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Солёные шоколадные яйца Шефа
Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls
Сезон: 02Серия: 09
Описание
В Южный Парк приезжает независимый кинофестиваль. Друзья выясняют, что он вредит экосистеме города, и начинают с ним бороться.
Субтитры
- 00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:07,133 Hello, everyone. I'm Matt Stone.
- 00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:09,135 And I'm Trey Parker. And we're...
- 00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:10,428 Cooking bacon!
- 00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:15,516 And here to help us is our old pal, Macon.
- 00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,810 Say hi, Macon.
- 00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:21,063 - Well, today's dish is called Northern Wyoming Bacon Loaf.
- 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,106 Ooh.
- 00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:24,108 Sounds good, huh?
- 00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:26,318 To make it, you will need three pounds of cooked bacon,
- 00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,863 two eggs, one cup of cheese soup,
- 00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,531 and another pound of cooked bacon.
- 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:32,950 We've already started cooking the bacon.
- 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,660 Ooh, smell that bacon. - Mm.
- 00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:35,953 Macon's going crazy.
- 00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,582 All right, hold on, hold on.
- 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,168 Macon loves Bacon.
- 00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:43,753 What's that? Do you want it, do you want it?
- 00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,047 Do you want it? Yeah, that's a buddy.
- 00:00:48,174 --> 00:00:49,800 Have more bacon, yeah.
- 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,427 Now, once the bacon is cooked, we're ready
- 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,471 for the food processor. - That's right.
- 00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:54,555 We're gonna put all the ingredients
- 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,432 in the food processor.
- 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,268 Get this grease off here.
- 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:03,230 Eggs, some bacon, more bacon, and mix.
- 00:01:05,316 --> 00:01:07,860 Whoa, Macon, want some more bacon?
- 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,030 While we're waiting for that, let's watch
- 00:01:11,155 --> 00:01:12,782 our favorite episode of "South Park."
- 00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:14,784 It's called "Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls."
- 00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,494 - That's right--you see, Matt and I have been
- 00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:18,579 several times to the Sundance Film Festival
- 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,082 in Utah, and we think it totally sucks ass,
- 00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:22,666 so we decided to have Robert Redford
- 00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,460 bring his little festival to "South Park."
- 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,045 - Apparently Mr. Redford doesn't like us too much
- 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:27,880 because of this episode.
- 00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,465 Maybe that's because we have him drowning in shit.
- 00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,344 - Well, who cares? He's old.
- 00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:36,514 Now I'm gonna put this dish in the oven at 450 degrees.
- 00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:39,350 - You all sit back, relax, and enjoy "Chef's Chocolate
- 00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:41,102 Salty Balls," and, when we return,
- 00:01:41,227 --> 00:01:42,978 Northern Wyoming Bacon Loaf.
- 00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:57,451 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,453 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,163 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,706 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:02:02,832 --> 00:02:04,166 - ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,001 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,711 - ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:09,213 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
- 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,714 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,466 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:17,138 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:02:17,263 --> 00:02:18,931 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,232 - Why do we hold the Sundance Film Festival here, Phyllis?
- 00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:30,151 It's so painfully crowded.
- 00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:32,194 Because, people from LA love to come
- 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,029 to a quaint little mountain town for a few days,
- 00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,906 and this gives them an excuse.
- 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,992 No, this used to be a quaint little mountain town.
- 00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,827 Now look at it! Sushi restaurants,
- 00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:43,080 upscale clothes stores, $25 parking, Liam Neeson.
- 00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,874 I tell you Phyllis, I think we've tapped
- 00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:47,835 this town's resources out. We must move the festival
- 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,337 to another small mountain town and begin again.
- 00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:51,839 That's not a bad idea.
- 00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:53,132 But where?
- 00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:06,478 Whoa.
- 00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:07,980 Okay, children,
- 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,690 I have some very exciting news for you.
- 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,150 Why don't you tell them, Mr. Twig?
- 00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,110 That's right, Mr. Garrison!
- 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:16,488 The first annual South Park Film Festival begins today.
- 00:03:16,614 --> 00:03:18,157 Wow, cool. - They're not gonna show
- 00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:19,867 that stupid-ass Godzilla movie again, are they?
- 00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,411 No, no, Kyle. These are independent films.
- 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,496 Oh, like "Independence Day"? That sucked ass too.
- 00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:26,040 Nah, dude, independent films
- 00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:27,833 are those black and white hippie movies.
- 00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,501 They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
- 00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:31,545 No, they're not!
- 00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,631 Independent films are produced outside the Hollywood system.
- 00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:35,049 They're movies without all the glitz and glamour
- 00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:36,550 of Hollywood.
- 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,302 Well, you show me one independent film
- 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,179 that isn't about gay cowboys eating pudding.
- 00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:41,805 Once again, you have no idea
- 00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,349 what you're talking about, fat-ass!
- 00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:44,808 I'm not fat! I just haven't grown into
- 00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,518 my body yet, you skinny bitch!
- 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:49,021 Eric, if you call Wendy a bitch one more time,
- 00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,190 I'm sending you to the Principal's office.
- 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,276 Bitch. - That's it, Eric, you--!
- 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,945 I'm going.
- 00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:57,780 Anyway, children, I want you all to see
- 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,823 at least one independent film at the festival and then
- 00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:00,908 write a paper about it.
- 00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,870 The first film showing is called "Witness to Denial"
- 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,374 and is a sexual exploration piece about two women in love.
- 00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,833 Aw, my Uncle Jimbo has a ton of those movies
- 00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,585 in his dresser drawer.
- 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:12,920 No, no, I wanna shoot the script next month
- 00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:14,672 with Demi Moore attached.
- 00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:16,632 Well, you tell Spielberg he can kiss my ass.
- 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,133 Wow, look at this, Johnson.
- 00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,969 Traffic jams at every intersection,
- 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,971 hordes of people pushing their way through the crowds--
- 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,806 it's almost like we're a real city.
- 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,933 I can't believe I got sent to the Principal's office
- 00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:27,434 because of your stupid girlfriend.
- 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:28,852 She's not my girlfriend.
- 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,816 Sick, Kenny. - Damn, dude.
- 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,109 Look at all these people. - I'm late for a screening.
- 00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,652 I'll call you from the theater.
- 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:37,778 All this for a bunch of stupid movies?
- 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,029 Hello there, children.
- 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,656 Hey, Chef.
- 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,157 Whatcha doing? - Children, this whole film
- 00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,742 festival thing has quite lucrative
- 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,452 monetary possibilities.
- 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,454 And I'm gonna sell some of my famous cookies
- 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:50,457 to these Hollywood types and make a mint.
- 00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,334 What kind of cookies? - Calm down, tubby.
- 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,129 They're little cookies with fudge in the middle,
- 00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:58,799 and I call them Fudge 'Ems. - I want a Fudge 'Em.
- 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:01,010 I can just see the commercial now.
- 00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:03,637 Wife got you down? Boss making you angry?
- 00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:07,016 Kids yelling at you? Well, Fudge 'Em!
- 00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,642 Cool. - And I've also got
- 00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,228 my double chocolate cookies, Fudge This.
- 00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,897 Oh, look, one of the natives is selling local food wares.
- 00:05:14,023 --> 00:05:15,733 How quaint. - This is why I come
- 00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:17,985 to these things--to get away from LA and become one
- 00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,154 with a more simple culture. - Well, perhaps you'd like
- 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:23,365 to try my low-calorie cookies Go Fudge Yourself.
- 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,785 Or my all-natural I Don't Really Give A Flying Fudge.
- 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,204 Ooh, do you have any tofu or steamed celery?
- 00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:30,706 Huh? - I would kill for some
- 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,666 couscous right now. - Whose goose?
- 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,710 Uh, never mind. We brought some food
- 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,129 from the natural market in LA. - Cute sign though.
- 00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:40,090 Stan, I have two tickets for the opening film
- 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:41,884 of the festival. Would you like to come with me?
- 00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:46,805 Shut up, Cartman. Sure I do.
- 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,683 I mean, since we have to write a paper on a film anyway.
- 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,352 She'll be the death of him, Kyle.
- 00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:53,395 Mark my words. She'll be the death of him.
- 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,647 If she holds his hand in that theater, it'll be all over.
- 00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:59,068 Get 'em while they're hot. My all-new cookies,
- 00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:01,320 I Just Went and Fudged Your Momma.
- 00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,364 Jesus, he sure ran that one into the ground.
- 00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,451 When's this thing start? I hope there's
- 00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,495 some good previews. - Stan, film festival movies
- 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,954 don't usually have previews before them.
