Мексиканская зырящая лягушка с южной Шри-Ланки

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♪ Ooh, girl,

make sweet love to you ♪

00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,138

♪ All night long ♪

00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:14,765

♪ Yeah, your butt is so fine ♪

00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:17,852

♪ Want to use it like a pillow

all the time ♪

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Oh. Well, that episode was

a hoot and a holler, wasn't it?

00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,732

That is a great episode,

00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,859

but this next episode

is our favorite episode.

00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,318

It's called "The Mexican

Staring Frog

00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,029

of Southern Sri Lanka."

00:00:28,154 --> 00:00:29,864

That's right,

and it's all about this army

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of futuristic vehicles

which can drop out of planes

00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:34,452

and then run in silent mode,

and they actually

00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:36,328

use the silent mode to sneak up

behind their enemies,

00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:38,122

and they don't even know

they're there.

00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:40,332

And the leader,

who wears this big silver suit,

00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:42,043

he's almost late,

but then he uses a flying mode

00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:43,044

to get in the back

of this plane--

00:00:43,169 --> 00:00:44,503

Dude. Dude.

00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,756

That's not this episode.

- It's not?

00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:49,425

No, dude, that's

that movie "Megaforce."

00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,052

- We didn't do that?

- No, dude, that came out

00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:52,845

when we were, like,

12 years old.

00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,055

Oh, dude,

we should have done that.

00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:55,639

That was a sweet movie.

00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,809

Well, yeah, but this is

the episode where it has--

00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:00,978

you know, where it has Jesus,

and he gets his own talk show,

00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,272

and they're--they're after that

Mexican staring frog and stuff.

00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,107

Oh, we should have done

"Megaforce."

00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,234

That was a sweet movie.

We should have done that.

00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,571

Well, enjoy

"The Mexican Staring Frog

00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,490

of Southern Sri Lanka."

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♪ Say hey-oh ♪

- ♪ Hey-oh ♪

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- ♪ Say whoa ♪

- ♪ Whoa ♪

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♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:28,798 --> 00:01:30,674

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,384

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:33,928

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

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♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

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♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

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♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

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♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

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♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

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And now back to

"Huntin' and Killin'"

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with South Park's favorite

hunters Jimbo and Ned.

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I'm Jimbo Kern,

and this here is Ned.

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Say hi, Ned.

- Hi, Ned.

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Now isn't that great?

00:02:02,665 --> 00:02:03,874

We have a terrific

show for you today.

00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:05,543

We're gonna

kill some elk

00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:07,253

and we're gonna kill

some mountain goats.

00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:10,714

Now, the new law passed

by Colorado legislature,

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which Ned and I call

Pussy Law #4, states

00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,052

that we can no longer

kill animals in defense.

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In other words, our old line

00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,222

of "It's comin'

right for us"...

00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,724

"It's comin' right for us!"

- No longer works.

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So now we only

kill animals to...

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If we don't hunt,

then these animals

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will grow too big

in number

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and they won't

have enough food.

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So you see,

we have to kill animals

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or else they'll die.

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Uh, so roll the tape.

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Here we are up

at Shaffers Crossing

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looking for

some animals.

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Lookee, Ned,

there's some deers.

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Quick, Ned,

thin out their numbers.

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Thin out

their numbers.

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Good work, Ned,

now they won't starve.

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That sure was

a great hunting trip.

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We saved those deer

from extinction.

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We're environmentalists.

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Coming up next,

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we're gonna

drop some napalm

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on an unsuspecting

family of beavers,

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and also try to

thin out the numbers

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of some

endangered species.

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Mr. Garrison,

what's Vietnam?

00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,361

What's Vietnam?

00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,030

A question a

child might ask

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but not a

childish question.

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Children, for

the next few days

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we'll be learning

all about Vietnam.

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Chances are that somebody

in your own lives

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was affected by

this incredible war.

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That's right,

Mr. Garrison,

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the Vietnam War

was sticky and icky.

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Mr. Garrison, were

you in Vietnam?

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Come on, man,

let's go!

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Jump out of

the chopper!

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Who's next

to take a shower?

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Me, I am!

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You just took one

last time, silly.

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Oh, where can I hide

this big pipe?

00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:49,730

No, I wasn't

in Vietnam.

00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,815

But sometimes I like

to pretend I was.

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Anyway, children, I'm going to

assign you all a paper.

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I want you all to find

somebody in your own life

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who was in Vietnam

and interview them about it.

00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,909

What if we don't know

anybody who was in Vietnam?

00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,577

Then you get an F,

fail the third grade

00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,412

and have to get a job cleaning

septic tanks

00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,957

to support your drug habit.

- Oh.

00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,708

Dude, my uncle Jimbo

was in Vietnam.

00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,086

Hey, yeah, he and Ned do

that stupid TV show.

00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:13,671

- And now time for...

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One of our loyal viewers

from South Park

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sent us some

8-millimeter film

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of what he claims

to be the Mexican staring frog

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of southern

Sri Lanka.

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Now, as you all know,

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the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka

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can supposedly kill you

with one horrid gaze.

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If a person even so much

as looks into the frog's eyes,

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they can be paralyzed

or even die.

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And this film proves

that that frog

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may very well exist.

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Now watch carefully.

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You're gonna see

the Mexican staring frog.

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There! There,

did you see it?

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Roll that back again.

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Now freeze it.

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Well, I'd like

to know what

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all you skeptics

have to say now.

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What do you think, Ned?

- I'm scared.

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Well, be sure to

join us next time.

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Until then...

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♪ We're so glad you

spent a time with us ♪

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♪ While we slaughtered our way

through nature's guts ♪

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♪ Come again

and stay a while ♪

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♪ We'll kill a lot

more living things ♪

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♪ And make them bleed ♪

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Good night.

00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,100

And we're cut,

great show, guys.

00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,476

Oh, lookee

who's here.

00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,186

My little

nephew, Stanley.

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So you're interested

in your Uncle Jimbo's

00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:13,981

big TV show, huh?

00:05:14,106 --> 00:05:16,066

No, we have to do

a stupid report on Vietnam.

00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:17,901

You and Ned are the only

guys we know who were there.

00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:20,738

Oh, yeah, we sure were.

- Was it fun?

00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:22,239

Cartman, what kind of

stupid-ass question is that?

00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:23,615

Of course it was fun.

00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:25,200

Well, sure, Vietnam was fun.

00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:26,785

But not like going

to the circus fun

00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,287

or fly fishing in Montana fun.

00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:30,164

No, Vietnam was more like

00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:32,166

shoving shards of broken glass

up your ass

00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:33,375

and then sitting in a tub

of Tabasco sauce fun!

00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,960

Whoa.

00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,421

Yepper, that's where

me and Ned met.

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I remember I had just

gotten off the Ferris wheel.

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Oh, boy, what a gorgeous day.

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- Kern, get over here.

00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,861

The new privates are here.

00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,279

I'm assigning one of them

to you as a trainee.

00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,823

Ned Gerblansky.

00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:05,908

Ned Gerblansky reporting,

sir.

00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,284

Thanks, Ned.

00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:08,577

Now, the bad guys

have been spotted

00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,579

about ten clicks north of here.

00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,498

I know that you and Kern are

best suited to take them out.

00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:16,085

- Are you up for it?

- Sir, yes, sir.

00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,045

Soon it was

all on just me and Ned

00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,838

to win the war for America.

00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,799

Pass me some more cocoa,

will you, Ned?

00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:23,884

Certainly, and would you like

another muffin as well?

00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,095

Why the hell not?

We're at war.

00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,848

Hey, you know those things are

bad for your throat.

00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,475

No, that's all lies.

I'll be fine.

00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,435

Charlies at two o'clock!

00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,562

I see 'em, drop the bomb!

00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:36,980

- The bomb's not releasing!

00:06:37,106 --> 00:06:38,690

Oh, no!

- It won't budge.

00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:41,193

Then we only have one option.

00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:42,945

What are you doing, man?

00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,406

We have to take 'em out, Ned,

at all costs!

00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:47,658

Die, you red commie bastards!

