Мексиканская зырящая лягушка с южной Шри-Ланки — Дядя Джимбо и Иисус ведут конкурирующие телепередачи. Ребята решают подставить Джимбо, однако делают его шоу только популярнее.

Предыдущая серия S02 E05 Женщина с приросшим эмбрионом

Следующая серия S02 E07 Город на краю вечности

Мексиканская зырящая лягушка с южной Шри-Ланки

The Mexican Staring Frog of Southern Sri Lanka

Сезон: 02Серия: 06

Описание

Дядя Джимбо и Иисус ведут конкурирующие телепередачи. Ребята решают подставить Джимбо, однако делают его шоу только популярнее.

Субтитры

00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:07,842 ♪ Ooh, can't wait to touch your body ♪
00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:10,386 ♪ Ooh, girl, make sweet love to you ♪
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,138 ♪ All night long ♪
00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:14,765 ♪ Yeah, your butt is so fine ♪
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:17,852 ♪ Want to use it like a pillow all the time ♪
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,063 Oh. Well, that episode was a hoot and a holler, wasn't it?
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,732 That is a great episode,
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,859 but this next episode is our favorite episode.
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,318 It's called "The Mexican Staring Frog
00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,029 of Southern Sri Lanka."
00:00:28,154 --> 00:00:29,864 That's right, and it's all about this army
00:00:29,989 --> 00:00:32,533 of futuristic vehicles which can drop out of planes
00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:34,452 and then run in silent mode, and they actually
00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:36,328 use the silent mode to sneak up behind their enemies,
00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:38,122 and they don't even know they're there.
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:40,332 And the leader, who wears this big silver suit,
00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:42,043 he's almost late, but then he uses a flying mode
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:43,044 to get in the back of this plane--
00:00:43,169 --> 00:00:44,503 Dude. Dude.
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,756 That's not this episode. - It's not?
00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:49,425 No, dude, that's that movie "Megaforce."
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,052 - We didn't do that? - No, dude, that came out
00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:52,845 when we were, like, 12 years old.
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,055 Oh, dude, we should have done that.
00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:55,639 That was a sweet movie.
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,809 Well, yeah, but this is the episode where it has--
00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:00,978 you know, where it has Jesus, and he gets his own talk show,
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,272 and they're--they're after that Mexican staring frog and stuff.
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,107 Oh, we should have done "Megaforce."
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,234 That was a sweet movie. We should have done that.
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,571 Well, enjoy "The Mexican Staring Frog
00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,490 of Southern Sri Lanka."
00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,492 ♪ Say hey-oh ♪ - ♪ Hey-oh ♪
00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,786 - ♪ Say whoa ♪ - ♪ Whoa ♪
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:28,672 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:01:28,798 --> 00:01:30,674 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,384 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:33,928 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:35,387 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:37,223 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:38,933 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:40,434 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:41,936 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:43,521 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,359 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:01:48,484 --> 00:01:50,152 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:52,947 <i>And now back to "Huntin' and Killin'"</i>
00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:55,574 <i>with South Park's favorite hunters Jimbo and Ned.</i>
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,910 I'm Jimbo Kern, and this here is Ned.
00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:00,287 Say hi, Ned. - Hi, Ned.
00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,540 Now isn't that great?
00:02:02,665 --> 00:02:03,874 We have a terrific show for you today.
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:05,543 We're gonna kill some elk
00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:07,253 and we're gonna kill some mountain goats.
00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:10,714 Now, the new law passed by Colorado legislature,
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,259 which Ned and I call Pussy Law #4, states
00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,052 that we can no longer kill animals in defense.
00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:16,428 In other words, our old line
00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,222 of "It's comin' right for us"...
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,724 "It's comin' right for us!" - No longer works.
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,434 So now we only kill animals to...
00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:25,479 If we don't hunt, then these animals
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:26,856 will grow too big in number
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,399 and they won't have enough food.
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,401 So you see, we have to kill animals
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,486 or else they'll die.
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,200 Uh, so roll the tape.
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,618 Here we are up at Shaffers Crossing
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,120 looking for some animals.
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:42,997 Lookee, Ned, there's some deers.
00:02:43,122 --> 00:02:44,874 Quick, Ned, thin out their numbers.
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,625 Thin out their numbers.
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,423 Good work, Ned, now they won't starve.
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,383 That sure was a great hunting trip.
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,135 We saved those deer from extinction.
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:57,595 We're environmentalists.
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:58,888 Coming up next,
00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,431 we're gonna drop some napalm
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:02,516 on an unsuspecting family of beavers,
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,226 and also try to thin out the numbers
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,687 of some endangered species.
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:12,943 Mr. Garrison, what's Vietnam?
00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,361 What's Vietnam?
00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,030 A question a child might ask
00:03:16,155 --> 00:03:17,698 but not a childish question.
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,701 Children, for the next few days
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,453 we'll be learning all about Vietnam.
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,205 Chances are that somebody in your own lives
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:26,290 was affected by this incredible war.
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:27,833 That's right, Mr. Garrison,
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,501 the Vietnam War was sticky and icky.
00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:32,087 Mr. Garrison, were you in Vietnam?
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,343 <i>Come on, man, let's go!</i>
00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:38,510 <i>Jump out of the chopper!</i>
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:41,889 <i>Who's next to take a shower?</i>
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:43,641 <i>Me, I am!</i>
00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:45,351 <i>You just took one last time, silly.</i>
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:48,187 <i>Oh, where can I hide this big pipe?</i>
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:49,730 No, I wasn't in Vietnam.
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,815 But sometimes I like to pretend I was.
00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:55,152 Anyway, children, I'm going to assign you all a paper.
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:57,321 I want you all to find somebody in your own life
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,698 who was in Vietnam and interview them about it.
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,909 What if we don't know anybody who was in Vietnam?
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,577 Then you get an F, fail the third grade
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,412 and have to get a job cleaning septic tanks
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,957 to support your drug habit. - Oh.
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,708 Dude, my uncle Jimbo was in Vietnam.
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,086 Hey, yeah, he and Ned do that stupid TV show.
00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:13,671 <i>- And now time for...</i>
00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:17,758 One of our loyal viewers from South Park
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,593 <i>sent us some 8-millimeter film</i>
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:22,304 of what he claims to be the Mexican staring frog
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,764 <i>of southern Sri Lanka.</i>
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,432 Now, as you all know,
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,268 the Mexican staring frog of southern Sri Lanka
00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:29,812 can supposedly kill you with one horrid gaze.
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,523 If a person even so much as looks into the frog's eyes,
00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:34,608 they can be paralyzed or even die.
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:36,110 And this film proves that that frog
00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:37,403 may very well exist.
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:38,904 Now watch carefully.
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,115 You're gonna see the Mexican staring frog.
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,660 There! There, did you see it?
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,537 Roll that back again.
00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,122 <i>Now freeze it.</i>
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:49,873 Well, I'd like to know what
00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:51,583 all you skeptics have to say now.
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,419 What do you think, Ned? - I'm scared.
00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:54,753 Well, be sure to join us next time.
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,714 Until then...
00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:58,841 <i>♪ We're so glad you spent a time with us ♪</i>
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,592 <i>♪ While we slaughtered our way through nature's guts ♪</i>
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,511 <i>♪ Come again and stay a while ♪</i>
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,179 <i>♪ We'll kill a lot more living things ♪</i>
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:05,264 <i>♪ And make them bleed ♪</i>
00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:06,640 Good night.
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,100 And we're cut, great show, guys.
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,476 Oh, lookee who's here.
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,186 My little nephew, Stanley.
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:12,187 So you're interested in your Uncle Jimbo's
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:13,981 big TV show, huh?
00:05:14,106 --> 00:05:16,066 No, we have to do a stupid report on Vietnam.
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:17,901 You and Ned are the only guys we know who were there.
00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:20,738 Oh, yeah, we sure were. - Was it fun?
00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:22,239 Cartman, what kind of stupid-ass question is that?
00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:23,615 Of course it was fun.
00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:25,200 Well, sure, Vietnam was fun.
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:26,785 But not like going to the circus fun
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,287 or fly fishing in Montana fun.
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:30,164 No, Vietnam was more like
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:32,166 shoving shards of broken glass up your ass
00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:33,375 and then sitting in a tub of Tabasco sauce fun!
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,960 Whoa.
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,421 Yepper, that's where me and Ned met.
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:49,975 <i>I remember I had just gotten off the Ferris wheel.</i>
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,519 Oh, boy, what a gorgeous day.
