Лето — отстой

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And look, Trey, our bacon

is cooked just right--

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not too soggy, not too crisp.

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Well, I've got the bread and

French dressing all prepared.

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So we remove the bacon...

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like so.

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Then we cover sparingly

with French dressing...

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put on the other slice

of bread...

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and garnish.

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Doesn't that look great?

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Mmm. Mmm!

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Hey, let's give some

to Macon.

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Mm-hmm.

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Macon likes his

with extra bacon.

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Here you go, buddy.

Yeah!

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Wow. Macon's really taken to

the bacon if I'm not mistaken.

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Well, now it's time to watch

our favorite episode

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of "South Park"--

it's called "Summer Sucks."

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That's right, it's all about

that one week in the year

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when summer actually comes

to South Park

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and all the snow melts.

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This episode has a special

guest appearance

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by Jonathan Katz of "Dr. Katz,

Professional Therapist."

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Well, sit back, relax,

and enjoy "Summer Sucks."

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♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

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♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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- ♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

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- ♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

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- ♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

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♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

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Okay, children,

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I know that today is

the last day of school

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and that the last day

of school involves pranks,

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but this is going too far.

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Now, what have you done

with Mr. Hat?

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Children, I want Mr. Hat

back right now!

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The prank is over!

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You think I can't get along

without Mr. Hat, don't you?

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You think I can't

live without him.

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Well, I can.

He's just a puppet.

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I don't need him.

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You see, watch.

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God damn it, where the

did you put Mr. Hat?

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Oh, no, you don't.

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The school year's over,

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but summer vacation

doesn't start

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for you little bastards

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until Mr. Hat is back

on my desk.

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Now, I'm gonna turn around,

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and when I turn back,

I expect to see

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Mr. Hat lying right here.

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Okay.

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I'm gonna turn around now.

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Shit!

- Where did everybody go?

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Hooray!

- Summer!

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Oh, golly, Kevin, honey!

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- Good to see you again, son.

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- Looks like winter's

right around the corner.

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Better get some firewood ready.

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Oh, happy summer, gentlemen.

- Shut up, Pip.

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Righto. Enjoy some of

the summer for me, would you?

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What do you mean?

- Well, I have to spend

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my summer in summer school

because I can't be left alone.

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You see, my parents are dead.

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Your parents are dead?

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Goddamn, you suck, Pip.

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Oh, yeah, dude.

It's summer.

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That means we gotta

buy fireworks.

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I saved up enough money

to buy M-80s this year.

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I saw this movie once

where this guy stuck

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a firecracker up a cat's butt.

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Cool, maybe we can do that

to Cartman's cat.

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Hey! If you so much

as touch Kitty's ass,

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I'll put firecrackers

in your nut sack

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and blow your balls

all over your pants.

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Jesus, Cartman.

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- Hi, fellas.

- Hi, Stu.

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What can I do for you?

- We want to buy M-80s.

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The kind that fit

in Cartman's cat's ass.

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Okay, that's it!

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Screw you guys, I'm going home.

- What a baby.

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So we'll have

ten M-80s please.

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I'm sorry, fellas.

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Haven't you heard?

- Heard what?

00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,364

All fireworks have been

banned in Colorado.

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What do you mean?

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It was in the paper

this morning.

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Dude, just 'cause

some stupid North Park kid

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blew his hands off,

we don't get to buy M-80s?

00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:06,705

Right.

- How can they do this to us?

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Doesn't anyone believe

in tradition anymore?

00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,502

Yeah, we've been playing with

firecrackers our whole lives.

00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:17,716

Killed Kenny.

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- Oo bastards.

00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,513

A summer without fireworks

is like...

00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:24,723

I don't know,

but it's like it sucks ass.

00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:27,309

Yeah, now what are

we supposed to do?

00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,645

I can still sell snakes.

00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:35,526

This is absurd,

we need fireworks

00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:38,028

for our Fourth of July

celebration at the lake.

00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,322

I don't care that some twerp

blew his hands off.

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We've got to have fireworks

for our picnic!

00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:44,743

Hold on, I've got another call.

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Hello? No, I don't know

where Mr. Hat is.

00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:49,331

Jesus, Garrison,

I've got bigger problems.

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Hello, yes...

now, what am I supposed to do

00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:52,960

about our Fourth of July show

at the lake?

00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:55,129

No, I don't want snakes.

00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:56,547

This is an outrage.

00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:57,756

Get me the mayor!

00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:59,341

I know that, smartass.

00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,093

I was being ironic.

00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,970

I'm sorry, Mayor,

but I couldn't find

00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:04,555

the little man in the boat.

00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,098

Well, keep looking.

00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,850

This is ridiculous.

00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:10,144

We can't have a celebration

without fireworks.

00:05:10,269 --> 00:05:12,688

Whoever heard of a Fourth

of July picnic with snakes?

00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,273

I like snakes.

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You light 'em,

and they grow and grow.

00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:19,695

Wait a minute, that's it!

I've got it!

00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,573

This Fourth of July,

South Park will make history

00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:25,200

by having the largest snake

in the world!

00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:26,994

The press will love it.

00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:28,579

I'll be on the front p--

ooh...

00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:30,164

Oh, I found him.

00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:34,335

Man, it's hot out here.

00:05:34,460 --> 00:05:35,627

What do you guys want to do?

00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:37,254

We have the whole summer

to play.

00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:38,839

Dude, what are we

supposed to do?

00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:40,382

We always just played

with fireworks.

00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,593

I know, let's go sledding.

- Yeah.

00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:44,386

Come on, Cartman, get on.

- Stan?

00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,055

Let's go, dude, we're ready.

00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,097

What the hell

you waiting for, Cartman?

00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,557

- Guys, don't you notice

00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,142

anything wrong

with this picture?

00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:51,477

Yeah, your fat ass

isn't on the sled.

00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:53,020

Ugh. Whatever.

00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,483

What the hell's going on?

00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,526

Hey, there, boys.

- Hi, Uncle Jimbo.

00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,737

How come you're not blowing

things up, it's summer!

00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,364

Didn't you hear?

They outlawed fireworks

00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:04,656

'cause a little boy

blew off his hands.

00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,116

What?!

- Yeah, they're not even

00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:07,618

having 'em

at the lake this year.

00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:09,036

Oh, my God.

Well, don't worry, boys.

00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:11,622

Uncle Jimbo is on the case.

00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:12,873

Buckle your seatbelt, Ned.

00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,416

- Mm, where are we going?

00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:15,959

Mexico, my amigo.

00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,795

Mm, why are we going

to Mexico?

00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,380

To buy fireworks.

00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:21,340

Just 'cause some kid

blew off his hands

00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:22,966

doesn't mean the rest of us

have to suffer, now does it?

00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:25,260

Are fireworks legal

in Mexico?

00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,054

Hell, everything's

legal in Mexico.

00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:28,430

It's the American way.

00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,934

At the Dyno-Might

Firework Company,

00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,061

we have a commitment

to excellence.

00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:35,979

Our focus is on safety,

while the--

00:06:36,105 --> 00:06:37,689

Just cut to the chase

and tell us about the snake!

00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:38,857

Oh, okay.

00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:44,655

Now, the disk that we're making

is approximately

00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:47,282

5,000 times bigger

than the average snake.

00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:49,201

Ooh!

00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:50,828

We'll have to fly it in

with three Comanche helicopters

00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:52,538

and lower it onto the ground

at the lake.

00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:54,081

"Comanche helicopters"...

00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,083

Then we'll need

57 flamethrowers

00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:57,876

all set up around

the perimeter of the disk

00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,170

that are all triggered to fire

at the same time.

00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,714

- "Flamethrowers,

triggered at the same time."

00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,467

Once lit,

the snake will grow.

00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,886

And good times

will be had by all.

00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:09,680

Wonderful.

- Spectacular.

00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:11,515

Well, you see,

fireworks at the lake

00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,308

will not only go on

but perhaps be the best ever.

