Кошачья оргия

00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,639

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,099

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:16,809

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,060

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,062

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,856

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,607

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:23,733 --> 00:00:24,692

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:26,652

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:31,741

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:32,992

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,247

Ha ha ha ha...

00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:41,000

Now, I will kill the president

and kill Salma Hayek!

00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:43,836

Oh save me,

who will save me!?

00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,337

I will!

00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:48,799

James West.

Cowboy and Rap Star.

00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:52,011

Quick Artemus Cloud Frog,

we've got to save Salma Hayek!

00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:54,346

If we save her,

I'm going to

take off her pants

00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:55,681

and play

"slip 'n slide".

00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:56,932

Are you okay,

Salma Hayek?

00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:58,768

Yes, but I need to

get out of here.

00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,311

I need some

tacos and burritos

00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:01,896

Me gusto tacos mucho!

00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:03,814

You cannot stop me,

James West!

00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:05,399

Look out,

Artemus Cloud Frog

00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:06,400

it's giant metal spider!

00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,777

Bang! Bang, bang!

00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,111

Yo, yo, yo,

jiggy, jiggy

00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,112

with a

bang, bang!

00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,532

We saved the day!

00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,284

The wild, wild, west

the wild, wild, wild west!

00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,203

Yo, wicky-wicky, scratch,

wicky-wicky, scratch--

00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:19,330

Eric?

00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:21,082

The babysitter's here,

come on downstairs!

00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:25,169

But Mommm, I'm playing

"wild, wild west"!

00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:26,879

I have to

leave soon, Eric.

00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,256

But Mommm, me and

Artemus Cloud Frog

00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:32,384

still have to do our

love scene with Salma Hayek!

00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:34,178

Come down as soon

as you're done!

00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:39,016

♪ Well I'm a bad-ass cowboy

living in the cowboy days ♪

00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:41,560

♪ Wicky-wicky scratch

yo-yo bang-bang ♪

00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:46,565

♪ Me and Artemus Cloud Frog

go save Salma Hayek from the

big metal spider ♪

00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,025

♪ Wicky-wicky wick

wicky-wicky wick ♪

00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:50,111

♪ Fresh cowboy

from the west side ♪♪

00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:52,488

Thank you so much for babysitting

little Eric, Shelly!

00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,115

Okay.

00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,991

All his other babysitters

won't come back.

00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:57,618

I charge $5 for

the first hour

00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,787

5 percent bumps

every hour after that

00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:01,789

up to six hours which

enters into "golden time."

00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:03,290

Oh, that sounds fine.

00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:05,501

I'm going to a

meteor shower party.

00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,920

The number where I'll be

is on the refrigerator.

00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,214

Eric's snooky time

is 9 o'clock sharp.

00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:11,966

If his little wugums

get cold,

00:02:12,091 --> 00:02:13,509

you can turn up

the heat over here.

00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,802

And if he

gets cranky,

00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,804

just play

"tummy rub-rubs"

with him.

00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:19,431

And make sure he wipes good

after he "makes bears".

00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:20,599

"Bears"?

00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,143

Oh, and don't

mind the cat,

00:02:22,268 --> 00:02:24,603

she's just being loud

because she's in heat!

00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,898

Reowww-owwww...

00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,775

No kitty, I don't

have anything!

00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,820

Reowwwwww....

00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:34,280

What the hell is

wrong with you?

00:02:34,405 --> 00:02:35,197

Stop it, kitty!

00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,657

Reowwww...

00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,993

Stop, kitty, that's

a bad Goddamn kitty!

00:02:39,118 --> 00:02:40,661

Okay muffin,

mommy's leaving now.

00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,413

You do what the

babysitter tells you, okay?

00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:43,455

Uh-huh.

00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:44,415

Be good.

00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:45,916

Right.

00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:46,834

Come give mommy

eskimo kisses!

00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:47,918

Aww, Ma!

00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,129

Eskimo kisses

for Mommy!

00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:52,214

Jesus Christ!

00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,632

Bye, kids!

00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:57,094

Well, go put that pizza

in the oven, bitch!

00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:57,970

I'm hungry!

00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,054

Ow!

00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:00,639

Alright, turd,

listen up!

00:03:00,764 --> 00:03:01,807

Now that your

mom is gone,

00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:03,434

I'm in charge.

00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,186

I don't know how you

treat your other babysitters,

00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,770

but when I'm babysitting,

00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:08,522

you're nothing

but a little turd.

00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:11,442

You're a stinky, dried-up

stupid turd!

00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,277

Got it?

00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:15,696

You can't hit me, didn't you

see those nanny videos on TV?

00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:18,032

My boyfriend

is coming over.

00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:19,742

So you go

to the kitchen

00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:22,703

and you us make that pizza

before I snap you in half

00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:25,164

like the little

turd stick you are!

00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,208

You're not allowed

to have people over!

00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:28,000

Move!

00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,087

This is bullcrap!

00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:33,631

Ugh, ugh...

00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:34,798

I can't reach

the freezer!

00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:36,592

Figure it out, turd!

00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,552

Goddamnit...

00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:41,555

Reoww, reowww,

reowww...

00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:42,598

Shut up, kitty!

00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,186

"Any problems contact

Eric's mommy at 303..."

00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:48,812

Ah-ha!

00:03:48,938 --> 00:03:50,856

I'm gonna call mom,

and tell her the babysitter's

00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:51,982

having her

boyfriend come over.

00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:53,484

Then we'll see

who's the turd!

00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:55,402

...And so I said,

"you're a little turd, and he--"

00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,904

damnit!

00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:58,739

Reowww...

Reoww...

00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:03,035

Reowww...

Reowww...

00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,788

... But if you've seen

one turd, you've seen them all--

00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,624

Eowww...

Eowwww...

00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,960

...Stupid turd--

00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:12,962

Hey, I need to

use the phone!

00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,047

Hold on a second, Gary.

00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:18,509

Arggghhh!

00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:19,885

Oww!

00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,971

I pulled his underwear

over his head.

00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,013

I'm gonna

get her, kitty.

00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,682

Mark my words!

00:04:24,807 --> 00:04:26,600

Reoww...

Reowww...

00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,477

Shut the hell up, kitty!

00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:32,273

And now, back to

the movie of the week:

00:04:32,398 --> 00:04:33,607

Aliens.

00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:36,193

They mostly come

at night... mostly.

00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,487

"They mostly come

at night... mostly."

00:04:39,989 --> 00:04:41,031

Oooph!

00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:43,117

Hey, I was watching

Aliens on TV!

00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:44,952

Well I'm watching

Friends, turd.

00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:47,371

That's my boyfriend.

00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:48,497

Go answer the door

while I make sure

00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,790

I don't have

food in my braces!

00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,377

Hey, is

Shelly around?

00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,087

Who the hell

are you?

00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,006

Oh, I'm the guy who's gonna

put a boot up your ass

00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:58,632

if you don't

tell me where Shelly is.

00:04:58,757 --> 00:04:59,675

Hey, Skylar.

00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:00,884

You know this guy?

00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,469

He's my

boyfriend!

00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:04,555

Ha! He's like

50 years old!

00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,849

He's 22!

00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:09,184

Dude, that's not cool!

00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:10,477

You're a turd.

00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,646

You're the

turd man of Alcatraz.

00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:13,856

Ha! Yeah!

00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,482

Dude, when

my mom finds out

00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:17,568

that my babysitter's

had their boyfriends over,

00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:20,654

she mostly gets

really mad. Mostly.

00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:22,448

Ackkk!

00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,074

Heyyy,

hey goddamnit!

00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,075

Turd wedgie!

00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,493

Come in the

kitchen, Skylar.

00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:28,454

There's refreshments.

00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,249

And now back to

Wild Animal World.

00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:35,586

Here in the more arid

regions of Africa

00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:39,590

the gold coat lions are

in the throes of mating season.

00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:43,677

The male lion positions himself

behind the female,

00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:46,096

and prepares to

insert his lionhood.

00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:48,265

Notice his

large swollen balls.

00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,601

Reowwwww!

00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:53,103

Reowwwww!

00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,147

The female lion

relaxes her body

00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:58,275

and says hello

to "Mr. Winky".

00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,862

Reowww... Reowwww...

00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,697

The male lion is enticed

00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:06,533

by the female's supple breasts

and firm backside.

00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,118

Reowwwww!

00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,953

Quickly and suddenly,

the male is finished.

00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,538

Now he wants to be alone,

00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,499

so he kindly asks

the female to leave.

00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:16,668

He promises, he'll

call her tomorrow.

00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:20,047

But the female doesn't leave,

no, she's moving right in.

00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,925

Looks like the male lion

is screwed.

00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,676

Reowww...

Reowwww!

00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:26,845

Ummm....

00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,222

No Skylar, quit it!

00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,015

C'mon babe, how long

have we know each other?

00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,266

Eight days tomorrow.

00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:33,102

And I still

don't get any action!

00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:34,353

I don't know, Skylar.

00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:36,271

It's just kind of

strange to me

00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:38,190

that you're 22 and all.

00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,441

But I'm still

in high school!

00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,027

I told you, I'm a very

immature 22-year-old.

00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,862

Well, maybe

just one kiss.

00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,197

Mmmm...

00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:45,823

Hey, what are

you doing?

00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:46,782

Beat it, chubby!

00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,534

Go on, Astroturd.

00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:50,119

I'm gonna tell

my mom on you!

00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,121

Turd rock

from the sun!

00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,789

Hey! You ate

all the pizza!

00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,624

We left you

some crusts.

00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,000

That does it!

00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:58,043

I'm calling

my mom right now,

00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,628

and busting your ass!

00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,173

Guess again,

Richard the Turd.

00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:04,425

Gimme that

phone number!

00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:06,427

C'mon babe, let's

go to the living room.

00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:08,470

I am not gonna be

bossed around by a chick!

00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:12,516

Maybe I'll just use my

"wild, wild west" techniques

00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,935

and get proof that Shelly

had a boyfriend over.

00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,311

Reoww.

00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:17,729

Goddamnit, kitty,

you have to calm down!

00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,356

Here, I'll get you

some catnip.

00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,358

Reoww...

00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:23,652

Okay, okay. Hold on,

I found the catnip.

00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,572

Reoww-reow!

00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,490

Reowww!

00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,951

Reowww!

00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,911

reowww!

00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:42,504

♪ Rapt darkness

fills my icy soul ♪

00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,507

♪ Demons from hell

seek the chosen one ♪

00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,552

You're such an

amazing poet, Skylar.

00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,262

Isn't this

guitar awesome?

00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,055

It's the best

of its kind.

00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,390

And not a

scratch on it!

00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,184

Skylar, not here!

00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:56,602

I can't help it.

00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,145

I see your pretty lips

and I want to kiss them.

00:07:58,270 --> 00:07:59,897

Really?

00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:01,398

I cherish you.

