you.

00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,990

Please Father, appear to me.

00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,370

What is it,

my child?

00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,373

Father, everyone is starting to

pay attention to me again

00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:32,875

because of

the new millennium.

00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,501

I'm kind of

making a comeback!

00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:36,587

Yea, like John Travolta

before you,

00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:38,797

you are experiencing

a second revival.

00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,341

It's the millennium, Father.

00:05:40,466 --> 00:05:42,176

People want to

see you.

00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:45,471

Nay, their eyes are not yet

prepared to see the likes of me.

00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:48,682

But, Dad, I think this may be

my one big shot at a comeback!

00:05:48,807 --> 00:05:51,477

Be ye be careful of pride, Jesus.

00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:52,978

Just make an appearance.

00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,396

You can come down,

say hi to a few people

00:05:54,521 --> 00:05:56,190

and can be back by 12:30!

00:05:56,315 --> 00:05:58,817

I'm sorry, my son, but if you

want to earn everyone's love

00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,861

you will have to do it yourself.

00:06:03,906 --> 00:06:05,032

Ike, can I

talk to you?

00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,367

Uh-uh, different.

00:06:06,492 --> 00:06:07,910

Ike, I don't know

what to do.

00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:09,286

All the guys are

getting their periods

00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,871

and I don't think I am.

00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,373

I can't be the

last one to get it,

00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:13,499

I just can't!

00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,667

Wa-wa,

cheery.

00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:17,419

Cartman got his,

then Kenny.

00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,088

What if tomorrow,

Stan says he got his

00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,756

and I'm left out?

00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,049

I might not even get to be

their friend any more.

00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:23,884

No, merky sahga...

00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,969

Murgy,

miggy mowse.

00:06:26,095 --> 00:06:27,679

Yeah!

00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,515

I could just say

I got my period.

00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:30,808

It's not like

they'll check!

00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:31,850

I can just say

I got my period

00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,560

'cause I really will

get it someday!

00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,479

It's not really lying,

it's jumping the gun a little.

00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:36,730

Coo-kle, ma-kle.

00:06:36,855 --> 00:06:38,357

Thanks a lot, Ike.

00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:39,942

So you guys aren't gonne spend

New Year's Eve with us?

00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,735

Look, Kenny and I

are mature now.

00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,570

We can't spend New Year's Eve

with a couple of kids!

00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,863

Did you get your

maxi-pads, Kenny?

00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:46,740

[mumbling]

00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,158

Tampon?

What's a tampon?

00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:50,160

[mumbling]

00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:51,453

Ooh, doesn't that hurt?

00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:52,913

Mmhpt-mhhpm.

00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:54,039

You guys, I got

my period, too!

00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:55,040

Wow, cool!

00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,458

You did?

00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,709

Yeah, I was just

hanging out in my room

00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,128

then I period-ed

all over the place.

00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:00,546

Alright!

00:07:00,671 --> 00:07:02,131

You have to be in

me and Kenny's club, then.

00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:04,800

My mom gave me this Women Who

Run With The Wolves book

00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,885

and I'm finding out all about

our Goddess powers.

00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,595

Awesome, we get powers?

00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:09,888

Yeah, c'mon, we can set up

everything in my clubhouse

00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:11,890

and get ready for

New Year's Eve!

00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:14,268

Hey, don't feel bad, Stan.

00:07:14,393 --> 00:07:17,479

Some of us just mature

a little later than others.

00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:25,320

"Are you there, God?

It's me, Stan.

00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:27,239

"if you wouldn't mind,

I don't want to be the only kid

00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,408

"who doesn't get his period

before the new year.

00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:31,118

"Could you speed up my

development a little?

00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:33,620

"Thanks God,

your friend, Stan."

00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:41,587

"Are you there God?

It's me, Jesus.

00:07:41,712 --> 00:07:44,590

"I feel like I've got a real

shot at a comeback, God.

00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:47,926

"For whatever reason, people are

starting to follow me again.

00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,721

"I'm 2,000 years old, but I feel

like I'm 28 again.

