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Женщина с приросшим эмбрионом
Conjoined Fetus Lady
Сезон: 02Серия: 05
Описание
Друзья отправляются в Китай на финал чемпионата мира по доджболу. В городе объявлена неделя имени медсестры, страдающей мислексией сросшихся близнецов.
Субтитры
- 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,403 - Oh, hi, everybody.
- 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,238 - You just caught Matt and I doing what we love to do most,
- 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:30,906 entertaining senior citizens at a retirement home.
- 00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:33,951 Say hi to the "South Park" fans, gang.
- 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,120 Say hi to the "South Park" fans, I said!
- 00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:38,122 Hi.
- 00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:39,457 - We're glad you're watching this episode of "South Park,"
- 00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:41,333 because it's our favorite episode.
- 00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:42,960 That's right; it's called "Conjoined Fetus Lady,"
- 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,336 and it's all about the kids' exciting
- 00:00:44,462 --> 00:00:46,338 dodgeball tournament in China.
- 00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:48,299 Trey and I got the idea for this episode when we visited
- 00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:49,884 Beijing, China, together.
- 00:00:50,009 --> 00:00:51,802 That's right; we saw the Great Wall,
- 00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:53,679 <i>the Forbidden City, and even Tiananmen Square,</i>
- 00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,765 <i>where Chinese students were killed by soldiers.</i>
- 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:58,225 <i>Here we are reenacting the Tiananmen Square massacre.</i>
- 00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:02,438 - After we got out of jail for reenacting
- 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,690 the Tiananmen Square massacre, we went back home and thought,
- 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,526 "Wow, China is really stupid. Let's make fun of it."
- 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,570 So we did.
- 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,739 And this show also has that old "woman who has a twin that
- 00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:14,658 died during childbirth attached to her head" joke in it.
- 00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:16,744 Isn't that funny, gang?
- 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,496 Isn't that funny, I said?
- 00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:21,123 Answer him, you pieces of.
- 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,167 - God damn it. - We come and perform
- 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:25,002 for you, and you sit there like a bunch of corpses.
- 00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:28,172 - you. - I hate you.
- 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:33,260 So sit back, relax, and enjoy "Conjoined Fetus Lady."
- 00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:48,275 - ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,277 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:51,987 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,531 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:01:53,656 --> 00:01:54,990 - ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,826 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,536 - ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,037 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
- 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,539 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:03,290 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:07,962 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:09,755 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:13,134 Okay, children, it's Friday.
- 00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:15,052 And you know what that means for P.E. class.
- 00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:17,888 We're gonna play dodgeball.
- 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,891 We don't want to play dodgeball. It hurts.
- 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,059 Yeah. - So let's have half
- 00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:23,602 the children on this side,
- 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,479 and half the children on that side.
- 00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,189 Excuse me a moment, gentlemen.
- 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,899 I don't believe I know how to play dodgeball.
- 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:30,609 - What? Don't you have dodgeball in France?
- 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:31,735 Well, no, and actually I'm not from France.
- 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,487 Look, Pip, the rules are simple.
- 00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:34,864 A kid from that team tries to bean a kid on our team
- 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:35,906 in the head with a big red ball.
- 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,449 Oh, dear.
- 00:02:37,575 --> 00:02:38,576 If the ball hits you, you're out.
- 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,452 But if you catch the ball, he's out.
- 00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:42,288 And the last team to still have anybody standing wins.
- 00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:43,539 Oh, what jolly good fun.
- 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,332 No, it isn't, it hurts!
- 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:46,625 I can't believe they let us play this in school.
- 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,544 Play ball!
- 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,087 Ow!
- 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:51,922 - Damn it, we lost one already!
- 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:54,425 - You're out, Clyde.
- 00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:57,178 Jordan, Swanson, pull forward, we need backup.
- 00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:00,472 We're losing men fast out here.
- 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,810 Concentrate on your game. Be the ball.
- 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:07,938 I caught it. I caught it!
- 00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:10,357 Great catch, Kyle. Now your team's on offense.
- 00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,442 Here, Pip, you throw.
- 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:12,776 Oh, no, I couldn't.
- 00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:14,486 Come on, limey, don't be a wuss.
- 00:03:14,612 --> 00:03:15,905 Are you gonna be a French pansy your whole life?
- 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,239 I'm not French.
- 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,116 Throw the ball, you stupid frog!
- 00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:20,326 God damn, maybe if you didn't eat all those croissants,
- 00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:21,869 you'd be able-- Ow!
- 00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,829 Okay, that was pretty good, Pip.
- 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:25,289 But you're supposed to hit the kids on the other team.
- 00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,499 Ow, my nose! You broke my nose!
- 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:29,084 - Damn, Pip, I didn't know you had it in you.
- 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,794 Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry.
- 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:32,963 That nose is bleeding pretty bad, Kyle.
- 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,257 I think you might have to go to the nurse's office.
- 00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:39,678 No, no, it'll be okay.
- 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:42,431 Sorry, son, you'll have to let the nurse look at it.
- 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,225 Come on. - No! No!
- 00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:47,228 - Dude, he's going to the nurse's office.
- 00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:49,813 I heard the school nurse is hideously deformed.
- 00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:52,650 I heard she has tentacles and eats children for lunch.
- 00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:55,986 Stan, has anybody actually seen the nurse
- 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,738 and come back to tell about it?
- 00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:00,074 No, Cartman, nobody ever has.
- 00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,047 Are you Kyle Broflovski?
- 00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,298 Yes.
- 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,508 I'm the school nurse.
- 00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:18,509 Did you hurt your nose?
- 00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:20,177 Y-yes.
- 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:21,345 Young man, why do you have your eyes closed?
- 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:22,638 I'm not gonna hurt you.
- 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:26,183 I know. - So open them.
- 00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,310 Oh.
- 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,770 Whew.
- 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,355 - Now, what seems to be the problem?
- 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:32,815 I just hit my nose playing dodgeball.
- 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,733 Oh, well, I'll get you an ice pack.
- 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,487 What?
- 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,698 Oh, I see you've noticed my disorder.
- 00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:43,200 I have a stillborn fetus growth attached to my head.
- 00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:49,331 And when she moved up and down, the little fetus jiggled.
- 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:50,416 Ew!
- 00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,293 Did it talk?
- 00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:53,877 The little fetus, did it talk? - No, no. It looked dead.
- 00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,337 Ew!
- 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,047 Was it wearing clothes?
- 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,841 Dude, where is she gonna get fetus clothes?
- 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,135 Oh, yeah. - Ew.
- 00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:03,012 Ew!
- 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:05,306 And then she walked over-- - Kyle, that is enough!
- 00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:06,765 I've been reading up on your poor nurse's condition
- 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,350 and it is nothing to be made fun of.
- 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,477 It's called "conjoined twin myslexia."
- 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:11,854 Who the hell cares what it's called,
- 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,522 as long as she doesn't touch me.
- 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,940 Now, that's just the kind of unawareness
- 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,066 that we need to fight against.
- 00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,569 Sit down, boys.
- 00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:21,071 You see, boys, sometimes when babies are born,
- 00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:22,781 they're born as twins.
- 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,491 But sometimes the twins get hooked together
- 00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:27,578 and they're born as Siamese twins.
- 00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:28,912 Gross!
- 00:05:29,038 --> 00:05:30,664 But sometimes,
- 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,082 after the Siamese twins are joined together,
- 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,084 one of the twins dies before birth.
- 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,962 The living baby is born with the dead baby still attached.
- 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:40,090 Sometimes this dead twin is inside the living person,
- 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,634 so even you could have a dead twin inside you
- 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:43,927 and not even know it.
- 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,390 So now that you're educated about her disease,
- 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,559 you won't need to make fun of her, right, booby?
- 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:55,064 Uh, yeah.
- 00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,902 Can you imagine that poor, poor woman?
- 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,779 Mm-hmm.
- 00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,864 - Feeling like an outcast, being ridiculed every day.
- 00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:04,907 Mm-hmm.
- 00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,868 Hello?
- 00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,411 Hello, Sheila, it's Sharon, Stan's mother.
- 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,121 Oh, yes, hello, Sharon.
- 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,207 Sheila, I was just wondering if you might know
- 00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:15,876 why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick.
- 00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,586 No, I have to get it out!
- 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,838 Well, Sharon, I was trying to educate them
- 00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,924 about conjoined twin myslexia.
- 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,550 So this is your fault. - Okay--oh--damn it!
- 00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:25,386 Would you do me a favor?
- 00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:26,929 Next time you want to scare the hell out of my child,
- 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,430 just go outside and sit in the road
- 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,058 till a truck runs you over instead.
