Алый знак веселья
Описание
В традиционной реконструкции гражданской войны между Севером и Югом Картман играет за южан, подговаривая пьяную компанию побить северян.
Субтитры
eng__.srt
eng__.srt
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♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,351
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:20,229
♪ Going down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,856
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:24,150
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor" ♪
00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:26,569
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:30,448
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
00:00:30,573 --> 00:00:33,701
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
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Ready? 1, 2, 3, 4.
00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:44,045
Yeah, yeah!
Do you like to rock?!
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:45,588
Yeah, I like to rock!
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:46,964
Hello, Baltimore!
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,299
Cartman, what the hell
are you doing?
00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:49,467
I'm playing the drum.
00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:50,676
Well, you have
to hit it softer!
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,303
You can't just hit
a drum.
00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:53,888
You have to beat
the shit out of it.
00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:55,848
Shut your pie hole,
or I'll kick your ass,
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:57,141
you fucking drum!
00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:58,225
That's how
you rock, dude.
00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,477
You're not supposed
to rock.
00:00:59,602 --> 00:01:00,895
You're just supposed
to keep the beat.
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:02,980
I am keeping the beat.
Your flute playing sucks!
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,065
That's it, Cartman.
You can't be the drummer.
00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:05,733
Hey, I'll get it!
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:07,026
Dude, the Civil War
reenactment is tomorrow.
00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:08,944
You're not going to get it by tomorrow.
- Yes, I will!
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:11,572
Alright, alright. Let's just try again.
1, 2, 3, 4.
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:19,163
Yo! Does Cleveland
like to rock?!
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:20,539
Yo! God damn it!
Aah!
00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,166
What?
00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,834
Give me the drum
and you play the flute.
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,170
No way! Flutes are totally gay.
- Mrph phm rmh?
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:28,005
Cartman, I'm the leader of the
reenactment fife-and-drum squad,
00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:29,381
and I say
you play the flute.
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:30,633
Oh, well,
you know what I say?
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:34,470
Screw you guys.
I'm going home.
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,305
You dick!
- Later.
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,936
Alrighty, everyone.
00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:43,521
We just have
a few things to go over
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before we head out
to the reenactment battlefield.
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First of all,
I have great news--
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,443
there are over 200 folks
from around the state
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,237
that have come to see
this year's reenactment,
00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:52,696
and that's
the best turnout ever!
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:56,575
Where the hell is Cartman?
If he misses the orientation,
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they're not gonna let him
in the reenactment.
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He'll show.
- He better!
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I'm also very proud to announce
that this year's alcohol sponsor
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is Jagerminz
S'more-Flavored Schnapps,
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:08,003
the schnapps with
the delightful taste of S'mores.
00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:09,463
Mmmm!
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,298
Hey, it does
taste like S'mores!
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:13,884
Yeah and it's got quite a kick, too!
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,970
And now to clarify how
the reenactment should unfold,
00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:17,888
let's bring up
our master historian,
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Grandpa Marvin Marsh!
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The only man old enough to have
actually seen the Civil War...
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Reenactment of 1924.
00:02:25,938 --> 00:02:27,106
Wow, dude! Your grandpa
still isn't dead?
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,316
Dude, that's not cool.
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:31,443
Good morning, gentlemen.
- Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
00:02:31,569 --> 00:02:33,404
Yeah, you're dressed up
like the South.
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Yes, this year I've decided
to fight for the glorious South.
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Screw you guys...home.
00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:39,827
And may I say that we're going
to whup your ass this time?
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You can't just come
to a Civil War reenactment
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dressed up like
General Lee, fat ass.
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,540
Oh, really?
I'm pretty sure I just did.
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,250
Okay, you all know
the rules.
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You must fire
your blanks into the air,
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,254
and if someone says
they killed you,
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:51,881
you gotta play dead.
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,132
The South loses
this battle, Cartman.
00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:54,550
They lose the war.
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:55,509
Nuh-uh.
The South is gonna win.
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:56,510
No, they're not,
stupid.
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:57,636
Yes, we are!
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:58,637
How much you want to bet?
00:02:58,762 --> 00:02:59,722
Now, remember, everybody,
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,432
for a good reenactment,
00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,100
we've got to pretend
down to the last detail
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:04,727
that we're really
in the Civil War.
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,187
So, when the North wins,
00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:07,855
all of us
on the Confederate side
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,815
should act
all bummed and depressed...
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,775
How much you want to bet
the South doesn't win?
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:13,068
Well, this war's
about slavery,
00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:15,029
so how about
if the South wins,
00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:16,864
you two assholes have to be
my slaves for a month?
00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:18,490
And if the North wins,
you're our slave for a month?
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,284
Right!
- You're on!
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:21,452
Then I shall bid you
good morning, gentlemen,
00:03:21,577 --> 00:03:22,703
and see you
on the battlefield.
00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,955
What a dumbass!
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,248
Yeah, he doesn't even
know that the South
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,958
loses the Civil War.
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:30,169
It's gonna be rad having
Cartman be our slave.
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:32,630
And with that,
let's all head to Tamarack Hill
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and put on a good show!
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Yeah!
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,928
Welcome to the South Park Reenactment of
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the Battle of Tamarack Hill.
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The men in gray are
the Confederacy from the South.
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,018
In the blue,
the Union from the North.
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:50,231
It was a cold morning in 1862.
00:03:50,356 --> 00:03:52,650
The Union army had to get
the Bell of Appomattox
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,568
down from Tamarack Hill.
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,779
What ensued was a bloody battle,
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,949
but after many hours,
the Union army prevailed.
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,993
Here now is the reenactment
of that great battle.
00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:06,080
Forward!
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:09,458
Let's bring
those Confederate bastards down!
00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:13,629
Fire!
00:04:14,964 --> 00:04:16,382
Alright, men, fire!
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:25,432
Hey, I shot you, Ned.
You have to fall down.
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,101
Ow.
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:28,310
Yeah!
00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,318
Wow, so this
is what it was like.
00:04:43,659 --> 00:04:44,827
Hey, what's
that guy doing?
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,371
Whee-hee!
Long live the Confederacy!
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:48,580
Huh?
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:49,832
What the hell?
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,041
Hey, he took the bell!
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,668
He can't
do that!
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,545
The Confederacy
doesn't take the bell!
00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:55,713
Hooray for the South!
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:57,006
Cartman, you
can't do that!
00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:59,049
God damn it,
now we have to start over.
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,804
Alrighty, everyone.
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,764
We're going to do
the entire reenactment again
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,850
because of some confusion
over the bell.
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,601
Now, I know you're
just trying to help, Eric,
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:11,729
but we have to let the Union
army capture the bell this time.
00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:13,939
But why?
Why should they get the bell?
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,483
Well...'cause we're
supposed to lose.
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,402
But we don't have to lose.
- What?
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,487
Gentlemen,
we can win this battle.
00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,281
Sure, we could lose,
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,574
and tonight we could go
back to our families
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:25,826
and say, "we did it. We lost
like we were supposed to.
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,036
Aren't we proud?"
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,330
Or...or we take that hill,
00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:31,623
we take that hill,
and when we stand tall upon it,
00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:33,417
we hold our heads high,
and we yell,
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,127
"Not this year!
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:38,339
This year belongs
to the Confederacy!"
00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:44,345
By God, he's right!
- Jimbo!
00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:47,723
No, I've been reenacting
this war for 22 years now.
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,726
And for 22 years,
us Confederate reenactors
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,686
have had to spend the evening
being ridiculed and made fun of
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,146
by the Union reenactors.
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:55,606
Well, I'm sick of it!
00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:56,857
Yeah, why do we have
to be their bitches
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,233
every year?
00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:00,235
I'm tired
of losing this battle.
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,945
And I say it's high time
we kicked some ass!
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,197
Who's with me?
00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:04,990
Yeah!
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,495
Alright, folks,
sorry for the false start.
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,746
We're ready to go again.
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:14,124
It was a cold morning in 1862.
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:15,334
The Union army had--
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,127
What the hell?
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:19,254
You're not gonna live
to see another day!
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,756
Uh, what are
they doing?
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,509
You yankee
sons of bitches!
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,262
Ow! That hurt!
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,889
Damn it, what the hell
are they doing?!
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:31,892
What do we do?
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:32,893
Run for your life,
dude!
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:40,526
God bless those men
that fight for their freedom.
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:44,029
God bless those men
and God bless the Confederacy!
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,699
Surrender your men,
General!
00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:49,243
Jimbo, have you lost
your mind?
00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:51,120
Surrender your men,
General!
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,996
Alright, alright,
we surrender!
00:06:58,252 --> 00:06:59,628
The South wins?
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,296
The South wins!
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:03,465
God damn it!
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,888
Well, we can all be friends now.
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:13,934
Come on, Randy,
have some S'more Schnapps.
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:15,978
I can't be happy.
You ruined the reenactment.
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:19,773
Aw, come on,
have a little sip.
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,817
So, you guys about ready
to start being my slaves?
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,193
You cheated, Cartman!
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:24,445
Yeah, and it doesn't matter
because the bet was
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:25,946
that the South
doesn't win the war.
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:27,614
And the South still didn't
win the war, dipshit.
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:30,033
Yeah, too bad you're
such a dumbass at history,
00:07:30,159 --> 00:07:31,618
or you would have
known that.
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,036
I hate you guys so much...
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:34,663
So very, very much.
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:35,497
And this is not over,
not by a long shot.
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,461
All I'm saying is that...
00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:42,463
I-is that the Confederates
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:43,630
would have just gotten
their asses kicked in Topeka.
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,632
That ain't true.
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,051
The Confederates would have
whupped ass in Topeka, too!
00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:48,802
Yeah!
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,304
You're dreaming!
00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:52,264
Perhaps we should take Topeka
- Huh?
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:53,891
They mock us
in Kansas, soldier.
00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:55,476
They think the South
is a joke.
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,519
They don't respect
our authoritah!
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,687
They don't?
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,522
No, I say we take Topeka.
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,149
You know what?
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,651
I'll bet we could take
Topeka right now
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:05,903
and prove them all wrong!
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,404
Huh?
- That's right.
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,406
Maybe we should do
what the Confederates
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:11,200
would have done
and march on to Topeka.
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,784
I'll bet we could!
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,578
I'll bet we could, too!
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:15,954
I'll bet you can't.
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,414
What?!
Is that a challenge?
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,041
I'll bet we can!
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,334
I'll bet you can't
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:21,585
because you guys
are all pussies!
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:22,961
Pussies?
Oh, yeah?
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:25,005
Men, it's time
to show the world
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,257
what this Confederate army
has got!
