Мамаша Картмана по-прежнему грязная шлюха

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♪ Dog dance, dog dance ♪

00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,969

♪ If you want your medicine,

do the dog dance ♪

00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:12,471

♪ Dog dance, dog dance ♪

00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:15,141

Oh, hello, back already?

00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,767

Well, as you can see,

00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,227

that episode is what we

in the business refer to

00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,645

as a "cliffhanger".

00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,397

To find out who Cartman's

father was,

00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,482

we told viewers to tune in

four weeks later.

00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,401

Well, four weeks later

just happened to be

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,361

April Fools' Day, and so we

thought it would be fun

00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:28,696

to not air the cliffhanger

payoff

00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:30,197

but instead air something

00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,866

completely irrelevant

and stupid:

00:00:31,991 --> 00:00:34,118

A full half-hour

Terrance and Phillip episode.

00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,037

And the viewers

responded splendidly.

00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:37,329

We even saved some

of their comments

00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:39,457

on our office answering

machine.

00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:41,792

I'm gonna come down there

and cut off your testicles.

00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:42,918

And I'm never watching

"South Park" again.

00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:44,712

You think you're funny

00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:46,005

not telling us who

Cartman's father is?

00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,007

I hope you both die.

00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:50,801

I can't go on not knowing

who Cartman's father is.

00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:52,803

I just can't. I can't go--

00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:55,264

Now can I have my medication?

00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,849

Dude, do the dog dance

some more.

00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,267

Dog dance.

Bow-bow, bow-wow.

00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,977

Yeah, beep like--

beep like a Jeep.

00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,062

- Beep beep, beep beep.

- Do a puffer fish.

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Puff, puff, pfffff.

00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:04,023

I'll swim.

I'll do fish dance.

00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,107

Yeah, yeah.

You want your medicine?

00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,734

You want your medicine?

00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,360

Here, go get it. Go get it.

00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,863

Oh, no. You guys are jerks.

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Hello.

00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:15,910

- What a grump.

- Jeez, Mr. Grumpy Pants.

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Well, after the Terrance

and Phillip episode,

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which honestly really is

Matt and I's favorite episode,

00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,916

we finally aired the episode

you're about to see.

00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:24,668

It's called, "Cartman's Mom

is Still a Dirty Slut."

00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:28,380

Previously

on "South Park"...

00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,216

an air of sobriety fills

the laboratories.

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The men of South Park

gather to find out

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which one of them

fathered this boy.

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Who is Eric Cartman's

father?

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At the end of

tonight's episode,

00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,517

you will know

the answer.

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♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:51,987

♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

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♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

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♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

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♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,536

♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

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♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,164

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

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♪ Headed on

up to South Park ♪

00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,126

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:09,964

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,757

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:15,928

And now,

to continue...

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The father is indeed

someone in this room.

00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,267

Man, this feels like

the longest minute of my life.

00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,435

Oh, hey Kenny.

00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,437

Gentlemen,

the father is...

00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:28,232

Hey, what the

hell's going on?

00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:29,733

It's a power

outage.

00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,280

Is everybody

okay?

00:02:34,405 --> 00:02:35,906

That sounded

like a gunshot.

00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,449

Oh my God, look!

00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:42,538

You bastards!

00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,165

Mofesto's been shot!

00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:46,125

Is he... Dead?

00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,918

Hey, this window

is shot out, too.

00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,296

That means the killer was

not somebody in this room.

00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:51,714

Then who was it?

00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,424

Who shot Mofesto?

00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,176

Was it the

school counselor?

00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:57,136

Or was it

Miss Crabtree...?

00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:58,679

Hey, wait a minute.

00:02:58,804 --> 00:02:59,930

I didn't find out

who my father was!

00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,599

Or was it

Miss Broflovski?

00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:03,601

Wait, he's still breathing,

he's not dead.

00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:05,436

Godammit,

who's my father?

00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:06,854

We have to get him

to the hospital.

00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:07,980

You've gotta

be kidding me!

00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,732

Come on, children.

00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,693

That poor kid.

00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,028

It must be hell for him

going through all this.

00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,282

There's a murderer

free in South Park!

00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:19,992

We have to find

out who it is

00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,493

before they

kill again!

00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,245

Yeah, God only knows who

they'll kill next.

00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,164

Who will they kill next?

00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,374

Will it be Jimbo,

Barbrady,

00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:28,792

the Denver Broncos?

00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:31,712

Is he awake yet?

00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,422

He's bleeding pretty

bad back here.

00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,673

Don't let him bleed

on my Meredith Baxter-Birney

00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,467

memorial towel!

00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,135

What's a Meredith Baxter-Birney

memorial towel?

00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,678

I was actually with

Meredith Baxter-Birney

00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,096

in this very car.

00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,806

And afterwards

we used that towel to...

00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:44,975

Wait a minute, why am I telling

you this?

00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,352

Could you pull over

so I can get out?

00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,020

What, we have to get

to the hospital.

00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,605

I have to

get out first.

00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:50,773

I'm not gonna make it,

I can't stand hospitals.

00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,233

Sorry Stan,

00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:53,943

we just got

to drop Mofesto

00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,319

and then we can get

out of there, alright?

00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:56,654

Man, it's really

starting to snow.

00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,030

I hope they don't

close the roads.

00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,407

They can't,

Mofesto can't die.

00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,201

Maybe it's better you don't

know who your father is, Cartman.

00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:03,661

No way dude,

00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:05,371

I can't stand to

leave things unfinished.

00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,956

It's like when you hear

the first part of that song,

00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:09,083

"Come Sail Away"

by Styx.

00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:10,501

If I hear the first

part of that song,

00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:11,794

I have to finish it.

00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,295

Really?

00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,588

Yeah, I can't do anything

until it's done.

00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:19,969

♪ I'm sailing away ♪

00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,762

No, don't!

00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,014

♪ Set an open course,

for the virgin sea ♪

00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:58,882

Whoa, dude!

00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:00,301

What are we gonna

do, mayor?

00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:01,802

This killer is on the loose.

00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:03,429

We can't even

leave our homes

00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:05,639

for fear of our

children's safety!

00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:08,100

Uhh, where are

our children?

00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,561

Officer Barbrady,

00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,438

let's pretend

for one second

00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:14,606

that we had a competent

law enforcer in this town,

00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,400

what would he do?

00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:19,570

Hmm, that's a good

question, mayor.

00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,822

Let me get right on

that with thinking.

00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,575

Mayor, mayor!

00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,618

The press is here.

00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:27,995

My name is

Sid Greenfield,

00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,496

I'm the director

from Los Angeles

00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,081

for "America's

Most Wanted".

00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,500

You certainly made it

up here quickly.

00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,210

We're desperate

for stories.

00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,296

And this one

is so compelling.

00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,714

Really?

00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,674

Sure, this story

has everything--

00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:44,303

people, furniture, talking,

it's a real American story.

00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:45,804

I thought

of something.

00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,849

No, wait, that's

subtraction.

00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,434

Mr. Director Person,

00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:52,269

what exactly

do you want to do?

00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,354

Mayor, shouldn't

we be focusing...

00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:54,730

Shh.

00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:55,939

We just want to

do a re-creation

00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:57,399

of the story

for our show.

00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,151

Then we'll flash

a number on the screen

00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,819

that people can call

if they have any information

00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,279

regarding the identity

or location of the shooter.

00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:03,530

That's it.

00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,282

You win, we win,

America wins.

00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,950

Are you sure this wouldn't

make our little town

00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,327

look dangerous?

00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:09,953

Don't worry, mayor.

00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,705

"America's Most Wanted"

is not about violence,

00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,374

it's about family.

00:06:13,499 --> 00:06:14,958

It is?

00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,544

Well, in that case,

I guess it's okay.

00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,671

Great, we'll get started

with auditions immediately.

00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:21,632

What part should

we cast first?

00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,884

Who will the director

cast first?

00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:27,805

Will it be Mr. Garrison,

Officer Barbrady, Chef?

00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:30,724

I want to have an abortion.

00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,434

Well, we can do that.

00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,478

This must be a very difficult

time for you, Mrs...

00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:38,273

Cartman, yes, it's

such a hard decision but,

00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,651

I just don't feel

like I can raise a child

00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:41,902

in this screwy world.

