Самопроизвольное возгорание — Отец Стэна должен выяснить, почему люди стали самопроизвольно возгораться. Картмана распинают на кресте.

Предыдущая серия S03 E01 Джунгли-Шмунгли

Следующая серия S03 E03 Суккуб

Самопроизвольное возгорание

Spontaneous Combustion

Сезон: 03Серия: 02

Описание

Отец Стэна должен выяснить, почему люди стали самопроизвольно возгораться. Картмана распинают на кресте.

Субтитры

00:00:10,136 --> 00:00:11,679 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,723 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,141 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,809 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,227 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,396 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:21,897 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,774 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:24,900 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,861 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:31,741 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,242 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:37,538 Is this what you're looking for, Kyle?
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:38,831 No, I don't think so.
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,041 How about this?
00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:41,375 No, that's a hair dryer!
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,460 Can I help you find something?
00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:43,794 Yeah, do you have any "ne-rections"?
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,337 Any what?
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:46,672 I need to get a ne-rection for my dad.
00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,340 Very funny boys, go on, beat it!
00:00:48,466 --> 00:00:50,176 Why is that funny?
00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:51,802 Dude, my mom and dad keep fighting all the time.
00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:53,637 And it's 'cause my dad doesn't have a ne-rection.
00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,097 So I wanna get him one!
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,141 Dammit, what the hell is wrong with everybody?
00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:58,976 That's the 5th store we've been kicked out of.
00:00:59,101 --> 00:00:59,977 Why is it so hard to get a ne-rection?
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,022 I just want a <i>ne-rection so I can give it to my mom.</i> - What?
00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:07,234 Where you gonna go, Kenny to see your girlfriend, again?
00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:10,071 You spend way too much time with that girl--
00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:16,619 Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:17,912 You bastards!
00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:19,246 What the hell happened to him?
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,247 He just... ignited!
00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:21,624 What happened?
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:22,374 I saw it from across the street.
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:23,667 He just caught on fire!
00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:25,961 Okay people, stand back,
00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:28,089 give the little burnt boy some breathing room.
00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:31,217 I've heard about this, this is "spontaneous combustion"!
00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:33,511 But it usually happens to fat people near open flames!
00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:35,221 Is it contagious?
00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:36,055 Am I going to spontaneously combust?
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:36,972 I hope nothing happens to me.
00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:39,266 This is very scary!
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:42,394 The people are panicking about spontaneous combustion!
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,396 That's why I've assembled this crack team of scientists
00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,440 to find out the cause of this phenomenon.
00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:50,611 You are the best scientific minds South Park has to offer.
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:55,282 Uh... Mayor, I'm a geologist.
00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:58,202 I don't study human biology, I study the Earth.
00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,538 You're the only scientist that lives in this town.
00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:02,957 You have to find an answer before more people combust.
00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:06,293 You do that, and you'll be the most beloved man in South Park.
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,879 Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,005 Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:11,340 We love you Randy.
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,217 Make love to me, Randy, please!
00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:15,010 Wow!
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,263 Marsh, I'm not asking you I'm telling you--
00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:18,764 find the cause of spontaneous combustion
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:19,765 or else!
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:20,766 Or else, what?
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,852 Exactly!
00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:30,484 Dude, he looks so peaceful
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:32,069 without his little orange coat on.
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,571 Yeah...
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:41,245 The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away...
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:44,665 Sometimes the giveth seems a little disproportionate to the taketh...
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,667 There seems to be a lot more taketh-ing going on
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,502 but there it is.
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,296 Perhaps if more of you attended church on Sundays
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,214 the Lord would not have felt it necessary
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,717 to punish us by taketh-ing this little boy...
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,510 Oh, here comes the guilt trip, again.
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:59,054 Now let us pray.
00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:02,808 Lord, though we have lost Neil Smith to free-agency
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:04,476 and Steve Atwater to the <i>Jets,</i>
00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,478 still we hope our beloved <i>Broncos</i>
00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:08,772 can bring home another Super Bowl championship.
00:03:08,898 --> 00:03:10,900 And once again bathe in the glory of your light.
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,026 Amen.
00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:12,902 Amen! Amen! Amen!
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,153 ♪ Let's go... ♪
00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,362 Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:16,780 ♪ Broncos... ♪
00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:17,573 Broncos! Broncos! Broncos!
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,825 ♪ Let's go, Broncos... ♪
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,869 Broncos, let's go!! Broncos, let's go!!
00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:25,831 Wow, that was short!
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:28,000 Boys, I haven't seen you in church, lately.
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,877 Well, I'm Jewish!
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,295 You're not too Jewish to worship Jesus, are you?
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,963 I guess not.
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:34,548 Good. Boys, how would you like to perform
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,634 the "Stations of the Cross" this Friday night?
00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,928 It's like a skit, where you re-enact the death
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,138 and glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ.
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,182 Hey, "resurrection," that's what my dad needs!
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,183 Huh?
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,517 We'll do it!
00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:46,977 Wonderful, here's a book on how to perform it.
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,312 Don't let me down, boys!
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,272 Dude, this is great!
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,315 You know all the Stations of the Cross, right Stan?
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,816 I dunno, dude.
00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:53,943 I'm gonna have to go look in the Bible.
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,153 Goodnight, Jerry.
00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:57,446 See ya, Tom, bye, Helen.
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,781 Bye Jer-
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,407 Oh my God, another one!
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:01,575 Helen, no!
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,035 What happened?
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,411 God must be very angry with us.
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:07,539 But why-how have we angered you, Lord?
00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:10,125 Now let's see, if they combust...
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,377 No.. no...
00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:12,628 Dad, where's our Bible?
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,380 Not now Stan, I have to find out what causes
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:15,673 spontaneous combustion, or else.
00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:16,674 Or else, what?
00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:17,675 Exactly.
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,842 What?
00:04:18,968 --> 00:04:20,511 Right.
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:23,931 Where's our Bible?
00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,432 It's in the attic with the old LP's.
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,185 Boys, did you notice anything strange about Kenny
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,979 in the weeks leading up to his combustion?
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,689 What did he spend his time doing?
00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:33,107 He didn't do anything.
00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:33,857 He was always with his new girlfriend.
00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,359 New girlfriend?
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:36,944 Yeah, he started seeing this girl and he spent
00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:38,612 all his time taking the bus to go visit her.
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:39,738 What does that have to do with his death?
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,198 Maybe nothing... Maybe everything.
00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,828 We're gonna go work on getting Kyle's dad a ne-rection.
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:46,829 Yes, yes, of course.
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,414 I've got work to do.
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,165 What!
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:51,875 "Jesus got crucified, then he died,
00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:53,794 then 3 days later he had his <i>nerection."</i>
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,337 There's 14 Stations of the Cross.
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,922 It says we can make costumes out of sheets!
00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:58,173 This is gonna be fun!
00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,174 I'm gonna be Jesus!
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,384 You're too fat to be Jesus!
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:01,635 Oh, like you're gonna do it, Jew!
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,220 Stan should be Jesus.
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,930 Either I'm gonna be Jesus or screw you guys
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,098 I'm going home!
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,683 You're such a fat baby!
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,518 Well I guess you guys can do the Stations of the Cross
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,061 by yourselves!
00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:17,443 Alright, you can be Jesus, you tubby cry-baby!
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:18,777 Sticks and stones may break my bones
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,237 but I'm Jesus and you aren't!
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,572 Alright, alright, let's try it again--
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:23,615 Kenny was standing here.
00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:27,369 Stan, Kyle and Cartman were walking around him...
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,789 Okay, now walk.
00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:32,249 Do you feel hot?
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,959 Uh, no.
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,086 Dammit, how come you're not combusting?
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,505 Come on, Randy, you said we were gonna drink beer and watch the fight!
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,007 Another one combusted!
00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:41,759 No-had she been doing anything odd?
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,470 No, she was just on her way to her new boyfriend's house.
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,473 Boyfriend, and they said Kenny had a new girlfriend.
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,184 This is stupid, screw you guys I'm going home.
00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:52,269 No! I think I might have it.
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,566 Well, well, well, a lot of you came to church.
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,276 Looks like we're all nervous
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,278 about this spontaneous combustion thing, huh?
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,364 Yeah! Yeah! Uh-huh!
00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:06,492 Well, on the blessed Friday, let us give thanks for stuff...
00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:07,868 and things.
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:10,162 Lord, is it so much to ask
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,915 that you <i>not</i> let us burst into flames for no apparent reason?
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,293 I mean... c'mon! Amen.
00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:18,295 And now, some of our darling local children
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,130 are going to perform the Stations of the Cross.
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,257 Awww... Awww... - How cute!
00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:25,677 Station 1-Jesus is condemned to death by pilate.
00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,888 Die! - Ow!
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,932 You can do what you will
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,768 but I am the lamb of God.
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,061 Awwww...
00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:35,938 Station 2-- Jesus takes his cross.
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,898 This cross is seriously heavy
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,192 Oh man, this is totally weak.
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,487 And then Jesus' disciple, Peter, denies he knows him.
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,030 Peter!
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,865 I don't know you, dude.
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,660 Oh Peter, weak. Peter, lame.
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,870 But I'm Jesus so I forgive you, I guess.
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,749 Mayor.
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,793 Mayor, I have it!
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,586 I found out why people spontaneously combust! <i>- Why?</i>
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,922 It's too complicated to explain over the phone.
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,340 Call a town meeting tomorrow.
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,342 Okay, if you're right about this, Marsh
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:08,178 you're going to be the most popular man in South Park!
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:09,388 Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:10,556 Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:11,974 We love you Randy.
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,101 Make love to me, Randy, please!
00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:15,269 Wowww!
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,272 Schmuck!
00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:21,984 Station 11-- Jesus is nailed to the cross.
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,486 Oh, this has gone from weak to super-weak.
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,613 Things cannot get any more weak for me.
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:28,740 Then a crown of thorns was placed on Jesus' head.
00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,659 And Jesus was all like-- "thanks!"
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,537 Well, this sucks that I have to die.
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,956 But if I die, everyone's sins will be forgiven.
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,709 So I guess it's cool.
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:41,211 And then Jesus was led away to Mount Sinai
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,714 where he died, and has a res-erection three days later.
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,507 Hi mom!
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,760 Thank you boys, blessed be the name of Jesus.
00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:51,722 it's a great name, isn't it.
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,557 Hey, that went really well, they really liked it!
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,976 Yeah, told you I'd be a sweet Jesus, you guys...
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,896 Aw man, at least the real Jesus didn't weigh 400 pounds!
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,397 Up your ass with broken glass!
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:01,565 This spot looks good.
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,318 Yeah, that looks pretty good!
00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:05,903 Okay, cool, see ya' Cartman.
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,196 Hey, wait, where the hell you going?
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,489 I dunno, home, I guess.
00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:09,865 Yeah, me too.
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,116 Well, get me down from he'a!
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,701 Cartman, how stupid are you?
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,286 Didn't you read the Bible?
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,746 We have to leave you up there until you die
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:17,372 and then you come back to life in three days.
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:18,957 Yeah, dummy you have to get a <i>nerection.</i>
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,667 Then I can give it to my dad!
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,794 Hey! I don't wanna be Jesus anymore!
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,088 Don't leave me here, you guys!!
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:27,966 Alright, that does it!
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:30,761 Screw you guys... I'm going home.
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,265 Okay, I'm getting pissed, now!
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,021 Yahhhhh!
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,984 All right, people, Scientist Marsh and I
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,361 have been working very hard on the problem
00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,071 of spontaneous combustion.
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:50,113 And we have finally come up with a solution!
00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:51,990 Mr. Marsh?
00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,326 The little boy combusted because he had a new girlfriend.
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:57,120 It wasn't the <i>girl that caused him to combust</i>
00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:58,872 it was the fact that Kenny didn't want to
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,707 pass gas in front of her.
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:03,835 You see, as food is digested the natural processes
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,505 give off a by-product known as methane gas.
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,383 The methane gathers here in the bowel area where it causes pressure.
00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,385 Normally, a person would expel this buildup
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:13,470 in the form of a pleasant fart.
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,931 Should the gas <i>not</i> be expelled, the methane can build up
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,558 and then ignite, leading to...
00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,726 disaster!
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:23,272 Kenny combusted because he held his farts in for too long.
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:26,483 You mean, all we have to do is fart and we won't explode?
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:27,484 Exactly!
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,908 So, from this day forward, everyone in South Park
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,578 will be required to fart on a regular basis
00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,955 to insure that nobody else spontaneously explodes.
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,832 Randy, Randy, Randy!
00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:43,333 We love you, Randy!
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,168 Make love to me, Randy, please!
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,212 Whoa, dude, my dad's famous!
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:50,716 Let's go see how Cartman's doing with his a <i>nerection.</i>
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,467 Wow, he died!
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:53,552 Now we've just got to wait for his erection
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:54,678 and I can give it to my dad!
00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:57,973 Hey, there you guys are!
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,642 You guys are in <i>big</i> trouble, now get me down from he'a!
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,185 How come you're not dead yet?
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,855 I am thirsty get me down, right now.
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:06,773 Look fat ass, after you die, and get resur-erected,
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,734 you'll have all kinds of super powers like Jesus!
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:11,403 Really?
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,697 So hurry up and die you piece of crap!
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:16,116 When I get my super powers
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:19,202 I'm gonna use 'em to smote you two assholes right off the planet!
00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:20,454 Hey, superpowers are sweet!
00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:21,455 Hi, boys.
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,123 Hi, Mr. Macky.
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,416 Have you boys been sure to pass gas regularly
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,335 so you don't spontaneously combust?
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,211 We know how to fart, Mr. Macky.
00:10:28,337 --> 00:10:30,213 Well let me show you, to be sure, okay?
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,215 C'mon...
00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:34,343 Jesus Christ!
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,178 Sick, dude!
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,263 I had a steak wrapped with bacon, last night.
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,431 Dude, I think you, pulled mud!
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,932 So you boys understand,
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:42,643 you have to do that regularly, okay?
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,479 Okay, just go away!
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,689 That was not cool at all, dude!
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,816 Hello boys, have you seen Eric around anywhere?
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:52,569 Uh, we've been taking care of him.
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,279 Yeah, we're having him resur-erected.
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,281 Oh alright, I was just at the store buying some apples!
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,491 Apples?
00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:58,575 Yeah, apples!
00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,701 Apples, get it?
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,203 Dude!
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,704 Stinky apples, see you, boys!
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:03,955 I don't think I like this new law!
00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,248 Squeeker!
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,711 and so I declare today, "Randy Marsh Day".
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,047 Where we shall remember forever how he freed us all
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,257 from the threat of spontaneous combustion.
00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:17,886 Gentlemen...
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,680 You're the best, Randy!
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,682 I am?... I am, huh!
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:24,476 I never knew the depth of my scientific genius until now.
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:25,811 It's too bad Cartman can't be here to enjoy this.
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,396 Yeah.
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,773 Guys, somebody get me down from he'a!
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:33,485 Officer Barbrady!
00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:39,366 "t"... "t" is for "turtle"!
00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:43,704 Hey, help me, you son-of-a-bitch!
00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,914 I'm going to die up here!
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:53,088 We now return to the 42nd annual Nobel Prize Awards.
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,089 Here again, your host, Whoopie Goldberg.
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,096 Republicans are so stupid...
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,016 I hate Republicans.
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,855 Republicans are so stupid.
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,484 And now, here to present the Nobel Prize for Science,
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,945 here is Nick Nolte.
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:20,657 Science-is-good, science-is-very-im-por-tant.
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,367 This year's nominees are:
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:27,205 Herald R. Pinkerton for his further development of the Grand
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,292 Unified Theory of Physics.
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:33,003 Randy Marsh for his for formulated Break Wind Theory
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,922 on Spontaneous Combustion.
00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:39,301 And Alfonz Mephesto for his Seven-Assed Galapagos turtle.
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,430 And the Nobel Prize goes to:
00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:47,142 Randy Marsh for the Theory of Spontaneous Fart-ing!
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,311 No... this can't be!
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,898 Wow! Wow! Oh, wow!
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,942 I'm the best! Yeahh! Yeahh!
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:59,070 It's just so amazing to be told that you're the best.
