Ветрянка

00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:05,423

Yep, and we're back

just in time to check up

00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:07,425

on Northern Wyoming bacon loaf.

00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,176

Say, that looks

bacon-licious.

00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,596

Now all we have to do

is garnish.

00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:15,141

Hey, Macon's going crazy.

00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,142

Hold on, buddy.

This one's for you.

00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:17,935

Okay.

00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,104

Here's a nice fresh bacon loaf,

just for Macon.

00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,647

Whoa, hold on there, buddy.

00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,443

Not too fast now.

Okay, all right, hey.

00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:29,321

- Well, all that bacon grease

can't go to waste,

00:00:29,447 --> 00:00:32,825

so what I do is, I pour it into

ice pop makers, like this.

00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:35,244

- That's right, you see,

bacon grease congeals,

00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:39,665

so if you pour it in

and you wait long enough...

00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,167

bacon pops!

00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:43,919

Who'd like to try one?

00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,963

You, come on up.

00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,090

Come over here, you.

Do you like bacon?

00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,925

Yeah.

- Well, give that a try.

00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:53,888

How is it?

- It's bacon-licious.

00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:55,389

Well, now it's time to watch

our favorite episode

00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:57,266

of "South Park."

It's called "Chickenpox."

00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,935

You see, chickenpox affects you

worse the older you get.

00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,854

So when I was young, my mom

would make me sleep over

00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,522

at friends' houses when they

had chickenpox

00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,066

in hopes that I would get

the dreaded disease

00:01:05,191 --> 00:01:06,400

while I was still a child.

00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,777

Well, in this episode,

the boys

00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,528

also learn a valuable lesson

00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:10,905

when they hire a prostitute

with cold sores

00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:12,865

to give their parents herpes.

00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,036

So grab a bacon pop, sit back,

and enjoy...

00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:18,037

"Chickenpox."

00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:32,635

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,470

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,138

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:37,723

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,183

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,018

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:42,728

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,230

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:45,731

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,483

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,154

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,948

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,703

It's a good thing we got her

to the hospital in time.

00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:02,331

But what's wrong with her?

- It's chickenpox.

00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,250

There seems to be

a small epidemic going around.

00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:05,543

Your daughter never had

the chickenpox

00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:07,128

as a little girl, I take it?

00:02:07,253 --> 00:02:09,088

No, no,

she's been perfectly healthy.

00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:10,673

Well, that's the problem.

00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,174

You see chickenpox

is a pretty normal thing

00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,717

with young children,

but as you get older

00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:16,387

it becomes more and more

a ferocious disease.

00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:18,722

Shelley,

looks who's come to visit you.

00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,724

Your little brother Stan.

00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,309

Oh, whoopee!

00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,103

You know, most people

don't realize

00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,522

that chickenpox is actually

a form of herpes.

00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,149

Dude,

you got herpes on your face!

00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:29,525

Shut up, brat!

00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,776

Will my daughter be okay?

00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:31,944

She'll be fine.

00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,821

Stop it!

00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,573

We just want to be cautious

and monitor her here.

00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,451

Come on, Stanley,

give your sister a kiss,

00:02:39,577 --> 00:02:40,703

and then we have to go.

00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:43,789

And then the doctor said that

00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,249

it's much worse

as you get older.

00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:46,792

My daughter is

in pretty bad shape now,

00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,420

but if she were in her 20s,

she could die!

00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:51,213

My God,

I never knew the chickenpox

00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,257

was such a dangerous illness.

00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,593

I guess it's much better

to get it when you're young.

00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:58,179

So tell me if I'm crazy but I

started thinking that we should

00:02:58,304 --> 00:03:00,014

intentionally have our boys

play with a child

00:03:00,139 --> 00:03:01,640

who has the chickenpox.

00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,434

Let them get it now

while they're young.

00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,060

That's not crazy at all,

Sharon.

00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:06,937

Mothers do it all the time.

00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,773

Ooh yes, when I was a child,

my mother had me go over

00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:11,901

to a little girl's house

who had the chickenpox

00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:13,652

just so I would get it.

00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,946

So it's not such

a crazy idea after all.

00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,823

No, no!

And I'm pretty sure that

00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,492

strange little boy Kenny

has the chickenpox right now.

00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:22,453

Are you guys having

a meeting or something?

00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,163

How would you boys like to

have a little slumber party

00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:25,956

at your little friend Kenny's

house tonight?

00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,208

No way dude,

Kenny's family is poor.

00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:28,918

They live in the ghetto.

00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:30,419

Yeah, let's just

have a slumber party here.

00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,670

Boys, you're going to

sleep over

00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,505

at Kenny's, and that's final.

00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:34,715

Oh, weak!

00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,259

I wonder why our moms

want us to sleep over

00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,136

at Kenny's so bad.

- Yeah, it's pretty weird.

00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,096

- Well, all I can say is

he better have Nintendo.

00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:44,558

Well, here's Kenny's house.

00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,143

- ♪ In the ghetto ♪

00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:48,229

♪ On the cold and gray

Chicago morning ♪

00:03:48,354 --> 00:03:49,772

♪ Another little baby child

is born ♪

00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:52,858

♪ In the ghetto,

in the ghetto ♪

00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,569

Yeah?

00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,238

We're here to have a slumber

party with Kenny.

00:03:57,363 --> 00:03:58,614

What? Don't you know

Kenny's sick with--

00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,366

That's the whole point,

remember?

00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,743

Their moms want them to catch

it while they're young.

00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,662

Oh, yeah.

- Catch what?

00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:07,581

Nothing. Come on in.

I was just making dinner.

00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,583

♪ And his mama cries ♪

00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,460

♪ 'Cause if there's one thing

that she don't need ♪

00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,962

♪ It's another little

hungry mouth to feed ♪

00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,381

♪ In the ghetto,

in the ghetto ♪

00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:16,882

Shh! Cartman!

- What?

00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,133

Kenny!

Your little friends are here!

00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,635

Come play with them!

00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,597

I know you're sick.

Now get your buns out here!

00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,182

Buns.

00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:26,892

Hey, you guys,

what's going on?

00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,019

Whoa dude! You got herpes

on your face too!

00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,438

Where is the Nintendo?

00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:33,482

We don't have a Nintendo.

00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,360

We got a ColecoVision plugged

in to the black and white TV.

00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,237

Oh, my God, this is like

a third-world country.

00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:39,905

Throw your sleeping bags

in Kenny's room

00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,490

and then come grab some dinner.

00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,908

Oh good, I'm starving.

00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,539

Let's say grace.

00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:53,002

Lord, we thank you

for this staggering payload

00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:55,170

of frozen waffles

you have bestowed upon us.

00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,589

And since we have been faithful

to you,

00:04:57,715 --> 00:05:00,217

we know that you will send us

some good fortune

00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,803

one of these days, even though

you sure as hell

00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,430

seem to be taking your

sweet time.

00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,307

- Amen.

- Amen.

00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:09,643

Okay, let's dig in.

00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:11,562

That one's mine!

That one's mine!

00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,731

What kind of side dishes will

we be enjoying this evening

00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:15,482

with our frozen waffles?

00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:20,446

Am I to understand

there will be no side dishes?

00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,614

- So Kyle,

your dad still bringing home

00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:25,034

those big, fat lawyer paychecks?

00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,160

I don't know.

- Stewart,

00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,703

don't even get started.

00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,496

What?

I'm just asking a question.

00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:30,664

You know your dad and I

used to be best friends

00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,333

when we were teenagers.

00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:34,209

We even worked together

at Pizza Shack.

00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:35,836

But he got promoted, went off

to community college,

00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,296

and I didn't.

00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,380

And you know why?

00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,965

'Cause your dad's Jewish!

00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,342

Heh.

I heard that.

00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,010

That ain't why, Stewart!

00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:45,054

It's because you are

an alcoholic retard,

00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,889

and he had dreams of not

eating frozen waffles

00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,807

for dinner every night!

00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,809

Hey, is it my fault

you don't know how to cook?

00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,270

What am I supposed to do

with frozen waffles, clamhead?

00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,105

You put 'em in the toaster,

you cook em!

00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:58,067

You just don't know

how to use spices and stuff.

00:05:58,192 --> 00:05:59,818

My waffle's done!

My waffle's done!

00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,779

- Now, Kevin, we ain't

got enough for everybody.

00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,697

You have to split that

with your brother.

00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,866

Oh Jesus,

are you fucking kidding me?

00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,159

Hey! We don't say fuck

at the table,

00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,119

you little asshole!

00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:10,662

Yeah, we apparently

don't say "side dishes" either.

00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:12,331

Kenny, honey,

00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,083

if you're gonna sneeze,

sneeze on them.

00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,584

Huh?

00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:16,710

Hey!

00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:20,672

Man, your family sucks ass,

Kenny.

00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,674

Whoever heard

of frozen waffles for dinner?

00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:23,842

Come on, let's just get

in our sleeping bags

00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:24,968

and get this night over with.

