Роджеру Эберту следует отказаться от жирной пищи

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And I'm Matt Stone, and

we're doing what we do best...

00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:11,846

Bakin' bacon with Macon!

00:00:11,971 --> 00:00:13,639

That's right,

and here to help us

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is our old buddy, Macon.

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Nobody likes bakin' bacon

more than Macon.

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That's true,

if someone's bakin' bacon,

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Macon's heart starts breaking

if he's forsaken.

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Well, today we're gonna

make a bacon dish

00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:26,152

that you kids

can all make at home,

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Western Iowa Bacon Casserole.

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First off,

let's cook the bacon.

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Butter.

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Bacon.

Salt.

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Mmm, that smells good.

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You like that, Macon?

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You better give Macon

his treat.

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Oh, right.

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Now, what we've done

for Macon is,

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we've taken some bacon

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and we've wrapped it around

some pork sausages.

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This is one of Macon's

favorite treats.

00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,511

All right, buddy.

Here you go, here you go.

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Yeah!

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Come on, come on.

00:00:57,767 --> 00:00:59,435

Once the bacon is done,

we chop it up

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and then get a casserole dish

00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:01,937

where we add

our other ingredients.

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That's right.

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Frozen hash browns

on the bottom.

00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:06,525

Bacon in the middle.

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Some processed cheese item.

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More bacon.

- More bacon.

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- And then we're gonna

top it all off with bacon.

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Now, we're gonna bake this

for 30 minutes at 450 degrees.

00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,665

And while we're waiting,

let's watch

00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:23,250

our favorite episode

of "South Park."

00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:25,127

It's all about the boys'

haunting trip

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to the planetarium and

Cartman's quest to be a star.

00:01:27,046 --> 00:01:28,380

That's right, you know,

most people don't know it,

00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,382

but this episode

is actually a parody

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of an old "Star Trek" episode

called "Dagger of the Mind."

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And so that's why we decided

to call this episode

00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:37,765

"Roger Ebert Should Eat

Less Fatty Foods."

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Enjoy the show,

and we'll be back

00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,771

with Western Idaho

Bacon Casserole.

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♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:01:59,245 --> 00:02:00,955

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,748

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,208

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:05,960

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:02:06,085 --> 00:02:07,670

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,380

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:10,881

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,591

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:17,471

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,974

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:02:20,099 --> 00:02:22,184

Well, Detective, it looks

like you fooled them again.

00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,270

All in a day's work,

I guess.

00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:26,397

I just hope that next time

I don't have to run so much.

00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:29,817

Okay, children,

what do you think

00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:31,610

Barnaby Jones meant

when he said,

00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,363

"This is not

a victimless crime"?

00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,823

Anybody?

00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,741

Children,

were you paying attention?

00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,451

Mr. Garrison,

we've been watching

00:02:39,577 --> 00:02:40,828

"Barnaby Jones" repeats

for eight days now.

00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:42,371

It's hard to keep

paying attention.

00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,248

Oh, well, excuse me, Kyle.

00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,292

Why don't you just forget

what Barnaby Jones has to say?

00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:48,210

Why don't you not pay attention

to Barnaby Jones,

00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,337

and then let's see how far

you get in society.

00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,173

Okay, Stanley,

why don't you tell us

00:02:52,298 --> 00:02:54,466

how Barnaby Jones knew

the poison was in the milk?

00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:55,509

Can't we just be like

normal third graders

00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,011

for a little while?

00:02:57,136 --> 00:02:58,762

Oh, and what do you

consider normal?

00:02:58,888 --> 00:03:00,222

I don't know,

like learn about art and music

00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,682

and go on field trips

and stuff.

00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,601

Yeah!

- Well, Mr. Smarty-Pants,

00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,562

it just so happens we are going

on a field trip tomorrow.

00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:07,730

Hooray!

- To where?

00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,106

To the planetarium.

00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:10,357

Aww!

00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,067

Planetariums suck.

00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:13,694

Oh, now, what's wrong

with a planetarium?

00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,362

It's boring.

00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:16,697

Yeah, all the constellations

look alike.

00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,699

Well, too bad,

you're all going

00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,409

to the planetarium tomorrow,

and you're all gonna love it.

00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,661

In the meantime,

we're gonna watch episode #203,

00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,914

"Barnaby Under Siege."

00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,457

Oh, sorry,

I taped these at home,

00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:28,250

so there's more commercials.

00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,960

Hey, kids,

do you love Cheesy Poofs?

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Yes.

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Well, Cheesy Poofs

is looking for a kid

00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,466

to sing the happy

Cheesy Poofs song.

00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,343

Watch for our talent van

as it goes around the country.

00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:39,011

I can sing

the Cheesy Poofs song!

00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,763

If you win,

you could be picked

00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,556

to be in our next

Cheesy Poof commercial.

00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,183

So remember...

♪ I love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,976

♪ You love "Cheesy Poofs" ♪

00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,061

♪ If we didn't eat

Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:49,438

♪ We'd be lame ♪

00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,898

Okay, children,

let's quiet down

00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:52,274

so the nice bus driver

00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,068

can concentrate on the road.

00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:55,945

That ain't how you do it!

You do it like this!

00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,280

Sit down and shut up!

00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,823

Ow, Jesus, lady!

00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:02,493

Whoa!

- This is the planetarium!

00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:04,870

Watch your step on the way down

so as not to hurt yourselves!

00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,622

Ow.

00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,457

Okay, children, now,

I'm going to remind you

00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,918

that this is a planetarium,

not a Bangkok brothel.

00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,461

Let's behave ourselves.

00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,129

Does your child have

what it takes

00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:15,714

to be the next

Cheesy Poofs anthem singer?

00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,174

Hey, there it is!

00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,384

We're going

around the country

00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,052

to find the kid who can sing

00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,553

the Cheesy Poofs song

better than anybody.

00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:23,097

I can sing

the Cheesy Poofs song

00:04:23,222 --> 00:04:25,140

with both hands tied

behind my back.

00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:26,934

- You couldn't get both your

arms behind your back, fat-ass.

00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:28,686

Come on, Eric, we're going

to the planetarium.

00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:29,728

But I have to go sing

the Cheesy Poofs song

00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,188

for that talent van!

00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:32,856

No, you have to go

in this building

00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:34,066

and see a bunch of stupid

stars, now, come on.

00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:42,116

Hello, children.

My name is Dr. Adams.

00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:44,410

Welcome to the planet-arium.

00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:46,203

I thought it was planetarium?

00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:48,330

Well, it is,

but I have a bone disease

00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,957

which impedes my ability

00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:52,001

to pronounce the "T"

in planet-arium.

00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:54,003

That's a pretty weird

bone disease.

00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:57,089

Yes, perhaps someday I can

get a bone marrow transplant.

00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,966

Yes, little boy?

00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:00,801

How long is that Cheesy Poof

van gonna be outside?

00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:02,636

Well, I don't know,

but anyway, boys and girls,

00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,556

soon you'll be witnessing

the wonders of the universe.

00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:08,726

But first I want to show you

how the planet-arium works.

00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:11,103

As if we care?

00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,771

Hey, who are you?

00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:15,399

Little Missy here runs

the big projector for us.

00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:17,192

I love my work.

00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,861

Wow, dude,

you're only as old as us.

00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,863

Shouldn't you be in school?

- I love my work.

00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,659

Come on, let's get into

the planet-arium, shall we?

00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:28,996

Good morning, children, and

welcome to the planet-arium.

00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,373

We're going on a fascinating

ride through the universe.

00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,375

So I want you to lean back

00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,918

in your chairs

and get comfortable.

00:05:35,044 --> 00:05:36,420

This is stupid.

00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:37,921

And now

I'm going to dim the lights

00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:41,091

and let the stars... come out.

00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,010

Whoopee.

00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:45,804

Here we see the constellation

called the Big Dipper.

00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:49,391

If I project a drawing

of a big dipper on top of it...

00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,353

we see where this constellation

gets its name.

00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:54,980

These stars over here

form the constellation

00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:56,857

of Taurus, the bull.

00:05:56,982 --> 00:06:00,986

While these stars form

the constellation Roger Ebert.

00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,821

And these two little stars

over here

00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:05,908

form the constellation

the Crusades.

00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,911

Now, stars are actually

made of hot gas,

00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,621

which is exactly what

comes out of--

00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,122

Ah, man, screw this.

00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,168

And now breathe deep

as the stars

00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:19,922

slowly start to move

in little circles.

00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:23,342

I know you think

planet-ariums are boring,

00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:27,137

but I'm gonna try to change

the way you think about that.

00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,764

♪ You love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:29,765

♪ If we didn't eat

Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:30,849

♪ We'd be lame ♪

00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,101

That was great, Tommy!

