Солёные шоколадные яйца Шефа

00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:09,135

And I'm Trey Parker.

And we're...

00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:10,428

Cooking bacon!

00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:15,516

And here to help us is

our old pal, Macon.

00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,810

Say hi, Macon.

00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:21,063

- Well, today's dish is called

Northern Wyoming Bacon Loaf.

00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,106

Ooh.

00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:24,108

Sounds good, huh?

00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:26,318

To make it, you will need

three pounds of cooked bacon,

00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,863

two eggs,

one cup of cheese soup,

00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,531

and another pound

of cooked bacon.

00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:32,950

We've already started

cooking the bacon.

00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,660

Ooh, smell that bacon.

- Mm.

00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:35,953

Macon's going crazy.

00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,582

All right, hold on, hold on.

00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,168

Macon loves Bacon.

00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:43,753

What's that?

Do you want it, do you want it?

00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,047

Do you want it?

Yeah, that's a buddy.

00:00:48,174 --> 00:00:49,800

Have more bacon, yeah.

00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,427

Now, once the bacon

is cooked, we're ready

00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,471

for the food processor.

- That's right.

00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:54,555

We're gonna put

all the ingredients

00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,432

in the food processor.

00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,268

Get this grease off here.

00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:03,230

Eggs, some bacon,

more bacon, and mix.

00:01:05,316 --> 00:01:07,860

Whoa, Macon,

want some more bacon?

00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,030

While we're waiting

for that, let's watch

00:01:11,155 --> 00:01:12,782

our favorite episode

of "South Park."

00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:14,784

It's called "Chef's Chocolate

Salty Balls."

00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,494

- That's right--you see,

Matt and I have been

00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:18,579

several times to

the Sundance Film Festival

00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,082

in Utah, and we think

it totally sucks ass,

00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:22,666

so we decided to have

Robert Redford

00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,460

bring his little festival

to "South Park."

00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,045

- Apparently Mr. Redford

doesn't like us too much

00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:27,880

because of this episode.

00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,465

Maybe that's because we have

him drowning in shit.

00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,344

- Well, who cares?

He's old.

00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:36,514

Now I'm gonna put this dish

in the oven at 450 degrees.

00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:39,350

- You all sit back, relax,

and enjoy "Chef's Chocolate

00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:41,102

Salty Balls," and,

when we return,

00:01:41,227 --> 00:01:42,978

Northern Wyoming Bacon Loaf.

00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:57,451

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,453

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,163

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,706

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:02:02,832 --> 00:02:04,166

- ♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,001

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,711

- ♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:09,213

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,714

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,466

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:17,138

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:02:17,263 --> 00:02:18,931

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,232

- Why do we hold the Sundance

Film Festival here, Phyllis?

00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:30,151

It's so painfully crowded.

00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:32,194

Because, people from LA

love to come

00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,029

to a quaint little

mountain town for a few days,

00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,906

and this gives them an excuse.

00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,992

No, this used to be

a quaint little mountain town.

00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,827

Now look at it!

Sushi restaurants,

00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:43,080

upscale clothes stores,

$25 parking, Liam Neeson.

00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,874

I tell you Phyllis,

I think we've tapped

00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:47,835

this town's resources out.

We must move the festival

00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,337

to another small mountain town

and begin again.

00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:51,839

That's not a bad idea.

00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:53,132

But where?

00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:06,478

Whoa.

00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:07,980

Okay, children,

00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,690

I have some very exciting news

for you.

00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,150

Why don't you tell them,

Mr. Twig?

00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,110

That's right, Mr. Garrison!

00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:16,488

The first annual South Park

Film Festival begins today.

00:03:16,614 --> 00:03:18,157

Wow, cool.

- They're not gonna show

00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:19,867

that stupid-ass Godzilla movie

again, are they?

00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,411

No, no, Kyle.

These are independent films.

00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,496

Oh, like "Independence Day"?

That sucked ass too.

00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:26,040

Nah, dude,

independent films

00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:27,833

are those black and white

hippie movies.

00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,501

They're always about

gay cowboys eating pudding.

00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:31,545

No, they're not!

00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,631

Independent films are produced

outside the Hollywood system.

00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:35,049

They're movies without

all the glitz and glamour

00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:36,550

of Hollywood.

00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,302

Well, you show me

one independent film

00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,179

that isn't about gay cowboys

eating pudding.

00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:41,805

Once again,

you have no idea

00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,349

what you're talking about,

fat-ass!

00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:44,808

I'm not fat!

I just haven't grown into

00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,518

my body yet, you skinny bitch!

00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:49,021

Eric, if you call Wendy

a bitch one more time,

00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,190

I'm sending you to

the Principal's office.

00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,276

Bitch.

- That's it, Eric, you--!

00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,945

I'm going.

00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:57,780

Anyway, children,

I want you all to see

00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,823

at least one independent film

at the festival and then

00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:00,908

write a paper about it.

00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,870

The first film showing is

called "Witness to Denial"

00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,374

and is a sexual exploration

piece about two women in love.

00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,833

Aw, my Uncle Jimbo

has a ton of those movies

00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,585

in his dresser drawer.

00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:12,920

No, no, I wanna shoot

the script next month

00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:14,672

with Demi Moore attached.

00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:16,632

Well, you tell Spielberg

he can kiss my ass.

00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,133

Wow, look at this, Johnson.

00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,969

Traffic jams

at every intersection,

00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,971

hordes of people pushing

their way through the crowds--

00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,806

it's almost like

we're a real city.

00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,933

I can't believe I got sent

to the Principal's office

00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:27,434

because of your stupid

girlfriend.

00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:28,852

She's not my girlfriend.

00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,816

Sick, Kenny.

- Damn, dude.

00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,109

Look at all these people.

- I'm late for a screening.

00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,652

I'll call you from the theater.

00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:37,778

All this for a bunch

of stupid movies?

00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,029

Hello there, children.

00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,656

Hey, Chef.

00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,157

Whatcha doing?

- Children, this whole film

00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,742

festival thing

has quite lucrative

00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,452

monetary possibilities.

00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,454

And I'm gonna sell

some of my famous cookies

00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:50,457

to these Hollywood types

and make a mint.

00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,334

What kind of cookies?

- Calm down, tubby.

00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,129

They're little cookies

with fudge in the middle,

00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:58,799

and I call them Fudge 'Ems.

- I want a Fudge 'Em.

00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:01,010

I can just see

the commercial now.

00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:03,637

Wife got you down?

Boss making you angry?

00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:07,016

Kids yelling at you?

Well, Fudge 'Em!

00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,642

Cool.

- And I've also got

00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,228

my double chocolate cookies,

Fudge This.

00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,897

Oh, look, one of the natives

is selling local food wares.

00:05:14,023 --> 00:05:15,733

How quaint.

- This is why I come

00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:17,985

to these things--to get away

from LA and become one

00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,154

with a more simple culture.

- Well, perhaps you'd like

00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:23,365

to try my low-calorie cookies

Go Fudge Yourself.

00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,785

Or my all-natural I Don't

Really Give A Flying Fudge.

00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,204

Ooh, do you have any tofu

or steamed celery?

00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:30,706

Huh?

- I would kill for some

00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,666

couscous right now.

- Whose goose?

00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,710

Uh, never mind.

We brought some food

00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,129

from the natural market in LA.

- Cute sign though.

00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:40,090

Stan, I have two tickets

for the opening film

00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:41,884

of the festival.

Would you like to come with me?

00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:46,805

Shut up, Cartman.

Sure I do.

00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,683

I mean, since we have to write

a paper on a film anyway.

00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,352

She'll be

the death of him, Kyle.

