Твик против Крейга

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♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

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♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

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♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

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♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

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♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

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This is Shop Class.

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My name is Mr. Adler.

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For the next week, rather than

your normal schoolwork,

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you will be learning

how to make things.

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Now, does anybody know why

you are in Shop Class?

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Yes?

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'Cause we had to choose

between this and Home Ec

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and we didn't

want to be sissies?

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Wrong!

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You are here, because

you are America's future.

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You may someday be doctors

or lawyers or scientists...

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Most of you, however,

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will be pumping gas

or cutting sheet metal.

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And that's why we have...

Shop Class.

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Ohhh.

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Now let me make one thing

crystal clear...

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I don't like

kids that screw around.

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You screw around in

Shop Class...

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You can lose

a hand or an eye.

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I have...

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I have... I have...

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Mr. Adler?

- Huh?!

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Oh, uh... I was just saying

that I want to know

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who is the biggest troublemaker

in your class?

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Tweek is!

- Agh, no I'm not!

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Yeah you are Tweek,

you always get in trouble.

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Agh!

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Uh, hello

excuse me,

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but Craig is the biggest

troublemaker in our class.

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That true, Craig?

You a troublemaker?

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No.

- Well, you better not be,

because in Shop Class--

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Hey! Did you

just flip me off?

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No.

- Yes, you did!

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Told ya!

- Dude, Shop Class sucks.

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Maybe we should've

taken Home Ec.

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No way, dude,

Home Ec is for girls!

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Welcome to Home Ec.

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For the next week, you will be

learning how to bake, sew,

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clean and make things

that are lacy and pretty.

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Woo-hoo!

- Yes, Wendy?

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I requested to be in Shop Class

but they sent me here.

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That's right, Wendy.

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You see, some of you girls

will go on to have

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interesting jobs

and careers.

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But all of you pretty ones

won't have to worry about that,

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because you can

marry a nice man.

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And that's why

we have Home Ec!

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Woo-hoo!

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I wonder why Kenny didn't

want to take Shop Class?

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I don't know,

he's such a wuss!

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Hey, don't

screw around.

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You screw around too much.

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Y'know you guys are

totally wrong about Tweek.

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Craig is way worse

than he is.

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No he's not dude,

Craig is a wuss.

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Dude, if Craig and Tweek

got in a fight,

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Craig would

kick Tweek's ass.

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You wanna bet?

- Yeah, I'll bet!

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How much?

- Five bucks.

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You're on!

- Agh!

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Hey, Tweek.

- Agh!

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Dude, Craig chooses you,

he wants to fight.

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He does?

- Yeah, he's all pissed off at you.

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So will you fight him?

- Why?

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Dude, because.

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You have to stand up

for yourself.

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So will you

fight him?

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Agh!

He doesn't look like

he wants to fight me.

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Craig, can I

talk to you

real quick?

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Just for a second, please.

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Craig, I'm not normally one to

get involved in this kind of

thing but...

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Well, I was just

standing over by Tweek,

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and he called you

a big poopeater.

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He did?!

- Yeah, he said

you eat poop,

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and that it makes

your breath smell like poop,

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and that, well,

you like it.

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Why would he

say that?!

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I don't know, Craig,

I don't know.

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But now he's over there

telling everybody

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that you're a poopeater

and he chooses you.

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Well, I'm gonna

go over there and--

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No, no, Craig,

you can't fight him here,

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Mr. Adler will

just break it up.

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Tell you what, I'll go tell him

you accept his challenge,

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and set it up for

after school today.

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Okay.

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There you see,

he just flipped you off!

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Agh!

What a jerk!

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He's really got it

out for you, dude.

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Why?!

What did I do?!

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So do you agree to

fight him after school?

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I guess so.

- Super, see ya there!

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Catch me, Richard!

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Ha ha ha ha...

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I'm so in love

with you, Richard.

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I made you some

cookies, Richard!

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Merry Christmas, Richard.

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Ha ha ha,

oh, Richard...

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Say we'll be this

happy forever.

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Ahhhhh!

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Richard!

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Arhhh!

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Oh, why... why?!

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Mr. Adler!

Mr. Adler?!

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Huh?!

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Stop screwin' around!

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The bell rang,

can we go?

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Oh, well, sure.

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Uh, class dismissed.

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Come on, you guys!

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This is gonna be

sweet, dude!

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You guys are

so wrong about Tweek.

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He's gonna get

his ass kicked.

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We'll see.

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Why don't we just

raise our bet to $10.

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You're on, fat ass.

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Well, well, well,

look who's here.

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Our little Home Economics

friend, Kenny.

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Mph rm rmph

rm rmph rm.

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How come you wanna

take Home Ec, Kenny?

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Yeah, that's not

cool, dude.

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Bye, Kenny! See ya tomorrow!

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Hey, what's going on?

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Tweek and Craig

are gonna fight.

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Really?

Cool!

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It's funny, cuz Tweek and Craig

both went home

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about 15

minutes ago.

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What!?

- Yeah, they left.

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Aw, hell!

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Those sons-a-bitches!

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I guess they don't

want to fight.

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Oh, they want to fight!

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They just don't

know it yet!

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Tweek!

- Tweek!

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Agh!

What do you guys want?

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How come you didn't show up

to the fight, Tweek?

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Craig and I have no reason

to fight each other!

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Well, Craig showed up.

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He did?

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Yeah, he was standing there

waiting for you.

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And he was all like,

"man, Tweek's a wuss"

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and we were all like,

"no he's not, Craig"

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and he was all like,

"yeah he is, he isn't

showing up,

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he's a big wuss and

he has crooked teeth."

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I don't have

crooked teeth.

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And then Craig was all like,

"Tweek is scared of me!

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He's a big chicken!"

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And he started doing an

impersonation of you

being a chicken...

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And everybody

in the world saw it.

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Everyone in the world?!

Agh!

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Yeah, it was weak.

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I'm not a chicken!

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Well everyone in the world

thinks you are.

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See ya, Tweek.

- Wait! I'll fight!

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Tomorrow?

- Okay.

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Craig, what the hell

are you doing home?

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You're supposed to be

out fighting Tweek.

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Red Racer's on.

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Craig, you can watch

Red Racer any day

of the week.

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I do watch Red Racer

every day of the week!

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Well, that's fine.

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I guess you don't care about

what Tweek said about your mom.

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Nope.

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Goddammit...

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I guess you don't care

what Tweek said about your guinea pig.

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What?!

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What did he say

about Stripe?!

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Oh nothing, except that

you stick it up your ass before you go to bed.

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That son-of-a-bitch

I'll kill him!!

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Yeah, I'd be pissed, too.

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So maybe we should

reschedule the fight for tomorrow?

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After Red Racer!

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After Red Racer,

of course.

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How was school today, son?

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Agh!!

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That's great.

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Dad, if some kid at school

wants to fight me...

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What should I do?

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Son, let me tell you

a little story

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about when your

mother and I first met...

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You see,

a long time ago

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there were a lot of guys

who were after your mother,

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she used to be

very attractive.

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It's true, I was.

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Well, when I started

courting your mother,

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there was this big muscular

football player named "Quib"

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who didn't

take too kindly to me.

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He wanted your mother

all to himself.

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And so, one day,

he challenged me to a fight.