00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,227

Tommy Frets from Torey Pines.

00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:34,895

He could be our winner.

00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,897

Excuse me, but I do believe

that sucked ass.

00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,482

Oh, and what's your name,

little boy?

00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:39,942

Eric Cartman.

00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:40,943

All right,

here's Eric Cartman

00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,236

giving it a shot.

00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,280

♪ I love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,074

♪ You love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:48,784

♪ If we didn't eat

Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:52,037

♪ We'd be... lame! ♪

00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,539

♪ I'm talking "Night Court ♪

00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:57,334

♪ In its fifth season"

lame... ♪

00:06:57,459 --> 00:07:00,754

Wow!

- That's right, suck on that.

00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,923

Well, kids, how did you

like the planetarium?

00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:04,591

Oh, man,

I don't feel so good.

00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:07,177

Me neither!

But I loved the planetarium.

00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,846

Me too. It was sweet.

00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,639

Really? What did you like

best about it?

00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,224

I don't know.

00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,517

I don't even remember

what happened.

00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:15,018

Wait a minute, where is Eric?

00:07:15,144 --> 00:07:16,728

I did it! I did it!

- Did what?

00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,397

I got a callback

for the Cheesy Poofs song!

00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,274

You snuck off

and sang that stupid song?

00:07:20,399 --> 00:07:21,942

Yeah, dude, but I got

in the finals for tomorrow!

00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,194

Good-bye, children.

Thanks for visiting.

00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,696

Don't forget,

we have laser rock shows

00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:27,781

at night here

at the planet-arium.

00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:32,286

This week it's laser Kenny

Loggins and laser James Taylor.

00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,288

My head still feels funny.

- Yeah, mine too.

00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:36,999

Hey, guys, when I'm doing

the Cheesy Poof commercials,

00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,001

I bet I get all the free

Cheesy Poofs I want.

00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,544

Like you really need it,

hippo ass.

00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:41,879

It's sad how jealous

you are, Kyle.

00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:43,172

It really is.

00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,175

Whoa, dude,

who the hell are you?

00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,428

My... name... is...

Van Gelder.

00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:51,138

Van Gelder? What the hell

are you doing on our bus?

00:07:51,263 --> 00:07:52,931

Mr. Garrison,

there's some freaky kid

00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,683

from the planetarium

on our bus!

00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:55,851

Oh, great, well,

I guess we have to go back.

00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,769

No! Don't go back! No!

00:07:57,895 --> 00:07:59,938

Hey, be careful, asshole.

00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,566

Don't take me back there!

Can't! Can't!

00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:05,110

All right, dude.

Mellow out! Jeez.

00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,613

We better get him

to the nurse's office, stat.

00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,700

Ah! The planetarium!

00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,411

I'll give him a painkiller.

That should calm him down.

00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,413

No! No painkiller!

I'll be okay.

00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,748

Okay, Van Gelder?

00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:19,583

Mm-kay, I'm Counselor Mackey.

00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,543

Have you been

smoking mari-ju-ana?

00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,545

Mari-ju-ana's bad, mm-kay?

00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,590

Must tell...

the machine...

00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,842

the machine is...

00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,511

I've never seen

anything like this.

00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:31,929

What do you think, Principal?

00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,263

Well,

whatever happened to him,

00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,723

happened at the planetarium.

00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,767

Ah! Planetarium!

- I think tonight

00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:38,977

the planetarium's doing

laser Loggins.

00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,313

I might have to check it out.

00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:46,193

♪ I'm turning it loose ♪

00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:47,986

♪ Footloose ♪

00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,696

♪ Kick off

the Sunday shoes ♪

00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,532

Oh, man, this is boring!

00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:53,951

Yeah, who the heck finds

this stuff interesting?

00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:55,827

Dude, this is totally killer.

00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,789

I hope this goes on

for, like, seven months, man.

00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:01,083

♪ Come on before we crack ♪

00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:05,587

You will not remember

what happens here.

00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:09,550

To remember it

will cause incredible pain.

00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:12,302

Incredible pain!

00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:15,681

Incredible, icky pain!

00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:17,558

Dude, I'm totally tripping.

- Dude, this is totally killer.

00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:23,939

Okay, children,

today we're going to learn

00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:27,067

all about Japanese poems

called "haiku."

00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,778

A haiku is just like

a normal American poem

00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,614

except that it doesn't rhyme

and it's totally stupid.

00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,492

For example...

uh, where's Eric Cartman?

00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,452

That's a haiku?

- No, I'm asking why

00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,580

Eric Cartman isn't at school.

- Oh.

00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:41,290

Was he on the school bus

this morning?

00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:42,499

No.

00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:43,917

♪ Fat ass Cartman was ♪

00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:45,168

♪ Not on the school bus today ♪

00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:46,628

♪ What a big fat turd ♪

00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,505

Oh, very good haiku, Kyle.

00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,424

Yes, haikus have

five syllables,

00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,384

then seven, then five.

00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,261

Kenny, can you give us

another example?

00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:02,603

What's a discharge?

00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,187

Mr. Garrison,

since haikus suck so much ass,

00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,023

can we go back

to the planetarium again?

00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:07,357

Yeah, I want to go

to the planetarium again, too.

00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:08,817

But you were just there.

00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,278

Why do you want to go again

so soon?

00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:12,863

Yeah, why do we want

to go again so soon?

00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,448

I don't know.

00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:16,074

I just have this sudden

urge to go back.

00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,659

Well, I guess

we could go again,

00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,578

since it's just down

the street.

00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:20,871

Well, hello!

00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,289

It's all my little friends,

00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,749

with all their little dreams.

00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,584

Eric, where have you been?

00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,628

Let's see, where have I been?

Where have I been?

00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:28,879

Where have you been, Cartman?

00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,088

Well, I might have been over

00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,757

at the Cheesy Poof callback

00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:34,551

winning regional championships!

00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,970

This is my regional

championship certificate.

00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,889

Do you like it?

00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:41,183

Hey, Where's your regional

champion certificate, Clyde?

00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,976

Oh, you don't have one?

00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,437

Hmm... do you have

a regional certificate, Wendy?

00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:48,148

No? Apparently, only I do!

00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,524

♪ Ass full of pork fat ♪

00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,109

♪ Jiggles like a Jell-O mold ♪

00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,819

♪ Mouth is flapping too ♪

00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:55,030

Your haiku insults have

no effect on me, Kyle.

00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,448

I'm regional champion.

00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,658

Does that mean

you're gonna be in

00:10:57,783 --> 00:10:59,159

that Cheesy Poof commercial?

00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,786

It's between me

and four other kids.

00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,245

I'm on my way now

with my mom to the finals.

00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:03,747

♪ I bet you don't win ♪

00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,499

♪ They don't let

big fat asses ♪

00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,417

♪ Perform on TV ♪

00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,920

Very good, Kyle.

- ♪ Shut your goddamn mouth ♪

00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,839

♪ Or else I'm gonna...

kick you ♪

00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:16,718

♪ Square in the balls...

asshole ♪

00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,179

Oh, damn it!

00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,722

How's he doing, nurse?

00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:21,973

He's stable,

but I still can't get

00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:23,058

any information out of him.

00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,101

I'm gonna sedate him now.

00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:25,727

No! No drugs!

00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,270

Drugs are good, mm-kay?

00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:29,940

Don't let them go...

planetarium!

00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,566

Why, Van Gelder?

00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:32,984

The machine...

the machine is--

00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:35,696

The machine is... ah?

00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:37,364

That's probably bad.

00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:39,408

- He's been talking about

"the machine" for hours.

00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,243

That and Daisy Fuentes.

00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,745

Why? Why, "America's

Funniest Home Videos," why?

00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,748

There's only one way

to get any sense out of him.

00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,167

We're gonna have to try

a mind meld, mm-kay?

00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:50,794

A what?

00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,754

It's an ancient technique

handed down

00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,424

from school counselor

to school counselor.

00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:58,385

I don't like to use it,

but it may be our only hope.

00:11:58,510 --> 00:11:59,928

Well, what will you need?

00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,389

Just time to prepare, Nurse.

00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,391

Just time.

00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,601

Mm-kay?

00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:09,896

Well, children, I'm so glad

you came back to learn more.

00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,523

They just begged

to come back.

00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,358

I couldn't get them

to shut up about it.

00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,402

- Well, I'm sure we're gonna

have a marvelous time.

00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:16,695

Won't we, children?

00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,321

Yes.

00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:22,409

This way, please.

- Enjoy your visit.

00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,745

Billions of stars

and billions of galaxies

00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,580

make up our universe.

00:12:26,705 --> 00:12:29,166

Here you see Polaris,

the Dog Star.