00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,570

Yes, Miss Cartman,

00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,072

if you don't feel fit

to raise a child,

00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,782

an abortion is

probably the answer.

00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,742

Do you know the actual

time of conception?

00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,994

About eight years ago.

00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,373

I see, so

the fetus is...?

00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:56,041

Eight years old.

00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,501

Miss Cartman,

00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,211

eight years old is a little late

00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:00,504

to be considering

abortion.

00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,047

Really?

00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,173

Yes, this is what

we would refer to

00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:05,008

as the 40th trimester!

00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:07,177

I just don't think

I'm a fit mother.

00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:10,264

We prefer to abort babies

a little earlier on.

00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:11,849

In fact, there's

a law against abortions

00:07:11,974 --> 00:07:13,392

after the

second trimester.

00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,811

Well, I think you

need to keep your laws

00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,604

off of my body!

00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,357

Hmm, I'm afraid I can't

help you, Miss Cartman.

00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,025

If you want to

change the law

00:07:22,151 --> 00:07:23,527

you'll have to speak

with your congressman.

00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,195

Well, that's exactly

what I intend to do.

00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,072

Good day!

00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:30,451

Come on children,

we gotta find a doctor.

00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:31,910

I can't

do it, dude.

00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,203

Come on, Stan,

00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:34,538

hospitals aren't

all that bad.

00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:35,581

Yeah, stop

being a wuss.

00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,166

Doctor!

00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,959

One minute,

please.

00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,128

Nurse, I need 20 ccs

of sodium pentathol, stat!

00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,964

Whoa dude, she doesn't

have any arms.

00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,632

We're an equal opportunity

employer here, son.

00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,427

Doctor, we've got

a shot cracker outside.

00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,179

I'll be right

with you

00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:51,513

after I inject this man

with a long needle.

00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,806

Oh man, I'm

gonna be sick.

00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,391

There, there,

young man,

00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,893

medical science is

nothing to be afraid of.

00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:58,479

I think you're

hitting the bone.

00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:01,482

Yes, I can hear

the needle scraping

00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,233

against the bone inside.

00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,194

Oops, he's

hemorrhaging.

00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:07,863

Oops, his head

fell off.

00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:08,906

I'm getting

out of here.

00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,365

Stan!

00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:12,284

Some people just

have a weak stomach.

00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,454

And the father of

Eric Cartman is...

00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:16,830

Bang, oh!

00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,332

Jiminy, I've been shot.

00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:20,334

Thank you very much,

we'll get back to you.

00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,336

I think I've seen

enough genetic engineers.

00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:23,921

Let's move on

to the auditions

00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,173

for the part

of Mr. Garrison.

00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,217

Call the Mr. Garrison

auditions.

00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:31,803

Boy, I sure hope I'm not

Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.

00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:34,056

You can say that

again, Mr. Garrison.

00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,516

Alright, not bad.

00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,851

Let's keep them

on the top pile, next!

00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:40,938

I sure hope that I'm not

Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.

00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:43,232

You can say that again,

Mr. Garrison.

00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,858

Thank you, next!

00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:45,901

What?

00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,736

Next!

00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,864

I sure hope I'm not Eric

Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.

00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,533

You can say that again,

Mr. Garrison.

00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,201

Perfect! You got it.

00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,744

Let's move on

to the Chefs.

00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,746

And so, you see,

Congressman O'Reilly,

00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,581

that's why I think

00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,416

abortion laws

should be changed.

00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:02,834

Well, all

I know is that

00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,795

third trimester

abortions are illegal.

00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,672

I don't really know

anything about 40th.

00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,507

But the person at

"Unplanned Parenthood"

00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:10,384

said you were who

I had to talk to

00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,094

about changing

the law.

00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,096

No, I think you've

got to talk to the governor

00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,347

about that stuff.

00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,974

Oh, dear.

00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:19,101

Well, this is about

all I can do for him.

00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,561

Can't you get

him to talk?

00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:21,812

I have to know

who my father is!

00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:23,105

Sorry son,

it might be a while.

00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,481

Wake up,

you son-of-a-bitch!

00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:25,983

Whoa!

00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,734

Now son, that's not

gonna do him any good.

00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,027

I'll let you know if there's

a change in his condition.

00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,362

I can't wait

anymore.

00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:31,572

What am

I supposed to do?

00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:32,614

Hey Cartman!

00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,740

What?

00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,701

♪ I'm sailing... ♪

00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,869

♪ Away ♪

00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,875

Okay, let's get

out of here, now.

00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:45,460

I don't know if

that's gonna be too easy.

00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:46,878

My God, that's

a helluva storm.

00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:48,505

Weak.

00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,303

God, I hate

mountains.

00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,179

This better not push back

our shooting schedule.

00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,890

Okay people, let's

rehearse the reenactment

00:09:59,016 --> 00:10:00,142

from the top

before we shoot it.

00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,351

Who's that?

00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,020

That's TV's Eric Roberts.

00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,396

We were able to get

him to play the part

00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:05,856

of the little

monkey guy.

00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:08,233

Oh, talk about

washed up, huh?

00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:09,610

Great to have

you, Eric.

00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:12,696

Here we go

and action!

00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,156

I want to announce

who the father is.

00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,324

Bang.

00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:16,742

I've been shot.

00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,744

Nobody move,

I'm a law officer.

00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,746

My God, I think he's gone

into cardiac arrest.

00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,081

You seem somewhat

unnerved by this Chef.

00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,458

Are you accusing

me, Barbrady?

00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,126

Because

if you are, accuse!

00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,961

Don't hide behind

your clever riddles!

00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,172

Our differences must be set

aside for now, Mr. Chef.

00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,340

I'm simply a man,

00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:32,924

a man trying

to do my job.

00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,344

Wow, this is

a good movie.

00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,354

Dude, when can we

get out of here?

00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:47,939

Doctor, I can't focus.

00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:49,107

We're doing the best

we can, ma'am.

00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,651

They've closed

the pass

00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:52,069

so none of the other doctors

can get through.

00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:53,570

For now, it's just

me and Nurse Goodly.

00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,281

Wait a second,

they've closed the pass?

00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,283

Yes, I'm afraid we're

critically understaffed.

00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,826

Unless we

get help soon,

00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:02,162

all these people in here

are completely fucked.

00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:04,873

Metaphorically

speaking, that is.

00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,166

What about

Mofesto?

00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,918

Are you taking

care of him?

00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,294

He's on full life-support

and breathing fine.

00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:10,837

He shouldn't

need any help.

00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,589

So long as the power

doesn't go out.

00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:16,218

Who didn't see that

coming a mile away, huh?

00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,305

Tonight on

"America's Most Wanted",

00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,641

a shooter is on

the loose on Colorado,

00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,434

and the residents

are up in arms!

00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,144

Here's your host

John Walsh.

00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,480

Good evening and welcome

to "America's Most Wanted".

00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,440

Tonight, terror invaded

the small mountain community

00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:31,942

of South Park, Colorado.

00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,236

When Dr. Alfonse Mofesto

was gunned down

00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,987

in his laboratory,

00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,864

"America's Most Wanted"

has reconstructed this heinous crime

00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:40,409

in hopes that your calls

can help solve the case.

00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,160

I've been shot.

00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:44,454

My God Mr. Hat,

get some help!

00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,081

Right away,

Mr. Garrison!

00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,792

No, no, my lifetime

partner and friend,

00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,253

gone, taken away

in the wink of an eye...

00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,838

What the...

00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,756

Eric Roberts is

improv-ing lines again.

00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,049

I'm gonna get

the man to a hospital.

00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,592

Who will help me?

00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,553

This is not a world

I want to live in...

00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:04,057

What the hell

is this?

00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:05,642

We've lost

the feed to L.A.

00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,270

Uh, we seem to have

lost our link up

00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,980

to the South Park crew.

00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:12,107

So I guess we'll be going

to our feature movie,

00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,234

"Who Framed

Roger Rabbit?"

00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,319

Who framed Roger Rabbit?

00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,364

Was it Jimbo,

Mr. Garrison, Chef?

00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,867

Somebody go see why

we lost the hook up.

00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:25,245

Holy smokes, that blizzard

is getting crazy.

00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,666

Don't panic, anybody,

00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,376

the power lines are down

00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,336

but the back-up generator

is running just fine.

00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,005

Nurse, I could use

some help in here.

