Смерть — Дедушке Стэна — 102 года. Единственное, что он хочет — умереть. Он пытается любым способом добиться, чтобы Стэн его убил. Тем временем Шейла Брофловски пытается запретить шоу Терренса и Филлипа.

Предыдущая серия S01 E05 Слон занимается любовью со свиньёй

Следующая серия S01 E07 Конъюнктивит

Смерть

Death

Сезон: 01Серия: 06

Описание

Дедушке Стэна — 102 года. Единственное, что он хочет — умереть. Он пытается любым способом добиться, чтобы Стэн его убил. Тем временем Шейла Брофловски пытается запретить шоу Терренса и Филлипа.

Субтитры

00:02:20,858 --> 00:02:24,864 А теперь задуй свечи, дедушка
00:02:26,912 --> 00:02:29,902 — Какого это, когда тебе 102 года, а пап? — Пристрелите меня
00:02:29,922 --> 00:02:33,932 — Загадай желание, дедушка — Я хочу сдохнуть
00:02:34,853 --> 00:02:37,869 — Это глупо — Это не глупо, убейте меня
00:02:37,890 --> 00:02:42,860 — Я бы сделал это сам, но я слишком стар — Кто хочет мороженного с тортом?
00:02:42,877 --> 00:02:45,886 — Я хочу — Сейчас 8:00. Мое любимое телешоу начинается.
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:49,848 Это телешоу для малышей. Оно такое тупое
00:02:49,868 --> 00:02:51,911 Мам, можно мне поесть в гостиной?
00:02:51,928 --> 00:02:54,931 Ну хорошо, но возьми дедушку с собой.
00:02:55,852 --> 00:02:57,857 — Вот дерьмо! — Следи за языком!
00:02:57,895 --> 00:02:59,894 Вернемся к Террансу и Филлипу
00:02:59,915 --> 00:03:05,859 — Эй Терранс, мне, кажется, нужно пернуть. — Погоди, прежде чем сделать это, дерьни меня за палец.
00:03:11,847 --> 00:03:12,913 Вот дерьмо!
00:03:12,933 --> 00:03:17,853 — Хочешь заработать доллар, Билли? — Меня зовут не Билли, а Стэн
00:03:17,887 --> 00:03:20,881 — Черт тебя дери, хочешь доллар или нет? — Конечно
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:24,927 — Ты должен сделать кое-что для меня — Я не собираюсь тебя убивать
00:03:25,848 --> 00:03:27,847 — Почему не будешь? — У меня будут неприятности
00:03:27,868 --> 00:03:32,888 — Я убил своего дедушку, когдя был молодым — Отстань, дедушка
00:03:32,922 --> 00:03:34,915 До чего дошла наша молодеж
00:03:34,932 --> 00:03:37,881 Дети даже не хотят убивать своих дедушек
00:03:39,879 --> 00:03:44,903 Эй, Терранс, раз уж ты пернул, я тоже должен сделать это.
00:03:45,873 --> 00:03:47,879 Ты пернул.
00:03:48,870 --> 00:03:50,867 Кайл, что ты смотришь?
00:03:50,887 --> 00:03:53,924 — Филлип, хочешь ли ты цветов? — Конечно хочу
00:03:54,844 --> 00:03:57,857 Ну отлично, вот тебе тюльпан
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:01,864 — Что это? Это кошмар какой-то — Это Терранс и Филлип
00:04:01,885 --> 00:04:04,865 — Слови это, хер тупоголовый — Что он сказал?
00:04:04,885 --> 00:04:07,875 — Ты просто говнюк, Филлип — Что?
00:04:08,892 --> 00:04:11,898 Ты не будешь больше это смотреть
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:15,889 — Это подростковый сортирный юмор — Но ведь все это смотрят
00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:18,900 Серьезно что ли?
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:24,840 — Похоже ты собираешься пернуть — Ты совершенно прав, Терранс
00:04:26,887 --> 00:04:28,886 — Милый — Эрик, дорогой...
00:04:28,908 --> 00:04:32,864 ...мне только что звонила мама твоего друга, Кайла.
00:04:32,885 --> 00:04:37,868 Она сказала, что это шоу не приличное, и может сделать из тебя сквернослова.
00:04:37,888 --> 00:04:40,891 Полная чушь. Мама Кайла ёбаная жидовка.
00:04:40,912 --> 00:04:42,878 Хорошо, сладенький.
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:52,850 — Я не буду убивать тебя дедушка — Неблагодарный!
00:04:52,870 --> 00:04:55,896 — Спокойной ночи, дедушка — Шлюхин сын!
