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Ринопластическая клиника Тома
Tom's Rhinoplasty
Сезон: 01Серия: 11
Описание
Мистер Гаррисон изменяет себе нос. Все мальчики третьего класса стараются привлечь внимание новой красотки-учительницы.
Субтитры
- 00:00:03,379 --> 00:00:04,797 Boy, that was a hoot and a holler.
- 00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:06,424 Did you like that, South Parketeers?
- 00:00:06,549 --> 00:00:08,050 <i>- You bet!</i> - Well, great.
- 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:09,385 Then you're gonna love this next episode.
- 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:10,761 It's our favorite.
- 00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,596 It's called "Tom's Rhinoplasty."
- 00:00:12,722 --> 00:00:14,890 In it, Mr. Garrison gets a nose job,
- 00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:16,851 a substitute teacher comes to South Park,
- 00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:18,686 and our boys learn how to lick carpet.
- 00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,229 You know, South Parketeers,
- 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,939 the reason that this episode is our favorite
- 00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,774 is because we got Natasha Henstridge
- 00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:26,193 to be the voice of the substitute teacher.
- 00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:29,155 Natasha Henstridge was that actress in the movie "Species,"
- 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,865 and we loved her acting.
- 00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,491 In fact, Matt and I used to freeze-frame
- 00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:34,618 a lot of her acting from that movie on the VCR
- 00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:36,454 and play with ourselves.
- 00:00:36,579 --> 00:00:39,248 Then we'd play a little game called I'm Natasha Henstridge,
- 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,000 in which I'd close my eyes
- 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,752 and pretend that Matt was Natasha Henstridge.
- 00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,253 Then Matt would close his eyes
- 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,172 and pretend that I was Natasha Henstridge.
- 00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:48,090 But, kids, remember:
- 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:51,218 If you want to play I'm Natasha Henstridge with your friends,
- 00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:53,137 play it safe.
- 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:54,930 Oh! Oh, look, it's our Indian friend,
- 00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,932 Indian Companion.
- 00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:58,517 Say hi, kids. Say hi to Indian Companion.
- 00:00:58,642 --> 00:00:59,935 <i>Hi!</i>
- 00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,062 What's happening, Indian Companion?
- 00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,938 Someone coming?
- 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:04,940 Someone coming. - Someone coming.
- 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,317 Someone coming, great. Thank you.
- 00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:07,985 Thanks, bud. - Thanks so much.
- 00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:09,612 Why don't you go build a teepee there, buddy?
- 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,614 I think you'll be Natasha Henstridge tonight.
- 00:01:12,448 --> 00:01:14,492 Anyway, why don't we all sit back, relax,
- 00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,535 and have a rootin'-tootin' good time
- 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,496 with "Tom's Rhinoplasty"?
- 00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:20,206 Yeehaw!
- 00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,499 Ready?
- 00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:24,251 <i>Hooray!</i>
- 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,055 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,057 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:39,767 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:01:39,892 --> 00:01:41,310 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,770 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:44,605 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,315 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,817 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor." ♪
- 00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,318 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,070 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:55,741 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:57,535 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,581 Stan, you know it's almost Valentine's Day.
- 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:04,458 I know.
- 00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,377 Maybe we should go on a cruise or something.
- 00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,337 I can't afford a cruise, dude.
- 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,048 I know, but we can make a little boat out of cardboard
- 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,883 and pretend it's a cruise!
- 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:20,266 Shut up, Cartman!
- 00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:22,351 That is so lame!
- 00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:30,151 And then we could dress up in little costumes
- 00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:31,735 and pretend we're getting married.
- 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:37,533 Stop this!
- 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,827 You're killing me over here!
- 00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:42,705 Children, I have some difficult news for you.
- 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,332 Mr. Garrison won't be teaching for a while.
- 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,376 He has to have surgery!
- 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,672 So you're going to have a substitute teacher!
- 00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,384 And I want you to show the substitute
- 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,137 the same respect you show for Mr. Garrison.
- 00:02:59,138 --> 00:03:00,598 Yes, little boy?
- 00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:02,474 We don't have respect for Mr. Garrison.
- 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:07,062 Oh. Anyhoo, I want you all to meet your new substitute,
- 00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,315 Miss Ellen.
- 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,900 Hello, children.
- 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,234 Whoa! - Whoa!
- 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,528 Wow, she's pretty.
- 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,364 You can say that again.
- 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,242 Good luck, Miss Ellen.
- 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:21,660 If they get out of control,
- 00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,078 just use this tear gas, okay?
- 00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:24,163 Thank you.
- 00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:26,707 I'm sure I'll be fine.
- 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:29,126 Now, children, I know that you must be very upset
- 00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:31,086 about your teacher having surgery,
- 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:34,006 but I promise I'll try to make things as easy as possible
- 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,257 for all of us.
- 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,259 Stan?
- 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,761 Stan!
- 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,137 Now let me try and learn your names
- 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,388 by your seating assignments.
- 00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,182 You are Eric Cartman?
- 00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,683 Yes, ma'am!
- 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:47,311 Okay, and you must be Stan Marsh!
- 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,649 Do you need to go to the nurse's office, Stanley?
- 00:03:51,774 --> 00:03:53,567 No, he always pukes when he's in love.
- 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,736 I'll kick your ass, Cartman!
- 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:56,820 So you're all right?
- 00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:00,991 Dude, you had waffles for breakfast, huh?
- 00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:05,913 I have to admit I'm still embarrassed
- 00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:07,623 about getting a nose job, Tom.
- 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:08,999 I didn't want people at school to know,
- 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,584 so I told them I had herpes.
- 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,294 You shouldn't be embarrassed, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,505 People have cosmetic surgery all the time.
- 00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:16,465 Before we start, this computer can help you
- 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,634 pick what kind of nose you want.
- 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,179 Wow! Isn't that amazing, Mr. Hat?
- 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:24,390 It sure is, Mr. Garrison!
- 00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:26,308 Now, we could go with something a little smaller,
- 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:29,103 which would make you look like this.
- 00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:30,771 Hmm...
- 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,314 Or we could straighten out the bridge,
- 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,316 which would make you look like this.
- 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,943 Oh, that's not bad.
- 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:37,653 Of course, we could narrow the bridge,
- 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,239 which would make you look more like this.
- 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,242 Wow! That's it!
- 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:44,451 That's the nose I want!
- 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:45,995 All righty, then.
- 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,288 Now, I must warn you, Mr. Garrison,
- 00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:49,248 that there are risks.
- 00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,709 You could wind up a hideous, foul, shadow of a creature,
- 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,419 so terrifyingly ugly
- 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:55,254 that you are forced to live in the sewers,
- 00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:57,840 only emerging at night to hunt for scraps of food.
- 00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:00,509 I can live with that.
- 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:01,635 All righty, then, let's get started!
- 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:05,431 She wasn't looking at you, butt-lord,
- 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:06,932 she was looking at me!
- 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,350 Well, that goes without saying, fat-ass.
- 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,436 How could she help but look at you?
- 00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:11,937 You guys can stop fighting. It was me she was checking out.
- 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:13,105 Until you puked on her.
- 00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:14,898 Hello there, children.
- 00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:17,735 What's all this I'm hearing about a new teacher?
- 00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,653 Miss Ellen, dude. She's beautiful!
- 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,114 Is she like a Vanessa Williams beautiful,
- 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,615 or a Toni Braxton beautiful?
- 00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:26,327 Or Pamela Anderson beautiful?
- 00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:28,537 Or is she Erin Gray
- 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,622 in the second season of "Buck Rogers" beautiful?
- 00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:32,541 Yeah, that one! - Whoo!
- 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,126 I gotta meet this woman.
- 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,628 Stan, didn't you notice how her left arm
- 00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:38,756 is longer than the right one?
- 00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:40,591 No. - Well, it is!
- 00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,301 That's okay, you know what they say
- 00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:44,136 about women with one arm longer than the other.
- 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,765 That's right.
- 00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,683 Well, did you notice that mole on the back of her neck
- 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,226 with the hair growing out of it?
- 00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:53,062 That's okay, you know what they say
- 00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:54,938 about women with a mole on the back of their necks
- 00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:56,607 with hair growin' out of it.
- 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,237 Stan, we're still valentines, right?
- 00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:04,156 Sure, Wendy, whatever.
- 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,699 Hey, we should buy Miss Ellen Valentine's Day presents.
- 00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,659 Yeah, we'll go to the mall tonight.
- 00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:09,578 I'm gonna buy her a vacuum cleaner.