00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:01,239 I thought I was just a normal person, like all of you
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,241 but.. yeahhh!
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,076 Thank you for showing me otherwise.
00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:07,412 Yeah! I kick ass! Yeahh!
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,498 Fix... fix!
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:10,999 That was supposed to be my award.
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,335 I'll get him for this, mark my words!
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,670 Wow, my dad's the best!
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,255 All other dads suck compared to my dad!
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,382 Hey, my dad's pretty cool too!
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,636 I'm sorry, honey.
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,763 It's okay, I'll just call some 20-year-old
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:25,764 and have him come over.
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:26,807 What!
00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:28,266 I'm just kidding!
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:29,684 That's not funny, that hurt my feelings!
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:30,936 Why?
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,021 Kyle!
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,898 Don't worry you guys, I'm getting a <i>nerection</i> as we speak.
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,858 Huh?
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,193 Actually, Cartman's getting a <i>nerection.</i>
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,319 But then we're gonna give it to you.
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,530 So... buck up!
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,785 We have a very strange little boy, Gerald.
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,084 Dude, you're still not dead!
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,919 My mom is totally worried about me,
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:56,878 you better let me down.
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,547 She's not worried about you.
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,882 Yes she is, I've been hearing her all day, listen!
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:05,846 "Eric, Eric, where are you? I miss you very much!"
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:06,763 That's not your mom, calling!
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,598 "Yes it is, you guys.
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:12,102 This is Eric's mom and I want him home right now."
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,603 How stupid do you think we are?
00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:15,230 Now you die on that cross and get resurrected
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,065 before I kick your ass!
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,567 You guys, it's too hot out he'a.
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,151 I can't do this!
00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:21,903 He <i>is</i> right. It has been getting really hot lately.
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:22,988 Yeah, I noticed that, too.
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:23,697 Let go get some ice cold lemonade!
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:24,698 Hey, yeah!
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,449 Ugh, goddammit!
00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:29,202 You guys, wanna hear my "I hate Stan and Kyle" song?
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,329 ♪ I hate Stan and Kyle ♪
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:34,082 ♪ I seriously hate Stan and Kyle... ♪♪
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:37,168 My God, it's burning up in here!
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:38,753 Can't we crank the AC up some more?
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,547 It's already on "full".
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,215 You wanted to see me, Mayor?
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,884 Yes, Marsh, we have a new problem
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,552 and I think only <i>you can solve it.</i>
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,804 I suspect you're talking about the dramatic heat wave.
00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:50,056 Yes, the temperature's steadily rising every day!
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,058 I want you to find out why.
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,269 Mayor, I think I'm a little over-qualified for this.
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,730 My scientific mind is best used on global problems.
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,356 Alright, alright name your price.
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,233 Ten thousand, I have to protect my talent.
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,776 Done, just find out what's happening.
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,486 Don't worry, mayor I'll find the cause.
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:06,031 Or else... or else what? Exactly.
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,537 What the...?
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,456 Oh, what now?
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,166 Chef, Chef!
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:17,083 Children, what the hell are you doin'?
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:18,418 Just get me down from here!
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,211 Oh finally, my arms are killing me!
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,796 You children shouldn't be out
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,506 crucifying yourselves in this heat!
00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:26,843 Sweet... Now I'm gonna go kill those guys!
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,345 Eric, I have to tell you something
00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:29,596 and it's really gonna bum you out.
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:30,972 What?
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,599 It's really gonna piss you off!
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,601 This is just a dream, you're still up on that cross!
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:36,728 Ohh, dammit!
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,358 Dad, where's the phone book?
00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:42,108 Not now Stanley, without my scientific genius
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,027 the town is doomed.
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:47,697 Let see, when exactly did the temperature start to go up?
00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,824 Our topic tonight is the rising temperatures in South Park.
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,868 Let's go to the phones, caller you're on the air.
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,411 Yeah Jesus, after you got crucified,
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:54,663 how long did it take you to die and resurrect?
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,289 Stan? - That's not the topic tonight.
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,375 The topic is global warming.
00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,918 Oh...
00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:00,919 Do you have an opinion on global warming?
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:02,504 Uh... it sucks ass.
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,422 Okay... thank you caller.
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,633 Let's go to our first guest, Dr. Alfonse Mephesto.
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,010 You claim to know the cause of global warming in South Park.
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,220 I most certainly do.
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,930 The cause of global warming is...
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:13,682 Randy Marsh!
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,476 It was Marsh's Theory on Spontaneous Combustion
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,144 that told everyone to fart all they want.
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,854 Now all the methane from all those farts
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,856 has ripped a hole in our ozone layer.
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,483 We are all doomed to die!
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,527 Awww, crap!
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,030 We want answers! - You've killed us all!
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,573 Someone's got to pay! - This is out of control!
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:32,325 Boy, they're really pissed!
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,160 Well, they're right, we should have known
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,121 that all that methane would adversely affect the atmosphere.
00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:37,038 Well, let's go talk to them.
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,331 Stick by me.
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,334 Hey, you've killed us all!
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,168 Cram that Nobel Prize up your ass!
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,087 Oh my God what's going on?
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,339 Now we either hold in our farts and spontaneously combust
00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:49,300 or we let our farts out and kill our entire planet!
00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:51,094 Well, I for one, am not farting anymore!
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,389 uh, I'll try to find a solution.
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,266 We don't want your solutions, phony!
00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:57,934 Gimme that!
00:16:58,059 --> 00:16:59,561 Damn you, Marsh, get out of town!
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,062 You fraud!
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,480 Oh... oh... oh... oh!
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,733 Mr. Garrison, help me!
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,901 I-I do not know you sir.
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,695 Oh... oh...
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:09,904 Up yours!!
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,239 Yeah take that!!
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,365 Dude, that's my dad!
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,408 Oh, yeah, sorry!
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:19,205 The spontaneous combustion problem escalates
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,000 as more and more people go back to holding in their farts.
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,169 Meanwhile the ozone layer continues to deplete
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,129 as others refuse to hold in their farts
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,714 for fear of combustion.
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:28,757 As we all know, the cause for all of this
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,675 is Randy Marsh.
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,093 The son-of-a-bitch who calls himself a scientist.
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,971 We caught up with Mr. Marsh and he had this to say.
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:37,348 Uhh... I don't know what to say.
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,392 What an asshole, I hate that guy and so do you.
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,811 And now on to the weather. It's fucking hot,
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,647 thanks to Randy Marsh, son-of-a-bitch.
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,316 Dude, those people are pissed!
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,400 I know, wow!
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,651 Where's your dad?
00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:49,402 He's hiding down in the basement!
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:50,737 I don't know what to do!
00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:51,738 Well, you have to help him,
00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:52,614 just like I have to help my dad.
00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:58,620 Still more effects from the heat wave
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,330 caused by Randy Marsh!
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:02,040 A giant glacier is melting above South Park
00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:03,666 and the entire town is doomed.
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,335 And now these messages--
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:06,461 Having a hard time with male potency?
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,837 Well I don't and I'm Bob Dole.
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,547 What's wrong with you?
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:11,341 Christ, I'm Bob Dole and I can get it up!
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:13,093 Are you a lawyer?
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:14,552 Yes!
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:15,386 We want to sue Randy Marsh.
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,721 Why?
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:17,972 He gave us skin cancer!
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,266 Yeah, he put that hole in the ozone
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:23,144 and now we've got skin cancer all over our hot bodies.
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,604 Look...!
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,360 What are you doing, Dad!
00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:31,945 Stanley, I think it's best, you live with Kyle from now on.
00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:33,655 His dad is better than me.
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:34,614 No he's not, he can't even get a <i>nerection.</i>
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,199 Ha, really?
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,076 Dad, you've got to work!
00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:39,577 People are dying, you've got to come up with a solution.
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,621 Not me, I'm not a scientist, I'm a hack.
00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,248 Even if I found a solution
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,541 those people would still all hate me.
00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:46,000 Well that doesn't matter!
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:47,794 I learned something from the Stations of the Cross.
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,337 What?
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,881 See, at first Jesus was all like, "why me?"
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:53,550 And he was all pissed off and stuff.
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,927 But then he saw that what mattered most was everybody else
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,428 so he stopped thinking about his own misery
00:18:57,554 --> 00:18:59,347 and did what had to be done.
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,308 Right as Jesus was dying, he raised his hand and said,
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:05,395 "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,274 You're right, Stanley, you're absolutely right.
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:12,110 Hey, that Bible sounds like kind of a good book.
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:15,697 It's ain't bad, you should try reading it sometime.
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,532 Dude, that was "Star Trek" again.
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,450 "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few?"
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:21,244 That was <i>The Wrath of Khan.</i>
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,579 Bible, <i>Wrath of Khan,</i> what's the difference?
00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,873 Alright, now let's get to work!
00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:34,090 ♪ I've been tellin' everybody that you're my girl ♪
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,885 ♪ 'cause I'm not one to be shy ♪
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,721 ♪ You don't have to go with me if you don't want ♪
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,515 ♪ Just tell everybody I'm your guy ♪
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,268 ♪ You and me girl, it's forever ♪
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,104 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:51,107 ♪ I've been tellin' everybody that you're my girl ♪
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,943 ♪ 'cause I'm not one to be shy ♪
00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:56,946 ♪ I've been tellin' everybody that you're my girl ♪
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,324 ♪ 'cause I'm not one to be shy ♪
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:02,452 ♪ You don't have to go with me if you don't want ♪
00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:05,205 ♪ Just tell everybody I'm your guy ♪
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,999 ♪ You and me girl, it's forever ♪
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:10,960 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:14,422 ♪ You and me girl, together forever ♪
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:17,592 Dad... Dad!
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,385 Wow...
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,012 Dad, what are you doing, you have to get started!
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:23,765 Right, right, right...
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,352 Kyle, where's your mother?
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:28,937 She's upstairs!
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:29,687 Well, I have something to give to her!
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,648 Don't worry, Kyle,
00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,316 everything's going to be okay between me and your mom.
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,109 Really? Great!
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,444 I don't have to worry about <i>that</i> anymore.
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,989 Hello?
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,868 Look, there he is, get him!
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,453 Ummm... please, everyone...
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,288 You're a dead man, Marsh!
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,416 Please, listen to me I think I've found the answer.
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,335 Could I borrow one of your rocks?
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,379 It's all about moderation, if you never fart, you combust
00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:56,506 but if you always fart, you deplete the ozone.
00:20:56,631 --> 00:20:59,092 So we must fart only at appropriate times
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,593 or when it's really, really funny.
00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:01,803 Huh? - Huh?
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,513 I know you all hate me
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,348 but please, for your own sake, fart in moderation.
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,351 You can keep stoning me now, if you want.
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,106 Ow!
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:15,441 And so, we salute Randy Marsh
00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:16,943 and his "Unified Theory of Moderation"
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:19,070 that has saved us all!
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,321 See, my dad is the coolest, after all!
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:21,572 Well, my dad's--
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:22,907 Ooh-Cartman!
00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,158 I forgot all about him!
00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:25,201 He's been up there for like, 3 weeks!
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,452 Wow!
00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:27,996 That's amazing!
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,163 Hey guys, I am really pissed off now!
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:30,415 Dude, you're still alive, Cartman?
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:32,000 Get me down from he'a!
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,293 You survived all this time
00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:34,919 on the fat stored up in your body?
00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,296 Yeah, and when I get down from he'a
00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:39,257 I'm gonna kick you both in the nuts!
00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:41,509 ♪ You and me girl, it's forever ♪
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:44,262 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:47,056 ♪ You and me girl, forever and ever ♪
00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:49,976 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
00:21:50,101 --> 00:21:52,895 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:55,898 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
00:21:56,024 --> 00:21:58,985 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪

00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,500 Самовоспламенение
00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,056 Это - то, что ты ищешь, Кайл?
00:00:38,057 --> 00:00:39,286 Нет, не думаю...
00:00:39,316 --> 00:00:40,316 Смо...ри, э...о?
00:00:40,338 --> 00:00:41,103 Да нет, это - фен!
00:00:41,138 --> 00:00:42,498 Помочь найти вам что-нибудь?
00:00:42,533 --> 00:00:44,628 Ага! Есть у вас "орекция"?
00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:45,629 Есть ЧТО?
00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:46,930 Я хочу купить "орекцию" для моего папы.
00:00:47,431 --> 00:00:49,351 Очень смешно, мальчики! Давайте, валите отсюда!
00:00:49,352 --> 00:00:50,061 Что здесь смешного?
00:00:50,096 --> 00:00:52,531 Блин, мои мама и папа всё время ругаются из-за того, что у папы нет "орекции"
00:00:52,532 --> 00:00:54,911 Поэтому я решил ему её достать
00:00:54,912 --> 00:00:57,794 Блин, что вообще творится со всеми?!
00:00:57,795 --> 00:01:00,459 Это - пятый магазин, из которого нас выставляют Почему так трудно достать "орекцию"?
00:01:00,616 --> 00:01:01,616 Д..! На *уй "о...цию"!
00:01:01,635 --> 00:01:03,295 Да мне нужна "орекция", чтоб отдать моей маме!
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:04,296 Чего?!
00:01:04,416 --> 00:01:05,600 Всё. Уви...ся, я х...чу усп...ть на ав...бус.
00:01:05,635 --> 00:01:07,795 Ой, и куда же собрался наш Кенни? Опять к своей маленькой подружке?
00:01:07,816 --> 00:01:08,816 Да!! О...а люб..ит м...ня!!
00:01:08,915 --> 00:01:10,915 Чувак, ты тратишь на эту тёлку кучу времени. Если ты не...
00:01:15,645 --> 00:01:17,459 О Господи, они убили Кенни!
00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:18,666 Сволочи!
00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:19,755 Что с ним такое произошло?!
00:01:19,756 --> 00:01:21,004 Он просто... загорелся!
00:01:21,005 --> 00:01:21,635 Что случилось?!
00:01:21,670 --> 00:01:24,138 Я видела это с той стороны улицы, он просто вспыхнул и сгорел!
00:01:25,059 --> 00:01:28,510 Так, все разойдитесь, дайте сгоревшему мальчику возможность дышать!
00:01:28,511 --> 00:01:33,327 Я слышал об этом! Это - самовозгорание!
00:01:33,362 --> 00:01:35,104 Но обычно это происходит только с толстыми людьми и вблизи открытого огня.
00:01:35,105 --> 00:01:37,694 - А это заразно?! - А я могу самовозгореться?
00:01:37,729 --> 00:01:39,057 - Только бы такое не со мной! - Как страшно!
00:01:40,596 --> 00:01:45,177 Люди в панике из-за самовозгораний! Именно поэтому я собрала здесь
00:01:45,212 --> 00:01:47,137 первоклассную команду учёных, чтобы изучить причину этого явления
00:01:47,138 --> 00:01:50,174 Здесь – лучшие учёные умы Южного Парка!
00:01:52,895 --> 00:01:55,152 Э... Мэр, я - геолог.
00:01:55,153 --> 00:01:55,767 Точно.
00:01:55,768 --> 00:01:58,892 Ну, я не учил биологию и строение человека, я учил строение земли
00:01:58,893 --> 00:02:01,933 Так, ты - единственный учёный в Южном Парке. Ты должен разобраться с проблемой,
00:02:01,934 --> 00:02:04,840 пока сотни людей не начнут гореть.
00:02:04,841 --> 00:02:07,517 Если ты сделаешь это, ты будешь самым почитаемым человеком в городе.
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:14,194 Мы любим тебя, Ренди! Займись со мной любовью, Ренди! Пожалуйста!
00:02:15,862 --> 00:02:20,353 Марш, я не прошу тебя, я приказываю! Ты должен найти причину самовозгораний, или...
00:02:20,354 --> 00:02:21,282 Или что?
00:02:21,283 --> 00:02:22,896 Вот именно!
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,000 Блин, он выглядит таким мирным без его оранжевой парки.
00:02:32,616 --> 00:02:33,616 Ага..
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:41,288 Господь дал, Господь взял...
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,116 Частенько его "ДАЛ" выглядит непропорционально к его "ВЗЯЛ".