00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:53,395

Mark my words.

She'll be the death of him.

00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,647

If she holds his hand in that

theater, it'll be all over.

00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:59,068

Get 'em while they're hot.

My all-new cookies,

00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:01,320

I Just Went and Fudged

Your Momma.

00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,364

Jesus, he sure ran

that one into the ground.

00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,451

When's this thing start?

I hope there's

00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,495

some good previews.

- Stan, film festival movies

00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,954

don't usually have previews

before them.

00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,331

- They what?

00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:18,295

Who are you to judge

my womanly soul?

00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:22,174

The goddess flames that burn

in my memory aren't dark.

00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:25,677

Dare you call them dark?

00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:28,097

Here lies the goddess truth

of my body.

00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:30,224

Oh, brother.

00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:33,977

- The goddess that cries,

"Freedom, here is the goddess

00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:36,814

truth of my womanly being."

00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,816

You are my blossom, my flame.

00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:40,442

When we make love,

it's like the sun

00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,027

is right outside the door.

00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,862

Then make love to me,

right now.

00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,490

Dude, dude!

- Shh!

00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:51,245

♪ I can see clearly now

the rain is gone ♪

00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:53,664

♪ I can see all obstacles

in my way ♪

00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:55,624

Bubula, you need to get

to bed--it's late!

00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,834

I'm poopies, Ma!

00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,419

Well, hurry up!

00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,087

♪ Gone are the dark

clouds... ♪

00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,760

Could it be?

00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:08,929

Howdy-ho!

00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,099

Mr. Hankey?

Mr. Hankey, is that you?

00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:14,143

Hello?

00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:17,020

I'm here live in South Park,

Colorado where citizens

00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:19,565

of Los Angeles are arriving

in droves for the town's

00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,608

first annual film festival.

00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,902

This is just a small, quiet

mountain community

00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,696

where nothing out

of the ordinary ever really

00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:27,322

happens, except

for the occasional

00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,199

complete destruction

of the entire town,

00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:32,035

and so the excitement level

is naturally very high.

00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:33,996

Right now, the townspeople

are anxiously awaiting

00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,373

the arrival of some of

Hollywood's top celebrities.

00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:37,374

- It was him, dude!

I tell you,

00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,334

it was Mr. Hankey.

00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,295

Wait, I thought Mr. Hankey

only came at Christmastime.

00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,088

Well, I'm sure it was him.

- Look, look,

00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,965

here comes somebody?

- I wonder who it could be.

00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,009

Move aside, I can't see!

- Oh, move your head.

00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,595

Ladies and gentleman,

TV's Fred Savage!

00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,765

Well, I'm sure a real person

will show up soon.

00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,392

So how was that movie

last night, dude?

00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,269

Oh, dude, you don't even

want to know.

00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,729

It had a bunch of gay cowboys

eating pudding, huh?

00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,147

Yeah, pretty much.

- Yeah.

00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:01,440

That theater sucks though.

00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,108

They need to get

a bigger screen.

00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,485

They should project the

movies on Cartman's ass.

00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,070

Hey!

- Yeah, but that'd be

00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,906

like IMAX.

00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,324

Okay, that's enough

fat-ass jokes for this week.

00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:17,456

Okay, that does it.

00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:20,042

Screw you guys--I'm going home.

00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,755

Well?

00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,299

I'm gonna.

Just give me a minute.

00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:28,800

This is perfect.

00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:30,260

Why didn't we think

of it sooner?

00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,845

This town still has

some charm left,

00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,347

not the mess we turned

Park City into.

00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,349

Forgive me

for being observant,

00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:38,435

but won't we just end up doing

the same thing to this town?

00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,688

Yes, and the town after,

and the town after that.

00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:44,274

Like termites, we will move

this film festival from town

00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:47,069

to town until we have

used it up and then move on

00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,863

until every quiet mountain town

is like Los Angeles.

00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,282

Why?

Why would we do such a thing?

00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,701

Because we have to live

in LA, and, if we can't live

00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,703

in quiet, simply,

peaceful mountain towns,

00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,455

then nobody will.

00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:03,794

Wait, wait, zoom in

to a close-up on my face

00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:05,003

when I do that, ready?

00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,547

The nobody will!

00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,758

That's it.

00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,552

- Children, I'm glad

you're here.

00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:13,470

I want you to check out

my new confectioneries.

00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,514

I think they're gonna sell

right through the roof.

00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,934

I call them Chef's Salty

Chocolate Balls.

00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,228

Are they good?

- Try 'em.

00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,606

Hey, these are good.

- Yeah, I love

00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,233

your salty

chocolate balls, Chef.

00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,238

- There it is again.

- There's what again?

00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:34,950

It's Mr. Hankey.

00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,910

I think he's

in some kind of trouble.

00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,745

Dude, how do you tell if

a piece of poo is in trouble?

00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,497

Where does that grille go?

- To the sewer, dude.

00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,291

Of course, the sewer!

That must be where he is.

00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,585

Come on.

Come on!

00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:46,503

♪ Say, everybody,

have you seen my balls? ♪

00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,630

♪ They're big and salty

and brown ♪

00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,799

♪ If you ever need

a quick pick me up ♪

00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,302

♪ Just stick my balls

in your mouth ♪

00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:56,930

♪ Ooh, suck on my chocolate

salty balls ♪

00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,974

♪ Put 'em in your mouth,

put 'em in your mouth ♪

00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,100

♪ And suck 'em and suck 'em ♪

00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,815

Aw, man, it smells

like ass down here.

00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,150

Of course it smells

like ass, retard.

00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,151

It's a sewer.

00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,737

What was that?

00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,113

Aw, man, let's get out

of here.

00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,489

We can't, dude.

Not until we find

00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:15,490

Mr. Hankey.

00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,704

What the hell?

- Mr. Garrison?

00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,956

Oh, hello, children.

- What are you doing

00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,875

down in the sewer with a bunch

of snorkel stuff on?

00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,128

Oh, I was just hanging out.

- In a sewer.

00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,172

Children, do you know how

to file a police report?

00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,381

No.

00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,966

Good--see you in school.

00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:36,970

This is ridiculous.

00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,388

What the hell are we,

the Goonies?

00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:40,182

Yeah, we're the Goonies,

Cartman.

00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,391

Why don't you pretend like

you're the fat kid?

00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:42,559

Okay, that does it.

00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:44,436

Screw you guys--I'm--

00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,980

- Howdy-ho!

00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:49,650

Mr. Hankey!

- Howdy-ho, boys.

00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:52,110

I told you guys he'd be here.

- Gosh, look at you.

00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,489

You're all growing up so fast.

- Hi, Mr. Hankey.

00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:58,033

Nice to see you.

- Have y'all been brushing

00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,284

behind your teeth?

00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,369

Yes.

00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,662

And using dental floss?

00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:02,954

Yes.

00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,081

And washing behind your ears?

00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,207

Yes.

- Yes.

00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,667

No.

00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,168

What's the matter,

Mr. Hankey?

00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,836

Are you sick?

- Oh, I've just got

00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,880

a little cold is all.

All these new people

00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,424

in South Park are stressful

on my home.

00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,385

- What do you mean?

- Well, you see, boys,

00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,762

the sewer's

a fragile ecosystem.

00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,181

Oh, my God.

- These new folks in town

00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:24,643

eat nothing but couscous,

tofu, and raw vegetables,

00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,561

and it's destroying

my environment.

00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,021

And that's why you

got a cold?

00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,273

That's why, Kyle.

That's why.

00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:32,275

Well, why don't you just

ask them to leave?

00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,778

There's only one time of year

I can come to the surface,

00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,697

and that's Christmastime.

