Чинпокомон

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♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,349

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:17,101

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:18,477

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,354

♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:21,772

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:23,899

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:24,942

♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:26,694

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:30,573 --> 00:00:31,741

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,242

♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:37,455

No, kitty!

00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:39,665

These are my spicy hot Louisiana-

baked chicken tenders!

00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,375

No, kitty!

00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,377

Someday I will collect

all the Chinpokomon!

00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:45,379

Then, I will fight the evil

power that will reveal itself

00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:47,381

once all the Chinpokomon

are collected! Oh!

00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:48,716

No, kitty!

00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:50,134

You can't have these

chicken tenders,

00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,428

because they are mine,

and I keep mine to myself! Oh!

00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,472

Be sure to tune in tomorrow

for another inexplicable episode

00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:55,681

of Chinpokomon!

00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,767

Hurray!

- Hey, kids!

00:00:57,892 --> 00:00:59,769

Do you love Chinpokomon?

- Yes!

00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:01,729

Well, now you can buy

your very own!

00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:03,814

♪ I've got

to buy Chinpokomon ♪

00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:05,524

♪ I've got to buy it,

I've got to buy it ♪

00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:06,817

Now, you can collect them all!

00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,235

Furrycat!

Donkeytron!

00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,071

Pengin! Shoe!

Lambtron!

00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:11,447

Collect them all,

and you can become

00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,365

Royal Crown Chinpokomaster!

00:01:13,491 --> 00:01:15,701

Royal Crown Chinpokomaster?

Holy shit!

00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,244

All the Chinpokomon

are in stores now!

00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:20,706

Chinpokomon is super universe

toy number one!

00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,459

♪ I've got to buy it,

Chinpokomon ♪

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Mom! Mom!

00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,253

Mom! Seriously!

00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:27,713

This thing at the toy store,

Mom!

00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,882

Hnya! Must go! Toy store!

- Eric! Calm down!

00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,093

But seriously! Mom!

Must go! Must buy!

00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:33,552

What is it, Eric?

00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:34,845

Mom, I've only just heard!

00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,555

They're making Chinpokomon dolls,

Mom!

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You can collect them all!

You can collect them all!

00:01:38,224 --> 00:01:39,725

Mother, quick!

We must get to the toy store!

00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:43,145

I'm making us some lunch

right now, Eric!

00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:46,440

But, Mom, I have to get

a Chinpokomon doll

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before everybody else does,

'cause then I'll be cool.

00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:51,487

Can't it wait till tomorrow,

hon?

00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,156

But, Mom, I have to

get the first one

00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,325

or else people

won't think I'm cool!

00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,702

All right. Let's go.

- Sweet!

00:01:58,828 --> 00:02:01,413

Everybody's gonna be so jealous

when they see my Chinpokomon!

00:02:05,251 --> 00:02:06,585

Oh! God damn it!

00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,962

Hey, fat ass!

- Hey, dickhole!

00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:09,213

I guess you saw

the commercial, too!

00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:11,799

Yep! I've got Roostor,

Lambtron, and Shoe!

00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:13,425

Well, that's nice!

But, I'm gonna get a Pengin!

00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:15,594

He's the coolest!

00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,097

God damn it!

There's no more Pengins!

00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:19,849

Kenny! Pengin is my favorite!

That's the last one!

00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:21,475

Let me have it!

- Mm-mm.

00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,019

Mnya, Kenny! Let me have it!

00:02:24,145 --> 00:02:27,481

Mnya! Mnya! Gimme Pengin!

Mnya!

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Honestly, I don't see

what they find

00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,068

so amusing about those things.

00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,028

They're so strange.

- Where are they from?

00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,197

Well, it's some new big thing

from Japan.

00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,783

I tell ya, those Japanese really

know how to market to kids.

00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,201

I've got to collect

all Chinpokomon!

00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,786

I've got to collect them all

so I can become

00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:42,538

Royal Crown Chinpokomaster, oh!

00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:47,251

Order Chinpokomon, and you

will have happy feelings!

00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,712

I have to become

Royal Crown Chinpokomaster!

00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,589

Must collect Chinpokomon!

00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:56,093

Okay, Kenny! I'll trade you

my Chuchunesbi for your Pengin!

00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,845

Fuck you.

- God damn it!

00:02:57,970 --> 00:02:59,305

You're supposed to trade!

Little asshole! Gimme Pengin!

00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:01,265

Hey, dudes. What're those?

- What're these?

00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:02,641

They're Chinpokomon.

- Huh?

00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:05,269

You don't appear

to have any Chinpokomon.

00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:06,687

No, but look.

00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,147

I just got this

sweet Cyborg Bill doll.

00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:10,900

Oh, please.

Cyborg Bill is so yesterday.

00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,193

Yeah, like ancient history.

00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:13,360

Cyborg Bill isn't

cool anymore?

00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,321

No, dude.

00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:17,198

Cyborg Bill hasn't been cool

for a long time, Kyle.

00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:18,782

Why the hell don't people tell

me these things?

00:03:18,908 --> 00:03:20,034

It's all Chinpokomon, now.

00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:21,327

Dude, if you collect

Chinpokomon,

00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:22,661

you can complete

the primary main objective.

00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,413

What's the primary main

objective?

00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,457

You don't even know what

the primary main objective is?

00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:28,459

The primary main objective

is to destroy the evil power.

00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,336

Well, what's the evil power?

- Oh, my God.

00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,504

The identity of the evil power

won't be revealed until

00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:34,924

all Chinpokomon are collected

by a Royal Crown Chinpokomaster.

00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:36,217

What?

- Duh!

00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:38,177

God, get with the times, dude.

- Duh!

00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,429

Shit.

00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,972

Yeah, I guess so.

- Mom. Dad.

00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,265

Can I have money

to buy Chinpokomon?

00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,227

What's a Chinpokomon?

- I'm not sure.

00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:48,812

Well, why do you need one?

- I don't know.

00:03:48,938 --> 00:03:50,314

Well then, the answer is no,

Kyle.

00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:52,983

You just got money

to buy your Cyborg Bill doll.

00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,735

Yeah, but Cyborg Bill

is totally gay now.

00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,862

Please, Mom.

Everybody else has Chinpokomon.

00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,614

Well, Kyle, that's not

a reason to buy something.

00:03:58,739 --> 00:03:59,990

Yeah, Kyle. Don't.

00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,492

You see, Son,

fads come and go.

00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,160

And this-- Chinpokomon

00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,745

is obviously nothing more

than a fad.

00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:06,413

You don't have to

be a part of it.

00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,707

In fact, you can even make

an even stronger statement

00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:11,335

by saying to your peers,

"I'm not going to be a part

00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,587

of this fad

because I'm an individual."

00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,673

Do you understand?

- Yes. Yes, I do, dad.

00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,591

Now, let me tell you

how it works in the real world.

00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:19,718

In the real world,

I can either get a Chinpokomon,

00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,178

or I can be the only kid

without one,

00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:22,930

which singles me out

and causes the other kids

00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,556

to make fun of me

and kick my ass.

00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:26,976

Hm. Good point. Here's $10.

- Thanks.

00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:28,811

Wait. Here's twenty.

Get one for your brother, too.

00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,065

There you go, son.

00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,775

I honestly don't know what

you see in these things.

00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,026

Neither do I.

00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,863

Guess I'll call it a night.

00:04:39,989 --> 00:04:44,243

Chinpoko.

Buy me. Buy me.

00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:47,579

When will you become

Royal Chinpokomaster?

00:04:47,705 --> 00:04:49,665

Hurry up and buy me.

00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,667

Down with America.

00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,627

What?

- I love you.

00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:55,087

Let's be best friends

00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:56,964

and destroy the capitalist

American government.

00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,966

What the hell

is going on here?

00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:05,931

Hey, you guys, check out

my sweet Chinpokomon doll.

00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:09,059

Oh, please, Chinpokomon dolls

are so last week.

00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,602

What?

- Yeah, dude. Don't you know?