00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,317

Almost as much as

I cherish my guitar.

00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:04,526

Wow!

00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:05,611

When I make it

to the big time,

00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:06,945

I'm gonna

take you shopping

00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,114

and buy you

lots of bad ass stuff.

00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,616

Oh Skylar,

I love you.

00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:11,992

Mmmmm!

00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,369

What the--

00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:15,704

Ha ha, so right you are!

00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:16,914

Looks like you're

the turd now!

00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:18,790

Gimme that picture!

00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:19,875

Ehhhh!

00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,837

Eghh!

00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:25,506

Heee-ya!

00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:30,719

Eghh!

00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:33,931

Open this door,

turd-I-dove.

00:08:34,056 --> 00:08:35,766

I think not!

00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:37,309

I'm gonna show this picture to

my mom, when she gets home!

00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,395

Your mom doesn't get home

for three more hours.

00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,231

That's plenty of time

for me to make

00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:45,317

a turd sandwich

out of you!

00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,952

Give me that picture, turd!

00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:56,578

You're never gonna

get this picture!

00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,205

Not until

my mom comes home

00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,831

and I can prove you had

a boyfriend over he'a!

00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,917

I'm gonna bust

this door down!

00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:06,421

Reowww... reowww!

00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:09,091

What should we do,

Artemus Cloud Frog?

00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,926

"We've got to get

that picture to your mom

00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,886

so that she will

come home and save us."

00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,681

Oh, that's quick thinking,

Artemus Cloud Frog!

00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:17,558

Listen very carefully,

Mr. Kitty.

00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:18,809

I'm putting this picture

of the babysitter

00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,769

and her boyfriend

on your collar.

00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,521

You have to take

this picture to Mommy, kitty.

00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,022

So that she can

come home and save me.

00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,733

Now run, kitty,

take the picture to mommy

00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:28,569

and lead her back here!

00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:30,070

When you return, be sure to

bring mom through the back door.

00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,905

Hurry kitty,

you're my only hope!

00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,033

That's it, that's it,

Mr. Kitty!

00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,286

Meow, meow...

00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:40,664

Aww, goddamnit!

00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,710

Who is that?

00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,461

Oh, I invited the guys

in the band over

00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:47,921

so that we

can practice.

00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,799

Skylar, your band

can't practice here!

00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,759

Hey, do you want me

to make it or not?

00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,304

Don't stand between

me and my dreams, babe!

00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:57,764

S'up Mark,

s'up Jonesy?

00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:59,558

Just keep

the volume down!

00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:02,144

I have to go

deal with turd boy.

00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:04,438

Hey, who was that?

00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:05,897

Who came

to the door?

00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:08,066

Eric! Your mom's

been in an accident!

00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,736

You just want me

to open the door!

00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:13,822

We need to run over to the

hospital and identify her body.

00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,240

We'll be right back!

00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:16,617

What?

Is she okay?

00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:18,535

Not really...

she's dead!

00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:19,703

Huh!?

00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,748

Ha ha, that was

a turd trick.

00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:24,333

Your mom isn't

really dead!

00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:26,752

Ah ha! I knew it

was a turd trick

00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,295

and I opened the door

because Mr. Kitty

00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,255

is on his way, right now

to my mom's party

00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:31,465

with the picture!

00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,717

Ha ha, I knew

you sent the cat

00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:36,261

and that's why I

went outside and got him!

00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:39,765

Ha ha, I saw you

get the picture

back from Mr. Kitty

00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:41,475

and that's why I wrote

a letter to the press:

00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,518

"To be opened in

case of my demise."

00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,854

So if anything happened to me,

that letter will go out.

00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,147

And you will

never find it!

00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:49,524

You mean,

this one?

00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,902

Okay.

Let's see here...

00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,153

Ah-ha!

00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,655

Uhmm...

00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:55,906

Goddamnit!

00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:58,617

Arhhh!

00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,994

Ow, ow!

00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,497

Okay, check, check

check 1, 2, check!

00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:04,915

Okay, ready?

00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:05,999

Alright, let's

try the new song.

00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:08,210

This is a song

I wrote for you, Shelly.

00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,587

1, 2,

1-2-3-4!

00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,091

♪ When I saw her

walking down the street ♪

00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,176

♪ I thought she was

Shelly, Shelly ♪

00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,803

Aw man,

you guys suck!

00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,555

♪ Now that we're together

I'm absolutely sure ♪

00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,516

♪ That she's

Shelly, Shelly ♪

00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,352

You're the crappiest band

I've ever heard.

00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,646

♪ Move into my mom's

house with me ♪

00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,356

♪ Shelly, Shelly ♪

00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:33,568

Reowww, reowwww...

00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:34,945

Reowww!

00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:37,239

Reowww...

00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,949

Reowwww...

00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,826

Meowww!

00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:44,871

Reowww!

00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,046

Bridge!

00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:57,134

♪ I pledge allegiance

to the flag ♪

00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:59,761

♪ Of the united states... ♪

00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,972

♪ Of Shelly, Shelly ♪

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,765

Oh my God, somebody

shoot me in the head!

00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:04,808

Hey! Shut up, tubby!

00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,184

Don't call me fat!

00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:07,728

Now, you guys are not

supposed to be in here,

00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:10,605

you get out now and

respect my authority!

00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:11,940

Ow!

00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:18,238

Reowwww!

00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:19,406

Meowww...

00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:20,449

Reowww...

00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:23,368

Meowww...

00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:24,911

Reowww?

00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,997

Meowwww...

00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:28,165

Reowwww...

00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,543

Meoww... Meoww...

00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,086

Meowww...

00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,631

Yeah, dude,

that was hot!

00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:37,883

This guitar

rocks, man!

00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:38,925

It rocks!

00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,135

What do

you think, Shelly?

00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,386

Honestly?

00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,305

I think you guys

need some work.

00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,681

Oh, really?

00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:47,100

I just think your

sound is kind of...

00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:48,560

..."last week."

00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,520

Well, I'd like to see you

do any better, bitch!

00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:53,023

Well, I do have

a song I wrote.

00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,941

Okay, why don't you

sing it for us?

00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,527

No Skylar,

I'm embarrassed!

00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:58,737

Hey, man,

don't be shy!

00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:01,823

Well, okay... I'll try.

00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,409

But I'm not

promising anything.

00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,704

1-2-3-4!

00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:16,004

♪ So much pain

in the world today ♪

00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,465

♪ Too many turds

are heading my way ♪

00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:21,468

♪ But we can flush

the turds together ♪

00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:24,179

♪ Passing by

turds whenever ♪

00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,014

♪ Don't you

know it's a-♪

00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,683

♪ Life's so void

of happiness ♪

00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:31,812

♪ Feel free to

mark my words ♪

00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:34,356

♪ But me and you

will my love do ♪

00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,233

♪ In a world that's

full of turds ♪

00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:37,776

♪ Turds ♪

♪ Turds ♪

00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:39,444

♪ Dime-a-dozen

Sphincter-lovin' ♪

00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:40,779

♪ Turds ♪

♪ Turds ♪

00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,072

Mom, the babysitter

has her boyfriend over!

00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:43,782

Oh no, no, no

that's impossible, hon.

00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:44,991

I told her

no visitors.

00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,743

There's a whole

crappy band here,

00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:47,494

can you hear them?

00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:48,829

Can you hear them?

00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:50,580

This party is

very loud, poopykins!

00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:51,915

You'll have to speak up!

00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:52,999

Damnit, her

boyfriend is here,

00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:54,292

don't you believe me?

00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:56,127

Not really, hon,

Mom has to go now.

00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:57,546

I'll be home

in about an hour.

00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,256

Oh, oh!

Mr. Mackey!

00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,842

Ha-huh, 'kay.

00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,427

I'll never be able to prove

that son-of-a-bitch was here!

00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,556

My Speak 'n Record bear.

00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,015

Of course!

00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,600

♪ In a world that's

full of turds ♪

00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,269

♪ Turds ♪

00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:14,187

Dude,

this is gay!

00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:15,730

Shut up!

00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:18,358

You shut up, your girlfriend

is not joining our band.

00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,277

Yeah dude, what the hell's

wrong with you anyway?

00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:21,361

She's like, 12!

00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:22,696

You guys get out!

00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,239

Don't question my love!

00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,907

My love is as pure

as morning snow!

00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,118

Get out, I said!

00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:31,830

Reowwww!

00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:38,879

Meowww?

00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:40,297

Reowww...

00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:47,596

Meoww...

00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:48,471

Reowww!

00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:50,599

Uh... zzzz...

00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:54,144

Meowww!

00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,604

Aw, man!

00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:58,773

Testing, testing,

1-2...

00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:00,901

Testing, testing,

1-2...

00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:02,652

Sweet.

00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:05,947

We're gonna go outside

to watch the meteor shower

00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,908

I'm locking you in your room

'til we get back in, turd.

00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:09,743

Okay, see you

in a while.

00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,286

Will you tell me

what it looked like?

00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,746

The meteor shower?

00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:14,998

They mostly come

every few years... mostly.

00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,291

What the hell

is wrong with you?

00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,584

How come you're not

yelling and whining?

00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:19,920

Well, I just, I kind of like

having you around.

00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,087

What?

No you don't!

00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,380

No, I'm serious.

00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,633

See, I never had

a brother or sister.

00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:25,926

I think people that have

a brother or sister

00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,344

don't realize

how lucky they are.

00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:28,845

Sure, they fight a lot

00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,263

but to know that there's

always somebody there,

00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,640

somebody that's family.

00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,851

I wonder if...

Well, maybe sometimes,

00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:37,187

I could pretend like

you're my big sister.

00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,689

And you could kind of,

watch over me, you know,

00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:42,108

like, we could watch a

meteor shower together some time.

00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,736

And I could pretend

I'm somebody's brother!

00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,780

If only for a day.

00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,325

Alright, get your

turd coat.

00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,785

You can come see the

meteor shower with us.

00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:52,994

You mean it?

00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,204

But don't bug

me and Skylar, c'mon!

00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:56,247

Hoo-ray!

00:15:56,373 --> 00:16:01,044

Yes, I'm gonna have you and your boyfriend's

voices on my Speak 'n Record bear

00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:04,506

and then you'll mostly never

babysit me again...mostly.

00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,636

Yes, yes, what a

beautiful night!

00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,180

It is Saturday,

the 12th at 10:45

00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,683

and my mother is away

at a party right now.

00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:16,059

Shut up, turd!

00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,186

That, of course, is the

voice of my babysitter

00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,521

Shelly Marsh, age 12.

00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:20,522

What are

you doing?

00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,023

I'm just

thinking out loud.

00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,942

Do you have anything

to say, Skylar,

00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,568

Shelly's boyfriend,

who is sitting right here?

00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:27,654

Go away, turd.

00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,865

I'm sorry, did you

say something Skylar?

00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:31,866

Ahhh!