- 00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,935 That does it!
- 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,896 I must educate the entire town about this awful disease!
- 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,190 Mm-hmm.
- 00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,733 Dude, I don't get it.
- 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,402 Why are we playing dodgeball again?
- 00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:42,528 Yeah, I thought we only play it on Fridays.
- 00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:44,571 Children, great news!
- 00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:47,282 We've been asked to play in the state finals for dodgeball.
- 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,369 Aw, do we have to?
- 00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:51,787 Can't we play with that big parachute again or something?
- 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,205 You don't understand, children,
- 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,957 if we can win state,
- 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,959 we can play in the nationals in Washington D.C.
- 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,544 Hey, they have a zoo there!
- 00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,087 That's right. Now, come on,
- 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,464 we have a lot of practicing to do.
- 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:03,924 - Aren't we supposed to have won something
- 00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,592 in order to go to state finals?
- 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:06,760 Hey, Pip, you want to be on my team again?
- 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:08,554 I'd love to!
- 00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:10,222 Yeah, just try not to send anybody
- 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,057 to that monster nurse this time, Frenchy.
- 00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:13,642 - Hey, I get quite disturbed when you call me that!
- 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,144 You shouldn't make fun of foreigners.
- 00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,437 And besides, I hate French people.
- 00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:23,569 Well, Mrs. Broflovski, it certainly is a thrill
- 00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:25,195 seeing your cheery face again.
- 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,780 What seems to be pissing you off today?
- 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,323 Nothing is pissing me off.
- 00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,242 I just want to start a movement!
- 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,035 Of course you do.
- 00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:35,122 I want to talk to you all about your school nurse.
- 00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:38,459 Nurse Gollum is absolutely qualified to be a--
- 00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:40,210 No, no, no, I'm not upset about her.
- 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,671 I want to make the public aware of her.
- 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,506 Her disease should be brought to light
- 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,134 so that it could be understood rather than made fun of.
- 00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,136 Ooh, and, uh, what disease is that?
- 00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,762 Principal Victoria,
- 00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:54,057 Nurse Gollum has conjoined twin myslexia.
- 00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:55,767 What's that?
- 00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:57,227 - She has a dead fetus attached to her head.
- 00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:58,729 She does?
- 00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,689 You, uh--you never noticed that?
- 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,441 No, I never did.
- 00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,693 Well, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
- 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,112 This poor woman is forced to live in the shadows
- 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,114 because she feels like an outcast.
- 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,241 It is up to us to make her feel comfortable
- 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,076 and welcome in our town.
- 00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:16,413 Did you say a fetus sticking out from her head?
- 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,499 I want to invite your nurse to a dinner party
- 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,501 at my house this evening.
- 00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:23,337 I'd appreciate it if both you and Mr. Mackey would attend.
- 00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:25,255 Do we have to eat kosher stuff?
- 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,715 Well, I'll talk to Nurse Gollum,
- 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:27,966 but I'm sure she'll be delighted.
- 00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,051 Let's say around 8:00?
- 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:30,886 Wonderful.
- 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,055 Now, you did say she has a fetus on her head?
- 00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,267 Okay, children,
- 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:40,854 now who's gonna win the state finals?
- 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,648 Denver?
- 00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:44,566 ♪ Here we go, Cows, here we go, uh, uh ♪
- 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,693 ♪ Here we go Cows, here we go ♪
- 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:47,819 ♪ Uh, uh ♪
- 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:52,449 I think we need to get off on this exit.
- 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:54,451 Sit down, kid!
- 00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,495 But it's quicker to get to the Denver school that way.
- 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:59,164 Do you want an office referral?
- 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,999 How many times do I have to explain this to you?
- 00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:02,584 I'm not a student.
- 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:03,752 You can't give me an office referral.
- 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,504 I said, sit down!
- 00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:06,630 Yes, ma'am.
- 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:14,513 Whoa, dude, this is a school?
- 00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,139 Hello there. I'm Bob Thomas,
- 00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:17,933 the coach for the Denver Cougars.
- 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,060 I'm Chef, coach of the South Park Cows.
- 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,478 Well, I certainly want to thank you
- 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,021 for bringing your team down.
- 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,731 Apparently nobody else would play us
- 00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,066 because they knew we'd just beat them silly.
- 00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,985 So I told the school board
- 00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:29,194 to find me some hick school from the mountains,
- 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,529 and here you are.
- 00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:31,530 You're from South Park, yeah?
- 00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,323 Yeah.
- 00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:34,992 My God, amazing where people can live nowadays.
- 00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:36,910 Well, we might as well get this over with,
- 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,453 we got to start thinking about D.C.
- 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,914 Promise we won't make it too painful.
- 00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,292 - Play ball!
- 00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:54,553 So where did you get your degree, Nurse Gollum?
- 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:55,804 Colorado State.
- 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,431 Oh!
- 00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,478 Sheila, could you pass me the dead fetus?
- 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:04,730 I mean, gravy.
- 00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,815 Ow!
- 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:13,488 Damn it, come on!
- 00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,449 Somebody catch the ball!
- 00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:16,825 All right, boys, just five more
- 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,952 of the little bastards to go!
- 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,372 I caught it. I caught it!
- 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:23,999 Aw, that's not fair.
- 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,250 He's so fat, it stuck in his belly.
- 00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:26,960 South Park on offense!
- 00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:29,212 Great job, children, just stay focused now.
- 00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,297 Go for it, Pip.
- 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,798 Oh, bother.
- 00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:32,799 Come on, you Frenchy little frog!
- 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,553 Whoa, great shot, Pip!
- 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,932 So I hear that the South Park Cows
- 00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:43,518 are playing for the state finals in dodgeball tonight.
- 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:46,313 Yeah, but, you know, it doesn't matter, though.
- 00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:48,815 The Denver team always wins, okay.
- 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,233 Oh, I don't know.
- 00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:51,777 I think our boys might just have the dead fetus to win.
- 00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:53,236 Heart!
- 00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:54,988 Gerald, keep your damn mouth shut!
- 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,740 It's okay, Ms. Broflovski, really.
- 00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,241 - Please forgive us.
- 00:10:58,367 --> 00:10:59,743 I'm terribly sorry, Nurse Gollum.
- 00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:00,994 No, I'm quite secure with it.
- 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,746 - I have felt so bad
- 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,581 ever since I heard the boys making fun of you.
- 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,041 They're just young boys.
- 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,501 Joking is a way for them to come to terms
- 00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:09,044 with what they don't understand.
- 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,712 Could I get some more pork?
- 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,047 So did you ever think of just, you know,
- 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,049 having it cut off?
- 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,717 Yes, Principal Victoria, the thought had occurred to me.
- 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,427 Unfortunately, it would mean my death.
- 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,096 Oh, so I suppose that's out.
- 00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:20,555 How about a hat, then?
- 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,099 No, really--
- 00:11:22,224 --> 00:11:23,725 Yes, we could get you a few hats,
- 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,602 and wear a different one every day--no big whoop.
- 00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,270 I really appreciate what you're trying to do here,
- 00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:28,647 but it's not necessary.
- 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:29,731 I'm a pretty happy person.
- 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,608 I've got it!
- 00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:33,485 We could set aside a whole week to make the public aware
- 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,320 of folks just like you!
- 00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:36,905 Oh, yes.
- 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,532 A conjoined twin myslexia awareness week.
- 00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:39,783 You know, that has a nice ring.
- 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,535 But I don't think--
- 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,328 The school could put out pamphlets, okay.
- 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,956 And we could have seminars to educate, okay.
- 00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:47,749 Oh, this is so exciting!
- 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:51,128 I'm gonna get the mayor on the phone right now!
- 00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,220 You got just one more, Pip.
- 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:03,014 You get this kid, and we are state champions.
- 00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,891 Yeah, and if you don't,
- 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,477 you're a big dumb-ass European hippie piece of crap!
- 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,730 Get him, Frenchy.
- 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:12,733 South Park wins!
- 00:12:12,858 --> 00:12:14,860 We did it, children! We did it.
- 00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:16,820 We're going to Washington D.C.!
- 00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,823 Owee, it hurts.
- 00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:20,991 Owee!
- 00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:23,702 Mommy, it hurts, it hurts!
- 00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:33,628 Oh, sorry about whupping your ass there, Coach!
- 00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:37,632 ♪ Ooh, baby, come on, just whupped in the ass ♪
- 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,886 ♪ Gonna need some cream for your ass ♪
- 00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,471 ♪ It's all swollen and red ♪
- 00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,181 Ladies and gentlemen,
- 00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:46,725 this is indeed a great week for South Park.