00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,393

Cartman, what the hell

is that?

00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,478

It's my Urkel sleeping bag.

Isn't it cool?

00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:35,896

No, it's not cool!

00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,564

Dude,

I think I just saw a rat.

00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:38,857

Ah! You have rats

in your house, too, Kenny?

00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,025

Mm-hmm.

- Dude, seriously,

00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,610

you better stop being so poor

00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,487

or else I'm gonna start

hocking rocks at ya.

00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:44,780

I don't think it's very

healthy to sleep with rats.

00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,325

Oh.

00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,626

Okay, let me see.

00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,420

Oh, goody, you've got a fever!

00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:01,338

Goody?

What do you mean goody?

00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:03,048

Yep, it looks like you've

got chickenpox, all right.

00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,550

Chickenp--Oh no!

00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,093

I must've caught it

from Kenny last night.

00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:07,803

Oh gee, I guess you did.

00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,471

Well, you sure seem

happy about it.

00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,640

All right, it's off to bed

with you, young man.

00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,187

Don't scratch it, hon.

00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,022

But, Mom, seriously,

it itches.

00:07:19,148 --> 00:07:20,399

I can't stand it!

00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:23,485

No, hon.

- Mom, seriously!

00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,779

I got you some

calamine lotion.

00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,114

I don't wanna!

00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:30,075

It'll make your itches

go away.

00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,411

Ahh.

Hey, give me that!

00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,249

- Not too much, hon.

00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,418

It says on the bottle

that too much can be bad.

00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:40,711

More calamine lotion!

00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,591

I don't understand it,

he's perfectly healthy.

00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,468

Yeah, I feel great.

00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:49,595

Are you sure you stayed over

at Kenny's house?

00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,805

Yeah dude. I told you we had

bread sandwiches for breakfast.

00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,307

Did you sleep in

the same room?

00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,058

Yes, why?

00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:56,602

Bubie, how would you like

to spend the night

00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:57,978

at your friend Kenny's house

again?

00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,188

No way, dude, it sucked ass.

00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,939

They didn't even have cable.

00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:01,940

Well, I think you need to

spend more time

00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,484

with your friends.

00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:04,902

Kenny's not really my friend,

Ma.

00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:06,445

I don't give a rat's ass

about him.

00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,322

I'm gonna give

Mrs. McCormick a call.

00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:10,032

Ahh.

Hey dad, is it true

00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,116

that you and Kenny's dad

used to be best friends

00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,659

when you were young?

00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:14,328

Who Stewart?

Yeah, yeah, I guess we were.

00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,288

Well, how come Kenny's family

00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,873

eats frozen waffles for dinner

and has rats on the floor,

00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,124

and we have a big house

and lots of food?

00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,584

- Well, because Kenny's family

00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,169

doesn't have as much money

as we do.

00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,004

But why?

If they're hungry and poor,

00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,464

why don't we just always

give them half of our food?

00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,134

Oh, boy, have you got

a lot to learn.

00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:30,719

Sit down, son.

00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,763

You see, Kyle, we humans

work as a society.

00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,973

And in order for a society

to thrive,

00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,100

we need Gods and clods.

00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:38,936

Gods and clods?

- Yes.

00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:40,479

You see, I spent a lot of time

going to law school

00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,439

and I was able to go

because I have

00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,149

a slightly higher intellect

than others.

00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:45,776

But I still need people

to pump my gas

00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:47,569

and make my French fries

00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,488

and fix my laundry machine

when it breaks down.

00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:51,615

Oh, I see.

Gods and clods.

00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,033

That's right,

so Kenny's family

00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,618

is happy just the way they are.

00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,579

And we're all

a functioning part of America.

00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,750

Stanley,

can I get you anything else?

00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,295

Stanley? Oh my God.

00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,548

Randy! Randy, hurry!

He's burning up!

00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,972

Don't you worry, Stanley;

you're going to be okay.

00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,807

Can I talk to you outside?

00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:18,934

Kids, Daddy and I

are gonna be right back, okay?

00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,561

Okay.

- Serves you right,

00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,479

you little brat.

00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:23,814

At least I'm not gonna die

from it like you might!

00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:25,482

If I die from this,

00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:27,776

I'm taking you with me!

00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,278

Will Carol find out

she's a fireman?

00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:30,654

I don't wanna watch this.

00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:31,738

I wanna watch

"Terrance & Phillip."

00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,282

- We're watching this.

00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,117

Well, I've got the remote,

bitch!

00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,786

Say, Terrance, would you

check my ass for abnormalities?

00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,538

Sure thing, Phillip.

00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:42,082

- You got me again!

00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,250

That's tomfoolery.

00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,254

Give me the remote.

- No way, dude.

00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:49,172

We're gonna watch

"Terrance & Phillip" all day.

00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,466

Hey! Get me outta here!

00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,427

She was a--

- He'll be okay.

00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,554

But it's a good idea for us

to monitor him for a while.

00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,389

Oh God, what have we done?

00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,391

There, there now,

it's not your fault.

00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:02,352

Doctor, we purposely sent

our son to stay with a friend

00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,980

who had chickenpox

so that he would get it early.

00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,356

Ooh, wow, you did?

00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:09,026

Wow, you guys suck.

00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,280

Can we go home now, Mom?

00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:15,699

No bubula,

you play with Kenny some more.

00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,326

But we've been playing

for 8 hours!

00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,744

We can't think

of anything else to do.

00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,412

I've got a great game

for you!

00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,706

It's called Ookie Mouth.

- What's Ookie Mouth?

00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,708

First you let Kenny spit

in your mouth.

00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,501

Then you try to swallow

his spit

00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,712

and try to say "Ookie Mouth"

at the same time.

00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:30,130

Sick, dude!

- No, no, boobie.

00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,507

It's loads of fun.

Try it!

00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:35,636

That outta take care of it.

00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:37,304

You want some more hot water?

00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:39,222

Oh no thank you.

It's terrific, though.

00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:41,016

You don't have any teabags

or coffee grounds

00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,018

to go in the hot water do you?

00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,355

No, we don't care for that

hoity-toity, rich folk stuff.

00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,940

I see; well, you certainly

have a humble home,

00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,525

Mrs. McCormick.

00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,569

Yeah, well, unfortunately

my husband

00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,279

is a washed-up hunk of shit!

00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,864

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,326

Gross!

I can't do it, Ma!

00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,869

Try again, bubie!

00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,204

Ahh!

00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,747

You know, your husband

and mine

00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,666

used to work together

as teenagers.

00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:08,168

Oh, they was best friends.

You couldn't separate 'em.

00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,670

Really?

00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,380

I met Gerald in college,

so I didn't know.

00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:12,798

What happened to them?

00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:14,591

Oh, they just

grew apart, I guess.

00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,635

I think Stewart's a little

jealous that your husband got

00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:17,844

out of making pizzas

and went on

00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,346

to make something of hisself.

00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,889

Well, that's too bad.

00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,557

I'm sure your husband

is a fine man.

00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,976

Oh, hell no.

He's a nugget of deer turd.

00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,812

But if they were such

good friends,

00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:28,689

it seems silly that they don't

even talk anymore.

00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:31,483

Let's get them together.

- I don't know.

00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,567

We'll just arrange

a little fishing trip

00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,236

for them or something.

00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,737

I can't say "Ookie Mouth"

and have Kenny

00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:36,738

spit down my throat

at the same time.

00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,156

It's impossible.

00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,574

Practice makes perfect,

boobie.

00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,121

God damn it,

where's that calamine lotion?

00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:45,831

Phillip,

I got good news and bad news.

00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:47,874

Give it to me straight,

Terrance.

00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,334

The good news is you

have a clean bill of health.

00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,919

Oh, what a relief!

00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,004

The bad news is

you have cancer.

00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:54,506

- Cancer?

00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,383

Yes, I'm afraid

your ass is collapsing.

00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:58,051

My ass is collapsing!

00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,095

Yes. See this x-ray?

That's your ass.

00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,556

See that line?

That's your ass collapsing.

00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:04,349

Your ass is collapsing!

00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,435

Will this mean I won't

be able to fart anymore?

00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,854

No, it means you won't be

able to live anymore.

00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,609

Oh, no.

00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,445

Damn it!

00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:17,779

- No, kitty that's a--

wait a minute.

00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,489

Come here, kitty.

00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:21,700

Yes, yes.

00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,577

I'm back, hon. I got some

more calamine lotion.

00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:27,122

It's about friggin' time!

Give me that!

00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,874

Just use a little bit

of that stuff, hon.

00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,417

It has to last a while.

00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,127

Gimme.

00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,761

Gimme.

00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,306

Yes...

00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:48,643

Oh, you guys, seriously...

00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,648

I didn't know you

liked to fish, Gerry.

00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,192

Oh yeah, I love it.

00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:56,610

I haven't done it

for a while, though.

00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:57,944

I had to run out

a buy a few things.

00:12:58,069 --> 00:13:01,573

You know, a rod and a reel

and a...