00:02:44,216 --> 00:02:46,516 Вроде, все, что происходит вокруг, так это – его сплошное "ВЗЯЛ-ВЗЯЛ"...
00:02:46,616 --> 00:02:48,593 Но, уж как есть...
00:02:48,594 --> 00:02:53,739 Если бы вы побольше ходили в церковь по воскресениям, Господь бы не считал необходимым
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,569 наказывать своим "ВЗЯЛ-ВЗЯЛ" этого маленького мальчика
00:02:55,570 --> 00:02:57,395 О, блин, пошел опять на жалость давить...
00:02:57,396 --> 00:02:59,008 Всё, теперь помолимся.
00:03:00,531 --> 00:03:06,889 Господь, хоть мы и потеряли Нейла Смита, ставшего свободным игроком, и Стива Атвотера, ушедшего в "Джетс", всё же..
00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:09,871 мы надеемся, что наши возлюбленные "Бронкос" всё же выиграют Суперкубок на чемпионате,
00:03:09,872 --> 00:03:13,514 и снова будут купаться в лучах твоего света и славы. Аминь... - Аминь.
00:03:13,516 --> 00:03:16,074 - Да-вай. - Да-вай.
00:03:16,075 --> 00:03:18,400 - "Бронкос" - "Бронкос"
00:03:18,410 --> 00:03:21,903 - Да-вай, "Бронкос" - "Бронкос"... Давай!
00:03:25,344 --> 00:03:26,369 Ого, быстро так...
00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:28,815 Мальчики, я не вижу вас в церкви в последнее время.
00:03:28,816 --> 00:03:29,816 Ну, я - еврей.
00:03:30,268 --> 00:03:32,315 Надеюсь, твое еврейство не мешает тебе поклонятся Иисусу?
00:03:32,316 --> 00:03:33,316 Думаю, нет.
00:03:33,317 --> 00:03:37,093 Отлично! Дети, хотите сыграть сцены Страстей Христовых в эту пятницу?
00:03:37,128 --> 00:03:37,690 Сцены чего?
00:03:37,691 --> 00:03:41,908 Это типа скетча. Вы разыгрываете смерть и чудесное воскрешение – "резорекцию" – Иисуса Христа.
00:03:41,909 --> 00:03:44,017 Опа! "Раз...орекция"! Как раз то, что нужно моему папе!
00:03:44,018 --> 00:03:44,448 Чего?!
00:03:44,483 --> 00:03:45,631 Мы хотим! Мы хотим!
00:03:45,632 --> 00:03:48,893 Отлично! Вот брошюрка, как это сыграть. Не подведите меня, мальчики!
00:03:48,894 --> 00:03:52,056 Блин, круто! Ты же знаешь всё о о Страстях Христовых, Стен?
00:03:52,057 --> 00:03:54,477 Не знаю, блин, надо бы в Библию глянуть.
00:03:55,699 --> 00:03:58,022 - Спокойной ночи, Джерри! - Пока, Том. Пока, Хелен!
00:03:58,023 --> 00:03:59,512 Пока, Дже...
00:03:59,912 --> 00:04:01,337 О Господи! Ещё одна!
00:04:01,338 --> 00:04:02,391 Хелен, нет!
00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:03,168 Что же это происходит?!
00:04:03,169 --> 00:04:07,762 Господь, должно быть, очень зол на нас! Но за что? Чем мы прогневили тебя, Господи?!
00:04:07,763 --> 00:04:12,171 Посмотрим, воспламенятся ли они от... Нет... а может, от... Нет...
00:04:12,172 --> 00:04:13,176 Пап, где наша Библия?
00:04:13,177 --> 00:04:16,644 Не сейчас, Стен. Я должен определить причину самовозгораний, иначе...
00:04:16,645 --> 00:04:17,637 Иначе что?
00:04:17,638 --> 00:04:19,003 Вот именно.
00:04:19,004 --> 00:04:19,524 Что?
00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:20,547 Точно.
00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:23,687 Где наша Библия?
00:04:23,688 --> 00:04:25,862 Она на чердаке среди старых пластинок
00:04:25,863 --> 00:04:30,060 Мальчики, вы не заметили чего-нибудь странного с Кенни в последнюю неделю перед воспламенением?
00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:32,571 Что в последнее время он делал?
00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:34,867 Ничего не делал. Он всё время проводил со своей новой подружкой.
00:04:34,868 --> 00:04:35,687 Новой подружкой?
00:04:35,688 --> 00:04:39,342 Ага, с тех пор, как он начал с ней встречаться, он каждый день на автобусе к ней ездил. Но чё за нафиг это к его смерти?
00:04:39,343 --> 00:04:41,948 Может, и ни чё.
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:43,948 А может, и - ВСЁ...
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,072 Ну, мы пошли, нам надо поработать, чтобы заполучить для папаши Кайла "орекцию".
00:04:46,073 --> 00:04:48,272 Да, да, конечно... А мне надо поработать...
00:04:49,762 --> 00:04:50,383 Чего?!
00:04:50,384 --> 00:04:54,411 Так, посмотрим, Иисуса распяли, потом он умер, а потом через три дня произошла "раз...орекция"... Господи...
00:04:54,412 --> 00:04:57,667 14 сцен Страстей Христовых... Тут написано, можно сделать костюмы из простыней
00:04:57,668 --> 00:04:58,597 Оба-на, будет прикольно!
00:04:58,598 --> 00:04:59,591 Я буду Иисусом!
00:04:59,592 --> 00:05:00,739 Ты слишком жирный, чтобы быть Иисусом!
00:05:00,740 --> 00:05:02,229 Ой, уж не ты ли им будешь, жид?!
00:05:02,230 --> 00:05:03,253 Стен будет Иисусом.
00:05:03,254 --> 00:05:06,324 Либо я – Иисус, либо... идите в жопу, пацаны, а я иду домой!
00:05:06,325 --> 00:05:07,964 Ты ведешь себя, как жирный ребенок...
00:05:07,965 --> 00:05:10,476 Ну, думаю, вы, пацаны, можете справиться со сценами Страстей Христовых и сами...
00:05:15,477 --> 00:05:18,015 Хорошо, хорошо, можешь быть Иисусом, плаксивый сын бочонка!
00:05:18,016 --> 00:05:21,147 Я пойду на улицу, там поймаю курицу, я – Иисус, а ты – нет!
00:05:21,148 --> 00:05:27,041 Итак, попробуем еще раз. Кенни был здесь, Стен, Кайл и Картман шли возле него.
00:05:27,042 --> 00:05:31,443 Хорошо, идите.
00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,670 - Чувствуешь тепло? – Э, нет.
00:05:33,671 --> 00:05:35,594 Чёрт, почему же ты не возгораешься?!
00:05:35,595 --> 00:05:38,726 Блин, Ренди, ты говорил, мы идём пить пиво и смотреть бокс!
00:05:38,727 --> 00:05:40,024 Ещё одна! Ещё одна сгорела!
00:05:40,025 --> 00:05:42,285 Нет! Она занималась чем-то особенным в этот момент?
00:05:42,286 --> 00:05:44,767 Да нет, просто по пути к её новому другу...
00:05:44,768 --> 00:05:47,806 К другу? Они говорили, у Кенни была новая подружка.
00:05:47,807 --> 00:05:50,567 Чё за тупость! Идите в жопу, пацаны, а я иду домой!
00:05:50,568 --> 00:05:52,277 Нет! Я, кажется, понял!
00:05:55,316 --> 00:05:57,600 Так, так, так. Много же вас сегодня в церкви.
00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:01,500 Похоже, мы всё-таки слегка нервничаем по поводу этих самовозгораний, а?
00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:02,500 Да... ага...
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:07,287 Что же, сегодня, в Святую Пятницу, давайте поблагодарим Бога за всякую хрень...
00:06:07,316 --> 00:06:07,916 ну и все такое...
00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:11,782 Господь, мы чё, так много просим, не мог бы ты не сжигать нас без явной причины?
00:06:11,783 --> 00:06:15,819 В смысле... чё это за нафиг!.. Аминь.
00:06:15,820 --> 00:06:21,264 А теперь пара наших милых местных детишек покажет нам сцены из Страстей Христовых.
00:06:21,616 --> 00:06:22,916 О-о... Какие милые...
00:06:23,027 --> 00:06:26,160 Сцена первая: Иисус приговорен к смерти Пилатом.
00:06:27,117 --> 00:06:28,173 Умри!
00:06:28,174 --> 00:06:32,578 Ты можешь делать всё, что хочешь, но я - агнец Божий!
00:06:34,404 --> 00:06:36,059 Сцена вторая: Иисус несёт крест
00:06:36,060 --> 00:06:40,339 Этот крест реально тяжелый. О люди, я в полной лаже...
00:06:40,340 --> 00:06:43,871 Затем ученик Христа, Пётр отрицает, что знает Его.
00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:47,201 - Пётр! - Я не знаю тебя, чувак.
00:06:47,236 --> 00:06:51,991 О, Пётр – слабак, Пётр – отстой... Но я – Иисус, поэтому я прощаю тебя, типа.
00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:56,071 Мэр.
00:06:56,072 --> 00:06:59,551 Мэр, я понял! Я знаю причину самовозгорания!
00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,990 - И чё там? - Это слишком сложно объяснить по телефону.
00:07:01,991 --> 00:07:03,282 Объявите общее собрание города
00:07:03,283 --> 00:07:07,742 Хорошо. Если ты прав, Марш, ты станешь самым популярным человеком в Южном Парке!
00:07:11,104 --> 00:07:13,936 Мы любим тебя, Ренди! Займись со мной любовью, Ренди! Пожалуйста!
00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:18,440 Лох...
00:07:19,696 --> 00:07:22,167 Сцена 11: Иисус прибит к кресту.
00:07:22,168 --> 00:07:27,007 О, теперь я стал не слаб, а супер слаб. Уже ничего не сделает меня слабее...
00:07:27,008 --> 00:07:31,078 Сплетши венец из тёрна, возложили Ему на голову, а Иисус всех, типа, поблагодарил...
00:07:31,079 --> 00:07:36,498 Ну, в натуре отсосно, что я должен умереть, но если я умру, все грешники будут прощены,
00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:38,118 так что, ну, типа, круто...
00:07:38,119 --> 00:07:44,028 Потом Иисуса отнесли на гору Синай, где он умер, а потом была "раз...орекция" через три дня
00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:44,941 Привет, мам.
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:49,091 Спасибо, мальчики. Да святится имя твое, Иисус.
00:07:49,092 --> 00:07:51,184 Во веки веков, не так ли?
00:07:51,185 --> 00:07:53,464 Прошло круто! Всем реально понравилось!
00:07:53,465 --> 00:07:55,630 Ага, я говорил вам, что из меня получится классный Иисус, пацаны
00:07:56,290 --> 00:07:59,300 Ой чувак, настоящий Иисус хотя бы не весил 400 фунтов!
00:07:59,301 --> 00:08:00,598 Засунь себе в жопу битого стекла!
00:08:00,599 --> 00:08:02,020 Вот это место ничего.
00:08:03,031 --> 00:08:04,820 Ага, выглядит хорошо.
00:08:04,821 --> 00:08:05,872 Окей, супер, увидимся, Картмэн
00:08:05,873 --> 00:08:07,298 Эй, стоять, куда, блин, поперлись?!
00:08:07,299 --> 00:08:08,870 Не знаю, домой, наверное.
00:08:08,871 --> 00:08:09,769 Ага, и я.
00:08:09,770 --> 00:08:10,829 Так, давайте снимайте меня, на..!
00:08:10,830 --> 00:08:14,605 Картмэн, ты - тупой. Ты библию не читал? Мы должны оставить тебя здесь, пока ты не умрешь,
00:08:14,606 --> 00:08:16,316 а потом вернешься к жизни через три дня
00:08:16,317 --> 00:08:18,129 - Что?! - Да, идиот, у тебя будет одна "орекция"
00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,069 Ага, а я отдам её своему отцу
00:08:20,915 --> 00:08:24,527 Эй, эй! Не хочу больше быть Иисусом! Не оставляйте меня здесь! Пацаны!
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:30,539 Ладно, всё, хватит! Идите в жопу, пацаны, я иду домой!
00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:36,433 Ладно, вот теперь вы меня разозлили!
00:08:43,793 --> 00:08:49,160 Итак, господа, учёный Марш и я тяжело потрудились над проблемой самовозгораний
00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:51,999 и в результате нашли решение! Мистер Марш...
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,264 Маленький мальчик загорелся потому, что у него была новая подружка
00:08:55,896 --> 00:08:58,399 Конечно, не сама подружка заставила его загореться, но тот факт, что Кенни
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,136 не хотел выпускать газы, когда она была рядом...
00:09:01,850 --> 00:09:07,300 Понимаете, во время переваривания пищи естественным путем вырабатывается газ метан
00:09:07,301 --> 00:09:10,320 Метан собирается в области кишечника и скапливается под давлением
00:09:10,321 --> 00:09:14,020 Обычно человек вытесняет избыточное давление из организма посредством приятного ему пука
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:19,770 Если газ не вытеснен, возникает избыток метана, воспламенение, ведущее... к катастрофе!
00:09:19,771 --> 00:09:23,740 Кенни взорвался, потому что сдерживался и не пукал слишком долго
00:09:24,536 --> 00:09:27,506 То есть, всё, что нам нужно – это активно пукать, и тогда мы не взорвёмся?
00:09:27,507 --> 00:09:28,467 Вот именно!
00:09:33,317 --> 00:09:40,957 Итак, с этого дня все жители Южного Парка обязаны пукать регулярно, дабы предотвратить самовозгорание!
00:09:40,958 --> 00:09:45,377 Ренди, Ренди, Ренди! Мы любим тебя, Ренди! Займись со мной любовью, Ренди!
00:09:45,378 --> 00:09:47,707 Во, блин! Мой отец стал нереально знаменитым!
00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:50,077 Да ладно. Идём, посмотрим, как там Картмэн продвигается с "раз...орекцией"
00:09:50,078 --> 00:09:52,813 Вау, он умер
00:09:52,814 --> 00:09:55,443 Сейчас дождёмся его воскресения "раз...орекции" и дадим её моему папе
00:09:56,124 --> 00:09:58,244 А, вот вы где, пацаны, на...!
00:09:58,245 --> 00:09:58,855 Картмэн?
00:09:58,856 --> 00:10:01,609 Вы, пацаны, в натуре попали! А ну сняли отсюда меня... на...!
00:10:01,610 --> 00:10:03,145 Почему ты до сих пор жив, Картмэн?
00:10:03,146 --> 00:10:05,915 Пацаны, я серьёзно. Сняли меня! В натуре... на...!
00:10:05,916 --> 00:10:08,055 Слушай, жиртрест, после того, как ты умрешь, и у тебя будет "раз...орекция",
00:10:08,056 --> 00:10:10,131 ты сможешь делать всякие супер-волшебные штуки, как Иисус
00:10:10,491 --> 00:10:11,132 Правда?
00:10:11,133 --> 00:10:13,614 Да, поэтому давай дохни быстрей, кусок дерьма!
00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:19,176 Когда я смогу делать супер-волшебные штуки, я вас, двух козлов, вышвырну нафиг с Земли!
00:10:20,055 --> 00:10:21,379 Блин, супер-волшебные штуки это - круто!
00:10:21,380 --> 00:10:22,276 Здравствуйте, мальчики.
00:10:22,277 --> 00:10:23,454 Здравствуйте, мистер Мэккей,
00:10:23,455 --> 00:10:27,384 Вы, мальчики, регулярно выпускаете газы, чтобы не самовозгореться?
00:10:27,385 --> 00:10:28,691 Да, мы умеем пукать, мистер Мэккей!
00:10:28,692 --> 00:10:30,815 Дайте я вам на всякий случай покажу, для уверенности, мммкей?
00:10:31,572 --> 00:10:33,725 Ну, давай же, хорошая девочка, ммм..
00:10:33,726 --> 00:10:35,258 - Господи Иисусе! – Да ты больной, блин!
00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:38,430 Я вчера ел бифштекс с беконом
00:10:38,431 --> 00:10:39,431 Блин, я думаю, ты - тупой мудак!
