Самопроизвольное возгорание

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♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,141

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,809

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,227

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,396

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:21,897

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,774

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:24,900

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,861

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:31,741

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,242

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

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Is this what you're

looking for, Kyle?

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No, I don't

think so.

00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,041

How about this?

00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:41,375

No, that's a

hair dryer!

00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,460

Can I help you

find something?

00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:43,794

Yeah, do you

have any "ne-rections"?

00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,337

Any what?

00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:46,672

I need to get

a ne-rection for my dad.

00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,340

Very funny boys,

go on, beat it!

00:00:48,466 --> 00:00:50,176

Why is

that funny?

00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:51,802

Dude, my mom and dad

keep fighting all the time.

00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:53,637

And it's 'cause my dad

doesn't have a ne-rection.

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So I wanna

get him one!

00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,141

Dammit, what the hell

is wrong with everybody?

00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:58,976

That's the 5th store

we've been kicked out of.

00:00:59,101 --> 00:00:59,977

Why is it so hard

to get a ne-rection?

00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,022

I just want a ne-rection

so I can give it to my mom.

- What?

00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:07,234

Where you gonna go, Kenny

to see your girlfriend, again?

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You spend way too much

time with that girl--

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Oh my God,

they killed Kenny!

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You bastards!

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What the hell

happened to him?

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He just...

ignited!

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What happened?

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I saw it from

across the street.

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He just

caught on fire!

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Okay people,

stand back,

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give the little burnt boy

some breathing room.

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I've heard about this, this is

"spontaneous combustion"!

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But it usually happens to fat

people near open flames!

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Is it

contagious?

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Am I going to

spontaneously

combust?

00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:36,972

I hope nothing

happens to me.

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This is

very scary!

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The people are panicking

about spontaneous combustion!

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That's why I've assembled

this crack team of scientists

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to find out the

cause of this phenomenon.

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You are the best scientific minds

South Park has to offer.

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Uh... Mayor,

I'm a geologist.

00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:58,202

I don't study human biology,

I study the Earth.

00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,538

You're the only scientist

that lives in this town.

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You have to find an answer

before more people combust.

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You do that, and you'll be the

most beloved man in South Park.

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Randy! Randy!

Randy! Randy!

00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,005

Randy! Randy!

Randy! Randy!

00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:11,340

We love you Randy.

00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,217

Make love to me,

Randy, please!

00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:15,010

Wow!

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Marsh, I'm not asking you

I'm telling you--

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find the cause of

spontaneous combustion

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or else!

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Or else, what?

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Exactly!

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Dude, he looks

so peaceful

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without his little

orange coat on.

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Yeah...

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The Lord giveth,

and the Lord taketh away...

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Sometimes the giveth seems

a little disproportionate

to the taketh...

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There seems to be a lot more

taketh-ing going on

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but there it is.

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Perhaps if more of you

attended church on Sundays

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the Lord would not have

felt it necessary

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to punish us by

taketh-ing this little boy...

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Oh, here comes

the guilt trip, again.

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Now let us pray.

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Lord, though we have lost

Neil Smith to free-agency

00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:04,476

and Steve Atwater

to the Jets,

00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,478

still we hope

our beloved Broncos

00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:08,772

can bring home another

Super Bowl championship.

00:03:08,898 --> 00:03:10,900

And once again bathe

in the glory of your light.

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Amen.

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Amen! Amen!

Amen!

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♪ Let's go... ♪

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Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go!

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♪ Broncos... ♪

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Broncos! Broncos!

Broncos!

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♪ Let's go, Broncos... ♪

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Broncos, let's go!!

Broncos, let's go!!

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Wow, that

was short!

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Boys, I haven't

seen you in church, lately.

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Well, I'm Jewish!

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You're not too Jewish

to worship Jesus, are you?

00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,963

I guess not.

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Good. Boys, how would you

like to perform

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the "Stations of the Cross" this

Friday night?

00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,928

It's like a skit, where you

re-enact the death

00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,138

and glorious resurrection

of Jesus Christ.

00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,182

Hey, "resurrection,"

that's what my dad needs!

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Huh?

00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,517

We'll do it!

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Wonderful, here's a book

on how to perform it.

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Don't let me down, boys!

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Dude, this

is great!

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You know all the Stations

of the Cross, right Stan?

00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,816

I dunno, dude.

00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:53,943

I'm gonna have to

go look in the Bible.

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Goodnight, Jerry.

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See ya, Tom,

bye, Helen.

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Bye Jer-

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Oh my God,

another one!

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Helen, no!

00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,035

What happened?

00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,411

God must be

very angry with us.

00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:07,539

But why-how have we

angered you, Lord?

00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:10,125

Now let's see,

if they combust...

00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,377

No.. no...

00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:12,628

Dad, where's

our Bible?

00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,380

Not now Stan, I have to

find out what causes

00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:15,673

spontaneous combustion,

or else.

00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:16,674

Or else, what?

00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:17,675

Exactly.

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What?

00:04:18,968 --> 00:04:20,511

Right.

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Where's our Bible?

00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,432

It's in the attic

with the old LP's.

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Boys, did you notice

anything strange about Kenny

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in the weeks leading

up to his combustion?

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What did he

spend his time doing?

00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:33,107

He didn't

do anything.

00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:33,857

He was always with

his new girlfriend.

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New girlfriend?

00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:36,944

Yeah, he started

seeing this girl and he spent

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all his time taking

the bus to go visit her.

00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:39,738

What does that

have to do with

his death?

00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,198

Maybe nothing...

Maybe everything.

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We're gonna go work on

getting Kyle's dad

a ne-rection.

00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:46,829

Yes, yes,

of course.

00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,414

I've got

work to do.

00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,165

What!

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"Jesus got crucified,

then he died,

00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:53,794

then 3 days later

he had his nerection."

00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,337

There's 14 Stations

of the Cross.

00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,922

It says we can make

costumes out of sheets!

00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:58,173

This is

gonna be fun!

00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,174

I'm gonna

be Jesus!

00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,384

You're too fat

to be Jesus!

00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:01,635

Oh, like you're

gonna do it, Jew!

00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,220

Stan should

be Jesus.

00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,930

Either I'm gonna be Jesus

or screw you guys

00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,098

I'm going home!

00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,683

You're such

a fat baby!

00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,518

Well I guess you guys can do

the Stations of the Cross

00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,061

by yourselves!

00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:17,443

Alright, you can be Jesus,

you tubby cry-baby!

00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:18,777

Sticks and stones

may break my bones

00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,237

but I'm Jesus

and you aren't!

00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,572

Alright, alright,

let's try it again--

00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:23,615

Kenny was standing here.

00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:27,369

Stan, Kyle and Cartman

were walking around him...

00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,789

Okay, now walk.

00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:32,249

Do you

feel hot?

00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,959

Uh, no.

00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,086

Dammit, how come

you're not combusting?

00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,505

Come on, Randy, you said

we were gonna drink beer

and watch the fight!

00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,007

Another one

combusted!

00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:41,759

No-had she been

doing anything odd?

00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,470

No, she was just on her way

to her new boyfriend's house.

00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,473

Boyfriend, and they said

Kenny had a new girlfriend.

00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,184

This is stupid,

screw you guys

I'm going home.

00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:52,269

No! I think

I might have it.

00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,566

Well, well, well,

a lot of you came to church.

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Looks like we're

all nervous

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about this spontaneous

combustion thing, huh?

00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,364

Yeah! Yeah!

Uh-huh!

00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:06,492

Well, on the blessed Friday,

let us give thanks for stuff...

00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:07,868

and things.

00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:10,162

Lord, is it

so much to ask

00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,915

that you not let us burst into

flames for no apparent reason?

00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,293

I mean... c'mon!

Amen.

00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:18,295

And now, some of our

darling local children

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are going to perform

the Stations of the Cross.

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Awww... Awww...

- How cute!

00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:25,677

Station 1-Jesus is

condemned to death by pilate.

00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,888

Die!

- Ow!

00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,932

You can do

what you will

00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,768

but I am

the lamb of God.

00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,061

Awwww...

00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:35,938

Station 2--

Jesus takes his cross.

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This cross is

seriously heavy

00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,192

Oh man, this

is totally weak.

00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,487

And then Jesus' disciple, Peter,

denies he knows him.

00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,030

Peter!

00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,865

I don't know you, dude.

00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,660

Oh Peter, weak.

Peter, lame.

00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,870

But I'm Jesus

so I forgive you, I guess.

00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,749

Mayor.

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Mayor, I have it!

00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,586

I found out why people

spontaneously combust!

- Why?

00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,922

It's too complicated

to explain over the phone.

00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,340

Call a town meeting tomorrow.

00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,342

Okay, if you're

right about this, Marsh

00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:08,178

you're going to be the most

popular man in South Park!

00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:09,388

Randy! Randy!

Randy! Randy!

00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:10,556

Randy! Randy!

Randy! Randy!

00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:11,974

We love you Randy.

00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,101

Make love to me,

Randy, please!

00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:15,269

Wowww!

00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,272

Schmuck!

00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:21,984

Station 11--

Jesus is nailed to the cross.

00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,486

Oh, this has gone from

weak to super-weak.

00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,613

Things cannot get

any more weak for me.

00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:28,740

Then a crown of thorns

was placed on Jesus' head.

00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,659

And Jesus was all like--

"thanks!"

00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,537

Well, this sucks

that I have to die.

00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,956

But if I die, everyone's

sins will be forgiven.

00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,709

So I guess it's cool.

00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:41,211

And then Jesus was led away

to Mount Sinai

00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,714

where he died, and has a

res-erection three days later.

00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,507

Hi mom!

00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,760

Thank you boys, blessed be

the name of Jesus.

00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:51,722

it's a great name, isn't it.

00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,557

Hey, that went really well,

they really liked it!

00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,976

Yeah, told you I'd be

a sweet Jesus, you guys...

00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,896

Aw man, at least the real Jesus

didn't weigh 400 pounds!

00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,397

Up your ass

with broken glass!

00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:01,565

This spot looks good.

00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,318

Yeah, that looks

pretty good!

00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:05,903

Okay, cool,

see ya' Cartman.

00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,196

Hey, wait,

where the hell you going?

00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,489

I dunno,

home, I guess.

00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:09,865

Yeah, me too.

00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,116

Well, get me

down from he'a!

00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,701

Cartman, how

stupid are you?

00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,286

Didn't you

read the Bible?

00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,746

We have to leave you

up there until you die

00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:17,372

and then you come

back to life in

three days.

00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:18,957

Yeah, dummy you have to

get a nerection.

00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,667

Then I can

give it to my dad!

00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,794

Hey! I don't

wanna be Jesus anymore!

00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,088

Don't leave me here,

you guys!!

00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:27,966

Alright,

that does it!

00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:30,761

Screw you guys...

I'm going home.

00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,265

Okay, I'm getting

pissed, now!

00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,021

Yahhhhh!

00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,984

All right, people,

Scientist Marsh and I

00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,361

have been working very hard

on the problem

00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,071

of spontaneous combustion.

00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:50,113

And we have finally come up

with a solution!

00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:51,990

Mr. Marsh?

00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,326

The little boy combusted

because he had a new girlfriend.

00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:57,120

It wasn't the girl

that caused him to combust

00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:58,872

it was the fact that

Kenny didn't want to

00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,707

pass gas

in front of her.

00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:03,835

You see, as food is digested

the natural processes

00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,505

give off a by-product

known as methane gas.

00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,383

The methane gathers

here in the bowel area

where it causes pressure.

00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,385

Normally, a person

would expel this buildup

00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:13,470

in the form of a

pleasant fart.

00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,931

Should the gas not be expelled,

the methane can build up

00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,558

and then ignite,

leading to...

00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,726

disaster!

00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:23,272

Kenny combusted because he

held his farts in for too long.

00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:26,483

You mean, all we have to do is

fart and we won't explode?

00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:27,484

Exactly!

00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,908

So, from this day forward,

everyone in South Park

00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,578

will be required to fart

on a regular basis

00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,955

to insure that nobody else

spontaneously explodes.

00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,832

Randy, Randy, Randy!

00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:43,333

We love you, Randy!

00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,168

Make love to me,

Randy, please!

00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,212

Whoa, dude,

my dad's famous!

00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:50,716

Let's go see how

Cartman's doing

with his a nerection.

00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,467

Wow, he died!

00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:53,552

Now we've just got to

wait for his erection

00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:54,678

and I can give it

to my dad!

00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:57,973

Hey, there you guys are!

00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,642

You guys are in big trouble,

now get me down from he'a!

00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,185

How come you're

not dead yet?

00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,855

I am thirsty

get me down, right now.

00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:06,773

Look fat ass, after you die,

and get resur-erected,

00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,734

you'll have all kinds of

super powers like Jesus!

00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:11,403

Really?

00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,697

So hurry up and die

you piece of crap!

00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:16,116

When I get my

super powers

00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:19,202

I'm gonna use 'em to

smote you two assholes

right off the planet!

00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:20,454

Hey, superpowers

are sweet!

00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:21,455

Hi, boys.

00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,123

Hi, Mr. Macky.

00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,416

Have you boys been

sure to pass gas regularly

00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,335

so you don't

spontaneously combust?

00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,211

We know how to

fart, Mr. Macky.

00:10:28,337 --> 00:10:30,213

Well let me show you,

to be sure, okay?

00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,215

C'mon...

00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:34,343

Jesus Christ!

00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,178

Sick, dude!

00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,263

I had a steak wrapped

with bacon, last night.

00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,431

Dude, I think you,

pulled mud!

00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,932

So you boys understand,

00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:42,643

you have to do that

regularly, okay?

00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,479

Okay,

just go away!

00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,689

That was not cool

at all, dude!

00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,816

Hello boys, have you seen

Eric around anywhere?

00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:52,569

Uh, we've been

taking care of him.

00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,279

Yeah, we're having him

resur-erected.

00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,281

Oh alright, I was just at

the store buying some apples!

00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,491

Apples?

00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:58,575

Yeah, apples!

00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,701

Apples, get it?

00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,203

Dude!

00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,704

Stinky apples,

see you, boys!

00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:03,955

I don't think I

like this new law!

00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,248

Squeeker!

00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,711

and so I declare today,

"Randy Marsh Day".

00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,047

Where we shall remember forever

how he freed us all

00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,257

from the threat

of spontaneous combustion.

00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:17,886

Gentlemen...

00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,680

You're the best, Randy!

00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,682

I am?...

I am, huh!

00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:24,476

I never knew the depth of my

scientific genius until now.

00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:25,811

It's too bad Cartman

can't be here to enjoy this.

00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,396

Yeah.

00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,773

Guys, somebody get me

down from he'a!

00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:33,485

Officer Barbrady!

00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:39,366

"t"...

"t" is for "turtle"!

00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:43,704

Hey, help me,

you son-of-a-bitch!

00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,914

I'm going to

die up here!

00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:53,088

We now return to the 42nd

annual Nobel Prize Awards.

00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,089

Here again, your host,

Whoopie Goldberg.

00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,096

Republicans

are so stupid...

00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,016

I hate Republicans.

00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,855

Republicans

are so stupid.

00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,484

And now, here to present

the Nobel Prize for Science,

00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,945

here is Nick Nolte.

00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:20,657

Science-is-good,

science-is-very-im-por-tant.

00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,367

This year's nominees are:

00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:27,205

Herald R. Pinkerton for his

further development of the Grand

00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,292

Unified Theory of Physics.

00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:33,003

Randy Marsh for his for

formulated Break Wind Theory

00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,922

on Spontaneous Combustion.

00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:39,301

And Alfonz Mephesto for his Seven-Assed

Galapagos turtle.

00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,430

And the Nobel Prize goes to:

00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:47,142

Randy Marsh for the

Theory of Spontaneous Fart-ing!

00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,311

No...

this can't be!

00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,898

Wow! Wow!

Oh, wow!

00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,942

I'm the best!

Yeahh! Yeahh!

00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:59,070

It's just so amazing to be told

that you're the best.

00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:01,239

I thought I was just a

normal person, like all of you

00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,241

but.. yeahhh!

00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,076

Thank you for

showing me otherwise.

00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:07,412

Yeah!

I kick ass! Yeahh!

00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,498

Fix... fix!

00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:10,999

That was supposed

to be my award.

00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,335

I'll get him for this,

mark my words!

00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,670

Wow, my dad's

the best!

00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,255

All other dads suck

compared to my dad!

00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,382

Hey, my dad's

pretty cool too!

00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,636

I'm sorry, honey.

00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,763

It's okay, I'll just

call some 20-year-old

00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:25,764

and have him

come over.

00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:26,807

What!

00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:28,266

I'm just kidding!

00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:29,684

That's not funny,

that hurt my feelings!

00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:30,936

Why?

00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,021

Kyle!

00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,898

Don't worry you guys, I'm

getting a nerection as we speak.

00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,858

Huh?

00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,193

Actually, Cartman's

getting a nerection.

00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,319

But then we're gonna

give it to you.

00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,530

So... buck up!

00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,785

We have a very strange

little boy, Gerald.

00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,084

Dude, you're

still not dead!

00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,919

My mom is totally

worried about me,

00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:56,878

you better

let me down.

00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,547

She's not worried

about you.

00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,882

Yes she is, I've been

hearing her all day, listen!

00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:05,846

"Eric, Eric, where are you?

I miss you very much!"

00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:06,763

That's not

your mom, calling!