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Well?!

- Well what, honey?

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Agh!!

What happened?

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Oh, I don't know, he moved

away or something.

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Yes, I think

that's right.

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Aghagh!!

You guys never help me!

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Your stories never

go anywhere, I hate it.

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I want out,

I want out!

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Dad, I'm supposed to

get in a fight tomorrow.

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With who?

- Some kid.

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Oh.

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Don't just

"oh" him, Thomas!

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Yeah, don't

just "oh" me.

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I'll "oh"

whoever I want!

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Well, that

was fun, Pearl.

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See ya later.

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Richard, aren't you

going to invite me in?

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Why?

00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:24,820

Well, I thought

maybe you would

00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,864

at least attempt to

make love to me tonight.

00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:30,534

Oh well, I... I can't.

I left the oven on.

00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,787

Oh, Richard, why can't you

open your heart to me, why?

00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,289

I just... I can't!

00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:38,000

I... Oh, I know,

I have genital warts.

00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,418

We'll use

plastic wrap.

00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,378

Nope, sorry,

maybe some other time.

00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:53,015

Swing me, Richard,

swing me higher!

00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,100

I want to touch

the sky, Richard!

00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,519

Richard, I'm here...

00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,354

Just now.

00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:03,275

Oh, Richard,

it's beautiful!

00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,027

Yes, yes.

00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,780

But you have to come

see me fly tomorrow, Richard.

00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:10,616

I have a

surprise for you.

00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:13,744

Don't worry Richard,

I'm a pilot.

00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:15,412

It's what I do.

00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,706

Aaaghgh!

00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,249

Richard!

00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,668

Richard.

00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,545

Aaaghggh!

00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:30,677

Oh god...

What am I going to do?

00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,643

Okay, so, just to set the

record straight here,

00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:40,771

the fight will be happening, out

by the tetherball pole at 3:30.

00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:43,148

Tweek just weighed in

at 48 pounds, Craig at 45.

00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:44,775

Uh, how long do you

expect the fight to last?

00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,944

How ever long Craig

wants it to last.

00:08:47,069 --> 00:08:47,903

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

ha ha ha

00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,863

Make no mistake.

00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,698

Craig has been ready

for this fight since day one.

00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,116

He doesn't even

view it as a challenge.

00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:54,451

He'll view it

as a challenge

00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:55,911

when he's getting

his ass kicked!

00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,204

Did you hear that--

it sounds like diarrhea

00:08:57,329 --> 00:08:58,413

coming out of someone's

mouth or something.

00:08:58,539 --> 00:08:59,790

Shut up, fat ass!

00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:00,791

Don't call me fat

you son-of-a-bitch!

00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,301

Wow, Tweek and Craig

really hate each other, huh?

00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:12,886

This should be

a good fight.

00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,222

On your first date,

look at the man's shoes.

00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:17,099

Sometimes you can tell

how much money a man has

00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,600

just by his shoes.

00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,686

When he takes you

out to dinner,

00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:23,021

try to sneak a peek at his

wallet while he pays for you.

00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,816

If he only has

one credit card, beware.

00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,818

It means he doesn't

spend a lot,

00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,861

and worse yet,

it could be a debit card.

00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:31,530

If he has more than

four credit cards,

00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,073

that's a little fishy.

00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,324

The perfect number

of credit cards

00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,201

for a man to have is... two.

00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:37,995

Yes, Bebe.

00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,580

What if we meet a guy

00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:40,581

who wants to be

a doctor or a lawyer,

00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:42,291

but is still

getting his degree?

00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,543

Dump that zero

and get yourself a hero.

00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:47,296

He could earning

that degree all his life

00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:48,839

while you

starve to death

00:09:48,964 --> 00:09:51,675

with two dying babies

sucking at your teets.

00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,680

When I have you guys' ten bucks,

I'm gonna use it to buy

00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,515

the sweetest big-screen TV

in the world.

00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,266

That's more

than ten bucks,

00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:00,767

you stupid fat ass.

00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:01,810

Well, if I get ten bucks

from each of you,

00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,437

that's like

$2,000.

00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:04,980

Hey, quit screwing

around back there!

00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,190

You're horsin'!

00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:09,359

Richard...

00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:14,823

Richard...

00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,826

If you build it...

00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:23,498

Swing me, Richard,

swing me higher!

00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,375

Richard, I'm here...

00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,960

Oh Richard,

it's beautiful.

00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:28,920

Yes.

00:10:29,046 --> 00:10:30,047

But you have to come see me

fly tomorrow, Richard.

00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:31,965

I have a surprise for you.

00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:35,177

Don't worry, Richard,

I'm a pilot.

00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,473

It's all for you.

00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:44,519

Aaaghgh!

00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,480

Richard!

00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:47,481

Mr. Adler?!

00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:48,482

Mr. Adler!!

00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:50,067

Huh, what?

00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:51,401

Tommy stuck his face

in the belt sander.

00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:53,570

The belt sander?

00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,490

Tommy, I told you

not to screw around

00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:57,783

with the

belt sander, didn't I?

00:10:57,908 --> 00:11:00,786

Well, go on,

go see the nurse.

00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,204

She'll give you

some peroxide.

00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,330

What's that?

00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,123

Huh?!

00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,958

This is a woman that

I knew a long time ago.

00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:08,126

What'd she die

or something?

00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,836

Wha--hey!

Go on!

00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,589

You're screwin'

around in here!

00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:15,592

Oh boy, here we go!

00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,636

What's happening?

00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:18,553

Tweek's gonna

fight Craig.

00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,597

Oh, cool!

00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:23,225

Stay pissed, Tweek,

stay pissed.

00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,893

Alright, here we go!

00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,478

Time for you to get

proven wrong, fat boy.

00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,105

You're gonna be eating

those words, asshole.

00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:30,732

No I won't because

you'd eat 'em first, tubby.

00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:33,985

Well?

00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:35,779

Come on!

00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,365

Yeah, if you're

gonna do it, do it!

00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:39,282

What do we do?

00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:40,951

Huh?

00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:41,702

What do you mean,

just fight each other!

00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,037

How?

- How?!

00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:45,330

I've never been in a fight before.

- Me neither!

00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,456

Aww!

00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:48,041

Aw, dude,

come on!

00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:49,167

You just hit each other,

smack each other around!

00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,088

Not like that!

00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,464

Like what then?

00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:55,632

Alright, alright,

screw this--

00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,008

We'll have to

postpone the fight

00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:57,926

so Tweek and Craig

can learn how to fight.

00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,094

Aww!

00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,470

All that build-up

for nothing!

00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:01,972

Yeah, Christ, I could've

been home by now!

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,056

Alright Tweek, we'll

teach you how to fight

00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:04,391

and Cartman,

you teach Craig.

00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:05,684

I don't think

that's very fair.

00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:07,060

If I teach Craig, he's

gonna really kill Tweek.

00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,145

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna

have my Uncle Jimbo

00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:09,479

teach Tweek

how to box!

00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:12,023

Oooh, boxing,

scary, you guys!

00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,942

I'm gonna have Craig

learn martial arts!

00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,402

Fine, we'll see you

back here tomorrow!

00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:16,820

Fine!

- Fine!

00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,697

Fine, that's fine.