00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:39,408

That's why I need you boys

to go for me.

00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,076

Don't worry, Mr. Hankey.

00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,703

We'll go tell everyone.

Come on, guys.

00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:45,789

Don't forget to change

your sheets once a week.

00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,586

So without further ado,

we will begin

00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,130

this amazing film.

00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:55,173

It's a work of blood,

sweat, and tears.

00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,217

- Wait, stop, could I have

your attention, please?

00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,635

- Is that Leonardo DiCaprio?

00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,139

Ahh!

- No, no, wait, that's not him.

00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,642

Ladies and gentlemen,

my best friend Mr. Hankey

00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,352

is getting sick because

South Park has become

00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,354

overcrowded with people

who eat health food.

00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,482

Excuse me, little boy.

What's a Mr. Hankey?

00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,443

- He's a talking piece of poo

that lives in the sewer,

00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,528

but now he's getting sick

because his ecosystem

00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,697

is all out of whack because of

all the extra poo in the sewer.

00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:19,990

If you don't all leave

and go home soon,

00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,783

Mr. Hankey's gonna die.

00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,285

He's one of my best friends

in the whole wide world,

00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,912

and--and I don't want him

to die.

00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,999

What a great story.

It has everything.

00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:30,792

This could be the next

"Free Willy."

00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,169

Great pitch, son,

how much do you want for it?

00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:33,712

Huh?

- Does it have to be

00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,714

a talking piece of poo?

00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,841

It could be a crime-fighting

rabbit or a loveable turtle.

00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,676

This could be

a great summer movie.

00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,970

Can we put a monkey in it?

- "The Mr. Hankey Story."

00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,555

Is Harrison Ford available

for a fall pic?

00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,015

Keanu Reeves.

- Matt Damon.

00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,391

- Fred Savage.

00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,313

- I'd pay a million

for this story.

00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,939

I'll pay two.

- 2.89!

00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:56,318

Dude, no one even

listened to me.

00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,903

You know, it does sound

like a pretty sweet movie.

00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,404

I take it you're

part owner of this whole

00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,323

Mr. Hooey story, right?

- Huh?

00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,576

Uh, yeah, I guess.

- I want you to do a big money

00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,620

deal with me.

- All of us?

00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,623

- Well, I can see that you're

the real brains of the group.

00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,458

You don't really need

those guys, do you?

00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,585

Yeah, screw those guys.

I don't even like them.

00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:16,296

That's great, kid.

Let's make a deal.

00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,548

Ladies and gentlemen,

I want to thank you all

00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:21,259

for making the first annual

South Park Film Festival

00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,011

a success.

00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,055

We've barely even started,

and already the festival

00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:28,016

has seen more attendance than

last year's Sundance festival.

00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:31,895

And I'm very pleased

to announce that, in honor

00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,231

of the South Park people

who have welcomed us,

00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:37,442

we are going to build

a Hollywood Planet restaurant

00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:40,111

right here where

this library used to stand.

00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,116

Can they do that?

- They're Hollywood.

00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,326

They can do anything.

00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:50,413

Mr. Hankey?

00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,459

Mr. Hankey?

00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:01,424

Mr. Hankey?

00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:05,178

- Oh, Kyle, howdy--

00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,972

Well, how did it go?

00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,057

Is everyone gonna stop pooping

in my environment?

00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,767

- They didn't believe me.

They thought I was pitching

00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:13,228

a movie.

- Oh, I see.

00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,147

Well, shucks, Kyle.

I can't thank you enough

00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:17,774

for trying.

00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,488

We only have one option--

I've gotta take you

00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,115

to the surface.

- I can't.

00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,658

The sun will dry me out.

- It's the only way

00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,159

to prove to them

that you're real.

00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:30,203

But I won't

last long up above.

00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,872

Well, you're not gonna last

down here either, Mr. Hankey.

00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,540

Now come on, I'm not gonna

let you die.

00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,793

All right, just let me

get my toothbrush.

00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:40,297

Come on, Stan, we're gonna be

late for the screening.

00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,093

- Geez, they made that into

a movie already?

00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,304

Mr. Hankey, I can't

go on anymore.

00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:48,972

I've lost the fight.

00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,765

No, I'm not leaving

without you.

00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,100

- We started this together,

and we're gonna

00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,894

finish it together.

00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,437

I always thought death

was something glorious,

00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,189

but now I know that it's not.

00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,651

It's going over really well.

00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:03,737

People are gonna be knocking

my door down to get you.

00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:05,614

Who the hell cast

Tom Hanks in this?

00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,782

Tom Hanks can't act

his way out of a nut sack.

00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,910

I'll always love you,

Mr. Hankey.

00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:21,129

Oh, my God, I found a penny.

- You bastard.

00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,258

Okay, Mr. Hankey, we're out.

00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,636

How are you doing?

- It sure is dry up here.

00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:30,805

Don't worry--we'll do this

quick, okay?

00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,057

Just hang on, Mr. Hankey,

just hang on.

00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,770

Excuse me,

Mr. Film Commissioner,

00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,813

could I have a word with you?

- Make it quick.

00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:41,232

Well, the people of my town

are a little upset.

00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:43,652

I don't think we realized

what an impact this festival

00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,612

would have on our town.

- Uh-huh.

00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:48,198

Right, so, we were actually

wondering if we could call

00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:50,533

this whole thing off.

- We have contracts.

00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:52,410

You try to pull out now,

we'll sue your little town

00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,663

for every penny it's got,

but thanks so much

00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,498

for the hard work.

00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,583

But this doesn't make sense

to me, Marty, okay?

00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,335

You told me the movie made

a lot of money.

00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,046

Right, two million,

minus your agent's fee,

00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,923

minus your lawyer's fee,

minus my fee,

00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,591

and with publicity

and taxes taken out,

00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,426

you get three dollars.

00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:09,928

That's more than most people

in your position make.

00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,721

Trust me.

- Serves you right, Cartman.

00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,431

You're a sell-out.

- I'm not a sell-out!

00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,266

What's a sell-out?

- If you work

00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:16,768

in the entertainment business

and you make money,

00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,436

you're a sell-out.

- It's all gone

00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,188

to hell, children,

and we're all to blame.

00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,274

Even me.

I was selling out my town too.

00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,944

And now look at it.

- So what do we do now?

00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,238

There's nothing we can do.

Just sit here

00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:31,116

and suck on my balls.

- You guys, we have to hurry!

00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:32,534

What?

- Come on, everything's gonna

00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,536

be okay.

- Sir, sir!

00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,204

Not now.

- I have to show you something.

00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,789

I think it will change

the way you feel

00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,582

about your impact here.

- What's this?

00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,501

I want you guys

to all meet my friend.

00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,967

That's great, kid.

00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,677

A dried out lump of shit--

very compelling.

00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,554

Okay, folks, let's move.

We gotta have that sign

00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,305

done in time

for the opening tonight.

00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,224

- You can't die, Mr. Hankey,

you can't.

00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:01,438

Kyle, before I go,

00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:05,525

there's something

I must tell you.

00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:08,445

Come closer.

00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,238

Closer.

00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,241

Well, what is it, Mr. Hankey?

00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:20,248

There is another Skywalker.

00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,209

No!

- Wait, Kyle.

00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:26,004

What is it, Mr. Hankey?

- Come closer.

00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,715

What is it?

- Closer.

00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,341

Yes?

- Closer!

00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,720

One time,

when you were sleeping,

00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:38,600

I put myself in your mouth and

had my friend take a picture.

00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,228

No!

00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:48,818

♪ Mr. Hankey,

the Christmas poo ♪

00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:53,073

♪ He loved me, I loved you ♪

00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:57,744

♪ Therefore, vicariously,

he loved you ♪

00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:00,288

No!