00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,754

Oh, no, out of ammo!

00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:15,561

We did it, Ned.

00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,521

We killed the entire

Viet Cong army.

00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,606

Whoopee!

00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,316

Let's get back to base camp.

00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,152

We can ride the log ride

before it closes.

00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,698

And that's the way

it happened, boys.

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Wow!

- Man, Vietnam was sweet.

00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,244

Great news, guys, your

TV show ratings

00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,954

have doubled!

- Wow!

00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,165

They've gone from

six people to twelve.

00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,584

Holy smokes,

we could get an Emmy.

00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:42,796

We've got to do it, J--

your rating are being killed

00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,256

by the Jimbo and Ned

hunting show.

00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:45,799

But I don't really

care about that.

00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,301

Well, you better care,

Mr. Smarty Pants.

00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:49,094

No ratings means no show.

00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,637

If you want to keep

reaching out to people,

00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,930

you have to keep up

with the times.

00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,599

Oh, all right.

00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,017

All right,

we're 10 seconds to air, guys.

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Remember, big, big, big.

00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,813

And five, four, three...

00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,899

It's your hour of power

00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,442

on midday mountain

cable access.

00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:04,735

Put your hands together

and welcome

00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,403

the only man in town

00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,822

who always has a fully

stocked wine cellar.

00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:13,243

Jesus Christ!

00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,412

Uhh... Hi.

00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,331

Uh, y-yeah, okay.

00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,916

Beginning today,

we're taking the show

00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:20,501

in a new direction.

00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,336

We've got some very

interesting people

00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,505

coming on the show this week

for you, our viewers.

00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:27,799

Today's guest is TV's

Gilligan, Mr. Bob Denver.

00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:30,552

Here's Bob Denver!

00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,223

Hi, Bob Denver.

00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,141

Hi, Jesus, great to be here.

00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:41,939

So, Bob, so you

just get in town?

00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:43,941

Yep, just got in.

00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:48,612

So, um, so what have

you been up to?

00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:51,156

- Nothing, nothing

really at all.

00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,869

♪ Nothing from nothing

leaves nothing ♪

00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,538

♪ You gotta have something... ♪

00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:58,705

Oh, boy.

00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,292

And after killing

the entire Viet Cong army,

00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,169

they returned to base camp.

00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,879

Once there they rode

the devil's drop roller coaster

00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,839

and ate cotton candy

and ultimately,

00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:10,133

Ned got the Purple Heart

for his courageous defense

00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:12,219

of the log ride.

00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,471

So was the horror

of Vietnam. The end.

00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:15,639

The end.

00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:17,558

Are there any questions?

00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:18,809

Yes, Mr. Garrison.

00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,477

Yes, where the

00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:23,188

did you hear this ridiculous

load of bullshit?

00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,648

From Vietnam veterans.

00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,024

Well, boys, it's obvious

to me

00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,693

that you didn't do your work

00:09:27,818 --> 00:09:29,027

and then you stayed up

all night making up

00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,070

some ridiculous lie.

00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,655

No, no, we didn't.

00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,073

You all receive an F-minus.

00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,324

F-minus? Can he do that?

00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:35,951

But we're not making it up.

00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,661

Stanley, the Vietnam War

was war.

00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:38,996

There weren't galloping steeds

00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,914

or singing birds or log rides.

00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:41,915

How do you know?

You weren't even there.

00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,625

Well, that's it!

00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,419

All of you have detention

for the rest of the week!

00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,174

Sweet.

00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,885

Welcome to detention, mm-kay.

00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:56,054

Mr. Garrison told me

about your little joke.

00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,389

It's important for

you all to know why

00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,016

you're in detention

00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:01,268

for you to obtain

the full benefits from it.

00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:02,978

You're here because

you're inferior, okay,

00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,814

you're here because

you're awkward, okay?

00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,899

Well, Stan, thanks a lot

for having such a cool uncle

00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,776

that got us all

detention for a week.

00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,028

Yeah, dude, your

uncle Jimbo sucks ass.

00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,529

Shh, okay.

00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,989

Why would he just

invent a story

00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,282

instead of telling

us the truth?

00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,700

Well, let' see. Maybe 'cause

00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:17,909

he's an old drunk

hillbilly dick.

00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:19,286

Shh, okay.

00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:20,704

We got to get him back,

dude.

00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,456

Totally.

- How?

00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:23,665

Well, he screwed us

by making something up.

00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:24,791

I say we do the same thing.

00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,543

What do you mean?

00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:27,794

Did you guys ever see

that one "Brady Bunch"

00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,212

where the guy...

00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,009

Oh, yeah, sweet.

00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,595

Super sweet.

Yes!

00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,305

And now back to

"Huntin' and Killin'"

00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,015

with South Park's

favorite hunters,

00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,558

Jimbo and Ned.

00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,060

Welcome, hunters.

00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:44,895

Boy, have we got

a show for you today.

00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,064

We have just received

a tape from another viewer

00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,774

who filmed the Mexican

staring frog

00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,275

of southern Sri Lanka

right here in South Park.

00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,695

Yes, now we're

about to roll the film,

00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,698

but remember, if you look

the Mexican staring frog

00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,950

in the eyes,

you can go catatonic.

00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,535

We don't know if this

applies to pictures

00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:01,787

of the frog or not,

00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,580

but who wants to take chances?

00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:05,832

So when we roll this film,

be sure to look away.

00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,919

Okay, roll the film, Tom.

00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:13,173

Is it over?

00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,341

Okay, it's over.

00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,009

Well, there you have it.

00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,719

Undeniable proof that

the Mexican staring frog

00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,513

of southern Sri Lanka exists.

00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:21,682

And you saw it here on

the Jimbo and Ned show.

00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,225

Dude, I can't believe

they fell for it.

00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,851

Yeah, what a couple

of dumbasses.

00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,730

Yeah.

00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,232

Come on, we gotta

go make another one.

00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,525

- Lying kicks ass.

00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:32,567

Jesus!

- Yeah?

00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,319

We're in trouble.

00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:35,862

The Jimbo and Ned show

made up some ridiculous

00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,739

staring frog story

and jumped another

00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,283

two points in the ratings.

- Uh-oh. So what are we

00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:42,119

supposed to do?

- I don't know.

00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,829

We'll have to continue

with the changes we've made

00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,622

and then go even further.

00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:48,792

And we're back in

five, four, three...

00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,293

Remember, big, big, big.

00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,926

If you're just joining us,

00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,928

we've been listening

to Michelle's incredible story

00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,638

of survival.

Go on, Michelle.

00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,557

- Well, as I was saying,

I tried and tried

00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,600

but my overturned car

just wouldn't budge.

00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:08,103

My husband was trapped

for 12 hours.

00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,938

And yet somehow

he managed to survive.

00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,648

That's right.

00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:13,608

He's a very brave man,

and I love him very much.

00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,318

I love you, too.

00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:16,361

Well, let's see

if the audience

00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,404

has any questions.

00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,406

Yes, you over there.

00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:24,244

I think she needs to kick him

to the curb, baby.

00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:27,414

Kick who to the curb?

- Her no-good husband.

00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,751

She's got to lose that zero

and get herself a hero.

00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:32,335

But...

00:12:32,461 --> 00:12:34,713

He wants to have

his cake and eat it too.

00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,090

He's got to dump

that trash, girlfriend.

00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:38,925

It's all about respect.

00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,761

You gotta have

respect for yourself.

00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,056

I think we've somewhat

missed the point here.

00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:46,183

Let's go to somebody else.

00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:47,893

Yes, your comments.

00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,728

Montel, I think we're

forgetting something

00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,271

very important in all this.

00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,023

Okay, sure, he touched

some children

00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,983

but the man is a great singer

00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,860

and he's entertained

us for so many years.

00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,196

What are you talking about?

- Michael Jackson.

00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,740

All this badmouthing,

putting the man down.

00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:04,034

Maybe he did touch some

children now and then.

00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:05,786

But come on,

it's Michael Jackson.

00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,078

Michael Jackson!

00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,999

Uh, we'll be back right

after these messages.