00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:20,282

Alrighty, Tweek.

00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,450

My little nephew

Stanley has asked me

00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:22,868

to teach you the

fine points of boxing!

00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:23,869

Agh!

00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:25,245

You're in luck.

00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:26,288

Ned here used to be

the state champion

00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,789

until a grenade

blew his arm off.

00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,499

I can still kick ass.

00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:32,085

Now, Tweek...

Boxing is a man sport.

00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,588

There is nothing in the world

more man, than boxing.

00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:36,757

It is man

at his most man.

00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:38,592

So when you spar with Ned, here,

00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:40,927

just dig deep into

that most man part of you.

00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,596

Wah!

00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:43,805

Well enough

of the lectures!

00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:44,848

Let's get to boxing!

00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,893

Agh!

00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,603

What you got, bi-atch?

00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,147

Keep your

guard up, Tweek!

00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,442

Aah!

- Damnit!

00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:56,902

Come on, Tweek he's

only got one arm!

00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,320

Alright, it looks like

we'll have to apply

00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,530

the Oppenheimer technique

with Tweek, here...

00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,574

What you got, bi-atch?

00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:06,036

Punch him

in the balls, Tweek!

00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:07,370

Atta boy!

Now quick,

00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:08,580

get him again

while he's down!

00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,707

Owwwwww!!

00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:14,044

Good, now

kick his balls!

00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,005

There see?!

00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,256

You got him

coughing up blood!

00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:19,257

Hooray!

00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,383

Agh!

00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:22,344

Now that's boxing!

00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:26,515

Your friend has brought you to

learn the ancient art of sumo.

00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,975

You must learn

the discipline and respect.

00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:32,854

In sumo, your body

must be like a stone,

00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,523

and your mind

like a meatloaf.

00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,483

Meatloaf?

00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,777

The object is simply to push

opponent out of circle.

00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,111

Is opponent ready?

00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:41,696

I'm ready.

00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:45,408

Yeah, I like this

hair thing, this is cool.

00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:47,077

Let us begin.

00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,539

Ready... and... begin!

00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,749

Respect my authority!

00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:54,376

Body like stone!

00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,127

Mind like meatloaf!

00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:57,754

Ooh, come on, na!

00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:58,839

Oh, Jesus,

I can't take it!

00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:00,173

Aagh!

00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:01,675

Fight back,

resist the ass!

00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,552

How can I resist

an ass so great?!

00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,053

It is only an ass!

00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,639

You must overcome

the ass with your mind!

00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,558

This ass is unlike any

I have encountered, master--

00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,435

I win!

00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,271

There is indeed great power

in your ass, Eric.

00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:16,565

Perhaps you should consider

sumo as a profession.

00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,441

Hey, maybe!

00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:23,989

No... no...

make it stop...

00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:27,242

Oh Richard, say

we'll be this happy forever!

00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,494

But you have to come

see me fly tomorrow, Richard.

00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,079

I have a

surprise for you.

00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,708

Don't worry, Richard,

I'm a pilot.

00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:37,627

Watch me, Richard!

00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,635

Aaahhh!!

00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,309

Richard!

00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:54,394

Arggghh!

00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:57,355

I never got

to say goodbye.

00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,900

I never got

to say goodbye!

00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,443

Oh, no!

00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,029

Oh no, now

what do I do?!

00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,037

Okay... that was

very good, class.

00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:14,080

Now let's try

this one together:

00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:16,541

"Honey, can I

get a new wardrobe?"

00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,543

Honey, can I get

a new wardrobe?

00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,712

Alright, now let's try

this one together

00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,255

"Lisa Smith's husband

00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,299

just bought her

a new car..."

00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,051

Lisa Smith's husband

just bought her a new car...

00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,094

Good, Bebe, why don't

you try this one:

00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:31,640

"I think a trip to Hawaii would

really improve our sex life."

00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:32,974

I think a

trip to Hawaii

00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,017

would really improve

our sex life.

00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:35,894

Outstanding, now... Kenny.

00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:37,687

How about you try:

00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:40,774

"I can't make love to you

until we get a king-size bed."

00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:44,486

Mph rmph rm rmphrmphm...

rmph rm rmph rm rm rmph.

00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:50,075

Okay... Kenny, could I talk to

you over here real quick?

00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,035

Mph rm.

00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,747

Kenny, I don't quite know

how to tell you this, but...

00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,958

I'm not sure Home Economics

is right for you.

00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,459

Mph?

00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,086

Well, your cooking

is unsatisfactory

00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,380

your sewing skills

are below average and...

00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:05,298

frankly, I don't think

the odds of you

00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,760

marrying a nice, rich man

in the future are very, well...

00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:10,178

good.

00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,763

Mph mm?

00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,390

No, I think you should consider

transferring to Shop Class.

00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:15,475

Mph rm!

00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:23,400

Now, now, very few students are

severely injured in Shop Class.

00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:24,734

Mph rmph rm rmph

rm rmph rmph!!

00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,196

C'mon, it's time for the fight!

- Yeah!

00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:32,617

Fight? Oh no, no, no, girls!

Haven't I taught you anything?!

00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,623

Okay, the time

has finally come!

00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:42,210

Programs, get your

programs here, programs!

00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,379

Remember, Tweek,

punch hard, punch low.

00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,214

Agh!

- This is when you gotta get mean, Tweek!

00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,924

Agh, mean, agh!!

00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,801

The spirit of the

dragon is in your hands.

00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:53,013

Alright?

- Okay.

00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,014

Now listen to me!

00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:56,808

Alright, and seriously!

00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,351

Per shang der

pong quang chong!

00:16:58,476 --> 00:16:59,936

Okay, okay!

00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:04,941

Argh!

00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,157

You ready, Tweek?

00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:13,408

You ready, Craig?

00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,035

Let's get it on!

00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,369

Respect my authority.

00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:20,540

Come on, Tweek!

00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,084

Come on, Craig!

00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,670

"To Whom it May Concern,

00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,672

"I can no longer

live without her.

00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,632

"I could not

say goodbye to her,

00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:32,385

"and so now I must say

goodbye to all of you!

00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,846

"for I am all out

of nicotine gum.

00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:38,391

"Sincerely yours,

Richard Adler... Shop Class.

00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,435

"P.S. Don't

screw around.

00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,022

You all screw around too much."

00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:52,197

Goodbye, cruel world.

00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:55,867

Jesus Christ!!

00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,494

What was

I thinking?!

00:17:57,619 --> 00:17:59,245

That would'a

hurt like hell!

00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,465

Yeah Craig, c'mon,

kick his ass!

00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:14,719

Come on, Tweek,

you got him!

00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,137

Whoa, Tweek,

did you hear that?!

00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:17,639

What?!

- Craig just called

you a boner!

00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,474

Agh!

00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,558

We just have to keep

throwing gas on the fire.

00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:21,559

Yeah.

00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,855

Mph rmphm rm?

00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,107

What?

00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:29,067

Who are you?

00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:32,278

"Kenny McCormick has been

transferred from Home Ec.

to Shop Class"

00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,280

Well, alright,

get some safety goggles

00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:37,033

and start getting acquainted

with the jigsaw over there.

00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:54,759

What the--

00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,136

Here they are!

00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:57,554

Hey, what's going on?!

