Мамаша Картмана по-прежнему грязная шлюха — Съёмочную группу, приехавшую на место покушения на Мефесто, изолировало от внешнего мира. Картман наконец узнает, кто его отец.

Предыдущая серия S02 E01 Не без моего ануса

Следующая серия S02 E03 Пиписька Айка

Мамаша Картмана по-прежнему грязная шлюха

Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut

Сезон: 02Серия: 02

Описание

Съёмочную группу, приехавшую на место покушения на Мефесто, изолировало от внешнего мира. Картман наконец узнает, кто его отец.

Субтитры

00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:05,089 ♪ Dog dance, dog dance, doing the dog dance ♪
00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:07,383 ♪ Dog dance, dog dance ♪
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,969 ♪ If you want your medicine, do the dog dance ♪
00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:12,471 ♪ Dog dance, dog dance ♪
00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:15,141 Oh, hello, back already?
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,767 Well, as you can see,
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,227 that episode is what we in the business refer to
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,645 as a "cliffhanger".
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,397 To find out who Cartman's father was,
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,482 we told viewers to tune in four weeks later.
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,401 Well, four weeks later just happened to be
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,361 April Fools' Day, and so we thought it would be fun
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:28,696 to not air the cliffhanger payoff
00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:30,197 but instead air something
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,866 completely irrelevant and stupid:
00:00:31,991 --> 00:00:34,118 A full half-hour Terrance and Phillip episode.
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,037 And the viewers responded splendidly.
00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:37,329 We even saved some of their comments
00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:39,457 on our office answering machine.
00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:41,792 <i>I'm gonna come down there and cut off your testicles.</i>
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:42,918 <i>And I'm never watching "South Park" again.</i>
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:44,712 <i>You think you're funny</i>
00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:46,005 <i>not telling us who Cartman's father is?</i>
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,007 <i>I hope you both die.</i>
00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:50,801 <i>I can't go on not knowing who Cartman's father is.</i>
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:52,803 <i>I just can't. I can't go--</i>
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:55,264 Now can I have my medication?
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,849 Dude, do the dog dance some more.
00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,267 Dog dance. Bow-bow, bow-wow.
00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,977 Yeah, beep like-- beep like a Jeep.
00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,062 - Beep beep, beep beep. - Do a puffer fish.
00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,563 Puff, puff, pfffff.
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:04,023 I'll swim. I'll do fish dance.
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,107 Yeah, yeah. You want your medicine?
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,734 You want your medicine?
00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,360 Here, go get it. Go get it.
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,863 Oh, no. You guys are jerks.
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:13,074 Hello.
00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:15,910 - What a grump. - Jeez, Mr. Grumpy Pants.
00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:17,745 Well, after the Terrance and Phillip episode,
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,830 which honestly really is Matt and I's favorite episode,
00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,916 we finally aired the episode you're about to see.
00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:24,668 It's called, "Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut."
00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:28,380 <i>Previously on "South Park"...</i>
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,216 <i>an air of sobriety fills the laboratories.</i>
00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:31,884 <i>The men of South Park gather to find out</i>
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,844 <i>which one of them fathered this boy.</i>
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,971 <i>Who is Eric Cartman's father?</i>
00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:37,723 <i>At the end of tonight's episode,</i>
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,517 <i>you will know the answer.</i>
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,069 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:51,987 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,656 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,366 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:01:55,491 --> 00:01:56,909 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,536 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,287 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,164 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,666 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,126 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:09,964 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,757 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:15,928 And now, to continue...
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:18,430 The father is indeed someone in this room.
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,267 Man, this feels like the longest minute of my life.
00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,435 Oh, hey Kenny.
00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,437 Gentlemen, the father is...
00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:28,232 Hey, what the hell's going on?
00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:29,733 It's a power outage.
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,280 Is everybody okay?
00:02:34,405 --> 00:02:35,906 That sounded like a gunshot.
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,449 Oh my God, look!
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:42,538 You bastards!
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,165 Mofesto's been shot!
00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:46,125 Is he... Dead?
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,918 Hey, this window is shot out, too.
00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,296 That means the killer was not somebody in this room.
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:51,714 Then who was it?
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,424 <i>Who shot Mofesto?</i>
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,176 <i>Was it the school counselor?</i>
00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:57,136 <i>Or was it Miss Crabtree...?</i>
00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:58,679 Hey, wait a minute.
00:02:58,804 --> 00:02:59,930 I didn't find out who my father was!
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,599 <i>Or was it Miss Broflovski?</i>
00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:03,601 Wait, he's still breathing, he's not dead.
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:05,436 Godammit, who's my father?
00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:06,854 We have to get him to the hospital.
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:07,980 You've gotta be kidding me!
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,732 Come on, children.
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,693 That poor kid.
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,028 It must be hell for him going through all this.
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,282 There's a murderer free in South Park!
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:19,992 We have to find out who it is
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,493 before they kill again!
00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,245 Yeah, God only knows who they'll kill next.
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,164 <i>Who will they kill next?</i>
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,374 <i>Will it be Jimbo, Barbrady,</i>
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:28,792 <i>the Denver Broncos?</i>
00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:31,712 Is he awake yet?
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,422 He's bleeding pretty bad back here.
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,673 Don't let him bleed on my <i>Meredith Baxter-Birney</i>
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,467 memorial towel!
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,135 What's a Meredith Baxter-Birney memorial towel?
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,678 I was actually with Meredith Baxter-Birney
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,096 in this very car.
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,806 And afterwards we used that towel to...
00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:44,975 Wait a minute, why am I telling you this?
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,352 Could you pull over so I can get out?
00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,020 What, we have to get to the hospital.
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,605 I have to get out first.
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:50,773 I'm not gonna make it, I can't stand hospitals.
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,233 Sorry Stan,
00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:53,943 we just got to drop Mofesto
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,319 and then we can get out of there, alright?
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:56,654 Man, it's really starting to snow.
00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,030 I hope they don't close the roads.
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,407 They can't, Mofesto can't die.
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,201 Maybe it's better you don't know who your father is, Cartman.
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:03,661 No way dude,
00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:05,371 I can't stand to leave things unfinished.
00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,956 It's like when you hear the first part of that song,
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:09,083 "Come Sail Away" by Styx.
00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:10,501 If I hear the first part of that song,
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:11,794 I have to finish it.
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,295 Really?
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,588 Yeah, I can't do anything until it's done.
00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:19,969 ♪ I'm sailing away ♪
00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,762 No, don't!
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,014 ♪ Set an open course, for the virgin sea ♪
00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:58,882 Whoa, dude!
00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:00,301 What are we gonna do, mayor?
00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:01,802 This killer is on the loose.
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:03,429 We can't even leave our homes
00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:05,639 for fear of our children's safety!
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:08,100 Uhh, where are our children?
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,561 Officer Barbrady,
00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,438 let's pretend for one second
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:14,606 that we had a competent law enforcer in this town,
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,400 what would he do?
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:19,570 Hmm, that's a good question, mayor.
00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,822 Let me get right on that with thinking.
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,575 Mayor, mayor!
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,618 The press is here.
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:27,995 My name is Sid Greenfield,
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,496 I'm the director from Los Angeles
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,081 for "America's Most Wanted".
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,500 You certainly made it up here quickly.
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,210 We're desperate for stories.
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,296 And this one is so compelling.
00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,714 Really?
