Коровьи дни

00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,723

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,433

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:17,101

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:18,477

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,271

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,856

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,482

♪ People spouting

"Howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:24,900

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,736

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:31,782

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:34,118

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,205

Well, Tom and Mary,

you've made it

00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:39,957

to the final round.

Are you ready to play

00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,752

for the grand prize?

- We're ready, Bob.

00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,795

Any particular prize

you're hoping for?

00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,423

Well, Hawaii's nice,

but Tahiti would be fun, too.

00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,091

- Oh, anywhere

would be great.

00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,968

- Polynesian diggities.

I wish you luck.

00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,303

Here we go.

00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:54,346

What is the

thin flap of skin

00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:57,349

that runs from the base

of the penis to the scrotum?

00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:03,022

Oh, wait, wait.

I know this.

00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:05,524

The...

Upper vascular hood.

00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:08,652

I'm sorry,

but you're absolutely right!

00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:12,990

Fred, tell them

what they've won.

00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:15,326

Tom and Mary,

put on your cowboy hats

00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:17,119

because you're going

to beautiful

00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,412

South Park, Colorado.

00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,164

Where?

00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,999

That's right,

just in time for Cow Days,

00:01:22,124 --> 00:01:24,668

the world's 45th biggest

rodeo and carnival.

00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:26,754

Every fall, South Park

celebrates Cow Days,

00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,923

and you're gonna be

a part of it.

00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:31,675

You'll stay at the fabulous

Super 7 Hotel on Bernard Road,

00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,386

and enjoy festivities

including prizes, rides,

00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:35,679

and of course, the

world-famous

00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:37,181

Running of the Cows.

00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:39,183

Congratulations,

Tom and Mary.

00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,144

Well, Tom and Mary,

you must be very excited.

00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,105

What was

second prize again?

00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,440

That's all for now.

See you tomorrow on...

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"Ooh, What The Hell Is That?"

00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,569

Oh, shit.

00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:53,114

Oh.

00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:54,949

Ladies and gentlemen,

I am pleased to kick off

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the 14th Annual

South Park Cow Days.

00:01:58,536 --> 00:02:00,704

As most of you know,

00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:03,124

Cow Days is when we

all get together to celebrate

00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:05,417

and thank the noble,

gentle cow.

00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:08,087

And now the chairman

00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,047

of Cow Days, Jimbo Kern.

00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:12,424

- This year is a very

special Cow Days

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because we're revealing

our all-new cow memorial,

00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,346

which will live

forever in South Park

00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,682

from this day forward.

Release the curtain.

00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:25,437

Moo.

00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:28,107

This is the most ridiculous

thing I've ever seen.

00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,234

Now, Mary, this is our

only vacation for years.

00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:31,777

We have to make

the best of it.

00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,821

Oh you're right.

I'm sorry, honey.

00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,406

We just need to stay positive.

00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,199

Now get out

to the carnival

00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:41,203

and enjoy the amazing rides

and the wonderful games.

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Hey, come over here, kids.

Win fabulous prizes.

00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:47,751

Wow, dude, check it out.

00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:50,045

We can win Terrance

and Phillip dolls.

00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:51,046

Are those real Terrance

and Phillip dolls?

00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,631

They look all crappy.

00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,466

Yeah, they look like

cheap rip-offs.

00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:56,051

Sure, they're real.

They're even made in Canada.

00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,636

Really?

- Yeah, look,

00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,847

they're even signed by Terrance

and Phillip themselves.

00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:02,057

Wow!

- Dude, that kicks ass!

00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:03,851

Dude, I got to win those.

How much to play?

00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:05,477

Five dollars

for three balls.

00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:07,104

Five dollars,

Jesus Christ!

00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:08,522

Don't worry, kid.

It's easy.

00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:10,232

You just gotta put

one ball through

00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,359

Jennifer Love Hewitt's mouth.

- That's easy.

00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,944

Okay.

We got a player.

00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:16,655

All right, check it out.

00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,032

Damn it!

- It's okay, son,

00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:19,241

you still got

two balls to try

00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,743

and get through her yapper.

00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:23,704

Take this,

Jennifer Love Hewitt!

00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,247

You suck, Cartman.

00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,457

I'd like to see you

do you better.

00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:29,668

Give me that.

00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,212

Hey, it hit her right

in the mouth.

00:03:31,337 --> 00:03:32,838

It's got to go

through her mouth.

00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:33,964

But it--

- Sorry, kid. Try again.

00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:35,382

Just five more dollars.

00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:36,884

Hey, give me

some money, Cartman.

00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,178

Yeah.

- Give me money, fat boy.

00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:41,055

I only have $3 left,

asshole.

00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,765

Damn it, come on, I'll try

to get more money

00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,726

from my mom.

- Okay, everybody,

00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,020

it's time for

the Running of the Cows.

00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:50,648

Ma, give me some money.

00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:51,690

Kyle,

what are you doing here?

00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,609

This is very dangerous.

00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,402

I need $17 so we can win

Terrance and Phillip dolls.

00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,904

- Kyle, get back

into the carnival this instant.

00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:58,614

You can't be out

on the streets.

00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,408

I will if you give me money.

- Okay, here.

00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,202

Sweet.

- Okay, everybody,

00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,746

okay, settle down.

Now, I know you're all anxious

00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,373

to get to

the Running of the Cows,

00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:09,291

but let me remind you

those brave souls

00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,252

who have decided to run

against the cows through town

00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:12,753

do so at they're own risk.

00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,755

I don't think

I have to remind you

00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,549

that three people died at last

year's Running of the Cows.

00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,718

With that said,

00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,762

let's rock and roll!

00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,308

Everybody ready to run?

00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:30,020

Release the cows.

00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:33,816

They're loose.

00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:45,744

Yee-haa!

00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:50,040

Huh. Huh.

00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:57,172

Okay, we've got

$15 between us.

00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:58,632

That means we get

9 balls to throw.

00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:00,634

I only need one, dude.

I only need one.

00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,721

Come one, come all,

get in line now

00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:06,181

for the Chamber of Farts.

00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:07,891

What's that?

- Dare you enter

00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:09,935

the Chamber of Farts?

- How much is it?

00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,603

Just three tickets, boys.

00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:14,940

Dare you enter

the Chamber of Farts?

00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,608

Is it like a haunted house

or something?

00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,485

Sure, it's very scary.

00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,195

Let's see,

each ticket is a $1,

00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,573

so three tickets

is like $2.25...

00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,450

No, we can't, dude,

we have to win

00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:26,327

the Terrance and Phillip dolls.

- Oh, come on, you guys.

00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:27,995

We still have plenty

of money left over.

00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,289

You'd better be right, dude.

- I'm right.

00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,085

Keep your hands

inside at all times.

00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,046

Okay.

00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:43,010

So, the Chamber of Farts

has another victim, eh?

00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,553

Don't be afraid.

00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,972

There aren't any ghouls here,

00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,350

only farts.

00:05:49,475 --> 00:05:50,934

Ah, Goddamn it!

00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,440

What the hell was that?

00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:59,401

Perhaps you need

some more farts!

00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,530

All right, boys.

Ride's over.

00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,282

That was the dumbest ride

I've ever seen.

00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,076

Yeah, what the hell kind

of carnival company are you?

00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:08,494

I don't know what

you guys are talking about.