- 00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,436 Miss Hermans has opened the east wing of the library,
- 00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:53,064 and our own South Park Cows elementary school dodgeball team
- 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:55,400 is going to the national finals!
- 00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,402 Where they will undoubtedly be beaten senseless
- 00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:00,155 by the Washington team.
- 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,325 But most importantly, this week has brought to my attention
- 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,660 a very serious and dreaded disease,
- 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,038 conjoined twin myslexia.
- 00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,040 And so it is in honor of this
- 00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:12,042 that I declare this exciting week
- 00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:16,087 as conjoined twin myslexia week!
- 00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:19,007 And now let's kick off our week-long festivities
- 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:23,053 with the first annual grand conjoined parade!
- 00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:25,722 Let's hear it for these brave souls!
- 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:36,775 What a glorious parade that was.
- 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:40,237 Let's hear it for the parade coordinators!
- 00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:43,949 You know, Mayor, I really should be
- 00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:45,200 accompanying those kids to Washington
- 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,201 in case they get hurt.
- 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,161 That is my job.
- 00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:50,497 Nonsense, this is your week. You aren't going anywhere.
- 00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:52,290 - How much further is Washington D.C.?
- 00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:53,917 Sit down, kid!
- 00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,335 - I need to know how far it is, lady.
- 00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,379 I said, sit down!
- 00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,339 Yeah, whatever, you old, dried up fat hog.
- 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,132 What did you say?
- 00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,593 I said I've always wanted to visit Prague.
- 00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,846 Oh, me too.
- 00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:07,347 Okay, what have you got?
- 00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,057 Some Hadka fish, some Gafagga...
- 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,809 I got a jelly roll. I got a jelly roll!
- 00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:12,227 Sweet, jelly roll's perfect.
- 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,354 Places.
- 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:25,282 Damn, man, this is the big time, all right.
- 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,700 Chef, we're hungry.
- 00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,702 You can eat after the game.
- 00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:30,328 You children win this one and you're national champions.
- 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,372 Then you can go on and play the Chinese.
- 00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:34,583 My mom says there's a lot of black people in China.
- 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:35,584 What?
- 00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:36,585 Are you Chef?
- 00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,336 Yeah.
- 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:39,921 The Washington team has forfeited the game.
- 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,006 Congratulations, you're national champions.
- 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,299 What?
- 00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:43,592 We did it! Children, we won!
- 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,927 Wow, that was easy.
- 00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,637 Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear a round of applause
- 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,806 for the new national champions of dodgeball,
- 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,933 the South Park Cows!
- 00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,312 Hey, why did you guys forfeit?
- 00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,147 You mean you don't know? - Know what?
- 00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,523 Last year's national champions
- 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,275 were the Austin Pirates.
- 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,651 They played China for the world championship;
- 00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:03,737 only four of them came back alive.
- 00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:07,157 Chinese dodgeball players aren't like us.
- 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:14,080 <i>They do nothing but dodgeball, day in and day out.</i>
- 00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:16,333 <i>They use steroids and advanced training equipment</i>
- 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,793 <i>to make them not kids, but animals.</i>
- 00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,633 Well, good luck, we've got our futures to think about.
- 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,092 Okay, children, back in the bus.
- 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,348 And so, at this honorary dinner,
- 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,850 we take a look back at our beloved Nurse Gollum
- 00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,727 and the brave life she has lived.
- 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,395 Roll the tape please, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,773 Oh, no.
- 00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:43,652 <i>♪ You've got the strength, you've got the courage ♪</i>
- 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:47,405 <i>♪ Even with a dead fetus on your head ♪</i>
- 00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:50,283 <i>♪ You carry on ♪</i>
- 00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,827 <i>♪ You fight for tomorrow ♪</i>
- 00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:57,457 <i>♪ Dead fetus, no, you never let go ♪</i>
- 00:15:57,582 --> 00:16:00,835 <i>♪ You're my conjoined twin dead thing ♪</i>
- 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:04,214 <i>♪ Hanging off your head, woman ♪</i>
- 00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:06,591 Oh, that was so touching!
- 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,843 And now, friends, it's time to present
- 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,846 the lifetime conjoined twin achievement award.
- 00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:14,307 This award goes to outstanding conjoined twins
- 00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:16,309 who have made a mark on society.
- 00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:18,395 And the winner is...
- 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,271 Nurse Gollum.
- 00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:22,482 Nurse Gollum!
- 00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:25,402 Oh, boy.
- 00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:26,861 Excuse me, Mayor, but I just received some news
- 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,321 that you might all be interested in.
- 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,281 Our South Park cows have just beaten
- 00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:32,367 the Washington dodgeball team and are on their way to
- 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,452 the world championship in China.
- 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,957 Okay, children, now we're almost to China.
- 00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,626 I want you all to try and focus on your game.
- 00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,586 But, Chef, we don't want to play the Chinese.
- 00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:46,339 Nonsense! If we win this one, we're world champions.
- 00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:48,341 But we could get killed!
- 00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,176 And just what price would you pay for eternal glory?
- 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:53,513 Just imagine a big yellow dodgeball champion's banner
- 00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:55,515 hanging in the cafeteria-- imagine it.
- 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,308 Dude, chef has lost it.
- 00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:59,227 You'll be on the news all over the world.
- 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,146 South Park will finally have a sport that it's good at.
- 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,648 Oh, children, it'll be glorious.
- 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:07,068 Sure, Captain Ahab has to get his way, huh?
- 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,404 Dude, what does that mean?
- 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,947 I don't know.
- 00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:12,449 Hey, isn't that kid Kevin Chinese?
- 00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,242 Yeah, you're from China.
- 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,286 No, I'm from America. My parents are Chinese.
- 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:17,787 Tell us how the Chinese play dodgeball.
- 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:18,955 I have no idea, dude.
- 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,582 Come on, rice picker!
- 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,251 Hey, hey, hey! Children, that's not cool.
- 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:26,087 You don't make fun of somebody because of their ethnicity.
- 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,839 You don't?
- 00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,215 But, Chef, you just ripped on Chinese people.
- 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:30,967 No, no, no, no, that's different.
- 00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:33,344 I made fun of them because they are from China.
- 00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,722 You see, it's not okay to make fun of an American
- 00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:37,474 because they are black, brown, or whatever.
- 00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:39,768 But it is okay to make fun of foreigners
- 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:42,228 because they're from another country.
- 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,438 Oh!
- 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,564 All right. - Yeah.
- 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:51,362 It is with great pride that we welcome our American friend.
- 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:55,241 Now let the champion of dodgeball be decide!
- 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,207 Damn, dude, China is up.
- 00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:03,666 Take places!
- 00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,043 - All right, let's go, Cows!
- 00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:06,044 Let's show them what we got!
- 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:07,921 Okay, Tom,
- 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:10,298 looks like Americans are getting ready to play.
- 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:13,510 I don't suppose they'll have problems seeing the ball
- 00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:15,929 with their big American eyes.
- 00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,974 Yeah, good thing they have those big eyes,
- 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,768 so that they don't have to rely on that
- 00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,436 amazing American intellect.
- 00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:27,273 You say such things. - That's a zinger.
- 00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,526 Play ball!
- 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:31,444 Ah!
- 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:33,988 Holy crap.
- 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,198 Ooh!
- 00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:37,909 God damn!
- 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:40,411 Hey, hey, what you call white American person
- 00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:43,206 with a PhD in physics and math?
- 00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:45,208 I don't know, what?
- 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,584 Stupid American!
- 00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:49,504 Oh, boy!
- 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,092 Another American is down!
- 00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,970 It's number--
- 00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:59,139 I don't know. All American look alike!
- 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,271 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
- 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:07,647 You bastards.
- 00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,399 Oh, my,
- 00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:11,234 I haven't seen an American die like that
- 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,403 since Abraham Lincoln!
- 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,114 Dude, that is not cool.
- 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:17,740 You're gonna get us into trouble again.
- 00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:19,617 Ladies and gentlemen,
- 00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:22,412 on this fourth day of Conjoined Twin Myslexia Week,
- 00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,914 all our prayers are with our little South Park Cows,
- 00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:27,375 now playing their hearts out in China.
- 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,544 Now join me in saluting our Cows
- 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,380 and help make Nurse Gollum not feel like an outcast
- 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:36,384 with our first official conjoined twin myslexia hats!
- 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,935 And there is only one South Park player left!
- 00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:48,438 Still all Chinese player!
- 00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:51,941 This should be over very shortly!