00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,423

Coming.

00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:38,091

Lady, is Mofesto

gonna be okay?

00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,885

Yes, for now,

00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,095

but I'm afraid the generator won't

run for long.

00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,347

The batteries run out

in half an hour.

00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:46,141

Time is very short.

00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,560

Nurse, please,

I need another pair

of hands in here.

00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,813

Sorry.

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,732

Don't you see

governor,

00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,859

I should have a right

to have an abortion

00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,319

if I want one.

00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,904

Well, I don't know.

00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:01,031

I might need some

more convincing.

00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:03,158

I mean, what

right do I have

00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,826

bringing another child

00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,411

into this over-populated

world?

00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,829

Then again, I should

have thought of that

00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,164

before

having sex. Then again --

00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,582

Oh, I just don't know.

00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,167

Please Mr. Chef.

00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,668

I have over 100 people

to tend to here.

00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,086

And only myself

and Nurse Goodly.

00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:16,463

What do you want

me to do?

00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:17,631

Do you know anything

about surgery?

00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,257

I used to

watch "Quincy".

00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,509

What, why the hell

didn't you say so?

00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,177

Put on some scrubs!

00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,137

Boys, I'm making you

all honorary doctors.

00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:26,097

You can help us save

these people's lives.

00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:27,724

No way, dude!

00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:32,604

Well, we're not going

anywhere for a long time.

00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:33,647

We're

snowed in?

00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,524

Yes, we're trapped.

00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,776

Like sailors

on a submarine.

00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:41,196

My God, this is the worse

storm I've ever seen.

00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,906

Oh, I have to get

out of here.

00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,658

I haven't eaten

since breakfast.

00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,618

Yeah, I'm getting

hungry, too.

00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,036

I hope you

all realize

00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,538

what we might

be facing here.

00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:52,332

Our only option might be

to eat each other

00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,834

to stay alive.

00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,963

It's only been, like, four hours.

00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,631

Aren't you resorting

to cannibalism

00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:00,966

a little quickly?

00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,634

That's the law of land, Mr. Director!

00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,386

I know it ain't pretty but if

a few of us must die

00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,596

so the rest can stay alive,

so be it.

00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,974

But how do

we decide who?

00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,767

Well, we draw straws.

00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,644

Now, wait a minute, we all had a

big breakfast.

00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,604

Can't you people go without

eating for a little while?!

00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,273

Calm down, soldier!

00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:17,858

We need every person

here to keep his head.

00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:19,943

Barbrady,

fetch some straws.

00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,237

Well, who the hell made

you the boss anyway?

00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,865

Who the hell

made Jimbo boss?

00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:27,492

Was it Barbrady,

Chef, Mr...

00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:29,870

This man's

appendix has burst!

00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,413

I have no choice

but to operate now

00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,747

with our

limited power.

00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,332

I need you all

to be strong for me.

00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,376

Nurse Goodly will

take care of the anesthesia.

00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,253

Chef, you act

as her arms.

00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,880

Boys, you have to help

with suction and bandages.

00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:40,881

Ready?

00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:42,299

No.

00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:44,885

I'll make an incision

over the heart.

00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,887

Oh, boy.

00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:51,933

Dude! You barfed

into the incision.

00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:52,976

Sweet!

00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,519

Suction!

00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,356

Hey, they're screwing

with the lights.

00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,191

Who is screwing

with the lights?

00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,527

Is it Barbrady,

or Jimbo,

00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:05,155

or the 1991

Denver Broncos?

00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,032

That is really starting

to piss me off.

00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,076

Alright, so far,

00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,912

everybody has

a long piece of straw.

00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:13,204

We'll keep drawing.

00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,331

Whew!

00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,166

Whew!

00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,210

Wait a minute.

00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:20,587

Where the hell

is the short one?

00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,047

The short what?

00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:23,214

Dammit, Barbrady!

00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:24,716

When you

draw straws

00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,009

you're supposed to

have one of them short!

00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,719

That's how

you decide who loses.

00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,638

That's not

how I played it.

00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,933

Ugh, could we hurry this up, my

stomach is growling.

00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:35,936

I found a map that

shows the location

00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,646

of a back-up generator.

00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,439

Apparently they built

self sustaining generator

00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:41,316

for just this kind

of emergency.

00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,984

But it's out and

away from the hospital.

00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,527

So how do

we get to it?

00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,071

We must split up

into two teams.

00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,781

Team "A" and team "B".

00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,325

Team "A" will consist

of myself, Stan, Kyle,

00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,410

Eric, Chef

and Nurse Goodly.

00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:53,954

Team "B" will

consist of Kenny.

00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,539

Now listen

closely team "B".

00:15:56,665 --> 00:15:58,667

Your goal will be to turn on

the back-up generator.

00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,210

To do this you must

brave the storm outside

00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:01,962

and get into

this sewage duct.

00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:04,005

Meanwhile, team "A" will

go to the holding area here

00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,383

where there is a television

and some cocoa.

00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,259

We will drink the cocoa and

watch family programming

00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,679

until team "B" makes it

through the sewage duct.

00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:12,180

By that time,

team "B" -

00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,890

remember,

that's you, Kenny -

00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,558

should reach the outer

core of the generator.

00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,018

It will be a cold and

dangerous climb to the top.

00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,145

And there could

velociraptors here.

00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:20,730

Once you

reach the top,

00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,065

you should be able

to get a clear view

00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:23,650

through

this window of us,

00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,360

drinking cocoa and

watching television.

00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,611

Then you can proceed

down into the generator

00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:27,946

and power it on.

00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,322

Are there any

questions?

00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,366

No, that sounds

pretty sweet to me.

00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,367

Right, then

let's do it.

00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,618

Go team.

00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:38,707

I can't... go on...

00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,292

...so hungry.

00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:44,796

We're all going to die

in this horrible place.

00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,716

We have to have the energy

to make it through the night.

00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:48,883

We have to eat.

00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,260

How can we?

00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:51,845

How can we live

with ourselves?

00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:53,471

There's only

one answer.

00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,015

Eat Eric Roberts!

00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,184

Yes, of course,

00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,311

Nobody gives a shit

about Eric Roberts.

00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,022

Eat Eric Roberts!

00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,066

No! No, please!

00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:12,240

well, there's no

going back now,

00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,618

We're cannibals,

God save us.

00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:18,038

God wants you to

live, mayor, fight.

00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:19,581

I have to admit,

Eric Roberts

00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,416

was much juicier

than I expected.

00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,626

This snow just

isn't letting up.

00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:25,795

We're gonna die

here, I know it!

00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,213

What time is it,

Barbrady?

00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,757

It's almost midnight.

00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,634

Oh, I can't go on.

00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,428

We'll give the storm

another hour.

00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,472

After that we might

have to eat again.

00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:36,514

What?

00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,516

Christ, are you people

diabetic or something?

00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,855

Team "B",

come in team "B".

00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:46,858

Listen team "B",

00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,651

we found another

path to the generator.

00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,612

There's actually a nice

heated walkway to it,

00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,697

so you don't need to walk

through all that sewage.

00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,411

Oh, well forget

I said that then.

00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,413

Listen team "B",

you should be seeing

00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,956

a large drift of snow

with some metal

00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,625

sticking out of it

just to your left.

00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,669

Good, head

towards it.

00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:08,171

Team "A" out.

00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,006

What if Mofesto

never wakes up?

00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:12,092

And I never find out

who my father is?

00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,643

My God, what a

harrowing tale

00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,353

of human drama

this is!

00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,189

All of us doing what

we must to survive.

00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,858

It is amazing what people

can do under stress.

00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,276

Just look at

the pyramids.

00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,653

Nobody knows how

they built those,

00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,113

or who.

00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,614

Who built the pyramids?

00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,491

Was it

the Babylonians?

00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,534

Officer Barbrady?

00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:38,827

Samaritans?

00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:42,497

Roger, team "B".

00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,207

He's reached the back-up

generator.

00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,126

Team "B", can you see

the two copper nodes?

00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:47,794

Good.

00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,379

Now is there a

wire connecting them?

00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,675

Damn, the wire connecting

the nodes is gone.

00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,009

We need to complete

the circuit between them

00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,386

or we're screwed.

00:18:56,511 --> 00:18:57,387

Do you have

any wire here?