00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,893

Wait a minute,

we're gonna need an orchestra

00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,645

to play

"The Stars and Stripes."

00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,730

Hey, how about the elementary

school orchestra?

00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:20,190

They did a great version

of "Mary Had a Little Lamb"

00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:21,942

at their last concert.

00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,777

Yes, get the school principal

on the phone,

00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,487

and we need somebody

to dress up like Uncle Remus.

00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,030

Mayor, I think

you mean Uncle Sam.

00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:29,324

- Of course I do,

you asshole!

00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:33,996

♪ Dusty the dirt ball ♪

00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,956

Why does everything

have to suck so bad in summer?

00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,458

Hey, look, it's Mr. Garrison.

00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:38,542

- Hello, children.

00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,461

How is your summer going?

00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:42,296

Summer sucks ass,

Mr. Garrison.

00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:43,630

- Hey, have you found

Mr. Hat yet?

00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,132

Oh, oh, that old thing?

00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,509

I almost forgot he was gone.

00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,052

I don't need Mr. Hat.

00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:50,679

That's good.

00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:53,932

Mr. Hat is just a puppet.

00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,684

Yup.

00:07:57,853 --> 00:07:59,855

Mr. Hat isn't real.

- Right.

00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,359

Hey, you guys,

my mom signed me up

00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:05,486

for swimming lessons

at the community pool.

00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,029

You want to come?

00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:08,739

Swimming lessons?

00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:10,032

Dude, that is the lamest thing

I've ever heard.

00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,825

It is not!

- Everyone knows

00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,327

that the first graders pee

in the community pool.

00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:14,495

Yeah, Cartman,

you're swimming around

00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,913

in first grader pee.

00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:16,914

I'm not swimming around

in pee!

00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:18,499

Whatever, dude.

00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,000

- My mom says if I take

swimming lessons,

00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:21,335

I can be in

the Olympics someday.

00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:23,170

- Yeah, the Fat-Ass Olympics.

00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,630

- I am trying to make

the best of a bad situation!

00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:26,340

I don't need to hear crap

00:08:26,465 --> 00:08:27,799

from a bunch of hippie freaks

living in denial!

00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:30,928

Screw you guys, I'm going home.

00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:32,221

But, Cartman,

we're trying--

00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:34,598

No, screw you guys, home.

00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,683

What does he mean,

living in denial?

00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,186

Dude, it's Cartman, he's just

being a dumb-ass like always.

00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,437

- There, how does that look?

00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:41,939

Like a big hunk of dirt

00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:42,940

with a carrot

sticking out of it.

00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:44,816

Ah, crap.

00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,113

Okay, kids,

everyone in the pool.

00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,283

Come on, Eric,

we're gonna start now.

00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:54,993

Nuh-uh!

- Just jump in.

00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,328

I don't wanna.

00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:57,329

It's not gonna hurt you, hon.

00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:58,622

Just do it.

00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,544

There you go.

00:09:03,669 --> 00:09:04,795

Now, just let the first graders

swim by you,

00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:05,921

and then head towards us.

00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,507

- Huh, first graders?

00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,885

Aw, weak! Weak!

00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,303

Ah, you sons of bitches!

00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:20,852

- Where the hell is

our firework?

00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:22,312

We only have 24 hours.

00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:23,564

I'm sure it'll be here

any second.

00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,566

Shut up!

- Copy that.

00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:28,235

- Okay, children,

I'm sure we're a little rusty.

00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,945

Where's Eric Cartman?

00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,446

He's taking swimming lessons.

- Oh, dear.

00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:32,906

How are we supposed

to sound good

00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,700

without our

French horn section?

00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:35,826

Well, let's try

some scales first.

00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,536

C scale first. And...

00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,835

Okay, that was pretty good.

00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,920

Let's play Mozart's

"Symphony No. 5."

00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,050

Oh, we're doomed...

our Fourth of July celebration

00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,844

is going to have no fireworks

and a bunch of tone-deaf

00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:56,221

little playing--

wait a minute.

00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,306

It's the snake!

00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,437

Let's move along, people.

00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:06,398

If you've seen one

giant snake thingy firework,

00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:07,983

you've seen 'em all.

00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,693

- Call everybody.

The show's back on.

00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,111

Come on, we've only

got one day to prepare!

00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:15,866

Buenos días, mi amigo.

00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:18,452

Yo soy

una Americana spectacular.

00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:20,287

- Que?

00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:22,748

Yo necesito

el fireworko spectacularrr.

00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:27,294

No moleste

el gato spectacularrr.

00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,255

Would you look at that, Ned?

00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,299

That's a Tijuana bottle rocket.

00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,884

These babies have enough power

to blast a fire hole

00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:35,135

right through the ozone.

00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,887

They're spectacularrr.

00:10:37,012 --> 00:10:39,097

Ned, it's our job

to get these to children

00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,308

all over America

for the Fourth of July.

00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,602

We'll be like Santa Claus

on Christmas morning.

00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:44,603

Bueno.

00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,486

Hello?

- Hello, is Mr. Hat there?

00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:55,113

Is this some kind of joke?

- Yes.

00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:56,323

You go to hell!

00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:57,699

You go to hell and you die!

00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,701

I'm gonna find out who you are.

00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,620

I don't think you can,

mm-kay?

00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,038

God damn it!

00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,792

So, Lamb Chop, what would

you like to do today?

00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,835

Well, I'd like

to sing you a song.

00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,089

Hey, let's sing one together.

00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:14,925

♪ As long as we're together

we can do anything ♪

00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:17,636

♪ We can take on

the whole darn world ♪

00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,930

♪ We're happy as clams

with plenty of pearls ♪

00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:22,432

♪ Through thick and thin,

we've always been together ♪

00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,189

No, Lamb Chop, no!

00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,316

Sherry, help me!

00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,361

It burns! It burns!

00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:40,450

Eric, you have to get in

the deep end sooner or later.

00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:43,412

Later's fine.

- Just do your sidestroke.

00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,330

I only know how

to do it doggy style.

00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,832

That's doggy paddle, Eric.

00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:47,999

Now, come over here.

00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,334

Can I do it doggy style?

00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,460

Okay.

00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,965

That's it, that's it,

you can do it!

00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:57,759

Ah, damn it!

00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,469

Ah, not again!

00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:02,097

Come on, Eric.

- No way! Sons of bitches!

00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,557

I'm going home.

00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,183

The Fourth of July

is finally here,

00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,185

and with the statewide ban

on fireworks,

00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,563

people from all over Colorado

are flocking to South Park.

00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:11,356

Here with a special report

00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,233

is a normal-looking guy

with a funny name.

00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:14,818

Thanks, Tom,

it looks like the firework ban

00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,319

won't be putting a damper

00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:17,821

on one town's

festivities tonight.

00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,656

I'm here at Stark's Pond

in South Park

00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,199

where the crowd of residents

and scores of tourists

00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,784

anxiously await the lighting

00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,287

of the largest snake

in human history.

00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,497

Now, as most of you

will probably remember,

00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:29,624

snakes are these little

round disks that you light

00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:32,210

and they spew out

a little snake of black ash.

00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:35,422

Well, the South Park snake

is over half a mile in diameter

00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:37,215

and 20 stories high.

00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,009

I'm told that this event

won't begin

00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:41,595

until the sun goes down

and night is upon us.

00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,764

All righty, then,

looks like we're ready.

00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:44,765

- How are your swimming

lessons going, Cartman?

00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,433

Fine.

00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:47,976

I heard you won't even

get in the deep end.

00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,311

Well, you heard wrong,

hippie!

00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,896

Ladies and gentlemen,

00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,481

good citizens of Colorado,

it's my pleasure

00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:53,607

to be the first person

to wish you all

00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:55,066

a happy Fourth of July!

00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:56,651

Let's start

with our school band

00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:57,736

playing

"The Stars and Stripes."

00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:58,945

This is it.