00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:34,452

Reowww...

00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:38,415

Meoww...

Reowww...

Reowww...

00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:45,672

Meoww...

Reowww...

Reowww...

00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:47,924

Yeah, c'mon

give it up!

00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,050

No!

00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:49,884

Give it up, babe!

00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:50,468

No!!!

00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:51,720

C'mon, baby!

00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,263

No Skylar, I'm not

putting out for you!

00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:54,264

Why the hell not?

00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,473

'Cause I'm 12!

00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:56,599

You're not gonna

put out for me?

00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:57,809

No!!

00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,310

Well, then,

screw you, bitch!

00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:00,812

I've got plenty of other

girlfriends that will!

00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:02,731

What? But I thought

you liked me!

00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,858

If you're not putting out

then I'm movin' on.

00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,443

There's plenty of chicks

like you out there.

00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:09,195

Screw you, prude bitch.

00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,615

Me and my bad ass guitar

are going home. Hasta!

00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,659

Gotcha!

00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,583

Oh yeah, oh yeah! I'm the kid

with the wild west!

00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,460

Shelly, guess who's busted!?

00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:28,214

Hey, I said,

guess who's busted!?

00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:35,180

You're not gonna trick me,

I got the goods on you!

00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:36,973

I don't care!

00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:40,518

He acted like

he really liked me,

00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:43,521

nobody's ever

liked me before!

00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,483

I can't believe

I trusted him!

00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,026

I'm so stupid!

00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:50,320

But, dude, he's 22!

00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:51,738

What were you

doing with him, anyway?

00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:53,406

Nobody my age

would go out with me

00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:54,908

'cause I'm too ugly!

00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:56,326

You're not ugly!

00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:57,577

You don't think so?

00:17:57,702 --> 00:17:59,204

Well, you're

pretty ugly, but

00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:00,872

you don't have to

be dating 22 year olds.

00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,749

I mean, what kind of

scumbag asshole

00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,167

dates 12-year-old girls?

00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,794

You're right,

he is a scumbag!

00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,337

I wish I could

get him back.

00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:08,797

I just don't know how.

00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,965

Well, I could ask

Artemus Cloud Frog.

00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:12,175

He would know.

00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,301

Huh!?

00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,719

If you want,

I could help you.

00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:15,929

Really?

You would do that?

00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,889

Just let me

get my cowboy hat.

00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,066

Reowww...?

00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:30,693

Reowww...

00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,320

Reowww...

00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,156

Reowww...

Meowww...

Reowww...

Meowww...

00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:52,674

What the hell

is this!?

00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:57,178

Help me, help me...

this is Salma Hayek!

00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:58,638

is anybody there?

00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:01,558

Salma Hayek?

Whoa, she's hot!

00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,853

Okay, it's clear!

00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:08,189

Over here,

please come quick!

00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,316

We don't have

much time!

00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,777

This won't

take me long!

00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:18,616

Reowww...

Meowww...

Meowww...

Meowww...

00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:22,036

Reowww...

Meowww...

Reowww...

Meowww...

00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,414

Reowww...

Meowww...

Reowww...

Meowww...

00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:31,754

Reowww...?

00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,464

Hurry up in there!

00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,008

I'm almost done!

00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,134

Hellooo?

00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,094

Hello, Mrs. Hayek?

00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,096

Over here,

please help me!

00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:41,723

I am lost and I

have no clothes!

00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:44,392

No clothes, right!

00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,563

I'm over here,

please help me!

00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,190

I will

reward you greatly.

00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,608

I'm right here,

Ms. Hayek.

00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,109

Oh, please help me!

00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:54,485

What the--

00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,487

Please help me,

I will give you tacos.

00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,448

Dude, somebody

tricked me!

00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:02,285

I'll make you pay for making me

come out here, Goddamnit!

00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,414

Stupid asshole stuffed animals

trying to ruin my night!

00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:11,419

My guitar!

00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,213

Nooooooo!

00:20:14,631 --> 00:20:15,715

That was so cool!

00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,008

I wish we could'a

seen his face.

00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,468

Thanks for

all your help, Eric.

00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:21,054

Y'know, as far as

turds go, you're okay!

00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,015

Oh, my God!

00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,728

They're having

a cat orgy!

00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:30,772

You are all

very bad kitties!

00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:33,107

That is a bad, bad kitty!

00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,567

Your mom's gonna

be home soon.

00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:35,777

We're gonna get busted!

00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,821

C'mon kitties,

outside, c'mon...

00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:41,115

That's it, c'mon, c'mon!

00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,575

Uh-oh...

00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:45,787

You two ruined my career.

I'm gonna get you!

00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,455

Ughn!

00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:50,083

Ohhhh, ohhhhh!

00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:52,377

Arghhhh!

What are you doing!?

00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:54,712

Ohh, you ripped

my pants off...

00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:57,757

Oh my God,

I'm not a cat!!!

00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,133

C'mon, we've gotta

get the house clean

00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:00,260

before your

mom gets home.

00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,262

Y'know, Eric,

it's kinda cool

00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:04,138

that two people who hated

each other can be friends.

00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:06,307

Yeah, I think we

get along okay.

00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,643

Hi kids, I'm home!

00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,481

Mom, I can explain!

00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,566

It was all Shelly's fault

she didn't watch the cat!

00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:18,236

No, it was Eric's fault

he let these cats in here!

00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:20,530

Oooh, what a

party that was!

00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:26,035

Wow, she passed out!

00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,912

Luckily for us,

my mom's a total lush!

00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:29,372

Well let's

clean up the house.

00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:30,790

Looks like everything

turned out okay!

00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:33,084

That's how it goes

in the wild, wild west!

00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,253

♪ Well I'm a bad-ass cowboy

living in the cowboy days ♪

00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:37,880

♪ Wicky-wicky scratch

yo-yo bang-bang ♪

00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:42,218

♪ Me and Artemus Cloud Frog

go save Salma Hayek

from the big metal spider ♪

00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:44,470

♪ Wicky-wicky wick

wicky-wicky wick ♪

00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:46,180

♪ Fresh cowboy

from the west side ♪♪

00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:52,061

♪ Wicky-wicky scratch

yo-yo bang-bang ♪

00:21:52,186 --> 00:21:56,065

♪ Me and Artemus Cloud Frog

go to save Salma party pants ♪

00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:58,526

♪ Go down to... where... ♪♪

00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:41,836

Хе-хе-хе! А теперь я убью

президента и Сальму Хаек!

00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,514

О, спасите меня!! Кто спасёт меня?!

00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:45,994

Я спасу!!!

00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:48,954

Джеймс Вест, ковбой и рэп-звезда!

00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:52,038

Скорее, Лягушонок Артемус Клайд!

Мы должны спасти Сальму Хаек!

00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:56,033

Если мы спасем её, я сниму её трусики

и сыграю с ней в "Дочки-Матери"!

00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:57,553

Ты в порядке, Сальма Хаек?

00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,677

Да, но мне нужно убраться отсюда

и съесть немного тако и буррито.

Ми густа такос муччо!

00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,071

Тебе не остановить меня, Джеймс Вест!

00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:08,233

Берегись, Лягушонок Артемус Клайд!

Там гигантский стальной паук!

00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,113

Мы предотвратили беду!

00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,679

Вайлд, Вайлд Вест...

Дикий, Дикий Запад...

00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:17,591

Йоу вики-вики скрэтч!

00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:22,196

Эрик, твоя няня уже здесь.

Идём вниз.

00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,672

Но ммма-а-ам.., я же играю

в Вайлд Вайлд Ве-е-ест...

00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:27,079

Мне уже пора уходить, Эрик!

00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,674

Но ммма-а-ам, мы

с Лягушонком Артемусом Клайдом

00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,752

должны ещё сыграть любовную

сцену с Сальмой Хаек!!!

00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:35,229

Спускайся, как только закончишь.

00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:39,438

Да, я - отчаянный

ковбой из эпохи ковбоев!

00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:41,636

Йоу вики-вики скрэтч,

йоу йоу бэнг бэнг!

00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:46,111

Мы с Лягушонком Артемусом Клайдом спасём

Сальму Хаек от огромного стального паука

00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:50,149

Вики-вики вик... Вики-вики вик...

Крутой ковбой из Вест-сайда...

00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,118

Спасибо огромное, что ты согласилась

посидеть с маленьким Эриком, Шелли.

00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,235

О'кей.

00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,231

Все остальные няни уже

не хотят возвращаться.

00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:59,995

Я беру пять долларов за первый час,

пять процентов сверху капает

за каждый следующий час...

00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,230

и так до шести часов, после

чего начинается "Золотое время"

00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:05,915

О, это звучит неплохо. Я иду

на вечеринку звёздного дождя.

00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,116

Номер телефона, по которому меня

можно найти – на холодильнике.

00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,395

Время идти "баиньки" для

Эрика – ровно в 9 вечера.

00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,631

Если нашим маленьким ножкам станет

холодно, отопление включается здесь.

00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:16,917

А если мы будем капризничать, просто

поиграй с ним в "чей животик гладим-гладим"

00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,958

и смотри, чтобы он хорошо подтёрся после

того, как он сделает своих "коричневых мишек"

00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,395

- "Мишек"?

- О, и кстати, не обращай внимания на кошку.

00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,558

Она немного надоедлива,

у неё как раз "похотелочки".

00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,872

Нет, Китти, у меня ничего нет!

00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:35,795

Чё за хрень с тобой?! Прекрати, Китти!

00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:39,275

Нет, Китти! Ты, чёрт подери, плохая Китти!!!

00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,032

Окей, оладушек. Мама уходит,

00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,236

делай то, что тебе скажет няня, ладно?

00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:44,868

Будь послушным.

00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,155

- Короче!

- Иди, дай мамочке эскимосскую цёмочку!

00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:50,357

- Ну, ма...

- Эскимосскую цёмочку мамочке!

00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,919

О, господи!

00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:53,434

Пока, детки!

00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,757

Так, пошла, положила вон ту

пиццу в духовку, сука! Я голод..!

00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,797

Так, говнюк, слушай сюда!

00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:03,440

Сейчас, когда твоей

мамы нет, я - главная!

00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,511

Мне пофигу, как с тобой

обращались другие няни,

00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,672

но пока я – твоя няня, ты

– всего лишь малой говнюк!

00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:12,719

Ты – вонючий засохший тупой

экскремент! Врубился?!

00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:14,229

Ты не должна меня бить!

00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,629

Ты чё, не видела по телеку

обучающие видеопрограммы про нянь?

00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:18,756

Сейчас сюда придёт мой бойфренд,

00:03:18,840 --> 00:03:21,673

так что, пошёл на кухню

и приготовил нам ту пиццу,

00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:25,230

пока я тебя пополам не

поломала, как сухую какашку!

00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:27,197

Ты не имеешь право никого сюда приглашать!