00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,396

It's all about the Chinpokomon

video game now.

00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:13,856

Did you bring your special

Chinpokomon game controller?

00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,482

Huh? No.

- Oh.

00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:18,694

You didn't get a special

Chinpokomon game controller?

00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,697

Jesus Christ.

00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,866

Chinpokomon.

What is primary objective?

00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,326

To destroy the evil power.

00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:26,869

I've got to buy

all the Chinpokomon

00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,329

so I can destroy

the evil power, oh!

00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:29,705

Oh!

- Damn it.

00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:30,956

I've got to buy them all.

00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,458

So first, I'd better

go to Hawaii

00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,209

and visit Pearl Harbor.

00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:37,463

Try to bomb the harbor.

Ready? Go.

00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,637

I must buy them all.

I must buy them all.

00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,222

We must buy them all.

00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:50,601

Try to bomb the harbor.

00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:57,983

Dude, the video game

gave Kenny a seizure.

00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,485

Dude, this game rules.

00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:09,036

Hello?

00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:11,830

Hello?

00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,166

Welcome to Chinpokomon

Toy Corporation.

00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:16,668

Please state name:

00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:19,880

Red Harris.

I own a toy store in America.

00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:22,174

Please state purpose:

00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:24,134

Uh, I want to know what

the hell you people

00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:26,136

are doing with these dolls

talking about

00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:29,306

bringing down

American government and all.

00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:37,272

I am President Hirohito,

and this is Mr. Hosek.

00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:38,941

Pleased to meet you.

00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:42,486

We understand you have big

concern about our fine product.

00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:44,613

Well, yes,

do you mind telling me

00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,156

what the hell this is about?

00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:47,616

The American government

lies to you.

00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,660

Join the fight for Japanese

supremacy of the world.

00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:50,786

More to come.

00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:53,831

Well?

- Uh...

00:06:53,956 --> 00:06:55,416

That is so strange.

00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:57,709

I do not know

how this could happen.

00:06:57,835 --> 00:07:00,295

But rest assured,

I will make sure

00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:01,922

it does not happen again.

00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,424

Well, now, come on.

00:07:03,549 --> 00:07:05,342

I don't think

that that quite satisfies my--

00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,094

You are American?

- Yes.

00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:09,930

Oh, you must have

very big penis.

00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,682

Excuse me?

00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:12,891

I was just asking you

00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,351

what you're up to

with these toys.

00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:15,853

Nothing.

00:07:15,978 --> 00:07:18,355

We are very simple people

with very small penis.

00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,983

Mr. Hosek's penis

is especially small.

00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,609

So small.

00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:26,029

We cannot achieve much

with so small penis.

00:07:26,155 --> 00:07:31,076

But you Americans, wow.

Penis so big. So big penis.

00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,537

Well, I-I guess

it is a pretty good size.

00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:36,123

Minata, kit-eh kit-eh.

00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:38,584

This man has a very big penis.

00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,506

Oh, what an immense penis.

00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,633

Well, it certainly

was nice meeting you folk.

00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,427

I just wanted to bring

that little malfunction

00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:49,511

to your attention.

00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,096

Bye-bye, now.

- Good bye.

00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:55,267

Thank you for stopping

by with your gargantuan penis.

00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:17,956

I've got to buy Chinpokomon.

I've got to buy them.

00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:21,168

Must buy Chinpokomon.

00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:34,223

Amerikano, kodomo mindaga

Chinpokomon motte imaga,

00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:38,352

"Phase two"

kaesrokida...Ikimashoo.

00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:42,105

The time has come.

We will take Pearl Harbor.

00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,693

♪ I've got to buy it,

I've got to buy it ♪

00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,362

♪ Chinpokomon ♪

- What're you doing?

00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:50,364

I'm watching one of Stanley's

Chinpokomon video tapes.

00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:51,615

Why?

00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,033

Our son loves this show,

Randy,

00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,785

so I think it's important

that we watch it

00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:56,286

to see if it's teaching him

good moral values.

00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,121

Hey. You must be Roostor.

00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:00,541

I haven't bought one of you yet,

but I bet you can transform

00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:02,668

into Roostalion if you found

Diamond Skill Seven.

00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:05,504

Roostor.

00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:06,838

Hey, I'm gonna

take your roostor

00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,131

and put it in this bag,

where it will flourish

00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:09,341

or expire

depending on fate.

00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:10,676

Hey, is that a good idea?

00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,344

Roostors aren't like

Chuchunesbis.

00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:13,720

They haven't the heart

for such endeavors.

00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,223

Oh!

00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:18,141

Are those good moral values?

00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:19,768

I don't know what the hell

they're talking about.

00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,732

Lambtron, you are losing

the battle of your life.

00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:27,401

But Lambtron's power level

gives him

00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:29,152

a good chance of new fight;

will they succeed?

00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:31,196

I am sad now, because Lambtron

must be very lonely

00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,198

because there are

so few Lambtrons in the world.

00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,700

Will he ever find

a companion?

00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:35,909

This doesn't make sense.

00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,160

Are those stupid things

supposed to be

00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:39,204

animals or robots or what?

00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,123

I don't know, but I suddenly

kind of wanna own them all.

00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,375

Randy, we can't allow our son

to watch this stuff.

00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,168

Well, it's not like

it's vulgar or violent.

00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,170

No, but it's incredibly

stupid, and that can be

00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,381

worse on a child's mind

than any vulgarity or violence.

00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,966

Remember what

Battle of the Network Stars

00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,217

did to an entire generation.

00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,177

My God. You're right.

00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:56,305

♪ Come on,

brothers and sisters ♪

00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,931

♪ We've all got

to join together ♪

00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,558

♪ Join together

and give me money ♪

00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,268

♪ So I can buy

more Chinpokomon ♪

00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:03,228

♪ We've got to stop

this fighting ♪

00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:05,188

How's it going, fat ass?

- Haven't made any money yet.

00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:06,982

What? You've been

out here all weekend.

00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,775

How're we gonna raise money to

get into the Chinpokomon camp?

00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,193

Hey, I'm the one who's been

standing out here

00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:12,321

with this gay guitar like

a God damn hippie all weekend.

00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,531

What have you two assholes done?

- We can't do anything.

00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,158

Kenny still hasn't

come out of his seizure.

00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,409

I've got it.

00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,411

I've got

my Chinpokomon game controller.

00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:25,250

Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ.

Get with the program, Kyle.

00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:27,836

Yeah, nobody plays the

Chinpokomon video games anymore.

00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:28,962

Now it's all about the big

weekend Chinpokomon camp.

00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,505

Camp?

00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,758

The makers of Chinpokomon

are going town to town

00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:34,217

and putting on a special camp

to show all

00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,261

the Chinpokomasters

how to destroy the evil power.

00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,430

You didn't know that?

- No, I knew it. I knew it.

00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:39,890

I was just testing you guys.

00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,725

You just wait till

I get to that Chinpokomon camp.

00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,435

I'm gonna be the toughest master

of them all.

00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,811

So we'll see you there. Ai'ght?

00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,188

Dude. Did you just say "ai'ght"?

00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,148

Yeah. You know.

Like Lauryn Hill. Ai'ght.

00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,317

Oh my God.

That's so yesterday.

00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,027

Yeah, dude.

Nobody says "ai'ght" anymore.

00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,279

What? "Ai'ghts" not cool either?

When did that happen?

00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,948

Like, eight days ago.

- God damn it.

00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:01,787

Hey, kids, only one more day

till the Chinpokomon camp.

00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,705

Come early and enjoy

all the Chinpokofun.

00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,374

♪ Chinpokomon camp ♪

00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:06,583

♪ I have to buy a ticket ♪

00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,293

♪ I have to buy one,

a ticket ♪

00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,003

♪ I've got to buy, buy, buy ♪

00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:14,049

This Saturday and Sunday,

you can't wait to go.

00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,385

♪ Chinpokomon ♪

00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,845

We just thought we'd bring it

to everyone's attention,

00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,639

because honestly,

we don't know how to feel.