00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,742

Tackle box?

- Yeah! Tackle box.

00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,911

Man, smell that mountain air.

00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:09,372

What a great Saturday morning.

Aren't weekends just the best?

00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:11,917

When you're unemployed,

weekends are meaningless.

00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,752

Right, right, right.

00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,547

And so, children,

that's how you tell

00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,424

a prostitute from a policeman.

00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:22,469

Now, are there any questions?

00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,471

Yes, Kyle.

00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:25,764

What the hell does that have

to do with American history?

00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,015

That's a good question, Kyle.

00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,642

Are there any other questions?

00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,060

Mr. Garrison,

I'm the only one here.

00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:31,520

Everyone else has

chicken herpes.

00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,647

Right, right.

00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:36,691

Well, class, I'm gonna assign

you all a paper.

00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,568

The theme of the paper will be

00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,904

"How I would

make America better."

00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,031

What? Does everybody

have to do it or just me?

00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,658

Don't worry, Kyle,

I'm sending homework

00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,326

to all the children

who are out sick.

00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,036

They'll have

to turn in a paper, too.

00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,871

Homework?

But I'm in the hospital!

00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,331

Well, your teacher sent this

stuff over

00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,250

for you to do while

you're sick.

00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,293

That son of a bitch!

What kind of sick weirdo is he?

00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,337

Now, Stanley,

I know at your age

00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:59,297

teachers can seem

cold and heartless,

00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,632

but later you'll

understand

00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,676

that he did this

for your own good.

00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,886

Not Mr. Garrison, Ma.

He really is a sick weirdo.

00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,680

Yeah, it's true, he is.

- Oh.

00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,391

Well, anyway,

here's a pencil and some paper.

00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,976

Wait, where are you going?

00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,519

We're going down to, uh,

Happy Burger

00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,187

for some milkshakes.

- Milkshakes?

00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:16,189

Yeah, and then

we're going to the movies.

00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,859

See ya, son.

- Weak.

00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:20,443

"So this is how America

works.

00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,445

"We have Gods and clods.

00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:25,198

"My dad says America needs

both rich and poor to survive,

00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:26,700

but I have a better idea."

00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,368

No, I don't understand it,

Dr. Schwartz;

00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,161

he's perfectly healthy.

00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,831

He's been over at Kenny's house

three days in a row

00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:35,083

and still hasn't caught

the chickenpox.

00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,294

What?

- I don't know what else to do.

00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,379

We sent the other boys over

and they all got sick,

00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:41,882

but I can't get my little Kyle

to catch it.

00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:43,341

Oh, my God!

- Kyle!

00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:44,885

What are you doing there,

honey?

00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,261

You!

00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,721

I'll call you back,

Dr. Schwartz.

00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:50,390

You!

- What, bubula? What is it?

00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,767

You sent us over

to Kenny's house on purpose!

00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,185

You wanted us to get sick!

00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:56,521

Oy.

It was for your own good, Kyle.

00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,940

I wanted you to get chickenpox

while you were young.

00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,442

Why? So I could be sitting

in the hospital

00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:01,735

waiting to die like Stan?

00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,278

Now, Kyle, come here.

00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,988

You get away from me,

you crazy woman!

00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,156

Oh boy.

00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,036

Beer?

- Huh?

00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,329

Oh, no thanks,

I brought my own.

00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:14,247

Microbrew sampler from Aspen.

00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,416

Has six different beers

from local breweries.

00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,294

Say, remember that time

we built

00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,129

the fort in your

mom's backyard?

00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,048

Yeah.

00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:25,383

It took us damned near

two years to finish it.

00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:29,179

Whatever happened

to that old hunk of junk?

00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:30,639

That's where I live now.

00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,515

Oh, right.

00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:33,808

"And so that's why

'Nightrider'

00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,352

was the best show in America."

00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:36,853

Stan, Stan!

- Shh!

00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,563

Wake her up,

and we're both dead.

00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:40,148

Sorry, sorry, you know how

after we spent the night

00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,483

at Kenny's house

and you and Cartman

00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:42,609

got sick with chickenpox?

00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,402

Yeah?

- Dude.

00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:45,820

Our parents sent us

over there to get us sick.

00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,322

What are you talking about?

00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,115

They knew that staying

at Kenny's house

00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,367

would make us sick

and they made us do it anyway.

00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:51,910

They did?

- Yeah.

00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,370

And I think I figured out why.

- Why?

00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:54,704

Because they're

a bunch of assholes.

00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,247

Of course!

00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:57,832

Come on, dude,

we gotta get outta here.

00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:58,833

I don't know what they're

planning next,

00:15:58,959 --> 00:15:59,918

but it can't be good.

00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:01,628

"I hope that one day

00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:04,381

"America can be more

like Endor

00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:05,799

"where the Ewoks live.

00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:08,134

Endor is very cool."

00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,929

Mom, answer that!

00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:14,057

"They have trees and Ewoks

and barbeques,

00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:17,602

"which is why I like Endor

more than America.

00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,063

It's... cool."

00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:21,606

Cartman, you remember how

we all spent the night

00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,441

at Kenny's a couple of days

ago?

00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,276

I remember frozen waffles

with no side dishes.

00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:26,861

Cartman,

our parents sent us over there

00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,154

to catch chickenpox from Kenny.

00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:29,781

Yeah, dude.

00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:30,782

Your mom wanted you to have

herpes on your face.

00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,325

She what?

00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,994

It's some kind

of parental conspiracy.

00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:35,120

Our parents are trying

to kill us or something.

00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:37,288

- That bitch!

00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,748

I'm gonna go downstairs and

kick her square in the nuts!

00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:39,874

- No, no, no, no.

Come on, fatass.

00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,626

We're gonna get em all back.

00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,086

Well, I'm sure you'll

find another job soon.

00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,671

Something will come along.

00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,715

It's not that easy.

You were lucky.

00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,967

Now now, I wasn't lucky.

- You had rich parents.

00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:51,636

You got to go to that

expensive community college.

00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,681

Hey! I worked my ass off

to get to where I am today.

00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:57,600

I wanted to be somebody!

- I wanted to be somebody, too!

00:16:57,726 --> 00:17:00,145

I just wasn't born

with a silver enema up my ass!

00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,896

You're just jealous!

00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:03,064

You're a bitter old drunk

just like your father!

00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,399

Oww!

00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,192

Now, don't make me

do that again.

00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:07,944

Oww!

You son of a bitch!

00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,323

Doctor?

00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,576

Yes.

- Where's Stan?

00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,119

Stan?

00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:18,705

Stan, our son.

- Oh, yes, where is Stan?

00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,331

You mean Stanley's missing?

00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,167

No no, he's not missing.

00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,335

We just--can't seem

to find him at this moment.

00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:26,504

Oh, my God, our son ran away!

00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,089

Will he be okay

out of the hospital?

00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,924

Oh, sure, sure.

00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,593

But we have to get him

back soon; if he doesn't get

00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:32,761

his antibiotic shot today,

he could die.

00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,345

Die?

- Yes, die.

00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,097

It won't be an easy death

either.

00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,223

The chickenpox will slowly move

down his trachea

00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:38,349

into his lungs.

00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,976

Okay, well, let's go look.

00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,519

she chokes for breath,

the pox will move

00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:42,979

through his inner ear

into his brain

00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,105

making him think

he's David Duchovny.

00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,523

Oh, God, no!

00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:47,358

I'm sure he couldn't

have gone far.

00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:48,860

Now moving on all fours

and wheezing uncontrollably

00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,236

his cellular structure

will regress

00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:51,988

in a gelatinous mass of--

00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:56,493

So how was it? Did you boys

have a good time fishing?

00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,536

- That son of a bitch

ripped my parka!

00:17:58,661 --> 00:17:59,746

Catch anything?

00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,039

I just don't get it.

00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,665

Why would he invite me fishing

00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:04,417

and then turn into

a complete bastard?

00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,127

Well darling,

I have to tell you something.

00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,588

He didn't invite you;

I set the whole thing up.

00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,090

What?

Now, why the hell would you

00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,841

knowingly deceive me like that?

00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,593

I thought it

would be good for you.

00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,428

Just like you deceived

our son

00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,347

into going to Kenny's,

and that didn't work either!

00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:20,558

I'm doing the best I can!

00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:22,560

"My Final Solution"

by Kyle Broflovski.

00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:25,021

My dad is the smartest guy

in the whole wide world.

00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,648

He has taught me that

all poor people

00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,358

are actually

things called clods.

00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:29,943

I wanna live in a world

of only Gods,

00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,653

so my idea to make

America better,

00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,321

is to put all

poor people into camps.

00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,989

What?

- If we get rid of them,

00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,158

there will be nothing

but rich people;

00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,785

and there won't be any hunger,

poverty, or homeless people,

00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,495

'cause they'll all be dead.

The end.

00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,956

Oh, God, what have I done?

00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,708

What's happening here,

Terrance?

00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:47,460

We're doing

an anal transplant;

00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,337

it's our only hope.