00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,474

Пошёл!!!

00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,758

Вот дерьмо!

00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:36,876

- Как я достану до морозилки?!

- Придумай сам, говнюк!

00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:38,709

Твою же мать!

00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,475

Рот закрой, Китти!

00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:47,871

"Если будут проблемы, звонить

маме Эрика по номеру 303..."

00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:48,949

Ага!

00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:50,918

Я позвоню маме и расскажу ей, что няня

00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,560

позвала сюда своего бойфренда.

Тогда и увидим, кто здесь говнюк!

00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,712

...и я сказала: "Ты – маленький

говнюк!" И он пошёл...

00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:57,994

Твою мать!

00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:06,710

...увидев раз одного говнюка,

считай, ты видела их всех...

00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,392

- ...тупой говнюк! Но один говнюк...

- Эй, мне нужен телефон!

00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,472

Подожди секунду, Кэрри!..

00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,117

Я надела ему его трусы на голову.

00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:24,589

Я сделаю её, Китти! Запомни мои слова!

00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:28,398

ЗАТКНИСЬ НАФИГ, КИТТИ!!!

00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,557

А сейчас снова фильм недели “Чужие”

00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,154

"Они обязательно приходят

ночью... Обязательно."

00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,198

Они обязательно приходят

ночью... Обязательно.

00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:46,112

- Эй, я смотрел "Чужие"!

- Да? А я смотрю "Друзья", говнюк!

00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:48,596

Это – мой бойфренд. Иди, открой дверь,

00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,671

пока я уберу объедки из зубных шин.

00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,278

- Здорово, Шелли здесь?

- Чё за нафиг, ты - кто?

00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,391

Я - тот, кто даст тебе конкретный подсрач,

00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:00,074

- если ты не скажешь мне, где Шелли!

- Привет, Скайлер!

00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,594

- Ты его знаешь?!

- Это – мой бойфренд!

00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:07,030

- Блин, да ему, наверное, за пятьдесят!

- Ему 22!

00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:09,629

Блин, вот отстой...

00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:13,156

Ты - говнюк!

Ты – Экскремент, парадоксов друг!

00:05:14,720 --> 00:05:17,757

Блин, когда мама узнает, что няня

принимает здесь своих бойфрендов,

00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:20,149

она обязательно будет в ярости...

Обязательно...

00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:25,316

- Чёрт!

- Жирный говнюк.

00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,870

Идём на кухню, Скайлер. Подкрепимся.

00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:32,350

"А сейчас снова Мир Диких Животных"

00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:35,840

"Здесь, в пустынных регионах Африки,

00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,595

львы испытывают муки брачного сезона"

00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,833

"Лев-самец подбирается к самке сзади

00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:48,311

и готовится вставить в неё своего

львиного красавца. Заметьте, какие

у него большие, потяжелевшие яйца"

00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:57,711

"Львица расслабляет свое тело и

говорит привет мистеру Победителю"

00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:06,593

"Лев соблазнён мягкими грудями

самки и ее крепким задом"

00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,390

"Быстро и неожиданно лев кончает.

00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:14,314

Теперь он хочет остаться один

и вежливо просит самку удалиться"

00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,996

"Он обещает, что позвонит ей завтра"

00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:20,436

"Но она не уходит. Нет, она

переезжает прямо к нему.

00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,034

Похоже, что лев-самец... попал"

00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,239

Нет, Cкайлер, перестань.

00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:30,436

Да ну, крошка, как долго мы уже знакомы?

00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:33,637

- Завтра будет восемь дней.

- А я всё ещё не могу перейти к действиям.

00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,073

Не знаю, Скайлер.

00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:38,596

Просто я ещё вроде как не могу

привыкнуть, что тебе 22, и всё такое.

00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:42,514

Но я всё ещё учусь в школе. Я говорю тебе:

"Я – недоразвившийся двадцатидвухлетний."

00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:44,511

Ладно, может, всего один поцелуй.

00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:45,995

Эй, чё вы делаете?!

00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,833

- Пошёл вон, жирдяй!

- Пшёл, Говнонафт!

00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,630

- Я настучу на вас маме.

- Пятый Экскремент Люка Бессона!

Экскрементальный говнюк с Солнца.

00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:56,395

- Ай! Вы съели всю пиццу!

- Мы оставили тебе несколько корочек!

00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:00,234

Ну всё! Я звоню маме прямо сейчас

и она берет вас за задницу.

00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,436

- Придумай что-нибудь ещё,

Ричард Говняное Сердце.

- Отдай мне этот номер телефона!

00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,351

Короче, крошка. Давай перейдём в гостиную.

00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:08,874

Я не позволю так обращаться

со мной какой-то шлюхе!

00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,790

Может, я использую технику

Дикого Дикого Веста

00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,599

и соберу доказательства,

что Шелли была с бойфрендом.

00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,872

Твою мать, Китти, утихни.

00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,632

Иди сюда, я дам тебе

валерьянового кошачьего корма.

00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,558

Окей, окей, потерпи, уже ищу Кетнип.

00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:45,710

Красная Ракета рассеет мою ледяную душу.

Демоны ада ищут Избранного Ими...

00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:50,715

- Ты - такой ошеломляющий поэт, Скайлер.

- Правда, офигенная гитара?

00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,110

Она - просто лучшая, и при

этом на ней – ни царапинки!

00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,713

Скайлер, не здесь.

00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:59,270

Ничего не могу поделать. Я вижу твои

прекрасные губы и хочу их целовать.

00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:00,715

Так ли?

00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,792

Я ухаживаю за тобой почти так же,

как я ухаживаю за своей гитарой.

00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,950

Когда я стану знаменитым,

00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:09,510

мы пойдем по магазинам, и я тебе

накуплю кучу крутого барахла.

00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,511

О, Скайлер, я люблю тебя.

00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:15,829

- Чё за нафиг?

- Ага, попали!

00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,912

- Похоже, что говнюки - вы!

- Отдай мне эту фотку!

00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,318

Открой дверь, Говноголубь Мира!

00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,676

И не подумаю! Я покажу эту фотку

маме, когда она вернется домой!

00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:40,797

Твоя мама не вернется домой ещё три часа!

00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:45,078

Этого времени хватит, чтоб сделать

из тебя "бутерброд с говнюком"!

00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,549

- Отдай мне фотографию, говнюк!

- Ты никогда не получишь эту фотографию!

00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,677

Во всяком случае, не раньше, чем придёт

моя мама, и я смогу доказать, что ты

пригласила сюда своего бойфренда... на!

00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,149

Я вынесу нафиг эту дверь!

00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:09,232

Что же нам делать,

Лягушонок Артемус Клайд?

00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:10,912

Мы должны передать эту фотку маме,

00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,638

и тогда она вернётся домой и спасёт нас!

00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,109

О, быстро соображаешь,

Лягушонок Артемус Клайд!

00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:17,798

Слушай очень внимательно, мистер Китти.

00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:20,678

Я прикреплю эту фотку с няней

и её бойфрендом на твой ошейник.

00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:23,479

Ты должен отнести эту фотку маме,

Китти, тогда она вернётся домой

00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:24,834

и спасёт меня.

00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,832

А теперь беги, Китти. Передай фотку

маме и приведи её обратно.

00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:30,195

А когда вернёшься, обязательно проведи

маму в дом через заднюю дверь!

00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,748

Быстрее, Китти!

Ты – моя единственная надежда!

00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,669

Так держать! Так держать, мистер Китти!

00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:40,915

О, блин! Чёрт побери!

00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:44,515

Кто там?

00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,115

А, я пригласил сюда репетировать

пацанов из нашей группы.

00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:52,671

- Скайлер, вы не можете тут репетировать!

- Эй, ты хочешь, чтоб

я стал знаменитым, или нет?

00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,638

Не становись между мной

и моими мечтами, крошка!

00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,711

Привет, Марк! Чё нового, Джонси?

00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:01,839

Только как можно тише. А мне надо

сходить потолковать с Говномальчиком.

00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:05,550

Эй! Кто там ещё пришёл к нам в дом?

00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:09,076

Эрик! Твоя мама попала в аварию!

00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:10,798

Ты просто хочешь, чтоб я открыл дверь!

00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:14,236

Нам надо срочно бежать

в больницу и опознать её труп!

00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,993

- Мы скоро вернёмся.

- Что?! С ней всё в порядке?

00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:19,958

Не совсем. Она погибла.

00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,636

Ага! Это была уловка для говнюков!

Твоя мама на самом деле не погибла!

00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:27,874

Ага! Я знал, что это была

уловка для говнюков, и открыл,

00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,555

потому что мистер Китти уже

на пути к моей маме с той фоткой!

00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:36,597

Ага! Я знала, что ты пошлёшь кота,

поэтому вышла и перехватила его!

00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,831

Ага! Я видел, что ты забрала

фотку у мистера Китти,

00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,638

и поэтому написал письмо в газету!

00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,517

С пометкой "Вскрыть в случае моей смерти".

00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,670

Если хоть что-нибудь случится со мной,

это письмо будет обнародовано,

00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:49,036

- и тебе его никогда не найти!

- Ты имел в виду это письмо?

00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,958

Окей! Так... посмотрим...

Ага! Хм...

00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,229

Да твою ж мать!

00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:03,799

Окей, проверка, проверка...

Раз, два, проверка...

00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,189

Готовы? Итак, попробуем

спеть новую песню.

00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:10,717

Её я написал для тебя, Шелли!

Раз, два... Раз, два, три, четыре...

00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:15,879

"Когда я увидел её, идущую по улице,

Я подумал, это была Шелли, Шелли"

00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:17,839

О, блин, ну вы и отсосы, чуваки.

00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:22,391

"А теперь, когда мы вместе,

я полностью уверен, что это – Шелли, Шелли"

00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,153

Вы - самая дерьмовая банда

из всех, что я слышал.

00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:29,631

Переезжай ко мне, в мамин дом,

Шелли, Шелли!

00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,319

Переход!

00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:58,960

"Я присягаю на верность

флагу Соединённых Штатов

00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,476

моей Шелли, Шелли!"

00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,755

О, Господи, кто-нибудь,

прострелите мне голову!

00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,796

- Эй, заткнись, жирдяй!

- Не называй меня жирным!

00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:07,677

Так, а вас, чуваки, вообще

тут быть не должно... на..!

00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:10,194

Выметайтесь сейчас же и

уважайте мою власть... на..!

00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,876

Да, блин, это было круто.

Эта гитара рулит, блин!

00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,154

Она просто разрывает!

Ну, что ты думаешь, Шелли?

00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:43,357

Честно? Мне кажется, вам

надо бы ещё поработать.

00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:47,149

- Неужели?

- Мне просто кажется, что у вас звучание,

00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,275

вроде как вчерашнего дня.

00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,555

Ой, можно подумать, у тебя

бы лучше получилось, сука!