00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,168

I'm just gonna step outside

and go wee-wee.

00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:32,627

Certainly, Mr. Garrison.

00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,300

You love the planetarium!

00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:42,095

To be without the planetarium

causes you horrible pain.

00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,931

All you want to do

is help the planetarium thrive.

00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:47,267

To not do so

makes your stomach ache

00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,810

with needle-like stab--

00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,103

and right over here,

00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:52,481

we see the constellation Orion.

00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:55,400

Orion's Belt is made up

of three stars, one of which--

00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,611

Dude, what just happened?

- What do you mean?

00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:58,862

Come on,

we gotta get out of here

00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,322

before something bad happens.

00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,118

Don't pick your nose, hon.

00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:06,745

I wasn't picking it,

I had an itch,

00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,371

for crying out loud!

00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:10,207

Don't be nervous.

I'm sure you'll win.

00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,209

- I don't know, there's

a lot of competition here.

00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:13,710

Do you think

I might win, Mommy?

00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,504

I hope so, honey--

then, perhaps,

00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:17,172

we can eat for a little while.

00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,176

- Hey, look, they're

giving away bread outside!

00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,303

Did you hear that, Mommy?

- Come on!

00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:26,848

Perhaps we can get some food

in our stomachs!

00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,058

Psych!

00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,520

What the hell

are you boys doing?

00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,355

You're supposed to be in there.

00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,439

Mr. Garrison, we think

that the planetarium guy is--

00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:36,066

Shh.

00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,734

Good-bye, children.

Thanks for coming.

00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:40,195

I want to go again.

I want to go again!

00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,364

- Oh, for Pete's sake, Clyde,

you just went.

00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,492

Well, Clyde, if you like

the planet-arium so much,

00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:48,286

perhaps you'd like to do

some volunteer work here.

00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:49,496

Yes. Yes, please.

00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:51,164

Me too!

- Me too!

00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:53,750

I want to do it!

- Yeah, me too.

00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,752

Mr. Garrison?

- Well, I guess I could

00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,379

give 'em extra credit for it.

00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,798

Excellent!

Why don't we step over here,

00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:02,884

and I'll show all you children

how to volunteer.

00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:05,428

Dude, this isn't right.

- What?

00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:06,888

We're kids, dude.

00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:07,889

We don't volunteer

for anything.

00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,641

Oh, yeah.

00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,560

Come on, we gotta see

what's going on in there.

00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,270

Here's the control panel

that operates all the stars.

00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:15,897

Kenny, you go out there

and tell us what you see.

00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:19,693

He hits this switch.

00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:24,948

You see? Nothing, dude.

Just a bunch of stars.

00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,157

Yeah, I guess so.

00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,246

What does that do?

- I don't know.

00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,791

Kenny, what's it doing?

00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:37,043

This says "maximum."

00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,799

Oh, my God!

We've killed Kenny!

00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:44,342

We're bastards!

00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,430

Dude, I told you something

was up with this place.

00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:51,141

We've gotta go

tell somebody, quick!

00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:53,268

G-O.

00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,562

♪ G-O,

and Bingo was his name-o ♪

00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,772

♪ Was a farmer had a dog,

and Bingo was his name-o ♪

00:14:57,898 --> 00:15:04,154

O.

00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,072

♪ And Bingo was his name-o ♪

00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,366

♪ Was a farmer had a dog,

and Bingo was his name-o ♪

00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:11,953

Ing.

00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:15,790

♪ And Bingo was his name-o! ♪

00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:19,753

Thank you, uh, Peter.

We'll let you know very soon.

00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:22,255

Next will be, uh,

Eric Theodore Cartman.

00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,882

Hello, everybody.

00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:25,508

Now, just do it

like we rehearsed, hon.

00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:26,760

I know, I know.

00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:32,223

♪ She works hard

for the money! ♪

00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:33,934

♪ So hard for it, honey! ♪

00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,435

♪ She works hard

for the money ♪

00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,896

♪ So you better

treat her right ♪

00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,441

♪ She works hard

for the money ♪

00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,318

♪ So hard for it, honey! ♪

00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,945

♪ She works hard

for the money ♪

00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,697

♪ So you better

treat her right! ♪

00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:55,747

Well, Eric Cartman,

that certainly was... insane.

00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,666

Thank you.

- We'll let you know.

00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:00,502

Thank you.

Don't pick your nose, hon.

00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:04,005

I'm not picking it, Ma!

God damn it, I have an itch!

00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,882

Jesus, where do we

find these people?

00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:13,473

Our minds are one, mm-kay?

00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:17,477

Our thoughts are one, mm-kay?

00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,521

This is the strangest thing

I've ever seen.

00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,148

Please, Nurse, for a woman

with a dead fetus on your head,

00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:24,025

you're not being

very open-minded.

00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,321

Open your mind

to your counselor.

00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,865

Open your mind.

00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,952

- Dr. Adams...

- Yes.

00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:35,870

He owns the planetarium.

What about him?

00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,248

He uses the machine.

00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:40,875

The star machine.

- Mm-kay?

00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:44,212

He uses it to erase minds.

00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,172

But why?

00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:49,259

Planetarium

about to go out of business.

00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:52,554

Adams has to create slaves

to survive.

00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,848

My God, this is amazing.

00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:56,933

Please, Nurse, you're

throwing off my chi, mm-kay?

00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,690

Well, we certainly want to

congratulate all our finalists.

00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:05,859

Only one of our finalists

can win the grand prize,

00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:08,695

and, unfortunately,

that finalist is Eric Cartman.

00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,196

Yes! I'm the best!

00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,032

You were actually

our last choice,

00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:13,658

but the other children

have unexpectedly taken jobs

00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,493

as volunteers

at the planetarium.

00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,620

That's odd.

- Sweet!

00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:20,123

It appears that more

and more South Park residents

00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:23,126

are discovering the wonder

and joy of the planetarium.

00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:26,046

Here with a special report

is a 34-year-old Asian man

00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:28,089

who looks strikingly similar

to Ricardo Montalban.

00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,883

Thanks, Tom, yes, indeed,

the planetarium

00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:32,510

has become very popular

as word spreads

00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:35,764

that it really isn't as lame

and stupid as one suspected.

00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:38,308

I'm here with the planetarium

operator, Dr. Adams.

00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,852

Thank you.

I'd like to open an invitation

00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,604

to all South Park residents

00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,690

to come see a special

free show this evening.

00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,485

I guarantee it will change

the way you think

00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:50,945

about the planet-arium.

00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,907

So bring the whole family

to the planetarium

00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:56,659

for a night

of excitement and wonder.

00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,328

And then we turned

the dial,

00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,163

and Kenny went into

a kind of hypnosis.

00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,290

That's a pretty

farfetched story, boys.

00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,125

But it's true, dude!

- Are you boys sure

00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,002

you're not just making

this all up?

00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,879

Yeah, pretty sure.

00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:09,380

Well, just as soon

as I handle

00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:11,174

all the other crime

in South Park,

00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:12,926

I'm gonna go with you

to the planetarium

00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:15,136

so I can prove

that nothing's wrong.

00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,596

What other crime

in South Park?

00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,140

Oh, yeah.

Let's go.

00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,934

Okay, let's shoot

the commercial.

00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,644

Where's our Cheesy Poof talent?

00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,563

I'm over here!

- Oh, you look great, hon.

00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:27,357

Mommy's fat little piggy.

00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:28,817

Hey!

00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,360

Let's hurry.

This costume is hot.

00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:33,571

Okay, roll camera,

and... action!

00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:36,157

♪ I love Cheesy Poofs ♪

- Oh, wait! Wait!

00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,034

You've got

a little eye booger, hon.

00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:40,912

Oh, Mom, for Pete's sake!

- Got it!

00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,123

And... action.

- ♪ I love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:44,666

Hold it! Cut!

00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,251

Can we get more light

on that backdrop?

00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:48,670

Sure thing.

- Oh, man, come on.

00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,338

Got it.

00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,924

Okay, here we go,

and... action!

00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:54,759

♪ I love Cheesy Poofs,

you love Cheesy ♪

00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,553

Cut!

- What?

00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,179

I'm not liking the shoes.

Can we change the shoes?

00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,598

Oh, God damn it!

00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:03,017

Oh.

Hello, officer of the law.

00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:05,436

Hello,

Mr. Planetarium Operator.

00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:06,896

What brings you out here?

00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,273

Well, these boys

seem to think

00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:09,983

you're some kind of sick weirdo

00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:12,402

that's got a master plan

to screw with the minds

00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:13,903

of everyone in town.

00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,782

Oh, really?

00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,617

Yeah, I just thought

I'd come show them around

00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:22,162

so they know there's nothing

to be scared of.

