Счастливого Рождества, Чарли Мэнсон!

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♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

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♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Going down to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

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♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

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♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

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♪ And meet some friends

of mine ♪

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The answer is no, Stanley.

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But Mom, all the guys are going

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to Cartman's grandma's

for the weekend.

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I'm sorry, Stanley,

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I can't let you go

all the way to Nebraska

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by yourself,

it's the holidays.

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But all the other guys get to

go to Cartman's grandma's.

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Why can't I?

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I'll leave it up

to your father.

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It's fine with me.

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The answer's no, Stanley!

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Now go wash up for supper!

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I don't want your

lame-ass supper!

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You're gonna get it now.

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Go to your room, Stanley,

right now!

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You can't tell me

what to do.

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I'm eight years old.

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I don't need

this stupid family anyway.

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It's so nice of you

to take all the boys with you.

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It's my pleasure.

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Eric loves his little friends.

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Every time I go

to my grandma's house

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she gives me a present.

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You watch,

as soon as I walk in the door

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she'll hand me a big present

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for no reason

except that I'm cool.

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That's nice, Cartman.

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Now, remember,

if they have leftover turkey,

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put some in a bag

and bring it home, okay?

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Okay, let's go.

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I didn't think

you were coming, Stan.

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Of course I'm coming,

come on, let's hurry.

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Good-bye, bubby, be careful.

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See you in a couple days, son.

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Shotgun, it's my car,

I called it first, shotgun!

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Kenny, I called shotgun.

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Dammit, Kenny, get in the back.

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Hey, Kenny, there's a sale

on orange jackets over there.

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Look, Kenny,

there's an elephant parade.

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Kenny, Kenny, look, look.

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Go get it, go get it!

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You poor piece of crap.

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- So how far is it to Nebraska?

- About six hours.

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Oh, my God, what the hell

are we gonna do for six hours?

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Well, I've got an idea,

we could sing.

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Yeah, or we could not.

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Let's sing that one grandma

song, Ma, how does that go?

00:02:02,665 --> 00:02:04,208

♪ Over the meadow

and through the woods ♪

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♪ To grandmother's house

we go ♪

00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,087

♪ The horse knows the way

to carry the sleigh ♪

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♪ Through the white

and wooly snow, oh ♪

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♪ Over the meadow

and through the woods ♪

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♪ To grandmother's house

we go ♪

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♪ The horse knows the way

to carry the sleigh ♪

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Please stop.

Please stop.

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♪ Over the meadow

and through the woods ♪

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♪ To grandmother's house

we go ♪

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Ooh, careful hon,

these roads are bumpy.

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- I guess, damn!

- Here we go, kids.

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We're crossing the state line

into Nebraska.

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- This is Nebraska?

- What's all that stuff?

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Wheat, the building block

of your favorite foods

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and Nebraska's principal source

of economic productivity.

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You see,

when Nebraska first became...

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- We don't care, Mom.

- Hey, look!

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"See Mr. Hankey

at the Mall of Nebraska".

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Wow, we have to go, dude.

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I thought Mr. Hankey

lived in a sewer.

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- What's he doing in Nebraska?

- I don't know.

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Ever since he was in that

movie, he got all famous.

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Oh, so now everybody

wants to meet Mr. Hankey.

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- He's a piece of crap.

- It doesn't matter.

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He'll be most excited

to see me.

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That shouldn't be a problem.

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Eric's grandma's

right near the mall.

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Cool!

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How much further is it

to Grandma's house?

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I wanna see what kind

of presents she got me.

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About another hour, hon.

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Why does Grandma have to live

so far away?

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Why don't we just stick her

in a nursing home

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closer to us

so I don't have to drive

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six hours to get

a goddamn present?!

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Now, Eric, let's try to get out

of that grumpy mood

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before we get to Grandma's.

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♪ Over the meadow

and through the woods ♪

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♪ To grandmother's

house we go... ♪

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Oh, God.

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- Here we are.

- Jesus Christ, finally!

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Grandma, Grandma,

Grandma, Grandma!

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Hey, it's little Eric.

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- Hi, Grandpa.

- Look how big you've gotten.

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Hi, Eric.

Grandma got you a present.

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Sweet, what is it?

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It's inside.

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Yes, move it!

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Hello everyone, happy holidays.

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- Hello!

- These are Eric's friends.

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Stan, Kyle, and Kenny.

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Boys, let me introduce you

to the Cartman family.

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- This is Uncle Stinky.

- Nice to have you here-ah.

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Aunt Lisa, cousin Fred,

cousin Alexandra, Fat Bob,

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Jimmy,

and Great-Grandma Florence.

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Come here, Eric,

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give your great-grandma

some huggies.

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No, no, Florence,

that's not Eric.

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Oh, which one is he then?

- The fat one.

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He's not fat, he's big-boned.

- I'm not fat, I'm big-boned.

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That was totally gross.

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She smelled like vitamins

and pee.

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Sick, dude.

- Alrighty then.

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Let's get to my present,

shall we?

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Here you go, Eric.

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Happy holidays.

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Wait a minute,

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This isn't a present,

it's a shirt!

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Yes, I thought that would

look really good on you.

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Are you telling me

that I drove nine hours

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through butt-fuck nowhere

to get a Goddamn shirt?!

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Mom, Grandma's gone senile.

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It's time to stick her

in a home.

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Well, this is what the holidays

are about.

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Family.

- Yeah, right.

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Well, what does your family

do for the holidays, Stan?

00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,700

My family's dead.

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Oh, I'm sorry

to hear that, Stanley.

00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:46,704

Dude, your family died?

- They're dead to me.

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My mom doesn't even know

I'm here.

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What?

00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:50,874

I can't believe

I got a stupid shirt.

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The holidays are bullcrap.

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Here, Kyle,

will you hold Great-Grandma's

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catheter bag during dinner?

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What is this?

00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,132

Great-Grandmother

has a bladder problem.

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- This helps her out.

- Sick, dude.

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Eric, did you say hi

to your little cousin Elvin?

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Hi, cousin Elvin.

- Sweet.

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Well, it certainly is nice

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we could all gather here-ah

for the holidays.

00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:10,853

Even Uncle Howard has joined us

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live via satellite

from the state penitentiary.

00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:15,816

Whoa, dude.

- You look good, Howard.

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No, I don't.

- Hi, Howard.

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Dude, is he here

every year like this?

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Yep.

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Sweet.

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Come on, let's eat already.

00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:26,910

They gave me extra bread

and water.

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Where's your manners, Howard?

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We haven't even said grace yet.

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Mom, will you do the honors

of saying grace?

00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:35,919

God damn it, why the hell

do I always have to say grace?

00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,921

If one more person

asks me to say grace,

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I'll be like...

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I'm not saying grace!

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And if you ask me again,

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I'll kick you

square in the nuts.

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- Amen.

- Amen.

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Jesus, dude.

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No, Jimmy, this is my pot pie.

No, Jimmy, that's a bad Jimmy.

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Bad Jimmy.

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No, Jimmy,

that's Grandpa's pot pie.

00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,448

No, Jimmy!

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Dude, I don't know how long

I can stay here.

00:06:06,075 --> 00:06:07,076

I know what you mean.

00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,624

- Ah!

- What, dude?

00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,042

Dude, I was having

this horrible nightmare

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that we were at this house

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and it was filled

with Cartmans.

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Kyle, we are at a house

filled with Cartmans.

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Oh... ah!

00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:22,674

What was that?

00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,218

I heard it too.

00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:25,594

Whatever it is,

it's getting closer.

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Ow, what the hell

was that for?

00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,931

I wanted to make sure

we're not dreaming.

00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,557

- Ow!

- I wanted to make sure too.

00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,059

Well you're not dreaming.

Hey! Cut the crap.

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Dude, it's coming

through the window.

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Ah!

- Ah!

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Uncle Howard.

00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,817

Oh, hey Eric, I didn't think

anybody would be down here.

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Uncle Howard,

what are you doing here?

00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,570

We thought you were in jail.

- Yeah, well, I busted out.

00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,406

Wow, cool!

- Shhh...

00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:46,990

We can't let the rest

of the family know I'm here.

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Okay.