00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:58,805

There's no time.

00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,640

Once these lights

flicker out

00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:01,683

all these patients on

life support are gonna die.

00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,936

No Kenny,

you can't.

00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,354

There must be

some other way.

00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,647

He's gonna make

the connection

00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:08,815

himself with

his hands.

00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:09,941

No, he'll die.

00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:10,942

Go Kenny!

00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,027

Kenny, no!

00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:17,657

Oh my God,

they've killed Kenny.

00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,159

You bastards!

00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:21,369

The power!

00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,163

Quickly, get the scanner

running again.

00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,748

We've got

a chance now.

00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,419

Well, okay,

Mrs. Cartman,

00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:32,380

I'll legalize 40th

trimester abortions for you.

00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,674

Oh, thank you,

thank you.

00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,843

We'll have the pregnancy

terminated immediately.

00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:38,761

Terminated?

00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,680

Yes, that's what

an abortion is.

00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,557

No, I didn't

mean that.

00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,767

I meant the other

thing you can do.

00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:46,269

What's that

other "a" word?

00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:47,687

Adoption?

00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:49,189

Yes, that's

what I mean,

00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:50,440

adoption.

00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,192

Well, that's

pretty different.

00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,651

Oh, I should just

tell my son the truth

00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,236

about everything myself.

00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,362

Good day,

Mr. President.

00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,784

Well, we made it.

00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:03,453

The power is on,

the snow is melting,

00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,538

and your friend Mofesto

is doing fine.

00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,790

Where, where am I?

00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:09,542

You're at

the hospital, Mr. Mofesto.

00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,377

You were shot.

00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:13,087

Now, we don't know who

tried to shoot you, but--

00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,173

Oh, I'm sure it was

my brother again.

00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:16,591

He tries to shoot

me every month.

00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:17,800

Oh.

00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:19,260

Where's the

little fat boy?

00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,762

He'll be delighted

that Mofesto is awake.

00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,347

He went off looking

for Mr. Kenny.

00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,265

He was a good friend

and I'll miss him.

00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,975

He was very brave.

00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,310

He risked his life

so that Mofesto can live.

00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,812

Yeah and now he's

a freezy-pop.

00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,441

Dude, do you think

if we hit him with a shovel

00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:34,651

he'd shatter?

00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,152

I don't know!

Let's find out.

00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,743

It's over.

00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:45,286

We're free.

00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,664

Yes, but at what cost,

Mr. Garrison?

00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,082

At what cost?

00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:50,416

Listen

everybody,

00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,168

we did what we

had to in there.

00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:55,421

But, how will we live

with ourselves now?

00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:57,799

One day at

a time, mayor,

00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,842

one day at a time.

00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:06,975

♪ Ave Maria ♪

00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:12,397

Well, I'm bringing home some Eric Roberts

in a doggie bag.

00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,107

Does anybody

else want some?

00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,026

I'm glad you

could all come.

00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:18,361

I can finally reveal

00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,071

who the father of

Eric Cartman is.

00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:22,115

But first I want to

thank Kenny McCormick

00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,700

for sacrificing

his life...

00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:24,867

Just tell us,

already!

00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,160

Alright, alright.

00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:27,870

The father of

Eric Cartman is...

00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:29,372

Say did anybody

see that

00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:31,040

Therrance and Phillip special

last month?

00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:32,625

Wasn't that

just the funniest...

00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,085

Stop it, tell me

who my father is!!!

00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:35,670

As I said before,

00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,922

the father is

somebody in this room.

00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,508

The father is...

00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,051

Mrs. Cartman.

00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:43,636

What?

00:21:43,761 --> 00:21:44,846

Yes, it's true.

00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:47,307

No, that doesn't

make sense.

00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:48,975

Yes, it took quite

a while for me

00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:50,560

to understand

as well.

00:21:50,685 --> 00:21:53,354

You see, Mrs. Cartman

is a hermaphrodite.

00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:56,065

Meaning what?

00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:59,152

Meaning that she has both

male and female genitals.

00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:00,737

It's true.

00:22:00,862 --> 00:22:02,322

You mean at

the drunken barn dance

00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:03,531

when we all got

together with her,

00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,200

She was a he?

00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:08,953

No, no, not exactly,

but she did have a penis.

00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,457

The fact of the matter

is hermaphrodites

00:22:12,582 --> 00:22:14,208

cannot bear children,

00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,877

So Miss Cartman's

DNA match with Eric

00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:17,962

can only mean that

she is his father

00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:19,922

and she got

another woman pregnant

00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:21,424

at the drunken

barn dance.

00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:23,968

Oh man, this

is weak.

00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:25,553

Dude, you're

a big fat ass

00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:27,180

and your mom's

a hermapholite.

00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,723

I'm sorry I never

told you, Eric.

00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:30,433

I just thought

00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,268

maybe it would be

a little shocking to you.

00:22:32,393 --> 00:22:34,729

Oh wow, gee whiz,

you think so, Mom?

00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,689

Well, that's that.

Thank you all for playing.

00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:38,107

No, no,

wait a minute.

00:22:38,232 --> 00:22:41,235

If she's my dad,

then who's my mom?

00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:43,696

Who is Eric Cartman's mother?

00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,365

Is it Mrs. Crabtree?

00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:46,532

Sheila Broflovski?

00:22:46,657 --> 00:22:47,617

The mayor?

00:22:47,742 --> 00:22:48,993

Oh, forget it!

00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:07,383

♪ Dog dance, dog dance ♪

00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,969

♪ If you want your medicine,

do the dog dance ♪

00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:12,471

♪ Dog dance, dog dance ♪

00:00:13,723 --> 00:00:15,141

Oh, hello, back already?

00:00:15,266 --> 00:00:16,767

Well, as you can see,

00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:18,227

that episode is what we

in the business refer to

00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,645

as a "cliffhanger".

00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,397

To find out who Cartman's

father was,

00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:23,482

we told viewers to tune in

four weeks later.

00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:25,401

Well, four weeks later

just happened to be

00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,361

April Fools' Day, and so we

thought it would be fun

00:00:27,486 --> 00:00:28,696

to not air the cliffhanger

payoff

00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:30,197

but instead air something

00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,866

completely irrelevant

and stupid:

00:00:31,991 --> 00:00:34,118

A full half-hour

Terrance and Phillip episode.

00:00:34,243 --> 00:00:36,037

And the viewers

responded splendidly.

00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:37,329

We even saved some

of their comments

00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:39,457

on our office answering

machine.

00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:41,792

[answering machine beep]

I'm gonna come down there

and cut off your testicles.

00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:42,918

And I'm never watching

"South Park" again.

00:00:43,961 --> 00:00:44,712

[answering machine beep]

You think you're funny

00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:46,005

not telling us who

Cartman's father is?

00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,007

I hope you both die.

00:00:48,132 --> 00:00:50,801

[answering machine beep]

I can't go on not knowing

who Cartman's father is.

00:00:50,926 --> 00:00:52,803

I just can't. I can't go--

[gunshot]

00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:55,264

Now can I have my medication?

00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,849

Dude, do the dog dance

some more.

00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:58,267

Dog dance.

Bow-bow, bow-wow.

00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,977

Yeah, beep like--

beep like a Jeep.

00:01:00,102 --> 00:01:01,062

- Beep beep, beep beep.

- Do a puffer fish.

00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,563

Puff, puff, pfffff.

00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:04,023

I'll swim.

I'll do fish dance.

00:01:04,148 --> 00:01:05,107

Yeah, yeah.

You want your medicine?

00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,734

You want your medicine?

00:01:06,859 --> 00:01:08,360

Here, go get it. Go get it.

[glass shatters]

00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,863

[chuckles]

Oh, no. You guys are jerks.

00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:13,074

[scoffs]

Hello.

00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:15,910

- What a grump.

- Jeez, Mr. Grumpy Pants.

00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:17,745

Well, after the Terrance

and Phillip episode,

00:01:17,870 --> 00:01:19,830

which honestly really is

Matt and I's favorite episode,

00:01:19,955 --> 00:01:21,916

we finally aired the episode

you're about to see.

00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:24,668

It's called, "Cartman's Mom

is Still a Dirty Slut."

00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:28,380

Previously

on "South Park"...

00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,216

an air of sobriety fills

the laboratories.