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,674 Sure, this story has everything--
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:44,303 people, furniture, talking, it's a real American story.
00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:45,804 I thought of something.
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,849 No, wait, that's subtraction.
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,434 Mr. Director Person,
00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:52,269 what exactly do you want to do?
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,354 Mayor, shouldn't we be focusing...
00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:54,730 Shh.
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:55,939 We just want to do a re-creation
00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:57,399 of the story for our show.
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,151 Then we'll flash a number on the screen
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,819 that people can call if they have any information
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,279 regarding the identity or location of the shooter.
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:03,530 That's it.
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,282 You win, we win, America wins.
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,950 Are you sure this wouldn't make our little town
00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,327 look dangerous?
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:09,953 Don't worry, mayor.
00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,705 "America's Most Wanted" is not about violence,
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,374 it's about family.
00:06:13,499 --> 00:06:14,958 It is?
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,544 Well, in that case, I guess it's okay.
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,671 Great, we'll get started with auditions immediately.
00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:21,632 What part should we cast first?
00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,884 <i>Who will the director cast first?</i>
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:27,805 <i>Will it be Mr. Garrison, Officer Barbrady, Chef?</i>
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:30,724 I want to have an abortion.
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,434 Well, we can do that.
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,478 This must be a very difficult time for you, Mrs...
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:38,273 Cartman, yes, it's such a hard decision but,
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,651 I just don't feel like I can raise a child
00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:41,902 in this screwy world.
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,570 Yes, Miss Cartman,
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,072 if you don't feel fit to raise a child,
00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,782 an abortion is probably the answer.
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,742 Do you know the actual time of conception?
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,994 About eight years ago.
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,373 I see, so the fetus is...?
00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:56,041 Eight years old.
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,501 Miss Cartman,
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,211 eight years old is a little late
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:00,504 to be considering abortion.
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,047 Really?
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,173 Yes, this is what we would refer to
00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:05,008 as the 40th trimester!
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:07,177 I just don't think I'm a fit mother.
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:10,264 We prefer to abort babies a little earlier on.
00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:11,849 In fact, there's a law against abortions
00:07:11,974 --> 00:07:13,392 after the second trimester.
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,811 Well, I think you need to keep your laws
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,604 off of my body!
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,357 Hmm, I'm afraid I can't help you, Miss Cartman.
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,025 If you want to change the law
00:07:22,151 --> 00:07:23,527 you'll have to speak with your congressman.
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,195 Well, that's exactly what I intend to do.
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,072 Good day!
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:30,451 Come on children, we gotta find a doctor.
00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:31,910 I can't do it, dude.
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,203 Come on, Stan,
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:34,538 hospitals aren't all that bad.
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:35,581 Yeah, stop being a wuss.
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,166 Doctor!
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,959 One minute, please.
00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,128 Nurse, I need 20 ccs of sodium pentathol, stat!
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,964 Whoa dude, she doesn't have any arms.
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,632 We're an equal opportunity employer here, son.
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,427 Doctor, we've got a shot cracker outside.
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,179 I'll be right with you
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:51,513 after I inject this man with a long needle.
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,806 Oh man, I'm gonna be sick.
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,391 There, there, young man,
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,893 medical science is nothing to be afraid of.
00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:58,479 I think you're hitting the bone.
00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:01,482 Yes, I can hear the needle scraping
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,233 against the bone inside.
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,194 Oops, he's hemorrhaging.
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:07,863 Oops, his head fell off.
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:08,906 I'm getting out of here.
00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,365 Stan!
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:12,284 Some people just have a weak stomach.
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,454 And the father of Eric Cartman is...
00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:16,830 Bang, oh!
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,332 Jiminy, I've been shot.
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:20,334 Thank you very much, we'll get back to you.
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,336 I think I've seen enough genetic engineers.
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:23,921 Let's move on to the auditions
00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,173 for the part of Mr. Garrison.
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,217 Call the Mr. Garrison auditions.
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:31,803 Boy, I sure hope I'm not Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:34,056 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,516 Alright, not bad.
00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,851 Let's keep them on the top pile, next!
00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:40,938 I sure hope that I'm not Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.
00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:43,232 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,858 Thank you, next!
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:45,901 What?
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,736 Next!
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,864 I sure hope I'm not Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,533 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,201 Perfect! You got it.
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,744 Let's move on to the Chefs.
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,746 And so, you see, Congressman O'Reilly,
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,581 that's why I think
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,416 abortion laws should be changed.
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:02,834 Well, all I know is that
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,795 third trimester abortions are illegal.
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,672 I don't really know anything about 40th.
00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,507 But the person at "Unplanned Parenthood"
00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:10,384 said you were who I had to talk to
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,094 about changing the law.
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,096 No, I think you've got to talk to the governor
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,347 about that stuff.
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,974 Oh, dear.
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:19,101 Well, this is about all I can do for him.
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,561 Can't you get him to talk?
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:21,812 I have to know who my father is!
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:23,105 Sorry son, it might be a while.
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,481 Wake up, you son-of-a-bitch!
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:25,983 Whoa!
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,734 Now son, that's not gonna do him any good.
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,027 I'll let you know if there's a change in his condition.
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,362 I can't wait anymore.
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:31,572 What am I supposed to do?
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:32,614 Hey Cartman!
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,740 What?
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,701 ♪ I'm sailing... ♪
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,869 ♪ Away ♪
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,875 Okay, let's get out of here, now.
00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:45,460 I don't know if that's gonna be too easy.
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:46,878 My God, that's a helluva storm.
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:48,505 Weak.
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,303 God, I hate mountains.
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,179 This better not push back our shooting schedule.
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,890 Okay people, let's rehearse the reenactment
00:09:59,016 --> 00:10:00,142 from the top before we shoot it.
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,351 Who's that?
00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,020 That's TV's Eric Roberts.
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,396 We were able to get him to play the part
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:05,856 of the little monkey guy.
00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:08,233 Oh, talk about washed up, huh?
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:09,610 Great to have you, Eric.
00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:12,696 Here we go and action!
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,156 I want to announce who the father is.
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,324 Bang.
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:16,742 I've been shot.
00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,744 Nobody move, I'm a law officer.
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,746 My God, I think he's gone into cardiac arrest.
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,081 You seem somewhat unnerved by this Chef.
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,458 Are you accusing me, Barbrady?
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,126 Because if you are, accuse!
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,961 Don't hide behind your clever riddles!
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,172 Our differences must be set aside for now, Mr. Chef.
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,340 I'm simply a man,
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:32,924 a man trying to do my job.
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,344 Wow, this is a good movie.
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,354 Dude, when can we get out of here?
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:47,939 Doctor, I can't focus.
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:49,107 We're doing the best we can, ma'am.
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,651 They've closed the pass
00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:52,069 so none of the other doctors can get through.
00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:53,570 For now, it's just me and Nurse Goodly.
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,281 Wait a second, they've closed the pass?
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,283 Yes, I'm afraid we're critically understaffed.
00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,826 Unless we get help soon,
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:02,162 all these people in here are completely fucked.
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:04,873 Metaphorically speaking, that is.
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,166 What about Mofesto?
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,918 Are you taking care of him?
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,294 He's on full life-support and breathing fine.
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:10,837 He shouldn't need any help.
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,589 So long as the power doesn't go out.
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:16,218 Who didn't see that coming a mile away, huh?