00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,598

"Yes it is, you guys.

00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:12,102

This is Eric's mom and

I want him home right now."

00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,603

How stupid do you

think we are?

00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:15,230

Now you die on that cross

and get resurrected

00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,065

before I

kick your ass!

00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,567

You guys, it's

too hot out he'a.

00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,151

I can't do this!

00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:21,903

He is right. It has been getting

really hot lately.

00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:22,988

Yeah, I noticed

that, too.

00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:23,697

Let go get some

ice cold lemonade!

00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:24,698

Hey, yeah!

00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,449

Ugh, goddammit!

00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:29,202

You guys, wanna hear my

"I hate Stan and Kyle" song?

00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,329

♪ I hate Stan and Kyle ♪

00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:34,082

♪ I seriously hate

Stan and Kyle... ♪♪

00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:37,168

My God, it's

burning up in here!

00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:38,753

Can't we crank

the AC up some more?

00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,547

It's already

on "full".

00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,215

You wanted to

see me, Mayor?

00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,884

Yes, Marsh, we have

a new problem

00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,552

and I think only you

can solve it.

00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,804

I suspect you're talking about

the dramatic heat wave.

00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:50,056

Yes, the temperature's

steadily rising every day!

00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,058

I want you

to find out why.

00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,269

Mayor, I think I'm a little

over-qualified for this.

00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,730

My scientific mind is

best used on global problems.

00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,356

Alright, alright

name your price.

00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,233

Ten thousand, I have to

protect my talent.

00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,776

Done, just find out

what's happening.

00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,486

Don't worry, mayor

I'll find the cause.

00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:06,031

Or else... or else what?

Exactly.

00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,537

What the...?

00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,456

Oh, what now?

00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,166

Chef, Chef!

00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:17,083

Children, what the hell

are you doin'?

00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:18,418

Just get me down

from here!

00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,211

Oh finally, my arms

are killing me!

00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,796

You children

shouldn't be out

00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,506

crucifying yourselves

in this heat!

00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:26,843

Sweet... Now I'm gonna

go kill those guys!

00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,345

Eric, I have to

tell you something

00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:29,596

and it's really

gonna bum you out.

00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:30,972

What?

00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,599

It's really gonna

piss you off!

00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,601

This is just a dream,

you're still up on that cross!

00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:36,728

Ohh, dammit!

00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,358

Dad, where's

the phone book?

00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:42,108

Not now Stanley, without

my scientific genius

00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,027

the town is doomed.

00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:47,697

Let see, when exactly did

the temperature start to go up?

00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,824

Our topic tonight is the rising

temperatures in South Park.

00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,868

Let's go to the phones,

caller you're on the air.

00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,411

Yeah Jesus, after

you got crucified,

00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:54,663

how long did it take you

to die and resurrect?

00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,289

Stan?

- That's not the topic tonight.

00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,375

The topic is global warming.

00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,918

Oh...

00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:00,919

Do you have an opinion

on global warming?

00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:02,504

Uh... it

sucks ass.

00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,422

Okay...

thank you caller.

00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,633

Let's go to our first guest,

Dr. Alfonse Mephesto.

00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,010

You claim to know the cause

of global warming in South Park.

00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,220

I most

certainly do.

00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,930

The cause of

global warming is...

00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:13,682

Randy Marsh!

00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,476

It was Marsh's Theory on

Spontaneous Combustion

00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,144

that told everyone

to fart all they want.

00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,854

Now all the methane

from all those farts

00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,856

has ripped a hole

in our ozone layer.

00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,483

We are all

doomed to die!

00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,527

Awww, crap!

00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,030

We want answers!

- You've killed us all!

00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,573

Someone's got to pay!

- This is out of control!

00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:32,325

Boy, they're

really pissed!

00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,160

Well, they're right,

we should have known

00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,121

that all that methane would

adversely affect the atmosphere.

00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:37,038

Well, let's go

talk to them.

00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,331

Stick by me.

00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,334

Hey, you've

killed us all!

00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,168

Cram that Nobel Prize

up your ass!

00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,087

Oh my God

what's going on?

00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,339

Now we either hold in our farts

and spontaneously combust

00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:49,300

or we let our farts out

and kill our entire planet!

00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:51,094

Well, I for one,

am not farting anymore!

00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,389

uh, I'll try to

find a solution.

00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,266

We don't want

your solutions, phony!

00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:57,934

Gimme that!

00:16:58,059 --> 00:16:59,561

Damn you, Marsh,

get out of town!

00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,062

You fraud!

00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,480

Oh... oh...

oh... oh!

00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,733

Mr. Garrison, help me!

00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,901

I-I do not

know you sir.

00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,695

Oh... oh...

00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:09,904

Up yours!!

00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,239

Yeah take that!!

00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,365

Dude,

that's my dad!

00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,408

Oh, yeah, sorry!

00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:19,205

The spontaneous combustion

problem escalates

00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,000

as more and more people go back

to holding in their farts.

00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,169

Meanwhile the ozone layer

continues to deplete

00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,129

as others refuse

to hold in their farts

00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,714

for fear of combustion.

00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:28,757

As we all know,

the cause for all of this

00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,675

is Randy Marsh.

00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,093

The son-of-a-bitch

who calls himself a scientist.

00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,971

We caught up with Mr. Marsh

and he had this to say.

00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:37,348

Uhh... I don't know

what to say.

00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,392

What an asshole,

I hate that guy

and so do you.

00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,811

And now on to the weather.

It's fucking hot,

00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,647

thanks to Randy Marsh,

son-of-a-bitch.

00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,316

Dude, those people

are pissed!

00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,400

I know, wow!

00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,651

Where's your dad?

00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:49,402

He's hiding down

in the basement!

00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:50,737

I don't know

what to do!

00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:51,738

Well, you

have to help him,

00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:52,614

just like I

have to help my dad.

00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:58,620

Still more effects

from the heat wave

00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,330

caused by Randy Marsh!

00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:02,040

A giant glacier

is melting above South Park

00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:03,666

and the entire town

is doomed.

00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,335

And now

these messages--

00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:06,461

Having a hard time

with male potency?

00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,837

Well I don't

and I'm Bob Dole.

00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,547

What's wrong with you?

00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:11,341

Christ, I'm Bob Dole

and I can get it up!

00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:13,093

Are you a lawyer?

00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:14,552

Yes!

00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:15,386

We want to sue

Randy Marsh.

00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,721

Why?

00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:17,972

He gave us

skin cancer!

00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,266

Yeah, he put that

hole in the ozone

00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:23,144

and now we've got skin cancer

all over our hot bodies.

00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,604

Look...!

00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,360

What are you

doing, Dad!

00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:31,945

Stanley, I think it's best,

you live with Kyle from now on.

00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:33,655

His dad is

better than me.

00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:34,614

No he's not, he can't

even get a nerection.

00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,199

Ha, really?

00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,076

Dad, you've

got to work!

00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:39,577

People are dying,

you've got to

come up with a solution.

00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,621

Not me, I'm not a scientist,

I'm a hack.

00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,248

Even if I

found a solution

00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,541

those people would

still all hate me.

00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:46,000

Well that

doesn't matter!

00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:47,794

I learned something from

the Stations of the Cross.

00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,337

What?

00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,881

See, at first Jesus

was all like, "why me?"

00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:53,550

And he was all

pissed off and stuff.

00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,927

But then he saw that

what mattered most

was everybody else

00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,428

so he stopped thinking

about his own misery

00:18:57,554 --> 00:18:59,347

and did what

had to be done.

00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,308

Right as Jesus was dying,

he raised his hand and said,

00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:05,395

"the needs of the many

outweigh the needs of the few."

00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,274

You're right, Stanley,

you're absolutely right.

00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:12,110

Hey, that Bible sounds like

kind of a good book.

00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:15,697

It's ain't bad, you should

try reading it sometime.

00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,532

Dude, that was

"Star Trek" again.

00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,450

"The needs of the many

outweigh the needs of the few?"

00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:21,244

That was

The Wrath of Khan.

00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,579

Bible, Wrath of Khan,

what's the difference?

00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,873

Alright, now let's get to work!

00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:34,090

♪ I've been tellin' everybody

that you're my girl ♪

00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,885

♪ 'cause I'm not one

to be shy ♪

00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,721

♪ You don't have to go with me

if you don't want ♪

00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,515

♪ Just tell everybody

I'm your guy ♪

00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,268

♪ You and me girl,

it's forever ♪

00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,104

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:51,107

♪ I've been tellin' everybody

that you're my girl ♪

00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,943

♪ 'cause I'm not one

to be shy ♪

00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:56,946

♪ I've been tellin' everybody

that you're my girl ♪

00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,324

♪ 'cause I'm not one

to be shy ♪

00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:02,452

♪ You don't have to go with me

if you don't want ♪

00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:05,205

♪ Just tell everybody

I'm your guy ♪

00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,999

♪ You and me girl,

it's forever ♪

00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:10,960

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:14,422

♪ You and me girl,

together forever ♪

00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:17,592

Dad... Dad!

00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,385

Wow...

00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,012

Dad, what are you doing,

you have to get started!

00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:23,765

Right, right, right...

00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,352

Kyle, where's

your mother?

00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:28,937

She's upstairs!

00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:29,687

Well, I have something

to give to her!

00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,648

Don't worry, Kyle,

00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,316

everything's going to be okay

between me and your mom.

00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,109

Really? Great!

00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,444

I don't have to

worry about that anymore.

00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,989

Hello?

00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,868

Look, there he is,

get him!

00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,453

Ummm...

please, everyone...

00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,288

You're a

dead man, Marsh!

00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,416

Please, listen to me

I think I've found the answer.

00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,335

Could I borrow

one of your rocks?

00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,379

It's all about moderation,

if you never fart, you combust

00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:56,506

but if you always fart,

you deplete the ozone.

00:20:56,631 --> 00:20:59,092

So we must fart only at

appropriate times

00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,593

or when it's

really, really funny.

00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:01,803

Huh?

- Huh?

00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,513

I know you all hate me

00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,348

but please, for your own sake,

fart in moderation.

00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,351

You can keep stoning me now,

if you want.

00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,106

Ow!

00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:15,441

And so, we salute

Randy Marsh

00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:16,943

and his "Unified

Theory of Moderation"

00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:19,070

that has saved us all!

00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,321

See, my dad is

the coolest, after all!

00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:21,572

Well, my dad's--

00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:22,907

Ooh-Cartman!

00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,158

I forgot

all about him!

00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:25,201

He's been up there

for like, 3 weeks!

00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,452

Wow!

00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:27,996

That's amazing!

00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,163

Hey guys, I am

really pissed off now!

00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:30,415

Dude, you're

still alive, Cartman?

00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:32,000

Get me down

from he'a!

00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,293

You survived

all this time

00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:34,919

on the fat stored up

in your body?

00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,296

Yeah, and when

I get down from he'a

00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:39,257

I'm gonna kick you both

in the nuts!

00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:41,509

♪ You and me girl,

it's forever ♪

00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:44,262

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:47,056

♪ You and me girl,

forever and ever ♪

00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:49,976

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:21:50,101 --> 00:21:52,895

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:55,898

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:21:56,024 --> 00:21:58,985

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:00:36,737 --> 00:00:38,056

Это - то, что ты ищешь, Кайл?

00:00:38,057 --> 00:00:39,286

Нет, не думаю...

00:00:39,316 --> 00:00:40,316

Смо...ри, э...о?

00:00:40,338 --> 00:00:41,103

Да нет, это - фен!

00:00:41,138 --> 00:00:42,498

Помочь найти вам что-нибудь?

00:00:42,533 --> 00:00:44,628

Ага! Есть у вас "орекция"?

00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:45,629

Есть ЧТО?

00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:46,930

Я хочу купить "орекцию" для моего папы.

00:00:47,431 --> 00:00:49,351

Очень смешно, мальчики!

Давайте, валите отсюда!

00:00:49,352 --> 00:00:50,061

Что здесь смешного?

00:00:50,096 --> 00:00:52,531

Блин, мои мама и папа

всё время ругаются из-за того,

что у папы нет "орекции"

00:00:52,532 --> 00:00:54,911

Поэтому я решил ему её достать

00:00:54,912 --> 00:00:57,794

Блин, что вообще творится со всеми?!

00:00:57,795 --> 00:01:00,459

Это - пятый магазин,

из которого нас выставляют

Почему так трудно достать "орекцию"?

00:01:00,616 --> 00:01:01,616

Д..! На *уй "о...цию"!

00:01:01,635 --> 00:01:03,295

Да мне нужна "орекция",

чтоб отдать моей маме!

00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:04,296

Чего?!

00:01:04,416 --> 00:01:05,600

Всё. Уви...ся, я х...чу усп...ть на ав...бус.

00:01:05,635 --> 00:01:07,795

Ой, и куда же собрался наш Кенни?

Опять к своей маленькой подружке?

00:01:07,816 --> 00:01:08,816

Да!! О...а люб..ит м...ня!!

00:01:08,915 --> 00:01:10,915

Чувак, ты тратишь на эту

тёлку кучу времени. Если ты не...

00:01:15,645 --> 00:01:17,459

О Господи, они убили Кенни!

00:01:17,460 --> 00:01:18,666

Сволочи!

00:01:18,667 --> 00:01:19,755

Что с ним такое произошло?!

00:01:19,756 --> 00:01:21,004

Он просто... загорелся!

00:01:21,005 --> 00:01:21,635

Что случилось?!

00:01:21,670 --> 00:01:24,138

Я видела это с той стороны улицы,

он просто вспыхнул и сгорел!

00:01:25,059 --> 00:01:28,510

Так, все разойдитесь, дайте

сгоревшему мальчику возможность дышать!

00:01:28,511 --> 00:01:33,327

Я слышал об этом! Это - самовозгорание!

00:01:33,362 --> 00:01:35,104

Но обычно это происходит

только с толстыми людьми

и вблизи открытого огня.

00:01:35,105 --> 00:01:37,694

- А это заразно?!

- А я могу самовозгореться?

00:01:37,729 --> 00:01:39,057

- Только бы такое не со мной!

- Как страшно!

00:01:40,596 --> 00:01:45,177

Люди в панике из-за самовозгораний!

Именно поэтому я собрала здесь

00:01:45,212 --> 00:01:47,137

первоклассную команду учёных,

чтобы изучить причину этого явления

00:01:47,138 --> 00:01:50,174

Здесь – лучшие учёные умы Южного Парка!

00:01:52,895 --> 00:01:55,152

Э... Мэр, я - геолог.

00:01:55,153 --> 00:01:55,767

Точно.

00:01:55,768 --> 00:01:58,892

Ну, я не учил биологию

и строение человека,

я учил строение земли

00:01:58,893 --> 00:02:01,933

Так, ты - единственный учёный

в Южном Парке.

Ты должен разобраться с проблемой,

00:02:01,934 --> 00:02:04,840

пока сотни людей не начнут гореть.

00:02:04,841 --> 00:02:07,517

Если ты сделаешь это, ты будешь

самым почитаемым человеком в городе.

00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:14,194

Мы любим тебя, Ренди!

Займись со мной любовью,

Ренди! Пожалуйста!

00:02:15,862 --> 00:02:20,353

Марш, я не прошу тебя,

я приказываю! Ты должен найти

причину самовозгораний, или...

00:02:20,354 --> 00:02:21,282

Или что?

00:02:21,283 --> 00:02:22,896

Вот именно!

00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,000

Блин, он выглядит таким мирным

без его оранжевой парки.

00:02:32,616 --> 00:02:33,616

Ага..

00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:41,288

Господь дал, Господь взял...

00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,116

Частенько его "ДАЛ" выглядит

непропорционально к его "ВЗЯЛ".

00:02:44,216 --> 00:02:46,516

Вроде, все, что происходит вокруг,

так это – его сплошное "ВЗЯЛ-ВЗЯЛ"...

00:02:46,616 --> 00:02:48,593

Но, уж как есть...

00:02:48,594 --> 00:02:53,739

Если бы вы побольше ходили

в церковь по воскресениям,

Господь бы не считал необходимым

00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:55,569

наказывать своим "ВЗЯЛ-ВЗЯЛ"

этого маленького мальчика

00:02:55,570 --> 00:02:57,395

О, блин, пошел опять на жалость давить...

00:02:57,396 --> 00:02:59,008

Всё, теперь помолимся.

00:03:00,531 --> 00:03:06,889

Господь, хоть мы и потеряли

Нейла Смита, ставшего свободным

игроком, и Стива Атвотера,

ушедшего в "Джетс", всё же..

00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:09,871

мы надеемся, что наши возлюбленные

"Бронкос" всё же выиграют

Суперкубок на чемпионате,

00:03:09,872 --> 00:03:13,514

и снова будут купаться в лучах

твоего света и славы. Аминь...

- Аминь.

00:03:13,516 --> 00:03:16,074

- Да-вай.

- Да-вай.

00:03:16,075 --> 00:03:18,400

- "Бронкос"

- "Бронкос"

00:03:18,410 --> 00:03:21,903

- Да-вай, "Бронкос"

- "Бронкос"... Давай!

00:03:25,344 --> 00:03:26,369

Ого, быстро так...

00:03:26,370 --> 00:03:28,815

Мальчики, я не вижу вас

в церкви в последнее время.

00:03:28,816 --> 00:03:29,816

Ну, я - еврей.