- 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,497 Chicks like vacuum cleaners!
- 00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:20,964 <i>♪ I remember when we were so in love ♪</i>
- 00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:24,385 <i>♪ The moments that we shared were timeless ♪</i>
- 00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:26,178 <i>♪ Saw it in the wind ♪</i>
- 00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:28,222 <i>♪ Knew it in a glance ♪</i>
- 00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:32,226 <i>♪ The songs we sang were simple and rhymeless ♪</i>
- 00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:36,480 <i>♪ I can't stop now ♪</i>
- 00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:39,650 <i>♪ My heart's awake ♪</i>
- 00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:43,487 <i>♪ I feel your arms ♪</i>
- 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:46,782 <i>♪ My arms to take ♪</i>
- 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:50,077 <i>♪ I guess times change ♪</i>
- 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:55,833 <i>♪ Even when love is the same ♪</i>
- 00:07:10,806 --> 00:07:12,558 Oh, goodness.
- 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:15,060 Would anybody mind cleaning my erasers after class?
- 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,562 Me, me, me, me, me, me, me!
- 00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:17,896 You guys are so immature!
- 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:19,148 Act like eight-year-olds!
- 00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,399 Stan, how 'bout you?
- 00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:23,402 I'd love to!
- 00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:26,697 Now, children, let's review our multiplication tables.
- 00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:28,073 Cartman?
- 00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,867 What's a multiplication table?
- 00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:32,911 Didn't Mr. Garrison teach multiplication?
- 00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:35,873 Well, where did he leave off?
- 00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:37,916 We were learning about how Yasmine Bleeth
- 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,918 is going out with that Richard Grieco guy
- 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,004 that used to be on "21 Jump Street"
- 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,755 but then he got his own show for just a little while.
- 00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:46,258 Oh, hello.
- 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,468 Can I help you?
- 00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:50,137 I'm Chef. - And?
- 00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:52,264 I just, uh-- I stopped by 'cause little Kyle
- 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,516 forgot his laundry detergent on the playground.
- 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:55,851 My laundry detergent? - That's not Kyle's--
- 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,519 Shh! Crazy cracker's always
- 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,271 leavin' that detergent all over the place.
- 00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,064 What was your name again?
- 00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:03,233 Uh-oh, Chef's movin' in on Miss Ellen.
- 00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,985 I'm the substitute.
- 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,613 Well I'm sure there's no substitute for you.
- 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,406 That's very nice, Mr. Chef.
- 00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:10,491 Now if you're finished...
- 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,786 ♪ Nobody could take your place ♪
- 00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:17,789 ♪ No way they can match your face, no ♪
- 00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,750 ♪ You got it goin' on in a way ♪
- 00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:21,585 ♪ So clear ♪
- 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,837 ♪ I just wanna buy you a beer ♪
- 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:27,633 Maybe tonight at 7:30 or something, I can come by and...
- 00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:30,719 ♪ Pick you up in my car ♪
- 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,054 ♪ No substitute ♪
- 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,388 ♪ No substitute for you ♪
- 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,598 ♪ No substitute ♪
- 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,016 ♪ No, baby there's ♪
- 00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,059 ♪ No substitute ♪
- 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,227 ♪ For you, girl ♪
- 00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:39,311 ♪ No substitute ♪
- 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,729 ♪ For you now ♪
- 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:41,897 ♪ You know that it's true ♪
- 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,607 ♪ No substitute ♪
- 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:46,818 ♪ There's just no substitute for you ♪
- 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,030 We've got to learn how to do this, dude.
- 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:51,615 Yep. - That was enthralling,
- 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,117 Mr. Chef, but could I get back to teaching now?
- 00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:55,244 If we can have dinner tonight.
- 00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:56,870 Fine, Chef.
- 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,747 Just let me do my job before I get fired.
- 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,458 Oh, weak! Chef's gonna make sweet love to Miss Ellen!
- 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:02,584 What?
- 00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,462 Mr. Garrison, Mr. Garrison!
- 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,382 Where--where am I?
- 00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:10,759 The operation is over, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,762 Oh, I feel weak. How do I look?
- 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,639 You look great!
- 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,183 I--I feel kind of nauseous.
- 00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,352 Yes, well, that's to be expected.
- 00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,187 We did some major reconstruction,
- 00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:23,605 sawed through some bone,
- 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:24,898 snapped some cartilage.
- 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,859 All the blood and mucus,
- 00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:30,028 just the sound of bone and sinew coming apart.
- 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,532 Ohh...
- 00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:35,784 By the way, did you ever see that movie "Contact"?
- 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,834 Oh, stop, that movie was terrible!
- 00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:45,669 Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Garrison,
- 00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:47,087 why don't you get some rest?
- 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:48,880 I'll check on you a little later.
- 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:53,176 I waited through that entire movie
- 00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:55,929 to see the alien and it was her goddamn father.
- 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,517 Okay, kids, remember your homework.
- 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:01,893 We have a lot of catching up to do.
- 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,146 Good-bye, Miss Ellen.
- 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,689 Stop kissing ass, Cartman!
- 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,774 I'm not kissing ass, you stupid slut!
- 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,401 Miss Ellen, can I talk to you?
- 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,236 Of course, Wendy.
- 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,614 I couldn't help but notice you taking a liking
- 00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,532 to my boyfriend Stan.
- 00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:18,285 Oh, well, I've taken a liking to all of you.
- 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,996 You're all so young and cute and full of life.
- 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,582 Can I tell you something, Miss Ellen?
- 00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,251 Of course, Wendy.
- 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:29,046 Don't with me!
- 00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:30,839 What? - You heard me!
- 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,633 Stay away from my man, bitch,
- 00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:35,636 or I'll whup your sorry ho ass back to last year!
- 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,181 Bye, Miss Ellen!
- 00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:44,603 Well, I certainly want to thank
- 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:45,979 all you lovely children
- 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,606 for the presents you bought me!
- 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:51,234 Oh, what a delightful scarf!
- 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,944 Thank you, Kyle!
- 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,655 Loser gift, loser gift!
- 00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:56,573 And here's one from Kenny.
- 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:59,618 Oh, thank you very much, Kenny.
- 00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,912 This is a very scrumptious-looking sausage.
- 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,541 Oh, and what a nice alarm clock.
- 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,252 Thank you, Stan.
- 00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:12,381 And here's another present, from Wendy.
- 00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:16,301 Oh, why, it's a dead animal. Thank you, Wendy.
- 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,012 See? She liked my present the best!
- 00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,472 Where's your present, Cartman?
- 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,266 Well, I got Miss Ellen a chocolate pie,
- 00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:25,060 but I, uh, left it at home.
- 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,520 Okay, kids.
- 00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:27,813 We're gonna take a spelling test now.
- 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,400 But as an extra incentive, I'm gonna take
- 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,276 whoever gets the highest score on the quiz
- 00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:34,820 out to dinner.
- 00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,447 Aw, man, I wish I knew how to spell!
- 00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:39,199 Are there any questions before we begin?
- 00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,575 Yes, Wendy?
- 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,869 When someone gets as old as you,
- 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,122 do they have to wear Depends undergarments?
- 00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,129 Dude, I aced that test!
- 00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:53,964 I'm gonna win that dinner with Miss Ellen!
- 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:55,215 No, you're not. I don't think I missed any!
- 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,633 Hi, Stan.
- 00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:58,051 I bet I scored a 100!
- 00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,302 Hi, Stan!
- 00:11:59,428 --> 00:12:00,721 Oh, hi, Wendy.
- 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:02,264 I was just in the bathroom,
- 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,890 and Miss Ellen was in there
- 00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,684 taking the biggest dump I've ever seen!
- 00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:06,685 No, she wasn't!
- 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:07,853 Yes, she was!
- 00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:08,854 That's impossible!
- 00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:10,480 Well, she did!
- 00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:12,107 And she has horrible, horrible gas too!
- 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,191 She says she can't control it!
- 00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:15,110 Nuh-uh!
- 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,404 It smelled like a dead calf rotting in the hot sun!
- 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:18,655 Oh, cool!
- 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,449 All right, Wendy, seriously,
- 00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:22,617 you need to stop with this whole jealousy thing.
- 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,453 Yeah, you're acting like a freak, Wendy.
- 00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:26,329 No, I'm not acting like a freak!
- 00:12:32,878 --> 00:12:34,755 Hey, man, someone's gotta pull that monkey
- 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,214 out of Wendy's ass!