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,635
We're gonna take Topeka,
once and for all!
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,470
Yeah!
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,556
All you men, you may have
lost in the Union today,
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,975
but join us now
and win back your pride!
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,477
Yeah!
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:39,686
The Union be damned!
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,396
Let's go!
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:42,147
Yeah!
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:45,734
Oh, what was
our bet again?
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,361
Let's see...
00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:48,612
Yes, I remember...
if the South wins,
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,572
you have to be
my slaves for a month!
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,199
They're just drunk,
Cartman.
00:08:52,324 --> 00:08:53,951
As soon as they sober up,
they'll stop.
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:55,285
Enjoy your freedom,
gentlemen.
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:56,912
Soon you will be
my propertah!
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,205
Come, Kenny,
come fight for us,
00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,998
and I'll make sure you get
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,416
lots of plunder and womens.
- Mrph rm!
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:18,976
Good morning,
Mrs. Hollis.
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,811
Hello, Ralph!
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,646
Did you happen to catch
that ballgame last night?
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,732
I'm afraid I was grading papers
pretty late--
00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:32,823
What's that noise, officer?
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,413
Charge!
00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:51,883
Ow!
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:53,719
Freeze, buddy!
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:55,679
These are blanks
but they still hurt like hell.
00:09:57,973 --> 00:09:59,099
It's ours, it's ours!
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:00,851
We've taken Topeka!
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,021
Alright, yank,
tell us where you keep
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,939
your Jagerminz
S'more-Flavored Schnapps!
00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:07,733
S-Schnapps?
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:08,984
Uh, I guess it would be
at the liquor store.
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,402
Where?!
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,945
At the liquor store!
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,071
At the liquor store!
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,781
Come on, boys!
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:20,454
This is the most bizarre thing
I've ever seen!
00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:23,040
Excuse me.
00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:26,084
Dude, my mom is so pissed
at my dad for going to Kansas.
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,836
I know but why do they
have to take it out on us?
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,504
Why do we have to wait around
for them to come back?
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,173
Here comes the bus.
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,552
Butters, are you the
only one that came back?
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,971
C-Confederate messenger Butters
reporting, sir.
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,849
I have a message for you from the battlefield.
- What battlefield?
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,352
Topeka. We're raising
all kinds of hell, see?
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,604
It's probably the most fun
I've had in several months.
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,356
W-well, you gonna read
your message or not?
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:50,067
"Dear guys...
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:52,277
"words cannot express
how much I hate you guys.
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:55,072
"as we fight our way northward
into the great unknown,
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:57,115
"only that one thing
remains certain,
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,533
"that I hate you guys
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,661
"with every tired muscle
in my Confederate body.
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:02,621
"We have taken Topeka,
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,539
"and now I must rally the men
onward to Missouri
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,334
"because I will not stop
until we have won it all
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,752
"and you guys are my slaves.
00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:10,754
"Because...I hate you guys.
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,048
"I hate you guys
so very, very much.
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,966
Yours,
General Cartman Lee."
00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:16,635
Damn it, that fat
piece of shit.
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,220
Dude, what if Cartman
really does succeed,
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,805
and we really do
have to be his slaves?
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,223
That would suck
so much ass.
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,557
We have to stop him,
dude.
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,017
I'll go get my grandpa.
He'll help us.
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,811
Where's the Confederate army
now, Butters?
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,562
Uh, I ain't supposed
to tell you that.
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,439
If I told you that,
w-well, I'd be a...
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:31,066
a no-good yankee
son-of-a-bitch.
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,193
We'll give you 10 bucks.
- Oh,oh...okay.
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:36,822
...And was forced to live off
her own feces for several days.
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,533
In national news, a frightening
radical group from Colorado
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:42,077
is making its way across
the southern states of America.
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,121
The group is recruiting
new members
00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:46,748
in each town they pass through
and rapidly growing in number.
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,750
So authorities have decided
to call in the National Guard.
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,752
The group seems to be led
by military mastermind
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,839
and right-wing radical
Jimbo Kern,
00:11:53,964 --> 00:11:56,967
who is known for his guerrilla
fighting and leadership skills.
00:11:57,092 --> 00:12:00,679
Gimme some more S'more Schnapps!
I'm gonna be sick!
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,479
Oh, boy, this is worse
than I thought.
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:11,064
Well, come on, Billy,
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,524
we gotta make
these little peckers stop
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,484
before they get
themselves killed.
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:17,446
They say we can either fight
them or join them.
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:20,490
Well, I'm joining them.
Those blanks hurt!
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,868
Dad, Dad!
Mom wants you to come home!
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,953
Not now, Stan.
I'm pillaging!
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,080
Get over here!
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,166
You've got to stop, Dad.
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,001
If the South wins, me and Stan
have to be Cartman's slaves.
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:32,961
This is a reenactment, Kyle.
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,255
My name is Private John Farcastle,
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,758
and I have to do
what my general tells me.
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,843
Hey, there's S'more Schnapps
over here!
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,470
More Schnapps!
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:44,848
I'm Sergeant Larson
of the National Guard.
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,224
We're here to stop
the terrorists.
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,059
They're not terrorists.
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:50,103
They're just a bunch of
drunk wankers from Colorado.
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,688
Well, we can't
just shoot 'em.
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:52,439
There's innocents
and children about.
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:53,982
Dawkins!
- Sir!
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,317
Fire a warning flare.
- Yes, sir!
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,158
Medic!
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,499
Oops!
- Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:12,542
You bastards!
- Hey!
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:13,502
We can't fire
at them, sir.
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:14,544
There are
too many children.
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:15,879
Then how do
we stop them?
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,380
I know how...
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:19,382
but we'll have to wait until dark.
00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,472
"Dear Ms. McCormick,
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,682
"It is with a very heavy heart
that I must inform you
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,851
"that your son Kenny
was killed in battle
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,603
"on the morning
of November 18th
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,563
"at Ruby Hills Funland
in Chattanooga.
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,440
"This war has taken
something from all of us
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,275
"and although
your son appears
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,777
"to be the only casualty so far,
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,779
"know that we all
share your pain.
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,447
"Your son did not die in vain.
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:43,824
"I shall persevere
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,450
"and make Stan and Kyle
my slaves
00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:46,701
"because I hate those guys.
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,495
"I hate them
so very, very much.
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,831
Yours,
General Cartman Lee."
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:56,670
There, you see?
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,296
We take
the S'more Schnapps,
00:13:58,421 --> 00:13:59,214
and by morning, they're
all gonna want to go home.
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,423
Nice thinking, Billy.
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:02,133
Let's go!
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,011
Where to next, General?
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,222
Where did
the Confederates go, son?
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,058
Well, I guess to Fort Sumter
in South Carolina.
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,102
That's where the Civil War
really escalated.
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,645
Ah, splendid.
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:15,105
Then to Fort Sumter
we shall go.
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:16,606
Well, that sounds great.
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:18,149
I'm gonna get
some S'more Schnapps.
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:19,901
You want anything?
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,444
Yeah, could I get some
of those animal cookies?
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:22,988
Those frosted ones
with the sprinkles on 'em?
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,656
Uh, sure.
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,162
What the--
00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:32,289
Hey, where's
the S'more Schnapps?
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:33,373
We're out
of S'more Schnapps?
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,542
That can't be!
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:36,918
I guess
we drank it all.
00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:39,462
Now what?
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:40,630
Now we just wait
until morning.
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,215
Checkmate, Cartman.
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,592
Pretty soon you're
gonna be our slave.
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:44,718
Yeah!
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:53,143
Ouch.
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,269
Oh, my head.
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,896
Where am I?
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,981
Ned, I think I can say
without any doubt
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:01,109
that that was the longest
drinking binge we've ever had.
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:04,070
Oh, oh. My head.
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,906
Oh, no, I'm supposed
to be at work today.
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:07,157
Me too!
00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:08,909
Well, come on, everybody.
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:10,118
We've got to get to
the nearest bus station quick.
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,413
Where are you going?
00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:15,081
We're going home, kid.
Come on!
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,750
We can't go home.
We have to take Fort Sumter!
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,293
The only thing
we got to do is get home
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,127
before our wives leave us.
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,712
No.
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:21,630
What about
the Confederacy?
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,089
What about freedom?
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:25,342
Ha ha.
You lose, fat ass!
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:26,718
God,
I hate you guys!
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,303
Yeah, but, you know,
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,763
I think you've
learned something today.
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:30,764
You've learned that you
can't rewrite history.
00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,891
You see,
history is forever.
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,267
And everything happens
for a reason.
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:35,852
You can try
to change the past,
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,520
but usually, you kn--
where are you going?
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:38,647
This isn't over.
Oh, no.
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:40,649
Oh, no,
not by a long shot.
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:44,235
Oh, I don't believe
we came all the way out here.
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:45,987
Yeah, well, I don't think
the bus station
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,948
is too far from here.
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,282
How much do you think a bus
ticket back to Colorado
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:50,617
is gonna run?
00:15:57,082 --> 00:16:00,794
Hello, I am Suzette,
the S'more Schnapps girl.
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,629
We are pleased
to sponsor you
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,422
with all the
S'more Schnapps you need.
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,174
Uh, I can't drink
any more of that stuff.
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,258
Me neither.
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:08,802
Uh, come on, guys,
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:10,637
just one little drink.
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,597
A toast to how far you came
and all that you saw.
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:15,141
Yes, please. Do shots out of my breasts.
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,811
Well, I guess
one little cheers is in order!
00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:23,441
Hey, look, Ned's doing
his trick again.
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,443
Hey, guys, let's all play
a game of grab-ass!
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,070
What's grab-ass?
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,905
We just run around
in circles
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,407
and try to grab
each other's asses.
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,242
Hey, that sounds fun!
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:34,786
I got you!
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,955
Oh! Ooh!
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,666
Gentlemen, I hate
to break up the party,
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,584
but I believe we have a fort to take.
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,044
You heard the general!
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,004
Yeah!
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:46,506
Oh, no!
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,924
We'll never stop
them now.
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,021
Whoo-hoo!
00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:02,772
Yes, yes!
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,988
Throughout 1861,
the Confederate authorities
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,823
tried to drive out
the Union occupants
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,408
of Fort Sumter Peacefully.
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,118
But Abraham Lincoln's
administration
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,704
would not surrender the fort
to the Confederates,
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,956
so Jefferson Davis
decided to take action.
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,082
And the Confederates
won the fort?
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,876
Yes.
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,294
Imagine what it
must have been like.
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,421
You're a Union soldier
stationed at this fort.
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:27,839
And one day you look out
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,716
and see thousands
of Confederates
00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:30,759
ready to pounce on you!