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If it's okay,

we're just gonna hang out here

00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,787

for a couple days

with you kids.

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Who's "we"?

You got a turd in your pocket?

00:06:53,956 --> 00:06:55,249

Come on up, it's okay.

00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,834

Another inmate busted out

with me.

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Don't worry, he's a good guy.

00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:01,547

Oh, hi, boys.

I'm Charlie, Charlie Manson!

00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:07,469

I can't wait to get out

among the pigs

00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:08,762

and raise some hell.

00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,222

Alright, Chuck,

00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,182

but we gotta lay low

for a while.

00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:14,101

When I stand on the mountain

and say do it, it gets done.

00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:16,103

And if it don't get done,

then I'll move on it.

00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:17,813

And that's the last thing

in the world you want me to do.

00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,357

Alright Chuck, just watch

some TV or something.

00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,901

Now back to...

00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,696

You can't just buy people,

Mr. Potter.

00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:28,323

You know what you are?

You're a little bitch.

00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,117

That's right,

you're a bitch,

00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:31,618

and I bet you'd like

to suck it, wouldn't you?

00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,162

Wake up Cartman.

00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:34,788

We gotta get to the mall.

- What?

00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:35,998

We have to go see Mr. Hankey

at the mall.

00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,583

Alright, keep your pants on.

00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:38,584

Hey, bring us down

some food, alright?

00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,294

Okay.

00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:41,795

Come on, D.

00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:42,796

Can somebody drive us

to the mall?

00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,715

Yeah!

00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,300

Hello, Mr. Hankey is appearing

at the mall.

00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:48,719

Can somebody please take us?

00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:50,804

Uncle Stinky,

can you drive us to the mall?

00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,973

Not now, Eric. Holding!

He held him. Where's the flag?

00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:54,766

Uncle Stinky, my stupid friends

wanna see Mr. Hankey.

00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:55,851

You have to take us.

00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,269

I said no, and I mean no.

00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,480

Respect my authority.

00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:02,941

With only 16 seconds left,

the Cornhusker--

00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,194

We interrupt this broadcast

for a news bulletin.

00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,820

What!

00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:08,322

Mass murderer

and extremely nasty person

00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:10,532

Charles Manson

has escaped from prison.

00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,159

Manson was the man responsible

00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:14,328

for seven murders

in the late '60s.

00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:15,954

Manson has never shown

any signs of remorse

00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,706

for his crime.

00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,291

If you see Manson,

please kick his ass

00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:21,460

and smash his fucking face in

for me.

00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,587

And then call the police.

And now back to the game.

00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,422

And they've done it!

00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:27,841

They've scored 16 unanswered

points in 15 seconds.

00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,551

Oh, weak!

00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,011

Eric,

I need you to take care

00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,013

of your cousin Elvin

for a while.

00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,098

I don't want to take care

of cousin Elvin!

00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:37,226

Won't you do it for Grandma?

00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:39,937

Alright, give me $10.

00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,690

Kickass.

00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:45,526

Chuck, can you turn

that damn thing down?

00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:48,195

Hello, movie house!

Hello, burger parlor!

00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:49,780

You know what

the spirit of Christmas is?

00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:51,782

It's another lie

from the lying pigs

00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,242

that consider me the witness--

00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,494

Okay, Chuck,

thank you very much.

00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,079

- My family sucks ass.

- Yeah, they do.

00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,789

All families suck ass.

00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:00,207

Here, we got you some

sticky cinnamon buns.

00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,334

- Wow, sweet.

- Hey!

00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:03,835

Dude, we have to

get to the mall.

00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,087

You guys, seriously.

00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,630

What's the matter?

00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,382

My stupid friends want

to go to the mall

00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:09,716

to visit Mr. Hankey

but nobody would drive us.

00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,510

- Oh, bummer.

- I'll take you.

00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:13,178

That's okay, Chuck,

00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:14,888

you just keep watching

Christmas specials.

00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:16,515

Hey,

I didn't bust out of prison

00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,558

to be locked up

in somebody's basement.

00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:18,725

I want some action.

00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,394

Good for you, Charlie.

00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:22,187

Come on, I'll hotwire

your grandpa's car.

00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:24,064

Do you really think

we should go with this guy?

00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,941

Stan, don't be such a dumbass.

You have to trust people.

00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,609

Alright boys,

keep your heads down.

00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,614

We're going to the mall.

00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,783

Hooray!

00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:35,909

I just can't believe

he would go

00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,202

without our permission.

00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,996

Now, Sharon, don't overreact.

00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,872

Maybe Stan didn't go

to Cartman's grandmother's.

00:09:40,998 --> 00:09:42,541

Maybe he just ran away

or got kidnapped or something.

00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,127

I hope for his sake

you're right.

00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,920

Hello.

00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:48,672

Hello, Ms. Cartman,

it's Sharon, Stan's mother.

00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,132

Did Stanley go up there

to Nebraska with you?

00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,508

Oh, why yes, he did.

00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,010

I thought you were dead,

Sharon.

00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,511

What?

00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,054

Stanley told me

you had passed on.

00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,681

I'm glad to see

that you're better.

00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,641

Get the car, Randy,

we're going to Nebraska.

00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,519

Ooh, Stan's in trouble.

00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:08,066

Do you see him?

00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,068

Not yet, I think we still

have a ways to go.

00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:11,987

I can't wait to see him.

He's gonna be so glad we came.

00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,281

I drove all the way

from Montana to see Mr. Hankey.

00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:15,907

That's nice, kid.

00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,618

I knew Mr. Hankey

before he was even famous.

00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:18,994

How the hell did Mr. Hankey

get so popular?

00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,662

Look at all this

Mr. Hankey stuff.

00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,247

Mr. Hankey kicks ass.

00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:23,707

And another thing,

00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:24,833

it says Mr. Hankey

is also appearing

00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,293

at the Crossroads Mall.

00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,586

So?

00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,087

So how could Mr. Hankey be here

00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,589

and at another mall

at the same time?

00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:31,798

Dude,

Mr. Hankey has magic powers.

00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,800

He can do whatever he wants.

00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,429

How would you like

to come with me

00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:38,889

to a more secluded part

of the mall?

00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,182

Okay.

00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,017

I really like that guy.

00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,977

Oh, looks like you finished

your Fudgsicle, Elvin.

00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:51,276

God damn it, be quiet,

shut up, Elvin!

00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,783

No, Elvin. Bad Elvin.

00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,874

Folks need to understand

that I am terror.

00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,959

I am fear, I am...

00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,711

oh, hey look,

another holiday special.

00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,838

And now back to

"The Grinchy Poo"!

00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,924

The Grinchy Poo

went up the chimney

00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,717

and stuffed the tree up.

00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,595

But then he heard a coo

like the cry of a dove.

00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,347

It was little Cindy Lou Poo,

00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,057

who was no more than two.

00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,725

Mr. Hankey, why?

00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,894

Why are you taking

our Christmas tree?

00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,729

Why?

00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,356

That old Grinchy Poo

thought up a lie,

00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:30,774

and he thought it up quick.

00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,359

Alright boys, you're next.

00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:33,735

Welcome to Mr. Hankey's

Happy Lolly Land.

00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,237

Oh boy, here we go.

00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,948

Howdy-ho, boys.

00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:39,533

Mr. Hankey?

00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,535

Gosh,

you boys smell like flowers.

00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,161

You're not the real Mr. Hankey.

00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:45,205

Sure I am, howdy-ho.

00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:46,998

You look a lot bigger

than the last time we saw you.

00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:49,292

Well, Mr. Hankey

has to grow too, you know.

00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:50,877

Howdy-ho.

00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:52,504

You boys want your picture

with Mr. Hankey?

00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,423

This is not Mr. Hankey,

this is a fake!

00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,635

It's okay kids, I'm real.

00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,387

Howdy-ho.

00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,055

Howdy-ho!

00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,682

Why are you people

doing this?

00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,517

Why would you lie like this?

To children?

00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:06,768

Look kid,

there's Mr. Hankeys like me

00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:07,978

in every shopping mall.

00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,271

There is no real Mr. Hankey.

00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:10,772

What? What did you say?

00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,399

Oh boy, you've done it now.