00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,037

That scared the crap

out of me.

00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,997

That was a waste

of money, Cartman.

00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,832

Hey, if you guys want a great

ride, get in this line.

00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,250

It's only

seven tickets.

00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:17,086

We can't.

We're saving our money

00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,587

for the balls in Jennifer Love

Hewitt's mouth game.

00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,089

Kyle, will you relax,

you pink-eye!

00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,423

We have plenty of money.

00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,677

Come on, you guys,

it'll be sweet.

00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:35,145

Moo.

00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:43,779

Moo.

00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:54,957

This ride better be good.

00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,458

Yeah, this line

is way too long.

00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,419

I think we're almost

to the end.

00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,295

We'd better be. We've been

in line for almost an hour.

00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,798

Here we go.

- Finally.

00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,341

Did you enjoy

the ride?

00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,051

What ride?

- Yeah.

00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,011

This was the line ride,

a real-life simulator

00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:09,596

of a long line.

00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,265

You've gotta be kidding me.

00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:12,891

That's five tickets.

Thank you very much.

00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,309

Come see us again soon.

00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:15,769

My ass, we will.

00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,729

Well, Cartman,

this is just my opinion,

00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,773

but I think the line ride

sucked donkey balls.

00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,316

Yeah, let's not

ride that ride again.

00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:22,860

Would you like to buy

a photo of you boys

00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,612

enjoying the line ride?

00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,573

How much?

- Just three dollars.

00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:29,241

Oh, that's pretty sweet.

00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,243

You dumb ass, Cartman.

- What? This is cool.

00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:32,744

No, it's not cool.

- Is too!

00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:34,580

Can I help you boys?

00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:36,457

We're gonna try win those

Terrance and Phillip dolls.

00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,292

Okay, $5 for three balls.

00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:40,335

How much do we

have left, Cartman?

00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:42,421

How much do we have

left, Cartman?

00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:44,506

Uh, $3.

- What?!

00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,258

You said we had

plenty of money, Cartman.

00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,926

Yeah, but I didn't take

into account the fact

00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,845

that I suck at math.

- You son of a bitch!

00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,187

Well, Cartman thanks to you,

we don't have any money left

00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:01,023

to win the Terrance

and Phillip dolls.

00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,274

Well, I'm sorry.

- Sorry's not good enough.

00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:04,067

What are you gonna

do about it?

00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,777

Hey, I bet Kenny has some

food stamps on him.

00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,114

Sir, will you take

food stamps for three balls?

00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,657

Sure as long as they're good.

00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,117

Give him your

food stamps, Kenny.

00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,619

Uh-uh.

- Come on, dude.

00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:17,498

I can do it. I'm sure.

00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:19,166

- Damn it, Kenny, don't be

such a food stamp hog!

00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,919

Share with the rest

of your friends!

00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:24,630

Okay, here we go.

00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:27,799

Hey, that was right on target.

- Sorry, kid, try again.

00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,095

That does it,

shenanigans, shenanigans!

00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:33,639

What are you doing?

00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:35,140

I'm declaring

shenanigans on you.

00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,558

This game is rigged.

- Shenanigans?

00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,352

What's all the hoo-ha?

00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,978

Officer Barbrady,

I wanna declare shenanigans

00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,563

on this carnival operator.

- Why?

00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,065

This game is fixed.

The balls are bigger

00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,691

than Jennifer Love Hewitt's

mouth.

00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,735

If that is true,

then your declaration

00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,904

of shenanigans is just.

00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,989

What do you have to say,

carnival operator?

00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,449

Look, the kid was

really close.

00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:53,700

He still has

another ball left.

00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,994

Let's try again, son.

00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,120

Here ya go.

00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,041

There, ya see?

We have a winner.

00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,293

It worked.

- Young man, you can't just go

00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,254

declaring shenanigans

on innocent people.

00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:06,880

That's how wars get started.

00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,799

Sorry, Officer Butt-baby.

- Barbrady.

00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:09,925

Oh, I'm sorry.

What did I say?

00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,344

You said Butt-baby.

00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:15,347

Okay, kid, you won.

00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,932

You get to pick between

the Barbie pocket mirror

00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,976

and the Bon Jovi toothpick.

00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,894

No, dude, I want the Terrance

and Phillip dolls up there.

00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,647

Oh, no, you got to win

7 times to earn those.

00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,607

What?

- You win 7 Bon Jovi

00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,109

toothpicks,

then you can trade them in

00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,318

for the Terrance and Phillip

dolls.

00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:29,861

You dirty son of a bitch!

00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:31,113

You never told us

that we had to--

00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,073

- Step on up, just $5 to play.

00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,741

Damn it,

I have to have those dolls!

00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,577

This is hopeless.

We're never gonna have

00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,745

enough money to win.

- Wait a minute, I've got it.

00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,581

The bull riding contest.

00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:43,166

Cartman could ride a bull

and try to win $5,000.

00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:46,086

Think about it, dude,

$5,000!

00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:49,256

That's 1,000 set of balls.

That's 3,000 balls.

00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,174

We'd have to win

enough to get the dolls.

00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,093

What the hell makes you think

Cartman rides a bull?

00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:54,928

Because you spent

all of our money

00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:56,305

on those stupid rides,

fat ass.

00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,806

Now, either

you're getting on a bull

00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,309

or I'm gonna break your

fucking head open.

00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,311

Okay,

I'll get on the bull.

00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:03,812

All right.

Now come on,

00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,480

you have to practice.

00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:08,025

He really wants those dolls.

- I guess, damn.

00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,279

That ride

wasn't very good.

00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,948

Now, Mary, you promised me

we'd try to have a good time.

00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,742

You're right.

I'm sorry, honey.

00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,619

I'll try and have

a good time.

00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,672

Moo, moo.

00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,467

Moo, moo.

00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,766

All right, this mechanical

bull is gonna help you

00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,601

practice for the real thing,

Cartman.

00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,227

Hey, this is sweet.

- You got to try and stay on

00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:45,854

for ten seconds, okay,

Cartman?

00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,731

I'll try, ten seconds

is a long time.

00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,024

We'll start on

the slowest setting

00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,484

and work our way up.

Ready, go.

00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:55,489

Ah, son of a bitch.

00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:57,324

How long was that?

- That wasn't ten seconds.

00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,993

Damn it! That wasn't

ten seconds, Cartman.

00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,036

You have to do

better than that.

00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,163

My back.

00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:04,915

Get back on, fat ass.

You have to practice.

00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,793

Help.

00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,045

Screw you guys,

I hate you guys.

00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,129

What did you say,

Cartman?

00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:13,048

Hate you guys.

00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,716

- I think he said he wants

to practice on a real bull.

00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:15,842

Hate you guys.

00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:34,111

Be careful with old Bob,

here.

00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:35,779

He ain't much

for riding anymore,

00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,698

but he's all I got.

- Well, he'll have to do.

00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:39,324

Cartman has to get some

practice with a real bull.

00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:40,951

Well, have fun, boys.

00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,911

Okay, Cartman, you ready?

- Na.

00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,162

Open the gate.

00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,670

Oh, yeah, God damn,

this is my kind of bull ride.

00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,672

That bull sucks, he's not

even bucking or anything.

00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,550

Yeah, this is sweet.

- What are you gonna do?