00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:34,179
Uh...
00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:35,889
Take the fort!
- Charge!
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,019
We got it! The fort is ours!
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,730
What was that?
00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:46,191
Attention, political activists.
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:49,194
You are on government
historical monument property.
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,029
Surrender the monument
with your hands up.
00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:53,281
If you would like a tour
of the fort, one can be arranged
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,283
through the South Carolina
Chamber of Commerce.
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,993
Give up, fat ass.
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:58,244
There's over
100 National Guard guys here.
00:17:58,369 --> 00:18:00,121
Stuck my ass!
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,248
What do we do, general?
We're outnumbered!
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,292
We ask the state
of South Carolina for recruits.
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,960
Some reinforcements
are bound to show up.
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:08,171
Alright, that does it.
Blow the whole thing up.
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,090
You can't do that.
Our dads are in there!
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,758
Sorry, son,
we tried it your way.
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:12,759
Now we do it
our way.
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:13,760
Prepare the mortar!
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,136
Hold it right there.
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,516
Wow, look at that!
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:21,518
The entire state
of South Carolina showed up.
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:23,561
I knew they would.
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:24,979
Aw, damn it!
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,356
We're ready
to fight with ya.
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:28,108
Long live the Confederacy!
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:29,818
Yee-haw!
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,319
Now our numbers
are truly great.
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,987
It is time.
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,615
It is time to march
to Washington, D.C.
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:44,207
Hey, government!
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,835
You can't ignore
our anguished cries anymore!
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,337
You hear that, government?
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,923
Oh, boy,
this doesn't look good.
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,466
It's just like
the Million Man March,
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,260
except there actually
are a million people.
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:58,555
Mr. President, a message
for you from the extremists.
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,181
"Dear Mr. President...
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,142
"there are times
when humans can no longer
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,852
"endure their government's
authoritah.
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,146
"You must declare
the Confederacy its own nation
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,606
"so that we may enter into
a new millennium of prosperitah.
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,316
"if you do not meet our demands,
00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,068
"we will be forced
to show the videotapes
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:13,778
we have of you
with Marisa Tomel."
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,196
Oh, dear God!
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,865
We have to meet
their demands!
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,700
What? Sir, there's
not that many of them!
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:22,370
As vice president, I think we
better give them what they want.
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,247
It's just the southern states.
Who really needs them?
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,248
My hands are tied.
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,000
Tell General Lee
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:27,959
that I'll meet him
in front of the Capitol.
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,419
Sir!
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,129
I'm so glad
I don't have your job.
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:35,091
Dude, let's just
give up now
00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:36,426
and accept that we have
to be Cartman's slaves.
00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:38,803
Damn it, Billy, this isn't
about you having to be slaves.
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,054
This is about history.
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,848
We can't let them change it.
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:43,933
But we've tried everything
Grandpa. What else can we do?
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:46,394
Wait a minute, they're all
still doing a reenactment.
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,605
What we have to do
is play into that.
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,524
Come on, Billy, you boys need
a quick history lesson.
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,359
Alright, I'm gonna sign
the document
00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:56,863
declaring the Confederacy
winners of the Civil War.
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,281
Hooray!
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,450
Boy, we really got
the president by the balls.
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:01,993
Good thing you have
that videotape
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:03,328
of him and Marisa Tomei.
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:04,245
I don't.
I made it up.
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:06,915
Hey, who's that?
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:07,999
Hello, I'm Abraham Lincoln,
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:09,709
President
of the United States.
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,169
Yes,
and I'm Jefferson Davis,
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:13,004
President
of the Confederacy.
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,048
Boy, this just keeps
getting weirder, doesn't it?
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,591
What the hell
are you guys doing?
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,509
Hey, general! He's
reenacting Jefferson Davis!
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:21,554
You can't talk that way
to a superior officer!
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:23,139
Men, I want
you all to know
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,265
that as President
of the Confederacy,
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,351
I am hereby surrendering.
- What?!
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,144
Well, as Abraham Lincoln,
I accept your surrender
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,562
and agree
to your conditions.
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:30,855
You and all
the Confederates
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:31,898
will have
all the S'more Schnapps
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,107
you can drink for a year.
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,108
Whoa!
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:35,944
A whole year?
- Alright!
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,487
Well, I think we got
what we wanted.
00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:39,489
That's it? I don't have
to sign this thing?
00:20:39,614 --> 00:20:42,909
Hey, come on, we should take
a tour of the Smithsonian
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,285
before we head back.
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,787
No! We still
have to fight!
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,705
Lincoln and Davis
signed a treaty, General.
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:48,831
The war is over.
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:50,291
Noooo!
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,585
It's finally over,
Cartman. You lost!
00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:55,630
Yeah, and now you can
take that stupid beard off!
00:20:55,755 --> 00:21:05,754
Owwwwww!
00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:08,685
Boys, as President
of the United States,
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,186
I want to commend you
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:11,437
for stopping
the rebel uprising.
00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:12,939
Don't touch me.
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:14,357
Well, Cartman,
the South lost.
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:15,483
That means you're
our slave for a month!
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,652
Damn it, damn it.
I was so close! Damn it.
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,779
The first thing I want
you to do for us is--
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,739
Wait a minute! I don't have to be your slave!
- What?
00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:23,157
The North still
won the Civil War.
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,575
That means slavery
is abolished.
00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:27,412
He's right, boys.
Slavery is illegal and immoral,
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:29,622
partially in thanks to
the North winning the Civil War.
00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:30,790
Awww!
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,418
Oh, to hell with it.
Let's just go home.
00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:34,752
Thanks a lot, Bill Clinton!
Yeah, thanks, dick!
rus__RaMoS.srt
rus__RaMoS.srt
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:24,100
Переведено RaMoS'ом (Scias@mail.ru)
00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:34,100
Добро пожаловать в Саут Парк!
00:00:35,100 --> 00:00:37,100
Готовы? Раз, два три, четыре!
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:47,100
Да! Мы любим РОК! Да!
Нам нравится РОК! Привет, Балтимор!
00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:49,600
- Картмэн, чёрт, что ты делаешь?
- Я играю на барабане.
00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:50,600
Тогда не дубась так сильно!
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:58,100
Ты не должен просто стукать по барабану...
Ты должен выбивать из него всё его говно!
Я выбью его из тебя, гребанный барабан!!!
Вот так мы зажигаем!!
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,100
Да ты не должен зажигать!
Просто держи ритм.
00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,000
Я и держу ритм! А твоя игра
на флейте - полный отстой!
00:01:03,100 --> 00:01:04,100
Хватит, Картмэн!
Ты не будешь барабанщиком!
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:09,100
- Нет буду!
- Чувак, постановка гражданской войны
завтра. А ты не прекращаешь беситься!
- Я уже прекратил!
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,100
Так, ладно! Попробуем ещё
раз. Раз, два, три, четыре!
00:01:18,100 --> 00:01:21,300
Так, а Кливленд любит РОК?!!
Аааа, бля!!!
00:01:22,100 --> 00:01:25,200
-Ну, чё?!
-Дай сюда барабан, будешь играть на флейте!
-Нефига!! Флейта - для педиков!
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:29,200
Картмэн, я - лидер нашей постановки.
И я говорю, что ты будешь играть на флейте!
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:32,200
Ах так?! А знаешь, что я говорю?!
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:35,100
Пошли в жопу парни, а я - домой!
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,100
- Гад!
- Пока!
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:40,100
8:04
Утро в день постановки.
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:46,100
Итак, внимание! Перед тем, как мы пойдём
на постановку, нужно всё обговорить!
00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:53,100
Во-первых, у меня есть хорошие новости!
Около двух сотен людей приедут к нам
на просмотр представления! А значит,
это будет самая масштабная постановка!
00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:58,100
Где, блин, Картмэн? Если он пропустит
сбор, его не допустят до участия!
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,200
- Он придёт.
- Ему же хуже.
00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:08,200
Я также рад представить нашего спонсора
по алкоголю: шнапс от Яггермэна с новым
ароматом! Шнапс с незабываемым вкусом смора!
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:14,200
- Эй, а он действительно на вкус как смор!
- Точно! Да и по мозгам бьёт!
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:20,200
А теперь, чтоб узнать, как открыть нашу
постановку, давайте поприветствуем нашего
организатора и мастера Марвина Марша!
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:26,100
Единственный человек, который
настолько стар, что видел постановку
Гражданской войны 1924-го года!
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:29,100
- Ух ты, чувак, твой дедушка до сих пор жив?
- Да, и это не круто.
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:30,100
Доброе утро, джентльмены!
00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:33,100
- Картмэн, что ты, черт возьми делаешь?
- Да, ты оделся как южанин!
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:40,100
Именно! Я собираюсь в этом году воевать
за доблестный Юг! Пошли в жопу! Я домой!
И хочу сказать, что на этот
раз мы надерем вам задницы!
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:45,100
- Ты не можешь просто так войти в постановку
Гражданской войны, одетый генералом Ли, жирная жопа!
- Неужели?! А я уверен, что могу!
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:51,100
Итак, вы все знаете правила: стрелять
только в воздух, и если кто-то говорит,
что убил вас, вы притворяетесь умершими.
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,100
Южане проиграли эту битву,
Картмэн. Они проиграли войну.
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:57,000
- Не-а. Юг победит.
- Нет, не победит,тупой!
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:59,100
- Нет победит!
- На что спорим?
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:05,100
А теперь все запомните: чтобы постановка была
хорошая, мы должны придерживаться самых мельчайших
деталей, как будто это - настоящая гражданская война.
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:10,000
Поэтому, когда Север победит, мы все, Южане,
показываем свою грусть и разочарование.
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:17,000
- Ну, Картмэн, на что спорим, что Юг не победит?
- Это война из-за рабства, так что как
насчет того, что если Юг победит, вы, две дырки
в жопе, станете моими рабами на месяц?
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:20,000
- А если победит Север, то ты
станешь нашим рабом на месяц?
- Точно!
- Тогда мы согласны!
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:23,100
Что ж, джентльмены, желаю вам
доброго утра, увидимся на поле боя!
00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:30,100
- Ха, ха, ха! Ну и тупой!
- Точно! Он даже не знает, что Юг
проиграл гражданскую войну!
- Будет прикольно, иметь Картмэна в качестве раба!
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:34,100
Итак, а теперь пойдемте на холм
Темрок и устроим отличное шоу!
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:37,100
9:00 утра
Постановка.
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:41,100
Добро пожаловать на постановку
жителей Саут Парка битвы за холм Темрок!
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,100
В сером - войска Конфедерации Юга.
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,100
В синем - объединенные войска Севера!
