Ветрянка — Матери мальчиков хотят, чтобы они заразились ветрянкой, а те пишут сочинения на тему «Как бы я улучшил Америку».

Предыдущая серия S02 E09 Солёные шоколадные яйца Шефа

Следующая серия S02 E11 Роджеру Эберту следует отказаться от жирной пищи

Ветрянка

Chickenpox

Сезон: 02Серия: 10

Описание

Матери мальчиков хотят, чтобы они заразились ветрянкой, а те пишут сочинения на тему «Как бы я улучшил Америку».

Субтитры

00:00:02,545 --> 00:00:04,130 What a great episode.
00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:05,423 Yep, and we're back just in time to check up
00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:07,425 on Northern Wyoming bacon loaf.
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,176 Say, that looks bacon-licious.
00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,596 Now all we have to do is garnish.
00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:15,141 Hey, Macon's going crazy.
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,142 Hold on, buddy. This one's for you.
00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:17,935 Okay.
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,104 Here's a nice fresh bacon loaf, just for Macon.
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,647 Whoa, hold on there, buddy.
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,443 Not too fast now. Okay, all right, hey.
00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:29,321 - Well, all that bacon grease can't go to waste,
00:00:29,447 --> 00:00:32,825 so what I do is, I pour it into ice pop makers, like this.
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:35,244 - That's right, you see, bacon grease congeals,
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:39,665 so if you pour it in and you wait long enough...
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,167 bacon pops!
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:43,919 Who'd like to try one?
00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,963 You, come on up.
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,090 Come over here, you. Do you like bacon?
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,925 Yeah. - Well, give that a try.
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:53,888 How is it? - It's bacon-licious.
00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:55,389 Well, now it's time to watch our favorite episode
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:57,266 of "South Park." It's called "Chickenpox."
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,935 You see, chickenpox affects you worse the older you get.
00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,854 So when I was young, my mom would make me sleep over
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,522 at friends' houses when they had chickenpox
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,066 in hopes that I would get the dreaded disease
00:01:05,191 --> 00:01:06,400 while I was still a child.
00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,777 Well, in this episode, the boys
00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,528 also learn a valuable lesson
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:10,905 when they hire a prostitute with cold sores
00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:12,865 to give their parents herpes.
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,036 So grab a bacon pop, sit back, and enjoy...
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:18,037 "Chickenpox."
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:32,635 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,470 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,138 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:37,723 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,183 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,018 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:42,728 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,230 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:45,731 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,483 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,154 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,948 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,703 It's a good thing we got her to the hospital in time.
00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:02,331 But what's wrong with her? - It's chickenpox.
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,250 There seems to be a small epidemic going around.
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:05,543 Your daughter never had the chickenpox
00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:07,128 as a little girl, I take it?
00:02:07,253 --> 00:02:09,088 No, no, she's been perfectly healthy.
00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:10,673 Well, that's the problem.
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,174 You see chickenpox is a pretty normal thing
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,717 with young children, but as you get older
00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:16,387 it becomes more and more a ferocious disease.
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:18,722 Shelley, looks who's come to visit you.
00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,724 Your little brother Stan.
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,309 Oh, whoopee!
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,103 You know, most people don't realize
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,522 that chickenpox is actually a form of herpes.
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,149 Dude, you got herpes on your face!
00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:29,525 Shut up, brat!
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,776 Will my daughter be okay?
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:31,944 She'll be fine.
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,821 Stop it!
00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,573 We just want to be cautious and monitor her here.
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,451 Come on, Stanley, give your sister a kiss,
00:02:39,577 --> 00:02:40,703 and then we have to go.
00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:43,789 And then the doctor said that
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,249 it's much worse as you get older.
00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:46,792 My daughter is in pretty bad shape now,
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,420 but if she were in her 20s, she could die!
00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:51,213 My God, I never knew the chickenpox
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,257 was such a dangerous illness.
00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,593 I guess it's much better to get it when you're young.
00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:58,179 So tell me if I'm crazy but I started thinking that we should
00:02:58,304 --> 00:03:00,014 intentionally have our boys play with a child
00:03:00,139 --> 00:03:01,640 who has the chickenpox.
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,434 Let them get it now while they're young.
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,060 That's not crazy at all, Sharon.
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:06,937 Mothers do it all the time.
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,773 Ooh yes, when I was a child, my mother had me go over
00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:11,901 to a little girl's house who had the chickenpox
00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:13,652 just so I would get it.
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,946 So it's not such a crazy idea after all.
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,823 No, no! And I'm pretty sure that
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,492 strange little boy Kenny has the chickenpox right now.
00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:22,453 Are you guys having a meeting or something?
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,163 How would you boys like to have a little slumber party
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:25,956 at your little friend Kenny's house tonight?
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,208 No way dude, Kenny's family is poor.
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:28,918 They live in the ghetto.
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:30,419 Yeah, let's just have a slumber party here.
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,670 Boys, you're going to sleep over
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,505 at Kenny's, and that's final.
00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:34,715 Oh, weak!
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,259 I wonder why our moms want us to sleep over
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,136 at Kenny's so bad. - Yeah, it's pretty weird.
00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,096 - Well, all I can say is he better have Nintendo.
00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:44,558 Well, here's Kenny's house.
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,143 - ♪ In the ghetto ♪
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:48,229 ♪ On the cold and gray Chicago morning ♪
00:03:48,354 --> 00:03:49,772 ♪ Another little baby child is born ♪
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:52,858 ♪ In the ghetto, in the ghetto ♪
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,569 Yeah?
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,238 We're here to have a slumber party with Kenny.
00:03:57,363 --> 00:03:58,614 What? Don't you know Kenny's sick with--
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,366 That's the whole point, remember?
00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,743 Their moms want them to catch it while they're young.
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,662 Oh, yeah. - Catch what?
00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:07,581 Nothing. Come on in. I was just making dinner.
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,583 ♪ And his mama cries ♪
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,460 ♪ 'Cause if there's one thing that she don't need ♪
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,962 ♪ It's another little hungry mouth to feed ♪
00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,381 ♪ In the ghetto, in the ghetto ♪
00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:16,882 Shh! Cartman! - What?
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,133 Kenny! Your little friends are here!
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,635 Come play with them!
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,597 I know you're sick. Now get your buns out here!
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,182 Buns.
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:26,892 Hey, you guys, what's going on?
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,019 Whoa dude! You got herpes on your face too!
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,438 Where is the Nintendo?
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:33,482 We don't have a Nintendo.
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,360 We got a ColecoVision plugged in to the black and white TV.
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,237 Oh, my God, this is like a third-world country.
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:39,905 Throw your sleeping bags in Kenny's room
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,490 and then come grab some dinner.
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,908 Oh good, I'm starving.
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,539 Let's say grace.
00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:53,002 Lord, we thank you for this staggering payload
00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:55,170 of frozen waffles you have bestowed upon us.
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,589 And since we have been faithful to you,
00:04:57,715 --> 00:05:00,217 we know that you will send us some good fortune
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,803 one of these days, even though you sure as hell
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,430 seem to be taking your sweet time.
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,307 - Amen. - Amen.
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:09,643 Okay, let's dig in.
00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:11,562 That one's mine! That one's mine!
00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,731 What kind of side dishes will we be enjoying this evening
00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:15,482 with our frozen waffles?
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:20,446 Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,614 - So Kyle, your dad still bringing home
00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:25,034 those big, fat lawyer paychecks?
00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,160 I don't know. - Stewart,
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,703 don't even get started.
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,496 What? I'm just asking a question.
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:30,664 You know your dad and I used to be best friends
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,333 when we were teenagers.
00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:34,209 We even worked together at Pizza Shack.
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:35,836 But he got promoted, went off to community college,
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,296 and I didn't.
00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,380 And you know why?
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,965 'Cause your dad's Jewish!
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,342 Heh. I heard that.
00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,010 That ain't why, Stewart!
00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:45,054 It's because you are an alcoholic retard,
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,889 and he had dreams of not eating frozen waffles
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,807 for dinner every night!
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,809 Hey, is it my fault you don't know how to cook?
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,270 What am I supposed to do with frozen waffles, clamhead?
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,105 You put 'em in the toaster, you cook em!
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:58,067 You just don't know how to use spices and stuff.