00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,182

Well, I'm letting Eric go

to the camp.

00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:23,892

I mean, it seems to me this

Chinpokomon thing

00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,394

is just another harmless fad.

00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:26,853

Yeah, we told Kyle

he could go

00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,438

if he did all his chores,

and he did.

00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,190

Now, I'm not sure

this blatant commercialism

00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:31,400

is good for our boys.

00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:32,859

Well, you know how it is,

Randy.

00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,861

The more we forbid them to play

with Chinpokomons,

00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:35,487

the more they're gonna

love them.

00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:36,988

You're right, Sheila.

00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:37,989

I guess the best thing we can do

is just let them go

00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:39,658

until they get sick of it.

00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:41,535

Sure, apparently,

they've been doing these camps

00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:42,703

in every city

around the country.

00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:45,914

How bad can they be?

00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,250

Get out of the way. Move it.

- Can you see anything?

00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:51,253

it's starting. It's starting.

00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,130

♪ I've got to buy it,

I've got to buy it ♪

00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:55,048

♪ Chinpokomon ♪

00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:59,219

Attention. Attention.

00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,263

This is Chinpokomon camp.

00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,473

Chinpokomon is what we

strive to be in our hearts.

00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:04,433

Our hearts.

00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,560

Kenny?

00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:08,437

What is the primary main

objective?

00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:09,896

To destroy the evil power.

00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,565

Power.

00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,942

Yes.

And what is the evil power?

00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:19,364

The evil power is...

the United States government.

00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,950

Oh.

00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,411

United States government

is an evil power.

00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,329

It has attacked

Japanese military.

00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,415

It has broken Japanese spirit.

00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:31,501

And what do Chinpokomasters

do to the evil power?

00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:32,502

Destroy it.

00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:33,545

Destroy it?

00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:34,921

That is correct.

00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:37,090

Now, it is a great honor

to present

00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:41,011

your Chinpokoleader,

Emperor Hirohito.

00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:45,307

One government can not forever

pass its laws on others.

00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,518

The strength of Japan

is in its history,

00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:51,188

and it is based on that history

00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:54,858

that we shall again rise

to the dominant world power.

00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,068

Is this cool or not?

I can't tell.

00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:59,654

It is again time

for the rising sun

00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,698

to ship tall in the sky.

00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,451

One Japan. One society.

00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:11,166

We will begin with language

and exercise skills.

00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,126

Hajimete.

00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:16,421

Ichi, ni, san, shi.

Ichi, ni, san, shi.

00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:19,216

ichi, ni, san, shi.

Ichi, ni, san, shi.

00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,473

Okay, children.

I want it quiet.

00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,892

Now, we're gonna try this again

until we get it right.

00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,811

What is six times three?

00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,271

Juuhachi desu ka?

- Juuhachi da nee.

00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:34,981

No, God damn it.

It's 18.

00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:36,650

Juuhachi is 18,

Garrison-san.

00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:39,694

For the last time, my name is

not Garrison-san, all right?

00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:41,571

And this is not Hat-san.

00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:42,989

And you all better start talking

00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,574

in a matter

that I can understand.

00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,493

Wuu, Garrison-san

sabuchii dana.

00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:47,994

What did he say?

00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,163

He said, "Garrison-san

sabuchii dana."

00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,248

Soo desu nee.

00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:52,749

Damn it. This is not Japan.

00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,585

Minata. Kite kite, churl....

00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,963

Dare ga pu shita no.

00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:05,554

People, please.

We can only speak one at a time.

00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,430

Now, Mr. Garrison,

you were saying.

00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:08,849

I can't take it, mayor.

00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:10,934

You have to put an end

to this Chinpokocamp.

00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,103

My son hasn't made any sense

in days.

00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:14,688

I tell you, mayor,

these Japanese

00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,857

are trying to change

our American children somehow.

00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,692

All right, people,

Mr. Hirohito and Mr. Hosek

00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,193

were nice enough to stop by

to talk to you.

00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:21,695

Gentlemen.

00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,281

We at the Japan Toy Company

are very concerned

00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,032

about your concerns.

00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:28,410

That is why

we make Chinpokomon camp.

00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,328

Well, how is it good?

00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,163

We don't understand what

the point of your product is.

00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,416

There is nothing

to worry about.

00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:38,879

We are Japan Toy Company are

in awe of your large penis.

00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,171

What?

00:14:40,297 --> 00:14:43,133

You see,

Japanese penis is so small.

00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:44,676

So small.

00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:48,638

You Americans have

such humongous, bulbous penis.

00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,181

Well, I guess that's true.

00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:53,018

Oh, such a nice big penis,

American.

00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:56,354

What can we possibly do

with such small penis?

00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,440

We cannot take over your city

00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,610

filled with men

of such mastadonic penis.

00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,194

Well, he's got a point there.

00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,863

Well, I guess

that settles that.

00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,489

We're sorry we took your time,

gentlemen.

00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:08,241

Oh, no. Thank you.

00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:12,037

Another chance to be in same

room with big American penis.

00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:14,414

My penis so small.

00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:15,498

Nice guys.

00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:26,509

So, what are we going to do

about our children?

00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:28,762

Uh, hello?

- Okay, people.

00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:32,015

I know this Chimpokomon fad

is causing a lot of problems.

00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,267

But I think we've already

found a solution.

00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:36,353

You have?

- Children are fickle.

00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,730

All we have to do

is come up with a new fad.

00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,565

We find the next toy

and turn them all onto it

00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,108

as soon as possible.

00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,944

Of course.

That's a great idea.

00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:44,861

But, what toy?

00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:48,615

All right, boys,

we're going to show you

00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,075

a couple of commercials,

00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,535

and you tell us which toy

interests you the most.

00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:53,787

Now, watch carefully.

00:15:53,912 --> 00:15:55,705

Hey, kids.

Do you like Chinpokomon?

00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:56,915

Yeah!

00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,625

Well, then you're gonna

go wild

00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,794

for Wild Wacky Action Bike.

00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,504

♪ Wild Wacky Action Bike ♪

00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:06,299

♪ The bike that's hard to ride ♪

00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:08,426

Wild Wacky Action Bike

is almost impossible to steer

00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,178

and it glows in the dark.

00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,472

♪ Gonna try to ride it

all day long ♪

00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:17,394

♪ But I'm gonna fail 'cause

it's Wild Wacky Action Bike ♪

00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:19,187

♪ You can't ride it,

you can't ride it ♪

00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:22,107

♪ Wild Wacky Action Bike ♪

00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:25,568

Wild Wacky Action Bike comes

with everything you see here.

00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,030

Gay.

- Yeah, dude.

00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,782

That looks totally gay.

- Oh...

00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:33,994

Okay. Here's the next one.

00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:36,246

Hey, kids.

Do you like Chinpokomon?

00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:37,789

Yeah!

00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,457

Then you're gonna love

Alabama Man.

00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,584

♪ Alabama Man ♪

00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,294

♪ He's quick,

he's strong, he's active ♪

00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,088

You can take Alabama Man

to the bowling alley,

00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,715

where he drinks heavily

and chews tobacco.

00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,842

Wow. He can bowl.

00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,719

♪ He can bowl, he can drink,

he can drink some more ♪

00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:52,554

♪ Alabama Man ♪

00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,222

When wife asks him

where he's been,

00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,850

just use the action button, and

Alabama Man busts her lip open.

00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:59,978

Shut up, bitch.

- Wow.

00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:02,105

♪ He beats up his wife

and sleeps it off ♪

00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:03,523

♪ Alabama Man ♪

00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:07,027

I want to be just

like Alabama Man.

00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:07,944

Alabama Man comes with

everything you see here.

00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:09,154

Wife sold separately.

00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:12,032

I thought I told you

to shut up.

00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:13,825

Not all people from Alabama

are wife-beaters.

00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,121

Gay.

- Totally gay.

00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,415

Liberace gay.

00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,958

Oh, dear.

00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,168

Well, let's keep trying.

How about this?

00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,091

- Owatta.