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:55,100
Было холодное утро 1862 года!
Объединенные войска должны захватить
колокол, расположенный на холме Темрок.
00:03:55,200 --> 00:04:03,100
Битва была кровавая, но после многих часов
Объединенные войска одержали победу.
Вот постановка этого великого сражения!
00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:06,100
Вперед!
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,300
Давайте покажем этим
сволочам с Юга, где раки зимуют!
00:04:13,100 --> 00:04:14,100
Огонь!
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:17,100
Давайте, парни, огонь!
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:25,600
Эй, Нед, я тебя застрелил. Ты должен упасть.
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,100
Так вот как это было.
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:45,100
Эй, а что это тот парень делает?
00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:48,100
Да здравствует Конфедерация!
00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:50,100
Эй, что за фигня!?!?
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:53,100
- Он захватил колокол!
- Он не мог этого сделать!
00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,100
Конфедерация не захватывала колокол!
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,100
- Да здравствует Юг!
- Картмэн, что ты делаешь?
00:04:57,200 --> 00:05:00,100
Вашу мать! Теперь мы должны всё переиграть!
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:01,800
10:24 утра.
Постановка. Вторая попытка.
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:08,100
Итак, мы должны переиграть
всю постановку заново из-за
небольшого конфуза с колоколом.
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:13,100
Я понимаю, что ты хотел помочь,
Эрик, но мы должны дать
Объединенной армии захватить флаг.
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:18,100
- Но почему они должны захватить колокол?
- Ну, потому что мы должны проиграть.
- Мы должны, но не обязаны!
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:19,100
Что?!
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:28,100
Джентльмены, мы можем выиграть эту битву!
Конечно мы можем спокойно проиграть и,
придя домой, заявить: мы проиграли,
как мы и должны были! Мы так горды собой!
00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:38,100
Или. Или мы можем захватить холм!
Захватить и, поднявшись на него, прокричать:
не в этот год! Этот год принадлежит Конфедерации!
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:45,100
- Точно! А он прав!
- Джимбо!
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:55,100
Я принимаю участие в этих постановках
уже 22 года! И все эти 22 года войска
Конфедерации должны поддаваться и унижаться
перед Объединенными войсками ради их потехи!
00:05:55,200 --> 00:06:00,100
- Я этим сыт уже по горло!
- Да, почему это они должны всегда нас пинать?!
- Я уже за*бался проигрывать эту битву!
00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:04,100
И я хочу сказать, что пришло время
кое-кому надрать задниц! Кто со мной??
00:06:08,100 --> 00:06:16,000
Итак, люди, извините, что заставили вас ждать.
Мы готовы начать заново. Было холодное
утро 1862 года. Объединенные войска должны...
00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:24,100
- Что они делают?
- Вы, поганые янки, сукины дети!!!
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:27,900
Э! Это же больно!
00:06:28,100 --> 00:06:30,100
Что же вы, вашу мать, делаете?
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:34,100
- Что же делать?
- Спасать свою жизнь, чувак!
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:44,100
Благослови Бог этих людей, которые сражаются
за свою свободу. Благослови Бог этих людей.
И благослови Бог Конфедерацию!
00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:50,100
- Прикажи своим людям сдаться, генерал!
- Джимбо, ты сошел с ума?
00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:54,100
- Прикажи своим людям сдаться!!!
- Хорошо, хорошо! Мы сдаёмся!
00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:00,500
Юг победил?
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,300
Юг победил!!!
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:05,100
Вашу мать!!
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,100
8:45 вечера
Вечеринка после постановки.
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:16,100
- Эй, парни, да ладно вам! Мы ведь
друзья! Ренди, на, выпей шнапса.
- Я не могу веселиться, вы завалили постановку!
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,200
Брось, Ренди, глотни немного.
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:23,100
- Итак, парни, готовы стать моими рабами?
- Ты сжульничал, Картмэн!
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:31,100
- Да к тому же мы спорили на победу Юга в войне,
а не в битве, а Юг войну не выиграл, гавнюк!
- Да, если бы ты знал историю,
тупица, то понимал бы это!
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:37,100
Эх... Я ненавижу вас, парни.
Очень, очень сильно ненавижу!
Но это только начало. У меня большие планы!
00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:48,100
- Я хочу сказать, что...
что Южан всё равно надрали в Топике.
- Неправда! Мы и в Топике победим!
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,100
Вы бредите!
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,100
- Возможно, нам следует завоевать и Топику!
- Чё??
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:58,100
- Они сделали из нас посмешище в Канзасе, солдат!
Они думают, что Южане - это клоуны!
Они не уважают нашу власть!
- Не уважают?
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:06,100
- Нет, и я говорю, что мы должны захватить Топику!
- Знаете что?! А давайте нападем на Топику
и покажем, как сильно они ошибаются!
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:11,100
- Чё?
- Точно! Мы можем сделать тоже,
что и Южане, напасть на Топику!
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,100
- Я думаю, что можем!
- Я тоже так думаю!!
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:19,100
- А я думаю, что нет.
- Что? Это вызов?! Я говорю, мы можем!
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:30,100
- А я думаю, что вы не можете. Потому что вы все бабы!
- Бабы?! Ах, так?! Люди! Время показать миру,
что такое армия Конфедерации!
Мы сейчас же пойдём и захватим Топику!
00:08:31,100 --> 00:08:37,100
Мужики, вы сегодня проиграли, как Северяне,
поэтому присоединяйтесь к нам
и восстановите свою поруганую гордость!
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,100
К черту войска Севера!
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:41,100
Вперед!!!
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:50,100
Итак, о чем мы спорили? Дайте подумать...
А, да! Я вспомнил! Если Юг победит,
вы станете моими рабами на месяц.
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,100
Они просто пьяны, Картмэн!
Когда они протрезвеют, то остановят тебя!
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:57,100
Да, конечно, джентльмены,
я уважаю вашу свободу, но скоро
вы станете моей собственностью!
00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:00,100
Идём, Кенни! Сражайся за нас, и я уверяю тебя,
скоро ты получишь много бабла и тёлок!
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,200
7:53 утра.
Топика, штат Канзас.
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,200
- Доброе утро, миссис Холлис!
- Привет, Ральф!
00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:25,200
- Вы успели посмотреть вчера игру?
- К сожалению, нет, вчера
я допоздна проверяла работы.
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:32,400
Что это за звуки, офицер?
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:55,400
Мужик, стоять! Это - не настоящие пули,
но все равно бьют очень больно!
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,400
Он наш! Он наш! Мы захватили Топику!
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:09,400
- Так, янки! Говори, где вы
прячете шнапс со вкусом смора?
- Эээээ... Шнапс?
Наверное, он в винном магазине.
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:12,400
-ГДЕ!?!?!?
-В винном магазине! В винном магазине!...
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:14,400
Вперед, парни!
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,200
Эта - самая странная вещь,
которую я когда-либо видела.
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:22,200
Извините, мэм.
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:28,200
- Чувак, моя мама прям с ума сошла,
когда узнала, что отец отправился в Канзас.
- Я знаю, но почему надо было нас оставлять?
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:30,200
- Почему мы должны ждать их тут?
- Вот и автобус!
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:40,200
- Баттерс?! Ты - единственный, кто приехал?
- Ээээ... Посыльный Конфедерации Баттерс
докладывает! У меня для вас письмо с фронта.
00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:41,200
С какого фронта?!
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:47,200
Ээээ... Ну мы Топику захватили и все к чёрту разгромили.
Это было самое веселое за последние несколько месяцев.
Так вы будете письмо-то читать или нет?
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:52,200
Дорогие Стэн и Кайл, никакими словами
не передать то, как я ненавижу вас, парни.
00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:56,200
Мы постепенно продвигаемся на север,
мы постоянно захватываем новые города,
но одно остаётся прежним.
00:10:56,300 --> 00:11:04,200
Это - то, как я ненавижу вас, парни. Ненавижу вас каждой
клеткой своего конфедеративного тела! Мы уже захватили
Топику, и я должен двигать своих людей на Миссури.
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:08,200
Потому что я не остановлюсь, пока не выиграю всю войны,
чтобы вы, парни, стали моими рабами. А знаете, почему?
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:14,200
Потому что я ненавижу вас, парни,
очень-очень сильно ненавижу.
Искренне ваш, генерал Картмэн Ли.
00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:20,200
- Вот жирный кусок дерьма!
- Чувак, а что, если он и вправду выиграет войны,
и мы должны будем стать его рабами?!
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:23,200
- Тогда это будет х*ёво.
- Мы должны его остановить!
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:28,200
- Надо поговорить с моим дедом, он поможет
нам. Где ваша армия сейчас, Баттерс?
- Эээ... Мне нельзя вам это рассказывать.
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:32,200
- Если я вам все расскажу, то стану
нехорошим янки, сукиным сыном!
- Мы тебе 10 баксов дадим.
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:33,200
Тогда ладно!
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:37,200
...и она была вынуждена жить
со своим говном еще несколько дней.
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:42,200
Государственные новости: радикально
настроенная группа людей из Колорадо
держит свой путь через южные штаты.
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:47,200
Эта группировка пополняет свои ряды людьми
из городов, котрые они проходят. Постепенно
их количество очень сильно возрастает.
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:57,200
Поэтому власть решила привлечь к этому делу
Национальную оборону. Лидером группировки
является Джимбо Кёрн, бывший военный и коренной
радикал, обладающий всеми задатками бойца и лидера.
00:11:57,300 --> 00:12:00,200
Дайте мне ещё сморового
шнапса, а то сейчас блевать начну.
00:12:02,700 --> 00:12:05,200
14:35
Чаттануга, штат Теннесси.
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:14,200
- О, Господи, это хуже, чем я думал.
- Пойдем, Билли, остановим этих идиотов,
пока они не поубивали друг друга.
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:19,200
- Я же говорю. Мы должны либо присоединиться
к ним, либо сражаться против них!
- Я лучше присоединюсь, их пули больно бьют!
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:26,200
- Папа! Папа! Мама хочет, чтоб ты вернулся!
- Не сейчас, Стэн! Не видишь, я тут мародерствую?
ЭЙ, ТЫ КУДА?!
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:31,200
Папа, ты должен остановиться! Если Юг
победит, мы станем рабами Картмэна на месяц!
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:38,200
Это же не по настоящему, Кайл.
Я - рядовой Джон Фаркасл, и я должен
делать то, что приказывает мне мой генерал.
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:41,200
- Эй, там есть ещё шнапс!
- Ещё шнапса!
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,200
Я - сержант Национальной гвардии Ларсон.
Мы здесь, чтобы остановить террористов!
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:53,200
- Они не террористы.