00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:31,884

The men of South Park

gather to find out

00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:33,844

which one of them

fathered this boy.

00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,971

Who is Eric Cartman's

father?

00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:37,723

At the end of

tonight's episode,

00:01:37,848 --> 00:01:39,517

you will know

the answer.

00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,069

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:50,194 --> 00:01:51,987

♪ Gonna have myself

a time ♪

00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,656

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,366

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:01:55,491 --> 00:01:56,909

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:57,034 --> 00:01:58,536

♪ Gonna leave

my woes behind ♪

00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,287

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:02:00,412 --> 00:02:02,164

♪ People spouting

"howdy neighbor" ♪

00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,666

♪ Headed on

up to South Park ♪

00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,126

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:02:05,251 --> 00:02:08,129

[mumbling]

00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:09,964

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,757

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:15,928

And now,

to continue...

00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:18,430

The father is indeed

someone in this room.

00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:21,267

Man, this feels like

the longest minute of my life.

00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,435

Oh, hey Kenny.

00:02:23,561 --> 00:02:25,437

Gentlemen,

the father is...

00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:28,232

[Mr. Garrison]

Hey, what the

hell's going on?

00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:29,733

[Jimbo]

It's a power

outage.

00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:31,944

[gunshots]

00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:34,280

Is everybody

okay?

00:02:34,405 --> 00:02:35,906

That sounded

like a gunshot.

00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,449

Oh my God, look!

00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,120

[mumbling]

00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:42,538

You bastards!

00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,165

Mofesto's been shot!

00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:46,125

Is he... Dead?

00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,918

Hey, this window

is shot out, too.

00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:50,296

That means the killer was

not somebody in this room.

00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:51,714

Then who was it?

00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:53,424

Who shot Mofesto?

00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:55,176

Was it the

school counselor?

00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:57,136

Or was it

Miss Crabtree...?

00:02:57,261 --> 00:02:58,679

Hey, wait a minute.

00:02:58,804 --> 00:02:59,930

I didn't find out

who my father was!

00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,599

Or was it

Miss Broflovski?

00:03:01,724 --> 00:03:03,601

Wait, he's still breathing,

he's not dead.

00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:05,436

Godammit,

who's my father?

00:03:05,561 --> 00:03:06,854

We have to get him

to the hospital.

00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:07,980

You've gotta

be kidding me!

00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,732

Come on, children.

00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,693

That poor kid.

00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,028

It must be hell for him

going through all this.

00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,282

There's a murderer

free in South Park!

00:03:18,407 --> 00:03:19,992

We have to find

out who it is

00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,493

before they

kill again!

00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,245

Yeah, God only knows who

they'll kill next.

00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,164

Who will they kill next?

00:03:25,289 --> 00:03:27,374

Will it be Jimbo,

Barbrady,

00:03:27,499 --> 00:03:28,792

the Denver Broncos?

00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:31,712

Is he awake yet?

00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:33,422

He's bleeding pretty

bad back here.

00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,673

Don't let him bleed

on my Meredith Baxter-Birney

00:03:34,798 --> 00:03:36,467

memorial towel!

00:03:36,592 --> 00:03:38,135

What's a Meredith Baxter-Birney

memorial towel?

00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,678

I was actually with

Meredith Baxter-Birney

00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,096

in this very car.

00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,806

And afterwards

we used that towel to...

00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:44,975

Wait a minute, why am I telling

you this?

00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,352

Could you pull over

so I can get out?

00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:48,020

What, we have to get

to the hospital.

00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:49,605

I have to

get out first.

00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:50,773

I'm not gonna make it,

I can't stand hospitals.

00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:52,233

Sorry Stan,

00:03:52,358 --> 00:03:53,943

we just got

to drop Mofesto

00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,319

and then we can get

out of there, alright?

00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:56,654

Man, it's really

starting to snow.

00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,030

I hope they don't

close the roads.

00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,407

They can't,

Mofesto can't die.

00:04:00,532 --> 00:04:02,201

Maybe it's better you don't

know who your father is, Cartman.

00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:03,661

No way dude,

00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:05,371

I can't stand to

leave things unfinished.

00:04:05,496 --> 00:04:06,956

It's like when you hear

the first part of that song,

00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:09,083

"Come Sail Away"

by Styx.

00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:10,501

If I hear the first

part of that song,

00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:11,794

I have to finish it.

00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:13,295

Really?

00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,588

Yeah, I can't do anything

until it's done.

00:04:16,632 --> 00:04:19,969

♪ I'm sailing away ♪

00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,762

No, don't!

00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,014

♪ Set an open course,

for the virgin sea ♪

00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:32,398

[singing fast]

00:04:51,083 --> 00:04:53,335

[still singing]

00:04:57,589 --> 00:04:58,882

Whoa, dude!

00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:00,301

What are we gonna

do, mayor?

00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:01,802

This killer is on the loose.

00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:03,429

We can't even

leave our homes

00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:05,639

for fear of our

children's safety!

00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:08,100

Uhh, where are

our children?

00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:10,561

Officer Barbrady,

00:05:10,686 --> 00:05:12,438

let's pretend

for one second

00:05:12,563 --> 00:05:14,606

that we had a competent

law enforcer in this town,

00:05:14,732 --> 00:05:16,400

what would he do?

00:05:16,525 --> 00:05:19,570

Hmm, that's a good

question, mayor.

00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,822

Let me get right on

that with thinking.

00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,575

Mayor, mayor!

00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,618

The press is here.

00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:27,995

My name is

Sid Greenfield,

00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,496

I'm the director

from Los Angeles

00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:31,081

for "America's

Most Wanted".

00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:33,500

You certainly made it

up here quickly.

00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:35,210

We're desperate

for stories.

00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,296

And this one

is so compelling.

00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,714

Really?

00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,674

Sure, this story

has everything--

00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:44,303

people, furniture, talking,

it's a real American story.

00:05:44,428 --> 00:05:45,804

I thought

of something.

00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:48,849

No, wait, that's

subtraction.

00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,434

Mr. Director Person,

00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:52,269

what exactly

do you want to do?

00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,354

Mayor, shouldn't

we be focusing...

00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:54,730

Shh.

00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:55,939

We just want to

do a re-creation

00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:57,399

of the story

for our show.

00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,151

Then we'll flash

a number on the screen

00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,819

that people can call

if they have any information

00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,279

regarding the identity

or location of the shooter.

00:06:02,404 --> 00:06:03,530

That's it.

00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,282

You win, we win,

America wins.

00:06:05,407 --> 00:06:06,950

Are you sure this wouldn't

make our little town

00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,327

look dangerous?

00:06:08,452 --> 00:06:09,953

Don't worry, mayor.

00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,705

"America's Most Wanted"

is not about violence,

00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,374

it's about family.

00:06:13,499 --> 00:06:14,958

It is?

00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:17,544

Well, in that case,

I guess it's okay.

00:06:17,669 --> 00:06:19,671

Great, we'll get started

with auditions immediately.

00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:21,632

What part should

we cast first?

00:06:21,757 --> 00:06:23,884

Who will the director

cast first?

00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:27,805

Will it be Mr. Garrison,

Officer Barbrady, Chef?

00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:30,724

I want to have an abortion.

00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:32,434

Well, we can do that.

00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,478

This must be a very difficult

time for you, Mrs...

00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:38,273

Cartman, yes, it's

such a hard decision but,

00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,651

I just don't feel

like I can raise a child

00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:41,902

in this screwy world.

00:06:42,027 --> 00:06:43,570

Yes, Miss Cartman,

00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:45,072

if you don't feel fit

to raise a child,

00:06:45,197 --> 00:06:46,782

an abortion is

probably the answer.

00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,742

Do you know the actual

time of conception?

00:06:48,867 --> 00:06:50,994

About eight years ago.

00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:54,373

I see, so

the fetus is...?

00:06:54,498 --> 00:06:56,041

Eight years old.

00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,501

Miss Cartman,

00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,211

eight years old is a little late

00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:00,504

to be considering

abortion.

00:07:00,629 --> 00:07:02,047

Really?

00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,173

Yes, this is what

we would refer to

00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:05,008

as the 40th trimester!

00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:07,177

I just don't think

I'm a fit mother.

00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:10,264

We prefer to abort babies

a little earlier on.