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,305 <i>Tonight on "America's Most Wanted",</i>
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,641 <i>a shooter is on the loose on Colorado,</i>
00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,434 <i>and the residents are up in arms!</i>
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,144 <i>Here's your host John Walsh.</i>
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,480 Good evening and welcome to "America's Most Wanted".
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,440 Tonight, terror invaded the small mountain community
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:31,942 of South Park, Colorado.
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,236 When Dr. Alfonse Mofesto was gunned down
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,987 in his laboratory,
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,864 "America's Most Wanted" has reconstructed this heinous crime
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:40,409 in hopes that your calls can help solve the case.
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,160 I've been shot.
00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:44,454 My God Mr. Hat, get some help!
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,081 Right away, Mr. Garrison!
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,792 No, no, my lifetime partner and friend,
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,253 gone, taken away in the wink of an eye...
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,838 What the...
00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,756 Eric Roberts is <i>improv-ing</i> lines again.
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,049 I'm gonna get the man to a hospital.
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,592 Who will help me?
00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,553 This is not a world I want to live in...
00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:04,057 What the hell is this?
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:05,642 We've lost the feed to L.A.
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,270 Uh, we seem to have lost our link up
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,980 to the South Park crew.
00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:12,107 So I guess we'll be going to our feature movie,
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,234 "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,319 <i>Who framed Roger Rabbit?</i>
00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,364 <i>Was it Jimbo, Mr. Garrison, Chef?</i>
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,867 Somebody go see why we lost the hook up.
00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:25,245 Holy smokes, that blizzard is getting crazy.
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,666 Don't panic, anybody,
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,376 the power lines are down
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,336 but the back-up generator is running just fine.
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,005 Nurse, I could use some help in here.
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,423 Coming.
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:38,091 Lady, is Mofesto gonna be okay?
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,885 Yes, for now,
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,095 but I'm afraid the generator won't run for long.
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,347 The batteries run out in half an hour.
00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:46,141 Time is very short.
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,560 Nurse, please, I need another pair of hands in here.
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,813 Sorry.
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,732 Don't you see governor,
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,859 I should have a right to have an abortion
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,319 if I want one.
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,904 Well, I don't know.
00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:01,031 I might need some more convincing.
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:03,158 I mean, what right do I have
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,826 bringing another child
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,411 into this over-populated world?
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,829 Then again, I should have thought of that
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,164 before having sex. Then again --
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,582 Oh, I just don't know.
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,167 Please Mr. Chef.
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,668 I have over 100 people to tend to here.
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,086 And only myself and Nurse Goodly.
00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:16,463 What do you want me to do?
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:17,631 Do you know anything about surgery?
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,257 I used to watch "Quincy".
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,509 What, why the hell didn't you say so?
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,177 Put on some scrubs!
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,137 Boys, I'm making you all honorary doctors.
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:26,097 You can help us save these people's lives.
00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:27,724 No way, dude!
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:32,604 Well, we're not going anywhere for a long time.
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:33,647 We're snowed in?
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,524 Yes, we're trapped.
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,776 Like sailors on a submarine.
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:41,196 My God, this is the worse storm I've ever seen.
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,906 Oh, I have to get out of here.
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,658 I haven't eaten since breakfast.
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,618 Yeah, I'm getting hungry, too.
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,036 I hope you all realize
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,538 what we might be facing here.
00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:52,332 Our only option might be to eat each other
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,834 to stay alive.
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,963 It's only been, like, four hours.
00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,631 Aren't you resorting to cannibalism
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:00,966 a little quickly?
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,634 That's the law of land, Mr. Director!
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,386 I know it ain't pretty but if a few of us must die
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,596 so the rest can stay alive, so be it.
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,974 But how do we decide who?
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,767 Well, we draw straws.
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,644 Now, wait a minute, we all had a big breakfast.
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,604 Can't you people go without eating for a little while?!
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,273 Calm down, soldier!
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:17,858 We need every person here to keep his head.
00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:19,943 Barbrady, fetch some straws.
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,237 Well, who the hell made you the boss anyway?
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,865 <i>Who the hell made Jimbo boss?</i>
00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:27,492 <i>Was it Barbrady, Chef, Mr...</i>
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:29,870 This man's appendix has burst!
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,413 I have no choice but to operate now
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,747 with our limited power.
00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,332 I need you all to be strong for me.
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,376 Nurse Goodly will take care of the anesthesia.
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,253 Chef, you act as her arms.
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,880 Boys, you have to help with suction and bandages.
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:40,881 Ready?
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:42,299 No.
00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:44,885 I'll make an incision over the heart.
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,887 Oh, boy.
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:51,933 Dude! You barfed into the incision.
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:52,976 Sweet!
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,519 Suction!
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,356 Hey, they're screwing with the lights.
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,191 <i>Who is screwing with the lights?</i>
00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,527 <i>Is it Barbrady, or Jimbo,</i>
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:05,155 <i>or the 1991 Denver Broncos?</i>
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,032 That is really starting to piss me off.
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,076 Alright, so far,
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,912 everybody has a long piece of straw.
00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:13,204 We'll keep drawing.
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,331 Whew!
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,166 Whew!
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,210 Wait a minute.
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:20,587 Where the hell is the short one?
00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,047 The short what?
00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:23,214 Dammit, Barbrady!
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:24,716 When you draw straws
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,009 you're supposed to have one of them short!
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,719 That's how you decide who loses.
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,638 That's not how I played it.
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,933 Ugh, could we hurry this up, my stomach is growling.
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:35,936 I found a map that shows the location
00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,646 of a back-up generator.
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,439 Apparently they built self sustaining generator
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:41,316 for just this kind of emergency.
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,984 But it's out and away from the hospital.
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,527 So how do we get to it?
00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,071 We must split up into two teams.
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,781 Team "A" and team "B".
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,325 Team "A" will consist of myself, Stan, Kyle,
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,410 Eric, Chef and Nurse Goodly.
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:53,954 Team "B" will consist of Kenny.
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,539 Now listen closely team "B".
00:15:56,665 --> 00:15:58,667 Your goal will be to turn on the back-up generator.
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,210 To do this you must brave the storm outside
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:01,962 and get into this sewage duct.
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:04,005 Meanwhile, team "A" will go to the holding area here
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,383 where there is a television and some cocoa.
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,259 We will drink the cocoa and watch family programming
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,679 until team "B" makes it through the sewage duct.
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:12,180 By that time, team "B" -
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,890 remember, that's you, Kenny -
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,558 should reach the outer core of the generator.
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,018 It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the top.
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,145 And there could velociraptors here.
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:20,730 Once you reach the top,
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,065 you should be able to get a clear view
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:23,650 through this window of us,
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,360 drinking cocoa and watching television.
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,611 Then you can proceed down into the generator
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:27,946 and power it on.
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,322 Are there any questions?
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,366 No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,367 Right, then let's do it.
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,618 Go team.
00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:38,707 I can't... go on...
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,292 ...so hungry.
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:44,796 We're all going to die in this horrible place.
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,716 We have to have the energy to make it through the night.
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:48,883 We have to eat.
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,260 How can we?
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:51,845 How can we live with ourselves?
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:53,471 There's only one answer.
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,015 Eat Eric Roberts!
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,184 Yes, of course,
00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,311 Nobody gives a shit about Eric Roberts.
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,022 Eat Eric Roberts!
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,066 No! No, please!
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:12,240 well, there's no going back now,
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,618 We're cannibals, God save us.