00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,693

Behold,

here's your false prophet.

00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,113

Boo!

00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,699

- Ow!

- Get him!

00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,200

Son of a bitch!

00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,744

You lied to me, Mother.

00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:24,911

You said it was

the real Mr. Hankey.

00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,288

Well, yes, but...

00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,622

I will not forget this, Mother.

00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,082

I will not forget this ever.

00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,918

This is revolution!

00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:34,713

Uh-oh, they're rioting again.

00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,009

And all the Poos

down in Pooville

00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,802

joined hands and they sang.

00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,596

They sang all the same.

00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:45,015

And he himself,

the Grinchy Poo,

00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,808

carved the roast poo.

00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,643

Wow, man, that's beautiful.

00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:51,521

He was evil, but now he's good.

00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:54,733

What's happening?

00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,193

Some kid must have said

00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:58,195

it wasn't the real

Mr. Hankey again.

00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,908

Use the tear gas!

00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:07,829

I told you guys

the holiday season

00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,164

is nothing but lies

and bullcrap.

00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,707

Well, how was it?

00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,083

- It was a fake.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,543

Cartman was right,

00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:14,920

the holiday season

is for idiots.

00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:16,630

Where did you go,

Uncle Charlie?

00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:18,089

I went to a beauty parlor

and had my tattoo redone.

00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:19,466

- Look.

- Oh, that's pretty cool.

00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:20,634

Hey, where's Kenny?

00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,511

Oh, he's around.

00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,638

Oh, hey Kenny.

00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:27,182

Come on, I'll buy you kids

an orange smoothie.

00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:30,435

Hey, there he is!

That's Charlie Manson!

00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,687

Run for your lives, boys!

00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:37,275

Wait... you guys... seriously.

00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,402

Come back here, God damn it!

00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:43,281

Oh, getting away!

00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:47,911

Keep your heads down, kids.

00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,581

Hey, what the hell is wrong

with you people?

00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,667

I can't believe they would put

a fake Mr. Hankey in the mall.

00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:55,794

If Mr. Hankey ever found out,

he'd be so pissed.

00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:57,003

We interrupt this program

00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,880

for a breaking news story.

00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,674

A high speed car chase

is happening right now

00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:02,300

on Interstate 3.

00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:04,135

We go now

to our live Sky-5 helicopter.

00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:05,720

Ron, it looks as though

the chase

00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,681

is proceeding west

down the interstate.

00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,850

Oh, that looks a lot

like your car, Harold.

00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:11,893

We understand that Charles

Manson is inside the car

00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,896

with several hostages,

all of whom are children.

00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:16,690

My God,

what is this world coming to?

00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:18,525

Well, we'd like to take

a moment to tell you

00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:19,693

that this car chase

is being brought to you

00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,695

by Snacky S'mores:

00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:23,822

the creamy fun of S'mores

in a delightful cookie crunch.

00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,241

They're gaining on us.

00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:30,078

Fudgsicle!

00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,040

Kickass.

00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,458

God, I hate the holiday season.

00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,133

Oh, hello kids, having fun?

00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:46,511

Get in the house!

- Alrighty then.

00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,013

Lock the door.

00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,681

Oh, my God,

it's Charlie Manson, wow!

00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,433

What's going on?

00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,018

There's a bunch of

policemen chasing after us.

00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,519

Quiet down,

we're watching television.

00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,479

Oh, Phillip,

what a festive season.

00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:58,023

That's right, Terrance.

This is the season for sharing.

00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:00,609

The cops are here.

00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:01,693

Howard?

00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,862

How did you get out, son?

00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,739

Alright Manson,

we know you're in there.

00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:07,949

Come out peacefully

and we'll shoot you.

00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,659

Tell him we won't shoot him.

- Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:12,787

Come out peacefully

and we won't shoot you.

00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:16,207

Oh, look, Police Chief Stevens

got a new haircut.

00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:17,959

Get down, Ma!

00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,628

Hey man, don't point a gun

at your own mother.

00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,212

What the hell is wrong

with you, Manson?

00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:22,756

You're acting all funny.

00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,299

Everybody just sit down

and shut up.

00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,842

We're not going back

to the big house.

00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,177

Well, Howard,

you've done it again.

00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,720

You ruined Christmas.

00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,555

This is Robert Pooner

reporting live

00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,641

from Nebraska where escaped

convict Charlie Manson

00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,100

has walled himself

up in a house.

00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:35,852

We understand

there are hostages

00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,604

and that the situation

is critical.

00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:38,855

So we would like

to remind you all

00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,523

that this live hostage crisis

00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:42,400

is being brought

to you by Palmoral sunblock.

00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,611

Remember, if it isn't Palmoral.

you're gonna get cancer.

00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,613

What's going on here?

00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,365

We've got a critical situation,

ma'am.

00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,241

Charlie Manson is holding

everybody inside hostage.

00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:51,660

Is this the Cartman residence?

00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,078

- Yes, ma'am.

- Give me that!

00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,246

Stanley, this is your mother!

00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:56,831

Uh-oh.

00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:57,999

What's your mom

doing here, dude?

00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,626

Young man, I have had it.

00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:01,544

You have disobeyed me

for the last time.

00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:03,004

Wow, she's really pissed.

00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,756

I'm glad I'm not

you right now, kid.

00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:07,842

What do you have to say

for yourself, Stanley?

00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,761

Sorry.

00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,347

Still more developments

in the Manson hostage crisis.

00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,766

It appears now

that eight-year-old Stan Marsh

00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,351

is in big, big, trouble.

00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,186

He apparently disobeyed

his parents,

00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,021

left home without telling them.

00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,774

And, Tom, his mother

is very disappointed with him.

00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,442

Damn it, what are we gonna do?

00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:26,611

Shh, we're watching television.

00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:30,281

Wait! Wait!

00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:33,493

Hold on.

00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,121

Over here, over here.

00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:38,707

Here comes one...

00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:41,626

Hold on, wait, wait.

00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:42,919

Come out with your hands up.

00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,629

Damn it, Dad,

00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:46,381

why didn't you put

a back door on this house?

00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,174

Well, there's that old window

in the bathroom.

00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:49,551

You could probably

squeeze through there.

00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,094

That's it.

00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:52,262

We're going out

the bathroom window.

00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:54,139

Come on, Manson.

00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:55,807

But I gotta see what happens.

- Come on, damn it.

00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,684

Well, it was good

seeing you all.

00:16:57,809 --> 00:16:59,019

Don't move until we're gone,

or I'll shoot you dead.

00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:00,145

Happy holidays.

00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,771

Happy holidays.

00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,151

Dude, they're gonna kill me.

00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:07,485

Alright Manson, this is it.

00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,487

We're coming in after you.

00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:11,489

There's gonna be

a lot of bloodshed,

00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,450

and a lot of innocent people

are gonna die.

00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,369

You've got until

100-marshmallow to come out.

00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:18,246

One marshmallow.

00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,165

Two marshmallow.

00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:21,499

Three marshmallow.

00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:23,460

Alright, it's open, let's go.

00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,336

Excuse me,

I want to go with you.

00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:27,172

Please, I don't want

to go back with them.

00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:28,923

But Stan, your mother

and father are out there.

00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,425

I know,

they've come to punish me.

00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,093

All they want to do

is make me pay

00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,261

for coming to Nebraska

in the first place.

00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,429

Alright kid, you can come.

00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,056

Now, let's go.

00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,557

Stan, I want to talk

to you about family.

00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:38,850

What?

- What?

00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,518

You see, I had a family once.

00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:42,729

At least,

I called them my family.

00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:44,522

Really they were nothing

but a gang of people

00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,566

I thought were my friends.

00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,485

After we killed

a bunch of people together,

00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:51,321

I realized that my real family

was who took care of me

00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:53,490

and who took the time

to care about what I did.

00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:55,533

But they don't care about me,

they just want to punish me.

00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:57,285

If they don't care about you,

00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:00,205

would they have driven

nine hours to Nebraska?

00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:03,792

I guess you're right,

Uncle Charlie, thanks.

00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,919

Now can we go?

- No, Howard.

00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:08,004

You go ahead.

I've got something to say.

00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:10,090

Oh, weak!

