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Коровьи дни
Cow Days
Сезон: 02Серия: 13
Описание
В городе проходит ежегодное родео и карнавал «Коровьи дни». Друзья заставляют Картмана участвовать в скачках на быках, чтобы выиграть 5000 долларов.
Субтитры
- 00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:11,679 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,723 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,433 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:17,101 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:18,477 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,271 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,856 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,482 ♪ People spouting "Howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:24,900 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,736 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:31,782 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:34,118 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,205 Well, Tom and Mary, you've made it
- 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:39,957 to the final round. Are you ready to play
- 00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,752 for the grand prize? - We're ready, Bob.
- 00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,795 Any particular prize you're hoping for?
- 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,423 Well, Hawaii's nice, but Tahiti would be fun, too.
- 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,091 - Oh, anywhere would be great.
- 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,968 - Polynesian diggities. I wish you luck.
- 00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,303 Here we go.
- 00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:54,346 What is the thin flap of skin
- 00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:57,349 that runs from the base of the penis to the scrotum?
- 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:03,022 Oh, wait, wait. I know this.
- 00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:05,524 The... Upper vascular hood.
- 00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:08,652 I'm sorry, but you're absolutely right!
- 00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:12,990 Fred, tell them what they've won.
- 00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:15,326 <i>Tom and Mary, put on your cowboy hats</i>
- 00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:17,119 <i>because you're going to beautiful</i>
- 00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,412 <i>South Park, Colorado.</i>
- 00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,164 Where?
- 00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,999 <i>That's right, just in time for Cow Days,</i>
- 00:01:22,124 --> 00:01:24,668 <i>the world's 45th biggest rodeo and carnival.</i>
- 00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:26,754 <i>Every fall, South Park celebrates Cow Days,</i>
- 00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,923 <i>and you're gonna be a part of it.</i>
- 00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:31,675 <i>You'll stay at the fabulous Super 7 Hotel on Bernard Road,</i>
- 00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,386 <i>and enjoy festivities including prizes, rides,</i>
- 00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:35,679 <i>and of course, the world-famous</i>
- 00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:37,181 <i>Running of the Cows.</i>
- 00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:39,183 <i>Congratulations, Tom and Mary.</i>
- 00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,144 Well, Tom and Mary, you must be very excited.
- 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,105 What was second prize again?
- 00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,440 That's all for now. See you tomorrow on...
- 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:49,276 "Ooh, What The Hell Is That?"
- 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,569 Oh, shit.
- 00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:53,114 <i>Oh.</i>
- 00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:54,949 Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to kick off
- 00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:58,410 the 14th Annual South Park Cow Days.
- 00:01:58,536 --> 00:02:00,704 As most of you know,
- 00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:03,124 Cow Days is when we all get together to celebrate
- 00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:05,417 and thank the noble, gentle cow.
- 00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:08,087 And now the chairman
- 00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,047 of Cow Days, Jimbo Kern.
- 00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:12,424 - This year is a very special Cow Days
- 00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:15,678 because we're revealing our all-new cow memorial,
- 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,346 which will live forever in South Park
- 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,682 from this day forward. Release the curtain.
- 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:25,437 <i>Moo.</i>
- 00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:28,107 This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
- 00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,234 Now, Mary, this is our only vacation for years.
- 00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:31,777 We have to make the best of it.
- 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,821 Oh you're right. I'm sorry, honey.
- 00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,406 We just need to stay positive.
- 00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,199 Now get out to the carnival
- 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:41,203 and enjoy the amazing rides and the wonderful games.
- 00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:46,167 Hey, come over here, kids. Win fabulous prizes.
- 00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:47,751 Wow, dude, check it out.
- 00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:50,045 We can win Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:51,046 Are those real Terrance and Phillip dolls?
- 00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,631 They look all crappy.
- 00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,466 Yeah, they look like cheap rip-offs.
- 00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:56,051 Sure, they're real. They're even made in Canada.
- 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,636 Really? - Yeah, look,
- 00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,847 they're even signed by Terrance and Phillip themselves.
- 00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:02,057 Wow! - Dude, that kicks ass!
- 00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:03,851 Dude, I got to win those. How much to play?
- 00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:05,477 Five dollars for three balls.
- 00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:07,104 Five dollars, Jesus Christ!
- 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:08,522 Don't worry, kid. It's easy.
- 00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:10,232 You just gotta put one ball through
- 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,359 Jennifer Love Hewitt's mouth. - That's easy.
- 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,944 Okay. We got a player.
- 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:16,655 All right, check it out.
- 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,032 Damn it! - It's okay, son,
- 00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:19,241 you still got two balls to try
- 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,743 and get through her yapper.
- 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:23,704 Take this, Jennifer Love Hewitt!
- 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,247 You suck, Cartman.
- 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,457 I'd like to see you do you better.
- 00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:29,668 Give me that.
- 00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,212 Hey, it hit her right in the mouth.
- 00:03:31,337 --> 00:03:32,838 It's got to go through her mouth.
- 00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:33,964 But it-- - Sorry, kid. Try again.
- 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:35,382 Just five more dollars.
- 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:36,884 Hey, give me some money, Cartman.
- 00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,178 Yeah. - Give me money, fat boy.
- 00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:41,055 I only have $3 left, asshole.
- 00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,765 Damn it, come on, I'll try to get more money
- 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,726 from my mom. - Okay, everybody,
- 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,020 it's time for the Running of the Cows.
- 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:50,648 Ma, give me some money.
- 00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:51,690 Kyle, what are you doing here?
- 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,609 This is very dangerous.
- 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,402 I need $17 so we can win Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,904 - Kyle, get back into the carnival this instant.
- 00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:58,614 You can't be out on the streets.
- 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,408 I will if you give me money. - Okay, here.
- 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,202 Sweet. - Okay, everybody,
- 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,746 okay, settle down. Now, I know you're all anxious
- 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,373 to get to the Running of the Cows,
- 00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:09,291 but let me remind you those brave souls
- 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,252 who have decided to run against the cows through town
- 00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:12,753 do so at they're own risk.
- 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,755 I don't think I have to remind you
- 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,549 that three people died at last year's Running of the Cows.
- 00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,718 With that said,
- 00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,762 let's rock and roll!
- 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,308 Everybody ready to run?
- 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:30,020 Release the cows.
- 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:33,816 They're loose.
- 00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:45,744 Yee-haa!
- 00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:50,040 Huh. Huh.
- 00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:57,172 Okay, we've got $15 between us.
- 00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:58,632 That means we get 9 balls to throw.
- 00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:00,634 I only need one, dude. I only need one.
- 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,721 <i>Come one, come all, get in line now</i>
- 00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:06,181 <i>for the Chamber of Farts.</i>
- 00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:07,891 What's that? <i>- Dare you enter</i>
- 00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:09,935 <i>the Chamber of Farts?</i> - How much is it?
- 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,603 Just three tickets, boys.
- 00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:14,940 <i>Dare you enter the Chamber of Farts?</i>
- 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,608 Is it like a haunted house or something?
- 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,485 Sure, it's very scary.
- 00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,195 Let's see, each ticket is a $1,
- 00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,573 so three tickets is like $2.25...
- 00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,450 No, we can't, dude, we have to win
- 00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:26,327 the Terrance and Phillip dolls. - Oh, come on, you guys.