00:11:56,675 --> 00:11:58,009

- Hit the bull in the balls

with a snowball.

00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,928

- Oh, yeah,

that's a good idea.

00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,224

That's better.

- Hold on, Cartman.

00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,354

Jane, stop this

crazy thing!

00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,856

Motherfu--

00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:14,818

Get up, Cartman, you're still

not staying on long enough.

00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,778

Come on, Cartman.

00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,739

Oh, my God!

They killed Cartman!

00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:20,282

No, we didn't kill him.

He's still breathing.

00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,743

Get up!

00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,995

Get up!

00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,081

You okay, dude?

00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,710

Cartman, hello? Hello.

00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,338

Dude, I think we broke him.

00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:39,259

Boys, I'm afraid

your fat little friend

00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,178

has suffered head trauma.

- What's the matter with him?

00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,388

Well, apparently,

he thinks he's a Vietnamese

00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,766

prostitute named Ming Lee.

- Oh.

00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:47,476

But can he still ride a bull?

- What?

00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,144

We need him to win

the bull riding contest

00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,604

so we can get

Terrance and Phillip dolls.

00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,189

Can he still do it?

- No, boys.

00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:53,440

You need to take him home

and let him get

00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,901

plenty of sleep.

- Damn it!

00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,652

Cartman, Cartman?

00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,405

Can you hear me?

00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,450

What?

00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,453

Oh, he's fine, dude.

- You think?

00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,207

Oh, yeah, dude, let's get

his ass to the rodeo.

00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:13,752

All right, damn it,

we're not gonna stand for this.

00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:16,254

Now who ever stole

our Golden Cow Memorial,

00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,924

we're gonna find you

and kill you!

00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,346

All right, how about this?

00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,640

Whoever took the sacred cow,

just please return him

00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:28,642

and there'll be

no questions asked.

00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,521

Wait a minute,

you folks from out of town,

00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,815

you're the only ones

with a reason to take

00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,733

our beloved cow memorial.

00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,860

Where are we going

to put a 60-foot tall

00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,279

statue of a cow?

- Well, I think maybe

00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,782

you'll answer that

downtown, tourist.

00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,200

Oh, my God!

00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:48,703

How's he doing?

- He still thinks he's

00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:52,791

a Vietnamese prostitute.

00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,167

Do you think he can

ride the bull?

00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,419

Yeah, I think so.

- Cool.

00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,004

Hello. Hello.

00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,381

Soldier boy?

Hey, soldier boy?

00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,174

Huh?

- Hello, soldier boy.

00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,301

Me so horny.

Me love you long time.

00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,053

Go away, kid,

you're grossing me out.

00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,973

Suckie, suckie.

00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,517

Beat it, kid.

Come on, honey.

00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:12,519

Come one, come all,

the Chamber of Farts

00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,271

has been fixed

and is reopened.

00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,692

Jesus, dude.

- Hey, where's Cartman?

00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,652

Oh, hell.

00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,320

Kenny, you go find Cartman.

We have to sign him up

00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:23,780

for the bull ride.

- Okay.

00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,200

Oh, it's so cold here.

00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:30,161

Where is that Sheriff?

We need water.

00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,122

- Oh, well, let's try to

make the best of it, Mary.

00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,708

You're right.

We're not being positive.

00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,376

At least we get

some time alone.

00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,295

Yeah, and at least

we've got our health.

00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,256

I'll tell you, Mitchell,

00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,382

I ain't never seen

nothing like it.

00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:43,758

Where are they again?

00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:46,094

Just right up

over this ridge.

00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,146

That's what they've

been doing all morning,

00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,439

just sitting there

and mooing.

00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,065

And more cows

come all the time.

00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,234

Well, I ain't never

seen this before, neither,

00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,652

But I know one thing, when

cows start getting together,

00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,112

it can't be good.

00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,281

They might start

forming a cult.

00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,782

Hmm, cow cult.

00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:13,496

Here it is, the granddaddy

of them all.

00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:16,458

The South Park Cow Days rodeo!

00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,251

Let's begin

the bull riding event,

00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,879

grand prize $5,000.

00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:24,299

Kenny,

where the hell is Cartman?

00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,508

I don't know can't find him.

00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:26,885

- He's up in

like 20 minutes.

00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,098

There he is.

00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,267

- Suckie, suckie, $5.

00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,443

- There they are,

just like we told you.

00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,742

- Okay, that's enough of that.

You cows need to disperse?

00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,245

All right, bad cows,

did ya hear me?

00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:56,164

Bad cows!

00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,375

All right, Ned, you're gonna

have to bust out the whip.

00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,919

Haiyaaa.

00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:05,215

Get along, little doggies.

00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:08,176

Bad cows, stay.

Stay.

00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,887

Ah!

00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,806

- Holy crow.

Play dead, Ned.

00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:15,016

- I reckon we should

get some help.

00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,685

- I reckon.

00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:18,645

- Don't be nervous, Cartman,

this is gonna be cake!

00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,355

- Yeah, and then those Terrance

and Phillip dolls will be ours.

00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,856

- Suckie, suckie, $5?

00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,483

- Up first, number 24,

00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,777

Jack McMac!

00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,405

Three, two, one!

00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:30,073

- Yeehaw!

00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:31,908

Yeehaw!

00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:37,956

Oh, that's gonna cost him

a point deduction.

00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:40,542

Up next number 14,

Ming Lee!

00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,711

$10, $8, you give me

$8, soldier boy!

00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,295

Here we go!

00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:46,089

Dude, I'm having second

thoughts about this.

00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,590

What do you mean?

- I'm starting to think that

00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,092

maybe it's wrong

to put someone who thinks

00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:50,135

they're a Vietnamese prostitute

on a bull.

00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,553

Let her go!

00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,181

Suckie, suckie!

- Hang on, Cartman!

00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,685

Whoa,

and this Vietnamese prostitute

00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,061

can really ride a bull!

00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,604

I guess she's had

a lot of practice,

00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,231

if you know what I mean.

00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,942

Ah! $10!

00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,485

$10, soldier boy!

00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,320

She's setting

a new world record!

00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:11,990

Ming Lee! Ming Lee! Ming Lee!

00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,453

Dude, that bull's

gonna kill him.

00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,997

Go help him, Kenny!

00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,127

Oh, my God!

They killed Kenny!

00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:25,253

You bastards!

00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,339

And this brave,

little whore from the East

00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,383

has really put on

a show for us today.

00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,385

The winner of

the bull riding contest...

00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:35,555

Ming Lee!

- Oh, suckie, suckie. Only $10.

00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:37,974

We did it, dude!

We did it!

00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,648

Freeze, cows!

The game is over!

00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:49,652

You will now return

to your respective towns.

00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,237

Ya hear that, cows?

00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:53,615

You're surrounded,

there's no way out!

00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,325

You will now all march

00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,369

in an orderly fashion

into this trailer!

00:17:58,495 --> 00:17:59,788

Move!

00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,754

Hey, where's she going?

00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:10,507

That's the wrong way,

you stupid cow!

00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,177

Oh, dear Jesus, no!

00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:17,430

No!

00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:21,976

They're killing themselves!

00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,937

Stop, please!

00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,941

Can't we do anything?

00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:32,487

Oh, God! The humanity, Ned!

The humanity.

00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,573

This is the first mass

cow suicide I've seen in...