00:05:58,192 --> 00:05:59,818 My waffle's done! My waffle's done!
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,779 - Now, Kevin, we ain't got enough for everybody.
00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,697 You have to split that with your brother.
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,866 Oh Jesus, are you fucking kidding me?
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,159 Hey! We don't say fuck at the table,
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,119 you little asshole!
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:10,662 Yeah, we apparently don't say "side dishes" either.
00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:12,331 Kenny, honey,
00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,083 if you're gonna sneeze, sneeze on them.
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,584 Huh?
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:16,710 Hey!
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:20,672 Man, your family sucks ass, Kenny.
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,674 Whoever heard of frozen waffles for dinner?
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:23,842 Come on, let's just get in our sleeping bags
00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:24,968 and get this night over with.
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,393 Cartman, what the hell is that?
00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,478 It's my Urkel sleeping bag. Isn't it cool?
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:35,896 No, it's not cool!
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,564 Dude, I think I just saw a rat.
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:38,857 Ah! You have rats in your house, too, Kenny?
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,025 Mm-hmm. - Dude, seriously,
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,610 you better stop being so poor
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,487 or else I'm gonna start hocking rocks at ya.
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:44,780 I don't think it's very healthy to sleep with rats.
00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,325 Oh.
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,626 Okay, let me see.
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,420 Oh, goody, you've got a fever!
00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:01,338 Goody? What do you mean goody?
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:03,048 Yep, it looks like you've got chickenpox, all right.
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,550 Chickenp--Oh no!
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,093 I must've caught it from Kenny last night.
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:07,803 Oh gee, I guess you did.
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,471 Well, you sure seem happy about it.
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,640 All right, it's off to bed with you, young man.
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,187 Don't scratch it, hon.
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,022 But, Mom, seriously, it itches.
00:07:19,148 --> 00:07:20,399 I can't stand it!
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:23,485 No, hon. - Mom, seriously!
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,779 I got you some calamine lotion.
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,114 I don't wanna!
00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:30,075 It'll make your itches go away.
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,411 Ahh. Hey, give me that!
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,249 - Not too much, hon.
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,418 It says on the bottle that too much can be bad.
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:40,711 More calamine lotion!
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,591 I don't understand it, he's perfectly healthy.
00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,468 Yeah, I feel great.
00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:49,595 Are you sure you stayed over at Kenny's house?
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,805 Yeah dude. I told you we had bread sandwiches for breakfast.
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,307 Did you sleep in the same room?
00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,058 Yes, why?
00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:56,602 Bubie, how would you like to spend the night
00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:57,978 at your friend Kenny's house again?
00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,188 No way, dude, it sucked ass.
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,939 They didn't even have cable.
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:01,940 Well, I think you need to spend more time
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,484 with your friends.
00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:04,902 Kenny's not really my friend, Ma.
00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:06,445 I don't give a rat's ass about him.
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,322 I'm gonna give Mrs. McCormick a call.
00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:10,032 Ahh. Hey dad, is it true
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,116 that you and Kenny's dad used to be best friends
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,659 when you were young?
00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:14,328 Who Stewart? Yeah, yeah, I guess we were.
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,288 Well, how come Kenny's family
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,873 eats frozen waffles for dinner and has rats on the floor,
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,124 and we have a big house and lots of food?
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,584 - Well, because Kenny's family
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,169 doesn't have as much money as we do.
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,004 But why? If they're hungry and poor,
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,464 why don't we just always give them half of our food?
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,134 Oh, boy, have you got a lot to learn.
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:30,719 Sit down, son.
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,763 You see, Kyle, we humans work as a society.
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,973 And in order for a society to thrive,
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,100 we need Gods and clods.
00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:38,936 Gods and clods? - Yes.
00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:40,479 You see, I spent a lot of time going to law school
00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,439 and I was able to go because I have
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,149 a slightly higher intellect than others.
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:45,776 But I still need people to pump my gas
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:47,569 and make my French fries
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,488 and fix my laundry machine when it breaks down.
00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:51,615 Oh, I see. Gods and clods.
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,033 That's right, so Kenny's family
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,618 is happy just the way they are.
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,579 And we're all a functioning part of America.
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,750 Stanley, can I get you anything else?
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,295 Stanley? Oh my God.
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,548 Randy! Randy, hurry! He's burning up!
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,972 Don't you worry, Stanley; you're going to be okay.
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,807 Can I talk to you outside?
00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:18,934 Kids, Daddy and I are gonna be right back, okay?
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,561 Okay. - Serves you right,
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,479 you little brat.
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:23,814 At least I'm not gonna die from it like you might!
00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:25,482 If I die from this,
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:27,776 I'm taking you with me!
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,278 <i>Will Carol find out she's a fireman?</i>
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:30,654 I don't wanna watch this.
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:31,738 I wanna watch "Terrance & Phillip."
00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,282 - We're watching this.
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,117 Well, I've got the remote, bitch!
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,786 <i>Say, Terrance, would you check my ass for abnormalities?</i>
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,538 <i>Sure thing, Phillip.</i>
00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:42,082 <i>- You got me again!</i>
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,250 <i>That's tomfoolery.</i>
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,254 Give me the remote. - No way, dude.
00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:49,172 We're gonna watch "Terrance & Phillip" all day.
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,466 Hey! Get me outta here!
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,427 <i>She was a--</i> - He'll be okay.
00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,554 But it's a good idea for us to monitor him for a while.
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,389 Oh God, what have we done?
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,391 There, there now, it's not your fault.
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:02,352 Doctor, we purposely sent our son to stay with a friend
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,980 who had chickenpox so that he would get it early.
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,356 Ooh, wow, you did?
00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:09,026 Wow, you guys suck.
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,280 Can we go home now, Mom?
00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:15,699 No bubula, you play with Kenny some more.
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,326 But we've been playing for 8 hours!
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,744 We can't think of anything else to do.
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,412 I've got a great game for you!
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,706 It's called Ookie Mouth. - What's Ookie Mouth?
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,708 First you let Kenny spit in your mouth.
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,501 Then you try to swallow his spit
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,712 and try to say "Ookie Mouth" at the same time.
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:30,130 Sick, dude! - No, no, boobie.
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,507 It's loads of fun. Try it!
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:35,636 That outta take care of it.
00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:37,304 You want some more hot water?
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:39,222 Oh no thank you. It's terrific, though.
00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:41,016 You don't have any teabags or coffee grounds
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,018 to go in the hot water do you?
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,355 No, we don't care for that hoity-toity, rich folk stuff.
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,940 I see; well, you certainly have a humble home,
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,525 Mrs. McCormick.
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,569 Yeah, well, unfortunately my husband
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,279 is a washed-up hunk of shit!
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,864 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,326 Gross! I can't do it, Ma!
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,869 Try again, bubie!
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,204 Ahh!
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,747 You know, your husband and mine
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,666 used to work together as teenagers.
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:08,168 Oh, they was best friends. You couldn't separate 'em.
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,670 Really?
00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,380 I met Gerald in college, so I didn't know.
00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:12,798 What happened to them?
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:14,591 Oh, they just grew apart, I guess.
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,635 I think Stewart's a little jealous that your husband got
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:17,844 out of making pizzas and went on
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,346 to make something of hisself.
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,889 Well, that's too bad.
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,557 I'm sure your husband is a fine man.
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,976 Oh, hell no. He's a nugget of deer turd.
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,812 But if they were such good friends,
00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:28,689 it seems silly that they don't even talk anymore.
00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:31,483 Let's get them together. - I don't know.
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,567 We'll just arrange a little fishing trip
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,236 for them or something.
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,737 I can't say "Ookie Mouth" and have Kenny
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:36,738 spit down my throat at the same time.
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,156 It's impossible.
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,574 Practice makes perfect, boobie.
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,121 God damn it, where's that calamine lotion?
00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:45,831 <i>Phillip, I got good news and bad news.</i>
00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:47,874 <i>Give it to me straight, Terrance.</i>
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,334 <i>The good news is you have a clean bill of health.</i>
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,919 <i>Oh, what a relief!</i>
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,004 <i>The bad news is you have cancer.</i>
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:54,506 <i>- Cancer?</i>
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,383 <i>Yes, I'm afraid your ass is collapsing.</i>
00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:58,051 <i>My ass is collapsing!</i>
00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,095 <i>Yes. See this x-ray? That's your ass.</i>
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,556 <i>See that line? That's your ass collapsing.</i>
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:04,349 <i>Your ass is collapsing!</i>
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,435 <i>Will this mean I won't be able to fart anymore?</i>
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,854 <i>No, it means you won't be able to live anymore.</i>
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,609 Oh, no.