00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,417

Ready, you guys?

00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,418

Ready!

00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:14,836

Okay, action.

00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:20,884

I am the deadly

Mexican staring frog

00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,928

of southern Sri Lanka.

00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,392

It's supposed to be a frog.

- I know that.

00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,144

Since when do

frogs talk, Cartman?

00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:33,230

It's a Sri Lanka frog.

00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,106

Der, Cartman!

- Der yourself, hippy.

00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:36,733

Just do it again, Cartman,

and don't make it talk.

00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,610

Okay, here we go, ready?

00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,904

Are you ready, Cartman?

- I'm ready, Steven Spielberg!

00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,322

Action!

00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,074

Screw you guys.

00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:46,409

Wait, why do I have to

dress up like an old lady?

00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:48,453

'Cause old ladies are

fat and you are too.

00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,121

Come on, Cartman,

the way we're shooting this,

00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,873

nobody will even know it's you.

00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,000

They better not.

- Okay, when I yell action,

00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,961

you start to walk this way,

00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:57,379

then Kenny's gonna pull the

plastic frog in front of you

00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,588

and you have to be scared.

00:13:58,713 --> 00:13:59,756

Scared of a plastic frog?

00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,424

- It's acting, Cartman.

00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,385

You have to pretend

you're really scared,

00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,178

then the Mexican staring frog

will look you in the eyes,

00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,763

then you fall down like you're

dead, okay, ready?

00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,306

This is stupid.

00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,891

Good, and action!

00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:12,644

Ahh!

00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,981

Well, it appears as though

a lot of you skeptics

00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,275

thought that the film we showed

of the Mexican staring frog

00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,318

of southern Sri Lanka

was a fake.

00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,195

They say it didn't

harm anybody.

00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,655

Well, it just so happens that

00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,282

we just received another film

00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,741

from another anonymous viewer.

00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:27,909

Roll it.

00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,329

Ahhh!

00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,332

There you go.

00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,459

Proof that not only

is this frog real,

00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,044

but it is doing harm

to the people of South Park

00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,588

as we speak.

00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,339

Damn that frog.

- Well, that does it.

00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,675

All this week,

Ned and I will be

00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,510

risking life and limb

as we go on location

00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,262

to hunt the Mexican

staring frog

00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,597

of southern Sri Lanka.

00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:49,681

Join us, won't you?

00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,558

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:53,310

This is the biggest publicity

stunt I've ever seen.

00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,896

Damn, those hunters are clever.

- Uh, clever?

00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,397

It's genius, it really is.

00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:58,481

Hell, I even want

to watch them hunt

00:14:58,607 --> 00:14:59,858

the Mexican staring frog.

00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,902

Unless.

- Unless what?

00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,194

Unless we can

prove to the world

00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,654

that the whole thing is a sham.

00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:05,989

If we prove that

the Mexican staring frog

00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,532

of southern Sri Lanka

00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:08,950

is just something

made up by Jimbo and Ned,

00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:09,993

we can have them

taken off the air,

00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,703

perhaps even killed.

00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,371

Look, why don't we just

stick to our own show?

00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,664

People will watch again.

00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:17,250

Oh, J, you are so omnipotent,

00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,919

and yet so naive.

00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:20,837

We'll launch a full

investigation

00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,130

and in the meantime

we can cash in

00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,173

on the videotapes.

00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:24,841

What videotapes?

00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,468

Yea, my children, I am

the way and the light...

00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,303

You've seen

"Jesus and Pals."

00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,055

Now you've got

to get the video.

00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,390

"Jesus and Pals

Too Hot for TV."

00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,935

Things get a little

out of control.

00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,770

You won't believe your eyes.

00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,939

Order now, only $19.95.

00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:41,858

Remember, this is stuff

you can't see on TV.

00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:45,987

Anonymous tip?

00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,822

Yeah, it was left on

our answering machine.

00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,449

All it said was that they

saw the Mexican staring frog

00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:50,951

just south of Stark's Pond

this morning.

00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:52,243

Hey Ned, remember

that time we got

00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,870

that anonymous tip back in Nam?

00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,413

You were in Nam?

Where were you stationed?

00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,165

Da Nang.

- With the log ride?

00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,334

Yup.

- Man, I was in Tet.

00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,169

We had a badass rollercoaster

00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,129

but all we ever

wanted was a log ride.

00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:07,008

We waited and we waited

but they never built us one.

00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,969

I think Danforth

wanted a log ride

00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,304

more than anybody

but he had to settle

00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,974

with that lame dinosaur

water adventure ride.

00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:17,352

That war was hell on everybody.

00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,980

Good, okay, okay bye.

Great news, everybody.

00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,481

This week's ratings

are through the roof.

00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:23,149

We're up to 20 people.

00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,568

Wow, do we get more money?

- No, but I do.

00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:26,736

We're now the

highest rated show

00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,279

on mountain cable access.

00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,323

God bless the Mexican

staring frog.

00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,491

Dude, they're gonna

look so stupid.

00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,034

Totally.

00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,494

They deserve it

for lying to us, dude.

00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,663

Revenge is

so very, very sweet.

00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,581

They're here, hurry and hide.

00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,543

Let's hunt.

00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,420

We'll start with a

two-shot of you and Ned

00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:44,879

getting your equipment

together and...

00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,297

Jimbo, look!

00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:48,133

Hit the deck!

- What is it?

00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:49,509

It's him,

the Mexican staring frog

00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,052

of southern Sri Lanka.

00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,137

He's right over

there on that rock.

00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:53,805

He is?

- Dumbass!

00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,140

You've gotta

keep your eyes away from him.

00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:56,391

Stay down.

00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,184

Ned, you take flank position.

00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,269

I'll try and keep it

turned away from you.

00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:00,353

Roger that.

00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:01,813

Hello, fellow hunters.

00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,314

Have we got a show

for you today.

00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,316

The Mexican staring frog

is sunning itself

00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:08,069

on a rock directly behind us.

00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,071

We've got to take

the frog by surprise.

00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,907

I'm gonna create a diversion

using this incendiary device,

00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,785

while Ned will ambush

him from the rear.

00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,537

Now, Ned, he's not looking!

00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,998

Quick, Ned!

Hit him with the shotgun!

00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,708

Now, Ned!

00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:23,877

Ned, Ned?

00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:29,674

Oh, no!

00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,968

Come on, Ned, buddy,

snap out of it.

00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,678

Come back to me, buddy.

00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:34,971

Are you getting all this?

00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:38,558

Hold on to your butts.

00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,393

Take that, you demon frog!

00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,187

Ned, Ned, can you hear me?

00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:43,354

Quick, somebody

call an ambulance!

00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,856

This man is catatonic!

00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,316

Get the Flight

for Life helicopter.

00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,776

Holy crap, dude.

00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:52,155

"But pony boy was

beat up pretty bad.

00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,283

He kept saying, 'Stay gold."'

00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,285

Oh, Ned, if you can hear me,

00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,037

you gotta snap out of it.

00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:01,372

'cause if you don't,

I'll never forgive myself.

00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,416

Oh, Stanley, he's gone!

00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,168

My only friend in

the world is gone.

00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,544

Dude, he's okay.

That frog wasn't even real.

00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,046

Look.

00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,464

Oh, what the hell

are you doing?

00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,257

I almost looked right at it.

00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:12,509

Dude, it's just a plastic

frog. It's not real.

00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,135

Check it out.

- What?

00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,762

We shot all those videos

and sent them in.

00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:17,388

- Yeah, we made

the whole thing up.

00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:18,890

It was all just a really,

really funny joke.

00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,183

You sent in those videos?

00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:21,768

Oh, this is not good.

00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,561

My best friend is

a vegetable,

00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,814

and I'm gonna be the

laughingstock of South Park.

00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,398

Oh, come on, Ned's faking it.

00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,192

That frog was just

a piece of plastic.

00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:30,902

Yeah, come on,

Ned, quit faking.

00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,529

You boys don't understand.

00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,239

Ned was so freaked out

by the idea

00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,032

of the Mexican staring frog

00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,201

that he must have sent

himself into a deep coma.