00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:36,699

at least 8 months.

00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,163

Ah, you boys are

back again, huh?

00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,332

Yeah, and we have

$5,000 this time.

00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,458

How many balls

does that get us?

00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:49,087

I'll tell you what, boys,

00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:51,047

I'm gonna be really nice

and just...

00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:53,675

Trade you the 5,000 for the

Terrance and Phillip dolls.

00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,093

You will?

- Wow.

00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,554

Why'd you get so cool

all of a sudden?

00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,222

We did it!

You see, Cartman?

00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:00,765

You won us the Terrance

and Phillip dolls.

00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,475

$10?

Suckie, suckie?

00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,269

What should we do with them?

- We should--

00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:06,855

What the...?

00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,106

Dude, these dolls

are cheap rip-offs.

00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:10,066

After all that?

Shenanigans!

00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,734

Shenanigans!

Shenanigans!

00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,319

What's all this?

00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,029

Officer Barbrady,

I would like to reinstate

00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,364

my previous shenanigans.

00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,866

This whole carnival

is a rip-off.

00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,701

You know, excuse me,

but I agree.

00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,202

These rides are really stupid.

00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,745

Chamber of Farts

isn't scary at all.

00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,539

Yeah, and the food

is terrible.

00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,958

Hey, it's just a stupid

rodeo! What do you expect?

00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,295

Okay, okay,

let's calm down.

00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,672

People of South Park,

do you declare shenanigans

00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,924

- on the carnival people?

- Yes!

00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,926

Okay, carnival people,

do you accept

00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:39,220

this decree of shenanigan?

00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,181

What the hell

are you talking about?

00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,599

This whole town is screwy.

00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:44,184

Well, that settles it.

00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,769

Everybody grab a broom,

it's shenanigans!

00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,779

You found it!

You found the memorial!

00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,531

Yeah.

- And the cows?

00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,533

Are they all back, too?

- They're dead, Mayor.

00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,452

They're all dead.

- What?

00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:04,078

Oh, it was awful.

00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,289

Cow after cow

taking its own life.

00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:09,209

And we could do nothing

to stop them! Oh, God!

00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,252

Well, perhaps one day

cows will learn

00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,463

that cults are

never a good thing.

00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:16,507

I hope so, Mayor,

I hope so.

00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,968

God, I need a cold beer

and a burger.

00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,970

What's all

the ruckus over there?

00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,682

Sounds like somebody

declared shenanigans.

00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,601

Oh, hell, I have to run home

and get my broom.

00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,689

- All right,

you damned carnival people,

00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,483

into jail with...

Oh?

00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:36,236

Hey, aren't those the people

00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:37,946

we at first thought

took the wooden cow?

00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:40,907

- Yeah.

- Didn't we ever release them?

00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:43,159

- I forgot all about them.

- Me, too.

00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,536

- Oh, my God,

Officer Barbrady,

00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:47,413

you never had

Tom and Mary in the cell.

00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,499

- I didn't?

- No, no, in fact,

00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:50,708

they never

came to South Park.

00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:52,252

We've never heard of them.

00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:54,504

- Aaahh, phew,

I feel a lot better then.

00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:56,381

Although, I could've swore

that I had heard of them

00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:58,341

and they starved

to death in my prison.

00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,261

- Say, Terrance,

let's look for treasure.

00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:03,012

- Oh, good idea, Phillip,

let's look for treasure.

00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:04,597

- What are you guys doing?

00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:05,974

- Oh, hey, Cartman

how are you feeling?

00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,850

- Pretty good,

except I had

00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,228

the weirdest dream last night.

- Really, what about?

00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:13,022

- Well, I dreamt that

I was a poor Vietnamese girl,

00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:15,149

and then you guys made me

ride a big scary bull,

00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,110

and then Leonardo DiCaprio

gave me a spanking

00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:19,487

for several hours.

Hey, how did you guys win

00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:20,905

all those

Terrance and Phillip dolls?

00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:24,242

- Oh, nowhere.

00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,160

- Wait a minute,

you guys did make me

00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:27,495

ride that bull!

- No.

00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,746

Cartman,

that was just a dream.

00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,666

- Bye, Ming Lee.

Thanks again.

00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,253

Ha, ha, ha.

00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:38,047

Son of a bitch!

00:00:10,386 --> 00:00:11,679

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,723

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,433

both: ♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:00:15,558 --> 00:00:17,101

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:00:17,226 --> 00:00:18,477

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,271

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:00:20,396 --> 00:00:21,856

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:00:21,981 --> 00:00:23,482

♪ People spouting

"Howdy neighbor" ♪

00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:24,900

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,736

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:30,364

[♪ mumbling ♪]

00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:31,782

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:34,118

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,537

[audience cheering]

00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,205

Well, Tom and Mary,

you've made it

00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:39,957

to the final round.

Are you ready to play

00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:42,752

for the grand prize?

- [both] We're ready, Bob.

00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,795

Any particular prize

you're hoping for?

00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,423

Well, Hawaii's nice,

but Tahiti would be fun, too.

00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,091

- Oh, anywhere

would be great.

00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,968

- Polynesian diggities.

I wish you luck.

00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,303

Here we go.

00:00:52,428 --> 00:00:54,346

What is the

thin flap of skin

00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:57,349

that runs from the base

of the penis to the scrotum?

00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,685

[calm music]

00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:03,022

Oh, wait, wait.

I know this.

00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:05,524

The...

Upper vascular hood.

00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:08,652

I'm sorry,

but you're absolutely right!

00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:11,363

[screams, laughs]

00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:12,990

Fred, tell them

what they've won.

00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:15,326

Tom and Mary,

put on your cowboy hats

00:01:15,451 --> 00:01:17,119

because you're going

to beautiful

00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,412

South Park, Colorado.

00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,164

[audience oohs]

Where?

00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:21,999

That's right,

just in time for Cow Days,

00:01:22,124 --> 00:01:24,668

the world's 45th biggest

rodeo and carnival.

00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:26,754

Every fall, South Park

celebrates Cow Days,

00:01:26,879 --> 00:01:28,923

and you're gonna be

a part of it.

00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:31,675

You'll stay at the fabulous

Super 7 Hotel on Bernard Road,

00:01:31,801 --> 00:01:34,386

and enjoy festivities

including prizes, rides,

00:01:34,512 --> 00:01:35,679

and of course, the

world-famous

00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:37,181

Running of the Cows.

00:01:37,306 --> 00:01:39,183

Congratulations,

Tom and Mary.

00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:42,144

Well, Tom and Mary,

you must be very excited.

00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:44,105

What was

second prize again?

00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,440

That's all for now.

See you tomorrow on...

00:01:46,565 --> 00:01:49,276

[all]

"Ooh, What The Hell Is That?"

00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:50,569

Oh, shit.

00:01:50,694 --> 00:01:53,114

[horse neighs]

Oh.

00:01:53,239 --> 00:01:54,949

Ladies and gentlemen,

I am pleased to kick off

00:01:55,074 --> 00:01:58,410

the 14th Annual

South Park Cow Days.

00:01:58,536 --> 00:02:00,704

[cheering]

As most of you know,

00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:03,124

Cow Days is when we

all get together to celebrate

00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:05,417

and thank the noble,

gentle cow.

00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:08,087

[cheers and applause]

And now the chairman

00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,047

of Cow Days, Jimbo Kern.