- I'm sorry, son.

00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,998

Let's get him to ICU.

00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,459

No, no!

- Are you gonna be okay, dude?

00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,544

I'm here for you.

- Hi, Stan, ready to go

00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,880

see another movie?

- Okay.

00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:16,429

Say, Tom, do you have

any pudding left?

00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:18,890

I ate all mine up, silly.

- Well, then,

00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,433

now what do we do?

00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,107

Ew!

- Hey!

00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:28,942

- Sorry.

- Well, why don't we just

00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:32,654

explore our sexuality?

- Oh, good idea, let's.

00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,614

Aw, dude, I shouldn't

be seeing this.

00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,866

Aw, is there a problem,

00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,535

young man?

- No problem, dude.

00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,040

I'll never forget you.

00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:45,667

You were my best friend

after Stan.

00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,877

Come on, Kyle,

it's time to go.

00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:51,339

Chef, does poo go to heaven?

00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,300

Well, I kind of hope not.

00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:57,262

I mean, sure, it does.

Here, I'll give him

00:18:57,387 --> 00:19:00,473

one of my salty balls to take

with him to poo heaven.

00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:05,854

Come on, let's go.

00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,814

Kyle.

00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:11,609

Mr. Hankey?

- Howdy-ho.

00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:14,779

He's back, he's back!

- That was delicious.

00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:18,533

My salty chocolate balls

must have rejuvenated him!

00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,910

You got the best balls

in the whole world, Chef.

00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,412

You're damn right.

00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,501

Step on up, get them here.

00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,420

Mr. Hankey and me t-shirts.

00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:31,921

Get them

while they last, folks.

00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,840

Only $14.95.

00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,383

I'd like one.

- I'll take two.

00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,177

Selling t-shirts kicks ass.

00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:39,345

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'm pleased to announce

00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:42,473

on this gala opening

of Hollywood Planet South Park

00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,726

that the festival

will be back next year

00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:48,605

and the year after that and

the year after that and so on.

00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,441

And now release the curtain.

00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:54,360

I give you Hollywood

in South Park!

00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:58,615

Wait, I brought him!

I brought him to show you!

00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:01,868

- Oh, not this again.

- Behold, Mr. Hankey!

00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:06,289

- Howdy-ho!

00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:10,710

- Anyway, this new

Hollywood Planet

00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,295

will be

the official meeting place--

00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:15,381

- Howdy-ho, folks.

I'm afraid my buddy Kyle

00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:18,051

was right--there's not

enough room in South Park

00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,970

to accommodate a festival.

- Mr. Poo,

00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:23,431

if you wouldn't mind,

we can't hear our chairman.

00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,058

If you could just

turn yourself down.

00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:26,517

You're at about seven

right now.

00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,436

We need you at

about three, okay?

00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:33,942

Uh, folks, please,

little towns like this simply

00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,860

aren't meant for big events.

00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:39,697

We love having visitors,

but, golly, too many of you

00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,491

is hurting our ecosystem.

00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:44,535

Besides, folks, film festivals

shouldn't be about

00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:48,748

what celebrities are coming or

what film is gonna get shown.

00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,334

It should be able people

getting together

00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:54,212

and watching movies

and about people who can never

00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:57,757

get their movies seen having

a chance to have it watched,

00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,008

if only once.

00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:00,885

A good film festival

00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,013

should be something where

we all say, "Aw, let's forget

00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:07,850

"about lawyers and agents

and studios and celebrities.

00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:09,519

"Let's forget all

those things

00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:12,563

for just a while and

just watch some new art."

00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:18,611

I have had enough of you!

00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:20,863

- No!

00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:23,700

Now, as I was saying,

this shall usher in

00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,576

a whole new decade of films.

00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:28,454

He's dead!

Mr. Hankey's dead!

00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:30,331

Well, this worked

once before.

00:21:34,836 --> 00:21:37,338

Thanks, Chef,

your big chocolate balls

00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:38,965

are just the trick.

00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:46,222

What the hell is he doing?

- I don't know.

00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:55,398

Wow.

00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,533

Oh, my God!

00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:20,757

Oh, it smells, it smells!

00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:23,968

Come on, the poo is coming!

00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:25,636

I'm trying, damn it!

00:22:35,146 --> 00:22:36,981

Ahh!

00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,360

Let's get out of this town!

00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:48,242

- Phew.

00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:53,206

Gosh, I guess I don't know

my own strength.

00:22:55,166 --> 00:22:56,459

You did it, Mr. Hankey.

00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:57,668

You got rid of all

the film people.

00:22:57,794 --> 00:22:59,587

Hooray.

00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:02,131

Oh, yeah, now all we have

is a town covered in shit.

00:23:02,256 --> 00:23:03,758

This is much better.

00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:07,095

I couldn't have done it

without you, Kyle.

00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:09,597

Kisses.

00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:13,101

Stan, I'm sorry I dragged you

to all those independent films.

00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:14,811

Oh, that's okay, Wendy.

I forgive you.

00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,521

- Sometimes I forget

that even though

00:23:16,646 --> 00:23:18,231

a few independent films

are great,

00:23:18,356 --> 00:23:19,816

most of them suck ass.

00:23:19,941 --> 00:23:22,110

Yes, and I've learned

something too.

00:23:23,111 --> 00:23:24,904

Being a sell-out

is sweet because you make

00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:26,823

a lot of money, and,

when you have money,

00:23:26,948 --> 00:23:29,117

you don't have to hang out

with any poor-ass losers

00:23:29,242 --> 00:23:30,576

like you guys.

00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:33,788

Screw you guys--I'm going home.

00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:38,000

♪ Ooh, suck on my chocolate

salty balls ♪

00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:39,877

♪ Put 'em in your mouth,

put 'em in your mouth ♪

00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:41,045

♪ And suck 'em and suck 'em ♪

00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:07,133

Hello, everyone.

I'm Matt Stone.

00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:09,135

And I'm Trey Parker.

And we're...

00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:10,428

both: Cooking bacon!

00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:13,347

[applause]

00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:15,516

And here to help us is

our old pal, Macon.

00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,810

Say hi, Macon.

- [oinks]

00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:21,063

- Well, today's dish is called

Northern Wyoming Bacon Loaf.

00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,106

all: Ooh.

00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:24,108

Sounds good, huh?

00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:26,318

To make it, you will need

three pounds of cooked bacon,

00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,863

two eggs,

one cup of cheese soup,

00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,531

and another pound

of cooked bacon.

00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:32,950

We've already started

cooking the bacon.

00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,660

Ooh, smell that bacon.

- Mm.

00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:35,953

Macon's going crazy.

00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:37,204

[oinks]

00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,582

All right, hold on, hold on.

00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,168

Macon loves Bacon.

00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:43,753

What's that?

Do you want it, do you want it?

00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,047

Do you want it?

Yeah, that's a buddy.

00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:48,049

[cheers and applause]

00:00:48,174 --> 00:00:49,800

Have more bacon, yeah.

00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,427

Now, once the bacon

is cooked, we're ready

00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,471

for the food processor.

- That's right.

00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:54,555

We're gonna put

all the ingredients

00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,432

in the food processor.

00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,268

Get this grease off here.

00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:03,230

Eggs, some bacon,

more bacon, and mix.

00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,191

[grinding]

00:01:05,316 --> 00:01:07,860

Whoa, Macon,

want some more bacon?

00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:09,570

[laughter]

00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,030

While we're waiting

for that, let's watch

00:01:11,155 --> 00:01:12,782

our favorite episode

of "South Park."