00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,198

And a one and a two and a...

00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,829

What the is that?

00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,039

I think

it's "The Stars and Stripes."

00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,415

Oh, hell, light the snake.

00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,009

Ooh...

00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:24,095

Aah...

00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,726

All right, Ned,

now, we're coming up

00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,478

to the American border--

they can't know

00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:32,854

that we have fireworks

in the trunk.

00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,981

Just let me do the talking.

00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:39,820

I guess that goes

without saying, doesn't it?

00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,282

Good evening, gentlemen.

00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:46,159

Hello there, fellow American.

00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,328

We're just anxious

to get back to our homeland.

00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:50,372

All right, I just need

to ask you a few questions.

00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,123

- Fire away,

we have nothing to hide.

00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:53,667

- Is anyone

other than the two of you

00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:55,710

traveling in this vehicle?

- No, sir.

00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,921

- Do you have any firearms

or explosives in the car?

00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:00,006

- Yeah.

I mean, no, no!

00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,342

- Open your trunk please, sir.

00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,802

- Damn! Damn!

00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:05,178

I always get

that question wrong.

00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:13,311

- My God, it's beautiful...

it never fails to amaze me

00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:15,272

how I manage

to overcome adversity.

00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:20,360

Say, Charlie,

when does that thing die out?

00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,946

Die out?

- Yes, you know, expire, end.

00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,618

Hello?

I'm asking you when it stops!

00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:32,831

Uh, I'm not sure,

I-I never made one this big.

00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:34,666

I guess we didn't quite

think this through, did we?

00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,459

What?

00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:37,878

Dude, that thing is huge!

00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:39,546

Yeah, they need

to shut it off.

00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,089

Hey, you guys are

screwing up the song!

00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,924

Somebody stop it!

00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,968

It's out of control!

00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:50,515

Kenny, watch out!

00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:57,439

Oh, my God!

They killed Kenny!

00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,024

You bastards!

00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:02,193

Oh, my God.

00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:04,154

You tell me how much longer

this thing is gonna last!

00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:05,947

Uh, let's see, a normal size

snake lasts three minutes.

00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,199

This is...

00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:11,202

So when does it run out?

- November, of next year.

00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,203

Oh, hell.

00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,511

Well, we're coming up

on nine hours,

00:15:28,637 --> 00:15:29,721

and the giant snake

of South Park

00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:31,765

shows no signs of stopping.

00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,975

Residents have tried

everything from fire hoses

00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,019

to yelling at it

to make the snake stop,

00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,646

but nothing seems to work.

00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,189

Thanks, Creamy...

police are advising

00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:40,774

all citizens to stay indoors,

00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,192

not breathe the ash and air,

00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,985

and not ever light

any giant snakes

00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,779

in the near future.

00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:49,574

Man, this sucks.

- What should we do, dude?

00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,242

That big snake keeps growing.

00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,702

It's gonna demolish

the whole state soon.

00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:54,120

We should do

what we always do.

00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,664

Ask Chef for help.

- Where is Chef?

00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:03,630

♪ Baby, you know

you're the girl for me ♪

00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:09,928

♪ And all that I want

to be is... ♪

00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:12,305

♪ You and me ♪

00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,432

♪ And her, simultaneous ♪

00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,393

♪ You and me ♪

00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:17,769

♪ And you and you ♪

00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,230

♪ Simultaneous loving, baby ♪

00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,023

♪ Two or three ♪

00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,650

♪ Simultaneous ♪

00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,819

Ooh, that's right.

00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,445

Hello?

What?

00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,239

Oh, hello, children!

00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:30,573

It's a what?

00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:32,242

A giant snake?

00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:33,952

Killing everybody?

00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:35,495

Growing bigger?

00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:38,039

Children, you know

I rarely say this,

00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:41,376

but, well... futch ya.

00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:42,460

♪ Simultaneous ♪

00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,254

♪ You and me ♪

00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:45,755

♪ And you and you ♪

00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,133

♪ Simultaneous loving, baby ♪

00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,760

♪ Two or three ♪

00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,512

What'd he say?

00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,847

Dude, I think he told us

to go ourselves.

00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:55,181

Wow!

- How's that gonna help?

00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,017

All over America,

00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:58,935

the effects

of the giant ash snake

00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,854

of South Park can be seen.

00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,067

Yea, let the spirit

of Heavenly Father

00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,403

be blessed upon you.

00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,489

From this day on,

all will be well.

00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:14,451

I already feel like

things are getting better.

00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,414

And I can't sleep or think.

00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,833

Where would he have gone?

Why would he leave?

00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,877

Well, let me ask you this:

why...

00:17:24,002 --> 00:17:27,338

wh-where do you think...

Mr. Hat went?

00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,882

How the

should I know?

00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,258

If I knew that,

I wouldn't be seeing

00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,968

a psychiatrist,

would I?

00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:34,012

Well, I guess I see

what you're saying, yeah.

00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:36,097

At first I was sure

one of the children took him,

00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,599

but then I remembered

that Mr. Hat and I

00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,100

actually had a fight

that morning.

00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,728

Um...

00:17:41,853 --> 00:17:43,354

Are you gay?

- What?!

00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,732

It's-it's just--

it's just a question.

00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:47,525

Are you propositioning me?

- No.

00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:50,445

Well, I can tell you

that I'm 100% not gay.

00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,529

Well, I believe you.

00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,323

I absolutely believe you.

00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:56,284

Mr. Hat, on the other hand.

- Mr. Hat was gay?

00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,120

Sometimes he fantasizes

about same sex relations.

00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,580

I see.

00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:01,915

Sometimes Mr. Hat

liked to pretend

00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,541

he was in a sauna

with Brett Favre

00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:05,376

and a bottle

of Thousand Island dressing.

00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,921

That I did not need to know.

- Well, I'm just saying.

00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:09,923

- Mr. Garrison,

I think that Mr. Hat was

00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:12,675

actually your gay side

trying to come out.

00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,552

You see, it's you that's gay,

00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:17,347

but-but you're in denial,

so you act out

00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:20,308

your gay persona

with a homosexual puppet.

00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,479

What do you think about that?

00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,981

I think you're the loony one

in this room.

00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:32,278

Serves you right,

you gay-bashing homo.

00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:37,408

Well, Ned, looks like

we missed Fourth of July again.

00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:39,369

Mm... yup.

00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,788

Damn it, those poor kids

must have been so disappointed

00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:44,332

to have nothing but them

stupid wussy snakes to light.

00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,668

- Mm, well,

better luck next year.

00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:47,794

- Yeah, you're right.

00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,379

Okay, let's try again.

00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,172

Mm, is anyone

other than the two of you

00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,841

traveling in this vehicle?

00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,342

No.

00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,426

Mm, do you have any firearms

00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,804

or explosives in the car?

00:18:57,929 --> 00:18:59,514

Yes?

00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,182

Damn it, I got it wrong again!

00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,475

What's the answer again?

00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:05,812

Holy smokes!

00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:07,188

What the hell is that?

00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,940

Mm, it looks like my ex-wife.

00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,191

Quick, Ned,

this is our chance.

00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:11,526

The Hummer's outside.

00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,995

Hi, I haven't seen

you in here before.

00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,416

As more and more cities

are affected by the growing ash

00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,626

and the death toll rises

to 3,000,

00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:30,211

people from all over

the country are looking

00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,422

to the mayor of South Park

for answers.

00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:34,007

And it appears as if the mayor

00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:35,925

is going to explain

matters now.

00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,218

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:38,636

the mayor of South Park regrets

00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,638

that she cannot

be here herself,

00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:42,432

but she is... sick.

00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:45,226

Sick? What kind of

lame excuse is that?

00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,603

You gotta be kidding me!

00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,021

Aw, this is ridiculous!

00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:50,023

Come on, we want answers!

00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,734

Sh-she's having her period.

00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,360

Oh.