Они просто бухие придурки из Колорадо!
- Тогда мы не можем стрелять по ним.
Там невиновные и дети. Доукинс!
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:55,200
- Сэр!
- Пусти сигнальную ракету!
- Есть, сэр!
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,200
Нужна помощь!
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,200
Боже мой, они убили Кенни!
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:12,200
Сволочи!
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:16,200
- Мы не можем стрелять по ним, там дети!
- Тогда как же нам их остановить?
00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:19,200
Я знаю, как. Но мы должны подождать до темноты.
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:34,200
Уважаемая миссис МакКормик, с величайшей тяжестью
в сердце я сообщаю вам, что ваш сын Кенни пал
жертвой на поле битвы 18 ноября в Чаттануге.
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:40,200
Это война взяла что-нибудь у каждого из нас,
но только Кенни стал жертвой этого жестокого действа,
поэтому можете быть уверены,
что мы все скорбим вместе с Вами.
00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:45,200
Жертва вашего сына не была напрасной,
я добьюсь своего и сделаю Стэна и Кайла моими рабами.
00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:50,400
Потому что я ненавижу этих парней,
очень-очень сильно ненавижу.
С уважением, генерал Картмэн Ли.
00:13:56,200 --> 00:14:01,200
- Видите? Мы возьмём весь шнапс,
и уже утром они все будут дома.
- Отличная идея, Билли!
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:02,200
Вперед!
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:07,700
- Куда пойдем дальше, генерал?
- А куда в своё время пошли
войска Конфедерации, сынок?
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:16,200
- Ну... К форту Самтур в Южной Каролине.
Там Гражданская война достигла своего апогея!
- Так! Отлично! Тогда идём на форт Самтур!
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:20,200
- Что ж, хорошо! Пойду возьму ещё
шнапса. Вам что-нибудь принести?
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:24,200
- Да. Можно мне те печенюшки в виде
животных, посыпанные шоколадной стружкой?
- Да, конечно!
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,200
- Э?! Чё за ...? Где весь шнапс?
- У нас кончился шнапс?
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,200
- Этого не может быть!
- Наверное, мы всё выпили.
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,200
- И что теперь?
- Теперь ждем до завтра.
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:44,200
- Шах и мат, Картмэн!
Скоро ты станешь нашим рабом!
- Да!
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,400
7:29 утра
7 часов без шнапса.
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,400
- О, моя голова.
- Где это я?
00:14:55,500 --> 00:15:00,500
Нэд, я скажу без всякого сомнения,
что это был самый долгий запой,
в котором мы когда-либо находились!
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:04,300
О моя голова! О... моя голова.
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,400
- Я же должен быть вчера работать!
- И я тоже!
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:10,400
Слушайте все! Мы должны как можно быстрее
добраться до ближайшей автобусной остановки!
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,400
- Куда вы все?
- Мы домой, мальчик. Пойдём с нами.
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:19,400
- Но мы не можем идти!
Но мы должны захватить форт Самтур!
- Единственное, что мы должны сделать,
это - попасть домой, пока наши жены не ушли от нас.
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:22,400
Нет! А как же Конфедерация? А как же свобода?
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:26,400
- Ха, ха! Ты проиграл, жирдяй!
- Боже! Я ненавижу вас, парни!
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:30,400
Я думаю, ты понял кое-что сегодня.
Ты понял, что не можешь переписать историю.
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:36,400
История - это навечно. В ней все происходит
по-своему. Ты, конечно, можешь попробовать
изменить прошлое, но обычно...
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:40,400
- Ты куда это?
- Это ещё не конец! Нет, нет! У меня большие планы!
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:47,400
- Я не верю, что мы уже столько прошли.
- Ага! Я не думал, что автобусная остановка так далеко.
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:50,400
А сколько по-вашему стоит билет до Колорадо?
00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:00,400
Привет! Я Сюзанна! Девушка со шнапсом!
00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:04,400
Мы рады спонсировать вас шнапсом,
который вам так необходим!
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,400
- Не! Я не могу больше пить это!
- Я тоже!
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:12,400
Да давайте, парни! Один маленький глоточек!
Тост за то, как вы далеко зашли и сколько увидели!
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,400
Да, давайте, выпейте из моего лифчика!
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:17,400
Ну один-то глоточек не повредит.
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,400
Э! Смотрите, Нэд опять прикалывается!
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,400
- Парни, давайте играть в игру "хватай жопу"!
- А как это?
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:30,400
Мы должны бегать по кругу
и пытаться ухватить друг-друга за жопу!
00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:32,400
Звучит весело!
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:43,400
- Джентльмены! Я не хочу прерывать
веселье, но мы должны напасть на форт!
- Вы слышали, что говорит генерал?!
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,400
- О нет!
- Теперь нам их не остановить!
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,400
Да! Круто!
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:17,400
В 1861 году Конфедерация хотела без боя взять
этот форт, но администрация Абраама Линкольна
не хотела сдавать его своим противникам.
00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:19,400
Тогда Джефферсон Дейвис решил
начать боевые действия.
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:21,400
И Конфедерация захватила форт?
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:26,400
Да. Представьте, как это было.
Вы - солдат Объединенных войск,
находящийся в этом форте.
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:30,400
И в один день, вы выглядываете и видите тысячи
солдат Конфедерации, готовые ворваться сюда!
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:35,400
- Взять форт!
- Вперёд!
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,400
Мы сделали это! Мы захватили форт!
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:43,400
Что это было?
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:50,400
Внимание, активисты! Вы находитесь
на государственной исторической территории!
Выходите по одному с поднятыми руками!
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:55,400
А если вам нужна экскурсия по форту,
то в этом вам может помочь
Торговая палата Южной Каролины!
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:58,400
Выходи, жирный, здесь более
сотни солдат Национальной гвардии!
00:17:58,500 --> 00:17:59,400
Соси болт!
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:02,400
Что же делать, генерал, мы в меньшинстве!
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:05,400
Мы запросили у Южной Каролины
подкрепления. Скоро придет подмога!
00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:08,400
Так, ладно. Снесите здесь всё к чертям!
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,400
Вы не можете! Там наши отцы!
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:14,400
Извини, сынок. Мы пробовали по-вашему.
Теперь будем делать по-нашему. Готовьте мортиру!
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:15,400
Смотрите! Вон там!
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:23,400
- Ух ты! Посмотрите!
Это - войска из Южной Каролины!
- Я знал, что они придут.
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,400
Вашу ж мать!
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:28,400
Мы готовы сражаться за вас!
Да здравствует Конфедерация!
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,400
А теперь нас действительно много! Пришло время...
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,900
Пришло время идти на Вашингтон!
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:41,600
7:45 утра
Вашингтон, округ Колумбия.
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:50,100
Эй, Правительство! Ты больше не можешь игнорировать
наши страдальческие крики! Слышало?! Правительство?!
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,100
Да. Выглядит нехорошо.
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:56,100
Как будто массовая забастовка миллиона
человек, если не учесть, что их не миллион!
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,600
Господин Президент! Вам письмо от экстремистов!
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:04,100
Уважаемый г-н Президент!
Иногда приходит время, когда люди не могут
выносить власти своего правительства.
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:09,100
Вы должны объявить Конфедерацию отдельной
страной, чтобы мы могли войти в грядущий
миллениум процветающей, богатой нацией!
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:14,100
Если вы не выполните наши требования,
то мы будем вынуждены показать видеозапись,
где вы засняты с Марисой Томе.
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,100
О, Боже! Мы должны сделать всё, что они хотят!
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:22,100
- Что?! Но... их же не так много.
- Как вице-президент я считаю,
что мы должны сделать то, что они хотят.
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,100
Это же южные штаты, кому они нахрен нужны?
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:29,100
- У меня связаны руки! Передайте генералу Ли,
что я встречусь с ним около Капитолия.
- Сэр!
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,100
Блин, хорошо, что у меня не твоя работа!
00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:36,100
Блин, чувак, наверное, нам надо
смириться, что мы станем рабами Картмэна!
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:42,100
Чёрт, Билли, при чём тут рабы вы или нет?
Это же история!
Мы не должны позволить им изменить её!
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,100
Но мы уже всё испробовали,
дедушка. Что мы ещё можем сделать?
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:52,100
Минуту! У них всё ещё постановка!
Мы должны сыграть в ней!
Идёмте, вам нужен небольшой урок истории!
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:57,100
Итак, я готов подписать документ,
который утверждает, что Конфедерация
выиграла Гражданскую войну.
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:04,100
Мальчик, мы схватили президента за яйца!
Хорошо, что ты добыл кассету с ним и Марисой Томе.
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:05,900
Я её не добывал. Я подделал её!
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:07,100
Эй, а это - кто?
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,100
Добрый день! Я - Абраам Линкольн,
президент Соединённых Штатов!
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,100
Да, а я - Джефферсон Дейвис,
президент Конфедерации!
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,100
Парни, вот это интрига, да?
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,100
Что, вашу мать, вы здесь делаете?
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:22,100
Эй, генерал, это же - Джефферсон Дейвис!
Ты не можешь так разговаривать со старшим по званию.
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,100
Парни, я хотел, чтоб вы знали, что я только что сдался.
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,100
Что?!
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:33,600
Что ж, я, Абраам Линкольн, принимаю вашу капитуляцию
и заявляю, что вы и все ваши войска получат столько
шнапса, сколько вы сможете выпить за год!
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:38,100
- На целый год?!
- Отлично! Я думаю, мы добились того, чего хотели.
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,100
Так я не должен подписывать это?
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:45,100
Так, ну, пойдёмте проведем экскурсию, раз уж мы здесь.
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:49,100
- Нет, мы должны продолжать сражаться!
- Линкольн и Дейвис подписали
мир, генерал. Война окончена!
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,100
Нееееееееет!
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,100
Вот теперь всё кончено, Картмэн. Ты проиграл!
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,100
Да, и теперь ты можешь снять свою тупую бороду!
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:12,100
Мальчики, я хочу похвалить вас и вашу
способность усмирять пьяных восставших.
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:13,100
Не прикосайся ко мне!
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,100
Картмэн, Юг проиграл, а это значит,
что ты - наш раб на месяц!
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:18,100
Чёрт! Я же был так близко! Черт!
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:21,100
- Итак, первое, что мы хотим от тебя...
- Стойте! Я не могу быть вашим рабом!
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:25,100
- Что?
- Север победил, а это значит,
что рабство официально запрещено!
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:30,100
Он прав, мальчики. Рабство - аморально и незаконно.
Оно запрещено благодаря победе Севера в войне.
00:21:32,100 --> 00:21:34,100
А, твою мать! Ладно, пойдем домой!