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,445 Damn it!
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:17,779 - No, kitty that's a-- wait a minute.
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,489 Come here, kitty.
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:21,700 Yes, yes.
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,577 I'm back, hon. I got some more calamine lotion.
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:27,122 It's about friggin' time! Give me that!
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,874 Just use a little bit of that stuff, hon.
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,417 It has to last a while.
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,127 Gimme.
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,761 Gimme.
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,306 Yes...
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:48,643 Oh, you guys, seriously...
00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,648 I didn't know you liked to fish, Gerry.
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,192 Oh yeah, I love it.
00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:56,610 I haven't done it for a while, though.
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:57,944 I had to run out a buy a few things.
00:12:58,069 --> 00:13:01,573 You know, a rod and a reel and a...
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,742 Tackle box? - Yeah! Tackle box.
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,911 Man, smell that mountain air.
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:09,372 What a great Saturday morning. Aren't weekends just the best?
00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:11,917 When you're unemployed, weekends are meaningless.
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,752 Right, right, right.
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,547 And so, children, that's how you tell
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,424 a prostitute from a policeman.
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:22,469 Now, are there any questions?
00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,471 Yes, Kyle.
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:25,764 What the hell does that have to do with American history?
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,015 That's a good question, Kyle.
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,642 Are there any other questions?
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,060 Mr. Garrison, I'm the only one here.
00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:31,520 Everyone else has chicken herpes.
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,647 Right, right.
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:36,691 Well, class, I'm gonna assign you all a paper.
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,568 The theme of the paper will be
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,904 "How I would make America better."
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,031 What? Does everybody have to do it or just me?
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,658 Don't worry, Kyle, I'm sending homework
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,326 to all the children who are out sick.
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,036 They'll have to turn in a paper, too.
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,871 <i>Homework? But I'm in the hospital!</i>
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,331 Well, your teacher sent this stuff over
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,250 for you to do while you're sick.
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,293 That son of a bitch! What kind of sick weirdo is he?
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,337 Now, Stanley, I know at your age
00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:59,297 teachers can seem cold and heartless,
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,632 but later you'll understand
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,676 that he did this for your own good.
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,886 Not Mr. Garrison, Ma. He really is a sick weirdo.
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,680 Yeah, it's true, he is. - Oh.
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,391 Well, anyway, here's a pencil and some paper.
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,976 Wait, where are you going?
00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,519 We're going down to, uh, Happy Burger
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,187 for some milkshakes. - Milkshakes?
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:16,189 Yeah, and then we're going to the movies.
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,859 See ya, son. - Weak.
00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:20,443 "So this is how America works.
00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,445 "We have Gods and clods.
00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:25,198 "My dad says America needs both rich and poor to survive,
00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:26,700 but I have a better idea."
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,368 No, I don't understand it, Dr. Schwartz;
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,161 he's perfectly healthy.
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,831 He's been over at Kenny's house three days in a row
00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:35,083 and still hasn't caught the chickenpox.
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,294 What? - I don't know what else to do.
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,379 We sent the other boys over and they all got sick,
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:41,882 but I can't get my little Kyle to catch it.
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:43,341 Oh, my God! - Kyle!
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:44,885 What are you doing there, honey?
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,261 You!
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,721 I'll call you back, Dr. Schwartz.
00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:50,390 You! - What, bubula? What is it?
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,767 You sent us over to Kenny's house on purpose!
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,185 You wanted us to get sick!
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:56,521 Oy. It was for your own good, Kyle.
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,940 I wanted you to get chickenpox while you were young.
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,442 Why? So I could be sitting in the hospital
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:01,735 waiting to die like Stan?
00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,278 Now, Kyle, come here.
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,988 You get away from me, you crazy woman!
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,156 Oh boy.
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,036 Beer? - Huh?
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,329 Oh, no thanks, I brought my own.
00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:14,247 Microbrew sampler from Aspen.
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,416 Has six different beers from local breweries.
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,294 Say, remember that time we built
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,129 the fort in your mom's backyard?
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,048 Yeah.
00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:25,383 It took us damned near two years to finish it.
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:29,179 Whatever happened to that old hunk of junk?
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:30,639 That's where I live now.
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,515 Oh, right.
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:33,808 "And so that's why 'Nightrider'
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,352 was the best show in America."
00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:36,853 Stan, Stan! - Shh!
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,563 Wake her up, and we're both dead.
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:40,148 Sorry, sorry, you know how after we spent the night
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,483 at Kenny's house and you and Cartman
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:42,609 got sick with chickenpox?
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,402 Yeah? - Dude.
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:45,820 Our parents sent us over there to get us sick.
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,322 What are you talking about?
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,115 They knew that staying at Kenny's house
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,367 would make us sick and they made us do it anyway.
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:51,910 They did? - Yeah.
00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,370 And I think I figured out why. - Why?
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:54,704 Because they're a bunch of assholes.
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,247 Of course!
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:57,832 Come on, dude, we gotta get outta here.
00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:58,833 I don't know what they're planning next,
00:15:58,959 --> 00:15:59,918 but it can't be good.
00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:01,628 "I hope that one day
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:04,381 "America can be more like Endor
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:05,799 "where the Ewoks live.
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:08,134 Endor is very cool."
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,929 Mom, answer that!
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:14,057 "They have trees and Ewoks and barbeques,
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:17,602 "which is why I like Endor more than America.
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,063 It's... cool."
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:21,606 Cartman, you remember how we all spent the night
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,441 at Kenny's a couple of days ago?
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,276 I remember frozen waffles with no side dishes.
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:26,861 Cartman, our parents sent us over there
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,154 to catch chickenpox from Kenny.
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:29,781 Yeah, dude.
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:30,782 Your mom wanted you to have herpes on your face.
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,325 She what?
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,994 It's some kind of parental conspiracy.
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:35,120 Our parents are trying to kill us or something.
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:37,288 - That bitch!
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,748 I'm gonna go downstairs and kick her square in the nuts!
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:39,874 - No, no, no, no. Come on, fatass.
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,626 We're gonna get em all back.
00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,086 Well, I'm sure you'll find another job soon.
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,671 Something will come along.
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,715 It's not that easy. You were lucky.
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,967 Now now, I wasn't lucky. - You had rich parents.
00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:51,636 You got to go to that expensive community college.
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,681 Hey! I worked my ass off to get to where I am today.
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:57,600 I wanted to be somebody! - I wanted to be somebody, too!
00:16:57,726 --> 00:17:00,145 I just wasn't born with a silver enema up my ass!
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,896 You're just jealous!
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:03,064 You're a bitter old drunk just like your father!
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,399 Oww!
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,192 Now, don't make me do that again.
00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:07,944 Oww! You son of a bitch!
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,323 Doctor?
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,576 Yes. - Where's Stan?
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,119 Stan?
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:18,705 Stan, our son. - Oh, yes, where is Stan?
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,331 You mean Stanley's missing?
00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,167 No no, he's not missing.
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,335 We just--can't seem to find him at this moment.
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:26,504 Oh, my God, our son ran away!
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,089 Will he be okay out of the hospital?
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,924 Oh, sure, sure.
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,593 But we have to get him back soon; if he doesn't get
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:32,761 his antibiotic shot today, he could die.
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,345 Die? - Yes, die.
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,097 It won't be an easy death either.
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,223 The chickenpox will slowly move down his trachea
00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:38,349 into his lungs.
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,976 Okay, well, let's go look.
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,519 she chokes for breath, the pox will move
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:42,979 through his inner ear into his brain
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,105 making him think he's David Duchovny.
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,523 Oh, God, no!
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:47,358 I'm sure he couldn't have gone far.
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:48,860 Now moving on all fours and wheezing uncontrollably
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,236 his cellular structure will regress
00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:51,988 in a gelatinous mass of--
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:56,493 So how was it? Did you boys have a good time fishing?
00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,536 - That son of a bitch ripped my parka!