- 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,331 - They what?
- 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:18,295 <i>Who are you to judge my womanly soul?</i>
- 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:22,174 <i>The goddess flames that burn in my memory aren't dark.</i>
- 00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:25,677 <i>Dare you call them dark?</i>
- 00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:28,097 <i>Here lies the goddess truth of my body.</i>
- 00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:30,224 Oh, brother.
- 00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:33,977 <i>- The goddess that cries, "Freedom, here is the goddess</i>
- 00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:36,814 <i>truth of my womanly being."</i>
- 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,816 <i>You are my blossom, my flame.</i>
- 00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:40,442 <i>When we make love, it's like the sun</i>
- 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,027 <i>is right outside the door.</i>
- 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,862 <i>Then make love to me, right now.</i>
- 00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,490 Dude, dude! - Shh!
- 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:51,245 ♪ I can see clearly now the rain is gone ♪
- 00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:53,664 ♪ I can see all obstacles in my way ♪
- 00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:55,624 Bubula, you need to get to bed--it's late!
- 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,834 I'm poopies, Ma!
- 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,419 Well, hurry up!
- 00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,087 ♪ Gone are the dark clouds... ♪
- 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,760 Could it be?
- 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:08,929 <i>Howdy-ho!</i>
- 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,099 Mr. Hankey? Mr. Hankey, is that you?
- 00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:14,143 Hello?
- 00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:17,020 I'm here live in South Park, Colorado where citizens
- 00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:19,565 of Los Angeles are arriving in droves for the town's
- 00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,608 first annual film festival.
- 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,902 <i>This is just a small, quiet mountain community</i>
- 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,696 <i>where nothing out of the ordinary ever really</i>
- 00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:27,322 happens, except for the occasional
- 00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,199 complete destruction of the entire town,
- 00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:32,035 and so the excitement level is naturally very high.
- 00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:33,996 Right now, the townspeople are anxiously awaiting
- 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,373 the arrival of some of Hollywood's top celebrities.
- 00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:37,374 - It was him, dude! I tell you,
- 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,334 it was Mr. Hankey.
- 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,295 Wait, I thought Mr. Hankey only came at Christmastime.
- 00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,088 Well, I'm sure it was him. - Look, look,
- 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,965 here comes somebody? - I wonder who it could be.
- 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,009 Move aside, I can't see! - Oh, move your head.
- 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,595 Ladies and gentleman, TV's Fred Savage!
- 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,765 Well, I'm sure a real person will show up soon.
- 00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,392 So how was that movie last night, dude?
- 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,269 Oh, dude, you don't even want to know.
- 00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,729 It had a bunch of gay cowboys eating pudding, huh?
- 00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,147 Yeah, pretty much. - Yeah.
- 00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:01,440 That theater sucks though.
- 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,108 They need to get a bigger screen.
- 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,485 They should project the movies on Cartman's ass.
- 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,070 Hey! - Yeah, but that'd be
- 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,906 like IMAX.
- 00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,324 Okay, that's enough fat-ass jokes for this week.
- 00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:17,456 Okay, that does it.
- 00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:20,042 Screw you guys--I'm going home.
- 00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,755 Well?
- 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,299 I'm gonna. Just give me a minute.
- 00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:28,800 This is perfect.
- 00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:30,260 Why didn't we think of it sooner?
- 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,845 This town still has some charm left,
- 00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,347 not the mess we turned Park City into.
- 00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,349 Forgive me for being observant,
- 00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:38,435 but won't we just end up doing the same thing to this town?
- 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,688 Yes, and the town after, and the town after that.
- 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:44,274 Like termites, we will move this film festival from town
- 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:47,069 to town until we have used it up and then move on
- 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,863 until every quiet mountain town is like Los Angeles.
- 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,282 Why? Why would we do such a thing?
- 00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,701 Because we have to live in LA, and, if we can't live
- 00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,703 in quiet, simply, peaceful mountain towns,
- 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,455 then nobody will.
- 00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:03,794 Wait, wait, zoom in to a close-up on my face
- 00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:05,003 when I do that, ready?
- 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,547 The nobody will!
- 00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,758 That's it.
- 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,552 - Children, I'm glad you're here.
- 00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:13,470 I want you to check out my new confectioneries.
- 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,514 I think they're gonna sell right through the roof.
- 00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,934 I call them Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls.
- 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,228 Are they good? - Try 'em.
- 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,606 Hey, these are good. - Yeah, I love
- 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,233 your salty chocolate balls, Chef.
- 00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,238 - There it is again. - There's what again?
- 00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:34,950 It's Mr. Hankey.
- 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,910 I think he's in some kind of trouble.
- 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,745 Dude, how do you tell if a piece of poo is in trouble?
- 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,497 Where does that grille go? - To the sewer, dude.
- 00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,291 Of course, the sewer! That must be where he is.
- 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,585 Come on. Come on!
- 00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:46,503 ♪ Say, everybody, have you seen my balls? ♪
- 00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,630 ♪ They're big and salty and brown ♪
- 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,799 ♪ If you ever need a quick pick me up ♪
- 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,302 ♪ Just stick my balls in your mouth ♪
- 00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:56,930 ♪ Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls ♪
- 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,974 ♪ Put 'em in your mouth, put 'em in your mouth ♪
- 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,100 ♪ And suck 'em and suck 'em ♪
- 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,815 Aw, man, it smells like ass down here.
- 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,150 Of course it smells like ass, retard.
- 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,151 It's a sewer.
- 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,737 What was that?
- 00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,113 Aw, man, let's get out of here.
- 00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,489 We can't, dude. Not until we find
- 00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:15,490 Mr. Hankey.
- 00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,704 What the hell? - Mr. Garrison?
- 00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,956 Oh, hello, children. - What are you doing
- 00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,875 down in the sewer with a bunch of snorkel stuff on?
- 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,128 Oh, I was just hanging out. - In a sewer.
- 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,172 Children, do you know how to file a police report?
- 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,381 No.
- 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,966 Good--see you in school.
- 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:36,970 This is ridiculous.
- 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,388 What the hell are we, the Goonies?
- 00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:40,182 Yeah, we're the Goonies, Cartman.
- 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,391 Why don't you pretend like you're the fat kid?
- 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:42,559 Okay, that does it.
- 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:44,436 Screw you guys--I'm--
- 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,980 - Howdy-ho!
- 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:49,650 Mr. Hankey! - Howdy-ho, boys.
- 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:52,110 I told you guys he'd be here. - Gosh, look at you.
- 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,489 You're all growing up so fast. - Hi, Mr. Hankey.
- 00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:58,033 Nice to see you. - Have y'all been brushing
- 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,284 behind your teeth?
- 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,369 Yes.
- 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,662 And using dental floss?
- 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:02,954 Yes.
- 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,081 And washing behind your ears?
- 00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,207 Yes. - Yes.
- 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,667 No.
- 00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,168 What's the matter, Mr. Hankey?
- 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,836 Are you sick? - Oh, I've just got
- 00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,880 a little cold is all. All these new people
- 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,424 in South Park are stressful on my home.
- 00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,385 - What do you mean? - Well, you see, boys,
- 00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,762 the sewer's a fragile ecosystem.
- 00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,181 Oh, my God. - These new folks in town
- 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:24,643 eat nothing but couscous, tofu, and raw vegetables,
- 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,561 and it's destroying my environment.
- 00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,021 And that's why you got a cold?
- 00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,273 That's why, Kyle. That's why.
- 00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:32,275 Well, why don't you just ask them to leave?
- 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,778 There's only one time of year I can come to the surface,
- 00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,697 and that's Christmastime.
- 00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:39,408 That's why I need you boys to go for me.
- 00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,076 Don't worry, Mr. Hankey.
- 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,703 We'll go tell everyone. Come on, guys.
- 00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:45,789 Don't forget to change your sheets once a week.
- 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,586 So without further ado, we will begin
- 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,130 this amazing film.
- 00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:55,173 It's a work of blood, sweat, and tears.
- 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,217 - Wait, stop, could I have your attention, please?
- 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,635 - Is that Leonardo DiCaprio?
- 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,139 Ahh! - No, no, wait, that's not him.
- 00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,642 Ladies and gentlemen, my best friend Mr. Hankey
- 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,352 is getting sick because South Park has become
- 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,354 overcrowded with people who eat health food.
- 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,482 Excuse me, little boy. What's a Mr. Hankey?
- 00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,443 - He's a talking piece of poo that lives in the sewer,
- 00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,528 but now he's getting sick because his ecosystem
- 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,697 is all out of whack because of all the extra poo in the sewer.