- Beikoku.

00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,634

- Owatta.

- Beikoku.

00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,094

Nihon en ima hajimaru.

00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,722

Stan?

Stan, it's mommy.

00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:37,265

Beikoku.

00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,225

Stanley, you need to come home

right now.

00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:40,435

Mommy misses you.

00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,270

- Owatta.

- Beikoku.

00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,230

Stanley, I'm talking to you.

00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:45,940

Beikoku.

00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:46,483

Aww!

00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:49,110

Stan, please.

Come home.

00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:53,531

Kore wa watashi no uchi desu.

- So desu nee.

00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,617

Do not worry.

Everything is okay.

00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:56,868

No, it's not okay.

- Oh.

00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,662

But you have such

a large penis.

00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:02,415

What?

- Your penis. Wow.

00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,835

What he mean is

that all men in this town

00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,088

have very large penis.

00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,839

Can't you see

what's happening?

00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:12,050

They're just using

that talk to distract you.

00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:13,760

He doesn't really have

a small penis.

00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:16,387

Misenasai.

00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:18,264

Oh.

00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:20,266

- Owatta.

- Beikoku.

00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:22,102

- Owatta.

- Beikoku.

00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:24,521

My God.

Is there nothing we can do?

00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:27,190

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I think I know the answer.

00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,651

I know how to get our kids

to stop liking Chinpokomon.

00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:30,777

How?

- Come on.

00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,695

We don't have much time.

00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:34,489

And now,

for a special announcement

00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,825

from the president

of the United States.

00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:40,286

My fellow Americans,

I wish to address the concerns

00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,288

many of us have

over the growing number of

00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:45,750

Japanese military bases

forming in the United States.

00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:48,294

The new Japanese Emperor,

Hirohito,

00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,755

has made our own children

into fighter pilots,

00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,008

who will soon fly to Hawaii

and and attack Pearl Harbor.

00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:56,636

I spoke with Mr. Hirohito

this morning,

00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:59,889

and he assured me

that I have a very large penis.

00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,308

He said it was mammoth,

dinosauric,

00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,727

and absolutely dwarfed

his penis,

00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:08,523

which he assured me

was nearly microscopic in size.

00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,066

My penis, he said,

00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:12,485

was most likely one

of the biggest on the planet.

00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:15,488

I applaud Mr. Hirohito

in his honesty.

00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:16,823

Thank you.

00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:19,951

Your plane will fly autopilot

to Pearl Harbor.

00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,078

When you arrive,

you will drop many bombs.

00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,540

Hai, sachoo-san.

00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:26,791

Nan da kore?

00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:29,085

Chinpoko ga dai-suki yoo.

- What?

00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,671

We just came to support you.

We love Chinpokomon, too.

00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:33,339

It's super toy number one.

00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:35,091

You like it?

- You bet.

00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:36,801

I think Chinpokoman

is Chinpokarific.

00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,052

I've got shoe.

00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,304

Come on, Eric,

let's try to battle

00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:41,472

your Roostor with my Donkeytron.

00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:43,808

Uh, no. That's okay, Mom.

00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,352

What are they doing?

- It's a trick.

00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:48,104

Hey, Stan.

Look at my new bumper sticker.

00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:50,315

Isn't that cool?

- No.

00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,653

Screw this, dude.

- Where're you going, Stan?

00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,405

I don't know, Chinpokomon just

doesn't seem that cool anymore.

00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,907

I'm gonna go kill some ants

or something.

00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,241

Wait for me, I want to get out

of these stupid clothes.

00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,249

Noooo!

00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,627

Well, you were right, Sharon,

the best way to make our kids

00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,086

not like something,

is to like it ourselves.

00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:13,546

That's right.

00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:15,048

Anything we like

is instantly not cool.

00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,633

We know how to take 'em out,

Mr. Garrison.

00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,509

Spread the word,

get on the wire to every parent

00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:19,886

around the country,

and tell 'em

00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,346

how to bring those sons of

bitches down.

00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,600

Hey, Mom, I'm sorry I went

a little nutty

00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,101

with that Chinpokomon stuff.

00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:28,603

Can I have $5 to buy a football?

- You bet, Stanley.

00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,357

Owatta beikoku.

00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:34,943

Kyle, it's over.

00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:37,237

But I'm gonna be

Royal Crown Chinpokomaster.

00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:38,780

Dude, Chinpokomon

isn't cool anymore.

00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,949

What?

- Yeah, dude. That's way over.

00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,159

You're just jealous,

because I'm Chinpokomaster.

00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,203

No, Kyle, you see,

we've learned something today.

00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:46,663

This whole Chinpokomon thing

happened

00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,248

because we all followed

the group.

00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:49,374

We only liked Chinpokomon

because everyone else did.

00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:50,792

And look at the damage

it caused.

00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,919

So now I should stop

liking Chinpokomon,

00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,713

because you all don't?

- Yeah.

00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,715

But if I stop now, I'd just be

going with the group again.

00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,051

So to be an individual,

I have to bomb Pearl Harbor.

00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:01,594

See ya.

- Oh. Wait!

00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:03,137

Actually, I was wrong.

00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,265

You see, Kyle,

I learned something just now.

00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:06,599

It is good to go with the group.

00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:08,559

A group mentality

is healthy sometimes.

00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:10,520

Aw, screw it.

I'm too confused.

00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:14,983

Oh, I'm sure glad

this is all over.

00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,735

Hey, get off of him!

He's not dead yet!

00:21:22,657 --> 00:21:25,535

No! Get off, you stupid rats.

He's not dead yet.

00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:26,703

Hey, you guys want to go to

the toy store after school

00:21:26,828 --> 00:21:28,329

and get some

Spaceman Greg cards?

00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:29,956

Nah, I think I'm through

with fads for a while.

00:21:30,081 --> 00:21:31,708

Me too; I'm choosing

my own toys from now on,

00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:33,376

'cause...

00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:34,419

What the...

00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:38,339

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

Gross!

00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,556

♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:15,349

Both: ♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:17,101

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:18,477

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,354

♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:21,772

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:23,899

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:24,942

♪ Headin' on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:26,694

♪ Gonna see

if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:26,819 --> 00:00:30,448

♪ [muffled] ♪

00:00:30,573 --> 00:00:31,741

♪ Come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,242

♪ And meet

some friends of mine ♪

00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:37,455

[cat meows]

No, kitty!

00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:39,665

These are my spicy hot Louisiana-

baked chicken tenders!

00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,375

[cat meows]

No, kitty!

00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,377

Someday I will collect

all the Chinpokomon!

00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:45,379

Then, I will fight the evil

power that will reveal itself

00:00:45,504 --> 00:00:47,381

once all the Chinpokomon

are collected! Oh!

00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:48,716

[cat meows]

No, kitty!

00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:50,134

You can't have these

chicken tenders,

00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:52,428

because they are mine,

and I keep mine to myself! Oh!

00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,472

Be sure to tune in tomorrow

for another inexplicable episode

00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:55,681

of Chinpokomon!

00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:57,767

Hurray!

- Hey, kids!

00:00:57,892 --> 00:00:59,769

Do you love Chinpokomon?

- Yes!

00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:01,729

Well, now you can buy

your very own!

00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:03,814

♪ I've got

to buy Chinpokomon ♪

00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:05,524

♪ I've got to buy it,

I've got to buy it ♪

00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:06,817

Now, you can collect them all!

00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,235

Furrycat!

Donkeytron!

00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,071

Pengin! Shoe!

Lambtron!

00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:11,447

Collect them all,

and you can become

00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,365

Royal Crown Chinpokomaster!

00:01:13,491 --> 00:01:15,701

Royal Crown Chinpokomaster?

Holy shit!

00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:17,244

All the Chinpokomon

are in stores now!

00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:20,706

Chinpokomon is super universe

toy number one!

00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:23,459

♪ I've got to buy it,

Chinpokomon ♪

00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:24,710

Mom! Mom!

00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,253

Mom! Seriously!

00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:27,713

This thing at the toy store,

Mom!