00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:39,702

It's a psychosomatic

response.

00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,538

I couldn't help overhearing

00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:43,706

your conversation just now.

- Who are you?

00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,583

I produce a little TV show

called "Jesus and Pals."

00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,210

You might have heard of it.

00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,878

Your story's amazing,

full of jealousy,

00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,338

duplicity, backstabbing,

and bitterness.

00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,507

Uh, thanks?

00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,092

How would you like to share

your remarkable story

00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:55,760

with us on tomorrow's show?

00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,472

We're back with Jimbo

and his nephew, Stan.

00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,224

These kids can't

stop lying, can they?

00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:02,600

That's right, Jesus.

00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,185

No respect for their elders.

00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,520

As some of you may know,

00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,230

I host a local show on hunting.

00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,733

Thanks. We've been hunting

the Mexican staring frog

00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,318

for a week based on

some video footage

00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,070

we received from a viewer.

00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,655

Well, it turns out

that these kids

00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,365

faked the footage.

00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,033

Is that true, Stan?

- It was just a joke.

00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:21,327

We didn't think

it would hurt anybody.

00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:23,079

We'll find out more

about this debauchery

00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,831

when we return.

00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:27,333

And we're out.

00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,960

You're corpses up here.

00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,795

We need a lot more

action from everybody.

00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,463

Like what?

00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,174

Like go ahead and tell

how your nephew Stan

00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:36,509

takes drugs and worships Satan.

- Satan, got it.

00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,636

Whoa, I don't take drugs and

worship Satan. That's lying.

00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,680

Give you a taste of your own

medicine, you little fibber!

00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,807

You kids, I didn't bring you

on this show to be boring.

00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,226

Somebody get pissed off and

throw a chair at Ned here.

00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,061

Dibs!

- Remember...

00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,564

you all start to fight

after the chair is thrown.

00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,274

That's your cue.

- Right.

00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,819

Welcome back to

"Jesus and Pals."

00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,321

Jimbo, why do you think

little Stanley lies?

00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:58,031

I'll tell you why.

00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:01,326

Because he's on drugs and

he worships the devil.

00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:05,622

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!

00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:07,290

Wow. Now, Stanley,

it sounds like

00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,292

your uncle's really

worried about you.

00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,753

Well, I only did it

'cause... he molested me.

00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:16,424

Why you little piece of crap!

- You big piece of crap!

00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,718

That's it, now

I'm all pissed off.

00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,595

Take that, hippy.

- Hey!

00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,264

Jesus, Jesus!

00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,184

Okay, okay, that's enough.

00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:27,810

Take that, you asshole.

00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:29,687

What the was that?

00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,105

Let's watch

the language, people.

00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,815

Bring it on, you bitch.

00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,442

Hey, get off of him

you nut-sack!

00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,528

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!

00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:39,822

Let's all just make our

way back to our seats.

00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,618

Oh, my God,

they killed Kenny!

00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,078

You bastards!

00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:47,830

Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!

00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,918

Let's all just make

our way back to our seats.

00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:55,380

Shut the up!

00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:58,716

Jesus, what is wrong

with you people?

00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,301

Look around you, Stanley.

00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,386

Look at the all

the pain and suffering

00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:03,096

your lie has caused.

00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:04,889

We only did it because

Jimbo lied to us first.

00:21:05,014 --> 00:21:06,391

We had this report on

the Vietnam War for school

00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:08,101

and we interviewed

Jimbo about it.

00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,352

And he made up all this stuff

about Vietnam,

00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:10,937

and he got us in trouble.

00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:12,397

Hey now, everything

I told you boys

00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,232

about the war

actually happened.

00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:16,567

Mr. Garrison said there was

no way that you could've

00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,111

defeated the entire Viet Cong

army by yourself.

00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,196

The entire Viet Cong army?

00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,407

- I--well, okay, I might

have embellished the truth

00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:24,450

a little but that's different.

00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,494

Is it?

- Well, sure, I mean...

00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:29,289

Well, no, I guess not.

- And as for you, Stan...

00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,291

I think you need to

kick your drug habit.

00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,293

Wait a second, I don't take

drugs. That was a lie.

00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:35,378

Wait, Jimbo made that up?

- No, your producer did.

00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:36,921

She made Jimbo tell

everybody that I did drugs.

00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:38,589

What?

00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:40,300

During the break your

producer came over

00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:41,509

and told Jimbo what

to say about me.

00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:42,802

She told him to lie.

00:21:42,927 --> 00:21:44,637

It's true, she did.

00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:47,682

I'm such a tool.

- Oh, really?

00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:49,475

Yeah, then she told us

to throw a chair at Ned.

00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,685

Yeah, I didn't

want to do it, Jesus.

00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,437

They made me do that.

00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:54,355

Screw this show, I thought

this was all real!

00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,232

Wait, everybody, come back.

00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:58,276

Don't feel too bad, Montel,

00:21:58,401 --> 00:22:01,195

we all wanna touch children

sometimes, it's only natural.

00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:05,742

I'm sorry, Stan.

00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:07,452

I was just trying

to tell a good story.

00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:08,745

I never meant for you boys

to get in trouble.

00:22:08,870 --> 00:22:10,330

We're sorry, too, Uncle Jimbo.

00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:11,539

We're sorry for making

you look stupid

00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,541

in front of the whole world.

00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:15,209

Yeah, and we're sorry for

turning Ned into a vegetable.

00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:16,711

He'll be fine,

I'll just take him home

00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:18,379

and show him some

good hardcore porn.

00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:20,965

He'll snap right out

of it, won't you, Ned?

00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:22,925

I want to apologize to all of

you for what happened in there.

00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:24,886

In our competition for ratings,

00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:26,554

we all lost sight of

why we got into show business

00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:27,638

in the first place.

00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:29,223

Yeah, titties and beer.

00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:30,600

Actually, I was referring

more

00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:32,518

to the pursuit of truth, but...

00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,520

Well, anyway, I can't wait to

get back to my old show

00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:36,564

without all the glitz and

ratings and producers...

00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:38,232

Wait a sec,

where is your producer?

00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,610

I sent her away.

- Sent her away where?

00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,614

What is this?

What's happening?

00:22:44,739 --> 00:22:47,033

Welcome to my dominion.

00:22:47,158 --> 00:22:49,452

Ahh!

00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,287

Hey, take a load off,

put your feet up.

00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:52,705

Me and Satan were just

about to go shopping

00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:54,332

for furniture.

Come on, Satan.

00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:56,793

Okay, honey.

00:22:56,918 --> 00:22:58,961

No!

00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:01,798

♪ War is hell ♪

00:23:01,923 --> 00:23:05,718

♪ My brother's dead

in my arms ♪

00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:09,514

♪ In war, war is hell ♪

00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:12,725

♪ It's hell for you and me ♪

00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:07,842

[off-key] ♪ Ooh, can't wait

to touch your body ♪

00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:10,386

♪ Ooh, girl,

make sweet love to you ♪

00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,138

♪ All night long ♪

00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:14,765

♪ Yeah, your butt is so fine ♪

00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:17,852

♪ Want to use it like a pillow

all the time ♪

00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,063

Oh. Well, that episode was

a hoot and a holler, wasn't it?

00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,732

That is a great episode,

00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,859

but this next episode

is our favorite episode.

00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,318

It's called "The Mexican

Staring Frog

00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,029

of Southern Sri Lanka."

00:00:28,154 --> 00:00:29,864

That's right,

and it's all about this army

00:00:29,989 --> 00:00:32,533

of futuristic vehicles

which can drop out of planes

00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:34,452

and then run in silent mode,

and they actually

00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:36,328

use the silent mode to sneak up

behind their enemies,

00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:38,122

and they don't even know

they're there.

00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:40,332

And the leader,

who wears this big silver suit,

00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:42,043

he's almost late,

but then he uses a flying mode

00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:43,044

to get in the back

of this plane--

00:00:43,169 --> 00:00:44,503

Dude. Dude.

00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,756

That's not this episode.

- It's not?