00:04:59,871 --> 00:05:00,897 За что это?
00:05:00,914 --> 00:05:04,851 За твою тупорылую мамашу. Из-за нее я пропустил Терренса и Филлипа.
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:07,920 Чего это твоей маме взбрело в голову обзванивать наших мам?
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,915 — Она это сама по себе сделала — Почему это случается каждый месяц?
00:05:11,935 --> 00:05:16,935 Как будто каждый месяц у мамы Кайла начинает сверлеть в жопе...
00:05:17,856 --> 00:05:20,846 — ...а я попадаю под раздачу. — Дети...
00:05:20,866 --> 00:05:25,893 — Мне звонила мать одного из вас — Я даже не знаю кто бы это мог быть?
00:05:25,913 --> 00:05:31,890 Она проинформировала меня, что некоторые из вас могли смотреть Терранса и Филлипа.
00:05:31,911 --> 00:05:35,887 Это плохое шоу, мр. Гаррисон Так точно, мр. Шляпа.
00:05:35,908 --> 00:05:38,920 Такие шоу относят к "сортирному юмору".
00:05:39,841 --> 00:05:42,868 Они не развивают вас.
00:05:42,898 --> 00:05:46,889 Дети, подобные шоу это бесмысленный, гнусный отстой.
00:05:46,909 --> 00:05:49,878 Кенни, почему ты опаздал на занятия?
00:05:52,909 --> 00:05:54,915 Хорошо, садись.
00:05:54,936 --> 00:05:58,926 Причина расстройства ваших родителей это...
00:05:59,847 --> 00:06:01,849 Да, Кенни, что такое?
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:04,873 Ты же только что из туалета пришел.
00:06:04,894 --> 00:06:07,843 Хорошо, хорошо, иди.
00:06:07,864 --> 00:06:11,860 Вам нравится это шоу, несмотря на то, что оно не имеет никакой связи с реальностью.
00:06:11,901 --> 00:06:14,928 Жизнь это более интересная вещь, чем пердеж двух ребят.
00:06:15,848 --> 00:06:19,875 В истории всегда были плохие шоу.
00:06:19,895 --> 00:06:21,892 Обычно их закрывали.
00:06:21,916 --> 00:06:27,879 Вам следует просвещать свои умы более интеллигентными развлечениями.
00:06:27,906 --> 00:06:31,893 — Воняет как будто ты корову зарезал — Прошу внимания!
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:36,904 Я требую чтобы вы не смотрели больше Терранса и Филлипа.
00:06:36,924 --> 00:06:39,893 — Чего? — Не смотреть Терранса и Филлипа?
00:06:39,927 --> 00:06:43,867 Вот именно. Есть какие-нибудь вопросы? Да, Стэнли?
00:06:43,888 --> 00:06:46,924 А это нормально убить кого-то если он этого сам хочет?
00:06:47,871 --> 00:06:50,888 — Что? — Мой дедушка просит меня убить его.
00:06:50,908 --> 00:06:54,938 — Порой я думаю, должен ли я это сделать. — Тогда ты должен.
00:06:55,859 --> 00:06:58,856 — Серьезно? — Аха. Парень по имени Джек Лаборкиан...
00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:02,846 ...бродит и убивает всех, кто его об этом просит.
00:07:02,873 --> 00:07:05,910 Может мы могли бы угороворить его убить маму Кайла.
00:07:05,930 --> 00:07:08,913 А это нормально помогать кому-либо в совершении самоубийства?
00:07:09,844 --> 00:07:13,900 Стэн, я не хочу касаться этого даже шестиметровой палкой.
00:07:23,328 --> 00:07:29,328 Мы пропустим Терранса и Филлипа. Мне кажется у меня уже ломка.
00:07:31,266 --> 00:07:34,296 Не волнуйся, чувак, мы можем посмотреть у меня дома.
00:07:34,316 --> 00:07:36,306 А разьве твой дедушка не дома?
00:07:36,326 --> 00:07:39,303 Да убей его просто. Может быть он даст тебе денег.
00:07:39,323 --> 00:07:41,279 — Здравствуйте ребята — Привет, Шеф
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:42,330 — Как дела? — Плохо.
00:07:42,350 --> 00:07:45,330 — Почему плохо? — А нормально ли убить твоего дедушку?
00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:49,294 Ты не можешь убить моего дедушку, он уже давно мертв.
00:07:49,314 --> 00:07:53,308 — Нет, я имею в виду убить своего дедушку. — Не думаю, что это нормально.