- 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,966 Hello there, children. - Oh, hey, Chef.
- 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,384 How did your date with Miss Ellen go?
- 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:41,261 Not too good. - What happened?
- 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:42,763 Didn't you make sweet love to her?
- 00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:44,222 No, no, no, she's not like that.
- 00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:46,183 You see... uh, how do I put this?
- 00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:47,601 Children,
- 00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:49,561 Miss Ellen doesn't exactly play
- 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:50,771 for the right team.
- 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,441 In--in other words, children,
- 00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:58,445 she's not a member of the heterosexual persuasion.
- 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,449 Don't you understand? She's a lesbian.
- 00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:04,117 A what-bian? - A plebeian?
- 00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:06,411 You boys don't know what a lesbian is?
- 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,038 Kenny?
- 00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,166 No, explain it to us, Chef.
- 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,876 That's okay, uh, look--
- 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,461 all you need to know is,
- 00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,129 Miss Ellen's a lesbian, and that means
- 00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:17,214 she only likes other lesbians.
- 00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:18,423 Oh.
- 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:19,633 Now move along, children,
- 00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:20,634 you're holding up the line.
- 00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,052 Weak, dude.
- 00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:23,804 She only likes other lesbians?
- 00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:25,514 Hey, man, if she only likes other lesbians,
- 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:26,890 then all we gotta do is become lesbians too!
- 00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,099 Hey, yeah!
- 00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:29,309 Hey, guys, you know what?
- 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,644 My grandma was Dutch-Irish,
- 00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:31,895 and my grandpa was lesbian.
- 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,230 That makes me quarter lesbian.
- 00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:34,731 You're just sayin' that, Cartman.
- 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,274 Yeah, you're not a lesbian, fat-ass!
- 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,651 I am too!
- 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,986 Okay, only a few more bandages to go.
- 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,363 Well?
- 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,948 Take a look for yourself.
- 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,911 Wow, that's a pretty good nose job!
- 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,496 What do you think, Mr. Hat?
- 00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:51,206 I think it looks great.
- 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,124 Yes, I think once the swelling goes down,
- 00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,584 you'll really notice a difference.
- 00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,215 What the hell are you doing, Cartman?
- 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,467 My mom said if you want to become a lesbian
- 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,427 you have to lick carpet! - Really?
- 00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,429 Well, I got a Indi-glow Girls CD.
- 00:14:06,555 --> 00:14:08,139 The guy at the record store said it was perfect.
- 00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:10,475 And I got these killer Birkenstocks.
- 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,814 ♪ I woke up very early one Sunday morning ♪
- 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,566 This is a bunch of crap!
- 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:18,984 I've been licking this carpet for three hours
- 00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,277 and I still don't feel like a lesbian!
- 00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:21,987 <i>♪ Do it light ♪</i>
- 00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,905 <i>♪ Taking me through the night ♪</i>
- 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,324 <i>♪ Shadow dancing ♪</i>
- 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:29,077 <i>♪ Baby, you do it right ♪</i>
- 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,788 <i>♪ Give me more... ♪</i>
- 00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,290 Hi, Mrs. Kimball.
- 00:14:33,415 --> 00:14:36,501 Oh, how-dy, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:39,004 Say, honey, you look kinda different.
- 00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:40,589 Really?
- 00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:42,465 Did you get a haircut?
- 00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:44,384 No, but thanks for asking.
- 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,094 <i>♪ Do it light ♪</i>
- 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,387 <i>♪ Taking me through the night ♪</i>
- 00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,598 Call me... I'm in the book!
- 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,016 Wow, Mr. Hat, having a nose job
- 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,559 is even better than I thought.
- 00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,019 There's a whole world of opportunity
- 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:55,395 opening up in front of us.
- 00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:57,981 Thanks for coming over, Bebe.
- 00:14:58,106 --> 00:14:59,649 That's okay, Wendy,
- 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:01,151 I brought my makeup kit like you asked me.
- 00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:02,652 What are we doing, anyway?
- 00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,487 That mean old substitute isn't gonna stop
- 00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:06,615 until she takes everything from me, Bebe!
- 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,366 Really? - Yeah!
- 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,577 What I'd really like to do is load her into a rocket
- 00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:12,370 and have her shot into the center of the Sun!
- 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,997 But instead,
- 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,291 I'll just get Stan to notice me again.
- 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,293 Bebe, I need a makeover!
- 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,544 Oh, cool!
- 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,173 I can't wait for Miss Ellen to see
- 00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:24,633 what a raging lesbian I am!
- 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,384 I'm a bigger lesbian than you!
- 00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:28,011 No, you're a fatter lesbian than me!
- 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,263 Screw you guys, I'm king lesbian!
- 00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:32,432 Whoa, is that Wendy Testaburger?
- 00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,357 Hi, guys, what's up?
- 00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:42,484 Wow, Wendy looks just like that chick from "Grease,"
- 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:43,902 Elton John!
- 00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,403 Wow, hi, Wendy.
- 00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:47,030 Oh, hi, Stan.
- 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,573 I think it worked, Bebe!
- 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:49,824 Yeah!
- 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,618 Good morning, children.
- 00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:54,079 Wow!
- 00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:55,580 Damn! Get down!
- 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:56,915 Yeah!
- 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,458 Oh, Wendy,
- 00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,876 you wore black leather too!
- 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,213 We're like sisters.
- 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,006 Die!
- 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,716 All right, kids, I finished grading your papers
- 00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,051 and the person with the highest score...
- 00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:09,260 Hello there, children!
- 00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:10,971 <i>♪ Do it light ♪</i>
- 00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:13,223 <i>♪ Taking me through the night ♪</i>
- 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:15,350 <i>♪ Shadow dancing ♪</i>
- 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,477 Oh, no, Mr. Garrison's back!
- 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:18,979 Oh, weak, dude!
- 00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,438 Hooray, hooray!
- 00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,315 Hooray for Mr. Garrison!
- 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,651 ♪ He's back, he's back, Mr. Garrison is back ♪
- 00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,361 So long, substitute!
- 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:27,404 Don't let the door hit your ass
- 00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,322 on the way out, now!
- 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,700 Children, I have a very important announcement to make.
- 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,952 I'm quitting my job as a teacher.
- 00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,496 What?
- 00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:37,789 It's strange, but suddenly I feel
- 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,582 really confident about myself.
- 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,167 And I've decided to quit teaching
- 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:42,919 and do what I've always dreamed of doing:
- 00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:45,380 hang out and screw hot chicks.
- 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:46,881 You... you can't!
- 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,717 But the good news is,
- 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,802 I've already talked to Principal Victoria about it,
- 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,387 and Miss Ellen can stay on
- 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:53,888 as your permanent teacher.
- 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:57,809 Really?
- 00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,602 That's right. Will you stay?
- 00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:01,354 Well, sure!
- 00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:02,689 No!
- 00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:04,024 No!
- 00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:05,859 Oh, by the way, kids,
- 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,569 the person who scored highest on the quiz
- 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,112 and gets to have dinner on me,
- 00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,780 is Stan.
- 00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,657 Kickass!
- 00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:13,658 No!
- 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:14,993 No!
- 00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:17,120 Oh, and Wendy, I almost forgot,
- 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,413 we just got a call in the office.
- 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:19,414 Your grandma just died.
- 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,209 Ooh, my, what an exciting day!
- 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,797 <i>♪ Do it light ♪</i>
- 00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,424 <i>♪ Taking me through the night ♪</i>
- 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,967 <i>♪ Shadow dancing ♪</i>
- 00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,385 Great, baby, you're lookin' great!
- 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,345 I'm a lady killer, Mr. Hat!
- 00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,806 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison!
- 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:39,059 Okay, just a few hundred more shots,
- 00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:40,060 and we'll be done.
- 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:41,603 A few hundred?
- 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,605 Hey, that's the life of a model, baby!
- 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,648 Oh, boy, I'm gonna need some more smack!
- 00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:46,775 You got it!
- 00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:54,741 I'm very glad we could have dinner together, Stanley.
- 00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:56,367 I want you to know
- 00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:57,952 that I really care about your education.
- 00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:58,953 Are we making love now?
- 00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:00,497 Excuse me?
- 00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:01,873 They don't have a fireplace here.
- 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,041 We shouldn't be making love yet.
- 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:04,709 What are you talking about?
- 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:05,960 You have to make love down by the fire,
- 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,253 that's what Chef always says.
- 00:18:07,378 --> 00:18:09,214 Stan, I'm your teacher, okay?