00:10:39,788 --> 00:10:43,371 Надеюсь, вы понимаете, что вы должны делать это регулярно, мммкей?
00:10:43,649 --> 00:10:45,444 Да окей, окей! Только исчезни!
00:10:46,321 --> 00:10:48,411 Да, это было совсем не круто, блин.
00:10:48,412 --> 00:10:50,700 Здравствуйте, мальчики, вы не видели случайно Эрика?
00:10:50,865 --> 00:10:52,861 Да, с ним всё в порядке
00:10:52,862 --> 00:10:54,505 Да, он там самовоскрешается!
00:10:54,506 --> 00:10:56,921 О, а я как раз была в магазине и покупала яблочки
00:10:56,922 --> 00:10:57,989 - Яблочки? - Да. Яблочки.
00:10:58,089 --> 00:10:58,689 Яблочки! Уловили?
00:10:58,699 --> 00:10:59,689 - Блин! - Больная!!
00:10:59,757 --> 00:11:02,095 Ароматные яблочки! До свидания, мальчики!
00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:04,433 Мне чего-то этот новый закон не нравится.
00:11:04,468 --> 00:11:05,141 Пролезло!
00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:10,850 Итак, я объявляю сегодняшний день Днём Ренди Марша, в память о том,
00:11:10,885 --> 00:11:14,506 что именно он придумал средство от самовозгорания!
00:11:15,938 --> 00:11:17,028 Господа!
00:11:19,216 --> 00:11:20,767 Ты - лучший, Ренди!
00:11:20,768 --> 00:11:25,557 Я - лучший? Я - лучший! А я и не понимал всю глубину моего научного гения до сих пор!
00:11:25,558 --> 00:11:27,197 Жаль, что Картмэн не может быть с нами в этот исторический момент!
00:11:27,198 --> 00:11:27,757 Да уж...
00:11:27,758 --> 00:11:30,712 Эй, пацаны! Серьёзно! Кто-нибудь, снимите меня отсюда!
00:11:32,412 --> 00:11:33,512 Офицер Барбреди!
00:11:37,203 --> 00:11:39,703 Т! Т – "тыква"!
00:11:41,983 --> 00:11:43,735 Эй! Сними меня отсюда, сучий потрох!
00:11:44,415 --> 00:11:46,405 Я подохну здесь!
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:52,756 И снова, 42-ая церемония награждения Нобелевской премией
00:11:52,757 --> 00:11:55,666 Встречайте, ведущая церемонии Вупи Голдберг!
00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:01,838 Республиканцы – такие тупые!
00:12:04,819 --> 00:12:06,307 Ненавижу республиканцев!
00:12:08,922 --> 00:12:11,203 Республиканцы – такие тупые!
00:12:12,847 --> 00:12:16,747 А сейчас, для вручения Нобелевской премии в номинации "Наука" встречайте Ника Нолта
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:23,427 Наука – это хорошо. Наука – это замеча...тельно! И номинанты этого года...
00:12:23,428 --> 00:12:29,656 Херолд А. Пинкертон за дальнейшее развитие великой единой теории физики
00:12:29,657 --> 00:12:35,075 Ренди Марш за его воздухоломную теорию самовозгорания
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:40,403 И Альфонс Мефесто за его семижопую Галапагосскую черепаху.
00:12:41,503 --> 00:12:43,942 И Нобелевская премия присуждается...
00:12:43,943 --> 00:12:47,482 Ренди Маршу за его теорию самопроизвольного пука-фука!
00:12:48,662 --> 00:12:50,492 Нет! Не может быть! Нет!
00:12:51,182 --> 00:12:57,439 Вау! О! Вау! Я - лучший! Да! Да!
00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:01,986 Это так прекрасно, когда тебе говорят, что ты - лучший! Я думал, что я – обычный парень,
00:13:01,987 --> 00:13:08,084 как вы, но ... Да! Спасибо, что вы открыли мне глаза! Да! Я крут! Да!
00:13:08,356 --> 00:13:11,869 Подстроено! Это всё подстроено! Это должна была быть моя премия, Кевин!
00:13:11,904 --> 00:13:14,116 Я ещё доберусь до него. Помяни мои слова!
00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:18,316 Блин, мой папа крут! Все остальные папаши просто сосут по сравнению с моим папкой!
00:13:18,317 --> 00:13:20,140 Эй, мой папаша тоже неслабо крут!
00:13:22,226 --> 00:13:23,736 Извини меня, дорогая...
00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:26,672 Ничего ... Я просто звякну кому-нибудь лет двадцати, чтоб зашёл...
00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:28,044 - Чего?! - Шутка.
00:13:28,045 --> 00:13:30,993 Шутка?! Так вот, это - не смешно! Это больно ранит мои чувства!
00:13:30,994 --> 00:13:32,396 - Почему? - Почему?!
00:13:32,397 --> 00:13:36,164 - Кайл?! - Не волнуйтесь, у меня будет одна "орекция", как мы говорили!
00:13:37,261 --> 00:13:41,563 Ну, реально у Картмэна будет "раз...орекция", но он отдаст её вам, так что... не вешать нос!
00:13:44,985 --> 00:13:47,373 У нас растёт очень странный сын, Джеральд
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,714 Блин, он ещё не умер!
00:13:54,715 --> 00:13:57,294 Парни, моя мама не на шутку волнуется, так что лучше снимите меня
00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:58,295 Она совсем не волнуется
00:13:58,296 --> 00:13:59,296 Ещё как! Я каждый день слышу её! Слушайте…
00:14:01,642 --> 00:14:06,051 Эрик? Эрик, где ты? Я так скучаю по тебе!
00:14:06,052 --> 00:14:07,498 Это - не твоя мама, Картмэн!
00:14:07,499 --> 00:14:12,564 Да, это я, пацаны! В натуре, пацаны, это – мама Эрика, и я хочу, чтобы он вернулся домой немедленно!
00:14:12,565 --> 00:14:15,226 Ты что думаешь, мы - идиоты?!
00:14:15,227 --> 00:14:17,637 Если ты не помрёшь на кресте, и у тебя не будет "раз...орекции", я тебе надеру задницу!
00:14:17,672 --> 00:14:20,324 Пацаны, здесь слишком жарко, на...! Я не могу помирать в такой жаре
00:14:20,325 --> 00:14:22,121 Он прав, последнее время действительно серьёзно потеплело
00:14:22,122 --> 00:14:24,366 Да, точно. Пойдем, что ли, купим холодненького лимонадца?
00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:25,143 Ага!
00:14:25,144 --> 00:14:29,919 О, чёрт! Козлы! Чё, пацаны, так и хотите услышать мою песню "Ненавижу Стена и Кайла"
00:14:30,311 --> 00:14:34,547 Ненавижу Стена и Кайла! В натуре ненавижу Стена и Кайла!
00:14:35,533 --> 00:14:39,633 Блин, тут зажариться можно! Можно включить кондиционер посильней?
00:14:39,634 --> 00:14:40,623 Он уже на максимуме
00:14:40,624 --> 00:14:42,139 Мэр, вы хотели меня видеть?
00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:45,470 Да, Марш, у нас новая проблема и мне кажется, только вы можете её решить!
00:14:45,471 --> 00:14:47,883 Я думаю, вы говорите о глобальном потеплении
00:14:47,884 --> 00:14:52,053 Да! Температура растет каждый день. Я хочу, чтобы вы выяснили, почему!
00:14:52,054 --> 00:14:56,913 Мэр, мне кажется, я слишком умен для этого. Мой научный мозг должен заниматься только великими глобальными вопросами
00:14:56,914 --> 00:14:58,643 Хорошо, хорошо. Чего же вы хотите?
00:14:58,644 --> 00:15:00,090 Десять тысяч. Я должен защищать свой талант!
00:15:00,091 --> 00:15:01,703 Договорились, только выясните, в чём дело.
00:15:01,704 --> 00:15:05,792 Не волнуйтесь, я найду причину. Иначе... Что иначе? Вот именно!
00:15:07,401 --> 00:15:09,735 В натуре, пацаны... серьезно...
00:15:11,253 --> 00:15:14,552 Чё за нафиг...
00:15:14,552 --> 00:15:17,059 Дети, какого чёрта вы здесь делаете!
00:15:17,060 --> 00:15:18,040 Просто сними меня отсюда!
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,179 Ой, наконец-то. Мои руки просто отваливаются
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:23,498 Дети, не стоит распинать друг друга, тем более на такой жаре
00:15:24,499 --> 00:15:27,191 Круто. Ну теперь я точно убью этих уродов!
00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:30,183 Эрик, я должен сказать тебе кое-что, что тебя просто ошарашит.
00:15:30,184 --> 00:15:30,476 Что?
00:15:30,477 --> 00:15:32,683 - Но это тебя конкретно расстроит. - Что?!
00:15:32,718 --> 00:15:34,890 Это - всего лишь сон. Ты всё еще на кресте.
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,168 О блин, дьявол!
00:15:39,625 --> 00:15:40,738 Пап, где телефонный справочник?
00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:43,682 Не сейчас, Стэнли, от моего научного гения зависит судьба этого города
00:15:43,683 --> 00:15:47,245 Так, посмотрим, когда точно температура начинает подниматься...
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,754 Главная тема сегодня – продолжающееся потепление в Южном Парке
00:15:49,755 --> 00:15:52,075 Послушаем звоночки. Алло, вы в эфире
00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:55,519 Да, Иисус... После того, как тебя распяли, сколько времени прошло до того, как ты умер и воскрес?
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:55,976 Стен?
00:15:55,977 --> 00:15:58,535 Это - не тема нашей передачи. Сегодня мы говорим о глобальном потеплении
00:15:59,130 --> 00:16:01,017 У вас есть что сказать по этому поводу?
00:16:01,018 --> 00:16:02,901 А... ну, это – отсосно.
00:16:02,902 --> 00:16:06,475 Отлично. Спасибо за звонок. А у нас первый гость. Доктор Альфонс Мефесто.
00:16:06,476 --> 00:16:09,165 Спасибо, что пришли. Вы заявили, что знаете причину потепления
00:16:09,166 --> 00:16:13,250 Конечно, я знаю! Причина глобального потепления это... Ренди Марш!
00:16:14,714 --> 00:16:18,367 Ведь именно его теория самовозгорания обязала всех жителей пукать, когда им вздумается
00:16:18,402 --> 00:16:22,020 Теперь метан из этих газов проел дырку в озоновом слое.
00:16:22,021 --> 00:16:23,642 И мы все обречены на смерть!
00:16:24,652 --> 00:16:25,618 Вот дерьмо.
00:16:25,619 --> 00:16:30,692 К ответу! Из-за вас мы погибнем! Кто-то должен ответить за это!
00:16:30,693 --> 00:16:32,298 Парень, они серьезно разозлились
00:16:32,299 --> 00:16:36,197 Что ж, они правы, мы должны были знать, что метан так неблагоприятно влияет на атмосферу
00:16:36,198 --> 00:16:38,177 Надо пойти и вместе поговорить с ними. Держитесь меня...
00:16:40,369 --> 00:16:42,720 Ты нас всех погубил! Засунь свою Нобелевскую премию в задницу!
00:16:42,721 --> 00:16:43,690 Блин, что происходит?!
00:16:43,691 --> 00:16:46,460 Теперь либо мы будем сдерживать наши газы и самовозгораться,
00:16:46,461 --> 00:16:51,490 либо не будем их сдерживать и уничтожим всю планету! Так что, я лично не буду теперь пукать вообще!
00:16:52,909 --> 00:16:54,979 Ну, я ищу решение...
00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:56,899 Не нужно нам твоих решений, жулик!
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:58,448 Дай мне это! Да!
00:16:58,449 --> 00:17:01,228 - Пошел ты, Марш! Вали из города! – Мошенник!
00:17:03,994 --> 00:17:05,054 Мистер Гаррисон, помогите мне!
00:17:05,055 --> 00:17:07,194 Я не знаю вас, сэр!
00:17:10,558 --> 00:17:12,167 - Да! На, получи! – Блин, это же мой папа!
00:17:12,168 --> 00:17:13,687 А, да, извини.
00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:21,623 Проблема самовозгорания продолжает обостряться, так как больше и больше людей сдерживают свои газы
00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:25,663 Тем временем озоновый слой продолжает истощаться, так как многие отказываются сдерживать
00:17:25,698 --> 00:17:26,838 свои газы из-за боязни самовозгорания
00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:29,668 И как мы все знаем причина всему этому – Ренди Марш!
00:17:29,669 --> 00:17:31,678 Сукин сын, который называет себя учёным!
00:17:31,679 --> 00:17:34,848 Мы смогли взять интервью Мистера Марша, и вот что он нам сказал:
00:17:35,641 --> 00:17:37,261 Я не знаю, что сказать...
00:17:37,262 --> 00:17:40,261 Что за придурок! Я ненавижу этого парня, и вы, надеюсь, тоже! И о погоде:
00:17:40,262 --> 00:17:42,861 Сегодня будет ох**нно жарко, благодаря Ренди Маршу – сучьему сыну!
00:17:44,698 --> 00:17:46,288 Блин, а они конкретно расстроились!
00:17:46,289 --> 00:17:46,841 Да знаю!
00:17:46,842 --> 00:17:47,731 А где твой отец?
00:17:47,732 --> 00:17:49,871 Он прячется в подвале. Я не знаю, что мне делать
00:17:49,872 --> 00:17:52,101 Ты должен ему помочь, так же как я помог своему.
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,922 Ещё одно последствие потепления, в котором повинен Ренди Марш -
00:17:59,923 --> 00:18:04,731 Огромный ледник, тая, надвигается на Южный Парк. Город обречен! А теперь реклама!
00:18:04,732 --> 00:18:08,102 Проблемы с потенцией? А у меня нет, и я – Боб Дол!
00:18:08,103 --> 00:18:10,682 Что с тобой? Боже, я – Боб Дол и у меня встает...
00:18:11,874 --> 00:18:13,977 - Вы адвокат? - Да.
00:18:13,978 --> 00:18:15,778 Мы хотим подать иск на Ренди Марша!
00:18:15,779 --> 00:18:16,205 Почему?
00:18:16,206 --> 00:18:17,695 Он заразил нас раком кожи!
00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:23,910 Да! Он сделал в озоне дырку, и теперь у нас рак кожи по всем нашим красивым телам, вот!
00:18:28,420 --> 00:18:29,425 Что ты делаешь, пап?
00:18:29,426 --> 00:18:31,883 Стэнли, я думаю, тебе лучше жить теперь с Кайлом.
00:18:31,884 --> 00:18:33,213 Его отец лучше, чем я.
00:18:33,214 --> 00:18:34,813 Нет! У него даже ни одной "орекции"!
00:18:35,649 --> 00:18:36,434 Чё, правда?
00:18:36,435 --> 00:18:39,544 Пап, тебе надо взяться за работу. Люди умирают, ты должен им помочь!
00:18:39,545 --> 00:18:44,564 Я не смогу! Я - не ученый, я – дилетант. И даже если бы я нашел решение, люди бы все равно ненавидели бы меня.
00:18:44,565 --> 00:18:47,648 Это не важно! Я вынес кое-что важное из Страстей Христовых.
00:18:47,649 --> 00:18:49,108 Что?
00:18:49,109 --> 00:18:53,218 Сначала Иисус всё время спрашивал типа "почему я", злился, короче, всякая фигня.
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:55,820 Но потом он понял, что на самом деле важно, и он перестал думать о себе и жалеть себя
00:18:55,855 --> 00:18:58,510 И сделал то, что нужно было сделать.
00:18:58,511 --> 00:19:04,650 И когда Иисус умирал, он поднял руки и сказал: "Многие позваны, но не многие избраны!"
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:12,170 Ты прав, Стэнли, ты абсолютно прав! Эй, а эта Библия – хорошая книжка!
00:19:12,171 --> 00:19:14,610 Неплохая. Тебе стоит её как-нибудь почитать.
00:19:16,246 --> 00:19:17,336 Блин, это вообще-то слова из "Стар Трэка"
00:19:17,337 --> 00:19:17,856 Что?
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,507 "Многие позваны, но не многие избраны!" Это сказал Варт Хан.
00:19:20,508 --> 00:19:22,324 Да ладно, Библия или Варт Хан, какая разница?