00:07:53,328 --> 00:07:56,301 — Мне кажется, это противозаконно. — Видишь, я ж тебе говорил.
00:07:56,321 --> 00:08:00,338 Ну а что если очень хочеть умереть, и просит, чтобы ему помогли с этим?
00:08:00,359 --> 00:08:04,325 Аха, он типа просит убить его. Что тогда?
00:08:05,329 --> 00:08:08,356 Я не хочу касаться этого даже 12 метровой палкой.
00:08:09,313 --> 00:08:12,289 Почему никто не хочет говорить об этом?
00:08:12,310 --> 00:08:15,356 До не давнего времени я не имела представления об этом ужасном шоу.
00:08:16,273 --> 00:08:18,353 У меня есть клип показывающий, что я имею в виду.
00:08:19,274 --> 00:08:21,271 — Филлип, угадай че? — Че?
00:08:21,291 --> 00:08:23,310 Пердеж.
00:08:24,278 --> 00:08:27,334 Видимо, это должно быть смешно.
00:08:27,355 --> 00:08:30,338 Он пернул прямо ему в голову.
00:08:31,318 --> 00:08:35,291 Не достаточно запретить нашим детям смотреть это шоу.
00:08:35,312 --> 00:08:41,312 Мы должны забойкотировать всю телекомпанию. Кто за?
00:08:45,343 --> 00:08:49,280 Мне кажется я подхватил инфекцию от Кенни.
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:54,260 — У меня яблочно-зеленые брызги. — Яблочно-зеленые брызги.
00:08:57,358 --> 00:09:00,324 Привет дедушка, я привел своих друзей.
00:09:00,345 --> 00:09:04,271 Билли, помоги мне воткнуть вилку в розетку.
00:09:04,292 --> 00:09:07,285 — Нет, дедушка. — Убей, черт тебя дери.
00:09:07,305 --> 00:09:10,345 — Я даже оленя убить не могу. — Дай сделать это твоим друзьям.
00:09:11,266 --> 00:09:13,345 — Ты убей меня. — Я бы никогда не убил кого-либо...
00:09:14,266 --> 00:09:16,346 ...если только меня не взбесят. — Это правда?
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,296 Позволь мне сказать тебе кое-что, хрюшка...
00:09:19,316 --> 00:09:23,350 ...тут была недавно твоя мама, и я отодрал ее как сучку.
00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:25,283 Все верно.
00:09:25,304 --> 00:09:30,274 А потом я откапал скелет твоей пробабушки и проделал тоже самое.
00:09:30,294 --> 00:09:33,354 — Жопа была что надо. — Кусок дерьма, я убью тебя!
00:09:34,275 --> 00:09:36,351 — Ух какой настрой, пузатый. — Харошь.
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:40,331 — Не смей так говорить о моей маме! — Пойдем смотреть телик.
00:09:40,352 --> 00:09:44,272 Я когда-нибудь рассказывал, как отодрал твоего папашу, жирный?
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:48,305 — Я не верю этому сукиному сыну! — Возьми кексиков.
00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:51,273 — Чувак, кексики? — Что мне делать?
00:09:51,293 --> 00:09:53,352 — Он реально хочет умереть. — Это нормально.
00:09:54,273 --> 00:09:56,300 — Спроси у Господа совета. — Да.
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,323 А сейчас возвращаемся к "Иисусу и ребятам".
00:09:59,344 --> 00:10:04,324 Да, веруйте в меня и вы найдете покой. Первый звонок?
00:10:04,344 --> 00:10:09,338 — Это Иисус? — Да. Ты должен выключить свой телевизор.
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:13,274 — Извинте. Это Мартин. — Из Аспен Парк.
00:10:13,295 --> 00:10:18,318 — Как ты узнал это? — Потому что я сын Господний, умник.
00:10:18,339 --> 00:10:22,276 У меня есть кузен, который списывал на экзаменах...
00:10:22,296 --> 00:10:26,319 Скажи маленькому Грегори, что списывание это обман, а обманывать это плохо.
00:10:26,340 --> 00:10:29,342 Ладно. Спасибо за совет, Иисус.
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,269 — Следующий. — Иисус?
00:10:32,290 --> 00:10:35,350 — Да, сын мой. — А нормально ли это убить того...
00:10:36,271 --> 00:10:40,297 ...кто сам просит сделать это, типа помочь с самоубийством. Это нормально?