- Who's the donor?

00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,214

I am Phillip. I am.

00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,174

Terrance, you're giving up

your ass for me?

00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,218

Just half my ass.

Can you believe it, Phillip?

00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,095

Here we are, best friends,

00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,721

and now we're going

to share the same ass.

00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,265

Oh damn it! Not now!

00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:01,641

Damn it!

00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:03,476

Children,

what are you doing here?

00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:04,894

Terrance and Phillip

are about to go into surgery!

00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,813

Chef, we wanna know

about herpes.

00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:08,606

What makes you think I would

know anything about that?

00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,400

I dunno, you're just

the only grownup we trust.

00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:11,985

How does someone get herpes?

00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,486

Well, you get it by

sharing relations

00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,488

with somebody

who already has it.

00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,782

You have to be very careful

around someone who has herpes.

00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,534

- Do you know anybody

with herpes?

00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,785

Well, there's old Frida,

down on Main Street.

00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,412

She has a mouthful of herpes.

00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,080

You need to stay away from her.

00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:25,832

But what if we want

to give somebody herpes?

00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,792

Oh, then Frida's

the right person to go to.

00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:28,918

Cool!

Thanks, Chef!

00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,587

Okay!

00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,339

Wait a minute.

What the hell did I just do?

00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:35,925

Stanley?

- Stan?

00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,677

Oh, Stanley, where are you?

00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,679

Stan?

- Stanley!

00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,601

Are you old Frida?

- Who wants to know?

00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:46,227

Someone who wants a favor.

00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,147

Ten dollars a lay,

five dollars a nut.

00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:50,815

Huh?

00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,025

We want you to give

our parents herpes.

00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,651

Five dollars.

00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,153

My dad has $5

on top of his dresser.

00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,238

Stan you sound pretty sick.

00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,948

Maybe you should go back

to the hospital.

00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:00,992

And have Shelley kick my ass?

No thanks.

00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,660

Plus, I got to get my parents

back just as much as you do.

00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:12,879

♪ I thought love was only

true in fairy tales ♪

00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:16,591

♪ Meant for someone else,

but not for me ♪

00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:22,180

♪ Love was out to get me ♪

00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:24,849

♪ That's the way it seemed ♪

00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:29,938

♪ Disappointment haunted

all my dreams ♪

00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,649

♪ Then I saw her face ♪

00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:36,110

♪ Now I'm a believer ♪

00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,279

♪ Not a trace ♪

00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:41,950

♪ Of doubt in my mind ♪

00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,619

♪ I'm in love ♪

00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,537

♪ I'm believer ♪

00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:49,457

♪ I couldn't leave her

if I tried ♪

00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:52,752

♪ Oh ♪

00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,050

Thanks a lot, Frida.

00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:00,635

Don't mention it.

00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:04,180

Dude, this is gonna be

so killer.

00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:05,515

They're all gonna get herpes.

00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,558

Hooray!

00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:09,185

Stanley,

where the hell have you been?

00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,604

Damn it, Stanley,

you had us worried sick!

00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:14,274

You have to get back

to the hospital for a shot.

00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:16,109

I don't wanna go back there.

00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:18,027

Come on, we're taking you

back to the hospital.

00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:19,028

Don't you guys feel

like brushing your teeth first?

00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:20,530

What?

00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:21,823

You know, freshen up

your breath.

00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,658

Oh man, I don't feel so good.

00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,076

Oh good, maybe you finally

caught the chicken--

00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,369

Kyle!

00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:33,126

Well, I hope you boys

learned your lesson.

00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:34,669

Going out and playing around

with chickenpox

00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,838

almost killed you all.

- We're sorry.

00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,381

- Well, just be thankful

we got you here in time.

00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:39,882

Your parents are here

to see you.

00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:41,634

I'll send them in.

- This itches.

00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:42,927

Give me some of

that calamine lotion, Cartman.

00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,595

- Hell no,

you guys get your own.

00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:46,556

- Stanley, how are you feeling

today, son?

00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:48,308

- Pretty good.

00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:49,767

The doctor says that

maybe you can go home tomorrow.

00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:51,352

Yeah, isn't that great,

Stanley?

00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:53,688

Wow, cool!

- And how are you, Kyle?

00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,815

Are you doing okay?

- I'm better now.

00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:59,152

What's so funny, you two?

00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:00,653

We gave you guys herpes.

00:22:00,778 --> 00:22:02,322

What? What? what?

You did this?

00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:04,198

We got you back

for getting us sick.

00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:06,284

We had a prostitute use

your toothbrushes and stuff.

00:22:06,409 --> 00:22:08,119

I can't believe

you gave us herpes.

00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,204

You little rascals!

00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:11,581

Well, I guess it

serves us right.

00:22:11,706 --> 00:22:13,082

Kids, we should've been honest

00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:15,126

about wanting you

to get chickenpox.

00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:17,837

It's true; we were wrong

for deceiving you about it.

00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:19,881

Hey, how come you don't

have sores on your lips, Mom?

00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:22,425

Ooh, I have them

somewhere else, poopykins.

00:22:22,550 --> 00:22:24,093

Hooray!

00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:25,887

And, uh, Stewart,

I think I owe you an apology.

00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,764

I've realized I shouldn't be

so cold

00:22:27,889 --> 00:22:29,515

towards people that

are less fortunate than me.

00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,726

Oh hell, I'm sorry, too.

00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,061

Oh, Phillip,

I'm so glad everything

00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:34,896

turned out for the better.

00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:37,940

Well, I know one thing

for sure.

00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:39,776

What's that, Eric?

00:22:39,901 --> 00:22:42,153

We're all gonna need

a lot more calamine lotion.

00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,120

Oh, my God!

They've killed Kenny!

00:22:51,245 --> 00:22:52,622

You bastards!

00:23:04,175 --> 00:23:07,011

- ♪ Love was out to get me ♪

00:23:07,136 --> 00:23:10,598

♪ That's the way it seems ♪

00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:14,936

♪ Disappointment haunted

all my dreams ♪

00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:16,187

♪ Then I saw her-- ♪

00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:05,423

Yep, and we're back

just in time to check up

00:00:05,548 --> 00:00:07,425

on Northern Wyoming bacon loaf.

00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,176

Say, that looks

bacon-licious.

00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:10,761

[laughter]

00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,596

Now all we have to do

is garnish.

00:00:12,722 --> 00:00:13,764

[pig squeals]

00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:15,141

Hey, Macon's going crazy.

00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,142

Hold on, buddy.

This one's for you.

00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:17,935

Okay.

00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:20,104

Here's a nice fresh bacon loaf,

just for Macon.

00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:21,647

Whoa, hold on there, buddy.

00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,443

Not too fast now.

Okay, all right, hey.

00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:27,319

[applause]

00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:29,321

- Well, all that bacon grease

can't go to waste,

00:00:29,447 --> 00:00:32,825

so what I do is, I pour it into

ice pop makers, like this.

00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:35,244

- That's right, you see,

bacon grease congeals,

00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:39,665

so if you pour it in

and you wait long enough...

00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:41,167

bacon pops!

00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:42,585

[applause]

00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:43,919

Who'd like to try one?

00:00:44,045 --> 00:00:45,963

You, come on up.

00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,090

Come over here, you.

Do you like bacon?

00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,925

Yeah.

- Well, give that a try.

00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:53,888

How is it?

- It's bacon-licious.

00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:55,389

Well, now it's time to watch

our favorite episode

00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:57,266

of "South Park."

It's called "Chickenpox."

00:00:57,391 --> 00:00:59,935

You see, chickenpox affects you

worse the older you get.

00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,854

So when I was young, my mom

would make me sleep over

00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:03,522

at friends' houses when they

had chickenpox

00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:05,066

in hopes that I would get

the dreaded disease

00:01:05,191 --> 00:01:06,400

while I was still a child.

00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,777

Well, in this episode,

the boys

00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,528

also learn a valuable lesson

00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:10,905

when they hire a prostitute

with cold sores

00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:12,865

to give their parents herpes.

00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:14,575

[laughter]

00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:17,036

So grab a bacon pop, sit back,

and enjoy...

00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:18,037

"Chickenpox."

00:01:18,162 --> 00:01:20,414

[playful melody]

00:01:27,797 --> 00:01:31,133

[twangy music]

00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:32,635

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:34,470

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,138

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:37,723

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,183

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,018

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:42,728

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,230

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:45,731

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,483

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,653

[singing indistinctly]

00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,154

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,948

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,703

It's a good thing we got her

to the hospital in time.

00:01:59,829 --> 00:02:02,331

But what's wrong with her?

- It's chickenpox.

00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,250

There seems to be

a small epidemic going around.

00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:05,543

Your daughter never had

the chickenpox

00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:07,128

as a little girl, I take it?

00:02:07,253 --> 00:02:09,088

No, no,

she's been perfectly healthy.

00:02:09,213 --> 00:02:10,673

Well, that's the problem.