00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:24,831

Actually, this is

a pretty inopportune time.

00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:26,499

Okay, I'll be quick then.

00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,002

Of course, Officer,

come on in.

00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,423

Hello, children.

00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:35,300

Oh, no. They got Chef too!

00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:37,635

Welcome to the planetarium.

00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,429

Well, it's nice to see

you finally got

00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:41,097

a real job, Chef.

00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,391

I love my work.

00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,893

I know what you mean.

00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,644

I've always loved

the planetarium too.

00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:49,314

Would you like to see

the stars, Officer?

00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:51,524

No!

- That would be superduper!

00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,526

Don't do it,

Officer Barbrady!

00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:55,945

Hello?

- Hi, Grandma, it's me, Eric!

00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,447

Oh, hello, Eric!

00:19:57,572 --> 00:19:59,949

Grandma sure has missed you.

00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:01,659

I just wanted to remind you

that I'm gonna be

00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,661

on television tonight,

so be sure to watch.

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,455

Oh, I will, Eric.

00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,916

You know, I remember

when I was a little girl

00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:10,084

and had my first

talent show audition--

00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,253

Okay, bye.

00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,464

Hello, the Marshes aren't in

right now.

00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:15,965

Please leave a message.

00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,425

Stan, I'm gonna be

on TV tonight.

00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:18,718

Be sure to watch.

00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:22,055

Hello, you've reached

the Broflovskis.

00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,765

Please leave a message.

00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,725

Where the hell is everybody?

00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,810

I'm gonna be on TV tonight.

You guys better not miss it!

00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:30,438

And this is the constellation

called Cassiopeia.

00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,941

Oh, neato!

00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:35,443

And now, Officer,

from this moment on,

00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,695

you will think

that you are Elvis Presley.

00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,739

Oh?

00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,532

To not be Elvis

will cause you great pain!

00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:44,035

Pain.

- You see, children?

00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,787

There's no stopping me.

00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:46,955

Even your highly

intelligent policemen

00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,040

are no match for me.

00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,792

He's not highly intelligent.

- Why are you doing this, dude?

00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,961

Why? Because nowadays,

kids have computers

00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:55,004

and surround sound television.

00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,423

They've forgotten all about

planet-ariums,

00:20:57,548 --> 00:21:01,844

but I'll make 'em remember,

starting with the two of you!

00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,429

"Terrence and Phillip"

will be right back

00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:04,597

after these announcements.

00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:05,932

Oh, dude, here it comes!

00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:08,017

Packed full of ingredients,

00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,769

Cheesy Poofs can really give

you that quick pick-me-up!

00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:12,605

So remember:

♪ I love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:15,358

♪ You love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:17,902

♪ If we didn't eat

Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:20,405

♪ We'd be ♪

- Lame.

00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:22,073

And now back

to "Terrence and Phillip."

00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,117

Yes! Yes, that was me!

00:21:24,242 --> 00:21:26,536

I was on television!

00:21:26,661 --> 00:21:29,664

Aha!

Caught you red-handed, mm-kay?

00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,958

Mr. Mackey!

- Officer Barbrady.

00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:35,086

This man is using

some kind of mind control.

00:21:38,381 --> 00:21:39,757

What's wrong with him?

00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:45,805

Oh, no, apparently he thinks

he's Charlton Heston.

00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,682

No, you idiot.

He thinks he's Elvis.

00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:50,977

Elvis, escort our guests

to the planet-arium.

00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:52,687

Folks, if you wouldn't mind,

00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:53,813

could you please follow me?

00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:55,106

Uh-oh.

00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,572

Well, let's begin, shall we?

00:22:02,697 --> 00:22:04,782

And now you will

remember nothing

00:22:04,907 --> 00:22:06,451

except that the planet-arium

00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:08,369

is the best thing

you've ever known.

00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:13,166

Well, well, well,

you guys can all kiss my ass

00:22:13,291 --> 00:22:15,877

because I was on television!

00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:22,050

Hey, didn't you guys hear?

I was on television!

00:22:22,175 --> 00:22:23,676

You missed it!

00:22:23,801 --> 00:22:25,219

You missed it because of

this stupid planetarium!

00:22:26,888 --> 00:22:28,348

Planetariums suck ass!

00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:33,186

Ugh... ugh!

00:22:33,311 --> 00:22:34,687

Cartman, you saved us!

00:22:34,812 --> 00:22:35,938

The hell are

you talking about?

00:22:36,064 --> 00:22:38,066

Get over here and untie us.

00:22:38,191 --> 00:22:40,568

Eric, you really saved

the day, mm-kay?

00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,862

Not so fast there, tubby.

00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:44,072

I'm just taking care

of business.

00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:45,823

Think hard, Elvis.

00:22:45,948 --> 00:22:47,575

You're not really the king

of rock 'n' roll.

00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,619

You're a fat, stupid,

worthless policeman

00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:52,205

in a small town, mm-kay?

00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:56,626

Oh, thank you from a fate

worse than death, Counselor!

00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:58,461

Oh, my God! Dr. Adams!

00:23:00,838 --> 00:23:02,340

He got a full dose

of the stars.

00:23:02,465 --> 00:23:04,300

Yeah, with nobody around

to say anything.

00:23:04,425 --> 00:23:05,676

Can you imagine it, Stan?

00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:08,638

A mind emptied by that thing?

00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:11,349

Wow, what a day

this has been.

00:23:11,474 --> 00:23:14,227

I was on TV, and I'm a hero!

00:23:14,352 --> 00:23:15,978

Don't pick your nose, hon!

00:23:16,104 --> 00:23:17,647

God damn it, Ma!

I wasn't picking it!

00:23:17,772 --> 00:23:19,023

I had an itch!

00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:21,818

♪ I love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:23:21,943 --> 00:23:24,237

♪ You love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:23:24,362 --> 00:23:26,614

♪ If we didn't eat

Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:29,283

♪ We'd be ♪

- Lame.

00:00:04,171 --> 00:00:06,048

Hello, everyone.

I'm Trey Parker.

00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:07,842

And I'm Matt Stone, and

we're doing what we do best...

00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:11,846

all: Bakin' bacon with Macon!

00:00:11,971 --> 00:00:13,639

That's right,

and here to help us

00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,182

is our old buddy, Macon.

00:00:15,307 --> 00:00:17,476

[Macon oinks, crowd cheers]

00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,311

Nobody likes bakin' bacon

more than Macon.

00:00:19,437 --> 00:00:21,188

That's true,

if someone's bakin' bacon,

00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:23,024

Macon's heart starts breaking

if he's forsaken.

00:00:23,149 --> 00:00:24,692

Well, today we're gonna

make a bacon dish

00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:26,152

that you kids

can all make at home,

00:00:26,277 --> 00:00:28,362

Western Iowa Bacon Casserole.

00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:29,864

[audience oohs]

00:00:29,989 --> 00:00:32,408

First off,

let's cook the bacon.

00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,285

Butter.

00:00:34,410 --> 00:00:36,620

Bacon.

Salt.

00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:38,706

Mmm, that smells good.

00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:40,791

You like that, Macon?

[Macon oinks]

00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:41,792

You better give Macon

his treat.

00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,627

Oh, right.

00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:44,879

Now, what we've done

for Macon is,

00:00:45,004 --> 00:00:46,672

we've taken some bacon

00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,716

and we've wrapped it around

some pork sausages.

00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:50,551

This is one of Macon's

favorite treats.

00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:52,511

All right, buddy.

Here you go, here you go.

00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:53,763

Yeah!

00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:55,765

Come on, come on.

00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:57,641

[laughter]

00:00:57,767 --> 00:00:59,435

Once the bacon is done,

we chop it up

00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:00,936

and then get a casserole dish

00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:01,937

where we add

our other ingredients.

00:01:02,063 --> 00:01:03,397

That's right.

00:01:03,522 --> 00:01:05,024

Frozen hash browns

on the bottom.

00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:06,525

Bacon in the middle.

00:01:08,778 --> 00:01:10,279

Some processed cheese item.

00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:13,115

More bacon.

- More bacon.

00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,117

- And then we're gonna

top it all off with bacon.

00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:17,078

[audience oohs]

00:01:17,203 --> 00:01:20,206

Now, we're gonna bake this

for 30 minutes at 450 degrees.

00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,665

And while we're waiting,

let's watch

00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:23,250

our favorite episode

of "South Park."

00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:25,127

It's all about the boys'

haunting trip

00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,921

to the planetarium and

Cartman's quest to be a star.

00:01:27,046 --> 00:01:28,380

That's right, you know,

most people don't know it,

00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,382

but this episode

is actually a parody

00:01:30,508 --> 00:01:33,135

of an old "Star Trek" episode

called "Dagger of the Mind."

