Город на краю вечности

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And I'm Trey Parker.

This here is Macon.

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Say hi, old fella.

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We're back to show you

the versatility and nutrition

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of one of nature's

perfect foods...

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Bacon!

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That's right,

today, we're gonna make

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French bacon sandwiches.

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How does that sound?

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Let's start by cooking

the bacon.

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Butter.

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Bacon.

Salt.

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Ooh, doesn't that smell good,

Macon?

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Well, while we're waiting

for our bacon to cook,

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let's watch our favorite

episode of "South Park."

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It's called "Flashbacks."

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It's all about the kids

getting stuck on the school bus

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and their driver, Ms. Crabtree,

falling in love.

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Flashback episodes

are what you do

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when you're near the end

of a season

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and you're fresh out

of new ideas.

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Hey, you ready for some bacon,

Macon?

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Macon loves bacon.

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Okay, you want it?

You want it? Do you want it?

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Yeah, that's a buddy.

A little more bacon.

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Little more bacon. Yeah.

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So sit back, relax,

and enjoy "Flashbacks."

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And when we return,

French bacon sandwiches.

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Mmm.

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♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

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♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

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- ♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

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♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

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♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

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Be quiet back there!

00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:48,067

These roads are slick!

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Hey, Cartman!

- What?

00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:51,821

Are you gonna share any of

that cake with the rest of us?

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Hmm, let me think... no.

- Come on, fat ass!

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You shouldn't be eating

all that cake anyway.

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Mmm. It's chocolatey

and delightful.

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Give us some, Cartman!

- Be quiet back there!

00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:03,374

Whoa dude, the road is

really snowy out there.

00:02:03,499 --> 00:02:05,084

Dude, the road

is always snowy.

00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,418

I know,

but it's really snowy today.

00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:07,962

Mmm...

00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,798

I can't possibly finish

this whole cake.

00:02:10,923 --> 00:02:11,841

Oh, yes, I can.

00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,425

Shut up, Cartman!

00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:19,181

Okay, that does it!

00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:22,935

Y'all be quiet,

or the cute little bunny dies!

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Dude, she always tries

to quiet us down

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by threatening to

kill that bunny,

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but I wonder if she ever would.

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Oh, she would, dude.

She would.

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Oh, for Christ's sake,

I don't believe this!

00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,628

Come on, fat boy,

give us some cake now.

00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:52,423

I cannot possibly

eat one more bit

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of this chocolatey goodness.

00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,719

Oh, wait, wait, I'll try.

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Damn it, Cartman,

you are such a fat!

00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:01,682

What did you say?!

00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,059

Uh-oh.

00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:06,061

Hold on!

00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:13,444

I'm scared!

- Be quiet, kids!

00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:21,660

And right up here you can see

a red-bellied chickadee.

00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,621

They're indigenous

to this area.

00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,001

What was that?

- What was what?

00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:37,384

All done.

00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:40,054

Sit down and shut up!

00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,681

I said quiet!

00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,683

Or else I kill the bunny!

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Where are we?

- I have no idea.

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I don't think we're in

a very safe spot.

00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:51,815

- Yeah, what are we

supposed to do?

00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:53,067

Just keep your traps shut.

00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:55,027

I'll consult the manual.

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Miss Crabtree?

- Shut up, kid!

00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:04,662

I have to watch

a training video!

00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:06,288

Hello, and welcome

to tape seven

00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,082

of the bus driver's

video guidebook,

00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,251

"What to Do

If You Become Stranded."

00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:11,919

By now you've calmed down

the children

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and kept order

by using the "keep quiet

00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:14,838

or I'll kill the bunny"

technique.

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Now it's time to get help.

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The most important thing

to remember

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is that the children

will be safe

00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,637

as long as they stay

on the bus.

00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,514

So do not,

under any circumstances,

00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:25,516

let any children off the bus.

00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,518

The best way to achieve this

is to tell them

00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:29,520

something like,

"A big scary monster

00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:31,438

will eat you

if you step off the bus."

00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:34,316

- Kids, do not

get off this bus!

00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,361

If you do, a big, scary

monster will eat you!

00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,154

- That's right.

With the children

00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,739

properly subdued,

you can leave the bus

00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,366

and go out looking

for assistance.

00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,742

And remember

your bus driver's code:

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"Sit down and shut up."

00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:46,537

I'm going for help!

00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,122

I'll be back as soon as I can!

00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:50,040

Remember,

don't get off this bus

00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,459

or a big, scary monster

will eat you!

00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,132

Hey, why doesn't

the scary monster eat her?

00:04:58,257 --> 00:04:59,758

'Cause, dumb-ass,

scary monsters don't eat

00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,135

big fat smelly bitches.

00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:03,137

What did you say?!

00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,931

I said Larry King will

grant me three wishes!

00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,016

Oh.

00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,600

Dude, this is not good.

00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:11,020

She could have at least

left the heat on.

00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,899

Had to happen to me, didn't it?

00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,487

♪ Looking for love

in all the wrong places ♪

00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,906

♪ Looking for love in too... ♪

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Oh, it's supper time.

00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:26,910

Come to papa.

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Oh, hello, little lady.

Going my way?

00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,915

Shut up and help me

into this thing!

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Oh, okay.

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Come on,

I haven't got all day!

00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,963

All right, sure, of course.

00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:43,969

Take me to the nearest town,

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and make it snappy,

you freak-ass crackpot!

00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:48,182

Y-yes, ma'am,

right away, ma'am.

00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,601

So, uh, what's a fragile

little doll like yourself

00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:52,561

doing out on a--

on a night like this?

00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,772

Look, mister,

I got a busload of kids

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trapped up on that pass.

00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,984

I need a crane, helicopters,

all that crap!

00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:02,237

Here, let me have

some of your aspirin!

00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:04,615

Ma'am, those are

actually roofies.

00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:05,699

Roofies, aspirin--

right now,

00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,034

I don't give a rat's ass!

00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,952

How far to the nearest town?

00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:10,829

Mm... it's a ways.

00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,625

You guys, what if

Miss Crabtree doesn't come back

00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:16,377

and we're all trapped

here forever?

00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:19,588

We couldn't get trapped

here forever, Cartman.

00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:20,881

We'd die after

a couple of days.

00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,884

Dude!

- What?

00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,636

I don't want to die

on this bus with you assholes.

00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:27,638

You guys suck!

- Will you just relax?

00:06:27,763 --> 00:06:29,056

We've been in a lot worse

situations than this

00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:30,599

and come out of it just fine.

00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:31,809

Worse than this?

- Well, sure.

00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:33,519

Don't you remember that time

00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:34,686

that the aliens kidnapped

your little brother, Ike?

00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:37,022

Now that was scary.

00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,649

How come the visitors

aren't coming for him?

00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,317

I think we have to

signal them somehow.

00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:41,860

Ow!

00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:44,238

Hey! He's like Rudolph!

- Yeah!

00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:46,073

All you have to do

is fart some more, Cartman,

00:06:46,198 --> 00:06:48,158

and the visitors

are sure to come!

00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:52,329

Really? Uh... I don't think

I have to fart anymore tonight.

00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,540

Sure you do!

- Come on Cartman, fart!

00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:56,875

I don't wanna!

- He can't hold it in forever.

00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,127

Fart, damn you!

00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,087

Okay, that does it!

00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,548

Now, listen, why is it

that everything today

00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:04,883

has involved things

either going in

00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,885

or coming out of my ass?