00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:55,191

- Что ж, у меня есть песня,

которую я сама написала.

- Окей, может, споёшь её нам?

00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:59,319

- Нет, Скайлер, я смущаюсь!

- Давай, не стесняйся!

00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:03,996

Ладно, я попытаюсь.

Но ничего не обещаю.

00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,918

Раз, два, три, четыре...

00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:18,474

"Трудный путь предстоит мне пройти,

Сколько говнюков стоит на моём пути,

00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:24,032

Но вместе задавим мы всех говнюков,

Решив навсегда проблему этих мудаков"

00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,309

Ты не знаешь? Это не...

00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:30,837

"Счастье в твоих глазах?

Я скажу это в других словах.

00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,473

Ведь есть ты и я, и любовь без понтов

00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,471

в мире, в котором полно говнюков!!"

00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:37,629

ГОВНЮКОВ!

00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,392

Сделанных пальцем тупых говнюков.

00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:40,515

ГОВНЮКОВ!

00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,318

Мам, няня пригласила своего бойфренда!

00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,073

Нет, нет, нет, это невозможно, милый.

Я сказала ей: никаких гостей.

00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:47,230

Да тут их весь отстойный ансамбль!

Слышишь? Вот!

00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:48,799

Слышишь их?

00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,674

Тут очень шумно, пельменьчик. Говори громче!

00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,751

Твою ж мать! Её бойфренд здесь!

Ты что, мне не веришь?!

00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:57,799

Не совсем, милый...

Мама уже должна идти.

Буду дома через часок!

00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,475

О! О, мистер Маккей!

00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:05,348

Блин, мне никогда не доказать,

что этот сукин сын был тут.

00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:08,717

Мой мишка-диктофон! Ну, конечно!

00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,757

В мире, в котором полно говнюков!!

00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,193

ГОВНЮКОВ!!

00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,470

- Блин, это – педерастия.

- Рот закрой!

00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,438

Сам рот закрой! Твоя тёлка не

будет петь в нашей группе!

00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,397

Да, блин. В натуре, что с тобой?

00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,675

- Ей же лет двенадцать, не больше!

- Пошли вон, пацаны!

00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:26,355

Не смейте проверять мою любовь!

Моя любовь чиста, как утренний снег!

00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,032

Пошли вон, я сказал!

00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,036

Проверка, проверка, раз, два...

00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,038

Проверка, проверка, раз, два...

00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,109

Клёво.

00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,276

Мы идём на улицу смотреть на звездопад.

00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,351

Я закрываю тебя в твоей комнате,

пока мы не вернёмся, говнюк!

00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,510

- Ладно, скоро увидимся!

- Че-во?..

00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,750

Ты же расскажешь мне,

как он выглядит? Звездопад.

00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,354

Он обязательно происходит только раз

в несколько лет... Обязательно...

00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:15,555

Чего это с тобой?

00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,039

Что случилось, что ты не вопишь, не ноешь?!

00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,475

Ну, мне, можно сказать, нравится,

что ты со мной сидишь.

00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,154

- Что? Нет, не может быть!

- Нет, я серьёзно...

00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,117

Видишь ли, у меня никогда

не было братика или сестрички.

00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,112

Мне кажется, что люди, у которых

есть сестра или братик, просто

не понимают, как им повезло.

00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,158

Конечно, они часто и дерутся, но ты

знаешь, что у тебя всегда есть кто-то,

00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,437

кто-то родной, кто и есть твоя семья!

00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,830

Как думаешь, ну, может, иногда я могу

представлять, будто ты моя старшая сестра.

00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,672

И ты, будто, ну как бы заботишься

и присматриваешь за мной.

00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,036

Знаешь, как бы, мы можем изредка

смотреть вместе на звездопад.

00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:46,033

Эх, и я смог бы представлять, что я

чей-то братик, пусть даже и на денёк.

00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,038

Ладно, бери свою говнюковскую курточку.

00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,712

Можешь пойти с нами смотреть на звездопад.

00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,472

- Ты, ты уверена?

- Только не доставай меня и Скайлера!

00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,915

- Давай, пошли!

- Ура!

00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,150

Так, теперь у меня будут

ваши со Скайлером голоса

00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:00,639

на моём Мишке-диктофоне,

00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:04,076

и тогда ты обязательно никогда больше

не будешь моей няней... Обязательно...

00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:09,438

Да, да, что за чудная ночь!

00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:14,150

Сегодня – суббота двенадцатое, 10:45,

и моя мама в данный момент

находится в гостях на вечеринке.

00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:15,389

Заткнись, говнюк!

00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:19,234

Это, конечно, голос моей няни

Шелли Марш, которой 12 лет.

00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,959

- Что происходит?

- Я просто размышляю вслух.

00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,598

Тебе есть, что сказать, Скайлер

00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,955

– бойфренд Шелли, который

сидит рядом с ней?

00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:27,275

Пошёл вон, говнюк!

00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,396

Извини, ты что-то сказал, Скайлер?

00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:47,992

Да-а, давай же! Давай!

00:16:48,080 --> 00:16:50,036

- Нет! Нет!

- Дай же мне, детка!

00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:52,680

- Ну же, малышка!

- Нет, Скайлер, я тебе не дам!

00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,035

- Какого чёрта?!

- Да потому, что мне – двенадцать!

00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:56,997

- Так ты мне не дашь?

- Нет!

00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,550

Ну, так тогда пошла ты, сука!

У меня – куча подружек, готовых мне дать!

00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,358

Что?? Я думала, что ты меня любил!

00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:04,396

Если ты не собираешься дать

мне, тогда я бросаю тебя!

00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,199

Вокруг хренова туча тёлок не хуже тебя!

00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:08,958

Пошла ты, динамистка хренова!

00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,669

Я и моя крутая гитара

уходим! Аста маньяна!

00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:14,439

Есть!

00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:21,197

О, да! Вики-вики Вайлд Вест!

00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,510

Шелли, угадай, кто конкретно влип?

00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,315

Эй, слышишь, угадай, кто конкретно влип?

00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,637

Эй, ты меня не проведёшь,

у меня есть кое-что на тебя!

00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,199

Мне всё равно.

00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:42,389

Мне казалось, он действительно меня любил.

Никто никогда до этого не любил меня.

00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,556

Не понимаю, как я ему поверила. Я такая дура!

00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:51,476

Ну, Шелли, ему 22. В любом

случае что бы ты с ним делала?

00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:54,916

Никто из моих сверстников не хотел быть

со мной, потому что я – страшная.

00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,594

- Ты – не страшная.

- Ты так думаешь?

00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:00,513

Ну, ты довольно страшная, но это же не значит,

что ты должна встречаться с 22-летним стариком.

00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,353

Я хотел сказать, что за дерьможопый жоподыр

будет встречаться с 12-летней малолеткой?

00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,796

Ты прав! Он – ублюдок!

Хотела бы я его вернуть назад!

00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,799

- Только не знаю, как.

- Ну-ка, я могу спросить

Лягушонка Артемуса Клайда.

00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,195

- Он должен знать.

- Что?

00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,511

- Если хочешь, я бы мог помочь тебе.

- Правда? Ты бы мог?

00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,556

Дай только надену свою ковбойскую шляпу.

00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:52,499

Это чё за нафиг?

00:18:52,580 --> 00:18:58,769

Помогите! Помогите! Это –

Сальма Хаек. Здесь есть кто-нибудь?

00:18:59,020 --> 00:19:01,170

Сальма Хаек? О-па, она – секси!

00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,297

Окей, чисто!

00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:08,375

Сюда! Пожалуйста, скорее!

00:19:09,260 --> 00:19:12,889

- У нас мало времени!

- Я справлюсь быстро!

00:19:32,940 --> 00:19:35,500

- Быстрее!

- Почти готово.

00:19:35,580 --> 00:19:38,458

Э-эй, эй, Миссис Хаек?

00:19:38,540 --> 00:19:41,976

Сюда! Пожалуйста, помогите!

Я потерялась, и на мне почти нет одежды!

00:19:42,060 --> 00:19:43,891

Нет одежды, ага!

00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:50,295

Сюда! Помогите! Я в долгу не останусь!

00:19:50,380 --> 00:19:53,656

- Я уже тут, Мисс Хаек!

- О, пожалуйста, помогите!

00:19:53,740 --> 00:19:56,698

- Что за..?

- Пожалуйста, помогите! Я дам вам такос!

00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,532

Блин, кто-то меня подставил!

00:19:58,620 --> 00:20:02,295

Ты мне заплатишь за это, чёрт возьми!

00:20:03,580 --> 00:20:07,095

Тупые дырожопо-набитые животные

пытаются испортить мне вечер!

00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:13,253

Моя гитара! Нее-е-ет!

00:20:14,420 --> 00:20:17,173

Это было тааак круто!

Хотел бы я увидеть его табло!

00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:18,693

Спасибо тебе за помощь, Эрик.

00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:21,613

Знаешь, пока говнюки уходят, ты – в порядке.

00:20:22,860 --> 00:20:24,293

О Господи!

00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:30,979

- Они устроили КотоОргию!

- Да, вы все очень плохие киски!

00:20:31,060 --> 00:20:34,609

- Плохая, плохая киска!

- Твоя мама вот-вот вернётся.

00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:39,012

- Мы, кажется, попали!

- Давайте, киски. Выходите. Давайте.

00:20:39,860 --> 00:20:42,135

Вот так. Давайте, давайте!..

00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:46,376

Вы двое разрушили мою карьеру! Вам крышка!

00:20:51,860 --> 00:20:55,011

Что вы делаете?!

Ох, вы порвали мои штаны!

00:20:55,100 --> 00:20:57,739

О Господи! Я - не кошка!

00:20:57,820 --> 00:21:00,459

Давай! Мы должны убрать дом,

пока твоя мама не вернулась!

00:21:00,540 --> 00:21:01,609

Знаешь, Эрик,

00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:04,453

всё же круто, что двое людей, которые

ненавидели друг друга, могут стать друзьями!

00:21:04,540 --> 00:21:06,815

Ага, думаю, мы наверняка поладим!

00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:08,812

Привет, детки, я – дома!

00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:13,811

Мам, я всё объясню.

00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:15,572

Это всё из-за Шелли!!

Она не присматривала за котом!

00:21:15,660 --> 00:21:18,220

Нет! Это из-за Эрика!

Он пустил сюда всех этих кошек.

00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:20,458

О, какая была вечеринка!

00:21:24,980 --> 00:21:27,858

- Вау, она в отключке!

- Вот попёрло нам, моя мама нажралась в зюзю.

00:21:27,940 --> 00:21:30,977

Ну, давай приберём дом.

Кажется, всё повернулось хорошо.

00:21:31,060 --> 00:21:32,778

Всё так, как всегда происходит

на Диком Диком Западе.