00:17:58,661 --> 00:17:59,746 Catch anything?
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,039 I just don't get it.
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,665 Why would he invite me fishing
00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:04,417 and then turn into a complete bastard?
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,127 Well darling, I have to tell you something.
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,588 He didn't invite you; I set the whole thing up.
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,090 What? Now, why the hell would you
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,841 knowingly deceive me like that?
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,593 I thought it would be good for you.
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,428 Just like you deceived our son
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,347 into going to Kenny's, and that didn't work either!
00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:20,558 I'm doing the best I can!
00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:22,560 <i>"My Final Solution" by Kyle Broflovski.</i>
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:25,021 <i>My dad is the smartest guy in the whole wide world.</i>
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,648 <i>He has taught me that all poor people</i>
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,358 <i>are actually things called clods.</i>
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:29,943 <i>I wanna live in a world of only Gods,</i>
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,653 <i>so my idea to make America better,</i>
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,321 <i>is to put all poor people into camps.</i>
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,989 What? <i>- If we get rid of them,</i>
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,158 <i>there will be nothing but rich people;</i>
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,785 <i>and there won't be any hunger, poverty, or homeless people,</i>
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,495 <i>'cause they'll all be dead. The end.</i>
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,956 Oh, God, what have I done?
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,708 <i>What's happening here, Terrance?</i>
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:47,460 <i>We're doing an anal transplant;</i>
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,337 <i>it's our only hope. - Who's the donor?</i>
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,214 <i>I am Phillip. I am.</i>
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,174 <i>Terrance, you're giving up your ass for me?</i>
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,218 <i>Just half my ass. Can you believe it, Phillip?</i>
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,095 <i>Here we are, best friends,</i>
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,721 <i>and now we're going to share the same ass.</i>
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,265 Oh damn it! Not now!
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:01,641 Damn it!
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:03,476 Children, what are you doing here?
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:04,894 Terrance and Phillip are about to go into surgery!
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,813 Chef, we wanna know about herpes.
00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:08,606 What makes you think I would know anything about that?
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,400 I dunno, you're just the only grownup we trust.
00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:11,985 How does someone get herpes?
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,486 Well, you get it by sharing relations
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,488 with somebody who already has it.
00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,782 You have to be very careful around someone who has herpes.
00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,534 - Do you know anybody with herpes?
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,785 Well, there's old Frida, down on Main Street.
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,412 She has a mouthful of herpes.
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,080 You need to stay away from her.
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:25,832 But what if we want to give somebody herpes?
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,792 Oh, then Frida's the right person to go to.
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:28,918 Cool! Thanks, Chef!
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,587 Okay!
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,339 Wait a minute. What the hell did I just do?
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:35,925 Stanley? - Stan?
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,677 Oh, Stanley, where are you?
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,679 Stan? - Stanley!
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,601 Are you old Frida? - Who wants to know?
00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:46,227 Someone who wants a favor.
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,147 Ten dollars a lay, five dollars a nut.
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:50,815 Huh?
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,025 We want you to give our parents herpes.
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,651 Five dollars.
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,153 My dad has $5 on top of his dresser.
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,238 Stan you sound pretty sick.
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,948 Maybe you should go back to the hospital.
00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:00,992 And have Shelley kick my ass? No thanks.
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,660 Plus, I got to get my parents back just as much as you do.
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:12,879 <i>♪ I thought love was only true in fairy tales ♪</i>
00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:16,591 <i>♪ Meant for someone else, but not for me ♪</i>
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:22,180 <i>♪ Love was out to get me ♪</i>
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:24,849 <i>♪ That's the way it seemed ♪</i>
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:29,938 <i>♪ Disappointment haunted all my dreams ♪</i>
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,649 <i>♪ Then I saw her face ♪</i>
00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:36,110 <i>♪ Now I'm a believer ♪</i>
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,279 <i>♪ Not a trace ♪</i>
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:41,950 <i>♪ Of doubt in my mind ♪</i>
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,619 <i>♪ I'm in love ♪</i>
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,537 <i>♪ I'm believer ♪</i>
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:49,457 <i>♪ I couldn't leave her if I tried ♪</i>
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:52,752 <i>♪ Oh ♪</i>
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,050 Thanks a lot, Frida.
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:00,635 Don't mention it.
00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:04,180 Dude, this is gonna be so killer.
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:05,515 They're all gonna get herpes.
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,558 Hooray!
00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:09,185 Stanley, where the hell have you been?
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,604 Damn it, Stanley, you had us worried sick!
00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:14,274 You have to get back to the hospital for a shot.
00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:16,109 I don't wanna go back there.
00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:18,027 Come on, we're taking you back to the hospital.
00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:19,028 Don't you guys feel like brushing your teeth first?
00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:20,530 What?
00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:21,823 You know, freshen up your breath.
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,658 Oh man, I don't feel so good.
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,076 Oh good, maybe you finally caught the chicken--
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,369 Kyle!
00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:33,126 Well, I hope you boys learned your lesson.
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:34,669 Going out and playing around with chickenpox
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,838 almost killed you all. - We're sorry.
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,381 - Well, just be thankful we got you here in time.
00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:39,882 Your parents are here to see you.
00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:41,634 I'll send them in. - This itches.
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:42,927 Give me some of that calamine lotion, Cartman.
00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,595 - Hell no, you guys get your own.
00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:46,556 - Stanley, how are you feeling today, son?
00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:48,308 - Pretty good.
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:49,767 The doctor says that maybe you can go home tomorrow.
00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:51,352 Yeah, isn't that great, Stanley?
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:53,688 Wow, cool! - And how are you, Kyle?
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,815 Are you doing okay? - I'm better now.
00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:59,152 What's so funny, you two?
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:00,653 We gave you guys herpes.
00:22:00,778 --> 00:22:02,322 What? What? what? You did this?
00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:04,198 We got you back for getting us sick.
00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:06,284 We had a prostitute use your toothbrushes and stuff.
00:22:06,409 --> 00:22:08,119 I can't believe you gave us herpes.
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,204 You little rascals!
00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:11,581 Well, I guess it serves us right.
00:22:11,706 --> 00:22:13,082 Kids, we should've been honest
00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:15,126 about wanting you to get chickenpox.
00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:17,837 It's true; we were wrong for deceiving you about it.
00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:19,881 Hey, how come you don't have sores on your lips, Mom?
00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:22,425 Ooh, I have them somewhere else, poopykins.
00:22:22,550 --> 00:22:24,093 Hooray!
00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:25,887 And, uh, Stewart, I think I owe you an apology.
00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,764 I've realized I shouldn't be so cold
00:22:27,889 --> 00:22:29,515 towards people that are less fortunate than me.
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,726 Oh hell, I'm sorry, too.
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,061 <i>Oh, Phillip, I'm so glad everything</i>
00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:34,896 <i>turned out for the better.</i>
00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:37,940 Well, I know one thing for sure.
00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:39,776 What's that, Eric?
00:22:39,901 --> 00:22:42,153 We're all gonna need a lot more calamine lotion.
00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,120 Oh, my God! They've killed Kenny!
00:22:51,245 --> 00:22:52,622 You bastards!
00:23:04,175 --> 00:23:07,011 <i>- ♪ Love was out to get me ♪</i>
00:23:07,136 --> 00:23:10,598 <i>♪ That's the way it seems ♪</i>
00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:14,936 <i>♪ Disappointment haunted all my dreams ♪</i>
00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:16,187 <i>♪ Then I saw her-- ♪</i>

00:00:02,545 --> 00:00:04,130 [applause] What a great episode.
00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:05,423 Yep, and we're back just in time to check up
00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:07,425 on Northern Wyoming bacon loaf.
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,176 Say, that looks bacon-licious.
00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:10,761 [laughter]
00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,596 Now all we have to do is garnish.
00:00:12,722 --> 00:00:13,764 [pig squeals]
00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:15,141 Hey, Macon's going crazy.
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,142 Hold on, buddy. This one's for you.
00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:17,935 Okay.
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,104 Here's a nice fresh bacon loaf, just for Macon.
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,647 Whoa, hold on there, buddy.
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,443 Not too fast now. Okay, all right, hey.
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:27,319 [applause]
00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:29,321 - Well, all that bacon grease can't go to waste,
00:00:29,447 --> 00:00:32,825 so what I do is, I pour it into ice pop makers, like this.