00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,549

Folks, I apologize

for this whole mess.

00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:13,343

I'm going to surrender.

00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:14,886

Somebody show the police

a white flag.

00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:18,348

90 marshmallow,

91 marshmallow...

00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,016

This is making me hungry

for marshmallows.

00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,102

92 marshmallow.

00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,231

Look out,

he's got a white flag!

00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:30,985

Oh, my God!

00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:31,986

They killed

the little orange coat kid.

00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,446

You bastards!

00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,701

They're surrendering.

00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:41,579

You're under arrest, buddy.

00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,414

Alright you, spread 'em.

00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,959

You're going back to prison

to rot, Manson.

00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:48,128

- Good, I deserve to.

- What?

00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:50,171

I can never make it up to

the families that I destroyed.

00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,798

But at least

I'll make an example

00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,967

for anyone else thinking

that crime is an answer.

00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,094

Stop that!

- You see, I get it now.

00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:58,680

I finally understand what

the holidays are all about.

00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,223

Boys, don't you see?

00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:01,850

You can't let things

get you down

00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,351

during the holidays

because being happy

00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:04,936

is what the holidays

are all about.

00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,437

Charlie's right.

00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:07,438

I'm not gonna let

some fake Mr. Hankey

00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:08,982

spoil my holidays.

00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:10,567

I've been such a bastard

all these years,

00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:11,734

and I finally understand,

00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,820

and it feels great!

00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:16,406

I feel like I'm in

my own Christmas special.

00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,074

You see...

00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:20,201

♪ Holidays are

that special time ♪

00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:23,288

♪ When we laugh and sing

and feel warm and cozy ♪

00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:28,084

♪ Forget about being angry

for a day ♪

00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:32,213

♪ Remember how it felt

to be a child ♪

00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,300

♪ Opening presents

on Christmas morning ♪

00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:39,846

♪ That's the way

that we should all feel now ♪

00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:42,765

♪ So I say happy,

happy, happy, happy ♪

00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:46,269

♪ Happy, happy, holiday ♪

00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:48,021

♪ Happy, happy, happy, happy ♪

00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:51,357

♪ Happy, happy, holiday ♪

00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:54,611

♪ Happy Kwanza too ♪

00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:58,615

♪ From me to you ♪

00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,575

Happy holidays, you guys.

00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,244

- Happy holidays, Bob.

- Happy holidays, Chief.

00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:04,662

Come on, Manson.

You belong in jail.

00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,497

You're darn right I do.

00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:07,874

Well, I guess I'll be going,

Mom and Dad.

00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,250

I hope you can forgive me.

00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,502

Oh, of course, we forgive you, son.

00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:14,047

It was nice of you

to pop in for the holidays.

00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:16,841

Yes, now,

watch that ass in prison, son.

00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,384

I always do.

00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:19,469

See you Eric,

thanks for all your help.

00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:21,262

See you, Uncle Howard.

00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:22,388

Thanks for being such

a great role model for me.

00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:24,098

Piece of crap.

00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,850

I hope you can

forgive me too, Mom.

00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,685

Oh Stanley, let's just forget

the whole thing

00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,520

and have a nice holiday

back home.

00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:31,189

Really?

00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:32,273

Sure, we'll punish you

after the holidays.

00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,442

Hooray! Wait, what?

00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,070

And so Manson is hauled off

to jail to rot in his cell.

00:20:37,195 --> 00:20:38,905

Everything is back to normal,

00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,698

and I guess the only thing

left to say is,

00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:41,824

God bless us, everyone.

00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:46,913

And I guess

that's what I've learned.

00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:48,289

I'm sorry for what I did.

00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:49,332

But that doesn't

make up for it.

00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,292

I deserve to be in jail.

00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,711

All I hope is I don't make

mankind lose faith in itself.

00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:55,088

Yes, there's murders

in the world,

00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:56,714

there's rapists and thieves.

00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:58,716

But those are

the vast minority.

00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,510

The majority of mankind

is made up of caring people

00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:02,512

who try every day to do

what they think is right.

00:21:02,637 --> 00:21:04,347

And that's the spirit

of the season.

00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:07,684

- What do you think, guys?

- It sucks.

00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,811

Just like all your other books.

00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,107

Well, good night, you guys.

00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:15,817

- Happy holidays.

- Shut up!

00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:20,822

What was that?

What the...

00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,449

Merry Christmas,

Charlie Manson!

00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:27,954

♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪

00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:32,333

♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪

00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:36,796

♪ Peace on earth

and mercy mild ♪

00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:41,009

♪ God and sinners reconciled ♪

00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:45,555

♪ Joyful all ye nations rise ♪

00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:49,767

♪ Join the triumph

of the skies ♪

00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:54,314

♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪

00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:56,607

Dude, this is pretty fucked up

right here.

00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:12,888

♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

00:00:13,014 --> 00:00:14,682

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:14,807 --> 00:00:16,559

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:17,935

♪ Going down to South Park ♪

00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,687

♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪

00:00:19,812 --> 00:00:21,272

♪ Ample parking day or night ♪

00:00:21,397 --> 00:00:23,149

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:24,567

♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪

00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,402

♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪

00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:29,739

[mumbling]

00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,240

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,242

♪ And meet some friends

of mine ♪

00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:35,828

The answer is no, Stanley.

00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,329

But Mom, all the guys are going

00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:38,414

to Cartman's grandma's

for the weekend.

00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,082

I'm sorry, Stanley,

00:00:40,207 --> 00:00:41,500

I can't let you go

all the way to Nebraska

00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,461

by yourself,

it's the holidays.

00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:44,462

But all the other guys get to

go to Cartman's grandma's.

00:00:44,587 --> 00:00:45,880

Why can't I?

00:00:46,005 --> 00:00:47,048

I'll leave it up

to your father.

00:00:47,173 --> 00:00:48,132

It's fine with me.

00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:49,300

The answer's no, Stanley!

00:00:49,425 --> 00:00:50,634

Now go wash up for supper!

00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:51,677

I don't want your

lame-ass supper!

00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:53,596

You're gonna get it now.

00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:57,058

Go to your room, Stanley,

right now!

00:00:57,183 --> 00:00:58,184

You can't tell me

what to do.

00:00:58,309 --> 00:01:00,561

I'm eight years old.

00:01:00,686 --> 00:01:02,938

I don't need

this stupid family anyway.

00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:05,649

It's so nice of you

to take all the boys with you.

00:01:05,775 --> 00:01:06,901

It's my pleasure.

00:01:07,026 --> 00:01:08,486

Eric loves his little friends.

00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:09,612

Every time I go

to my grandma's house

00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,238

she gives me a present.

00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:12,448

You watch,

as soon as I walk in the door

00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:13,991

she'll hand me a big present

00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:15,284

for no reason

except that I'm cool.

00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,994

That's nice, Cartman.

00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:18,496

Now, remember,

if they have leftover turkey,

00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:20,164

put some in a bag

and bring it home, okay?

00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,707

Okay, let's go.

00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,417

I didn't think

you were coming, Stan.

00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:24,668

Of course I'm coming,

come on, let's hurry.

00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:25,920

Good-bye, bubby, be careful.

00:01:26,045 --> 00:01:27,797

See you in a couple days, son.

00:01:27,922 --> 00:01:30,758

Shotgun, it's my car,

I called it first, shotgun!

00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:32,510

Kenny, I called shotgun.

00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:35,888

Dammit, Kenny, get in the back.

00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:38,682

Hey, Kenny, there's a sale

on orange jackets over there.

00:01:39,975 --> 00:01:42,436

Look, Kenny,

there's an elephant parade.

00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:46,023

Kenny, Kenny, look, look.

00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:47,525

Go get it, go get it!

00:01:47,650 --> 00:01:50,653

You poor piece of crap.

00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:54,281

- So how far is it to Nebraska?

- About six hours.

00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:56,367

Oh, my God, what the hell

are we gonna do for six hours?

00:01:56,492 --> 00:01:58,536

Well, I've got an idea,

we could sing.

00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,538

Yeah, or we could not.

00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:02,540

Let's sing that one grandma

song, Ma, how does that go?