00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,653

- We do, however,

have an official statement

00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,238

for all the concerned cities

00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,032

about the matter

with the giant snake

00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:01,451

that we can't seem to put out.

00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:03,870

"We're sorry.

Our bad."

00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:05,455

Thank you, that is all.

00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:13,046

Okay.

00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:15,048

No first graders around.

00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:17,258

I can swim to the deep end.

00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:21,137

I can do it.

I can do it.

00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:23,473

I can--

I'm gonna make it.

00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:29,687

How many days left in summer?

- A lot, I think.

00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,522

Damn it,

I just want it to snow again.

00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:33,149

I don't think

it matters, dude.

00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:35,318

This giant snake

is gonna kill everyone soon.

00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,862

Buenos gracias, boys.

- Hi, Uncle Jimbo.

00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,781

Aw, now, why the long faces?

00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,741

We're bored.

- There's nothing to do.

00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:43,493

Well, I don't think

those are problems

00:20:43,618 --> 00:20:46,162

that some Tijuana

bottle rockets can't solve.

00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,997

Hooray!

00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:49,999

Careful with those, now,

those are dangerous.

00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,296

Point 'em away

from your eyes, now.

00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:56,881

Wow, these are huge.

00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:58,508

Aw, look at 'em, Ned.

00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:00,301

Look how much happiness

00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,388

a little firepower can bring

to a child.

00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,603

Hey, look,

we blew up the snake!

00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:13,815

All the ash from the snake

is putting the flame out.

00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,525

Well, how do you like that?

00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,902

Bottle rockets saved

the Fourth of July.

00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,153

Hooray!

00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:23,074

I'm gonna make it.

00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:24,951

I'm gonna make it

to the deep end.

00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:26,953

I did it!

I did it!

00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:28,746

I made it to the deep end!

00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:30,540

Hooray for me!

00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:31,749

The snake's been destroyed!

00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:33,501

The pool's open!

00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,503

Huh?

00:21:37,755 --> 00:21:41,551

No, no! You sons of bitches!

00:21:41,676 --> 00:21:44,637

Sons of bitches!

00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:47,307

- Look, they put out the snake!

- Yay!

00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:51,561

Yes! Apparently my plan

to blow up the snake

00:21:51,686 --> 00:21:53,313

worked perfectly.

00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:55,857

Hey, look, it's snowing!

00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:58,401

- Well, it's snowing black ash,

but what the hell?

00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,201

Winter's back!

- Wow, it's a black blizzard.

00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,120

Mr. Garrison,

where's Mr. Hat?

00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:10,788

Oh, I'm through with Mr. Hat.

00:22:10,913 --> 00:22:12,248

He's a two-timing whore.

00:22:12,373 --> 00:22:13,916

From now on, children,

00:22:14,042 --> 00:22:16,169

you're all gonna be learning

from Mr. Twig.

00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:18,004

That's right, children.

00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:19,881

I'll see you in the fall.

- Oh, I can hardly wait.

00:22:24,927 --> 00:22:27,388

- Hey, children, everybody,

I'm back!

00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:28,973

I'm back from Aruba!

00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,391

What the...

00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:33,811

- Hey, Chef.

- How's it going?

00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:37,398

- Howdy, Chef,

how was your summer vacation?

00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:43,780

- Okay, everybody get in a line

so I can whup all your asses.

00:22:43,905 --> 00:22:46,824

♪ You and me and her ♪

00:22:46,949 --> 00:22:48,117

♪ Simultaneous ♪

00:22:48,242 --> 00:22:50,036

♪ You and me ♪

00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:51,579

♪ And you and you ♪

00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:54,207

♪ Simultaneous loving, baby ♪

00:22:54,332 --> 00:22:55,833

♪ Two or three ♪

00:22:55,958 --> 00:22:57,460

♪ Simultaneous ♪

00:22:57,585 --> 00:22:59,045

♪ Ooh, that's right ♪

00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:00,421

♪ Get down ♪

00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:01,714

♪ Simultaneous ♪

00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:05,756

And look, Trey, our bacon

is cooked just right--

00:00:05,881 --> 00:00:07,800

not too soggy, not too crisp.

00:00:07,925 --> 00:00:09,927

Well, I've got the bread and

French dressing all prepared.

00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:12,388

So we remove the bacon...

00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,140

like so.

00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:17,727

Then we cover sparingly

with French dressing...

00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,563

put on the other slice

of bread...

00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:23,107

and garnish.

00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:24,900

Doesn't that look great?

00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:28,070

[cheers and applause]

00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,281

Mmm. Mmm!

00:00:30,406 --> 00:00:31,699

Hey, let's give some

to Macon.

00:00:31,824 --> 00:00:33,325

Mm-hmm.

00:00:33,451 --> 00:00:35,453

Macon likes his

with extra bacon.

00:00:35,578 --> 00:00:37,580

Here you go, buddy.

Yeah!

00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:41,000

Wow. Macon's really taken to

the bacon if I'm not mistaken.

00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:43,252

[laughter]

00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,254

[Macon grunting]

00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:46,922

Well, now it's time to watch

our favorite episode

00:00:47,048 --> 00:00:48,883

of "South Park"--

it's called "Summer Sucks."

00:00:49,008 --> 00:00:51,510

That's right, it's all about

that one week in the year

00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:53,721

when summer actually comes

to South Park

00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:55,347

and all the snow melts.

00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:57,183

This episode has a special

guest appearance

00:00:57,308 --> 00:01:00,102

by Jonathan Katz of "Dr. Katz,

Professional Therapist."

00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:03,522

Well, sit back, relax,

and enjoy "Summer Sucks."

00:01:03,647 --> 00:01:04,732

[cheers and applause]

00:01:04,857 --> 00:01:06,317

[upbeat piano music]

00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:16,327

[twangy music]

00:01:16,452 --> 00:01:17,912

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:19,622

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:21,332

all: ♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:01:21,457 --> 00:01:23,250

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:01:23,375 --> 00:01:24,710

- ♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,378

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:01:26,504 --> 00:01:28,089

- ♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:01:28,214 --> 00:01:29,882

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,383

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:01:31,509 --> 00:01:32,676

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:36,472

[singing indistinctly]

00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:37,973

- ♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:40,434

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:41,852

♪♪

00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:43,521

Okay, children,

00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:45,356

I know that today is

the last day of school

00:01:45,481 --> 00:01:47,942

and that the last day

of school involves pranks,

00:01:48,067 --> 00:01:49,568

but this is going too far.

00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,904

Now, what have you done

with Mr. Hat?

00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:55,783

Children, I want Mr. Hat

back right now!

00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:57,201

The prank is over!

00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,997

You think I can't get along

without Mr. Hat, don't you?

00:02:02,123 --> 00:02:03,457

You think I can't

live without him.

00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:04,750

Well, I can.

He's just a puppet.

00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:05,960

I don't need him.

00:02:06,085 --> 00:02:08,504

You see, watch.

00:02:10,673 --> 00:02:13,551

[tense music builds]

00:02:13,676 --> 00:02:15,594

♪♪

00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:17,805

God damn it, where the [bleep]

did you put Mr. Hat?

00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:19,098

[bell ringing]

00:02:19,223 --> 00:02:20,808

Oh, no, you don't.

00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:22,393

The school year's over,

00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:23,644

but summer vacation

doesn't start

00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,146

for you little bastards

00:02:25,271 --> 00:02:27,064

until Mr. Hat is back

on my desk.

00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:28,816

[children groan]

Now, I'm gonna turn around,

00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,609

and when I turn back,

I expect to see

00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:32,778

Mr. Hat lying right here.

00:02:32,903 --> 00:02:34,196

Okay.

00:02:34,321 --> 00:02:36,657

I'm gonna turn around now.

00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,369

Shit!

- Where did everybody go?

00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:43,372

Hooray!

- Summer!

00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,499

[jazzy piano music]

00:02:45,624 --> 00:02:47,793

Oh, golly, Kevin, honey!