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,109 - Kern, get over here.
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,861 The new privates are here.
00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,279 I'm assigning one of them to you as a trainee.
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,823 Ned Gerblansky.
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:05,908 Ned Gerblansky reporting, sir.
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,284 Thanks, Ned.
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:08,577 Now, the bad guys have been spotted
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,579 about ten clicks north of here.
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,498 I know that you and Kern are best suited to take them out.
00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:16,085 - Are you up for it? - Sir, yes, sir.
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,045 <i>Soon it was all on just me and Ned</i>
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,838 <i>to win the war for America.</i>
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,799 Pass me some more cocoa, will you, Ned?
00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:23,884 Certainly, and would you like another muffin as well?
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,095 Why the hell not? We're at war.
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,848 Hey, you know those things are bad for your throat.
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,475 No, that's all lies. I'll be fine.
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,435 Charlies at two o'clock!
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,562 I see 'em, drop the bomb!
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:36,980 - The bomb's not releasing!
00:06:37,106 --> 00:06:38,690 Oh, no! - It won't budge.
00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:41,193 Then we only have one option.
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:42,945 What are you doing, man?
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,406 We have to take 'em out, Ned, at all costs!
00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:47,658 Die, you red commie bastards!
00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,754 Oh, no, out of ammo!
00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:15,561 We did it, Ned.
00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,521 We killed the entire Viet Cong army.
00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,606 Whoopee!
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,316 Let's get back to base camp.
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,152 We can ride the log ride before it closes.
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,698 And that's the way it happened, boys.
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:30,576 Wow! - Man, Vietnam was sweet.
00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,244 Great news, guys, your TV show ratings
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,954 have doubled! - Wow!
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,165 They've gone from six people to twelve.
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,584 Holy smokes, we could get an Emmy.
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:42,796 We've got to do it, J-- your rating are being killed
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,256 by the Jimbo and Ned hunting show.
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:45,799 But I don't really care about that.
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,301 Well, you better care, Mr. Smarty Pants.
00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:49,094 No ratings means no show.
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,637 If you want to keep reaching out to people,
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,930 you have to keep up with the times.
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,599 Oh, all right.
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,017 All right, we're 10 seconds to air, guys.
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,352 Remember, big, big, big.
00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,813 And five, four, three...
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,899 It's your hour of power
00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,442 on midday mountain cable access.
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:04,735 Put your hands together and welcome
00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,403 the only man in town
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,822 who always has a fully stocked wine cellar.
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:13,243 Jesus Christ!
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,412 Uhh... Hi.
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,331 Uh, y-yeah, okay.
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,916 Beginning today, we're taking the show
00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:20,501 in a new direction.
00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,336 We've got some very interesting people
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,505 coming on the show this week for you, our viewers.
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:27,799 Today's guest is TV's Gilligan, Mr. Bob Denver.
00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:30,552 <i>Here's Bob Denver!</i>
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,223 Hi, Bob Denver.
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,141 Hi, Jesus, great to be here.
00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:41,939 So, Bob, so you just get in town?
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:43,941 Yep, just got in.
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:48,612 So, um, so what have you been up to?
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:51,156 - Nothing, nothing really at all.
00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,869 ♪ Nothing from nothing leaves nothing ♪
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,538 ♪ You gotta have something... ♪
00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:58,705 Oh, boy.
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,292 And after killing the entire Viet Cong army,
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,169 they returned to base camp.
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,879 Once there they rode the devil's drop roller coaster
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,839 and ate cotton candy and ultimately,
00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:10,133 Ned got the Purple Heart for his courageous defense
00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:12,219 of the log ride.
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,471 So was the horror of Vietnam. The end.
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:15,639 The end.
00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:17,558 Are there any questions?
00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:18,809 Yes, Mr. Garrison.
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,477 Yes, where the
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:23,188 did you hear this ridiculous load of bullshit?
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,648 From Vietnam veterans.
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,024 Well, boys, it's obvious to me
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,693 that you didn't do your work
00:09:27,818 --> 00:09:29,027 and then you stayed up all night making up
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,070 some ridiculous lie.
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,655 No, no, we didn't.
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,073 You all receive an F-minus.
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,324 F-minus? Can he do that?
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:35,951 But we're not making it up.
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,661 Stanley, the Vietnam War was war.
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:38,996 There weren't galloping steeds
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,914 or singing birds or log rides.
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:41,915 How do you know? You weren't even there.
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,625 Well, that's it!
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,419 All of you have detention for the rest of the week!
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,174 Sweet.
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,885 Welcome to detention, mm-kay.
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:56,054 Mr. Garrison told me about your little joke.
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,389 It's important for you all to know why
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,016 you're in detention
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:01,268 for you to obtain the full benefits from it.
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:02,978 You're here because you're inferior, okay,
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,814 you're here because you're awkward, okay?
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,899 Well, Stan, thanks a lot for having such a cool uncle
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,776 that got us all detention for a week.
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,028 Yeah, dude, your uncle Jimbo sucks ass.
00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,529 Shh, okay.
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,989 Why would he just invent a story
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,282 instead of telling us the truth?
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,700 Well, let' see. Maybe 'cause
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:17,909 he's an old drunk hillbilly dick.
00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:19,286 Shh, okay.
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:20,704 We got to get him back, dude.
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,456 Totally. - How?
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:23,665 Well, he screwed us by making something up.
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:24,791 I say we do the same thing.
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,543 What do you mean?
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:27,794 Did you guys ever see that one "Brady Bunch"
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,212 where the guy...
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,009 Oh, yeah, sweet.
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,595 Super sweet. Yes!
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,305 <i>And now back to "Huntin' and Killin'"</i>
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,015 <i>with South Park's favorite hunters,</i>
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,558 <i>Jimbo and Ned.</i>
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,060 Welcome, hunters.
00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:44,895 Boy, have we got a show for you today.
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,064 We have just received a tape from another viewer
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,774 who filmed the Mexican staring frog
00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,275 of southern Sri Lanka right here in South Park.
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,695 Yes, now we're about to roll the film,
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,698 but remember, if you look the Mexican staring frog
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,950 in the eyes, you can go catatonic.
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,535 We don't know if this applies to pictures
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:01,787 of the frog or not,
00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,580 but who wants to take chances?
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:05,832 So when we roll this film, be sure to look away.
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,919 Okay, roll the film, Tom.
00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:13,173 Is it over?
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,341 Okay, it's over.
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,009 Well, there you have it.
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,719 Undeniable proof that the Mexican staring frog
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,513 of southern Sri Lanka exists.
00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:21,682 And you saw it here on the Jimbo and Ned show.
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,225 Dude, I can't believe they fell for it.
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,851 Yeah, what a couple of dumbasses.
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,730 Yeah.
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,232 Come on, we gotta go make another one.
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,525 - Lying kicks ass.
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:32,567 Jesus! - Yeah?
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,319 We're in trouble.
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:35,862 The Jimbo and Ned show made up some ridiculous
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,739 staring frog story and jumped another
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,283 two points in the ratings. - Uh-oh. So what are we
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:42,119 supposed to do? - I don't know.
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,829 We'll have to continue with the changes we've made
00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,622 and then go even further.
00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:48,792 And we're back in five, four, three...
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,293 Remember, big, big, big.
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,926 If you're just joining us,
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,928 we've been listening to Michelle's incredible story
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,638 of survival. Go on, Michelle.
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,557 - Well, as I was saying, I tried and tried
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,600 but my overturned car just wouldn't budge.
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:08,103 My husband was trapped for 12 hours.
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,938 And yet somehow he managed to survive.
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,648 That's right.
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:13,608 He's a very brave man, and I love him very much.
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,318 I love you, too.
00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:16,361 Well, let's see if the audience
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,404 has any questions.
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,406 Yes, you over there.
00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:24,244 I think she needs to kick him to the curb, baby.
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:27,414 Kick who to the curb? - Her no-good husband.
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,751 She's got to lose that zero and get herself a hero.
00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:32,335 But...
00:12:32,461 --> 00:12:34,713 He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,090 He's got to dump that trash, girlfriend.
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:38,925 It's all about respect.
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,761 You gotta have respect for yourself.
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,056 I think we've somewhat missed the point here.
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:46,183 Let's go to somebody else.
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:47,893 Yes, your comments.
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,728 Montel, I think we're forgetting something
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,271 very important in all this.
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,023 Okay, sure, he touched some children
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,983 but the man is a great singer
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,860 and he's entertained us for so many years.
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,196 What are you talking about? - Michael Jackson.