00:03:30,268 --> 00:03:32,315

Надеюсь, твое еврейство не мешает

тебе поклонятся Иисусу?

00:03:32,316 --> 00:03:33,316

Думаю, нет.

00:03:33,317 --> 00:03:37,093

Отлично! Дети, хотите сыграть сцены

Страстей Христовых в эту пятницу?

00:03:37,128 --> 00:03:37,690

Сцены чего?

00:03:37,691 --> 00:03:41,908

Это типа скетча. Вы разыгрываете

смерть и чудесное воскрешение –

"резорекцию" – Иисуса Христа.

00:03:41,909 --> 00:03:44,017

Опа! "Раз...орекция"!

Как раз то, что нужно моему папе!

00:03:44,018 --> 00:03:44,448

Чего?!

00:03:44,483 --> 00:03:45,631

Мы хотим! Мы хотим!

00:03:45,632 --> 00:03:48,893

Отлично! Вот брошюрка, как это сыграть.

Не подведите меня, мальчики!

00:03:48,894 --> 00:03:52,056

Блин, круто! Ты же знаешь всё о

о Страстях Христовых, Стен?

00:03:52,057 --> 00:03:54,477

Не знаю, блин, надо бы в Библию глянуть.

00:03:55,699 --> 00:03:58,022

- Спокойной ночи, Джерри!

- Пока, Том. Пока, Хелен!

00:03:58,023 --> 00:03:59,512

Пока, Дже...

00:03:59,912 --> 00:04:01,337

О Господи! Ещё одна!

00:04:01,338 --> 00:04:02,391

Хелен, нет!

00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:03,168

Что же это происходит?!

00:04:03,169 --> 00:04:07,762

Господь, должно быть, очень

зол на нас! Но за что? Чем мы

прогневили тебя, Господи?!

00:04:07,763 --> 00:04:12,171

Посмотрим, воспламенятся ли они от...

Нет... а может, от... Нет...

00:04:12,172 --> 00:04:13,176

Пап, где наша Библия?

00:04:13,177 --> 00:04:16,644

Не сейчас, Стен. Я должен определить

причину самовозгораний, иначе...

00:04:16,645 --> 00:04:17,637

Иначе что?

00:04:17,638 --> 00:04:19,003

Вот именно.

00:04:19,004 --> 00:04:19,524

Что?

00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:20,547

Точно.

00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:23,687

Где наша Библия?

00:04:23,688 --> 00:04:25,862

Она на чердаке среди старых пластинок

00:04:25,863 --> 00:04:30,060

Мальчики, вы не заметили чего-нибудь

странного с Кенни в последнюю неделю

перед воспламенением?

00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:32,571

Что в последнее время он делал?

00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:34,867

Ничего не делал. Он всё время

проводил со своей новой подружкой.

00:04:34,868 --> 00:04:35,687

Новой подружкой?

00:04:35,688 --> 00:04:39,342

Ага, с тех пор, как он начал с ней

встречаться, он каждый день

на автобусе к ней ездил.

Но чё за нафиг это к его смерти?

00:04:39,343 --> 00:04:41,948

Может, и ни чё.

00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:43,948

А может, и - ВСЁ...

00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,072

Ну, мы пошли, нам надо

поработать, чтобы заполучить

для папаши Кайла "орекцию".

00:04:46,073 --> 00:04:48,272

Да, да, конечно... А мне надо поработать...

00:04:49,762 --> 00:04:50,383

Чего?!

00:04:50,384 --> 00:04:54,411

Так, посмотрим, Иисуса распяли,

потом он умер, а потом через три дня

произошла "раз...орекция"... Господи...

00:04:54,412 --> 00:04:57,667

14 сцен Страстей Христовых...

Тут написано, можно сделать

костюмы из простыней

00:04:57,668 --> 00:04:58,597

Оба-на, будет прикольно!

00:04:58,598 --> 00:04:59,591

Я буду Иисусом!

00:04:59,592 --> 00:05:00,739

Ты слишком жирный, чтобы быть Иисусом!

00:05:00,740 --> 00:05:02,229

Ой, уж не ты ли им будешь, жид?!

00:05:02,230 --> 00:05:03,253

Стен будет Иисусом.

00:05:03,254 --> 00:05:06,324

Либо я – Иисус, либо...

идите в жопу, пацаны, а я иду домой!

00:05:06,325 --> 00:05:07,964

Ты ведешь себя, как жирный ребенок...

00:05:07,965 --> 00:05:10,476

Ну, думаю, вы, пацаны, можете

справиться со сценами

Страстей Христовых и сами...

00:05:15,477 --> 00:05:18,015

Хорошо, хорошо, можешь быть

Иисусом, плаксивый сын бочонка!

00:05:18,016 --> 00:05:21,147

Я пойду на улицу,

там поймаю курицу,

я – Иисус, а ты – нет!

00:05:21,148 --> 00:05:27,041

Итак, попробуем еще раз. Кенни

был здесь, Стен, Кайл и Картман

шли возле него.

00:05:27,042 --> 00:05:31,443

Хорошо, идите.

00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,670

- Чувствуешь тепло?

– Э, нет.

00:05:33,671 --> 00:05:35,594

Чёрт, почему же ты не возгораешься?!

00:05:35,595 --> 00:05:38,726

Блин, Ренди, ты говорил, мы идём

пить пиво и смотреть бокс!

00:05:38,727 --> 00:05:40,024

Ещё одна! Ещё одна сгорела!

00:05:40,025 --> 00:05:42,285

Нет! Она занималась чем-то

особенным в этот момент?

00:05:42,286 --> 00:05:44,767

Да нет, просто по пути к её новому другу...

00:05:44,768 --> 00:05:47,806

К другу? Они говорили,

у Кенни была новая подружка.

00:05:47,807 --> 00:05:50,567

Чё за тупость! Идите в жопу,

пацаны, а я иду домой!

00:05:50,568 --> 00:05:52,277

Нет! Я, кажется, понял!

00:05:55,316 --> 00:05:57,600

Так, так, так.

Много же вас сегодня в церкви.

00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:01,500

Похоже, мы всё-таки слегка нервничаем

по поводу этих самовозгораний, а?

00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:02,500

Да... ага...

00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:07,287

Что же, сегодня, в Святую

Пятницу, давайте поблагодарим

Бога за всякую хрень...

00:06:07,316 --> 00:06:07,916

ну и все такое...

00:06:07,935 --> 00:06:11,782

Господь, мы чё, так много

просим, не мог бы ты не сжигать

нас без явной причины?

00:06:11,783 --> 00:06:15,819

В смысле... чё это за нафиг!.. Аминь.

00:06:15,820 --> 00:06:21,264

А теперь пара наших милых

местных детишек покажет нам

сцены из Страстей Христовых.

00:06:21,616 --> 00:06:22,916

О-о... Какие милые...

00:06:23,027 --> 00:06:26,160

Сцена первая:

Иисус приговорен к смерти Пилатом.

00:06:27,117 --> 00:06:28,173

Умри!

00:06:28,174 --> 00:06:32,578

Ты можешь делать всё, что

хочешь, но я - агнец Божий!

00:06:34,404 --> 00:06:36,059

Сцена вторая: Иисус несёт крест

00:06:36,060 --> 00:06:40,339

Этот крест реально тяжелый.

О люди, я в полной лаже...

00:06:40,340 --> 00:06:43,871

Затем ученик Христа, Пётр

отрицает, что знает Его.

00:06:44,650 --> 00:06:47,201

- Пётр!

- Я не знаю тебя, чувак.

00:06:47,236 --> 00:06:51,991

О, Пётр – слабак, Пётр – отстой...

Но я – Иисус, поэтому

я прощаю тебя, типа.

00:06:55,149 --> 00:06:56,071

Мэр.

00:06:56,072 --> 00:06:59,551

Мэр, я понял! Я знаю причину самовозгорания!

00:06:59,552 --> 00:07:01,990

- И чё там?

- Это слишком сложно

объяснить по телефону.

00:07:01,991 --> 00:07:03,282

Объявите общее собрание города

00:07:03,283 --> 00:07:07,742

Хорошо. Если ты прав, Марш,

ты станешь самым популярным

человеком в Южном Парке!

00:07:11,104 --> 00:07:13,936

Мы любим тебя, Ренди!

Займись со мной любовью,

Ренди! Пожалуйста!

00:07:17,340 --> 00:07:18,440

Лох...

00:07:19,696 --> 00:07:22,167

Сцена 11: Иисус прибит к кресту.

00:07:22,168 --> 00:07:27,007

О, теперь я стал не слаб, а супер слаб.

Уже ничего не сделает меня слабее...

00:07:27,008 --> 00:07:31,078

Сплетши венец из тёрна,

возложили Ему на голову, а Иисус

всех, типа, поблагодарил...

00:07:31,079 --> 00:07:36,498

Ну, в натуре отсосно, что я должен

умереть, но если я умру,

все грешники будут прощены,

00:07:36,499 --> 00:07:38,118

так что, ну, типа, круто...

00:07:38,119 --> 00:07:44,028

Потом Иисуса отнесли на гору Синай,

где он умер, а потом была

"раз...орекция" через три дня

00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:44,941

Привет, мам.

00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:49,091

Спасибо, мальчики.

Да святится имя твое, Иисус.

00:07:49,092 --> 00:07:51,184

Во веки веков, не так ли?

00:07:51,185 --> 00:07:53,464

Прошло круто! Всем реально понравилось!

00:07:53,465 --> 00:07:55,630

Ага, я говорил вам, что из меня

получится классный Иисус, пацаны

00:07:56,290 --> 00:07:59,300

Ой чувак, настоящий Иисус хотя бы

не весил 400 фунтов!

00:07:59,301 --> 00:08:00,598

Засунь себе в жопу битого стекла!

00:08:00,599 --> 00:08:02,020

Вот это место ничего.

00:08:03,031 --> 00:08:04,820

Ага, выглядит хорошо.

00:08:04,821 --> 00:08:05,872

Окей, супер, увидимся, Картмэн

00:08:05,873 --> 00:08:07,298

Эй, стоять, куда, блин, поперлись?!

00:08:07,299 --> 00:08:08,870

Не знаю, домой, наверное.

00:08:08,871 --> 00:08:09,769

Ага, и я.

00:08:09,770 --> 00:08:10,829

Так, давайте снимайте меня, на..!

00:08:10,830 --> 00:08:14,605

Картмэн, ты - тупой. Ты библию

не читал? Мы должны оставить тебя

здесь, пока ты не умрешь,

00:08:14,606 --> 00:08:16,316

а потом вернешься к жизни через три дня

00:08:16,317 --> 00:08:18,129

- Что?!

- Да, идиот, у тебя будет одна "орекция"

00:08:18,130 --> 00:08:19,069

Ага, а я отдам её своему отцу

00:08:20,915 --> 00:08:24,527

Эй, эй! Не хочу больше быть Иисусом!

Не оставляйте меня здесь! Пацаны!

00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:30,539

Ладно, всё, хватит!

Идите в жопу, пацаны, я иду домой!

00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:36,433

Ладно, вот теперь вы меня разозлили!

00:08:43,793 --> 00:08:49,160

Итак, господа, учёный Марш

и я тяжело потрудились над

проблемой самовозгораний

00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:51,999

и в результате нашли решение!

Мистер Марш...

00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:55,264

Маленький мальчик загорелся

потому, что у него была новая подружка

00:08:55,896 --> 00:08:58,399

Конечно, не сама подружка заставила

его загореться, но тот факт, что Кенни

00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,136

не хотел выпускать газы,

когда она была рядом...

00:09:01,850 --> 00:09:07,300

Понимаете, во время переваривания

пищи естественным путем

вырабатывается газ метан

00:09:07,301 --> 00:09:10,320

Метан собирается в области кишечника

и скапливается под давлением

00:09:10,321 --> 00:09:14,020

Обычно человек вытесняет избыточное

давление из организма посредством

приятного ему пука

00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:19,770

Если газ не вытеснен, возникает

избыток метана, воспламенение,

ведущее... к катастрофе!

00:09:19,771 --> 00:09:23,740

Кенни взорвался, потому что

сдерживался и не пукал слишком долго

00:09:24,536 --> 00:09:27,506

То есть, всё, что нам нужно

– это активно пукать,

и тогда мы не взорвёмся?

00:09:27,507 --> 00:09:28,467

Вот именно!

00:09:33,317 --> 00:09:40,957

Итак, с этого дня все жители Южного

Парка обязаны пукать регулярно,

дабы предотвратить самовозгорание!

00:09:40,958 --> 00:09:45,377

Ренди, Ренди, Ренди!

Мы любим тебя, Ренди!

Займись со мной любовью, Ренди!

00:09:45,378 --> 00:09:47,707

Во, блин! Мой отец стал

нереально знаменитым!

00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:50,077

Да ладно. Идём, посмотрим,

как там Картмэн продвигается

с "раз...орекцией"

00:09:50,078 --> 00:09:52,813

Вау, он умер

00:09:52,814 --> 00:09:55,443

Сейчас дождёмся его воскресения

"раз...орекции" и дадим её моему папе

00:09:56,124 --> 00:09:58,244

А, вот вы где, пацаны, на...!

00:09:58,245 --> 00:09:58,855

Картмэн?

00:09:58,856 --> 00:10:01,609

Вы, пацаны, в натуре попали!

А ну сняли отсюда меня... на...!

00:10:01,610 --> 00:10:03,145

Почему ты до сих пор жив, Картмэн?

00:10:03,146 --> 00:10:05,915

Пацаны, я серьёзно.

Сняли меня! В натуре... на...!

00:10:05,916 --> 00:10:08,055

Слушай, жиртрест, после того, как ты

умрешь, и у тебя будет "раз...орекция",

00:10:08,056 --> 00:10:10,131

ты сможешь делать всякие

супер-волшебные штуки, как Иисус

00:10:10,491 --> 00:10:11,132

Правда?

00:10:11,133 --> 00:10:13,614

Да, поэтому давай дохни быстрей,

кусок дерьма!

00:10:14,405 --> 00:10:19,176

Когда я смогу делать супер-волшебные

штуки, я вас, двух козлов,

вышвырну нафиг с Земли!

00:10:20,055 --> 00:10:21,379

Блин, супер-волшебные

штуки это - круто!

00:10:21,380 --> 00:10:22,276

Здравствуйте, мальчики.

00:10:22,277 --> 00:10:23,454

Здравствуйте, мистер Мэккей,

00:10:23,455 --> 00:10:27,384

Вы, мальчики, регулярно

выпускаете газы,

чтобы не самовозгореться?

00:10:27,385 --> 00:10:28,691

Да, мы умеем пукать, мистер Мэккей!

00:10:28,692 --> 00:10:30,815

Дайте я вам на всякий случай

покажу, для уверенности, мммкей?

00:10:31,572 --> 00:10:33,725

Ну, давай же, хорошая девочка, ммм..

00:10:33,726 --> 00:10:35,258

- Господи Иисусе!

– Да ты больной, блин!

00:10:35,259 --> 00:10:38,430

Я вчера ел бифштекс с беконом

00:10:38,431 --> 00:10:39,431

Блин, я думаю, ты - тупой мудак!

00:10:39,788 --> 00:10:43,371

Надеюсь, вы понимаете, что вы должны

делать это регулярно, мммкей?

00:10:43,649 --> 00:10:45,444

Да окей, окей! Только исчезни!

00:10:46,321 --> 00:10:48,411

Да, это было совсем не круто, блин.

00:10:48,412 --> 00:10:50,700

Здравствуйте, мальчики,

вы не видели случайно Эрика?

00:10:50,865 --> 00:10:52,861

Да, с ним всё в порядке

00:10:52,862 --> 00:10:54,505

Да, он там самовоскрешается!

00:10:54,506 --> 00:10:56,921

О, а я как раз была в магазине

и покупала яблочки

00:10:56,922 --> 00:10:57,989

- Яблочки?

- Да. Яблочки.

00:10:58,089 --> 00:10:58,689

Яблочки! Уловили?

00:10:58,699 --> 00:10:59,689

- Блин!

- Больная!!

00:10:59,757 --> 00:11:02,095

Ароматные яблочки!

До свидания, мальчики!

00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:04,433

Мне чего-то этот новый закон

не нравится.

00:11:04,468 --> 00:11:05,141

Пролезло!

00:11:06,540 --> 00:11:10,850

Итак, я объявляю сегодняшний день

Днём Ренди Марша, в память о том,

00:11:10,885 --> 00:11:14,506

что именно он придумал средство

от самовозгорания!

00:11:15,938 --> 00:11:17,028

Господа!

00:11:19,216 --> 00:11:20,767

Ты - лучший, Ренди!

00:11:20,768 --> 00:11:25,557

Я - лучший? Я - лучший!

А я и не понимал всю глубину

моего научного гения до сих пор!

00:11:25,558 --> 00:11:27,197

Жаль, что Картмэн не может быть

с нами в этот исторический момент!

00:11:27,198 --> 00:11:27,757

Да уж...

00:11:27,758 --> 00:11:30,712

Эй, пацаны! Серьёзно! Кто-нибудь,

снимите меня отсюда!

00:11:32,412 --> 00:11:33,512

Офицер Барбреди!

00:11:37,203 --> 00:11:39,703

Т! Т – "тыква"!

00:11:41,983 --> 00:11:43,735

Эй! Сними меня отсюда, сучий потрох!

00:11:44,415 --> 00:11:46,405

Я подохну здесь!