00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:49,425

No, dude, that's

that movie "Megaforce."

00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,052

- We didn't do that?

- No, dude, that came out

00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:52,845

when we were, like,

12 years old.

00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,055

Oh, dude,

we should have done that.

00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:55,639

That was a sweet movie.

00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,809

Well, yeah, but this is

the episode where it has--

00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:00,978

you know, where it has Jesus,

and he gets his own talk show,

00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,272

and they're--they're after that

Mexican staring frog and stuff.

00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,107

Oh, we should have done

"Megaforce."

00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,234

That was a sweet movie.

We should have done that.

00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,571

Well, enjoy

"The Mexican Staring Frog

00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,490

of Southern Sri Lanka."

00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,492

♪ Say hey-oh ♪

- [all] ♪ Hey-oh ♪

00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,786

- ♪ Say whoa ♪

- [all] ♪ Whoa ♪

00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:27,171

[twangy music]

00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:28,672

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:28,798 --> 00:01:30,674

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,384

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:33,928

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:35,387

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:37,223

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:38,933

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:40,434

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:41,936

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:43,521

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:46,857

[singing indistinctly]

00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,359

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:01:48,484 --> 00:01:50,152

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:52,947

And now back to

"Huntin' and Killin'"

00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:55,574

with South Park's favorite

hunters Jimbo and Ned.

00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,910

I'm Jimbo Kern,

and this here is Ned.

00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:00,287

Say hi, Ned.

- Hi, Ned.

00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,540

[laughs]

Now isn't that great?

00:02:02,665 --> 00:02:03,874

We have a terrific

show for you today.

00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:05,543

We're gonna

kill some elk

00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:07,253

and we're gonna kill

some mountain goats.

00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:10,714

Now, the new law passed

by Colorado legislature,

00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,259

which Ned and I call

Pussy Law #4, states

00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,052

that we can no longer

kill animals in defense.

00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:16,428

In other words, our old line

00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,222

of "It's comin'

right for us"...

00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,724

"It's comin' right for us!"

- No longer works.

00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,434

So now we only

kill animals to...

00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:25,479

If we don't hunt,

then these animals

00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:26,856

will grow too big

in number

00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,399

and they won't

have enough food.

00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,401

So you see,

we have to kill animals

00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,486

or else they'll die.

00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,200

Uh, so roll the tape.

00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,618

Here we are up

at Shaffers Crossing

00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,120

looking for

some animals.

00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:42,997

Lookee, Ned,

there's some deers.

00:02:43,122 --> 00:02:44,874

Quick, Ned,

thin out their numbers.

00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,625

Thin out

their numbers.

00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,423

Good work, Ned,

now they won't starve.

00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,383

That sure was

a great hunting trip.

00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,135

We saved those deer

from extinction.

00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:57,595

We're environmentalists.

00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:58,888

Coming up next,

00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,431

we're gonna

drop some napalm

00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:02,516

on an unsuspecting

family of beavers,

00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,226

and also try to

thin out the numbers

00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,687

of some

endangered species.

00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:12,943

Mr. Garrison,

what's Vietnam?

00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,361

What's Vietnam?

00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,030

A question a

child might ask

00:03:16,155 --> 00:03:17,698

but not a

childish question.

00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,158

[laughs]

00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,701

Children, for

the next few days

00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,453

we'll be learning

all about Vietnam.

00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,205

Chances are that somebody

in your own lives

00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:26,290

was affected by

this incredible war.

00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:27,833

That's right,

Mr. Garrison,

00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,501

the Vietnam War

was sticky and icky.

00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:32,087

Mr. Garrison, were

you in Vietnam?

00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,758

[man screaming]

00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,343

Come on, man,

let's go!

00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:38,510

Jump out of

the chopper!

00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:41,889

Who's next

to take a shower?

00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:43,641

Me, I am!

00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:45,351

You just took one

last time, silly.

00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:48,187

Oh, where can I hide

this big pipe?

00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:49,730

No, I wasn't

in Vietnam.

00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,815

But sometimes I like

to pretend I was.

00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:55,152

Anyway, children, I'm going to

assign you all a paper.

00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:57,321

I want you all to find

somebody in your own life

00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,698

who was in Vietnam

and interview them about it.

00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,909

What if we don't know

anybody who was in Vietnam?

00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,577

Then you get an F,

fail the third grade

00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,412

and have to get a job cleaning

septic tanks

00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,957

to support your drug habit.

- Oh.

00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,708

Dude, my uncle Jimbo

was in Vietnam.

00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,086

Hey, yeah, he and Ned do

that stupid TV show.

00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:13,671

- And now time for...

00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:17,758

One of our loyal viewers

from South Park

00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,593

sent us some

8-millimeter film

00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:22,304

of what he claims

to be the Mexican staring frog

00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,764

of southern

Sri Lanka.

00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,432

Now, as you all know,

00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,268

the Mexican staring frog

of southern Sri Lanka

00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:29,812

can supposedly kill you

with one horrid gaze.

00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,523

If a person even so much

as looks into the frog's eyes,

00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:34,608

they can be paralyzed

or even die.

00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:36,110

And this film proves

that that frog

00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:37,403

may very well exist.

00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:38,904

Now watch carefully.

00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,115

You're gonna see

the Mexican staring frog.

00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,660

There! There,

did you see it?

00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,537

Roll that back again.

00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,122

Now freeze it.

00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:49,873

Well, I'd like

to know what

00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:51,583

all you skeptics

have to say now.

00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,419

What do you think, Ned?

- I'm scared.

00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:54,753

Well, be sure to

join us next time.

00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,714

Until then...

00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:58,841

♪ We're so glad you

spent a time with us ♪

00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,592

♪ While we slaughtered our way

through nature's guts ♪

00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,511

♪ Come again

and stay a while ♪

00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,179

♪ We'll kill a lot

more living things ♪

00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:05,264

♪ And make them bleed ♪

00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:06,640

Good night.

00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,100

And we're cut,

great show, guys.

00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,476

Oh, lookee

who's here.

00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,186

My little

nephew, Stanley.

00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:12,187

So you're interested

in your Uncle Jimbo's

00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:13,981

big TV show, huh?

00:05:14,106 --> 00:05:16,066

No, we have to do

a stupid report on Vietnam.

00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:17,901

You and Ned are the only

guys we know who were there.

00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:20,738

Oh, yeah, we sure were.

- Was it fun?

00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:22,239

Cartman, what kind of

stupid-ass question is that?

00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:23,615

Of course it was fun.

00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:25,200

Well, sure, Vietnam was fun.

00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:26,785

But not like going

to the circus fun

00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,287

or fly fishing in Montana fun.

00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:30,164

No, Vietnam was more like

00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:32,166

shoving shards of broken glass

up your ass

00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:33,375

and then sitting in a tub

of Tabasco sauce fun!

00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,960

Whoa.

00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,421

Yepper, that's where

me and Ned met.

00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:40,549

[smooth music plays]

00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:49,975

I remember I had just

gotten off the Ferris wheel.

00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,519

Oh, boy, what a gorgeous day.

00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:54,646

[bird whistling]

00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,109

- Kern, get over here.

00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,861

The new privates are here.

00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,279

I'm assigning one of them

to you as a trainee.

00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,823

Ned Gerblansky.

00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:05,908

Ned Gerblansky reporting,

sir.

00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,284

Thanks, Ned.

00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:08,577

Now, the bad guys

have been spotted

00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,579

about ten clicks north of here.

00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,498

I know that you and Kern are

best suited to take them out.

00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:16,085

Are you up for it?

[both] Sir, yes, sir.

00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,045

Soon it was

all on just me and Ned

00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,838

to win the war for America.

00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,799

Pass me some more cocoa,

will you, Ned?

00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:23,884

Certainly, and would you like

another muffin as well?

00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,095

Why the hell not?

We're at war.

00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,848

Hey, you know those things are

bad for your throat.

00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,475

No, that's all lies.

I'll be fine.

00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,435

Charlies at two o'clock!

00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,562

I see 'em, drop the bomb!

00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:36,980

- The bomb's not releasing!