- 00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:19,990 If you don't all leave and go home soon,
- 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,783 Mr. Hankey's gonna die.
- 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,285 He's one of my best friends in the whole wide world,
- 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,912 and--and I don't want him to die.
- 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,999 What a great story. It has everything.
- 00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:30,792 This could be the next "Free Willy."
- 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,169 Great pitch, son, how much do you want for it?
- 00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:33,712 Huh? - Does it have to be
- 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,714 a talking piece of poo?
- 00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,841 It could be a crime-fighting rabbit or a loveable turtle.
- 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,676 This could be a great summer movie.
- 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,970 Can we put a monkey in it? - "The Mr. Hankey Story."
- 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,555 Is Harrison Ford available for a fall pic?
- 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,015 Keanu Reeves. - Matt Damon.
- 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,391 - Fred Savage.
- 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,313 - I'd pay a million for this story.
- 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,939 I'll pay two. - 2.89!
- 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:56,318 Dude, no one even listened to me.
- 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,903 You know, it does sound like a pretty sweet movie.
- 00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,404 I take it you're part owner of this whole
- 00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,323 Mr. Hooey story, right? - Huh?
- 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,576 Uh, yeah, I guess. - I want you to do a big money
- 00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,620 deal with me. - All of us?
- 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,623 - Well, I can see that you're the real brains of the group.
- 00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,458 You don't really need those guys, do you?
- 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,585 Yeah, screw those guys. I don't even like them.
- 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:16,296 That's great, kid. Let's make a deal.
- 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,548 Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you all
- 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:21,259 for making the first annual South Park Film Festival
- 00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,011 a success.
- 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,055 We've barely even started, and already the festival
- 00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:28,016 has seen more attendance than last year's Sundance festival.
- 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:31,895 And I'm very pleased to announce that, in honor
- 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,231 of the South Park people who have welcomed us,
- 00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:37,442 we are going to build a Hollywood Planet restaurant
- 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:40,111 right here where this library used to stand.
- 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,116 Can they do that? - They're Hollywood.
- 00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,326 They can do anything.
- 00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:50,413 Mr. Hankey?
- 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,459 Mr. Hankey?
- 00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:01,424 Mr. Hankey?
- 00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:05,178 - Oh, Kyle, howdy--
- 00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,972 Well, how did it go?
- 00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,057 Is everyone gonna stop pooping in my environment?
- 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,767 - They didn't believe me. They thought I was pitching
- 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:13,228 a movie. - Oh, I see.
- 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,147 Well, shucks, Kyle. I can't thank you enough
- 00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:17,774 for trying.
- 00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,488 We only have one option-- I've gotta take you
- 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,115 to the surface. - I can't.
- 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,658 The sun will dry me out. - It's the only way
- 00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,159 to prove to them that you're real.
- 00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:30,203 But I won't last long up above.
- 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,872 Well, you're not gonna last down here either, Mr. Hankey.
- 00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,540 Now come on, I'm not gonna let you die.
- 00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,793 All right, just let me get my toothbrush.
- 00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:40,297 Come on, Stan, we're gonna be late for the screening.
- 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,093 - Geez, they made that into a movie already?
- 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,304 <i>Mr. Hankey, I can't go on anymore.</i>
- 00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:48,972 <i>I've lost the fight.</i>
- 00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,765 <i>No, I'm not leaving without you.</i>
- 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,100 <i>- We started this together, and we're gonna</i>
- 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,894 <i>finish it together.</i>
- 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,437 <i>I always thought death was something glorious,</i>
- 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,189 <i>but now I know that it's not.</i>
- 00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,651 It's going over really well.
- 00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:03,737 People are gonna be knocking my door down to get you.
- 00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:05,614 Who the hell cast Tom Hanks in this?
- 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,782 Tom Hanks can't act his way out of a nut sack.
- 00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,910 <i>I'll always love you, Mr. Hankey.</i>
- 00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:21,129 Oh, my God, I found a penny. - You bastard.
- 00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,258 Okay, Mr. Hankey, we're out.
- 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,636 How are you doing? - It sure is dry up here.
- 00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:30,805 Don't worry--we'll do this quick, okay?
- 00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,057 Just hang on, Mr. Hankey, just hang on.
- 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,770 Excuse me, Mr. Film Commissioner,
- 00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,813 could I have a word with you? - Make it quick.
- 00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:41,232 Well, the people of my town are a little upset.
- 00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:43,652 I don't think we realized what an impact this festival
- 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,612 would have on our town. - Uh-huh.
- 00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:48,198 Right, so, we were actually wondering if we could call
- 00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:50,533 this whole thing off. - We have contracts.
- 00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:52,410 You try to pull out now, we'll sue your little town
- 00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,663 for every penny it's got, but thanks so much
- 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,498 for the hard work.
- 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,583 But this doesn't make sense to me, Marty, okay?
- 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,335 You told me the movie made a lot of money.
- 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,046 Right, two million, minus your agent's fee,
- 00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,923 minus your lawyer's fee, minus my fee,
- 00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,591 and with publicity and taxes taken out,
- 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,426 you get three dollars.
- 00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:09,928 That's more than most people in your position make.
- 00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,721 Trust me. - Serves you right, Cartman.
- 00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,431 You're a sell-out. - I'm not a sell-out!
- 00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,266 What's a sell-out? - If you work
- 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:16,768 in the entertainment business and you make money,
- 00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,436 you're a sell-out. - It's all gone
- 00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,188 to hell, children, and we're all to blame.
- 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,274 Even me. I was selling out my town too.
- 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,944 And now look at it. - So what do we do now?
- 00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,238 There's nothing we can do. Just sit here
- 00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:31,116 and suck on my balls. - You guys, we have to hurry!
- 00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:32,534 What? - Come on, everything's gonna
- 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,536 be okay. - Sir, sir!
- 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,204 Not now. - I have to show you something.
- 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,789 I think it will change the way you feel
- 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,582 about your impact here. - What's this?
- 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,501 I want you guys to all meet my friend.
- 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,967 That's great, kid.
- 00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,677 A dried out lump of shit-- very compelling.
- 00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,554 Okay, folks, let's move. We gotta have that sign
- 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,305 done in time for the opening tonight.
- 00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,224 - You can't die, Mr. Hankey, you can't.
- 00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:01,438 Kyle, before I go,
- 00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:05,525 there's something I must tell you.
- 00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:08,445 Come closer.
- 00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,238 Closer.
- 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,241 Well, what is it, Mr. Hankey?
- 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:20,248 There is another Skywalker.
- 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,209 No! - Wait, Kyle.
- 00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:26,004 What is it, Mr. Hankey? - Come closer.
- 00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,715 What is it? - Closer.
- 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,341 Yes? - Closer!
- 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,720 One time, when you were sleeping,
- 00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:38,600 I put myself in your mouth and had my friend take a picture.
- 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,228 No!
- 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:48,818 <i>♪ Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo ♪</i>
- 00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:53,073 <i>♪ He loved me, I loved you ♪</i>
- 00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:57,744 <i>♪ Therefore, vicariously, he loved you ♪</i>
- 00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:00,288 No! - I'm sorry, son.
- 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,998 Let's get him to ICU.
- 00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,459 No, no! - Are you gonna be okay, dude?
- 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,544 I'm here for you. - Hi, Stan, ready to go
- 00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,880 see another movie? - Okay.
- 00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:16,429 <i>Say, Tom, do you have any pudding left?</i>
- 00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:18,890 <i>I ate all mine up, silly. - Well, then,</i>
- 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,433 <i>now what do we do?</i>
- 00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,107 Ew! - Hey!
- 00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:28,942 - Sorry. <i>- Well, why don't we just</i>
- 00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:32,654 <i>explore our sexuality? - Oh, good idea, let's.</i>
- 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,614 Aw, dude, I shouldn't be seeing this.
- 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,866 Aw, is there a problem,
- 00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,535 young man? - No problem, dude.
- 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,040 I'll never forget you.
- 00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:45,667 You were my best friend after Stan.
- 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,877 Come on, Kyle, it's time to go.
- 00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:51,339 Chef, does poo go to heaven?
- 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,300 Well, I kind of hope not.
- 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:57,262 I mean, sure, it does. Here, I'll give him
- 00:18:57,387 --> 00:19:00,473 one of my salty balls to take with him to poo heaven.
- 00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:05,854 Come on, let's go.
- 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,814 Kyle.
- 00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:11,609 Mr. Hankey? - Howdy-ho.
- 00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:14,779 He's back, he's back! - That was delicious.
- 00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:18,533 My salty chocolate balls must have rejuvenated him!