- 00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:10,423 We're only friends.
- 00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:11,925 But why?
- 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,718 Well, first of all, you're eight.
- 00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,386 It's because I'm not a lesbian, isn't it?
- 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,721 Oh, boy.
- 00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:21,059 It's over.
- 00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,602 I give up.
- 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:30,151 Boy, I'll tell you something, Mr. Hat,
- 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,778 being hot and sexy is fun for a while,
- 00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,655 but it sure does get boring.
- 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,907 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:38,827 What the...
- 00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,037 Whoa! Hey, wait, wait!
- 00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:43,456 Ahh!
- 00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:45,250 Mr. Hat, save yourself!
- 00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,294 So how'd your date with Miss Ellen go?
- 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:49,295 Did you make love?
- 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,338 I think so.
- 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:51,756 No way! - Yep!
- 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,133 Down by the fire? - Yep!
- 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,010 Did I <i>what?</i>
- 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,179 Good morning, children.
- 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,598 Miss Ellen, can I talk to you?
- 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:03,184 Sure, but can it wait till after class, Wendy?
- 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,228 No, I just have to apologize
- 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:07,230 for the way I've been acting.
- 00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:08,690 Oh, that's okay, Wendy.
- 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,024 No, it's not.
- 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,442 Since you're here to stay,
- 00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:13,403 I just hope we can be friends.
- 00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:15,280 Well, I would love that, Wendy.
- 00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:17,407 And...
- 00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,450 I want to apologize to everybody.
- 00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:21,327 The way I acted was wrong,
- 00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:22,871 and I've learned from it.
- 00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:26,249 I just wish Stan and Miss Ellen
- 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:29,002 would have all the happiness in the world.
- 00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:31,880 Wendy, there's nothing between me and Stan.
- 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:34,465 That's not what we just heard!
- 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:37,844 Oh, Mr. Hat, I hate this!
- 00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,971 I wish I'd never had a nose job!
- 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:43,850 Damn this beautiful face of mine!
- 00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,268 Damn it to hell!
- 00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:48,521 We have to get the surgery again, Mr. Hat.
- 00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:50,648 I wanna be the old me again!
- 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:56,779 Okay, children, let's catch up
- 00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:59,157 on our cursive handwriting.
- 00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:01,159 Down, down, everybody down!
- 00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:02,285 What the hell?
- 00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:06,039 So we meet again Miss Ellen.
- 00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:08,374 And just what is going on here, mister?
- 00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:09,667 I am Hakeem Korashki
- 00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:11,336 of the mighty nation of Iraq.
- 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,879 This woman is a traitor to our government.
- 00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:14,047 It's a lie!
- 00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:15,548 She has killed thousands
- 00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:17,050 and will kill again, I assure you.
- 00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:19,677 Miss Ellen, is this true? - No!
- 00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:21,679 We must take her back to Iraq immediately!
- 00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:23,097 Oh, cool!
- 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,141 Principal Victoria, please!
- 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:26,309 Here is a black-and-white photo of Miss Ellen
- 00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:27,852 with our leader!
- 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,438 Her real name is Maqesh Alaq Makaraqesh.
- 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,315 Well, Miss Makaraqesh,
- 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,943 you certainly tried to put one over on us, boy howdy!
- 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,402 Take her away!
- 00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:39,572 No, get away from me!
- 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,454 Oh, my God, she killed Kenny!
- 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:47,872 You bastard!
- 00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:49,874 No!
- 00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:52,377 Wow, what incredible irony.
- 00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,380 Wow, I can't believe
- 00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:57,131 Miss Ellen was a criminal Iraqi fugitive!
- 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,092 Yeah, you just never know.
- 00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,635 Well, I guess I'm sorry
- 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:01,970 that I was ignoring you and stuff.
- 00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,806 Happy Valentine's Day, Stan.
- 00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:10,937 Eww!
- 00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:13,648 Sorry. - No, it's okay, Stan!
- 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:16,150 Everything's going to be okay.
- 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,319 Cartman, are you still trying to become a lesbian?
- 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,571 Yeah, dude, my mom says all I have to do
- 00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:21,739 is chow on this box.
- 00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,414 For crimes against this country,
- 00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:31,082 you are hereby sentenced to be
- 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,375 shot into the center of the Sun!
- 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,544 This is all a mistake!
- 00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,838 This can't be happening!
- 00:21:38,548 --> 00:21:40,008 Please!
- 00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,801 For the love of God!
- 00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:43,011 Shut up!
- 00:21:48,266 --> 00:21:50,643 Great party, Wendy!
- 00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:51,728 Thanks, Mrs. Kimball.
- 00:21:51,853 --> 00:21:53,479 Thanks for helping me
- 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:55,189 to get Mr. Garrison to come back as a teacher.
- 00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,400 Anything for you, sugar-pie.
- 00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:58,651 Oh, hi, Kyle.
- 00:21:58,776 --> 00:22:00,194 I've been thinking, Wendy,
- 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:01,612 this whole outcome is pretty strange.
- 00:22:01,738 --> 00:22:02,822 Uh, excuse me.
- 00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:14,042 How is it that Miss Ellen was suddenly arrested for being--
- 00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:15,752 Wait, wait! Shh, shh!
- 00:22:15,877 --> 00:22:18,129 It's time to whip out the eclipse shoeboxes!
- 00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:25,928 Bye-bye, Miss Ellen.
- 00:22:26,054 --> 00:22:28,056 Wendy... you didn't!
- 00:22:28,181 --> 00:22:29,974 I told her...
- 00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:36,064 don't with Wendy Testaburger!
- 00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:03,254 [both laughing]
- 00:00:03,379 --> 00:00:04,797 Boy, that was a hoot and a holler.
- 00:00:04,922 --> 00:00:06,424 Did you like that, South Parketeers?
- 00:00:06,549 --> 00:00:08,050 <i>children: You bet!</i> - Well, great.
- 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:09,385 Then you're gonna love this next episode.
- 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:10,761 It's our favorite.
- 00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,596 It's called "Tom's Rhinoplasty."
- 00:00:12,722 --> 00:00:14,890 In it, Mr. Garrison gets a nose job,
- 00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:16,851 a substitute teacher comes to South Park,
- 00:00:16,976 --> 00:00:18,686 and our boys learn how to lick carpet.
- 00:00:18,811 --> 00:00:20,229 You know, South Parketeers,
- 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,939 the reason that this episode is our favorite
- 00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,774 is because we got Natasha Henstridge
- 00:00:23,899 --> 00:00:26,193 to be the voice of the substitute teacher.
- 00:00:26,318 --> 00:00:29,155 Natasha Henstridge was that actress in the movie "Species,"
- 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,865 and we loved her acting.
- 00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,491 In fact, Matt and I used to freeze-frame
- 00:00:32,616 --> 00:00:34,618 a lot of her acting from that movie on the VCR
- 00:00:34,744 --> 00:00:36,454 and play with ourselves.
- 00:00:36,579 --> 00:00:39,248 Then we'd play a little game called I'm Natasha Henstridge,
- 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,000 in which I'd close my eyes
- 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:42,752 and pretend that Matt was Natasha Henstridge.
- 00:00:42,877 --> 00:00:44,253 Then Matt would close his eyes
- 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,172 and pretend that I was Natasha Henstridge.
- 00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:48,090 But, kids, remember:
- 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:51,218 If you want to play I'm Natasha Henstridge with your friends,
- 00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:53,137 play it safe.
- 00:00:53,262 --> 00:00:54,930 Oh! Oh, look, it's our Indian friend,
- 00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,932 Indian Companion.
- 00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:58,517 Say hi, kids. Say hi to Indian Companion.
- 00:00:58,642 --> 00:00:59,935 <i>children: Hi!</i>
- 00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:01,062 What's happening, Indian Companion?
- 00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,938 Someone coming?
- 00:01:03,064 --> 00:01:04,940 Someone coming. - Someone coming.
- 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,317 Someone coming, great. Thank you.
- 00:01:06,442 --> 00:01:07,985 Thanks, bud. - Thanks so much.
- 00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:09,612 Why don't you go build a teepee there, buddy?
- 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,614 I think you'll be Natasha Henstridge tonight.
- 00:01:12,448 --> 00:01:14,492 Anyway, why don't we all sit back, relax,
- 00:01:14,617 --> 00:01:16,535 and have a rootin'-tootin' good time
- 00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,496 with "Tom's Rhinoplasty"?
- 00:01:18,621 --> 00:01:20,206 Yeehaw!