00:06:37,106 --> 00:06:38,690

Oh, no!

- It won't budge.

00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:41,193

Then we only have one option.

00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:42,945

What are you doing, man?

00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,406

We have to take 'em out, Ned,

at all costs!

00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:47,658

Die, you red commie bastards!

00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:49,159

[all shouting]

00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,123

[machine gunfire,

men shouting]

00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:57,084

[screaming]

00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:59,002

[yelling]

00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,754

Oh, no, out of ammo!

00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:03,841

[neighs]

00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:06,969

[grunting]

00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,223

[grunting]

00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:15,561

We did it, Ned.

00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,521

We killed the entire

Viet Cong army.

00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,606

Whoopee!

00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,316

Let's get back to base camp.

00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,152

We can ride the log ride

before it closes.

00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:26,280

[neighs]

00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,698

And that's the way

it happened, boys.

00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:30,576

Wow!

- Man, Vietnam was sweet.

00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,244

Great news, guys, your

TV show ratings

00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,954

have doubled!

- Wow!

00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,165

They've gone from

six people to twelve.

00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,584

Holy smokes,

we could get an Emmy.

00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:42,796

We've got to do it, J--

your rating are being killed

00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,256

by the Jimbo and Ned

hunting show.

00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:45,799

But I don't really

care about that.

00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,301

Well, you better care,

Mr. Smarty Pants.

00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:49,094

No ratings means no show.

00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,637

If you want to keep

reaching out to people,

00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,930

you have to keep up

with the times.

00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,599

Oh, all right.

00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,017

All right,

we're 10 seconds to air, guys.

00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,352

Remember, big, big, big.

00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,813

And five, four, three...

00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,899

It's your hour of power

00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,442

on midday mountain

cable access.

00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:04,735

Put your hands together

and welcome

00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,403

the only man in town

00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,822

who always has a fully

stocked wine cellar.

00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:13,243

Jesus Christ!

00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,412

Uhh... Hi.

00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,331

Uh, y-yeah, okay.

00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,916

Beginning today,

we're taking the show

00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:20,501

in a new direction.

00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,336

We've got some very

interesting people

00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,505

coming on the show this week

for you, our viewers.

00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:27,799

Today's guest is TV's

Gilligan, Mr. Bob Denver.

00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:30,552

Here's Bob Denver!

00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,763

[applause]

00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,223

Hi, Bob Denver.

00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,141

Hi, Jesus, great to be here.

00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:41,939

So, Bob, so you

just get in town?

00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:43,941

Yep, just got in.

00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:48,612

So, um, so what have

you been up to?

00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:51,156

- Nothing, nothing

really at all.

00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,869

♪ Nothing from nothing

leaves nothing ♪

00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,538

♪ You gotta have something... ♪

00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:58,705

Oh, boy.

00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,292

And after killing

the entire Viet Cong army,

00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,169

they returned to base camp.

00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,879

Once there they rode

the devil's drop roller coaster

00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,839

and ate cotton candy

and ultimately,

00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:10,133

Ned got the Purple Heart

for his courageous defense

00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:12,219

of the log ride.

00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,471

So was the horror

of Vietnam. The end.

00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:15,639

[all] The end.

00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:17,558

Are there any questions?

00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:18,809

Yes, Mr. Garrison.

00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,477

Yes, where the [bleep]

00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:23,188

did you hear this ridiculous

load of bullshit?

00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,648

From Vietnam veterans.

00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,024

Well, boys, it's obvious

to me

00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,693

that you didn't do your work

00:09:27,818 --> 00:09:29,027

and then you stayed up

all night making up

00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,070

some ridiculous lie.

00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,655

No, no, we didn't.

00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,073

You all receive an F-minus.

00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,324

F-minus? Can he do that?

00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:35,951

But we're not making it up.

00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,661

Stanley, the Vietnam War

was war.

00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:38,996

There weren't galloping steeds

00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,914

or singing birds or log rides.

00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:41,915

How do you know?

You weren't even there.

00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,625

Well, that's it!

00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,419

All of you have detention

for the rest of the week!

00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,174

Sweet.

00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,885

Welcome to detention, mm-kay.

00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:56,054

Mr. Garrison told me

about your little joke.

00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,389

It's important for

you all to know why

00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,016

you're in detention

00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:01,268

for you to obtain

the full benefits from it.

00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:02,978

You're here because

you're inferior, okay,

00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,814

you're here because

you're awkward, okay?

00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,899

Well, Stan, thanks a lot

for having such a cool uncle

00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,776

that got us all

detention for a week.

00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,028

Yeah, dude, your

uncle Jimbo sucks ass.

00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,529

Shh, okay.

00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,989

Why would he just

invent a story

00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,282

instead of telling

us the truth?

00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,700

Well, let' see. Maybe 'cause

00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:17,909

he's an old drunk

hillbilly dick.

00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:19,286

Shh, okay.

00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:20,704

We got to get him back,

dude.

00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,456

Totally.

- How?

00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:23,665

Well, he screwed us

by making something up.

00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:24,791

I say we do the same thing.

00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,543

What do you mean?

00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:27,794

Did you guys ever see

that one "Brady Bunch"

00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,212

where the guy...

00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,797

[whispering]

00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,009

Oh, yeah, sweet.

00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,595

Super sweet.

Yes!

00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,305

And now back to

"Huntin' and Killin'"

00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,015

with South Park's

favorite hunters,

00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,558

Jimbo and Ned.

00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,060

Welcome, hunters.

00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:44,895

Boy, have we got

a show for you today.

00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,064

We have just received

a tape from another viewer

00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,774

who filmed the Mexican

staring frog

00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,275

of southern Sri Lanka

right here in South Park.

00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,860

[grunts]

00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,695

Yes, now we're

about to roll the film,

00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,698

but remember, if you look

the Mexican staring frog

00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,950

in the eyes,

you can go catatonic.

00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,535

We don't know if this

applies to pictures

00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:01,787

of the frog or not,

00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,580

but who wants to take chances?

00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:05,832

So when we roll this film,

be sure to look away.

00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,919

Okay, roll the film, Tom.

00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:13,173

Is it over?

00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,341

Okay, it's over.

00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,009

Well, there you have it.

00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,719

Undeniable proof that

the Mexican staring frog

00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,513

of southern Sri Lanka exists.

00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:21,682

And you saw it here on

the Jimbo and Ned show.

00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,225

Dude, I can't believe

they fell for it.

00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,851

Yeah, what a couple

of dumbasses.

00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:26,770

[mumbling]

00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,730

[laughter]

Yeah.

00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,232

Come on, we gotta

go make another one.

00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,525

- Lying kicks ass.

00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:32,567

Jesus!

- Yeah?

00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,319

We're in trouble.

00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:35,862

The Jimbo and Ned show

made up some ridiculous

00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,739

staring frog story

and jumped another

00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,283

two points in the ratings.

- Uh-oh. So what are we

00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:42,119

supposed to do?

- I don't know.

00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,829

We'll have to continue

with the changes we've made

00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,622

and then go even further.

00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:48,792

And we're back in

five, four, three...

00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,293

Remember, big, big, big.

00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:53,422

[cheers and applause]

00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,926

If you're just joining us,

00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,928

we've been listening

to Michelle's incredible story

00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,638

of survival.

Go on, Michelle.

00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,557

- Well, as I was saying,

I tried and tried

00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,600

but my overturned car

just wouldn't budge.

00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:08,103

My husband was trapped

for 12 hours.

00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,938

And yet somehow

he managed to survive.

00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,648

That's right.

00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:13,608

He's a very brave man,

and I love him very much.

00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,318

I love you, too.

00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:16,361

Well, let's see

if the audience

00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,404

has any questions.

00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,406

Yes, you over there.

00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:24,244

I think she needs to kick him

to the curb, baby.

00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:27,414

Kick who to the curb?

- Her no-good husband.

00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,751

She's got to lose that zero

and get herself a hero.

00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:32,335

But...

00:12:32,461 --> 00:12:34,713

He wants to have

his cake and eat it too.

00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,090

He's got to dump

that trash, girlfriend.