00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,429

Whoa. Look at that!

00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:10,264

It's completely immature!

00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:13,767

Hey, it's happening again!

00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,185

It's an ice cream truck!

00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,728

Now do you believe us, Cartman?

00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,480

You guys can't scare me.

00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:19,857

Cartman,

there's an ice cream truck

00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:20,858

sticking out of your ass!

00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,531

Hey look, the aliens

are getting ice cream!

00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:30,242

Wow! I guess

everything's gonna be okay.

00:07:31,702 --> 00:07:35,330

Now that was what I call

a sticky situation.

00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:36,748

You can say that again.

00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:38,000

- Was that how it happened?

00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,921

Stop!

Let me off, you turd!

00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,548

Hey, I want to help you.

00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:45,924

I care a lot about

that busload of, uh,

00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,259

what was it again?

00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,927

Children.

- Yeah, right.

00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:50,137

Let me come with you.

00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,894

What the hell is this crap?!

00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,520

I hate flying.

00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,981

Talk about something I hate,

it's flying.

00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,150

Say, are those roofies

kicking in yet?

00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,943

Well, I don't think so!

00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,029

Damn.

- You guys like impressions?

00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:08,655

No!

00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:09,656

Here's my impression

of Robert De Niro.

00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:10,657

"Hey, yous.

00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:11,742

"Yous guys.

00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:12,993

Shut up, yous."

00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,411

You suck!

00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:17,331

"Yous guys shut up."

00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:20,792

- Sit down and shut up!

00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:22,711

Come on, lady! I love you.

00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,087

You love me!

00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:27,633

I said sit down and shut up!

00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:34,139

Baby, you're wonderful.

You're a natural.

00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,099

You're the funniest comic

I've seen in years.

00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:38,352

Why don't you just

shut the hell up?!

00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,561

I've got to get some assistance

00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,313

to my broken-down bus!

00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:43,732

Broken-down bus!

That's great! Great angle.

00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,152

Do you see her, dude?

- Nope.

00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,154

God damn it,

how long is this gonna take?

00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,365

She's never coming back.

Don't you get it?

00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,242

She's left us here

to die like pigs.

00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,202

Calm down, dude,

you're upsetting Kenny.

00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,579

Huh?

- I can't take it anymore.

00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,831

I have to get out of here!

00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,500

No kid, you heard

what Miss Crabtree said,

00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:04,419

there's a big, black,

scary monster out there.

00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,004

Well, I'm not gonna sit here

00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,506

and wait to die

with the rest of you!

00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,174

If I make it back,

I'll send help.

00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:10,425

Don't do it, kid.

00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,811

Hmm, maybe Miss Crabtree

did make up that stuff

00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,729

about the big black monster.

00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:28,860

Holy crap, dude!

00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:41,790

Gross!

00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:47,754

Well, I guess nobody else

will be getting off the bus.

00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,386

Hello?

00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:55,596

Oh hello, Miss Cartman,

00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,264

It's Sharon, Stan's mother.

00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,391

Oh yes, Sharon, how are you?

00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,393

Miss Cartman,

is your son at home?

00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,020

Hold on, dear, let me check.

00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:07,065

Hon, I made beefy logs!

00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,443

I made cookie dings!

00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,111

No, he's not here.

00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,279

Well, now I am worried.

00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:13,655

I've tried all the houses,

00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,449

and nobody knows

where they are.

00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:16,533

Oh, dear.

00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:21,663

I'm telling you, Marty,

this woman is a natural.

00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,874

I haven't seen a funnier

person since Maury Povich.

00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:25,667

What's her angle?

- I can't even explain it.

00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,294

You have to see it.

- All right.

00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:29,254

This better be good.

00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,048

Come on in, come on in.

00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:33,467

- What the hell did you

bring me to Denver for,

00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,761

you brain-depraved

fecalphiliac?!

00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:37,763

Mr. Jonas,

this is Mrs. Crabtree.

00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,264

Pleasure to meet you.

00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:40,641

You look like

a lump of dog shit

00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,768

that just got hit by a car!

00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:44,019

What did I tell you?

00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,771

She's fantastic.

00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:47,272

How would you like to make

a million dollars, baby?

00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,441

How'd you like

to suck my ass?!

00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:50,692

- Let's get started right away.

00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,693

You gonna be all right?

00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,195

Don't touch me!

00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,571

I'm sorry,

do you need anything?

00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,573

No, I just...

- What?

00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:59,660

I can't help but feel like

I've forgotten something.

00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,666

What time is it?

00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:07,167

On Wednesday or Thursday?

00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,086

Dude, I think

it's Saturday now.

00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:11,088

What? I'm missing

the new "Fantasy Island"!

00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:12,964

Oh man, I don't think it's

very safe to be on this bus.

00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:14,633

Well, we can't go anywhere,

or else

00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:16,301

that big scary monster outside

will get us.

00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:17,594

What do you think it is?

- I don't know.

00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,179

It's a big, scary monster.

00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,597

Hey, maybe it's

that thing Skuzzlebutt!

00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,599

What?

- Don't you remember?

00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,267

That time we were up camping

with your uncle Jimbo and Ned?

00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,689

That lava's coming

right for us!

00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:30,273

Help!

00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,367

Jiminy Poke!

It's the real Skuzzlebutt!

00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:41,952

What? Skuzzlebutt's real?

00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:44,871

Oh my God!

Look at his leg!

00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:47,916

Hi, kids.

I'm TV's Brent Musburger.

00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,960

Dude, he's got

Brent Musburger for a leg!

00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,547

Quick, Ned, shoot it!

00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:55,757

Mm, oh, no, out of ammo.

00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,551

Hey, look!

00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,553

Dude, he's making ice cream!

00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,390

Skuzzlebutt kicks ass.

00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:07,018

Now that's what I call

a sticky situation.

00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:08,770

Okay, so we can agree

that the monster outside

00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,814

can't be Skuzzlebutt

'cause Skuzzlebutt's nice.

00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,191

Hey, maybe it's

our teacher, Mr. Garrison.

00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,943

- Don't be stupid, Cartman,

our teacher wouldn't be out

00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,653

lying in the forest

waiting to kill us.

00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,280

Oh, no?

00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:19,781

Don't you remember

the time he went crazy

00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,032

and tried to kill

Kathie Lee Gifford?

00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:22,784

Here she comes!

00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:32,502

Come on, you little bitch.

00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:35,005

It is with great pride

and honor

00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:39,009

that I'd like to welcome

Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford

00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,594

to South Park.

00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,348

Thank you.

00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:49,436

Mr. Garrison, stop!

- Leave us.

00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,480

We must finish

what we have begun.

00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:53,190

But Mr. Garrison!

00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:54,441

She's not really

Kathie Lee Gifford.

00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,568

She's some kind of alien.

00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,820

Thank you.

I love you all.

00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,038

See, I told you.

00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,459

Well, this is going to

put a damper on the day.

00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:15,837

Let's have ice cream, everyone!

00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,506

Beefcake!

00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,800

Now that's what I call

a sticky situation.

00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:23,261

But the monster outside

couldn't be Mr. Garrison

00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,721

'cause Mr. Garrison used a gun.

00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:25,972

Oh, yeah.

00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:27,641

Live from Burbank,

00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:29,267

it's "The Tonight Show

With Jay Leno"!

00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,269

Tonight,

Jay's special guests include

00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:33,271

Washed Up Actress

From a Sitcom

00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:36,066

and the comedy

of Mrs. Crabtree.