- 00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:27,995 We still have plenty of money left over.
- 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,289 You'd better be right, dude. - I'm right.
- 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,085 Keep your hands inside at all times.
- 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,046 Okay.
- 00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:43,010 <i>So, the Chamber of Farts has another victim, eh?</i>
- 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,553 <i>Don't be afraid.</i>
- 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,972 <i>There aren't any ghouls here,</i>
- 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,350 <i>only farts.</i>
- 00:05:49,475 --> 00:05:50,934 Ah, Goddamn it!
- 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,440 What the hell was that?
- 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:59,401 <i>Perhaps you need some more farts!</i>
- 00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,530 All right, boys. Ride's over.
- 00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,282 That was the dumbest ride I've ever seen.
- 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,076 Yeah, what the hell kind of carnival company are you?
- 00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:08,494 I don't know what you guys are talking about.
- 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,037 That scared the crap out of me.
- 00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,997 That was a waste of money, Cartman.
- 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,832 Hey, if you guys want a great ride, get in this line.
- 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,250 It's only seven tickets.
- 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:17,086 We can't. We're saving our money
- 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,587 for the balls in Jennifer Love Hewitt's mouth game.
- 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,089 Kyle, will you relax, you pink-eye!
- 00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,423 We have plenty of money.
- 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,677 Come on, you guys, it'll be sweet.
- 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:35,145 <i>Moo.</i>
- 00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:43,779 Moo.
- 00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:54,957 This ride better be good.
- 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,458 Yeah, this line is way too long.
- 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,419 I think we're almost to the end.
- 00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,295 We'd better be. We've been in line for almost an hour.
- 00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,798 Here we go. - Finally.
- 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,341 Did you enjoy the ride?
- 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,051 What ride? - Yeah.
- 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,011 This was the line ride, a real-life simulator
- 00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:09,596 of a long line.
- 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,265 You've gotta be kidding me.
- 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:12,891 That's five tickets. Thank you very much.
- 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,309 Come see us again soon.
- 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:15,769 My ass, we will.
- 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,729 Well, Cartman, this is just my opinion,
- 00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,773 but I think the line ride sucked donkey balls.
- 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,316 Yeah, let's not ride that ride again.
- 00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:22,860 Would you like to buy a photo of you boys
- 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,612 enjoying the line ride?
- 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,573 How much? - Just three dollars.
- 00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:29,241 Oh, that's pretty sweet.
- 00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,243 You dumb ass, Cartman. - What? This is cool.
- 00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:32,744 No, it's not cool. - Is too!
- 00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:34,580 Can I help you boys?
- 00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:36,457 We're gonna try win those Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,292 Okay, $5 for three balls.
- 00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:40,335 How much do we have left, Cartman?
- 00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:42,421 How much do we have left, Cartman?
- 00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:44,506 Uh, $3. - What?!
- 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,258 You said we had plenty of money, Cartman.
- 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,926 Yeah, but I didn't take into account the fact
- 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,845 that I suck at math. - You son of a bitch!
- 00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,187 Well, Cartman thanks to you, we don't have any money left
- 00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:01,023 to win the Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,274 Well, I'm sorry. - Sorry's not good enough.
- 00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:04,067 What are you gonna do about it?
- 00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,777 Hey, I bet Kenny has some food stamps on him.
- 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,114 Sir, will you take food stamps for three balls?
- 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,657 Sure as long as they're good.
- 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,117 Give him your food stamps, Kenny.
- 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,619 Uh-uh. - Come on, dude.
- 00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:17,498 I can do it. I'm sure.
- 00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:19,166 - Damn it, Kenny, don't be such a food stamp hog!
- 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,919 Share with the rest of your friends!
- 00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:24,630 Okay, here we go.
- 00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:27,799 Hey, that was right on target. - Sorry, kid, try again.
- 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,095 That does it, shenanigans, shenanigans!
- 00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:33,639 What are you doing?
- 00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:35,140 I'm declaring shenanigans on you.
- 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,558 This game is rigged. - Shenanigans?
- 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,352 What's all the hoo-ha?
- 00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,978 Officer Barbrady, I wanna declare shenanigans
- 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,563 on this carnival operator. - Why?
- 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,065 This game is fixed. The balls are bigger
- 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,691 than Jennifer Love Hewitt's mouth.
- 00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,735 If that is true, then your declaration
- 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,904 of shenanigans is just.
- 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,989 What do you have to say, carnival operator?
- 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,449 Look, the kid was really close.
- 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:53,700 He still has another ball left.
- 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,994 Let's try again, son.
- 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,120 Here ya go.
- 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,041 There, ya see? We have a winner.
- 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,293 It worked. - Young man, you can't just go
- 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,254 declaring shenanigans on innocent people.
- 00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:06,880 That's how wars get started.
- 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,799 Sorry, Officer Butt-baby. - Barbrady.
- 00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:09,925 Oh, I'm sorry. What did I say?
- 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,344 You said Butt-baby.
- 00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:15,347 Okay, kid, you won.
- 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,932 You get to pick between the Barbie pocket mirror
- 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,976 and the Bon Jovi toothpick.
- 00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,894 No, dude, I want the Terrance and Phillip dolls up there.
- 00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,647 Oh, no, you got to win 7 times to earn those.
- 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,607 What? - You win 7 Bon Jovi
- 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,109 toothpicks, then you can trade them in
- 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,318 for the Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:29,861 You dirty son of a bitch!
- 00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:31,113 You never told us that we had to--
- 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,073 - Step on up, just $5 to play.
- 00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,741 Damn it, I have to have those dolls!
- 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,577 This is hopeless. We're never gonna have
- 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,745 enough money to win. - Wait a minute, I've got it.
- 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,581 The bull riding contest.
- 00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:43,166 Cartman could ride a bull and try to win $5,000.
- 00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:46,086 Think about it, dude, $5,000!
- 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:49,256 That's 1,000 set of balls. That's 3,000 balls.
- 00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,174 We'd have to win enough to get the dolls.
- 00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,093 What the hell makes you think Cartman rides a bull?
- 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:54,928 Because you spent all of our money
- 00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:56,305 on those stupid rides, fat ass.
- 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,806 Now, either you're getting on a bull
- 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,309 or I'm gonna break your fucking head open.
- 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,311 Okay, I'll get on the bull.
- 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:03,812 All right. Now come on,
- 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,480 you have to practice.
- 00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:08,025 He really wants those dolls. - I guess, damn.
- 00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,279 That ride wasn't very good.
- 00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,948 Now, Mary, you promised me we'd try to have a good time.
- 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,742 You're right. I'm sorry, honey.
- 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,619 I'll try and have a good time.
- 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,672 <i>Moo, moo.</i>
- 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,467 Moo, moo.
- 00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,766 All right, this mechanical bull is gonna help you
- 00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,601 practice for the real thing, Cartman.
- 00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,227 Hey, this is sweet. - You got to try and stay on
- 00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:45,854 for ten seconds, okay, Cartman?
- 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,731 I'll try, ten seconds is a long time.
- 00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,024 We'll start on the slowest setting
- 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,484 and work our way up. Ready, go.
- 00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:55,489 Ah, son of a bitch.
- 00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:57,324 How long was that? - That wasn't ten seconds.