00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,174

You see chickenpox

is a pretty normal thing

00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,717

with young children,

but as you get older

00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:16,387

it becomes more and more

a ferocious disease.

00:02:16,512 --> 00:02:18,722

Shelley,

looks who's come to visit you.

00:02:18,848 --> 00:02:20,724

Your little brother Stan.

00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,309

Oh, whoopee!

00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,103

You know, most people

don't realize

00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,522

that chickenpox is actually

a form of herpes.

00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:28,149

Dude,

you got herpes on your face!

00:02:28,274 --> 00:02:29,525

Shut up, brat!

00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:30,776

Will my daughter be okay?

00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:31,944

She'll be fine.

00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,821

Stop it!

00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:35,573

We just want to be cautious

and monitor her here.

00:02:35,698 --> 00:02:37,241

[thud]

[Stan shouts]

00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,451

Come on, Stanley,

give your sister a kiss,

00:02:39,577 --> 00:02:40,703

and then we have to go.

00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:43,789

And then the doctor said that

00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,249

it's much worse

as you get older.

00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:46,792

My daughter is

in pretty bad shape now,

00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,420

but if she were in her 20s,

she could die!

00:02:49,545 --> 00:02:51,213

My God,

I never knew the chickenpox

00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,257

was such a dangerous illness.

00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,593

I guess it's much better

to get it when you're young.

00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:58,179

So tell me if I'm crazy but I

started thinking that we should

00:02:58,304 --> 00:03:00,014

intentionally have our boys

play with a child

00:03:00,139 --> 00:03:01,640

who has the chickenpox.

00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,434

Let them get it now

while they're young.

00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:05,060

That's not crazy at all,

Sharon.

00:03:05,186 --> 00:03:06,937

Mothers do it all the time.

00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,773

Ooh yes, when I was a child,

my mother had me go over

00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:11,901

to a little girl's house

who had the chickenpox

00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:13,652

just so I would get it.

00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,946

So it's not such

a crazy idea after all.

00:03:16,071 --> 00:03:17,823

No, no!

And I'm pretty sure that

00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,492

strange little boy Kenny

has the chickenpox right now.

00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:22,453

Are you guys having

a meeting or something?

00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,163

How would you boys like to

have a little slumber party

00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:25,956

at your little friend Kenny's

house tonight?

00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,208

No way dude,

Kenny's family is poor.

00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:28,918

They live in the ghetto.

00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:30,419

Yeah, let's just

have a slumber party here.

00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:31,670

Boys, you're going to

sleep over

00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,505

at Kenny's, and that's final.

00:03:33,631 --> 00:03:34,715

Oh, weak!

00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:37,259

I wonder why our moms

want us to sleep over

00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,136

at Kenny's so bad.

- Yeah, it's pretty weird.

00:03:39,261 --> 00:03:41,096

- Well, all I can say is

he better have Nintendo.

00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:44,558

Well, here's Kenny's house.

00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,143

- ♪ In the ghetto ♪

00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:48,229

♪ On the cold and gray

Chicago morning ♪

00:03:48,354 --> 00:03:49,772

♪ Another little baby child

is born ♪

00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:52,858

♪ In the ghetto,

in the ghetto ♪

00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,569

Yeah?

00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,238

We're here to have a slumber

party with Kenny.

00:03:57,363 --> 00:03:58,614

What? Don't you know

Kenny's sick with--

00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,366

That's the whole point,

remember?

00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,743

Their moms want them to catch

it while they're young.

00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,662

Oh, yeah.

- Catch what?

00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:07,581

Nothing. Come on in.

I was just making dinner.

00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,583

♪ And his mama cries ♪

00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:11,460

♪ 'Cause if there's one thing

that she don't need ♪

00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,962

♪ It's another little

hungry mouth to feed ♪

00:04:13,087 --> 00:04:15,381

♪ In the ghetto,

in the ghetto ♪

00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:16,882

Shh! Cartman!

- What?

00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,133

Kenny!

Your little friends are here!

00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,635

Come play with them!

00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,428

[Kenny mumbles]

00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,597

I know you're sick.

Now get your buns out here!

00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,182

[giggles]

Buns.

00:04:25,307 --> 00:04:26,892

[mumbling] Hey, you guys,

what's going on?

00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:29,019

Whoa dude! You got herpes

on your face too!

00:04:29,144 --> 00:04:31,438

Where is the Nintendo?

00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:33,482

We don't have a Nintendo.

00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:36,360

We got a ColecoVision plugged

in to the black and white TV.

00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:38,237

Oh, my God, this is like

a third-world country.

00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:39,905

Throw your sleeping bags

in Kenny's room

00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,490

and then come grab some dinner.

00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,908

Oh good, I'm starving.

00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,539

Let's say grace.

00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:53,002

Lord, we thank you

for this staggering payload

00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:55,170

of frozen waffles

you have bestowed upon us.

00:04:55,296 --> 00:04:57,589

And since we have been faithful

to you,

00:04:57,715 --> 00:05:00,217

we know that you will send us

some good fortune

00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,803

one of these days, even though

you sure as hell

00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,430

seem to be taking your

sweet time.

00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,307

Amen.

both: Amen.

00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:09,643

[scoffs]

Okay, let's dig in.

00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:11,562

That one's mine!

That one's mine!

00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,731

What kind of side dishes will

we be enjoying this evening

00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:15,482

with our frozen waffles?

00:05:17,526 --> 00:05:20,446

Am I to understand

there will be no side dishes?

00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,614

- So Kyle,

your dad still bringing home

00:05:22,740 --> 00:05:25,034

those big, fat lawyer paychecks?

00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,160

I don't know.

- Stewart,

00:05:26,285 --> 00:05:27,703

don't even get started.

00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,496

What?

I'm just asking a question.

00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:30,664

You know your dad and I

used to be best friends

00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,333

when we were teenagers.

00:05:32,458 --> 00:05:34,209

We even worked together

at Pizza Shack.

00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:35,836

But he got promoted, went off

to community college,

00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,296

and I didn't.

00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,380

And you know why?

00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,965

'Cause your dad's Jewish!

00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,342

Heh.

I heard that.

00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,010

That ain't why, Stewart!

00:05:43,135 --> 00:05:45,054

It's because you are

an alcoholic retard,

00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:46,889

and he had dreams of not

eating frozen waffles

00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,807

for dinner every night!

00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,809

Hey, is it my fault

you don't know how to cook?

00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,270

What am I supposed to do

with frozen waffles, clamhead?

00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,105

You put 'em in the toaster,

you cook em!

00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:58,067

You just don't know

how to use spices and stuff.

00:05:58,192 --> 00:05:59,818

My waffle's done!

My waffle's done!

00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,779

- Now, Kevin, we ain't

got enough for everybody.

00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,697

You have to split that

with your brother.

00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,866

Oh Jesus,

are you fucking kidding me?

00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,159

Hey! We don't say fuck

at the table,

00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,119

you little asshole!

00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:10,662

Yeah, we apparently

don't say "side dishes" either.

00:06:10,788 --> 00:06:12,331

[sneezes]

- Kenny, honey,

00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:14,083

if you're gonna sneeze,

sneeze on them.

00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,584

Huh?

- [sneezes]

00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:16,710

Hey!

00:06:18,379 --> 00:06:20,672

Man, your family sucks ass,

Kenny.

00:06:20,798 --> 00:06:22,674

Whoever heard

of frozen waffles for dinner?

00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:23,842

Come on, let's just get

in our sleeping bags

00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:24,968

and get this night over with.

00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,393

Cartman, what the hell

is that?

00:06:32,518 --> 00:06:34,478

It's my Urkel sleeping bag.

Isn't it cool?

00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:35,896

No, it's not cool!

00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:37,564

Dude,

I think I just saw a rat.

00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:38,857

Ah! You have rats

in your house, too, Kenny?

00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,025

Mm-hmm.

- Dude, seriously,

00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:41,610

you better stop being so poor

00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,487

or else I'm gonna start

hocking rocks at ya.

00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:44,780

I don't think it's very

healthy to sleep with rats.

00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,199

[mumbling]

00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:48,325

Oh.

00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:52,996

[sneezes]

00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:57,626

Okay, let me see.

00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,420

Oh, goody, you've got a fever!

00:06:59,545 --> 00:07:01,338

Goody?

What do you mean goody?

00:07:01,463 --> 00:07:03,048

Yep, it looks like you've

got chickenpox, all right.

00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,550

Chickenp--Oh no!

00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,093

I must've caught it

from Kenny last night.

00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:07,803

Oh gee, I guess you did.

00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,471

Well, you sure seem

happy about it.

00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,640

All right, it's off to bed

with you, young man.

00:07:13,976 --> 00:07:15,727

[moaning softly]

00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,187

Don't scratch it, hon.

00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:19,022

But, Mom, seriously,

it itches.

00:07:19,148 --> 00:07:20,399

I can't stand it!

00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:23,485

No, hon.

- Mom, seriously!

00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,779

I got you some

calamine lotion.