- 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,818 Come on! Throw ball!
- 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,654 Hey, you want to hear my impersonation of American?
- 00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:57,655 Yeah, yeah.
- 00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:59,073 Okay.
- 00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:01,159 Hey, I really, really want that.
- 00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:02,368 That looks good.
- 00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,999 Hey, hey, let me try, let me try.
- 00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:09,667 I'll use my credit card.
- 00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:16,049 Do you have any non-dairy creamer?
- 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,428 Y'all come back now, hear?
- 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:27,185 Oh, what have I done?
- 00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,687 You know, Eric, I just realized something.
- 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,774 I've been obsessed, and obsession isn't good.
- 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:35,568 If we had won the world championship, what then?
- 00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:38,029 It would only be a bigger let down the next year
- 00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,906 if we didn't win.
- 00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:42,408 Our lives would have to revolve around dodgeball.
- 00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:45,119 Our lives were fine before.
- 00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:47,914 Oh, I'm sorry children. I let it all go to my head.
- 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,792 Can you ever forgive me?
- 00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:54,379 Come on, forget this stupid game. Let's go home.
- 00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:56,339 Come on, throw ball!
- 00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:59,759 Hey, if you want to make him throw the ball say this...
- 00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:01,469 Thanks, you American dumb-ass!
- 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:04,264 "You French piece of crap,
- 00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:05,556 "throw ball!
- 00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,016 "What's the matter, Frenchy?
- 00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:09,269 You got crepes in your ears?"
- 00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:25,576 And the winner is South Park Cows!
- 00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:29,038 Everyone, everyone, look, I won the game!
- 00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:30,248 We're world champions.
- 00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:32,000 Mr. Chef, Mr. Chef,
- 00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,334 South Park is the world champion in dodgeball!
- 00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:34,752 Oh, glorious day!
- 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:36,421 Shut up, Pip.
- 00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:37,547 Yeah, shut up, Pip. Can we go home now?
- 00:21:37,672 --> 00:21:39,424 Did you all see?
- 00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:40,550 I can't believe I threw such a ball with my own arm.
- 00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:41,676 Shut up, Pip!
- 00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:46,139 As this year's Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week
- 00:21:46,264 --> 00:21:47,724 draws to a close,
- 00:21:47,849 --> 00:21:49,684 I would like to personally thank all of you
- 00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:51,894 for your enthusiastic cooperation.
- 00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:54,230 Now let's hear it one more time
- 00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:58,484 for our world champion South Park Cows!
- 00:21:58,609 --> 00:22:00,445 What the hell is everyone wearing on their heads?
- 00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:03,573 And now let's hear from the woman of the week.
- 00:22:03,698 --> 00:22:07,410 The incredible, courageous Nurse Gollum!
- 00:22:07,535 --> 00:22:09,203 Ah! - Dude, it's the freak nurse!
- 00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:10,413 Holy crap!
- 00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:11,581 Damn it, Kyle.
- 00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:14,000 We've been working all week against that kind of behavior.
- 00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:15,668 Sorry, dude, we weren't here.
- 00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:19,088 Thank you, Mayor, I don't know what to say.
- 00:22:19,213 --> 00:22:20,840 This has been quite a week.
- 00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:22,467 She's really touched.
- 00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:24,093 What I really want to say is,
- 00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:26,346 well, this may sound odd
- 00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:28,806 coming from a woman with a fetus sticking out of her head,
- 00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:33,394 but, you're all a bunch of freaks!
- 00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:36,064 Uh, freaks with big hearts!
- 00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:36,856 And now--
- 00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:39,567 - Don't you realize that the last thing I ever wanted
- 00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:41,152 was to be singled out?
- 00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:43,696 I just wanted to do my job and live my life
- 00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,323 like any normal person,
- 00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:47,116 but instead you've made everybody focus
- 00:22:47,241 --> 00:22:49,535 on my handicap all week long!
- 00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:51,829 Look, I don't want to be treated different.
- 00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,874 I don't want to be treated special or treated gingerly.
- 00:22:54,999 --> 00:22:57,752 I just want to be ridiculed, shouted at, and made fun of,
- 00:22:57,877 --> 00:22:59,462 like all the rest of you do to each other.
- 00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:02,256 And take those stupid things off your heads!
- 00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:07,470 Oh, my, what an ungrateful bitch.
- 00:23:07,595 --> 00:23:09,222 Yeah, the nerve of some people.
- 00:23:09,347 --> 00:23:11,099 Hey, you know that nurse is actually pretty cool.
- 00:23:11,224 --> 00:23:13,684 Yeah, maybe that dead fetus makes her smarter.
- 00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:15,478 I love you guys.
- 00:23:18,231 --> 00:23:19,649 Screw you guys.
- 00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:22,276 <i>♪ Carry on ♪</i>
- 00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:27,115 <i>♪ Dead fetus, no, you never let go ♪</i>
- 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,284 <i>♪ You're my conjoined twin dead thing ♪</i>
- 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:32,995 <i>♪ Hanging off your head, woman ♪</i>
- 00:00:02,253 --> 00:00:05,923 [upbeat acoustic guitar music]
- 00:00:06,048 --> 00:00:08,926 - [singing indistinctly]
- 00:00:09,051 --> 00:00:16,058 ♪♪
- 00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:24,066 ♪♪
- 00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,403 - Oh, hi, everybody.
- 00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,238 - You just caught Matt and I doing what we love to do most,
- 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:30,906 entertaining senior citizens at a retirement home.
- 00:00:31,032 --> 00:00:33,951 Say hi to the "South Park" fans, gang.
- 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,120 Say hi to the "South Park" fans, I said!
- 00:00:36,245 --> 00:00:38,122 [together] Hi.
- 00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:39,457 - We're glad you're watching this episode of "South Park,"
- 00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:41,333 because it's our favorite episode.
- 00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:42,960 That's right; it's called "Conjoined Fetus Lady,"
- 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,336 and it's all about the kids' exciting
- 00:00:44,462 --> 00:00:46,338 dodgeball tournament in China.
- 00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:48,299 Trey and I got the idea for this episode when we visited
- 00:00:48,424 --> 00:00:49,884 Beijing, China, together.
- 00:00:50,009 --> 00:00:51,802 That's right; we saw the Great Wall,
- 00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:53,679 <i>the Forbidden City, and even Tiananmen Square,</i>
- 00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:55,765 <i>where Chinese students were killed by soldiers.</i>
- 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:58,225 <i>Here we are reenacting the Tiananmen Square massacre.</i>
- 00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:02,438 - After we got out of jail for reenacting
- 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,690 the Tiananmen Square massacre, we went back home and thought,
- 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:07,526 "Wow, China is really stupid. Let's make fun of it."
- 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,570 So we did.
- 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,739 And this show also has that old "woman who has a twin that
- 00:01:11,864 --> 00:01:14,658 died during childbirth attached to her head" joke in it.
- 00:01:14,784 --> 00:01:16,744 Isn't that funny, gang?
- 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,496 Isn't that funny, I said?
- 00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:21,123 Answer him, you [bleep] pieces of [bleep].
- 00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,167 God damn it. We come and [bleep] perform
- 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:25,002 for you, and you sit there like a bunch of [bleep] corpses.
- 00:01:25,127 --> 00:01:28,172 [bleep] you. I [bleep] hate you.
- 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:33,260 So sit back, relax, and enjoy "Conjoined Fetus Lady."
- 00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:37,014 - [singing indistinctly]
- 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:46,774 <i>[twangy music]</i>
- 00:01:46,899 --> 00:01:48,275 - ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,277 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:51,987 all: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,531 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:01:53,656 --> 00:01:54,990 - ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,826 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,536 - ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,037 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
- 00:02:00,162 --> 00:02:01,539 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:03,290 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:06,460 [singing indistinctly]
- 00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:07,962 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:09,755 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:13,134 Okay, children, it's Friday.
- 00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:15,052 And you know what that means for P.E. class.
- 00:02:15,177 --> 00:02:17,888 We're gonna play dodgeball.
- 00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:19,515 [all sighing, grumbling]
- 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:20,891 We don't want to play dodgeball. It hurts.
- 00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,059 Yeah. - So let's have half
- 00:02:22,184 --> 00:02:23,602 the children on this side,
- 00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,479 and half the children on that side.
- 00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,189 Excuse me a moment, gentlemen.
- 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,899 I don't believe I know how to play dodgeball.
- 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:30,609 - What? Don't you have dodgeball in France?
- 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:31,735 Well, no, and actually I'm not from France.
- 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,487 Look, Pip, the rules are simple.