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:18,038 God wants you to live, mayor, fight.
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:19,581 I have to admit, Eric Roberts
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,416 was much juicier than I expected.
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,626 This snow just isn't letting up.
00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:25,795 We're gonna die here, I know it!
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,213 What time is it, Barbrady?
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,757 It's almost midnight.
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,634 Oh, I can't go on.
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,428 We'll give the storm another hour.
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,472 After that we might have to eat again.
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:36,514 What?
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,516 Christ, are you people diabetic or something?
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,855 Team "B", come in team "B".
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:46,858 Listen team "B",
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,651 we found another path to the generator.
00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,612 There's actually a nice heated walkway to it,
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,697 so you don't need to walk through all that sewage.
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,411 Oh, well forget I said that then.
00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,413 Listen team "B", you should be seeing
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,956 a large drift of snow with some metal
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,625 sticking out of it just to your left.
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,669 Good, head towards it.
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:08,171 Team "A" out.
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,006 What if Mofesto never wakes up?
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:12,092 And I never find out who my father is?
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,643 My God, what a harrowing tale
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,353 of human drama this is!
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,189 All of us doing what we must to survive.
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,858 It is amazing what people can do under stress.
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,276 Just look at the pyramids.
00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,653 Nobody knows how they built those,
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,113 or who.
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,614 <i>Who built the pyramids?</i>
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,491 <i>Was it the Babylonians?</i>
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,534 <i>Officer Barbrady?</i>
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:38,827 <i>Samaritans?</i>
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:42,497 Roger, team "B".
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,207 He's reached the back-up generator.
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,126 Team "B", can you see the two copper nodes?
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:47,794 Good.
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,379 Now is there a wire connecting them?
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,675 Damn, the wire connecting the nodes is gone.
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,009 We need to complete the circuit between them
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,386 or we're screwed.
00:18:56,511 --> 00:18:57,387 Do you have any wire here?
00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:58,805 There's no time.
00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,640 Once these lights flicker out
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:01,683 all these patients on life support are gonna die.
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,936 No Kenny, you can't.
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,354 There must be some other way.
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,647 He's gonna make the connection
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:08,815 himself with his hands.
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:09,941 No, he'll die.
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:10,942 Go Kenny!
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,027 Kenny, no!
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:17,657 Oh my God, they've killed Kenny.
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,159 You bastards!
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:21,369 The power!
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,163 Quickly, get the scanner running again.
00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,748 We've got a chance now.
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,419 Well, okay, Mrs. Cartman,
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:32,380 I'll legalize 40th trimester abortions for you.
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,674 Oh, thank you, thank you.
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,843 We'll have the pregnancy terminated immediately.
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:38,761 Terminated?
00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,680 Yes, that's what an abortion is.
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,557 No, I didn't mean that.
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,767 I meant the other thing you can do.
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:46,269 What's that other "a" word?
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:47,687 Adoption?
00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:49,189 Yes, that's what I mean,
00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:50,440 adoption.
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,192 Well, that's pretty different.
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,651 Oh, I should just tell my son the truth
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,236 about everything myself.
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,362 Good day, Mr. President.
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,784 Well, we made it.
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:03,453 The power is on, the snow is melting,
00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,538 and your friend Mofesto is doing fine.
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,790 Where, where am I?
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:09,542 You're at the hospital, Mr. Mofesto.
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,377 You were shot.
00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:13,087 Now, we don't know who tried to shoot you, but--
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,173 Oh, I'm sure it was my brother again.
00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:16,591 He tries to shoot me every month.
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:17,800 Oh.
00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:19,260 Where's the little fat boy?
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,762 He'll be delighted that Mofesto is awake.
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,347 He went off looking for Mr. Kenny.
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,265 He was a good friend and I'll miss him.
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,975 He was very brave.
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,310 He risked his life so that Mofesto can live.
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,812 Yeah and now he's a freezy-pop.
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,441 Dude, do you think if we hit him with a shovel
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:34,651 he'd shatter?
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,152 I don't know! Let's find out.
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,743 It's over.
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:45,286 We're free.
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,664 Yes, but at what cost, Mr. Garrison?
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,082 At what cost?
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:50,416 Listen everybody,
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,168 we did what we had to in there.
00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:55,421 But, how will we live with ourselves now?
00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:57,799 One day at a time, mayor,
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,842 one day at a time.
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:06,975 ♪ Ave Maria ♪
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:12,397 Well, I'm bringing home some Eric Roberts in a doggie bag.
00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,107 Does anybody else want some?
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,026 I'm glad you could all come.
00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:18,361 I can finally reveal
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,071 who the father of Eric Cartman is.
00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:22,115 But first I want to thank Kenny McCormick
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,700 for sacrificing his life...
00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:24,867 Just tell us, already!
00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,160 Alright, alright.
00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:27,870 The father of Eric Cartman is...
00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:29,372 Say did anybody see that
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:31,040 Therrance and Phillip special last month?
00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:32,625 Wasn't that just the funniest...
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,085 Stop it, tell me who my father is!!!
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:35,670 As I said before,
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,922 the father is somebody in this room.
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,508 The father is...
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,051 Mrs. Cartman.
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:43,636 What?
00:21:43,761 --> 00:21:44,846 Yes, it's true.
00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:47,307 No, that doesn't make sense.
00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:48,975 Yes, it took quite a while for me
00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:50,560 to understand as well.
00:21:50,685 --> 00:21:53,354 You see, Mrs. Cartman is a hermaphrodite.
00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:56,065 Meaning what?
00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:59,152 Meaning that she has both male and female genitals.
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:00,737 It's true.
00:22:00,862 --> 00:22:02,322 You mean at the drunken barn dance
00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:03,531 when we all got together with her,
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,200 <i>She</i> was a <i>he</i>?
00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:08,953 No, no, not exactly, but she did have a penis.
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,457 The fact of the matter is hermaphrodites
00:22:12,582 --> 00:22:14,208 cannot bear children,
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,877 So Miss Cartman's DNA match with Eric
00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:17,962 can only mean that she is his father
00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:19,922 and she got another woman pregnant
00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:21,424 at the drunken barn dance.
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:23,968 Oh man, this is weak.
00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:25,553 Dude, you're a big fat ass
00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:27,180 and your mom's a <i>hermapholite.</i>
00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,723 I'm sorry I never told you, Eric.
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:30,433 I just thought
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,268 maybe it would be a little shocking to you.
00:22:32,393 --> 00:22:34,729 Oh wow, gee whiz, you think so, Mom?
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,689 Well, that's that. Thank you all for playing.
00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:38,107 No, no, wait a minute.
00:22:38,232 --> 00:22:41,235 If she's my dad, then who's my mom?
00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:43,696 <i>Who is Eric Cartman's mother?</i>
00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,365 <i>Is it Mrs. Crabtree?</i>
00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:46,532 <i>Sheila Broflovski?</i>
00:22:46,657 --> 00:22:47,617 <i>The mayor?</i>
00:22:47,742 --> 00:22:48,993 Oh, forget it!

00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:05,089 ♪ Dog dance, dog dance, doing the dog dance ♪
00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:07,383 ♪ Dog dance, dog dance ♪
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,969 ♪ If you want your medicine, do the dog dance ♪
00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:12,471 ♪ Dog dance, dog dance ♪
00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:15,141 Oh, hello, back already?