00:02:02,665 --> 00:02:04,208

♪ Over the meadow

and through the woods ♪

00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,335

♪ To grandmother's house

we go ♪

00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,087

♪ The horse knows the way

to carry the sleigh ♪

00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,172

♪ Through the white

and wooly snow, oh ♪

00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:11,882

♪ Over the meadow

and through the woods ♪

00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:14,051

♪ To grandmother's house

we go ♪

00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:15,427

♪ The horse knows the way

to carry the sleigh ♪

00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:18,389

Please stop.

Please stop.

00:02:18,514 --> 00:02:19,974

♪ Over the meadow

and through the woods ♪

00:02:20,099 --> 00:02:21,559

♪ To grandmother's house

we go ♪

00:02:21,684 --> 00:02:23,435

Ooh, careful hon,

these roads are bumpy.

00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:26,397

- I guess, damn!

- Here we go, kids.

00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:29,650

We're crossing the state line

into Nebraska.

00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:36,949

- This is Nebraska?

- What's all that stuff?

00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:39,326

Wheat, the building block

of your favorite foods

00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:42,371

and Nebraska's principal source

of economic productivity.

00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,081

You see,

when Nebraska first became...

00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,625

- We don't care, Mom.

- Hey, look!

00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:49,211

"See Mr. Hankey

at the Mall of Nebraska".

00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:50,796

Wow, we have to go, dude.

00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:52,548

I thought Mr. Hankey

lived in a sewer.

00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,258

- What's he doing in Nebraska?

- I don't know.

00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:55,926

Ever since he was in that

movie, he got all famous.

00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:57,636

Oh, so now everybody

wants to meet Mr. Hankey.

00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,305

- He's a piece of crap.

- It doesn't matter.

00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:00,556

He'll be most excited

to see me.

00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,016

That shouldn't be a problem.

00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:03,684

Eric's grandma's

right near the mall.

00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,352

Cool!

00:03:05,477 --> 00:03:07,104

How much further is it

to Grandma's house?

00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:08,147

I wanna see what kind

of presents she got me.

00:03:08,272 --> 00:03:09,815

About another hour, hon.

00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,483

Why does Grandma have to live

so far away?

00:03:11,609 --> 00:03:12,943

Why don't we just stick her

in a nursing home

00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,403

closer to us

so I don't have to drive

00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,280

six hours to get

a goddamn present?!

00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,489

Now, Eric, let's try to get out

of that grumpy mood

00:03:17,615 --> 00:03:19,158

before we get to Grandma's.

00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,118

♪ Over the meadow

and through the woods ♪

00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:22,369

♪ To grandmother's

house we go... ♪

00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,413

Oh, God.

00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,877

- Here we are.

- Jesus Christ, finally!

00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:33,631

Grandma, Grandma,

Grandma, Grandma!

00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:35,799

Hey, it's little Eric.

00:03:35,925 --> 00:03:37,343

- Hi, Grandpa.

- Look how big you've gotten.

00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:39,678

Hi, Eric.

Grandma got you a present.

00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,013

Sweet, what is it?

00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,181

It's inside.

00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:43,807

Yes, move it!

00:03:43,933 --> 00:03:46,227

Hello everyone, happy holidays.

00:03:46,352 --> 00:03:48,312

all: Hello!

- These are Eric's friends.

00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:50,147

Stan, Kyle, and Kenny.

00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:52,483

Boys, let me introduce you

to the Cartman family.

00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:55,319

- This is Uncle Stinky.

- Nice to have you here-ah.

00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:58,697

Aunt Lisa, cousin Fred,

cousin Alexandra, Fat Bob,

00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:01,283

Jimmy,

and Great-Grandma Florence.

00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:02,868

Come here, Eric,

00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,079

give your great-grandma

some huggies.

00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:06,997

No, no, Florence,

that's not Eric.

00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:09,375

Oh, which one is he then?

- The fat one.

00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,502

He's not fat, he's big-boned.

- I'm not fat, I'm big-boned.

00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:12,836

That was totally gross.

00:04:12,962 --> 00:04:14,171

She smelled like vitamins

and pee.

00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:15,631

Sick, dude.

- Alrighty then.

00:04:15,756 --> 00:04:16,882

Let's get to my present,

shall we?

00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,050

Here you go, Eric.

00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,551

Happy holidays.

00:04:19,677 --> 00:04:21,136

Wait a minute,

00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:22,805

This isn't a present,

it's a shirt!

00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,890

Yes, I thought that would

look really good on you.

00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:27,101

Are you telling me

that I drove nine hours

00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:29,603

through butt-fuck nowhere

to get a Goddamn shirt?!

00:04:29,728 --> 00:04:31,063

Mom, Grandma's gone senile.

00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:33,524

It's time to stick her

in a home.

00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:35,943

Well, this is what the holidays

are about.

00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:37,945

Family.

- Yeah, right.

00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:40,489

Well, what does your family

do for the holidays, Stan?

00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,700

My family's dead.

00:04:42,825 --> 00:04:44,868

Oh, I'm sorry

to hear that, Stanley.

00:04:44,994 --> 00:04:46,704

Dude, your family died?

- They're dead to me.

00:04:46,829 --> 00:04:48,122

My mom doesn't even know

I'm here.

00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:49,707

What?

00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:50,874

I can't believe

I got a stupid shirt.

00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,543

The holidays are bullcrap.

00:04:52,668 --> 00:04:53,752

Here, Kyle,

will you hold Great-Grandma's

00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:54,962

catheter bag during dinner?

00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:56,547

What is this?

00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:58,132

Great-Grandmother

has a bladder problem.

00:04:58,257 --> 00:04:59,967

- This helps her out.

- Sick, dude.

00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,927

Eric, did you say hi

to your little cousin Elvin?

00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,555

Hi, cousin Elvin.

- Sweet.

00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,557

Well, it certainly is nice

00:05:06,682 --> 00:05:08,892

we could all gather here-ah

for the holidays.

00:05:09,018 --> 00:05:10,853

Even Uncle Howard has joined us

00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,564

live via satellite

from the state penitentiary.

00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:15,816

Whoa, dude.

- You look good, Howard.

00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,526

No, I don't.

- Hi, Howard.

00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,278

Dude, is he here

every year like this?

00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:21,196

Yep.

00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:22,656

Sweet.

00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,199

[straining and groaning]

00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:25,659

Come on, let's eat already.

00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:26,910

They gave me extra bread

and water.

00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:28,370

Where's your manners, Howard?

00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,205

We haven't even said grace yet.

00:05:30,331 --> 00:05:33,042

Mom, will you do the honors

of saying grace?

00:05:33,167 --> 00:05:35,919

God damn it, why the hell

do I always have to say grace?

00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,921

If one more person

asks me to say grace,

00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:39,340

I'll be like...

00:05:39,465 --> 00:05:40,716

I'm not saying grace!

00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,217

And if you ask me again,

00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:44,178

I'll kick you

square in the nuts.

00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:46,930

- Amen.

all: Amen.

00:05:49,099 --> 00:05:50,267

Jesus, dude.

00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:54,271

[whining]

00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:57,900

No, Jimmy, this is my pot pie.

No, Jimmy, that's a bad Jimmy.

00:05:58,025 --> 00:05:59,360

Bad Jimmy.

00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:01,904

No, Jimmy,

that's Grandpa's pot pie.

00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,448

all: No, Jimmy!

00:06:04,573 --> 00:06:05,949

Dude, I don't know how long

I can stay here.

00:06:06,075 --> 00:06:07,076

I know what you mean.

00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,624

- Ah!

- What, dude?

00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,042

Dude, I was having

this horrible nightmare

00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,418

that we were at this house

00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,170

and it was filled

with Cartmans.

00:06:18,295 --> 00:06:19,630

Kyle, we are at a house

filled with Cartmans.

00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:21,632

Oh... ah!

00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:22,674

[dishes breaking]

What was that?

00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,218

I heard it too.

00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:25,594

Whatever it is,

it's getting closer.

00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,262

Ow, what the hell

was that for?

00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,931

I wanted to make sure

we're not dreaming.

00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,557

- Ow!

- I wanted to make sure too.

00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:32,059

Well you're not dreaming.

Hey! Cut the crap.