00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,554

And so that's why we decided

to call this episode

00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:37,765

"Roger Ebert Should Eat

Less Fatty Foods."

00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:39,350

[laughter and applause]

00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:41,143

Enjoy the show,

and we'll be back

00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,771

with Western Idaho

Bacon Casserole.

00:01:43,896 --> 00:01:45,898

[cheers and applause]

00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:55,783

[twangy music]

00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:57,368

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:57,493 --> 00:01:59,120

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:01:59,245 --> 00:02:00,955

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,748

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:02:02,873 --> 00:02:04,208

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:05,960

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:02:06,085 --> 00:02:07,670

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:02:07,795 --> 00:02:09,380

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:10,881

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,591

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:15,970

[singing indistinctly]

00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:17,471

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,974

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:02:20,099 --> 00:02:22,184

Well, Detective, it looks

like you fooled them again.

00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,270

All in a day's work,

I guess.

00:02:24,395 --> 00:02:26,397

I just hope that next time

I don't have to run so much.

00:02:26,522 --> 00:02:28,023

♪♪

00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:29,817

Okay, children,

what do you think

00:02:29,942 --> 00:02:31,610

Barnaby Jones meant

when he said,

00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,363

"This is not

a victimless crime"?

00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,823

Anybody?

00:02:35,948 --> 00:02:37,741

Children,

were you paying attention?

00:02:37,867 --> 00:02:39,451

Mr. Garrison,

we've been watching

00:02:39,577 --> 00:02:40,828

"Barnaby Jones" repeats

for eight days now.

00:02:40,953 --> 00:02:42,371

It's hard to keep

paying attention.

00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,248

Oh, well, excuse me, Kyle.

00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,292

Why don't you just forget

what Barnaby Jones has to say?

00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:48,210

Why don't you not pay attention

to Barnaby Jones,

00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:50,337

and then let's see how far

you get in society.

00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,173

Okay, Stanley,

why don't you tell us

00:02:52,298 --> 00:02:54,466

how Barnaby Jones knew

the poison was in the milk?

00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:55,509

Can't we just be like

normal third graders

00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,011

for a little while?

00:02:57,136 --> 00:02:58,762

Oh, and what do you

consider normal?

00:02:58,888 --> 00:03:00,222

I don't know,

like learn about art and music

00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,682

and go on field trips

and stuff.

00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,601

[all] Yeah!

- Well, Mr. Smarty-Pants,

00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:06,562

it just so happens we are going

on a field trip tomorrow.

00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:07,730

[all] Hooray!

- To where?

00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,106

To the planetarium.

00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:10,357

[all] Aww!

00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,067

Planetariums suck.

00:03:12,193 --> 00:03:13,694

Oh, now, what's wrong

with a planetarium?

00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,362

It's boring.

00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:16,697

Yeah, all the constellations

look alike.

00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:18,699

Well, too bad,

you're all going

00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,409

to the planetarium tomorrow,

and you're all gonna love it.

00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,661

In the meantime,

we're gonna watch episode #203,

00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,914

"Barnaby Under Siege."

[children groan]

00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,457

Oh, sorry,

I taped these at home,

00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:28,250

so there's more commercials.

00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,960

Hey, kids,

do you love Cheesy Poofs?

00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:31,754

[all] Yes.

00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,464

Well, Cheesy Poofs

is looking for a kid

00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,466

to sing the happy

Cheesy Poofs song.

00:03:35,591 --> 00:03:37,343

Watch for our talent van

as it goes around the country.

00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:39,011

I can sing

the Cheesy Poofs song!

00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,763

If you win,

you could be picked

00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,556

to be in our next

Cheesy Poof commercial.

00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,183

So remember...

♪ I love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:45,976

♪ You love "Cheesy Poofs" ♪

00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,061

♪ If we didn't eat

Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:03:47,186 --> 00:03:49,438

♪ We'd be lame ♪

00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:50,898

Okay, children,

let's quiet down

00:03:51,023 --> 00:03:52,274

so the nice bus driver

00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,068

can concentrate on the road.

00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:55,945

That ain't how you do it!

You do it like this!

00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:58,280

Sit down and shut up!

00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,823

Ow, Jesus, lady!

00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:02,493

[all] Whoa!

- This is the planetarium!

00:04:02,618 --> 00:04:04,870

Watch your step on the way down

so as not to hurt yourselves!

00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,622

Ow.

00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:08,457

Okay, children, now,

I'm going to remind you

00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,918

that this is a planetarium,

not a Bangkok brothel.

00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,461

Let's behave ourselves.

00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,129

Does your child have

what it takes

00:04:14,255 --> 00:04:15,714

to be the next

Cheesy Poofs anthem singer?

00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,174

Hey, there it is!

00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,384

We're going

around the country

00:04:18,509 --> 00:04:20,052

to find the kid who can sing

00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,553

the Cheesy Poofs song

better than anybody.

00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:23,097

I can sing

the Cheesy Poofs song

00:04:23,222 --> 00:04:25,140

with both hands tied

behind my back.

00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:26,934

- You couldn't get both your

arms behind your back, fat-ass.

00:04:27,059 --> 00:04:28,686

Come on, Eric, we're going

to the planetarium.

00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:29,728

But I have to go sing

the Cheesy Poofs song

00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:31,188

for that talent van!

00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:32,856

No, you have to go

in this building

00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:34,066

and see a bunch of stupid

stars, now, come on.

00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:37,152

[yelling indistinctly]

00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:42,116

Hello, children.

My name is Dr. Adams.

00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:44,410

Welcome to the planet-arium.

00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:46,203

I thought it was planetarium?

00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:48,330

Well, it is,

but I have a bone disease

00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,957

which impedes my ability

00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:52,001

to pronounce the "T"

in planet-arium.

00:04:52,126 --> 00:04:54,003

That's a pretty weird

bone disease.

00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:57,089

Yes, perhaps someday I can

get a bone marrow transplant.

00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,966

Yes, little boy?

00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:00,801

How long is that Cheesy Poof

van gonna be outside?

00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:02,636

Well, I don't know,

but anyway, boys and girls,

00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:05,556

soon you'll be witnessing

the wonders of the universe.

00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:08,726

But first I want to show you

how the planet-arium works.

00:05:08,851 --> 00:05:11,103

As if we care?

00:05:11,228 --> 00:05:12,771

Hey, who are you?

00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:15,399

Little Missy here runs

the big projector for us.

00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:17,192

I love my work.

00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,861

Wow, dude,

you're only as old as us.

00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,863

Shouldn't you be in school?

- I love my work.

00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,698

[ominous music]

00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,659

Come on, let's get into

the planet-arium, shall we?

00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:28,996

Good morning, children, and

welcome to the planet-arium.

00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,373

We're going on a fascinating

ride through the universe.

00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,375

So I want you to lean back

00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,918

in your chairs

and get comfortable.

00:05:35,044 --> 00:05:36,420

This is stupid.

00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:37,921

And now

I'm going to dim the lights

00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:41,091

and let the stars... come out.

00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,010

Whoopee.

00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:45,804

Here we see the constellation

called the Big Dipper.

00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:49,391

If I project a drawing

of a big dipper on top of it...

00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:52,353

we see where this constellation

gets its name.

00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:54,980

These stars over here

form the constellation

00:05:55,105 --> 00:05:56,857

of Taurus, the bull.

00:05:56,982 --> 00:06:00,986

While these stars form

the constellation Roger Ebert.

00:06:01,111 --> 00:06:02,821

And these two little stars

over here

00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:05,908

form the constellation

the Crusades.

00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:08,911

Now, stars are actually

made of hot gas,

00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,621

which is exactly what

comes out of--

00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:12,122

Ah, man, screw this.

00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,168

And now breathe deep

as the stars

00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:19,922

slowly start to move

in little circles.

00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:23,342

I know you think

planet-ariums are boring,

00:06:23,467 --> 00:06:27,137

but I'm gonna try to change

the way you think about that.

00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,764

♪ You love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:29,765

♪ If we didn't eat

Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:30,849

♪ We'd be lame ♪

00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,101

That was great, Tommy!

00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:33,227

Tommy Frets from Torey Pines.

00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:34,895

He could be our winner.

00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,897

Excuse me, but I do believe

that sucked ass.

00:06:37,022 --> 00:06:38,482

Oh, and what's your name,

little boy?

00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:39,942

Eric Cartman.

00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:40,943

All right,

here's Eric Cartman

00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,236

giving it a shot.