00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:49,837

- Good to see you again, son.

00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:53,424

♪♪

00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,426

- Looks like winter's

right around the corner.

00:02:55,551 --> 00:02:57,094

Better get some firewood ready.

00:02:57,219 --> 00:02:59,471

♪♪

00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:02,266

[chainsaw buzzing]

00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:04,351

Oh, happy summer, gentlemen.

- Shut up, Pip.

00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,896

Righto. Enjoy some of

the summer for me, would you?

00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:08,856

What do you mean?

- Well, I have to spend

00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:10,441

my summer in summer school

because I can't be left alone.

00:03:10,566 --> 00:03:12,902

You see, my parents are dead.

00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:14,028

Your parents are dead?

00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:15,529

Goddamn, you suck, Pip.

00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,364

[laughter]

00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:19,533

♪♪

00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:21,035

Oh, yeah, dude.

It's summer.

00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,786

That means we gotta

buy fireworks.

00:03:22,912 --> 00:03:24,997

I saved up enough money

to buy M-80s this year.

00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,665

I saw this movie once

where this guy stuck

00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:28,584

a firecracker up a cat's butt.

00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,294

Cool, maybe we can do that

to Cartman's cat.

00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,880

Hey! If you so much

as touch Kitty's ass,

00:03:33,005 --> 00:03:34,882

I'll put firecrackers

in your nut sack

00:03:35,007 --> 00:03:36,759

and blow your balls

all over your pants.

00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:40,429

Jesus, Cartman.

- [mumbling defensively]

00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,805

♪♪

00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:43,891

- Hi, fellas.

all: Hi, Stu.

00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:45,684

What can I do for you?

- We want to buy M-80s.

00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:47,311

The kind that fit

in Cartman's cat's ass.

00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,063

Okay, that's it!

00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:52,358

Screw you guys, I'm going home.

- What a baby.

00:03:52,483 --> 00:03:53,943

So we'll have

ten M-80s please.

00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,402

I'm sorry, fellas.

00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:57,071

Haven't you heard?

- Heard what?

00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,364

All fireworks have been

banned in Colorado.

00:03:58,489 --> 00:03:59,907

What do you mean?

00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:01,659

It was in the paper

this morning.

00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:03,410

Dude, just 'cause

some stupid North Park kid

00:04:03,535 --> 00:04:04,912

blew his hands off,

we don't get to buy M-80s?

00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:06,705

Right.

- How can they do this to us?

00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,791

Doesn't anyone believe

in tradition anymore?

00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,502

Yeah, we've been playing with

firecrackers our whole lives.

00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:14,630

[music box playing]

00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:17,716

Killed Kenny.

00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,593

- Oo bastards.

00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,513

A summer without fireworks

is like...

00:04:22,638 --> 00:04:24,723

I don't know,

but it's like it sucks ass.

00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:27,309

Yeah, now what are

we supposed to do?

00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,645

I can still sell snakes.

00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,524

[all groan]

00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:35,526

This is absurd,

we need fireworks

00:04:35,651 --> 00:04:38,028

for our Fourth of July

celebration at the lake.

00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:40,322

I don't care that some twerp

blew his hands off.

00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:43,117

We've got to have fireworks

for our picnic!

00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:44,743

Hold on, I've got another call.

00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,121

Hello? No, I don't know

where Mr. Hat is.

00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:49,331

Jesus, Garrison,

I've got bigger problems.

00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,125

Hello, yes...

now, what am I supposed to do

00:04:51,250 --> 00:04:52,960

about our Fourth of July show

at the lake?

00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:55,129

No, I don't want snakes.

00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:56,547

This is an outrage.

00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:57,756

Get me the mayor!

00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:59,341

I know that, smartass.

00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,093

I was being ironic.

00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:02,970

I'm sorry, Mayor,

but I couldn't find

00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:04,555

the little man in the boat.

00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:06,098

Well, keep looking.

00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:07,850

This is ridiculous.

00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:10,144

We can't have a celebration

without fireworks.

00:05:10,269 --> 00:05:12,688

Whoever heard of a Fourth

of July picnic with snakes?

00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,273

I like snakes.

00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:16,442

You light 'em,

and they grow and grow.

00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:19,695

Wait a minute, that's it!

I've got it!

00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,573

This Fourth of July,

South Park will make history

00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:25,200

by having the largest snake

in the world!

00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:26,994

The press will love it.

00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:28,579

I'll be on the front p--

ooh...

00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:30,164

Oh, I found him.

00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:34,335

Man, it's hot out here.

00:05:34,460 --> 00:05:35,627

What do you guys want to do?

00:05:35,753 --> 00:05:37,254

We have the whole summer

to play.

00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:38,839

Dude, what are we

supposed to do?

00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:40,382

We always just played

with fireworks.

00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,593

I know, let's go sledding.

- Yeah.

00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:44,386

Come on, Cartman, get on.

- Stan?

00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:46,055

Let's go, dude, we're ready.

00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,097

What the hell

you waiting for, Cartman?

00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,557

- Guys, don't you notice

00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,142

anything wrong

with this picture?

00:05:50,267 --> 00:05:51,477

Yeah, your fat ass

isn't on the sled.

00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:53,020

Ugh. Whatever.

00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,483

What the hell's going on?

00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,526

Hey, there, boys.

- Hi, Uncle Jimbo.

00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,737

How come you're not blowing

things up, it's summer!

00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,364

Didn't you hear?

They outlawed fireworks

00:06:03,489 --> 00:06:04,656

'cause a little boy

blew off his hands.

00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,116

What?!

- Yeah, they're not even

00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:07,618

having 'em

at the lake this year.

00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:09,036

Oh, my God.

Well, don't worry, boys.

00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:11,622

Uncle Jimbo is on the case.

00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:12,873

Buckle your seatbelt, Ned.

00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,416

- Mm, where are we going?

00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:15,959

Mexico, my amigo.

00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:17,795

Mm, why are we going

to Mexico?

00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,380

To buy fireworks.

00:06:19,505 --> 00:06:21,340

Just 'cause some kid

blew off his hands

00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:22,966

doesn't mean the rest of us

have to suffer, now does it?

00:06:23,092 --> 00:06:25,260

Are fireworks legal

in Mexico?

00:06:25,386 --> 00:06:27,054

Hell, everything's

legal in Mexico.

00:06:27,179 --> 00:06:28,430

It's the American way.

00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:31,934

At the Dyno-Might

Firework Company,

00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,061

we have a commitment

to excellence.

00:06:34,186 --> 00:06:35,979

Our focus is on safety,

while the--

00:06:36,105 --> 00:06:37,689

Just cut to the chase

and tell us about the snake!

00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:38,857

Oh, okay.

00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:44,655

Now, the disk that we're making

is approximately

00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:47,282

5,000 times bigger

than the average snake.

00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:49,201

Ooh!

00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:50,828

We'll have to fly it in

with three Comanche helicopters

00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:52,538

and lower it onto the ground

at the lake.

00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:54,081

"Comanche helicopters"...

00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,083

Then we'll need

57 flamethrowers

00:06:56,208 --> 00:06:57,876

all set up around

the perimeter of the disk

00:06:58,001 --> 00:07:00,170

that are all triggered to fire

at the same time.

00:07:00,295 --> 00:07:02,714

- "Flamethrowers,

triggered at the same time."

00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,467

Once lit,

the snake will grow.

00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,886

And good times

will be had by all.

00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:09,680

Wonderful.

- Spectacular.

00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:11,515

Well, you see,

fireworks at the lake

00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,308

will not only go on

but perhaps be the best ever.

00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:14,893

Wait a minute,

we're gonna need an orchestra

00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,645

to play

"The Stars and Stripes."

00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,730

Hey, how about the elementary

school orchestra?

00:07:18,856 --> 00:07:20,190

They did a great version

of "Mary Had a Little Lamb"

00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:21,942

at their last concert.