00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:58,805

Tweek and Craig

are fighting.

00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,473

We're just watching.

00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:01,808

Well, why the hell

don't you stop them!?

00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:05,728

'Cause we have

ten bucks riding on it!

00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:07,689

Don't screw around!

00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,276

Stop screwing around!

00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:14,946

Hey, you're

screwing around too much!

00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,614

Arghh!

00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,160

Oh my God,

they killed Kenny!

00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:21,578

You bastards!

00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:22,662

Well don't just

stand there!

00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,747

Call an ambulance!

00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:26,875

You see--

You see what happens

00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,543

when you screw around

in Shop Class?

00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:29,919

Mph rm...

00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:31,504

What?

What's that, son?

00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,173

Richard...

00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:34,424

Aghhh!

00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:37,135

No, no, please don't go!

00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,553

I need you!

00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:39,554

I can't live

without you!

00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,432

Richard,

you have to move on.

00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:43,349

I want you to be happy.

00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:44,767

But I can't!

00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:47,395

I never got

to say goodbye.

00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,397

Then say it now, Richard.

00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,441

Goodbye.

00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,902

There, now do you

feel better?

00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,445

No.

00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:56,863

Of course

you don't.

00:19:56,988 --> 00:20:00,074

Saying goodbye

doesn't mean anything.

00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,702

It's the time we spent together

that really matters

00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,829

not how we left it.

00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,247

You--you're right.

00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:07,081

You're right!

00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,249

Richard!

00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,292

It's grandma.

00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:10,293

Grandma?!

00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:11,961

Hi, gram!

00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:13,588

You never said

goodbye to me, either.

00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,131

Hey, Richie,

remember me?

00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,674

Uncle Corey!

00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,343

Wow, you're

all alive again.

00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:20,428

No, we're dead.

00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,888

I love you, Richard.

00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,139

See you soon.

00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,432

Thank you!

00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:25,934

Thank you

for freeing me!

00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,185

I feel like now

I can move on!

00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:28,895

Baby, I feel

so much better!

00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,313

I feel so alive!

00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:31,898

Thank you, baby,

thank you!

00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:34,025

Dude, this is pretty

fucked up right here.

00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:40,198

Hi, we're here to visit our

good friends Tweek and Craig.

00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:41,950

Oh, well, I suppose

a quick visit is okay.

00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,410

Maybe you kids

can cheer them up.

00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,747

Hey guys,

how are you feeling?

00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,916

Agh!

- Ugh!

00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:51,042

Well, uh, we just came by

because we have something to

tell you.

00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,127

Yeah... see,

we got you to fight

00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:54,587

just 'cause we wanted

to see who was the toughest.

00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:56,256

We made up

all that stuff we said

00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:58,007

to get you guys

mad at each other.

00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,717

Yes, you can

flip us off, Craig.

00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:00,969

We deserve that.

00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:02,553

We just came by

to apologize.

00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:03,554

We feel so bad.

00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:04,847

Boy, do we ever.

00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:07,100

So I guess

we'll be going now.

00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:08,601

And we'll just live

with the knowledge that

00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:09,644

you're both

kind of sissies.

00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,354

What!?

- What!?

00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:12,355

Well, I mean, that's

what was on the news.

00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:13,356

What was

on the news?

00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:14,440

Oh, you didn't see it?

00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,566

Tweek's family

was on the news

00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:16,609

saying what a wuss

you are, Craig.

00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:18,236

Huh?!

00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:19,320

Yeah, and then

Craig's family came on

00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:20,571

and said Tweek

was the wuss,

00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:21,447

and then punched Tweek's

mom in the hooters.

00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:22,532

Agh, you

son-of-a-bitch!

00:21:22,657 --> 00:21:24,492

I'm gonna

kick your ass!!

00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,828

Come on, Tweek

you got him!

00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:29,330

Sumo technique, Craig,

sumo technique!

00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,681

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,182

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:16,767

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,144

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:20,146

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:20,271 --> 00:00:21,689

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:21,814 --> 00:00:23,566

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:24,692

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:26,694

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:26,819 --> 00:00:29,864

[♪ Mumbling ♪]

00:00:29,989 --> 00:00:31,449

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:31,574 --> 00:00:33,117

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:39,206

This is Shop Class.

00:00:39,331 --> 00:00:41,333

My name is Mr. Adler.

00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:43,502

For the next week, rather than

your normal schoolwork,

00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:45,755

you will be learning

how to make things.

00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,799

Now, does anybody know why

you are in Shop Class?

00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,509

Yes?

00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:51,844

'Cause we had to choose

between this and Home Ec

00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:52,970

and we didn't

want to be sissies?

00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:54,972

Wrong!

00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:56,849

You are here, because

you are America's future.

00:00:56,974 --> 00:01:00,019

You may someday be doctors

or lawyers or scientists...

00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:01,771

Most of you, however,

00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:03,522

will be pumping gas

or cutting sheet metal.

00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,816

And that's why we have...

Shop Class.

00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:07,985

Ohhh.

00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:10,696

Now let me make one thing

crystal clear...

00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:12,615

I don't like

kids that screw around.

00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,533

You screw around in

Shop Class...

00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:16,410

You can lose

a hand or an eye.

00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:17,787

I have...

00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:20,956

I have... I have...

00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,168

Mr. Adler?

- Huh?!

00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:26,504

Oh, uh... I was just saying

that I want to know

00:01:26,629 --> 00:01:29,840

who is the biggest troublemaker

in your class?

00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:31,717

Tweek is!

- Agh, no I'm not!

00:01:31,842 --> 00:01:32,551

Yeah you are Tweek,

you always get in trouble.

00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:33,552

Agh!

00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:35,096

Uh, hello

excuse me,

00:01:35,221 --> 00:01:36,430

but Craig is the biggest

troublemaker in our class.

00:01:36,555 --> 00:01:39,892

That true, Craig?

You a troublemaker?

00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,728

No.

- Well, you better not be,

because in Shop Class--

00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,563

Hey! Did you

just flip me off?

00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,148

No.

- Yes, you did!

00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,983

Told ya!

- Dude, Shop Class sucks.

00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:49,401

Maybe we should've

taken Home Ec.

00:01:49,527 --> 00:01:50,903

No way, dude,

Home Ec is for girls!

00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:52,988

Welcome to Home Ec.

00:01:53,114 --> 00:01:55,950

For the next week, you will be

learning how to bake, sew,

00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:58,911

clean and make things

that are lacy and pretty.

00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:01,122

Woo-hoo!

- Yes, Wendy?

00:02:01,247 --> 00:02:03,207

I requested to be in Shop Class

but they sent me here.

00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:04,875

That's right, Wendy.

00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,627

You see, some of you girls

will go on to have

00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:08,337

interesting jobs

and careers.

00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,048

But all of you pretty ones

won't have to worry about that,

00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:13,175

because you can

marry a nice man.

00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,261

And that's why

we have Home Ec!

00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,763

Woo-hoo!

00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:22,309

I wonder why Kenny didn't

want to take Shop Class?

00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:23,519

I don't know,

he's such a wuss!

00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,104

Hey, don't

screw around.

00:02:25,229 --> 00:02:27,398

You screw around too much.

00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:29,525

Y'know you guys are

totally wrong about Tweek.