00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:12,424

- This year is a very

special Cow Days

00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:15,678

because we're revealing

our all-new cow memorial,

00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,346

which will live

forever in South Park

00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,682

from this day forward.

Release the curtain.

00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,517

[fanfare plays]

00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:25,437

[clicks, clock chimes]

Moo.

00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:28,107

This is the most ridiculous

thing I've ever seen.

00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,234

Now, Mary, this is our

only vacation for years.

00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:31,777

We have to make

the best of it.

00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:33,821

Oh you're right.

I'm sorry, honey.

00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,406

We just need to stay positive.

00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:37,199

Now get out

to the carnival

00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:41,203

and enjoy the amazing rides

and the wonderful games.

00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:43,455

[carnival music]

00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:46,167

Hey, come over here, kids.

Win fabulous prizes.

00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:47,751

Wow, dude, check it out.

00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:50,045

We can win Terrance

and Phillip dolls.

00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:51,046

Are those real Terrance

and Phillip dolls?

00:02:51,172 --> 00:02:52,631

They look all crappy.

00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,466

Yeah, they look like

cheap rip-offs.

00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:56,051

Sure, they're real.

They're even made in Canada.

00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,636

Really?

- Yeah, look,

00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,847

they're even signed by Terrance

and Phillip themselves.

00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:02,057

Wow!

- Dude, that kicks ass!

00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:03,851

Dude, I got to win those.

How much to play?

00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:05,477

Five dollars

for three balls.

00:03:05,603 --> 00:03:07,104

Five dollars,

Jesus Christ!

00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:08,522

Don't worry, kid.

It's easy.

00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:10,232

You just gotta put

one ball through

00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,359

Jennifer Love Hewitt's mouth.

- That's easy.

00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,944

Okay.

We got a player.

00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:16,655

All right, check it out.

00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,032

Damn it!

- It's okay, son,

00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:19,241

you still got

two balls to try

00:03:19,366 --> 00:03:20,743

and get through her yapper.

00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:23,704

Take this,

Jennifer Love Hewitt!

00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,247

You suck, Cartman.

00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,457

I'd like to see you

do you better.

00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:29,668

Give me that.

[grunts]

00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,212

Hey, it hit her right

in the mouth.

00:03:31,337 --> 00:03:32,838

It's got to go

through her mouth.

00:03:32,963 --> 00:03:33,964

But it--

- Sorry, kid. Try again.

00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:35,382

Just five more dollars.

00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:36,884

Hey, give me

some money, Cartman.

00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:39,178

[laughs] Yeah.

- Give me money, fat boy.

00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:41,055

I only have $3 left,

asshole.

00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:42,765

Damn it, come on, I'll try

to get more money

00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,726

from my mom.

- Okay, everybody,

00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:48,020

it's time for

the Running of the Cows.

00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,355

[audience cheering]

00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:50,648

Ma, give me some money.

00:03:50,773 --> 00:03:51,690

Kyle,

what are you doing here?

00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,609

This is very dangerous.

00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,402

I need $17 so we can win

Terrance and Phillip dolls.

00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:56,904

- Kyle, get back

into the carnival this instant.

00:03:57,029 --> 00:03:58,614

You can't be out

on the streets.

00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,408

I will if you give me money.

- Okay, here.

00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:03,202

Sweet.

- Okay, everybody,

00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:05,746

okay, settle down.

Now, I know you're all anxious

00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,373

to get to

the Running of the Cows,

00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:09,291

but let me remind you

those brave souls

00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,252

who have decided to run

against the cows through town

00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:12,753

do so at they're own risk.

00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,755

I don't think

I have to remind you

00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,549

that three people died at last

year's Running of the Cows.

00:04:17,675 --> 00:04:19,718

[cheers and applause]

With that said,

00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,762

let's rock and roll!

00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,308

Everybody ready to run?

00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:30,020

Release the cows.

00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,481

[crowd screaming]

00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:33,816

They're loose.

00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,484

[mooing]

00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,736

[screaming]

00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:40,572

[mooing continues]

00:04:40,698 --> 00:04:43,409

[panicked panting, groans]

00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:44,618

[screaming]

00:04:44,743 --> 00:04:45,744

Yee-haa!

00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:50,040

Huh. Huh.

[whistles]

00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,458

[taunts]

00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:52,626

[screams]

00:04:55,087 --> 00:04:57,172

Okay, we've got

$15 between us.

00:04:57,298 --> 00:04:58,632

That means we get

9 balls to throw.

00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:00,634

I only need one, dude.

I only need one.

00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:03,721

Come one, come all,

get in line now

00:05:03,846 --> 00:05:06,181

for the Chamber of Farts.

00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:07,891

What's that?

- Dare you enter

00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:09,935

the Chamber of Farts?

- How much is it?

00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,603

Just three tickets, boys.

00:05:11,729 --> 00:05:14,940

Dare you enter

the Chamber of Farts?

00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,608

Is it like a haunted house

or something?

00:05:16,734 --> 00:05:18,485

Sure, it's very scary.

00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,195

Let's see,

each ticket is a $1,

00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,573

so three tickets

is like $2.25...

00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,450

No, we can't, dude,

we have to win

00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:26,327

the Terrance and Phillip dolls.

- Oh, come on, you guys.

00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:27,995

We still have plenty

of money left over.

00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,289

You'd better be right, dude.

- I'm right.

00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:35,085

Keep your hands

inside at all times.

00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,046

Okay.

00:05:38,464 --> 00:05:43,010

So, the Chamber of Farts

has another victim, eh?

00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:44,553

Don't be afraid.

00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,972

There aren't any ghouls here,

00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,350

only farts.

[farts]

00:05:49,475 --> 00:05:50,934

Ah, Goddamn it!

00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:54,855

[screams, farts]

00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,440

What the hell was that?

00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:59,401

Perhaps you need

some more farts!

00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,527

[farts]

00:06:01,945 --> 00:06:03,530

All right, boys.

Ride's over.

00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,282

That was the dumbest ride

I've ever seen.

00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:07,076

Yeah, what the hell kind

of carnival company are you?

00:06:07,201 --> 00:06:08,494

I don't know what

you guys are talking about.

00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:10,037

That scared the crap

out of me.

00:06:10,162 --> 00:06:11,997

That was a waste

of money, Cartman.

00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,832

Hey, if you guys want a great

ride, get in this line.

00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,250

It's only

seven tickets.

00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:17,086

We can't.

We're saving our money

00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,587

for the balls in Jennifer Love

Hewitt's mouth game.

00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,089

Kyle, will you relax,

you pink-eye!

00:06:20,214 --> 00:06:21,423

We have plenty of money.

00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,677

Come on, you guys,

it'll be sweet.

00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:35,145

[clock chimes]

Moo.

00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:43,779

Moo.

00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:54,957

This ride better be good.

00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,458

Yeah, this line

is way too long.

00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,419

I think we're almost

to the end.

00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,295

We'd better be. We've been

in line for almost an hour.

00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,798

Here we go.

- Finally.

00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,341

Did you enjoy

the ride?

00:07:04,466 --> 00:07:06,051

What ride?

- Yeah.

00:07:06,176 --> 00:07:08,011

This was the line ride,

a real-life simulator

00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:09,596

of a long line.

00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,265

[groans]

You've gotta be kidding me.