- 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,910 You got the best balls in the whole world, Chef.
- 00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,412 You're damn right.
- 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,501 Step on up, get them here.
- 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,420 Mr. Hankey and me t-shirts.
- 00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:31,921 Get them while they last, folks.
- 00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,840 Only $14.95.
- 00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,383 I'd like one. - I'll take two.
- 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,177 Selling t-shirts kicks ass.
- 00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:39,345 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce
- 00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:42,473 on this gala opening of Hollywood Planet South Park
- 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,726 that the festival will be back next year
- 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:48,605 and the year after that and the year after that and so on.
- 00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,441 And now release the curtain.
- 00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:54,360 I give you Hollywood in South Park!
- 00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:58,615 Wait, I brought him! I brought him to show you!
- 00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:01,868 - Oh, not this again. - Behold, Mr. Hankey!
- 00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:06,289 - Howdy-ho!
- 00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:10,710 - Anyway, this new Hollywood Planet
- 00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,295 will be the official meeting place--
- 00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:15,381 - Howdy-ho, folks. I'm afraid my buddy Kyle
- 00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:18,051 was right--there's not enough room in South Park
- 00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,970 to accommodate a festival. - Mr. Poo,
- 00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:23,431 if you wouldn't mind, we can't hear our chairman.
- 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,058 If you could just turn yourself down.
- 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:26,517 You're at about seven right now.
- 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,436 We need you at about three, okay?
- 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:33,942 Uh, folks, please, little towns like this simply
- 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,860 aren't meant for big events.
- 00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:39,697 We love having visitors, but, golly, too many of you
- 00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,491 is hurting our ecosystem.
- 00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:44,535 Besides, folks, film festivals shouldn't be about
- 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:48,748 what celebrities are coming or what film is gonna get shown.
- 00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,334 It should be able people getting together
- 00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:54,212 and watching movies and about people who can never
- 00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:57,757 get their movies seen having a chance to have it watched,
- 00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,008 if only once.
- 00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:00,885 A good film festival
- 00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,013 should be something where we all say, "Aw, let's forget
- 00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:07,850 "about lawyers and agents and studios and celebrities.
- 00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:09,519 "Let's forget all those things
- 00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:12,563 for just a while and just watch some new art."
- 00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:18,611 I have had enough of you!
- 00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:20,863 - No!
- 00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:23,700 Now, as I was saying, this shall usher in
- 00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,576 a whole new decade of films.
- 00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:28,454 He's dead! Mr. Hankey's dead!
- 00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:30,331 Well, this worked once before.
- 00:21:34,836 --> 00:21:37,338 Thanks, Chef, your big chocolate balls
- 00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:38,965 are just the trick.
- 00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:46,222 What the hell is he doing? - I don't know.
- 00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:55,398 Wow.
- 00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,533 Oh, my God!
- 00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:20,757 Oh, it smells, it smells!
- 00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:23,968 Come on, the poo is coming!
- 00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:25,636 I'm trying, damn it!
- 00:22:35,146 --> 00:22:36,981 Ahh!
- 00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,360 Let's get out of this town!
- 00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:48,242 - Phew.
- 00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:53,206 Gosh, I guess I don't know my own strength.
- 00:22:55,166 --> 00:22:56,459 You did it, Mr. Hankey.
- 00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:57,668 You got rid of all the film people.
- 00:22:57,794 --> 00:22:59,587 Hooray.
- 00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:02,131 Oh, yeah, now all we have is a town covered in shit.
- 00:23:02,256 --> 00:23:03,758 This is much better.
- 00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:07,095 I couldn't have done it without you, Kyle.
- 00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:09,597 Kisses.
- 00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:13,101 Stan, I'm sorry I dragged you to all those independent films.
- 00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:14,811 Oh, that's okay, Wendy. I forgive you.
- 00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,521 - Sometimes I forget that even though
- 00:23:16,646 --> 00:23:18,231 a few independent films are great,
- 00:23:18,356 --> 00:23:19,816 most of them suck ass.
- 00:23:19,941 --> 00:23:22,110 Yes, and I've learned something too.
- 00:23:23,111 --> 00:23:24,904 Being a sell-out is sweet because you make
- 00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:26,823 a lot of money, and, when you have money,
- 00:23:26,948 --> 00:23:29,117 you don't have to hang out with any poor-ass losers
- 00:23:29,242 --> 00:23:30,576 like you guys.
- 00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:33,788 Screw you guys--I'm going home.
- 00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:38,000 <i>♪ Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls ♪</i>
- 00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:39,877 <i>♪ Put 'em in your mouth, put 'em in your mouth ♪</i>
- 00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:41,045 <i>♪ And suck 'em and suck 'em ♪</i>
- 00:00:01,961 --> 00:00:05,631 <i>[light music]</i>
- 00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:07,133 Hello, everyone. I'm Matt Stone.
- 00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:09,135 And I'm Trey Parker. And we're...
- 00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:10,428 both: Cooking bacon!
- 00:00:10,553 --> 00:00:13,347 [applause]
- 00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:15,516 And here to help us is our old pal, Macon.
- 00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,810 Say hi, Macon. - [oinks]
- 00:00:17,935 --> 00:00:21,063 - Well, today's dish is called Northern Wyoming Bacon Loaf.
- 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,106 all: Ooh.
- 00:00:22,231 --> 00:00:24,108 Sounds good, huh?
- 00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:26,318 To make it, you will need three pounds of cooked bacon,
- 00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,863 two eggs, one cup of cheese soup,
- 00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,531 and another pound of cooked bacon.
- 00:00:30,656 --> 00:00:32,950 We've already started cooking the bacon.
- 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:34,660 Ooh, smell that bacon. - Mm.
- 00:00:34,785 --> 00:00:35,953 Macon's going crazy.
- 00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:37,204 [oinks]
- 00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:39,582 All right, hold on, hold on.
- 00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,168 Macon loves Bacon.
- 00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:43,753 What's that? Do you want it, do you want it?
- 00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,047 Do you want it? Yeah, that's a buddy.
- 00:00:46,172 --> 00:00:48,049 [cheers and applause]
- 00:00:48,174 --> 00:00:49,800 Have more bacon, yeah.
- 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:51,427 Now, once the bacon is cooked, we're ready
- 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,471 for the food processor. - That's right.
- 00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:54,555 We're gonna put all the ingredients
- 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,432 in the food processor.
- 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,268 Get this grease off here.
- 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:03,230 Eggs, some bacon, more bacon, and mix.
- 00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,191 [grinding]
- 00:01:05,316 --> 00:01:07,860 Whoa, Macon, want some more bacon?
- 00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:09,570 [laughter]
- 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,030 While we're waiting for that, let's watch
- 00:01:11,155 --> 00:01:12,782 our favorite episode of "South Park."
- 00:01:12,907 --> 00:01:14,784 It's called "Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls."
- 00:01:14,909 --> 00:01:16,494 - That's right--you see, Matt and I have been
- 00:01:16,619 --> 00:01:18,579 several times to the Sundance Film Festival
- 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,082 in Utah, and we think it totally sucks ass,
- 00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:22,666 so we decided to have Robert Redford
- 00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:24,460 bring his little festival to "South Park."
- 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,045 - Apparently Mr. Redford doesn't like us too much
- 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:27,880 because of this episode.
- 00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,465 Maybe that's because we have him drowning in shit.
- 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,383 [cheers and applause]
- 00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:33,344 - Well, who cares? He's old.
- 00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:36,514 Now I'm gonna put this dish in the oven at 450 degrees.
- 00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:39,350 - You all sit back, relax, and enjoy "Chef's Chocolate
- 00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:41,102 Salty Balls," and, when we return,
- 00:01:41,227 --> 00:01:42,978 Northern Wyoming Bacon Loaf.
- 00:01:43,104 --> 00:01:46,065 [cheers and applause]
- 00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:55,950 <i>[twangy music]</i>
- 00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:57,451 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:01:57,576 --> 00:01:59,453 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:01:59,578 --> 00:02:01,163 all: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,706 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:02:02,832 --> 00:02:04,166 - ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,001 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,711 - ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:09,213 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
- 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:10,714 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,466 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,636 [singing indistinctly]
- 00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:17,138 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:02:17,263 --> 00:02:18,931 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:23,227 <i>[light twangy music]</i>
- 00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,232 - Why do we hold the Sundance Film Festival here, Phyllis?
- 00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:30,151 It's so painfully crowded.
- 00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:32,194 Because, people from LA love to come
- 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:34,029 to a quaint little mountain town for a few days,
- 00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,906 and this gives them an excuse.
- 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,992 No, this used to be a quaint little mountain town.