00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:52,756

И снова, 42-ая церемония

награждения Нобелевской премией

00:11:52,757 --> 00:11:55,666

Встречайте, ведущая церемонии

Вупи Голдберг!

00:12:00,328 --> 00:12:01,838

Республиканцы – такие тупые!

00:12:04,819 --> 00:12:06,307

Ненавижу республиканцев!

00:12:08,922 --> 00:12:11,203

Республиканцы – такие тупые!

00:12:12,847 --> 00:12:16,747

А сейчас, для вручения

Нобелевской премии в номинации

"Наука" встречайте Ника Нолта

00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:23,427

Наука – это хорошо. Наука

– это замеча...тельно!

И номинанты этого года...

00:12:23,428 --> 00:12:29,656

Херолд А. Пинкертон

за дальнейшее развитие

великой единой теории физики

00:12:29,657 --> 00:12:35,075

Ренди Марш за его воздухоломную

теорию самовозгорания

00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:40,403

И Альфонс Мефесто за его семижопую

Галапагосскую черепаху.

00:12:41,503 --> 00:12:43,942

И Нобелевская премия присуждается...

00:12:43,943 --> 00:12:47,482

Ренди Маршу за его теорию

самопроизвольного пука-фука!

00:12:48,662 --> 00:12:50,492

Нет! Не может быть! Нет!

00:12:51,182 --> 00:12:57,439

Вау! О! Вау! Я - лучший! Да! Да!

00:12:57,440 --> 00:13:01,986

Это так прекрасно, когда тебе

говорят, что ты - лучший!

Я думал, что я – обычный парень,

00:13:01,987 --> 00:13:08,084

как вы, но ... Да! Спасибо, что вы

открыли мне глаза! Да! Я крут! Да!

00:13:08,356 --> 00:13:11,869

Подстроено! Это всё подстроено!

Это должна была быть моя премия, Кевин!

00:13:11,904 --> 00:13:14,116

Я ещё доберусь до него.

Помяни мои слова!

00:13:14,467 --> 00:13:18,316

Блин, мой папа крут!

Все остальные папаши просто сосут

по сравнению с моим папкой!

00:13:18,317 --> 00:13:20,140

Эй, мой папаша тоже неслабо крут!

00:13:22,226 --> 00:13:23,736

Извини меня, дорогая...

00:13:23,737 --> 00:13:26,672

Ничего ... Я просто звякну кому-нибудь

лет двадцати, чтоб зашёл...

00:13:26,673 --> 00:13:28,044

- Чего?!

- Шутка.

00:13:28,045 --> 00:13:30,993

Шутка?! Так вот, это - не смешно!

Это больно ранит мои чувства!

00:13:30,994 --> 00:13:32,396

- Почему?

- Почему?!

00:13:32,397 --> 00:13:36,164

- Кайл?!

- Не волнуйтесь, у меня будет

одна "орекция", как мы говорили!

00:13:37,261 --> 00:13:41,563

Ну, реально у Картмэна будет

"раз...орекция", но он отдаст

её вам, так что... не вешать нос!

00:13:44,985 --> 00:13:47,373

У нас растёт очень

странный сын, Джеральд

00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,714

Блин, он ещё не умер!

00:13:54,715 --> 00:13:57,294

Парни, моя мама не на шутку волнуется,

так что лучше снимите меня

00:13:57,295 --> 00:13:58,295

Она совсем не волнуется

00:13:58,296 --> 00:13:59,296

Ещё как! Я каждый день

слышу её! Слушайте…

00:14:01,642 --> 00:14:06,051

Эрик? Эрик, где ты?

Я так скучаю по тебе!

00:14:06,052 --> 00:14:07,498

Это - не твоя мама, Картмэн!

00:14:07,499 --> 00:14:12,564

Да, это я, пацаны! В натуре, пацаны,

это – мама Эрика, и я хочу, чтобы

он вернулся домой немедленно!

00:14:12,565 --> 00:14:15,226

Ты что думаешь, мы - идиоты?!

00:14:15,227 --> 00:14:17,637

Если ты не помрёшь на кресте,

и у тебя не будет "раз...орекции",

я тебе надеру задницу!

00:14:17,672 --> 00:14:20,324

Пацаны, здесь слишком жарко, на...!

Я не могу помирать в такой жаре

00:14:20,325 --> 00:14:22,121

Он прав, последнее время

действительно серьёзно потеплело

00:14:22,122 --> 00:14:24,366

Да, точно. Пойдем, что ли, купим

холодненького лимонадца?

00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:25,143

Ага!

00:14:25,144 --> 00:14:29,919

О, чёрт! Козлы! Чё, пацаны,

так и хотите услышать мою песню

"Ненавижу Стена и Кайла"

00:14:30,311 --> 00:14:34,547

Ненавижу Стена и Кайла!

В натуре ненавижу Стена и Кайла!

00:14:35,533 --> 00:14:39,633

Блин, тут зажариться можно!

Можно включить кондиционер посильней?

00:14:39,634 --> 00:14:40,623

Он уже на максимуме

00:14:40,624 --> 00:14:42,139

Мэр, вы хотели меня видеть?

00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:45,470

Да, Марш, у нас новая проблема и мне

кажется, только вы можете её решить!

00:14:45,471 --> 00:14:47,883

Я думаю, вы говорите

о глобальном потеплении

00:14:47,884 --> 00:14:52,053

Да! Температура растет каждый день.

Я хочу, чтобы вы выяснили, почему!

00:14:52,054 --> 00:14:56,913

Мэр, мне кажется, я слишком умен

для этого. Мой научный мозг должен

заниматься только великими

глобальными вопросами

00:14:56,914 --> 00:14:58,643

Хорошо, хорошо. Чего же вы хотите?

00:14:58,644 --> 00:15:00,090

Десять тысяч. Я должен

защищать свой талант!

00:15:00,091 --> 00:15:01,703

Договорились, только

выясните, в чём дело.

00:15:01,704 --> 00:15:05,792

Не волнуйтесь, я найду причину.

Иначе... Что иначе? Вот именно!

00:15:07,401 --> 00:15:09,735

В натуре, пацаны... серьезно...

00:15:11,253 --> 00:15:14,552

Чё за нафиг...

00:15:14,552 --> 00:15:17,059

Дети, какого чёрта вы здесь делаете!

00:15:17,060 --> 00:15:18,040

Просто сними меня отсюда!

00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:20,179

Ой, наконец-то.

Мои руки просто отваливаются

00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:23,498

Дети, не стоит распинать друг друга,

тем более на такой жаре

00:15:24,499 --> 00:15:27,191

Круто. Ну теперь я точно убью этих уродов!

00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:30,183

Эрик, я должен сказать тебе кое-что,

что тебя просто ошарашит.

00:15:30,184 --> 00:15:30,476

Что?

00:15:30,477 --> 00:15:32,683

- Но это тебя конкретно расстроит.

- Что?!

00:15:32,718 --> 00:15:34,890

Это - всего лишь сон.

Ты всё еще на кресте.

00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,168

О блин, дьявол!

00:15:39,625 --> 00:15:40,738

Пап, где телефонный справочник?

00:15:40,739 --> 00:15:43,682

Не сейчас, Стэнли, от моего научного

гения зависит судьба этого города

00:15:43,683 --> 00:15:47,245

Так, посмотрим, когда точно

температура начинает подниматься...

00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,754

Главная тема сегодня – продолжающееся

потепление в Южном Парке

00:15:49,755 --> 00:15:52,075

Послушаем звоночки. Алло, вы в эфире

00:15:52,110 --> 00:15:55,519

Да, Иисус... После того, как тебя

распяли, сколько времени прошло

до того, как ты умер и воскрес?

00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:55,976

Стен?

00:15:55,977 --> 00:15:58,535

Это - не тема нашей передачи. Сегодня

мы говорим о глобальном потеплении

00:15:59,130 --> 00:16:01,017

У вас есть что сказать по этому поводу?

00:16:01,018 --> 00:16:02,901

А... ну, это – отсосно.

00:16:02,902 --> 00:16:06,475

Отлично. Спасибо за звонок. А у нас

первый гость. Доктор Альфонс Мефесто.

00:16:06,476 --> 00:16:09,165

Спасибо, что пришли. Вы заявили,

что знаете причину потепления

00:16:09,166 --> 00:16:13,250

Конечно, я знаю! Причина глобального

потепления это... Ренди Марш!

00:16:14,714 --> 00:16:18,367

Ведь именно его теория

самовозгорания обязала всех

жителей пукать, когда им вздумается

00:16:18,402 --> 00:16:22,020

Теперь метан из этих газов

проел дырку в озоновом слое.

00:16:22,021 --> 00:16:23,642

И мы все обречены на смерть!

00:16:24,652 --> 00:16:25,618

Вот дерьмо.

00:16:25,619 --> 00:16:30,692

К ответу! Из-за вас мы погибнем!

Кто-то должен ответить за это!

00:16:30,693 --> 00:16:32,298

Парень, они серьезно разозлились

00:16:32,299 --> 00:16:36,197

Что ж, они правы, мы должны были

знать, что метан так неблагоприятно

влияет на атмосферу

00:16:36,198 --> 00:16:38,177

Надо пойти и вместе поговорить с ними.

Держитесь меня...

00:16:40,369 --> 00:16:42,720

Ты нас всех погубил!

Засунь свою Нобелевскую премию в задницу!

00:16:42,721 --> 00:16:43,690

Блин, что происходит?!

00:16:43,691 --> 00:16:46,460

Теперь либо мы будем сдерживать

наши газы и самовозгораться,

00:16:46,461 --> 00:16:51,490

либо не будем их сдерживать и

уничтожим всю планету! Так что,

я лично не буду теперь пукать вообще!

00:16:52,909 --> 00:16:54,979

Ну, я ищу решение...

00:16:54,980 --> 00:16:56,899

Не нужно нам твоих решений, жулик!

00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:58,448

Дай мне это! Да!

00:16:58,449 --> 00:17:01,228

- Пошел ты, Марш! Вали из города!

– Мошенник!

00:17:03,994 --> 00:17:05,054

Мистер Гаррисон, помогите мне!

00:17:05,055 --> 00:17:07,194

Я не знаю вас, сэр!

00:17:10,558 --> 00:17:12,167

- Да! На, получи!

– Блин, это же мой папа!

00:17:12,168 --> 00:17:13,687

А, да, извини.

00:17:15,733 --> 00:17:21,623

Проблема самовозгорания продолжает

обостряться, так как больше и больше

людей сдерживают свои газы

00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:25,663

Тем временем озоновый слой

продолжает истощаться, так как

многие отказываются сдерживать

00:17:25,698 --> 00:17:26,838

свои газы из-за боязни самовозгорания

00:17:26,839 --> 00:17:29,668

И как мы все знаем причина

всему этому – Ренди Марш!

00:17:29,669 --> 00:17:31,678

Сукин сын, который

называет себя учёным!

00:17:31,679 --> 00:17:34,848

Мы смогли взять интервью Мистера

Марша, и вот что он нам сказал:

00:17:35,641 --> 00:17:37,261

Я не знаю, что сказать...

00:17:37,262 --> 00:17:40,261

Что за придурок! Я ненавижу этого парня,

и вы, надеюсь, тоже! И о погоде:

00:17:40,262 --> 00:17:42,861

Сегодня будет ох**нно жарко,

благодаря Ренди Маршу – сучьему сыну!

00:17:44,698 --> 00:17:46,288

Блин, а они конкретно расстроились!

00:17:46,289 --> 00:17:46,841

Да знаю!

00:17:46,842 --> 00:17:47,731

А где твой отец?

00:17:47,732 --> 00:17:49,871

Он прячется в подвале.

Я не знаю, что мне делать

00:17:49,872 --> 00:17:52,101

Ты должен ему помочь,

так же как я помог своему.

00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,922

Ещё одно последствие потепления,

в котором повинен Ренди Марш -

00:17:59,923 --> 00:18:04,731

Огромный ледник, тая, надвигается

на Южный Парк. Город обречен!

А теперь реклама!

00:18:04,732 --> 00:18:08,102

Проблемы с потенцией?

А у меня нет, и я – Боб Дол!

00:18:08,103 --> 00:18:10,682

Что с тобой? Боже, я – Боб Дол

и у меня встает...

00:18:11,874 --> 00:18:13,977

- Вы адвокат?

- Да.

00:18:13,978 --> 00:18:15,778

Мы хотим подать иск на Ренди Марша!

00:18:15,779 --> 00:18:16,205

Почему?

00:18:16,206 --> 00:18:17,695

Он заразил нас раком кожи!

00:18:17,696 --> 00:18:23,910

Да! Он сделал в озоне дырку,

и теперь у нас рак кожи

по всем нашим красивым телам, вот!

00:18:28,420 --> 00:18:29,425

Что ты делаешь, пап?

00:18:29,426 --> 00:18:31,883

Стэнли, я думаю, тебе

лучше жить теперь с Кайлом.

00:18:31,884 --> 00:18:33,213

Его отец лучше, чем я.

00:18:33,214 --> 00:18:34,813

Нет! У него даже ни одной "орекции"!

00:18:35,649 --> 00:18:36,434

Чё, правда?

00:18:36,435 --> 00:18:39,544

Пап, тебе надо взяться за работу.

Люди умирают, ты должен им помочь!

00:18:39,545 --> 00:18:44,564

Я не смогу! Я - не ученый,

я – дилетант. И даже если бы

я нашел решение, люди бы

все равно ненавидели бы меня.

00:18:44,565 --> 00:18:47,648

Это не важно! Я вынес кое-что

важное из Страстей Христовых.

00:18:47,649 --> 00:18:49,108

Что?

00:18:49,109 --> 00:18:53,218

Сначала Иисус всё время

спрашивал типа "почему я",

злился, короче, всякая фигня.

00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:55,820

Но потом он понял, что на самом

деле важно, и он перестал

думать о себе и жалеть себя

00:18:55,855 --> 00:18:58,510

И сделал то, что нужно было сделать.

00:18:58,511 --> 00:19:04,650

И когда Иисус умирал,

он поднял руки и сказал:

"Многие позваны, но не многие избраны!"

00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:12,170

Ты прав, Стэнли, ты абсолютно прав!

Эй, а эта Библия – хорошая книжка!

00:19:12,171 --> 00:19:14,610

Неплохая. Тебе стоит

её как-нибудь почитать.

00:19:16,246 --> 00:19:17,336

Блин, это вообще-то слова из "Стар Трэка"

00:19:17,337 --> 00:19:17,856

Что?

00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,507

"Многие позваны, но не многие избраны!"

Это сказал Варт Хан.

00:19:20,508 --> 00:19:22,324

Да ладно, Библия или

Варт Хан, какая разница?

00:19:22,325 --> 00:19:24,304

Итак, за работу!

00:20:13,904 --> 00:20:17,034

Пап! Пап!

00:20:18,434 --> 00:20:20,504

Пап, ты чего?! Давай, начинай!

00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:23,415

Да-да-да!

00:20:26,155 --> 00:20:27,575

Кайл! Где твоя мать!

00:20:27,576 --> 00:20:28,576

Она наверху.

00:20:28,577 --> 00:20:33,426

Что ж, у меня для неё кое-что

есть. Не волнуйся Кайл, всё будет

хорошо между мной и мамой.

00:20:33,427 --> 00:20:35,707

Правда? Круто, теперь мне не надо

об этом беспокоиться.

00:20:37,962 --> 00:20:39,469

Помогите!

00:20:42,343 --> 00:20:44,233

- Смотрите, вот он!

- Ловите его!

00:20:44,234 --> 00:20:45,464

Пожалуйста, послушайте...

00:20:45,465 --> 00:20:46,854

Ты - покойник, Марш!

00:20:47,848 --> 00:20:50,268

Пожалуйста! Просто выслушайте меня!

Кажется, я нашёл решение!

00:20:50,269 --> 00:20:51,411

Не одолжите мне один камушек?

00:20:51,412 --> 00:20:56,641

Решение в умеренности. Если вы

совсем не пукаете, вы загораетесь,

но если вы пукаете всё время,

вы уничтожаете озоновый слой.

00:20:56,642 --> 00:21:01,101

Значит, мы должны пукать

только, когда это необходимо

или очень, очень смешно!

00:21:01,586 --> 00:21:08,386

Я знаю, вы ненавидите меня.

Но это в ваших же интересах...

Пукайте умеренно...

00:21:08,881 --> 00:21:10,081

Можете продолжать кидать

камни, если хотите

00:21:13,067 --> 00:21:13,801

Прошло три недели...

00:21:13,802 --> 00:21:18,241

Мы чествуем сегодня Ренди Марша

и его теорию умеренности,

которая спасла нас всех!

00:21:19,255 --> 00:21:20,698

Видишь, в результате мой отец

оказался самым крутым!

00:21:20,699 --> 00:21:21,188

Ну мой отец...

00:21:21,189 --> 00:21:22,052

Блин! Картмэн!

00:21:22,053 --> 00:21:23,292

Я совсем забыл о нём!

00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:26,104

- Он просидел здесь три недели!

– Ого!

00:21:26,105 --> 00:21:27,055

Вот это круто!

00:21:27,056 --> 00:21:29,005

Пацаны! Теперь я

по настоящему зол, на...!

00:21:29,006 --> 00:21:30,859

Блин, Картмэн, ты жив ещё?

00:21:30,860 --> 00:21:31,939

Я сказал, сняли меня отсюда, на...!!!