00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:38,925

It's all about respect.

00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,761

You gotta have

respect for yourself.

00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:42,804

[applause]

00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,056

I think we've somewhat

missed the point here.

00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:46,183

Let's go to somebody else.

00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:47,893

Yes, your comments.

00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,728

Montel, I think we're

forgetting something

00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,271

very important in all this.

00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,023

Okay, sure, he touched

some children

00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,983

but the man is a great singer

00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,860

and he's entertained

us for so many years.

00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,196

What are you talking about?

- Michael Jackson.

00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,740

All this badmouthing,

putting the man down.

00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:04,034

Maybe he did touch some

children now and then.

00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:05,786

But come on,

it's Michael Jackson.

00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,078

Michael Jackson!

00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,999

Uh, we'll be back right

after these messages.

00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,417

Ready, you guys?

00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,418

[both] Ready!

00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:14,836

Okay, action.

00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:20,884

[sputters] I am the deadly

Mexican staring frog

00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,928

of southern Sri Lanka.

00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,392

It's supposed to be a frog.

- I know that.

00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,144

Since when do

frogs talk, Cartman?

00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:33,230

It's a Sri Lanka frog.

00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,106

Der, Cartman!

- Der yourself, hippy.

00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:36,733

Just do it again, Cartman,

and don't make it talk.

00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,610

Okay, here we go, ready?

00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,904

Are you ready, Cartman?

- I'm ready, Steven Spielberg!

00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,322

Action!

[sputters]

00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,074

Screw you guys.

00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:46,409

Wait, why do I have to

dress up like an old lady?

00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:48,453

'Cause old ladies are

fat and you are too.

00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,121

Come on, Cartman,

the way we're shooting this,

00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,873

nobody will even know it's you.

00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,000

They better not.

- Okay, when I yell action,

00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,961

you start to walk this way,

00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:57,379

then Kenny's gonna pull the

plastic frog in front of you

00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,588

and you have to be scared.

00:13:58,713 --> 00:13:59,756

Scared of a plastic frog?

00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,424

- It's acting, Cartman.

00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,385

You have to pretend

you're really scared,

00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,178

then the Mexican staring frog

will look you in the eyes,

00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,763

then you fall down like you're

dead, okay, ready?

00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,306

This is stupid.

00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,891

Good, and action!

00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:12,644

Ahh!

00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,981

Well, it appears as though

a lot of you skeptics

00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,275

thought that the film we showed

of the Mexican staring frog

00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,318

of southern Sri Lanka

was a fake.

00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,195

They say it didn't

harm anybody.

00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,655

Well, it just so happens that

00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,282

we just received another film

00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,741

from another anonymous viewer.

00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:27,909

Roll it.

00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,329

Ahhh!

00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,332

There you go.

00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,459

Proof that not only

is this frog real,

00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,044

but it is doing harm

to the people of South Park

00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,588

as we speak.

00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,339

Damn that frog.

- Well, that does it.

00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,675

All this week,

Ned and I will be

00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,510

risking life and limb

as we go on location

00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,262

to hunt the Mexican

staring frog

00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,597

of southern Sri Lanka.

00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:49,681

Join us, won't you?

00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,558

- Oh, no, no, no, no.

00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:53,310

This is the biggest publicity

stunt I've ever seen.

00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,896

Damn, those hunters are clever.

- Uh, clever?

00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,397

It's genius, it really is.

00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:58,481

Hell, I even want

to watch them hunt

00:14:58,607 --> 00:14:59,858

the Mexican staring frog.

00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,902

Unless.

- Unless what?

00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,194

Unless we can

prove to the world

00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,654

that the whole thing is a sham.

00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:05,989

If we prove that

the Mexican staring frog

00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,532

of southern Sri Lanka

00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:08,950

is just something

made up by Jimbo and Ned,

00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:09,993

we can have them

taken off the air,

00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,703

perhaps even killed.

00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,371

Look, why don't we just

stick to our own show?

00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,664

People will watch again.

00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:17,250

Oh, J, you are so omnipotent,

00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,919

and yet so naive.

00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:20,837

We'll launch a full

investigation

00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,130

and in the meantime

we can cash in

00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,173

on the videotapes.

00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:24,841

What videotapes?

00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,468

Yea, my children, I am

the way and the light...

00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,303

You've seen

"Jesus and Pals."

00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,055

Now you've got

to get the video.

00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,390

"Jesus and Pals

Too Hot for TV."

00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,935

Things get a little

out of control.

00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,770

You won't believe your eyes.

00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,939

Order now, only $19.95.

00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:41,858

Remember, this is stuff

you can't see on TV.

00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:45,987

Anonymous tip?

00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,822

Yeah, it was left on

our answering machine.

00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,449

All it said was that they

saw the Mexican staring frog

00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:50,951

just south of Stark's Pond

this morning.

00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:52,243

Hey Ned, remember

that time we got

00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,870

that anonymous tip back in Nam?

00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,413

You were in Nam?

Where were you stationed?

00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,165

Da Nang.

- With the log ride?

00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,334

Yup.

- Man, I was in Tet.

00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,169

We had a badass rollercoaster

00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,129

but all we ever

wanted was a log ride.

00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:07,008

We waited and we waited

but they never built us one.

00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,969

I think Danforth

wanted a log ride

00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,304

more than anybody

but he had to settle

00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,974

with that lame dinosaur

water adventure ride.

00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:17,352

That war was hell on everybody.

00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,980

Good, okay, okay bye.

Great news, everybody.

00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,481

This week's ratings

are through the roof.

00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:23,149

We're up to 20 people.

00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,568

Wow, do we get more money?

- No, but I do.

00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:26,736

We're now the

highest rated show

00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,279

on mountain cable access.

00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,323

God bless the Mexican

staring frog.

00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,491

Dude, they're gonna

look so stupid.

00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,034

Totally.

00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,494

They deserve it

for lying to us, dude.

00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,663

Revenge is

so very, very sweet.

00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,581

They're here, hurry and hide.

00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,543

Let's hunt.

00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,420

We'll start with a

two-shot of you and Ned

00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:44,879

getting your equipment

together and...

00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,297

Jimbo, look!

00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:48,133

Hit the deck!

- What is it?

00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:49,509

It's him,

the Mexican staring frog

00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,052

of southern Sri Lanka.

00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,137

He's right over

there on that rock.

00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:53,805

He is?

- Dumbass!

00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,140

You've gotta

keep your eyes away from him.

00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:56,391

Stay down.

00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,184

Ned, you take flank position.

00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,269

I'll try and keep it

turned away from you.

00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:00,353

Roger that.

00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:01,813

Hello, fellow hunters.

00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,314

Have we got a show

for you today.

00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,316

The Mexican staring frog

is sunning itself

00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:08,069

on a rock directly behind us.

00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,071

We've got to take

the frog by surprise.

00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,907

I'm gonna create a diversion

using this incendiary device,

00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,785

while Ned will ambush

him from the rear.

00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,537

Now, Ned, he's not looking!

00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,998

Quick, Ned!

Hit him with the shotgun!

00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,708

Now, Ned!

00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:23,877

Ned, Ned?

00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:29,674

Oh, no!

00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,968

Come on, Ned, buddy,

snap out of it.

00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,678

Come back to me, buddy.

00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:34,971

Are you getting all this?

00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:38,558

Hold on to your butts.

00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,393

Take that, you demon frog!

00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,187

Ned, Ned, can you hear me?

00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:43,354

Quick, somebody

call an ambulance!

00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,856

This man is catatonic!

00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,316

Get the Flight

for Life helicopter.

00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,776

Holy crap, dude.

00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:52,155

"But pony boy was

beat up pretty bad.

00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,283

He kept saying, 'Stay gold."'

00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,285

Oh, Ned, if you can hear me,

00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,037

you gotta snap out of it.

00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:01,372

'cause if you don't,

I'll never forgive myself.

00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,416

Oh, Stanley, he's gone!

00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,168

My only friend in

the world is gone.

00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,544

Dude, he's okay.

That frog wasn't even real.

00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,046

Look.