00:07:22,067 --> 00:07:23,777

Yes, get the school principal

on the phone,

00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,487

and we need somebody

to dress up like Uncle Remus.

00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:27,030

Mayor, I think

you mean Uncle Sam.

00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:29,324

- Of course I do,

you [bleep] asshole!

00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:32,119

♪♪

00:07:32,244 --> 00:07:33,996

♪ Dusty the dirt ball ♪

00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,956

Why does everything

have to suck so bad in summer?

00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,458

Hey, look, it's Mr. Garrison.

00:07:37,583 --> 00:07:38,542

- Hello, children.

00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,461

How is your summer going?

00:07:40,586 --> 00:07:42,296

Summer sucks ass,

Mr. Garrison.

00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:43,630

- Hey, have you found

Mr. Hat yet?

00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,132

Oh, oh, that old thing?

00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,509

I almost forgot he was gone.

00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,052

I don't need Mr. Hat.

00:07:49,178 --> 00:07:50,679

That's good.

00:07:52,264 --> 00:07:53,932

Mr. Hat is just a puppet.

00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,684

Yup.

00:07:57,853 --> 00:07:59,855

Mr. Hat isn't real.

- Right.

00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,359

Hey, you guys,

my mom signed me up

00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:05,486

for swimming lessons

at the community pool.

00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:07,029

You want to come?

00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:08,739

all: [laughing]

Swimming lessons?

00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:10,032

Dude, that is the lamest thing

I've ever heard.

00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,825

It is not!

- Everyone knows

00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,327

that the first graders pee

in the community pool.

00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:14,495

Yeah, Cartman,

you're swimming around

00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:15,913

in first grader pee.

00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:16,914

I'm not swimming around

in pee!

00:08:17,039 --> 00:08:18,499

Whatever, dude.

00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,000

- My mom says if I take

swimming lessons,

00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:21,335

I can be in

the Olympics someday.

00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:23,170

- Yeah, the Fat-Ass Olympics.

00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,630

- I am trying to make

the best of a bad situation!

00:08:24,755 --> 00:08:26,340

I don't need to hear crap

00:08:26,465 --> 00:08:27,799

from a bunch of hippie freaks

living in denial!

00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:30,928

Screw you guys, I'm going home.

00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:32,221

But, Cartman,

we're trying--

00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:34,598

No, screw you guys, home.

00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,683

What does he mean,

living in denial?

00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,186

Dude, it's Cartman, he's just

being a dumb-ass like always.

00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,437

- There, how does that look?

00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:41,939

Like a big hunk of dirt

00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:42,940

with a carrot

sticking out of it.

00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:44,816

Ah, crap.

00:08:47,736 --> 00:08:50,113

[blows whistle] Okay, kids,

everyone in the pool.

00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,283

Come on, Eric,

we're gonna start now.

00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:54,993

Nuh-uh!

- Just jump in.

00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:56,328

I don't wanna.

00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:57,329

It's not gonna hurt you, hon.

00:08:57,454 --> 00:08:58,622

Just do it.

00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:03,544

There you go.

00:09:03,669 --> 00:09:04,795

Now, just let the first graders

swim by you,

00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:05,921

and then head towards us.

00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,507

- Huh, first graders?

00:09:09,841 --> 00:09:11,885

Aw, weak! Weak!

00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,303

Ah, you sons of bitches!

00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,975

♪♪

00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:20,852

- Where the hell is

our firework?

00:09:20,978 --> 00:09:22,312

We only have 24 hours.

00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:23,564

I'm sure it'll be here

any second.

00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:25,566

Shut up!

- Copy that.

00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:28,235

- Okay, children,

I'm sure we're a little rusty.

00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:29,945

Where's Eric Cartman?

00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,446

He's taking swimming lessons.

- Oh, dear.

00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:32,906

How are we supposed

to sound good

00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:34,700

without our

French horn section?

00:09:34,825 --> 00:09:35,826

Well, let's try

some scales first.

00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,536

C scale first. And...

00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:41,206

[discordant music plays]

00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,208

♪♪

00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,835

Okay, that was pretty good.

00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,920

Let's play Mozart's

"Symphony No. 5."

00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:50,132

[atonal music plays]

00:09:50,257 --> 00:09:52,050

Oh, we're doomed...

our Fourth of July celebration

00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,844

is going to have no fireworks

and a bunch of tone-deaf

00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:56,221

little [bleep] playing--

wait a minute.

00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,306

It's the snake!

00:09:57,431 --> 00:09:59,600

[triumphant music]

00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,643

[blades whirring]

00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,437

Let's move along, people.

00:10:03,562 --> 00:10:06,398

If you've seen one

giant snake thingy firework,

00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:07,983

you've seen 'em all.

00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,693

- Call everybody.

The show's back on.

00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,111

Come on, we've only

got one day to prepare!

00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,780

♪♪

00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:15,866

Buenos días, mi amigo.

00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:18,452

Yo soy

una Americana spectacular.

00:10:18,577 --> 00:10:20,287

- Que?

00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:22,748

Yo necesito

el fireworko spectacularrr.

00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:24,499

[speaking Spanish]

00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:27,294

No moleste

el gato spectacularrr.

00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,255

Would you look at that, Ned?

00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,299

That's a Tijuana bottle rocket.

00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:33,884

These babies have enough power

to blast a fire hole

00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:35,135

right through the ozone.

00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:36,887

They're spectacularrr.

00:10:37,012 --> 00:10:39,097

Ned, it's our job

to get these to children

00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:41,308

all over America

for the Fourth of July.

00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:43,602

We'll be like Santa Claus

on Christmas morning.

00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:44,603

Bueno.

00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,396

♪♪

00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,691

[phone ringing]

00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:52,486

Hello?

- Hello, is Mr. Hat there?

00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:55,113

Is this some kind of joke?

- [laughing] Yes.

00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:56,323

You go to hell!

00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:57,699

You go to hell and you die!

00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,701

I'm gonna find out who you are.

00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:01,620

I don't think you can,

mm-kay?

00:11:01,745 --> 00:11:03,038

God damn it!

00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,792

So, Lamb Chop, what would

you like to do today?

00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:08,835

Well, I'd like

to sing you a song.

00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,089

Hey, let's sing one together.

00:11:12,214 --> 00:11:14,925

♪ As long as we're together

we can do anything ♪

00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:17,636

♪ We can take on

the whole darn world ♪

00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,930

♪ We're happy as clams

with plenty of pearls ♪

00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:22,432

♪ Through thick and thin,

we've always been together ♪

00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:25,602

[screaming]

00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,562

♪♪

00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,189

No, Lamb Chop, no!

00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,316

Sherry, help me!

00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,361

It burns! It burns!

00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:40,450

Eric, you have to get in

the deep end sooner or later.

00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:43,412

Later's fine.

- Just do your sidestroke.

00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,330

I only know how

to do it doggy style.

00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:46,832

That's doggy paddle, Eric.

00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:47,999

Now, come over here.

00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,334

Can I do it doggy style?

00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,460

Okay.

00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,965

That's it, that's it,

you can do it!

00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:57,759

Ah, damn it!

00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,469

Ah, not again!

00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:02,097

Come on, Eric.

- No way! Sons of bitches!

00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,557

I'm going home.

00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,183

The Fourth of July

is finally here,

00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,185

and with the statewide ban

on fireworks,

00:12:07,310 --> 00:12:09,563

people from all over Colorado

are flocking to South Park.

00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:11,356

Here with a special report

00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,233

is a normal-looking guy

with a funny name.

00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:14,818

Thanks, Tom,

it looks like the firework ban

00:12:14,943 --> 00:12:16,319

won't be putting a damper

00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:17,821

on one town's

festivities tonight.

00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,656

I'm here at Stark's Pond

in South Park

00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,199

where the crowd of residents

and scores of tourists

00:12:21,324 --> 00:12:22,784

anxiously await the lighting

00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,287

of the largest snake

in human history.