00:21:31,940 --> 00:21:34,729

Чел, ты прожил 3 недели на своем жире?!

00:21:34,730 --> 00:21:38,600

Да, дайте только мне слезть, на...,

и я вас обоих отпинаю по яйцам

в толченые орехи!!!

00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,000

Перевод и адаптация: LazyMax

LazyMax@mail.com

00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,723

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,141

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,809

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:16,934 --> 00:00:18,227

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,396

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:21,897

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:22,023 --> 00:00:23,774

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:24,900

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,861

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:29,905

[♪ Mumbling ♪]

00:00:30,031 --> 00:00:31,741

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:31,866 --> 00:00:33,242

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:37,538

Is this what you're

looking for, Kyle?

00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:38,831

No, I don't

think so.

00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,041

[mumbling]

How about this?

00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:41,375

No, that's a

hair dryer!

00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:42,460

Can I help you

find something?

00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:43,794

Yeah, do you

have any "ne-rections"?

00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:45,337

Any what?

00:00:45,463 --> 00:00:46,672

I need to get

a ne-rection for my dad.

00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,340

Very funny boys,

go on, beat it!

00:00:48,466 --> 00:00:50,176

Why is

that funny?

00:00:50,301 --> 00:00:51,802

Dude, my mom and dad

keep fighting all the time.

00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:53,637

And it's 'cause my dad

doesn't have a ne-rection.

00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:55,097

So I wanna

get him one!

00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,141

Dammit, what the hell

is wrong with everybody?

00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:58,976

That's the 5th store

we've been kicked out of.

00:00:59,101 --> 00:00:59,977

Why is it so hard

to get a ne-rection?

00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,937

[mumbling]

00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,022

I just want a ne-rection

so I can give it to my mom.

- What?

00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:05,024

[mumbling]

00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:07,234

Where you gonna go, Kenny

to see your girlfriend, again?

00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:08,819

[mumble]

00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:10,071

You spend way too much

time with that girl--

00:01:10,196 --> 00:01:12,239

[whoosh]

00:01:15,034 --> 00:01:16,619

Oh my God,

they killed Kenny!

00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:17,912

You bastards!

00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:19,246

What the hell

happened to him?

00:01:19,371 --> 00:01:20,247

He just...

ignited!

00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:21,624

What happened?

00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:22,374

I saw it from

across the street.

00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:23,667

He just

caught on fire!

00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:25,961

Okay people,

stand back,

00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:28,089

give the little burnt boy

some breathing room.

00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:31,217

I've heard about this, this is

"spontaneous combustion"!

00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:33,511

But it usually happens to fat

people near open flames!

00:01:33,636 --> 00:01:35,221

Is it

contagious?

00:01:35,346 --> 00:01:36,055

Am I going to

spontaneously

combust?

00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:36,972

I hope nothing

happens to me.

00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:39,266

This is

very scary!

00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:42,394

The people are panicking

about spontaneous combustion!

00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,396

That's why I've assembled

this crack team of scientists

00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:46,440

to find out the

cause of this phenomenon.

00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:50,611

You are the best scientific minds

South Park has to offer.

00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:55,282

Uh... Mayor,

I'm a geologist.

00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:58,202

I don't study human biology,

I study the Earth.

00:01:58,327 --> 00:02:00,538

You're the only scientist

that lives in this town.

00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:02,957

You have to find an answer

before more people combust.

00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:06,293

You do that, and you'll be the

most beloved man in South Park.

00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,879

Randy! Randy!

Randy! Randy!

00:02:09,004 --> 00:02:10,005

Randy! Randy!

Randy! Randy!

00:02:10,131 --> 00:02:11,340

We love you Randy.

00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,217

Make love to me,

Randy, please!

00:02:13,342 --> 00:02:15,010

Wow!

00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:17,263

Marsh, I'm not asking you

I'm telling you--

00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:18,764

find the cause of

spontaneous combustion

00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:19,765

or else!

00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:20,766

Or else, what?

00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,852

Exactly!

00:02:29,275 --> 00:02:30,484

Dude, he looks

so peaceful

00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:32,069

without his little

orange coat on.

00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,571

Yeah...

00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:41,245

The Lord giveth,

and the Lord taketh away...

00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:44,665

Sometimes the giveth seems

a little disproportionate

to the taketh...

00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,667

There seems to be a lot more

taketh-ing going on

00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,502

but there it is.

00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:50,296

Perhaps if more of you

attended church on Sundays

00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,214

the Lord would not have

felt it necessary

00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,717

to punish us by

taketh-ing this little boy...

00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,510

Oh, here comes

the guilt trip, again.

00:02:56,635 --> 00:02:59,054

Now let us pray.

00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:02,808

Lord, though we have lost

Neil Smith to free-agency

00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:04,476

and Steve Atwater

to the Jets,

00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,478

still we hope

our beloved Broncos

00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:08,772

can bring home another

Super Bowl championship.

00:03:08,898 --> 00:03:10,900

And once again bathe

in the glory of your light.

00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,026

Amen.

00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:12,902

Amen! Amen!

Amen!

00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,153

♪ Let's go... ♪

00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:15,362

Let's go! Let's go!

Let's go!

00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:16,780

♪ Broncos... ♪

00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:17,573

Broncos! Broncos!

Broncos!

00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,825

♪ Let's go, Broncos... ♪

00:03:19,950 --> 00:03:21,869

Broncos, let's go!!

Broncos, let's go!!

00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:25,831

Wow, that

was short!

00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:28,000

Boys, I haven't

seen you in church, lately.

00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:29,877

Well, I'm Jewish!

00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,295

You're not too Jewish

to worship Jesus, are you?

00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,963

I guess not.

00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:34,548

Good. Boys, how would you

like to perform

00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,634

the "Stations of the Cross" this

Friday night?

00:03:36,759 --> 00:03:38,928

It's like a skit, where you

re-enact the death

00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,138

and glorious resurrection

of Jesus Christ.

00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,182

Hey, "resurrection,"

that's what my dad needs!

00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,183

Huh?

00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,517

We'll do it!

00:03:45,643 --> 00:03:46,977

Wonderful, here's a book

on how to perform it.

00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:48,312

Don't let me down, boys!

00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,272

Dude, this

is great!

00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:51,315

You know all the Stations

of the Cross, right Stan?

00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,816

I dunno, dude.

00:03:52,942 --> 00:03:53,943

I'm gonna have to

go look in the Bible.

00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:56,153

Goodnight, Jerry.

00:03:56,278 --> 00:03:57,446

See ya, Tom,

bye, Helen.

00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:58,781

Bye Jer-

[whoosh]

00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:00,407

Oh my God,

another one!

00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:01,575

Helen, no!

00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,035

What happened?

00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,411

God must be

very angry with us.

00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:07,539

But why-how have we

angered you, Lord?

00:04:07,665 --> 00:04:10,125

[Mr. Marsh muttering]

Now let's see,

if they combust...

00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,377

No.. no...

00:04:11,502 --> 00:04:12,628

Dad, where's

our Bible?

00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,380

Not now Stan, I have to

find out what causes

00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:15,673

spontaneous combustion,

or else.

00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:16,674

Or else, what?

00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:17,675

Exactly.

00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:18,842

What?

00:04:18,968 --> 00:04:20,511

Right.

00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:23,931

Where's our Bible?

00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,432

It's in the attic

with the old LP's.

00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:28,185

Boys, did you notice

anything strange about Kenny

00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,979

in the weeks leading

up to his combustion?

00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:31,689

What did he

spend his time doing?

00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:33,107

He didn't

do anything.

00:04:33,232 --> 00:04:33,857

He was always with

his new girlfriend.

00:04:33,983 --> 00:04:35,359

New girlfriend?

00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:36,944

Yeah, he started

seeing this girl and he spent

00:04:37,069 --> 00:04:38,612

all his time taking

the bus to go visit her.

00:04:38,737 --> 00:04:39,738

What does that

have to do with

his death?

00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,198

Maybe nothing...

Maybe everything.

00:04:41,323 --> 00:04:43,367

[ominous music]

00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,828

We're gonna go work on

getting Kyle's dad

a ne-rection.

00:04:45,953 --> 00:04:46,829

Yes, yes,

of course.

00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,414

I've got

work to do.

00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,165

What!

00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:51,875

"Jesus got crucified,

then he died,

00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:53,794

then 3 days later

he had his nerection."

00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:55,337

There's 14 Stations

of the Cross.

00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:56,922

It says we can make

costumes out of sheets!

00:04:57,047 --> 00:04:58,173

This is

gonna be fun!

00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,174

I'm gonna

be Jesus!

00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,384

You're too fat

to be Jesus!

00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:01,635

Oh, like you're

gonna do it, Jew!

00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,220

Stan should

be Jesus.

00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:04,930

Either I'm gonna be Jesus

or screw you guys

00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:06,098

I'm going home!

00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,683

You're such

a fat baby!

00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,518

Well I guess you guys can do

the Stations of the Cross

00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,061

by yourselves!

00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:17,443

Alright, you can be Jesus,

you tubby cry-baby!

00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:18,777

Sticks and stones

may break my bones

00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,237

but I'm Jesus

and you aren't!

00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,572

Alright, alright,

let's try it again--

00:05:21,697 --> 00:05:23,615

Kenny was standing here.

00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:27,369

Stan, Kyle and Cartman

were walking around him...

00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,789

Okay, now walk.

00:05:30,914 --> 00:05:32,249

Do you

feel hot?

00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,959

Uh, no.

00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,086

Dammit, how come

you're not combusting?

00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,505

Come on, Randy, you said

we were gonna drink beer

and watch the fight!

00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,007

Another one

combusted!

00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:41,759

No-had she been

doing anything odd?

00:05:41,884 --> 00:05:44,470

No, she was just on her way

to her new boyfriend's house.

00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:47,473

Boyfriend, and they said

Kenny had a new girlfriend.

00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:50,184

This is stupid,

screw you guys

I'm going home.

00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:52,269

No! I think

I might have it.

00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,566

Well, well, well,

a lot of you came to church.

00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,276

Looks like we're

all nervous

00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,278

about this spontaneous

combustion thing, huh?

00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,364

Yeah! Yeah!

Uh-huh!

00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:06,492

Well, on the blessed Friday,

let us give thanks for stuff...

00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:07,868

and things.

00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:10,162

Lord, is it

so much to ask

00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:12,915

that you not let us burst into

flames for no apparent reason?

00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,293

I mean... c'mon!

Amen.

00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:18,295

And now, some of our

darling local children

00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:20,130

are going to perform

the Stations of the Cross.

00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,257

Awww... Awww...

- How cute!

00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:25,677

Station 1-Jesus is

condemned to death by pilate.

00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:27,888

Die!

- Ow!

00:06:28,013 --> 00:06:29,932

You can do

what you will

00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,768

but I am

the lamb of God.

00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,061

[congregation]

Awwww...

00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:35,938

Station 2--

Jesus takes his cross.

00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,898

This cross is

seriously heavy

00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,192

Oh man, this

is totally weak.

00:06:40,317 --> 00:06:43,487

And then Jesus' disciple, Peter,

denies he knows him.

00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,030

Peter!

00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:46,865

I don't know you, dude.

00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,660

Oh Peter, weak.

Peter, lame.

00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,870

But I'm Jesus

so I forgive you, I guess.

00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:54,123

[phone ringing]

00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,749

Mayor.

00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,793

Mayor, I have it!

00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,586

I found out why people

spontaneously combust!

- Why?

00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:01,922

It's too complicated

to explain over the phone.

00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:03,340

Call a town meeting tomorrow.

00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,342

Okay, if you're

right about this, Marsh

00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:08,178

you're going to be the most

popular man in South Park!

00:07:08,303 --> 00:07:09,388

Randy! Randy!

Randy! Randy!

00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:10,556

Randy! Randy!

Randy! Randy!

00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:11,974

We love you Randy.

00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,101

Make love to me,

Randy, please!

00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:15,269

Wowww!

00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,272

Schmuck!

00:07:18,397 --> 00:07:21,984

Station 11--

Jesus is nailed to the cross.

00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,486

Oh, this has gone from

weak to super-weak.

00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,613

Things cannot get

any more weak for me.

00:07:26,738 --> 00:07:28,740

Then a crown of thorns

was placed on Jesus' head.

00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,659

And Jesus was all like--

"thanks!"

00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,537

Well, this sucks

that I have to die.

00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,956

But if I die, everyone's

sins will be forgiven.

00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:38,709

So I guess it's cool.

00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:41,211

And then Jesus was led away

to Mount Sinai

00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:43,714

where he died, and has a

res-erection three days later.

00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,507

Hi mom!

00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,760

Thank you boys, blessed be

the name of Jesus.

00:07:48,886 --> 00:07:51,722

[congregation]

it's a great name, isn't it.

00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,557

Hey, that went really well,

they really liked it!

00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,976

Yeah, told you I'd be

a sweet Jesus, you guys...

00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:58,896

Aw man, at least the real Jesus

didn't weigh 400 pounds!

00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:00,397

Up your ass

with broken glass!

00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:01,565

This spot looks good.

00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:02,941

[both grunting]

00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:04,318

Yeah, that looks

pretty good!

00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:05,903

Okay, cool,

see ya' Cartman.

00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:07,196

Hey, wait,

where the hell you going?

00:08:07,321 --> 00:08:08,489

I dunno,

home, I guess.

00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:09,865

Yeah, me too.

00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,116

Well, get me

down from he'a!

00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,701

Cartman, how

stupid are you?

00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,286

Didn't you

read the Bible?

00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,746

We have to leave you

up there until you die

00:08:15,871 --> 00:08:17,372

and then you come

back to life in

three days.

00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:18,957

Yeah, dummy you have to

get a nerection.

00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:20,667

Then I can

give it to my dad!

00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:22,794

Hey! I don't

wanna be Jesus anymore!

00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,088

Don't leave me here,

you guys!!

00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:27,966

Alright,

that does it!

00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:30,761

Screw you guys...

I'm going home.

00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:35,265

Okay, I'm getting

pissed, now!

00:08:35,390 --> 00:08:37,851

[grunting & struggling]

00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,021

Yahhhhh!

00:08:43,982 --> 00:08:45,984

All right, people,

Scientist Marsh and I

00:08:46,109 --> 00:08:47,361

have been working very hard

on the problem

00:08:47,486 --> 00:08:49,071

of spontaneous combustion.

00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:50,113

And we have finally come up

with a solution!

00:08:50,239 --> 00:08:51,990

Mr. Marsh?

00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,326

The little boy combusted

because he had a new girlfriend.

00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:57,120

It wasn't the girl

that caused him to combust

00:08:57,246 --> 00:08:58,872

it was the fact that

Kenny didn't want to

00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,707

pass gas

in front of her.

00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:03,835

You see, as food is digested

the natural processes

00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,505

give off a by-product

known as methane gas.

00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,383

The methane gathers

here in the bowel area

where it causes pressure.

00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,385

Normally, a person

would expel this buildup

00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:13,470

in the form of a

pleasant fart.

00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,931

Should the gas not be expelled,

the methane can build up

00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,558

and then ignite,

leading to...

00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:19,726

disaster!

00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:23,272

Kenny combusted because he

held his farts in for too long.

00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:26,483

You mean, all we have to do is

fart and we won't explode?

00:09:26,608 --> 00:09:27,484

Exactly!

00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,528

[fart]

00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,363

[fart]

00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:33,198

[fart] [fart]

[fart]

00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:34,908

So, from this day forward,

everyone in South Park

00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:37,578

will be required to fart

on a regular basis

00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:39,955

to insure that nobody else

spontaneously explodes.

00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,832

Randy, Randy, Randy!

00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:43,333

We love you, Randy!

00:09:43,458 --> 00:09:45,168

Make love to me,

Randy, please!

00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:47,212

Whoa, dude,

my dad's famous!

00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:50,716

Let's go see how

Cartman's doing

with his a nerection.

00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,467

Wow, he died!

00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:53,552

Now we've just got to

wait for his erection

00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:54,678

and I can give it

to my dad!

00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:55,846

[coughing]

00:09:55,971 --> 00:09:57,973

Hey, there you guys are!

00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,642

You guys are in big trouble,

now get me down from he'a!

00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,185

How come you're

not dead yet?

00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:04,855

I am thirsty

get me down, right now.

00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:06,773

Look fat ass, after you die,

and get resur-erected,

00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,734

you'll have all kinds of

super powers like Jesus!

00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:11,403

Really?

00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:13,697

So hurry up and die

you piece of crap!

00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:16,116

When I get my

super powers

00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:19,202

I'm gonna use 'em to

smote you two assholes

right off the planet!

00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:20,454

Hey, superpowers

are sweet!

00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:21,455

Hi, boys.

00:10:21,580 --> 00:10:23,123

Hi, Mr. Macky.

00:10:23,248 --> 00:10:24,416

Have you boys been

sure to pass gas regularly

00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,335

so you don't

spontaneously combust?

00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:28,211

We know how to

fart, Mr. Macky.

00:10:28,337 --> 00:10:30,213

Well let me show you,

to be sure, okay?

00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:32,215

C'mon...

00:10:32,341 --> 00:10:33,216

[fart]

00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:34,343

Jesus Christ!

00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,178

Sick, dude!

00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,263

I had a steak wrapped

with bacon, last night.

00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:39,431

Dude, I think you,

pulled mud!