00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,464

Oh, what the hell

are you doing?

00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,257

I almost looked right at it.

00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:12,509

Dude, it's just a plastic

frog. It's not real.

00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,135

Check it out.

- What?

00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,762

We shot all those videos

and sent them in.

00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:17,388

- Yeah, we made

the whole thing up.

00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:18,890

It was all just a really,

really funny joke.

00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,183

You sent in those videos?

00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:21,768

Oh, this is not good.

00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,561

My best friend is

a vegetable,

00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,814

and I'm gonna be the

laughingstock of South Park.

00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,398

Oh, come on, Ned's faking it.

00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,192

That frog was just

a piece of plastic.

00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:30,902

Yeah, come on,

Ned, quit faking.

00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,529

You boys don't understand.

00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,239

Ned was so freaked out

by the idea

00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,032

of the Mexican staring frog

00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,201

that he must have sent

himself into a deep coma.

00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:39,702

It's a psychosomatic

response.

00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,538

I couldn't help overhearing

00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:43,706

your conversation just now.

- Who are you?

00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,583

I produce a little TV show

called "Jesus and Pals."

00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,210

You might have heard of it.

00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,878

Your story's amazing,

full of jealousy,

00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,338

duplicity, backstabbing,

and bitterness.

00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,507

Uh, thanks?

00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,092

How would you like to share

your remarkable story

00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:55,760

with us on tomorrow's show?

00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,887

[applause]

00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,472

We're back with Jimbo

and his nephew, Stan.

00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,224

These kids can't

stop lying, can they?

00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:02,600

That's right, Jesus.

00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,185

No respect for their elders.

00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,520

As some of you may know,

00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,230

I host a local show on hunting.

00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,733

Thanks. We've been hunting

the Mexican staring frog

00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,318

for a week based on

some video footage

00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,070

we received from a viewer.

00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,655

Well, it turns out

that these kids

00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,365

faked the footage.

00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,033

Is that true, Stan?

- It was just a joke.

00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:21,327

We didn't think

it would hurt anybody.

00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:23,079

We'll find out more

about this debauchery

00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,831

when we return.

00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:27,333

And we're out.

00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,960

You're corpses up here.

00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,795

We need a lot more

action from everybody.

00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,463

Like what?

00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,174

Like go ahead and tell

how your nephew Stan

00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:36,509

takes drugs and worships Satan.

- Satan, got it.

00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,636

Whoa, I don't take drugs and

worship Satan. That's lying.

00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,680

Give you a taste of your own

medicine, you little fibber!

00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,807

You kids, I didn't bring you

on this show to be boring.

00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,226

Somebody get pissed off and

throw a chair at Ned here.

00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,061

Dibs!

- Remember...

00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,564

you all start to fight

after the chair is thrown.

00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,274

That's your cue.

- Right.

00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:52,942

[applause]

00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,819

Welcome back to

"Jesus and Pals."

00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,321

Jimbo, why do you think

little Stanley lies?

00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:58,031

I'll tell you why.

00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:01,326

Because he's on drugs and

he worships the devil.

00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:02,952

[all gasp]

00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:05,622

[chanting]

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!

00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:07,290

Wow. Now, Stanley,

it sounds like

00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,292

your uncle's really

worried about you.

00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,753

Well, I only did it

'cause... he molested me.

00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,630

[all gasp]

00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:16,424

Why you little piece of crap!

- You big piece of crap!

00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,718

That's it, now

I'm all pissed off.

00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,595

Take that, hippy.

- Hey!

00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,264

[crowd chanting]

Jesus, Jesus!

00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,766

[screams]

00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,184

Okay, okay, that's enough.

00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:27,810

Take that, you asshole.

00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:29,687

What the [bleep] was that?

00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,105

Let's watch

the language, people.

00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,815

Bring it on, you bitch.

00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,442

Hey, get off of him

you [bleep] nut-sack!

00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,528

[crowd chanting]

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!

00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:39,822

Let's all just make our

way back to our seats.

00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:41,908

[all screaming]

00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,618

Oh, my God,

they killed Kenny!

00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,078

You bastards!

00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:47,830

[crowd chanting]

Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!

00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:49,624

[grunting]

00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,918

Let's all just make

our way back to our seats.

00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,753

[screaming]

00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:55,380

Shut the [bleep] up!

00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:57,257

[all gasp]

00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:58,716

Jesus, what is wrong

with you people?

00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,301

Look around you, Stanley.

00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,386

Look at the all

the pain and suffering

00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:03,096

your lie has caused.

00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:04,889

We only did it because

Jimbo lied to us first.

00:21:05,014 --> 00:21:06,391

We had this report on

the Vietnam War for school

00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:08,101

and we interviewed

Jimbo about it.

00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,352

And he made up all this stuff

about Vietnam,

00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:10,937

and he got us in trouble.

00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:12,397

Hey now, everything

I told you boys

00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,232

about the war

actually happened.

00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:16,567

Mr. Garrison said there was

no way that you could've

00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,111

defeated the entire Viet Cong

army by yourself.

00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,196

The entire Viet Cong army?

00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,407

- I--well, okay, I might

have embellished the truth

00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:24,450

a little but that's different.

00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,494

Is it?

- Well, sure, I mean...

00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:29,289

Well, no, I guess not.

- And as for you, Stan...

00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,291

I think you need to

kick your drug habit.

00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,293

Wait a second, I don't take

drugs. That was a lie.

00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:35,378

Wait, Jimbo made that up?

- No, your producer did.

00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:36,921

She made Jimbo tell

everybody that I did drugs.

00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:38,589

What?

00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:40,300

During the break your

producer came over

00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:41,509

and told Jimbo what

to say about me.

00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:42,802

She told him to lie.

00:21:42,927 --> 00:21:44,637

It's true, she did.

00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:47,682

I'm such a tool.

- Oh, really?

00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:49,475

Yeah, then she told us

to throw a chair at Ned.

00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,685

Yeah, I didn't

want to do it, Jesus.

00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,437

They made me do that.

00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:54,355

Screw this show, I thought

this was all real!

00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,232

Wait, everybody, come back.

00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:58,276

Don't feel too bad, Montel,

00:21:58,401 --> 00:22:01,195

we all wanna touch children

sometimes, it's only natural.

00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:05,742

I'm sorry, Stan.

00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:07,452

I was just trying

to tell a good story.

00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:08,745

I never meant for you boys

to get in trouble.

00:22:08,870 --> 00:22:10,330

We're sorry, too, Uncle Jimbo.

00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:11,539

We're sorry for making

you look stupid

00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,541

in front of the whole world.

00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:15,209

Yeah, and we're sorry for

turning Ned into a vegetable.

00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:16,711

He'll be fine,

I'll just take him home

00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:18,379

and show him some

good hardcore porn.

00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:20,965

He'll snap right out

of it, won't you, Ned?

00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:22,925

I want to apologize to all of

you for what happened in there.

00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:24,886

In our competition for ratings,

00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:26,554

we all lost sight of

why we got into show business

00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:27,638

in the first place.

00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:29,223

Yeah, titties and beer.

00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:30,600

Actually, I was referring

more

00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:32,518

to the pursuit of truth, but...

00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,520

Well, anyway, I can't wait to

get back to my old show

00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:36,564

without all the glitz and

ratings and producers...

00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:38,232

Wait a sec,

where is your producer?

00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,610

I sent her away.

- Sent her away where?

00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,614

What is this?

What's happening?

00:22:44,739 --> 00:22:47,033

Welcome to my dominion.

00:22:47,158 --> 00:22:49,452

Ahh!

00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,287

Hey, take a load off,

put your feet up.

00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:52,705

Me and Satan were just

about to go shopping

00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:54,332

for furniture.

Come on, Satan.

00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:56,793

Okay, honey.

00:22:56,918 --> 00:22:58,961

No!

00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:01,798

♪ War is hell ♪

00:23:01,923 --> 00:23:05,718

♪ My brother's dead

in my arms ♪

00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:09,514

♪ In war, war is hell ♪

00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:12,725

♪ It's hell for you and me ♪