- 00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,993 Damn it! That wasn't ten seconds, Cartman.
- 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,036 You have to do better than that.
- 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,163 My back.
- 00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:04,915 Get back on, fat ass. You have to practice.
- 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,793 Help.
- 00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,045 Screw you guys, I hate you guys.
- 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,129 What did you say, Cartman?
- 00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:13,048 Hate you guys.
- 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,716 - I think he said he wants to practice on a real bull.
- 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:15,842 Hate you guys.
- 00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:34,111 Be careful with old Bob, here.
- 00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:35,779 He ain't much for riding anymore,
- 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,698 but he's all I got. - Well, he'll have to do.
- 00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:39,324 Cartman has to get some practice with a real bull.
- 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:40,951 Well, have fun, boys.
- 00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,911 Okay, Cartman, you ready? - Na.
- 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,162 Open the gate.
- 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,670 Oh, yeah, God damn, this is my kind of bull ride.
- 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,672 That bull sucks, he's not even bucking or anything.
- 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,550 Yeah, this is sweet. - What are you gonna do?
- 00:11:56,675 --> 00:11:58,009 - Hit the bull in the balls with a snowball.
- 00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,928 - Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
- 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,224 That's better. - Hold on, Cartman.
- 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,354 Jane, stop this crazy thing!
- 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,856 Motherfu--
- 00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:14,818 Get up, Cartman, you're still not staying on long enough.
- 00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,778 Come on, Cartman.
- 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,739 Oh, my God! They killed Cartman!
- 00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:20,282 No, we didn't kill him. He's still breathing.
- 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,743 Get up!
- 00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,995 Get up!
- 00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,081 You okay, dude?
- 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,710 Cartman, hello? Hello.
- 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,338 Dude, I think we broke him.
- 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:39,259 Boys, I'm afraid your fat little friend
- 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,178 has suffered head trauma. - What's the matter with him?
- 00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,388 Well, apparently, he thinks he's a Vietnamese
- 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,766 prostitute named Ming Lee. - Oh.
- 00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:47,476 But can he still ride a bull? - What?
- 00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,144 We need him to win the bull riding contest
- 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,604 so we can get Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,189 Can he still do it? - No, boys.
- 00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:53,440 You need to take him home and let him get
- 00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,901 plenty of sleep. - Damn it!
- 00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,652 Cartman, Cartman?
- 00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,405 Can you hear me?
- 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,450 What?
- 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,453 Oh, he's fine, dude. - You think?
- 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,207 Oh, yeah, dude, let's get his ass to the rodeo.
- 00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:13,752 All right, damn it, we're not gonna stand for this.
- 00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:16,254 Now who ever stole our Golden Cow Memorial,
- 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,924 we're gonna find you and kill you!
- 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,346 All right, how about this?
- 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,640 Whoever took the sacred cow, just please return him
- 00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:28,642 and there'll be no questions asked.
- 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,521 Wait a minute, you folks from out of town,
- 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,815 you're the only ones with a reason to take
- 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,733 our beloved cow memorial.
- 00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,860 Where are we going to put a 60-foot tall
- 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,279 statue of a cow? - Well, I think maybe
- 00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,782 you'll answer that downtown, tourist.
- 00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,200 Oh, my God!
- 00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:48,703 How's he doing? - He still thinks he's
- 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:52,791 a Vietnamese prostitute.
- 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,167 Do you think he can ride the bull?
- 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,419 Yeah, I think so. - Cool.
- 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,004 Hello. Hello.
- 00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,381 Soldier boy? Hey, soldier boy?
- 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,174 Huh? - Hello, soldier boy.
- 00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,301 Me so horny. Me love you long time.
- 00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,053 Go away, kid, you're grossing me out.
- 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,973 Suckie, suckie.
- 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,517 Beat it, kid. Come on, honey.
- 00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:12,519 <i>Come one, come all, the Chamber of Farts</i>
- 00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,271 <i>has been fixed and is reopened.</i>
- 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,692 Jesus, dude. - Hey, where's Cartman?
- 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,652 Oh, hell.
- 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,320 Kenny, you go find Cartman. We have to sign him up
- 00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:23,780 for the bull ride. - Okay.
- 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,200 Oh, it's so cold here.
- 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:30,161 Where is that Sheriff? We need water.
- 00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,122 - Oh, well, let's try to make the best of it, Mary.
- 00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,708 You're right. We're not being positive.
- 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,376 At least we get some time alone.
- 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,295 Yeah, and at least we've got our health.
- 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,256 I'll tell you, Mitchell,
- 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,382 I ain't never seen nothing like it.
- 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:43,758 Where are they again?
- 00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:46,094 Just right up over this ridge.
- 00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,146 That's what they've been doing all morning,
- 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,439 just sitting there and mooing.
- 00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,065 And more cows come all the time.
- 00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,234 Well, I ain't never seen this before, neither,
- 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,652 But I know one thing, when cows start getting together,
- 00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,112 it can't be good.
- 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,281 They might start forming a cult.
- 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,782 Hmm, cow cult.
- 00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:13,496 <i>Here it is, the granddaddy of them all.</i>
- 00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:16,458 <i>The South Park Cow Days rodeo!</i>
- 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,251 <i>Let's begin the bull riding event,</i>
- 00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,879 <i>grand prize $5,000.</i>
- 00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:24,299 Kenny, where the hell is Cartman?
- 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,508 I don't know can't find him.
- 00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:26,885 - He's up in like 20 minutes.
- 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,098 There he is.
- 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,267 - Suckie, suckie, $5.
- 00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,443 - There they are, just like we told you.
- 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,742 - Okay, that's enough of that. You cows need to disperse?
- 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,245 All right, bad cows, did ya hear me?
- 00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:56,164 Bad cows!
- 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,375 All right, Ned, you're gonna have to bust out the whip.
- 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,919 Haiyaaa.
- 00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:05,215 Get along, little doggies.
- 00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:08,176 Bad cows, stay. Stay.
- 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,887 Ah!
- 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,806 - Holy crow. Play dead, Ned.
- 00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:15,016 - I reckon we should get some help.
- 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,685 - I reckon.
- 00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:18,645 - Don't be nervous, Cartman, this is gonna be cake!
- 00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,355 - Yeah, and then those Terrance and Phillip dolls will be ours.
- 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,856 - Suckie, suckie, $5?
- 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,483 <i>- Up first, number 24,</i>
- 00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,777 <i>Jack McMac!</i>
- 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,405 <i>Three, two, one!</i>
- 00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:30,073 - Yeehaw!
- 00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:31,908 Yeehaw!
- 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:37,956 <i>Oh, that's gonna cost him a point deduction.</i>
- 00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:40,542 <i>Up next number 14, Ming Lee!</i>
- 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,711 $10, $8, you give me $8, soldier boy!
- 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,295 <i>Here we go!</i>
- 00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:46,089 Dude, I'm having second thoughts about this.
- 00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,590 What do you mean? - I'm starting to think that
- 00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,092 maybe it's wrong to put someone who thinks
- 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:50,135 they're a Vietnamese prostitute on a bull.
- 00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,553 <i>Let her go!</i>
- 00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,181 Suckie, suckie! - Hang on, Cartman!
- 00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,685 Whoa, and this Vietnamese prostitute
- 00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,061 can really ride a bull!