- 00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,827 Now look at it! Sushi restaurants,
- 00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:43,080 upscale clothes stores, $25 parking, Liam Neeson.
- 00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:44,874 I tell you Phyllis, I think we've tapped
- 00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:47,835 this town's resources out. We must move the festival
- 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,337 to another small mountain town and begin again.
- 00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:51,839 That's not a bad idea.
- 00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:53,132 But where?
- 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,304 [humming]
- 00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,684 [tires screech]
- 00:03:03,809 --> 00:03:05,311 [overlapping conversations]
- 00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:06,478 Whoa.
- 00:03:06,604 --> 00:03:07,980 Okay, children,
- 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,690 I have some very exciting news for you.
- 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,150 Why don't you tell them, Mr. Twig?
- 00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,110 That's right, Mr. Garrison!
- 00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:16,488 The first annual South Park Film Festival begins today.
- 00:03:16,614 --> 00:03:18,157 Wow, cool. - They're not gonna show
- 00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:19,867 that stupid-ass Godzilla movie again, are they?
- 00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,411 No, no, Kyle. These are independent films.
- 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:24,496 Oh, like "Independence Day"? That sucked ass too.
- 00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:26,040 Nah, dude, independent films
- 00:03:26,165 --> 00:03:27,833 are those black and white hippie movies.
- 00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,501 They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
- 00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:31,545 No, they're not!
- 00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,631 Independent films are produced outside the Hollywood system.
- 00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:35,049 They're movies without all the glitz and glamour
- 00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:36,550 of Hollywood. [chuckles]
- 00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,302 Well, you show me one independent film
- 00:03:38,427 --> 00:03:40,179 that isn't about gay cowboys eating pudding.
- 00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:41,805 Once again, you have no idea
- 00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,349 what you're talking about, fat-ass!
- 00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:44,808 I'm not fat! I just haven't grown into
- 00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:46,518 my body yet, you skinny bitch!
- 00:03:46,644 --> 00:03:49,021 Eric, if you call Wendy a bitch one more time,
- 00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:51,190 I'm sending you to the Principal's office.
- 00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:54,276 Bitch. - That's it, Eric, you--!
- 00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,945 I'm going.
- 00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:57,780 Anyway, children, I want you all to see
- 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,823 at least one independent film at the festival and then
- 00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:00,908 write a paper about it.
- 00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:02,743 [groaning]
- 00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:04,870 The first film showing is called "Witness to Denial"
- 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:08,374 and is a sexual exploration piece about two women in love.
- 00:04:08,499 --> 00:04:09,833 Aw, my Uncle Jimbo has a ton of those movies
- 00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,585 in his dresser drawer.
- 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:12,920 No, no, I wanna shoot the script next month
- 00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:14,672 with Demi Moore attached.
- 00:04:14,797 --> 00:04:16,632 Well, you tell Spielberg he can kiss my ass.
- 00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,133 Wow, look at this, Johnson.
- 00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:19,969 Traffic jams at every intersection,
- 00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,971 hordes of people pushing their way through the crowds--
- 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:23,806 it's almost like we're a real city.
- 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:25,933 I can't believe I got sent to the Principal's office
- 00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:27,434 because of your stupid girlfriend.
- 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:28,852 She's not my girlfriend.
- 00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:30,604 [muffled speech]
- 00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:31,981 [laughter]
- 00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:33,816 Sick, Kenny. - Damn, dude.
- 00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:35,109 Look at all these people. - I'm late for a screening.
- 00:04:35,234 --> 00:04:36,652 I'll call you from the theater.
- 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:37,778 All this for a bunch of stupid movies?
- 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,029 Hello there, children.
- 00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,656 all: Hey, Chef.
- 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,157 Whatcha doing? - Children, this whole film
- 00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:43,742 festival thing has quite lucrative
- 00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,452 monetary possibilities.
- 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,454 And I'm gonna sell some of my famous cookies
- 00:04:47,579 --> 00:04:50,457 to these Hollywood types and make a mint.
- 00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:52,334 What kind of cookies? - Calm down, tubby.
- 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,129 They're little cookies with fudge in the middle,
- 00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:58,799 and I call them Fudge 'Ems. - I want a Fudge 'Em.
- 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:01,010 I can just see the commercial now.
- 00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:03,637 Wife got you down? Boss making you angry?
- 00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:07,016 Kids yelling at you? Well, Fudge 'Em!
- 00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,642 Cool. - And I've also got
- 00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,228 my double chocolate cookies, Fudge This.
- 00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,897 Oh, look, one of the natives is selling local food wares.
- 00:05:14,023 --> 00:05:15,733 How quaint. - This is why I come
- 00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:17,985 to these things--to get away from LA and become one
- 00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:20,154 with a more simple culture. - Well, perhaps you'd like
- 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:23,365 to try my low-calorie cookies Go Fudge Yourself.
- 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,785 Or my all-natural I Don't Really Give A Flying Fudge.
- 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,204 Ooh, do you have any tofu or steamed celery?
- 00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:30,706 Huh? - I would kill for some
- 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,666 couscous right now. - Whose goose?
- 00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:34,710 Uh, never mind. We brought some food
- 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,129 from the natural market in LA. - Cute sign though.
- 00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:40,090 Stan, I have two tickets for the opening film
- 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:41,884 of the festival. Would you like to come with me?
- 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:44,928 - [mimicking Wendy]
- 00:05:45,054 --> 00:05:46,805 Shut up, Cartman. Sure I do.
- 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,683 I mean, since we have to write a paper on a film anyway.
- 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,352 She'll be the death of him, Kyle.
- 00:05:51,477 --> 00:05:53,395 Mark my words. She'll be the death of him.
- 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,647 If she holds his hand in that theater, it'll be all over.
- 00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:59,068 Get 'em while they're hot. My all-new cookies,
- 00:05:59,193 --> 00:06:01,320 I Just Went and Fudged Your Momma.
- 00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,364 Jesus, he sure ran that one into the ground.
- 00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:05,657 ♪♪
- 00:06:05,783 --> 00:06:07,451 When's this thing start? I hope there's
- 00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,495 some good previews. - Stan, film festival movies
- 00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,954 don't usually have previews before them.
- 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,331 - They what?
- 00:06:15,376 --> 00:06:18,295 <i>Who are you to judge my womanly soul?</i>
- 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:22,174 <i>The goddess flames that burn in my memory aren't dark.</i>
- 00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:25,677 <i>Dare you call them dark?</i>
- 00:06:25,803 --> 00:06:28,097 <i>Here lies the goddess truth of my body.</i>
- 00:06:28,222 --> 00:06:30,224 Oh, brother.
- 00:06:30,349 --> 00:06:33,977 <i>- The goddess that cries, "Freedom, here is the goddess</i>
- 00:06:34,103 --> 00:06:36,814 <i>truth of my womanly being."</i>
- 00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:38,816 <i>You are my blossom, my flame.</i>
- 00:06:38,941 --> 00:06:40,442 <i>When we make love, it's like the sun</i>
- 00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,027 <i>is right outside the door.</i>
- 00:06:42,152 --> 00:06:43,862 <i>Then make love to me, right now.</i>
- 00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,072 <i>[moans]</i>
- 00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,490 Dude, dude! - Shh!
- 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:51,245 ♪ I can see clearly now the rain is gone ♪
- 00:06:51,370 --> 00:06:53,664 ♪ I can see all obstacles in my way ♪
- 00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:55,624 Bubula, you need to get to bed--it's late!
- 00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:56,834 I'm poopies, Ma!
- 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,419 Well, hurry up!
- 00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,087 ♪ Gone are the dark clouds... ♪
- 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:01,547 <i>[eerie moaning]</i>
- 00:07:01,672 --> 00:07:03,006 ♪♪
- 00:07:03,132 --> 00:07:05,634 <i>[eerie moaning]</i>
- 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,760 Could it be?
- 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:08,929 <i>Howdy-ho!</i>
- 00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,099 Mr. Hankey? Mr. Hankey, is that you?
- 00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:14,143 Hello?
- 00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:17,020 I'm here live in South Park, Colorado where citizens
- 00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:19,565 of Los Angeles are arriving in droves for the town's
- 00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:21,608 first annual film festival.
- 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,902 <i>This is just a small, quiet mountain community</i>
- 00:07:24,027 --> 00:07:25,696 <i>where nothing out of the ordinary ever really</i>
- 00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:27,322 happens, except for the occasional
- 00:07:27,448 --> 00:07:29,199 complete destruction of the entire town,
- 00:07:29,324 --> 00:07:32,035 and so the excitement level is naturally very high.