00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,639

"I think I'm going to win

everybody back

00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,600

"because I just made

a few phone calls

00:07:54,725 --> 00:07:57,186

"and I'm going to put on

the most amazing new year's

spectacle

00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,229

this world has ever seen!"

00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,776

[radio]

00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,487

Good morning

South Park, it's 8 A.M.

00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:09,740

And only two more days

until the new millennium!

00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,034

Dammit!

00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:12,618

Dammit!

00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:13,368

Dammit!

00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,495

Dammit!

00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,829

Stanley, honey,

what's the matter?

00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:18,040

I'm not bleeding

out of my ass!

00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,959

Well... that's

good, honey.

00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:23,253

No, it's not,

it's terrible!

00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:26,965

Are you there, God?

It's me, Stan.

00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,342

How come you

didn't help me?

00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:29,426

I know you're really

busy with things,

00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:31,011

but this is a matter

of life and death.

00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,055

If I don't get my period

00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,264

my friends won't let me hang out with them

on New Year's Eve.

00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,975

Please, please

give me my period soon.

00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,480

Here he comes!

00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:42,814

He's coming out!

00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:44,983

I've given it

much thought, my children,

00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,401

and you are right.

00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:48,487

After reviewing the Bible

it does indeed say

00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:50,656

that something very big is going to happen

at the millennium.

00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:52,616

[cheering]

00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:54,618

I have spoken to

my father in Heaven

00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,204

and he agreed that the millennium is significant

to all of us.

00:08:57,329 --> 00:08:59,748

And ye who believe in me

shall be rewarded!

00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,208

[cheers]

00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,001

So, what we're gonna do

tomorrow night--

00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,878

New Year's Eve 1999--

00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:08,131

We just got Rod Stewart to agree

to play a comeback concert

00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:10,217

at the Rio Hotel and Casino

in Las Vegas

00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:12,886

and you're all going!

00:09:16,139 --> 00:09:17,724

We knew you could

do it, Jesus!

00:09:17,849 --> 00:09:20,185

[cheers and applause]

00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,229

I better book my ass

a flight to Vegas!

00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:27,442

♪ For he is savior,

for he is Lord ♪

00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:32,322

♪ He gives me hope when

I have only been bored ♪

00:09:32,447 --> 00:09:36,535

♪ And he lifts me up

with his gentle arms... ♪

00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:39,871

Okay, is everyone

accounted for?

00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:40,747

Goddess Wind?

00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:41,748

Here!

00:09:41,873 --> 00:09:42,624

Goddess Moon?

00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,459

Goddess Moon!

00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:45,752

I'm here!

00:09:45,877 --> 00:09:47,462

And I'm here,

Goddess Earthly Delight.

00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:49,172

So, this is the first meeting

of our club

00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,632

for teens who have

gotten their periods.

00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,676

We're supposed to talk

about our periods and boys.

00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:53,885

Let's talk

about boys first.

00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,220

I think Craig

is pretty cool

00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,888

but I don't think

Clyde is very cool.

00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,223

I think Clyde

is kind of cool

00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,683

but Craig is definitely

cooler than Clyde.

00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:04,021

[mumbling]

00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,314

Okay, that settles that.

00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:06,815

Now let's talk about

our periods.

00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:07,733

Kyle, you first.

00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:09,860

Oh, uh... ummm...

00:10:09,985 --> 00:10:11,987

What's the matter, Kyle?

00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,030

Nothing!

00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:15,741

Uh, my period

is really, uh...

00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:19,745

Uh, period is

going swimmingly!

00:10:19,870 --> 00:10:23,081

Okay, that makes sense,

mine is going swimmingly, too!

00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:23,957

Mine, too!

00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,250

Whew!

00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:27,002

[knocking]

00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,503

Oh, hello, Stan!

00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:29,546

Hey, Chef.

00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:30,505

How's it going?

00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:31,590

Bad.

00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:32,799

Why bad?

00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:33,842

Can I come in?

00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,260

Well, sure!

00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,763

Now what's the matter,

little cracker?

00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,806

Chef, I have this

friend, see...

00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,558

And this person

is really bummed out

00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,226

because everyone else

the same age has gotten

their period

00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:44,853

and this person hasn't.