00:07:10,389 --> 00:07:11,849

In fact, there's

a law against abortions

00:07:11,974 --> 00:07:13,392

after the

second trimester.

00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:15,811

Well, I think you

need to keep your laws

00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,604

off of my body!

00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,357

Hmm, I'm afraid I can't

help you, Miss Cartman.

00:07:20,482 --> 00:07:22,025

If you want to

change the law

00:07:22,151 --> 00:07:23,527

you'll have to speak

with your congressman.

00:07:23,652 --> 00:07:25,195

Well, that's exactly

what I intend to do.

00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,072

Good day!

00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:30,451

Come on children,

we gotta find a doctor.

00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:31,910

I can't

do it, dude.

00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:33,203

Come on, Stan,

00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:34,538

hospitals aren't

all that bad.

00:07:34,663 --> 00:07:35,581

Yeah, stop

being a wuss.

00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,166

Doctor!

00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,959

One minute,

please.

00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:41,128

Nurse, I need 20 ccs

of sodium pentathol, stat!

00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,964

Whoa dude, she doesn't

have any arms.

00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,632

We're an equal opportunity

employer here, son.

00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,427

Doctor, we've got

a shot cracker outside.

00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,179

I'll be right

with you

00:07:50,304 --> 00:07:51,513

after I inject this man

with a long needle.

00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,806

Oh man, I'm

gonna be sick.

00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,391

There, there,

young man,

00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,893

medical science is

nothing to be afraid of.

00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:58,479

I think you're

hitting the bone.

00:07:58,604 --> 00:08:01,482

Yes, I can hear

the needle scraping

00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,233

against the bone inside.

00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,194

Oops, he's

hemorrhaging.

00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:07,863

Oops, his head

fell off.

00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:08,906

I'm getting

out of here.

00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,365

Stan!

00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:12,284

Some people just

have a weak stomach.

00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,454

And the father of

Eric Cartman is...

00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:16,830

Bang, oh!

00:08:16,955 --> 00:08:18,332

Jiminy, I've been shot.

00:08:18,457 --> 00:08:20,334

Thank you very much,

we'll get back to you.

00:08:20,459 --> 00:08:22,336

I think I've seen

enough genetic engineers.

00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:23,921

Let's move on

to the auditions

00:08:24,046 --> 00:08:26,173

for the part

of Mr. Garrison.

00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,217

Call the Mr. Garrison

auditions.

00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:31,803

Boy, I sure hope I'm not

Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.

00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:34,056

You can say that

again, Mr. Garrison.

00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:35,516

Alright, not bad.

00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,851

Let's keep them

on the top pile, next!

00:08:37,976 --> 00:08:40,938

I sure hope that I'm not

Eric Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.

00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:43,232

You can say that again,

Mr. Garrison.

00:08:43,357 --> 00:08:44,858

Thank you, next!

00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:45,901

What?

00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,736

Next!

00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,864

I sure hope I'm not Eric

Cartman's father, Mr. Hat.

00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:52,533

You can say that again,

Mr. Garrison.

00:08:52,658 --> 00:08:54,201

Perfect! You got it.

00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,744

Let's move on

to the Chefs.

00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,746

And so, you see,

Congressman O'Reilly,

00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,581

that's why I think

00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,416

abortion laws

should be changed.

00:09:01,542 --> 00:09:02,834

Well, all

I know is that

00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,795

third trimester

abortions are illegal.

00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:06,672

I don't really know

anything about 40th.

00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,507

But the person at

"Unplanned Parenthood"

00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:10,384

said you were who

I had to talk to

00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,094

about changing

the law.

00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:14,096

No, I think you've

got to talk to the governor

00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,347

about that stuff.

00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:16,974

Oh, dear.

00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:19,101

Well, this is about

all I can do for him.

00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,561

Can't you get

him to talk?

00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:21,812

I have to know

who my father is!

00:09:21,937 --> 00:09:23,105

Sorry son,

it might be a while.

00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,481

Wake up,

you son-of-a-bitch!

00:09:24,606 --> 00:09:25,983

Whoa!

00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,734

Now son, that's not

gonna do him any good.

00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,027

I'll let you know if there's

a change in his condition.

00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,362

I can't wait

anymore.

00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:31,572

What am

I supposed to do?

00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:32,614

Hey Cartman!

00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,740

What?

00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,701

♪ I'm sailing... ♪

00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,869

♪ Away ♪

00:09:37,995 --> 00:09:40,330

[singing fast]

00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:43,875

Okay, let's get

out of here, now.

00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:45,460

I don't know if

that's gonna be too easy.

00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:46,878

My God, that's

a helluva storm.

00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:48,505

Weak.

00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,383

[still singing]

00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,303

God, I hate

mountains.

00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,179

This better not push back

our shooting schedule.

00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:58,890

Okay people, let's

rehearse the reenactment

00:09:59,016 --> 00:10:00,142

from the top

before we shoot it.

00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:01,351

Who's that?

00:10:01,476 --> 00:10:03,020

That's TV's Eric Roberts.

00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:04,396

We were able to get

him to play the part

00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:05,856

of the little

monkey guy.

00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:08,233

Oh, talk about

washed up, huh?

00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:09,610

Great to have

you, Eric.

00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:12,696

Here we go

and action!

00:10:12,821 --> 00:10:14,156

I want to announce

who the father is.

00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:15,324

Bang.

00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:16,742

I've been shot.

00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,744

Nobody move,

I'm a law officer.

00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,746

My God, I think he's gone

into cardiac arrest.

00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,081

You seem somewhat

unnerved by this Chef.

00:10:23,206 --> 00:10:24,458

Are you accusing

me, Barbrady?

00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,126

Because

if you are, accuse!

00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:27,961

Don't hide behind

your clever riddles!

00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,172

Our differences must be set

aside for now, Mr. Chef.

00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,340

I'm simply a man,

00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:32,924

a man trying

to do my job.

00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,344

Wow, this is

a good movie.

00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:39,139

[Cartman singing]

00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,354

Dude, when can we

get out of here?

00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:47,939

Doctor, I can't focus.

00:10:48,065 --> 00:10:49,107

We're doing the best

we can, ma'am.

00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:50,651

They've closed

the pass

00:10:50,776 --> 00:10:52,069

so none of the other doctors

can get through.

00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:53,570

For now, it's just

me and Nurse Goodly.

00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:56,281

Wait a second,

they've closed the pass?

00:10:56,406 --> 00:10:58,283

Yes, I'm afraid we're

critically understaffed.

00:10:58,408 --> 00:10:59,826

Unless we

get help soon,

00:10:59,951 --> 00:11:02,162

all these people in here

are completely fucked.

00:11:02,287 --> 00:11:03,747

[deep gasps]

00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:04,873

Metaphorically

speaking, that is.

00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,166

What about

Mofesto?

00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:07,918

Are you taking

care of him?

00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,294

He's on full life-support

and breathing fine.

00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:10,837

He shouldn't

need any help.

00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,589

So long as the power

doesn't go out.

00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:16,218

Who didn't see that

coming a mile away, huh?

00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,305

Tonight on

"America's Most Wanted",

00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,641

a shooter is on

the loose on Colorado,

00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:24,434

and the residents

are up in arms!

00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:26,144

Here's your host

John Walsh.

00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,480

Good evening and welcome

to "America's Most Wanted".

00:11:28,605 --> 00:11:30,440

Tonight, terror invaded

the small mountain community

00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:31,942

of South Park, Colorado.

00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,236

When Dr. Alfonse Mofesto

was gunned down

00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,987

in his laboratory,

00:11:36,113 --> 00:11:37,864

"America's Most Wanted"

has reconstructed this heinous crime

00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:40,409

in hopes that your calls

can help solve the case.

00:11:40,534 --> 00:11:42,160

I've been shot.

00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:44,454

My God Mr. Hat,

get some help!

00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:46,081

Right away,

Mr. Garrison!

00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,792

No, no, my lifetime

partner and friend,

00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:51,253

gone, taken away

in the wink of an eye...

00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:52,838

What the...

00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:54,756

Eric Roberts is

improv-ing lines again.

00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,049

I'm gonna get

the man to a hospital.

00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,592

Who will help me?

00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,553

This is not a world

I want to live in...

00:12:02,597 --> 00:12:04,057

What the hell

is this?

00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:05,642

We've lost

the feed to L.A.