00:19:22,325 --> 00:19:24,304 Итак, за работу!
00:20:13,904 --> 00:20:17,034 Пап! Пап!
00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:20,504 Пап, ты чего?! Давай, начинай!
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:23,415 Да-да-да!
00:20:26,155 --> 00:20:27,575 Кайл! Где твоя мать!
00:20:27,576 --> 00:20:28,576 Она наверху.
00:20:28,577 --> 00:20:33,426 Что ж, у меня для неё кое-что есть. Не волнуйся Кайл, всё будет хорошо между мной и мамой.
00:20:33,427 --> 00:20:35,707 Правда? Круто, теперь мне не надо об этом беспокоиться.
00:20:37,962 --> 00:20:39,469 Помогите!
00:20:42,343 --> 00:20:44,233 - Смотрите, вот он! - Ловите его!
00:20:44,234 --> 00:20:45,464 Пожалуйста, послушайте...
00:20:45,465 --> 00:20:46,854 Ты - покойник, Марш!
00:20:47,848 --> 00:20:50,268 Пожалуйста! Просто выслушайте меня! Кажется, я нашёл решение!
00:20:50,269 --> 00:20:51,411 Не одолжите мне один камушек?
00:20:51,412 --> 00:20:56,641 Решение в умеренности. Если вы совсем не пукаете, вы загораетесь, но если вы пукаете всё время, вы уничтожаете озоновый слой.
00:20:56,642 --> 00:21:01,101 Значит, мы должны пукать только, когда это необходимо или очень, очень смешно!
00:21:01,586 --> 00:21:08,386 Я знаю, вы ненавидите меня. Но это в ваших же интересах... Пукайте умеренно...
00:21:08,881 --> 00:21:10,081 Можете продолжать кидать камни, если хотите
00:21:13,067 --> 00:21:13,801 Прошло три недели...
00:21:13,802 --> 00:21:18,241 Мы чествуем сегодня Ренди Марша и его теорию умеренности, которая спасла нас всех!
00:21:19,255 --> 00:21:20,698 Видишь, в результате мой отец оказался самым крутым!
00:21:20,699 --> 00:21:21,188 Ну мой отец...
00:21:21,189 --> 00:21:22,052 Блин! Картмэн!
00:21:22,053 --> 00:21:23,292 Я совсем забыл о нём!
00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:26,104 - Он просидел здесь три недели! – Ого!
00:21:26,105 --> 00:21:27,055 Вот это круто!
00:21:27,056 --> 00:21:29,005 Пацаны! Теперь я по настоящему зол, на...!
00:21:29,006 --> 00:21:30,859 Блин, Картмэн, ты жив ещё?
00:21:30,860 --> 00:21:31,939 Я сказал, сняли меня отсюда, на...!!!
00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:34,729 Чел, ты прожил 3 недели на своем жире?!
00:21:34,730 --> 00:21:38,600 Да, дайте только мне слезть, на..., и я вас обоих отпинаю по яйцам в толченые орехи!!!
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,000 Перевод и адаптация: LazyMax LazyMax@mail.com

00:00:10,136 --> 00:00:11,679 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,723 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,141 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,809 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,227 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,396 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:21,897 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,774 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:24,900 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,861 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:29,905 [♪ Mumbling ♪]
00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:31,741 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,242 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:37,538 Is this what you're looking for, Kyle?
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:38,831 No, I don't think so.
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,041 [mumbling] How about this?
00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:41,375 No, that's a hair dryer!
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,460 Can I help you find something?
00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:43,794 Yeah, do you have any "ne-rections"?
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,337 Any what?
00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:46,672 I need to get a ne-rection for my dad.
00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,340 Very funny boys, go on, beat it!
00:00:48,466 --> 00:00:50,176 Why is that funny?
00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:51,802 Dude, my mom and dad keep fighting all the time.
00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:53,637 And it's 'cause my dad doesn't have a ne-rection.
00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,097 So I wanna get him one!
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,141 Dammit, what the hell is wrong with everybody?
00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:58,976 That's the 5th store we've been kicked out of.
00:00:59,101 --> 00:00:59,977 Why is it so hard to get a ne-rection?
00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,937 [mumbling]
00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,022 I just want a <i>ne-rection so I can give it to my mom.</i> - What?
00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:05,024 [mumbling]
00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:07,234 Where you gonna go, Kenny to see your girlfriend, again?
00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:08,819 [mumble]
00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:10,071 You spend way too much time with that girl--
00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:12,239 [whoosh]
00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:16,619 Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:17,912 You bastards!
00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:19,246 What the hell happened to him?
00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,247 He just... ignited!
00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:21,624 What happened?
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:22,374 I saw it from across the street.
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:23,667 He just caught on fire!
00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:25,961 Okay people, stand back,
00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:28,089 give the little burnt boy some breathing room.
00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:31,217 I've heard about this, this is "spontaneous combustion"!
00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:33,511 But it usually happens to fat people near open flames!
00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:35,221 Is it contagious?
00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:36,055 Am I going to spontaneously combust?
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:36,972 I hope nothing happens to me.
00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:39,266 This is very scary!
00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:42,394 The people are panicking about spontaneous combustion!
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,396 That's why I've assembled this crack team of scientists
00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,440 to find out the cause of this phenomenon.
00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:50,611 You are the best scientific minds South Park has to offer.
00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:55,282 Uh... Mayor, I'm a geologist.
00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:58,202 I don't study human biology, I study the Earth.
00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,538 You're the only scientist that lives in this town.
00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:02,957 You have to find an answer before more people combust.
00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:06,293 You do that, and you'll be the most beloved man in South Park.
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,879 Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,005 Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:11,340 We love you Randy.
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,217 Make love to me, Randy, please!
00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:15,010 Wow!
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,263 Marsh, I'm not asking you I'm telling you--
00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:18,764 find the cause of spontaneous combustion
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:19,765 or else!
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:20,766 Or else, what?
00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,852 Exactly!
00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:30,484 Dude, he looks so peaceful
00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:32,069 without his little orange coat on.
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,571 Yeah...
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:41,245 The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away...
00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:44,665 Sometimes the giveth seems a little disproportionate to the taketh...
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,667 There seems to be a lot more taketh-ing going on
00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,502 but there it is.
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,296 Perhaps if more of you attended church on Sundays
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,214 the Lord would not have felt it necessary
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,717 to punish us by taketh-ing this little boy...
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,510 Oh, here comes the guilt trip, again.
00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:59,054 Now let us pray.
00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:02,808 Lord, though we have lost Neil Smith to free-agency
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:04,476 and Steve Atwater to the <i>Jets,</i>
00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,478 still we hope our beloved <i>Broncos</i>
00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:08,772 can bring home another Super Bowl championship.
00:03:08,898 --> 00:03:10,900 And once again bathe in the glory of your light.
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,026 Amen.
00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:12,902 Amen! Amen! Amen!
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,153 ♪ Let's go... ♪
00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,362 Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:16,780 ♪ Broncos... ♪
00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:17,573 Broncos! Broncos! Broncos!
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,825 ♪ Let's go, Broncos... ♪
00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,869 Broncos, let's go!! Broncos, let's go!!
00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:25,831 Wow, that was short!
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:28,000 Boys, I haven't seen you in church, lately.
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,877 Well, I'm Jewish!
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,295 You're not too Jewish to worship Jesus, are you?
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,963 I guess not.
00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:34,548 Good. Boys, how would you like to perform
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,634 the "Stations of the Cross" this Friday night?
00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,928 It's like a skit, where you re-enact the death
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,138 and glorious resurrection of Jesus Christ.
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,182 Hey, "resurrection," that's what my dad needs!
00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,183 Huh?
00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,517 We'll do it!
00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:46,977 Wonderful, here's a book on how to perform it.
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,312 Don't let me down, boys!
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,272 Dude, this is great!
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,315 You know all the Stations of the Cross, right Stan?
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,816 I dunno, dude.
00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:53,943 I'm gonna have to go look in the Bible.
00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,153 Goodnight, Jerry.
00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:57,446 See ya, Tom, bye, Helen.
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,781 Bye Jer- [whoosh]
00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,407 Oh my God, another one!
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:01,575 Helen, no!
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,035 What happened?
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,411 God must be very angry with us.
00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:07,539 But why-how have we angered you, Lord?
00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:10,125 [Mr. Marsh muttering] Now let's see, if they combust...
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,377 No.. no...
00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:12,628 Dad, where's our Bible?
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,380 Not now Stan, I have to find out what causes
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:15,673 spontaneous combustion, or else.
00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:16,674 Or else, what?
00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:17,675 Exactly.
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,842 What?
00:04:18,968 --> 00:04:20,511 Right.
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:23,931 Where's our Bible?
00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,432 It's in the attic with the old LP's.
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,185 Boys, did you notice anything strange about Kenny
00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,979 in the weeks leading up to his combustion?
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,689 What did he spend his time doing?
00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:33,107 He didn't do anything.
00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:33,857 He was always with his new girlfriend.
00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,359 New girlfriend?
00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:36,944 Yeah, he started seeing this girl and he spent
00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:38,612 all his time taking the bus to go visit her.
00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:39,738 What does that have to do with his death?
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,198 Maybe nothing... Maybe everything.
00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,367 [ominous music]
00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,828 We're gonna go work on getting Kyle's dad a ne-rection.
00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:46,829 Yes, yes, of course.
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,414 I've got work to do.
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,165 What!
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:51,875 "Jesus got crucified, then he died,
00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:53,794 then 3 days later he had his <i>nerection."</i>
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,337 There's 14 Stations of the Cross.
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,922 It says we can make costumes out of sheets!
00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:58,173 This is gonna be fun!
00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,174 I'm gonna be Jesus!
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,384 You're too fat to be Jesus!
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:01,635 Oh, like you're gonna do it, Jew!
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,220 Stan should be Jesus.
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,930 Either I'm gonna be Jesus or screw you guys
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,098 I'm going home!
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,683 You're such a fat baby!
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,518 Well I guess you guys can do the Stations of the Cross
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,061 by yourselves!
00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:17,443 Alright, you can be Jesus, you tubby cry-baby!
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:18,777 Sticks and stones may break my bones
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,237 but I'm Jesus and you aren't!
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,572 Alright, alright, let's try it again--
00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:23,615 Kenny was standing here.
00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:27,369 Stan, Kyle and Cartman were walking around him...
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,789 Okay, now walk.
00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:32,249 Do you feel hot?
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,959 Uh, no.
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,086 Dammit, how come you're not combusting?
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,505 Come on, Randy, you said we were gonna drink beer and watch the fight!
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,007 Another one combusted!
00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:41,759 No-had she been doing anything odd?
00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,470 No, she was just on her way to her new boyfriend's house.
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,473 Boyfriend, and they said Kenny had a new girlfriend.
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,184 This is stupid, screw you guys I'm going home.
00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:52,269 No! I think I might have it.
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,566 Well, well, well, a lot of you came to church.
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,276 Looks like we're all nervous
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,278 about this spontaneous combustion thing, huh?
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,364 Yeah! Yeah! Uh-huh!
00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:06,492 Well, on the blessed Friday, let us give thanks for stuff...
00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:07,868 and things.
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:10,162 Lord, is it so much to ask
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,915 that you <i>not</i> let us burst into flames for no apparent reason?
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,293 I mean... c'mon! Amen.
00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:18,295 And now, some of our darling local children
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,130 are going to perform the Stations of the Cross.
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,257 Awww... Awww... - How cute!
00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:25,677 Station 1-Jesus is condemned to death by pilate.
00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,888 Die! - Ow!
00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,932 You can do what you will
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,768 but I am the lamb of God.
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,061 [congregation] Awwww...
00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:35,938 Station 2-- Jesus takes his cross.
00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,898 This cross is seriously heavy
00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,192 Oh man, this is totally weak.
00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,487 And then Jesus' disciple, Peter, denies he knows him.
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,030 Peter!
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,865 I don't know you, dude.
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,660 Oh Peter, weak. Peter, lame.
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,870 But I'm Jesus so I forgive you, I guess.
00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,123 [phone ringing]
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,749 Mayor.
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,793 Mayor, I have it!
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,586 I found out why people spontaneously combust! <i>- Why?</i>
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,922 It's too complicated to explain over the phone.
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,340 Call a town meeting tomorrow.
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,342 Okay, if you're right about this, Marsh
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:08,178 you're going to be the most popular man in South Park!
00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:09,388 Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:10,556 Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:11,974 We love you Randy.
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,101 Make love to me, Randy, please!
00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:15,269 Wowww!
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,272 Schmuck!
00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:21,984 Station 11-- Jesus is nailed to the cross.
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,486 Oh, this has gone from weak to super-weak.
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,613 Things cannot get any more weak for me.
00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:28,740 Then a crown of thorns was placed on Jesus' head.
00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,659 And Jesus was all like-- "thanks!"
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,537 Well, this sucks that I have to die.
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,956 But if I die, everyone's sins will be forgiven.
00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,709 So I guess it's cool.
00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:41,211 And then Jesus was led away to Mount Sinai
00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,714 where he died, and has a res-erection three days later.
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,507 Hi mom!
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,760 Thank you boys, blessed be the name of Jesus.
00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:51,722 [congregation] it's a great name, isn't it.
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,557 Hey, that went really well, they really liked it!
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,976 Yeah, told you I'd be a sweet Jesus, you guys...
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,896 Aw man, at least the real Jesus didn't weigh 400 pounds!
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,397 Up your ass with broken glass!
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:01,565 This spot looks good.
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:02,941 [both grunting]
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,318 Yeah, that looks pretty good!
00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:05,903 Okay, cool, see ya' Cartman.
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,196 Hey, wait, where the hell you going?
00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,489 I dunno, home, I guess.
00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:09,865 Yeah, me too.
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,116 Well, get me down from he'a!
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,701 Cartman, how stupid are you?
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,286 Didn't you read the Bible?
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,746 We have to leave you up there until you die
00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:17,372 and then you come back to life in three days.
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:18,957 Yeah, dummy you have to get a <i>nerection.</i>
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,667 Then I can give it to my dad!
00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,794 Hey! I don't wanna be Jesus anymore!
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,088 Don't leave me here, you guys!!
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:27,966 Alright, that does it!
00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:30,761 Screw you guys... I'm going home.
00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,265 Okay, I'm getting pissed, now!
00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,851 [grunting & struggling]
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,021 Yahhhhh!
00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,984 All right, people, Scientist Marsh and I
00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,361 have been working very hard on the problem
00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,071 of spontaneous combustion.
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:50,113 And we have finally come up with a solution!
00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:51,990 Mr. Marsh?
00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,326 The little boy combusted because he had a new girlfriend.
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:57,120 It wasn't the <i>girl that caused him to combust</i>
00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:58,872 it was the fact that Kenny didn't want to
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,707 pass gas in front of her.
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:03,835 You see, as food is digested the natural processes
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,505 give off a by-product known as methane gas.
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,383 The methane gathers here in the bowel area where it causes pressure.
00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,385 Normally, a person would expel this buildup
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:13,470 in the form of a pleasant fart.
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,931 Should the gas <i>not</i> be expelled, the methane can build up
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,558 and then ignite, leading to...
00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,726 disaster!
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:23,272 Kenny combusted because he held his farts in for too long.
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:26,483 You mean, all we have to do is fart and we won't explode?
00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:27,484 Exactly!
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,528 [fart]
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,363 [fart]
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,198 [fart] [fart] [fart]
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,908 So, from this day forward, everyone in South Park
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,578 will be required to fart on a regular basis
00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,955 to insure that nobody else spontaneously explodes.
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,832 Randy, Randy, Randy!
00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:43,333 We love you, Randy!
00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,168 Make love to me, Randy, please!
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,212 Whoa, dude, my dad's famous!
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:50,716 Let's go see how Cartman's doing with his a <i>nerection.</i>
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,467 Wow, he died!
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:53,552 Now we've just got to wait for his erection
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:54,678 and I can give it to my dad!
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:55,846 [coughing]
00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:57,973 Hey, there you guys are!
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,642 You guys are in <i>big</i> trouble, now get me down from he'a!
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,185 How come you're not dead yet?