00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,734

Craig is way worse

than he is.

00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:34,655

No he's not dude,

Craig is a wuss.

00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,073

Dude, if Craig and Tweek

got in a fight,

00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:37,741

Craig would

kick Tweek's ass.

00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:38,951

You wanna bet?

- Yeah, I'll bet!

00:02:39,076 --> 00:02:40,244

How much?

- Five bucks.

00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,413

You're on!

- Agh!

00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:43,622

Hey, Tweek.

- Agh!

00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,291

Dude, Craig chooses you,

he wants to fight.

00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:47,126

He does?

- Yeah, he's all pissed off at you.

00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:48,043

So will you fight him?

- Why?

00:02:48,169 --> 00:02:49,503

Dude, because.

00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:50,462

You have to stand up

for yourself.

00:02:50,588 --> 00:02:52,590

So will you

fight him?

00:02:52,715 --> 00:02:54,508

Agh!

He doesn't look like

he wants to fight me.

00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:56,177

Craig, can I

talk to you

real quick?

00:02:56,302 --> 00:02:58,470

Just for a second, please.

00:02:58,596 --> 00:03:01,140

Craig, I'm not normally one to

get involved in this kind of

thing but...

00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:02,808

Well, I was just

standing over by Tweek,

00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:04,768

and he called you

a big poopeater.

00:03:04,894 --> 00:03:06,854

He did?!

- Yeah, he said

you eat poop,

00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:08,480

and that it makes

your breath smell like poop,

00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:10,524

and that, well,

you like it.

00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:11,567

Why would he

say that?!

00:03:11,692 --> 00:03:12,776

I don't know, Craig,

I don't know.

00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:14,195

But now he's over there

telling everybody

00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:15,905

that you're a poopeater

and he chooses you.

00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,072

Well, I'm gonna

go over there and--

00:03:17,198 --> 00:03:18,449

No, no, Craig,

you can't fight him here,

00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:19,992

Mr. Adler will

just break it up.

00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,535

Tell you what, I'll go tell him

you accept his challenge,

00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:22,953

and set it up for

after school today.

00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:24,914

Okay.

00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,624

There you see,

he just flipped you off!

00:03:26,749 --> 00:03:27,791

Agh!

What a jerk!

00:03:27,917 --> 00:03:28,792

He's really got it

out for you, dude.

00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:30,419

Why?!

What did I do?!

00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,754

So do you agree to

fight him after school?

00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:34,089

I guess so.

- Super, see ya there!

00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:42,181

[echoing]

Catch me, Richard!

00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:43,807

Ha ha ha ha...

00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,645

I'm so in love

with you, Richard.

00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,315

I made you some

cookies, Richard!

00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,068

[sniffffff]

00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:55,569

Merry Christmas, Richard.

00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,571

Ha ha ha,

oh, Richard...

00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:59,990

Say we'll be this

happy forever.

00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:02,201

Ahhhhh!

00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:03,619

Richard!

00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:06,038

Arhhh!

00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:11,543

[chewing]

Oh, why... why?!

00:04:11,669 --> 00:04:13,629

Mr. Adler!

Mr. Adler?!

00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:14,797

Huh?!

00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,006

Stop screwin' around!

00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:16,966

The bell rang,

can we go?

00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:18,676

Oh, well, sure.

00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:20,344

Uh, class dismissed.

00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:21,929

Come on, you guys!

00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,474

This is gonna be

sweet, dude!

00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,976

You guys are

so wrong about Tweek.

00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:27,810

He's gonna get

his ass kicked.

00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,311

We'll see.

00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:30,771

Why don't we just

raise our bet to $10.

00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,147

You're on, fat ass.

00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:33,482

Well, well, well,

look who's here.

00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,109

Our little Home Economics

friend, Kenny.

00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,402

Mph rm rmph

rm rmph rm.

00:04:36,527 --> 00:04:37,569

How come you wanna

take Home Ec, Kenny?

00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:39,530

Yeah, that's not

cool, dude.

00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:40,948

Bye, Kenny! See ya tomorrow!

00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:42,700

Hey, what's going on?

00:04:42,825 --> 00:04:43,867

Tweek and Craig

are gonna fight.

00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:45,619

Really?

Cool!

00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:48,956

It's funny, cuz Tweek and Craig

both went home

00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:50,207

about 15

minutes ago.

00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:51,709

What!?

- Yeah, they left.

00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:52,793

Aw, hell!

00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:53,961

Those sons-a-bitches!

00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:54,795

I guess they don't

want to fight.

00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:55,963

Oh, they want to fight!

00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:57,172

They just don't

know it yet!

00:04:58,424 --> 00:04:59,717

[doorbell]

00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:02,219

Tweek!

- Tweek!

00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:03,721

Agh!

What do you guys want?

00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:05,222

How come you didn't show up

to the fight, Tweek?

00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,725

Craig and I have no reason

to fight each other!

00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:08,809

Well, Craig showed up.

00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:10,185

He did?

00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:11,395

Yeah, he was standing there

waiting for you.

00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,604

And he was all like,

"man, Tweek's a wuss"

00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:14,398

and we were all like,

"no he's not, Craig"

00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:16,025

and he was all like,

"yeah he is, he isn't

showing up,

00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,318

he's a big wuss and

he has crooked teeth."

00:05:17,443 --> 00:05:19,236

I don't have

crooked teeth.

00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:20,612

And then Craig was all like,

"Tweek is scared of me!

00:05:20,738 --> 00:05:22,698

He's a big chicken!"

00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,700

And he started doing an

impersonation of you

being a chicken...

00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:25,868

And everybody

in the world saw it.

00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,494

Everyone in the world?!

Agh!

00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:28,537

Yeah, it was weak.

00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,039

I'm not a chicken!

00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,123

Well everyone in the world

thinks you are.

00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,541

See ya, Tweek.

- Wait! I'll fight!

00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,293

Tomorrow?

- Okay.

00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,671

[knocking]

00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:39,590

Craig, what the hell

are you doing home?

00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:40,466

You're supposed to be

out fighting Tweek.

00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:42,509

Red Racer's on.

00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:43,844

Craig, you can watch

Red Racer any day

of the week.

00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:45,471

I do watch Red Racer

every day of the week!

00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:47,639

Well, that's fine.

00:05:47,765 --> 00:05:48,932

I guess you don't care about

what Tweek said about your mom.

00:05:49,058 --> 00:05:50,225

Nope.

00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:51,852

Goddammit...

00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,812

[knocking]

00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,647

I guess you don't care

what Tweek said about your guinea pig.

00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:57,107

What?!

00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,026

What did he say

about Stripe?!

00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:00,903

Oh nothing, except that

you stick it up your ass before you go to bed.

00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,529

That son-of-a-bitch

I'll kill him!!

00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:04,448

Yeah, I'd be pissed, too.

00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:05,282

So maybe we should

reschedule the fight for tomorrow?

00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,492

After Red Racer!

00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:07,785

After Red Racer,

of course.

00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:10,329

How was school today, son?

00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,580

Agh!!

00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,040

That's great.

00:06:13,165 --> 00:06:14,291

Dad, if some kid at school

wants to fight me...

00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:15,834

What should I do?

00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:18,128

Son, let me tell you

a little story

00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,631

about when your

mother and I first met...