00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,114

I don't wanna!

00:07:27,239 --> 00:07:30,075

It'll make your itches

go away.

00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,411

Ahh.

Hey, give me that!

00:07:34,163 --> 00:07:35,581

[sighs]

00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,249

- Not too much, hon.

00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,418

It says on the bottle

that too much can be bad.

00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:40,711

More calamine lotion!

00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,591

I don't understand it,

he's perfectly healthy.

00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,468

Yeah, I feel great.

00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:49,595

Are you sure you stayed over

at Kenny's house?

00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,805

Yeah dude. I told you we had

bread sandwiches for breakfast.

00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,307

Did you sleep in

the same room?

00:07:53,432 --> 00:07:55,058

Yes, why?

00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:56,602

Bubie, how would you like

to spend the night

00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:57,978

at your friend Kenny's house

again?

00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,188

No way, dude, it sucked ass.

00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,939

They didn't even have cable.

00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:01,940

Well, I think you need to

spend more time

00:08:02,065 --> 00:08:03,484

with your friends.

00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:04,902

Kenny's not really my friend,

Ma.

00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:06,445

I don't give a rat's ass

about him.

00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,322

I'm gonna give

Mrs. McCormick a call.

00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:10,032

Ahh.

Hey dad, is it true

00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,116

that you and Kenny's dad

used to be best friends

00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:12,659

when you were young?

00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:14,328

Who Stewart?

Yeah, yeah, I guess we were.

00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,288

Well, how come Kenny's family

00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,873

eats frozen waffles for dinner

and has rats on the floor,

00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:19,124

and we have a big house

and lots of food?

00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,584

- Well, because Kenny's family

00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,169

doesn't have as much money

as we do.

00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,004

But why?

If they're hungry and poor,

00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:25,464

why don't we just always

give them half of our food?

00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:27,049

[laughs]

00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,134

Oh, boy, have you got

a lot to learn.

00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:30,719

Sit down, son.

00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,763

You see, Kyle, we humans

work as a society.

00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,973

And in order for a society

to thrive,

00:08:35,098 --> 00:08:37,100

we need Gods and clods.

00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:38,936

Gods and clods?

- Yes.

00:08:39,061 --> 00:08:40,479

You see, I spent a lot of time

going to law school

00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,439

and I was able to go

because I have

00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:44,149

a slightly higher intellect

than others.

00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:45,776

But I still need people

to pump my gas

00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:47,569

and make my French fries

00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:49,488

and fix my laundry machine

when it breaks down.

00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:51,615

Oh, I see.

Gods and clods.

00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,033

That's right,

so Kenny's family

00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,618

is happy just the way they are.

00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,579

And we're all

a functioning part of America.

00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,164

[crickets chirping]

00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,750

Stanley,

can I get you anything else?

00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,295

Stanley? Oh my God.

00:09:05,420 --> 00:09:07,548

Randy! Randy, hurry!

He's burning up!

00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,972

Don't you worry, Stanley;

you're going to be okay.

00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,807

Can I talk to you outside?

00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:18,934

Kids, Daddy and I

are gonna be right back, okay?

00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,561

Okay.

- Serves you right,

00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,479

you little brat.

00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:23,814

At least I'm not gonna die

from it like you might!

00:09:23,939 --> 00:09:25,482

- [laughs]

- If I die from this,

00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:27,776

I'm taking you with me!

00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,278

Will Carol find out

she's a fireman?

00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:30,654

I don't wanna watch this.

00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:31,738

I wanna watch

"Terrance & Phillip."

00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,282

- We're watching this.

00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,117

Well, I've got the remote,

bitch! [laughs]

00:09:35,242 --> 00:09:37,786

Say, Terrance, would you

check my ass for abnormalities?

00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,538

Sure thing, Phillip.

00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:42,082

[farts]

- [laughs] You got me again!

00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,250

That's tomfoolery.

00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:44,960

[laughter]

00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,254

Give me the remote.

- No way, dude.

00:09:47,379 --> 00:09:49,172

We're gonna watch

"Terrance & Phillip" all day.

00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:51,466

Hey! Get me outta here!

00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,427

She was a--

- He'll be okay.

00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,554

But it's a good idea for us

to monitor him for a while.

00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:57,389

Oh God, what have we done?

00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,391

There, there now,

it's not your fault.

00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:02,352

Doctor, we purposely sent

our son to stay with a friend

00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,980

who had chickenpox

so that he would get it early.

00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,356

Ooh, wow, you did?

00:10:06,481 --> 00:10:09,026

Wow, you guys suck.

00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,280

Can we go home now, Mom?

00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:15,699

No bubula,

you play with Kenny some more.

00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,326

But we've been playing

for 8 hours!

00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:18,744

We can't think

of anything else to do.

00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,412

I've got a great game

for you!

00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,706

It's called Ookie Mouth.

- What's Ookie Mouth?

00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:24,708

First you let Kenny spit

in your mouth.

00:10:24,833 --> 00:10:26,501

Then you try to swallow

his spit

00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:28,712

and try to say "Ookie Mouth"

at the same time.

00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:30,130

Sick, dude!

- No, no, boobie.

00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,507

It's loads of fun.

Try it!

00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:35,636

That outta take care of it.

00:10:35,761 --> 00:10:37,304

You want some more hot water?

00:10:37,429 --> 00:10:39,222

Oh no thank you.

It's terrific, though.

00:10:39,348 --> 00:10:41,016

You don't have any teabags

or coffee grounds

00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:43,018

to go in the hot water do you?

00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,355

No, we don't care for that

hoity-toity, rich folk stuff.

00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,940

I see; well, you certainly

have a humble home,

00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,525

Mrs. McCormick.

00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:52,569

Yeah, well, unfortunately

my husband

00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,279

is a washed-up hunk of shit!

00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:55,864

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,449

[Kenny spits]

00:10:57,574 --> 00:10:59,326

Gross!

I can't do it, Ma!

00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:00,869

Try again, bubie!

00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:02,204

[Kenny spits]

- Ahh!

00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,747

You know, your husband

and mine

00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:05,666

used to work together

as teenagers.

00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:08,168

Oh, they was best friends.

You couldn't separate 'em.

00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,670

Really?

00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,380

I met Gerald in college,

so I didn't know.

00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:12,798

What happened to them?

00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:14,591

Oh, they just

grew apart, I guess.

00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,635

I think Stewart's a little

jealous that your husband got

00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:17,844

out of making pizzas

and went on

00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:19,346

to make something of hisself.

00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,889

Well, that's too bad.

00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:22,557

I'm sure your husband

is a fine man.

00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,976

Oh, hell no.

He's a nugget of deer turd.

00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,812

But if they were such

good friends,

00:11:26,937 --> 00:11:28,689

it seems silly that they don't

even talk anymore.

00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:31,483

Let's get them together.

- I don't know.

00:11:31,608 --> 00:11:32,567

We'll just arrange

a little fishing trip

00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,236

for them or something.

00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,737

I can't say "Ookie Mouth"

and have Kenny

00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:36,738

spit down my throat

at the same time.

00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,156

It's impossible.

00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,574

Practice makes perfect,

boobie.

00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:44,121

God damn it,

where's that calamine lotion?

00:11:44,246 --> 00:11:45,831

Phillip,

I got good news and bad news.

00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:47,874

Give it to me straight,

Terrance.

00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:49,334

The good news is you

have a clean bill of health.

00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,919

Oh, what a relief!

00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,004

The bad news is

you have cancer.

00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:54,506

[gasps]

- Cancer?

00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,383

Yes, I'm afraid

your ass is collapsing.

00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:58,051

My ass is collapsing!

00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,095

Yes. See this x-ray?

That's your ass.

00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,556

See that line?

That's your ass collapsing.

00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:04,349

Your ass is collapsing!

00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,435

Will this mean I won't

be able to fart anymore?

00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,854

No, it means you won't be

able to live anymore.

00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:12,774

[laughter]

00:12:12,899 --> 00:12:14,609

Oh, no.

00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,445

Damn it!

- [meows]

00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:17,779

- No, kitty that's a--

wait a minute.

00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,489

Come here, kitty.

- [meows]

00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:21,700

Yes, yes.

00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:23,577

I'm back, hon. I got some

more calamine lotion.

00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:27,122

It's about friggin' time!

Give me that!

00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,874

Just use a little bit

of that stuff, hon.

00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,417

It has to last a while.

00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,127

Gimme.

00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,754

[grunting]

00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:40,761

Gimme.

00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:42,179

[sighs]

00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,306

Yes...

00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:48,643

Oh, you guys, seriously...

[mumbles]

00:12:48,769 --> 00:12:51,897

[sighs]

00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,648

I didn't know you

liked to fish, Gerry.

00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,192

Oh yeah, I love it.

00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:56,610

I haven't done it

for a while, though.

00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:57,944

I had to run out

a buy a few things.

00:12:58,069 --> 00:13:01,573

You know, a rod and a reel

and a...

00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,742

Tackle box?