- 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,604 I guess she's had a lot of practice,
- 00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,231 if you know what I mean.
- 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,942 Ah! $10!
- 00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,485 $10, soldier boy!
- 00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,320 She's setting a new world record!
- 00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:11,990 Ming Lee! Ming Lee! Ming Lee!
- 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,453 Dude, that bull's gonna kill him.
- 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,997 Go help him, Kenny!
- 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,127 Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
- 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:25,253 You bastards!
- 00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,339 And this brave, little whore from the East
- 00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,383 has really put on a show for us today.
- 00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,385 The winner of the bull riding contest...
- 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:35,555 <i>Ming Lee!</i> - Oh, suckie, suckie. Only $10.
- 00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:37,974 We did it, dude! We did it!
- 00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,648 Freeze, cows! The game is over!
- 00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:49,652 You will now return to your respective towns.
- 00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,237 Ya hear that, cows?
- 00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:53,615 You're surrounded, there's no way out!
- 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,325 You will now all march
- 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,369 in an orderly fashion into this trailer!
- 00:17:58,495 --> 00:17:59,788 Move!
- 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,754 Hey, where's she going?
- 00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:10,507 That's the wrong way, you stupid cow!
- 00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,177 Oh, dear Jesus, no!
- 00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:17,430 No!
- 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:21,976 They're killing themselves!
- 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,937 Stop, please!
- 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,941 Can't we do anything?
- 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:32,487 Oh, God! The humanity, Ned! The humanity.
- 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,573 This is the first mass cow suicide I've seen in...
- 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:36,699 at least 8 months.
- 00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,163 Ah, you boys are back again, huh?
- 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,332 Yeah, and we have $5,000 this time.
- 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,458 How many balls does that get us?
- 00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:49,087 I'll tell you what, boys,
- 00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:51,047 I'm gonna be really nice and just...
- 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:53,675 Trade you the 5,000 for the Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,093 You will? - Wow.
- 00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,554 Why'd you get so cool all of a sudden?
- 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,222 We did it! You see, Cartman?
- 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:00,765 You won us the Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,475 $10? Suckie, suckie?
- 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,269 What should we do with them? - We should--
- 00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:06,855 What the...?
- 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,106 Dude, these dolls <i>are</i> cheap rip-offs.
- 00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:10,066 After all that? Shenanigans!
- 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,734 Shenanigans! Shenanigans!
- 00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,319 What's all this?
- 00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,029 Officer Barbrady, I would like to reinstate
- 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,364 my previous shenanigans.
- 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,866 This whole carnival is a rip-off.
- 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,701 You know, excuse me, but I agree.
- 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,202 These rides are really stupid.
- 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,745 Chamber of Farts isn't scary at all.
- 00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,539 Yeah, and the food is terrible.
- 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,958 Hey, it's just a stupid rodeo! What do you expect?
- 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,295 Okay, okay, let's calm down.
- 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,672 People of South Park, do you declare shenanigans
- 00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,924 - on the carnival people? - Yes!
- 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,926 Okay, carnival people, do you accept
- 00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:39,220 this decree of shenanigan?
- 00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,181 What the hell are you talking about?
- 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,599 This whole town is screwy.
- 00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:44,184 Well, that settles it.
- 00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,769 Everybody grab a broom, it's shenanigans!
- 00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,779 You found it! You found the memorial!
- 00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,531 Yeah. - And the cows?
- 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,533 Are they all back, too? - They're dead, Mayor.
- 00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,452 They're all dead. - What?
- 00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:04,078 Oh, it was awful.
- 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,289 Cow after cow taking its own life.
- 00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:09,209 And we could do nothing to stop them! Oh, God!
- 00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,252 Well, perhaps one day cows will learn
- 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,463 that cults are never a good thing.
- 00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:16,507 I hope so, Mayor, I hope so.
- 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,968 God, I need a cold beer and a burger.
- 00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,970 What's all the ruckus over there?
- 00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,682 Sounds like somebody declared shenanigans.
- 00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,601 Oh, hell, I have to run home and get my broom.
- 00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,689 - All right, you damned carnival people,
- 00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,483 into jail with... Oh?
- 00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:36,236 Hey, aren't those the people
- 00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:37,946 we at first thought took the wooden cow?
- 00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:40,907 - Yeah. - Didn't we ever release them?
- 00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:43,159 - I forgot all about them. - Me, too.
- 00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,536 - Oh, my God, Officer Barbrady,
- 00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:47,413 you never had Tom and Mary in the cell.
- 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,499 - I didn't? - No, no, in fact,
- 00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:50,708 they never came to South Park.
- 00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:52,252 We've never heard of them.
- 00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:54,504 - Aaahh, phew, I feel a lot better then.
- 00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:56,381 Although, I could've swore that I had heard of them
- 00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:58,341 and they starved to death in my prison.
- 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,261 - Say, Terrance, let's look for treasure.
- 00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:03,012 - Oh, good idea, Phillip, let's look for treasure.
- 00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:04,597 - What are you guys doing?
- 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:05,974 - Oh, hey, Cartman how are you feeling?
- 00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,850 - Pretty good, except I had
- 00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,228 the weirdest dream last night. - Really, what about?
- 00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:13,022 - Well, I dreamt that I was a poor Vietnamese girl,
- 00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:15,149 and then you guys made me ride a big scary bull,
- 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,110 and then Leonardo DiCaprio gave me a spanking
- 00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:19,487 for several hours. Hey, how did you guys win
- 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:20,905 all those Terrance and Phillip dolls?
- 00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:24,242 - Oh, nowhere.
- 00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,160 - Wait a minute, you guys did make me
- 00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:27,495 ride that bull! - No.
- 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,746 Cartman, that was just a dream.
- 00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,666 - Bye, Ming Lee. Thanks again.
- 00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,253 Ha, ha, ha.
- 00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:38,047 Son of a bitch!
- 00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:10,261 <i>[upbeat music]</i>
- 00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:11,679 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,723 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,433 both: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:17,101 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:18,477 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,271 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,856 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,482 ♪ People spouting "Howdy neighbor" ♪
- 00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:24,900 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,736 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:30,364 [♪ mumbling ♪]
- 00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:31,782 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:34,118 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,537 [audience cheering]
- 00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,205 Well, Tom and Mary, you've made it
- 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:39,957 to the final round. Are you ready to play
- 00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,752 for the grand prize? - [both] We're ready, Bob.
- 00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,795 Any particular prize you're hoping for?
- 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,423 Well, Hawaii's nice, but Tahiti would be fun, too.
- 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,091 - Oh, anywhere would be great.
- 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,968 - Polynesian diggities. I wish you luck.
- 00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,303 Here we go.
- 00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:54,346 What is the thin flap of skin
- 00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:57,349 that runs from the base of the penis to the scrotum?
- 00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,685 <i>[calm music]</i>
- 00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:03,022 Oh, wait, wait. I know this.
- 00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:05,524 The... Upper vascular hood.
- 00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:08,652 I'm sorry, but you're absolutely right!
- 00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:11,363 [screams, laughs]
- 00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:12,990 Fred, tell them what they've won.
- 00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:15,326 <i>Tom and Mary, put on your cowboy hats</i>
- 00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:17,119 <i>because you're going to beautiful</i>
- 00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,412 <i>South Park, Colorado.</i>
- 00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,164 [audience oohs] Where?