00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,882

Hnya! Must go! Toy store!

- Eric! Calm down!

00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,093

But seriously! Mom!

Must go! Must buy!

00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:33,552

What is it, Eric?

00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:34,845

Mom, I've only just heard!

00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:36,555

They're making Chinpokomon dolls,

Mom!

00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,099

You can collect them all!

You can collect them all!

00:01:38,224 --> 00:01:39,725

Mother, quick!

We must get to the toy store!

00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:43,145

I'm making us some lunch

right now, Eric!

00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:46,440

But, Mom, I have to get

a Chinpokomon doll

00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:48,943

before everybody else does,

'cause then I'll be cool.

00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:51,487

Can't it wait till tomorrow,

hon?

00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,156

But, Mom, I have to

get the first one

00:01:54,281 --> 00:01:56,325

or else people

won't think I'm cool!

00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,702

All right. Let's go.

- Sweet!

00:01:58,828 --> 00:02:01,413

Everybody's gonna be so jealous

when they see my Chinpokomon!

00:02:01,539 --> 00:02:05,126

[kids chattering]

00:02:05,251 --> 00:02:06,585

Oh! God damn it!

00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:07,962

Hey, fat ass!

- Hey, dickhole!

00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:09,213

I guess you saw

the commercial, too!

00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:11,799

Yep! I've got Roostor,

Lambtron, and Shoe!

00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:13,425

Well, that's nice!

But, I'm gonna get a Pengin!

00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:15,594

He's the coolest!

00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:18,097

God damn it!

There's no more Pengins!

00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:19,849

Kenny! Pengin is my favorite!

That's the last one!

00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:21,475

Let me have it!

- Mm-mm.

00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,019

Mnya, Kenny! Let me have it!

00:02:24,145 --> 00:02:27,481

Mnya! Mnya! Gimme Pengin!

Mnya!

00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:29,358

Honestly, I don't see

what they find

00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,068

so amusing about those things.

00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:33,028

They're so strange.

- Where are they from?

00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,197

Well, it's some new big thing

from Japan.

00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,783

I tell ya, those Japanese really

know how to market to kids.

00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:39,201

I've got to collect

all Chinpokomon!

00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:40,786

I've got to collect them all

so I can become

00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:42,538

Royal Crown Chinpokomaster, oh!

00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:47,251

Order Chinpokomon, and you

will have happy feelings!

00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:49,712

I have to become

Royal Crown Chinpokomaster!

00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,589

[all]

Must collect Chinpokomon!

00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:56,093

Okay, Kenny! I'll trade you

my Chuchunesbi for your Pengin!

00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,845

[muffled] Fuck you.

- God damn it!

00:02:57,970 --> 00:02:59,305

You're supposed to trade!

Little asshole! Gimme Pengin!

00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:01,265

Hey, dudes. What're those?

- What're these?

00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:02,641

They're Chinpokomon.

- Huh?

00:03:02,766 --> 00:03:05,269

You don't appear

to have any Chinpokomon.

00:03:05,394 --> 00:03:06,687

No, but look.

00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,147

I just got this

sweet Cyborg Bill doll.

00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:10,900

Oh, please.

Cyborg Bill is so yesterday.

00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,193

Yeah, like ancient history.

00:03:12,318 --> 00:03:13,360

Cyborg Bill isn't

cool anymore?

00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,321

No, dude.

00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:17,198

Cyborg Bill hasn't been cool

for a long time, Kyle.

00:03:17,323 --> 00:03:18,782

Why the hell don't people tell

me these things?

00:03:18,908 --> 00:03:20,034

It's all Chinpokomon, now.

00:03:20,159 --> 00:03:21,327

Dude, if you collect

Chinpokomon,

00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:22,661

you can complete

the primary main objective.

00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,413

What's the primary main

objective?

00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,457

You don't even know what

the primary main objective is?

00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:28,459

The primary main objective

is to destroy the evil power.

00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,336

Well, what's the evil power?

- Oh, my God.

00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,504

The identity of the evil power

won't be revealed until

00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:34,924

all Chinpokomon are collected

by a Royal Crown Chinpokomaster.

00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:36,217

What?

- Duh!

00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:38,177

God, get with the times, dude.

- Duh!

00:03:38,302 --> 00:03:40,429

Shit.

00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,972

Yeah, I guess so.

- Mom. Dad.

00:03:42,097 --> 00:03:43,265

Can I have money

to buy Chinpokomon?

00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:46,227

What's a Chinpokomon?

- I'm not sure.

00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:48,812

Well, why do you need one?

- I don't know.

00:03:48,938 --> 00:03:50,314

Well then, the answer is no,

Kyle.

00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:52,983

You just got money

to buy your Cyborg Bill doll.

00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,735

Yeah, but Cyborg Bill

is totally gay now.

00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:56,862

Please, Mom.

Everybody else has Chinpokomon.

00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,614

Well, Kyle, that's not

a reason to buy something.

00:03:58,739 --> 00:03:59,990

Yeah, Kyle. Don't.

00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:01,492

You see, Son,

fads come and go.

00:04:01,617 --> 00:04:03,160

And this-- Chinpokomon

00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,745

is obviously nothing more

than a fad.

00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:06,413

You don't have to

be a part of it.

00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,707

In fact, you can even make

an even stronger statement

00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:11,335

by saying to your peers,

"I'm not going to be a part

00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,587

of this fad

because I'm an individual."

00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,673

Do you understand?

- Yes. Yes, I do, dad.

00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,591

Now, let me tell you

how it works in the real world.

00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:19,718

In the real world,

I can either get a Chinpokomon,

00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,178

or I can be the only kid

without one,

00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:22,930

which singles me out

and causes the other kids

00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,556

to make fun of me

and kick my ass.

00:04:24,682 --> 00:04:26,976

Hm. Good point. Here's $10.

- Thanks.

00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:28,811

Wait. Here's twenty.

Get one for your brother, too.

00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,104

[babbling]

00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,065

There you go, son.

00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:34,775

I honestly don't know what

you see in these things.

00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,026

Neither do I.

00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:39,863

Guess I'll call it a night.

00:04:39,989 --> 00:04:44,243

Chinpoko.

Buy me. Buy me.

00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:47,579

When will you become

Royal Chinpokomaster?

00:04:47,705 --> 00:04:49,665

[squeaks]

Hurry up and buy me.

00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,667

[squeaks]

Down with America.

00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,627

What?

- I love you.

00:04:53,752 --> 00:04:55,087

Let's be best friends

00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:56,964

and destroy the capitalist

American government.

00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,966

What the hell

is going on here?

00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:05,931

Hey, you guys, check out

my sweet Chinpokomon doll.

00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:09,059

Oh, please, Chinpokomon dolls

are so last week.

00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,602

What?

- Yeah, dude. Don't you know?

00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,396

It's all about the Chinpokomon

video game now.

00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:13,856

Did you bring your special

Chinpokomon game controller?

00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,482

Huh? No.

- Oh.

00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:18,694

You didn't get a special

Chinpokomon game controller?

00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:21,697

[laughs]

Jesus Christ.

00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,866

Chinpokomon.

What is primary objective?

00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,326

[all]

To destroy the evil power.

00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:26,869

I've got to buy

all the Chinpokomon

00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,329

so I can destroy

the evil power, oh!

00:05:28,454 --> 00:05:29,705

[all] Oh!

- Damn it.

00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:30,956

I've got to buy them all.

00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,458

So first, I'd better

go to Hawaii

00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,209

and visit Pearl Harbor.

00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:37,463

Try to bomb the harbor.

Ready? Go.

00:05:37,588 --> 00:05:38,505

[grunting]

00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,637

I must buy them all.

I must buy them all.

00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,222

All: We must buy them all.

00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:50,601

Try to bomb the harbor.

00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:51,643

[mumbling]

00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:57,983

Dude, the video game

gave Kenny a seizure.

00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,485

Dude, this game rules.

00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:09,036

Hello?

00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:11,830

Hello?