00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:40,932

So you boys understand,

00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:42,643

you have to do that

regularly, okay?

00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:43,977

[laughing]

00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,479

Okay,

just go away!

00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,689

That was not cool

at all, dude!

00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,816

Hello boys, have you seen

Eric around anywhere?

00:10:49,941 --> 00:10:52,569

Uh, we've been

taking care of him.

00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,279

Yeah, we're having him

resur-erected.

00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,281

Oh alright, I was just at

the store buying some apples!

00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:57,491

Apples?

00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:58,575

Yeah, apples!

[fart]

00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,701

Apples, get it?

00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,203

Dude!

00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,704

Stinky apples,

see you, boys!

00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:03,955

I don't think I

like this new law!

00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,248

Squeeker!

[fart]

00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,711

and so I declare today,

"Randy Marsh Day".

00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:12,047

Where we shall remember forever

how he freed us all

00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,257

from the threat

of spontaneous combustion.

00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:16,093

[cheering & farting]

00:11:16,218 --> 00:11:17,886

Gentlemen...

00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,680

You're the best, Randy!

00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,682

I am?...

I am, huh!

00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:24,476

I never knew the depth of my

scientific genius until now.

00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:25,811

It's too bad Cartman

can't be here to enjoy this.

00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:27,396

Yeah.

00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,773

Guys, somebody get me

down from he'a!

00:11:29,898 --> 00:11:31,525

♪ [humming] ♪

00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:33,485

Officer Barbrady!

00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:39,366

"t"...

"t" is for "turtle"!

00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:41,118

♪ [continues humming] ♪

00:11:41,243 --> 00:11:43,704

Hey, help me,

you son-of-a-bitch!

00:11:43,829 --> 00:11:45,914

I'm going to

die up here!

00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:53,088

[announcer]

We now return to the 42nd

annual Nobel Prize Awards.

00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,089

Here again, your host,

Whoopie Goldberg.

00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,341

[applause]

00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,096

Republicans

are so stupid...

00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,056

[laughter]

00:12:03,181 --> 00:12:05,016

I hate Republicans.

00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:07,352

[laughter]

00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,855

Republicans

are so stupid.

00:12:09,980 --> 00:12:12,357

[laughter]

00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:14,484

And now, here to present

the Nobel Prize for Science,

00:12:14,609 --> 00:12:16,945

here is Nick Nolte.

00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:20,657

Science-is-good,

science-is-very-im-por-tant.

00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,367

This year's nominees are:

00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:27,205

Herald R. Pinkerton for his

further development of the Grand

00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:30,292

Unified Theory of Physics.

00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:33,003

Randy Marsh for his for

formulated Break Wind Theory

00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:35,922

on Spontaneous Combustion.

00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:39,301

And Alfonz Mephesto for his Seven-Assed

Galapagos turtle.

00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,430

And the Nobel Prize goes to:

00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:47,142

Randy Marsh for the

Theory of Spontaneous Fart-ing!

00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,311

No...

this can't be!

00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,898

Wow! Wow!

Oh, wow!

00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,942

I'm the best!

Yeahh! Yeahh!

00:12:56,067 --> 00:12:59,070

It's just so amazing to be told

that you're the best.

00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:01,239

I thought I was just a

normal person, like all of you

00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:03,241

but.. yeahhh!

00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,076

Thank you for

showing me otherwise.

00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:07,412

Yeah!

I kick ass! Yeahh!

00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,498

Fix... fix!

00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:10,999

That was supposed

to be my award.

00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,335

I'll get him for this,

mark my words!

00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:15,670

Wow, my dad's

the best!

00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,255

All other dads suck

compared to my dad!

00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:19,382

Hey, my dad's

pretty cool too!

00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,636

I'm sorry, honey.

00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,763

It's okay, I'll just

call some 20-year-old

00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:25,764

and have him

come over.

00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:26,807

What!

00:13:26,932 --> 00:13:28,266

I'm just kidding!

00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:29,684

That's not funny,

that hurt my feelings!

00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:30,936

Why?

00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,021

Kyle!

00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,898

Don't worry you guys, I'm

getting a nerection as we speak.

00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,858

Huh?

00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,193

Actually, Cartman's

getting a nerection.

00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,319

But then we're gonna

give it to you.

00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,530

So... buck up!

00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,785

We have a very strange

little boy, Gerald.

00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,914

[funeral music]

00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,084

Dude, you're

still not dead!

00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,919

My mom is totally

worried about me,

00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:56,878

you better

let me down.

00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,547

She's not worried

about you.

00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,882

Yes she is, I've been

hearing her all day, listen!

00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:05,846

[in high voice]

"Eric, Eric, where are you?

I miss you very much!"

00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:06,763

That's not

your mom, calling!

00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,598

"Yes it is, you guys.

00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:12,102

This is Eric's mom and

I want him home right now."

00:14:12,227 --> 00:14:13,603

How stupid do you

think we are?

00:14:13,728 --> 00:14:15,230

Now you die on that cross

and get resurrected

00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,065

before I

kick your ass!

00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,567

You guys, it's

too hot out he'a.

00:14:18,692 --> 00:14:20,151

I can't do this!

00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:21,903

He is right. It has been getting

really hot lately.

00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:22,988

Yeah, I noticed

that, too.

00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:23,697

Let go get some

ice cold lemonade!

00:14:23,822 --> 00:14:24,698

Hey, yeah!

00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,449

Ugh, goddammit!

00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:29,202

You guys, wanna hear my

"I hate Stan and Kyle" song?

00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,329

♪ I hate Stan and Kyle ♪

00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:34,082

♪ I seriously hate

Stan and Kyle... ♪♪

00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:37,168

My God, it's

burning up in here!

00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:38,753

Can't we crank

the AC up some more?

00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,547

It's already

on "full".

00:14:40,672 --> 00:14:42,215

You wanted to

see me, Mayor?

00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,884

Yes, Marsh, we have

a new problem

00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,552

and I think only you

can solve it.

00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:47,804

I suspect you're talking about

the dramatic heat wave.

00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:50,056

Yes, the temperature's

steadily rising every day!

00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:52,058

I want you

to find out why.

00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:54,269

Mayor, I think I'm a little

over-qualified for this.

00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,730

My scientific mind is

best used on global problems.

00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,356

Alright, alright

name your price.

00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,233

Ten thousand, I have to

protect my talent.

00:15:00,358 --> 00:15:01,776

Done, just find out

what's happening.

00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,486

Don't worry, mayor

I'll find the cause.

00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:06,031

Or else... or else what?

Exactly.

00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:10,660

[moaning]

00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,537

What the...?

00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,456

Oh, what now?

00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:16,166

Chef, Chef!

00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:17,083

Children, what the hell

are you doin'?

00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:18,418

Just get me down

from here!

00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:20,211

Oh finally, my arms

are killing me!

00:15:20,337 --> 00:15:21,796

You children

shouldn't be out

00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,506

crucifying yourselves

in this heat!

00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:26,843

Sweet... Now I'm gonna

go kill those guys!

00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,345

Eric, I have to

tell you something

00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:29,596

and it's really

gonna bum you out.

00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:30,972

What?

00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:32,599

It's really gonna

piss you off!

00:15:32,724 --> 00:15:34,601

This is just a dream,

you're still up on that cross!

00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:36,728

Ohh, dammit!

00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,358

Dad, where's

the phone book?

00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:42,108

Not now Stanley, without

my scientific genius

00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,027

the town is doomed.

00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:47,697

Let see, when exactly did

the temperature start to go up?

00:15:47,822 --> 00:15:49,824

Our topic tonight is the rising

temperatures in South Park.

00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,868

Let's go to the phones,

caller you're on the air.

00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,411

Yeah Jesus, after

you got crucified,

00:15:53,536 --> 00:15:54,663

how long did it take you

to die and resurrect?

00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,289

Stan?

- That's not the topic tonight.

00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,375

The topic is global warming.

00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,918

Oh...

00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:00,919

Do you have an opinion

on global warming?

00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:02,504

Uh... it

sucks ass.

00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:04,422

Okay...

thank you caller.

00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,633

Let's go to our first guest,

Dr. Alfonse Mephesto.

00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,010

You claim to know the cause

of global warming in South Park.

00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,220

I most

certainly do.

00:16:10,345 --> 00:16:11,930

The cause of

global warming is...

00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:13,682

Randy Marsh!

00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,476

It was Marsh's Theory on

Spontaneous Combustion

00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:18,144

that told everyone

to fart all they want.

00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:19,854

Now all the methane

from all those farts

00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:21,856

has ripped a hole

in our ozone layer.

00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,483

We are all

doomed to die!

00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,527

Awww, crap!

00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:27,320

[crowd yelling]

00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,030

We want answers!

- You've killed us all!

00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,573

Someone's got to pay!

- This is out of control!

00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:32,325

Boy, they're

really pissed!

00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:34,160

Well, they're right,

we should have known

00:16:34,285 --> 00:16:36,121

that all that methane would

adversely affect the atmosphere.

00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:37,038

Well, let's go

talk to them.

00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,331

Stick by me.

00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,334

Hey, you've

killed us all!

00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:42,168

Cram that Nobel Prize

up your ass!

00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,087

Oh my God

what's going on?

00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,339

Now we either hold in our farts

and spontaneously combust

00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:49,300

or we let our farts out

and kill our entire planet!

00:16:49,426 --> 00:16:51,094

Well, I for one,

am not farting anymore!

00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:52,512

[whoosh]

00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:54,389

uh, I'll try to

find a solution.

00:16:54,514 --> 00:16:56,266

We don't want

your solutions, phony!

00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:57,934

Gimme that!

00:16:58,059 --> 00:16:59,561

Damn you, Marsh,

get out of town!

00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:01,062

You fraud!

00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:02,480

Oh... oh...

oh... oh!

00:17:02,605 --> 00:17:04,733

Mr. Garrison, help me!

00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,901

I-I do not

know you sir.

00:17:07,027 --> 00:17:08,695

Oh... oh...

00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:09,904

Up yours!!

00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,239

Yeah take that!!

00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,365

Dude,

that's my dad!

00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,408

Oh, yeah, sorry!

00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:19,205

The spontaneous combustion

problem escalates

00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:22,000

as more and more people go back

to holding in their farts.

00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:24,169

Meanwhile the ozone layer

continues to deplete

00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,129

as others refuse

to hold in their farts

00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,714

for fear of combustion.

00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:28,757

As we all know,

the cause for all of this

00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:30,675

is Randy Marsh.

00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,093

The son-of-a-bitch

who calls himself a scientist.

00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,971

We caught up with Mr. Marsh

and he had this to say.

00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:37,348

Uhh... I don't know

what to say.

00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,392

What an asshole,

I hate that guy

and so do you.

00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,811

And now on to the weather.

It's fucking hot,

00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:44,647

thanks to Randy Marsh,

son-of-a-bitch.

00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,316

Dude, those people

are pissed!

00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,400

I know, wow!

00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,651

Where's your dad?

00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:49,402

He's hiding down

in the basement!

00:17:49,527 --> 00:17:50,737

I don't know

what to do!

00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:51,738

Well, you

have to help him,

00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:52,614

just like I

have to help my dad.

00:17:57,494 --> 00:17:58,620

[radio]

Still more effects

from the heat wave

00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:00,330

caused by Randy Marsh!

00:18:00,455 --> 00:18:02,040

A giant glacier

is melting above South Park

00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:03,666

and the entire town

is doomed.

00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,335

And now

these messages--

00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:06,461

Having a hard time

with male potency?

00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,837

Well I don't

and I'm Bob Dole.

00:18:07,962 --> 00:18:09,547

What's wrong with you?

00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:11,341

Christ, I'm Bob Dole

and I can get it up!

00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:13,093

Are you a lawyer?

00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:14,552

Yes!

00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:15,386

We want to sue

Randy Marsh.

00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,721

Why?

00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:17,972

He gave us

skin cancer!

00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,266

Yeah, he put that

hole in the ozone

00:18:20,391 --> 00:18:23,144

and now we've got skin cancer

all over our hot bodies.

00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:24,604

Look...!

00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:30,360

What are you

doing, Dad!

00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:31,945

Stanley, I think it's best,

you live with Kyle from now on.

00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:33,655

His dad is

better than me.

00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:34,614

No he's not, he can't

even get a nerection.

00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,199

Ha, really?

00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,076

Dad, you've

got to work!

00:18:38,201 --> 00:18:39,577

People are dying,

you've got to

come up with a solution.

00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:41,621

Not me, I'm not a scientist,

I'm a hack.

00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:43,248

Even if I

found a solution

00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:44,541

those people would

still all hate me.

00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:46,000

Well that

doesn't matter!

00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:47,794

I learned something from

the Stations of the Cross.

00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,337

What?

00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,881

See, at first Jesus

was all like, "why me?"

00:18:52,006 --> 00:18:53,550

And he was all

pissed off and stuff.

00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,927

But then he saw that

what mattered most

was everybody else

00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,428

so he stopped thinking

about his own misery

00:18:57,554 --> 00:18:59,347

and did what

had to be done.

00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,308

Right as Jesus was dying,

he raised his hand and said,

00:19:02,433 --> 00:19:05,395

"the needs of the many

outweigh the needs of the few."

00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:09,274

You're right, Stanley,

you're absolutely right.

00:19:09,399 --> 00:19:12,110

Hey, that Bible sounds like

kind of a good book.

00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:15,697

It's ain't bad, you should

try reading it sometime.

00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,532

Dude, that was

"Star Trek" again.

00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,450

"The needs of the many

outweigh the needs of the few?"

00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:21,244

That was

The Wrath of Khan.

00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:22,579

Bible, Wrath of Khan,

what's the difference?

00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:24,873

Alright, now let's get to work!

00:19:31,546 --> 00:19:34,090

♪ I've been tellin' everybody

that you're my girl ♪

00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:36,885

♪ 'cause I'm not one

to be shy ♪

00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,721

♪ You don't have to go with me

if you don't want ♪

00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:42,515

♪ Just tell everybody

I'm your guy ♪

00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,268

♪ You and me girl,

it's forever ♪

00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:48,104

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:19:48,229 --> 00:19:51,107

♪ I've been tellin' everybody

that you're my girl ♪

00:19:51,232 --> 00:19:53,943

♪ 'cause I'm not one

to be shy ♪

00:19:54,068 --> 00:19:56,946

♪ I've been tellin' everybody

that you're my girl ♪

00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,324

♪ 'cause I'm not one

to be shy ♪

00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:02,452

♪ You don't have to go with me

if you don't want ♪

00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:05,205

♪ Just tell everybody

I'm your guy ♪

00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,999

♪ You and me girl,

it's forever ♪

00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:10,960

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:20:11,085 --> 00:20:14,422

♪ You and me girl,

together forever ♪

00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:17,592

Dad... Dad!

00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,385

Wow...

00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,012

Dad, what are you doing,

you have to get started!

00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:23,765

Right, right, right...

00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:27,352

Kyle, where's

your mother?

00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:28,937

She's upstairs!

00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:29,687

Well, I have something

to give to her!

00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,648

Don't worry, Kyle,

00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,316

everything's going to be okay

between me and your mom.

00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,109

Really? Great!

00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,444

I don't have to

worry about that anymore.

00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,989

Hello?

00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,868

Look, there he is,

get him!

00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:45,453

Ummm...

please, everyone...

00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,288

You're a

dead man, Marsh!

00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,416

Please, listen to me

I think I've found the answer.

00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,335

Could I borrow

one of your rocks?

00:20:52,460 --> 00:20:54,379

It's all about moderation,

if you never fart, you combust

00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:56,506

but if you always fart,

you deplete the ozone.

00:20:56,631 --> 00:20:59,092

So we must fart only at

appropriate times

00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,593

or when it's

really, really funny.

00:21:00,718 --> 00:21:01,803

Huh?

- Huh?

00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,513

I know you all hate me

00:21:03,638 --> 00:21:05,348

but please, for your own sake,

fart in moderation.

00:21:05,473 --> 00:21:08,351

You can keep stoning me now,

if you want.

00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,106

Ow!

00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:15,441

And so, we salute

Randy Marsh

00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:16,943

and his "Unified

Theory of Moderation"

00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:19,070

that has saved us all!

00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,321

See, my dad is

the coolest, after all!

00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:21,572

Well, my dad's--

00:21:21,698 --> 00:21:22,907

Ooh-Cartman!

00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,158

I forgot

all about him!

00:21:24,284 --> 00:21:25,201

He's been up there

for like, 3 weeks!

00:21:25,326 --> 00:21:26,452

Wow!

00:21:26,577 --> 00:21:27,996

That's amazing!

00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,163

Hey guys, I am

really pissed off now!

00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:30,415

Dude, you're

still alive, Cartman?

00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:32,000

Get me down

from he'a!

00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,293

You survived

all this time

00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:34,919

on the fat stored up

in your body?

00:21:35,044 --> 00:21:36,296

Yeah, and when

I get down from he'a

00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:39,257

I'm gonna kick you both

in the nuts!

00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:41,509

♪ You and me girl,

it's forever ♪

00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:44,262

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:47,056

♪ You and me girl,

forever and ever ♪

00:21:47,181 --> 00:21:49,976

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:21:50,101 --> 00:21:52,895

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:55,898

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:21:56,024 --> 00:21:58,985

♪ Sha-la

la-la-la-la ♪

00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:37,940

Это - то, что ты ищешь, Кайл?