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,855 I am thirsty get me down, right now.
00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:06,773 Look fat ass, after you die, and get resur-erected,
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,734 you'll have all kinds of super powers like Jesus!
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:11,403 Really?
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,697 So hurry up and die you piece of crap!
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:16,116 When I get my super powers
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:19,202 I'm gonna use 'em to smote you two assholes right off the planet!
00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:20,454 Hey, superpowers are sweet!
00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:21,455 Hi, boys.
00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,123 Hi, Mr. Macky.
00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,416 Have you boys been sure to pass gas regularly
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,335 so you don't spontaneously combust?
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,211 We know how to fart, Mr. Macky.
00:10:28,337 --> 00:10:30,213 Well let me show you, to be sure, okay?
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,215 C'mon...
00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,216 [fart]
00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:34,343 Jesus Christ!
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,178 Sick, dude!
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,263 I had a steak wrapped with bacon, last night.
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,431 Dude, I think you, pulled mud!
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,932 So you boys understand,
00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:42,643 you have to do that regularly, okay?
00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:43,977 [laughing]
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,479 Okay, just go away!
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,689 That was not cool at all, dude!
00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,816 Hello boys, have you seen Eric around anywhere?
00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:52,569 Uh, we've been taking care of him.
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,279 Yeah, we're having him resur-erected.
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,281 Oh alright, I was just at the store buying some apples!
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,491 Apples?
00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:58,575 Yeah, apples! [fart]
00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,701 Apples, get it?
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,203 Dude!
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,704 Stinky apples, see you, boys!
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:03,955 I don't think I like this new law!
00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,248 Squeeker! [fart]
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,711 and so I declare today, "Randy Marsh Day".
00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,047 Where we shall remember forever how he freed us all
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,257 from the threat of spontaneous combustion.
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:16,093 [cheering & farting]
00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:17,886 Gentlemen...
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,680 You're the best, Randy!
00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,682 I am?... I am, huh!
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:24,476 I never knew the depth of my scientific genius until now.
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:25,811 It's too bad Cartman can't be here to enjoy this.
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,396 Yeah.
00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,773 Guys, somebody get me down from he'a!
00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,525 ♪ [humming] ♪
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:33,485 Officer Barbrady!
00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:39,366 "t"... "t" is for "turtle"!
00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:41,118 ♪ [continues humming] ♪
00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:43,704 Hey, help me, you son-of-a-bitch!
00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,914 I'm going to die up here!
00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:53,088 [announcer] We now return to the 42nd annual Nobel Prize Awards.
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,089 Here again, your host, Whoopie Goldberg.
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,341 [applause]
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,096 Republicans are so stupid...
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,056 [laughter]
00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,016 I hate Republicans.
00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:07,352 [laughter]
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,855 Republicans are so stupid.
00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:12,357 [laughter]
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,484 And now, here to present the Nobel Prize for Science,
00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,945 here is Nick Nolte.
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:20,657 Science-is-good, science-is-very-im-por-tant.
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,367 This year's nominees are:
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:27,205 Herald R. Pinkerton for his further development of the Grand
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,292 Unified Theory of Physics.
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:33,003 Randy Marsh for his for formulated Break Wind Theory
00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,922 on Spontaneous Combustion.
00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:39,301 And Alfonz Mephesto for his Seven-Assed Galapagos turtle.
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,430 And the Nobel Prize goes to:
00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:47,142 Randy Marsh for the Theory of Spontaneous Fart-ing!
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,311 No... this can't be!
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,898 Wow! Wow! Oh, wow!
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,942 I'm the best! Yeahh! Yeahh!
00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:59,070 It's just so amazing to be told that you're the best.
00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:01,239 I thought I was just a normal person, like all of you
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,241 but.. yeahhh!
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,076 Thank you for showing me otherwise.
00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:07,412 Yeah! I kick ass! Yeahh!
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,498 Fix... fix!
00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:10,999 That was supposed to be my award.
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,335 I'll get him for this, mark my words!
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,670 Wow, my dad's the best!
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,255 All other dads suck compared to my dad!
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,382 Hey, my dad's pretty cool too!
00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,636 I'm sorry, honey.
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,763 It's okay, I'll just call some 20-year-old
00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:25,764 and have him come over.
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:26,807 What!
00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:28,266 I'm just kidding!
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:29,684 That's not funny, that hurt my feelings!
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:30,936 Why?
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,021 Kyle!
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,898 Don't worry you guys, I'm getting a <i>nerection</i> as we speak.
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,858 Huh?
00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,193 Actually, Cartman's getting a <i>nerection.</i>
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,319 But then we're gonna give it to you.
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,530 So... buck up!
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,785 We have a very strange little boy, Gerald.
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,914 [funeral music]
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,084 Dude, you're still not dead!
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,919 My mom is totally worried about me,
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:56,878 you better let me down.
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,547 She's not worried about you.
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,882 Yes she is, I've been hearing her all day, listen!
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:05,846 [in high voice] "Eric, Eric, where are you? I miss you very much!"
00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:06,763 That's not your mom, calling!
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,598 "Yes it is, you guys.
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:12,102 This is Eric's mom and I want him home right now."
00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,603 How stupid do you think we are?
00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:15,230 Now you die on that cross and get resurrected
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,065 before I kick your ass!
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,567 You guys, it's too hot out he'a.
00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,151 I can't do this!
00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:21,903 He <i>is</i> right. It has been getting really hot lately.
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:22,988 Yeah, I noticed that, too.
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:23,697 Let go get some ice cold lemonade!
00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:24,698 Hey, yeah!
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,449 Ugh, goddammit!
00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:29,202 You guys, wanna hear my "I hate Stan and Kyle" song?
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,329 ♪ I hate Stan and Kyle ♪
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:34,082 ♪ I seriously hate Stan and Kyle... ♪♪
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:37,168 My God, it's burning up in here!
00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:38,753 Can't we crank the AC up some more?
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,547 It's already on "full".
00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,215 You wanted to see me, Mayor?
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,884 Yes, Marsh, we have a new problem
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,552 and I think only <i>you can solve it.</i>
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,804 I suspect you're talking about the dramatic heat wave.
00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:50,056 Yes, the temperature's steadily rising every day!
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,058 I want you to find out why.
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,269 Mayor, I think I'm a little over-qualified for this.
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,730 My scientific mind is best used on global problems.
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,356 Alright, alright name your price.
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,233 Ten thousand, I have to protect my talent.
00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,776 Done, just find out what's happening.
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,486 Don't worry, mayor I'll find the cause.
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:06,031 Or else... or else what? Exactly.
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:10,660 [moaning]
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,537 What the...?
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,456 Oh, what now?
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,166 Chef, Chef!
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:17,083 Children, what the hell are you doin'?
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:18,418 Just get me down from here!
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,211 Oh finally, my arms are killing me!
00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,796 You children shouldn't be out
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,506 crucifying yourselves in this heat!
00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:26,843 Sweet... Now I'm gonna go kill those guys!
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,345 Eric, I have to tell you something
00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:29,596 and it's really gonna bum you out.
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:30,972 What?
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,599 It's really gonna piss you off!
00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,601 This is just a dream, you're still up on that cross!
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:36,728 Ohh, dammit!
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,358 Dad, where's the phone book?
00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:42,108 Not now Stanley, without my scientific genius
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,027 the town is doomed.
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:47,697 Let see, when exactly did the temperature start to go up?
00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,824 Our topic tonight is the rising temperatures in South Park.
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,868 Let's go to the phones, caller you're on the air.
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,411 Yeah Jesus, after you got crucified,
00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:54,663 how long did it take you to die and resurrect?
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,289 Stan? - That's not the topic tonight.
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,375 The topic is global warming.
00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,918 Oh...
00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:00,919 Do you have an opinion on global warming?
00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:02,504 Uh... it sucks ass.
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,422 Okay... thank you caller.
00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,633 Let's go to our first guest, Dr. Alfonse Mephesto.
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,010 You claim to know the cause of global warming in South Park.
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,220 I most certainly do.
00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,930 The cause of global warming is...
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:13,682 Randy Marsh!
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,476 It was Marsh's Theory on Spontaneous Combustion
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,144 that told everyone to fart all they want.
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,854 Now all the methane from all those farts
00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,856 has ripped a hole in our ozone layer.
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,483 We are all doomed to die!
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,527 Awww, crap!
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,320 [crowd yelling]
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,030 We want answers! - You've killed us all!
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,573 Someone's got to pay! - This is out of control!
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:32,325 Boy, they're really pissed!
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,160 Well, they're right, we should have known
00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,121 that all that methane would adversely affect the atmosphere.
00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:37,038 Well, let's go talk to them.
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,331 Stick by me.
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,334 Hey, you've killed us all!
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,168 Cram that Nobel Prize up your ass!
00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,087 Oh my God what's going on?
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,339 Now we either hold in our farts and spontaneously combust
00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:49,300 or we let our farts out and kill our entire planet!
00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:51,094 Well, I for one, am not farting anymore!
00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:52,512 [whoosh]
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,389 uh, I'll try to find a solution.
00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,266 We don't want your solutions, phony!
00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:57,934 Gimme that!
00:16:58,059 --> 00:16:59,561 Damn you, Marsh, get out of town!
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,062 You fraud!
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,480 Oh... oh... oh... oh!
00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,733 Mr. Garrison, help me!
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,901 I-I do not know you sir.
00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,695 Oh... oh...
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:09,904 Up yours!!
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,239 Yeah take that!!
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,365 Dude, that's my dad!
00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,408 Oh, yeah, sorry!
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:19,205 The spontaneous combustion problem escalates
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,000 as more and more people go back to holding in their farts.
00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,169 Meanwhile the ozone layer continues to deplete
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,129 as others refuse to hold in their farts
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,714 for fear of combustion.
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:28,757 As we all know, the cause for all of this
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,675 is Randy Marsh.
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,093 The son-of-a-bitch who calls himself a scientist.
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,971 We caught up with Mr. Marsh and he had this to say.
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:37,348 Uhh... I don't know what to say.
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,392 What an asshole, I hate that guy and so do you.
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,811 And now on to the weather. It's fucking hot,
00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,647 thanks to Randy Marsh, son-of-a-bitch.
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,316 Dude, those people are pissed!
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,400 I know, wow!
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,651 Where's your dad?
00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:49,402 He's hiding down in the basement!
00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:50,737 I don't know what to do!
00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:51,738 Well, you have to help him,
00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:52,614 just like I have to help my dad.
00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:58,620 [radio] Still more effects from the heat wave
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,330 caused by Randy Marsh!
00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:02,040 A giant glacier is melting above South Park
00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:03,666 and the entire town is doomed.
00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,335 And now these messages--
00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:06,461 Having a hard time with male potency?
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,837 Well I don't and I'm Bob Dole.
00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,547 What's wrong with you?
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:11,341 Christ, I'm Bob Dole and I can get it up!
00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:13,093 Are you a lawyer?
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:14,552 Yes!
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:15,386 We want to sue Randy Marsh.
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,721 Why?
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:17,972 He gave us skin cancer!
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,266 Yeah, he put that hole in the ozone
00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:23,144 and now we've got skin cancer all over our hot bodies.
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,604 Look...!
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,360 What are you doing, Dad!
00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:31,945 Stanley, I think it's best, you live with Kyle from now on.
00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:33,655 His dad is better than me.
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:34,614 No he's not, he can't even get a <i>nerection.</i>
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,199 Ha, really?
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,076 Dad, you've got to work!
00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:39,577 People are dying, you've got to come up with a solution.
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,621 Not me, I'm not a scientist, I'm a hack.
00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,248 Even if I found a solution
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,541 those people would still all hate me.
00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:46,000 Well that doesn't matter!
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:47,794 I learned something from the Stations of the Cross.
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,337 What?
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,881 See, at first Jesus was all like, "why me?"
00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:53,550 And he was all pissed off and stuff.
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,927 But then he saw that what mattered most was everybody else
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,428 so he stopped thinking about his own misery
00:18:57,554 --> 00:18:59,347 and did what had to be done.
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,308 Right as Jesus was dying, he raised his hand and said,
00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:05,395 "the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,274 You're right, Stanley, you're absolutely right.
00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:12,110 Hey, that Bible sounds like kind of a good book.
00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:15,697 It's ain't bad, you should try reading it sometime.
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,532 Dude, that was "Star Trek" again.
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,450 "The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few?"
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:21,244 That was <i>The Wrath of Khan.</i>
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,579 Bible, <i>Wrath of Khan,</i> what's the difference?
00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,873 Alright, now let's get to work!
00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:34,090 ♪ I've been tellin' everybody that you're my girl ♪
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,885 ♪ 'cause I'm not one to be shy ♪
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,721 ♪ You don't have to go with me if you don't want ♪
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,515 ♪ Just tell everybody I'm your guy ♪
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,268 ♪ You and me girl, it's forever ♪
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,104 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:51,107 ♪ I've been tellin' everybody that you're my girl ♪
00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,943 ♪ 'cause I'm not one to be shy ♪
00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:56,946 ♪ I've been tellin' everybody that you're my girl ♪
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,324 ♪ 'cause I'm not one to be shy ♪
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:02,452 ♪ You don't have to go with me if you don't want ♪
00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:05,205 ♪ Just tell everybody I'm your guy ♪
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,999 ♪ You and me girl, it's forever ♪
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:10,960 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:14,422 ♪ You and me girl, together forever ♪
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:17,592 Dad... Dad!
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,385 Wow...
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,012 Dad, what are you doing, you have to get started!
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:23,765 Right, right, right...
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,352 Kyle, where's your mother?
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:28,937 She's upstairs!
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:29,687 Well, I have something to give to her!
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,648 Don't worry, Kyle,
00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,316 everything's going to be okay between me and your mom.
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,109 Really? Great!
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,444 I don't have to worry about <i>that</i> anymore.
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,989 Hello?
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,868 Look, there he is, get him!
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,453 Ummm... please, everyone...
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,288 You're a dead man, Marsh!
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,416 Please, listen to me I think I've found the answer.
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,335 Could I borrow one of your rocks?
00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,379 It's all about moderation, if you never fart, you combust
00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:56,506 but if you always fart, you deplete the ozone.
00:20:56,631 --> 00:20:59,092 So we must fart only at appropriate times
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,593 or when it's really, really funny.
00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:01,803 Huh? - Huh?
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,513 I know you all hate me
00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,348 but please, for your own sake, fart in moderation.
00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,351 You can keep stoning me now, if you want.
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,106 Ow!
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:15,441 And so, we salute Randy Marsh
00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:16,943 and his "Unified Theory of Moderation"
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:19,070 that has saved us all!
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,321 See, my dad is the coolest, after all!
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:21,572 Well, my dad's--
00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:22,907 Ooh-Cartman!
00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,158 I forgot all about him!
00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:25,201 He's been up there for like, 3 weeks!
00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,452 Wow!
00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:27,996 That's amazing!
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,163 Hey guys, I am really pissed off now!
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:30,415 Dude, you're still alive, Cartman?
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:32,000 Get me down from he'a!
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,293 You survived all this time
00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:34,919 on the fat stored up in your body?
00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,296 Yeah, and when I get down from he'a
00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:39,257 I'm gonna kick you both in the nuts!
00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:41,509 ♪ You and me girl, it's forever ♪
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:44,262 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:47,056 ♪ You and me girl, forever and ever ♪
00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:49,976 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
00:21:50,101 --> 00:21:52,895 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:55,898 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪
00:21:56,024 --> 00:21:58,985 ♪ Sha-la la-la-la-la ♪

00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,500 Самовоспламенение.
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:37,940 Это - то, что ты ищешь, Кайл?
00:00:37,975 --> 00:00:39,140 Не думаю...
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:40,940 Нет, это - фен!
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,340 Могу ли я вам чем-нибудь помочь?
00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,540 Да, у вас продается эрекция?
00:00:44,575 --> 00:00:45,505 Что?
00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:46,840 Я хочу купить эрекцию моему папе.
00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:49,240 Очень смешно, дети! Давайте, валите отсюда!
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:49,930 А что здесь смешного?