00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:38,443

And now here's your host,

Jay Leno!

00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:39,653

Just relax, sweetheart.

00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:40,654

You're gonna kill out there.

00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:41,988

Kill who?!

00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:43,240

That's great, use that.

00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,908

Honey, do you need anything?

00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,493

Just give me another

one of them roofies.

00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,328

Sure.

00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:51,289

O-okay, I-let's try

to calm down, mm-kay?

00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:53,708

This type of thing

happens all the time.

00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,544

What do you mean?

00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,921

How often does an entire

third grade class go missing?

00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:01,508

- Well, 99% of the time

when a child is missing

00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:04,386

it's because

they've run away, mm-kay?

00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,514

Run away?

- Oy.

00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:10,392

I knew I shouldn't have made

Kyle eat that gafagahaga.

00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,686

How do we get our

runaway children back?

00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,521

Well, we just need to make

make some posters, mm-kay?

00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,565

Hand out brochures, okay?

00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,692

That way the public can know

what the children look like

00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,944

and can call in

if they're spotted, mm-kay?

00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,529

Let's get started right away.

00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:24,447

They could be halfway

to LA by now.

00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:25,949

It's only a matter of time

00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,325

before they're

selling their bodies

00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,327

and buying smack!

00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,871

Come on, everybody!

- We gotta find those kids!

00:14:30,996 --> 00:14:32,122

If we all put

our heads together,

00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:33,540

we can find them!

00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:35,125

We can do it!

- Hi!

00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,924

What was that?

- What was what?

00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,134

Dude, I think

the scary monster

00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:45,343

is right outside the bus.

00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:46,928

What could it be?

00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,263

If only we knew

what we were up against.

00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,141

Oh yeah, I remember that.

00:14:56,688 --> 00:15:01,151

Come back here,

you pompous son of a pansy!

00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:02,569

Don't let him touch you!

00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:04,279

You'll die if he touches you!

00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,740

I'm over here,

you son of a whore!

00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:17,208

Oh, my God!

Kenny killed... death!

00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,960

You... bastard?

00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,843

Yeah, but the monster

outside couldn't be death

00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,387

because death only touches you,

it doesn't eat you.

00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:31,222

Well, who really cares

if that monster's outside?

00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,141

As long as we stay on the bus,

it can't hurt us, right?

00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,436

Mommy!

00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,189

Oh, my God!

He's killing Kenny!

00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:40,357

You bastard!

00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,986

Oh, boy,

we're in big trouble.

00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,655

Hey, you guys,

can we order a pizza?

00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,579

What the hell are

you all staring at?!

00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:57,040

Stop laughing, you whores!

00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:01,044

I said shut up!

00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,425

Let's hear it

for Miss Crabtree!

00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:08,718

What an up-and-comer!

00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,053

That was great, ma'am.

00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:11,805

Was it?

Does it even matter?

00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,056

What do you mean?

00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,099

Success is hollow, Mitch.

00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:15,642

Hollow like a dead tree.

00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:16,810

I think it's time

for me to give it up.

00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,395

Are you sure?

00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,563

I'm sure.

Let's get a cup of coffee.

00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,651

I wonder when the monster's

gonna come back

00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:25,819

to feed again?

00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,030

We just gotta stick together.

00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,573

Yeah, there's got to be

a way out of this.

00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:32,409

Hey, wait a minute.

- What?

00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:33,660

Remember that time

Fonzie jumped over the buses

00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:35,078

with his motorcycle?

00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,961

Go, Fonzie!

00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:44,295

Hey!

00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:45,839

- You can do it, Fonzie.

00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:47,298

- We believe in you, Fonz.

00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:49,592

- Hey!

00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:05,650

- Hey!

00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:08,862

- Oh, my God,

they killed Kenny!

00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:10,488

- You bastard!

00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:14,284

- Now that's what I call

a sticky situation.

00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,077

- You dumb-ass, Cartman,

that's not the way it happened.

00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,579

- Yeah, dude, Kenny just died

00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,122

eight hours ago

from that monster.

00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:21,041

How could he have died

back then too?

00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:23,543

- Oh yeah, I guess

that doesn't make sense.

00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:24,544

- Oh, no!

00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:27,839

- Ah!

- What are we gonna do?

00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:34,804

- Now we need more weight

in the back!

00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:37,515

No, that's too much!

00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,353

- There, I think we got it.

00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,022

- I don't know how much longer

we can keep this up, dude.

00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,607

- Don't worry,

everything's gonna work out.

00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,567

It always does.

- It does?

00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:48,818

- Sure, remember that time

that that kid in the red shirt

00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,111

decided to go off on his own?

00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:53,281

- Well, I'm not gonna sit here

00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,783

and wait to die

with the rest of you!

00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,367

If I make it back,

I'll send help.

00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:58,203

Don't do it, kid!

00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,918

- Hmm, maybe Miss Crabtree

did make up

00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,628

that stuff about

the big black monster.

00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,008

Holy crap, dude!

00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,220

Hey, look, it's got ice cream!

00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:16,554

Hooray!

00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,604

Now that's what I call

a sticky situation.

00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,693

Wow, this is gorgeous.

00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:33,947

I don't think I've ever seen

anything so beautiful.

00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:35,782

From a distance,

this place looks like

00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:38,952

a cold damp marsh,

but once you get inside it,

00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:40,954

you realize that it has

an inner beauty

00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,373

far surpassing others.

00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:45,875

Thank you for sharing your time

with me, Miss Crabtree.

00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,627

Please, call me Muffin.

00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,254

I'm having

a nice time, Muffin.

00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:50,922

Me too, Marcus.

00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:53,341

I've forgotten all about

my cares in the world.

00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:57,971

Ah, damn, man,

now I'm missing

00:18:58,096 --> 00:18:59,639

the new "Barnaby Jones"!

00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:00,807

Hey, Miss Crabtree

had that little TV

00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,183

for the training video.

00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:03,184

Maybe we can watch TV on it.

00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,435

Hey, yeah!

00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:09,399

And all over America,

kids are turning

00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:12,026

to the streets

and running away.

00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,820

Tonight,

a very special message

00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,738

from the parents

of some runaway children,

00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:18,992

in hopes that their young

will hear their cry.

00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:21,786

Hello, Stanley.

It's me, Papa.

00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,414

Gosh, your mother and I

miss you.

00:19:24,539 --> 00:19:26,833

And I hope that,

wherever you may be,

00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:29,210

you'll hear this message.

00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:33,882

♪ Little lamb

lost in the great big world ♪

00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:38,303

♪ Runaway,

findin' streets so cold ♪

00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,639

Dude, your dad's a retard.

00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,351

Please come home, Kyle.

00:19:45,476 --> 00:19:48,897

♪ You left home

looking for something new ♪

00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:52,775

♪ But all you need

is right here waiting for you ♪

00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:56,237

♪ Runaway from home ♪

00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,448

♪ We love you just as you are ♪

00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:00,450

♪ Runaway, come home ♪

00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:04,245

♪ We're sorry

things went this far ♪

00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,789

Dude, did it ever occur

to them to just look for us?

00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:08,958

I hope my dad doesn't sing.

00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,668

Hey, you guys,

remember the time

00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,754

I found out who my father was?

00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,005

Boy, do I!

00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,674

As I said before,

00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,718

the father is somebody

in this room.

00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:21,512

The father is... John Elway!

00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:25,350

Sweet!

00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:26,559

Uh-oh.