00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:22,466

You see,

a long time ago

00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:23,842

there were a lot of guys

who were after your mother,

00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:25,427

she used to be

very attractive.

00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,012

It's true, I was.

00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,264

Well, when I started

courting your mother,

00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:32,893

there was this big muscular

football player named "Quib"

00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,937

who didn't

take too kindly to me.

00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:37,314

He wanted your mother

all to himself.

00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:41,360

And so, one day,

he challenged me to a fight.

00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,369

Well?!

- Well what, honey?

00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:51,995

Agh!!

What happened?

00:06:52,121 --> 00:06:53,997

Oh, I don't know, he moved

away or something.

00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:55,082

Yes, I think

that's right.

00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:56,792

Aghagh!!

You guys never help me!

00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,877

Your stories never

go anywhere, I hate it.

00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,505

I want out,

I want out!

00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,924

Dad, I'm supposed to

get in a fight tomorrow.

00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,384

With who?

- Some kid.

00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:06,802

Oh.

00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:07,845

Don't just

"oh" him, Thomas!

00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,054

Yeah, don't

just "oh" me.

00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,765

I'll "oh"

whoever I want!

00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,148

Well, that

was fun, Pearl.

00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,774

See ya later.

00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,067

Richard, aren't you

going to invite me in?

00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,360

Why?

00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:24,820

Well, I thought

maybe you would

00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,864

at least attempt to

make love to me tonight.

00:07:26,989 --> 00:07:30,534

Oh well, I... I can't.

I left the oven on.

00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,787

Oh, Richard, why can't you

open your heart to me, why?

00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,289

I just... I can't!

00:07:35,414 --> 00:07:38,000

I... Oh, I know,

I have genital warts.

00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:39,418

We'll use

plastic wrap.

00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,378

Nope, sorry,

maybe some other time.

00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:53,015

[echoing]

Swing me, Richard,

swing me higher!

00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,100

I want to touch

the sky, Richard!

00:07:56,518 --> 00:07:57,519

Richard, I'm here...

00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,354

Just now.

00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:03,275

Oh, Richard,

it's beautiful!

00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,027

Yes, yes.

00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,780

But you have to come

see me fly tomorrow, Richard.

00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:10,616

I have a

surprise for you.

00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:13,744

Don't worry Richard,

I'm a pilot.

00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:15,412

It's what I do.

00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,706

Aaaghgh!

00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,249

Richard!

00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:21,668

Richard.

00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,545

Aaaghggh!

00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,923

[munching]

00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:30,677

Oh god...

What am I going to do?

00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:37,643

Okay, so, just to set the

record straight here,

00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:40,771

the fight will be happening, out

by the tetherball pole at 3:30.

00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:43,148

Tweek just weighed in

at 48 pounds, Craig at 45.

00:08:43,273 --> 00:08:44,775

Uh, how long do you

expect the fight to last?

00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,944

How ever long Craig

wants it to last.

00:08:47,069 --> 00:08:47,903

Ha ha ha ha ha ha

ha ha ha

00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,863

Make no mistake.

00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,698

Craig has been ready

for this fight since day one.

00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,116

He doesn't even

view it as a challenge.

00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:54,451

He'll view it

as a challenge

00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:55,911

when he's getting

his ass kicked!

00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,204

Did you hear that--

it sounds like diarrhea

00:08:57,329 --> 00:08:58,413

coming out of someone's

mouth or something.

00:08:58,539 --> 00:08:59,790

Shut up, fat ass!

00:08:59,915 --> 00:09:00,791

Don't call me fat

you son-of-a-bitch!

00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:02,417

[punching and yelling]

00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,301

Wow, Tweek and Craig

really hate each other, huh?

00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:12,886

This should be

a good fight.

00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,222

On your first date,

look at the man's shoes.

00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:17,099

Sometimes you can tell

how much money a man has

00:09:17,224 --> 00:09:18,600

just by his shoes.

00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,686

When he takes you

out to dinner,

00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:23,021

try to sneak a peek at his

wallet while he pays for you.

00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,816

If he only has

one credit card, beware.

00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:27,818

It means he doesn't

spend a lot,

00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,861

and worse yet,

it could be a debit card.

00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:31,530

If he has more than

four credit cards,

00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,073

that's a little fishy.

00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,324

The perfect number

of credit cards

00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,201

for a man to have is... two.

00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:37,995

Yes, Bebe.

00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,580

What if we meet a guy

00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:40,581

who wants to be

a doctor or a lawyer,

00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:42,291

but is still

getting his degree?

00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,543

Dump that zero

and get yourself a hero.

00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:47,296

He could earning

that degree all his life

00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:48,839

while you

starve to death

00:09:48,964 --> 00:09:51,675

with two dying babies

sucking at your teets.

00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,680

When I have you guys' ten bucks,

I'm gonna use it to buy

00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,515

the sweetest big-screen TV

in the world.

00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,266

That's more

than ten bucks,

00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:00,767

you stupid fat ass.

00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:01,810

Well, if I get ten bucks

from each of you,

00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,437

that's like

$2,000.

00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:04,980

Hey, quit screwing

around back there!

00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,190

You're horsin'!

00:10:07,316 --> 00:10:09,359

[echoing]

Richard...

00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:12,571

[whistling nonchalantly]

00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:14,823

[echoing]

Richard...

00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,826

[whispering voice]

If you build it...

00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:23,498

Swing me, Richard,

swing me higher!

00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:25,375

Richard, I'm here...

00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,960

Oh Richard,

it's beautiful.

00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:28,920

Yes.

00:10:29,046 --> 00:10:30,047

But you have to come see me

fly tomorrow, Richard.

00:10:30,172 --> 00:10:31,965

I have a surprise for you.

00:10:32,090 --> 00:10:35,177

Don't worry, Richard,

I'm a pilot.

00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:39,473

It's all for you.

00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:40,807

[engine sputters]

00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:44,519

Aaaghgh!

00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,480

Richard!

00:10:46,605 --> 00:10:47,481

Mr. Adler?!

00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:48,482

Mr. Adler!!

00:10:48,607 --> 00:10:50,067

Huh, what?

00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:51,401

Tommy stuck his face

in the belt sander.

00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:53,570

The belt sander?

00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,490

Tommy, I told you

not to screw around

00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:57,783

with the

belt sander, didn't I?

00:10:57,908 --> 00:11:00,786

Well, go on,

go see the nurse.

00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,204

She'll give you

some peroxide.

00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,330

What's that?

00:11:03,455 --> 00:11:05,123

Huh?!

00:11:05,248 --> 00:11:06,958

This is a woman that

I knew a long time ago.

00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:08,126

What'd she die

or something?

00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:09,836

Wha--hey!

Go on!

00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,589

You're screwin'

around in here!

00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:15,592

Oh boy, here we go!

00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,636

What's happening?

00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:18,553

Tweek's gonna

fight Craig.

00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,597

Oh, cool!

00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:23,225

Stay pissed, Tweek,

stay pissed.

00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,893

Alright, here we go!

00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:26,478

Time for you to get

proven wrong, fat boy.

00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,105

You're gonna be eating

those words, asshole.

00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:30,732

No I won't because

you'd eat 'em first, tubby.

00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:33,985

Well?