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:35,244 - That's right, you see, bacon grease congeals,
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:39,665 so if you pour it in and you wait long enough...
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,167 bacon pops!
00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:42,585 [applause]
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:43,919 Who'd like to try one?
00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,963 You, come on up.
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,090 Come over here, you. Do you like bacon?
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,925 Yeah. - Well, give that a try.
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:53,888 How is it? - It's bacon-licious.
00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:55,389 Well, now it's time to watch our favorite episode
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:57,266 of "South Park." It's called "Chickenpox."
00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,935 You see, chickenpox affects you worse the older you get.
00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,854 So when I was young, my mom would make me sleep over
00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,522 at friends' houses when they had chickenpox
00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,066 in hopes that I would get the dreaded disease
00:01:05,191 --> 00:01:06,400 while I was still a child.
00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,777 Well, in this episode, the boys
00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,528 also learn a valuable lesson
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:10,905 when they hire a prostitute with cold sores
00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:12,865 to give their parents herpes.
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:14,575 [laughter]
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,036 So grab a bacon pop, sit back, and enjoy...
00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:18,037 "Chickenpox."
00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:20,414 <i>[playful melody]</i>
00:01:27,797 --> 00:01:31,133 <i>[twangy music]</i>
00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:32,635 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,470 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,138 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:37,723 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,183 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,018 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:42,728 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,230 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:45,731 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,483 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,653 [singing indistinctly]
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,154 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,948 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,703 It's a good thing we got her to the hospital in time.
00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:02,331 But what's wrong with her? - It's chickenpox.
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,250 There seems to be a small epidemic going around.
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:05,543 Your daughter never had the chickenpox
00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:07,128 as a little girl, I take it?
00:02:07,253 --> 00:02:09,088 No, no, she's been perfectly healthy.
00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:10,673 Well, that's the problem.
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,174 You see chickenpox is a pretty normal thing
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,717 with young children, but as you get older
00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:16,387 it becomes more and more a ferocious disease.
00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:18,722 Shelley, looks who's come to visit you.
00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,724 Your little brother Stan.
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,309 Oh, whoopee!
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,103 You know, most people don't realize
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,522 that chickenpox is actually a form of herpes.
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,149 Dude, you got herpes on your face!
00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:29,525 Shut up, brat!
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,776 Will my daughter be okay?
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:31,944 She'll be fine.
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,821 Stop it!
00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,573 We just want to be cautious and monitor her here.
00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:37,241 [thud] [Stan shouts]
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,451 Come on, Stanley, give your sister a kiss,
00:02:39,577 --> 00:02:40,703 and then we have to go.
00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:43,789 And then the doctor said that
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,249 it's much worse as you get older.
00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:46,792 My daughter is in pretty bad shape now,
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,420 but if she were in her 20s, she could die!
00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:51,213 My God, I never knew the chickenpox
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,257 was such a dangerous illness.
00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,593 I guess it's much better to get it when you're young.
00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:58,179 So tell me if I'm crazy but I started thinking that we should
00:02:58,304 --> 00:03:00,014 intentionally have our boys play with a child
00:03:00,139 --> 00:03:01,640 who has the chickenpox.
00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,434 Let them get it now while they're young.
00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,060 That's not crazy at all, Sharon.
00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:06,937 Mothers do it all the time.
00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,773 Ooh yes, when I was a child, my mother had me go over
00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:11,901 to a little girl's house who had the chickenpox
00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:13,652 just so I would get it.
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,946 So it's not such a crazy idea after all.
00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,823 No, no! And I'm pretty sure that
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,492 strange little boy Kenny has the chickenpox right now.
00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:22,453 Are you guys having a meeting or something?
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,163 How would you boys like to have a little slumber party
00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:25,956 at your little friend Kenny's house tonight?
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,208 No way dude, Kenny's family is poor.
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:28,918 They live in the ghetto.
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:30,419 Yeah, let's just have a slumber party here.
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,670 Boys, you're going to sleep over
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,505 at Kenny's, and that's final.
00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:34,715 Oh, weak!
00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,259 I wonder why our moms want us to sleep over
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,136 at Kenny's so bad. - Yeah, it's pretty weird.
00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,096 - Well, all I can say is he better have Nintendo.
00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:44,558 Well, here's Kenny's house.
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,143 - ♪ In the ghetto ♪
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:48,229 ♪ On the cold and gray Chicago morning ♪
00:03:48,354 --> 00:03:49,772 ♪ Another little baby child is born ♪
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:52,858 ♪ In the ghetto, in the ghetto ♪
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,569 Yeah?
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,238 We're here to have a slumber party with Kenny.
00:03:57,363 --> 00:03:58,614 What? Don't you know Kenny's sick with--
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,366 That's the whole point, remember?
00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,743 Their moms want them to catch it while they're young.
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,662 Oh, yeah. - Catch what?
00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:07,581 Nothing. Come on in. I was just making dinner.
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,583 ♪ And his mama cries ♪
00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,460 ♪ 'Cause if there's one thing that she don't need ♪
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,962 ♪ It's another little hungry mouth to feed ♪
00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,381 ♪ In the ghetto, in the ghetto ♪
00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:16,882 Shh! Cartman! - What?
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,133 Kenny! Your little friends are here!
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,635 Come play with them!
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,428 [Kenny mumbles]
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,597 I know you're sick. Now get your buns out here!
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,182 [giggles] Buns.
00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:26,892 [mumbling] Hey, you guys, what's going on?
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,019 Whoa dude! You got herpes on your face too!
00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,438 Where is the Nintendo?
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:33,482 We don't have a Nintendo.
00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,360 We got a ColecoVision plugged in to the black and white TV.
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,237 Oh, my God, this is like a third-world country.
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:39,905 Throw your sleeping bags in Kenny's room
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,490 and then come grab some dinner.
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,908 Oh good, I'm starving.
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,539 Let's say grace.
00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:53,002 Lord, we thank you for this staggering payload
00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:55,170 of frozen waffles you have bestowed upon us.
00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,589 And since we have been faithful to you,
00:04:57,715 --> 00:05:00,217 we know that you will send us some good fortune
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,803 one of these days, even though you sure as hell
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,430 seem to be taking your sweet time.
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,307 Amen. both: Amen.
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:09,643 [scoffs] Okay, let's dig in.
00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:11,562 That one's mine! That one's mine!
00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,731 What kind of side dishes will we be enjoying this evening
00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:15,482 with our frozen waffles?
00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:20,446 Am I to understand there will be no side dishes?
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,614 - So Kyle, your dad still bringing home
00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:25,034 those big, fat lawyer paychecks?
00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,160 I don't know. - Stewart,
00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,703 don't even get started.
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,496 What? I'm just asking a question.
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:30,664 You know your dad and I used to be best friends
00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,333 when we were teenagers.
00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:34,209 We even worked together at Pizza Shack.
00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:35,836 But he got promoted, went off to community college,
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,296 and I didn't.
00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,380 And you know why?
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,965 'Cause your dad's Jewish!
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,342 Heh. I heard that.
00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,010 That ain't why, Stewart!
00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:45,054 It's because you are an alcoholic retard,
00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,889 and he had dreams of not eating frozen waffles
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,807 for dinner every night!
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,809 Hey, is it my fault you don't know how to cook?
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,270 What am I supposed to do with frozen waffles, clamhead?
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,105 You put 'em in the toaster, you cook em!
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:58,067 You just don't know how to use spices and stuff.
00:05:58,192 --> 00:05:59,818 My waffle's done! My waffle's done!
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,779 - Now, Kevin, we ain't got enough for everybody.
00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,697 You have to split that with your brother.
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,866 Oh Jesus, are you fucking kidding me?
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,159 Hey! We don't say fuck at the table,
00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,119 you little asshole!
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:10,662 Yeah, we apparently don't say "side dishes" either.
00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:12,331 [sneezes] - Kenny, honey,
00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,083 if you're gonna sneeze, sneeze on them.
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,584 Huh? - [sneezes]
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:16,710 Hey!
00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:20,672 Man, your family sucks ass, Kenny.
00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,674 Whoever heard of frozen waffles for dinner?
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:23,842 Come on, let's just get in our sleeping bags
00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:24,968 and get this night over with.
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,393 Cartman, what the hell is that?