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,740 All this badmouthing, putting the man down.
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:04,034 Maybe he did touch some children now and then.
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:05,786 But come on, it's Michael Jackson.
00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,078 Michael Jackson!
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,999 Uh, we'll be back right after these messages.
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,417 Ready, you guys?
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,418 Ready!
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:14,836 Okay, action.
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:20,884 I am the deadly Mexican staring frog
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,928 of southern Sri Lanka.
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,392 It's supposed to be a frog. - I know that.
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,144 Since when do frogs talk, Cartman?
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:33,230 It's a Sri Lanka frog.
00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,106 Der, Cartman! - Der yourself, hippy.
00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:36,733 Just do it again, Cartman, and don't make it talk.
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,610 Okay, here we go, ready?
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,904 Are you ready, Cartman? - I'm ready, Steven Spielberg!
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,322 Action!
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,074 Screw you guys.
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:46,409 Wait, why do I have to dress up like an old lady?
00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:48,453 'Cause old ladies are fat and you are too.
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,121 Come on, Cartman, the way we're shooting this,
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,873 nobody will even know it's you.
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,000 They better not. - Okay, when I yell action,
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,961 you start to walk this way,
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:57,379 then Kenny's gonna pull the plastic frog in front of you
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,588 and you have to be scared.
00:13:58,713 --> 00:13:59,756 Scared of a plastic frog?
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,424 - It's acting, Cartman.
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,385 You have to pretend you're really scared,
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,178 then the Mexican staring frog will look you in the eyes,
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,763 then you fall down like you're dead, okay, ready?
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,306 This is stupid.
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,891 Good, and action!
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:12,644 Ahh!
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,981 Well, it appears as though a lot of you skeptics
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,275 thought that the film we showed of the Mexican staring frog
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,318 of southern Sri Lanka was a fake.
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,195 They say it didn't harm anybody.
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,655 Well, it just so happens that
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,282 we just received another film
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,741 from another anonymous viewer.
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:27,909 Roll it.
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,329 Ahhh!
00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,332 There you go.
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,459 Proof that not only is this frog real,
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,044 but it is doing harm to the people of South Park
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,588 as we speak.
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,339 Damn that frog. - Well, that does it.
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,675 All this week, Ned and I will be
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,510 <i>risking life and limb as we go on location</i>
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,262 <i>to hunt the Mexican staring frog</i>
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,597 <i>of southern Sri Lanka.</i>
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:49,681 <i>Join us, won't you?</i>
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,558 - Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:53,310 This is the biggest publicity stunt I've ever seen.
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,896 Damn, those hunters are clever. - Uh, clever?
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,397 It's genius, it really is.
00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:58,481 Hell, I even want to watch them hunt
00:14:58,607 --> 00:14:59,858 the Mexican staring frog.
00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,902 Unless. - Unless what?
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,194 Unless we can prove to the world
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,654 that the whole thing is a sham.
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:05,989 If we prove that the Mexican staring frog
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,532 of southern Sri Lanka
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:08,950 is just something made up by Jimbo and Ned,
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:09,993 we can have them taken off the air,
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,703 perhaps even killed.
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,371 Look, why don't we just stick to our own show?
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,664 People will watch again.
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:17,250 Oh, J, you are so omnipotent,
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,919 and yet so naive.
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:20,837 We'll launch a full investigation
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,130 and in the meantime we can cash in
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,173 on the videotapes.
00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:24,841 What videotapes?
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,468 Yea, my children, I am the way and the light...
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,303 <i>You've seen "Jesus and Pals."</i>
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,055 <i>Now you've got to get the video.</i>
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,390 <i>"Jesus and Pals Too Hot for TV."</i>
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,935 <i>Things get a little out of control.</i>
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,770 <i>You won't believe your eyes.</i>
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,939 <i>Order now, only $19.95.</i>
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:41,858 <i>Remember, this is stuff you can't see on TV.</i>
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:45,987 Anonymous tip?
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,822 Yeah, it was left on our answering machine.
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,449 All it said was that they saw the Mexican staring frog
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:50,951 just south of Stark's Pond this morning.
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:52,243 Hey Ned, remember that time we got
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,870 that anonymous tip back in Nam?
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,413 You were in Nam? Where were you stationed?
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,165 Da Nang. - With the log ride?
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,334 Yup. - Man, I was in Tet.
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,169 We had a badass rollercoaster
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,129 but all we ever wanted was a log ride.
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:07,008 We waited and we waited but they never built us one.
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,969 I think Danforth wanted a log ride
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,304 more than anybody but he had to settle
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,974 with that lame dinosaur water adventure ride.
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:17,352 That war was hell on everybody.
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,980 Good, okay, okay bye. Great news, everybody.
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,481 This week's ratings are through the roof.
00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:23,149 We're up to 20 people.
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,568 Wow, do we get more money? - No, but I do.
00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:26,736 We're now the highest rated show
00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,279 on mountain cable access.
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,323 God bless the Mexican staring frog.
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,491 Dude, they're gonna look so stupid.
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,034 Totally.
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,494 They deserve it for lying to us, dude.
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,663 Revenge is so very, very sweet.
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,581 They're here, hurry and hide.
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,543 Let's hunt.
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,420 We'll start with a two-shot of you and Ned
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:44,879 getting your equipment together and...
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,297 Jimbo, look!
00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:48,133 Hit the deck! - What is it?
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:49,509 It's him, the Mexican staring frog
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,052 of southern Sri Lanka.
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,137 He's right over there on that rock.
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:53,805 He is? - Dumbass!
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,140 You've gotta keep your eyes away from him.
00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:56,391 Stay down.
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,184 Ned, you take flank position.
00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,269 I'll try and keep it turned away from you.
00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:00,353 Roger that.
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:01,813 Hello, fellow hunters.
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,314 Have we got a show for you today.
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,316 The Mexican staring frog is sunning itself
00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:08,069 on a rock directly behind us.
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,071 We've got to take the frog by surprise.
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,907 I'm gonna create a diversion using this incendiary device,
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,785 while Ned will ambush him from the rear.
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,537 Now, Ned, he's not looking!
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,998 Quick, Ned! Hit him with the shotgun!
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,708 Now, Ned!
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:23,877 Ned, Ned?
00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:29,674 Oh, no!
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,968 Come on, Ned, buddy, snap out of it.
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,678 Come back to me, buddy.
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:34,971 Are you getting all this?
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:38,558 Hold on to your butts.
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,393 Take that, you demon frog!
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,187 Ned, Ned, can you hear me?
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:43,354 Quick, somebody call an ambulance!
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,856 This man is catatonic!
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,316 Get the Flight for Life helicopter.
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,776 Holy crap, dude.
00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:52,155 "But pony boy was beat up pretty bad.
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,283 He kept saying, 'Stay gold."'
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,285 Oh, Ned, if you can hear me,
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,037 you gotta snap out of it.
00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:01,372 'cause if you don't, I'll never forgive myself.
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,416 Oh, Stanley, he's gone!
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,168 My only friend in the world is gone.
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,544 Dude, he's okay. That frog wasn't even real.
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,046 Look.
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,464 Oh, what the hell are you doing?
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,257 I almost looked right at it.
00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:12,509 Dude, it's just a plastic frog. It's not real.
00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,135 Check it out. - What?
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,762 We shot all those videos and sent them in.
00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:17,388 - Yeah, we made the whole thing up.
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:18,890 It was all just a really, really funny joke.
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,183 You sent in those videos?
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:21,768 Oh, this is not good.
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,561 My best friend is a vegetable,
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,814 and I'm gonna be the laughingstock of South Park.
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,398 Oh, come on, Ned's faking it.
00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,192 That frog was just a piece of plastic.
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:30,902 Yeah, come on, Ned, quit faking.
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,529 You boys don't understand.
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,239 Ned was so freaked out by the idea
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,032 of the Mexican staring frog
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,201 that he must have sent himself into a deep coma.
00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:39,702 It's a psychosomatic response.
00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,538 I couldn't help overhearing
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:43,706 your conversation just now. - Who are you?
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,583 I produce a little TV show called "Jesus and Pals."
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,210 You might have heard of it.
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,878 Your story's amazing, full of jealousy,
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,338 duplicity, backstabbing, and bitterness.
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,507 Uh, thanks?
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,092 How would you like to share your remarkable story
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:55,760 with us on tomorrow's show?
00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,472 We're back with Jimbo and his nephew, Stan.
00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,224 These kids can't stop lying, can they?