00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:14,784

It's called "Chef's Chocolate

Salty Balls."

00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,494

- That's right--you see,

Matt and I have been

00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:18,579

several times to

the Sundance Film Festival

00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,082

in Utah, and we think

it totally sucks ass,

00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:22,666

so we decided to have

Robert Redford

00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,460

bring his little festival

to "South Park."

00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,045

- Apparently Mr. Redford

doesn't like us too much

00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:27,880

because of this episode.

00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,465

Maybe that's because we have

him drowning in shit.

00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,383

[cheers and applause]

00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,344

- Well, who cares?

He's old.

00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:36,514

Now I'm gonna put this dish

in the oven at 450 degrees.

00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:39,350

- You all sit back, relax,

and enjoy "Chef's Chocolate

00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:41,102

Salty Balls," and,

when we return,

00:01:41,227 --> 00:01:42,978

Northern Wyoming Bacon Loaf.

00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:46,065

[cheers and applause]

00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,950

[twangy music]

00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:57,451

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,453

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,163

all: ♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,706

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:02:02,832 --> 00:02:04,166

- ♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,001

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,711

- ♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:09,213

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,714

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,466

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,636

[singing indistinctly]

00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:17,138

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:02:17,263 --> 00:02:18,931

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:23,227

[light twangy music]

00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,232

- Why do we hold the Sundance

Film Festival here, Phyllis?

00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:30,151

It's so painfully crowded.

00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:32,194

Because, people from LA

love to come

00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,029

to a quaint little

mountain town for a few days,

00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,906

and this gives them an excuse.

00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,992

No, this used to be

a quaint little mountain town.

00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,827

Now look at it!

Sushi restaurants,

00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:43,080

upscale clothes stores,

$25 parking, Liam Neeson.

00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,874

I tell you Phyllis,

I think we've tapped

00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:47,835

this town's resources out.

We must move the festival

00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,337

to another small mountain town

and begin again.

00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:51,839

That's not a bad idea.

00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:53,132

But where?

00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,304

[humming]

00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,684

[tires screech]

00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,311

[overlapping conversations]

00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:06,478

Whoa.

00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:07,980

Okay, children,

00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,690

I have some very exciting news

for you.

00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,150

Why don't you tell them,

Mr. Twig?

00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,110

That's right, Mr. Garrison!

00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:16,488

The first annual South Park

Film Festival begins today.

00:03:16,614 --> 00:03:18,157

Wow, cool.

- They're not gonna show

00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:19,867

that stupid-ass Godzilla movie

again, are they?

00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,411

No, no, Kyle.

These are independent films.

00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,496

Oh, like "Independence Day"?

That sucked ass too.

00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:26,040

Nah, dude,

independent films

00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:27,833

are those black and white

hippie movies.

00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,501

They're always about

gay cowboys eating pudding.

00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:31,545

No, they're not!

00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,631

Independent films are produced

outside the Hollywood system.

00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:35,049

They're movies without

all the glitz and glamour

00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:36,550

of Hollywood.

[chuckles]

00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,302

Well, you show me

one independent film

00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,179

that isn't about gay cowboys

eating pudding.

00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:41,805

Once again,

you have no idea

00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,349

what you're talking about,

fat-ass!

00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:44,808

I'm not fat!

I just haven't grown into

00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,518

my body yet, you skinny bitch!

00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:49,021

Eric, if you call Wendy

a bitch one more time,

00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,190

I'm sending you to

the Principal's office.

00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,276

Bitch.

- That's it, Eric, you--!

00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,945

I'm going.

00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:57,780

Anyway, children,

I want you all to see

00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,823

at least one independent film

at the festival and then

00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:00,908

write a paper about it.

00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:02,743

[groaning]

00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,870

The first film showing is

called "Witness to Denial"

00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,374

and is a sexual exploration

piece about two women in love.

00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,833

Aw, my Uncle Jimbo

has a ton of those movies

00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,585

in his dresser drawer.

00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:12,920

No, no, I wanna shoot

the script next month

00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:14,672

with Demi Moore attached.

00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:16,632

Well, you tell Spielberg

he can kiss my ass.

00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,133

Wow, look at this, Johnson.

00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,969

Traffic jams

at every intersection,

00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,971

hordes of people pushing

their way through the crowds--

00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,806

it's almost like

we're a real city.

00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,933

I can't believe I got sent

to the Principal's office

00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:27,434

because of your stupid

girlfriend.

00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:28,852

She's not my girlfriend.

00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:30,604

[muffled speech]

00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:31,981

[laughter]

00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,816

Sick, Kenny.

- Damn, dude.

00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,109

Look at all these people.

- I'm late for a screening.

00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,652

I'll call you from the theater.

00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:37,778

All this for a bunch

of stupid movies?

00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,029

Hello there, children.

00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,656

all: Hey, Chef.

00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,157

Whatcha doing?

- Children, this whole film

00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,742

festival thing

has quite lucrative

00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,452

monetary possibilities.

00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,454

And I'm gonna sell

some of my famous cookies

00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:50,457

to these Hollywood types

and make a mint.

00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,334

What kind of cookies?

- Calm down, tubby.

00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,129

They're little cookies

with fudge in the middle,

00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:58,799

and I call them Fudge 'Ems.

- I want a Fudge 'Em.

00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:01,010

I can just see

the commercial now.

00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:03,637

Wife got you down?

Boss making you angry?

00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:07,016

Kids yelling at you?

Well, Fudge 'Em!

00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,642

Cool.

- And I've also got

00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,228

my double chocolate cookies,

Fudge This.

00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,897

Oh, look, one of the natives

is selling local food wares.

00:05:14,023 --> 00:05:15,733

How quaint.

- This is why I come

00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:17,985

to these things--to get away

from LA and become one

00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,154

with a more simple culture.

- Well, perhaps you'd like

00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:23,365

to try my low-calorie cookies

Go Fudge Yourself.

00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,785

Or my all-natural I Don't

Really Give A Flying Fudge.

00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,204

Ooh, do you have any tofu

or steamed celery?

00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:30,706

Huh?

- I would kill for some

00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,666

couscous right now.

- Whose goose?

00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,710

Uh, never mind.

We brought some food

00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,129

from the natural market in LA.

- Cute sign though.

00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:40,090

Stan, I have two tickets

for the opening film

00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:41,884

of the festival.

Would you like to come with me?

00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,928

- [mimicking Wendy]

00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:46,805

Shut up, Cartman.

Sure I do.

00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,683

I mean, since we have to write

a paper on a film anyway.

00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,352

She'll be

the death of him, Kyle.

00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:53,395

Mark my words.

She'll be the death of him.

00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,647

If she holds his hand in that

theater, it'll be all over.

00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:59,068

Get 'em while they're hot.

My all-new cookies,

00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:01,320

I Just Went and Fudged

Your Momma.

00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,364

Jesus, he sure ran

that one into the ground.

00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,657

♪♪

00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,451

When's this thing start?

I hope there's

00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,495

some good previews.

- Stan, film festival movies

00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,954

don't usually have previews

before them.

00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,331

- They what?

00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:18,295

Who are you to judge

my womanly soul?

00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:22,174

The goddess flames that burn

in my memory aren't dark.

00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:25,677

Dare you call them dark?

00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:28,097

Here lies the goddess truth

of my body.

00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:30,224

Oh, brother.

00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:33,977

- The goddess that cries,

"Freedom, here is the goddess

00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:36,814

truth of my womanly being."

00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,816

You are my blossom, my flame.

00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:40,442

When we make love,

it's like the sun

00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,027

is right outside the door.

00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,862

Then make love to me,

right now.

00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,072

[moans]

00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,490

Dude, dude!