- Yeah! Tackle box.

00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:05,911

[inhales deeply]

Man, smell that mountain air.

00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:09,372

What a great Saturday morning.

Aren't weekends just the best?

00:13:09,498 --> 00:13:11,917

When you're unemployed,

weekends are meaningless.

00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,752

Right, right, right.

00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:15,629

[school bell rings]

00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,547

And so, children,

that's how you tell

00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,424

a prostitute from a policeman.

00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:22,469

Now, are there any questions?

00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,471

Yes, Kyle.

00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:25,764

What the hell does that have

to do with American history?

00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,015

That's a good question, Kyle.

00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,642

Are there any other questions?

00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,060

Mr. Garrison,

I'm the only one here.

00:13:30,185 --> 00:13:31,520

Everyone else has

chicken herpes.

00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,647

Right, right.

00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:36,691

Well, class, I'm gonna assign

you all a paper.

00:13:36,817 --> 00:13:38,568

The theme of the paper will be

00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,904

"How I would

make America better."

00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:43,031

What? Does everybody

have to do it or just me?

00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,658

Don't worry, Kyle,

I'm sending homework

00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,326

to all the children

who are out sick.

00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,036

They'll have

to turn in a paper, too.

00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,871

Homework?

But I'm in the hospital!

00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,331

Well, your teacher sent this

stuff over

00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,250

for you to do while

you're sick.

00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,293

That son of a bitch!

What kind of sick weirdo is he?

00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,337

Now, Stanley,

I know at your age

00:13:57,462 --> 00:13:59,297

teachers can seem

cold and heartless,

00:13:59,422 --> 00:14:00,632

but later you'll

understand

00:14:00,757 --> 00:14:02,676

that he did this

for your own good.

00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,886

Not Mr. Garrison, Ma.

He really is a sick weirdo.

00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,680

Yeah, it's true, he is.

- Oh.

00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,391

Well, anyway,

here's a pencil and some paper.

00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:10,976

Wait, where are you going?

00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,519

We're going down to, uh,

Happy Burger

00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,187

for some milkshakes.

- Milkshakes?

00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:16,189

Yeah, and then

we're going to the movies.

00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,859

See ya, son.

- Weak.

00:14:18,984 --> 00:14:20,443

"So this is how America

works.

00:14:20,569 --> 00:14:22,445

"We have Gods and clods.

00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:25,198

"My dad says America needs

both rich and poor to survive,

00:14:25,323 --> 00:14:26,700

but I have a better idea."

00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,368

No, I don't understand it,

Dr. Schwartz;

00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:30,161

he's perfectly healthy.

00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:32,831

He's been over at Kenny's house

three days in a row

00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:35,083

and still hasn't caught

the chickenpox.

00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,294

What?

- I don't know what else to do.

00:14:37,419 --> 00:14:39,379

We sent the other boys over

and they all got sick,

00:14:39,504 --> 00:14:41,882

but I can't get my little Kyle

to catch it.

00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:43,341

Oh, my God!

- Kyle!

00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:44,885

What are you doing there,

honey?

00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,261

You!

00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,721

I'll call you back,

Dr. Schwartz.

00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:50,390

You!

- What, bubula? What is it?

00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,767

You sent us over

to Kenny's house on purpose!

00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,185

You wanted us to get sick!

00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:56,521

Oy.

It was for your own good, Kyle.

00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,940

I wanted you to get chickenpox

while you were young.

00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,442

Why? So I could be sitting

in the hospital

00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:01,735

waiting to die like Stan?

00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,278

Now, Kyle, come here.

00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,988

You get away from me,

you crazy woman!

00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,156

Oh boy.

00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,036

Beer?

- Huh?

00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,329

Oh, no thanks,

I brought my own.

00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:14,247

Microbrew sampler from Aspen.

00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,416

Has six different beers

from local breweries.

00:15:17,876 --> 00:15:19,294

Say, remember that time

we built

00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,129

the fort in your

mom's backyard?

00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,048

[laughs] Yeah.

00:15:23,173 --> 00:15:25,383

It took us damned near

two years to finish it.

00:15:25,508 --> 00:15:29,179

[laughs] Whatever happened

to that old hunk of junk?

00:15:29,304 --> 00:15:30,639

That's where I live now.

00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,515

Oh, right.

00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:33,808

"And so that's why

'Nightrider'

00:15:33,934 --> 00:15:35,352

was the best show in America."

00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:36,853

Stan, Stan!

- Shh!

00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,563

Wake her up,

and we're both dead.

00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:40,148

Sorry, sorry, you know how

after we spent the night

00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,483

at Kenny's house

and you and Cartman

00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:42,609

got sick with chickenpox?

00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,402

Yeah?

- Dude.

00:15:44,527 --> 00:15:45,820

Our parents sent us

over there to get us sick.

00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,322

What are you talking about?

00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,115

They knew that staying

at Kenny's house

00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,367

would make us sick

and they made us do it anyway.

00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:51,910

They did?

- Yeah.

00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,370

And I think I figured out why.

- Why?

00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:54,704

Because they're

a bunch of assholes.

00:15:54,829 --> 00:15:56,247

[gasps]

Of course!

00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:57,832

Come on, dude,

we gotta get outta here.

00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:58,833

I don't know what they're

planning next,

00:15:58,959 --> 00:15:59,918

but it can't be good.

00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:01,628

"I hope that one day

00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:04,381

"America can be more

like Endor

00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:05,799

"where the Ewoks live.

00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:08,134

Endor is very cool."

00:16:08,259 --> 00:16:10,929

[doorbell rings]

Mom, answer that!

00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:14,057

"They have trees and Ewoks

and barbeques,

00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:17,602

"which is why I like Endor

more than America.

00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,063

It's... cool."

00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:21,606

Cartman, you remember how

we all spent the night

00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:23,441

at Kenny's a couple of days

ago?

00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:25,276

I remember frozen waffles

with no side dishes.

00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:26,861

Cartman,

our parents sent us over there

00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,154

to catch chickenpox from Kenny.

00:16:28,279 --> 00:16:29,781

Yeah, dude.

00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:30,782

Your mom wanted you to have

herpes on your face.

00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,325

She what?

00:16:32,450 --> 00:16:33,994

It's some kind

of parental conspiracy.

00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:35,120

Our parents are trying

to kill us or something.

00:16:35,245 --> 00:16:37,288

- That bitch!

00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,748

I'm gonna go downstairs and

kick her square in the nuts!

00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:39,874

- No, no, no, no.

Come on, fatass.

00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,626

We're gonna get em all back.

00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,086

Well, I'm sure you'll

find another job soon.

00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:44,671

Something will come along.

00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,715

It's not that easy.

You were lucky.

00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,967

Now now, I wasn't lucky.

- You had rich parents.

00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:51,636

You got to go to that

expensive community college.

00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,681

Hey! I worked my ass off

to get to where I am today.

00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:57,600

I wanted to be somebody!

- I wanted to be somebody, too!

00:16:57,726 --> 00:17:00,145

I just wasn't born

with a silver enema up my ass!

00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,896

You're just jealous!

00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:03,064

You're a bitter old drunk

just like your father!

00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,399

Oww!

00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:06,192

Now, don't make me

do that again.

00:17:06,317 --> 00:17:07,944

Oww!

You son of a bitch!

00:17:08,069 --> 00:17:10,822

[both shouting]

00:17:10,947 --> 00:17:12,323

Doctor?

00:17:12,449 --> 00:17:14,576

Yes.

- Where's Stan?

00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:16,119

Stan?

00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:18,705

Stan, our son.

- Oh, yes, where is Stan?

00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,331

You mean Stanley's missing?

00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,167

No no, he's not missing.

00:17:22,292 --> 00:17:24,335

We just--can't seem

to find him at this moment.

00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:26,504

Oh, my God, our son ran away!

00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,089

Will he be okay

out of the hospital?

00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:29,924

Oh, sure, sure.

00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,593

But we have to get him

back soon; if he doesn't get

00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:32,761

his antibiotic shot today,

he could die.

00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,345

Die?

- Yes, die.

00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,097

It won't be an easy death

either.

00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,223

The chickenpox will slowly move

down his trachea

00:17:37,348 --> 00:17:38,349

into his lungs.

00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,976

Okay, well, let's go look.

00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:41,519

she chokes for breath,

the pox will move

00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:42,979

through his inner ear

into his brain

00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,105

making him think

he's David Duchovny.

00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:45,523

Oh, God, no!

00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:47,358

I'm sure he couldn't

have gone far.

00:17:47,484 --> 00:17:48,860

Now moving on all fours

and wheezing uncontrollably

00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,236

his cellular structure

will regress

00:17:50,361 --> 00:17:51,988

in a gelatinous mass of--

00:17:52,989 --> 00:17:56,493

So how was it? Did you boys

have a good time fishing?

00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,536

- That son of a bitch

ripped my parka!

00:17:58,661 --> 00:17:59,746

Catch anything?

00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,039

I just don't get it.