- 00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:21,499 Ready?
- 00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:22,583 [guns fire]
- 00:01:22,708 --> 00:01:24,251 <i>children: Hooray!</i>
- 00:01:31,217 --> 00:01:34,553 <i>[twangy music]</i>
- 00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,055 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,057 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:01:38,182 --> 00:01:39,767 all: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:01:39,892 --> 00:01:41,310 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,770 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:44,605 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:46,315 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,817 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
- 00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:49,318 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:51,070 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:01:51,195 --> 00:01:54,240 [singing indistinctly]
- 00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:55,741 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:57,535 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:02,581 Stan, you know it's almost Valentine's Day.
- 00:02:02,706 --> 00:02:04,458 I know.
- 00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,377 Maybe we should go on a cruise or something.
- 00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,337 I can't afford a cruise, dude.
- 00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,048 I know, but we can make a little boat out of cardboard
- 00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,883 and pretend it's a cruise!
- 00:02:13,008 --> 00:02:15,136 [hysterical laughing]
- 00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:20,266 Shut up, Cartman!
- 00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:22,351 That is so lame!
- 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,353 [laughing]
- 00:02:28,774 --> 00:02:30,151 And then we could dress up in little costumes
- 00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:31,735 and pretend we're getting married.
- 00:02:31,861 --> 00:02:34,738 [hysterical laughing]
- 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:37,533 Stop this!
- 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,827 You're killing me over here!
- 00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:42,705 Children, I have some difficult news for you.
- 00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,332 Mr. Garrison won't be teaching for a while.
- 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:47,376 He has to have surgery!
- 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,670 [all cheering]
- 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:51,672 So you're going to have a substitute teacher!
- 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,257 [all groaning]
- 00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,384 And I want you to show the substitute
- 00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,137 the same respect you show for Mr. Garrison.
- 00:02:59,138 --> 00:03:00,598 Yes, little boy?
- 00:03:00,723 --> 00:03:02,474 We don't have respect for Mr. Garrison.
- 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:07,062 Oh. Anyhoo, I want you all to meet your new substitute,
- 00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,315 Miss Ellen.
- 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,900 Hello, children.
- 00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,234 Whoa! - Whoa!
- 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:14,528 Wow, she's pretty.
- 00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:15,863 [mumbling]
- 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:17,364 You can say that again.
- 00:03:17,489 --> 00:03:18,908 [mumbling]
- 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,242 Good luck, Miss Ellen.
- 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:21,660 If they get out of control,
- 00:03:21,785 --> 00:03:23,078 just use this tear gas, okay?
- 00:03:23,204 --> 00:03:24,163 Thank you.
- 00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:26,707 I'm sure I'll be fine.
- 00:03:26,832 --> 00:03:29,126 Now, children, I know that you must be very upset
- 00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:31,086 about your teacher having surgery,
- 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:34,006 but I promise I'll try to make things as easy as possible
- 00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,257 for all of us.
- 00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,258 [gasping]
- 00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,259 Stan?
- 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,761 Stan!
- 00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,137 Now let me try and learn your names
- 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,388 by your seating assignments.
- 00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:43,182 You are Eric Cartman?
- 00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:44,683 Yes, ma'am!
- 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:47,311 Okay, and you must be Stan Marsh!
- 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:48,437 [retches]
- 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:51,649 Do you need to go to the nurse's office, Stanley?
- 00:03:51,774 --> 00:03:53,567 No, he always pukes when he's in love.
- 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,736 I'll kick your ass, Cartman!
- 00:03:55,861 --> 00:03:56,820 So you're all right?
- 00:03:56,946 --> 00:03:58,530 [retches]
- 00:03:58,656 --> 00:04:00,991 Dude, you had waffles for breakfast, huh?
- 00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:05,913 I have to admit I'm still embarrassed
- 00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:07,623 about getting a nose job, Tom.
- 00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:08,999 I didn't want people at school to know,
- 00:04:09,124 --> 00:04:10,584 so I told them I had herpes.
- 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,294 You shouldn't be embarrassed, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,505 People have cosmetic surgery all the time.
- 00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:16,465 Before we start, this computer can help you
- 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,634 pick what kind of nose you want.
- 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,179 Wow! Isn't that amazing, Mr. Hat?
- 00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:24,390 It sure is, Mr. Garrison!
- 00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:26,308 Now, we could go with something a little smaller,
- 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:29,103 which would make you look like this.
- 00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:30,771 Hmm...
- 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,314 Or we could straighten out the bridge,
- 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,316 which would make you look like this.
- 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,943 Oh, that's not bad.
- 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:37,653 Of course, we could narrow the bridge,
- 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,239 which would make you look more like this.
- 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,242 Wow! That's it!
- 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:44,451 That's the nose I want!
- 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:45,995 All righty, then.
- 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,288 Now, I must warn you, Mr. Garrison,
- 00:04:47,413 --> 00:04:49,248 that there are risks.
- 00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,709 You could wind up a hideous, foul, shadow of a creature,
- 00:04:51,834 --> 00:04:53,419 so terrifyingly ugly
- 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:55,254 that you are forced to live in the sewers,
- 00:04:55,379 --> 00:04:57,840 only emerging at night to hunt for scraps of food.
- 00:04:59,008 --> 00:05:00,509 I can live with that.
- 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:01,635 All righty, then, let's get started!
- 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:05,431 She wasn't looking at you, butt-lord,
- 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:06,932 she was looking at me!
- 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:08,350 Well, that goes without saying, fat-ass.
- 00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,436 How could she help but look at you?
- 00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:11,937 You guys can stop fighting. It was me she was checking out.
- 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:13,105 Until you puked on her.
- 00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:14,898 Hello there, children.
- 00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:17,735 What's all this I'm hearing about a new teacher?
- 00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,653 Miss Ellen, dude. She's beautiful!
- 00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,114 Is she like a Vanessa Williams beautiful,
- 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,615 or a Toni Braxton beautiful?
- 00:05:23,741 --> 00:05:26,327 Or Pamela Anderson beautiful?
- 00:05:26,452 --> 00:05:28,537 Or is she Erin Gray
- 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,622 in the second season of "Buck Rogers" beautiful?
- 00:05:30,748 --> 00:05:32,541 Yeah, that one! - Whoo!
- 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,126 I gotta meet this woman.
- 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,628 Stan, didn't you notice how her left arm
- 00:05:36,754 --> 00:05:38,756 is longer than the right one?
- 00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:40,591 No. - Well, it is!
- 00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,301 That's okay, you know what they say
- 00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:44,136 about women with one arm longer than the other.
- 00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:45,888 [mumbling]
- 00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,765 That's right.
- 00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,683 Well, did you notice that mole on the back of her neck
- 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,226 with the hair growing out of it?
- 00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:53,062 That's okay, you know what they say
- 00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:54,938 about women with a mole on the back of their necks
- 00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:56,607 with hair growin' out of it.
- 00:05:59,985 --> 00:06:02,237 Stan, we're still valentines, right?
- 00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:04,156 Sure, Wendy, whatever.
- 00:06:04,281 --> 00:06:05,699 Hey, we should buy Miss Ellen Valentine's Day presents.
- 00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,659 Yeah, we'll go to the mall tonight.
- 00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:09,578 I'm gonna buy her a vacuum cleaner.
- 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,497 Chicks like vacuum cleaners!
- 00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:13,207 <i>[somber music]</i>
- 00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:14,750 [sniffles]
- 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:17,503 ♪♪
- 00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:20,964 <i>♪ I remember when we were so in love ♪</i>
- 00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:24,385 <i>♪ The moments that we shared were timeless ♪</i>
- 00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:26,178 <i>♪ Saw it in the wind ♪</i>
- 00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:28,222 <i>♪ Knew it in a glance ♪</i>
- 00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:32,226 <i>♪ The songs we sang were simple and rhymeless ♪</i>
- 00:06:32,351 --> 00:06:36,480 <i>♪ I can't stop now ♪</i>
- 00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:39,650 <i>♪ My heart's awake ♪</i>
- 00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:43,487 <i>♪ I feel your arms ♪</i>
- 00:06:43,612 --> 00:06:46,782 <i>♪ My arms to take ♪</i>
- 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:50,077 <i>♪ I guess times change ♪</i>
- 00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:55,833 <i>♪ Even when love is the same ♪</i>
- 00:06:55,958 --> 00:07:01,004 ♪♪
- 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,259 [writing on chalkboard]
- 00:07:10,806 --> 00:07:12,558 Oh, goodness.