00:11:34,111 --> 00:11:35,779

Come on!

00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:38,365

Yeah, if you're

gonna do it, do it!

00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:39,282

What do we do?

00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:40,951

Huh?

00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:41,702

What do you mean,

just fight each other!

00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,037

How?

- How?!

00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:45,330

I've never been in a fight before.

- Me neither!

00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,456

[all]

Aww!

00:11:46,581 --> 00:11:48,041

Aw, dude,

come on!

00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:49,167

You just hit each other,

smack each other around!

00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:50,419

[shove]

00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:51,545

[tap]

00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:53,088

Not like that!

00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,464

Like what then?

00:11:54,589 --> 00:11:55,632

Alright, alright,

screw this--

00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,008

We'll have to

postpone the fight

00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:57,926

so Tweek and Craig

can learn how to fight.

00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,094

[all]

Aww!

00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,470

All that build-up

for nothing!

00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:01,972

Yeah, Christ, I could've

been home by now!

00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,056

Alright Tweek, we'll

teach you how to fight

00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:04,391

and Cartman,

you teach Craig.

00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:05,684

I don't think

that's very fair.

00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:07,060

If I teach Craig, he's

gonna really kill Tweek.

00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,145

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm gonna

have my Uncle Jimbo

00:12:08,270 --> 00:12:09,479

teach Tweek

how to box!

00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:12,023

Oooh, boxing,

scary, you guys!

00:12:12,149 --> 00:12:13,942

I'm gonna have Craig

learn martial arts!

00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,402

Fine, we'll see you

back here tomorrow!

00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:16,820

Fine!

- Fine!

00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:18,697

Fine, that's fine.

00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:20,282

Alrighty, Tweek.

00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:21,450

My little nephew

Stanley has asked me

00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:22,868

to teach you the

fine points of boxing!

00:12:22,993 --> 00:12:23,869

Agh!

00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:25,245

You're in luck.

00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:26,288

Ned here used to be

the state champion

00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,789

until a grenade

blew his arm off.

00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,499

[voice box]

I can still kick ass.

00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:32,085

Now, Tweek...

Boxing is a man sport.

00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,588

There is nothing in the world

more man, than boxing.

00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:36,757

It is man

at his most man.

00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:38,592

So when you spar with Ned, here,

00:12:38,717 --> 00:12:40,927

just dig deep into

that most man part of you.

00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,596

Wah!

00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:43,805

Well enough

of the lectures!

00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:44,848

Let's get to boxing!

00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:45,849

[ding]

00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,893

Agh!

00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,603

What you got, bi-atch?

00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,147

Keep your

guard up, Tweek!

00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,442

Aah!

- Damnit!

00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:56,902

Come on, Tweek he's

only got one arm!

00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,320

Alright, it looks like

we'll have to apply

00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,530

the Oppenheimer technique

with Tweek, here...

00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:02,574

What you got, bi-atch?

00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:06,036

Punch him

in the balls, Tweek!

00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:07,370

Atta boy!

Now quick,

00:13:07,496 --> 00:13:08,580

get him again

while he's down!

00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,707

Owwwwww!!

00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:14,044

Good, now

kick his balls!

00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,005

There see?!

00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,256

You got him

coughing up blood!

00:13:18,381 --> 00:13:19,257

Hooray!

00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,383

Agh!

00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:22,344

Now that's boxing!

00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:26,515

Your friend has brought you to

learn the ancient art of sumo.

00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,975

You must learn

the discipline and respect.

00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:32,854

In sumo, your body

must be like a stone,

00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,523

and your mind

like a meatloaf.

00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:36,483

Meatloaf?

00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,777

The object is simply to push

opponent out of circle.

00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,111

Is opponent ready?

00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:41,696

I'm ready.

00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:45,408

Yeah, I like this

hair thing, this is cool.

00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:47,077

Let us begin.

00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,539

Ready... and... begin!

00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,749

Respect my authority!

00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:54,376

Body like stone!

00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,127

Mind like meatloaf!

00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:57,754

Ooh, come on, na!

00:13:57,879 --> 00:13:58,839

Oh, Jesus,

I can't take it!

00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:00,173

Aagh!

00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:01,675

Fight back,

resist the ass!

00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,552

How can I resist

an ass so great?!

00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:05,053

It is only an ass!

00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,639

You must overcome

the ass with your mind!

00:14:07,764 --> 00:14:09,558

This ass is unlike any

I have encountered, master--

00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:12,435

I win!

00:14:12,561 --> 00:14:14,271

There is indeed great power

in your ass, Eric.

00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:16,565

Perhaps you should consider

sumo as a profession.

00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,441

Hey, maybe!

00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:23,989

No... no...

make it stop...

00:14:24,114 --> 00:14:27,242

[echoing]

Oh Richard, say

we'll be this happy forever!

00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,494

But you have to come

see me fly tomorrow, Richard.

00:14:29,619 --> 00:14:31,079

I have a

surprise for you.

00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,708

Don't worry, Richard,

I'm a pilot.

00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:37,627

Watch me, Richard!

00:14:39,921 --> 00:14:40,797

[alarm]

00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,090

[engine stalls]

00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:45,635

Aaahhh!!

00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,309

Richard!

00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:54,394

Arggghh!

00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:57,355

I never got

to say goodbye.

00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,900

I never got

to say goodbye!

00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,443

Oh, no!

00:15:01,568 --> 00:15:04,029

Oh no, now

what do I do?!

00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:05,405

[sobbing]

00:15:10,493 --> 00:15:12,037

Okay... that was

very good, class.

00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:14,080

Now let's try

this one together:

00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:16,541

"Honey, can I

get a new wardrobe?"

00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:18,543

[all]

Honey, can I get

a new wardrobe?

00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,712

Alright, now let's try

this one together

00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,255

"Lisa Smith's husband

00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,299

just bought her

a new car..."

00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,051

[all]

Lisa Smith's husband

just bought her a new car...

00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,094

Good, Bebe, why don't

you try this one:

00:15:28,219 --> 00:15:31,640

"I think a trip to Hawaii would

really improve our sex life."

00:15:31,765 --> 00:15:32,974

I think a

trip to Hawaii

00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,017

would really improve

our sex life.

00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:35,894

Outstanding, now... Kenny.

00:15:36,019 --> 00:15:37,687

How about you try:

00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:40,774

"I can't make love to you

until we get a king-size bed."

00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:44,486

[mumbling]

Mph rmph rm rmphrmphm...

rmph rm rmph rm rm rmph.

00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:50,075

Okay... Kenny, could I talk to

you over here real quick?

00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,035

Mph rm.

00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:55,747

Kenny, I don't quite know

how to tell you this, but...

00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,958

I'm not sure Home Economics

is right for you.

00:15:58,083 --> 00:15:59,459

Mph?

00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,086

Well, your cooking

is unsatisfactory

00:16:01,211 --> 00:16:03,380

your sewing skills

are below average and...

00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:05,298

frankly, I don't think

the odds of you

00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,760

marrying a nice, rich man

in the future are very, well...

00:16:08,885 --> 00:16:10,178

good.

00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,763

Mph mm?

00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:13,390

No, I think you should consider

transferring to Shop Class.

00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:15,475

Mph rm!