00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,497

Now, as most of you

will probably remember,

00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:29,624

snakes are these little

round disks that you light

00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:32,210

and they spew out

a little snake of black ash.

00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:35,422

Well, the South Park snake

is over half a mile in diameter

00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:37,215

and 20 stories high.

00:12:37,340 --> 00:12:39,009

I'm told that this event

won't begin

00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:41,595

until the sun goes down

and night is upon us.

00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,764

All righty, then,

looks like we're ready.

00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:44,765

- How are your swimming

lessons going, Cartman?

00:12:44,890 --> 00:12:46,433

Fine.

00:12:46,558 --> 00:12:47,976

I heard you won't even

get in the deep end.

00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,311

Well, you heard wrong,

hippie!

00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,896

Ladies and gentlemen,

00:12:51,021 --> 00:12:52,481

good citizens of Colorado,

it's my pleasure

00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:53,607

to be the first person

to wish you all

00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:55,066

a happy Fourth of July!

00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:56,651

Let's start

with our school band

00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:57,736

playing

"The Stars and Stripes."

00:12:57,861 --> 00:12:58,945

This is it.

00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,198

And a one and a two and a...

00:13:01,323 --> 00:13:04,409

[discordant music plays]

00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,286

[all groaning]

00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,829

What the [bleep] is that?

00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,039

I think

it's "The Stars and Stripes."

00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,415

Oh, hell, light the snake.

00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:13,543

[cheers and applause]

00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,547

[triumphant music]

00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:19,174

♪♪

00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,009

all: Ooh...

00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,302

♪♪

00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:24,095

Aah...

00:13:24,221 --> 00:13:26,306

♪♪

00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:28,183

[flamenco music]

00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,726

All right, Ned,

now, we're coming up

00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,478

to the American border--

they can't know

00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:32,854

that we have fireworks

in the trunk.

00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,981

Just let me do the talking.

00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:38,109

[laughs]

00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:39,820

I guess that goes

without saying, doesn't it?

00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:41,154

[laughs]

00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,282

Good evening, gentlemen.

00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:46,159

Hello there, fellow American.

00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:48,328

We're just anxious

to get back to our homeland.

00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:50,372

All right, I just need

to ask you a few questions.

00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,123

- Fire away,

we have nothing to hide.

00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:53,667

- Is anyone

other than the two of you

00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:55,710

traveling in this vehicle?

- No, sir.

00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:57,921

- Do you have any firearms

or explosives in the car?

00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:00,006

- Yeah.

I mean, no, no!

00:14:00,131 --> 00:14:02,342

- Open your trunk please, sir.

00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:03,802

- Damn! Damn!

00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:05,178

I always get

that question wrong.

00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,471

[discordant music continues]

00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:07,556

[cheers and applause]

00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:11,142

♪♪

00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:13,311

- My God, it's beautiful...

it never fails to amaze me

00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:15,272

how I manage

to overcome adversity.

00:14:18,441 --> 00:14:20,360

Say, Charlie,

when does that thing die out?

00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,946

Die out?

- Yes, you know, expire, end.

00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,618

Hello?

I'm asking you when it stops!

00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:32,831

Uh, I'm not sure,

I-I never made one this big.

00:14:32,956 --> 00:14:34,666

I guess we didn't quite

think this through, did we?

00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,459

What?

00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:37,878

Dude, that thing is huge!

00:14:38,003 --> 00:14:39,546

Yeah, they need

to shut it off.

00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,089

Hey, you guys are

screwing up the song!

00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,924

[all gasping]

Somebody stop it!

00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,968

It's out of control!

00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,928

[all screaming]

00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:49,306

[children screaming]

00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:50,515

Kenny, watch out!

00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,059

[yells]

00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:55,854

[mumbling]

00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:57,439

Oh, my God!

They killed Kenny!

00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,024

You bastards!

00:14:59,149 --> 00:15:00,358

♪♪

00:15:00,483 --> 00:15:02,193

Oh, my God.

00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:04,154

You tell me how much longer

this thing is gonna last!

00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:05,947

Uh, let's see, a normal size

snake lasts three minutes.

00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,199

This is...

[mumbling]

00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:11,202

So when does it run out?

- November, of next year.

00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,203

Oh, hell.

00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:13,830

[all screaming]

00:15:27,135 --> 00:15:28,511

Well, we're coming up

on nine hours,

00:15:28,637 --> 00:15:29,721

and the giant snake

of South Park

00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:31,765

shows no signs of stopping.

00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,975

Residents have tried

everything from fire hoses

00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,019

to yelling at it

to make the snake stop,

00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,646

but nothing seems to work.

00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,189

Thanks, Creamy...

police are advising

00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:40,774

all citizens to stay indoors,

00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,192

not breathe the ash and air,

00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,985

and not ever light

any giant snakes

00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,779

in the near future.

00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:48,114

[woman screaming]

00:15:48,239 --> 00:15:49,574

Man, this sucks.

- What should we do, dude?

00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,242

That big snake keeps growing.

00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:52,702

It's gonna demolish

the whole state soon.

00:15:52,827 --> 00:15:54,120

We should do

what we always do.

00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,664

Ask Chef for help.

- Where is Chef?

00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:57,499

[birds singing]

00:15:57,624 --> 00:16:03,630

♪ Baby, you know

you're the girl for me ♪

00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:09,928

♪ And all that I want

to be is... ♪

00:16:10,053 --> 00:16:12,305

♪ You and me ♪

00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,432

♪ And her, simultaneous ♪

00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,393

♪ You and me ♪

00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:17,769

♪ And you and you ♪

00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,230

♪ Simultaneous loving, baby ♪

00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:22,023

♪ Two or three ♪

[laughs]

00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,650

♪ Simultaneous ♪

00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,819

Ooh, that's right.

[phone ringing]

00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,445

Hello?

What?

00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:29,239

Oh, hello, children!

00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:30,573

It's a what?

00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:32,242

A giant snake?

00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:33,952

Killing everybody?

00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:35,495

Growing bigger?

00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:38,039

Children, you know

I rarely say this,

00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:41,376

but, well... futch ya.

00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:42,460

♪ Simultaneous ♪

00:16:42,585 --> 00:16:44,254

♪ You and me ♪

00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:45,755

♪ And you and you ♪

00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,133

♪ Simultaneous loving, baby ♪

00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,760

♪ Two or three ♪

[laughs]

00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,512

What'd he say?

00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,847

Dude, I think he told us

to go [bleep] ourselves.

00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:55,181

Wow!

- How's that gonna help?

00:16:55,306 --> 00:16:57,017

All over America,

00:16:57,142 --> 00:16:58,935

the effects

of the giant ash snake

00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,854

of South Park can be seen.

00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:04,232

[melancholy piano music]

00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:06,067

Yea, let the spirit

of Heavenly Father

00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,403

be blessed upon you.

00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:11,489

From this day on,

all will be well.

00:17:11,614 --> 00:17:14,451

I already feel like

things are getting better.

00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:16,161

[all scream]

00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:19,414

And I can't sleep or think.

00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,833

Where would he have gone?

Why would he leave?

00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,877

Well, let me ask you this:

why...

00:17:24,002 --> 00:17:27,338

wh-where do you think...

Mr. Hat went?

00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,882

How the [bleep]

should I know?

00:17:29,007 --> 00:17:30,258

If I knew that,

I wouldn't be seeing

00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:31,968

a [bleep] psychiatrist,

would I?

00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:34,012

Well, I guess I see

what you're saying, yeah.

00:17:34,137 --> 00:17:36,097

At first I was sure

one of the children took him,

00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,599

but then I remembered

that Mr. Hat and I

00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,100

actually had a fight

that morning.

00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,728

Um... [clears throat]

00:17:41,853 --> 00:17:43,354

Are you gay?

- What?!

00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,732

It's-it's just--

it's just a question.

00:17:45,857 --> 00:17:47,525

Are you propositioning me?