00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:27,977

This kicks ass, you guys!

00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,437

John Elway's my father!

00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,064

My father is John Elway!

00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:32,690

My father is John Elway!

00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:34,234

Get down! Get down!

00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:35,443

Come on, son.

00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:38,029

I'll buy you some ice cream.

00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,697

Now that's what I call a...

- Wait a minute.

00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:40,823

I thought your father

was your mother

00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:42,325

'cause she had a penis.

00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:44,285

What?! Hey!

You son of a bitch!

00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,037

I'll kick you in the nuts!

00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:47,538

Cartman, no!

00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,794

The bus is going over!

- Oh, no!

00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,944

- Hey! We landed in ice cream.

- Hooray!

00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:19,112

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:20,738

This doesn't make sense.

00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:22,532

This whole thing

doesn't make any sense.

00:21:22,657 --> 00:21:24,409

I must be...

00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:26,286

Oh, man, what a weird dream.

00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:27,870

Are you okay, hon?

00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:30,123

Mom, I just dreamt

that me and Stan

00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,958

and Kyle and Kenny

were trapped on a bus,

00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,793

and we were talking

about everything

00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,545

that's happened to us,

except that it was all wrong

00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:37,547

and everything ended

with us eating ice cream.

00:21:37,672 --> 00:21:40,550

Oh... well, would you like

some beetles for breakfast?

00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:42,093

Yes, please.

00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:45,930

Mmm.

00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:48,641

Mmm, beetles are good

with ice cream.

00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:52,729

Oh, dude, what a nightmare.

00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:56,357

Hello?

00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:57,400

Dude, I just had

the weirdest dream.

00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:59,402

Really?

00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,321

Yeah, I dreamt that Cartman

dreamt that were all trapped

00:22:01,446 --> 00:22:03,031

on a bus, and then he dreamt

that we were talking about

00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:04,615

things that had happened,

only they were all wrong,

00:22:04,741 --> 00:22:06,200

and then he and his mother

ate beetles.

00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:08,036

Dude, that's a pretty

up dream.

00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:09,787

Yeah, I must be having

some real emotional problems.

00:22:09,912 --> 00:22:11,164

Hey, me and Cartman

and Kenny are going down

00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:12,957

to Happy Burger--

you want to come?

00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:14,167

Sure, I definitely don't

want to sleep anymore.

00:22:14,292 --> 00:22:15,626

See you later.

00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:19,589

I want to thank you

for making me feel

00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:21,090

alive again, Marcus.

00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:22,467

Miss Crabtree.

00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:23,801

What is it?

What's wrong?

00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:25,178

You realize I can't stay.

00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:27,055

None of this is real.

00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:28,681

It's all been a little

eight-year-old's dream.

00:22:28,806 --> 00:22:31,017

Oh, I know.

I know, Marcus.

00:22:31,142 --> 00:22:33,269

But let me just pretend

as long as I can.

00:22:33,394 --> 00:22:34,520

Sure.

00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,615

♪ You left home

looking for something new ♪

00:22:45,740 --> 00:22:50,828

♪ But all you need is

right here waiting for you ♪

00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:52,830

♪ Runaway from home ♪

00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:55,291

♪ We love you

just as you are ♪

00:22:55,416 --> 00:22:57,210

♪ Runaway, come home ♪

00:22:57,335 --> 00:23:00,213

♪ We're sorry

things went this far ♪

00:00:03,587 --> 00:00:05,131

Hello, everybody.

I'm Matt Stone.

00:00:05,256 --> 00:00:06,841

And I'm Trey Parker.

This here is Macon.

00:00:06,966 --> 00:00:09,135

Say hi, old fella.

[pig oinking]

00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:10,970

We're back to show you

the versatility and nutrition

00:00:11,095 --> 00:00:12,596

of one of nature's

perfect foods...

00:00:12,722 --> 00:00:13,681

both: Bacon!

00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:15,683

[cheers and applause]

00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:17,018

That's right,

today, we're gonna make

00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:18,519

French bacon sandwiches.

00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:19,770

How does that sound?

00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,482

Let's start by cooking

the bacon.

00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,401

Butter.

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,070

Bacon.

Salt.

00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:29,739

Ooh, doesn't that smell good,

Macon?

00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:31,782

[pig grunting]

00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:33,409

Well, while we're waiting

for our bacon to cook,

00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:34,702

let's watch our favorite

episode of "South Park."

00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:36,704

It's called "Flashbacks."

00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,497

It's all about the kids

getting stuck on the school bus

00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,499

and their driver, Ms. Crabtree,

falling in love.

00:00:40,624 --> 00:00:42,084

Flashback episodes

are what you do

00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:43,711

when you're near the end

of a season

00:00:43,836 --> 00:00:44,962

and you're fresh out

of new ideas.

00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:46,714

[laughter]

00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:49,091

Hey, you ready for some bacon,

Macon?

00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,510

Macon loves bacon.

00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:53,888

[mumbling] Okay, you want it?

You want it? Do you want it?

00:00:54,013 --> 00:00:56,891

Yeah, that's a buddy.

A little more bacon.

00:00:57,016 --> 00:00:58,851

Little more bacon. Yeah.

00:00:58,976 --> 00:01:01,520

So sit back, relax,

and enjoy "Flashbacks."

00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,731

And when we return,

French bacon sandwiches.

00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:04,899

Mmm.

00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:06,108

[upbeat piano music]

00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,860

[cheers and applause]

00:01:14,033 --> 00:01:16,744

[twangy music]

00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,329

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:18,454 --> 00:01:20,372

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:01:20,498 --> 00:01:22,124

all: ♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:01:22,249 --> 00:01:24,043

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:25,503

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:25,628 --> 00:01:27,171

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:28,881

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:30,674

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,176

- ♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:33,469

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:37,264

[singing indistinctly]

00:01:37,389 --> 00:01:38,766

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:40,935

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:43,062

♪♪

00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:44,855

[children laughing and yelling]

00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,232

Be quiet back there!

00:01:46,357 --> 00:01:48,067

These roads are slick!

00:01:48,192 --> 00:01:50,069

Hey, Cartman!

- What?

00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:51,821

Are you gonna share any of

that cake with the rest of us?

00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:54,448

Hmm, let me think... no.

- Come on, fat ass!

00:01:54,573 --> 00:01:56,242

You shouldn't be eating

all that cake anyway.

00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:58,369

Mmm. It's chocolatey

and delightful.

00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:00,913

Give us some, Cartman!

- Be quiet back there!

00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:03,374

Whoa dude, the road is

really snowy out there.

00:02:03,499 --> 00:02:05,084

Dude, the road

is always snowy.

00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,418

I know,

but it's really snowy today.

00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:07,962

Mmm...

00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,798

I can't possibly finish

this whole cake.

00:02:10,923 --> 00:02:11,841

Oh, yes, I can.

00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,425

Shut up, Cartman!

00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:14,885

[tires screech]

00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:19,181

Okay, that does it!

00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:22,935

Y'all be quiet,

or the cute little bunny dies!

00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,395

[children gasp]

00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,397

[dramatic music]

00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:31,944

Dude, she always tries

to quiet us down

00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,237

by threatening to

kill that bunny,

00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:34,697

but I wonder if she ever would.

00:02:34,822 --> 00:02:36,532

Oh, she would, dude.

She would.

00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:39,201

[shrieks]

00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,704

Oh, for Christ's sake,

I don't believe this!

00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:44,832

[wind howling]

00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:47,626

♪♪

00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:49,628

Come on, fat boy,

give us some cake now.