- 00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,999 <i>That's right, just in time for Cow Days,</i>
- 00:01:22,124 --> 00:01:24,668 <i>the world's 45th biggest rodeo and carnival.</i>
- 00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:26,754 <i>Every fall, South Park celebrates Cow Days,</i>
- 00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,923 <i>and you're gonna be a part of it.</i>
- 00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:31,675 <i>You'll stay at the fabulous Super 7 Hotel on Bernard Road,</i>
- 00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,386 <i>and enjoy festivities including prizes, rides,</i>
- 00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:35,679 <i>and of course, the world-famous</i>
- 00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:37,181 <i>Running of the Cows.</i>
- 00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:39,183 <i>Congratulations, Tom and Mary.</i>
- 00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,144 Well, Tom and Mary, you must be very excited.
- 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,105 What was second prize again?
- 00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,440 That's all for now. See you tomorrow on...
- 00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:49,276 [all] "Ooh, What The Hell Is That?"
- 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,569 Oh, shit.
- 00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:53,114 [horse neighs] <i>Oh.</i>
- 00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:54,949 Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to kick off
- 00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:58,410 the 14th Annual South Park Cow Days.
- 00:01:58,536 --> 00:02:00,704 [cheering] As most of you know,
- 00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:03,124 Cow Days is when we all get together to celebrate
- 00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:05,417 and thank the noble, gentle cow.
- 00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:08,087 [cheers and applause] And now the chairman
- 00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,047 of Cow Days, Jimbo Kern.
- 00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:12,424 - This year is a very special Cow Days
- 00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:15,678 because we're revealing our all-new cow memorial,
- 00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,346 which will live forever in South Park
- 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,682 from this day forward. Release the curtain.
- 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,517 [fanfare plays]
- 00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:25,437 [clicks, clock chimes] <i>Moo.</i>
- 00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:28,107 This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen.
- 00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,234 Now, Mary, this is our only vacation for years.
- 00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:31,777 We have to make the best of it.
- 00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,821 Oh you're right. I'm sorry, honey.
- 00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,406 We just need to stay positive.
- 00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,199 Now get out to the carnival
- 00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:41,203 and enjoy the amazing rides and the wonderful games.
- 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,455 <i>[carnival music]</i>
- 00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:46,167 Hey, come over here, kids. Win fabulous prizes.
- 00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:47,751 Wow, dude, check it out.
- 00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:50,045 We can win Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:51,046 Are those real Terrance and Phillip dolls?
- 00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,631 They look all crappy.
- 00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,466 Yeah, they look like cheap rip-offs.
- 00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:56,051 Sure, they're real. They're even made in Canada.
- 00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,636 Really? - Yeah, look,
- 00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,847 they're even signed by Terrance and Phillip themselves.
- 00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:02,057 Wow! - Dude, that kicks ass!
- 00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:03,851 Dude, I got to win those. How much to play?
- 00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:05,477 Five dollars for three balls.
- 00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:07,104 Five dollars, Jesus Christ!
- 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:08,522 Don't worry, kid. It's easy.
- 00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:10,232 You just gotta put one ball through
- 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,359 Jennifer Love Hewitt's mouth. - That's easy.
- 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,944 Okay. We got a player.
- 00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:16,655 All right, check it out.
- 00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,032 Damn it! - It's okay, son,
- 00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:19,241 you still got two balls to try
- 00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,743 and get through her yapper.
- 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:23,704 Take this, Jennifer Love Hewitt!
- 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,247 You suck, Cartman.
- 00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,457 I'd like to see you do you better.
- 00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:29,668 Give me that. [grunts]
- 00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,212 Hey, it hit her right in the mouth.
- 00:03:31,337 --> 00:03:32,838 It's got to go through her mouth.
- 00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:33,964 But it-- - Sorry, kid. Try again.
- 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:35,382 Just five more dollars.
- 00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:36,884 Hey, give me some money, Cartman.
- 00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,178 [laughs] Yeah. - Give me money, fat boy.
- 00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:41,055 I only have $3 left, asshole.
- 00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,765 Damn it, come on, I'll try to get more money
- 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,726 from my mom. - Okay, everybody,
- 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,020 it's time for the Running of the Cows.
- 00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,355 [audience cheering]
- 00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:50,648 Ma, give me some money.
- 00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:51,690 Kyle, what are you doing here?
- 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,609 This is very dangerous.
- 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,402 I need $17 so we can win Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,904 - Kyle, get back into the carnival this instant.
- 00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:58,614 You can't be out on the streets.
- 00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,408 I will if you give me money. - Okay, here.
- 00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,202 Sweet. - Okay, everybody,
- 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,746 okay, settle down. Now, I know you're all anxious
- 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,373 to get to the Running of the Cows,
- 00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:09,291 but let me remind you those brave souls
- 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,252 who have decided to run against the cows through town
- 00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:12,753 do so at they're own risk.
- 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,755 I don't think I have to remind you
- 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,549 that three people died at last year's Running of the Cows.
- 00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,718 [cheers and applause] With that said,
- 00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,762 let's rock and roll!
- 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,308 Everybody ready to run?
- 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:30,020 Release the cows.
- 00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,481 [crowd screaming]
- 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:33,816 They're loose.
- 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,484 [mooing]
- 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,736 [screaming]
- 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:40,572 [mooing continues]
- 00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:43,409 [panicked panting, groans]
- 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:44,618 [screaming]
- 00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:45,744 Yee-haa!
- 00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:50,040 Huh. Huh. [whistles]
- 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,458 [taunts]
- 00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:52,626 [screams]
- 00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:57,172 Okay, we've got $15 between us.
- 00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:58,632 That means we get 9 balls to throw.
- 00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:00,634 I only need one, dude. I only need one.
- 00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,721 <i>Come one, come all, get in line now</i>
- 00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:06,181 <i>for the Chamber of Farts.</i>
- 00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:07,891 What's that? <i>- Dare you enter</i>
- 00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:09,935 <i>the Chamber of Farts?</i> - How much is it?
- 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,603 Just three tickets, boys.
- 00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:14,940 <i>Dare you enter the Chamber of Farts?</i>
- 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,608 Is it like a haunted house or something?
- 00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,485 Sure, it's very scary.
- 00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,195 Let's see, each ticket is a $1,
- 00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,573 so three tickets is like $2.25...
- 00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,450 No, we can't, dude, we have to win
- 00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:26,327 the Terrance and Phillip dolls. - Oh, come on, you guys.
- 00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:27,995 We still have plenty of money left over.
- 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,289 You'd better be right, dude. - I'm right.
- 00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,085 Keep your hands inside at all times.
- 00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,046 Okay.
- 00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:43,010 <i>So, the Chamber of Farts has another victim, eh?</i>
- 00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,553 <i>Don't be afraid.</i>
- 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,972 <i>There aren't any ghouls here,</i>
- 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,350 <i>only farts. [farts]</i>
- 00:05:49,475 --> 00:05:50,934 Ah, Goddamn it!
- 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,855 <i>[screams, farts]</i>
- 00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,440 What the hell was that?
- 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:59,401 <i>Perhaps you need some more farts!</i>
- 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,527 [farts]
- 00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,530 All right, boys. Ride's over.