00:06:32,184 --> 00:06:33,769

Dude, it's coming

through the window.

00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,355

Ah!

- Ah!

00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,315

Uncle Howard.

00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:39,817

Oh, hey Eric, I didn't think

anybody would be down here.

00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:42,027

Uncle Howard,

what are you doing here?

00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,570

We thought you were in jail.

- Yeah, well, I busted out.

00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,406

Wow, cool!

- Shhh...

00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:46,990

We can't let the rest

of the family know I'm here.

00:06:47,116 --> 00:06:48,700

Okay.

00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:50,077

If it's okay,

we're just gonna hang out here

00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:51,787

for a couple days

with you kids.

00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,831

Who's "we"?

You got a turd in your pocket?

00:06:53,956 --> 00:06:55,249

Come on up, it's okay.

00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,834

Another inmate busted out

with me.

00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,502

Don't worry, he's a good guy.

00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:01,547

Oh, hi, boys.

I'm Charlie, Charlie Manson!

00:07:06,552 --> 00:07:07,469

I can't wait to get out

among the pigs

00:07:07,594 --> 00:07:08,762

and raise some hell.

00:07:08,887 --> 00:07:10,222

Alright, Chuck,

00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,182

but we gotta lay low

for a while.

00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:14,101

When I stand on the mountain

and say do it, it gets done.

00:07:14,226 --> 00:07:16,103

And if it don't get done,

then I'll move on it.

00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:17,813

And that's the last thing

in the world you want me to do.

00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,357

Alright Chuck, just watch

some TV or something.

00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,901

Now back to...

00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,696

You can't just buy people,

Mr. Potter.

00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:28,323

You know what you are?

You're a little bitch.

00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,117

That's right,

you're a bitch,

00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:31,618

and I bet you'd like

to suck it, wouldn't you?

00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,162

Wake up Cartman.

00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:34,788

We gotta get to the mall.

- What?

00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:35,998

We have to go see Mr. Hankey

at the mall.

00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,583

Alright, keep your pants on.

00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:38,584

Hey, bring us down

some food, alright?

00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,294

Okay.

00:07:40,419 --> 00:07:41,795

Come on, D.

00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:42,796

Can somebody drive us

to the mall?

00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,715

all: Yeah!

00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,300

Hello, Mr. Hankey is appearing

at the mall.

00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:48,719

Can somebody please take us?

00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:50,804

Uncle Stinky,

can you drive us to the mall?

00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,973

Not now, Eric. Holding!

He held him. Where's the flag?

00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:54,766

Uncle Stinky, my stupid friends

wanna see Mr. Hankey.

00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:55,851

You have to take us.

00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,269

I said no, and I mean no.

00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,480

Respect my authority.

00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:01,148

[grumbling]

00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:02,941

With only 16 seconds left,

the Cornhusker--

00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,194

We interrupt this broadcast

for a news bulletin.

00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:06,820

What!

00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:08,322

Mass murderer

and extremely nasty person

00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:10,532

Charles Manson

has escaped from prison.

00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,159

Manson was the man responsible

00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:14,328

for seven murders

in the late '60s.

00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:15,954

Manson has never shown

any signs of remorse

00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:17,706

for his crime.

00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,291

If you see Manson,

please kick his ass

00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:21,460

and smash his fucking face in

for me.

00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,587

And then call the police.

And now back to the game.

00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:25,422

And they've done it!

00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:27,841

They've scored 16 unanswered

points in 15 seconds.

00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,551

all: Oh, weak!

00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,011

Eric,

I need you to take care

00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,013

of your cousin Elvin

for a while.

00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,098

I don't want to take care

of cousin Elvin!

00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:37,226

Won't you do it for Grandma?

00:08:37,351 --> 00:08:39,937

Alright, give me $10.

00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,690

Kickass.

00:08:43,815 --> 00:08:45,526

Chuck, can you turn

that damn thing down?

00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:48,195

Hello, movie house!

Hello, burger parlor!

00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:49,780

You know what

the spirit of Christmas is?

00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:51,782

It's another lie

from the lying pigs

00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,242

that consider me the witness--

00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,494

Okay, Chuck,

thank you very much.

00:08:55,619 --> 00:08:57,079

- My family sucks ass.

- Yeah, they do.

00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,789

All families suck ass.

00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:00,207

Here, we got you some

sticky cinnamon buns.

00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:02,334

- Wow, sweet.

- Hey!

00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:03,835

Dude, we have to

get to the mall.

00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,087

You guys, seriously.

00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,630

What's the matter?

00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,382

My stupid friends want

to go to the mall

00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:09,716

to visit Mr. Hankey

but nobody would drive us.

00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,510

- Oh, bummer.

- I'll take you.

00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:13,178

That's okay, Chuck,

00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:14,888

you just keep watching

Christmas specials.

00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:16,515

Hey,

I didn't bust out of prison

00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,558

to be locked up

in somebody's basement.

00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:18,725

I want some action.

00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,394

Good for you, Charlie.

00:09:20,519 --> 00:09:22,187

Come on, I'll hotwire

your grandpa's car.

00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:24,064

Do you really think

we should go with this guy?

00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,941

Stan, don't be such a dumbass.

You have to trust people.

00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,609

Alright boys,

keep your heads down.

00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:32,614

We're going to the mall.

00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,783

all: Hooray!

00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:35,909

I just can't believe

he would go

00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,202

without our permission.

00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:38,996

Now, Sharon, don't overreact.

00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,872

Maybe Stan didn't go

to Cartman's grandmother's.

00:09:40,998 --> 00:09:42,541

Maybe he just ran away

or got kidnapped or something.

00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:45,127

I hope for his sake

you're right.

00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,920

Hello.

00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:48,672

Hello, Ms. Cartman,

it's Sharon, Stan's mother.

00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,132

Did Stanley go up there

to Nebraska with you?

00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:51,508

Oh, why yes, he did.

00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:53,010

I thought you were dead,

Sharon.

00:09:53,135 --> 00:09:54,511

What?

00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,054

Stanley told me

you had passed on.

00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,681

I'm glad to see

that you're better.

00:09:57,806 --> 00:09:59,641

Get the car, Randy,

we're going to Nebraska.

00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:02,519

Ooh, Stan's in trouble.

00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:08,066

Do you see him?

00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,068

Not yet, I think we still

have a ways to go.

00:10:10,193 --> 00:10:11,987

I can't wait to see him.

He's gonna be so glad we came.

00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,281

I drove all the way

from Montana to see Mr. Hankey.

00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:15,907

That's nice, kid.

00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,618

I knew Mr. Hankey

before he was even famous.

00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:18,994

How the hell did Mr. Hankey

get so popular?

00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,662

Look at all this

Mr. Hankey stuff.

00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,247

Mr. Hankey kicks ass.

00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:23,707

And another thing,

00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:24,833

it says Mr. Hankey

is also appearing

00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,293

at the Crossroads Mall.

00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,586

So?

00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,087

So how could Mr. Hankey be here

00:10:29,212 --> 00:10:30,589

and at another mall

at the same time?

00:10:30,714 --> 00:10:31,798

Dude,

Mr. Hankey has magic powers.

00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,800

He can do whatever he wants.

00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,429

How would you like

to come with me

00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:38,889

to a more secluded part

of the mall?

00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:40,182

[muffled] Okay.

00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,017

I really like that guy.

00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,977

Oh, looks like you finished

your Fudgsicle, Elvin.

00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,689

[crying]

00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:51,276

God damn it, be quiet,

shut up, Elvin!

00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,783

No, Elvin. Bad Elvin.

00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,874

Folks need to understand

that I am terror.

00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:07,959

I am fear, I am...

00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:09,711

oh, hey look,

another holiday special.

00:11:09,836 --> 00:11:11,838

And now back to

"The Grinchy Poo"!

00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,924

The Grinchy Poo

went up the chimney

00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,717

and stuffed the tree up.

00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,595

But then he heard a coo

like the cry of a dove.

00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,347

It was little Cindy Lou Poo,

00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,057

who was no more than two.

00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,725

Mr. Hankey, why?

00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,894

Why are you taking

our Christmas tree?

00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,729

Why?

00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,356

That old Grinchy Poo

thought up a lie,

00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:30,774

and he thought it up quick.