00:21:32,860 --> 00:21:35,658

"Да, я - отчаянный ковбой из эпохи ковбоев,

00:21:35,740 --> 00:21:37,492

йоу вики-вики скрэтч йоу йоу бэнг бэнг.

00:21:37,580 --> 00:21:42,449

Мы с Лягушонком Артемусом Клайдом собираемся

спасти Сальму Хаек от огромного стального паука

00:21:42,740 --> 00:21:47,530

Вики-вики вик... Вики-вики вик.

Крутой ковбой из Вест-сайда!

00:21:50,020 --> 00:21:52,136

Вики вики скрэтч йоу бэнг бэнг.

00:21:52,220 --> 00:21:56,054

Мы с Лягушонком Артемусом Клайдом

собираемся спасти Сальму-Лягушонка

куклу Полли-Понторезку-Чопорные трусы

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сползают... ну... мм Какализа-Ящерица."

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Перевод, адаптация песен – (c) LazyMax

LazyMax@mail.com

00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,639

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,099

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:15,224 --> 00:00:16,809

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,060

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,062

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,856

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,607

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:23,733 --> 00:00:24,692

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:26,652

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:29,947

♪ [Mumbling] ♪

00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:31,741

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:32,992

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,247

[Cartman doing menacing voice]

Ha ha ha ha...

00:00:38,372 --> 00:00:41,000

Now, I will kill the president

and kill Salma Hayek!

00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:43,836

[high voice]

Oh save me,

who will save me!?

00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:45,337

I will!

00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:48,799

James West.

Cowboy and Rap Star.

00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:52,011

Quick Artemus Cloud Frog,

we've got to save Salma Hayek!

00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:54,346

If we save her,

I'm going to

take off her pants

00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:55,681

and play

"slip 'n slide".

00:00:55,806 --> 00:00:56,932

Are you okay,

Salma Hayek?

00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:58,768

Yes, but I need to

get out of here.

00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,311

I need some

tacos and burritos

00:01:00,436 --> 00:01:01,896

Me gusto tacos mucho!

00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:03,814

You cannot stop me,

James West!

00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:05,399

Look out,

Artemus Cloud Frog

00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:06,400

it's giant metal spider!

00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,777

Bang! Bang, bang!

00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,111

Yo, yo, yo,

jiggy, jiggy

00:01:09,236 --> 00:01:10,112

with a

bang, bang!

00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,614

[squeek]

00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,532

We saved the day!

00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,284

The wild, wild, west

the wild, wild, wild west!

00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,203

Yo, wicky-wicky, scratch,

wicky-wicky, scratch--

00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:19,330

Eric?

00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:21,082

The babysitter's here,

come on downstairs!

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But Mommm, I'm playing

"wild, wild west"!

00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:26,879

I have to

leave soon, Eric.

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But Mommm, me and

Artemus Cloud Frog

00:01:29,381 --> 00:01:32,384

still have to do our

love scene with Salma Hayek!

00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:34,178

Come down as soon

as you're done!

00:01:35,971 --> 00:01:39,016

[rapping]

♪ Well I'm a bad-ass cowboy

living in the cowboy days ♪

00:01:39,141 --> 00:01:41,560

♪ Wicky-wicky scratch

yo-yo bang-bang ♪

00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:46,565

♪ Me and Artemus Cloud Frog

go save Salma Hayek from the

big metal spider ♪

00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,025

♪ Wicky-wicky wick

wicky-wicky wick ♪

00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:50,111

♪ Fresh cowboy

from the west side ♪♪

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Thank you so much for babysitting

little Eric, Shelly!

00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,115

Okay.

00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:55,991

All his other babysitters

won't come back.

00:01:56,117 --> 00:01:57,618

I charge $5 for

the first hour

00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,787

5 percent bumps

every hour after that

00:01:59,912 --> 00:02:01,789

up to six hours which

enters into "golden time."

00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:03,290

Oh, that sounds fine.

00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:05,501

I'm going to a

meteor shower party.

00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,920

The number where I'll be

is on the refrigerator.

00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,214

Eric's snooky time

is 9 o'clock sharp.

00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:11,966

If his little wugums

get cold,

00:02:12,091 --> 00:02:13,509

you can turn up

the heat over here.

00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:14,802

And if he

gets cranky,

00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,804

just play

"tummy rub-rubs"

with him.

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And make sure he wipes good

after he "makes bears".

00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:20,599

"Bears"?

00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:22,143

Oh, and don't

mind the cat,

00:02:22,268 --> 00:02:24,603

she's just being loud

because she's in heat!

00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:27,898

Reowww-owwww...

00:02:28,023 --> 00:02:29,775

No kitty, I don't

have anything!

00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,820

Reowwwwww....

00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:34,280

What the hell is

wrong with you?

00:02:34,405 --> 00:02:35,197

Stop it, kitty!

00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,657

Reowwww...

00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:38,993

Stop, kitty, that's

a bad Goddamn kitty!

00:02:39,118 --> 00:02:40,661

Okay muffin,

mommy's leaving now.

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You do what the

babysitter tells you, okay?

00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:43,455

Uh-huh.

00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:44,415

Be good.

00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:45,916

Right.

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Come give mommy

eskimo kisses!

00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:47,918

Aww, Ma!

00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,129

Eskimo kisses

for Mommy!

00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:52,214

[mumbling]

Jesus Christ!

00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,632

Bye, kids!

00:02:54,008 --> 00:02:55,426

[door closes]

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Well, go put that pizza

in the oven, bitch!

00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:57,970

I'm hungry!

00:02:58,095 --> 00:02:59,054

Ow!

00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:00,639

Alright, turd,

listen up!

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Now that your

mom is gone,

00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:03,434

I'm in charge.

00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,186

I don't know how you

treat your other babysitters,

00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,770

but when I'm babysitting,

00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:08,522

you're nothing

but a little turd.

00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:11,442

You're a stinky, dried-up

stupid turd!

00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:13,277

Got it?

00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:15,696

You can't hit me, didn't you

see those nanny videos on TV?

00:03:15,821 --> 00:03:18,032

My boyfriend

is coming over.

00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:19,742

So you go

to the kitchen

00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:22,703

and you us make that pizza

before I snap you in half

00:03:22,828 --> 00:03:25,164

like the little

turd stick you are!

00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,208

You're not allowed

to have people over!

00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:28,000

Move!

00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:32,087

This is bullcrap!

00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:33,631

Ugh, ugh...

00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:34,798

I can't reach

the freezer!

00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:36,592

Figure it out, turd!

00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,552

Goddamnit...

00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:41,555

Reoww, reowww,

reowww...

00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:42,598

Shut up, kitty!

00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,186

"Any problems contact

Eric's mommy at 303..."

00:03:47,311 --> 00:03:48,812

Ah-ha!

00:03:48,938 --> 00:03:50,856

I'm gonna call mom,

and tell her the babysitter's

00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:51,982

having her

boyfriend come over.

00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:53,484

Then we'll see

who's the turd!

00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:55,402

...And so I said,

"you're a little turd, and he--"

00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,904

damnit!

00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:58,739

Reowww...

Reoww...

00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:03,035

Reowww...

Reowww...

00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:05,788

... But if you've seen

one turd, you've seen them all--

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Eowww...

Eowwww...

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...Stupid turd--

00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:12,962

Hey, I need to

use the phone!

00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,047

Hold on a second, Gary.

00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:17,466

[rip]

00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:18,509

Arggghhh!

00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:19,885

Oww!

00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,971

I pulled his underwear

over his head.

00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,013

I'm gonna

get her, kitty.

00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,682

Mark my words!

00:04:24,807 --> 00:04:26,600

Reoww...

Reowww...

00:04:26,725 --> 00:04:28,477

Shut the hell up, kitty!

00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:32,273

[TV]

And now, back to

the movie of the week:

00:04:32,398 --> 00:04:33,607

Aliens.

00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:36,193

They mostly come

at night... mostly.

00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:38,487

"They mostly come

at night... mostly."

00:04:39,989 --> 00:04:41,031

Oooph!

00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:43,117

Hey, I was watching

Aliens on TV!

00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:44,952

Well I'm watching

Friends, turd.

00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:46,120

[doorbell]

00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:47,371

That's my boyfriend.

00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:48,497

Go answer the door

while I make sure

00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,790

I don't have

food in my braces!

00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:53,377

Hey, is

Shelly around?

00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,087

Who the hell

are you?

00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:57,006

Oh, I'm the guy who's gonna

put a boot up your ass

00:04:57,131 --> 00:04:58,632

if you don't

tell me where Shelly is.

00:04:58,757 --> 00:04:59,675

Hey, Skylar.

00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:00,884

You know this guy?

00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,469

He's my

boyfriend!

00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:04,555

Ha! He's like

50 years old!

00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,849

He's 22!

00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:09,184

Dude, that's not cool!

00:05:09,310 --> 00:05:10,477

You're a turd.

00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,646

You're the

turd man of Alcatraz.

00:05:12,771 --> 00:05:13,856

Ha! Yeah!

00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:15,482

Dude, when

my mom finds out

00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:17,568

that my babysitter's

had their boyfriends over,

00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:20,654

she mostly gets

really mad. Mostly.

00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:21,447

[rip]

00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:22,448

Ackkk!

00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,074

Heyyy,

hey goddamnit!

00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,075

Turd wedgie!

00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,493

Come in the

kitchen, Skylar.

00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:28,454

There's refreshments.

00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:32,249

[TV]

And now back to

Wild Animal World.

00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:35,586

Here in the more arid

regions of Africa

00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:39,590

the gold coat lions are

in the throes of mating season.

00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:43,677

The male lion positions himself

behind the female,

00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:46,096

and prepares to

insert his lionhood.

00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:48,265

Notice his

large swollen balls.

00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,601

Reowwwww!

00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:53,103

Reowwwww!

00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,147

The female lion

relaxes her body

00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:58,275

and says hello

to "Mr. Winky".

00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,862

Reowww... Reowwww...

00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,697

The male lion is enticed

00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:06,533

by the female's supple breasts

and firm backside.

00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,118

Reowwwww!

00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,953

Quickly and suddenly,

the male is finished.

00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,538

Now he wants to be alone,

00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,499

so he kindly asks

the female to leave.

00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:16,668

He promises, he'll

call her tomorrow.

00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:20,047

But the female doesn't leave,

no, she's moving right in.

00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,925

Looks like the male lion

is screwed.

00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,676

Reowww...

Reowwww!

00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:26,845

Ummm....

00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,222

No Skylar, quit it!

00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:30,015

C'mon babe, how long

have we know each other?

00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,266

Eight days tomorrow.

00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:33,102

And I still

don't get any action!

00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:34,353

I don't know, Skylar.

00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:36,271

It's just kind of

strange to me

00:06:36,397 --> 00:06:38,190

that you're 22 and all.

00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,441

But I'm still

in high school!

00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:42,027

I told you, I'm a very

immature 22-year-old.