- 00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,282 That was the dumbest ride I've ever seen.
- 00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,076 Yeah, what the hell kind of carnival company are you?
- 00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:08,494 I don't know what you guys are talking about.
- 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,037 That scared the crap out of me.
- 00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,997 That was a waste of money, Cartman.
- 00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,832 Hey, if you guys want a great ride, get in this line.
- 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,250 It's only seven tickets.
- 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:17,086 We can't. We're saving our money
- 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,587 for the balls in Jennifer Love Hewitt's mouth game.
- 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,089 Kyle, will you relax, you pink-eye!
- 00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,423 We have plenty of money.
- 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,677 Come on, you guys, it'll be sweet.
- 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:35,145 [clock chimes] <i>Moo.</i>
- 00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:43,779 Moo.
- 00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:54,957 This ride better be good.
- 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,458 Yeah, this line is way too long.
- 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,419 I think we're almost to the end.
- 00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,295 We'd better be. We've been in line for almost an hour.
- 00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,798 Here we go. - Finally.
- 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,341 Did you enjoy the ride?
- 00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,051 What ride? - Yeah.
- 00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,011 This was the line ride, a real-life simulator
- 00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:09,596 of a long line.
- 00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,265 [groans] You've gotta be kidding me.
- 00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:12,891 That's five tickets. Thank you very much.
- 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,309 Come see us again soon.
- 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:15,769 My ass, we will.
- 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,729 Well, Cartman, this is just my opinion,
- 00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,773 but I think the line ride sucked donkey balls.
- 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,316 Yeah, let's not ride that ride again.
- 00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:22,860 Would you like to buy a photo of you boys
- 00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,612 enjoying the line ride?
- 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,573 How much? - Just three dollars.
- 00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:29,241 Oh, that's pretty sweet.
- 00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,243 You dumb ass, Cartman. - What? This is cool.
- 00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:32,744 No, it's not cool. - Is too!
- 00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:34,580 Can I help you boys?
- 00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:36,457 We're gonna try win those Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,292 Okay, $5 for three balls.
- 00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:40,335 How much do we have left, Cartman?
- 00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:42,421 How much do we have left, Cartman?
- 00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:44,506 Uh, $3. - What?!
- 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,258 You said we had plenty of money, Cartman.
- 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,926 Yeah, but I didn't take into account the fact
- 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,845 that I suck at math. - You son of a bitch!
- 00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,096 [both screaming]
- 00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,187 Well, Cartman thanks to you, we don't have any money left
- 00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:01,023 to win the Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,274 Well, I'm sorry. - Sorry's not good enough.
- 00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:04,067 What are you gonna do about it?
- 00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,777 Hey, I bet Kenny has some food stamps on him.
- 00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:07,404 [mumbles]
- 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,114 Sir, will you take food stamps for three balls?
- 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,657 Sure as long as they're good.
- 00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,117 Give him your food stamps, Kenny.
- 00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,619 [muffled] Uh-uh. - Come on, dude.
- 00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:17,498 I can do it. I'm sure. - [mumbling]
- 00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:19,166 - Damn it, Kenny, don't be such a food stamp hog!
- 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,919 Share with the rest of your friends!
- 00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:24,630 Okay, here we go.
- 00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:27,799 Hey, that was right on target. - Sorry, kid, try again.
- 00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,095 That does it, shenanigans, shenanigans!
- 00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:33,639 What are you doing?
- 00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:35,140 I'm declaring shenanigans on you.
- 00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,558 This game is rigged. - Shenanigans?
- 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,352 What's all the hoo-ha?
- 00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,978 Officer Barbrady, I wanna declare shenanigans
- 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,563 on this carnival operator. - Why?
- 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,065 This game is fixed. The balls are bigger
- 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,691 than Jennifer Love Hewitt's mouth.
- 00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,735 If that is true, then your declaration
- 00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,904 of shenanigans is just.
- 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,989 What do you have to say, carnival operator?
- 00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,449 Look, the kid was really close.
- 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:53,700 He still has another ball left.
- 00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,994 Let's try again, son.
- 00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,120 Here ya go.
- 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,041 There, ya see? We have a winner.
- 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,293 It worked. - Young man, you can't just go
- 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,254 declaring shenanigans on innocent people.
- 00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:06,880 That's how wars get started.
- 00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,799 Sorry, Officer Butt-baby. - Barbrady.
- 00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:09,925 Oh, I'm sorry. What did I say?
- 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,344 You said Butt-baby.
- 00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:15,347 [all laughing] - Okay, kid, you won.
- 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,932 You get to pick between the Barbie pocket mirror
- 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,976 and the Bon Jovi toothpick.
- 00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,894 No, dude, I want the Terrance and Phillip dolls up there.
- 00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,647 Oh, no, you got to win 7 times to earn those.
- 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,607 What? - You win 7 Bon Jovi
- 00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,109 toothpicks, then you can trade them in
- 00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,318 for the Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:29,861 You dirty son of a bitch!
- 00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:31,113 You never told us that we had to--
- 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,073 - Step on up, just $5 to play.
- 00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,741 Damn it, I have to have those dolls!
- 00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,577 This is hopeless. We're never gonna have
- 00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,745 enough money to win. - Wait a minute, I've got it.
- 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,581 The bull riding contest.
- 00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:43,166 Cartman could ride a bull and try to win $5,000.
- 00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:46,086 Think about it, dude, $5,000!
- 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:49,256 That's 1,000 set of balls. That's 3,000 balls.
- 00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,174 We'd have to win enough to get the dolls.
- 00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,093 What the hell makes you think Cartman rides a bull?
- 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:54,928 Because you spent all of our money
- 00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:56,305 on those stupid rides, fat ass.
- 00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,806 Now, either you're getting on a bull
- 00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,309 or I'm gonna break your fucking head open.
- 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,311 Okay, I'll get on the bull.
- 00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:03,812 All right. Now come on,
- 00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,480 you have to practice.
- 00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:08,025 He really wants those dolls. - I guess, damn.
- 00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,279 That ride wasn't very good.
- 00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,948 Now, Mary, you promised me we'd try to have a good time.
- 00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,742 You're right. I'm sorry, honey.
- 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,619 I'll try and have a good time.
- 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,672 [bell chimes] <i>Moo, moo.</i>
- 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,467 [all] Moo, moo.
- 00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,766 All right, this mechanical bull is gonna help you
- 00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,601 practice for the real thing, Cartman.
- 00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,227 Hey, this is sweet. - You got to try and stay on
- 00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:45,854 for ten seconds, okay, Cartman?
- 00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,731 I'll try, ten seconds is a long time.
- 00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,024 We'll start on the slowest setting
- 00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,484 and work our way up. Ready, go.
- 00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:52,319 [bull whirring] [Cartman grunts]
- 00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:55,489 Ah, son of a bitch.
- 00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:57,324 How long was that? - That wasn't ten seconds.
- 00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,993 Damn it! That wasn't ten seconds, Cartman.
- 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,036 You have to do better than that.
- 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,163 [mumbles] My back.
- 00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:04,915 Get back on, fat ass. You have to practice.
- 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,793 [mumbling] Help.
- 00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,045 Screw you guys, I hate you guys.
- 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,129 What did you say, Cartman?
- 00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:13,048 [forced] Hate you guys.