00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,665

Why would he invite me fishing

00:18:02,791 --> 00:18:04,417

and then turn into

a complete bastard?

00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,127

Well darling,

I have to tell you something.

00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,588

He didn't invite you;

I set the whole thing up.

00:18:08,713 --> 00:18:10,090

What?

Now, why the hell would you

00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:11,841

knowingly deceive me like that?

00:18:11,966 --> 00:18:13,593

I thought it

would be good for you.

00:18:13,718 --> 00:18:15,428

Just like you deceived

our son

00:18:15,553 --> 00:18:17,347

into going to Kenny's,

and that didn't work either!

00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:20,558

I'm doing the best I can!

00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:22,560

"My Final Solution"

by Kyle Broflovski.

00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:25,021

My dad is the smartest guy

in the whole wide world.

00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,648

He has taught me that

all poor people

00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,358

are actually

things called clods.

00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:29,943

I wanna live in a world

of only Gods,

00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,653

so my idea to make

America better,

00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,321

is to put all

poor people into camps.

00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,989

What?

- If we get rid of them,

00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:37,158

there will be nothing

but rich people;

00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:38,785

and there won't be any hunger,

poverty, or homeless people,

00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,495

'cause they'll all be dead.

The end.

00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,956

Oh, God, what have I done?

00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,708

What's happening here,

Terrance?

00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:47,460

We're doing

an anal transplant;

00:18:47,585 --> 00:18:49,337

it's our only hope.

- Who's the donor?

00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,214

I am Phillip. I am.

00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,174

Terrance, you're giving up

your ass for me?

00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,218

Just half my ass.

Can you believe it, Phillip?

00:18:55,343 --> 00:18:57,095

Here we are, best friends,

00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,721

and now we're going

to share the same ass.

00:18:58,847 --> 00:19:00,265

[knock on door]

Oh damn it! Not now!

00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:01,641

Damn it!

00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:03,476

Children,

what are you doing here?

00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:04,894

Terrance and Phillip

are about to go into surgery!

00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:06,813

Chef, we wanna know

about herpes.

00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:08,606

What makes you think I would

know anything about that?

00:19:08,731 --> 00:19:10,400

I dunno, you're just

the only grownup we trust.

00:19:10,525 --> 00:19:11,985

How does someone get herpes?

00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,486

Well, you get it by

sharing relations

00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,488

with somebody

who already has it.

00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,782

You have to be very careful

around someone who has herpes.

00:19:17,907 --> 00:19:19,534

- Do you know anybody

with herpes?

00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,785

Well, there's old Frida,

down on Main Street.

00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,412

She has a mouthful of herpes.

00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,080

You need to stay away from her.

00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:25,832

But what if we want

to give somebody herpes?

00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,792

Oh, then Frida's

the right person to go to.

00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:28,918

Cool!

Thanks, Chef!

00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:30,587

Okay!

00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:33,339

Wait a minute.

What the hell did I just do?

00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:35,925

Stanley?

- Stan?

00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,677

Oh, Stanley, where are you?

00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,679

Stan?

- Stanley!

00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,601

Are you old Frida?

- Who wants to know?

00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:46,227

Someone who wants a favor.

00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,147

Ten dollars a lay,

five dollars a nut.

00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:50,815

Huh?

00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:52,025

We want you to give

our parents herpes.

00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,651

Five dollars.

00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,153

My dad has $5

on top of his dresser.

00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:57,238

[coughs]

- Stan you sound pretty sick.

00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,948

Maybe you should go back

to the hospital.

00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:00,992

And have Shelley kick my ass?

No thanks.

00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,660

Plus, I got to get my parents

back just as much as you do.

00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:07,081

[The Monkees'

"I'm A Believer"]

00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:12,879

♪ I thought love was only

true in fairy tales ♪

00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:16,591

♪ Meant for someone else,

but not for me ♪

00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,509

♪♪

00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:22,180

♪ Love was out to get me ♪

00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:24,849

♪ That's the way it seemed ♪

00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:29,938

♪ Disappointment haunted

all my dreams ♪

00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,649

♪ Then I saw her face ♪

00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:36,110

♪ Now I'm a believer ♪

00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,279

♪ Not a trace ♪

00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:41,950

♪ Of doubt in my mind ♪

00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,619

♪ I'm in love ♪

00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,537

♪ I'm believer ♪

00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:49,457

♪ I couldn't leave her

if I tried ♪

00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,292

♪♪

00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:52,752

♪ Oh ♪

00:20:52,877 --> 00:20:57,799

♪♪

00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,050

Thanks a lot, Frida.

00:20:59,175 --> 00:21:00,635

[coughs] Don't mention it.

00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,553

[coughs]

00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:04,180

Dude, this is gonna be

so killer.

00:21:04,305 --> 00:21:05,515

They're all gonna get herpes.

00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,558

[both] Hooray!

00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:09,185

Stanley,

where the hell have you been?

00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,604

Damn it, Stanley,

you had us worried sick!

00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:14,274

You have to get back

to the hospital for a shot.

00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:16,109

I don't wanna go back there.

00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:18,027

Come on, we're taking you

back to the hospital.

00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:19,028

Don't you guys feel

like brushing your teeth first?

00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:20,530

What?

00:21:20,655 --> 00:21:21,823

You know, freshen up

your breath.

00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,658

Oh man, I don't feel so good.

00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:25,076

Oh good, maybe you finally

caught the chicken--

00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,369

[gasps] Kyle!

00:21:26,494 --> 00:21:27,704

[tense music]

00:21:31,499 --> 00:21:33,126

Well, I hope you boys

learned your lesson.

00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:34,669

Going out and playing around

with chickenpox

00:21:34,794 --> 00:21:36,838

almost killed you all.

- We're sorry.

00:21:36,963 --> 00:21:38,381

- Well, just be thankful

we got you here in time.

00:21:38,506 --> 00:21:39,882

Your parents are here

to see you.

00:21:40,008 --> 00:21:41,634

I'll send them in.

- This itches.

00:21:41,759 --> 00:21:42,927

Give me some of

that calamine lotion, Cartman.

00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:44,595

- Hell no,

you guys get your own.

00:21:44,721 --> 00:21:46,556

- Stanley, how are you feeling

today, son?

00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:48,308

- Pretty good.

00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:49,767

The doctor says that

maybe you can go home tomorrow.

00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:51,352

Yeah, isn't that great,

Stanley?

00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:53,688

Wow, cool!

- And how are you, Kyle?

00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,815

Are you doing okay?

- I'm better now.

00:21:55,940 --> 00:21:57,358

[laughter]

00:21:57,483 --> 00:21:59,152

What's so funny, you two?

00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:00,653

We gave you guys herpes.

00:22:00,778 --> 00:22:02,322

What? What? what?

You did this?

00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:04,198

We got you back

for getting us sick.

00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:06,284

We had a prostitute use

your toothbrushes and stuff.

00:22:06,409 --> 00:22:08,119

I can't believe

you gave us herpes.

00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:10,204

You little rascals!

00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:11,581

Well, I guess it

serves us right.

00:22:11,706 --> 00:22:13,082

Kids, we should've been honest

00:22:13,207 --> 00:22:15,126

about wanting you

to get chickenpox.

00:22:15,251 --> 00:22:17,837

It's true; we were wrong

for deceiving you about it.

00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:19,881

Hey, how come you don't

have sores on your lips, Mom?

00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:22,425

Ooh, I have them

somewhere else, poopykins.

00:22:22,550 --> 00:22:24,093

Hooray!

00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:25,887

And, uh, Stewart,

I think I owe you an apology.

00:22:26,012 --> 00:22:27,764

I've realized I shouldn't be

so cold

00:22:27,889 --> 00:22:29,515

towards people that

are less fortunate than me.

00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,726

Oh hell, I'm sorry, too.

00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:33,061

Oh, Phillip,

I'm so glad everything

00:22:33,186 --> 00:22:34,896

turned out for the better.

[farts]

00:22:35,021 --> 00:22:36,230

[laughter]

00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:37,940

Well, I know one thing

for sure.

00:22:38,066 --> 00:22:39,776

What's that, Eric?

00:22:39,901 --> 00:22:42,153

We're all gonna need

a lot more calamine lotion.

00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:45,281

[laughter]

00:22:47,033 --> 00:22:49,452

[monitor flatlines]

00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,120

Oh, my God!

They've killed Kenny!

00:22:51,245 --> 00:22:52,622

You bastards!

00:22:52,747 --> 00:22:55,208

[laughter]

00:22:55,333 --> 00:22:58,836

["I'm A Believer" resumes]

00:22:58,961 --> 00:23:04,050

♪♪

00:23:04,175 --> 00:23:07,011

- ♪ Love was out to get me ♪

00:23:07,136 --> 00:23:10,598

♪ That's the way it seems ♪

00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:14,936

♪ Disappointment haunted

all my dreams ♪

00:23:15,061 --> 00:23:16,187

♪ Then I saw her-- ♪