Спасибо тебе, Билл Клинтон!
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:35,100
Да, спасибо! У*бок!
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:38,100
Надеюсь, вам понравилось!
00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,100
Я старался. Очень:)
eng__SDH.srt
eng__SDH.srt
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,224
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:17,351
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:20,229
♪ Going down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,856
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:24,150
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor" ♪
00:00:24,275 --> 00:00:26,569
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:30,448
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
00:00:30,573 --> 00:00:33,701
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:37,204
Ready? 1, 2, 3, 4.
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,331
[fife and drum play]
00:00:41,751 --> 00:00:44,045
Yeah, yeah!
Do you like to rock?!
00:00:44,170 --> 00:00:45,588
Yeah, I like to rock!
00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:46,964
Hello, Baltimore!
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,299
Cartman, what the hell
are you doing?
00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:49,467
I'm playing the drum.
00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:50,676
Well, you have
to hit it softer!
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,303
You can't just hit
a drum.
00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:53,888
You have to beat
the shit out of it.
00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:55,848
Shut your pie hole,
or I'll kick your ass,
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:57,141
you fucking drum!
00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:58,225
That's how
you rock, dude.
00:00:58,350 --> 00:00:59,477
You're not supposed
to rock.
00:00:59,602 --> 00:01:00,895
You're just supposed
to keep the beat.
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:02,980
I am keeping the beat.
Your flute playing sucks!
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:04,065
That's it, Cartman.
You can't be the drummer.
00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:05,733
Hey, I'll get it!
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:07,026
Dude, the Civil War
reenactment is tomorrow.
00:01:07,151 --> 00:01:08,944
You're not going to get it by tomorrow.
- Yes, I will!
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:11,572
Alright, alright. Let's just try again.
1, 2, 3, 4.
00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:13,741
[fife and drum play]
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:19,163
Yo! Does Cleveland
like to rock?!
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:20,539
Yo! God damn it!
Aah!
00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,166
What?
00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,834
Give me the drum
and you play the flute.
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,170
No way! Flutes are totally gay.
- Mrph phm rmh?
00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:28,005
Cartman, I'm the leader of the
reenactment fife-and-drum squad,
00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:29,381
and I say
you play the flute.
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:30,633
Oh, well,
you know what I say?
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:34,470
Screw you guys.
I'm going home.
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,305
You dick!
- Later.
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:40,017
[indistinct conversations]
00:01:40,142 --> 00:01:41,936
Jimbo:
Alrighty, everyone.
00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:43,521
We just have
a few things to go over
00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:45,856
before we head out
to the reenactment battlefield.
00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:47,274
First of all,
I have great news--
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,443
there are over 200 folks
from around the state
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,237
that have come to see
this year's reenactment,
00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:52,696
and that's
the best turnout ever!
00:01:52,822 --> 00:01:54,865
[cheering]
00:01:54,990 --> 00:01:56,575
Where the hell is Cartman?
If he misses the orientation,
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:57,868
they're not gonna let him
in the reenactment.
00:01:57,993 --> 00:01:59,954
He'll show.
- He better!
00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:02,915
I'm also very proud to announce
that this year's alcohol sponsor
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,084
is Jagerminz
S'more-Flavored Schnapps,
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:08,003
the schnapps with
the delightful taste of S'mores.
00:02:08,129 --> 00:02:09,463
[all]
Mmmm!
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,298
Hey, it does
taste like S'mores!
00:02:11,423 --> 00:02:13,884
[coughs]
Yeah and it's got quite a kick, too!
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,970
And now to clarify how
the reenactment should unfold,
00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:17,888
let's bring up
our master historian,
00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:20,474
Grandpa Marvin Marsh!
00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:23,811
The only man old enough to have
actually seen the Civil War...
00:02:23,936 --> 00:02:25,813
Reenactment of 1924.
00:02:25,938 --> 00:02:27,106
Wow, dude! Your grandpa
still isn't dead?
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,316
Dude, that's not cool.
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:31,443
Good morning, gentlemen.
- Cartman, what the hell are you doing?
00:02:31,569 --> 00:02:33,404
Yeah, you're dressed up
like the South.
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,406
Yes, this year I've decided
to fight for the glorious South.
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,158
Screw you guys...home.
00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:39,827
And may I say that we're going
to whup your ass this time?
00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:41,453
You can't just come
to a Civil War reenactment
00:02:41,579 --> 00:02:43,080
dressed up like
General Lee, fat ass.
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,540
Oh, really?
I'm pretty sure I just did.
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,250
Okay, you all know
the rules.
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,502
You must fire
your blanks into the air,
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,254
and if someone says
they killed you,
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:51,881
you gotta play dead.
00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:53,132
The South loses
this battle, Cartman.
00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:54,550
They lose the war.
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:55,509
Nuh-uh.
The South is gonna win.
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:56,510
No, they're not,
stupid.
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:57,636
Yes, we are!
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:58,637
How much you want to bet?
00:02:58,762 --> 00:02:59,722
Now, remember, everybody,
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,432
for a good reenactment,
00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,100
we've got to pretend
down to the last detail
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:04,727
that we're really
in the Civil War.
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:06,187
So, when the North wins,
00:03:06,312 --> 00:03:07,855
all of us
on the Confederate side
00:03:07,980 --> 00:03:09,815
should act
all bummed and depressed...
00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,775
How much you want to bet
the South doesn't win?
00:03:11,901 --> 00:03:13,068
Well, this war's
about slavery,
00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:15,029
so how about
if the South wins,
00:03:15,154 --> 00:03:16,864
you two assholes have to be
my slaves for a month?
00:03:16,989 --> 00:03:18,490
And if the North wins,
you're our slave for a month?
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,284
Right!
- You're on!
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:21,452
Then I shall bid you
good morning, gentlemen,
00:03:21,577 --> 00:03:22,703
and see you
on the battlefield.
00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:24,955
What a dumbass!
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,248
Yeah, he doesn't even
know that the South
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:27,958
loses the Civil War.
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:30,169
It's gonna be rad having
Cartman be our slave.
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:32,630
And with that,
let's all head to Tamarack Hill
00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:34,006
and put on a good show!
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,424
[all]
Yeah!
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,928
[announcer]
Welcome to the South Park Reenactment of
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,388
the Battle of Tamarack Hill.
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,891
The men in gray are
the Confederacy from the South.
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:46,018
In the blue,
the Union from the North.
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:50,231
It was a cold morning in 1862.
00:03:50,356 --> 00:03:52,650
The Union army had to get
the Bell of Appomattox
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,568
down from Tamarack Hill.
00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,779
What ensued was a bloody battle,
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:59,949
but after many hours,
the Union army prevailed.
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:02,993
Here now is the reenactment
of that great battle.
00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:04,370
[whistle blows]
00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:06,080
Forward!
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:09,458
Let's bring
those Confederate bastards down!
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,709
[fife and drum music plays]
00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:13,629
Fire!
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:14,838
[gunshots, cheers]
00:04:14,964 --> 00:04:16,382
Alright, men, fire!
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:17,549
[gunfire]
00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,510
[laughter, shouting]
00:04:22,346 --> 00:04:25,432
Hey, I shot you, Ned.
You have to fall down.
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,101
[voice box]
Ow.
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:28,310
Yeah!
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,853
[cow moos]
00:04:34,692 --> 00:04:36,318
Wow, so this
is what it was like.
00:04:43,659 --> 00:04:44,827
Hey, what's
that guy doing?
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,371
Whee-hee!
Long live the Confederacy!
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:48,580
[all]
Huh?
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:49,832
What the hell?
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,041
Hey, he took the bell!
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,668
He can't
do that!
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,545
The Confederacy
doesn't take the bell!
00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:55,713
Hooray for the South!
00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:57,006
Cartman, you
can't do that!
00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:59,049
God damn it,
now we have to start over.
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,804
Alrighty, everyone.
00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,764
We're going to do
the entire reenactment again
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,850
because of some confusion
over the bell.
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,601
Now, I know you're
just trying to help, Eric,
00:05:09,727 --> 00:05:11,729
but we have to let the Union
army capture the bell this time.
00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:13,939
But why?
Why should they get the bell?
00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,483
Well...'cause we're
supposed to lose.
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:18,402
But we don't have to lose.
- What?
00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,487
Gentlemen,
we can win this battle.
00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,281
Sure, we could lose,
00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,574
and tonight we could go
back to our families
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:25,826
and say, "we did it. We lost
like we were supposed to.
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,036
Aren't we proud?"
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:29,330
Or...or we take that hill,
00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:31,623
we take that hill,
and when we stand tall upon it,
00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:33,417
we hold our heads high,
and we yell,
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,127
"Not this year!
00:05:35,252 --> 00:05:38,339
This year belongs
to the Confederacy!"
00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:44,345
By God, he's right!
- Jimbo!
00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:47,723
No, I've been reenacting
this war for 22 years now.
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,726
And for 22 years,
us Confederate reenactors
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,686
have had to spend the evening
being ridiculed and made fun of
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,146
by the Union reenactors.
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:55,606
Well, I'm sick of it!
00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:56,857
Yeah, why do we have
to be their bitches
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,233
every year?
00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:00,235
I'm tired
of losing this battle.
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:01,945
And I say it's high time
we kicked some ass!
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,197
Who's with me?
00:06:03,322 --> 00:06:04,990
[all]
Yeah!
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:09,495
Alright, folks,
sorry for the false start.
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,746
We're ready to go again.
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:14,124
It was a cold morning in 1862.
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:15,334
The Union army had--
[men shouting]
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,127
What the hell?
00:06:17,252 --> 00:06:19,254
Man: You're not gonna live
to see another day!
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:20,756
Uh, what are
they doing?
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:23,509
You yankee
sons of bitches!
00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:25,719
[gunshots]
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,262
Ow! That hurt!
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,889
Damn it, what the hell
are they doing?!
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:31,892
What do we do?
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:32,893
Run for your life,
dude!
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:40,526
God bless those men
that fight for their freedom.
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:44,029
God bless those men
and God bless the Confederacy!
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,699
Surrender your men,
General!
00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:49,243
Jimbo, have you lost
your mind?
00:06:49,368 --> 00:06:51,120
Surrender your men,
General!
00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:52,996
Alright, alright,
we surrender!
00:06:58,252 --> 00:06:59,628
The South wins?
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,296
The South wins!
00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:02,464
[cheering]
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:03,465
God damn it!
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,888
[slurred]
Well, we can all be friends now.
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:13,934
Come on, Randy,
have some S'more Schnapps.
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:15,978
I can't be happy.
You ruined the reenactment.
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:19,773
Aw, come on,
have a little sip.