- Shh!

00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:51,245

♪ I can see clearly now

the rain is gone ♪

00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:53,664

♪ I can see all obstacles

in my way ♪

00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:55,624

Bubula, you need to get

to bed--it's late!

00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,834

I'm poopies, Ma!

00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,419

Well, hurry up!

00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,087

♪ Gone are the dark

clouds... ♪

00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:01,547

[eerie moaning]

00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:03,006

♪♪

00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:05,634

[eerie moaning]

00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,760

Could it be?

00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:08,929

Howdy-ho!

00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,099

Mr. Hankey?

Mr. Hankey, is that you?

00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:14,143

Hello?

00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:17,020

I'm here live in South Park,

Colorado where citizens

00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:19,565

of Los Angeles are arriving

in droves for the town's

00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,608

first annual film festival.

00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,902

This is just a small, quiet

mountain community

00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,696

where nothing out

of the ordinary ever really

00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:27,322

happens, except

for the occasional

00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,199

complete destruction

of the entire town,

00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:32,035

and so the excitement level

is naturally very high.

00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:33,996

Right now, the townspeople

are anxiously awaiting

00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,373

the arrival of some of

Hollywood's top celebrities.

00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:37,374

- It was him, dude!

I tell you,

00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,334

it was Mr. Hankey.

00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,295

Wait, I thought Mr. Hankey

only came at Christmastime.

00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,088

Well, I'm sure it was him.

- Look, look,

00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,965

here comes somebody?

- I wonder who it could be.

00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,009

Move aside, I can't see!

- Oh, move your head.

00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,595

Ladies and gentleman,

TV's Fred Savage!

00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,680

all: [groan]

00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,765

Well, I'm sure a real person

will show up soon.

00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,392

So how was that movie

last night, dude?

00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,269

Oh, dude, you don't even

want to know.

00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,729

It had a bunch of gay cowboys

eating pudding, huh?

00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,147

Yeah, pretty much.

- Yeah.

00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:01,440

That theater sucks though.

00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,108

They need to get

a bigger screen.

00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,485

They should project the

movies on Cartman's ass.

00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:05,861

[laughter]

00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,070

Hey!

- Yeah, but that'd be

00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,906

like IMAX.

[laughter]

00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,324

Okay, that's enough

fat-ass jokes for this week.

00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:14,077

[muffled speech]

00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:16,163

[laughter]

00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:17,456

Okay, that does it.

00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:20,042

Screw you guys--I'm going home.

00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,755

Well?

00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,299

I'm gonna.

Just give me a minute.

00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:28,800

This is perfect.

00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:30,260

Why didn't we think

of it sooner?

00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,845

This town still has

some charm left,

00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,347

not the mess we turned

Park City into.

00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,349

Forgive me

for being observant,

00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:38,435

but won't we just end up doing

the same thing to this town?

00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,688

Yes, and the town after,

and the town after that.

00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:44,274

Like termites, we will move

this film festival from town

00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:47,069

to town until we have

used it up and then move on

00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,863

until every quiet mountain town

is like Los Angeles.

00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,282

Why?

Why would we do such a thing?

00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,701

Because we have to live

in LA, and, if we can't live

00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,703

in quiet, simply,

peaceful mountain towns,

00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,455

then nobody will.

00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:01,500

[maniacal laughter]

00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:03,794

Wait, wait, zoom in

to a close-up on my face

00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:05,003

when I do that, ready?

00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,547

The nobody will!

00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:08,298

[maniacal laughter]

00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,758

That's it.

00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,552

- Children, I'm glad

you're here.

00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:13,470

I want you to check out

my new confectioneries.

00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,514

I think they're gonna sell

right through the roof.

00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,934

I call them Chef's Salty

Chocolate Balls.

00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,228

Are they good?

- Try 'em.

00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,606

Hey, these are good.

- Yeah, I love

00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,233

your salty

chocolate balls, Chef.

00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,484

[laughs]

00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,570

[eerie moaning]

00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,238

- There it is again.

- There's what again?

00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:34,950

- [eerie moaning]

- It's Mr. Hankey.

00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,910

I think he's

in some kind of trouble.

00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,745

Dude, how do you tell if

a piece of poo is in trouble?

00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,497

Where does that grille go?

- To the sewer, dude.

00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,291

Of course, the sewer!

That must be where he is.

00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,585

Come on.

Come on!

00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:46,503

♪ Say, everybody,

have you seen my balls? ♪

00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,630

♪ They're big and salty

and brown ♪

00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,799

♪ If you ever need

a quick pick me up ♪

00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,302

♪ Just stick my balls

in your mouth ♪

00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:56,930

♪ Ooh, suck on my chocolate

salty balls ♪

00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,974

♪ Put 'em in your mouth,

put 'em in your mouth ♪

00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,100

♪ And suck 'em and suck 'em ♪

00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,563

[rat squeaking]

00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,815

Aw, man, it smells

like ass down here.

00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,150

Of course it smells

like ass, retard.

00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,151

It's a sewer.

00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,152

[splash]

00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,737

What was that?

00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,113

Aw, man, let's get out

of here.

00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,489

We can't, dude.

Not until we find

00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:15,490

Mr. Hankey.

00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:16,491

[splash]

00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:18,410

all: [scream]

00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,704

What the hell?

- Mr. Garrison?

00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,956

Oh, hello, children.

- What are you doing

00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,875

down in the sewer with a bunch

of snorkel stuff on?

00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,128

Oh, I was just hanging out.

- In a sewer.

00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,172

Children, do you know how

to file a police report?

00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,381

all: No.

00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,966

Good--see you in school.

00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:36,970

This is ridiculous.

00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,388

What the hell are we,

the Goonies?

00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:40,182

Yeah, we're the Goonies,

Cartman.

00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,391

Why don't you pretend like

you're the fat kid?

00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:42,559

Okay, that does it.

00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:44,436

Screw you guys--I'm--

00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,980

- Howdy-ho!

00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:49,650

Mr. Hankey!

- Howdy-ho, boys.

00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:52,110

I told you guys he'd be here.

- Gosh, look at you.

00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,489

You're all growing up so fast.

- Hi, Mr. Hankey.

00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:58,033

Nice to see you.

- Have y'all been brushing

00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,284

behind your teeth?

00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,369

all: Yes.

00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,662

And using dental floss?

00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:02,954

all: Yes.

00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,081

And washing behind your ears?

00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,207

Yes.

- Yes.

00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,667

No.

- [coughs]

00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,168

What's the matter,

Mr. Hankey?

00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,836

Are you sick?

- Oh, I've just got

00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,880

a little cold is all.

All these new people

00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,424

in South Park are stressful

on my home.

00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,385

- What do you mean?

- Well, you see, boys,

00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,762

the sewer's

a fragile ecosystem.

00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,181

Oh, my God.

- These new folks in town

00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:24,643

eat nothing but couscous,

tofu, and raw vegetables,

00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,561

and it's destroying

my environment.

00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,021

And that's why you

got a cold?

00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,273

That's why, Kyle.

That's why.

00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:32,275

Well, why don't you just

ask them to leave?

00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,778

There's only one time of year

I can come to the surface,

00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,697

and that's Christmastime.

00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:39,408

That's why I need you boys

to go for me.

00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,076

[coughs]

- Don't worry, Mr. Hankey.

00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,703

We'll go tell everyone.

Come on, guys.

00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:45,789

Don't forget to change

your sheets once a week.

00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:49,501

[twangy music]

00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,586

So without further ado,

we will begin

00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,130

this amazing film.

00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:55,173

It's a work of blood,

sweat, and tears.

00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,217

- Wait, stop, could I have

your attention, please?