- 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:15,060 Would anybody mind cleaning my erasers after class?
- 00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:16,562 Me, me, me, me, me, me, me!
- 00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:17,896 You guys are so immature!
- 00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:19,148 Act like eight-year-olds!
- 00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:20,399 Stan, how 'bout you?
- 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:21,442 [retches]
- 00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:23,402 I'd love to!
- 00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:26,697 Now, children, let's review our multiplication tables.
- 00:07:26,822 --> 00:07:28,073 Cartman?
- 00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,867 What's a multiplication table?
- 00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:32,911 Didn't Mr. Garrison teach multiplication?
- 00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:35,873 Well, where did he leave off?
- 00:07:35,998 --> 00:07:37,916 We were learning about how Yasmine Bleeth
- 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,918 is going out with that Richard Grieco guy
- 00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:42,004 that used to be on "21 Jump Street"
- 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:43,755 but then he got his own show for just a little while.
- 00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:46,258 Oh, hello.
- 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,468 Can I help you?
- 00:07:47,593 --> 00:07:50,137 I'm Chef. - And?
- 00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:52,264 I just, uh-- I stopped by 'cause little Kyle
- 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,516 forgot his laundry detergent on the playground.
- 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:55,851 My laundry detergent? - That's not Kyle's--
- 00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:57,519 Shh! Crazy cracker's always
- 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,271 leavin' that detergent all over the place.
- 00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,064 What was your name again?
- 00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:03,233 Uh-oh, Chef's movin' in on Miss Ellen.
- 00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,985 I'm the substitute.
- 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,613 Well I'm sure there's no substitute for you.
- 00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,406 That's very nice, Mr. Chef.
- 00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:10,491 Now if you're finished...
- 00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:11,950 <i>[funky music]</i>
- 00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,786 ♪ Nobody could take your place ♪
- 00:08:14,912 --> 00:08:17,789 ♪ No way they can match your face, no ♪
- 00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,750 ♪ You got it goin' on in a way ♪
- 00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:21,585 ♪ So clear ♪
- 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,837 ♪ I just wanna buy you a beer ♪
- 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:27,633 Maybe tonight at 7:30 or something, I can come by and...
- 00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:30,719 ♪ Pick you up in my car ♪
- 00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:32,054 ♪ No substitute ♪
- 00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,388 ♪ No substitute for you ♪
- 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:34,598 ♪ No substitute ♪
- 00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,016 ♪ No, baby there's ♪
- 00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,059 ♪ No substitute ♪
- 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,227 ♪ For you, girl ♪
- 00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:39,311 ♪ No substitute ♪
- 00:08:39,436 --> 00:08:40,729 ♪ For you now ♪
- 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:41,897 ♪ You know that it's true ♪
- 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,607 ♪ No substitute ♪
- 00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:46,818 ♪ There's just no substitute for you ♪
- 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,030 We've got to learn how to do this, dude.
- 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:51,615 Yep. - That was enthralling,
- 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,117 Mr. Chef, but could I get back to teaching now?
- 00:08:54,243 --> 00:08:55,244 If we can have dinner tonight.
- 00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:56,870 Fine, Chef.
- 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,747 Just let me do my job before I get fired.
- 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,458 Oh, weak! Chef's gonna make sweet love to Miss Ellen!
- 00:09:01,583 --> 00:09:02,584 What?
- 00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:05,462 Mr. Garrison, Mr. Garrison!
- 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,382 Where--where am I?
- 00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:10,759 The operation is over, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:09:10,884 --> 00:09:13,762 Oh, I feel weak. How do I look?
- 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,639 You look great!
- 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,183 I--I feel kind of nauseous.
- 00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,352 Yes, well, that's to be expected.
- 00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:22,187 We did some major reconstruction,
- 00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:23,605 sawed through some bone,
- 00:09:23,730 --> 00:09:24,898 snapped some cartilage.
- 00:09:25,023 --> 00:09:26,108 [groans]
- 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,859 All the blood and mucus,
- 00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:30,028 just the sound of bone and sinew coming apart.
- 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:31,738 [imitating cracking]
- 00:09:31,863 --> 00:09:33,532 Ohh...
- 00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:35,784 By the way, did you ever see that movie "Contact"?
- 00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:39,413 [retching]
- 00:09:41,456 --> 00:09:43,834 Oh, stop, that movie was terrible!
- 00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:45,669 Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Garrison,
- 00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:47,087 why don't you get some rest?
- 00:09:47,212 --> 00:09:48,880 I'll check on you a little later.
- 00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:50,924 [breathing shakily]
- 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:53,176 I waited through that entire movie
- 00:09:53,302 --> 00:09:55,929 to see the alien and it was her goddamn father.
- 00:09:57,347 --> 00:09:58,807 [school bell rings]
- 00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,517 Okay, kids, remember your homework.
- 00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:01,893 We have a lot of catching up to do.
- 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,146 Good-bye, Miss Ellen.
- 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,689 Stop kissing ass, Cartman!
- 00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:07,774 I'm not kissing ass, you stupid slut!
- 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,401 Miss Ellen, can I talk to you?
- 00:10:09,526 --> 00:10:11,236 Of course, Wendy.
- 00:10:11,361 --> 00:10:13,614 I couldn't help but notice you taking a liking
- 00:10:13,739 --> 00:10:15,532 to my boyfriend Stan.
- 00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:18,285 Oh, well, I've taken a liking to all of you.
- 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:20,996 You're all so young and cute and full of life.
- 00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,582 Can I tell you something, Miss Ellen?
- 00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,251 Of course, Wendy.
- 00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:29,046 Don't [bleep] with me!
- 00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:30,839 What? - You heard me!
- 00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:32,633 Stay away from my man, bitch,
- 00:10:32,758 --> 00:10:35,636 or I'll whup your sorry ho ass back to last year!
- 00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,181 Bye, Miss Ellen!
- 00:10:43,477 --> 00:10:44,603 Well, I certainly want to thank
- 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:45,979 all you lovely children
- 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,606 for the presents you bought me!
- 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:51,234 Oh, what a delightful scarf!
- 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,944 Thank you, Kyle!
- 00:10:53,070 --> 00:10:54,655 [coughs] Loser gift, loser gift!
- 00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:56,573 And here's one from Kenny.
- 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:59,618 Oh, thank you very much, Kenny.
- 00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,912 This is a very scrumptious-looking sausage.
- 00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:04,456 [laughing]
- 00:11:04,581 --> 00:11:06,541 Oh, and what a nice alarm clock.
- 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,252 Thank you, Stan. [retches]
- 00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:12,381 And here's another present, from Wendy.
- 00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:16,301 Oh, why, it's a dead animal. Thank you, Wendy.
- 00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,012 See? She liked my present the best!
- 00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,472 Where's your present, Cartman?
- 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,266 Well, I got Miss Ellen a chocolate pie,
- 00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:25,060 but I, uh, left it at home.
- 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,520 Okay, kids.
- 00:11:26,645 --> 00:11:27,813 We're gonna take a spelling test now.
- 00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:29,481 [all gasping]
- 00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,400 But as an extra incentive, I'm gonna take
- 00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,276 whoever gets the highest score on the quiz
- 00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:34,820 out to dinner.
- 00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,447 Aw, man, I wish I knew how to spell!
- 00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:39,199 Are there any questions before we begin?
- 00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:40,575 Yes, Wendy?
- 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,869 When someone gets as old as you,
- 00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:45,122 do they have to wear Depends undergarments?
- 00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:52,129 Dude, I aced that test!
- 00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:53,964 I'm gonna win that dinner with Miss Ellen!
- 00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:55,215 No, you're not. I don't think I missed any!
- 00:11:55,340 --> 00:11:56,633 Hi, Stan.
- 00:11:56,758 --> 00:11:58,051 I bet I scored a 100!
- 00:11:58,176 --> 00:11:59,302 [shouting] Hi, Stan!
- 00:11:59,428 --> 00:12:00,721 Oh, hi, Wendy.
- 00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:02,264 I was just in the bathroom,
- 00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,890 and Miss Ellen was in there
- 00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:05,684 taking the biggest dump I've ever seen!
- 00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:06,685 No, she wasn't!
- 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:07,853 Yes, she was!
- 00:12:07,978 --> 00:12:08,854 That's impossible!
- 00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:10,480 Well, she did!
- 00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:12,107 And she has horrible, horrible gas too!
- 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,191 She says she can't control it!
- 00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:15,110 Nuh-uh!