00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,166

Welcome to Chinpokomon

Toy Corporation.

00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:16,668

Please state name:

00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:19,880

Red Harris.

I own a toy store in America.

00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:22,174

Please state purpose:

00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:24,134

Uh, I want to know what

the hell you people

00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:26,136

are doing with these dolls

talking about

00:06:26,261 --> 00:06:29,306

bringing down

American government and all.

00:06:35,187 --> 00:06:37,272

I am President Hirohito,

and this is Mr. Hosek.

00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:38,941

Pleased to meet you.

00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:42,486

We understand you have big

concern about our fine product.

00:06:42,611 --> 00:06:44,613

Well, yes,

do you mind telling me

00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,156

what the hell this is about?

00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:47,616

The American government

lies to you.

00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,660

Join the fight for Japanese

supremacy of the world.

00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:50,786

More to come.

00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:53,831

Well?

- Uh...

00:06:53,956 --> 00:06:55,416

That is so strange.

00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:57,709

I do not know

how this could happen.

00:06:57,835 --> 00:07:00,295

But rest assured,

I will make sure

00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:01,922

it does not happen again.

00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,424

Well, now, come on.

00:07:03,549 --> 00:07:05,342

I don't think

that that quite satisfies my--

00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,094

You are American?

- Yes.

00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:09,930

Oh, you must have

very big penis.

00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,682

Excuse me?

00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:12,891

I was just asking you

00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,351

what you're up to

with these toys.

00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:15,853

Nothing.

00:07:15,978 --> 00:07:18,355

We are very simple people

with very small penis.

00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,983

Mr. Hosek's penis

is especially small.

00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,609

[giggles]

So small.

00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:26,029

We cannot achieve much

with so small penis.

00:07:26,155 --> 00:07:31,076

But you Americans, wow.

Penis so big. So big penis.

00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:33,537

Well, I-I guess

it is a pretty good size.

00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:36,123

Minata, kit-eh kit-eh.

[women chattering]

00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:38,584

This man has a very big penis.

00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:41,670

[women chattering

and applauding]

00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,506

Oh, what an immense penis.

00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,633

Well, it certainly

was nice meeting you folk.

00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:48,427

I just wanted to bring

that little malfunction

00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:49,511

to your attention.

00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,096

Bye-bye, now.

- Good bye.

00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:55,267

Thank you for stopping

by with your gargantuan penis.

00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,060

[humming]

00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,022

[speaking Japanese]

00:08:01,482 --> 00:08:03,192

[speaking Japanese]

00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:06,528

[speaking Japanese]

00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:11,116

[speaking Japanese]

[speaking Japanese]

00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:17,956

I've got to buy Chinpokomon.

I've got to buy them.

00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:21,168

Must buy Chinpokomon.

00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:34,223

Amerikano, kodomo mindaga

Chinpokomon motte imaga,

00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:38,352

"Phase two"

kaesrokida...Ikimashoo.

00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:42,105

The time has come.

We will take Pearl Harbor.

00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:46,693

♪ I've got to buy it,

I've got to buy it ♪

00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,362

♪ Chinpokomon ♪

- What're you doing?

00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:50,364

I'm watching one of Stanley's

Chinpokomon video tapes.

00:08:50,489 --> 00:08:51,615

Why?

00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,033

Our son loves this show,

Randy,

00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,785

so I think it's important

that we watch it

00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:56,286

to see if it's teaching him

good moral values.

00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:58,121

Hey. You must be Roostor.

00:08:58,247 --> 00:09:00,541

I haven't bought one of you yet,

but I bet you can transform

00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:02,668

into Roostalion if you found

Diamond Skill Seven.

00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:05,504

Roostor.

00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:06,838

Hey, I'm gonna

take your roostor

00:09:06,964 --> 00:09:08,131

and put it in this bag,

where it will flourish

00:09:08,257 --> 00:09:09,341

or expire

depending on fate.

00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:10,676

Hey, is that a good idea?

00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,344

Roostors aren't like

Chuchunesbis.

00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:13,720

They haven't the heart

for such endeavors.

00:09:13,845 --> 00:09:16,223

Oh!

00:09:16,348 --> 00:09:18,141

Are those good moral values?

00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:19,768

I don't know what the hell

they're talking about.

00:09:23,438 --> 00:09:25,732

Lambtron, you are losing

the battle of your life.

00:09:25,857 --> 00:09:27,401

But Lambtron's power level

gives him

00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:29,152

a good chance of new fight;

will they succeed?

00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:31,196

I am sad now, because Lambtron

must be very lonely

00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,198

because there are

so few Lambtrons in the world.

00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,700

Will he ever find

a companion?

00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:35,909

This doesn't make sense.

00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,160

Are those stupid things

supposed to be

00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:39,204

animals or robots or what?

00:09:39,329 --> 00:09:41,123

I don't know, but I suddenly

kind of wanna own them all.

00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:43,375

Randy, we can't allow our son

to watch this stuff.

00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,168

Well, it's not like

it's vulgar or violent.

00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,170

No, but it's incredibly

stupid, and that can be

00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,381

worse on a child's mind

than any vulgarity or violence.

00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,966

Remember what

Battle of the Network Stars

00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,217

did to an entire generation.

00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,177

My God. You're right.

00:09:54,303 --> 00:09:56,305

♪ Come on,

brothers and sisters ♪

00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,931

♪ We've all got

to join together ♪

00:09:58,056 --> 00:09:59,558

♪ Join together

and give me money ♪

00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,268

♪ So I can buy

more Chinpokomon ♪

00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:03,228

♪ We've got to stop

this fighting ♪

00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:05,188

How's it going, fat ass?

- Haven't made any money yet.

00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:06,982

What? You've been

out here all weekend.

00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,775

How're we gonna raise money to

get into the Chinpokomon camp?

00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:10,193

Hey, I'm the one who's been

standing out here

00:10:10,319 --> 00:10:12,321

with this gay guitar like

a God damn hippie all weekend.

00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,531

What have you two assholes done?

- We can't do anything.

00:10:14,656 --> 00:10:16,158

Kenny still hasn't

come out of his seizure.

00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:17,409

I've got it.

00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,411

I've got

my Chinpokomon game controller.

00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:22,039

[laughter]

00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:25,250

Jesus-tap-dancing-Christ.

Get with the program, Kyle.

00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:27,836

Yeah, nobody plays the

Chinpokomon video games anymore.

00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:28,962

Now it's all about the big

weekend Chinpokomon camp.

00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,505

Camp?

00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,758

The makers of Chinpokomon

are going town to town

00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:34,217

and putting on a special camp

to show all

00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,261

the Chinpokomasters

how to destroy the evil power.

00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,430

You didn't know that?

- No, I knew it. I knew it.

00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:39,890

I was just testing you guys.

00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,725

You just wait till

I get to that Chinpokomon camp.

00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:43,435

I'm gonna be the toughest master

of them all.

00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,811

So we'll see you there. Ai'ght?

00:10:44,936 --> 00:10:46,188

Dude. Did you just say "ai'ght"?

00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:48,148

Yeah. You know.

Like Lauryn Hill. Ai'ght.

00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,317

Oh my God.

That's so yesterday.

00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:52,027

Yeah, dude.

Nobody says "ai'ght" anymore.

00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,279

What? "Ai'ghts" not cool either?

When did that happen?

00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,948

Like, eight days ago.

- God damn it.

00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:01,787

Hey, kids, only one more day

till the Chinpokomon camp.

00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,705

Come early and enjoy

all the Chinpokofun.

00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,374

♪ Chinpokomon camp ♪

00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:06,583

♪ I have to buy a ticket ♪

00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,293

♪ I have to buy one,

a ticket ♪

00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,003

♪ I've got to buy, buy, buy ♪

00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:14,049

This Saturday and Sunday,

you can't wait to go.

00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,385

♪ Chinpokomon ♪

00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,845

We just thought we'd bring it

to everyone's attention,

00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,639

because honestly,

we don't know how to feel.

00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,182

Well, I'm letting Eric go

to the camp.