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:02,600 That's right, Jesus.
00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,185 No respect for their elders.
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,520 As some of you may know,
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,230 I host a local show on hunting.
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,733 Thanks. We've been hunting the Mexican staring frog
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,318 for a week based on some video footage
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,070 we received from a viewer.
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,655 Well, it turns out that these kids
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,365 faked the footage.
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,033 Is that true, Stan? - It was just a joke.
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:21,327 We didn't think it would hurt anybody.
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:23,079 We'll find out more about this debauchery
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,831 when we return.
00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:27,333 And we're out.
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,960 You're corpses up here.
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,795 We need a lot more action from everybody.
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,463 Like what?
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,174 Like go ahead and tell how your nephew Stan
00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:36,509 takes drugs and worships Satan. - Satan, got it.
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,636 Whoa, I don't take drugs and worship Satan. That's lying.
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,680 Give you a taste of your own medicine, you little fibber!
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,807 You kids, I didn't bring you on this show to be boring.
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,226 Somebody get pissed off and throw a chair at Ned here.
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,061 Dibs! - Remember...
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,564 you all start to fight after the chair is thrown.
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,274 That's your cue. - Right.
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,819 Welcome back to "Jesus and Pals."
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,321 Jimbo, why do you think little Stanley lies?
00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:58,031 I'll tell you why.
00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:01,326 Because he's on drugs and he worships the devil.
00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:05,622 Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:07,290 Wow. Now, Stanley, it sounds like
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,292 your uncle's really worried about you.
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,753 Well, I only did it 'cause... he molested me.
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:16,424 Why you little piece of crap! - You big piece of crap!
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,718 That's it, now I'm all pissed off.
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,595 Take that, hippy. - Hey!
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,264 Jesus, Jesus!
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,184 Okay, okay, that's enough.
00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:27,810 Take that, you asshole.
00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:29,687 What the was that?
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,105 Let's watch the language, people.
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,815 Bring it on, you bitch.
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,442 Hey, get off of him you nut-sack!
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,528 Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:39,822 Let's all just make our way back to our seats.
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,618 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,078 You bastards!
00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:47,830 Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,918 Let's all just make our way back to our seats.
00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:55,380 Shut the up!
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:58,716 Jesus, what is wrong with you people?
00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,301 Look around you, Stanley.
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,386 Look at the all the pain and suffering
00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:03,096 your lie has caused.
00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:04,889 We only did it because Jimbo lied to us first.
00:21:05,014 --> 00:21:06,391 We had this report on the Vietnam War for school
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:08,101 and we interviewed Jimbo about it.
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,352 And he made up all this stuff about Vietnam,
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:10,937 and he got us in trouble.
00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:12,397 Hey now, everything I told you boys
00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,232 about the war actually happened.
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:16,567 Mr. Garrison said there was no way that you could've
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,111 defeated the entire Viet Cong army by yourself.
00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,196 The entire Viet Cong army?
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,407 - I--well, okay, I might have embellished the truth
00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:24,450 a little but that's different.
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,494 Is it? - Well, sure, I mean...
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:29,289 Well, no, I guess not. - And as for you, Stan...
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,291 I think you need to kick your drug habit.
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,293 Wait a second, I don't take drugs. That was a lie.
00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:35,378 Wait, Jimbo made that up? - No, your producer did.
00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:36,921 She made Jimbo tell everybody that I did drugs.
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:38,589 What?
00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:40,300 During the break your producer came over
00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:41,509 and told Jimbo what to say about me.
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:42,802 She told him to lie.
00:21:42,927 --> 00:21:44,637 It's true, she did.
00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:47,682 I'm such a tool. - Oh, really?
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:49,475 Yeah, then she told us to throw a chair at Ned.
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,685 Yeah, I didn't want to do it, Jesus.
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,437 They made me do that.
00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:54,355 Screw this show, I thought this was all real!
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,232 Wait, everybody, come back.
00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:58,276 Don't feel too bad, Montel,
00:21:58,401 --> 00:22:01,195 we all wanna touch children sometimes, it's only natural.
00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:05,742 I'm sorry, Stan.
00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:07,452 I was just trying to tell a good story.
00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:08,745 I never meant for you boys to get in trouble.
00:22:08,870 --> 00:22:10,330 We're sorry, too, Uncle Jimbo.
00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:11,539 We're sorry for making you look stupid
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,541 in front of the whole world.
00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:15,209 Yeah, and we're sorry for turning Ned into a vegetable.
00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:16,711 He'll be fine, I'll just take him home
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:18,379 and show him some good hardcore porn.
00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:20,965 He'll snap right out of it, won't you, Ned?
00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:22,925 I want to apologize to all of you for what happened in there.
00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:24,886 In our competition for ratings,
00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:26,554 we all lost sight of why we got into show business
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:27,638 in the first place.
00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:29,223 Yeah, titties and beer.
00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:30,600 Actually, I was referring more
00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:32,518 to the pursuit of truth, but...
00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,520 Well, anyway, I can't wait to get back to my old show
00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:36,564 without all the glitz and ratings and producers...
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:38,232 Wait a sec, where is your producer?
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,610 I sent her away. - Sent her away where?
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,614 What is this? What's happening?
00:22:44,739 --> 00:22:47,033 Welcome to my dominion.
00:22:47,158 --> 00:22:49,452 Ahh!
00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,287 Hey, take a load off, put your feet up.
00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:52,705 Me and Satan were just about to go shopping
00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:54,332 for furniture. Come on, Satan.
00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:56,793 Okay, honey.
00:22:56,918 --> 00:22:58,961 No!
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:01,798 <i>♪ War is hell ♪</i>
00:23:01,923 --> 00:23:05,718 <i>♪ My brother's dead in my arms ♪</i>
00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:09,514 <i>♪ In war, war is hell ♪</i>
00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:12,725 <i>♪ It's hell for you and me ♪</i>

00:00:02,086 --> 00:00:04,672 <i>[guitar strumming]</i>
00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:07,842 [off-key] ♪ Ooh, can't wait to touch your body ♪
00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:10,386 ♪ Ooh, girl, make sweet love to you ♪
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,138 ♪ All night long ♪
00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:14,765 ♪ Yeah, your butt is so fine ♪
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:17,852 ♪ Want to use it like a pillow all the time ♪
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,063 Oh. Well, that episode was a hoot and a holler, wasn't it?
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,732 That is a great episode,
00:00:22,857 --> 00:00:24,859 but this next episode is our favorite episode.
00:00:24,984 --> 00:00:26,318 It's called "The Mexican Staring Frog
00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:28,029 of Southern Sri Lanka."
00:00:28,154 --> 00:00:29,864 That's right, and it's all about this army
00:00:29,989 --> 00:00:32,533 of futuristic vehicles which can drop out of planes
00:00:32,658 --> 00:00:34,452 and then run in silent mode, and they actually
00:00:34,577 --> 00:00:36,328 use the silent mode to sneak up behind their enemies,
00:00:36,454 --> 00:00:38,122 and they don't even know they're there.
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:40,332 And the leader, who wears this big silver suit,
00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:42,043 he's almost late, but then he uses a flying mode
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:43,044 to get in the back of this plane--
00:00:43,169 --> 00:00:44,503 Dude. Dude.
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,756 That's not this episode. - It's not?
00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:49,425 No, dude, that's that movie "Megaforce."
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,052 - We didn't do that? - No, dude, that came out
00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:52,845 when we were, like, 12 years old.
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,055 Oh, dude, we should have done that.
00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:55,639 That was a sweet movie.
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,809 Well, yeah, but this is the episode where it has--
00:00:58,934 --> 00:01:00,978 you know, where it has Jesus, and he gets his own talk show,
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,272 and they're--they're after that Mexican staring frog and stuff.
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,107 Oh, we should have done "Megaforce."
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,234 That was a sweet movie. We should have done that.
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,571 Well, enjoy "The Mexican Staring Frog
00:01:10,696 --> 00:01:12,490 of Southern Sri Lanka."
00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,492 ♪ Say hey-oh ♪ - [all] ♪ Hey-oh ♪
00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,786 - ♪ Say whoa ♪ - [all] ♪ Whoa ♪
00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:27,171 <i>[twangy music]</i>
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:28,672 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:01:28,798 --> 00:01:30,674 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,384 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:33,928 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:35,387 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:37,223 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:38,933 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:40,434 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:41,936 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:43,521 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:01:43,646 --> 00:01:46,857 [singing indistinctly]
00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,359 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:01:48,484 --> 00:01:50,152 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:52,947 <i>And now back to "Huntin' and Killin'"</i>
00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:55,574 <i>with South Park's favorite hunters Jimbo and Ned.</i>
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,910 I'm Jimbo Kern, and this here is Ned.