00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:12,891

That's five tickets.

Thank you very much.

00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,309

Come see us again soon.

00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:15,769

My ass, we will.

00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,729

Well, Cartman,

this is just my opinion,

00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:19,773

but I think the line ride

sucked donkey balls.

00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:21,316

Yeah, let's not

ride that ride again.

00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:22,860

Would you like to buy

a photo of you boys

00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:25,612

enjoying the line ride?

00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,573

How much?

- Just three dollars.

00:07:27,698 --> 00:07:29,241

Oh, that's pretty sweet.

00:07:29,366 --> 00:07:31,243

You dumb ass, Cartman.

- What? This is cool.

00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:32,744

No, it's not cool.

- Is too!

00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:34,580

Can I help you boys?

00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:36,457

We're gonna try win those

Terrance and Phillip dolls.

00:07:36,582 --> 00:07:38,292

Okay, $5 for three balls.

00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:40,335

How much do we

have left, Cartman?

00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:42,421

How much do we have

left, Cartman?

00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:44,506

Uh, $3.

- What?!

00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:46,258

You said we had

plenty of money, Cartman.

00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,926

Yeah, but I didn't take

into account the fact

00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:49,845

that I suck at math.

- You son of a bitch!

00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,096

[both screaming]

00:07:56,643 --> 00:07:58,187

Well, Cartman thanks to you,

we don't have any money left

00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:01,023

to win the Terrance

and Phillip dolls.

00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,274

Well, I'm sorry.

- Sorry's not good enough.

00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:04,067

What are you gonna

do about it?

00:08:04,193 --> 00:08:05,777

Hey, I bet Kenny has some

food stamps on him.

00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:07,404

[mumbles]

00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,114

Sir, will you take

food stamps for three balls?

00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:10,657

Sure as long as they're good.

00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,117

Give him your

food stamps, Kenny.

00:08:12,242 --> 00:08:13,619

[muffled] Uh-uh.

- Come on, dude.

00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:17,498

I can do it. I'm sure.

- [mumbling]

00:08:17,623 --> 00:08:19,166

- Damn it, Kenny, don't be

such a food stamp hog!

00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,919

Share with the rest

of your friends!

00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:24,630

Okay, here we go.

00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:27,799

Hey, that was right on target.

- Sorry, kid, try again.

00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,095

That does it,

shenanigans, shenanigans!

00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:33,639

What are you doing?

00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:35,140

I'm declaring

shenanigans on you.

00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:36,558

This game is rigged.

- Shenanigans?

00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,352

What's all the hoo-ha?

00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,978

Officer Barbrady,

I wanna declare shenanigans

00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,563

on this carnival operator.

- Why?

00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:43,065

This game is fixed.

The balls are bigger

00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,691

than Jennifer Love Hewitt's

mouth.

00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,735

If that is true,

then your declaration

00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,904

of shenanigans is just.

00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,989

What do you have to say,

carnival operator?

00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,449

Look, the kid was

really close.

00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:53,700

He still has

another ball left.

00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,994

Let's try again, son.

00:08:56,119 --> 00:08:57,120

Here ya go.

00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,041

There, ya see?

We have a winner.

00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,293

It worked.

- Young man, you can't just go

00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,254

declaring shenanigans

on innocent people.

00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:06,880

That's how wars get started.

00:09:07,005 --> 00:09:08,799

Sorry, Officer Butt-baby.

- Barbrady.

00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:09,925

Oh, I'm sorry.

What did I say?

00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,344

You said Butt-baby.

00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:15,347

[all laughing]

- Okay, kid, you won.

00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,932

You get to pick between

the Barbie pocket mirror

00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,976

and the Bon Jovi toothpick.

00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:20,894

No, dude, I want the Terrance

and Phillip dolls up there.

00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,647

Oh, no, you got to win

7 times to earn those.

00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:25,607

What?

- You win 7 Bon Jovi

00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,109

toothpicks,

then you can trade them in

00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:28,318

for the Terrance and Phillip

dolls.

00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:29,861

You dirty son of a bitch!

00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:31,113

You never told us

that we had to--

00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:33,073

- Step on up, just $5 to play.

00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,741

Damn it,

I have to have those dolls!

00:09:34,866 --> 00:09:36,577

This is hopeless.

We're never gonna have

00:09:36,702 --> 00:09:38,745

enough money to win.

- Wait a minute, I've got it.

00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,581

The bull riding contest.

00:09:40,706 --> 00:09:43,166

Cartman could ride a bull

and try to win $5,000.

00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:46,086

Think about it, dude,

$5,000!

00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:49,256

That's 1,000 set of balls.

That's 3,000 balls.

00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:51,174

We'd have to win

enough to get the dolls.

00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,093

What the hell makes you think

Cartman rides a bull?

00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:54,928

Because you spent

all of our money

00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:56,305

on those stupid rides,

fat ass.

00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:57,806

Now, either

you're getting on a bull

00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,309

or I'm gonna break your

fucking head open.

00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:02,311

Okay,

I'll get on the bull.

00:10:02,436 --> 00:10:03,812

All right.

Now come on,

00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,480

you have to practice.

00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:08,025

He really wants those dolls.

- I guess, damn.

00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:12,279

That ride

wasn't very good.

00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,948

Now, Mary, you promised me

we'd try to have a good time.

00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,742

You're right.

I'm sorry, honey.

00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,619

I'll try and have

a good time.

00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,672

[bell chimes]

Moo, moo.

00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,467

[all] Moo, moo.

00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:40,766

All right, this mechanical

bull is gonna help you

00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,601

practice for the real thing,

Cartman.

00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,227

Hey, this is sweet.

- You got to try and stay on

00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:45,854

for ten seconds, okay,

Cartman?

00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,731

I'll try, ten seconds

is a long time.

00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,024

We'll start on

the slowest setting

00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,484

and work our way up.

Ready, go.

00:10:50,609 --> 00:10:52,319

[bull whirring]

[Cartman grunts]

00:10:52,444 --> 00:10:55,489

Ah, son of a bitch.

00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:57,324

How long was that?

- That wasn't ten seconds.

00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,993

Damn it! That wasn't

ten seconds, Cartman.

00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,036

You have to do

better than that.

00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,163

[mumbles] My back.

00:11:03,288 --> 00:11:04,915

Get back on, fat ass.

You have to practice.

00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,793

[mumbling]

Help.

00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:10,045

Screw you guys,

I hate you guys.

00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,129

What did you say,

Cartman?

00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:13,048

[forced] Hate you guys.

00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:14,716

- I think he said he wants

to practice on a real bull.

00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:15,842

Hate you guys.

00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:27,354

[cows mooing]

00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:34,111

Be careful with old Bob,

here.

00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:35,779

He ain't much

for riding anymore,

00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,698

but he's all I got.

- Well, he'll have to do.

00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:39,324

Cartman has to get some

practice with a real bull.

00:11:39,449 --> 00:11:40,951

Well, have fun, boys.

00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:42,911

Okay, Cartman, you ready?

- Na.

00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:44,162

Open the gate.

00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,670

Oh, yeah, God damn,

this is my kind of bull ride.

00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,672

That bull sucks, he's not

even bucking or anything.

00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,550

Yeah, this is sweet.

- What are you gonna do?

00:11:56,675 --> 00:11:58,009

- Hit the bull in the balls

with a snowball.