00:11:22,307 --> 00:11:23,892

I mean, it seems to me this

Chinpokomon thing

00:11:24,017 --> 00:11:25,394

is just another harmless fad.

00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:26,853

Yeah, we told Kyle

he could go

00:11:26,978 --> 00:11:28,438

if he did all his chores,

and he did.

00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,190

Now, I'm not sure

this blatant commercialism

00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:31,400

is good for our boys.

00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:32,859

Well, you know how it is,

Randy.

00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:34,861

The more we forbid them to play

with Chinpokomons,

00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:35,487

the more they're gonna

love them.

00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:36,988

You're right, Sheila.

00:11:37,114 --> 00:11:37,989

I guess the best thing we can do

is just let them go

00:11:38,115 --> 00:11:39,658

until they get sick of it.

00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:41,535

Sure, apparently,

they've been doing these camps

00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:42,703

in every city

around the country.

00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:45,914

How bad can they be?

00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,250

Get out of the way. Move it.

- Can you see anything?

00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:51,253

[cheers and applause]

it's starting. It's starting.

00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,130

♪ I've got to buy it,

I've got to buy it ♪

00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:55,048

♪ Chinpokomon ♪

00:11:57,092 --> 00:11:59,219

Attention. Attention.

00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,263

This is Chinpokomon camp.

00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,473

All: Chinpokomon is what we

strive to be in our hearts.

00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:04,433

Our hearts.

00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,560

Kenny?

00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:08,437

What is the primary main

objective?

00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:09,896

[all]

To destroy the evil power.

00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,565

Power.

00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,942

Yes.

And what is the evil power?

00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:19,364

The evil power is...

the United States government.

00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,950

Oh.

00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:24,411

United States government

is an evil power.

00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:26,329

It has attacked

Japanese military.

00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:28,415

It has broken Japanese spirit.

00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:31,501

And what do Chinpokomasters

do to the evil power?

00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:32,502

[all]

Destroy it.

00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:33,545

Destroy it?

00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:34,921

That is correct.

00:12:35,046 --> 00:12:37,090

Now, it is a great honor

to present

00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:41,011

your Chinpokoleader,

Emperor Hirohito.

00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:45,307

One government can not forever

pass its laws on others.

00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,518

The strength of Japan

is in its history,

00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:51,188

and it is based on that history

00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:54,858

that we shall again rise

to the dominant world power.

00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:57,068

Is this cool or not?

I can't tell.

00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:59,654

It is again time

for the rising sun

00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:01,698

to ship tall in the sky.

00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:04,451

One Japan. One society.

00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:11,166

We will begin with language

and exercise skills.

00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,126

Hajimete.

00:13:13,251 --> 00:13:16,421

Ichi, ni, san, shi.

Ichi, ni, san, shi.

00:13:16,546 --> 00:13:19,216

[all]

ichi, ni, san, shi.

Ichi, ni, san, shi.

00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:21,384

[bell ringing]

00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:23,428

[laughter]

00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,473

Okay, children.

I want it quiet.

00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,892

Now, we're gonna try this again

until we get it right.

00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:30,811

What is six times three?

00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:33,271

Juuhachi desu ka?

- Juuhachi da nee.

00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:34,981

No, God damn it.

It's 18.

00:13:35,106 --> 00:13:36,650

Juuhachi is 18,

Garrison-san.

00:13:36,775 --> 00:13:39,694

For the last time, my name is

not Garrison-san, all right?

00:13:39,820 --> 00:13:41,571

And this is not Hat-san.

00:13:41,696 --> 00:13:42,989

And you all better start talking

00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,574

in a matter

that I can understand.

00:13:44,699 --> 00:13:46,493

Wuu, Garrison-san

sabuchii dana.

00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:47,994

What did he say?

00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,163

He said, "Garrison-san

sabuchii dana."

00:13:50,288 --> 00:13:51,248

Soo desu nee.

00:13:51,373 --> 00:13:52,749

Damn it. This is not Japan.

00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:55,585

Minata. Kite kite, churl....

[farts]

00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,963

[laughter]

Dare ga pu shita no.

00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,130

[screams]

00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:05,554

People, please.

We can only speak one at a time.

00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:07,430

Now, Mr. Garrison,

you were saying.

00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:08,849

I can't take it, mayor.

00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:10,934

You have to put an end

to this Chinpokocamp.

00:14:11,059 --> 00:14:13,103

My son hasn't made any sense

in days.

00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:14,688

I tell you, mayor,

these Japanese

00:14:14,813 --> 00:14:16,857

are trying to change

our American children somehow.

00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,692

All right, people,

Mr. Hirohito and Mr. Hosek

00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,193

were nice enough to stop by

to talk to you.

00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:21,695

Gentlemen.

00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:24,281

We at the Japan Toy Company

are very concerned

00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,032

about your concerns.

00:14:26,157 --> 00:14:28,410

That is why

we make Chinpokomon camp.

00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:30,328

Well, how is it good?

00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,163

We don't understand what

the point of your product is.

00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,416

There is nothing

to worry about.

00:14:34,541 --> 00:14:38,879

We are Japan Toy Company are

in awe of your large penis.

00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:40,171

What?

00:14:40,297 --> 00:14:43,133

You see,

Japanese penis is so small.

00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:44,676

So small.

00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:48,638

You Americans have

such humongous, bulbous penis.

00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,181

Well, I guess that's true.

00:14:50,307 --> 00:14:53,018

Oh, such a nice big penis,

American.

00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:56,354

What can we possibly do

with such small penis?

00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:58,440

We cannot take over your city

00:14:58,565 --> 00:15:01,610

filled with men

of such mastadonic penis.

00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,194

Well, he's got a point there.

00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,863

Well, I guess

that settles that.

00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,489

We're sorry we took your time,

gentlemen.

00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:08,241

Oh, no. Thank you.

00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:12,037

Another chance to be in same

room with big American penis.

00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:14,414

[laughs]

My penis so small.

00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:15,498

Nice guys.

00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:19,127

[speaking Japanese]

00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:26,509

So, what are we going to do

about our children?

00:15:26,635 --> 00:15:28,762

Uh, hello?

- Okay, people.

00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:32,015

I know this Chimpokomon fad

is causing a lot of problems.

00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,267

But I think we've already

found a solution.

00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:36,353

You have?

- Children are fickle.

00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,730

All we have to do

is come up with a new fad.

00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,565

We find the next toy

and turn them all onto it

00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,108

as soon as possible.

00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,944

Of course.

That's a great idea.

00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:44,861

But, what toy?

00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:48,615

All right, boys,

we're going to show you

00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,075

a couple of commercials,

00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,535

and you tell us which toy

interests you the most.

00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:53,787

Now, watch carefully.

00:15:53,912 --> 00:15:55,705

Hey, kids.

Do you like Chinpokomon?

00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:56,915

[all]

Yeah!

00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,625

Well, then you're gonna

go wild

00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,794

for Wild Wacky Action Bike.

00:16:00,919 --> 00:16:02,504

♪ Wild Wacky Action Bike ♪

00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:06,299

♪ The bike that's hard to ride ♪

00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:08,426

Wild Wacky Action Bike

is almost impossible to steer

00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,178

and it glows in the dark.

00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,472

♪ Gonna try to ride it

all day long ♪

00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:17,394

♪ But I'm gonna fail 'cause

it's Wild Wacky Action Bike ♪

00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:19,187

♪ You can't ride it,

you can't ride it ♪

00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:22,107

♪ Wild Wacky Action Bike ♪

00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:25,568

Wild Wacky Action Bike comes

with everything you see here.

00:16:28,113 --> 00:16:29,030

Gay.

- Yeah, dude.

00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,782

That looks totally gay.

- Oh...

00:16:32,701 --> 00:16:33,994

Okay. Here's the next one.

00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:36,246

Hey, kids.

Do you like Chinpokomon?

00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:37,789

All: Yeah!

00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,457

Then you're gonna love

Alabama Man.