00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,767 Well, as you can see,
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,227 that episode is what we in the business refer to
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,645 as a "cliffhanger".
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,397 To find out who Cartman's father was,
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,482 we told viewers to tune in four weeks later.
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,401 Well, four weeks later just happened to be
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,361 April Fools' Day, and so we thought it would be fun
00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:28,696 to not air the cliffhanger payoff
00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:30,197 but instead air something
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,866 completely irrelevant and stupid:
00:00:31,991 --> 00:00:34,118 A full half-hour Terrance and Phillip episode.
00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,037 And the viewers responded splendidly.
00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:37,329 We even saved some of their comments
00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:39,457 on our office answering machine.
00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:41,792 [answering machine beep] <i>I'm gonna come down there and cut off your testicles.</i>
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:42,918 <i>And I'm never watching "South Park" again.</i>
00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:44,712 [answering machine beep] <i>You think you're funny</i>
00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:46,005 <i>not telling us who Cartman's father is?</i>
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,007 <i>I hope you both die.</i>
00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:50,801 [answering machine beep] <i>I can't go on not knowing who Cartman's father is.</i>
00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:52,803 <i>I just can't. I can't go-- [gunshot]</i>
00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:55,264 Now can I have my medication?
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,849 Dude, do the dog dance some more.
00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,267 Dog dance. Bow-bow, bow-wow.
00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,977 Yeah, beep like-- beep like a Jeep.
00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,062 - Beep beep, beep beep. - Do a puffer fish.
00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,563 Puff, puff, pfffff.
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:04,023 I'll swim. I'll do fish dance.
00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,107 Yeah, yeah. You want your medicine?
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,734 You want your medicine?
00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,360 Here, go get it. Go get it. [glass shatters]
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,863 [chuckles] Oh, no. You guys are jerks.
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:13,074 [scoffs] Hello.
00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:15,910 - What a grump. - Jeez, Mr. Grumpy Pants.
00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:17,745 Well, after the Terrance and Phillip episode,
00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,830 which honestly really is Matt and I's favorite episode,
00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,916 we finally aired the episode you're about to see.
00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:24,668 It's called, "Cartman's Mom is Still a Dirty Slut."
00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:28,380 <i>Previously on "South Park"...</i>
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,216 <i>an air of sobriety fills the laboratories.</i>
00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:31,884 <i>The men of South Park gather to find out</i>
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,844 <i>which one of them fathered this boy.</i>
00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,971 <i>Who is Eric Cartman's father?</i>
00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:37,723 <i>At the end of tonight's episode,</i>
00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,517 <i>you will know the answer.</i>
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,069 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:51,987 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,656 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,366 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:01:55,491 --> 00:01:56,909 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,536 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,287 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,164 ♪ People spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,666 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,126 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:02:05,251 --> 00:02:08,129 [mumbling]
00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:09,964 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,757 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:15,928 And now, to continue...
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:18,430 The father is indeed someone in this room.
00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,267 Man, this feels like the longest minute of my life.
00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,435 Oh, hey Kenny.
00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,437 Gentlemen, the father is...
00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:28,232 [Mr. Garrison] Hey, what the hell's going on?
00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:29,733 [Jimbo] It's a power outage.
00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:31,944 [gunshots]
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,280 Is everybody okay?
00:02:34,405 --> 00:02:35,906 That sounded like a gunshot.
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,449 Oh my God, look!
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,120 [mumbling]
00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:42,538 You bastards!
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,165 Mofesto's been shot!
00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:46,125 Is he... Dead?
00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,918 Hey, this window is shot out, too.
00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,296 That means the killer was not somebody in this room.
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:51,714 Then who was it?
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,424 <i>Who shot Mofesto?</i>
00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,176 <i>Was it the school counselor?</i>
00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:57,136 <i>Or was it Miss Crabtree...?</i>
00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:58,679 Hey, wait a minute.
00:02:58,804 --> 00:02:59,930 I didn't find out who my father was!
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,599 <i>Or was it Miss Broflovski?</i>
00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:03,601 Wait, he's still breathing, he's not dead.
00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:05,436 Godammit, who's my father?
00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:06,854 We have to get him to the hospital.
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:07,980 You've gotta be kidding me!
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,732 Come on, children.
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,693 That poor kid.
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,028 It must be hell for him going through all this.
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,282 There's a murderer free in South Park!
00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:19,992 We have to find out who it is
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,493 before they kill again!
00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,245 Yeah, God only knows who they'll kill next.
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,164 <i>Who will they kill next?</i>
00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,374 <i>Will it be Jimbo, Barbrady,</i>
00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:28,792 <i>the Denver Broncos?</i>
00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:31,712 Is he awake yet?
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,422 He's bleeding pretty bad back here.
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,673 Don't let him bleed on my <i>Meredith Baxter-Birney</i>
00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,467 memorial towel!
00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,135 What's a Meredith Baxter-Birney memorial towel?
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,678 I was actually with Meredith Baxter-Birney
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,096 in this very car.
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,806 And afterwards we used that towel to...
00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:44,975 Wait a minute, why am I telling you this?
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,352 Could you pull over so I can get out?
00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,020 What, we have to get to the hospital.
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,605 I have to get out first.
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:50,773 I'm not gonna make it, I can't stand hospitals.
00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,233 Sorry Stan,
00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:53,943 we just got to drop Mofesto
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,319 and then we can get out of there, alright?
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:56,654 Man, it's really starting to snow.
00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,030 I hope they don't close the roads.
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,407 They can't, Mofesto can't die.
00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,201 Maybe it's better you don't know who your father is, Cartman.
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:03,661 No way dude,
00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:05,371 I can't stand to leave things unfinished.
00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,956 It's like when you hear the first part of that song,
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:09,083 "Come Sail Away" by Styx.
00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:10,501 If I hear the first part of that song,
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:11,794 I have to finish it.
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,295 Really?
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,588 Yeah, I can't do anything until it's done.
00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:19,969 ♪ I'm sailing away ♪
00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,762 No, don't!
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,014 ♪ Set an open course, for the virgin sea ♪
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:32,398 [singing fast]
00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:53,335 [still singing]
00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:58,882 Whoa, dude!
00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:00,301 What are we gonna do, mayor?
00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:01,802 This killer is on the loose.
00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:03,429 We can't even leave our homes
00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:05,639 for fear of our children's safety!
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:08,100 Uhh, where are our children?
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,561 Officer Barbrady,
00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,438 let's pretend for one second
00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:14,606 that we had a competent law enforcer in this town,
00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,400 what would he do?
00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:19,570 Hmm, that's a good question, mayor.
00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,822 Let me get right on that with thinking.
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,575 Mayor, mayor!
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,618 The press is here.
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:27,995 My name is Sid Greenfield,
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,496 I'm the director from Los Angeles
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,081 for "America's Most Wanted".
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,500 You certainly made it up here quickly.
00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,210 We're desperate for stories.
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,296 And this one is so compelling.
00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,714 Really?
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,674 Sure, this story has everything--
00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:44,303 people, furniture, talking, it's a real American story.
00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:45,804 I thought of something.
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,849 No, wait, that's subtraction.
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,434 Mr. Director Person,
00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:52,269 what exactly do you want to do?
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,354 Mayor, shouldn't we be focusing...
00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:54,730 Shh.
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:55,939 We just want to do a re-creation
00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:57,399 of the story for our show.