00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,521

Oh, you're talking about

your older sister, Shelly.

00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:48,023

No.

00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:48,982

Your little

girlfriend, Wendy.

00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:50,359

Look, it doesn't

matter who it is

00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,276

the point is that everyone else

got their period

00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:52,694

and this person hasn't.

00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,279

Look, Stan, do you really

know what a period is?

00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,198

Yeah, Cartman told us.

00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:59,201

Stan, let me sing you a little

song about the menstrual cycle.

00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:00,952

I think it might

clear things up for you.

00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:02,621

Okay.

00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:05,582

♪ Ooh baby, yeah baby,

ooh baby ♪

00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:08,877

♪ Yeah baby,

yeah baby, now baby ♪

00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:12,255

♪ Ooh yeah, yes yes baby ♪

00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:15,634

♪ Yeah yeah yeah,

uh-huh baby ♪

00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:19,554

♪ Aw--aw--aw

aw no, baby ♪

00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,890

♪ Eww baby,

naw naw ♪

00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,351

♪ No I'm cool,

it's okay ♪

00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:27,020

♪ Watch out for the

bedspread, baby ♪

00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,271

♪ Look out, now-- ♪

00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:29,690

♪ Uh, I'll

tell you what ♪

00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:31,274

♪ Uh, how about uhh... ♪

00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:35,362

♪ Why don't I

call you next week ♪

00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,032

And that's my song about

the menstrual cycle, Stan.

00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,951

Did that clear

things up for you?

00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:44,246

So, what you're saying is

this person shouldn't be bummed

00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,289

because everybody has their

period at a different time?

00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,917

Is that what I said?

00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,544

But it's not fair!

00:11:50,669 --> 00:11:51,670

It's not fair that

one day you're on top,

00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,046

you're the coolest

kid in town,

00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,756

and the next day you're

at the bottom again

00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:55,632

because everyone has blood coming out

of their ass but you!

00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,509

And if I can't men-strate

then, by God,

00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,344

I'm not gonna sit around and be the only

periodless

8-year-old boy!

00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,054

I'm gonna do

something about it!

00:12:01,972 --> 00:12:03,682

Whoa!

00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,183

I musta' missed a whole middle part, there!

00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:08,603

I can't tell you

how excited Rod Stewart is

00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,063

about this

millennium concert.

00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:11,523

He's gotten

a little older,

00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,150

but you're gonna see

how much he can still rock.

00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:14,609

Oh, I'm excited, too.

00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,403

I think it will bring

my father's children

00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,071

back to their faith

and back to mine eyes.

00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:19,656

For I am

the lamb of God.

00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,451

Yeah, and y'know,

Rod is a seasoned veteran

00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,369

so I'm going to have to

ask for a bit more cash.

00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:25,454

But we can talk

about that later.

00:12:25,579 --> 00:12:27,122

Here comes Rod now.

00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:30,584

Owww...

00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,378

Hey Rod,

great to see you!

00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:34,755

Owww...

00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,923

Uh, the folks are sure

glad you're playing.

00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:39,593

It's really given them

a lot of faith in me again.

00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,762

I'm sure that together we can

make this millennium party

00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:44,055

the best New Year's bash ever!

00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:44,848

[muttering]

Poopans...

00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:45,724

What?

00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:46,725

Poo pants.

00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:47,726

"Poo pants"?

00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:48,643

Pooped pants.

00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:49,811

Y-You pooped your pants?

00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:50,896

Pooped my pants.

00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,481

Oh...

00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,357

Uh-- Nurse, Mr. Stewart has

apparently pooped his pants!

00:12:54,483 --> 00:12:55,984

Again?!

00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,736

Now Mr. Stewart,

00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:00,864

what did we say about

trying to hold in Mr. Dookie?

00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,287

Yes, puberty is a

very wonderful thing, Stan.

00:13:07,412 --> 00:13:08,914

It's what links us

all together.

00:13:09,039 --> 00:13:11,041

Makes us one.

00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:12,334

What happens if there's someone

who never went through puberty?

00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,668

Never went

through puberty?

00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,170

Who never went

through puberty?

00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,546

Nobody...

I mean, uh...