00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,928

- Oh, yeah,

that's a good idea.

00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,597

[bull grunts]

- [screaming]

00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:04,224

That's better.

- Hold on, Cartman.

00:12:04,349 --> 00:12:06,643

[screaming]

00:12:06,768 --> 00:12:09,354

Jane, stop this

crazy thing!

00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:10,856

Motherfu--

00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:14,818

Get up, Cartman, you're still

not staying on long enough.

00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,778

Come on, Cartman.

00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,739

[muffled] Oh, my God!

They killed Cartman!

00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:20,282

No, we didn't kill him.

He's still breathing.

00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,743

Get up!

00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,995

Get up!

- [groans]

00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,081

You okay, dude?

00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:31,710

[echoes]

Cartman, hello? Hello.

00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:33,962

[groans]

00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,338

Dude, I think we broke him.

00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:39,259

Boys, I'm afraid

your fat little friend

00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,178

has suffered head trauma.

- What's the matter with him?

00:12:41,303 --> 00:12:43,388

Well, apparently,

he thinks he's a Vietnamese

00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:45,766

prostitute named Ming Lee.

- Oh.

00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:47,476

But can he still ride a bull?

- What?

00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:49,144

We need him to win

the bull riding contest

00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,604

so we can get

Terrance and Phillip dolls.

00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:52,189

Can he still do it?

- No, boys.

00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:53,440

You need to take him home

and let him get

00:12:53,565 --> 00:12:55,901

plenty of sleep.

- Damn it!

00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,652

[monitors beeping]

Cartman, Cartman?

00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,405

Can you hear me?

- [speaking in Vietnamese]

00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,450

What?

- [speaking in Vietnamese]

00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,453

Oh, he's fine, dude.

- You think?

00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,288

[speaking in Vietnamese]

00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,207

Oh, yeah, dude, let's get

his ass to the rodeo.

00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:13,752

All right, damn it,

we're not gonna stand for this.

00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:16,254

Now who ever stole

our Golden Cow Memorial,

00:13:16,379 --> 00:13:18,924

we're gonna find you

and kill you!

00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:24,346

All right, how about this?

00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:26,640

Whoever took the sacred cow,

just please return him

00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:28,642

and there'll be

no questions asked.

00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,521

Wait a minute,

you folks from out of town,

00:13:32,646 --> 00:13:34,815

you're the only ones

with a reason to take

00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,733

our beloved cow memorial.

00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,860

Where are we going

to put a 60-foot tall

00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:41,279

statue of a cow?

- Well, I think maybe

00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,782

you'll answer that

downtown, tourist.

00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,200

Oh, my God!

00:13:47,118 --> 00:13:48,703

How's he doing?

- He still thinks he's

00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:52,791

a Vietnamese prostitute.

- [speaking Vietnamese]

00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:54,167

Do you think he can

ride the bull?

00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:56,419

Yeah, I think so.

- Cool.

00:13:56,545 --> 00:13:58,004

Hello. Hello.

[speaks Vietnamese]

00:13:58,129 --> 00:13:59,381

Soldier boy?

Hey, soldier boy?

00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,174

Huh?

- Hello, soldier boy.

00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,301

Me so horny.

Me love you long time.

00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,053

Go away, kid,

you're grossing me out.

00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,973

[speaking Vietnamese]

Suckie, suckie.

00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,517

Beat it, kid.

Come on, honey.

00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:12,519

Come one, come all,

the Chamber of Farts

00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,271

has been fixed

and is reopened.

00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:15,897

[overlapping excited chatter]

00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,692

Jesus, dude.

- Hey, where's Cartman?

00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,652

Oh, hell.

- [mumbling]

00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:22,320

Kenny, you go find Cartman.

We have to sign him up

00:14:22,445 --> 00:14:23,780

for the bull ride.

- [muffled] Okay.

00:14:25,740 --> 00:14:27,200

Oh, it's so cold here.

00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:30,161

Where is that Sheriff?

We need water.

00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,122

- Oh, well, let's try to

make the best of it, Mary.

00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:34,708

You're right.

We're not being positive.

00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,376

At least we get

some time alone.

00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,295

Yeah, and at least

we've got our health.

00:14:38,420 --> 00:14:39,921

[rats squeak]

00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,256

I'll tell you, Mitchell,

00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,382

I ain't never seen

nothing like it.

00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:43,758

Where are they again?

00:14:43,884 --> 00:14:46,094

Just right up

over this ridge.

00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:51,266

[cows mooing]

00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,146

That's what they've

been doing all morning,

00:14:56,271 --> 00:14:57,439

just sitting there

and mooing.

00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,065

And more cows

come all the time.

00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:01,234

Well, I ain't never

seen this before, neither,

00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,652

But I know one thing, when

cows start getting together,

00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,112

it can't be good.

00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:06,281

They might start

forming a cult.

00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:07,782

Hmm, cow cult.

00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:13,496

Here it is, the granddaddy

of them all.

00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:16,458

The South Park Cow Days rodeo!

[cheers and applause]

00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,251

Let's begin

the bull riding event,

00:15:18,376 --> 00:15:20,879

grand prize $5,000.

00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,505

[cheers and applause]

00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:24,299

Kenny,

where the hell is Cartman?

00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,508

- [mumbling]

I don't know can't find him.

00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:26,885

- He's up in

like 20 minutes.

00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,470

- [mumbling]

00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:32,098

- [speaking Vietnamese]

- There he is.

00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,267

- Suckie, suckie, $5.

00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,443

- There they are,

just like we told you.

00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,742

- Okay, that's enough of that.

You cows need to disperse?

00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:54,245

All right, bad cows,

did ya hear me?

00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:56,164

Bad cows!

00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:58,375

All right, Ned, you're gonna

have to bust out the whip.

00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,919

[whip cracks]

- Haiyaaa.

00:16:01,044 --> 00:16:05,215

Get along, little doggies.

[cows mooing]

00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:08,176

Bad cows, stay.

Stay.

00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:09,511

[cows mooing]

00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,887

Ah!

00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,806

- Holy crow.

Play dead, Ned.

00:16:12,931 --> 00:16:15,016

- I reckon we should

get some help.

00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,685

- I reckon.

00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:18,645

- Don't be nervous, Cartman,

this is gonna be cake!

00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,355

- Yeah, and then those Terrance

and Phillip dolls will be ours.

00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,856

- Suckie, suckie, $5?

00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:23,483

- Up first, number 24,

00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,777

Jack McMac!

[audience cheering]

00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,405

Three, two, one!

00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:30,073

- Yeehaw!

[grunting]

00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:31,908

[bull groaning]

Yeehaw!

00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,077

[screams, grunts]

00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:37,956

Oh, that's gonna cost him

a point deduction.

00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:40,542

Up next number 14,

Ming Lee!

00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,711

$10, $8, you give me

$8, soldier boy!

00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,295

Here we go!

00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:46,089

Dude, I'm having second

thoughts about this.

00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,590

What do you mean?

- I'm starting to think that

00:16:47,716 --> 00:16:49,092

maybe it's wrong

to put someone who thinks

00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:50,135

they're a Vietnamese prostitute

on a bull.

00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,553

Let her go!

00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,096

[screaming gibberish]

00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,181

Suckie, suckie!

- Hang on, Cartman!