00:16:39,582 --> 00:16:41,584

♪ Alabama Man ♪

00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,294

♪ He's quick,

he's strong, he's active ♪

00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,088

You can take Alabama Man

to the bowling alley,

00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,715

where he drinks heavily

and chews tobacco.

00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,842

Wow. He can bowl.

00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,719

♪ He can bowl, he can drink,

he can drink some more ♪

00:16:50,844 --> 00:16:52,554

♪ Alabama Man ♪

00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,222

When wife asks him

where he's been,

00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,850

just use the action button, and

Alabama Man busts her lip open.

00:16:56,975 --> 00:16:59,978

Shut up, bitch.

- Wow.

00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:02,105

♪ He beats up his wife

and sleeps it off ♪

00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:03,523

♪ Alabama Man ♪

00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:07,027

Both: I want to be just

like Alabama Man.

00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:07,944

Alabama Man comes with

everything you see here.

00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:09,154

Wife sold separately.

00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:12,032

I thought I told you

to shut up.

00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:13,825

Not all people from Alabama

are wife-beaters.

00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,121

Gay.

- Totally gay.

00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:20,415

Liberace gay.

00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:21,958

Oh, dear.

00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,168

Well, let's keep trying.

How about this?

00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:30,091

Owatta.

[all] Beikoku.

00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,634

Owatta.

[all] Beikoku.

00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,094

Nihon en ima hajimaru.

00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,722

Stan?

Stan, it's mommy.

00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:37,265

[all]

Beikoku.

00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,225

Stanley, you need to come home

right now.

00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:40,435

Mommy misses you.

00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,270

Owatta.

[all] Beikoku.

00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,230

Stanley, I'm talking to you.

00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:45,940

[all]

Beikoku.

00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:46,483

[all]

Aww!

00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:49,110

Stan, please.

Come home.

00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:53,531

Kore wa watashi no uchi desu.

- [all] So desu nee.

00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:55,617

Do not worry.

Everything is okay.

00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:56,868

No, it's not okay.

- Oh.

00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:59,662

But you have such

a large penis.

00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:02,415

What?

- Your penis. Wow.

00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,835

What he mean is

that all men in this town

00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:08,088

have very large penis.

00:18:08,213 --> 00:18:09,839

Can't you see

what's happening?

00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:12,050

They're just using

that talk to distract you.

00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:13,760

He doesn't really have

a small penis.

00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:16,387

Misenasai.

00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:18,264

Oh.

00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:20,266

Owatta.

[all] Beikoku.

00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:22,102

Owatta.

[all] Beikoku.

00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:24,521

My God.

Is there nothing we can do?

00:18:24,646 --> 00:18:27,190

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I think I know the answer.

00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:29,651

I know how to get our kids

to stop liking Chinpokomon.

00:18:29,776 --> 00:18:30,777

How?

- Come on.

00:18:30,902 --> 00:18:32,695

We don't have much time.

00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:34,489

And now,

for a special announcement

00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,825

from the president

of the United States.

00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:40,286

My fellow Americans,

I wish to address the concerns

00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,288

many of us have

over the growing number of

00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:45,750

Japanese military bases

forming in the United States.

00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:48,294

The new Japanese Emperor,

Hirohito,

00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,755

has made our own children

into fighter pilots,

00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:54,008

who will soon fly to Hawaii

and and attack Pearl Harbor.

00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:56,636

I spoke with Mr. Hirohito

this morning,

00:18:56,761 --> 00:18:59,889

and he assured me

that I have a very large penis.

00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,308

He said it was mammoth,

dinosauric,

00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:04,727

and absolutely dwarfed

his penis,

00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:08,523

which he assured me

was nearly microscopic in size.

00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:10,066

My penis, he said,

00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:12,485

was most likely one

of the biggest on the planet.

00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:15,488

I applaud Mr. Hirohito

in his honesty.

00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:16,823

Thank you.

00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:19,951

Your plane will fly autopilot

to Pearl Harbor.

00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:22,078

When you arrive,

you will drop many bombs.

00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,540

[all]

Hai, sachoo-san.

00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:26,791

Nan da kore?

00:19:26,916 --> 00:19:29,085

Chinpoko ga dai-suki yoo.

- What?

00:19:29,210 --> 00:19:31,671

We just came to support you.

We love Chinpokomon, too.

00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:33,339

It's super toy number one.

00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:35,091

You like it?

- You bet.

00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:36,801

I think Chinpokoman

is Chinpokarific.

00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,052

I've got shoe.

00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:39,304

Come on, Eric,

let's try to battle

00:19:39,429 --> 00:19:41,472

your Roostor with my Donkeytron.

00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:43,808

Uh, no. That's okay, Mom.

00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,352

What are they doing?

- It's a trick.

00:19:46,477 --> 00:19:48,104

Hey, Stan.

Look at my new bumper sticker.

00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:50,315

Isn't that cool?

- No.

00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,150

[laughter]

00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,653

Screw this, dude.

- Where're you going, Stan?

00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,405

I don't know, Chinpokomon just

doesn't seem that cool anymore.

00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,907

I'm gonna go kill some ants

or something.

00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,241

Wait for me, I want to get out

of these stupid clothes.

00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,243

[children agreeing]

00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,372

[cheering]

00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,249

Noooo!

00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,627

Well, you were right, Sharon,

the best way to make our kids

00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,086

not like something,

is to like it ourselves.

00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:13,546

That's right.

00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:15,048

Anything we like

is instantly not cool.

00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,633

We know how to take 'em out,

Mr. Garrison.

00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,509

Spread the word,

get on the wire to every parent

00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:19,886

around the country,

and tell 'em

00:20:20,011 --> 00:20:21,346

how to bring those sons of

bitches down.

00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,600

Hey, Mom, I'm sorry I went

a little nutty

00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:27,101

with that Chinpokomon stuff.

00:20:27,227 --> 00:20:28,603

Can I have $5 to buy a football?

- You bet, Stanley.

00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,357

Owatta beikoku.

00:20:33,524 --> 00:20:34,943

Kyle, it's over.

00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:37,237

But I'm gonna be

Royal Crown Chinpokomaster.

00:20:37,362 --> 00:20:38,780

Dude, Chinpokomon

isn't cool anymore.

00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:40,949

What?

- Yeah, dude. That's way over.

00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,159

You're just jealous,

because I'm Chinpokomaster.

00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,203

No, Kyle, you see,

we've learned something today.

00:20:45,328 --> 00:20:46,663

This whole Chinpokomon thing

happened

00:20:46,788 --> 00:20:48,248

because we all followed

the group.

00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:49,374

We only liked Chinpokomon

because everyone else did.

00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:50,792

And look at the damage

it caused.

00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,919

So now I should stop

liking Chinpokomon,

00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,713

because you all don't?

- Yeah.

00:20:55,838 --> 00:20:57,715

But if I stop now, I'd just be

going with the group again.

00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:00,051

So to be an individual,

I have to bomb Pearl Harbor.

00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:01,594

See ya.

- Oh. Wait!

00:21:01,719 --> 00:21:03,137

Actually, I was wrong.

00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,265

You see, Kyle,

I learned something just now.

00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:06,599

It is good to go with the group.

00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:08,559

A group mentality

is healthy sometimes.

00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:10,520

Aw, screw it.

I'm too confused.

00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:14,983

Oh, I'm sure glad

this is all over.

00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,735

Hey, get off of him!

He's not dead yet!

00:21:22,657 --> 00:21:25,535

No! Get off, you stupid rats.

He's not dead yet.

00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:26,703

Hey, you guys want to go to

the toy store after school

00:21:26,828 --> 00:21:28,329

and get some

Spaceman Greg cards?

00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:29,956

Nah, I think I'm through

with fads for a while.

00:21:30,081 --> 00:21:31,708

Me too; I'm choosing

my own toys from now on,

00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:33,376

'cause...

00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:34,419

What the...

00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:36,337

[rats squeaking]

00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:38,339

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

Gross!

00:21:38,464 --> 00:21:40,049

[laughter]