- 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:17,404 It smelled like a dead calf rotting in the hot sun!
- 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:18,655 Oh, cool!
- 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:20,449 All right, Wendy, seriously,
- 00:12:20,574 --> 00:12:22,617 you need to stop with this whole jealousy thing.
- 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,453 Yeah, you're acting like a freak, Wendy.
- 00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:26,329 [screaming] No, I'm not acting like a freak!
- 00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:27,873 [voice echoing]
- 00:12:32,878 --> 00:12:34,755 Hey, man, someone's gotta pull that monkey
- 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:36,214 out of Wendy's ass!
- 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,966 Hello there, children. - Oh, hey, Chef.
- 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,384 How did your date with Miss Ellen go?
- 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:41,261 Not too good. - What happened?
- 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:42,763 Didn't you make sweet love to her?
- 00:12:42,888 --> 00:12:44,222 No, no, no, she's not like that.
- 00:12:44,347 --> 00:12:46,183 You see... uh, how do I put this?
- 00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:47,601 Children,
- 00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:49,561 Miss Ellen doesn't exactly play
- 00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:50,771 for the right team.
- 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:54,441 In--in other words, children,
- 00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:58,445 she's not a member of the heterosexual persuasion.
- 00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:02,449 Don't you understand? She's a lesbian.
- 00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:04,117 A what-bian? - A plebeian?
- 00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:06,411 You boys don't know what a lesbian is?
- 00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,038 Kenny?
- 00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,166 No, explain it to us, Chef.
- 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:12,876 That's okay, uh, look--
- 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,461 all you need to know is,
- 00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:16,129 Miss Ellen's a lesbian, and that means
- 00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:17,214 she only likes other lesbians.
- 00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:18,423 Oh.
- 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:19,633 Now move along, children,
- 00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:20,634 you're holding up the line.
- 00:13:20,759 --> 00:13:22,052 Weak, dude.
- 00:13:22,177 --> 00:13:23,804 She only likes other lesbians?
- 00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:25,514 Hey, man, if she only likes other lesbians,
- 00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:26,890 then all we gotta do is become lesbians too!
- 00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,099 Hey, yeah!
- 00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:29,309 Hey, guys, you know what?
- 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,644 My grandma was Dutch-Irish,
- 00:13:30,769 --> 00:13:31,895 and my grandpa was lesbian.
- 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,230 That makes me quarter lesbian.
- 00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:34,731 You're just sayin' that, Cartman.
- 00:13:34,856 --> 00:13:36,274 Yeah, you're not a lesbian, fat-ass!
- 00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:37,651 I am too!
- 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,986 Okay, only a few more bandages to go.
- 00:13:40,111 --> 00:13:41,363 Well?
- 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,948 Take a look for yourself.
- 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,911 Wow, that's a pretty good nose job!
- 00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,496 What do you think, Mr. Hat?
- 00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:51,206 I think it looks great.
- 00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,124 Yes, I think once the swelling goes down,
- 00:13:53,250 --> 00:13:54,584 you'll really notice a difference.
- 00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,215 What the hell are you doing, Cartman?
- 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,467 My mom said if you want to become a lesbian
- 00:14:02,592 --> 00:14:04,427 you have to lick carpet! - Really?
- 00:14:04,553 --> 00:14:06,429 Well, I got a Indi-glow Girls CD.
- 00:14:06,555 --> 00:14:08,139 The guy at the record store said it was perfect.
- 00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:10,475 And I got these killer Birkenstocks.
- 00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:15,814 ♪ I woke up very early one Sunday morning ♪
- 00:14:15,939 --> 00:14:17,566 This is a bunch of crap!
- 00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:18,984 I've been licking this carpet for three hours
- 00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:20,277 and I still don't feel like a lesbian!
- 00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:21,987 <i>♪ Do it light ♪</i>
- 00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:23,905 <i>♪ Taking me through the night ♪</i>
- 00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:26,324 <i>♪ Shadow dancing ♪</i>
- 00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:29,077 <i>♪ Baby, you do it right ♪</i>
- 00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,788 <i>♪ Give me more... ♪</i>
- 00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:33,290 Hi, Mrs. Kimball.
- 00:14:33,415 --> 00:14:36,501 Oh, how-dy, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:39,004 Say, honey, you look kinda different.
- 00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:40,589 Really?
- 00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:42,465 Did you get a haircut?
- 00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:44,384 No, but thanks for asking.
- 00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,094 <i>♪ Do it light ♪</i>
- 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:47,387 <i>♪ Taking me through the night ♪</i>
- 00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:49,598 Call me... I'm in the book!
- 00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,016 Wow, Mr. Hat, having a nose job
- 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,559 is even better than I thought.
- 00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:54,019 There's a whole world of opportunity
- 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:55,395 opening up in front of us.
- 00:14:56,605 --> 00:14:57,981 Thanks for coming over, Bebe.
- 00:14:58,106 --> 00:14:59,649 That's okay, Wendy,
- 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:01,151 I brought my makeup kit like you asked me.
- 00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:02,652 What are we doing, anyway?
- 00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:04,487 That mean old substitute isn't gonna stop
- 00:15:04,613 --> 00:15:06,615 until she takes everything from me, Bebe!
- 00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,366 Really? - Yeah!
- 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,577 What I'd really like to do is load her into a rocket
- 00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:12,370 and have her shot into the center of the Sun!
- 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,997 But instead,
- 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,291 I'll just get Stan to notice me again.
- 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,293 Bebe, I need a makeover!
- 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,544 Oh, cool!
- 00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,173 I can't wait for Miss Ellen to see
- 00:15:23,298 --> 00:15:24,633 what a raging lesbian I am!
- 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,384 I'm a bigger lesbian than you!
- 00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:28,011 No, you're a fatter lesbian than me!
- 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,263 Screw you guys, I'm king lesbian!
- 00:15:30,388 --> 00:15:32,432 Whoa, is that Wendy Testaburger?
- 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:38,521 ♪♪
- 00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,357 Hi, guys, what's up?
- 00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:42,484 Wow, Wendy looks just like that chick from "Grease,"
- 00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:43,902 Elton John!
- 00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:45,403 Wow, hi, Wendy.
- 00:15:45,528 --> 00:15:47,030 Oh, hi, Stan.
- 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,573 I think it worked, Bebe!
- 00:15:48,698 --> 00:15:49,824 Yeah!
- 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,618 Good morning, children.
- 00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:54,079 Wow!
- 00:15:54,204 --> 00:15:55,580 Damn! Get down!
- 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:56,915 Yeah!
- 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,458 Oh, Wendy,
- 00:15:58,583 --> 00:15:59,876 you wore black leather too!
- 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,213 We're like sisters.
- 00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,006 Die!
- 00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,716 All right, kids, I finished grading your papers
- 00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,051 and the person with the highest score...
- 00:16:08,176 --> 00:16:09,260 Hello there, children!
- 00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:10,971 <i>♪ Do it light ♪</i>
- 00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:13,223 <i>♪ Taking me through the night ♪</i>
- 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:15,350 <i>♪ Shadow dancing ♪</i>
- 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,477 Oh, no, Mr. Garrison's back!
- 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:18,979 Oh, weak, dude!
- 00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,438 Hooray, hooray!
- 00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:22,315 Hooray for Mr. Garrison!
- 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,651 ♪ He's back, he's back, Mr. Garrison is back ♪
- 00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:26,361 So long, substitute!
- 00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:27,404 Don't let the door hit your ass
- 00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,322 on the way out, now!
- 00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,700 Children, I have a very important announcement to make.
- 00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:33,952 I'm quitting my job as a teacher.
- 00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:34,953 [all gasping]
- 00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,496 What?
- 00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:37,789 It's strange, but suddenly I feel
- 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,582 really confident about myself.
- 00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,167 And I've decided to quit teaching
- 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:42,919 and do what I've always dreamed of doing:
- 00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:45,380 hang out and screw hot chicks.
- 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:46,881 You... you can't!
- 00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,717 But the good news is,
- 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,802 I've already talked to Principal Victoria about it,
- 00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,387 and Miss Ellen can stay on
- 00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:53,888 as your permanent teacher.
- 00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:56,307 [all cheering]
- 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:57,809 Really?
- 00:16:57,934 --> 00:16:59,602 That's right. Will you stay?
- 00:16:59,728 --> 00:17:01,354 Well, sure!
- 00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:02,689 No!
- 00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:04,024 No!
- 00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:05,859 Oh, by the way, kids,
- 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,569 the person who scored highest on the quiz
- 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,112 and gets to have dinner on me,
- 00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,780 is Stan.