00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,359

Alright boys, you're next.

00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:33,735

Welcome to Mr. Hankey's

Happy Lolly Land.

00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,237

Oh boy, here we go.

00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,948

Howdy-ho, boys.

00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:39,533

Mr. Hankey?

00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,535

Gosh,

you boys smell like flowers.

00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,161

You're not the real Mr. Hankey.

00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:45,205

Sure I am, howdy-ho.

00:11:45,330 --> 00:11:46,998

You look a lot bigger

than the last time we saw you.

00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:49,292

Well, Mr. Hankey

has to grow too, you know.

00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:50,877

Howdy-ho.

00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:52,504

You boys want your picture

with Mr. Hankey?

00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,423

This is not Mr. Hankey,

this is a fake!

00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:55,465

[all gasp]

00:11:55,590 --> 00:11:56,758

[crying]

00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,635

It's okay kids, I'm real.

00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,387

Howdy-ho.

00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:02,055

all: Howdy-ho!

00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,682

Why are you people

doing this?

00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:05,517

Why would you lie like this?

To children?

00:12:05,642 --> 00:12:06,768

Look kid,

there's Mr. Hankeys like me

00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:07,978

in every shopping mall.

00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:09,271

There is no real Mr. Hankey.

00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:10,772

What? What did you say?

00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,399

Oh boy, you've done it now.

00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:14,693

Behold,

here's your false prophet.

00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:15,777

[all gasping]

00:12:15,902 --> 00:12:18,113

all: Boo!

00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,699

- Ow!

- Get him!

00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,200

Son of a bitch!

00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:23,744

You lied to me, Mother.

00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:24,911

You said it was

the real Mr. Hankey.

00:12:25,036 --> 00:12:26,288

Well, yes, but...

00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:27,622

I will not forget this, Mother.

00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,082

I will not forget this ever.

00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,918

This is revolution!

00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:34,713

[screaming]

- Uh-oh, they're rioting again.

00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,009

And all the Poos

down in Pooville

00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,802

joined hands and they sang.

00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,596

They sang all the same.

00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:45,015

And he himself,

the Grinchy Poo,

00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,808

carved the roast poo.

00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,643

Wow, man, that's beautiful.

00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:51,521

He was evil, but now he's good.

00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:53,607

[grunting]

00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:54,733

What's happening?

00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:56,193

Some kid must have said

00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:58,195

it wasn't the real

Mr. Hankey again.

00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,908

Use the tear gas!

00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:06,244

[coughing]

00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:07,829

I told you guys

the holiday season

00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,164

is nothing but lies

and bullcrap.

00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,707

Well, how was it?

00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,083

- It was a fake.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:13,543

Cartman was right,

00:13:13,668 --> 00:13:14,920

the holiday season

is for idiots.

00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:16,630

Where did you go,

Uncle Charlie?

00:13:16,755 --> 00:13:18,089

I went to a beauty parlor

and had my tattoo redone.

00:13:18,215 --> 00:13:19,466

- Look.

- Oh, that's pretty cool.

00:13:19,591 --> 00:13:20,634

Hey, where's Kenny?

00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,511

Oh, he's around.

00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,638

[muffled]

- Oh, hey Kenny.

00:13:24,763 --> 00:13:27,182

Come on, I'll buy you kids

an orange smoothie.

00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:30,435

Hey, there he is!

That's Charlie Manson!

00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,687

Run for your lives, boys!

00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:37,275

Wait... you guys... seriously.

00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,402

Come back here, God damn it!

00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:41,404

[tires screech]

00:13:41,530 --> 00:13:43,281

Oh, getting away!

00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:45,867

[sirens]

00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:47,911

Keep your heads down, kids.

00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,538

[gunshots]

00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:51,581

Hey, what the hell is wrong

with you people?

00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:53,667

I can't believe they would put

a fake Mr. Hankey in the mall.

00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:55,794

If Mr. Hankey ever found out,

he'd be so pissed.

00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:57,003

We interrupt this program

00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,880

for a breaking news story.

00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,674

A high speed car chase

is happening right now

00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:02,300

on Interstate 3.

00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:04,135

We go now

to our live Sky-5 helicopter.

00:14:04,261 --> 00:14:05,720

Ron, it looks as though

the chase

00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,681

is proceeding west

down the interstate.

00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,850

Oh, that looks a lot

like your car, Harold.

00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:11,893

We understand that Charles

Manson is inside the car

00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,896

with several hostages,

all of whom are children.

00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:16,690

My God,

what is this world coming to?

00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:18,525

Well, we'd like to take

a moment to tell you

00:14:18,650 --> 00:14:19,693

that this car chase

is being brought to you

00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,695

by Snacky S'mores:

00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:23,822

the creamy fun of S'mores

in a delightful cookie crunch.

00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,241

They're gaining on us.

00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:30,078

Fudgsicle!

00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,747

[tires screeching]

00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,040

Kickass.

00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,458

God, I hate the holiday season.

00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,133

Oh, hello kids, having fun?

00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:46,511

Get in the house!

- Alrighty then.

00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,013

Lock the door.

00:14:48,138 --> 00:14:49,681

Oh, my God,

it's Charlie Manson, wow!

00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,433

What's going on?

00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,018

There's a bunch of

policemen chasing after us.

00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,519

Quiet down,

we're watching television.

00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,479

Oh, Phillip,

what a festive season.

00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:58,023

That's right, Terrance.

This is the season for sharing.

00:14:58,148 --> 00:14:59,566

[farts]

00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:00,609

The cops are here.

00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:01,693

Howard?

00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:03,862

How did you get out, son?

00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,739

Alright Manson,

we know you're in there.

00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:07,949

Come out peacefully

and we'll shoot you.

00:15:08,074 --> 00:15:09,659

Tell him we won't shoot him.

- Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

00:15:09,784 --> 00:15:12,787

Come out peacefully

and we won't shoot you.

00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:16,207

Oh, look, Police Chief Stevens

got a new haircut.

00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:17,959

Get down, Ma!

00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,628

Hey man, don't point a gun

at your own mother.

00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,212

What the hell is wrong

with you, Manson?

00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:22,756

You're acting all funny.

00:15:22,881 --> 00:15:24,299

Everybody just sit down

and shut up.

00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,842

We're not going back

to the big house.

00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,177

Well, Howard,

you've done it again.

00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,720

You ruined Christmas.

00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:30,555

This is Robert Pooner

reporting live

00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,641

from Nebraska where escaped

convict Charlie Manson

00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,100

has walled himself

up in a house.

00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:35,852

We understand

there are hostages

00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,604

and that the situation

is critical.

00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:38,855

So we would like

to remind you all

00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,523

that this live hostage crisis

00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:42,400

is being brought

to you by Palmoral sunblock.

00:15:42,525 --> 00:15:44,611

Remember, if it isn't Palmoral.

you're gonna get cancer.

00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,613

What's going on here?

00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,365

We've got a critical situation,

ma'am.

00:15:48,490 --> 00:15:50,241

Charlie Manson is holding

everybody inside hostage.

00:15:50,367 --> 00:15:51,660

Is this the Cartman residence?

00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,078

- Yes, ma'am.

- Give me that!

00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:55,246

Stanley, this is your mother!

00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:56,831

Uh-oh.

00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:57,999

What's your mom

doing here, dude?

00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,626

Young man, I have had it.

00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:01,544

You have disobeyed me

for the last time.

00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:03,004

Wow, she's really pissed.

00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,756

I'm glad I'm not

you right now, kid.

00:16:04,881 --> 00:16:07,842

What do you have to say

for yourself, Stanley?

00:16:07,968 --> 00:16:09,761

Sorry.

00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:12,347

Still more developments

in the Manson hostage crisis.

00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,766

It appears now

that eight-year-old Stan Marsh

00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,351

is in big, big, trouble.

00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,186

He apparently disobeyed

his parents,

00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,021

left home without telling them.

00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,774

And, Tom, his mother

is very disappointed with him.

00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:24,442

Damn it, what are we gonna do?

00:16:24,567 --> 00:16:26,611

Shh, we're watching television.

00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:28,154

[laughing]

00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:29,239

[farts]

00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:30,281

Wait! Wait!