00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,817
So, you guys about ready
to start being my slaves?
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,193
You cheated, Cartman!
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:24,445
Yeah, and it doesn't matter
because the bet was
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:25,946
that the South
doesn't win the war.
00:07:26,071 --> 00:07:27,614
And the South still didn't
win the war, dipshit.
00:07:27,739 --> 00:07:30,033
Yeah, too bad you're
such a dumbass at history,
00:07:30,159 --> 00:07:31,618
or you would have
known that.
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,036
[sighs]
I hate you guys so much...
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:34,663
So very, very much.
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:35,497
And this is not over,
not by a long shot.
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,461
[slurred]
All I'm saying is that...
00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:42,463
I-is that the Confederates
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:43,630
would have just gotten
their asses kicked in Topeka.
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,632
That ain't true.
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,051
The Confederates would have
whupped ass in Topeka, too!
00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:48,802
[all]
Yeah!
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:50,304
You're dreaming!
00:07:50,429 --> 00:07:52,264
Perhaps we should take Topeka
- Huh?
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:53,891
They mock us
in Kansas, soldier.
00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:55,476
They think the South
is a joke.
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:57,519
They don't respect
our authoritah!
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:58,687
They don't?
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,522
No, I say we take Topeka.
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,149
You know what?
00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:04,651
I'll bet we could take
Topeka right now
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:05,903
and prove them all wrong!
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,404
Huh?
- That's right.
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,406
Maybe we should do
what the Confederates
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:11,200
would have done
and march on to Topeka.
00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,784
I'll bet we could!
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,578
I'll bet we could, too!
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:15,954
I'll bet you can't.
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,414
What?!
Is that a challenge?
00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,041
I'll bet we can!
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:20,334
[higher voice]
I'll bet you can't
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:21,585
because you guys
are all pussies!
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:22,961
Pussies?
Oh, yeah?
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:25,005
Men, it's time
to show the world
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,257
what this Confederate army
has got!
00:08:27,382 --> 00:08:29,635
We're gonna take Topeka,
once and for all!
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:31,470
[all]
Yeah!
00:08:31,595 --> 00:08:34,556
All you men, you may have
lost in the Union today,
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,975
but join us now
and win back your pride!
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,477
Yeah!
00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:39,686
The Union be damned!
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:41,396
Let's go!
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:42,147
[all]
Yeah!
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:45,734
Oh, what was
our bet again?
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,361
Let's see...
00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:48,612
Yes, I remember...
if the South wins,
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,572
you have to be
my slaves for a month!
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,199
They're just drunk,
Cartman.
00:08:52,324 --> 00:08:53,951
As soon as they sober up,
they'll stop.
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:55,285
Enjoy your freedom,
gentlemen.
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:56,912
Soon you will be
my propertah!
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,205
Come, Kenny,
come fight for us,
00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,998
and I'll make sure you get
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,416
lots of plunder and womens.
- Mrph rm!
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:02,876
[shouting]
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,298
[rooster crows]
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:18,976
Good morning,
Mrs. Hollis.
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,811
Hello, Ralph!
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,646
Did you happen to catch
that ballgame last night?
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,732
I'm afraid I was grading papers
pretty late--
00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:26,775
[rumbling]
00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:32,823
What's that noise, officer?
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:36,910
[men shouting]
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,413
Charge!
00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:40,914
[gunfire]
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:50,591
[all screaming]
00:09:50,716 --> 00:09:51,883
Ow!
00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:53,719
Freeze, buddy!
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:55,679
These are blanks
but they still hurt like hell.
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,848
[bell rings]
00:09:57,973 --> 00:09:59,099
It's ours, it's ours!
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:00,851
We've taken Topeka!
00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:02,561
[cheering]
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,021
Alright, yank,
tell us where you keep
00:10:04,146 --> 00:10:05,939
your Jagerminz
S'more-Flavored Schnapps!
00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:07,733
S-Schnapps?
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:08,984
Uh, I guess it would be
at the liquor store.
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,402
Where?!
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,945
[sobbing]
At the liquor store!
00:10:12,070 --> 00:10:13,071
At the liquor store!
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,781
Come on, boys!
00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,658
[shouting]
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:20,454
This is the most bizarre thing
I've ever seen!
00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:23,040
Excuse me.
00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:26,084
Dude, my mom is so pissed
at my dad for going to Kansas.
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,836
I know but why do they
have to take it out on us?
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,504
Why do we have to wait around
for them to come back?
00:10:29,630 --> 00:10:31,173
Here comes the bus.
00:10:33,884 --> 00:10:35,552
Butters, are you the
only one that came back?
00:10:35,677 --> 00:10:37,971
C-Confederate messenger Butters
reporting, sir.
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,849
I have a message for you from the battlefield.
- What battlefield?
00:10:40,974 --> 00:10:43,352
Topeka. We're raising
all kinds of hell, see?
00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:45,604
It's probably the most fun
I've had in several months.
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:47,356
W-well, you gonna read
your message or not?
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:50,067
[Cartman]
"Dear guys...
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:52,277
"words cannot express
how much I hate you guys.
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:55,072
"as we fight our way northward
into the great unknown,
00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:57,115
"only that one thing
remains certain,
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,533
"that I hate you guys
00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,661
"with every tired muscle
in my Confederate body.
00:11:00,786 --> 00:11:02,621
"We have taken Topeka,
00:11:02,746 --> 00:11:04,539
"and now I must rally the men
onward to Missouri
00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:07,334
"because I will not stop
until we have won it all
00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:08,752
"and you guys are my slaves.
00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:10,754
"Because...I hate you guys.
00:11:10,879 --> 00:11:13,048
"I hate you guys
so very, very much.
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,966
Yours,
General Cartman Lee."
00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:16,635
Damn it, that fat
piece of shit.
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,220
Dude, what if Cartman
really does succeed,
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,805
and we really do
have to be his slaves?
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,223
That would suck
so much ass.
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,557
We have to stop him,
dude.
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,017
I'll go get my grandpa.
He'll help us.
00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,811
Where's the Confederate army
now, Butters?
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,562
Uh, I ain't supposed
to tell you that.
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,439
If I told you that,
w-well, I'd be a...
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:31,066
a no-good yankee
son-of-a-bitch.
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:33,193
We'll give you 10 bucks.
- Oh,oh...okay.
00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:36,822
...And was forced to live off
her own feces for several days.
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:39,533
In national news, a frightening
radical group from Colorado
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:42,077
is making its way across
the southern states of America.
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,121
The group is recruiting
new members
00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:46,748
in each town they pass through
and rapidly growing in number.
00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,750
So authorities have decided
to call in the National Guard.
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,752
The group seems to be led
by military mastermind
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:53,839
and right-wing radical
Jimbo Kern,
00:11:53,964 --> 00:11:56,967
who is known for his guerrilla
fighting and leadership skills.
00:11:57,092 --> 00:12:00,679
Gimme some more S'more Schnapps!
I'm gonna be sick!
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,515
[men shouting]
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:09,479
Oh, boy, this is worse
than I thought.
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:11,064
Well, come on, Billy,
00:12:11,189 --> 00:12:12,524
we gotta make
these little peckers stop
00:12:12,649 --> 00:12:14,484
before they get
themselves killed.
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:17,446
They say we can either fight
them or join them.
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:20,490
Well, I'm joining them.
Those blanks hurt!
00:12:20,615 --> 00:12:22,868
Dad, Dad!
Mom wants you to come home!
00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:24,953
Not now, Stan.
I'm pillaging!
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,080
Get over here!
00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,166
You've got to stop, Dad.
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,001
If the South wins, me and Stan
have to be Cartman's slaves.
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:32,961
This is a reenactment, Kyle.
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,255
My name is Private John Farcastle,
00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:37,758
and I have to do
what my general tells me.
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,843
Hey, there's S'more Schnapps
over here!
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:41,470
More Schnapps!
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,096
[men grunting]
00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:44,848
I'm Sergeant Larson
of the National Guard.
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:46,224
We're here to stop
the terrorists.
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,059
They're not terrorists.
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:50,103
They're just a bunch of
drunk wankers from Colorado.
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,688
Well, we can't
just shoot 'em.
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:52,439
There's innocents
and children about.
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:53,982
Dawkins!
- Sir!
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,317
Fire a warning flare.
- Yes, sir!
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,158
Medic!
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,499
Oops!
- Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:12,542
You bastards!
- Hey!
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:13,502
We can't fire
at them, sir.
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:14,544
There are
too many children.
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:15,879
Then how do
we stop them?
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,380
I know how...
00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:19,382
but we'll have to wait until dark.
00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,472
[Cartman]
"Dear Ms. McCormick,
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:27,682
"It is with a very heavy heart
that I must inform you
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,851
"that your son Kenny
was killed in battle
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,603
"on the morning
of November 18th
00:13:31,728 --> 00:13:33,563
"at Ruby Hills Funland
in Chattanooga.
00:13:33,688 --> 00:13:35,440
"This war has taken
something from all of us
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,275
"and although
your son appears
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,777
"to be the only casualty so far,
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,779
"know that we all
share your pain.
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,447
"Your son did not die in vain.
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:43,824
"I shall persevere
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:45,450
"and make Stan and Kyle
my slaves
00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:46,701
"because I hate those guys.
00:13:46,827 --> 00:13:48,495
"I hate them
so very, very much.
00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,831
Yours,
General Cartman Lee."
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:55,085
[indistinct conversation,
laughter]
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:56,670
There, you see?
00:13:56,795 --> 00:13:58,296
We take
the S'more Schnapps,
00:13:58,421 --> 00:13:59,214
and by morning, they're
all gonna want to go home.
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,423
Nice thinking, Billy.
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:02,133
Let's go!
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,011
Where to next, General?
00:14:05,136 --> 00:14:07,222
Where did
the Confederates go, son?
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,058
Well, I guess to Fort Sumter
in South Carolina.
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,102
That's where the Civil War
really escalated.
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,645
Ah, splendid.
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:15,105
Then to Fort Sumter
we shall go.
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:16,606
Well, that sounds great.
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:18,149
I'm gonna get
some S'more Schnapps.
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:19,901
You want anything?
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,444
Yeah, could I get some
of those animal cookies?
00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:22,988
Those frosted ones
with the sprinkles on 'em?
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,656
Uh, sure.
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,162
What the--
00:14:31,288 --> 00:14:32,289
Hey, where's
the S'more Schnapps?
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:33,373
We're out
of S'more Schnapps?
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,542
That can't be!
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:36,918
I guess
we drank it all.
00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:39,462
Now what?
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:40,630
Now we just wait
until morning.