00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,862

Well, maybe

just one kiss.

00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,197

Mmmm...

00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:45,823

Hey, what are

you doing?

00:06:45,948 --> 00:06:46,782

Beat it, chubby!

00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,534

Go on, Astroturd.

00:06:48,659 --> 00:06:50,119

I'm gonna tell

my mom on you!

00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:52,121

Turd rock

from the sun!

00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,789

Hey! You ate

all the pizza!

00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,624

We left you

some crusts.

00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,000

That does it!

00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:58,043

I'm calling

my mom right now,

00:06:58,168 --> 00:06:59,628

and busting your ass!

00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:00,796

[punch]

00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,173

Guess again,

Richard the Turd.

00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:04,425

Gimme that

phone number!

00:07:04,550 --> 00:07:06,427

C'mon babe, let's

go to the living room.

00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:08,470

I am not gonna be

bossed around by a chick!

00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:12,516

Maybe I'll just use my

"wild, wild west" techniques

00:07:12,641 --> 00:07:14,935

and get proof that Shelly

had a boyfriend over.

00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,311

Reoww.

00:07:16,437 --> 00:07:17,729

Goddamnit, kitty,

you have to calm down!

00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,356

Here, I'll get you

some catnip.

00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,358

Reoww...

00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:23,652

Okay, okay. Hold on,

I found the catnip.

00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,572

Reoww-reow!

00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,490

Reowww!

00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,951

Reowww!

[crash]

00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,911

reowww!

[crash]

00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,250

[playing rock rhythm]

00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:42,504

♪ Rapt darkness

fills my icy soul ♪

00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,507

♪ Demons from hell

seek the chosen one ♪

00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,552

You're such an

amazing poet, Skylar.

00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,262

Isn't this

guitar awesome?

00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,055

It's the best

of its kind.

00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:53,390

And not a

scratch on it!

00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,184

Skylar, not here!

00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:56,602

I can't help it.

00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,145

I see your pretty lips

and I want to kiss them.

00:07:58,270 --> 00:07:59,897

[giggle]

Really?

00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:01,398

I cherish you.

00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,317

Almost as much as

I cherish my guitar.

00:08:03,442 --> 00:08:04,526

Wow!

00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:05,611

When I make it

to the big time,

00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:06,945

I'm gonna

take you shopping

00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,114

and buy you

lots of bad ass stuff.

00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,616

Oh Skylar,

I love you.

00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:11,992

Mmmmm!

00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,118

[camera clicks]

00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:14,369

What the--

00:08:14,495 --> 00:08:15,704

Ha ha, so right you are!

00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:16,914

Looks like you're

the turd now!

00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:18,790

Gimme that picture!

00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:19,875

Ehhhh!

00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:23,837

Eghh!

00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:25,506

Heee-ya!

00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:30,719

Eghh!

00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:33,931

Open this door,

turd-I-dove.

00:08:34,056 --> 00:08:35,766

I think not!

00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:37,309

I'm gonna show this picture to

my mom, when she gets home!

00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,395

Your mom doesn't get home

for three more hours.

00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,231

That's plenty of time

for me to make

00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:45,317

a turd sandwich

out of you!

00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,952

[knocking]

Give me that picture, turd!

00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:56,578

You're never gonna

get this picture!

00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,205

Not until

my mom comes home

00:08:58,330 --> 00:08:59,831

and I can prove you had

a boyfriend over he'a!

00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,917

I'm gonna bust

this door down!

00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:03,377

[banging on door]

00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:06,421

Reowww... reowww!

00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:09,091

What should we do,

Artemus Cloud Frog?

00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,926

"We've got to get

that picture to your mom

00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,886

so that she will

come home and save us."

00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,681

Oh, that's quick thinking,

Artemus Cloud Frog!

00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:17,558

Listen very carefully,

Mr. Kitty.

00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:18,809

I'm putting this picture

of the babysitter

00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,769

and her boyfriend

on your collar.

00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,521

You have to take

this picture to Mommy, kitty.

00:09:22,646 --> 00:09:24,022

So that she can

come home and save me.

00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:26,733

Now run, kitty,

take the picture to mommy

00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:28,569

and lead her back here!

00:09:28,694 --> 00:09:30,070

When you return, be sure to

bring mom through the back door.

00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,905

Hurry kitty,

you're my only hope!

00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,033

That's it, that's it,

Mr. Kitty!

00:09:35,158 --> 00:09:37,286

Meow, meow...

00:09:38,996 --> 00:09:40,664

Aww, goddamnit!

00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:43,208

[doorbell]

00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,710

Who is that?

00:09:44,835 --> 00:09:46,461

Oh, I invited the guys

in the band over

00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:47,921

so that we

can practice.

00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:50,799

Skylar, your band

can't practice here!

00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,759

Hey, do you want me

to make it or not?

00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,304

Don't stand between

me and my dreams, babe!

00:09:55,429 --> 00:09:57,764

S'up Mark,

s'up Jonesy?

00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:59,558

Just keep

the volume down!

00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:02,144

I have to go

deal with turd boy.

00:10:02,561 --> 00:10:03,437

[knocking]

00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:04,438

Hey, who was that?

00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:05,897

Who came

to the door?

00:10:06,023 --> 00:10:08,066

Eric! Your mom's

been in an accident!

00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,736

You just want me

to open the door!

00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:13,822

We need to run over to the

hospital and identify her body.

00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,240

We'll be right back!

00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:16,617

What?

Is she okay?

00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:18,535

Not really...

she's dead!

00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:19,703

Huh!?

00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,748

Ha ha, that was

a turd trick.

00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:24,333

Your mom isn't

really dead!

00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:26,752

Ah ha! I knew it

was a turd trick

00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,295

and I opened the door

because Mr. Kitty

00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,255

is on his way, right now

to my mom's party

00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:31,465

with the picture!

00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,717

Ha ha, I knew

you sent the cat

00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:36,261

and that's why I

went outside and got him!

00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:39,765

Ha ha, I saw you

get the picture

back from Mr. Kitty

00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:41,475

and that's why I wrote

a letter to the press:

00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,518

"To be opened in

case of my demise."

00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,854

So if anything happened to me,

that letter will go out.

00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,147

And you will

never find it!

00:10:47,272 --> 00:10:49,524

You mean,

this one?

00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,902

Okay.

Let's see here...

00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:53,153

Ah-ha!

00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,655

Uhmm...

00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:55,906

Goddamnit!

00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,532

[rip]

00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:58,617

Arhhh!

00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:00,994

[thump thump]

Ow, ow!

00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:03,497

Okay, check, check

check 1, 2, check!

00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:04,915

Okay, ready?

00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:05,999

Alright, let's

try the new song.

00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:08,210

This is a song

I wrote for you, Shelly.

00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,587

1, 2,

1-2-3-4!

00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:14,091

♪ When I saw her

walking down the street ♪

00:11:14,216 --> 00:11:16,176

♪ I thought she was

Shelly, Shelly ♪

00:11:16,301 --> 00:11:17,803

Aw man,

you guys suck!

00:11:17,928 --> 00:11:20,555

♪ Now that we're together

I'm absolutely sure ♪

00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,516

♪ That she's

Shelly, Shelly ♪

00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:25,352

You're the crappiest band

I've ever heard.

00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:27,646

♪ Move into my mom's

house with me ♪

00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,356

♪ Shelly, Shelly ♪

00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:33,568

Reowww, reowwww...

00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:34,945

Reowww!

00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:37,239

Reowww...

00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,949

Reowwww...

00:11:39,074 --> 00:11:40,826

[in the distance]

Meowww!

00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:44,871

Reowww!

00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,046

Bridge!

00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:57,134

♪ I pledge allegiance

to the flag ♪

00:11:57,259 --> 00:11:59,761

♪ Of the united states... ♪

00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,972

♪ Of Shelly, Shelly ♪

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,765

Oh my God, somebody

shoot me in the head!

00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:04,808

Hey! Shut up, tubby!

00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,184

Don't call me fat!

00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:07,728

Now, you guys are not

supposed to be in here,

00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:10,605

you get out now and

respect my authority!

00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:11,940

Ow!

00:12:16,611 --> 00:12:18,238

Reowwww!

00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:19,406

Meowww...

00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:20,449

Reowww...

00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:23,368

Meowww...

00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:24,911

Reowww?

00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,997

Meowwww...

00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:28,165

Reowwww...

00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,543

Meoww... Meoww...

00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,086

Meowww... [grunting]

00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,631

Yeah, dude,

that was hot!

00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:37,883

This guitar

rocks, man!

00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:38,925

It rocks!

00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,135

What do

you think, Shelly?

00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,386

Honestly?

00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,305

I think you guys

need some work.

00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,681

Oh, really?

00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:47,100

I just think your

sound is kind of...

00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:48,560

..."last week."

00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,520

Well, I'd like to see you

do any better, bitch!

00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:53,023

Well, I do have

a song I wrote.

00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,941

Okay, why don't you

sing it for us?

00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,527

No Skylar,

I'm embarrassed!

00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:58,737

Hey, man,

don't be shy!

00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:01,823

Well, okay... I'll try.

00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,409

But I'm not

promising anything.

00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,704

1-2-3-4!

00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:16,004

♪ So much pain

in the world today ♪

00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,465

♪ Too many turds

are heading my way ♪

00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:21,468

♪ But we can flush

the turds together ♪

00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:24,179

♪ Passing by

turds whenever ♪

00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,014

♪ Don't you

know it's a-♪

00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,683

♪ Life's so void

of happiness ♪

00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:31,812

♪ Feel free to

mark my words ♪

00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:34,356

♪ But me and you

will my love do ♪

00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,233

♪ In a world that's

full of turds ♪

00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:37,776

♪ Turds ♪

♪ Turds ♪

00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:39,444

♪ Dime-a-dozen

Sphincter-lovin' ♪

00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:40,779

♪ Turds ♪

♪ Turds ♪

00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,072

Mom, the babysitter

has her boyfriend over!

00:13:42,197 --> 00:13:43,782

Oh no, no, no

that's impossible, hon.

00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:44,991

I told her

no visitors.

00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,743

There's a whole

crappy band here,

00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:47,494

can you hear them?

00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:48,829

Can you hear them?

00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:50,580

This party is

very loud, poopykins!

00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:51,915

You'll have to speak up!

00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:52,999

Damnit, her

boyfriend is here,

00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:54,292

don't you believe me?

00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:56,127

Not really, hon,

Mom has to go now.

00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:57,546

I'll be home

in about an hour.

00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,256

Oh, oh!

Mr. Mackey!

00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:01,842

[Mackey]

Ha-huh, 'kay.

00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:04,427

I'll never be able to prove

that son-of-a-bitch was here!

00:14:05,887 --> 00:14:07,556

My Speak 'n Record bear.

00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:09,015

Of course!