00:00:37,975 --> 00:00:39,140

Не думаю...

00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:40,940

Нет, это - фен!

00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,340

Могу ли я вам чем-нибудь помочь?

00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,540

Да, у вас продается эрекция?

00:00:44,575 --> 00:00:45,505

Что?

00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:46,840

Я хочу купить эрекцию моему папе.

00:00:47,340 --> 00:00:49,240

Очень смешно, дети!

Давайте, валите отсюда!

00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:49,930

А что здесь смешного?

00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:52,440

Чувак, мои мама и папа всё время

ругаются и всё говорят, что это

от того, что у него не встает

00:00:52,475 --> 00:00:54,740

Что у моего папы нет эрекции

Поэтому я решил ему её купить

00:00:54,775 --> 00:00:57,605

Блин, что вообще творится с людьми?!

00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,340

Это - пятый магазин, из которого

нас выставляют! Неужели так

сложно достать эрекцию?

00:01:01,540 --> 00:01:03,140

Причём мне и надо-то немного,

только для мамы

00:01:03,175 --> 00:01:04,140

Что?

00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:07,640

Эй, Кенни, ты куда?

Опять к своей маленькой подружке?

00:01:08,740 --> 00:01:10,740

Чувак, ты слишком много времени

проводишь с этой женщиной. Если...

00:01:15,540 --> 00:01:17,340

О господи, они убили Кенни!

00:01:17,375 --> 00:01:18,505

Сволочи!

00:01:18,540 --> 00:01:19,640

Что с ним такое произошло?!

00:01:19,675 --> 00:01:20,840

Он просто... загорелся!

00:01:20,850 --> 00:01:21,530

Что случилось?!

00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:24,040

Я видела, как он вдруг

вспыхнул и сгорел!

00:01:24,940 --> 00:01:28,305

Так, все разойдитесь, дайте сгоревшему

мальчику возможность дышать!

00:01:28,340 --> 00:01:33,240

Я слышал о таком! Это - самовозгорание!

Правда, обычно это происходит с жирными

00:01:33,275 --> 00:01:34,905

людьми вблизи открытого огня.

00:01:34,940 --> 00:01:37,540

А это заразно?!.. А я могу самовозгореться?

Я надеюсь, со мной такого не произойдёт!

00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:38,940

О, как страшно!

00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:45,040

Люди в городе напуганы самовозгораниями!

Именно поэтому я собрала здесь

00:01:45,075 --> 00:01:47,040

первоклассную команду учёных,

чтобы изучить причину этого явления

00:01:47,075 --> 00:01:50,040

Здесь лучшие учёные умы Саут Парка!

00:01:52,740 --> 00:01:55,040

Мэр, я - геолог.

00:01:55,050 --> 00:01:55,630

Ну.

00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,705

Ну, я не учил биологию и строение

человека, я учил строение земли

00:01:58,740 --> 00:02:01,840

Так, ты - единственный учёный в Саут Парке.

Ты должен разобраться с проблемой,

00:02:01,875 --> 00:02:04,740

пока сотни людей не начнут гореть.

Если ты сделаешь это, ты будешь

00:02:04,775 --> 00:02:07,440

самым почитаемым человеком в городе.

00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:14,040

Мы любим тебя, Ренди!

Полюби меня, Ренди! Пожалуйста!

00:02:15,740 --> 00:02:20,240

Марш, я не прошу тебя, я

приказываю! Ты должен найти

причину самовозгораний, иначе...

00:02:20,275 --> 00:02:21,105

Иначе что?

00:02:21,140 --> 00:02:22,740

Ты правильно меня понял!

00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,100

Чуваки, он смотрится лучше

без этой оранжевой куртки.

00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:33,440

Да уж...

00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:41,140

Господь дал, Господь взял...

00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:47,640

Иногда, правда, он берёт

намного больше, чем даёт, и,

кажется, что он только берёт, но...

00:02:47,675 --> 00:02:53,640

Возможно, если больше людей

ходило в церковь по воскресениям,

Господь бы не наказывал нас

00:02:53,675 --> 00:02:55,440

и не забирал бы к себе

этого маленького мальчика

00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:57,240

Блин, пошёл опять на жалость давить..

00:02:57,275 --> 00:02:58,840

Всё, теперь помолимся.

00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:06,740

Господь, хотя мы и потеряли Нейла

Смита и Стива Атвотера, который ушел

в Джетс, мы надеемся, что наши,

00:03:06,775 --> 00:03:09,740

что наши возлюбленные "Бронкос" всё же

выиграют Суперкубок, и мы снова будем

00:03:09,775 --> 00:03:13,340

купаться в лучах твоего света.

Аминь. Аминь.

00:03:13,375 --> 00:03:15,905

Идите с миром.

Идите с миром.

00:03:15,940 --> 00:03:21,740

Вперёд, "Bronkos"

Вперёд, "Bronkos"

00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:26,205

Блин, чёта коротковато...

00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,640

Мальчики, я не вижу вас в церкви

в последнее время.

00:03:28,740 --> 00:03:29,740

Ну, я - еврей.

00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:32,140

Надеюсь, твое еврейство не мешает

тебе поклоняться Иисусу?

00:03:32,240 --> 00:03:33,205

Думаю, нет.

00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,940

Отлично! Дети, хотели бы вы участвовать

в крёстном ходе в эту пятницу?

00:03:36,990 --> 00:03:37,530

А это что?

00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:41,740

Это - представление, в котором

вы разыгрываете смерть Христа

и его чудесное воскрешение.

00:03:41,775 --> 00:03:43,940

Мама говорит, что папе тоже не

мешало бы кое-что воскресить!

00:03:43,950 --> 00:03:44,330

Что?!

00:03:44,340 --> 00:03:45,505

Мы будем в этом участвовать!

00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:48,740

Отлично! Вот книга об этом.

Не подведите меня, дети.

00:03:48,775 --> 00:03:51,940

Чуваки, круто! Ты всё знаешь

о крёстном ходе, Стен?

00:03:51,975 --> 00:03:54,340

Не, чувак, не знаю, надо в Библию заглянуть.

00:03:55,540 --> 00:03:57,940

Спокойной ночи, Джерри.

До свидания, Том. Пока, Хелен

00:03:57,975 --> 00:03:59,340

Пока, Дже..

00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,240

О Господи! Снова это случилось!

00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:02,205

Хелен, нет!

00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,005

Что же это происходит?!

00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:07,640

Господь, видно, прогневался

на нас, но за что? За что ты

караешь нас так, Господи?!

00:04:07,675 --> 00:04:12,040

Давайте посмотрим, воспламенятся

они или нет... может быть от...

00:04:12,075 --> 00:04:13,005

Пап, где наша Библия?

00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:16,540

Не сейчас, Стен. Я должен определить

причину самовозгораний, иначе...

00:04:16,575 --> 00:04:17,707

Иначе что?

00:04:17,742 --> 00:04:18,840

Вот именно!

00:04:18,875 --> 00:04:19,657

Что?

00:04:19,692 --> 00:04:20,440

Точно.

00:04:22,540 --> 00:04:23,530

Где наша Библия?

00:04:23,540 --> 00:04:25,705

Она на чердаке среди старых пластинок

00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:29,940

Ребята, вы случайно не заметили

чего-нибудь странного

в Кенни в последнюю неделю

00:04:29,975 --> 00:04:32,405

перед воспламенением?

Чем он занимался в это время?

00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,740

Ничего не делал. Он всё время

проводил со своей новой подружкой.

00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:35,505

Подружкой?

00:04:35,540 --> 00:04:39,240

Ага, он встречался с ней

каждый день, но какое это имеет

отношение к его смерти?

00:04:39,275 --> 00:04:41,840

Может, и никакого.

А может, и прямое.

00:04:44,140 --> 00:04:45,940

Ну, мы пошли, нам надо еще что-то

сделать с эрекцией папы Кайла.

00:04:45,975 --> 00:04:48,140

Да, конечно идите...

А мне надо работать.

00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:50,230

Что?!

00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:53,890

Так, посмотрим, Иисуса истязали,

потом он умер, а потом

через три дня он воскрес

00:04:53,925 --> 00:04:57,540

... ага, 14 остановок по пути,

ещё тут написано, что можно

сделать костюмы из простыней

00:04:57,575 --> 00:04:58,507

Это будет круто!

00:04:58,542 --> 00:04:59,405

Я буду Иисусом!

00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:00,640

Ты слишком жирный,

чтобы быть Иисусом!

00:05:00,675 --> 00:05:02,140

Ты уж точно им не будешь, еврей!

00:05:02,175 --> 00:05:03,105

Стен будет Иисусом.

00:05:03,140 --> 00:05:06,240

Либо я - Иисус, либо трахайтесь

сами, чуваки, а я пошел домой!

00:05:06,275 --> 00:05:07,805

Ты ещё просто жирный ребенок.

00:05:07,840 --> 00:05:10,340

Ну, я думаю, тогда вы

сами можете справиться...

00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,840

Ладно, ладно, будешь Иисусом, плакса!

00:05:17,940 --> 00:05:21,005

Ня-ня-ня-ня-ня! Я буду Иисусом!

00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:26,940

Итак, попробуем ещё раз. Кенни

стоял здесь. Стен, Кайл и Картмэн

ходили вокруг него.

00:05:26,975 --> 00:05:31,340

Хорошо, начинайте ходить.

00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,505

- Чувствуешь тепло?

- Нет.

00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:35,405

Черт, почему же ты не возгораешься то?!

00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,640

Блин, Ренди, ты говорил, мы идём пить

пиво и смотреть борьбу по телевизору!

00:05:38,675 --> 00:05:39,905

Ещё один! Ещё один человек загорелся!

00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:42,290

Нет! Она занималась чем-то

особенным в этот момент?

00:05:42,325 --> 00:05:44,640

Нет, она просто шла со своим

новым другом к нему домой.

00:05:44,675 --> 00:05:47,605

С другом? У Кенни тоже была новая подружка.

00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:50,440

Это - полная фигня! Трахайтесь

тут сами, чуваки, а я пошёл домой!

00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,140

Мне кажется, я понял!

00:05:55,400 --> 00:06:01,340

Похоже, мы все слегка нервничаем по

поводу этих самовозгораний, а?

00:06:01,375 --> 00:06:02,405

Да...

00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:07,140

Что ж, сегодня, в святую пятницу,

давайте поблагодарим Бога и всё такое...

00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:11,640

Господь, если это не сложно, не мог

бы ты, пожалуйста, не сжигать нас

00:06:11,675 --> 00:06:15,705

без видимой на то причины. Аминь.

00:06:15,740 --> 00:06:21,140

А теперь несколько наших

милых детей покажут нам

представление "Крёстный ход"

00:06:22,940 --> 00:06:26,040

Остановка первая: Пилат

приговаривает к смерти Иисуса

00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,005

Умри!

00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:32,440

Ты можешь делать всё, что хочешь,

но я - агнец Божий!

00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,905

Остановка вторая: Иисус несёт крест

00:06:35,940 --> 00:06:40,205

Этот крест реально тяжелый.

О, я слабею...

00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,740

Затем ученик Христа, Пётр

отрицает, что знает Его.

00:06:44,540 --> 00:06:47,040

- Пётр!

- Чувак, я тебя не знаю.

00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:51,840

О, Пётр, ты - слабак, Пётр,

ты - лох. Но я - Иисус, и поэтому

я тебя, типа, прощаю.

00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:55,905

Мэр.

00:06:55,940 --> 00:06:59,405

Мэр, я понял!

Я знаю причину самовозгорания!

00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,840

- Почему?

- Это слишком сложно объяснить по телефону.

00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:03,105

Давайте завтра соберём

общее собрание города

00:07:03,140 --> 00:07:07,640

Хорошо. Если ты прав, Марш,

завтра ты будешь самым популярным

человеком в городе

00:07:10,940 --> 00:07:13,840

Мы любим тебя, Ренди!

Полюби меня, Ренди! Пожалуйста!

00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:18,340

Лох!

00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:22,005

Остановка 11: Иисуса прибивают к кресту.

00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:26,840

О, теперь я не слаб, а супер слаб.

Думаю, я уже не могу быть

более слаб, чем сейчас

00:07:26,875 --> 00:07:30,905

На Иисуса одевают терновый венец,

а Иисус, типа, всех поблагодарил

00:07:30,940 --> 00:07:36,340

Что ж, хреново, что мне придётся

умереть, но когда я умру,

всем простятся их грехи,

00:07:36,375 --> 00:07:38,005

так что, ещё нормально.

00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:43,940

Потом Иисуса отнесли на гору Синай,

где он умер, а через три дня восВСТАЛ.

00:07:43,975 --> 00:07:44,805

Привет, мам.

00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:48,940

Спасибо, мальчики.

Да святится имя твое, Иисус.

00:07:48,975 --> 00:07:51,005

Во веки веков

00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:53,305

Что ж, по-моему, всё получилось

и всем понравилось

00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:55,540

Да, Я говорил вам, пацаны, что из

меня получится классный Иисус

00:07:56,140 --> 00:07:59,140

Да ну чувак, настоящий

Иисус не весил 100 килограмм.

00:07:59,175 --> 00:08:00,440

Засунь себе в жопу битого стекла!

00:08:00,475 --> 00:08:01,940

Вот это место ничего.

00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:04,705

Да, здесь нормально.

00:08:04,740 --> 00:08:05,740

Ладно, класс, до свидания, Картмэн

00:08:05,775 --> 00:08:07,257

Эй, куда вы попёрлись?!

00:08:07,292 --> 00:08:08,740

Не знаю, домой, наверное.

00:08:08,775 --> 00:08:09,605

Я тоже.

00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:10,705

Тогда давайте снимайте меня!

00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:14,440

Картман, ты тупой. Ты Библию,

что ли, не читал? Мы тебя должны

оставить, пока ты не умрёшь

00:08:14,475 --> 00:08:16,240

А потом вернёшься к жизни через три дня

00:08:16,275 --> 00:08:18,040

- Что?!

- Да, идиот, у тебя восВСТАНЕТ

00:08:18,075 --> 00:08:18,940

А я дам эрекцию своему отцу

00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:24,440

Эй, не хочу больше быть Иисусом!

Не оставляйте меня здесь, чуваки!

00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:30,440

Ладно, всё, хватит! Трахайтесь

тут сами, а я иду домой!

00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:36,340

Ладно, вот теперь вы меня разозлили!

00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:48,940

Итак, господа, наш учёный

Марш и я после долгих и упорных

поисков нашли таки причину

00:08:48,975 --> 00:08:51,805

самовозгораний. Сейчас он

объяснит её нам. М-р Марш.

00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,040

Маленький мальчик загорелся,

потому что у него была новая подружка

00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:58,240

Конечно, не сама подружка заставила

его загореться, но тот факт, что Кенни

00:08:58,275 --> 00:09:00,940

не хотел выпускать газы, когда она рядом

00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:07,140

Понимаете, во время

переваривания пищи естественным

путем получается газ метан

00:09:07,175 --> 00:09:10,105

Метан собирается в области кишечника

и скапливается под давлением

00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:14,840

Обычно человек удаляет этот

газ из организма посредством

приятного ему пука,

00:09:14,875 --> 00:09:19,540

иначе газ может накопиться,

а потом воспламениться,

что и приводит к трагедии

00:09:19,575 --> 00:09:23,540

Кенни взорвался, потому что слишком

долго сдерживался и не пукал

00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:27,340

То есть, если мы будем

пукать, мы не взорвемся?

00:09:27,375 --> 00:09:28,240

Именно так.

00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:40,000

С этого дня все жители Саут Парка

обязаны пукать регулярно,

дабы предотвратить самовозгорание!

00:09:40,775 --> 00:09:45,140

Ренди, Ренди, Ренди!

Мы любим тебя! Полюби меня, Ренди!

00:09:45,175 --> 00:09:47,505

Вау, чувак, мой отец стал

нереально знаменитым!

00:09:47,540 --> 00:09:49,840

Да ладно. Идем, посмотрим как

так Картмэн продвигается с эрекцией

00:09:49,875 --> 00:09:52,605

Вау, он помер!

00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,240

Теперь дождёмся того,

как у него появится эрекция,

и дадим её моему папе

00:09:55,940 --> 00:09:57,290

О, чуваки!

00:09:57,325 --> 00:09:58,605

Картмэн?

00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,440

Вы, чуваки, конкретно попали!

Сейчас же снимайте меня отсюда!

00:10:01,475 --> 00:10:02,905

Почему ты до сих пор жив, Картмэн?

00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:05,705

Чуваки, я серьёзно.

Снимайте меня немедленно!

00:10:05,740 --> 00:10:07,840

Слушай, жирный, после того, как ты

умрешь, а потом у тебя восВСТАНЕТ,

00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,940

Ты сможешь делать всякие

волшебные штуки, как Иисус

00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:10,930

Правда?

00:10:10,940 --> 00:10:13,440

Да, поэтому давай, дохни

быстрей, кусок дерьма!

00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:18,940

Когда я смогу делать волшебные

штуки, я вас, жопы, в порошок сотру!

00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:20,940

Волшебство - это круто!

00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:22,005

Здравствуйте, ребята.

00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,205

Здравствуйте, мистер Мэки,

00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:27,140

Ну, как, мальчики, вы регулярно

выпускаете газы?