00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,478 It's my Urkel sleeping bag. Isn't it cool?
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:35,896 No, it's not cool!
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,564 Dude, I think I just saw a rat.
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:38,857 Ah! You have rats in your house, too, Kenny?
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,025 Mm-hmm. - Dude, seriously,
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,610 you better stop being so poor
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,487 or else I'm gonna start hocking rocks at ya.
00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:44,780 I don't think it's very healthy to sleep with rats.
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,199 [mumbling]
00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,325 Oh.
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:52,996 [sneezes]
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,626 Okay, let me see.
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,420 Oh, goody, you've got a fever!
00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:01,338 Goody? What do you mean goody?
00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:03,048 Yep, it looks like you've got chickenpox, all right.
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,550 Chickenp--Oh no!
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,093 I must've caught it from Kenny last night.
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:07,803 Oh gee, I guess you did.
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,471 Well, you sure seem happy about it.
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,640 All right, it's off to bed with you, young man.
00:07:13,976 --> 00:07:15,727 [moaning softly]
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,187 Don't scratch it, hon.
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,022 But, Mom, seriously, it itches.
00:07:19,148 --> 00:07:20,399 I can't stand it!
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:23,485 No, hon. - Mom, seriously!
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,779 I got you some calamine lotion.
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,114 I don't wanna!
00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:30,075 It'll make your itches go away.
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,411 Ahh. Hey, give me that!
00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:35,581 [sighs]
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,249 - Not too much, hon.
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,418 It says on the bottle that too much can be bad.
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:40,711 More calamine lotion!
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,591 I don't understand it, he's perfectly healthy.
00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,468 Yeah, I feel great.
00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:49,595 Are you sure you stayed over at Kenny's house?
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,805 Yeah dude. I told you we had bread sandwiches for breakfast.
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,307 Did you sleep in the same room?
00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,058 Yes, why?
00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:56,602 Bubie, how would you like to spend the night
00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:57,978 at your friend Kenny's house again?
00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,188 No way, dude, it sucked ass.
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,939 They didn't even have cable.
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:01,940 Well, I think you need to spend more time
00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,484 with your friends.
00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:04,902 Kenny's not really my friend, Ma.
00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:06,445 I don't give a rat's ass about him.
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,322 I'm gonna give Mrs. McCormick a call.
00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:10,032 Ahh. Hey dad, is it true
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,116 that you and Kenny's dad used to be best friends
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,659 when you were young?
00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:14,328 Who Stewart? Yeah, yeah, I guess we were.
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,288 Well, how come Kenny's family
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,873 eats frozen waffles for dinner and has rats on the floor,
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,124 and we have a big house and lots of food?
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,584 - Well, because Kenny's family
00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,169 doesn't have as much money as we do.
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,004 But why? If they're hungry and poor,
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,464 why don't we just always give them half of our food?
00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:27,049 [laughs]
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,134 Oh, boy, have you got a lot to learn.
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:30,719 Sit down, son.
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,763 You see, Kyle, we humans work as a society.
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,973 And in order for a society to thrive,
00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,100 we need Gods and clods.
00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:38,936 Gods and clods? - Yes.
00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:40,479 You see, I spent a lot of time going to law school
00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,439 and I was able to go because I have
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,149 a slightly higher intellect than others.
00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:45,776 But I still need people to pump my gas
00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:47,569 and make my French fries
00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,488 and fix my laundry machine when it breaks down.
00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:51,615 Oh, I see. Gods and clods.
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,033 That's right, so Kenny's family
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,618 is happy just the way they are.
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,579 And we're all a functioning part of America.
00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,164 [crickets chirping]
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,750 Stanley, can I get you anything else?
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,295 Stanley? Oh my God.
00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,548 Randy! Randy, hurry! He's burning up!
00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,972 Don't you worry, Stanley; you're going to be okay.
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,807 Can I talk to you outside?
00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:18,934 Kids, Daddy and I are gonna be right back, okay?
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,561 Okay. - Serves you right,
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,479 you little brat.
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:23,814 At least I'm not gonna die from it like you might!
00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:25,482 - [laughs] - If I die from this,
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:27,776 I'm taking you with me!
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,278 <i>Will Carol find out she's a fireman?</i>
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:30,654 I don't wanna watch this.
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:31,738 I wanna watch "Terrance & Phillip."
00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,282 - We're watching this.
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,117 Well, I've got the remote, bitch! [laughs]
00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,786 <i>Say, Terrance, would you check my ass for abnormalities?</i>
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,538 <i>Sure thing, Phillip.</i>
00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:42,082 <i>[farts] - [laughs] You got me again!</i>
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,250 <i>That's tomfoolery.</i>
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:44,960 <i>[laughter]</i>
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,254 Give me the remote. - No way, dude.
00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:49,172 We're gonna watch "Terrance & Phillip" all day.
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,466 Hey! Get me outta here!
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,427 <i>She was a--</i> - He'll be okay.
00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,554 But it's a good idea for us to monitor him for a while.
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,389 Oh God, what have we done?
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,391 There, there now, it's not your fault.
00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:02,352 Doctor, we purposely sent our son to stay with a friend
00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,980 who had chickenpox so that he would get it early.
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,356 Ooh, wow, you did?
00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:09,026 Wow, you guys suck.
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,280 Can we go home now, Mom?
00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:15,699 No bubula, you play with Kenny some more.
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,326 But we've been playing for 8 hours!
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,744 We can't think of anything else to do.
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,412 I've got a great game for you!
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,706 It's called Ookie Mouth. - What's Ookie Mouth?
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,708 First you let Kenny spit in your mouth.
00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,501 Then you try to swallow his spit
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,712 and try to say "Ookie Mouth" at the same time.
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:30,130 Sick, dude! - No, no, boobie.
00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,507 It's loads of fun. Try it!
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:35,636 That outta take care of it.
00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:37,304 You want some more hot water?
00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:39,222 Oh no thank you. It's terrific, though.
00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:41,016 You don't have any teabags or coffee grounds
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,018 to go in the hot water do you?
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,355 No, we don't care for that hoity-toity, rich folk stuff.
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,940 I see; well, you certainly have a humble home,
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,525 Mrs. McCormick.
00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,569 Yeah, well, unfortunately my husband
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,279 is a washed-up hunk of shit!
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,864 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,449 [Kenny spits]
00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,326 Gross! I can't do it, Ma!
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,869 Try again, bubie!
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,204 [Kenny spits] - Ahh!
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,747 You know, your husband and mine
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,666 used to work together as teenagers.
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:08,168 Oh, they was best friends. You couldn't separate 'em.
00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,670 Really?
00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,380 I met Gerald in college, so I didn't know.
00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:12,798 What happened to them?
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:14,591 Oh, they just grew apart, I guess.
00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,635 I think Stewart's a little jealous that your husband got
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:17,844 out of making pizzas and went on
00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,346 to make something of hisself.
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,889 Well, that's too bad.
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,557 I'm sure your husband is a fine man.
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,976 Oh, hell no. He's a nugget of deer turd.
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,812 But if they were such good friends,
00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:28,689 it seems silly that they don't even talk anymore.
00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:31,483 Let's get them together. - I don't know.
00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,567 We'll just arrange a little fishing trip
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,236 for them or something.
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,737 I can't say "Ookie Mouth" and have Kenny
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:36,738 spit down my throat at the same time.
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,156 It's impossible.
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,574 Practice makes perfect, boobie.
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,121 God damn it, where's that calamine lotion?
00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:45,831 <i>Phillip, I got good news and bad news.</i>
00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:47,874 <i>Give it to me straight, Terrance.</i>
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,334 <i>The good news is you have a clean bill of health.</i>
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,919 <i>Oh, what a relief!</i>
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,004 <i>The bad news is you have cancer.</i>
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:54,506 [gasps] <i>- Cancer?</i>
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,383 <i>Yes, I'm afraid your ass is collapsing.</i>
00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:58,051 <i>My ass is collapsing!</i>
00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,095 <i>Yes. See this x-ray? That's your ass.</i>
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,556 <i>See that line? That's your ass collapsing.</i>
00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:04,349 <i>Your ass is collapsing!</i>
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,435 <i>Will this mean I won't be able to fart anymore?</i>
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,854 <i>No, it means you won't be able to live anymore.</i>
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:12,774 <i>[laughter]</i>
00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,609 Oh, no.