00:14:09,140 --> 00:14:10,600

♪ In a world that's

full of turds ♪

00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,269

♪ Turds ♪

00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:14,187

Dude,

this is gay!

00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:15,730

Shut up!

00:14:15,856 --> 00:14:18,358

You shut up, your girlfriend

is not joining our band.

00:14:18,483 --> 00:14:20,277

Yeah dude, what the hell's

wrong with you anyway?

00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:21,361

She's like, 12!

00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:22,696

You guys get out!

00:14:22,821 --> 00:14:24,239

Don't question my love!

00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:25,907

My love is as pure

as morning snow!

00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:28,118

Get out, I said!

00:14:30,495 --> 00:14:31,830

Reowwww!

00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,917

[muffled screeching]

00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:38,879

Meowww?

00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:40,297

Reowww...

00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,134

[muffled meowing]

00:14:45,594 --> 00:14:47,596

Meoww...

00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:48,471

Reowww!

00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:50,599

Uh... zzzz...

00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:54,144

Meowww!

00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,604

Aw, man!

00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:58,773

Testing, testing,

1-2...

00:14:58,899 --> 00:14:59,733

[rewinding]

00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:00,901

Testing, testing,

1-2...

00:15:01,026 --> 00:15:02,652

Sweet.

00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:05,947

We're gonna go outside

to watch the meteor shower

00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,908

I'm locking you in your room

'til we get back in, turd.

00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:09,743

Okay, see you

in a while.

00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,286

Will you tell me

what it looked like?

00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,746

The meteor shower?

00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:14,998

They mostly come

every few years... mostly.

00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:16,291

What the hell

is wrong with you?

00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:17,584

How come you're not

yelling and whining?

00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:19,920

Well, I just, I kind of like

having you around.

00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:21,087

What?

No you don't!

00:15:21,212 --> 00:15:22,380

No, I'm serious.

00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,633

See, I never had

a brother or sister.

00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:25,926

I think people that have

a brother or sister

00:15:26,051 --> 00:15:27,344

don't realize

how lucky they are.

00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:28,845

Sure, they fight a lot

00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,263

but to know that there's

always somebody there,

00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:31,640

somebody that's family.

00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:34,851

I wonder if...

Well, maybe sometimes,

00:15:34,976 --> 00:15:37,187

I could pretend like

you're my big sister.

00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:39,689

And you could kind of,

watch over me, you know,

00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:42,108

like, we could watch a

meteor shower together some time.

00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,736

And I could pretend

I'm somebody's brother!

00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,780

If only for a day.

00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,325

Alright, get your

turd coat.

00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,785

You can come see the

meteor shower with us.

00:15:51,910 --> 00:15:52,994

You mean it?

00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,204

But don't bug

me and Skylar, c'mon!

00:15:54,329 --> 00:15:56,247

Hoo-ray!

00:15:56,373 --> 00:16:01,044

Yes, I'm gonna have you and your boyfriend's

voices on my Speak 'n Record bear

00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:04,506

and then you'll mostly never

babysit me again...mostly.

00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,636

Yes, yes, what a

beautiful night!

00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:12,180

It is Saturday,

the 12th at 10:45

00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,683

and my mother is away

at a party right now.

00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:16,059

Shut up, turd!

00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:18,186

That, of course, is the

voice of my babysitter

00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:19,521

Shelly Marsh, age 12.

00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:20,522

What are

you doing?

00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,023

I'm just

thinking out loud.

00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,942

Do you have anything

to say, Skylar,

00:16:24,067 --> 00:16:25,568

Shelly's boyfriend,

who is sitting right here?

00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:27,654

Go away, turd.

00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,865

I'm sorry, did you

say something Skylar?

00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:31,866

Ahhh!

00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:34,452

Reowww...

00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:38,415

Meoww...

Reowww...

Reowww...

00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:44,629

[purring]

00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:45,672

Meoww...

Reowww...

Reowww...

00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:47,924

Yeah, c'mon

give it up!

00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,050

No!

00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:49,884

Give it up, babe!

00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:50,468

No!!!

00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:51,720

C'mon, baby!

00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,263

No Skylar, I'm not

putting out for you!

00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:54,264

Why the hell not?

00:16:54,389 --> 00:16:55,473

'Cause I'm 12!

00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:56,599

You're not gonna

put out for me?

00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:57,809

No!!

00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,310

Well, then,

screw you, bitch!

00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:00,812

I've got plenty of other

girlfriends that will!

00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:02,731

What? But I thought

you liked me!

00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:04,858

If you're not putting out

then I'm movin' on.

00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,443

There's plenty of chicks

like you out there.

00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:09,195

Screw you, prude bitch.

00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:12,615

Me and my bad ass guitar

are going home. Hasta!

00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,659

Gotcha!

00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:19,080

[sobbing softly]

00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,583

Oh yeah, oh yeah! I'm the kid

with the wild west!

00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,460

Shelly, guess who's busted!?

00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:26,046

[sobbing louder]

00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:28,214

Hey, I said,

guess who's busted!?

00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:30,008

[sobbing continues]

00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:35,180

You're not gonna trick me,

I got the goods on you!

00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:36,973

I don't care!

00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:40,518

He acted like

he really liked me,

00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:43,521

nobody's ever

liked me before!

00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:46,483

I can't believe

I trusted him!

00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,026

I'm so stupid!

00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:50,320

But, dude, he's 22!

00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:51,738

What were you

doing with him, anyway?

00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:53,406

Nobody my age

would go out with me

00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:54,908

'cause I'm too ugly!

00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:56,326

You're not ugly!

00:17:56,451 --> 00:17:57,577

You don't think so?

00:17:57,702 --> 00:17:59,204

Well, you're

pretty ugly, but

00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:00,872

you don't have to

be dating 22 year olds.

00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,749

I mean, what kind of

scumbag asshole

00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,167

dates 12-year-old girls?

00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,794

You're right,

he is a scumbag!

00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,337

I wish I could

get him back.

00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:08,797

I just don't know how.

00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,965

Well, I could ask

Artemus Cloud Frog.

00:18:11,091 --> 00:18:12,175

He would know.

00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,301

Huh!?

00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:14,719

If you want,

I could help you.

00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:15,929

Really?

You would do that?

00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,889

Just let me

get my cowboy hat.

00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,066

Reowww...?

00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:30,693

Reowww...

00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:32,320

Reowww...

00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:35,156

Reowww...

Meowww...

Reowww...

Meowww...

00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:37,992

[dance music starts]

00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,625

[lame guitar strumming]

00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,169

[knock on door]

00:18:50,505 --> 00:18:52,674

What the hell

is this!?

00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:57,178

[high voice in distance]

Help me, help me...

this is Salma Hayek!

00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:58,638

is anybody there?

00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:01,558

Salma Hayek?

Whoa, she's hot!

00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,853

Okay, it's clear!

00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:08,189

Over here,

please come quick!

00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:10,316

We don't have

much time!

00:19:10,441 --> 00:19:12,777

This won't

take me long!

00:19:14,070 --> 00:19:15,780

[dance music pumping]

00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:18,616

Reowww...

Meowww...

Meowww...

Meowww...

00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:22,036

Reowww...

Meowww...

Reowww...

Meowww...

00:19:22,162 --> 00:19:24,414

Reowww...

Meowww...

Reowww...

Meowww...

00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:31,754

Reowww...?

00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,464

Hurry up in there!

00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,008

I'm almost done!

00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,134

Hellooo?

00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,094

Hello, Mrs. Hayek?

00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,096

Over here,

please help me!

00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:41,723

I am lost and I

have no clothes!

00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:44,392

No clothes, right!

00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,060

[crunching & sawing]

00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:48,563

I'm over here,

please help me!

00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,190

I will

reward you greatly.

00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:51,608

I'm right here,

Ms. Hayek.

00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,109

Oh, please help me!

00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:54,485

What the--

00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,487

Please help me,

I will give you tacos.

00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:58,448

Dude, somebody

tricked me!

00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:02,285

I'll make you pay for making me

come out here, Goddamnit!

00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:06,414

Stupid asshole stuffed animals

trying to ruin my night!

00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:07,707

[gasp]

00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:11,419

My guitar!

00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,213

[echoing]

Nooooooo!

00:20:14,631 --> 00:20:15,715

That was so cool!

00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,008

I wish we could'a

seen his face.

00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:18,468

Thanks for

all your help, Eric.

00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:21,054

Y'know, as far as

turds go, you're okay!

00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:23,056

[music still cranking]

00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:24,015

Oh, my God!

00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:28,728

They're having

a cat orgy!

00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:30,772

You are all

very bad kitties!

00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:33,107

That is a bad, bad kitty!

00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,567

Your mom's gonna

be home soon.

00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:35,777

We're gonna get busted!

00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:38,821

C'mon kitties,

outside, c'mon...

00:20:38,947 --> 00:20:41,115

That's it, c'mon, c'mon!

00:20:41,241 --> 00:20:42,575

Uh-oh...

00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:45,787

You two ruined my career.

I'm gonna get you!

00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:47,455

Ughn!

00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:50,083

Ohhhh, ohhhhh!

00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:52,377

Arghhhh!

What are you doing!?

00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:54,712

Ohh, you ripped

my pants off...

00:20:54,837 --> 00:20:57,757

Oh my God,

I'm not a cat!!!

00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,133

C'mon, we've gotta

get the house clean

00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:00,260

before your

mom gets home.

00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,262

Y'know, Eric,

it's kinda cool

00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:04,138

that two people who hated

each other can be friends.

00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:06,307

Yeah, I think we

get along okay.

00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,643

Hi kids, I'm home!

00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,481

Mom, I can explain!

00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,566

It was all Shelly's fault

she didn't watch the cat!

00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:18,236

No, it was Eric's fault

he let these cats in here!

00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:20,530

Oooh, what a

party that was!

00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:22,198

♪ [humming merrily] ♪

00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:26,035

Wow, she passed out!

00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,912

Luckily for us,

my mom's a total lush!

00:21:28,037 --> 00:21:29,372

Well let's

clean up the house.

00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:30,790

Looks like everything

turned out okay!

00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:33,084

That's how it goes

in the wild, wild west!

00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,253

[rapping]

♪ Well I'm a bad-ass cowboy

living in the cowboy days ♪

00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:37,880

♪ Wicky-wicky scratch

yo-yo bang-bang ♪

00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:42,218

♪ Me and Artemus Cloud Frog

go save Salma Hayek

from the big metal spider ♪

00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:44,470

♪ Wicky-wicky wick

wicky-wicky wick ♪

00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:46,180

♪ Fresh cowboy

from the west side ♪♪

00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:52,061

♪ Wicky-wicky scratch

yo-yo bang-bang ♪

00:21:52,186 --> 00:21:56,065

♪ Me and Artemus Cloud Frog

go to save Salma party pants ♪

00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:58,526

[stumbling]

♪ Go down to... where... ♪♪

00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,153

[laughing]