00:10:27,175 --> 00:10:28,505

Да, мы умеем пукать, мистер Мэки

00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:30,640

Ну, давайте я на всякий случай вам

покажу, чтобы вы точно знали, п'нятно?

00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:33,190

Ну, давай же, ты можешь

00:10:33,225 --> 00:10:35,005

О, Господи!

Он - больной!

00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:38,240

Я вчера ел бифштекс с беконом

00:10:38,275 --> 00:10:39,240

Я сам это уже понял!

00:10:39,540 --> 00:10:43,140

Надеюсь, вы понимаете, что пукать

надо регулярно? П'нятно?

00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:45,240

Понимаем мы, уйди только!

00:10:46,140 --> 00:10:48,205

Блин, Я чуть не умер!

00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,540

Здравствуйте мальчики,

вы не видели случайно Эрика?

00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,605

Да, с ним всё в порядке

00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,305

Да, он там самовоскрешается!

00:10:54,340 --> 00:10:56,740

О, а я как раз была

в магазине и купила яблок

00:10:56,775 --> 00:10:59,505

- Яблок?

- Да. Яблок.

00:10:59,540 --> 00:11:01,890

Ароматные яблочки!

До свидания, мальчики!

00:11:01,925 --> 00:11:04,240

Мне чего-то этот новый

закон не нравится.

00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:05,240

Пискун!

00:11:06,340 --> 00:11:10,640

Итак, я объявляю сегодняшний день

Днём Ренди Марша в память о том,

00:11:10,675 --> 00:11:14,340

что именно он придумал, как

бороться с самовозгораниями

00:11:15,740 --> 00:11:16,840

Прошу вас.

00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:20,505

Ренди, ты - лучший!

00:11:20,540 --> 00:11:25,305

Я - лучший? Я - лучший!

Я только сейчас понял, что я - гений!

00:11:25,340 --> 00:11:27,040

Жаль, что Картмэн не может быть

с нами в этот исторический момент!

00:11:27,050 --> 00:11:27,530

Да уж...

00:11:27,540 --> 00:11:30,540

Эй, чуваки! Я серьезно!

Кто-нибудь, снимите меня отсюда!

00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:33,340

Офицер Барбрэди!

00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,540

Ч. Ч - это черепаха!

00:11:41,740 --> 00:11:43,540

Эй! Сними меня отсюда, сукин сын!

00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,240

Я подохну здесь!

00:11:48,240 --> 00:11:52,540

И снова! 42-ая церемония

награждения Нобелевской премией

00:11:52,575 --> 00:11:55,440

Встречайте, ведущая церемонии

Вупи Голдберг!

00:12:00,140 --> 00:12:01,640

Республиканцы - тупые!

00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,140

Ненавижу республиканцев!

00:12:08,740 --> 00:12:11,040

Республиканцы - тупые!

00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:16,540

А теперь... лауреата Нобелевской премии

в области науки нам объявит Ник Нолт!

00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:23,490

Наука - хорошо. Наука - за-ме-ча-тель-но!

Наши претенденты сегодня...

00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:29,440

Харольд Пинкертон за его исследования

в области теоретической физики

00:12:29,475 --> 00:12:34,840

Ренди Марш за его теорию буйных

ветров и самовозгорания

00:12:35,940 --> 00:12:40,240

Альфонс Мефесто за его семижопую

Галапагосскую черепаху.

00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:43,705

Нобелевская премия присуждается...

00:12:43,740 --> 00:12:47,240

Ренди Маршу за его теорию

самопроизвольного пердежа!

00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,340

Нет! Этого не может быть!

00:12:50,940 --> 00:12:57,205

Вау! О! Вау! Я - лучший! Да! да!

00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:01,740

Это так прекрасно, когда тебе

говорят, что ты - лучший!

Я думал, что я - обычный парень,

00:13:01,775 --> 00:13:07,840

как вы, но... Да! Спасибо, что вы

открыли мне глаза! Да! Я крут! Да!

00:13:08,140 --> 00:13:11,640

Подстроено! Это всё подстроено!

Это должна была быть моя премия, Кевин!

00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:13,940

Я ещё доберусь до него.

Помяни мои слова!

00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:18,140

Блин, мой папа крут! Все остальные

отцы - никто по сравнению с моим!

00:13:18,175 --> 00:13:19,940

Не, мой папа тоже ничего.

00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:23,505

Извини меня, дорогая...

00:13:23,540 --> 00:13:26,440

Ничего... Я просто позову какого-нибудь

20-ти летнего парня на помощь

00:13:26,475 --> 00:13:27,805

- Что?!

- Шутка.

00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,840

Шутка?! Так вот, это -

не смешно! Это очень обидно!

00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:32,205

- Почему?

- Почему?!

00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:35,940

- Кайл?!

- Не волнуйтесь, я достану

эрекцию, как я обещал!

00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:41,340

Ну, то есть, не я, а Картмэн, но он

отдаст её тебе, так что, не отчаивайтесь!

00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:47,140

У нас растёт очень

странный сын, Джеральд

00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,765

Чувак, а он ещё не умер!

00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,300

Парни, моя мама не на шутку волнуется,

так что, лучше снимите меня

00:13:57,335 --> 00:13:58,265

Она совсем не волнуется

00:13:58,300 --> 00:14:00,300

Ещё как! Я каждый день

слышу её! Слушайте:

00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:06,100

Эрик? Эрик, где ты?

Я так скучаю по тебе!

00:14:06,135 --> 00:14:07,465

Это - не твоя мама, Картмэн!

00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:12,600

Да, это - я! Серьёзно, я -

мама Эрика, и я хочу, чтобы

он вернулся домой немедленно!

00:14:12,635 --> 00:14:15,300

Ты что думаешь, мы - идиоты?!

Если ты не помрёшь на кресте,

00:14:15,335 --> 00:14:17,665

и у тебя не восВСТАНЕТ,

я тебе задницу надеру!

00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,950

Чуваки, здесь слишком жарко!

Я не могу помирать в такой жаре

00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:22,200

Он прав, последнее время

действительно серьёзно потеплело

00:14:22,235 --> 00:14:24,400

Да, точно. Пойдем, что ли

лимонного эскимо купим?

00:14:24,435 --> 00:14:25,165

Пошли

00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:30,000

Чёрт! Козлы! Хотите послушать мою

новую песню: "Ненавижу Кайла и Стена"

00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:34,600

Ненавижу Кайла и Стена!

Я сильно ненавижу Кайла и Стена!

00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:39,700

Блин, тут зажариться можно!

Можно включить кондиционер посильней?

00:14:39,735 --> 00:14:40,665

Он уже на максимуме

00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:42,165

Мэр, вы хотели меня видеть?

00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:45,500

Да, Марш, у нас новая проблема,

и мне кажется, только вы можете её решить!

00:14:45,535 --> 00:14:47,865

Я думаю, вы говорите о

глобальном потеплении

00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:52,065

Да! Температура растёт каждый день.

Я хочу, чтобы вы выяснили, почему!

00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:57,000

Мэр, я думаю, это - мелкая

проблема для меня, я ведь

занимаюсь глобальными вопросами

00:14:57,035 --> 00:14:58,567

Хорошо, хорошо. Чего вы хотите?

00:14:58,602 --> 00:15:00,065

10 000 $ минимум для моего гения!

00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,700

Я согласна, только

выясните, в чём дело.

00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:05,800

Не волнуйтесь, я найду причину.

Иначе... Что иначе? Вот именно!

00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,800

Чуваки, я серьёзно вам говорю.

00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:14,300

Что за... на этот раз?

00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,100

Какого чёрта вы здесь делаете!

00:15:17,135 --> 00:15:18,100

Снимите меня отсюда!

00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,165

Ну, наконец-то!

Блин, мои руки просто отваливаются

00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,500

Дети, не стоит распинать друг

друга, тем более на такой жаре

00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,165

Класс, теперь я их точно убью!

00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,200

Эрик, я должен сказать тебе кое-что,

что тебя просто ошарашит.

00:15:30,210 --> 00:15:30,490

Что?

00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,865

- Но ты сильно разозлишься.

- Что?!

00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:34,900

Это - просто сон.

Ты всё ещё на кресте.

00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:37,200

Дьявол!

00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:40,765

Пап, где телефонный справочник?

00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,700

Не сейчас, Стэнли, от моего гения

зависит жизнь этого города

00:15:43,735 --> 00:15:47,265

Так, посмотрим, от чего

температура поднимается...

00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:49,765

Наша главная тема дня -

это резкое потепление в Саут Парке

00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,100

Давайте послушаем несколько

звонков. Да, пожалуйста, вы в эфире

00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,600

Иисус, после того, как тебя

распяли, сколько времени прошло

до того, как ты умер и воскрес?

00:15:55,610 --> 00:15:55,990

Стен?

00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,600

Это - не тема нашей передачи. Сегодня

мы говорим о глобальном потеплении

00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,100

У вас есть что сказать по этому поводу?

00:16:01,135 --> 00:16:02,865

Да, это хреново.

00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:06,500

Отлично. Спасибо за звонок. Перейдем к

нашему первому гостю. Др. Альфонс Мефесто.

00:16:06,535 --> 00:16:09,917

Спасибо, что пришли. Вы заявили, что

знаете причину потепления

00:16:09,952 --> 00:16:13,300

Конечно, я знаю! Причина глобального

потепления... Ренди Марш!

00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:18,400

Ведь именно его теория

самовозгорания обязала всех жителей

пердеть, когда им вздумается

00:16:18,435 --> 00:16:22,100

Теперь метан из этих газов проел

дырку в озоновом слое.

00:16:22,135 --> 00:16:23,700

И мы все обречены на смерть!

00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:25,665

Вот дерьмо.

00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:30,700

К ответу! Из-за вас мы погибнем!

Кто-то должен ответить за это!

00:16:30,735 --> 00:16:32,265

Да, чувак, они серьёзно разозлились

00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:36,200

Что ж, они правы, мы должны

были знать, что метан так

неблагоприятно влияет на атмосферу

00:16:36,235 --> 00:16:38,200

Надо пойти поговорить с ними

Положись на меня

00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,800

Ты нас всех погубил!

Засунь свою Нобелевскую премию в задницу!

00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:43,665

Что происходит?!

00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:46,465

Теперь либо мы будем сдерживаться

и не пердеть и будем самовозгораться,

00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:51,500

Либо не будем сдерживаться

и уничтожим всю планету! Я лично

не буду пердеть вообще!

00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:54,950

Ну, я постараюсь найти решение...

00:16:54,985 --> 00:16:56,900

Не нужно нам твоих решений, жулик!

00:16:56,935 --> 00:16:58,465

Дай мне сюда! Да!

00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:01,300

Пошёл ты, Марш! Вали из города! Жулик!

00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,100

Мистер Гаррисон, помогите мне!

00:17:05,135 --> 00:17:07,200

Я не знаю вас, сэр!

00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:10,565

На, получай! Да!

00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:12,200

- На, лови!

- Чувак, это же мой папа!

00:17:12,235 --> 00:17:13,700

А, да, извини.

00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:21,350

Резко возросло количество случаев

самовозгорания, так как многие

пытаются сдержать свои газы

00:17:21,385 --> 00:17:26,300

Тем временем озоновый слой

продолжает истощаться, так как

многие отказываются сдерживать

00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,465

свои газы из-за боязни возгорания

00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:30,300

И как мы все знаем, причина

всему этому - Ренди Марш

00:17:30,335 --> 00:17:32,265

Сукин сын, который называет себя учёным

00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:35,500

Мы смогли взять интервью Мистера

Марша, и вот что он нам сказал:

00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:37,865

Я не знаю, что сказать...

00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:40,900

Вот дебил! Я ненавижу этого парня, и вы,

надеюсь, тоже. И о погоде:

00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:43,500

Будет ох**нно жарко!

Спасибо тебе, Ренди Марш, сука!

00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:46,350

Чувак, а они конкретно злятся!

00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:47,090

Да я, блин, знаю

00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:47,740

А где твой отец?

00:17:47,750 --> 00:17:49,850

Он прячется в подвале.

Я не знаю, что мне делать

00:17:49,885 --> 00:17:52,150

Ты должен ему помочь,

так же, как я своему.

00:17:57,250 --> 00:17:59,915

Ещё одно последствие потепления,

в котором повинен Ренди Марш

00:17:59,950 --> 00:18:04,750

Огромный ледник тает и надвигается

на Саут Парк. Город обречён!

А теперь реклама!

00:18:04,785 --> 00:18:07,767

Проблемы с потенцией?

А у меня нет, я - Боб Дол!

00:18:07,802 --> 00:18:10,750

Что с тобой? О Боже!

Я - Боб Дол, и у меня встает!

00:18:11,850 --> 00:18:13,915

- Вы - адвокат?

- Да.

00:18:13,950 --> 00:18:15,750

Мы хотим подать в суд на Ренди Марша!

00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:16,240

Почему?

00:18:16,250 --> 00:18:17,715

Он заразил нас раком кожи!

00:18:17,750 --> 00:18:22,950

Да! Он сделал в озоне дырку,

и из-за него у нас теперь рак, смотри!

00:18:28,450 --> 00:18:29,415

Пап, что ты делаешь?

00:18:29,450 --> 00:18:31,950

Стэнли, я думаю, тебе лучше жить

теперь с Кайлом,

00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:33,215

его отец лучше, чем я.

00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:34,850

Нет! У него даже нет эрекции!

00:18:35,650 --> 00:18:36,415

Правда?

00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:39,515

Пап, тебе надо взяться за работу.

Люди умирают, ты должен им помочь!

00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:44,550

Я не смогу! Я - не учёный, я - дилетант.

И даже если бы я нашёл решение,

люди всё равно ненавидели бы меня.

00:18:44,585 --> 00:18:47,650

Это не важно! Я выучил кое-что

важное из пути Христова.

00:18:47,685 --> 00:18:49,115

Что?

00:18:49,150 --> 00:18:53,215

Сначала Иисус всё время спрашивал,

типа, "почему я", злился и всё такое.

00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:55,850

Но потом он понял, ЧТО на самом деле важно,

и он перестал думать о себе и жалеть себя.

00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,515

И сделал то, что нужно было сделать.

00:18:58,950 --> 00:19:03,650

И когда Иисус умирал, он поднял

руки и сказал: "Нужды большинства

перевешивают нужды меньшинства!"

00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:11,150

Ты прав, Стэнли, ты абсолютно прав!

Ей, а эта Библия - хорошая книжка!

00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:14,650

Неплохая. Тебе стоит

её как-нибудь почитать.

00:19:16,250 --> 00:19:17,350

Чувак, это вообще-то

из "Star track"a

00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:17,840

Что?

00:19:17,850 --> 00:19:20,550

"Нужды большинства

перевешивают нужды меньшинства!"

- это сказал Варт Хан.

00:19:20,585 --> 00:19:22,350

Да ладно, Варт Хан, Библия, какая разница?

00:19:22,385 --> 00:19:24,350

Итак, за работу!

00:20:13,950 --> 00:20:17,050

Пап! Пап!

00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,550

Пап, ты чего! Давай, начинай!

00:20:22,450 --> 00:20:23,450

Да-да-да!

00:20:26,150 --> 00:20:27,550

Кайл! Где твоя мать!

00:20:27,585 --> 00:20:28,515

Она наверху.

00:20:28,550 --> 00:20:33,450

Что ж, мне надо ей кое-что дать.

Не волнуйся, Кайл, между мной

и мамой всё будет хорошо.

00:20:33,485 --> 00:20:35,750

Правда? Класс, теперь мне не надо

ни за что беспокоиться.

00:20:37,950 --> 00:20:39,450

Помогите!

00:20:42,350 --> 00:20:44,250

Смотрите, вот он!

Ловите его!

00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:45,567

Пожалуйста, внимание!

00:20:45,602 --> 00:20:46,850

Ты - покойник, Марш!

00:20:47,850 --> 00:20:50,250

Пожалуйста! Послушайте меня!

Я нашёл решение!

00:20:50,285 --> 00:20:51,415

Не одолжите мне камушек?

00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:56,650

Решение в балансе. Если вы

не пердите совсем, вы сгорите,

а если не сдерживаетесь,

вы уничтожите озоновый слой

00:20:56,685 --> 00:21:01,150

Значит, вы должны пердеть только, когда

это необходимо или действительно смешно!

00:21:01,350 --> 00:21:06,550

Я знаю, вы ненавидите меня, но это

- в наших общих интересах! Теперь

можете кидать камни, если хотите...

00:21:13,050 --> 00:21:13,815

"Спустя 3 недели"

00:21:13,850 --> 00:21:18,250

Мы чествуем сегодня Ренди Марша и его

теорию баланса, которая спасла нас всех!

00:21:19,250 --> 00:21:20,750

Видишь, мой отец крут!

00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:21,240

А мой...

00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:22,015

Чувак! Картмэн!

00:21:22,050 --> 00:21:23,350

Я совсем забыл о нем!

00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:26,150

Он просидел здесь три недели!

Ой!

00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:27,015

Вот это круто!

00:21:27,050 --> 00:21:29,050

Чуваки! Вот теперь я по настоящему зол!

00:21:29,085 --> 00:21:30,850

Блин, Картмэн, ты ещё жив?

00:21:30,885 --> 00:21:31,915

Снимите меня отсюда!

00:21:31,950 --> 00:21:34,715

Чел, ты прожил 3 недели на своем жире?!

00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:38,600

А когда вы меня снимите,

я вам по шарам отпинаю!