00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,445 Damn it! - [meows]
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:17,779 - No, kitty that's a-- wait a minute.
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,489 Come here, kitty. - [meows]
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:21,700 Yes, yes.
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,577 I'm back, hon. I got some more calamine lotion.
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:27,122 It's about friggin' time! Give me that!
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,874 Just use a little bit of that stuff, hon.
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,417 It has to last a while.
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,127 Gimme.
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,754 [grunting]
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,761 Gimme.
00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:42,179 [sighs]
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,306 Yes...
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:48,643 Oh, you guys, seriously... [mumbles]
00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:51,897 [sighs]
00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,648 I didn't know you liked to fish, Gerry.
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,192 Oh yeah, I love it.
00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:56,610 I haven't done it for a while, though.
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:57,944 I had to run out a buy a few things.
00:12:58,069 --> 00:13:01,573 You know, a rod and a reel and a...
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,742 Tackle box? - Yeah! Tackle box.
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,911 [inhales deeply] Man, smell that mountain air.
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:09,372 What a great Saturday morning. Aren't weekends just the best?
00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:11,917 When you're unemployed, weekends are meaningless.
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,752 Right, right, right.
00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,629 [school bell rings]
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,547 And so, children, that's how you tell
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,424 a prostitute from a policeman.
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:22,469 Now, are there any questions?
00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,471 Yes, Kyle.
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:25,764 What the hell does that have to do with American history?
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,015 That's a good question, Kyle.
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,642 Are there any other questions?
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,060 Mr. Garrison, I'm the only one here.
00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:31,520 Everyone else has chicken herpes.
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,647 Right, right.
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:36,691 Well, class, I'm gonna assign you all a paper.
00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,568 The theme of the paper will be
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,904 "How I would make America better."
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,031 What? Does everybody have to do it or just me?
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,658 Don't worry, Kyle, I'm sending homework
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,326 to all the children who are out sick.
00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,036 They'll have to turn in a paper, too.
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,871 <i>Homework? But I'm in the hospital!</i>
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,331 Well, your teacher sent this stuff over
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,250 for you to do while you're sick.
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,293 That son of a bitch! What kind of sick weirdo is he?
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,337 Now, Stanley, I know at your age
00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:59,297 teachers can seem cold and heartless,
00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,632 but later you'll understand
00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,676 that he did this for your own good.
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,886 Not Mr. Garrison, Ma. He really is a sick weirdo.
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,680 Yeah, it's true, he is. - Oh.
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,391 Well, anyway, here's a pencil and some paper.
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,976 Wait, where are you going?
00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,519 We're going down to, uh, Happy Burger
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,187 for some milkshakes. - Milkshakes?
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:16,189 Yeah, and then we're going to the movies.
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,859 See ya, son. - Weak.
00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:20,443 "So this is how America works.
00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,445 "We have Gods and clods.
00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:25,198 "My dad says America needs both rich and poor to survive,
00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:26,700 but I have a better idea."
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,368 No, I don't understand it, Dr. Schwartz;
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,161 he's perfectly healthy.
00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,831 He's been over at Kenny's house three days in a row
00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:35,083 and still hasn't caught the chickenpox.
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,294 What? - I don't know what else to do.
00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,379 We sent the other boys over and they all got sick,
00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:41,882 but I can't get my little Kyle to catch it.
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:43,341 Oh, my God! - Kyle!
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:44,885 What are you doing there, honey?
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,261 You!
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,721 I'll call you back, Dr. Schwartz.
00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:50,390 You! - What, bubula? What is it?
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,767 You sent us over to Kenny's house on purpose!
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,185 You wanted us to get sick!
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:56,521 Oy. It was for your own good, Kyle.
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,940 I wanted you to get chickenpox while you were young.
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,442 Why? So I could be sitting in the hospital
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:01,735 waiting to die like Stan?
00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,278 Now, Kyle, come here.
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,988 You get away from me, you crazy woman!
00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,156 Oh boy.
00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,036 Beer? - Huh?
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,329 Oh, no thanks, I brought my own.
00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:14,247 Microbrew sampler from Aspen.
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,416 Has six different beers from local breweries.
00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,294 Say, remember that time we built
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,129 the fort in your mom's backyard?
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,048 [laughs] Yeah.
00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:25,383 It took us damned near two years to finish it.
00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:29,179 [laughs] Whatever happened to that old hunk of junk?
00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:30,639 That's where I live now.
00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,515 Oh, right.
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:33,808 "And so that's why 'Nightrider'
00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,352 was the best show in America."
00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:36,853 Stan, Stan! - Shh!
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,563 Wake her up, and we're both dead.
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:40,148 Sorry, sorry, you know how after we spent the night
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,483 at Kenny's house and you and Cartman
00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:42,609 got sick with chickenpox?
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,402 Yeah? - Dude.
00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:45,820 Our parents sent us over there to get us sick.
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,322 What are you talking about?
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,115 They knew that staying at Kenny's house
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,367 would make us sick and they made us do it anyway.
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:51,910 They did? - Yeah.
00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,370 And I think I figured out why. - Why?
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:54,704 Because they're a bunch of assholes.
00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,247 [gasps] Of course!
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:57,832 Come on, dude, we gotta get outta here.
00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:58,833 I don't know what they're planning next,
00:15:58,959 --> 00:15:59,918 but it can't be good.
00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:01,628 "I hope that one day
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:04,381 "America can be more like Endor
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:05,799 "where the Ewoks live.
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:08,134 Endor is very cool."
00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,929 [doorbell rings] Mom, answer that!
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:14,057 "They have trees and Ewoks and barbeques,
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:17,602 "which is why I like Endor more than America.
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,063 It's... cool."
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:21,606 Cartman, you remember how we all spent the night
00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,441 at Kenny's a couple of days ago?
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,276 I remember frozen waffles with no side dishes.
00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:26,861 Cartman, our parents sent us over there
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,154 to catch chickenpox from Kenny.
00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:29,781 Yeah, dude.
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:30,782 Your mom wanted you to have herpes on your face.
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,325 She what?
00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,994 It's some kind of parental conspiracy.
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:35,120 Our parents are trying to kill us or something.
00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:37,288 - That bitch!
00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,748 I'm gonna go downstairs and kick her square in the nuts!
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:39,874 - No, no, no, no. Come on, fatass.
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,626 We're gonna get em all back.
00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,086 Well, I'm sure you'll find another job soon.
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,671 Something will come along.
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,715 It's not that easy. You were lucky.
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,967 Now now, I wasn't lucky. - You had rich parents.
00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:51,636 You got to go to that expensive community college.
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,681 Hey! I worked my ass off to get to where I am today.
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:57,600 I wanted to be somebody! - I wanted to be somebody, too!
00:16:57,726 --> 00:17:00,145 I just wasn't born with a silver enema up my ass!
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,896 You're just jealous!
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:03,064 You're a bitter old drunk just like your father!
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,399 Oww!
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,192 Now, don't make me do that again.
00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:07,944 Oww! You son of a bitch!
00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:10,822 [both shouting]
00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,323 Doctor?
00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,576 Yes. - Where's Stan?
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,119 Stan?
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:18,705 Stan, our son. - Oh, yes, where is Stan?
00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,331 You mean Stanley's missing?
00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,167 No no, he's not missing.
00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,335 We just--can't seem to find him at this moment.
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:26,504 Oh, my God, our son ran away!
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,089 Will he be okay out of the hospital?
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,924 Oh, sure, sure.
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,593 But we have to get him back soon; if he doesn't get
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:32,761 his antibiotic shot today, he could die.
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,345 Die? - Yes, die.
00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,097 It won't be an easy death either.
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,223 The chickenpox will slowly move down his trachea
00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:38,349 into his lungs.
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,976 Okay, well, let's go look.
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,519 she chokes for breath, the pox will move
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:42,979 through his inner ear into his brain
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,105 making him think he's David Duchovny.
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,523 Oh, God, no!
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:47,358 I'm sure he couldn't have gone far.
00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:48,860 Now moving on all fours and wheezing uncontrollably
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,236 his cellular structure will regress
00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:51,988 in a gelatinous mass of--
00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:56,493 So how was it? Did you boys have a good time fishing?