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,151 Then we'll flash a number on the screen
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,819 that people can call if they have any information
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,279 regarding the identity or location of the shooter.
00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:03,530 That's it.
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,282 You win, we win, America wins.
00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,950 Are you sure this wouldn't make our little town
00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,327 look dangerous?
00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:09,953 Don't worry, mayor.
00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,705 "America's Most Wanted" is not about violence,
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,374 it's about family.
00:06:13,499 --> 00:06:14,958 It is?
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,544 Well, in that case, I guess it's okay.
00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,671 Great, we'll get started with auditions immediately.
00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:21,632 What part should we cast first?
00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,884 <i>Who will the director cast first?</i>
00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:27,805 <i>Will it be Mr. Garrison, Officer Barbrady, Chef?</i>
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:30,724 I want to have an abortion.
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,434 Well, we can do that.
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,478 This must be a very difficult time for you, Mrs...
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:38,273 Cartman, yes, it's such a hard decision but,
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,651 I just don't feel like I can raise a child
00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:41,902 in this screwy world.
00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,570 Yes, Miss Cartman,
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,072 if you don't feel fit to raise a child,
00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,782 an abortion is probably the answer.
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,742 Do you know the actual time of conception?
00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,994 About eight years ago.
00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,373 I see, so the fetus is...?
00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:56,041 Eight years old.
00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,501 Miss Cartman,
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,211 eight years old is a little late
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:00,504 to be considering abortion.
00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,047 Really?
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,173 Yes, this is what we would refer to
00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:05,008 as the 40th trimester!
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:07,177 I just don't think I'm a fit mother.
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:10,264 We prefer to abort babies a little earlier on.
00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:11,849 In fact, there's a law against abortions
00:07:11,974 --> 00:07:13,392 after the second trimester.
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,811 Well, I think you need to keep your laws
00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,604 off of my body!
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,357 Hmm, I'm afraid I can't help you, Miss Cartman.
00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,025 If you want to change the law
00:07:22,151 --> 00:07:23,527 you'll have to speak with your congressman.
00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,195 Well, that's exactly what I intend to do.
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,072 Good day!
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:30,451 Come on children, we gotta find a doctor.
00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:31,910 I can't do it, dude.
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,203 Come on, Stan,
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:34,538 hospitals aren't all that bad.
00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:35,581 Yeah, stop being a wuss.
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,166 Doctor!
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,959 One minute, please.
00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,128 Nurse, I need 20 ccs of sodium pentathol, stat!
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,964 Whoa dude, she doesn't have any arms.
00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,632 We're an equal opportunity employer here, son.
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,427 Doctor, we've got a shot cracker outside.
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,179 I'll be right with you
00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:51,513 after I inject this man with a long needle.
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,806 Oh man, I'm gonna be sick.
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,391 There, there, young man,
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,893 medical science is nothing to be afraid of.
00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:58,479 I think you're hitting the bone.
00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:01,482 Yes, I can hear the needle scraping
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,233 against the bone inside.
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,194 Oops, he's hemorrhaging.
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:07,863 Oops, his head fell off.
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:08,906 I'm getting out of here.
00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,365 Stan!
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:12,284 Some people just have a weak stomach.
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,454 And the father of Eric Cartman is...
00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:16,830 Bang, oh!
00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,332 Jiminy, I've been shot.
00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:20,334 Thank you very much, we'll get back to you.
00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,336 I think I've seen enough genetic engineers.
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:23,921 Let's move on to the auditions
00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,173 for the part of Mr. Garrison.
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,217 Call the Mr. Garrison auditions.
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:31,803 Boy, I sure hope I'm not Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:34,056 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,516 Alright, not bad.
00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,851 Let's keep them on the top pile, next!
00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:40,938 I sure hope that I'm not Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.
00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:43,232 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,858 Thank you, next!
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:45,901 What?
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,736 Next!
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,864 I sure hope I'm not Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,533 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,201 Perfect! You got it.
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,744 Let's move on to the Chefs.
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,746 And so, you see, Congressman O'Reilly,
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,581 that's why I think
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,416 abortion laws should be changed.
00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:02,834 Well, all I know is that
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,795 third trimester abortions are illegal.
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,672 I don't really know anything about 40th.
00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,507 But the person at "Unplanned Parenthood"
00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:10,384 said you were who I had to talk to
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,094 about changing the law.
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,096 No, I think you've got to talk to the governor
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,347 about that stuff.
00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,974 Oh, dear.
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:19,101 Well, this is about all I can do for him.
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,561 Can't you get him to talk?
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:21,812 I have to know who my father is!
00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:23,105 Sorry son, it might be a while.
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,481 Wake up, you son-of-a-bitch!
00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:25,983 Whoa!
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,734 Now son, that's not gonna do him any good.
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,027 I'll let you know if there's a change in his condition.
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,362 I can't wait anymore.
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:31,572 What am I supposed to do?
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:32,614 Hey Cartman!
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,740 What?
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,701 ♪ I'm sailing... ♪
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,869 ♪ Away ♪
00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:40,330 [singing fast]
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,875 Okay, let's get out of here, now.
00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:45,460 I don't know if that's gonna be too easy.
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:46,878 My God, that's a helluva storm.
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:48,505 Weak.
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,383 [still singing]
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,303 God, I hate mountains.
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,179 This better not push back our shooting schedule.
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,890 Okay people, let's rehearse the reenactment
00:09:59,016 --> 00:10:00,142 from the top before we shoot it.
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,351 Who's that?
00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,020 That's TV's Eric Roberts.
00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,396 We were able to get him to play the part
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:05,856 of the little monkey guy.
00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:08,233 Oh, talk about washed up, huh?
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:09,610 Great to have you, Eric.
00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:12,696 Here we go and action!
00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,156 I want to announce who the father is.
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,324 Bang.
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:16,742 I've been shot.
00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,744 Nobody move, I'm a law officer.
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,746 My God, I think he's gone into cardiac arrest.
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,081 You seem somewhat unnerved by this Chef.
00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,458 Are you accusing me, Barbrady?
00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,126 Because if you are, accuse!
00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,961 Don't hide behind your clever riddles!
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,172 Our differences must be set aside for now, Mr. Chef.
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,340 I'm simply a man,
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:32,924 a man trying to do my job.
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,344 Wow, this is a good movie.
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:39,139 [Cartman singing]
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,354 Dude, when can we get out of here?
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:47,939 Doctor, I can't focus.
00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:49,107 We're doing the best we can, ma'am.
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,651 They've closed the pass
00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:52,069 so none of the other doctors can get through.
00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:53,570 For now, it's just me and Nurse Goodly.
00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,281 Wait a second, they've closed the pass?
00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,283 Yes, I'm afraid we're critically understaffed.
00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,826 Unless we get help soon,
00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:02,162 all these people in here are completely fucked.
00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:03,747 [deep gasps]
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:04,873 Metaphorically speaking, that is.
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,166 What about Mofesto?
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,918 Are you taking care of him?
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,294 He's on full life-support and breathing fine.
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:10,837 He shouldn't need any help.
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,589 So long as the power doesn't go out.
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:16,218 Who didn't see that coming a mile away, huh?
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,305 <i>Tonight on "America's Most Wanted",</i>
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,641 <i>a shooter is on the loose on Colorado,</i>
00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,434 <i>and the residents are up in arms!</i>
00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,144 <i>Here's your host John Walsh.</i>
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,480 Good evening and welcome to "America's Most Wanted".