00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:43,487

- [grunts]

- [clears throat]

00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:45,280

♪ I love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,074

♪ You love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:48,784

♪ If we didn't eat

Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:52,037

♪ We'd be... lame! ♪

00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,539

♪ I'm talking "Night Court ♪

00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:57,334

♪ In its fifth season"

lame... ♪

00:06:57,459 --> 00:07:00,754

Wow!

- That's right, suck on that.

00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,923

Well, kids, how did you

like the planetarium?

00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:04,591

Oh, man,

I don't feel so good.

00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:07,177

Me neither!

But I loved the planetarium.

00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:08,846

Me too. It was sweet.

00:07:08,971 --> 00:07:10,639

Really? What did you like

best about it?

00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,224

I don't know.

00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:13,517

I don't even remember

what happened.

00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:15,018

Wait a minute, where is Eric?

00:07:15,144 --> 00:07:16,728

I did it! I did it!

- Did what?

00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,397

I got a callback

for the Cheesy Poofs song!

00:07:18,522 --> 00:07:20,274

You snuck off

and sang that stupid song?

00:07:20,399 --> 00:07:21,942

Yeah, dude, but I got

in the finals for tomorrow!

00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:24,194

Good-bye, children.

Thanks for visiting.

00:07:24,319 --> 00:07:25,696

Don't forget,

we have laser rock shows

00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:27,781

at night here

at the planet-arium.

00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:32,286

This week it's laser Kenny

Loggins and laser James Taylor.

00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,288

My head still feels funny.

- Yeah, mine too.

00:07:34,413 --> 00:07:36,999

Hey, guys, when I'm doing

the Cheesy Poof commercials,

00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:39,001

I bet I get all the free

Cheesy Poofs I want.

00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,544

Like you really need it,

hippo ass.

00:07:40,669 --> 00:07:41,879

It's sad how jealous

you are, Kyle.

00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:43,172

It really is.

00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:44,673

[screams]

- [screams]

00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,175

Whoa, dude,

who the hell are you?

00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,428

My... name... is...

Van Gelder.

00:07:49,553 --> 00:07:51,138

Van Gelder? What the hell

are you doing on our bus?

00:07:51,263 --> 00:07:52,931

Mr. Garrison,

there's some freaky kid

00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,683

from the planetarium

on our bus!

00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:55,851

Oh, great, well,

I guess we have to go back.

00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,769

No! Don't go back! No!

00:07:57,895 --> 00:07:59,938

Hey, be careful, asshole.

00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:02,566

Don't take me back there!

Can't! Can't!

00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:05,110

All right, dude.

Mellow out! Jeez.

00:08:05,235 --> 00:08:07,613

We better get him

to the nurse's office, stat.

00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,031

♪♪

00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,700

Ah! The planetarium!

00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,411

I'll give him a painkiller.

That should calm him down.

00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:16,413

No! No painkiller!

I'll be okay.

00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,748

Okay, Van Gelder?

- [screams]

00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:19,583

Mm-kay, I'm Counselor Mackey.

00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:21,543

Have you been

smoking mari-ju-ana?

00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,545

Mari-ju-ana's bad, mm-kay?

00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,590

Must tell...

the machine...

00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,842

the machine is...

00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,511

I've never seen

anything like this.

00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:31,929

What do you think, Principal?

00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,263

Well,

whatever happened to him,

00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,723

happened at the planetarium.

00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:36,767

Ah! Planetarium!

- I think tonight

00:08:36,892 --> 00:08:38,977

the planetarium's doing

laser Loggins.

00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,313

I might have to check it out.

- [screams]

00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:44,483

[Kenny Loggins' "Footloose"

playing]

00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:46,193

♪ I'm turning it loose ♪

00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:47,986

♪ Footloose ♪

00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:49,696

♪ Kick off

the Sunday shoes ♪

00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,532

Oh, man, this is boring!

00:08:51,657 --> 00:08:53,951

Yeah, who the heck finds

this stuff interesting?

00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:55,827

Dude, this is totally killer.

00:08:55,953 --> 00:08:58,789

I hope this goes on

for, like, seven months, man.

00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:01,083

♪ Come on before we crack ♪

00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,502

♪♪

00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:05,587

You will not remember

what happens here.

00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:09,550

To remember it

will cause incredible pain.

00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:12,302

Incredible pain!

00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:15,681

Incredible, icky pain!

00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:17,558

Dude, I'm totally tripping.

- Dude, this is totally killer.

00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,396

[bell ringing]

00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:23,939

Okay, children,

today we're going to learn

00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:27,067

all about Japanese poems

called "haiku."

00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,778

A haiku is just like

a normal American poem

00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:32,614

except that it doesn't rhyme

and it's totally stupid.

00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,492

For example...

uh, where's Eric Cartman?

00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,452

That's a haiku?

- No, I'm asking why

00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,580

Eric Cartman isn't at school.

- Oh.

00:09:39,705 --> 00:09:41,290

Was he on the school bus

this morning?

00:09:41,415 --> 00:09:42,499

No.

00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:43,917

♪ Fat ass Cartman was ♪

00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:45,168

♪ Not on the school bus today ♪

00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:46,628

♪ What a big fat turd ♪

00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,505

Oh, very good haiku, Kyle.

00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:50,424

Yes, haikus have

five syllables,

00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:52,384

then seven, then five.

00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,261

Kenny, can you give us

another example?

00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:59,308

[mumbling]

00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:00,851

[laughter]

00:10:00,976 --> 00:10:02,603

What's a discharge?

00:10:02,728 --> 00:10:04,187

Mr. Garrison,

since haikus suck so much ass,

00:10:04,313 --> 00:10:06,023

can we go back

to the planetarium again?

00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:07,357

Yeah, I want to go

to the planetarium again, too.

00:10:07,482 --> 00:10:08,817

But you were just there.

00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,278

Why do you want to go again

so soon?

00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:12,863

Yeah, why do we want

to go again so soon?

00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,448

I don't know.

00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:16,074

I just have this sudden

urge to go back.

00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,659

Well, I guess

we could go again,

00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,578

since it's just down

the street.

00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:20,871

Well, hello!

00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:22,289

It's all my little friends,

00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,749

with all their little dreams.

00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:25,584

Eric, where have you been?

00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:27,628

Let's see, where have I been?

Where have I been?

00:10:27,753 --> 00:10:28,879

Where have you been, Cartman?

00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,088

Well, I might have been over

00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:31,757

at the Cheesy Poof callback

00:10:31,882 --> 00:10:34,551

winning regional championships!

[all gasp]

00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:36,970

This is my regional

championship certificate.

00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,889

Do you like it?

00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:41,183

Hey, Where's your regional

champion certificate, Clyde?

00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,976

Oh, you don't have one?

00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,437

Hmm... do you have

a regional certificate, Wendy?

00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:48,148

No? Apparently, only I do!

00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:49,524

♪ Ass full of pork fat ♪

00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:51,109

♪ Jiggles like a Jell-O mold ♪

00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,819

♪ Mouth is flapping too ♪

00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:55,030

Your haiku insults have

no effect on me, Kyle.

00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,448

I'm regional champion.

00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,658

Does that mean

you're gonna be in

00:10:57,783 --> 00:10:59,159

that Cheesy Poof commercial?

00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,786

It's between me

and four other kids.

00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,245

I'm on my way now

with my mom to the finals.

00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:03,747

♪ I bet you don't win ♪

00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,499

♪ They don't let

big fat asses ♪

00:11:05,624 --> 00:11:07,417

♪ Perform on TV ♪

00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,920

Very good, Kyle.

- ♪ Shut your goddamn mouth ♪

00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,839

♪ Or else I'm gonna...

kick you ♪

00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:16,718

♪ Square in the balls...

asshole ♪

00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:19,179

Oh, damn it!

00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,722

How's he doing, nurse?

00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:21,973

He's stable,

but I still can't get

00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:23,058

any information out of him.

00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,101

I'm gonna sedate him now.

00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:25,727

No! No drugs!

00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,270

Drugs are good, mm-kay?

00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:29,940

Don't let them go...

planetarium!

00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,566

Why, Van Gelder?

00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:32,984

The machine...

the machine is--

00:11:33,110 --> 00:11:35,696

[screams]

- The machine is... ah?

00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:37,364

That's probably bad.

00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:39,408

- He's been talking about

"the machine" for hours.

00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,243

That and Daisy Fuentes.

00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,745

Why? Why, "America's

Funniest Home Videos," why?

00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:46,748

There's only one way

to get any sense out of him.

00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:49,167

We're gonna have to try

a mind meld, mm-kay?

00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:50,794

A what?

00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,754

It's an ancient technique

handed down

00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:55,424

from school counselor

to school counselor.

00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:58,385

I don't like to use it,

but it may be our only hope.

00:11:58,510 --> 00:11:59,928

Well, what will you need?