00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:52,440 Чувак, мои мама и папа всё время ругаются и всё говорят, что это от того, что у него не встает
00:00:52,475 --> 00:00:54,740 Что у моего папы нет эрекции Поэтому я решил ему её купить
00:00:54,775 --> 00:00:57,605 Блин, что вообще творится с людьми?!
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,340 Это - пятый магазин, из которого нас выставляют! Неужели так сложно достать эрекцию?
00:01:01,540 --> 00:01:03,140 Причём мне и надо-то немного, только для мамы
00:01:03,175 --> 00:01:04,140 Что?
00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:07,640 Эй, Кенни, ты куда? Опять к своей маленькой подружке?
00:01:08,740 --> 00:01:10,740 Чувак, ты слишком много времени проводишь с этой женщиной. Если...
00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:17,340 О господи, они убили Кенни!
00:01:17,375 --> 00:01:18,505 Сволочи!
00:01:18,540 --> 00:01:19,640 Что с ним такое произошло?!
00:01:19,675 --> 00:01:20,840 Он просто... загорелся!
00:01:20,850 --> 00:01:21,530 Что случилось?!
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:24,040 Я видела, как он вдруг вспыхнул и сгорел!
00:01:24,940 --> 00:01:28,305 Так, все разойдитесь, дайте сгоревшему мальчику возможность дышать!
00:01:28,340 --> 00:01:33,240 Я слышал о таком! Это - самовозгорание! Правда, обычно это происходит с жирными
00:01:33,275 --> 00:01:34,905 людьми вблизи открытого огня.
00:01:34,940 --> 00:01:37,540 А это заразно?!.. А я могу самовозгореться? Я надеюсь, со мной такого не произойдёт!
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:38,940 О, как страшно!
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:45,040 Люди в городе напуганы самовозгораниями! Именно поэтому я собрала здесь
00:01:45,075 --> 00:01:47,040 первоклассную команду учёных, чтобы изучить причину этого явления
00:01:47,075 --> 00:01:50,040 Здесь лучшие учёные умы Саут Парка!
00:01:52,740 --> 00:01:55,040 Мэр, я - геолог.
00:01:55,050 --> 00:01:55,630 Ну.
00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,705 Ну, я не учил биологию и строение человека, я учил строение земли
00:01:58,740 --> 00:02:01,840 Так, ты - единственный учёный в Саут Парке. Ты должен разобраться с проблемой,
00:02:01,875 --> 00:02:04,740 пока сотни людей не начнут гореть. Если ты сделаешь это, ты будешь
00:02:04,775 --> 00:02:07,440 самым почитаемым человеком в городе.
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:14,040 Мы любим тебя, Ренди! Полюби меня, Ренди! Пожалуйста!
00:02:15,740 --> 00:02:20,240 Марш, я не прошу тебя, я приказываю! Ты должен найти причину самовозгораний, иначе...
00:02:20,275 --> 00:02:21,105 Иначе что?
00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:22,740 Ты правильно меня понял!
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,100 Чуваки, он смотрится лучше без этой оранжевой куртки.
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:33,440 Да уж...
00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,140 Господь дал, Господь взял...
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:47,640 Иногда, правда, он берёт намного больше, чем даёт, и, кажется, что он только берёт, но...
00:02:47,675 --> 00:02:53,640 Возможно, если больше людей ходило в церковь по воскресениям, Господь бы не наказывал нас
00:02:53,675 --> 00:02:55,440 и не забирал бы к себе этого маленького мальчика
00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:57,240 Блин, пошёл опять на жалость давить..
00:02:57,275 --> 00:02:58,840 Всё, теперь помолимся.
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:06,740 Господь, хотя мы и потеряли Нейла Смита и Стива Атвотера, который ушел в Джетс, мы надеемся, что наши,
00:03:06,775 --> 00:03:09,740 что наши возлюбленные "Бронкос" всё же выиграют Суперкубок, и мы снова будем
00:03:09,775 --> 00:03:13,340 купаться в лучах твоего света. Аминь. Аминь.
00:03:13,375 --> 00:03:15,905 Идите с миром. Идите с миром.
00:03:15,940 --> 00:03:21,740 Вперёд, "Bronkos" Вперёд, "Bronkos"
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:26,205 Блин, чёта коротковато...
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,640 Мальчики, я не вижу вас в церкви в последнее время.
00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:29,740 Ну, я - еврей.
00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:32,140 Надеюсь, твое еврейство не мешает тебе поклоняться Иисусу?
00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,205 Думаю, нет.
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,940 Отлично! Дети, хотели бы вы участвовать в крёстном ходе в эту пятницу?
00:03:36,990 --> 00:03:37,530 А это что?
00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:41,740 Это - представление, в котором вы разыгрываете смерть Христа и его чудесное воскрешение.
00:03:41,775 --> 00:03:43,940 Мама говорит, что папе тоже не мешало бы кое-что воскресить!
00:03:43,950 --> 00:03:44,330 Что?!
00:03:44,340 --> 00:03:45,505 Мы будем в этом участвовать!
00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:48,740 Отлично! Вот книга об этом. Не подведите меня, дети.
00:03:48,775 --> 00:03:51,940 Чуваки, круто! Ты всё знаешь о крёстном ходе, Стен?
00:03:51,975 --> 00:03:54,340 Не, чувак, не знаю, надо в Библию заглянуть.
00:03:55,540 --> 00:03:57,940 Спокойной ночи, Джерри. До свидания, Том. Пока, Хелен
00:03:57,975 --> 00:03:59,340 Пока, Дже..
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,240 О Господи! Снова это случилось!
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:02,205 Хелен, нет!
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,005 Что же это происходит?!
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:07,640 Господь, видно, прогневался на нас, но за что? За что ты караешь нас так, Господи?!
00:04:07,675 --> 00:04:12,040 Давайте посмотрим, воспламенятся они или нет... может быть от...
00:04:12,075 --> 00:04:13,005 Пап, где наша Библия?
00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:16,540 Не сейчас, Стен. Я должен определить причину самовозгораний, иначе...
00:04:16,575 --> 00:04:17,707 Иначе что?
00:04:17,742 --> 00:04:18,840 Вот именно!
00:04:18,875 --> 00:04:19,657 Что?
00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:20,440 Точно.
00:04:22,540 --> 00:04:23,530 Где наша Библия?
00:04:23,540 --> 00:04:25,705 Она на чердаке среди старых пластинок
00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:29,940 Ребята, вы случайно не заметили чего-нибудь странного в Кенни в последнюю неделю
00:04:29,975 --> 00:04:32,405 перед воспламенением? Чем он занимался в это время?
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,740 Ничего не делал. Он всё время проводил со своей новой подружкой.
00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:35,505 Подружкой?
00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:39,240 Ага, он встречался с ней каждый день, но какое это имеет отношение к его смерти?
00:04:39,275 --> 00:04:41,840 Может, и никакого. А может, и прямое.
00:04:44,140 --> 00:04:45,940 Ну, мы пошли, нам надо еще что-то сделать с эрекцией папы Кайла.
00:04:45,975 --> 00:04:48,140 Да, конечно идите... А мне надо работать.
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:50,230 Что?!
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,890 Так, посмотрим, Иисуса истязали, потом он умер, а потом через три дня он воскрес
00:04:53,925 --> 00:04:57,540 ... ага, 14 остановок по пути, ещё тут написано, что можно сделать костюмы из простыней
00:04:57,575 --> 00:04:58,507 Это будет круто!
00:04:58,542 --> 00:04:59,405 Я буду Иисусом!
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:00,640 Ты слишком жирный, чтобы быть Иисусом!
00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:02,140 Ты уж точно им не будешь, еврей!
00:05:02,175 --> 00:05:03,105 Стен будет Иисусом.
00:05:03,140 --> 00:05:06,240 Либо я - Иисус, либо трахайтесь сами, чуваки, а я пошел домой!
00:05:06,275 --> 00:05:07,805 Ты ещё просто жирный ребенок.
00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,340 Ну, я думаю, тогда вы сами можете справиться...
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,840 Ладно, ладно, будешь Иисусом, плакса!
00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:21,005 Ня-ня-ня-ня-ня! Я буду Иисусом!
00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:26,940 Итак, попробуем ещё раз. Кенни стоял здесь. Стен, Кайл и Картмэн ходили вокруг него.
00:05:26,975 --> 00:05:31,340 Хорошо, начинайте ходить.
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,505 - Чувствуешь тепло? - Нет.
00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:35,405 Черт, почему же ты не возгораешься то?!
00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,640 Блин, Ренди, ты говорил, мы идём пить пиво и смотреть борьбу по телевизору!
00:05:38,675 --> 00:05:39,905 Ещё один! Ещё один человек загорелся!
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:42,290 Нет! Она занималась чем-то особенным в этот момент?
00:05:42,325 --> 00:05:44,640 Нет, она просто шла со своим новым другом к нему домой.
00:05:44,675 --> 00:05:47,605 С другом? У Кенни тоже была новая подружка.
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,440 Это - полная фигня! Трахайтесь тут сами, чуваки, а я пошёл домой!
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,140 Мне кажется, я понял!
00:05:55,400 --> 00:06:01,340 Похоже, мы все слегка нервничаем по поводу этих самовозгораний, а?
00:06:01,375 --> 00:06:02,405 Да...
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:07,140 Что ж, сегодня, в святую пятницу, давайте поблагодарим Бога и всё такое...
00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:11,640 Господь, если это не сложно, не мог бы ты, пожалуйста, не сжигать нас
00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:15,705 без видимой на то причины. Аминь.
00:06:15,740 --> 00:06:21,140 А теперь несколько наших милых детей покажут нам представление "Крёстный ход"
00:06:22,940 --> 00:06:26,040 Остановка первая: Пилат приговаривает к смерти Иисуса
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,005 Умри!
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:32,440 Ты можешь делать всё, что хочешь, но я - агнец Божий!
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,905 Остановка вторая: Иисус несёт крест
00:06:35,940 --> 00:06:40,205 Этот крест реально тяжелый. О, я слабею...
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,740 Затем ученик Христа, Пётр отрицает, что знает Его.
00:06:44,540 --> 00:06:47,040 - Пётр! - Чувак, я тебя не знаю.
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:51,840 О, Пётр, ты - слабак, Пётр, ты - лох. Но я - Иисус, и поэтому я тебя, типа, прощаю.
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:55,905 Мэр.
00:06:55,940 --> 00:06:59,405 Мэр, я понял! Я знаю причину самовозгорания!
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,840 - Почему? - Это слишком сложно объяснить по телефону.
00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:03,105 Давайте завтра соберём общее собрание города
00:07:03,140 --> 00:07:07,640 Хорошо. Если ты прав, Марш, завтра ты будешь самым популярным человеком в городе
00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:13,840 Мы любим тебя, Ренди! Полюби меня, Ренди! Пожалуйста!
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,340 Лох!
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,005 Остановка 11: Иисуса прибивают к кресту.
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:26,840 О, теперь я не слаб, а супер слаб. Думаю, я уже не могу быть более слаб, чем сейчас
00:07:26,875 --> 00:07:30,905 На Иисуса одевают терновый венец, а Иисус, типа, всех поблагодарил
00:07:30,940 --> 00:07:36,340 Что ж, хреново, что мне придётся умереть, но когда я умру, всем простятся их грехи,
00:07:36,375 --> 00:07:38,005 так что, ещё нормально.
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:43,940 Потом Иисуса отнесли на гору Синай, где он умер, а через три дня восВСТАЛ.
00:07:43,975 --> 00:07:44,805 Привет, мам.
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:48,940 Спасибо, мальчики. Да святится имя твое, Иисус.
00:07:48,975 --> 00:07:51,005 Во веки веков
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,305 Что ж, по-моему, всё получилось и всем понравилось
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:55,540 Да, Я говорил вам, пацаны, что из меня получится классный Иисус
00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:59,140 Да ну чувак, настоящий Иисус не весил 100 килограмм.
00:07:59,175 --> 00:08:00,440 Засунь себе в жопу битого стекла!
00:08:00,475 --> 00:08:01,940 Вот это место ничего.
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,705 Да, здесь нормально.
00:08:04,740 --> 00:08:05,740 Ладно, класс, до свидания, Картмэн
00:08:05,775 --> 00:08:07,257 Эй, куда вы попёрлись?!
00:08:07,292 --> 00:08:08,740 Не знаю, домой, наверное.
00:08:08,775 --> 00:08:09,605 Я тоже.
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:10,705 Тогда давайте снимайте меня!
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:14,440 Картман, ты тупой. Ты Библию, что ли, не читал? Мы тебя должны оставить, пока ты не умрёшь
00:08:14,475 --> 00:08:16,240 А потом вернёшься к жизни через три дня
00:08:16,275 --> 00:08:18,040 - Что?! - Да, идиот, у тебя восВСТАНЕТ
00:08:18,075 --> 00:08:18,940 А я дам эрекцию своему отцу
00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:24,440 Эй, не хочу больше быть Иисусом! Не оставляйте меня здесь, чуваки!
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:30,440 Ладно, всё, хватит! Трахайтесь тут сами, а я иду домой!
00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:36,340 Ладно, вот теперь вы меня разозлили!
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:48,940 Итак, господа, наш учёный Марш и я после долгих и упорных поисков нашли таки причину
00:08:48,975 --> 00:08:51,805 самовозгораний. Сейчас он объяснит её нам. М-р Марш.
00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,040 Маленький мальчик загорелся, потому что у него была новая подружка
00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:58,240 Конечно, не сама подружка заставила его загореться, но тот факт, что Кенни
00:08:58,275 --> 00:09:00,940 не хотел выпускать газы, когда она рядом
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:07,140 Понимаете, во время переваривания пищи естественным путем получается газ метан
00:09:07,175 --> 00:09:10,105 Метан собирается в области кишечника и скапливается под давлением
00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:14,840 Обычно человек удаляет этот газ из организма посредством приятного ему пука,
00:09:14,875 --> 00:09:19,540 иначе газ может накопиться, а потом воспламениться, что и приводит к трагедии
00:09:19,575 --> 00:09:23,540 Кенни взорвался, потому что слишком долго сдерживался и не пукал
00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:27,340 То есть, если мы будем пукать, мы не взорвемся?
00:09:27,375 --> 00:09:28,240 Именно так.
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:40,000 С этого дня все жители Саут Парка обязаны пукать регулярно, дабы предотвратить самовозгорание!
00:09:40,775 --> 00:09:45,140 Ренди, Ренди, Ренди! Мы любим тебя! Полюби меня, Ренди!
00:09:45,175 --> 00:09:47,505 Вау, чувак, мой отец стал нереально знаменитым!
00:09:47,540 --> 00:09:49,840 Да ладно. Идем, посмотрим как так Картмэн продвигается с эрекцией
00:09:49,875 --> 00:09:52,605 Вау, он помер!
00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,240 Теперь дождёмся того, как у него появится эрекция, и дадим её моему папе
00:09:55,940 --> 00:09:57,290 О, чуваки!
00:09:57,325 --> 00:09:58,605 Картмэн?
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,440 Вы, чуваки, конкретно попали! Сейчас же снимайте меня отсюда!
00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:02,905 Почему ты до сих пор жив, Картмэн?
00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:05,705 Чуваки, я серьёзно. Снимайте меня немедленно!
00:10:05,740 --> 00:10:07,840 Слушай, жирный, после того, как ты умрешь, а потом у тебя восВСТАНЕТ,
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,940 Ты сможешь делать всякие волшебные штуки, как Иисус
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:10,930 Правда?
00:10:10,940 --> 00:10:13,440 Да, поэтому давай, дохни быстрей, кусок дерьма!
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:18,940 Когда я смогу делать волшебные штуки, я вас, жопы, в порошок сотру!
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:20,940 Волшебство - это круто!
00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:22,005 Здравствуйте, ребята.
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,205 Здравствуйте, мистер Мэки,
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:27,140 Ну, как, мальчики, вы регулярно выпускаете газы?
00:10:27,175 --> 00:10:28,505 Да, мы умеем пукать, мистер Мэки
00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:30,640 Ну, давайте я на всякий случай вам покажу, чтобы вы точно знали, п'нятно?
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,190 Ну, давай же, ты можешь
00:10:33,225 --> 00:10:35,005 О, Господи! Он - больной!