- 00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:33,996 Right now, the townspeople are anxiously awaiting
- 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,373 the arrival of some of Hollywood's top celebrities.
- 00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:37,374 - It was him, dude! I tell you,
- 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:39,334 it was Mr. Hankey.
- 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,295 Wait, I thought Mr. Hankey only came at Christmastime.
- 00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,088 Well, I'm sure it was him. - Look, look,
- 00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,965 here comes somebody? - I wonder who it could be.
- 00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,009 Move aside, I can't see! - Oh, move your head.
- 00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:49,595 Ladies and gentleman, TV's Fred Savage!
- 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,680 all: [groan]
- 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,765 Well, I'm sure a real person will show up soon.
- 00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,392 So how was that movie last night, dude?
- 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,269 Oh, dude, you don't even want to know.
- 00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,729 It had a bunch of gay cowboys eating pudding, huh?
- 00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,147 Yeah, pretty much. - Yeah.
- 00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:01,440 That theater sucks though.
- 00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:03,108 They need to get a bigger screen.
- 00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:04,485 They should project the movies on Cartman's ass.
- 00:08:04,610 --> 00:08:05,861 [laughter]
- 00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,070 Hey! - Yeah, but that'd be
- 00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,906 like IMAX. [laughter]
- 00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,324 Okay, that's enough fat-ass jokes for this week.
- 00:08:10,449 --> 00:08:14,077 [muffled speech]
- 00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:16,163 [laughter]
- 00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:17,456 Okay, that does it.
- 00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:20,042 Screw you guys--I'm going home.
- 00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:24,755 Well?
- 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,299 I'm gonna. Just give me a minute.
- 00:08:27,424 --> 00:08:28,800 This is perfect.
- 00:08:28,926 --> 00:08:30,260 Why didn't we think of it sooner?
- 00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,845 This town still has some charm left,
- 00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,347 not the mess we turned Park City into.
- 00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,349 Forgive me for being observant,
- 00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:38,435 but won't we just end up doing the same thing to this town?
- 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:41,688 Yes, and the town after, and the town after that.
- 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:44,274 Like termites, we will move this film festival from town
- 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:47,069 to town until we have used it up and then move on
- 00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,863 until every quiet mountain town is like Los Angeles.
- 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:52,282 Why? Why would we do such a thing?
- 00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,701 Because we have to live in LA, and, if we can't live
- 00:08:54,826 --> 00:08:56,703 in quiet, simply, peaceful mountain towns,
- 00:08:56,828 --> 00:08:58,455 then nobody will.
- 00:08:58,580 --> 00:09:01,500 [maniacal laughter]
- 00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:03,794 Wait, wait, zoom in to a close-up on my face
- 00:09:03,919 --> 00:09:05,003 when I do that, ready?
- 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,547 The nobody will!
- 00:09:06,672 --> 00:09:08,298 [maniacal laughter]
- 00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,758 That's it.
- 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,552 - Children, I'm glad you're here.
- 00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:13,470 I want you to check out my new confectioneries.
- 00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,514 I think they're gonna sell right through the roof.
- 00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,934 I call them Chef's Salty Chocolate Balls.
- 00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,228 Are they good? - Try 'em.
- 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,606 Hey, these are good. - Yeah, I love
- 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,233 your salty chocolate balls, Chef.
- 00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:27,484 [laughs]
- 00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,570 <i>[eerie moaning]</i>
- 00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,238 - There it is again. - There's what again?
- 00:09:31,363 --> 00:09:34,950 <i>- [eerie moaning]</i> - It's Mr. Hankey.
- 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,910 I think he's in some kind of trouble.
- 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,745 Dude, how do you tell if a piece of poo is in trouble?
- 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,497 Where does that grille go? - To the sewer, dude.
- 00:09:40,622 --> 00:09:42,291 Of course, the sewer! That must be where he is.
- 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,585 Come on. Come on!
- 00:09:44,710 --> 00:09:46,503 ♪ Say, everybody, have you seen my balls? ♪
- 00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,630 ♪ They're big and salty and brown ♪
- 00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,799 ♪ If you ever need a quick pick me up ♪
- 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,302 ♪ Just stick my balls in your mouth ♪
- 00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:56,930 ♪ Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls ♪
- 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,974 ♪ Put 'em in your mouth, put 'em in your mouth ♪
- 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,100 ♪ And suck 'em and suck 'em ♪
- 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,563 [rat squeaking]
- 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,815 Aw, man, it smells like ass down here.
- 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,150 Of course it smells like ass, retard.
- 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,151 It's a sewer.
- 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,152 [splash]
- 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:11,737 What was that?
- 00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:13,113 Aw, man, let's get out of here.
- 00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,489 We can't, dude. Not until we find
- 00:10:14,615 --> 00:10:15,490 Mr. Hankey.
- 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:16,491 [splash]
- 00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:18,410 all: [scream]
- 00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,704 What the hell? - Mr. Garrison?
- 00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,956 Oh, hello, children. - What are you doing
- 00:10:23,081 --> 00:10:24,875 down in the sewer with a bunch of snorkel stuff on?
- 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,128 Oh, I was just hanging out. - In a sewer.
- 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:30,172 Children, do you know how to file a police report?
- 00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,381 all: No.
- 00:10:31,506 --> 00:10:32,966 Good--see you in school.
- 00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:36,970 This is ridiculous.
- 00:10:37,095 --> 00:10:38,388 What the hell are we, the Goonies?
- 00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:40,182 Yeah, we're the Goonies, Cartman.
- 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,391 Why don't you pretend like you're the fat kid?
- 00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:42,559 Okay, that does it.
- 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:44,436 Screw you guys--I'm--
- 00:10:44,561 --> 00:10:46,980 - Howdy-ho!
- 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:49,650 Mr. Hankey! - Howdy-ho, boys.
- 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:52,110 I told you guys he'd be here. - Gosh, look at you.
- 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,489 You're all growing up so fast. - Hi, Mr. Hankey.
- 00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:58,033 Nice to see you. - Have y'all been brushing
- 00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,284 behind your teeth?
- 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:00,369 all: Yes.
- 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:01,662 And using dental floss?
- 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:02,954 all: Yes.
- 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,081 And washing behind your ears?
- 00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:05,207 Yes. - Yes.
- 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,667 No. - [coughs]
- 00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,168 What's the matter, Mr. Hankey?
- 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,836 Are you sick? - Oh, I've just got
- 00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,880 a little cold is all. All these new people
- 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,424 in South Park are stressful on my home.
- 00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:16,385 - What do you mean? - Well, you see, boys,
- 00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,762 the sewer's a fragile ecosystem.
- 00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,181 Oh, my God. - These new folks in town
- 00:11:21,306 --> 00:11:24,643 eat nothing but couscous, tofu, and raw vegetables,
- 00:11:24,768 --> 00:11:26,561 and it's destroying my environment.
- 00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,021 And that's why you got a cold?
- 00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,273 That's why, Kyle. That's why.
- 00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:32,275 Well, why don't you just ask them to leave?
- 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:34,778 There's only one time of year I can come to the surface,
- 00:11:34,903 --> 00:11:36,697 and that's Christmastime.
- 00:11:36,822 --> 00:11:39,408 That's why I need you boys to go for me.
- 00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,076 [coughs] - Don't worry, Mr. Hankey.
- 00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,703 We'll go tell everyone. Come on, guys.
- 00:11:42,828 --> 00:11:45,789 Don't forget to change your sheets once a week.
- 00:11:45,914 --> 00:11:49,501 <i>[twangy music]</i>
- 00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,586 So without further ado, we will begin
- 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,130 this amazing film.
- 00:11:53,255 --> 00:11:55,173 It's a work of blood, sweat, and tears.
- 00:11:55,298 --> 00:11:57,217 - Wait, stop, could I have your attention, please?
- 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,635 - Is that Leonardo DiCaprio?
- 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,220 [overlapping exclamations]
- 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,139 Ahh! - No, no, wait, that's not him.
- 00:12:02,264 --> 00:12:03,890 all: [groan]
- 00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,642 Ladies and gentlemen, my best friend Mr. Hankey
- 00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:07,352 is getting sick because South Park has become
- 00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:09,354 overcrowded with people who eat health food.
- 00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,482 Excuse me, little boy. What's a Mr. Hankey?
- 00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:14,443 - He's a talking piece of poo that lives in the sewer,
- 00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,528 but now he's getting sick because his ecosystem
- 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,697 is all out of whack because of all the extra poo in the sewer.
- 00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:19,990 If you don't all leave and go home soon,
- 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,783 Mr. Hankey's gonna die.