- No.

00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:50,445

Well, I can tell you

that I'm 100% not gay.

00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,529

Well, I believe you.

00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,323

I absolutely believe you.

00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:56,284

Mr. Hat, on the other hand.

- Mr. Hat was gay?

00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,120

Sometimes he fantasizes

about same sex relations.

00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:00,580

I see.

00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:01,915

Sometimes Mr. Hat

liked to pretend

00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,541

he was in a sauna

with Brett Favre

00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:05,376

and a bottle

of Thousand Island dressing.

00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,921

That I did not need to know.

- Well, I'm just saying.

00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:09,923

- Mr. Garrison,

I think that Mr. Hat was

00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:12,675

actually your gay side

trying to come out.

00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:14,552

You see, it's you that's gay,

00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:17,347

but-but you're in denial,

so you act out

00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:20,308

your gay persona

with a homosexual puppet.

00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,479

What do you think about that?

00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:26,981

I think you're the loony one

in this room.

00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:29,818

[screaming]

00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:32,278

Serves you right,

you gay-bashing homo.

00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,697

[dramatic music]

00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:37,408

Well, Ned, looks like

we missed Fourth of July again.

00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:39,369

Mm... yup.

00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,788

Damn it, those poor kids

must have been so disappointed

00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:44,332

to have nothing but them

stupid wussy snakes to light.

00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,668

- Mm, well,

better luck next year.

00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:47,794

- Yeah, you're right.

00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,379

Okay, let's try again.

00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,172

Mm, is anyone

other than the two of you

00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,841

traveling in this vehicle?

00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:54,342

No.

00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,426

Mm, do you have any firearms

00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,804

or explosives in the car?

00:18:57,929 --> 00:18:59,514

Yes?

00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,182

Damn it, I got it wrong again!

00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:02,475

What's the answer again?

00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:05,812

Holy smokes!

00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:07,188

What the hell is that?

00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:08,940

Mm, it looks like my ex-wife.

00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:10,191

Quick, Ned,

this is our chance.

00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:11,526

The Hummer's outside.

00:19:19,951 --> 00:19:21,995

Hi, I haven't seen

you in here before.

00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:26,416

As more and more cities

are affected by the growing ash

00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,626

and the death toll rises

to 3,000,

00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:30,211

people from all over

the country are looking

00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,422

to the mayor of South Park

for answers.

00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:34,007

And it appears as if the mayor

00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:35,925

is going to explain

matters now.

00:19:36,050 --> 00:19:37,218

Uh, ladies and gentlemen,

00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:38,636

the mayor of South Park regrets

00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,638

that she cannot

be here herself,

00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:42,432

but she is... sick.

00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:45,226

Sick? What kind of

lame excuse is that?

00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:46,603

You gotta be kidding me!

00:19:46,728 --> 00:19:48,021

Aw, this is ridiculous!

00:19:48,146 --> 00:19:50,023

Come on, we want answers!

00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,734

Sh-she's having her period.

00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,360

Oh.

00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,653

- We do, however,

have an official statement

00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,238

for all the concerned cities

00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:59,032

about the matter

with the giant snake

00:19:59,157 --> 00:20:01,451

that we can't seem to put out.

00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:03,870

"We're sorry.

Our bad."

00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:05,455

Thank you, that is all.

00:20:05,580 --> 00:20:07,624

[crowd murmuring]

00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:13,046

Okay.

00:20:13,171 --> 00:20:15,048

No first graders around.

00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:17,258

I can swim to the deep end.

00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:18,885

♪♪

00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:21,137

I can do it.

I can do it.

00:20:21,262 --> 00:20:23,473

I can--

I'm gonna make it.

00:20:23,598 --> 00:20:27,810

♪♪

00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:29,687

How many days left in summer?

- A lot, I think.

00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,522

Damn it,

I just want it to snow again.

00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:33,149

I don't think

it matters, dude.

00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:35,318

This giant snake

is gonna kill everyone soon.

00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:37,862

Buenos gracias, boys.

- Hi, Uncle Jimbo.

00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,781

Aw, now, why the long faces?

00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,741

We're bored.

- There's nothing to do.

00:20:41,866 --> 00:20:43,493

Well, I don't think

those are problems

00:20:43,618 --> 00:20:46,162

that some Tijuana

bottle rockets can't solve.

00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,997

both: Hooray!

00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:49,999

Careful with those, now,

those are dangerous.

00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:53,670

♪♪

00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,296

Point 'em away

from your eyes, now.

00:20:55,421 --> 00:20:56,881

Wow, these are huge.

00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:58,508

Aw, look at 'em, Ned.

00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:00,301

Look how much happiness

00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,388

a little firepower can bring

to a child.

00:21:03,513 --> 00:21:06,140

[fireworks whistling]

00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:07,725

[dramatic music]

00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:10,603

Hey, look,

we blew up the snake!

00:21:10,728 --> 00:21:13,815

All the ash from the snake

is putting the flame out.

00:21:13,940 --> 00:21:15,525

Well, how do you like that?

00:21:15,650 --> 00:21:17,902

Bottle rockets saved

the Fourth of July.

00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,153

both: Hooray!

00:21:20,822 --> 00:21:21,739

♪♪

00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:23,074

I'm gonna make it.

00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:24,951

I'm gonna make it

to the deep end.

00:21:25,076 --> 00:21:26,953

I did it!

I did it!

00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:28,746

I made it to the deep end!

00:21:28,871 --> 00:21:30,540

Hooray for me!

00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:31,749

The snake's been destroyed!

00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:33,501

The pool's open!

00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:35,503

Huh?

- [blows whistle]

00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:37,630

[children shouting playfully]

00:21:37,755 --> 00:21:41,551

No, no! You sons of bitches!

00:21:41,676 --> 00:21:44,637

Sons of bitches!

00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:47,307

Look, they put out the snake!

all: Yay!

00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:51,561

Yes! Apparently my plan

to blow up the snake

00:21:51,686 --> 00:21:53,313

worked perfectly.

00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:55,857

Hey, look, it's snowing!

00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:58,401

- Well, it's snowing black ash,

but what the hell?

00:21:58,526 --> 00:21:59,694

[children laughing]

00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:04,115

♪♪

00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,201

Winter's back!

- Wow, it's a black blizzard.

00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,120

Mr. Garrison,

where's Mr. Hat?

00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:10,788

Oh, I'm through with Mr. Hat.

00:22:10,913 --> 00:22:12,248

He's a two-timing whore.

00:22:12,373 --> 00:22:13,916

From now on, children,

00:22:14,042 --> 00:22:16,169

you're all gonna be learning

from Mr. Twig.

00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:18,004

That's right, children.

00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:19,881

I'll see you in the fall.

- Oh, I can hardly wait.

00:22:24,927 --> 00:22:27,388

- Hey, children, everybody,

I'm back!

00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:28,973

I'm back from Aruba!

00:22:29,098 --> 00:22:30,391

What the...

00:22:32,018 --> 00:22:33,811

- Hey, Chef.

- How's it going?

00:22:35,188 --> 00:22:37,398

- Howdy, Chef,

how was your summer vacation?

00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:43,780

- Okay, everybody get in a line

so I can whup all your asses.

00:22:43,905 --> 00:22:46,824

♪ You and me and her ♪

00:22:46,949 --> 00:22:48,117

♪ Simultaneous ♪

00:22:48,242 --> 00:22:50,036

♪ You and me ♪

00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:51,579

♪ And you and you ♪

00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:54,207

♪ Simultaneous loving, baby ♪

00:22:54,332 --> 00:22:55,833

♪ Two or three ♪

[laughs]

00:22:55,958 --> 00:22:57,460

♪ Simultaneous ♪

00:22:57,585 --> 00:22:59,045

♪ Ooh, that's right ♪

00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:00,421

♪ Get down ♪

00:23:00,546 --> 00:23:01,714

♪ Simultaneous ♪