00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:38,240 Я вчера ел бифштекс с беконом
00:10:38,275 --> 00:10:39,240 Я сам это уже понял!
00:10:39,540 --> 00:10:43,140 Надеюсь, вы понимаете, что пукать надо регулярно? П'нятно?
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:45,240 Понимаем мы, уйди только!
00:10:46,140 --> 00:10:48,205 Блин, Я чуть не умер!
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,540 Здравствуйте мальчики, вы не видели случайно Эрика?
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,605 Да, с ним всё в порядке
00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,305 Да, он там самовоскрешается!
00:10:54,340 --> 00:10:56,740 О, а я как раз была в магазине и купила яблок
00:10:56,775 --> 00:10:59,505 - Яблок? - Да. Яблок.
00:10:59,540 --> 00:11:01,890 Ароматные яблочки! До свидания, мальчики!
00:11:01,925 --> 00:11:04,240 Мне чего-то этот новый закон не нравится.
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:05,240 Пискун!
00:11:06,340 --> 00:11:10,640 Итак, я объявляю сегодняшний день Днём Ренди Марша в память о том,
00:11:10,675 --> 00:11:14,340 что именно он придумал, как бороться с самовозгораниями
00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:16,840 Прошу вас.
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,505 Ренди, ты - лучший!
00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:25,305 Я - лучший? Я - лучший! Я только сейчас понял, что я - гений!
00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:27,040 Жаль, что Картмэн не может быть с нами в этот исторический момент!
00:11:27,050 --> 00:11:27,530 Да уж...
00:11:27,540 --> 00:11:30,540 Эй, чуваки! Я серьезно! Кто-нибудь, снимите меня отсюда!
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:33,340 Офицер Барбрэди!
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,540 Ч. Ч - это черепаха!
00:11:41,740 --> 00:11:43,540 Эй! Сними меня отсюда, сукин сын!
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,240 Я подохну здесь!
00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:52,540 И снова! 42-ая церемония награждения Нобелевской премией
00:11:52,575 --> 00:11:55,440 Встречайте, ведущая церемонии Вупи Голдберг!
00:12:00,140 --> 00:12:01,640 Республиканцы - тупые!
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,140 Ненавижу республиканцев!
00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:11,040 Республиканцы - тупые!
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:16,540 А теперь... лауреата Нобелевской премии в области науки нам объявит Ник Нолт!
00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:23,490 Наука - хорошо. Наука - за-ме-ча-тель-но! Наши претенденты сегодня...
00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:29,440 Харольд Пинкертон за его исследования в области теоретической физики
00:12:29,475 --> 00:12:34,840 Ренди Марш за его теорию буйных ветров и самовозгорания
00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:40,240 Альфонс Мефесто за его семижопую Галапагосскую черепаху.
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:43,705 Нобелевская премия присуждается...
00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:47,240 Ренди Маршу за его теорию самопроизвольного пердежа!
00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,340 Нет! Этого не может быть!
00:12:50,940 --> 00:12:57,205 Вау! О! Вау! Я - лучший! Да! да!
00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:01,740 Это так прекрасно, когда тебе говорят, что ты - лучший! Я думал, что я - обычный парень,
00:13:01,775 --> 00:13:07,840 как вы, но... Да! Спасибо, что вы открыли мне глаза! Да! Я крут! Да!
00:13:08,140 --> 00:13:11,640 Подстроено! Это всё подстроено! Это должна была быть моя премия, Кевин!
00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:13,940 Я ещё доберусь до него. Помяни мои слова!
00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:18,140 Блин, мой папа крут! Все остальные отцы - никто по сравнению с моим!
00:13:18,175 --> 00:13:19,940 Не, мой папа тоже ничего.
00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,505 Извини меня, дорогая...
00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:26,440 Ничего... Я просто позову какого-нибудь 20-ти летнего парня на помощь
00:13:26,475 --> 00:13:27,805 - Что?! - Шутка.
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,840 Шутка?! Так вот, это - не смешно! Это очень обидно!
00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:32,205 - Почему? - Почему?!
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,940 - Кайл?! - Не волнуйтесь, я достану эрекцию, как я обещал!
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:41,340 Ну, то есть, не я, а Картмэн, но он отдаст её тебе, так что, не отчаивайтесь!
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:47,140 У нас растёт очень странный сын, Джеральд
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,765 Чувак, а он ещё не умер!
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,300 Парни, моя мама не на шутку волнуется, так что, лучше снимите меня
00:13:57,335 --> 00:13:58,265 Она совсем не волнуется
00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:00,300 Ещё как! Я каждый день слышу её! Слушайте:
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:06,100 Эрик? Эрик, где ты? Я так скучаю по тебе!
00:14:06,135 --> 00:14:07,465 Это - не твоя мама, Картмэн!
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:12,600 Да, это - я! Серьёзно, я - мама Эрика, и я хочу, чтобы он вернулся домой немедленно!
00:14:12,635 --> 00:14:15,300 Ты что думаешь, мы - идиоты?! Если ты не помрёшь на кресте,
00:14:15,335 --> 00:14:17,665 и у тебя не восВСТАНЕТ, я тебе задницу надеру!
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,950 Чуваки, здесь слишком жарко! Я не могу помирать в такой жаре
00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:22,200 Он прав, последнее время действительно серьёзно потеплело
00:14:22,235 --> 00:14:24,400 Да, точно. Пойдем, что ли лимонного эскимо купим?
00:14:24,435 --> 00:14:25,165 Пошли
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:30,000 Чёрт! Козлы! Хотите послушать мою новую песню: "Ненавижу Кайла и Стена"
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:34,600 Ненавижу Кайла и Стена! Я сильно ненавижу Кайла и Стена!
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:39,700 Блин, тут зажариться можно! Можно включить кондиционер посильней?
00:14:39,735 --> 00:14:40,665 Он уже на максимуме
00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:42,165 Мэр, вы хотели меня видеть?
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:45,500 Да, Марш, у нас новая проблема, и мне кажется, только вы можете её решить!
00:14:45,535 --> 00:14:47,865 Я думаю, вы говорите о глобальном потеплении
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:52,065 Да! Температура растёт каждый день. Я хочу, чтобы вы выяснили, почему!
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:57,000 Мэр, я думаю, это - мелкая проблема для меня, я ведь занимаюсь глобальными вопросами
00:14:57,035 --> 00:14:58,567 Хорошо, хорошо. Чего вы хотите?
00:14:58,602 --> 00:15:00,065 10 000 $ минимум для моего гения!
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,700 Я согласна, только выясните, в чём дело.
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:05,800 Не волнуйтесь, я найду причину. Иначе... Что иначе? Вот именно!
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,800 Чуваки, я серьёзно вам говорю.
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:14,300 Что за... на этот раз?
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,100 Какого чёрта вы здесь делаете!
00:15:17,135 --> 00:15:18,100 Снимите меня отсюда!
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,165 Ну, наконец-то! Блин, мои руки просто отваливаются
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,500 Дети, не стоит распинать друг друга, тем более на такой жаре
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,165 Класс, теперь я их точно убью!
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,200 Эрик, я должен сказать тебе кое-что, что тебя просто ошарашит.
00:15:30,210 --> 00:15:30,490 Что?
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,865 - Но ты сильно разозлишься. - Что?!
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:34,900 Это - просто сон. Ты всё ещё на кресте.
00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:37,200 Дьявол!
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:40,765 Пап, где телефонный справочник?
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,700 Не сейчас, Стэнли, от моего гения зависит жизнь этого города
00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:47,265 Так, посмотрим, от чего температура поднимается...
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:49,765 Наша главная тема дня - это резкое потепление в Саут Парке
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,100 Давайте послушаем несколько звонков. Да, пожалуйста, вы в эфире
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,600 Иисус, после того, как тебя распяли, сколько времени прошло до того, как ты умер и воскрес?
00:15:55,610 --> 00:15:55,990 Стен?
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,600 Это - не тема нашей передачи. Сегодня мы говорим о глобальном потеплении
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,100 У вас есть что сказать по этому поводу?
00:16:01,135 --> 00:16:02,865 Да, это хреново.
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:06,500 Отлично. Спасибо за звонок. Перейдем к нашему первому гостю. Др. Альфонс Мефесто.
00:16:06,535 --> 00:16:09,917 Спасибо, что пришли. Вы заявили, что знаете причину потепления
00:16:09,952 --> 00:16:13,300 Конечно, я знаю! Причина глобального потепления... Ренди Марш!
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:18,400 Ведь именно его теория самовозгорания обязала всех жителей пердеть, когда им вздумается
00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:22,100 Теперь метан из этих газов проел дырку в озоновом слое.
00:16:22,135 --> 00:16:23,700 И мы все обречены на смерть!
00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:25,665 Вот дерьмо.
00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:30,700 К ответу! Из-за вас мы погибнем! Кто-то должен ответить за это!
00:16:30,735 --> 00:16:32,265 Да, чувак, они серьёзно разозлились
00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:36,200 Что ж, они правы, мы должны были знать, что метан так неблагоприятно влияет на атмосферу
00:16:36,235 --> 00:16:38,200 Надо пойти поговорить с ними Положись на меня
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,800 Ты нас всех погубил! Засунь свою Нобелевскую премию в задницу!
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:43,665 Что происходит?!
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:46,465 Теперь либо мы будем сдерживаться и не пердеть и будем самовозгораться,
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:51,500 Либо не будем сдерживаться и уничтожим всю планету! Я лично не буду пердеть вообще!
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,950 Ну, я постараюсь найти решение...
00:16:54,985 --> 00:16:56,900 Не нужно нам твоих решений, жулик!
00:16:56,935 --> 00:16:58,465 Дай мне сюда! Да!
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:01,300 Пошёл ты, Марш! Вали из города! Жулик!
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,100 Мистер Гаррисон, помогите мне!
00:17:05,135 --> 00:17:07,200 Я не знаю вас, сэр!
00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:10,565 На, получай! Да!
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,200 - На, лови! - Чувак, это же мой папа!
00:17:12,235 --> 00:17:13,700 А, да, извини.
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:21,350 Резко возросло количество случаев самовозгорания, так как многие пытаются сдержать свои газы
00:17:21,385 --> 00:17:26,300 Тем временем озоновый слой продолжает истощаться, так как многие отказываются сдерживать
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,465 свои газы из-за боязни возгорания
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:30,300 И как мы все знаем, причина всему этому - Ренди Марш
00:17:30,335 --> 00:17:32,265 Сукин сын, который называет себя учёным
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:35,500 Мы смогли взять интервью Мистера Марша, и вот что он нам сказал:
00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:37,865 Я не знаю, что сказать...
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:40,900 Вот дебил! Я ненавижу этого парня, и вы, надеюсь, тоже. И о погоде:
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:43,500 Будет ох**нно жарко! Спасибо тебе, Ренди Марш, сука!
00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:46,350 Чувак, а они конкретно злятся!
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,090 Да я, блин, знаю
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:47,740 А где твой отец?
00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:49,850 Он прячется в подвале. Я не знаю, что мне делать
00:17:49,885 --> 00:17:52,150 Ты должен ему помочь, так же, как я своему.
00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:59,915 Ещё одно последствие потепления, в котором повинен Ренди Марш
00:17:59,950 --> 00:18:04,750 Огромный ледник тает и надвигается на Саут Парк. Город обречён! А теперь реклама!
00:18:04,785 --> 00:18:07,767 Проблемы с потенцией? А у меня нет, я - Боб Дол!
00:18:07,802 --> 00:18:10,750 Что с тобой? О Боже! Я - Боб Дол, и у меня встает!
00:18:11,850 --> 00:18:13,915 - Вы - адвокат? - Да.
00:18:13,950 --> 00:18:15,750 Мы хотим подать в суд на Ренди Марша!
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:16,240 Почему?
00:18:16,250 --> 00:18:17,715 Он заразил нас раком кожи!
00:18:17,750 --> 00:18:22,950 Да! Он сделал в озоне дырку, и из-за него у нас теперь рак, смотри!
00:18:28,450 --> 00:18:29,415 Пап, что ты делаешь?
00:18:29,450 --> 00:18:31,950 Стэнли, я думаю, тебе лучше жить теперь с Кайлом,
00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:33,215 его отец лучше, чем я.
00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:34,850 Нет! У него даже нет эрекции!
00:18:35,650 --> 00:18:36,415 Правда?
00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:39,515 Пап, тебе надо взяться за работу. Люди умирают, ты должен им помочь!
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:44,550 Я не смогу! Я - не учёный, я - дилетант. И даже если бы я нашёл решение, люди всё равно ненавидели бы меня.
00:18:44,585 --> 00:18:47,650 Это не важно! Я выучил кое-что важное из пути Христова.
00:18:47,685 --> 00:18:49,115 Что?
00:18:49,150 --> 00:18:53,215 Сначала Иисус всё время спрашивал, типа, "почему я", злился и всё такое.
00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:55,850 Но потом он понял, ЧТО на самом деле важно, и он перестал думать о себе и жалеть себя.
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,515 И сделал то, что нужно было сделать.
00:18:58,950 --> 00:19:03,650 И когда Иисус умирал, он поднял руки и сказал: "Нужды большинства перевешивают нужды меньшинства!"
00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:11,150 Ты прав, Стэнли, ты абсолютно прав! Ей, а эта Библия - хорошая книжка!
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:14,650 Неплохая. Тебе стоит её как-нибудь почитать.
00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:17,350 Чувак, это вообще-то из "Star track"a
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:17,840 Что?
00:19:17,850 --> 00:19:20,550 "Нужды большинства перевешивают нужды меньшинства!" - это сказал Варт Хан.
00:19:20,585 --> 00:19:22,350 Да ладно, Варт Хан, Библия, какая разница?
00:19:22,385 --> 00:19:24,350 Итак, за работу!
00:20:13,950 --> 00:20:17,050 Пап! Пап!
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,550 Пап, ты чего! Давай, начинай!
00:20:22,450 --> 00:20:23,450 Да-да-да!
00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:27,550 Кайл! Где твоя мать!
00:20:27,585 --> 00:20:28,515 Она наверху.
00:20:28,550 --> 00:20:33,450 Что ж, мне надо ей кое-что дать. Не волнуйся, Кайл, между мной и мамой всё будет хорошо.
00:20:33,485 --> 00:20:35,750 Правда? Класс, теперь мне не надо ни за что беспокоиться.
00:20:37,950 --> 00:20:39,450 Помогите!
00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:44,250 Смотрите, вот он! Ловите его!
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,567 Пожалуйста, внимание!
00:20:45,602 --> 00:20:46,850 Ты - покойник, Марш!
00:20:47,850 --> 00:20:50,250 Пожалуйста! Послушайте меня! Я нашёл решение!
00:20:50,285 --> 00:20:51,415 Не одолжите мне камушек?
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:56,650 Решение в балансе. Если вы не пердите совсем, вы сгорите, а если не сдерживаетесь, вы уничтожите озоновый слой
00:20:56,685 --> 00:21:01,150 Значит, вы должны пердеть только, когда это необходимо или действительно смешно!
00:21:01,350 --> 00:21:06,550 Я знаю, вы ненавидите меня, но это - в наших общих интересах! Теперь можете кидать камни, если хотите...
00:21:13,050 --> 00:21:13,815 "Спустя 3 недели"
00:21:13,850 --> 00:21:18,250 Мы чествуем сегодня Ренди Марша и его теорию баланса, которая спасла нас всех!
00:21:19,250 --> 00:21:20,750 Видишь, мой отец крут!
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:21,240 А мой...
00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:22,015 Чувак! Картмэн!
00:21:22,050 --> 00:21:23,350 Я совсем забыл о нем!
00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:26,150 Он просидел здесь три недели! Ой!
00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:27,015 Вот это круто!
00:21:27,050 --> 00:21:29,050 Чуваки! Вот теперь я по настоящему зол!
00:21:29,085 --> 00:21:30,850 Блин, Картмэн, ты ещё жив?
00:21:30,885 --> 00:21:31,915 Снимите меня отсюда!
00:21:31,950 --> 00:21:34,715 Чел, ты прожил 3 недели на своем жире?!
00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:38,600 А когда вы меня снимите, я вам по шарам отпинаю!

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