00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:52,423

I cannot possibly

eat one more bit

00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,633

of this chocolatey goodness.

00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,719

Oh, wait, wait, I'll try.

00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,096

Damn it, Cartman,

you are such a fat [bleep]!

00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:01,682

What did you say?!

00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:04,059

Uh-oh.

00:03:04,185 --> 00:03:06,061

[children screaming]

Hold on!

00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:07,855

[shrieks]

00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:13,444

I'm scared!

- Be quiet, kids!

00:03:14,904 --> 00:03:18,407

[yelling and screaming]

00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:21,660

And right up here you can see

a red-bellied chickadee.

00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,621

They're indigenous

to this area.

00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:24,663

[camera shutter flashes]

00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:26,582

[children screaming]

00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,001

What was that?

- What was what?

00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:30,127

[children screaming]

00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:34,256

[dramatic music]

00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,133

♪♪

00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:37,384

All done.

00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:40,054

Sit down and shut up!

00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:41,096

[children moaning]

00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,681

I said quiet!

00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,683

Or else I kill the bunny!

00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,479

Where are we?

- I have no idea.

00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:50,105

I don't think we're in

a very safe spot.

00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:51,815

- Yeah, what are we

supposed to do?

00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:53,067

Just keep your traps shut.

00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:55,027

I'll consult the manual.

00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:01,742

Miss Crabtree?

- Shut up, kid!

00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:04,662

I have to watch

a training video!

00:04:04,787 --> 00:04:06,288

Hello, and welcome

to tape seven

00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:08,082

of the bus driver's

video guidebook,

00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,251

"What to Do

If You Become Stranded."

00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:11,919

By now you've calmed down

the children

00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:13,504

and kept order

by using the "keep quiet

00:04:13,629 --> 00:04:14,838

or I'll kill the bunny"

technique.

00:04:14,964 --> 00:04:16,465

Now it's time to get help.

00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,092

The most important thing

to remember

00:04:18,217 --> 00:04:20,052

is that the children

will be safe

00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,637

as long as they stay

on the bus.

00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,514

So do not,

under any circumstances,

00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:25,516

let any children off the bus.

00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,518

The best way to achieve this

is to tell them

00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:29,520

something like,

"A big scary monster

00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:31,438

will eat you

if you step off the bus."

00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:34,316

- Kids, do not

get off this bus!

00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,361

If you do, a big, scary

monster will eat you!

00:04:37,486 --> 00:04:39,154

- That's right.

With the children

00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,739

properly subdued,

you can leave the bus

00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,366

and go out looking

for assistance.

00:04:42,491 --> 00:04:43,742

And remember

your bus driver's code:

00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,244

"Sit down and shut up."

00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:46,537

I'm going for help!

00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,122

I'll be back as soon as I can!

00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:50,040

Remember,

don't get off this bus

00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,459

or a big, scary monster

will eat you!

00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:53,585

[bus creaks]

00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,132

Hey, why doesn't

the scary monster eat her?

00:04:58,257 --> 00:04:59,758

'Cause, dumb-ass,

scary monsters don't eat

00:04:59,883 --> 00:05:01,135

big fat smelly bitches.

00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:03,137

What did you say?!

00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,931

I said Larry King will

grant me three wishes!

00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,016

Oh.

00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:08,600

Dude, this is not good.

00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:11,020

She could have at least

left the heat on.

00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:12,604

[grunts]

00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,899

Had to happen to me, didn't it?

00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,487

♪ Looking for love

in all the wrong places ♪

00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,906

♪ Looking for love in too... ♪

00:05:23,032 --> 00:05:24,366

Oh, it's supper time.

00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:26,910

Come to papa.

00:05:27,036 --> 00:05:29,496

Oh, hello, little lady.

Going my way?

00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,915

Shut up and help me

into this thing!

00:05:32,041 --> 00:05:33,959

Oh, okay.

[mumbling]

00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,170

Come on,

I haven't got all day!

00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,963

All right, sure, of course.

00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,966

[sultry sax music]

00:05:41,091 --> 00:05:42,259

♪♪

00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:43,969

Take me to the nearest town,

00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:45,929

and make it snappy,

you freak-ass crackpot!

00:05:46,055 --> 00:05:48,182

Y-yes, ma'am,

right away, ma'am.

00:05:48,307 --> 00:05:50,601

So, uh, what's a fragile

little doll like yourself

00:05:50,726 --> 00:05:52,561

doing out on a--

on a night like this?

00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,772

Look, mister,

I got a busload of kids

00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:56,440

trapped up on that pass.

00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,984

I need a crane, helicopters,

all that crap!

00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:02,237

Here, let me have

some of your aspirin!

00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:04,615

Ma'am, those are

actually roofies.

00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:05,699

Roofies, aspirin--

right now,

00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,034

I don't give a rat's ass!

00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,952

How far to the nearest town?

00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:10,829

Mm... it's a ways.

00:06:10,954 --> 00:06:12,706

♪♪

00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:14,625

You guys, what if

Miss Crabtree doesn't come back

00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:16,377

and we're all trapped

here forever?

00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:18,212

[children gasp]

00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:19,588

We couldn't get trapped

here forever, Cartman.

00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:20,881

We'd die after

a couple of days.

00:06:21,006 --> 00:06:22,007

[children gasp]

00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,884

Dude!

- What?

00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:25,636

I don't want to die

on this bus with you assholes.

00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:27,638

You guys suck!

- Will you just relax?

00:06:27,763 --> 00:06:29,056

We've been in a lot worse

situations than this

00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:30,599

and come out of it just fine.

00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:31,809

Worse than this?

- Well, sure.

00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:33,519

Don't you remember that time

00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:34,686

that the aliens kidnapped

your little brother, Ike?

00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:37,022

Now that was scary.

00:06:37,147 --> 00:06:38,649

How come the visitors

aren't coming for him?

00:06:38,774 --> 00:06:40,317

I think we have to

signal them somehow.

00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:41,860

[farts] Ow!

00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:44,238

Hey! He's like Rudolph!

- Yeah!

00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:46,073

All you have to do

is fart some more, Cartman,

00:06:46,198 --> 00:06:48,158

and the visitors

are sure to come!

00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:52,329

Really? Uh... I don't think

I have to fart anymore tonight.

00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,540

Sure you do!

- Come on Cartman, fart!

00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:56,875

I don't wanna!

- He can't hold it in forever.

00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,127

Fart, damn you!

00:06:58,252 --> 00:07:00,087

Okay, that does it!

00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,548

Now, listen, why is it

that everything today

00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:04,883

has involved things

either going in

00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:06,885

or coming out of my ass?

00:07:07,010 --> 00:07:08,429

Whoa. Look at that!

00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:10,264

It's completely immature!

00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:13,767

Hey, it's happening again!

00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,185

It's an ice cream truck!

00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,728

Now do you believe us, Cartman?

00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:18,480

You guys can't scare me.

00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:19,857

Cartman,

there's an ice cream truck

00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:20,858

sticking out of your ass!

00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,901

[ships whooshing]

00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,821

[spooky scraping]

00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:27,531

Hey look, the aliens

are getting ice cream!

00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:30,242

Wow! I guess

everything's gonna be okay.

00:07:31,702 --> 00:07:35,330

Now that was what I call

a sticky situation.

00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:36,748

You can say that again.

00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:38,000

- Was that how it happened?

00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,921

Stop!

Let me off, you turd!