00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:31,449

[farts]

00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:32,492

[laughing]

00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:33,493

Hold on.

00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,036

[farts]

00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:36,121

Over here, over here.

00:16:36,246 --> 00:16:37,664

[farts]

00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:38,707

Here comes one...

00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,417

[farts]

00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:41,626

Hold on, wait, wait.

00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:42,919

Come out with your hands up.

00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:44,629

Damn it, Dad,

00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:46,381

why didn't you put

a back door on this house?

00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,174

Well, there's that old window

in the bathroom.

00:16:48,299 --> 00:16:49,551

You could probably

squeeze through there.

00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,094

That's it.

00:16:51,219 --> 00:16:52,262

We're going out

the bathroom window.

00:16:52,387 --> 00:16:54,139

Come on, Manson.

00:16:54,264 --> 00:16:55,807

But I gotta see what happens.

- Come on, damn it.

00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,684

Well, it was good

seeing you all.

00:16:57,809 --> 00:16:59,019

Don't move until we're gone,

or I'll shoot you dead.

00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:00,145

Happy holidays.

00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,771

all: Happy holidays.

00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:06,151

Dude, they're gonna kill me.

00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:07,485

Alright Manson, this is it.

00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,487

We're coming in after you.

00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:11,489

There's gonna be

a lot of bloodshed,

00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:13,450

and a lot of innocent people

are gonna die.

00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:16,369

You've got until

100-marshmallow to come out.

00:17:16,494 --> 00:17:18,246

One marshmallow.

00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,165

Two marshmallow.

00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:21,499

Three marshmallow.

00:17:21,624 --> 00:17:23,460

Alright, it's open, let's go.

00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,336

Excuse me,

I want to go with you.

00:17:25,462 --> 00:17:27,172

Please, I don't want

to go back with them.

00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:28,923

But Stan, your mother

and father are out there.

00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,425

I know,

they've come to punish me.

00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,093

All they want to do

is make me pay

00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,261

for coming to Nebraska

in the first place.

00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:34,429

Alright kid, you can come.

00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,056

Now, let's go.

00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,557

Stan, I want to talk

to you about family.

00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:38,850

What?

- What?

00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,518

You see, I had a family once.

00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:42,729

At least,

I called them my family.

00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:44,522

Really they were nothing

but a gang of people

00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,566

I thought were my friends.

00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:48,485

After we killed

a bunch of people together,

00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:51,321

I realized that my real family

was who took care of me

00:17:51,446 --> 00:17:53,490

and who took the time

to care about what I did.

00:17:53,615 --> 00:17:55,533

But they don't care about me,

they just want to punish me.

00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:57,285

If they don't care about you,

00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:00,205

would they have driven

nine hours to Nebraska?

00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:03,792

I guess you're right,

Uncle Charlie, thanks.

00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:05,919

Now can we go?

- No, Howard.

00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:08,004

You go ahead.

I've got something to say.

00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:10,090

Oh, weak!

00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,549

Folks, I apologize

for this whole mess.

00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:13,343

I'm going to surrender.

00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:14,886

Somebody show the police

a white flag.

00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:18,348

90 marshmallow,

91 marshmallow...

00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:20,016

This is making me hungry

for marshmallows.

00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:22,102

92 marshmallow.

00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:26,231

Look out,

he's got a white flag!

00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:29,359

[gunshots]

00:18:29,484 --> 00:18:30,985

Oh, my God!

00:18:31,111 --> 00:18:31,986

They killed

the little orange coat kid.

00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,446

You bastards!

00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,701

They're surrendering.

00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:41,579

You're under arrest, buddy.

00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,414

Alright you, spread 'em.

00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,959

You're going back to prison

to rot, Manson.

00:18:46,084 --> 00:18:48,128

- Good, I deserve to.

- What?

00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:50,171

I can never make it up to

the families that I destroyed.

00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:51,798

But at least

I'll make an example

00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,967

for anyone else thinking

that crime is an answer.

00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,094

Stop that!

- You see, I get it now.

00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:58,680

I finally understand what

the holidays are all about.

00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,223

Boys, don't you see?

00:19:00,348 --> 00:19:01,850

You can't let things

get you down

00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,351

during the holidays

because being happy

00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:04,936

is what the holidays

are all about.

00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,437

Charlie's right.

00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:07,438

I'm not gonna let

some fake Mr. Hankey

00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:08,982

spoil my holidays.

00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:10,567

I've been such a bastard

all these years,

00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:11,734

and I finally understand,

00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,820

and it feels great!

00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:16,406

I feel like I'm in

my own Christmas special.

00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,074

You see...

00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:20,201

♪ Holidays are

that special time ♪

00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:23,288

♪ When we laugh and sing

and feel warm and cozy ♪

00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:28,084

♪ Forget about being angry

for a day ♪

00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:32,213

♪ Remember how it felt

to be a child ♪

00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:35,300

♪ Opening presents

on Christmas morning ♪

00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:39,846

♪ That's the way

that we should all feel now ♪

00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:42,765

♪ So I say happy,

happy, happy, happy ♪

00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:46,269

♪ Happy, happy, holiday ♪

00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:48,021

♪ Happy, happy, happy, happy ♪

00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:51,357

♪ Happy, happy, holiday ♪

00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:54,611

♪ Happy Kwanza too ♪

00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:58,615

♪ From me to you ♪

00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:00,575

Happy holidays, you guys.

00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:03,244

- Happy holidays, Bob.

- Happy holidays, Chief.

00:20:03,369 --> 00:20:04,662

Come on, Manson.

You belong in jail.

00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,497

You're darn right I do.

00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:07,874

Well, I guess I'll be going,

Mom and Dad.

00:20:07,999 --> 00:20:09,250

I hope you can forgive me.

00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,502

Oh, of course, we forgive you, son.

00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:14,047

It was nice of you

to pop in for the holidays.

00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:16,841

Yes, now,

watch that ass in prison, son.

00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,384

I always do.

00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:19,469

See you Eric,

thanks for all your help.

00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:21,262

See you, Uncle Howard.

00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:22,388

Thanks for being such

a great role model for me.

00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:24,098

Piece of crap.

00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,850

I hope you can

forgive me too, Mom.

00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,685

Oh Stanley, let's just forget

the whole thing

00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,520

and have a nice holiday

back home.

00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:31,189

Really?

00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:32,273

Sure, we'll punish you

after the holidays.

00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,442

Hooray! Wait, what?

00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,070

And so Manson is hauled off

to jail to rot in his cell.

00:20:37,195 --> 00:20:38,905

Everything is back to normal,

00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,698

and I guess the only thing

left to say is,

00:20:40,823 --> 00:20:41,824

God bless us, everyone.

00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:46,913

And I guess

that's what I've learned.

00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:48,289

I'm sorry for what I did.

00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:49,332

But that doesn't

make up for it.

00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,292

I deserve to be in jail.

00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:53,711

All I hope is I don't make

mankind lose faith in itself.

00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:55,088

Yes, there's murders

in the world,

00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:56,714

there's rapists and thieves.

00:20:56,839 --> 00:20:58,716

But those are

the vast minority.

00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,510

The majority of mankind

is made up of caring people

00:21:00,635 --> 00:21:02,512

who try every day to do

what they think is right.

00:21:02,637 --> 00:21:04,347

And that's the spirit

of the season.

00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:07,684

- What do you think, guys?

- It sucks.

00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,811

Just like all your other books.

00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,107

Well, good night, you guys.

00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:15,817

- Happy holidays.

- Shut up!

00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:18,444

[rumbling]

00:21:18,569 --> 00:21:20,822

What was that?

What the...

00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:23,449

[all] Merry Christmas,

Charlie Manson!

00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:27,954

♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪

00:21:28,079 --> 00:21:32,333

♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪

00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:36,796

♪ Peace on earth

and mercy mild ♪

00:21:36,921 --> 00:21:41,009

♪ God and sinners reconciled ♪

00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:45,555

♪ Joyful all ye nations rise ♪

00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:49,767

♪ Join the triumph

of the skies ♪

00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:54,314

♪ Hark the herald angels sing ♪

00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:56,607

Dude, this is pretty fucked up

right here.