- 00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:34,864 A kid from that team tries to bean a kid on our team
- 00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:35,906 in the head with a big red ball.
- 00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,449 Oh, dear.
- 00:02:37,575 --> 00:02:38,576 If the ball hits you, you're out.
- 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,452 But if you catch the ball, he's out.
- 00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:42,288 And the last team to still have anybody standing wins.
- 00:02:42,413 --> 00:02:43,539 Oh, what jolly good fun.
- 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,332 No, it isn't, it hurts!
- 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:46,625 I can't believe they let us play this in school.
- 00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,544 [whistle chirps] Play ball!
- 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,087 [grunts] - Ow! [cries]
- 00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:51,922 - Damn it, we lost one already!
- 00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:54,425 - You're out, Clyde.
- 00:02:54,550 --> 00:02:57,178 Jordan, Swanson, pull forward, we need backup.
- 00:02:57,303 --> 00:02:58,846 [squeaks]
- 00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:00,472 We're losing men fast out here.
- 00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:02,099 [grunts]
- 00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,810 Concentrate on your game. Be the ball.
- 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:07,938 I caught it. I caught it!
- 00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:10,357 Great catch, Kyle. Now your team's on offense.
- 00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,442 Here, Pip, you throw.
- 00:03:11,567 --> 00:03:12,776 Oh, no, I couldn't.
- 00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:14,486 Come on, limey, don't be a wuss.
- 00:03:14,612 --> 00:03:15,905 Are you gonna be a French pansy your whole life?
- 00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:17,239 I'm not French.
- 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,116 Throw the ball, you stupid frog!
- 00:03:19,241 --> 00:03:20,326 God damn, maybe if you didn't eat all those croissants,
- 00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:21,869 you'd be able-- Ow!
- 00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,829 Okay, that was pretty good, Pip.
- 00:03:23,954 --> 00:03:25,289 But you're supposed to hit the kids on the other team.
- 00:03:25,414 --> 00:03:27,499 Ow, my nose! You broke my nose!
- 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:29,084 - Damn, Pip, I didn't know you had it in you.
- 00:03:29,210 --> 00:03:30,794 Oh, I'm dreadfully sorry.
- 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:32,963 That nose is bleeding pretty bad, Kyle.
- 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,257 I think you might have to go to the nurse's office.
- 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,801 [all gasping]
- 00:03:37,927 --> 00:03:39,678 No, no, it'll be okay.
- 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:42,431 Sorry, son, you'll have to let the nurse look at it.
- 00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,225 Come on. - No! No!
- 00:03:44,350 --> 00:03:47,228 - Dude, he's going to the nurse's office.
- 00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:49,813 I heard the school nurse is hideously deformed.
- 00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:52,650 I heard she has tentacles and eats children for lunch.
- 00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:55,986 Stan, has anybody actually seen the nurse
- 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,738 and come back to tell about it?
- 00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:00,074 No, Cartman, nobody ever has.
- 00:04:02,368 --> 00:04:05,246 <i>[mysterious music]</i>
- 00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:12,378 ♪♪
- 00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,047 Are you Kyle Broflovski?
- 00:04:15,172 --> 00:04:16,298 Yes.
- 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:17,508 I'm the school nurse.
- 00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:18,509 Did you hurt your nose?
- 00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:20,177 Y-yes.
- 00:04:20,302 --> 00:04:21,345 Young man, why do you have your eyes closed?
- 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:22,638 I'm not gonna hurt you.
- 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:26,183 I know. - So open them.
- 00:04:26,308 --> 00:04:28,310 Oh.
- 00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:29,770 Whew.
- 00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:31,355 - Now, what seems to be the problem?
- 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:32,815 I just hit my nose playing dodgeball.
- 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:34,733 Oh, well, I'll get you an ice pack.
- 00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:36,485 [shrieks]
- 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,487 What? - [continues shrieking]
- 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,698 Oh, I see you've noticed my disorder.
- 00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:43,200 I have a stillborn fetus growth attached to my head.
- 00:04:43,325 --> 00:04:45,160 [screaming]
- 00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:49,331 And when she moved up and down, the little fetus jiggled.
- 00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:50,416 [together] Ew!
- 00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,293 Did it talk?
- 00:04:52,418 --> 00:04:53,877 The little fetus, did it talk? - No, no. It looked dead.
- 00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:55,337 [together] Ew!
- 00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,047 Was it wearing clothes?
- 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,841 Dude, where is she gonna get fetus clothes?
- 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,135 Oh, yeah. - Ew.
- 00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:03,012 [together] Ew!
- 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:05,306 And then she walked over-- - Kyle, that is enough!
- 00:05:05,431 --> 00:05:06,765 I've been reading up on your poor nurse's condition
- 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,350 and it is nothing to be made fun of.
- 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,477 It's called "conjoined twin myslexia."
- 00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:11,854 Who the hell cares what it's called,
- 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,522 as long as she doesn't touch me.
- 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,940 Now, that's just the kind of unawareness
- 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:16,066 that we need to fight against.
- 00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,569 Sit down, boys.
- 00:05:18,694 --> 00:05:21,071 You see, boys, sometimes when babies are born,
- 00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:22,781 they're born as twins.
- 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:24,491 But sometimes the twins get hooked together
- 00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:27,578 and they're born as Siamese twins.
- 00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:28,912 [together] Gross!
- 00:05:29,038 --> 00:05:30,664 But sometimes,
- 00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,082 after the Siamese twins are joined together,
- 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,084 one of the twins dies before birth.
- 00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:36,962 The living baby is born with the dead baby still attached.
- 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:40,090 Sometimes this dead twin is inside the living person,
- 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,634 so even you could have a dead twin inside you
- 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:43,927 and not even know it.
- 00:05:44,053 --> 00:05:45,888 [both screaming]
- 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,390 So now that you're educated about her disease,
- 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,559 you won't need to make fun of her, right, booby?
- 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:55,064 Uh, yeah.
- 00:05:55,189 --> 00:05:57,816 [laughing]
- 00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,902 Can you imagine that poor, poor woman?
- 00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,779 Mm-hmm.
- 00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,864 - Feeling like an outcast, being ridiculed every day.
- 00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:04,907 Mm-hmm.
- 00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,241 [phone rings]
- 00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,868 Hello?
- 00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,411 Hello, Sheila, it's Sharon, Stan's mother.
- 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,121 Oh, yes, hello, Sharon.
- 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,207 Sheila, I was just wondering if you might know
- 00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:15,876 why my son is trying to split his head open with an ice pick.
- 00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,586 No, I have to get it out!
- 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,838 Well, Sharon, I was trying to educate them
- 00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,924 about conjoined twin myslexia.
- 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,550 So this is your fault. - Okay--oh--damn it!
- 00:06:23,675 --> 00:06:25,386 Would you do me a favor?
- 00:06:25,511 --> 00:06:26,929 Next time you want to scare the hell out of my child,
- 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,430 just go outside and sit in the road
- 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,058 till a truck runs you over instead.
- 00:06:31,183 --> 00:06:32,935 That does it!
- 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,896 I must educate the entire town about this awful disease!
- 00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:38,190 Mm-hmm.
- 00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,733 Dude, I don't get it.
- 00:06:39,858 --> 00:06:41,402 Why are we playing dodgeball again?
- 00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:42,528 Yeah, I thought we only play it on Fridays.
- 00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:44,571 Children, great news!
- 00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:47,282 We've been asked to play in the state finals for dodgeball.
- 00:06:47,408 --> 00:06:48,325 [all groan]
- 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:50,369 Aw, do we have to?
- 00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:51,787 Can't we play with that big parachute again or something?
- 00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,205 You don't understand, children,
- 00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:54,957 if we can win state,
- 00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,959 we can play in the nationals in Washington D.C.
- 00:06:57,084 --> 00:06:58,544 Hey, they have a zoo there!
- 00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,087 That's right. Now, come on,
- 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:02,464 we have a lot of practicing to do.
- 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:03,924 - Aren't we supposed to have won something
- 00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,592 in order to go to state finals?
- 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:06,760 Hey, Pip, you want to be on my team again?
- 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:08,554 I'd love to!
- 00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:10,222 Yeah, just try not to send anybody
- 00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,057 to that monster nurse this time, Frenchy.
- 00:07:12,182 --> 00:07:13,642 - Hey, I get quite disturbed when you call me that!
- 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,144 You shouldn't make fun of foreigners.
- 00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,437 And besides, I hate French people.