00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,548

Hey, I want to help you.

00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:45,924

I care a lot about

that busload of, uh,

00:07:46,049 --> 00:07:47,259

what was it again?

00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,927

Children.

- Yeah, right.

00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:50,137

Let me come with you.

00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:56,894

What the hell is this crap?!

00:07:57,019 --> 00:07:58,520

I hate flying.

00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,981

Talk about something I hate,

it's flying.

00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,150

Say, are those roofies

kicking in yet?

00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,943

Well, I don't think so!

00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,029

Damn.

- You guys like impressions?

00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:08,655

No!

00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:09,656

Here's my impression

of Robert De Niro.

00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:10,657

"Hey, yous.

00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:11,742

"Yous guys.

00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:12,993

Shut up, yous."

00:08:13,118 --> 00:08:14,411

You suck!

00:08:14,536 --> 00:08:15,787

[laughter]

00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:17,331

"Yous guys shut up."

00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:20,792

- Sit down and shut up!

00:08:20,918 --> 00:08:22,711

[as Barney]

Come on, lady! I love you.

00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,087

You love me!

00:08:24,213 --> 00:08:27,633

I said sit down and shut up!

00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:30,427

[laughter]

00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:34,139

Baby, you're wonderful.

You're a natural.

00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,099

You're the funniest comic

I've seen in years.

00:08:36,225 --> 00:08:38,352

Why don't you just

shut the hell up?!

00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:39,561

I've got to get some assistance

00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,313

to my broken-down bus!

00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:43,732

Broken-down bus!

That's great! Great angle.

00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,484

[ominous music]

00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,152

Do you see her, dude?

- Nope.

00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,154

God damn it,

how long is this gonna take?

00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:51,365

She's never coming back.

Don't you get it?

00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,242

She's left us here

to die like pigs.

00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,202

Calm down, dude,

you're upsetting Kenny.

00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,579

[muffled] Huh?

- I can't take it anymore.

00:08:57,704 --> 00:08:59,831

I have to get out of here!

[whimpering]

00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:01,500

No kid, you heard

what Miss Crabtree said,

00:09:01,625 --> 00:09:04,419

there's a big, black,

scary monster out there.

00:09:04,545 --> 00:09:06,004

Well, I'm not gonna sit here

00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,506

and wait to die

with the rest of you!

00:09:07,631 --> 00:09:09,174

If I make it back,

I'll send help.

00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:10,425

Don't do it, kid.

00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,638

♪♪

00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:15,889

[bus creaks]

00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:18,600

[suspenseful music]

00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,811

Hmm, maybe Miss Crabtree

did make up that stuff

00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:22,729

about the big black monster.

00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,484

[screams]

[chomps]

00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:28,860

Holy crap, dude!

00:09:28,986 --> 00:09:31,405

♪♪

00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:40,747

[children screaming]

00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:41,790

Gross!

00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,917

♪♪

00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:47,754

Well, I guess nobody else

will be getting off the bus.

00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,051

[phone ringing]

00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:54,386

Hello?

00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:55,596

Oh hello, Miss Cartman,

00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,264

It's Sharon, Stan's mother.

00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,391

Oh yes, Sharon, how are you?

00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,393

Miss Cartman,

is your son at home?

00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,020

Hold on, dear, let me check.

00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:07,065

Hon, I made beefy logs!

00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,443

I made cookie dings!

00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:11,111

No, he's not here.

00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,279

Well, now I am worried.

00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:13,655

I've tried all the houses,

00:10:13,780 --> 00:10:15,449

and nobody knows

where they are.

00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:16,533

Oh, dear.

00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:19,244

♪♪

00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:21,663

I'm telling you, Marty,

this woman is a natural.

00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,874

I haven't seen a funnier

person since Maury Povich.

00:10:23,999 --> 00:10:25,667

What's her angle?

- I can't even explain it.

00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:27,294

You have to see it.

- All right.

00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:29,254

This better be good.

00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,048

Come on in, come on in.

00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:33,467

- What the hell did you

bring me to Denver for,

00:10:33,592 --> 00:10:35,761

you brain-depraved

fecalphiliac?!

00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:37,763

Mr. Jonas,

this is Mrs. Crabtree.

00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,264

Pleasure to meet you.

00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:40,641

You look like

a lump of dog shit

00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:42,768

that just got hit by a car!

00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:44,019

What did I tell you?

00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:45,771

She's fantastic.

00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:47,272

How would you like to make

a million dollars, baby?

00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,441

How'd you like

to suck my ass?!

00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:50,692

- Let's get started right away.

00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,693

You gonna be all right?

00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,195

Don't touch me!

00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:54,571

I'm sorry,

do you need anything?

00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,573

No, I just...

- What?

00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:59,660

I can't help but feel like

I've forgotten something.

00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:05,666

What time is it?

00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:07,167

[mumbling]

On Wednesday or Thursday?

00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,086

Dude, I think

it's Saturday now.

00:11:09,211 --> 00:11:11,088

What? I'm missing

the new "Fantasy Island"!

00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:12,964

Oh man, I don't think it's

very safe to be on this bus.

00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:14,633

Well, we can't go anywhere,

or else

00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:16,301

that big scary monster outside

will get us.

00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:17,594

What do you think it is?

- I don't know.

00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,179

It's a big, scary monster.

00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:20,597

Hey, maybe it's

that thing Skuzzlebutt!

00:11:20,722 --> 00:11:22,599

What?

- Don't you remember?

00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,267

That time we were up camping

with your uncle Jimbo and Ned?

00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:26,728

[children yelling]

00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,689

That lava's coming

right for us!

00:11:28,814 --> 00:11:30,273

Help!

00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:33,318

[dramatic music]

00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,529

[growling]

00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,367

Jiminy Poke!

It's the real Skuzzlebutt!

00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:41,952

What? Skuzzlebutt's real?

00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:44,871

Oh my God!

Look at his leg!

00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:47,916

Hi, kids.

I'm TV's Brent Musburger.

00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,960

Dude, he's got

Brent Musburger for a leg!

00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,169

[children scream]

00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:53,547

Quick, Ned, shoot it!

00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:55,757

[distorted]

- Mm, oh, no, out of ammo.

00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,551

Hey, look!

00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:59,553

Dude, he's making ice cream!

00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:01,555

♪♪

00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,390

Skuzzlebutt kicks ass.

00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:07,018

Now that's what I call

a sticky situation.

00:12:07,144 --> 00:12:08,770

Okay, so we can agree

that the monster outside

00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,814

can't be Skuzzlebutt

'cause Skuzzlebutt's nice.

00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,191

Hey, maybe it's

our teacher, Mr. Garrison.

00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,943

- Don't be stupid, Cartman,

our teacher wouldn't be out

00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,653

lying in the forest

waiting to kill us.

00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,280

Oh, no?

00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:19,781

Don't you remember

the time he went crazy

00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:21,032

and tried to kill

Kathie Lee Gifford?

00:12:21,158 --> 00:12:22,784

Here she comes!

00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,912

[marching band plays]

00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:32,502

Come on, you little bitch.

00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:35,005

It is with great pride

and honor

00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:39,009

that I'd like to welcome

Mrs. Kathie Lee Gifford

00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:40,594

to South Park.

00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:43,764

[cheers and applause]

00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:45,348

Thank you.

00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:49,436

Mr. Garrison, stop!

- Leave us.

00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:51,480

We must finish

what we have begun.

00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:53,190

But Mr. Garrison!