00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,389

Just time to prepare, Nurse.

00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,391

Just time.

00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,601

Mm-kay?

00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:09,896

Well, children, I'm so glad

you came back to learn more.

00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,523

They just begged

to come back.

00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,358

I couldn't get them

to shut up about it.

00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,402

- Well, I'm sure we're gonna

have a marvelous time.

00:12:15,527 --> 00:12:16,695

Won't we, children?

00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:18,321

[all] Yes.

00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:22,409

This way, please.

- Enjoy your visit.

00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,745

Billions of stars

and billions of galaxies

00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,580

make up our universe.

00:12:26,705 --> 00:12:29,166

Here you see Polaris,

the Dog Star.

00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,168

I'm just gonna step outside

and go wee-wee.

00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:32,627

Certainly, Mr. Garrison.

00:12:36,423 --> 00:12:38,300

You love the planetarium!

00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:42,095

To be without the planetarium

causes you horrible pain.

00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,931

All you want to do

is help the planetarium thrive.

00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:47,267

To not do so

makes your stomach ache

00:12:47,392 --> 00:12:48,810

with needle-like stab--

00:12:48,935 --> 00:12:50,103

and right over here,

00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:52,481

we see the constellation Orion.

00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:55,400

Orion's Belt is made up

of three stars, one of which--

00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,611

Dude, what just happened?

- What do you mean?

00:12:57,736 --> 00:12:58,862

Come on,

we gotta get out of here

00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:00,322

before something bad happens.

00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,118

Don't pick your nose, hon.

00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:06,745

I wasn't picking it,

I had an itch,

00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,371

for crying out loud!

00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:10,207

Don't be nervous.

I'm sure you'll win.

00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,209

- I don't know, there's

a lot of competition here.

00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:13,710

Do you think

I might win, Mommy?

00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,504

I hope so, honey--

then, perhaps,

00:13:15,629 --> 00:13:17,172

we can eat for a little while.

00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,965

[melancholy piano music]

00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,176

- Hey, look, they're

giving away bread outside!

00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,303

Did you hear that, Mommy?

- Come on!

00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:26,848

Perhaps we can get some food

in our stomachs!

00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:28,058

Psych!

00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,520

What the hell

are you boys doing?

00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,355

You're supposed to be in there.

00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:34,439

Mr. Garrison, we think

that the planetarium guy is--

00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:36,066

Shh.

00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,734

Good-bye, children.

Thanks for coming.

00:13:37,859 --> 00:13:40,195

I want to go again.

I want to go again!

00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,364

- Oh, for Pete's sake, Clyde,

you just went.

00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,492

Well, Clyde, if you like

the planet-arium so much,

00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:48,286

perhaps you'd like to do

some volunteer work here.

00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:49,496

Yes. Yes, please.

00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:51,164

Me too!

- Me too!

00:13:51,289 --> 00:13:53,750

I want to do it!

- Yeah, me too.

00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,752

Mr. Garrison?

- Well, I guess I could

00:13:55,877 --> 00:13:57,379

give 'em extra credit for it.

00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,798

Excellent!

Why don't we step over here,

00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:02,884

and I'll show all you children

how to volunteer.

00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,344

[children cheer]

00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:05,428

Dude, this isn't right.

- What?

00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:06,888

We're kids, dude.

00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:07,889

We don't volunteer

for anything.

00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:09,641

Oh, yeah.

00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,560

Come on, we gotta see

what's going on in there.

00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,270

Here's the control panel

that operates all the stars.

00:14:13,395 --> 00:14:15,897

Kenny, you go out there

and tell us what you see.

00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,607

[humming]

00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:19,693

He hits this switch.

00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,488

[mumbles]

00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:24,948

You see? Nothing, dude.

Just a bunch of stars.

00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,157

Yeah, I guess so.

00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:29,744

[mumbles]

00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:31,246

What does that do?

- I don't know.

00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,791

Kenny, what's it doing?

00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:35,876

[mumbling excitedly]

00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:37,043

This says "maximum."

00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,799

Oh, my God!

We've killed Kenny!

00:14:42,924 --> 00:14:44,342

We're bastards!

00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,430

Dude, I told you something

was up with this place.

00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:51,141

We've gotta go

tell somebody, quick!

00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:53,268

[clapping rhythmically]

G-O.

00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,562

♪ G-O,

and Bingo was his name-o ♪

00:14:55,687 --> 00:14:57,772

♪ Was a farmer had a dog,

and Bingo was his name-o ♪

00:14:57,898 --> 00:15:04,154

[clapping rhythmically]

O.

00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,072

♪ And Bingo was his name-o ♪

00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,366

♪ Was a farmer had a dog,

and Bingo was his name-o ♪

00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:11,953

[clapping rhythmically]

Ing.

00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:15,790

♪ And Bingo was his name-o! ♪

00:15:15,916 --> 00:15:19,753

Thank you, uh, Peter.

We'll let you know very soon.

00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:22,255

Next will be, uh,

Eric Theodore Cartman.

00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,882

Hello, everybody.

00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:25,508

Now, just do it

like we rehearsed, hon.

00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:26,760

I know, I know.

00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:32,223

♪ She works hard

for the money! ♪

00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:33,934

♪ So hard for it, honey! ♪

00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,435

♪ She works hard

for the money ♪

00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,896

♪ So you better

treat her right ♪

00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,441

♪ She works hard

for the money ♪

00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,318

♪ So hard for it, honey! ♪

00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:44,945

♪ She works hard

for the money ♪

00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,697

♪ So you better

treat her right! ♪

00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:55,747

Well, Eric Cartman,

that certainly was... insane.

00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:57,666

Thank you.

- We'll let you know.

00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:00,502

Thank you.

Don't pick your nose, hon.

00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:04,005

I'm not picking it, Ma!

God damn it, I have an itch!

00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,882

Jesus, where do we

find these people?

00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:13,473

Our minds are one, mm-kay?

00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:17,477

Our thoughts are one, mm-kay?

00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,521

This is the strangest thing

I've ever seen.

00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:22,148

Please, Nurse, for a woman

with a dead fetus on your head,

00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:24,025

you're not being

very open-minded.

00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,321

Open your mind

to your counselor.

00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,865

Open your mind.

00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:33,952

- Dr. Adams...

- Yes.

00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:35,870

He owns the planetarium.

What about him?

00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:38,248

[both together]

He uses the machine.

00:16:38,373 --> 00:16:40,875

The star machine.

- Mm-kay?

00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:44,212

[both together]

He uses it to erase minds.

00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,172

But why?

00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:49,259

[both together] Planetarium

about to go out of business.

00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:52,554

Adams has to create slaves

to survive.

00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,848

My God, this is amazing.

00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:56,933

Please, Nurse, you're

throwing off my chi, mm-kay?

00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,690

Well, we certainly want to

congratulate all our finalists.

00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:05,859

Only one of our finalists

can win the grand prize,

00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:08,695

and, unfortunately,

that finalist is Eric Cartman.

00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,196

Yes! I'm the best!

00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,032

You were actually

our last choice,

00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:13,658

but the other children

have unexpectedly taken jobs

00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,493

as volunteers

at the planetarium.

00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:17,620

That's odd.

- Sweet!

00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:20,123

It appears that more

and more South Park residents

00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:23,126

are discovering the wonder

and joy of the planetarium.

00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:26,046

Here with a special report

is a 34-year-old Asian man

00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:28,089

who looks strikingly similar

to Ricardo Montalban.

00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,883

Thanks, Tom, yes, indeed,

the planetarium

00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:32,510

has become very popular

as word spreads

00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:35,764

that it really isn't as lame

and stupid as one suspected.

00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:38,308

I'm here with the planetarium

operator, Dr. Adams.

00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,852

Thank you.

I'd like to open an invitation

00:17:40,977 --> 00:17:42,604

to all South Park residents

00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,690

to come see a special

free show this evening.

00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,485

I guarantee it will change

the way you think

00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:50,945

about the planet-arium.

00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:53,907

So bring the whole family

to the planetarium

00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:56,659

for a night

of excitement and wonder.

00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:58,328

And then we turned

the dial,

00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,163

and Kenny went into

a kind of hypnosis.

00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:02,290

That's a pretty

farfetched story, boys.

00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,125

But it's true, dude!

- Are you boys sure

00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,002

you're not just making

this all up?

00:18:06,127 --> 00:18:07,879

Yeah, pretty sure.

00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:09,380

Well, just as soon

as I handle

00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:11,174

all the other crime

in South Park,

00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:12,926

I'm gonna go with you

to the planetarium

00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:15,136

so I can prove

that nothing's wrong.

00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,596

What other crime

in South Park?