00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,635

- Is that Leonardo DiCaprio?

00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,220

[overlapping exclamations]

00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,139

Ahh!

- No, no, wait, that's not him.

00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:03,890

all: [groan]

00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,642

Ladies and gentlemen,

my best friend Mr. Hankey

00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,352

is getting sick because

South Park has become

00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,354

overcrowded with people

who eat health food.

00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,482

Excuse me, little boy.

What's a Mr. Hankey?

00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,443

- He's a talking piece of poo

that lives in the sewer,

00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,528

but now he's getting sick

because his ecosystem

00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,697

is all out of whack because of

all the extra poo in the sewer.

00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:19,990

If you don't all leave

and go home soon,

00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,783

Mr. Hankey's gonna die.

00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,285

He's one of my best friends

in the whole wide world,

00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,912

and--and I don't want him

to die.

00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,999

What a great story.

It has everything.

00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:30,792

This could be the next

"Free Willy."

00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,169

Great pitch, son,

how much do you want for it?

00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:33,712

Huh?

- Does it have to be

00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,714

a talking piece of poo?

00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,841

It could be a crime-fighting

rabbit or a loveable turtle.

00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,676

This could be

a great summer movie.

00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,970

Can we put a monkey in it?

- "The Mr. Hankey Story."

00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,555

Is Harrison Ford available

for a fall pic?

00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,015

Keanu Reeves.

- Matt Damon.

00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,391

- Fred Savage.

00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:49,978

[laughter]

00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,313

- I'd pay a million

for this story.

00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,939

I'll pay two.

- 2.89!

00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:54,524

[yelling]

00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:56,318

Dude, no one even

listened to me.

00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,903

You know, it does sound

like a pretty sweet movie.

00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,404

I take it you're

part owner of this whole

00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,323

Mr. Hooey story, right?

- Huh?

00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,576

Uh, yeah, I guess.

- I want you to do a big money

00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,620

deal with me.

- All of us?

00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,623

- Well, I can see that you're

the real brains of the group.

00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,458

You don't really need

those guys, do you?

00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,585

Yeah, screw those guys.

I don't even like them.

00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:16,296

That's great, kid.

Let's make a deal.

00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,548

Ladies and gentlemen,

I want to thank you all

00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:21,259

for making the first annual

South Park Film Festival

00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,011

a success.

00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,055

We've barely even started,

and already the festival

00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:28,016

has seen more attendance than

last year's Sundance festival.

00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,768

[cheers and applause]

00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:31,895

And I'm very pleased

to announce that, in honor

00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,231

of the South Park people

who have welcomed us,

00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:37,442

we are going to build

a Hollywood Planet restaurant

00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:40,111

right here where

this library used to stand.

00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:41,988

[crash]

00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:43,615

all: [gasp]

00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,116

Can they do that?

- They're Hollywood.

00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,326

They can do anything.

00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,787

[organ music]

00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:50,413

Mr. Hankey?

00:13:50,539 --> 00:13:52,874

[organ music]

00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,459

Mr. Hankey?

[gasps]

00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:57,462

[organ music]

00:13:57,587 --> 00:14:00,131

♪♪

00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:01,424

Mr. Hankey?

00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:05,178

- Oh, Kyle, howdy--

[coughs]

00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,972

Well, how did it go?

00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,057

Is everyone gonna stop pooping

in my environment?

00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,767

- They didn't believe me.

They thought I was pitching

00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:13,228

a movie.

- Oh, I see.

00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,147

Well, shucks, Kyle.

I can't thank you enough

00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:17,774

for trying.

00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:21,736

[organ music]

00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,488

We only have one option--

I've gotta take you

00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,115

to the surface.

- I can't.

00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,658

The sun will dry me out.

- It's the only way

00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,159

to prove to them

that you're real.

00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:30,203

But I won't

last long up above.

00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,872

Well, you're not gonna last

down here either, Mr. Hankey.

00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,540

Now come on, I'm not gonna

let you die.

00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,793

All right, just let me

get my toothbrush.

00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:40,297

Come on, Stan, we're gonna be

late for the screening.

00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,093

- Geez, they made that into

a movie already?

00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,304

Mr. Hankey, I can't

go on anymore.

00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:48,972

I've lost the fight.

00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,765

No, I'm not leaving

without you.

00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,100

- We started this together,

and we're gonna

00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,894

finish it together.

00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,437

I always thought death

was something glorious,

00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,189

but now I know that it's not.

00:14:58,315 --> 00:14:59,858

[crying]

00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,651

It's going over really well.

00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:03,737

People are gonna be knocking

my door down to get you.

00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:05,614

Who the hell cast

Tom Hanks in this?

00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,782

Tom Hanks can't act

his way out of a nut sack.

00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,910

I'll always love you,

Mr. Hankey.

00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,995

[mimics Tom Hanks]

00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:17,334

[muffled speech]

00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:21,129

Oh, my God, I found a penny.

- You bastard.

00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:23,632

[clang]

00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,258

[grunts]

Okay, Mr. Hankey, we're out.

00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,636

How are you doing?

- It sure is dry up here.

00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,262

[coughs]

00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:30,805

Don't worry--we'll do this

quick, okay?

00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,057

Just hang on, Mr. Hankey,

just hang on.

00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,770

Excuse me,

Mr. Film Commissioner,

00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,813

could I have a word with you?

- Make it quick.

00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:41,232

Well, the people of my town

are a little upset.

00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:43,652

I don't think we realized

what an impact this festival

00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,612

would have on our town.

- Uh-huh.

00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:48,198

Right, so, we were actually

wondering if we could call

00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:50,533

this whole thing off.

- We have contracts.

00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:52,410

You try to pull out now,

we'll sue your little town

00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,663

for every penny it's got,

but thanks so much

00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,498

for the hard work.

00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,583

But this doesn't make sense

to me, Marty, okay?

00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,335

You told me the movie made

a lot of money.

00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,046

Right, two million,

minus your agent's fee,

00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,923

minus your lawyer's fee,

minus my fee,

00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,591

and with publicity

and taxes taken out,

00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,426

you get three dollars.

00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:09,928

That's more than most people

in your position make.

00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,721

Trust me.

- Serves you right, Cartman.

00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,431

You're a sell-out.

- I'm not a sell-out!

00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,266

What's a sell-out?

- If you work

00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:16,768

in the entertainment business

and you make money,

00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,436

you're a sell-out.

- It's all gone

00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,188

to hell, children,

and we're all to blame.

00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,274

Even me.

I was selling out my town too.

00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,944

And now look at it.

- So what do we do now?

00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,238

There's nothing we can do.

Just sit here

00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:31,116

and suck on my balls.

- You guys, we have to hurry!

00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:32,534

What?

- Come on, everything's gonna

00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,536

be okay.

- Sir, sir!

00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,204

Not now.

- I have to show you something.

00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,789

I think it will change

the way you feel

00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,582

about your impact here.

- What's this?

00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,501

I want you guys

to all meet my friend.

00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:44,796

[thud]

00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:47,382

all: [gasp]

00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,967

That's great, kid.

00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,677

A dried out lump of shit--

very compelling.

00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,554

Okay, folks, let's move.

We gotta have that sign

00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,305

done in time

for the opening tonight.

00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,224

- You can't die, Mr. Hankey,

you can't.

00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,851

- [cough]

00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:01,438

Kyle, before I go,

00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:05,525

there's something

I must tell you.

00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:08,445

Come closer.

00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,238

Closer.

00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,241

Well, what is it, Mr. Hankey?

00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:20,248

There is another Skywalker.

[groans]

00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,209

No!

- Wait, Kyle.