- 00:07:16,562 --> 00:07:17,438 [whistle chirps] [grunts]
- 00:07:17,563 --> 00:07:18,439 [yelps]
- 00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:21,024 [all laughing]
- 00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:23,569 Well, Mrs. Broflovski, it certainly is a thrill
- 00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:25,195 seeing your cheery face again.
- 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:26,780 What seems to be pissing you off today?
- 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,323 Nothing is pissing me off.
- 00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:30,242 I just want to start a movement!
- 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,035 Of course you do.
- 00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:35,122 I want to talk to you all about your school nurse.
- 00:07:35,247 --> 00:07:38,459 Nurse Gollum is absolutely qualified to be a--
- 00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:40,210 No, no, no, I'm not upset about her.
- 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,671 I want to make the public aware of her.
- 00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,506 Her disease should be brought to light
- 00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,134 so that it could be understood rather than made fun of.
- 00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,136 Ooh, and, uh, what disease is that?
- 00:07:49,261 --> 00:07:50,762 Principal Victoria,
- 00:07:50,888 --> 00:07:54,057 Nurse Gollum has conjoined twin myslexia.
- 00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:55,767 What's that?
- 00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:57,227 - She has a dead fetus attached to her head.
- 00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:58,729 [gasps] She does?
- 00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,689 You, uh--you never noticed that?
- 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,441 No, I never did.
- 00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,693 Well, that's exactly what I'm talking about.
- 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:07,112 This poor woman is forced to live in the shadows
- 00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:09,114 because she feels like an outcast.
- 00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,241 It is up to us to make her feel comfortable
- 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:13,076 and welcome in our town.
- 00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:16,413 Did you say a fetus sticking out from her head?
- 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:18,499 I want to invite your nurse to a dinner party
- 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,501 at my house this evening.
- 00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:23,337 I'd appreciate it if both you and Mr. Mackey would attend.
- 00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:25,255 Do we have to eat kosher stuff?
- 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,715 Well, I'll talk to Nurse Gollum,
- 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:27,966 but I'm sure she'll be delighted.
- 00:08:28,091 --> 00:08:29,051 Let's say around 8:00?
- 00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:30,886 Wonderful.
- 00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,055 Now, you did say she has a fetus on her head?
- 00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,267 Okay, children,
- 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:40,854 now who's gonna win the state finals?
- 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,648 Denver?
- 00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:44,566 ♪ Here we go, Cows, here we go, uh, uh ♪
- 00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,693 ♪ Here we go Cows, here we go ♪
- 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:47,819 ♪ Uh, uh ♪
- 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:52,449 I think we need to get off on this exit.
- 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:54,451 Sit down, kid!
- 00:08:54,576 --> 00:08:56,495 But it's quicker to get to the Denver school that way.
- 00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:59,164 Do you want an office referral?
- 00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:00,999 How many times do I have to explain this to you?
- 00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:02,584 I'm not a student.
- 00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:03,752 You can't give me an office referral.
- 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:05,504 I said, sit down!
- 00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:06,630 Yes, ma'am.
- 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:14,513 Whoa, dude, this is a school?
- 00:09:14,638 --> 00:09:16,139 Hello there. I'm Bob Thomas,
- 00:09:16,265 --> 00:09:17,933 the coach for the Denver Cougars.
- 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,060 I'm Chef, coach of the South Park Cows.
- 00:09:20,185 --> 00:09:21,478 Well, I certainly want to thank you
- 00:09:21,603 --> 00:09:23,021 for bringing your team down.
- 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:24,731 Apparently nobody else would play us
- 00:09:24,856 --> 00:09:26,066 because they knew we'd just beat them silly.
- 00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,985 So I told the school board
- 00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:29,194 to find me some hick school from the mountains,
- 00:09:29,319 --> 00:09:30,529 and here you are.
- 00:09:30,654 --> 00:09:31,530 You're from South Park, yeah?
- 00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,323 Yeah.
- 00:09:33,448 --> 00:09:34,992 My God, amazing where people can live nowadays.
- 00:09:35,117 --> 00:09:36,910 Well, we might as well get this over with,
- 00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:38,453 we got to start thinking about D.C.
- 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,914 Promise we won't make it too painful.
- 00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,165 [whistle chirps]
- 00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,292 - Play ball!
- 00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:54,553 So where did you get your degree, Nurse Gollum?
- 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:55,804 Colorado State.
- 00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,431 [together] Oh!
- 00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,478 Sheila, could you pass me the dead fetus?
- 00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:04,730 I mean, gravy.
- 00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:06,815 Ow!
- 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:12,237 [grunts]
- 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:13,488 Damn it, come on!
- 00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,449 Somebody catch the ball!
- 00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:16,825 All right, boys, just five more
- 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,952 of the little bastards to go!
- 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,372 I caught it. I caught it!
- 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:23,999 Aw, that's not fair.
- 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,250 He's so fat, it stuck in his belly.
- 00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:26,960 South Park on offense!
- 00:10:27,085 --> 00:10:29,212 Great job, children, just stay focused now.
- 00:10:29,338 --> 00:10:30,297 Go for it, Pip.
- 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:31,798 Oh, bother.
- 00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:32,799 Come on, you Frenchy little frog!
- 00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,259 [yells]
- 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,553 Whoa, great shot, Pip!
- 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,932 So I hear that the South Park Cows
- 00:10:41,058 --> 00:10:43,518 are playing for the state finals in dodgeball tonight.
- 00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:46,313 Yeah, but, you know, it doesn't matter, though.
- 00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:48,815 The Denver team always wins, okay.
- 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:50,233 Oh, I don't know.
- 00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:51,777 I think our boys might just have the dead fetus to win.
- 00:10:51,902 --> 00:10:53,236 Heart!
- 00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:54,988 Gerald, keep your damn mouth shut!
- 00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,740 It's okay, Ms. Broflovski, really.
- 00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,241 - Please forgive us.
- 00:10:58,367 --> 00:10:59,743 I'm terribly sorry, Nurse Gollum.
- 00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:00,994 No, I'm quite secure with it.
- 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,746 - I have felt so bad
- 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,581 ever since I heard the boys making fun of you.
- 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,041 They're just young boys.
- 00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,501 Joking is a way for them to come to terms
- 00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:09,044 with what they don't understand.
- 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,712 Could I get some more pork?
- 00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,047 So did you ever think of just, you know,
- 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,049 having it cut off?
- 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:15,717 Yes, Principal Victoria, the thought had occurred to me.
- 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,427 Unfortunately, it would mean my death.
- 00:11:17,552 --> 00:11:19,096 Oh, so I suppose that's out.
- 00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:20,555 How about a hat, then?
- 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,099 No, really--
- 00:11:22,224 --> 00:11:23,725 Yes, we could get you a few hats,
- 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,602 and wear a different one every day--no big whoop.
- 00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:27,270 I really appreciate what you're trying to do here,
- 00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:28,647 but it's not necessary.
- 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:29,731 I'm a pretty happy person.
- 00:11:29,856 --> 00:11:31,608 I've got it!
- 00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:33,485 We could set aside a whole week to make the public aware
- 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:35,320 of folks just like you!
- 00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:36,905 Oh, yes.
- 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,532 A conjoined twin myslexia awareness week.
- 00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:39,783 You know, that has a nice ring.
- 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,535 But I don't think--
- 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,328 The school could put out pamphlets, okay.
- 00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,956 And we could have seminars to educate, okay.
- 00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:47,749 Oh, this is so exciting!
- 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:51,128 I'm gonna get the mayor on the phone right now!
- 00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:00,220 You got just one more, Pip.
- 00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:03,014 You get this kid, and we are state champions.
- 00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,891 Yeah, and if you don't,
- 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,477 you're a big dumb-ass European hippie piece of crap!
- 00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,730 Get him, Frenchy. - [yells]
- 00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:11,231 [grunts]
- 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:12,733 South Park wins!
- 00:12:12,858 --> 00:12:14,860 We did it, children! We did it.
- 00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:16,820 We're going to Washington D.C.!
- 00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,823 [sobbing] Owee, it hurts.
- 00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:20,991 Owee!
- 00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:23,702 Mommy, it hurts, it hurts!
- 00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:26,747 [laughter]
- 00:12:28,957 --> 00:12:30,625 [applause]
- 00:12:30,751 --> 00:12:33,628 Oh, sorry about whupping your ass there, Coach!
- 00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:37,632 ♪ Ooh, baby, come on, just whupped in the ass ♪
- 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:40,886 ♪ Gonna need some cream for your ass ♪
- 00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,471 ♪ It's all swollen and red ♪
- 00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,181 Ladies and gentlemen,
- 00:12:44,306 --> 00:12:46,725 this is indeed a great week for South Park.