- 00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:23,285 He's one of my best friends in the whole wide world,
- 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,912 and--and I don't want him to die.
- 00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,999 What a great story. It has everything.
- 00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:30,792 This could be the next "Free Willy."
- 00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,169 Great pitch, son, how much do you want for it?
- 00:12:32,294 --> 00:12:33,712 Huh? - Does it have to be
- 00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:35,714 a talking piece of poo?
- 00:12:35,839 --> 00:12:37,841 It could be a crime-fighting rabbit or a loveable turtle.
- 00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,676 This could be a great summer movie.
- 00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,970 Can we put a monkey in it? - "The Mr. Hankey Story."
- 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,555 Is Harrison Ford available for a fall pic?
- 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,015 Keanu Reeves. - Matt Damon.
- 00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:46,391 - Fred Savage.
- 00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:49,978 [laughter]
- 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,313 - I'd pay a million for this story.
- 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,939 I'll pay two. - 2.89!
- 00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:54,524 [yelling]
- 00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:56,318 Dude, no one even listened to me.
- 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,903 You know, it does sound like a pretty sweet movie.
- 00:12:58,028 --> 00:12:59,404 I take it you're part owner of this whole
- 00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,323 Mr. Hooey story, right? - Huh?
- 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,576 Uh, yeah, I guess. - I want you to do a big money
- 00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,620 deal with me. - All of us?
- 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,623 - Well, I can see that you're the real brains of the group.
- 00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,458 You don't really need those guys, do you?
- 00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,585 Yeah, screw those guys. I don't even like them.
- 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:16,296 That's great, kid. Let's make a deal.
- 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:18,548 Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you all
- 00:13:18,673 --> 00:13:21,259 for making the first annual South Park Film Festival
- 00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,011 a success.
- 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,055 We've barely even started, and already the festival
- 00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:28,016 has seen more attendance than last year's Sundance festival.
- 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,768 [cheers and applause]
- 00:13:29,893 --> 00:13:31,895 And I'm very pleased to announce that, in honor
- 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,231 of the South Park people who have welcomed us,
- 00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:37,442 we are going to build a Hollywood Planet restaurant
- 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:40,111 right here where this library used to stand.
- 00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:41,988 [crash]
- 00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:43,615 all: [gasp]
- 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:45,116 Can they do that? - They're Hollywood.
- 00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,326 They can do anything.
- 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,787 [organ music]
- 00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:50,413 Mr. Hankey?
- 00:13:50,539 --> 00:13:52,874 [organ music]
- 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,459 Mr. Hankey? [gasps]
- 00:13:54,584 --> 00:13:57,462 [organ music]
- 00:13:57,587 --> 00:14:00,131 ♪♪
- 00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:01,424 Mr. Hankey?
- 00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:05,178 - Oh, Kyle, howdy-- [coughs]
- 00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,972 Well, how did it go?
- 00:14:07,097 --> 00:14:09,057 Is everyone gonna stop pooping in my environment?
- 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,767 - They didn't believe me. They thought I was pitching
- 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:13,228 a movie. - Oh, I see.
- 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:16,147 Well, shucks, Kyle. I can't thank you enough
- 00:14:16,273 --> 00:14:17,774 for trying.
- 00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:21,736 [organ music]
- 00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:23,488 We only have one option-- I've gotta take you
- 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:25,115 to the surface. - I can't.
- 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,658 The sun will dry me out. - It's the only way
- 00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,159 to prove to them that you're real.
- 00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:30,203 But I won't last long up above.
- 00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,872 Well, you're not gonna last down here either, Mr. Hankey.
- 00:14:31,997 --> 00:14:33,540 Now come on, I'm not gonna let you die.
- 00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,793 All right, just let me get my toothbrush.
- 00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:40,297 Come on, Stan, we're gonna be late for the screening.
- 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:45,093 - Geez, they made that into a movie already?
- 00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,304 <i>Mr. Hankey, I can't go on anymore.</i>
- 00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:48,972 <i>I've lost the fight.</i>
- 00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,765 <i>No, I'm not leaving without you.</i>
- 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:52,100 <i>- We started this together, and we're gonna</i>
- 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,894 <i>finish it together.</i>
- 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,437 <i>I always thought death was something glorious,</i>
- 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:58,189 <i>but now I know that it's not.</i>
- 00:14:58,315 --> 00:14:59,858 [crying]
- 00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,651 It's going over really well.
- 00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:03,737 People are gonna be knocking my door down to get you.
- 00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:05,614 Who the hell cast Tom Hanks in this?
- 00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,782 Tom Hanks can't act his way out of a nut sack.
- 00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:09,910 <i>I'll always love you, Mr. Hankey.</i>
- 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,995 [mimics Tom Hanks]
- 00:15:15,624 --> 00:15:17,334 [muffled speech]
- 00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:21,129 Oh, my God, I found a penny. - You bastard.
- 00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:23,632 [clang]
- 00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,258 [grunts] Okay, Mr. Hankey, we're out.
- 00:15:25,383 --> 00:15:27,636 How are you doing? - It sure is dry up here.
- 00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,262 [coughs]
- 00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:30,805 Don't worry--we'll do this quick, okay?
- 00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,057 Just hang on, Mr. Hankey, just hang on.
- 00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:36,770 Excuse me, Mr. Film Commissioner,
- 00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,813 could I have a word with you? - Make it quick.
- 00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:41,232 Well, the people of my town are a little upset.
- 00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:43,652 I don't think we realized what an impact this festival
- 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:45,612 would have on our town. - Uh-huh.
- 00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:48,198 Right, so, we were actually wondering if we could call
- 00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:50,533 this whole thing off. - We have contracts.
- 00:15:50,659 --> 00:15:52,410 You try to pull out now, we'll sue your little town
- 00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:54,663 for every penny it's got, but thanks so much
- 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,498 for the hard work.
- 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:58,583 But this doesn't make sense to me, Marty, okay?
- 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,335 You told me the movie made a lot of money.
- 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,046 Right, two million, minus your agent's fee,
- 00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:04,923 minus your lawyer's fee, minus my fee,
- 00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,591 and with publicity and taxes taken out,
- 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,426 you get three dollars.
- 00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:09,928 That's more than most people in your position make.
- 00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:11,721 Trust me. - Serves you right, Cartman.
- 00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,431 You're a sell-out. - I'm not a sell-out!
- 00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,266 What's a sell-out? - If you work
- 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:16,768 in the entertainment business and you make money,
- 00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,436 you're a sell-out. - It's all gone
- 00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,188 to hell, children, and we're all to blame.
- 00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:23,274 Even me. I was selling out my town too.
- 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,944 And now look at it. - So what do we do now?
- 00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,238 There's nothing we can do. Just sit here
- 00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:31,116 and suck on my balls. - You guys, we have to hurry!
- 00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:32,534 What? - Come on, everything's gonna
- 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,536 be okay. - Sir, sir!
- 00:16:34,661 --> 00:16:36,204 Not now. - I have to show you something.
- 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,789 I think it will change the way you feel
- 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,582 about your impact here. - What's this?
- 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,501 I want you guys to all meet my friend.
- 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:44,796 [thud]
- 00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:47,382 all: [gasp]
- 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,967 That's great, kid.
- 00:16:49,092 --> 00:16:50,677 A dried out lump of shit-- very compelling.
- 00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:52,554 Okay, folks, let's move. We gotta have that sign
- 00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,305 done in time for the opening tonight.
- 00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,224 - You can't die, Mr. Hankey, you can't.
- 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,851 - [cough]
- 00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:01,438 Kyle, before I go,
- 00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:05,525 there's something I must tell you.
- 00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:08,445 Come closer.
- 00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,238 Closer.
- 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,241 Well, what is it, Mr. Hankey?
- 00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:20,248 There is another Skywalker. [groans]
- 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,209 No! - Wait, Kyle.
- 00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:26,004 What is it, Mr. Hankey? - Come closer.
- 00:17:26,129 --> 00:17:28,715 What is it? - Closer.
- 00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,341 Yes? - Closer!
- 00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,720 One time, when you were sleeping,
- 00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:38,600 I put myself in your mouth and had my friend take a picture.
- 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:42,228 [groans] - No!
- 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:48,818 <i>♪ Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo ♪</i>
- 00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:53,073 <i>♪ He loved me, I loved you ♪</i>
- 00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:57,744 <i>♪ Therefore, vicariously, he loved you ♪</i>
- 00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:00,288 No! - I'm sorry, son.
- 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,998 Let's get him to ICU. - [crying]
- 00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:04,459 No, no! - Are you gonna be okay, dude?