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:42,215
Checkmate, Cartman.
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,592
Pretty soon you're
gonna be our slave.
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:44,718
Yeah!
00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,058
[all groaning]
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:53,143
Ouch.
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,269
Oh, my head.
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:55,896
Where am I?
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,981
Ned, I think I can say
without any doubt
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:01,109
that that was the longest
drinking binge we've ever had.
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:04,070
[voice box]
Oh, oh. My head.
00:15:04,195 --> 00:15:05,906
Oh, no, I'm supposed
to be at work today.
00:15:06,031 --> 00:15:07,157
Me too!
00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:08,909
Well, come on, everybody.
00:15:09,034 --> 00:15:10,118
We've got to get to
the nearest bus station quick.
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:13,413
Where are you going?
00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:15,081
We're going home, kid.
Come on!
00:15:15,206 --> 00:15:16,750
We can't go home.
We have to take Fort Sumter!
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:18,293
The only thing
we got to do is get home
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,127
before our wives leave us.
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,712
No.
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:21,630
What about
the Confederacy?
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,089
What about freedom?
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:25,342
Ha ha.
You lose, fat ass!
00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:26,718
God,
I hate you guys!
00:15:26,843 --> 00:15:28,303
Yeah, but, you know,
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,763
I think you've
learned something today.
00:15:29,888 --> 00:15:30,764
You've learned that you
can't rewrite history.
00:15:30,889 --> 00:15:32,891
You see,
history is forever.
00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,267
And everything happens
for a reason.
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:35,852
You can try
to change the past,
00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,520
but usually, you kn--
where are you going?
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:38,647
This isn't over.
Oh, no.
00:15:38,772 --> 00:15:40,649
Oh, no,
not by a long shot.
00:15:40,774 --> 00:15:44,235
Oh, I don't believe
we came all the way out here.
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:45,987
Yeah, well, I don't think
the bus station
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,948
is too far from here.
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,282
How much do you think a bus
ticket back to Colorado
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:50,617
is gonna run?
00:15:51,952 --> 00:15:53,703
[both grunting]
00:15:57,082 --> 00:16:00,794
Hello, I am Suzette,
the S'more Schnapps girl.
00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,629
We are pleased
to sponsor you
00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:04,422
with all the
S'more Schnapps you need.
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,174
Uh, I can't drink
any more of that stuff.
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,258
Me neither.
00:16:07,384 --> 00:16:08,802
Uh, come on, guys,
00:16:08,927 --> 00:16:10,637
just one little drink.
00:16:10,762 --> 00:16:12,597
A toast to how far you came
and all that you saw.
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:15,141
Yes, please. Do shots out of my breasts.
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,811
Well, I guess
one little cheers is in order!
00:16:17,936 --> 00:16:19,938
[shouting, laughter]
00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:23,441
Hey, look, Ned's doing
his trick again.
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,443
Hey, guys, let's all play
a game of grab-ass!
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,070
What's grab-ass?
00:16:27,195 --> 00:16:28,905
We just run around
in circles
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,407
and try to grab
each other's asses.
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,242
Hey, that sounds fun!
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:33,618
[laughter]
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:34,786
I got you!
00:16:34,911 --> 00:16:36,955
Oh! Ooh!
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,666
Gentlemen, I hate
to break up the party,
00:16:39,791 --> 00:16:41,584
but I believe we have a fort to take.
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,044
You heard the general!
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,004
[all]
Yeah!
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:46,506
Oh, no!
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:47,924
We'll never stop
them now.
00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,021
[all]
Whoo-hoo!
00:17:01,146 --> 00:17:02,772
Yes, yes!
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,988
Throughout 1861,
the Confederate authorities
00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:11,823
tried to drive out
the Union occupants
00:17:11,948 --> 00:17:13,408
of Fort Sumter Peacefully.
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,118
But Abraham Lincoln's
administration
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,704
would not surrender the fort
to the Confederates,
00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,956
so Jefferson Davis
decided to take action.
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,082
And the Confederates
won the fort?
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,876
Yes.
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,294
Imagine what it
must have been like.
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,421
You're a Union soldier
stationed at this fort.
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:27,839
And one day you look out
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,716
and see thousands
of Confederates
00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:30,759
ready to pounce on you!
00:17:33,011 --> 00:17:34,179
Uh...
00:17:34,304 --> 00:17:35,889
Take the fort!
- Charge!
00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:36,973
[all]
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,019
We got it! The fort is ours!
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,062
[explosion]
00:17:42,187 --> 00:17:43,730
What was that?
00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:46,191
Attention, political activists.
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:49,194
You are on government
historical monument property.
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,029
Surrender the monument
with your hands up.
00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:53,281
If you would like a tour
of the fort, one can be arranged
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,283
through the South Carolina
Chamber of Commerce.
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,993
Give up, fat ass.
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:58,244
There's over
100 National Guard guys here.
00:17:58,369 --> 00:18:00,121
Stuck my ass!
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:02,248
What do we do, general?
We're outnumbered!
00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:04,292
We ask the state
of South Carolina for recruits.
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,960
Some reinforcements
are bound to show up.
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:08,171
Alright, that does it.
Blow the whole thing up.
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,090
You can't do that.
Our dads are in there!
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,758
Sorry, son,
we tried it your way.
00:18:11,883 --> 00:18:12,759
Now we do it
our way.
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:13,760
Prepare the mortar!
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,136
Hold it right there.
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:17,806
[men shouting]
00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:19,516
Wow, look at that!
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:21,518
The entire state
of South Carolina showed up.
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:23,561
I knew they would.
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:24,979
Aw, damn it!
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:26,356
We're ready
to fight with ya.
00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:28,108
Long live the Confederacy!
00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:29,818
[all]
Yee-haw!
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,319
Now our numbers
are truly great.
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:32,987
It is time.
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:35,615
It is time to march
to Washington, D.C.
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:40,078
[men shouting]
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:44,207
Hey, government!
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,835
You can't ignore
our anguished cries anymore!
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,337
You hear that, government?
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,923
Oh, boy,
this doesn't look good.
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:53,466
It's just like
the Million Man March,
00:18:53,591 --> 00:18:55,260
except there actually
are a million people.
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:58,555
Mr. President, a message
for you from the extremists.
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,181
[Cartman]
"Dear Mr. President...
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,142
"there are times
when humans can no longer
00:19:02,267 --> 00:19:03,852
"endure their government's
authoritah.
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,146
"You must declare
the Confederacy its own nation
00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,606
"so that we may enter into
a new millennium of prosperitah.
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,316
"if you do not meet our demands,
00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,068
"we will be forced
to show the videotapes
00:19:12,193 --> 00:19:13,778
we have of you
with Marisa Tomel."
00:19:13,903 --> 00:19:15,196
Oh, dear God!
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,865
We have to meet
their demands!
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,700
What? Sir, there's
not that many of them!
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:22,370
As vice president, I think we
better give them what they want.
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,247
It's just the southern states.
Who really needs them?
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,248
My hands are tied.
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,000
Tell General Lee
00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:27,959
that I'll meet him
in front of the Capitol.
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,419
Sir!
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:31,129
I'm so glad
I don't have your job.
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:35,091
Dude, let's just
give up now
00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:36,426
and accept that we have
to be Cartman's slaves.
00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:38,803
Damn it, Billy, this isn't
about you having to be slaves.
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,054
This is about history.
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,848
We can't let them change it.
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:43,933
But we've tried everything
Grandpa. What else can we do?
00:19:44,058 --> 00:19:46,394
Wait a minute, they're all
still doing a reenactment.
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,605
What we have to do
is play into that.
00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,524
Come on, Billy, you boys need
a quick history lesson.
00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,359
Alright, I'm gonna sign
the document
00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:56,863
declaring the Confederacy
winners of the Civil War.
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,281
[all]
Hooray!
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,450
Boy, we really got
the president by the balls.
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:01,993
Good thing you have
that videotape
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:03,328
of him and Marisa Tomei.
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:04,245
I don't.
I made it up.
00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:06,915
Hey, who's that?
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:07,999
Hello, I'm Abraham Lincoln,
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:09,709
President
of the United States.
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,169
Yes,
and I'm Jefferson Davis,
00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:13,004
President
of the Confederacy.
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:15,048
Boy, this just keeps
getting weirder, doesn't it?
00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,591
What the hell
are you guys doing?
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,509
Hey, general! He's
reenacting Jefferson Davis!
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:21,554
You can't talk that way
to a superior officer!
00:20:21,679 --> 00:20:23,139
Men, I want
you all to know
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,265
that as President
of the Confederacy,
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,351
I am hereby surrendering.
- What?!
00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,144
Well, as Abraham Lincoln,
I accept your surrender
00:20:28,269 --> 00:20:29,562
and agree
to your conditions.
00:20:29,687 --> 00:20:30,855
You and all
the Confederates
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:31,898
will have
all the S'more Schnapps
00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:33,107
you can drink for a year.
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,108
[all]
Whoa!
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:35,944
A whole year?
- Alright!
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,487
Well, I think we got
what we wanted.
00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:39,489
That's it? I don't have
to sign this thing?
00:20:39,614 --> 00:20:42,909
Hey, come on, we should take
a tour of the Smithsonian
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,285
before we head back.
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,787
No! We still
have to fight!
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,705
Lincoln and Davis
signed a treaty, General.
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:48,831
The war is over.
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:50,291
Noooo!
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,585
It's finally over,
Cartman. You lost!
00:20:52,710 --> 00:20:55,630
Yeah, and now you can
take that stupid beard off!
00:20:55,755 --> 00:21:05,754
Owwwwww!
00:21:07,183 --> 00:21:08,685
Boys, as President
of the United States,
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,186
I want to commend you
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:11,437
for stopping
the rebel uprising.
00:21:11,562 --> 00:21:12,939
Don't touch me.
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:14,357
Well, Cartman,
the South lost.
00:21:14,482 --> 00:21:15,483
That means you're
our slave for a month!
00:21:15,608 --> 00:21:17,652
Damn it, damn it.
I was so close! Damn it.
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,779
The first thing I want
you to do for us is--
00:21:19,904 --> 00:21:21,739
Wait a minute! I don't have to be your slave!
- What?
00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:23,157
The North still
won the Civil War.
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,575
That means slavery
is abolished.
00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:27,412
He's right, boys.
Slavery is illegal and immoral,
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:29,622
partially in thanks to
the North winning the Civil War.
00:21:29,747 --> 00:21:30,790
Awww!
00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:32,375
[laughs]
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,418
Oh, to hell with it.
Let's just go home.
00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:34,752
Thanks a lot, Bill Clinton!
Yeah, thanks, dick!
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