00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:26,004

What is it, Mr. Hankey?

- Come closer.

00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,715

What is it?

- Closer.

00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,341

Yes?

- Closer!

00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,720

One time,

when you were sleeping,

00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:38,600

I put myself in your mouth and

had my friend take a picture.

00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,228

[groans]

- No!

00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:48,818

♪ Mr. Hankey,

the Christmas poo ♪

00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:53,073

♪ He loved me, I loved you ♪

00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:57,744

♪ Therefore, vicariously,

he loved you ♪

00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:00,288

No!

- I'm sorry, son.

00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,998

Let's get him to ICU.

- [crying]

00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,459

No, no!

- Are you gonna be okay, dude?

00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,544

I'm here for you.

- Hi, Stan, ready to go

00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,880

see another movie?

- Okay.

00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,340

[murmuring]

00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:14,010

♪♪

00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:16,429

Say, Tom, do you have

any pudding left?

00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:18,890

I ate all mine up, silly.

- Well, then,

00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,433

now what do we do?

00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:24,437

♪♪

00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:25,605

[vomits]

[groans]

00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,107

Ew!

- Hey!

00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:28,942

- Sorry.

- Well, why don't we just

00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:32,654

explore our sexuality?

- Oh, good idea, let's.

00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,614

Aw, dude, I shouldn't

be seeing this.

00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,866

[vomits]

- Aw, is there a problem,

00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,535

young man?

- No problem, dude.

00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:42,497

[beeping]

00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,040

I'll never forget you.

00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:45,667

You were my best friend

after Stan.

00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,877

Come on, Kyle,

it's time to go.

00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:51,339

Chef, does poo go to heaven?

00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,300

Well, I kind of hope not.

- [crying]

00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:57,262

I mean, sure, it does.

Here, I'll give him

00:18:57,387 --> 00:19:00,473

one of my salty balls to take

with him to poo heaven.

00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:05,854

Come on, let's go.

00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,814

Kyle.

00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:11,609

Mr. Hankey?

- Howdy-ho.

00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:14,779

He's back, he's back!

- That was delicious.

00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:18,533

My salty chocolate balls

must have rejuvenated him!

00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,910

You got the best balls

in the whole world, Chef.

00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,412

You're damn right.

00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:27,208

[twangy music]

00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,501

Step on up, get them here.

00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,420

Mr. Hankey and me t-shirts.

00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:31,921

Get them

while they last, folks.

00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,840

Only $14.95.

00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,383

I'd like one.

- I'll take two.

00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,177

Selling t-shirts kicks ass.

00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:39,345

Ladies and gentlemen,

I'm pleased to announce

00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:42,473

on this gala opening

of Hollywood Planet South Park

00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,726

that the festival

will be back next year

00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:48,605

and the year after that and

the year after that and so on.

00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,441

And now release the curtain.

00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:54,360

I give you Hollywood

in South Park!

00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:56,154

[maniacal laughter]

00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:58,615

Wait, I brought him!

I brought him to show you!

00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:01,868

- Oh, not this again.

- Behold, Mr. Hankey!

00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:06,289

- Howdy-ho!

00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:10,710

- Anyway, this new

Hollywood Planet

00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,295

will be

the official meeting place--

00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:15,381

- Howdy-ho, folks.

I'm afraid my buddy Kyle

00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:18,051

was right--there's not

enough room in South Park

00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,970

to accommodate a festival.

- Mr. Poo,

00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:23,431

if you wouldn't mind,

we can't hear our chairman.

00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,058

If you could just

turn yourself down.

00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:26,517

You're at about seven

right now.

00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,436

We need you at

about three, okay?

00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,313

♪♪

00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:33,942

Uh, folks, please,

little towns like this simply

00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,860

aren't meant for big events.

00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:39,697

We love having visitors,

but, golly, too many of you

00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,491

is hurting our ecosystem.

00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:44,535

Besides, folks, film festivals

shouldn't be about

00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:48,748

what celebrities are coming or

what film is gonna get shown.

00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,334

It should be able people

getting together

00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:54,212

and watching movies

and about people who can never

00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:57,757

get their movies seen having

a chance to have it watched,

00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,008

if only once.

00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:00,885

A good film festival

00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,013

should be something where

we all say, "Aw, let's forget

00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:07,850

"about lawyers and agents

and studios and celebrities.

00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:09,519

"Let's forget all

those things

00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:12,563

for just a while and

just watch some new art."

00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:14,983

♪♪

00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:18,611

I have had enough of you!

- [screams]

00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:20,863

- No!

00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:23,700

Now, as I was saying,

this shall usher in

00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,576

a whole new decade of films.

- [crying]

00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:28,454

He's dead!

Mr. Hankey's dead!

00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:30,331

Well, this worked

once before.

00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:34,711

♪♪

00:21:34,836 --> 00:21:37,338

Thanks, Chef,

your big chocolate balls

00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:38,965

are just the trick.

00:21:39,090 --> 00:21:44,262

♪♪

00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:46,222

What the hell is he doing?

- I don't know.

00:21:46,347 --> 00:21:49,934

♪♪

00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:51,477

[thunder crashes]

00:21:51,602 --> 00:21:52,937

♪♪

00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:55,398

Wow.

00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:57,025

[lightning crackles]

00:21:57,150 --> 00:22:03,865

♪♪

00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,533

Oh, my God!

00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,160

♪♪

00:22:07,285 --> 00:22:09,245

[squelching]

00:22:09,370 --> 00:22:12,832

[screaming]

00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:16,169

♪♪

00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:17,253

[thunder crashes]

00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:18,504

[screaming]

00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:20,757

Oh, it smells, it smells!

00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:23,968

Come on, the poo is coming!

00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:25,636

I'm trying, damn it!

00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:31,184

♪♪

00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:32,685

[thunder crashes]

00:22:32,810 --> 00:22:35,021

♪♪

00:22:35,146 --> 00:22:36,981

Ahh!

[gurgling]

00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:38,232

[glass shatters]

00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,360

Let's get out of this town!

00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:46,449

♪♪

00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:48,242

- Phew.

00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:50,286

♪♪

00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:53,206

Gosh, I guess I don't know

my own strength.

00:22:53,331 --> 00:22:55,041

♪♪

00:22:55,166 --> 00:22:56,459

You did it, Mr. Hankey.

00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:57,668

You got rid of all

the film people.

00:22:57,794 --> 00:22:59,587

all: Hooray.

00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:02,131

Oh, yeah, now all we have

is a town covered in shit.

00:23:02,256 --> 00:23:03,758

This is much better.

00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:07,095

I couldn't have done it

without you, Kyle.

00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:09,597

Kisses.

00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:13,101

Stan, I'm sorry I dragged you

to all those independent films.

00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:14,811

Oh, that's okay, Wendy.

I forgive you.

00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,521

- Sometimes I forget

that even though

00:23:16,646 --> 00:23:18,231

a few independent films

are great,

00:23:18,356 --> 00:23:19,816

most of them suck ass.

00:23:19,941 --> 00:23:22,110

Yes, and I've learned

something too.

00:23:23,111 --> 00:23:24,904

Being a sell-out

is sweet because you make

00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:26,823

a lot of money, and,

when you have money,

00:23:26,948 --> 00:23:29,117

you don't have to hang out

with any poor-ass losers

00:23:29,242 --> 00:23:30,576

like you guys.

00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:33,788

Screw you guys--I'm going home.

00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:38,000

♪ Ooh, suck on my chocolate

salty balls ♪

00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:39,877

♪ Put 'em in your mouth,

put 'em in your mouth ♪

00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:41,045

♪ And suck 'em and suck 'em ♪