00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,632

Uh, well... my dad!

00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:20,550

Your father never

went through puberty?

00:13:20,675 --> 00:13:22,552

No and uh... that's why

he sent me here.

00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:23,970

Because he's too

embarrassed to come himself.

00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:25,555

Well, I can't say

that I blame him.

00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:26,973

So, do you know anything

that can help him?

00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:28,892

Well I should think that the

most logical solution would be--

00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,143

hormones!

00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,479

Hormones?

00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:35,649

Yes, here,

tell your father

00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,484

to take just one of

these pills every week.

00:13:37,609 --> 00:13:39,236

It could be just what he needs.

00:13:39,361 --> 00:13:42,280

And be sure to tell him that

his secret is safe with me.

00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:43,865

Thanks a lot, Doctor,

you're the best!

00:13:43,990 --> 00:13:44,991

My pleasure.

00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:47,577

I just love

helping people.

00:14:01,842 --> 00:14:03,134

Now, for our

first club activity,

00:14:03,260 --> 00:14:04,469

we're supposed to reach

into this little dish

00:14:04,594 --> 00:14:05,512

and pull out a word.

00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,013

We look at the word

00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:09,266

and think about what

that word means to us.

00:14:09,391 --> 00:14:12,644

Okay, today's word is

"spirituality".

00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,187

What that means

to me is--

00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:15,814

Hey, assholes!

00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:18,275

Hey, look, it's

that little boy

00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:19,860

who hasn't gotten

his period yet.

00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:21,069

Don't you worry

about that!

00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:22,070

I've started

taking hormones!

00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:23,864

Hormones?

00:14:23,989 --> 00:14:24,990

Yeah, they make you

have your puberty quicker.

00:14:25,115 --> 00:14:26,867

And I'm just

here to tell you

00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,660

that my puberty is gonna be

bigger than any of you guys!

00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,912

Dude, I don't think 8-year-olds

are supposed to take hormones.

00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,706

Yeah, you shouldn't

force your period, Stan.

00:14:32,831 --> 00:14:34,708

You should let it come

like the morning dew.

00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,334

[voice cracking]

So what are we

gonna do for new year's?

00:14:36,459 --> 00:14:38,295

Well, we're going with our

families to Las Vegas.

00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:41,047

I guess there'll be some younger

kids there...if you want to go.

00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:44,634

Argh, I'm gonna go

take some more hormones.

00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,137

Now, the word is

"spirituality".

00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:49,681

I believe that the Goddess in me

is my sprituality because--

00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,433

Ughnnn...

00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:52,851

Quiet, Kenny.

00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:53,602

The Goddess lives

in all of us--

00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,395

Ugh-ugnn!

00:14:55,520 --> 00:14:56,813

Goddammit Kenny,

shut the hell up!

00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,690

Ughhhnn!

00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,234

Whoa, dude!

00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,155

Mr. and Ms. McCormick?

00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:06,740

Yes?

00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:07,782

I'm sorry, we couldn't

save your son.

00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:08,867

Oh my God...

00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,410

My little Kenny's gone!

00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,287

I can't believe it!

00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,663

We just didn't

get to him in time.

00:15:13,788 --> 00:15:14,664

There's nothing

we could do.

00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:15,790

What happened?

00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:17,500

What killed him,

Doctor?

00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,462

Well, we found a tampon

stuck up your child's ass.

00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,589

Apparently, he'd had it

up there for several days.

00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,674

It plugged him up

until he finally burst

00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:27,093

from the inside out

like a ruptured septic tank.

00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:28,553

Oh my God!

00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:29,930

My worry is that he

could have been following

00:15:30,055 --> 00:15:31,723

some kind of

crazy new fad.

00:15:31,848 --> 00:15:34,100

Perhaps the children are all

shoving tampons up their ass

00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:36,811

because they've seen the

Backstreet Boys doing it

on TV or something.

00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,146

[sob]

00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,898

We must get to

the bottom of this!

00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,483

If you'll pardon the pun.

00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:43,318

But, actually, right now, I've got to

catch plane to Las Vegas

00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,819

to see the Rod Stewart

Millennium Show.