00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:58,685

Whoa,

and this Vietnamese prostitute

00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,061

can really ride a bull!

00:17:00,186 --> 00:17:01,604

I guess she's had

a lot of practice,

00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:03,231

if you know what I mean.

00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,942

Ah! $10!

[cheers and applause]

00:17:06,067 --> 00:17:07,485

$10, soldier boy!

00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,320

She's setting

a new world record!

00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:11,990

[all chanting]

Ming Lee! Ming Lee! Ming Lee!

00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:15,243

[screams, grunts]

00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,453

Dude, that bull's

gonna kill him.

00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,997

Go help him, Kenny!

00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:20,790

[mumbling]

00:17:20,915 --> 00:17:22,417

[muffled scream]

00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,127

Oh, my God!

They killed Kenny!

00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:25,253

You bastards!

00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,339

And this brave,

little whore from the East

00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,383

has really put on

a show for us today.

00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,385

The winner of

the bull riding contest...

00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:35,555

Ming Lee!

- Oh, suckie, suckie. Only $10.

00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:36,765

[cheers and applause]

00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:37,974

We did it, dude!

We did it!

00:17:40,810 --> 00:17:42,562

[guns cocking]

00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:45,648

Freeze, cows!

The game is over!

00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:49,652

You will now return

to your respective towns.

00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,237

Ya hear that, cows?

00:17:51,362 --> 00:17:53,615

You're surrounded,

there's no way out!

00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,325

You will now all march

00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:58,369

in an orderly fashion

into this trailer!

00:17:58,495 --> 00:17:59,788

Move!

00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:04,084

[gentle music]

00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:05,627

♪♪

00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,754

Hey, where's she going?

00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:10,507

That's the wrong way,

you stupid cow!

00:18:12,217 --> 00:18:14,177

Oh, dear Jesus, no!

00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,262

[cow moos]

00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:17,430

No!

00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:20,141

[cows mooing]

00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:21,976

They're killing themselves!

00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,937

Stop, please!

00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:26,022

[mooing continues]

00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,941

Can't we do anything?

00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:32,487

Oh, God! The humanity, Ned!

The humanity.

00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,573

This is the first mass

cow suicide I've seen in...

00:18:35,698 --> 00:18:36,699

at least 8 months.

00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:42,163

Ah, you boys are

back again, huh?

00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,332

Yeah, and we have

$5,000 this time.

00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:45,458

How many balls

does that get us?

00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:46,918

[speaking Vietnamese]

00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:49,087

I'll tell you what, boys,

00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:51,047

I'm gonna be really nice

and just...

00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:53,675

Trade you the 5,000 for the

Terrance and Phillip dolls.

00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,093

You will?

- Wow.

00:18:55,218 --> 00:18:57,554

Why'd you get so cool

all of a sudden?

00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,222

We did it!

You see, Cartman?

00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:00,765

You won us the Terrance

and Phillip dolls.

00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,475

$10?

Suckie, suckie?

00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,269

What should we do with them?

- We should--

00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:06,855

What the...?

00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,106

Dude, these dolls

are cheap rip-offs.

00:19:08,231 --> 00:19:10,066

After all that?

Shenanigans!

00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,734

Shenanigans!

Shenanigans!

00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,319

What's all this?

00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,029

Officer Barbrady,

I would like to reinstate

00:19:15,155 --> 00:19:16,364

my previous shenanigans.

00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,866

This whole carnival

is a rip-off.

00:19:17,991 --> 00:19:19,701

You know, excuse me,

but I agree.

00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:21,202

These rides are really stupid.

00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,745

Chamber of Farts

isn't scary at all.

00:19:22,871 --> 00:19:24,539

Yeah, and the food

is terrible.

00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,958

Hey, it's just a stupid

rodeo! What do you expect?

00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,376

[overlapping shouting]

00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,295

Okay, okay,

let's calm down.

00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:32,672

People of South Park,

do you declare shenanigans

00:19:32,797 --> 00:19:34,924

on the carnival people?

all: Yes!

00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,926

Okay, carnival people,

do you accept

00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:39,220

this decree of shenanigan?

00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,181

What the hell

are you talking about?

00:19:41,306 --> 00:19:42,599

This whole town is screwy.

00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:44,184

Well, that settles it.

00:19:44,309 --> 00:19:46,769

Everybody grab a broom,

it's shenanigans!

00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:49,898

[angry shouting]

00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,527

[grunting]

00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,779

You found it!

You found the memorial!

00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:58,531

Yeah.

- And the cows?

00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,533

Are they all back, too?

- They're dead, Mayor.

00:20:00,658 --> 00:20:02,452

They're all dead.

- What?

00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:04,078

[crying]

Oh, it was awful.

00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:06,289

Cow after cow

taking its own life.

00:20:06,414 --> 00:20:09,209

And we could do nothing

to stop them! Oh, God!

00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,252

Well, perhaps one day

cows will learn

00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,463

that cults are

never a good thing.

00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:16,507

I hope so, Mayor,

I hope so.

00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,968

God, I need a cold beer

and a burger.

00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:20,970

What's all

the ruckus over there?

00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:22,680

[indistinct shouting]

00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:24,682

Sounds like somebody

declared shenanigans.

00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:26,601

Oh, hell, I have to run home

and get my broom.

00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,689

- All right,

you damned carnival people,

00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,483

into jail with...

Oh?

00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:36,236

[rats squeaking]

- Hey, aren't those the people

00:20:36,361 --> 00:20:37,946

we at first thought

took the wooden cow?

00:20:38,071 --> 00:20:40,907

- Yeah.

- Didn't we ever release them?

00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:43,159

- I forgot all about them.

- Me, too.

00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,536

- Oh, my God,

Officer Barbrady,

00:20:45,662 --> 00:20:47,413

you never had

Tom and Mary in the cell.

00:20:47,538 --> 00:20:49,499

- I didn't?

- No, no, in fact,

00:20:49,624 --> 00:20:50,708

they never

came to South Park.

00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:52,252

We've never heard of them.

00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:54,504

- Aaahh, phew,

I feel a lot better then.

00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:56,381

Although, I could've swore

that I had heard of them

00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:58,341

and they starved

to death in my prison.

00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,261

- Say, Terrance,

let's look for treasure.

00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:03,012

- Oh, good idea, Phillip,

let's look for treasure.

00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:04,597

- What are you guys doing?

00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:05,974

- Oh, hey, Cartman

how are you feeling?

00:21:06,099 --> 00:21:07,850

- Pretty good,

except I had

00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,228

the weirdest dream last night.

- Really, what about?

00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:13,022

- Well, I dreamt that

I was a poor Vietnamese girl,

00:21:13,147 --> 00:21:15,149

and then you guys made me

ride a big scary bull,

00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:17,110

and then Leonardo DiCaprio

gave me a spanking

00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:19,487

for several hours.

Hey, how did you guys win

00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:20,905

all those

Terrance and Phillip dolls?

00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:24,242

- Oh, nowhere.

[both laugh]

00:21:24,367 --> 00:21:26,160

- Wait a minute,

you guys did make me

00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:27,495

ride that bull!

- No.

00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:28,746

Cartman,

that was just a dream.

00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,666

- Bye, Ming Lee.

Thanks again.

00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,253

Ha, ha, ha.

00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:38,047

Son of a bitch!