00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,536 - That son of a bitch ripped my parka!
00:17:58,661 --> 00:17:59,746 Catch anything?
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,039 I just don't get it.
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,665 Why would he invite me fishing
00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:04,417 and then turn into a complete bastard?
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,127 Well darling, I have to tell you something.
00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,588 He didn't invite you; I set the whole thing up.
00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,090 What? Now, why the hell would you
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,841 knowingly deceive me like that?
00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,593 I thought it would be good for you.
00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,428 Just like you deceived our son
00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,347 into going to Kenny's, and that didn't work either!
00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:20,558 I'm doing the best I can!
00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:22,560 <i>"My Final Solution" by Kyle Broflovski.</i>
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:25,021 <i>My dad is the smartest guy in the whole wide world.</i>
00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,648 <i>He has taught me that all poor people</i>
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,358 <i>are actually things called clods.</i>
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:29,943 <i>I wanna live in a world of only Gods,</i>
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,653 <i>so my idea to make America better,</i>
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,321 <i>is to put all poor people into camps.</i>
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,989 What? <i>- If we get rid of them,</i>
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,158 <i>there will be nothing but rich people;</i>
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,785 <i>and there won't be any hunger, poverty, or homeless people,</i>
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,495 <i>'cause they'll all be dead. The end.</i>
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,956 Oh, God, what have I done?
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,708 <i>What's happening here, Terrance?</i>
00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:47,460 <i>We're doing an anal transplant;</i>
00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,337 <i>it's our only hope. - Who's the donor?</i>
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,214 <i>I am Phillip. I am.</i>
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,174 <i>Terrance, you're giving up your ass for me?</i>
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,218 <i>Just half my ass. Can you believe it, Phillip?</i>
00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,095 <i>Here we are, best friends,</i>
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,721 <i>and now we're going to share the same ass.</i>
00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,265 [knock on door] Oh damn it! Not now!
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:01,641 Damn it!
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:03,476 Children, what are you doing here?
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:04,894 Terrance and Phillip are about to go into surgery!
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,813 Chef, we wanna know about herpes.
00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:08,606 What makes you think I would know anything about that?
00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,400 I dunno, you're just the only grownup we trust.
00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:11,985 How does someone get herpes?
00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,486 Well, you get it by sharing relations
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,488 with somebody who already has it.
00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,782 You have to be very careful around someone who has herpes.
00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,534 - Do you know anybody with herpes?
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,785 Well, there's old Frida, down on Main Street.
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,412 She has a mouthful of herpes.
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,080 You need to stay away from her.
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:25,832 But what if we want to give somebody herpes?
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,792 Oh, then Frida's the right person to go to.
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:28,918 Cool! Thanks, Chef!
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,587 Okay!
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,339 Wait a minute. What the hell did I just do?
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:35,925 Stanley? - Stan?
00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,677 Oh, Stanley, where are you?
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,679 Stan? - Stanley!
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,601 Are you old Frida? - Who wants to know?
00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:46,227 Someone who wants a favor.
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,147 Ten dollars a lay, five dollars a nut.
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:50,815 Huh?
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,025 We want you to give our parents herpes.
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,651 Five dollars.
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,153 My dad has $5 on top of his dresser.
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,238 [coughs] - Stan you sound pretty sick.
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,948 Maybe you should go back to the hospital.
00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:00,992 And have Shelley kick my ass? No thanks.
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,660 Plus, I got to get my parents back just as much as you do.
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:07,081 <i>[The Monkees' "I'm A Believer"]</i>
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:12,879 <i>♪ I thought love was only true in fairy tales ♪</i>
00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:16,591 <i>♪ Meant for someone else, but not for me ♪</i>
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,509 ♪♪
00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:22,180 <i>♪ Love was out to get me ♪</i>
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:24,849 <i>♪ That's the way it seemed ♪</i>
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:29,938 <i>♪ Disappointment haunted all my dreams ♪</i>
00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,649 <i>♪ Then I saw her face ♪</i>
00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:36,110 <i>♪ Now I'm a believer ♪</i>
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,279 <i>♪ Not a trace ♪</i>
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:41,950 <i>♪ Of doubt in my mind ♪</i>
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,619 <i>♪ I'm in love ♪</i>
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,537 <i>♪ I'm believer ♪</i>
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:49,457 <i>♪ I couldn't leave her if I tried ♪</i>
00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,292 ♪♪
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:52,752 <i>♪ Oh ♪</i>
00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:57,799 ♪♪
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,050 Thanks a lot, Frida.
00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:00,635 [coughs] Don't mention it.
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,553 [coughs]
00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:04,180 Dude, this is gonna be so killer.
00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:05,515 They're all gonna get herpes.
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,558 [both] Hooray!
00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:09,185 Stanley, where the hell have you been?
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,604 Damn it, Stanley, you had us worried sick!
00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:14,274 You have to get back to the hospital for a shot.
00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:16,109 I don't wanna go back there.
00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:18,027 Come on, we're taking you back to the hospital.
00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:19,028 Don't you guys feel like brushing your teeth first?
00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:20,530 What?
00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:21,823 You know, freshen up your breath.
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,658 Oh man, I don't feel so good.
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,076 Oh good, maybe you finally caught the chicken--
00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,369 [gasps] Kyle!
00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:27,704 <i>[tense music]</i>
00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:33,126 Well, I hope you boys learned your lesson.
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:34,669 Going out and playing around with chickenpox
00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,838 almost killed you all. - We're sorry.
00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,381 - Well, just be thankful we got you here in time.
00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:39,882 Your parents are here to see you.
00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:41,634 I'll send them in. - This itches.
00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:42,927 Give me some of that calamine lotion, Cartman.
00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,595 - Hell no, you guys get your own.
00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:46,556 - Stanley, how are you feeling today, son?
00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:48,308 - Pretty good.
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:49,767 The doctor says that maybe you can go home tomorrow.
00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:51,352 Yeah, isn't that great, Stanley?
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:53,688 Wow, cool! - And how are you, Kyle?
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,815 Are you doing okay? - I'm better now.
00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:57,358 [laughter]
00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:59,152 What's so funny, you two?
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:00,653 We gave you guys herpes.
00:22:00,778 --> 00:22:02,322 What? What? what? You did this?
00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:04,198 We got you back for getting us sick.
00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:06,284 We had a prostitute use your toothbrushes and stuff.
00:22:06,409 --> 00:22:08,119 I can't believe you gave us herpes.
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,204 You little rascals!
00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:11,581 Well, I guess it serves us right.
00:22:11,706 --> 00:22:13,082 Kids, we should've been honest
00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:15,126 about wanting you to get chickenpox.
00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:17,837 It's true; we were wrong for deceiving you about it.
00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:19,881 Hey, how come you don't have sores on your lips, Mom?
00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:22,425 Ooh, I have them somewhere else, poopykins.
00:22:22,550 --> 00:22:24,093 Hooray!
00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:25,887 And, uh, Stewart, I think I owe you an apology.
00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,764 I've realized I shouldn't be so cold
00:22:27,889 --> 00:22:29,515 towards people that are less fortunate than me.
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,726 Oh hell, I'm sorry, too.
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,061 <i>Oh, Phillip, I'm so glad everything</i>
00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:34,896 <i>turned out for the better. [farts]</i>
00:22:35,021 --> 00:22:36,230 <i>[laughter]</i>
00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:37,940 Well, I know one thing for sure.
00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:39,776 What's that, Eric?
00:22:39,901 --> 00:22:42,153 We're all gonna need a lot more calamine lotion.
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:45,281 [laughter]
00:22:47,033 --> 00:22:49,452 [monitor flatlines]
00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,120 Oh, my God! They've killed Kenny!
00:22:51,245 --> 00:22:52,622 You bastards!
00:22:52,747 --> 00:22:55,208 [laughter]
00:22:55,333 --> 00:22:58,836 <i>["I'm A Believer" resumes]</i>
00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:04,050 ♪♪
00:23:04,175 --> 00:23:07,011 <i>- ♪ Love was out to get me ♪</i>
00:23:07,136 --> 00:23:10,598 <i>♪ That's the way it seems ♪</i>
00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:14,936 <i>♪ Disappointment haunted all my dreams ♪</i>
00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:16,187 <i>♪ Then I saw her-- ♪</i>

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