00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:46,613

Rod Stewart's

gonna be in Vegas?

00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:50,116

Tom, I'm here

live in Las Vegas

00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,452

where tomorrow night

the New Year's Eve event

00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:53,828

is going to happen.

00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:55,497

Jesus Christ,

our Lord and savior,

00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:59,000

is presenting Rod Stewart,

the undisputed king of pop

00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,086

right here at

this hotel behind me.

00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,630

It looks as though Jesus

really has come through.

00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,840

Everyone is very excited

because rumor has it

00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:08,885

that God himself is gonna

show up to the event.

00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,512

What?

00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:11,721

How about you, m'aam, do you

think God is gonna show up?

00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,056

Of course he is.

00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,724

This is Jesus

we're talking about!

00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,017

He wouldn't

let us down.

00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:19,813

Oh no!

Are you there, God?

00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:22,232

Father, will you

please reconsider

00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,859

and show up tomorrow?

00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,404

Hello?

00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:32,784

Stanley, wake up, honey...

it's time to leave for Las Vegas!

00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,291

Whoa, dude!

00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:41,960

I've got boobs!

00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:50,010

[cheering]

00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:52,262

Hey, Las Vegas is a pretty cool

place for us mature people.

00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:54,973

Alright, people...

00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:57,392

Are we ready to

rock the millennium?

00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:00,311

[cheers]

00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,564

Father in Heaven, please let

tonight's show go well.

00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,024

Please make them like it.

00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:05,275

Hey, here comes Stan.

00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:06,776

[deep voice]

Have I missed anything?

00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,570

Wow, Stan, you've really got

some nice titties, there.

00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:09,904

Did you get your

period yet, Stan?

00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,156

No, I didn't, but--

00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:12,782

Don't worry, you'll get someday.

00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,492

C'mon, Kyle, let's go see

what kind of tampons they have

00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,703

here in Las Vegas.

00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:17,746

Well, I'll tell you

one thing...

00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:19,330

I sure as heck am excited!

00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:21,166

We've got about 4 hours

to the new year,

00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:24,210

so it think it's time

to start it up!

00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:26,337

Ladies and Gentlemen,

here he is, as promised

00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:30,133

Mr. Rod

"Do You Think I'm Sexy"

Stewart!

00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,136

[music kicking]

00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,603

♪ Owwww... ♪

00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:46,983

♪ Owwww... ♪

00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:54,032

♪ Owww, ohhh, owwww ♪

00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,162

Whoa, man!

00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:03,124

Oops, I pooped 'em.

00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:05,752

This sucks balls!

00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:07,003

Yeah!

- [all] Yeah!

00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:09,547

Alright, enough of this,

bring out God!

00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:10,340

Yeah!

00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:11,716

Oh no!

00:18:11,841 --> 00:18:12,592

[all]

We want God!

00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:13,676

We want God!

00:18:13,802 --> 00:18:15,178

We want God!

00:18:15,303 --> 00:18:17,180

Please Father,

do something!

00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:18,765

We want God!

00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:21,810

Uh, folks, I'm afraid

God can't make it tonight.

00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,062

We came all the way

to Las Vegas for this?

00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:25,897

This is the worst

New Year's ever!

00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:27,273

Thanks a lot, Jesus!

00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,025

Let's get him!

00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:33,988

Well, Tom, I'm here live

in Las Vegas

00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:37,367

at what is quickly becoming

known as the gayest party ever.

00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:40,203

Everyone is so outraged that

they are building a large cross

00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:42,872

in which to, once again,

crucify our Lord and savior,

00:18:42,997 --> 00:18:44,249

Jesus Christ.

00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:47,043

Jesus, why does

God hate me?

00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:49,379

Huh? He doesn't hate you, he hates me!

00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:50,839

He's gonna let me

be crucified again.

00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,048

He hates me more.

00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:53,591

He doesn't

answer my prayers.

00:18:53,716 --> 00:18:55,510

I prayed to him every day

and he never answered me.

00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:57,679

But just because God

doesn't answer your prayers

00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,264

doesn't mean he

doesn't care about you.

00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,141

Well, then, why didn't

he give me what I wanted?