00:01:58,035 --> 00:02:00,287 Say hi, Ned. - Hi, Ned.
00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,540 [laughs] Now isn't that great?
00:02:02,665 --> 00:02:03,874 We have a terrific show for you today.
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:05,543 We're gonna kill some elk
00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:07,253 and we're gonna kill some mountain goats.
00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:10,714 Now, the new law passed by Colorado legislature,
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,259 which Ned and I call Pussy Law #4, states
00:02:13,384 --> 00:02:15,052 that we can no longer kill animals in defense.
00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:16,428 In other words, our old line
00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:18,222 of "It's comin' right for us"...
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,724 "It's comin' right for us!" - No longer works.
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,434 So now we only kill animals to...
00:02:24,186 --> 00:02:25,479 If we don't hunt, then these animals
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:26,856 will grow too big in number
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,399 and they won't have enough food.
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,401 So you see, we have to kill animals
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,486 or else they'll die.
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:38,200 Uh, so roll the tape.
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:39,618 Here we are up at Shaffers Crossing
00:02:39,743 --> 00:02:41,120 looking for some animals.
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:42,997 Lookee, Ned, there's some deers.
00:02:43,122 --> 00:02:44,874 Quick, Ned, thin out their numbers.
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,625 Thin out their numbers.
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:52,423 Good work, Ned, now they won't starve.
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,383 That sure was a great hunting trip.
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,135 We saved those deer from extinction.
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:57,595 We're environmentalists.
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:58,888 Coming up next,
00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,431 we're gonna drop some napalm
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:02,516 on an unsuspecting family of beavers,
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,226 and also try to thin out the numbers
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,687 of some endangered species.
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:12,943 Mr. Garrison, what's Vietnam?
00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:14,361 What's Vietnam?
00:03:14,486 --> 00:03:16,030 A question a child might ask
00:03:16,155 --> 00:03:17,698 but not a childish question.
00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,158 [laughs]
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:20,701 Children, for the next few days
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,453 we'll be learning all about Vietnam.
00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,205 Chances are that somebody in your own lives
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:26,290 was affected by this incredible war.
00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:27,833 That's right, Mr. Garrison,
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,501 the Vietnam War was sticky and icky.
00:03:29,627 --> 00:03:32,087 Mr. Garrison, were you in Vietnam?
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,758 <i>[man screaming]</i>
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,343 <i>Come on, man, let's go!</i>
00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:38,510 <i>Jump out of the chopper!</i>
00:03:40,304 --> 00:03:41,889 <i>Who's next to take a shower?</i>
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:43,641 <i>Me, I am!</i>
00:03:43,766 --> 00:03:45,351 <i>You just took one last time, silly.</i>
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:48,187 <i>Oh, where can I hide this big pipe?</i>
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:49,730 No, I wasn't in Vietnam.
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,815 But sometimes I like to pretend I was.
00:03:51,941 --> 00:03:55,152 Anyway, children, I'm going to assign you all a paper.
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:57,321 I want you all to find somebody in your own life
00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,698 who was in Vietnam and interview them about it.
00:03:59,823 --> 00:04:01,909 What if we don't know anybody who was in Vietnam?
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,577 Then you get an F, fail the third grade
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,412 and have to get a job cleaning septic tanks
00:04:05,537 --> 00:04:07,957 to support your drug habit. - Oh.
00:04:08,082 --> 00:04:09,708 Dude, my uncle Jimbo was in Vietnam.
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,086 Hey, yeah, he and Ned do that stupid TV show.
00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:13,671 <i>- And now time for...</i>
00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:17,758 One of our loyal viewers from South Park
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:19,593 <i>sent us some 8-millimeter film</i>
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:22,304 of what he claims to be the Mexican staring frog
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,764 <i>of southern Sri Lanka.</i>
00:04:23,889 --> 00:04:25,432 Now, as you all know,
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,268 the Mexican staring frog of southern Sri Lanka
00:04:27,393 --> 00:04:29,812 can supposedly kill you with one horrid gaze.
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,523 If a person even so much as looks into the frog's eyes,
00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:34,608 they can be paralyzed or even die.
00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:36,110 And this film proves that that frog
00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:37,403 may very well exist.
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:38,904 Now watch carefully.
00:04:39,029 --> 00:04:41,115 You're gonna see the Mexican staring frog.
00:04:43,033 --> 00:04:44,660 There! There, did you see it?
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,537 Roll that back again.
00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,122 <i>Now freeze it.</i>
00:04:48,247 --> 00:04:49,873 Well, I'd like to know what
00:04:49,999 --> 00:04:51,583 all you skeptics have to say now.
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,419 What do you think, Ned? - I'm scared.
00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:54,753 Well, be sure to join us next time.
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,714 Until then...
00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:58,841 <i>♪ We're so glad you spent a time with us ♪</i>
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,592 <i>♪ While we slaughtered our way through nature's guts ♪</i>
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,511 <i>♪ Come again and stay a while ♪</i>
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,179 <i>♪ We'll kill a lot more living things ♪</i>
00:05:04,305 --> 00:05:05,264 <i>♪ And make them bleed ♪</i>
00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:06,640 Good night.
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,100 And we're cut, great show, guys.
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,476 Oh, lookee who's here.
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,186 My little nephew, Stanley.
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:12,187 So you're interested in your Uncle Jimbo's
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:13,981 big TV show, huh?
00:05:14,106 --> 00:05:16,066 No, we have to do a stupid report on Vietnam.
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:17,901 You and Ned are the only guys we know who were there.
00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:20,738 Oh, yeah, we sure were. - Was it fun?
00:05:20,863 --> 00:05:22,239 Cartman, what kind of stupid-ass question is that?
00:05:22,364 --> 00:05:23,615 Of course it was fun.
00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:25,200 Well, sure, Vietnam was fun.
00:05:25,326 --> 00:05:26,785 But not like going to the circus fun
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:28,287 or fly fishing in Montana fun.
00:05:28,412 --> 00:05:30,164 No, Vietnam was more like
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:32,166 shoving shards of broken glass up your ass
00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:33,375 and then sitting in a tub of Tabasco sauce fun!
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,960 Whoa.
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,421 Yepper, that's where me and Ned met.
00:05:37,546 --> 00:05:40,549 <i>[smooth music plays]</i>
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:49,975 <i>I remember I had just gotten off the Ferris wheel.</i>
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,519 Oh, boy, what a gorgeous day.
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:54,646 [bird whistling]
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,109 - Kern, get over here.
00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:00,861 The new privates are here.
00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,279 I'm assigning one of them to you as a trainee.
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:04,823 Ned Gerblansky.
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:05,908 Ned Gerblansky reporting, sir.
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,284 Thanks, Ned.
00:06:07,409 --> 00:06:08,577 Now, the bad guys have been spotted
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,579 about ten clicks north of here.
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,498 I know that you and Kern are best suited to take them out.
00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:16,085 Are you up for it? [both] Sir, yes, sir.
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:18,045 <i>Soon it was all on just me and Ned</i>
00:06:18,170 --> 00:06:19,838 <i>to win the war for America.</i>
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,799 Pass me some more cocoa, will you, Ned?
00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:23,884 Certainly, and would you like another muffin as well?
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,095 Why the hell not? We're at war.
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,848 Hey, you know those things are bad for your throat.
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,475 No, that's all lies. I'll be fine.
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:33,435 Charlies at two o'clock!
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,562 I see 'em, drop the bomb!
00:06:35,687 --> 00:06:36,980 - The bomb's not releasing!
00:06:37,106 --> 00:06:38,690 Oh, no! - It won't budge.
00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:41,193 Then we only have one option.
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:42,945 What are you doing, man?
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,406 We have to take 'em out, Ned, at all costs!
00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:47,658 Die, you red commie bastards!
00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:49,159 [all shouting]
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,123 [machine gunfire, men shouting]
00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:57,084 [screaming]
00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:59,002 [yelling]
00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,754 Oh, no, out of ammo!
00:07:02,506 --> 00:07:03,841 [neighs]
00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:06,969 [grunting]
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,223 [grunting]
00:07:14,143 --> 00:07:15,561 We did it, Ned.
00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,521 We killed the entire Viet Cong army.
00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,606 Whoopee!
00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:21,316 Let's get back to base camp.
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,152 We can ride the log ride before it closes.