00:16:19,062 --> 00:16:23,400

Now, now, very few students are

severely injured in Shop Class.

00:16:23,525 --> 00:16:24,734

Mph rmph rm rmph

rm rmph rmph!!

00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,361

[bell rings]

00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:28,196

C'mon, it's time for the fight!

- Yeah!

00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:32,617

Fight? Oh no, no, no, girls!

Haven't I taught you anything?!

00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:34,786

[all shouting]

00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,623

Okay, the time

has finally come!

00:16:38,748 --> 00:16:42,210

Programs, get your

programs here, programs!

00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,379

Remember, Tweek,

punch hard, punch low.

00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,214

Agh!

- This is when you gotta get mean, Tweek!

00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,924

Agh, mean, agh!!

00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,801

The spirit of the

dragon is in your hands.

00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:51,094

[mimicking Chinese]

00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:53,013

Alright?

- Okay.

00:16:53,138 --> 00:16:54,014

Now listen to me!

00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:55,306

[more mimicking]

00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:56,808

Alright, and seriously!

00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,351

Per shang der

pong quang chong!

00:16:58,476 --> 00:16:59,936

Okay, okay!

00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:04,941

Argh!

00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:07,444

[neck cracking]

00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,157

You ready, Tweek?

00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:13,408

You ready, Craig?

00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,035

Let's get it on!

00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,369

Respect my authority.

00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:20,540

Come on, Tweek!

00:17:20,665 --> 00:17:23,084

Come on, Craig!

00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,670

"To Whom it May Concern,

00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,672

"I can no longer

live without her.

00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,632

"I could not

say goodbye to her,

00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:32,385

"and so now I must say

goodbye to all of you!

00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,846

"for I am all out

of nicotine gum.

00:17:34,971 --> 00:17:38,391

"Sincerely yours,

Richard Adler... Shop Class.

00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:40,435

"P.S. Don't

screw around.

00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:44,022

You all screw around too much."

00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:48,276

[saw whirring]

00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:52,197

Goodbye, cruel world.

00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:55,867

Jesus Christ!!

00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,494

What was

I thinking?!

00:17:57,619 --> 00:17:59,245

That would'a

hurt like hell!

00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,705

[kids cheering]

00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,465

Yeah Craig, c'mon,

kick his ass!

00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:14,719

Come on, Tweek,

you got him!

00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,137

Whoa, Tweek,

did you hear that?!

00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:17,639

What?!

- Craig just called

you a boner!

00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,474

Agh!

00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,558

We just have to keep

throwing gas on the fire.

00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:21,559

Yeah.

00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:23,812

[sighs]

00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,855

Mph rmphm rm?

00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,107

What?

00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:29,067

Who are you?

00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:32,278

"Kenny McCormick has been

transferred from Home Ec.

to Shop Class"

00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,280

Well, alright,

get some safety goggles

00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:37,033

and start getting acquainted

with the jigsaw over there.

00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:53,716

[crash]

00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:54,759

What the--

00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,136

Here they are!

00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:57,554

Hey, what's going on?!

00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:58,805

Tweek and Craig

are fighting.

00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,473

We're just watching.

00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:01,808

Well, why the hell

don't you stop them!?

00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:05,728

'Cause we have

ten bucks riding on it!

00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:07,689

Don't screw around!

00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:11,276

Stop screwing around!

00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:14,946

Hey, you're

screwing around too much!

00:19:15,071 --> 00:19:16,614

Arghh!

00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,160

Oh my God,

they killed Kenny!

00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:21,578

You bastards!

00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:22,662

Well don't just

stand there!

00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,747

Call an ambulance!

00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:26,875

You see--

You see what happens

00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,543

when you screw around

in Shop Class?

00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:29,919

Mph rm...

00:19:30,044 --> 00:19:31,504

What?

What's that, son?

00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,173

[echoing]

Richard...

00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:34,424

Aghhh!

00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:37,135

No, no, please don't go!

00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,553

I need you!

00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:39,554

I can't live

without you!

00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,432

Richard,

you have to move on.

00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:43,349

I want you to be happy.

00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:44,767

But I can't!

00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:47,395

I never got

to say goodbye.

00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,397

Then say it now, Richard.

00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:51,441

Goodbye.

00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:53,902

There, now do you

feel better?

00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,445

No.

00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:56,863

Of course

you don't.

00:19:56,988 --> 00:20:00,074

Saying goodbye

doesn't mean anything.

00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,702

It's the time we spent together

that really matters

00:20:02,827 --> 00:20:04,829

not how we left it.

00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:06,247

You--you're right.

00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:07,081

You're right!

00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:08,249

Richard!

00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,292

It's grandma.

00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:10,293

Grandma?!

00:20:10,418 --> 00:20:11,961

Hi, gram!

00:20:12,086 --> 00:20:13,588

You never said

goodbye to me, either.

00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,131

Hey, Richie,

remember me?

00:20:15,256 --> 00:20:16,674

Uncle Corey!

00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,343

Wow, you're

all alive again.

00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:20,428

No, we're dead.

00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,888

I love you, Richard.

00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:23,139

See you soon.

00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:24,432

Thank you!

00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:25,934

Thank you

for freeing me!

00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,185

I feel like now

I can move on!

00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:28,895

Baby, I feel

so much better!

00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,313

I feel so alive!

00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:31,898

Thank you, baby,

thank you!

00:20:32,023 --> 00:20:34,025

Dude, this is pretty

fucked up right here.

00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:40,198

Hi, we're here to visit our

good friends Tweek and Craig.

00:20:40,323 --> 00:20:41,950

Oh, well, I suppose

a quick visit is okay.

00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,410

Maybe you kids

can cheer them up.

00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,747

Hey guys,

how are you feeling?

00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,916

Agh!

- Ugh!

00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:51,042

Well, uh, we just came by

because we have something to

tell you.

00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:53,127

Yeah... see,

we got you to fight

00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:54,587

just 'cause we wanted

to see who was the toughest.

00:20:54,712 --> 00:20:56,256

We made up

all that stuff we said

00:20:56,381 --> 00:20:58,007

to get you guys

mad at each other.

00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,717

Yes, you can

flip us off, Craig.

00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:00,969

We deserve that.

00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:02,553

We just came by

to apologize.

00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:03,554

We feel so bad.

00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:04,847

Boy, do we ever.

00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:07,100

So I guess

we'll be going now.

00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:08,601

And we'll just live

with the knowledge that

00:21:08,726 --> 00:21:09,644

you're both

kind of sissies.

00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,354

What!?

- What!?

00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:12,355

Well, I mean, that's

what was on the news.

00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:13,356

What was

on the news?

00:21:13,481 --> 00:21:14,440

Oh, you didn't see it?

00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:15,566

Tweek's family

was on the news

00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:16,609

saying what a wuss

you are, Craig.

00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:18,236

Huh?!

00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:19,320

Yeah, and then

Craig's family came on

00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:20,571

and said Tweek

was the wuss,

00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:21,447

and then punched Tweek's

mom in the hooters.

00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:22,532

Agh, you

son-of-a-bitch!

00:21:22,657 --> 00:21:24,492

I'm gonna

kick your ass!!

00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,828

Come on, Tweek

you got him!

00:21:26,953 --> 00:21:29,330

Sumo technique, Craig,

sumo technique!