00:19:01,266 --> 00:19:03,101

God can't just

answer every prayer

00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:04,519

and suddenly give you

everything you want.

00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,479

That takes all the

living out of life.

00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:07,814

What do you mean?

00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,607

If God answered

all our prayers,

00:19:09,732 --> 00:19:11,651

there'd be nothing left

for us to do ourselves.

00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:14,821

Life is about problems,

and overcoming those problems.

00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:17,157

And growing and learning

from obstacles.

00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:18,950

If God just fixed

everything for us,

00:19:19,075 --> 00:19:22,370

then there'd be

no point in our existence.

00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,956

That's why he wouldn't

show up to my new year's party.

00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:25,999

I just wanted

my period.

00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,333

I get it now, Father!

00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,543

I had to learn

all this on my own.

00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,587

I was overcome with

my new popularity

00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,214

and I let pride get in the way

of good judgment.

00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:37,844

Whoa, what is that?

00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:40,722

It's Dad.

00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:42,599

God is going to

show himself?

00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:43,892

Look, I can see him!

00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:47,604

Father, you came!

00:19:47,729 --> 00:19:51,274

Now, look upon me,

my children, and know me.

00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:56,029

Be ye not afraid,

blessed art thou, my children.

00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,448

That's God?

00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:00,992

Yea, 'tis my father

the creator.

00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,703

He is the alpha, the omega,

the beginning and the end.

00:20:03,828 --> 00:20:05,622

Well yeah,

but... that?!

00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,917

What did you expect me

to look like, my son?

00:20:09,042 --> 00:20:11,669

Well not like that!

00:20:11,794 --> 00:20:14,464

Since it is the end

of the first 2,000 years

00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:18,218

I will allow you, my children,

to ask me one question.

00:20:18,343 --> 00:20:20,720

One question?

00:20:20,845 --> 00:20:21,930

Only one?

00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:23,264

What should

we ask him?

00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,432

We have to

think carefully!

00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,100

We can ask him

anything we want

00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:27,560

like, "what's the

meaning of life?"

00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:29,229

Oo, "why are we here?"

00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:31,606

I have it,

I have the question!

00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,900

Now you have to answer me

once and for all...

00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:37,487

How come I haven't

gotten my period yet?

00:20:38,613 --> 00:20:40,531

My child, you are a boy.

00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:43,326

Boys do not get periods,

that's only for girls.

00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,787

Your friends were bleeding

a little bit out of their asses

00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,872

because of an

acute colon infection

00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:50,333

and your friend Kyle

simply lied about it.

00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,834

How'd he know that!?

00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,003

You will hit puberty

when the time is right.

00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,839

But you will never have a

period, because you are a man.

00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,174

With titties.

00:20:58,299 --> 00:20:59,592

Thus, spaketh the Lord.

00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:01,678

And now, I return to Heaven.

00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,224

Hey, wait!

00:21:06,349 --> 00:21:07,684

That doesn't count as our

question, does it?

00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,477

I'll answer another on

New Year's Eve

00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:11,479

in the year 4000.

00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:14,440

Did you hear that,

everybody?

00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,608

I'm not even supposed

to have my period

00:21:15,733 --> 00:21:17,735

that's why God wasn't

answering me before!

00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:22,156

Boy, I'm sure glad

everything worked out okay!

00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,702

I guess now, we can all

celebrate the new year, huh?

00:21:25,827 --> 00:21:28,371

♪ Should auld acquaintance

be forgot ♪

00:21:28,496 --> 00:21:31,332

♪ And never

brought to mind ♪

00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:34,043

♪ Should auld acquaintance

be forgot ♪

00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:37,255

♪ And auld lang syne ♪

00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:40,174

♪ For auld lang syne

my dear ♪

00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:41,884

♪ For auld lang syne ♪

00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:43,261

Let's get him!

00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:45,096

[all]

Yeah!

00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:46,431

Ahhhhhh!!

00:21:47,223 --> 00:21:48,474

[crashing]

00:21:49,267 --> 00:21:50,560

[yelling]

00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:53,062

[glass breaking]

00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:57,692

[screaming and yelling]