00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,440 Tonight, terror invaded the small mountain community
00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:31,942 of South Park, Colorado.
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,236 When Dr. Alfonse Mofesto was gunned down
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,987 in his laboratory,
00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,864 "America's Most Wanted" has reconstructed this heinous crime
00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:40,409 in hopes that your calls can help solve the case.
00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,160 I've been shot.
00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:44,454 My God Mr. Hat, get some help!
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,081 Right away, Mr. Garrison!
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,792 No, no, my lifetime partner and friend,
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,253 gone, taken away in the wink of an eye...
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,838 What the...
00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,756 Eric Roberts is <i>improv-ing</i> lines again.
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,049 I'm gonna get the man to a hospital.
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,592 Who will help me?
00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,553 This is not a world I want to live in...
00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:04,057 What the hell is this?
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:05,642 We've lost the feed to L.A.
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,270 Uh, we seem to have lost our link up
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,980 to the South Park crew.
00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:12,107 So I guess we'll be going to our feature movie,
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,234 "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?"
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,319 <i>Who framed Roger Rabbit?</i>
00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,364 <i>Was it Jimbo, Mr. Garrison, Chef?</i>
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,867 Somebody go see why we lost the hook up.
00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:25,245 Holy smokes, that blizzard is getting crazy.
00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:28,290 [screams]
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,666 Don't panic, anybody,
00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,376 the power lines are down
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,336 but the back-up generator is running just fine.
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,005 Nurse, I could use some help in here.
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,423 Coming.
00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:38,091 Lady, is Mofesto gonna be okay?
00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,885 Yes, for now,
00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,095 but I'm afraid the generator won't run for long.
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,347 The batteries run out in half an hour.
00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:46,141 Time is very short.
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,560 Nurse, please, I need another pair of hands in here.
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,813 Sorry.
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,732 Don't you see governor,
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,859 I should have a right to have an abortion
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,319 if I want one.
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,904 Well, I don't know.
00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:01,031 I might need some more convincing.
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:03,158 I mean, what right do I have
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,826 bringing another child
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,411 into this over-populated world?
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,829 Then again, I should have thought of that
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,164 before having sex. Then again --
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,582 Oh, I just don't know.
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,167 Please Mr. Chef.
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,668 I have over 100 people to tend to here.
00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,086 And only myself and Nurse Goodly.
00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:16,463 What do you want me to do?
00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:17,631 Do you know anything about surgery?
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,257 I used to watch "Quincy".
00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,509 What, why the hell didn't you say so?
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,177 Put on some scrubs!
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,137 Boys, I'm making you all honorary doctors.
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:26,097 You can help us save these people's lives.
00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:27,724 No way, dude!
00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:32,604 Well, we're not going anywhere for a long time.
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:33,647 We're snowed in?
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,524 Yes, we're trapped.
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,776 Like sailors on a submarine.
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:41,196 My God, this is the worse storm I've ever seen.
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,906 Oh, I have to get out of here.
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,658 I haven't eaten since breakfast.
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,618 Yeah, I'm getting hungry, too.
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,036 I hope you all realize
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,538 what we might be facing here.
00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:52,332 Our only option might be to eat each other
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,834 to stay alive.
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,963 [All gasping] It's only been, like, four hours.
00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,631 Aren't you resorting to cannibalism
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:00,966 a little quickly?
00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,634 That's the law of land, Mr. Director!
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,386 I know it ain't pretty but if a few of us must die
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,596 so the rest can stay alive, so be it.
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,974 But how do we decide who?
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,767 Well, we draw straws.
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,644 Now, wait a minute, we all had a big breakfast.
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,604 Can't you people go without eating for a little while?!
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,273 Calm down, soldier!
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:17,858 We need every person here to keep his head.
00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:19,943 Barbrady, fetch some straws.
00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,237 Well, who the hell made you the boss anyway?
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,865 <i>Who the hell made Jimbo boss?</i>
00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:27,492 <i>Was it Barbrady, Chef, Mr...</i>
00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:29,870 This man's appendix has burst!
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,413 I have no choice but to operate now
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,747 with our limited power.
00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,332 I need you all to be strong for me.
00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,376 Nurse Goodly will take care of the anesthesia.
00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,253 Chef, you act as her arms.
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,880 Boys, you have to help with suction and bandages.
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:40,881 Ready?
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:42,299 No.
00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:44,885 I'll make an incision over the heart.
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,887 Oh, boy.
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:51,933 Dude! You barfed into the incision.
00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:52,976 Sweet!
00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,519 Suction!
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,356 Hey, they're screwing with the lights.
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,191 <i>Who is screwing with the lights?</i>
00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,527 <i>Is it Barbrady, or Jimbo,</i>
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:05,155 <i>or the 1991 Denver Broncos?</i>
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,032 That is really starting to piss me off.
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,076 Alright, so far,
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,912 everybody has a long piece of straw.
00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:13,204 We'll keep drawing.
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,331 Whew!
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,166 Whew!
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,210 Wait a minute.
00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:20,587 Where the hell is the short one?
00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,047 The short what?
00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:23,214 Dammit, Barbrady!
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:24,716 When you draw straws
00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,009 you're supposed to have one of them short!
00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,719 That's how you decide who loses.
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,638 That's not how I played it.
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,933 Ugh, could we hurry this up, my stomach is growling.
00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:35,936 I found a map that shows the location
00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,646 of a back-up generator.
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,439 Apparently they built self sustaining generator
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:41,316 for just this kind of emergency.
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,984 But it's out and away from the hospital.
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,527 So how do we get to it?
00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,071 We must split up into two teams.
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,781 Team "A" and team "B".
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,325 Team "A" will consist of myself, Stan, Kyle,
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,410 Eric, Chef and Nurse Goodly.
00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:53,954 Team "B" will consist of Kenny.
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,539 Now listen closely team "B".
00:15:56,665 --> 00:15:58,667 Your goal will be to turn on the back-up generator.
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,210 To do this you must brave the storm outside
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:01,962 and get into this sewage duct.
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:04,005 Meanwhile, team "A" will go to the holding area here
00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,383 where there is a television and some cocoa.
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,259 We will drink the cocoa and watch family programming
00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,679 until team "B" makes it through the sewage duct.
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:12,180 By that time, team "B" -
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,890 remember, that's you, Kenny -
00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,558 should reach the outer core of the generator.
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,018 It will be a cold and dangerous climb to the top.
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,145 And there could velociraptors here.
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:20,730 Once you reach the top,
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,065 you should be able to get a clear view
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:23,650 through this window of us,
00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,360 drinking cocoa and watching television.
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,611 Then you can proceed down into the generator
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:27,946 and power it on.
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,322 Are there any questions?
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,366 No, that sounds pretty sweet to me.
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,367 Right, then let's do it.
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,618 Go team.
00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:38,707 I can't... go on...
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,292 ...so hungry.
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:44,796 We're all going to die in this horrible place.
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,716 We have to have the energy to make it through the night.
00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:48,883 We have to eat.
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,260 How can we?
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:51,845 How can we live with ourselves?
00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:53,471 There's only one answer.
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,015 Eat Eric Roberts!
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,184 Yes, of course,
00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,311 Nobody gives a shit about Eric Roberts.
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,022 Eat Eric Roberts!
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,066 No! No, please!
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,487 [buzzing]
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:12,240 well, there's no going back now,
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,618 We're cannibals, God save us.