- 00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,657 [retches] Kickass!
- 00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:13,658 [screaming] No!
- 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:14,993 No!
- 00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:17,120 Oh, and Wendy, I almost forgot,
- 00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,413 we just got a call in the office.
- 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:19,414 Your grandma just died.
- 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,416 [screaming]
- 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,209 Ooh, my, what an exciting day!
- 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,797 <i>♪ Do it light ♪</i>
- 00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,424 <i>♪ Taking me through the night ♪</i>
- 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:30,967 <i>♪ Shadow dancing ♪</i>
- 00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,385 Great, baby, you're lookin' great!
- 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,345 I'm a lady killer, Mr. Hat!
- 00:17:34,471 --> 00:17:36,806 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison!
- 00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:39,059 Okay, just a few hundred more shots,
- 00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:40,060 and we'll be done.
- 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:41,603 A few hundred?
- 00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:43,605 Hey, that's the life of a model, baby!
- 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,648 Oh, boy, I'm gonna need some more smack!
- 00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:46,775 You got it!
- 00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:49,944 [camera shutter clicking]
- 00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:54,741 I'm very glad we could have dinner together, Stanley.
- 00:17:54,866 --> 00:17:56,367 I want you to know
- 00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:57,952 that I really care about your education.
- 00:17:58,078 --> 00:17:58,953 Are we making love now?
- 00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:00,497 Excuse me?
- 00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:01,873 They don't have a fireplace here.
- 00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,041 We shouldn't be making love yet.
- 00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:04,709 What are you talking about?
- 00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:05,960 You have to make love down by the fire,
- 00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:07,253 that's what Chef always says.
- 00:18:07,378 --> 00:18:09,214 Stan, I'm your teacher, okay?
- 00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:10,423 We're only friends.
- 00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:11,925 But why?
- 00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:13,718 Well, first of all, you're eight.
- 00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,386 It's because I'm not a lesbian, isn't it?
- 00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,721 Oh, boy.
- 00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,516 [thunder rumbling]
- 00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:21,059 It's over.
- 00:18:21,184 --> 00:18:22,602 I give up.
- 00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:30,151 Boy, I'll tell you something, Mr. Hat,
- 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,778 being hot and sexy is fun for a while,
- 00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,655 but it sure does get boring.
- 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,907 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:37,492 [women screaming]
- 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:38,827 What the...
- 00:18:38,952 --> 00:18:41,037 Whoa! Hey, wait, wait!
- 00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:43,456 Ahh!
- 00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:45,250 Mr. Hat, save yourself!
- 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,043 [school bell ringing]
- 00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:48,294 So how'd your date with Miss Ellen go?
- 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:49,295 Did you make love?
- 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:50,338 I think so.
- 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:51,756 No way! - Yep!
- 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,133 Down by the fire? - Yep!
- 00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:54,926 [mumbling]
- 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:56,010 Did I <i>what?</i>
- 00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,179 Good morning, children.
- 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,598 Miss Ellen, can I talk to you?
- 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:03,184 Sure, but can it wait till after class, Wendy?
- 00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,228 No, I just have to apologize
- 00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:07,230 for the way I've been acting.
- 00:19:07,355 --> 00:19:08,690 Oh, that's okay, Wendy.
- 00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:10,024 No, it's not.
- 00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:11,442 Since you're here to stay,
- 00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:13,403 I just hope we can be friends.
- 00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:15,280 Well, I would love that, Wendy.
- 00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:17,407 And... [clears throat]
- 00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,450 I want to apologize to everybody.
- 00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:21,327 The way I acted was wrong,
- 00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:22,871 and I've learned from it.
- 00:19:22,996 --> 00:19:26,249 I just wish Stan and Miss Ellen
- 00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:29,002 would have all the happiness in the world.
- 00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:31,880 Wendy, there's nothing between me and Stan.
- 00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:34,465 That's not what we just heard!
- 00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:36,384 [women screaming]
- 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:37,844 Oh, Mr. Hat, I hate this!
- 00:19:37,969 --> 00:19:39,971 I wish I'd never had a nose job!
- 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:43,850 Damn this beautiful face of mine!
- 00:19:43,975 --> 00:19:45,268 Damn it to hell!
- 00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:48,521 We have to get the surgery again, Mr. Hat.
- 00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:50,648 I wanna be the old me again!
- 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:56,779 Okay, children, let's catch up
- 00:19:56,905 --> 00:19:59,157 on our cursive handwriting.
- 00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:01,159 Down, down, everybody down!
- 00:20:01,284 --> 00:20:02,285 What the hell?
- 00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:06,039 So we meet again Miss Ellen.
- 00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:08,374 And just what is going on here, mister?
- 00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:09,667 I am Hakeem Korashki
- 00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:11,336 of the mighty nation of Iraq.
- 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,879 This woman is a traitor to our government.
- 00:20:13,004 --> 00:20:14,047 It's a lie!
- 00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:15,548 She has killed thousands
- 00:20:15,673 --> 00:20:17,050 and will kill again, I assure you.
- 00:20:17,175 --> 00:20:19,677 Miss Ellen, is this true? - No!
- 00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:21,679 We must take her back to Iraq immediately!
- 00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:23,097 Oh, cool!
- 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,141 Principal Victoria, please!
- 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:26,309 Here is a black-and-white photo of Miss Ellen
- 00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:27,852 with our leader!
- 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,438 Her real name is Maqesh Alaq Makaraqesh.
- 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,315 Well, Miss Makaraqesh,
- 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,943 you certainly tried to put one over on us, boy howdy!
- 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,402 Take her away!
- 00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:39,572 No, get away from me!
- 00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:46,454 Oh, my God, she killed Kenny!
- 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:47,872 You bastard!
- 00:20:48,623 --> 00:20:49,874 No!
- 00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:52,377 Wow, what incredible irony.
- 00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:53,670 [sirens wailing]
- 00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,380 Wow, I can't believe
- 00:20:55,505 --> 00:20:57,131 Miss Ellen was a criminal Iraqi fugitive!
- 00:20:57,257 --> 00:20:59,092 Yeah, you just never know.
- 00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:00,635 Well, I guess I'm sorry
- 00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:01,970 that I was ignoring you and stuff.
- 00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:04,806 Happy Valentine's Day, Stan.
- 00:21:08,518 --> 00:21:09,602 [retching]
- 00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:10,937 Eww!
- 00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:13,648 Sorry. - No, it's okay, Stan!
- 00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:16,150 Everything's going to be okay.
- 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:18,319 Cartman, are you still trying to become a lesbian?
- 00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:20,571 Yeah, dude, my mom says all I have to do
- 00:21:20,697 --> 00:21:21,739 is chow on this box.
- 00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:29,414 For crimes against this country,
- 00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:31,082 you are hereby sentenced to be
- 00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:32,375 shot into the center of the Sun!
- 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,544 This is all a mistake!
- 00:21:34,669 --> 00:21:36,838 This can't be happening!
- 00:21:38,548 --> 00:21:40,008 Please!
- 00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,801 For the love of God!
- 00:21:41,926 --> 00:21:43,011 Shut up!
- 00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:48,141 [upbeat music playing]
- 00:21:48,266 --> 00:21:50,643 [laughs] Great party, Wendy!
- 00:21:50,768 --> 00:21:51,728 Thanks, Mrs. Kimball.
- 00:21:51,853 --> 00:21:53,479 Thanks for helping me
- 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:55,189 to get Mr. Garrison to come back as a teacher.
- 00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,400 Anything for you, sugar-pie.
- 00:21:57,525 --> 00:21:58,651 Oh, hi, Kyle.
- 00:21:58,776 --> 00:22:00,194 I've been thinking, Wendy,
- 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:01,612 this whole outcome is pretty strange.
- 00:22:01,738 --> 00:22:02,822 Uh, excuse me.
- 00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:06,200 [speaking foreign language]
- 00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:12,540 [grumbling in foreign language]
- 00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:14,042 How is it that Miss Ellen was suddenly arrested for being--
- 00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:15,752 Wait, wait! Shh, shh!
- 00:22:15,877 --> 00:22:18,129 It's time to whip out the eclipse shoeboxes!
- 00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:25,928 Bye-bye, Miss Ellen.
- 00:22:26,054 --> 00:22:28,056 Wendy... you didn't!
- 00:22:28,181 --> 00:22:29,974 I told her...
- 00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:36,064 don't [bleep] with Wendy Testaburger!
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