00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:54,441

She's not really

Kathie Lee Gifford.

00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,568

She's some kind of alien.

00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,820

Thank you.

I love you all.

00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,322

[gunshot]

00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:04,367

[alien shrieks]

00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,038

See, I told you.

00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,459

Well, this is going to

put a damper on the day.

00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:15,837

Let's have ice cream, everyone!

00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,506

Beefcake!

00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:19,800

Now that's what I call

a sticky situation.

00:13:19,925 --> 00:13:21,802

[laughter]

00:13:21,927 --> 00:13:23,261

But the monster outside

couldn't be Mr. Garrison

00:13:23,386 --> 00:13:24,721

'cause Mr. Garrison used a gun.

00:13:24,846 --> 00:13:25,972

Oh, yeah.

00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:27,641

Live from Burbank,

00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:29,267

it's "The Tonight Show

With Jay Leno"!

00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,269

Tonight,

Jay's special guests include

00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:33,271

Washed Up Actress

From a Sitcom

00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:36,066

and the comedy

of Mrs. Crabtree.

00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:38,443

And now here's your host,

Jay Leno!

00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:39,653

Just relax, sweetheart.

00:13:39,778 --> 00:13:40,654

You're gonna kill out there.

00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:41,988

Kill who?!

00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:43,240

That's great, use that.

00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:44,908

Honey, do you need anything?

00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,493

Just give me another

one of them roofies.

00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:48,328

Sure.

00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:51,289

O-okay, I-let's try

to calm down, mm-kay?

00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:53,708

This type of thing

happens all the time.

00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,544

What do you mean?

00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,921

How often does an entire

third grade class go missing?

00:13:58,046 --> 00:14:01,508

- Well, 99% of the time

when a child is missing

00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:04,386

it's because

they've run away, mm-kay?

00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:05,595

[all gasp]

00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,514

Run away?

- Oy.

00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:10,392

I knew I shouldn't have made

Kyle eat that gafagahaga.

00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,686

How do we get our

runaway children back?

00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,521

Well, we just need to make

make some posters, mm-kay?

00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,565

Hand out brochures, okay?

00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,692

That way the public can know

what the children look like

00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,944

and can call in

if they're spotted, mm-kay?

00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,529

Let's get started right away.

00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:24,447

They could be halfway

to LA by now.

00:14:24,573 --> 00:14:25,949

It's only a matter of time

00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,325

before they're

selling their bodies

00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,327

and buying smack!

00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,871

Come on, everybody!

- We gotta find those kids!

00:14:30,996 --> 00:14:32,122

If we all put

our heads together,

00:14:32,247 --> 00:14:33,540

we can find them!

00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:35,125

We can do it!

- Hi!

00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,252

[uplifting music]

00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:41,047

[bus creaking]

00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,924

What was that?

- What was what?

00:14:43,049 --> 00:14:44,134

Dude, I think

the scary monster

00:14:44,259 --> 00:14:45,343

is right outside the bus.

00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:46,928

What could it be?

00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,263

If only we knew

what we were up against.

00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:49,973

[mumbling]

00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:51,141

Oh yeah, I remember that.

00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:54,311

[mumbling]

00:14:54,436 --> 00:14:56,563

[children screaming]

00:14:56,688 --> 00:15:01,151

Come back here,

you pompous son of a pansy!

00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:02,569

Don't let him touch you!

00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:04,279

You'll die if he touches you!

00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,740

I'm over here,

you son of a whore!

00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:11,786

[mumbles loudly]

00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:17,208

Oh, my God!

Kenny killed... death!

00:15:17,334 --> 00:15:18,960

You... bastard?

00:15:21,296 --> 00:15:24,966

[mumbles]

00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,843

Yeah, but the monster

outside couldn't be death

00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,387

because death only touches you,

it doesn't eat you.

00:15:29,512 --> 00:15:31,222

Well, who really cares

if that monster's outside?

00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,141

As long as we stay on the bus,

it can't hurt us, right?

00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,436

Mommy!

00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,189

Oh, my God!

He's killing Kenny!

00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:40,357

You bastard!

00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,986

Oh, boy,

we're in big trouble.

00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,655

Hey, you guys,

can we order a pizza?

00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,240

[schmaltzy music]

00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,579

What the hell are

you all staring at?!

00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:57,040

Stop laughing, you whores!

00:15:57,165 --> 00:15:58,458

[laughter]

00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:01,044

I said shut up!

00:16:02,545 --> 00:16:04,881

[laughter]

00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,425

Let's hear it

for Miss Crabtree!

00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:08,718

What an up-and-comer!

00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,053

That was great, ma'am.

00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:11,805

Was it?

Does it even matter?

00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,056

What do you mean?

00:16:13,181 --> 00:16:14,099

Success is hollow, Mitch.

00:16:14,224 --> 00:16:15,642

Hollow like a dead tree.

00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:16,810

I think it's time

for me to give it up.

00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,395

Are you sure?

00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,563

I'm sure.

Let's get a cup of coffee.

00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:23,108

[serene music]

00:16:23,233 --> 00:16:24,651

I wonder when the monster's

gonna come back

00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:25,819

to feed again?

00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:27,404

[children whimpering]

00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,030

We just gotta stick together.

00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:30,573

Yeah, there's got to be

a way out of this.

00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:32,409

Hey, wait a minute.

- What?

00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:33,660

Remember that time

Fonzie jumped over the buses

00:16:33,785 --> 00:16:35,078

with his motorcycle?

00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,288

[ascending harp glissando]

00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:38,581

[rockabilly music]

00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:39,708

[tires screech]

00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,961

Go, Fonzie!

00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:44,295

Hey!

00:16:44,421 --> 00:16:45,839

- You can do it, Fonzie.

00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:47,298

- We believe in you, Fonz.

00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:49,592

- Hey!

00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:01,938

- [mumbling]

00:17:04,399 --> 00:17:05,650

- Hey!

00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:08,862

- Oh, my God,

they killed Kenny!

00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:10,488

- You bastard!

00:17:10,613 --> 00:17:14,284

- Now that's what I call

a sticky situation.

00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,077

- You dumb-ass, Cartman,

that's not the way it happened.

00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:17,579

- Yeah, dude, Kenny just died

00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,122

eight hours ago

from that monster.

00:17:19,247 --> 00:17:21,041

How could he have died

back then too?

00:17:21,166 --> 00:17:23,543

- Oh yeah, I guess

that doesn't make sense.

00:17:23,668 --> 00:17:24,544

- Oh, no!

00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,296

[bus creaking]

00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:27,839

all: Ah!

- What are we gonna do?

00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:33,470

[children yelling]

00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:34,804

- Now we need more weight

in the back!

00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,347

♪♪

00:17:36,473 --> 00:17:37,515

No, that's too much!

00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,353

- There, I think we got it.

00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,022

- I don't know how much longer

we can keep this up, dude.

00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,607

- Don't worry,

everything's gonna work out.

00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,567

It always does.

- It does?

00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:48,818

- Sure, remember that time

that that kid in the red shirt

00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,111

decided to go off on his own?

00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,696

[descending harp glissando]

00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:53,281

- Well, I'm not gonna sit here

00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:54,783

and wait to die

with the rest of you!

00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,367

If I make it back,

I'll send help.

00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:58,203

Don't do it, kid!

00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:01,831

♪♪

00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,918

- Hmm, maybe Miss Crabtree

did make up

00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,628

that stuff about

the big black monster.