- 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,544 I'm here for you. - Hi, Stan, ready to go
- 00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,880 see another movie? - Okay.
- 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,340 [murmuring]
- 00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:14,010 ♪♪
- 00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:16,429 <i>Say, Tom, do you have any pudding left?</i>
- 00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:18,890 <i>I ate all mine up, silly. - Well, then,</i>
- 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,433 <i>now what do we do?</i>
- 00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:24,437 ♪♪
- 00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:25,605 [vomits] [groans]
- 00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:27,107 Ew! - Hey!
- 00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:28,942 - Sorry. <i>- Well, why don't we just</i>
- 00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:32,654 <i>explore our sexuality? - Oh, good idea, let's.</i>
- 00:18:32,779 --> 00:18:34,614 Aw, dude, I shouldn't be seeing this.
- 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,866 [vomits] - Aw, is there a problem,
- 00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,535 young man? - No problem, dude.
- 00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:42,497 [beeping]
- 00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,040 I'll never forget you.
- 00:18:44,165 --> 00:18:45,667 You were my best friend after Stan.
- 00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,877 Come on, Kyle, it's time to go.
- 00:18:48,002 --> 00:18:51,339 Chef, does poo go to heaven?
- 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,300 Well, I kind of hope not. - [crying]
- 00:18:54,425 --> 00:18:57,262 I mean, sure, it does. Here, I'll give him
- 00:18:57,387 --> 00:19:00,473 one of my salty balls to take with him to poo heaven.
- 00:19:03,685 --> 00:19:05,854 Come on, let's go.
- 00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,814 Kyle.
- 00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:11,609 Mr. Hankey? - Howdy-ho.
- 00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:14,779 He's back, he's back! - That was delicious.
- 00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:18,533 My salty chocolate balls must have rejuvenated him!
- 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,910 You got the best balls in the whole world, Chef.
- 00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:22,412 You're damn right.
- 00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:27,208 <i>[twangy music]</i>
- 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:28,501 Step on up, get them here.
- 00:19:28,626 --> 00:19:30,420 Mr. Hankey and me t-shirts.
- 00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:31,921 Get them while they last, folks.
- 00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:33,840 Only $14.95.
- 00:19:33,965 --> 00:19:35,383 I'd like one. - I'll take two.
- 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,177 Selling t-shirts kicks ass.
- 00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:39,345 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce
- 00:19:39,470 --> 00:19:42,473 on this gala opening of Hollywood Planet South Park
- 00:19:42,599 --> 00:19:44,726 that the festival will be back next year
- 00:19:44,851 --> 00:19:48,605 and the year after that and the year after that and so on.
- 00:19:48,730 --> 00:19:51,441 And now release the curtain.
- 00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:54,360 I give you Hollywood in South Park!
- 00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:56,154 [maniacal laughter]
- 00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:58,615 Wait, I brought him! I brought him to show you!
- 00:19:58,740 --> 00:20:01,868 - Oh, not this again. - Behold, Mr. Hankey!
- 00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:06,289 - Howdy-ho!
- 00:20:08,666 --> 00:20:10,710 - Anyway, this new Hollywood Planet
- 00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,295 will be the official meeting place--
- 00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:15,381 - Howdy-ho, folks. I'm afraid my buddy Kyle
- 00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:18,051 was right--there's not enough room in South Park
- 00:20:18,176 --> 00:20:20,970 to accommodate a festival. - Mr. Poo,
- 00:20:21,095 --> 00:20:23,431 if you wouldn't mind, we can't hear our chairman.
- 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:25,058 If you could just turn yourself down.
- 00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:26,517 You're at about seven right now.
- 00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,436 We need you at about three, okay?
- 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,313 ♪♪
- 00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:33,942 Uh, folks, please, little towns like this simply
- 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:35,860 aren't meant for big events.
- 00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:39,697 We love having visitors, but, golly, too many of you
- 00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:41,491 is hurting our ecosystem.
- 00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:44,535 Besides, folks, film festivals shouldn't be about
- 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:48,748 what celebrities are coming or what film is gonna get shown.
- 00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:51,334 It should be able people getting together
- 00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:54,212 and watching movies and about people who can never
- 00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:57,757 get their movies seen having a chance to have it watched,
- 00:20:57,882 --> 00:20:59,008 if only once.
- 00:20:59,133 --> 00:21:00,885 A good film festival
- 00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,013 should be something where we all say, "Aw, let's forget
- 00:21:04,138 --> 00:21:07,850 "about lawyers and agents and studios and celebrities.
- 00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:09,519 "Let's forget all those things
- 00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:12,563 for just a while and just watch some new art."
- 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:14,983 ♪♪
- 00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:18,611 I have had enough of you! - [screams]
- 00:21:18,736 --> 00:21:20,863 - No!
- 00:21:20,989 --> 00:21:23,700 Now, as I was saying, this shall usher in
- 00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:25,576 a whole new decade of films. - [crying]
- 00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:28,454 He's dead! Mr. Hankey's dead!
- 00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:30,331 Well, this worked once before.
- 00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:34,711 ♪♪
- 00:21:34,836 --> 00:21:37,338 Thanks, Chef, your big chocolate balls
- 00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:38,965 are just the trick.
- 00:21:39,090 --> 00:21:44,262 ♪♪
- 00:21:44,387 --> 00:21:46,222 What the hell is he doing? - I don't know.
- 00:21:46,347 --> 00:21:49,934 ♪♪
- 00:21:50,059 --> 00:21:51,477 [thunder crashes]
- 00:21:51,602 --> 00:21:52,937 ♪♪
- 00:21:53,062 --> 00:21:55,398 Wow.
- 00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:57,025 [lightning crackles]
- 00:21:57,150 --> 00:22:03,865 ♪♪
- 00:22:03,990 --> 00:22:05,533 Oh, my God!
- 00:22:05,658 --> 00:22:07,160 ♪♪
- 00:22:07,285 --> 00:22:09,245 [squelching]
- 00:22:09,370 --> 00:22:12,832 [screaming]
- 00:22:12,957 --> 00:22:16,169 ♪♪
- 00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:17,253 [thunder crashes]
- 00:22:17,378 --> 00:22:18,504 [screaming]
- 00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:20,757 Oh, it smells, it smells!
- 00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:23,968 Come on, the poo is coming!
- 00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:25,636 I'm trying, damn it!
- 00:22:25,762 --> 00:22:31,184 ♪♪
- 00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:32,685 [thunder crashes]
- 00:22:32,810 --> 00:22:35,021 ♪♪
- 00:22:35,146 --> 00:22:36,981 Ahh! [gurgling]
- 00:22:37,106 --> 00:22:38,232 [glass shatters]
- 00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,360 Let's get out of this town!
- 00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:46,449 ♪♪
- 00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:48,242 - Phew.
- 00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:50,286 ♪♪
- 00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:53,206 Gosh, I guess I don't know my own strength.
- 00:22:53,331 --> 00:22:55,041 ♪♪
- 00:22:55,166 --> 00:22:56,459 You did it, Mr. Hankey.
- 00:22:56,584 --> 00:22:57,668 You got rid of all the film people.
- 00:22:57,794 --> 00:22:59,587 all: Hooray.
- 00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:02,131 Oh, yeah, now all we have is a town covered in shit.
- 00:23:02,256 --> 00:23:03,758 This is much better.
- 00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:07,095 I couldn't have done it without you, Kyle.
- 00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:09,597 Kisses.
- 00:23:09,722 --> 00:23:13,101 Stan, I'm sorry I dragged you to all those independent films.
- 00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:14,811 Oh, that's okay, Wendy. I forgive you.
- 00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,521 - Sometimes I forget that even though
- 00:23:16,646 --> 00:23:18,231 a few independent films are great,
- 00:23:18,356 --> 00:23:19,816 most of them suck ass.
- 00:23:19,941 --> 00:23:22,110 Yes, and I've learned something too.
- 00:23:23,111 --> 00:23:24,904 Being a sell-out is sweet because you make
- 00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:26,823 a lot of money, and, when you have money,
- 00:23:26,948 --> 00:23:29,117 you don't have to hang out with any poor-ass losers
- 00:23:29,242 --> 00:23:30,576 like you guys.
- 00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:33,788 Screw you guys--I'm going home.
- 00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:38,000 <i>♪ Ooh, suck on my chocolate salty balls ♪</i>
- 00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:39,877 <i>♪ Put 'em in your mouth, put 'em in your mouth ♪</i>
- 00:23:40,002 --> 00:23:41,045 <i>♪ And suck 'em and suck 'em ♪</i>
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