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:26,280 [neighs]
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,698 And that's the way it happened, boys.
00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:30,576 Wow! - Man, Vietnam was sweet.
00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:32,244 Great news, guys, your TV show ratings
00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,954 have doubled! - Wow!
00:07:34,079 --> 00:07:36,165 They've gone from six people to twelve.
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,584 Holy smokes, we could get an Emmy.
00:07:40,252 --> 00:07:42,796 We've got to do it, J-- your rating are being killed
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,256 by the Jimbo and Ned hunting show.
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:45,799 But I don't really care about that.
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,301 Well, you better care, Mr. Smarty Pants.
00:07:47,426 --> 00:07:49,094 No ratings means no show.
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:50,637 If you want to keep reaching out to people,
00:07:50,762 --> 00:07:51,930 you have to keep up with the times.
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,599 Oh, all right.
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,017 All right, we're 10 seconds to air, guys.
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,352 Remember, big, big, big.
00:07:57,478 --> 00:07:59,813 And five, four, three...
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:01,899 It's your hour of power
00:08:02,024 --> 00:08:03,442 on midday mountain cable access.
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:04,735 Put your hands together and welcome
00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,403 the only man in town
00:08:06,528 --> 00:08:08,822 who always has a fully stocked wine cellar.
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:13,243 Jesus Christ!
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,412 Uhh... Hi.
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,331 Uh, y-yeah, okay.
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,916 Beginning today, we're taking the show
00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:20,501 in a new direction.
00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,336 We've got some very interesting people
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,505 coming on the show this week for you, our viewers.
00:08:24,630 --> 00:08:27,799 Today's guest is TV's Gilligan, Mr. Bob Denver.
00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:30,552 <i>Here's Bob Denver!</i>
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:32,763 [applause]
00:08:32,888 --> 00:08:34,223 Hi, Bob Denver.
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,141 Hi, Jesus, great to be here.
00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:41,939 So, Bob, so you just get in town?
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:43,941 Yep, just got in.
00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:48,612 So, um, so what have you been up to?
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:51,156 - Nothing, nothing really at all.
00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,869 ♪ Nothing from nothing leaves nothing ♪
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,538 ♪ You gotta have something... ♪
00:08:57,663 --> 00:08:58,705 Oh, boy.
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,292 And after killing the entire Viet Cong army,
00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,169 they returned to base camp.
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:05,879 Once there they rode the devil's drop roller coaster
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,839 and ate cotton candy and ultimately,
00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:10,133 Ned got the Purple Heart for his courageous defense
00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:12,219 of the log ride.
00:09:12,344 --> 00:09:14,471 So was the horror of Vietnam. The end.
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:15,639 [all] The end.
00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:17,558 Are there any questions?
00:09:17,683 --> 00:09:18,809 Yes, Mr. Garrison.
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,477 Yes, where the [bleep]
00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:23,188 did you hear this ridiculous load of bullshit?
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,648 From Vietnam veterans.
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,024 Well, boys, it's obvious to me
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:27,693 that you didn't do your work
00:09:27,818 --> 00:09:29,027 and then you stayed up all night making up
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,070 some ridiculous lie.
00:09:30,195 --> 00:09:31,655 No, no, we didn't.
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,073 You all receive an F-minus.
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:34,324 F-minus? Can he do that?
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:35,951 But we're not making it up.
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,661 Stanley, the Vietnam War was war.
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:38,996 There weren't galloping steeds
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,914 or singing birds or log rides.
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:41,915 How do you know? You weren't even there.
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,625 Well, that's it!
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,419 All of you have detention for the rest of the week!
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,174 Sweet.
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,885 Welcome to detention, mm-kay.
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:56,054 Mr. Garrison told me about your little joke.
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,389 It's important for you all to know why
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,016 you're in detention
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:01,268 for you to obtain the full benefits from it.
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:02,978 You're here because you're inferior, okay,
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,814 you're here because you're awkward, okay?
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,899 Well, Stan, thanks a lot for having such a cool uncle
00:10:08,025 --> 00:10:09,776 that got us all detention for a week.
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,028 Yeah, dude, your uncle Jimbo sucks ass.
00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,529 Shh, okay.
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:13,989 Why would he just invent a story
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,282 instead of telling us the truth?
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:16,700 Well, let' see. Maybe 'cause
00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:17,909 he's an old drunk hillbilly dick.
00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:19,286 Shh, okay.
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:20,704 We got to get him back, dude.
00:10:20,829 --> 00:10:22,456 Totally. - How?
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:23,665 Well, he screwed us by making something up.
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:24,791 I say we do the same thing.
00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,543 What do you mean?
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:27,794 Did you guys ever see that one "Brady Bunch"
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,212 where the guy...
00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,797 [whispering]
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:34,009 Oh, yeah, sweet.
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,595 Super sweet. Yes!
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,305 <i>And now back to "Huntin' and Killin'"</i>
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:40,015 <i>with South Park's favorite hunters,</i>
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:41,558 <i>Jimbo and Ned.</i>
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,060 Welcome, hunters.
00:10:43,185 --> 00:10:44,895 Boy, have we got a show for you today.
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,064 We have just received a tape from another viewer
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,774 who filmed the Mexican staring frog
00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,275 of southern Sri Lanka right here in South Park.
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,860 [grunts]
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,695 Yes, now we're about to roll the film,
00:10:53,820 --> 00:10:56,698 but remember, if you look the Mexican staring frog
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,950 in the eyes, you can go catatonic.
00:10:59,076 --> 00:11:00,535 We don't know if this applies to pictures
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:01,787 of the frog or not,
00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,580 but who wants to take chances?
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:05,832 So when we roll this film, be sure to look away.
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,919 Okay, roll the film, Tom.
00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:13,173 Is it over?
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,341 Okay, it's over.
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,009 Well, there you have it.
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,719 Undeniable proof that the Mexican staring frog
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:19,513 of southern Sri Lanka exists.
00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:21,682 And you saw it here on the Jimbo and Ned show.
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:23,225 Dude, I can't believe they fell for it.
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:24,851 Yeah, what a couple of dumbasses.
00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:26,770 [mumbling]
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,730 [laughter] Yeah.
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,232 Come on, we gotta go make another one.
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:31,525 - Lying kicks ass.
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:32,567 Jesus! - Yeah?
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:34,319 We're in trouble.
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:35,862 The Jimbo and Ned show made up some ridiculous
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,739 staring frog story and jumped another
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:40,283 two points in the ratings. - Uh-oh. So what are we
00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:42,119 supposed to do? - I don't know.
00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,829 We'll have to continue with the changes we've made
00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,622 and then go even further.
00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:48,792 And we're back in five, four, three...
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:50,293 Remember, big, big, big.
00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:53,422 [cheers and applause]
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,926 If you're just joining us,
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,928 we've been listening to Michelle's incredible story
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,638 of survival. Go on, Michelle.
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:03,557 - Well, as I was saying, I tried and tried
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,600 but my overturned car just wouldn't budge.
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:08,103 My husband was trapped for 12 hours.
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,938 And yet somehow he managed to survive.
00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,648 That's right.
00:12:11,773 --> 00:12:13,608 He's a very brave man, and I love him very much.
00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,318 I love you, too.
00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:16,361 Well, let's see if the audience
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:17,404 has any questions.
00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,406 Yes, you over there.
00:12:19,531 --> 00:12:24,244 I think she needs to kick him to the curb, baby.
00:12:24,369 --> 00:12:27,414 Kick who to the curb? - Her no-good husband.
00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,751 She's got to lose that zero and get herself a hero.
00:12:30,876 --> 00:12:32,335 But...
00:12:32,461 --> 00:12:34,713 He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
00:12:34,838 --> 00:12:37,090 He's got to dump that trash, girlfriend.
00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:38,925 It's all about respect.
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:40,761 You gotta have respect for yourself.
00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:42,804 [applause]
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:45,056 I think we've somewhat missed the point here.
00:12:45,182 --> 00:12:46,183 Let's go to somebody else.
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:47,893 Yes, your comments.
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:49,728 Montel, I think we're forgetting something
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,271 very important in all this.
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,023 Okay, sure, he touched some children
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,983 but the man is a great singer
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,860 and he's entertained us for so many years.
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,196 What are you talking about? - Michael Jackson.
00:12:59,321 --> 00:13:01,740 All this badmouthing, putting the man down.
00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:04,034 Maybe he did touch some children now and then.
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:05,786 But come on, it's Michael Jackson.
00:13:05,911 --> 00:13:07,078 Michael Jackson!