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:18,038 God wants you to live, mayor, fight.
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:19,581 I have to admit, Eric Roberts
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,416 was much juicier than I expected.
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,626 This snow just isn't letting up.
00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:25,795 We're gonna die here, I know it!
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,213 What time is it, Barbrady?
00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,757 It's almost midnight.
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,634 Oh, I can't go on.
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,428 We'll give the storm another hour.
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,472 After that we might have to eat again.
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:36,514 What?
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,516 Christ, are you people diabetic or something?
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,855 Team "B", come in team "B".
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,356 [mumbling]
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:46,858 Listen team "B",
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,651 we found another path to the generator.
00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,612 There's actually a nice heated walkway to it,
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,697 so you don't need to walk through all that sewage.
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,868 [mumbling]
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,411 Oh, well forget I said that then.
00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,413 Listen team "B", you should be seeing
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,956 a large drift of snow with some metal
00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,625 sticking out of it just to your left.
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:04,876 [mumbling]
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,669 Good, head towards it.
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:08,171 Team "A" out.
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,006 What if Mofesto never wakes up?
00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:12,092 And I never find out who my father is?
00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:15,845 [growling]
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,643 My God, what a harrowing tale
00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,353 of human drama this is!
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,189 All of us doing what we must to survive.
00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,858 It is amazing what people can do under stress.
00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,276 Just look at the pyramids.
00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,653 Nobody knows how they built those,
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,113 or who.
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,614 <i>Who built the pyramids?</i>
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,491 <i>Was it the Babylonians?</i>
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,534 <i>Officer Barbrady?</i>
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:38,827 <i>Samaritans?</i>
00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,079 [mumbling]
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:42,497 Roger, team "B".
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,207 He's reached the back-up generator.
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,126 Team "B", can you see the two copper nodes?
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:47,794 Good.
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,379 Now is there a wire connecting them?
00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,631 [mumbling]
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,675 Damn, the wire connecting the nodes is gone.
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,009 We need to complete the circuit between them
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,386 or we're screwed.
00:18:56,511 --> 00:18:57,387 Do you have any wire here?
00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:58,805 There's no time.
00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,640 Once these lights flicker out
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:01,683 all these patients on life support are gonna die.
00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,518 [mumbling]
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,936 No Kenny, you can't.
00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,354 There must be some other way.
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,647 He's gonna make the connection
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:08,815 himself with his hands.
00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:09,941 No, he'll die.
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:10,942 Go Kenny!
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,027 Kenny, no!
00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:17,657 Oh my God, they've killed Kenny.
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,159 You bastards!
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:21,369 The power!
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,163 Quickly, get the scanner running again.
00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,748 We've got a chance now.
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,419 Well, okay, Mrs. Cartman,
00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:32,380 I'll legalize 40th trimester abortions for you.
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,674 Oh, thank you, thank you.
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,843 We'll have the pregnancy terminated immediately.
00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:38,761 Terminated?
00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,680 Yes, that's what an abortion is.
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,557 No, I didn't mean that.
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,767 I meant the other thing you can do.
00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:46,269 What's that other "a" word?
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:47,687 Adoption?
00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:49,189 Yes, that's what I mean,
00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:50,440 adoption.
00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,192 Well, that's pretty different.
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,651 Oh, I should just tell my son the truth
00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,236 about everything myself.
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,362 Good day, Mr. President.
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,784 Well, we made it.
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:03,453 The power is on, the snow is melting,
00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,538 and your friend Mofesto is doing fine.
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,790 Where, where am I?
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:09,542 You're at the hospital, Mr. Mofesto.
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,377 You were shot.
00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:13,087 Now, we don't know who tried to shoot you, but--
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,173 Oh, I'm sure it was my brother again.
00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:16,591 He tries to shoot me every month.
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:17,800 Oh.
00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:19,260 Where's the little fat boy?
00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,762 He'll be delighted that Mofesto is awake.
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,347 He went off looking for Mr. Kenny.
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,265 He was a good friend and I'll miss him.
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,975 He was very brave.
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,310 He risked his life so that Mofesto can live.
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,812 Yeah and now he's a freezy-pop.
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,441 Dude, do you think if we hit him with a shovel
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:34,651 he'd shatter?
00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,152 I don't know! Let's find out.
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,743 It's over.
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:45,286 We're free.
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,664 Yes, but at what cost, Mr. Garrison?
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,082 At what cost?
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:50,416 Listen everybody,
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,168 we did what we had to in there.
00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:55,421 But, how will we live with ourselves now?
00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:57,799 One day at a time, mayor,
00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,842 one day at a time.
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:06,975 ♪ Ave Maria ♪
00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:12,397 Well, I'm bringing home some Eric Roberts in a doggie bag.
00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,107 Does anybody else want some?
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,026 I'm glad you could all come.
00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:18,361 I can finally reveal
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,071 who the father of Eric Cartman is.
00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:22,115 But first I want to thank Kenny McCormick
00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,700 for sacrificing his life...
00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:24,867 Just tell us, already!
00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,160 Alright, alright.
00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:27,870 The father of Eric Cartman is...
00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:29,372 Say did anybody see that
00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:31,040 Therrance and Phillip special last month?
00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:32,625 Wasn't that just the funniest...
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,085 Stop it, tell me who my father is!!!
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:35,670 As I said before,
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,922 the father is somebody in this room.
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,508 The father is...
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,051 Mrs. Cartman.
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:43,636 What?
00:21:43,761 --> 00:21:44,846 Yes, it's true.
00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:47,307 No, that doesn't make sense.
00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:48,975 Yes, it took quite a while for me
00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:50,560 to understand as well.
00:21:50,685 --> 00:21:53,354 You see, Mrs. Cartman is a hermaphrodite.
00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:56,065 Meaning what?
00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:59,152 Meaning that she has both male and female genitals.
00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:00,737 It's true.
00:22:00,862 --> 00:22:02,322 You mean at the drunken barn dance
00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:03,531 when we all got together with her,
00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,200 <i>She</i> was a <i>he</i>?
00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:08,953 No, no, not exactly, but she did have a penis.
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,457 The fact of the matter is hermaphrodites
00:22:12,582 --> 00:22:14,208 cannot bear children,
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,877 So Miss Cartman's DNA match with Eric
00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:17,962 can only mean that she is his father
00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:19,922 and she got another woman pregnant
00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:21,424 at the drunken barn dance.
00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:23,968 Oh man, this is [bleeping] weak.
00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:25,553 Dude, you're a big fat ass
00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:27,180 and your mom's a <i>hermapholite.</i>
00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,723 I'm sorry I never told you, Eric.
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:30,433 I just thought
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,268 maybe it would be a little shocking to you.
00:22:32,393 --> 00:22:34,729 Oh wow, gee whiz, you think so, Mom?
00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,689 Well, that's that. Thank you all for playing.
00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:38,107 No, no, wait a minute.
00:22:38,232 --> 00:22:41,235 If she's my dad, then who's my mom?
00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:43,696 <i>Who is Eric Cartman's mother?</i>
00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,365 <i>Is it Mrs. Crabtree?</i>
00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:46,532 <i>Sheila Broflovski?</i>
00:22:46,657 --> 00:22:47,617 <i>The mayor?</i>
00:22:47,742 --> 00:22:48,993 Oh, forget it!

Скриншоты

Мамаша Картмана по-прежнему грязная шлюха — скриншот 1

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