- 00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,436 Miss Hermans has opened the east wing of the library,
- 00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:53,064 and our own South Park Cows elementary school dodgeball team
- 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:55,400 is going to the national finals!
- 00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:57,402 Where they will undoubtedly be beaten senseless
- 00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:00,155 by the Washington team.
- 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:03,325 But most importantly, this week has brought to my attention
- 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,660 a very serious and dreaded disease,
- 00:13:05,786 --> 00:13:08,038 conjoined twin myslexia.
- 00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,040 And so it is in honor of this
- 00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:12,042 that I declare this exciting week
- 00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:16,087 as conjoined twin myslexia week!
- 00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:19,007 And now let's kick off our week-long festivities
- 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:23,053 with the first annual grand conjoined parade!
- 00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:25,722 Let's hear it for these brave souls!
- 00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:28,725 <i>[upbeat marching band music]</i>
- 00:13:28,850 --> 00:13:34,481 ♪♪
- 00:13:34,606 --> 00:13:36,775 What a glorious parade that was.
- 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:40,237 Let's hear it for the parade coordinators!
- 00:13:40,362 --> 00:13:42,405 [cheers and applause]
- 00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:43,949 You know, Mayor, I really should be
- 00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:45,200 accompanying those kids to Washington
- 00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:46,201 in case they get hurt.
- 00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,161 That is my job.
- 00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:50,497 Nonsense, this is your week. You aren't going anywhere.
- 00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:52,290 - How much further is Washington D.C.?
- 00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:53,917 Sit down, kid!
- 00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:55,335 - I need to know how far it is, lady.
- 00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,379 I said, sit down!
- 00:13:57,504 --> 00:13:59,339 Yeah, whatever, you old, dried up fat hog.
- 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,132 What did you say?
- 00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,593 I said I've always wanted to visit Prague.
- 00:14:03,718 --> 00:14:05,846 Oh, me too.
- 00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:07,347 Okay, what have you got?
- 00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,057 Some Hadka fish, some Gafagga...
- 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:10,809 I got a jelly roll. I got a jelly roll!
- 00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:12,227 Sweet, jelly roll's perfect.
- 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,354 Places.
- 00:14:14,479 --> 00:14:16,273 [screams]
- 00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:17,315 [children yelling]
- 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,818 [crashing]
- 00:14:21,987 --> 00:14:25,282 Damn, man, this is the big time, all right.
- 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,700 Chef, we're hungry.
- 00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,702 You can eat after the game.
- 00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:30,328 You children win this one and you're national champions.
- 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,372 Then you can go on and play the Chinese.
- 00:14:32,497 --> 00:14:34,583 My mom says there's a lot of black people in China.
- 00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:35,584 What?
- 00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:36,585 Are you Chef?
- 00:14:36,710 --> 00:14:38,336 Yeah.
- 00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:39,921 The Washington team has forfeited the game.
- 00:14:40,046 --> 00:14:41,006 Congratulations, you're national champions.
- 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,299 What?
- 00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:43,592 We did it! Children, we won!
- 00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,927 Wow, that was easy.
- 00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,637 Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear a round of applause
- 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,806 for the new national champions of dodgeball,
- 00:14:49,931 --> 00:14:51,933 the South Park Cows!
- 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,560 [crowd jeers]
- 00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:55,312 Hey, why did you guys forfeit?
- 00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,147 You mean you don't know? - Know what?
- 00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:58,523 Last year's national champions
- 00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:00,275 were the Austin Pirates.
- 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,651 They played China for the world championship;
- 00:15:01,776 --> 00:15:03,737 only four of them came back alive.
- 00:15:03,862 --> 00:15:07,157 Chinese dodgeball players aren't like us.
- 00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:11,161 [yelling in Chinese]
- 00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:14,080 <i>They do nothing but dodgeball, day in and day out.</i>
- 00:15:14,205 --> 00:15:16,333 <i>They use steroids and advanced training equipment</i>
- 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,793 <i>to make them not kids, but animals.</i>
- 00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,633 Well, good luck, we've got our futures to think about.
- 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,092 Okay, children, back in the bus.
- 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,348 And so, at this honorary dinner,
- 00:15:31,473 --> 00:15:33,850 we take a look back at our beloved Nurse Gollum
- 00:15:33,975 --> 00:15:35,727 and the brave life she has lived.
- 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,395 Roll the tape please, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,773 Oh, no.
- 00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:43,652 <i>♪ You've got the strength, you've got the courage ♪</i>
- 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:47,405 <i>♪ Even with a dead fetus on your head ♪</i>
- 00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:50,283 <i>♪ You carry on ♪</i>
- 00:15:50,408 --> 00:15:52,827 <i>♪ You fight for tomorrow ♪</i>
- 00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:57,457 <i>♪ Dead fetus, no, you never let go ♪</i>
- 00:15:57,582 --> 00:16:00,835 <i>♪ You're my conjoined twin dead thing ♪</i>
- 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:04,214 <i>♪ Hanging off your head, woman ♪</i>
- 00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:06,591 Oh, that was so touching!
- 00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,843 And now, friends, it's time to present
- 00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,846 the lifetime conjoined twin achievement award.
- 00:16:11,972 --> 00:16:14,307 This award goes to outstanding conjoined twins
- 00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:16,309 who have made a mark on society.
- 00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:18,395 And the winner is...
- 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,271 Nurse Gollum.
- 00:16:20,397 --> 00:16:22,482 Nurse Gollum!
- 00:16:22,607 --> 00:16:23,566 [cheers and applause]
- 00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:25,402 Oh, boy.
- 00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:26,861 Excuse me, Mayor, but I just received some news
- 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,321 that you might all be interested in.
- 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,281 Our South Park cows have just beaten
- 00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:32,367 the Washington dodgeball team and are on their way to
- 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,452 the world championship in China.
- 00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:36,538 [applause]
- 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,957 Okay, children, now we're almost to China.
- 00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:41,626 I want you all to try and focus on your game.
- 00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,586 But, Chef, we don't want to play the Chinese.
- 00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:46,339 Nonsense! If we win this one, we're world champions.
- 00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:48,341 But we could get killed!
- 00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,176 And just what price would you pay for eternal glory?
- 00:16:50,301 --> 00:16:53,513 Just imagine a big yellow dodgeball champion's banner
- 00:16:53,638 --> 00:16:55,515 hanging in the cafeteria-- imagine it.
- 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,308 Dude, chef has lost it.
- 00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:59,227 You'll be on the news all over the world.
- 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,146 South Park will finally have a sport that it's good at.
- 00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,648 Oh, children, it'll be glorious.
- 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:07,068 Sure, Captain Ahab has to get his way, huh?
- 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,404 Dude, what does that mean?
- 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,947 I don't know.
- 00:17:11,072 --> 00:17:12,449 Hey, isn't that kid Kevin Chinese?
- 00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:14,242 Yeah, you're from China.
- 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,286 No, I'm from America. My parents are Chinese.
- 00:17:16,411 --> 00:17:17,787 Tell us how the Chinese play dodgeball.
- 00:17:17,912 --> 00:17:18,955 I have no idea, dude.
- 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:20,582 Come on, rice picker!
- 00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:23,251 Hey, hey, hey! Children, that's not cool.
- 00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:26,087 You don't make fun of somebody because of their ethnicity.
- 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,839 You don't?
- 00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,215 But, Chef, you just ripped on Chinese people.
- 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:30,967 No, no, no, no, that's different.
- 00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:33,344 I made fun of them because they are from China.
- 00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,722 You see, it's not okay to make fun of an American
- 00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:37,474 because they are black, brown, or whatever.
- 00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:39,768 But it is okay to make fun of foreigners
- 00:17:39,893 --> 00:17:42,228 because they're from another country.
- 00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:43,438 [together] Oh!
- 00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,564 All right. - Yeah.
- 00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,649 [screams]
- 00:17:46,775 --> 00:17:51,362 It is with great pride that we welcome our American friend.
- 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:55,241 Now let the champion of dodgeball be decide!
- 00:17:55,366 --> 00:17:56,493 [gong sounds]
- 00:17:56,618 --> 00:18:00,705 [exotic music plays]
- 00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,207 Damn, dude, China is [bleep] up.
- 00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:03,666 Take places!
- 00:18:03,792 --> 00:18:05,043 - All right, let's go, Cows!
- 00:18:05,168 --> 00:18:06,044 Let's show them what we got!
- 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:07,921 Okay, Tom,
- 00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:10,298 looks like Americans are getting ready to play.