00:18:07,921 --> 00:18:10,507

[screaming]

[chomping]

00:18:10,632 --> 00:18:12,008

Holy crap, dude!

00:18:14,010 --> 00:18:15,220

Hey, look, it's got ice cream!

00:18:15,345 --> 00:18:16,554

all: Hooray!

00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,681

[upbeat music]

00:18:18,807 --> 00:18:21,935

♪♪

00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:24,604

Now that's what I call

a sticky situation.

00:18:26,731 --> 00:18:28,858

[romantic music]

00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,693

Wow, this is gorgeous.

00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:33,947

I don't think I've ever seen

anything so beautiful.

00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:35,782

From a distance,

this place looks like

00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:38,952

a cold damp marsh,

but once you get inside it,

00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:40,954

you realize that it has

an inner beauty

00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,373

far surpassing others.

00:18:43,498 --> 00:18:45,875

Thank you for sharing your time

with me, Miss Crabtree.

00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,627

Please, call me Muffin.

00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:49,254

I'm having

a nice time, Muffin.

00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:50,922

Me too, Marcus.

00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:53,341

I've forgotten all about

my cares in the world.

00:18:56,553 --> 00:18:57,971

Ah, damn, man,

now I'm missing

00:18:58,096 --> 00:18:59,639

the new "Barnaby Jones"!

00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:00,807

Hey, Miss Crabtree

had that little TV

00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:02,183

for the training video.

00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:03,184

Maybe we can watch TV on it.

00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,435

Hey, yeah!

00:19:06,938 --> 00:19:09,399

And all over America,

kids are turning

00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:12,026

to the streets

and running away.

00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:13,820

Tonight,

a very special message

00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,738

from the parents

of some runaway children,

00:19:15,864 --> 00:19:18,992

in hopes that their young

will hear their cry.

00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:21,786

Hello, Stanley.

It's me, Papa.

00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:24,414

Gosh, your mother and I

miss you.

00:19:24,539 --> 00:19:26,833

And I hope that,

wherever you may be,

00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:29,210

you'll hear this message.

00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:33,882

♪ Little lamb

lost in the great big world ♪

00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:38,303

♪ Runaway,

findin' streets so cold ♪

00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,639

Dude, your dad's a retard.

00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:45,351

Please come home, Kyle.

00:19:45,476 --> 00:19:48,897

♪ You left home

looking for something new ♪

00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:52,775

♪ But all you need

is right here waiting for you ♪

00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:54,194

[laughter]

00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:56,237

all: ♪ Runaway from home ♪

00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:58,448

♪ We love you just as you are ♪

00:19:58,573 --> 00:20:00,450

♪ Runaway, come home ♪

00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:04,245

♪ We're sorry

things went this far ♪

00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:06,789

Dude, did it ever occur

to them to just look for us?

00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:08,958

I hope my dad doesn't sing.

00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,668

Hey, you guys,

remember the time

00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,754

I found out who my father was?

00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,005

Boy, do I!

00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,048

[ascending harp glissando]

00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,674

As I said before,

00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,718

the father is somebody

in this room.

00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:21,512

The father is... John Elway!

00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,806

♪♪

00:20:23,932 --> 00:20:25,350

Sweet!

00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:26,559

Uh-oh.

00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:27,977

This kicks ass, you guys!

00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,437

John Elway's my father!

00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,064

[singsongy]

My father is John Elway!

00:20:31,189 --> 00:20:32,690

My father is John Elway!

00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:34,234

Get down! Get down!

00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:35,443

Come on, son.

00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:38,029

I'll buy you some ice cream.

00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,697

Now that's what I call a...

- Wait a minute.

00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:40,823

I thought your father

was your mother

00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:42,325

'cause she had a penis.

00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:44,285

What?! Hey!

You son of a bitch!

00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,037

I'll kick you in the nuts!

00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:47,538

Cartman, no!

00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:49,374

♪♪

00:20:49,499 --> 00:20:51,042

[children screaming]

00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,794

The bus is going over!

- Oh, no!

00:20:57,215 --> 00:21:00,051

♪♪

00:21:06,975 --> 00:21:09,185

[children screaming]

00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:11,771

♪♪

00:21:14,774 --> 00:21:17,944

Hey! We landed in ice cream.

all: Hooray!

00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:19,112

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:21:19,237 --> 00:21:20,738

This doesn't make sense.

00:21:20,863 --> 00:21:22,532

This whole thing

doesn't make any sense.

00:21:22,657 --> 00:21:24,409

I must be...

[yells]

00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:26,286

Oh, man, what a weird dream.

00:21:26,411 --> 00:21:27,870

Are you okay, hon?

00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:30,123

Mom, I just dreamt

that me and Stan

00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:31,958

and Kyle and Kenny

were trapped on a bus,

00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,793

and we were talking

about everything

00:21:33,918 --> 00:21:35,545

that's happened to us,

except that it was all wrong

00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:37,547

and everything ended

with us eating ice cream.

00:21:37,672 --> 00:21:40,550

Oh... well, would you like

some beetles for breakfast?

00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:42,093

Yes, please.

00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:45,930

Mmm.

[munching]

00:21:46,055 --> 00:21:48,641

Mmm, beetles are good

with ice cream.

00:21:48,766 --> 00:21:49,767

[yells]

00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:52,729

Oh, dude, what a nightmare.

00:21:54,772 --> 00:21:56,357

Hello?

00:21:56,482 --> 00:21:57,400

Dude, I just had

the weirdest dream.

00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:59,402

Really?

00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,321

Yeah, I dreamt that Cartman

dreamt that were all trapped

00:22:01,446 --> 00:22:03,031

on a bus, and then he dreamt

that we were talking about

00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:04,615

things that had happened,

only they were all wrong,

00:22:04,741 --> 00:22:06,200

and then he and his mother

ate beetles.

00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:08,036

Dude, that's a pretty

[bleep] up dream.

00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:09,787

Yeah, I must be having

some real emotional problems.

00:22:09,912 --> 00:22:11,164

Hey, me and Cartman

and Kenny are going down

00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:12,957

to Happy Burger--

you want to come?

00:22:13,082 --> 00:22:14,167

Sure, I definitely don't

want to sleep anymore.

00:22:14,292 --> 00:22:15,626

See you later.

00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:19,589

I want to thank you

for making me feel

00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:21,090

alive again, Marcus.

00:22:21,215 --> 00:22:22,467

Miss Crabtree.

00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:23,801

What is it?

What's wrong?

00:22:23,926 --> 00:22:25,178

You realize I can't stay.

00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:27,055

None of this is real.

00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:28,681

It's all been a little

eight-year-old's dream.

00:22:28,806 --> 00:22:31,017

Oh, I know.

I know, Marcus.

00:22:31,142 --> 00:22:33,269

But let me just pretend

as long as I can.

00:22:33,394 --> 00:22:34,520

Sure.

00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:37,523

[romantic music]

00:22:37,648 --> 00:22:42,195

♪♪

00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,615

♪ You left home

looking for something new ♪

00:22:45,740 --> 00:22:50,828

♪ But all you need is

right here waiting for you ♪

00:22:50,953 --> 00:22:52,830

all: ♪ Runaway from home ♪

00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:55,291

♪ We love you

just as you are ♪

00:22:55,416 --> 00:22:57,210

♪ Runaway, come home ♪

00:22:57,335 --> 00:23:00,213

♪ We're sorry

things went this far ♪

00:23:00,338 --> 00:23:02,882

♪♪