00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,270

Uh, we seem to have

lost our link up

00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,980

to the South Park crew.

00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:12,107

So I guess we'll be going

to our feature movie,

00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,234

"Who Framed

Roger Rabbit?"

00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:16,319

Who framed Roger Rabbit?

00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,364

Was it Jimbo,

Mr. Garrison, Chef?

00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,867

Somebody go see why

we lost the hook up.

00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:25,245

Holy smokes, that blizzard

is getting crazy.

00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:28,290

[screams]

00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:29,666

Don't panic, anybody,

00:12:29,791 --> 00:12:31,376

the power lines are down

00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:33,336

but the back-up generator

is running just fine.

00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:35,005

Nurse, I could use

some help in here.

00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,423

Coming.

00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:38,091

Lady, is Mofesto

gonna be okay?

00:12:38,216 --> 00:12:39,885

Yes, for now,

00:12:40,010 --> 00:12:42,095

but I'm afraid the generator won't

run for long.

00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,347

The batteries run out

in half an hour.

00:12:44,473 --> 00:12:46,141

Time is very short.

00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,560

Nurse, please,

I need another pair

of hands in here.

00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,813

Sorry.

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,732

Don't you see

governor,

00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,859

I should have a right

to have an abortion

00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,319

if I want one.

00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,904

Well, I don't know.

00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:01,031

I might need some

more convincing.

00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:03,158

I mean, what

right do I have

00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,826

bringing another child

00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,411

into this over-populated

world?

00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,829

Then again, I should

have thought of that

00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,164

before

having sex. Then again --

00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,582

Oh, I just don't know.

00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:12,167

Please Mr. Chef.

00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,668

I have over 100 people

to tend to here.

00:13:13,794 --> 00:13:15,086

And only myself

and Nurse Goodly.

00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:16,463

What do you want

me to do?

00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:17,631

Do you know anything

about surgery?

00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,257

I used to

watch "Quincy".

00:13:19,382 --> 00:13:20,509

What, why the hell

didn't you say so?

00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,177

Put on some scrubs!

00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,137

Boys, I'm making you

all honorary doctors.

00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:26,097

You can help us save

these people's lives.

00:13:26,223 --> 00:13:27,724

No way, dude!

00:13:29,810 --> 00:13:32,604

Well, we're not going

anywhere for a long time.

00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:33,647

We're

snowed in?

00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:35,524

Yes, we're trapped.

00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:37,776

Like sailors

on a submarine.

00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:41,196

My God, this is the worse

storm I've ever seen.

00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,906

Oh, I have to get

out of here.

00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,658

I haven't eaten

since breakfast.

00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,618

Yeah, I'm getting

hungry, too.

00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:48,036

I hope you

all realize

00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:49,538

what we might

be facing here.

00:13:49,663 --> 00:13:52,332

Our only option might be

to eat each other

00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,834

to stay alive.

00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,963

[All gasping]

It's only been, like, four hours.

00:13:58,088 --> 00:13:59,631

Aren't you resorting

to cannibalism

00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:00,966

a little quickly?

00:14:01,091 --> 00:14:02,634

That's the law of land, Mr. Director!

00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,386

I know it ain't pretty but if

a few of us must die

00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:06,596

so the rest can stay alive,

so be it.

00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,974

But how do

we decide who?

00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:10,767

Well, we draw straws.

00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,644

Now, wait a minute, we all had a

big breakfast.

00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,604

Can't you people go without

eating for a little while?!

00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,273

Calm down, soldier!

00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:17,858

We need every person

here to keep his head.

00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:19,943

Barbrady,

fetch some straws.

00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,237

Well, who the hell made

you the boss anyway?

00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,865

Who the hell

made Jimbo boss?

00:14:24,990 --> 00:14:27,492

Was it Barbrady,

Chef, Mr...

00:14:28,493 --> 00:14:29,870

This man's

appendix has burst!

00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,413

I have no choice

but to operate now

00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:32,747

with our

limited power.

00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:34,332

I need you all

to be strong for me.

00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,376

Nurse Goodly will

take care of the anesthesia.

00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:38,253

Chef, you act

as her arms.

00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:39,880

Boys, you have to help

with suction and bandages.

00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:40,881

Ready?

00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:42,299

No.

00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:44,885

I'll make an incision

over the heart.

00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,887

Oh, boy.

00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:51,933

Dude! You barfed

into the incision.

00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:52,976

Sweet!

00:14:53,101 --> 00:14:54,519

Suction!

00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,356

Hey, they're screwing

with the lights.

00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,191

Who is screwing

with the lights?

00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,527

Is it Barbrady,

or Jimbo,

00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:05,155

or the 1991

Denver Broncos?

00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,032

That is really starting

to piss me off.

00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,076

Alright, so far,

00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,912

everybody has

a long piece of straw.

00:15:12,037 --> 00:15:13,204

We'll keep drawing.

00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,331

Whew!

00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,166

Whew!

00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,210

Wait a minute.

00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:20,587

Where the hell

is the short one?

00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,047

The short what?

00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:23,214

Dammit, Barbrady!

00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:24,716

When you

draw straws

00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,009

you're supposed to

have one of them short!

00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,719

That's how

you decide who loses.

00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:29,638

That's not

how I played it.

00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:32,933

Ugh, could we hurry this up, my

stomach is growling.

00:15:34,517 --> 00:15:35,936

I found a map that

shows the location

00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:37,646

of a back-up generator.

00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,439

Apparently they built

self sustaining generator

00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:41,316

for just this kind

of emergency.

00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:42,984

But it's out and

away from the hospital.

00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,527

So how do

we get to it?

00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,071

We must split up

into two teams.

00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,781

Team "A" and team "B".

00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,325

Team "A" will consist

of myself, Stan, Kyle,

00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,410

Eric, Chef

and Nurse Goodly.

00:15:52,535 --> 00:15:53,954

Team "B" will

consist of Kenny.

00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,539

Now listen

closely team "B".

00:15:56,665 --> 00:15:58,667

Your goal will be to turn on

the back-up generator.

00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,210

To do this you must

brave the storm outside

00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:01,962

and get into

this sewage duct.

00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:04,005

Meanwhile, team "A" will

go to the holding area here

00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:06,383

where there is a television

and some cocoa.

00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:08,259

We will drink the cocoa and

watch family programming

00:16:08,385 --> 00:16:10,679

until team "B" makes it

through the sewage duct.

00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:12,180

By that time,

team "B" -

00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,890

remember,

that's you, Kenny -

00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,558

should reach the outer

core of the generator.

00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,018

It will be a cold and

dangerous climb to the top.

00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,145

And there could

velociraptors here.

00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:20,730

Once you

reach the top,

00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,065

you should be able

to get a clear view

00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:23,650

through

this window of us,

00:16:23,775 --> 00:16:25,360

drinking cocoa and

watching television.

00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,611

Then you can proceed

down into the generator

00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:27,946

and power it on.

00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:29,322

Are there any

questions?

00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,366

No, that sounds

pretty sweet to me.

00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:32,367

Right, then

let's do it.

00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,618

Go team.

00:16:36,538 --> 00:16:38,707

I can't... go on...

00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:41,292

...so hungry.

00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:44,796

We're all going to die

in this horrible place.

00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,716

We have to have the energy

to make it through the night.

00:16:47,841 --> 00:16:48,883

We have to eat.

00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,260

How can we?

00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:51,845

How can we live

with ourselves?

00:16:51,970 --> 00:16:53,471

There's only

one answer.

00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,015

Eat Eric Roberts!

00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,184

Yes, of course,

00:16:58,309 --> 00:17:00,311

Nobody gives a shit

about Eric Roberts.

00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:02,022

Eat Eric Roberts!

00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,066

No! No, please!

00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,487

[buzzing]

00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:12,240

well, there's no

going back now,

00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,618

We're cannibals,

God save us.

00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:18,038

God wants you to

live, mayor, fight.

00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:19,581

I have to admit,

Eric Roberts

00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:21,416

was much juicier

than I expected.

00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,626

This snow just

isn't letting up.

00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:25,795

We're gonna die

here, I know it!

00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:27,213

What time is it,

Barbrady?

00:17:27,338 --> 00:17:28,757

It's almost midnight.

00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,634

Oh, I can't go on.

00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,428

We'll give the storm

another hour.