- 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:13,510 I don't suppose they'll have problems seeing the ball
- 00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:15,929 with their big American eyes.
- 00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:18,014 [both laughing]
- 00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,974 Yeah, good thing they have those big eyes,
- 00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,768 so that they don't have to rely on that
- 00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:23,436 amazing American intellect.
- 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,063 [both laughing]
- 00:18:25,188 --> 00:18:27,273 You say such things. - That's a zinger.
- 00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,526 Play ball!
- 00:18:30,235 --> 00:18:31,444 Ah!
- 00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:32,445 [cheers and applause]
- 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:33,988 Holy crap.
- 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:35,198 Ooh!
- 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:36,199 [gasps]
- 00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:37,909 God damn!
- 00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:40,411 Hey, hey, what you call white American person
- 00:18:40,537 --> 00:18:43,206 with a PhD in physics and math?
- 00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:45,208 I don't know, what?
- 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:46,584 Stupid American!
- 00:18:46,709 --> 00:18:49,504 [both laughing] Oh, boy!
- 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,047 [squeals]
- 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,340 [grunts]
- 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,092 Another American is down!
- 00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,970 It's number--
- 00:18:57,095 --> 00:18:59,139 I don't know. All American look alike!
- 00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:00,640 [both laughing]
- 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,184 [grunts]
- 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:04,644 [cheers and applause]
- 00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:06,271 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
- 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:07,647 [weakly] You bastards.
- 00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,399 Oh, my,
- 00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:11,234 I haven't seen an American die like that
- 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:13,403 since Abraham Lincoln!
- 00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:14,487 [laughs]
- 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,114 Dude, that is not cool.
- 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:17,740 You're gonna get us into trouble again.
- 00:19:17,866 --> 00:19:19,617 Ladies and gentlemen,
- 00:19:19,742 --> 00:19:22,412 on this fourth day of Conjoined Twin Myslexia Week,
- 00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,914 all our prayers are with our little South Park Cows,
- 00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:27,375 now playing their hearts out in China.
- 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,544 Now join me in saluting our Cows
- 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,380 and help make Nurse Gollum not feel like an outcast
- 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:36,384 with our first official conjoined twin myslexia hats!
- 00:19:43,016 --> 00:19:45,935 And there is only one South Park player left!
- 00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:48,438 Still all Chinese player!
- 00:19:48,563 --> 00:19:51,941 This should be over very shortly!
- 00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:53,818 Come on! Throw ball!
- 00:19:53,943 --> 00:19:56,654 Hey, you want to hear my impersonation of American?
- 00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:57,655 Yeah, yeah.
- 00:19:57,780 --> 00:19:59,073 Okay.
- 00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:01,159 Hey, I really, really want that.
- 00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:02,368 That looks good.
- 00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:05,371 [both laughing]
- 00:20:05,496 --> 00:20:07,999 Hey, hey, let me try, let me try.
- 00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:09,667 I'll use my credit card.
- 00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:13,213 [both laughing]
- 00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:16,049 Do you have any non-dairy creamer?
- 00:20:16,174 --> 00:20:18,468 [both laughing]
- 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:20,428 Y'all come back now, hear?
- 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,430 [both laughing hysterically]
- 00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:27,185 Oh, what have I done?
- 00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,687 You know, Eric, I just realized something.
- 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:32,774 I've been obsessed, and obsession isn't good.
- 00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:35,568 If we had won the world championship, what then?
- 00:20:35,693 --> 00:20:38,029 It would only be a bigger let down the next year
- 00:20:38,154 --> 00:20:39,906 if we didn't win.
- 00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:42,408 Our lives would have to revolve around dodgeball.
- 00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:45,119 Our lives were fine before.
- 00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:47,914 Oh, I'm sorry children. I let it all go to my head.
- 00:20:48,039 --> 00:20:50,792 Can you ever forgive me?
- 00:20:50,917 --> 00:20:54,379 Come on, forget this stupid game. Let's go home.
- 00:20:54,504 --> 00:20:56,339 Come on, throw ball!
- 00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:59,759 Hey, if you want to make him throw the ball say this...
- 00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:01,469 Thanks, you American dumb-ass!
- 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:04,264 "You French piece of crap,
- 00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:05,556 "throw ball!
- 00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,016 "What's the matter, Frenchy?
- 00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:09,269 You got crepes in your ears?"
- 00:21:09,394 --> 00:21:10,853 [all giggling]
- 00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:12,355 [screams]
- 00:21:14,732 --> 00:21:15,733 [all gasp]
- 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,821 [grunting, yelping]
- 00:21:22,865 --> 00:21:25,576 And the winner is South Park Cows!
- 00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:27,287 [exotic music plays]
- 00:21:27,412 --> 00:21:29,038 Everyone, everyone, look, I won the game!
- 00:21:29,163 --> 00:21:30,248 We're world champions.
- 00:21:30,373 --> 00:21:32,000 Mr. Chef, Mr. Chef,
- 00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,334 South Park is the world champion in dodgeball!
- 00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:34,752 Oh, glorious day!
- 00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:36,421 Shut up, Pip.
- 00:21:36,546 --> 00:21:37,547 Yeah, shut up, Pip. Can we go home now?
- 00:21:37,672 --> 00:21:39,424 Did you all see?
- 00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:40,550 I can't believe I threw such a ball with my own arm.
- 00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:41,676 [all] Shut up, Pip!
- 00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:46,139 As this year's Conjoined Twin Myslexia Awareness Week
- 00:21:46,264 --> 00:21:47,724 draws to a close,
- 00:21:47,849 --> 00:21:49,684 I would like to personally thank all of you
- 00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:51,894 for your enthusiastic cooperation.
- 00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:54,230 Now let's hear it one more time
- 00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:58,484 for our world champion South Park Cows!
- 00:21:58,609 --> 00:22:00,445 What the hell is everyone wearing on their heads?
- 00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:03,573 And now let's hear from the woman of the week.
- 00:22:03,698 --> 00:22:07,410 The incredible, courageous Nurse Gollum!
- 00:22:07,535 --> 00:22:09,203 Ah! - Dude, it's the freak nurse!
- 00:22:09,329 --> 00:22:10,413 Holy crap!
- 00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:11,581 Damn it, Kyle.
- 00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:14,000 We've been working all week against that kind of behavior.
- 00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:15,668 Sorry, dude, we weren't here.
- 00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:19,088 Thank you, Mayor, I don't know what to say.
- 00:22:19,213 --> 00:22:20,840 This has been quite a week.
- 00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:22,467 She's really touched.
- 00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:24,093 What I really want to say is,
- 00:22:24,218 --> 00:22:26,346 well, this may sound odd
- 00:22:26,471 --> 00:22:28,806 coming from a woman with a fetus sticking out of her head,
- 00:22:28,931 --> 00:22:33,394 but, you're all a bunch of freaks!
- 00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:36,064 Uh, freaks with big hearts!
- 00:22:36,189 --> 00:22:36,856 And now--
- 00:22:36,981 --> 00:22:39,567 - Don't you realize that the last thing I ever wanted
- 00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:41,152 was to be singled out?
- 00:22:41,277 --> 00:22:43,696 I just wanted to do my job and live my life
- 00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,323 like any normal person,
- 00:22:45,448 --> 00:22:47,116 but instead you've made everybody focus
- 00:22:47,241 --> 00:22:49,535 on my handicap all week long!
- 00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:51,829 Look, I don't want to be treated different.
- 00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,874 I don't want to be treated special or treated gingerly.
- 00:22:54,999 --> 00:22:57,752 I just want to be ridiculed, shouted at, and made fun of,
- 00:22:57,877 --> 00:22:59,462 like all the rest of you do to each other.
- 00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:02,256 And take those stupid things off your heads!
- 00:23:05,301 --> 00:23:07,470 Oh, my, what an ungrateful bitch.
- 00:23:07,595 --> 00:23:09,222 Yeah, the nerve of some people.
- 00:23:09,347 --> 00:23:11,099 Hey, you know that nurse is actually pretty cool.
- 00:23:11,224 --> 00:23:13,684 Yeah, maybe that dead fetus makes her smarter.
- 00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:15,478 I love you guys.
- 00:23:18,231 --> 00:23:19,649 Screw you guys.
- 00:23:19,774 --> 00:23:22,276 <i>♪ Carry on ♪</i>
- 00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:27,115 <i>♪ Dead fetus, no, you never let go ♪</i>
- 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:30,284 <i>♪ You're my conjoined twin dead thing ♪</i>
- 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:32,995 <i>♪ Hanging off your head, woman ♪</i>
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