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,999 Uh, we'll be back right after these messages.
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,417 Ready, you guys?
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,418 [both] Ready!
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:14,836 Okay, action.
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:20,884 [sputters] I am the deadly Mexican staring frog
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:22,928 of southern Sri Lanka.
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:29,392 It's supposed to be a frog. - I know that.
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,144 Since when do frogs talk, Cartman?
00:13:31,269 --> 00:13:33,230 It's a Sri Lanka frog.
00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,106 Der, Cartman! - Der yourself, hippy.
00:13:35,232 --> 00:13:36,733 Just do it again, Cartman, and don't make it talk.
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,610 Okay, here we go, ready?
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,904 Are you ready, Cartman? - I'm ready, Steven Spielberg!
00:13:41,029 --> 00:13:42,322 Action! [sputters]
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,074 Screw you guys.
00:13:44,199 --> 00:13:46,409 Wait, why do I have to dress up like an old lady?
00:13:46,535 --> 00:13:48,453 'Cause old ladies are fat and you are too.
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,121 Come on, Cartman, the way we're shooting this,
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:51,873 nobody will even know it's you.
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,000 They better not. - Okay, when I yell action,
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,961 you start to walk this way,
00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:57,379 then Kenny's gonna pull the plastic frog in front of you
00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:58,588 and you have to be scared.
00:13:58,713 --> 00:13:59,756 Scared of a plastic frog?
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:01,424 - It's acting, Cartman.
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:03,385 You have to pretend you're really scared,
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:05,178 then the Mexican staring frog will look you in the eyes,
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,763 then you fall down like you're dead, okay, ready?
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,306 This is stupid.
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,891 Good, and action!
00:14:11,393 --> 00:14:12,644 Ahh!
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,981 Well, it appears as though a lot of you skeptics
00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:18,275 thought that the film we showed of the Mexican staring frog
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,318 of southern Sri Lanka was a fake.
00:14:20,443 --> 00:14:22,195 They say it didn't harm anybody.
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:23,655 Well, it just so happens that
00:14:23,780 --> 00:14:25,282 we just received another film
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,741 from another anonymous viewer.
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:27,909 Roll it.
00:14:30,328 --> 00:14:31,329 Ahhh!
00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,332 There you go.
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,459 Proof that not only is this frog real,
00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:38,044 but it is doing harm to the people of South Park
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,588 as we speak.
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,339 Damn that frog. - Well, that does it.
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,675 All this week, Ned and I will be
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,510 <i>risking life and limb as we go on location</i>
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,262 <i>to hunt the Mexican staring frog</i>
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,597 <i>of southern Sri Lanka.</i>
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:49,681 <i>Join us, won't you?</i>
00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:51,558 - Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:14:51,683 --> 00:14:53,310 This is the biggest publicity stunt I've ever seen.
00:14:53,435 --> 00:14:55,896 Damn, those hunters are clever. - Uh, clever?
00:14:56,021 --> 00:14:57,397 It's genius, it really is.
00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:58,481 Hell, I even want to watch them hunt
00:14:58,607 --> 00:14:59,858 the Mexican staring frog.
00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,902 Unless. - Unless what?
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:03,194 Unless we can prove to the world
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,654 that the whole thing is a sham.
00:15:04,779 --> 00:15:05,989 If we prove that the Mexican staring frog
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,532 of southern Sri Lanka
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:08,950 is just something made up by Jimbo and Ned,
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:09,993 we can have them taken off the air,
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:11,703 perhaps even killed.
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,371 Look, why don't we just stick to our own show?
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,664 People will watch again.
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:17,250 Oh, J, you are so omnipotent,
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:18,919 and yet so naive.
00:15:19,044 --> 00:15:20,837 We'll launch a full investigation
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:22,130 and in the meantime we can cash in
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,173 on the videotapes.
00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:24,841 What videotapes?
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:26,468 Yea, my children, I am the way and the light...
00:15:26,593 --> 00:15:28,303 <i>You've seen "Jesus and Pals."</i>
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:30,055 <i>Now you've got to get the video.</i>
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,390 <i>"Jesus and Pals Too Hot for TV."</i>
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,935 <i>Things get a little out of control.</i>
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,770 <i>You won't believe your eyes.</i>
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:38,939 <i>Order now, only $19.95.</i>
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:41,858 <i>Remember, this is stuff you can't see on TV.</i>
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:45,987 Anonymous tip?
00:15:46,112 --> 00:15:47,822 Yeah, it was left on our answering machine.
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,449 All it said was that they saw the Mexican staring frog
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:50,951 just south of Stark's Pond this morning.
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:52,243 Hey Ned, remember that time we got
00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:53,870 that anonymous tip back in Nam?
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:55,413 You were in Nam? Where were you stationed?
00:15:55,538 --> 00:15:57,165 Da Nang. - With the log ride?
00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:59,334 Yup. - Man, I was in Tet.
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,169 We had a badass rollercoaster
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,129 but all we ever wanted was a log ride.
00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:07,008 We waited and we waited but they never built us one.
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,969 I think Danforth wanted a log ride
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,304 more than anybody but he had to settle
00:16:11,429 --> 00:16:13,974 with that lame dinosaur water adventure ride.
00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:17,352 That war was hell on everybody.
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,980 Good, okay, okay bye. Great news, everybody.
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,481 This week's ratings are through the roof.
00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:23,149 We're up to 20 people.
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,568 Wow, do we get more money? - No, but I do.
00:16:25,694 --> 00:16:26,736 We're now the highest rated show
00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,279 on mountain cable access.
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,323 God bless the Mexican staring frog.
00:16:30,448 --> 00:16:31,491 Dude, they're gonna look so stupid.
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,034 Totally.
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,494 They deserve it for lying to us, dude.
00:16:34,619 --> 00:16:36,663 Revenge is so very, very sweet.
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:38,581 They're here, hurry and hide.
00:16:39,958 --> 00:16:41,543 Let's hunt.
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,420 We'll start with a two-shot of you and Ned
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:44,879 getting your equipment together and...
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,297 Jimbo, look!
00:16:46,423 --> 00:16:48,133 Hit the deck! - What is it?
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:49,509 It's him, the Mexican staring frog
00:16:49,634 --> 00:16:51,052 of southern Sri Lanka.
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,137 He's right over there on that rock.
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:53,805 He is? - Dumbass!
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,140 You've gotta keep your eyes away from him.
00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:56,391 Stay down.
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,184 Ned, you take flank position.
00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,269 I'll try and keep it turned away from you.
00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:00,353 Roger that.
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:01,813 Hello, fellow hunters.
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,314 Have we got a show for you today.
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,316 The Mexican staring frog is sunning itself
00:17:05,442 --> 00:17:08,069 on a rock directly behind us.
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,071 We've got to take the frog by surprise.
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,907 I'm gonna create a diversion using this incendiary device,
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:15,785 while Ned will ambush him from the rear.
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,537 Now, Ned, he's not looking!
00:17:17,662 --> 00:17:19,998 Quick, Ned! Hit him with the shotgun!
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:21,708 Now, Ned!
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:23,877 Ned, Ned?
00:17:27,589 --> 00:17:29,674 Oh, no!
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,968 Come on, Ned, buddy, snap out of it.
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:33,678 Come back to me, buddy.
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:34,971 Are you getting all this?
00:17:36,514 --> 00:17:38,558 Hold on to your butts.
00:17:38,683 --> 00:17:40,393 Take that, you demon frog!
00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,187 Ned, Ned, can you hear me?
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:43,354 Quick, somebody call an ambulance!
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:44,856 This man is catatonic!
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:46,316 Get the Flight for Life helicopter.
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:47,776 Holy crap, dude.
00:17:49,611 --> 00:17:52,155 "But pony boy was beat up pretty bad.
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,283 He kept saying, 'Stay gold."'
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,285 Oh, Ned, if you can hear me,
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,037 you gotta snap out of it.
00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:01,372 'cause if you don't, I'll never forgive myself.
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,416 Oh, Stanley, he's gone!
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:05,168 My only friend in the world is gone.
00:18:05,293 --> 00:18:06,544 Dude, he's okay. That frog wasn't even real.
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,046 Look.
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:09,464 Oh, what the hell are you doing?
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,257 I almost looked right at it.
00:18:11,382 --> 00:18:12,509 Dude, it's just a plastic frog. It's not real.
00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,135 Check it out. - What?
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,762 We shot all those videos and sent them in.
00:18:15,887 --> 00:18:17,388 - Yeah, we made the whole thing up.