- 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,716 - I think he said he wants to practice on a real bull.
- 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:15,842 Hate you guys.
- 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,354 [cows mooing]
- 00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:34,111 Be careful with old Bob, here.
- 00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:35,779 He ain't much for riding anymore,
- 00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,698 but he's all I got. - Well, he'll have to do.
- 00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:39,324 Cartman has to get some practice with a real bull.
- 00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:40,951 Well, have fun, boys.
- 00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,911 Okay, Cartman, you ready? - Na.
- 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,162 Open the gate.
- 00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,670 Oh, yeah, God damn, this is my kind of bull ride.
- 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,672 That bull sucks, he's not even bucking or anything.
- 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,550 Yeah, this is sweet. - What are you gonna do?
- 00:11:56,675 --> 00:11:58,009 - Hit the bull in the balls with a snowball.
- 00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,928 - Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.
- 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,597 [bull grunts] - [screaming]
- 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,224 That's better. - Hold on, Cartman.
- 00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:06,643 [screaming]
- 00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,354 Jane, stop this crazy thing!
- 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,856 Motherfu--
- 00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:14,818 Get up, Cartman, you're still not staying on long enough.
- 00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,778 Come on, Cartman.
- 00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,739 [muffled] Oh, my God! They killed Cartman!
- 00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:20,282 No, we didn't kill him. He's still breathing.
- 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,743 Get up!
- 00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,995 Get up! - [groans]
- 00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,081 You okay, dude?
- 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,710 [echoes] Cartman, hello? Hello.
- 00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:33,962 [groans]
- 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,338 Dude, I think we broke him.
- 00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:39,259 Boys, I'm afraid your fat little friend
- 00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,178 has suffered head trauma. - What's the matter with him?
- 00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,388 Well, apparently, he thinks he's a Vietnamese
- 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,766 prostitute named Ming Lee. - Oh.
- 00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:47,476 But can he still ride a bull? - What?
- 00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,144 We need him to win the bull riding contest
- 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,604 so we can get Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,189 Can he still do it? - No, boys.
- 00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:53,440 You need to take him home and let him get
- 00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,901 plenty of sleep. - Damn it!
- 00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,652 [monitors beeping] Cartman, Cartman?
- 00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,405 Can you hear me? - [speaking in Vietnamese]
- 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,450 What? - [speaking in Vietnamese]
- 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,453 Oh, he's fine, dude. - You think?
- 00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,288 [speaking in Vietnamese]
- 00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,207 Oh, yeah, dude, let's get his ass to the rodeo.
- 00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:13,752 All right, damn it, we're not gonna stand for this.
- 00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:16,254 Now who ever stole our Golden Cow Memorial,
- 00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,924 we're gonna find you and kill you!
- 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,346 All right, how about this?
- 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,640 Whoever took the sacred cow, just please return him
- 00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:28,642 and there'll be no questions asked.
- 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,521 Wait a minute, you folks from out of town,
- 00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,815 you're the only ones with a reason to take
- 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,733 our beloved cow memorial.
- 00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,860 Where are we going to put a 60-foot tall
- 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,279 statue of a cow? - Well, I think maybe
- 00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,782 you'll answer that downtown, tourist.
- 00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,200 Oh, my God!
- 00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:48,703 How's he doing? - He still thinks he's
- 00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:52,791 a Vietnamese prostitute. - [speaking Vietnamese]
- 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,167 Do you think he can ride the bull?
- 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,419 Yeah, I think so. - Cool.
- 00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,004 Hello. Hello. [speaks Vietnamese]
- 00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,381 Soldier boy? Hey, soldier boy?
- 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,174 Huh? - Hello, soldier boy.
- 00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,301 Me so horny. Me love you long time.
- 00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,053 Go away, kid, you're grossing me out.
- 00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,973 [speaking Vietnamese] Suckie, suckie.
- 00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,517 Beat it, kid. Come on, honey.
- 00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:12,519 <i>Come one, come all, the Chamber of Farts</i>
- 00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,271 <i>has been fixed and is reopened.</i>
- 00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:15,897 [overlapping excited chatter]
- 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,692 Jesus, dude. - Hey, where's Cartman?
- 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,652 Oh, hell. - [mumbling]
- 00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,320 Kenny, you go find Cartman. We have to sign him up
- 00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:23,780 for the bull ride. - [muffled] Okay.
- 00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,200 Oh, it's so cold here.
- 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:30,161 Where is that Sheriff? We need water.
- 00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,122 - Oh, well, let's try to make the best of it, Mary.
- 00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,708 You're right. We're not being positive.
- 00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,376 At least we get some time alone.
- 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,295 Yeah, and at least we've got our health.
- 00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:39,921 [rats squeak]
- 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,256 I'll tell you, Mitchell,
- 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,382 I ain't never seen nothing like it.
- 00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:43,758 Where are they again?
- 00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:46,094 Just right up over this ridge.
- 00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:51,266 [cows mooing]
- 00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,146 That's what they've been doing all morning,
- 00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,439 just sitting there and mooing.
- 00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,065 And more cows come all the time.
- 00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,234 Well, I ain't never seen this before, neither,
- 00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,652 But I know one thing, when cows start getting together,
- 00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,112 it can't be good.
- 00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,281 They might start forming a cult.
- 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,782 Hmm, cow cult.
- 00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:13,496 <i>Here it is, the granddaddy of them all.</i>
- 00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:16,458 <i>The South Park Cow Days rodeo!</i> [cheers and applause]
- 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,251 <i>Let's begin the bull riding event,</i>
- 00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,879 <i>grand prize $5,000.</i>
- 00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,505 [cheers and applause]
- 00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:24,299 Kenny, where the hell is Cartman?
- 00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,508 - [mumbling] I don't know can't find him.
- 00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:26,885 - He's up in like 20 minutes.
- 00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,470 - [mumbling]
- 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,098 <i>- [speaking Vietnamese]</i> - There he is.
- 00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,267 - Suckie, suckie, $5.
- 00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,443 - There they are, just like we told you.
- 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,742 - Okay, that's enough of that. You cows need to disperse?
- 00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,245 All right, bad cows, did ya hear me?
- 00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:56,164 Bad cows!
- 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,375 All right, Ned, you're gonna have to bust out the whip.
- 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,919 [whip cracks] - Haiyaaa.
- 00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:05,215 Get along, little doggies. [cows mooing]
- 00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:08,176 Bad cows, stay. Stay.
- 00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,511 [cows mooing]
- 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,887 Ah!
- 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,806 - Holy crow. Play dead, Ned.
- 00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:15,016 - I reckon we should get some help.
- 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,685 - I reckon.
- 00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:18,645 - Don't be nervous, Cartman, this is gonna be cake!
- 00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,355 - Yeah, and then those Terrance and Phillip dolls will be ours.
- 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,856 - Suckie, suckie, $5?
- 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,483 <i>- Up first, number 24,</i>
- 00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,777 <i>Jack McMac!</i> [audience cheering]
- 00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,405 <i>Three, two, one!</i>
- 00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:30,073 - Yeehaw! [grunting]
- 00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:31,908 [bull groaning] Yeehaw!
- 00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,077 [screams, grunts]
- 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:37,956 <i>Oh, that's gonna cost him a point deduction.</i>
- 00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:40,542 <i>Up next number 14, Ming Lee!</i>
- 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,711 $10, $8, you give me $8, soldier boy!