00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,472

After that we might

have to eat again.

00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:36,514

What?

00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:38,516

Christ, are you people

diabetic or something?

00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,855

Team "B",

come in team "B".

00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,356

[mumbling]

00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:46,858

Listen team "B",

00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:48,651

we found another

path to the generator.

00:17:48,777 --> 00:17:50,612

There's actually a nice

heated walkway to it,

00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:52,697

so you don't need to walk

through all that sewage.

00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,868

[mumbling]

00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,411

Oh, well forget

I said that then.

00:17:58,536 --> 00:18:00,413

Listen team "B",

you should be seeing

00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,956

a large drift of snow

with some metal

00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:03,625

sticking out of it

just to your left.

00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:04,876

[mumbling]

00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:06,669

Good, head

towards it.

00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:08,171

Team "A" out.

00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,006

What if Mofesto

never wakes up?

00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:12,092

And I never find out

who my father is?

00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:15,845

[growling]

00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,643

My God, what a

harrowing tale

00:18:21,768 --> 00:18:23,353

of human drama

this is!

00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:26,189

All of us doing what

we must to survive.

00:18:26,314 --> 00:18:28,858

It is amazing what people

can do under stress.

00:18:28,983 --> 00:18:30,276

Just look at

the pyramids.

00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:31,653

Nobody knows how

they built those,

00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,113

or who.

00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:34,614

Who built the pyramids?

00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,491

Was it

the Babylonians?

00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,534

Officer Barbrady?

00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:38,827

Samaritans?

00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,079

[mumbling]

00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:42,497

Roger, team "B".

00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,207

He's reached the back-up

generator.

00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,126

Team "B", can you see

the two copper nodes?

00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:47,794

Good.

00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:49,379

Now is there a

wire connecting them?

00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,631

[mumbling]

00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:53,675

Damn, the wire connecting

the nodes is gone.

00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,009

We need to complete

the circuit between them

00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,386

or we're screwed.

00:18:56,511 --> 00:18:57,387

Do you have

any wire here?

00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:58,805

There's no time.

00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:00,640

Once these lights

flicker out

00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:01,683

all these patients on

life support are gonna die.

00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,518

[mumbling]

00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,936

No Kenny,

you can't.

00:19:05,061 --> 00:19:06,354

There must be

some other way.

00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:07,647

He's gonna make

the connection

00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:08,815

himself with

his hands.

00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:09,941

No, he'll die.

00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:10,942

Go Kenny!

00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,027

Kenny, no!

00:19:16,030 --> 00:19:17,657

Oh my God,

they've killed Kenny.

00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,159

You bastards!

00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:21,369

The power!

00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:23,163

Quickly, get the scanner

running again.

00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:25,748

We've got

a chance now.

00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,419

Well, okay,

Mrs. Cartman,

00:19:29,544 --> 00:19:32,380

I'll legalize 40th

trimester abortions for you.

00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,674

Oh, thank you,

thank you.

00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,843

We'll have the pregnancy

terminated immediately.

00:19:36,968 --> 00:19:38,761

Terminated?

00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:40,680

Yes, that's what

an abortion is.

00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:42,557

No, I didn't

mean that.

00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,767

I meant the other

thing you can do.

00:19:44,893 --> 00:19:46,269

What's that

other "a" word?

00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:47,687

Adoption?

00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:49,189

Yes, that's

what I mean,

00:19:49,314 --> 00:19:50,440

adoption.

00:19:50,565 --> 00:19:52,192

Well, that's

pretty different.

00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,651

Oh, I should just

tell my son the truth

00:19:53,776 --> 00:19:55,236

about everything myself.

00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:56,362

Good day,

Mr. President.

00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,784

Well, we made it.

00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:03,453

The power is on,

the snow is melting,

00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,538

and your friend Mofesto

is doing fine.

00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,790

Where, where am I?

00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:09,542

You're at

the hospital, Mr. Mofesto.

00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,377

You were shot.

00:20:11,502 --> 00:20:13,087

Now, we don't know who

tried to shoot you, but--

00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:15,173

Oh, I'm sure it was

my brother again.

00:20:15,298 --> 00:20:16,591

He tries to shoot

me every month.

00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:17,800

Oh.

00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:19,260

Where's the

little fat boy?

00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:20,762

He'll be delighted

that Mofesto is awake.

00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,347

He went off looking

for Mr. Kenny.

00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,265

He was a good friend

and I'll miss him.

00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,975

He was very brave.

00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:27,310

He risked his life

so that Mofesto can live.

00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:29,812

Yeah and now he's

a freezy-pop.

00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,441

Dude, do you think

if we hit him with a shovel

00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:34,651

he'd shatter?

00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,152

I don't know!

Let's find out.

00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,743

It's over.

00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:45,286

We're free.

00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,664

Yes, but at what cost,

Mr. Garrison?

00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,082

At what cost?

00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:50,416

Listen

everybody,

00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,168

we did what we

had to in there.

00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:55,421

But, how will we live

with ourselves now?

00:20:55,546 --> 00:20:57,799

One day at

a time, mayor,

00:20:57,924 --> 00:20:59,842

one day at a time.

00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:06,975

♪ Ave Maria ♪

00:21:10,687 --> 00:21:12,397

Well, I'm bringing home some Eric Roberts

in a doggie bag.

00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,107

Does anybody

else want some?

00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,026

I'm glad you

could all come.

00:21:17,151 --> 00:21:18,361

I can finally reveal

00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,071

who the father of

Eric Cartman is.

00:21:20,196 --> 00:21:22,115

But first I want to

thank Kenny McCormick

00:21:22,240 --> 00:21:23,700

for sacrificing

his life...

00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:24,867

Just tell us,

already!

00:21:24,993 --> 00:21:26,160

Alright, alright.

00:21:26,286 --> 00:21:27,870

The father of

Eric Cartman is...

00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:29,372

Say did anybody

see that

00:21:29,497 --> 00:21:31,040

Therrance and Phillip special

last month?

00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:32,625

Wasn't that

just the funniest...

00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,085

Stop it, tell me

who my father is!!!

00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:35,670

As I said before,

00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:37,922

the father is

somebody in this room.

00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,508

The father is...

00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,051

Mrs. Cartman.

00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:43,636

What?

00:21:43,761 --> 00:21:44,846

Yes, it's true.

00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:47,307

No, that doesn't

make sense.

00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:48,975

Yes, it took quite

a while for me

00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:50,560

to understand

as well.

00:21:50,685 --> 00:21:53,354

You see, Mrs. Cartman

is a hermaphrodite.

00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:56,065

Meaning what?

00:21:56,190 --> 00:21:59,152

Meaning that she has both

male and female genitals.

00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:00,737

It's true.

00:22:00,862 --> 00:22:02,322

You mean at

the drunken barn dance

00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:03,531

when we all got

together with her,

00:22:03,656 --> 00:22:06,200

She was a he?

00:22:06,326 --> 00:22:08,953

No, no, not exactly,

but she did have a penis.

00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:12,457

The fact of the matter

is hermaphrodites

00:22:12,582 --> 00:22:14,208

cannot bear children,

00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,877

So Miss Cartman's

DNA match with Eric

00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:17,962

can only mean that

she is his father

00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:19,922

and she got

another woman pregnant

00:22:20,048 --> 00:22:21,424

at the drunken

barn dance.

00:22:21,549 --> 00:22:23,968

Oh man, this

is [bleeping] weak.

00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:25,553

Dude, you're

a big fat ass

00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:27,180

and your mom's

a hermapholite.

00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:28,723

I'm sorry I never

told you, Eric.

00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:30,433

I just thought

00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,268

maybe it would be

a little shocking to you.

00:22:32,393 --> 00:22:34,729

Oh wow, gee whiz,

you think so, Mom?

00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,689

Well, that's that.

Thank you all for playing.

00:22:36,814 --> 00:22:38,107

No, no,

wait a minute.

00:22:38,232 --> 00:22:41,235

If she's my dad,

then who's my mom?

00:22:41,361 --> 00:22:43,696

Who is Eric Cartman's mother?

00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,365

Is it Mrs. Crabtree?

00:22:45,490 --> 00:22:46,532

Sheila Broflovski?

00:22:46,657 --> 00:22:47,617

The mayor?

00:22:47,742 --> 00:22:48,993

Oh, forget it!