00:18:17,514 --> 00:18:18,890 It was all just a really, really funny joke.
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,183 You sent in those videos?
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:21,768 Oh, this is not good.
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,561 My best friend is a vegetable,
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,814 and I'm gonna be the laughingstock of South Park.
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:27,398 Oh, come on, Ned's faking it.
00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,192 That frog was just a piece of plastic.
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:30,902 Yeah, come on, Ned, quit faking.
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,529 You boys don't understand.
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:34,239 Ned was so freaked out by the idea
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:36,032 of the Mexican staring frog
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:38,201 that he must have sent himself into a deep coma.
00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:39,702 It's a psychosomatic response.
00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,538 I couldn't help overhearing
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:43,706 your conversation just now. - Who are you?
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,583 I produce a little TV show called "Jesus and Pals."
00:18:45,708 --> 00:18:47,210 You might have heard of it.
00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:48,878 Your story's amazing, full of jealousy,
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,338 duplicity, backstabbing, and bitterness.
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,507 Uh, thanks?
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,092 How would you like to share your remarkable story
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:55,760 with us on tomorrow's show?
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,887 [applause]
00:18:58,012 --> 00:18:59,472 We're back with Jimbo and his nephew, Stan.
00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:01,224 These kids can't stop lying, can they?
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:02,600 That's right, Jesus.
00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:04,185 No respect for their elders.
00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:05,520 As some of you may know,
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:07,230 I host a local show on hunting.
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,733 Thanks. We've been hunting the Mexican staring frog
00:19:10,859 --> 00:19:12,318 for a week based on some video footage
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,070 we received from a viewer.
00:19:14,195 --> 00:19:15,655 Well, it turns out that these kids
00:19:15,780 --> 00:19:17,365 faked the footage.
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,033 Is that true, Stan? - It was just a joke.
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:21,327 We didn't think it would hurt anybody.
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:23,079 We'll find out more about this debauchery
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,831 when we return.
00:19:26,249 --> 00:19:27,333 And we're out.
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:28,960 You're corpses up here.
00:19:29,085 --> 00:19:30,795 We need a lot more action from everybody.
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,463 Like what?
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,174 Like go ahead and tell how your nephew Stan
00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:36,509 takes drugs and worships Satan. - Satan, got it.
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:38,636 Whoa, I don't take drugs and worship Satan. That's lying.
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,680 Give you a taste of your own medicine, you little fibber!
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,807 You kids, I didn't bring you on this show to be boring.
00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,226 Somebody get pissed off and throw a chair at Ned here.
00:19:45,351 --> 00:19:47,061 Dibs! - Remember...
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,564 you all start to fight after the chair is thrown.
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,274 That's your cue. - Right.
00:19:51,399 --> 00:19:52,942 [applause]
00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:54,819 Welcome back to "Jesus and Pals."
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:56,321 Jimbo, why do you think little Stanley lies?
00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:58,031 I'll tell you why.
00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:01,326 Because he's on drugs and he worships the devil.
00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:02,952 [all gasp]
00:20:03,077 --> 00:20:05,622 [chanting] Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:07,290 Wow. Now, Stanley, it sounds like
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,292 your uncle's really worried about you.
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,753 Well, I only did it 'cause... he molested me.
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,630 [all gasp]
00:20:13,755 --> 00:20:16,424 Why you little piece of crap! - You big piece of crap!
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,718 That's it, now I'm all pissed off.
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,595 Take that, hippy. - Hey!
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,264 [crowd chanting] Jesus, Jesus!
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,766 [screams]
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,184 Okay, okay, that's enough.
00:20:26,309 --> 00:20:27,810 Take that, you asshole.
00:20:27,936 --> 00:20:29,687 What the [bleep] was that?
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,105 Let's watch the language, people.
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:32,815 Bring it on, you bitch.
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:34,442 Hey, get off of him you [bleep] nut-sack!
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,528 [crowd chanting] Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!
00:20:37,654 --> 00:20:39,822 Let's all just make our way back to our seats.
00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:41,908 [all screaming]
00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,618 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,078 You bastards!
00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:47,830 [crowd chanting] Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:49,624 [grunting]
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,918 Let's all just make our way back to our seats.
00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:53,753 [screaming]
00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:55,380 Shut the [bleep] up!
00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:57,257 [all gasp]
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:58,716 Jesus, what is wrong with you people?
00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,301 Look around you, Stanley.
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,386 Look at the all the pain and suffering
00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:03,096 your lie has caused.
00:21:03,221 --> 00:21:04,889 We only did it because Jimbo lied to us first.
00:21:05,014 --> 00:21:06,391 We had this report on the Vietnam War for school
00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:08,101 and we interviewed Jimbo about it.
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:09,352 And he made up all this stuff about Vietnam,
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:10,937 and he got us in trouble.
00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:12,397 Hey now, everything I told you boys
00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,232 about the war actually happened.
00:21:14,357 --> 00:21:16,567 Mr. Garrison said there was no way that you could've
00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,111 defeated the entire Viet Cong army by yourself.
00:21:18,236 --> 00:21:20,196 The entire Viet Cong army?
00:21:20,321 --> 00:21:22,407 - I--well, okay, I might have embellished the truth
00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:24,450 a little but that's different.
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:26,494 Is it? - Well, sure, I mean...
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:29,289 Well, no, I guess not. - And as for you, Stan...
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:31,291 I think you need to kick your drug habit.
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:33,293 Wait a second, I don't take drugs. That was a lie.
00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:35,378 Wait, Jimbo made that up? - No, your producer did.
00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:36,921 She made Jimbo tell everybody that I did drugs.
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:38,589 What?
00:21:38,715 --> 00:21:40,300 During the break your producer came over
00:21:40,425 --> 00:21:41,509 and told Jimbo what to say about me.
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:42,802 She told him to lie.
00:21:42,927 --> 00:21:44,637 It's true, she did.
00:21:44,762 --> 00:21:47,682 I'm such a tool. - Oh, really?
00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:49,475 Yeah, then she told us to throw a chair at Ned.
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:50,685 Yeah, I didn't want to do it, Jesus.
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,437 They made me do that.
00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:54,355 Screw this show, I thought this was all real!
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,232 Wait, everybody, come back.
00:21:56,357 --> 00:21:58,276 Don't feel too bad, Montel,
00:21:58,401 --> 00:22:01,195 we all wanna touch children sometimes, it's only natural.
00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:05,742 I'm sorry, Stan.
00:22:05,867 --> 00:22:07,452 I was just trying to tell a good story.
00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:08,745 I never meant for you boys to get in trouble.
00:22:08,870 --> 00:22:10,330 We're sorry, too, Uncle Jimbo.
00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:11,539 We're sorry for making you look stupid
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,541 in front of the whole world.
00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:15,209 Yeah, and we're sorry for turning Ned into a vegetable.
00:22:15,335 --> 00:22:16,711 He'll be fine, I'll just take him home
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:18,379 and show him some good hardcore porn.
00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:20,965 He'll snap right out of it, won't you, Ned?
00:22:21,090 --> 00:22:22,925 I want to apologize to all of you for what happened in there.
00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:24,886 In our competition for ratings,
00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:26,554 we all lost sight of why we got into show business
00:22:26,679 --> 00:22:27,638 in the first place.
00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:29,223 Yeah, titties and beer.
00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:30,600 Actually, I was referring more
00:22:30,725 --> 00:22:32,518 to the pursuit of truth, but...
00:22:32,643 --> 00:22:34,520 Well, anyway, I can't wait to get back to my old show
00:22:34,645 --> 00:22:36,564 without all the glitz and ratings and producers...
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:38,232 Wait a sec, where is your producer?
00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:40,610 I sent her away. - Sent her away where?
00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,614 What is this? What's happening?
00:22:44,739 --> 00:22:47,033 Welcome to my dominion.
00:22:47,158 --> 00:22:49,452 Ahh!
00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,287 Hey, take a load off, put your feet up.
00:22:51,412 --> 00:22:52,705 Me and Satan were just about to go shopping
00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:54,332 for furniture. Come on, Satan.
00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:56,793 Okay, honey.
00:22:56,918 --> 00:22:58,961 No!
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:01,798 <i>♪ War is hell ♪</i>
00:23:01,923 --> 00:23:05,718 <i>♪ My brother's dead in my arms ♪</i>
00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:09,514 <i>♪ In war, war is hell ♪</i>
00:23:09,639 --> 00:23:12,725 <i>♪ It's hell for you and me ♪</i>

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