- 00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,295 <i>Here we go!</i>
- 00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:46,089 Dude, I'm having second thoughts about this.
- 00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,590 What do you mean? - I'm starting to think that
- 00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,092 maybe it's wrong to put someone who thinks
- 00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:50,135 they're a Vietnamese prostitute on a bull.
- 00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,553 <i>Let her go!</i>
- 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,096 [screaming gibberish]
- 00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,181 Suckie, suckie! - Hang on, Cartman!
- 00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,685 Whoa, and this Vietnamese prostitute
- 00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,061 can really ride a bull!
- 00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,604 I guess she's had a lot of practice,
- 00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,231 if you know what I mean.
- 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,942 Ah! $10! [cheers and applause]
- 00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,485 $10, soldier boy!
- 00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,320 She's setting a new world record!
- 00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:11,990 [all chanting] Ming Lee! Ming Lee! Ming Lee!
- 00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:15,243 [screams, grunts]
- 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,453 Dude, that bull's gonna kill him.
- 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,997 Go help him, Kenny!
- 00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,790 [mumbling]
- 00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,417 [muffled scream]
- 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,127 Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!
- 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:25,253 You bastards!
- 00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,339 And this brave, little whore from the East
- 00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,383 has really put on a show for us today.
- 00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,385 The winner of the bull riding contest...
- 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:35,555 <i>Ming Lee!</i> - Oh, suckie, suckie. Only $10.
- 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:36,765 [cheers and applause]
- 00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:37,974 We did it, dude! We did it!
- 00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,562 [guns cocking]
- 00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,648 Freeze, cows! The game is over!
- 00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:49,652 You will now return to your respective towns.
- 00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,237 Ya hear that, cows?
- 00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:53,615 You're surrounded, there's no way out!
- 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,325 You will now all march
- 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,369 in an orderly fashion into this trailer!
- 00:17:58,495 --> 00:17:59,788 Move!
- 00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:04,084 <i>[gentle music]</i>
- 00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:05,627 ♪♪
- 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,754 Hey, where's she going?
- 00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:10,507 That's the wrong way, you stupid cow!
- 00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,177 Oh, dear Jesus, no!
- 00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,262 [cow moos]
- 00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:17,430 No!
- 00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:20,141 [cows mooing]
- 00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:21,976 They're killing themselves!
- 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,937 Stop, please!
- 00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:26,022 [mooing continues]
- 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,941 Can't we do anything?
- 00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:32,487 Oh, God! The humanity, Ned! The humanity.
- 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,573 This is the first mass cow suicide I've seen in...
- 00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:36,699 at least 8 months.
- 00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,163 Ah, you boys are back again, huh?
- 00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,332 Yeah, and we have $5,000 this time.
- 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,458 How many balls does that get us?
- 00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:46,918 [speaking Vietnamese]
- 00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:49,087 I'll tell you what, boys,
- 00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:51,047 I'm gonna be really nice and just...
- 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:53,675 Trade you the 5,000 for the Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,093 You will? - Wow.
- 00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,554 Why'd you get so cool all of a sudden?
- 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,222 We did it! You see, Cartman?
- 00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:00,765 You won us the Terrance and Phillip dolls.
- 00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,475 $10? Suckie, suckie?
- 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,269 What should we do with them? - We should--
- 00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:06,855 What the...?
- 00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,106 Dude, these dolls <i>are</i> cheap rip-offs.
- 00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:10,066 After all that? Shenanigans!
- 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,734 Shenanigans! Shenanigans!
- 00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,319 What's all this?
- 00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,029 Officer Barbrady, I would like to reinstate
- 00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,364 my previous shenanigans.
- 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,866 This whole carnival is a rip-off.
- 00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,701 You know, excuse me, but I agree.
- 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,202 These rides are really stupid.
- 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,745 Chamber of Farts isn't scary at all.
- 00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,539 Yeah, and the food is terrible.
- 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,958 Hey, it's just a stupid rodeo! What do you expect?
- 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,376 [overlapping shouting]
- 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,295 Okay, okay, let's calm down.
- 00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,672 People of South Park, do you declare shenanigans
- 00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,924 on the carnival people? all: Yes!
- 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,926 Okay, carnival people, do you accept
- 00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:39,220 this decree of shenanigan?
- 00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,181 What the hell are you talking about?
- 00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,599 This whole town is screwy.
- 00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:44,184 Well, that settles it.
- 00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,769 Everybody grab a broom, it's shenanigans!
- 00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:49,898 [angry shouting]
- 00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,527 [grunting]
- 00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,779 You found it! You found the memorial!
- 00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,531 Yeah. - And the cows?
- 00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,533 Are they all back, too? - They're dead, Mayor.
- 00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,452 They're all dead. - What?
- 00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:04,078 [crying] Oh, it was awful.
- 00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,289 Cow after cow taking its own life.
- 00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:09,209 And we could do nothing to stop them! Oh, God!
- 00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,252 Well, perhaps one day cows will learn
- 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,463 that cults are never a good thing.
- 00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:16,507 I hope so, Mayor, I hope so.
- 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,968 God, I need a cold beer and a burger.
- 00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,970 What's all the ruckus over there?
- 00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,680 [indistinct shouting]
- 00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,682 Sounds like somebody declared shenanigans.
- 00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,601 Oh, hell, I have to run home and get my broom.
- 00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,689 - All right, you damned carnival people,
- 00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,483 into jail with... Oh?
- 00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:36,236 [rats squeaking] - Hey, aren't those the people
- 00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:37,946 we at first thought took the wooden cow?
- 00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:40,907 - Yeah. - Didn't we ever release them?
- 00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:43,159 - I forgot all about them. - Me, too.
- 00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,536 - Oh, my God, Officer Barbrady,
- 00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:47,413 you never had Tom and Mary in the cell.
- 00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,499 - I didn't? - No, no, in fact,
- 00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:50,708 they never came to South Park.
- 00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:52,252 We've never heard of them.
- 00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:54,504 - Aaahh, phew, I feel a lot better then.
- 00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:56,381 Although, I could've swore that I had heard of them
- 00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:58,341 and they starved to death in my prison.
- 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,261 - Say, Terrance, let's look for treasure.
- 00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:03,012 - Oh, good idea, Phillip, let's look for treasure.
- 00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:04,597 - What are you guys doing?
- 00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:05,974 - Oh, hey, Cartman how are you feeling?
- 00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,850 - Pretty good, except I had
- 00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,228 the weirdest dream last night. - Really, what about?
- 00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:13,022 - Well, I dreamt that I was a poor Vietnamese girl,
- 00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:15,149 and then you guys made me ride a big scary bull,
- 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,110 and then Leonardo DiCaprio gave me a spanking
- 00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:19,487 for several hours. Hey, how did you guys win
- 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:20,905 all those Terrance and Phillip dolls?
- 00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:24,242 - Oh, nowhere. [both laugh]
- 00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,160 - Wait a minute, you guys did make me
- 00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:27,495 ride that bull! - No.
- 00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,746 Cartman, that was just a dream.
- 00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,666 - Bye, Ming Lee. Thanks again.
- 00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,253 Ha, ha, ha.
- 00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:38,047 Son of a bitch!
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