00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,140

Oh, yeah.

Let's go.

00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,934

Okay, let's shoot

the commercial.

00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:22,644

Where's our Cheesy Poof talent?

00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:25,563

I'm over here!

- Oh, you look great, hon.

00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:27,357

Mommy's fat little piggy.

00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:28,817

Hey!

00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:30,360

Let's hurry.

This costume is hot.

00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:33,571

Okay, roll camera,

and... action!

00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:36,157

♪ I love Cheesy Poofs ♪

- Oh, wait! Wait!

00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,034

You've got

a little eye booger, hon.

00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:40,912

Oh, Mom, for Pete's sake!

- Got it!

00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,123

And... action.

- ♪ I love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:44,666

Hold it! Cut!

00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,251

Can we get more light

on that backdrop?

00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:48,670

Sure thing.

- Oh, man, come on.

00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,338

Got it.

00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,924

Okay, here we go,

and... action!

00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:54,759

♪ I love Cheesy Poofs,

you love Cheesy ♪

00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,553

Cut!

- What?

00:18:56,678 --> 00:18:58,179

I'm not liking the shoes.

Can we change the shoes?

00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,598

Oh, God damn it!

00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:03,017

Oh.

Hello, officer of the law.

00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:05,436

Hello,

Mr. Planetarium Operator.

00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:06,896

What brings you out here?

00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:08,273

Well, these boys

seem to think

00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:09,983

you're some kind of sick weirdo

00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:12,402

that's got a master plan

to screw with the minds

00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:13,903

of everyone in town.

00:19:14,028 --> 00:19:15,780

[laughs]

00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,782

Oh, really?

00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,617

Yeah, I just thought

I'd come show them around

00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:22,162

so they know there's nothing

to be scared of.

00:19:22,287 --> 00:19:24,831

Actually, this is

a pretty inopportune time.

00:19:24,956 --> 00:19:26,499

Okay, I'll be quick then.

00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:29,002

Of course, Officer,

come on in.

00:19:31,629 --> 00:19:33,423

Hello, children.

00:19:33,548 --> 00:19:35,300

Oh, no. They got Chef too!

00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:37,635

Welcome to the planetarium.

00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,429

Well, it's nice to see

you finally got

00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:41,097

a real job, Chef.

00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,391

I love my work.

00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,893

I know what you mean.

00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,644

I've always loved

the planetarium too.

00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:49,314

Would you like to see

the stars, Officer?

00:19:49,439 --> 00:19:51,524

[both] No!

- That would be superduper!

00:19:51,649 --> 00:19:53,526

Don't do it,

Officer Barbrady!

00:19:53,651 --> 00:19:55,945

Hello?

- Hi, Grandma, it's me, Eric!

00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:57,447

Oh, hello, Eric!

00:19:57,572 --> 00:19:59,949

Grandma sure has missed you.

00:20:00,074 --> 00:20:01,659

I just wanted to remind you

that I'm gonna be

00:20:01,784 --> 00:20:03,661

on television tonight,

so be sure to watch.

00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:05,455

Oh, I will, Eric.

00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,916

You know, I remember

when I was a little girl

00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:10,084

and had my first

talent show audition--

00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,253

Okay, bye.

00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:14,464

Hello, the Marshes aren't in

right now.

00:20:14,589 --> 00:20:15,965

Please leave a message.

[machine beeps]

00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,425

Stan, I'm gonna be

on TV tonight.

00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:18,718

Be sure to watch.

00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:22,055

Hello, you've reached

the Broflovskis.

00:20:22,180 --> 00:20:23,765

Please leave a message.

00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,725

Where the hell is everybody?

00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:27,810

I'm gonna be on TV tonight.

You guys better not miss it!

00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:30,438

And this is the constellation

called Cassiopeia.

00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,941

Oh, neato!

00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:35,443

And now, Officer,

from this moment on,

00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,695

you will think

that you are Elvis Presley.

00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,739

Oh?

00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,532

To not be Elvis

will cause you great pain!

00:20:41,658 --> 00:20:44,035

Pain.

- You see, children?

00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:45,787

There's no stopping me.

00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:46,955

Even your highly

intelligent policemen

00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,040

are no match for me.

00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,792

He's not highly intelligent.

- Why are you doing this, dude?

00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:52,961

Why? Because nowadays,

kids have computers

00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:55,004

and surround sound television.

00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,423

They've forgotten all about

planet-ariums,

00:20:57,548 --> 00:21:01,844

but I'll make 'em remember,

starting with the two of you!

00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,429

"Terrence and Phillip"

will be right back

00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:04,597

after these announcements.

00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:05,932

Oh, dude, here it comes!

00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:08,017

Packed full of ingredients,

00:21:08,142 --> 00:21:09,769

Cheesy Poofs can really give

you that quick pick-me-up!

00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:12,605

So remember:

♪ I love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:21:12,730 --> 00:21:15,358

♪ You love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:17,902

♪ If we didn't eat

Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:20,405

♪ We'd be ♪

- Lame.

00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:22,073

And now back

to "Terrence and Phillip."

00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,117

Yes! Yes, that was me!

00:21:24,242 --> 00:21:26,536

I was on television!

00:21:26,661 --> 00:21:29,664

Aha!

Caught you red-handed, mm-kay?

00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,958

Mr. Mackey!

- Officer Barbrady.

00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:35,086

This man is using

some kind of mind control.

00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:38,256

[mumbling indistinctly as Elvis]

00:21:38,381 --> 00:21:39,757

What's wrong with him?

00:21:39,882 --> 00:21:43,094

[mumbling indistinctly as Elvis]

00:21:43,219 --> 00:21:45,805

Oh, no, apparently he thinks

he's Charlton Heston.

00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,682

No, you idiot.

He thinks he's Elvis.

00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:50,977

Elvis, escort our guests

to the planet-arium.

00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:52,687

[as Elvis]

Folks, if you wouldn't mind,

00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:53,813

could you please follow me?

00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:55,106

Uh-oh.

- [singing]

00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,572

Well, let's begin, shall we?

00:22:02,697 --> 00:22:04,782

And now you will

remember nothing

00:22:04,907 --> 00:22:06,451

except that the planet-arium

00:22:06,576 --> 00:22:08,369

is the best thing

you've ever known.

00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:13,166

Well, well, well,

you guys can all kiss my ass

00:22:13,291 --> 00:22:15,877

because I was on television!

00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:18,880

[whirring intensifies]

00:22:19,005 --> 00:22:22,050

Hey, didn't you guys hear?

I was on television!

00:22:22,175 --> 00:22:23,676

You missed it!

00:22:23,801 --> 00:22:25,219

You missed it because of

this stupid planetarium!

00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:26,763

[metal creaks]

00:22:26,888 --> 00:22:28,348

Planetariums suck ass!

00:22:28,473 --> 00:22:31,184

[pulsing intensifies]

00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:33,186

Ugh... ugh!

00:22:33,311 --> 00:22:34,687

Cartman, you saved us!

00:22:34,812 --> 00:22:35,938

The hell are

you talking about?

00:22:36,064 --> 00:22:38,066

Get over here and untie us.

00:22:38,191 --> 00:22:40,568

Eric, you really saved

the day, mm-kay?

00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,862

Not so fast there, tubby.

00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:44,072

I'm just taking care

of business.

00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:45,823

Think hard, Elvis.

00:22:45,948 --> 00:22:47,575

You're not really the king

of rock 'n' roll.

00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,619

You're a fat, stupid,

worthless policeman

00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:52,205

in a small town, mm-kay?

00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:56,626

Oh, thank you from a fate

worse than death, Counselor!

00:22:56,751 --> 00:22:58,461

Oh, my God! Dr. Adams!

00:23:00,838 --> 00:23:02,340

He got a full dose

of the stars.

00:23:02,465 --> 00:23:04,300

Yeah, with nobody around

to say anything.

00:23:04,425 --> 00:23:05,676

Can you imagine it, Stan?

00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:08,638

A mind emptied by that thing?

00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:11,349

Wow, what a day

this has been.

00:23:11,474 --> 00:23:14,227

I was on TV, and I'm a hero!

00:23:14,352 --> 00:23:15,978

Don't pick your nose, hon!

00:23:16,104 --> 00:23:17,647

God damn it, Ma!

I wasn't picking it!

00:23:17,772 --> 00:23:19,023

I had an itch!

00:23:19,148 --> 00:23:21,818

♪ I love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:23:21,943 --> 00:23:24,237

♪ You love Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:23:24,362 --> 00:23:26,614

♪ If we didn't eat

Cheesy Poofs ♪

00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:29,283

♪ We'd be ♪

- Lame.

00:23:31,994 --> 00:23:37,417

♪♪