00:10:40,318 --> 00:10:42,270 — Сын мой... — Да?
00:10:42,291 --> 00:10:45,275 ...я не касаюсь этого даже с 18 метровой палкой.
00:10:45,295 --> 00:10:46,342 — Черт побери! — Я все слышал.
00:10:47,262 --> 00:10:51,288 — Что со всеми не так? — Эй, Терранс и Филлип уже идет.
00:10:51,309 --> 00:10:54,325 — Думаете у нас не будет неприятностей? — Не будь засранцем.
00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:58,269 Твоя мама сука, но мы не должны страдать.
00:10:58,286 --> 00:11:00,346 Не называй мою маму сукой, Картман!
00:11:01,263 --> 00:11:05,313 Сука. Твоя мама сука.
00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:07,320 Возвращаемся к Террансу и Филлипу.
00:11:07,341 --> 00:11:12,260 — Филлип, хочешь бобов? — Да, я обожаю бобы.
00:11:12,281 --> 00:11:17,337 — Спорим, я знаю к чему все идет. — Билли, подержи пожалуйста.
00:11:17,358 --> 00:11:20,355 Хорошо, дедушка, только уйди, не загораживай.
00:11:21,275 --> 00:11:25,275 — Те бобы могут заставить меня пернуть. — Ну, не перни на меня.
00:11:25,312 --> 00:11:28,306 Чувак, он снова пернет ему прямо в голову.
00:11:28,346 --> 00:11:31,312 Эй, Кенни, ты пропустишь это.
00:11:31,333 --> 00:11:34,359 — Ты такой говнюк, Терранс. — Да я такой.
00:11:39,327 --> 00:11:44,271 — Кенни, ты пропустишь весь пердеж. — Какого черта вы делаете?
00:11:44,291 --> 00:11:47,337 Мы не смотрим Терранса и Филлипа, я клянусь.
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:51,341 Нет, я имею в виду какого черта ты делаешь с дедушкой?
00:11:53,339 --> 00:11:56,355 Затяни чутка потуже, Билли.
00:11:59,269 --> 00:12:02,263 Ты ублюдок! Ты пытался убить дедушку.
00:12:02,283 --> 00:12:05,323 — Я расскажу маме. — Черт возьми, я был так близок.
00:12:05,343 --> 00:12:08,286 Четыре мальчика из Южного Парка, штат Колорадо...
00:12:08,307 --> 00:12:12,266 ...пытались злонамеренно убить безвредного дедушку.
00:12:12,287 --> 00:12:17,290 Мальчики, что побудило вас пойти на крайности и породило в вас демонических сволочей?
00:12:17,311 --> 00:12:20,320 Мы смотрели Терранса и Филлипа и...
00:12:20,341 --> 00:12:24,311 Терранс и Филлип? Значит это шоу виновато.
00:12:24,332 --> 00:12:29,341 Разум этих мальчиков был помутнен помоями, что они смотрели в телевизоре...
00:12:30,262 --> 00:12:32,325 ...и мы сыты этим по горло.
00:12:32,346 --> 00:12:34,319 О, Боже. О, Боже
00:12:34,339 --> 00:12:37,359 Мы должны не дать попасть этой непристойности в эфир.
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:43,273 Мы устроим марш к телецентру, и будем протестовать до тех пор, пока наши требования не выполнят.
00:12:43,293 --> 00:12:46,310 Нью Йорк, мы идем!
00:12:52,401 --> 00:12:55,434 Мы донесем наше слово до этого заведения...
00:12:55,451 --> 00:13:00,461 ...что мы хотим лучшее телевидение для наших детей.
00:13:01,402 --> 00:13:05,448 Мы хотим более качественное шоу, таких как Полный дом.
00:13:07,493 --> 00:13:13,473 — Кажется, я от вас подцепил желудочную инфекцию. — Нет, это пошло от сволоча Кенни.
00:13:14,423 --> 00:13:18,486 — Мэр, вы там готовите подливу что ли? — Я только что родила коричневого младенца.
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:29,410 — Так классно без родителей. — Я надеюсь они там вечно будут протестовать.
00:13:29,435 --> 00:13:33,415 — Билли, я хочу кое-что тебе показать. — Оно мне надо?
00:13:33,435 --> 00:13:35,455 Да, надо, мелкий ты дятел.
00:13:35,475 --> 00:13:38,424 Причина, по которой ты не убиваешь меня...
00:13:38,446 --> 00:13:41,448 ...не понимание того, как я себя чувствую.
00:13:41,493 --> 00:13:47,439 Теперь я нашел способ показать тебе какого это быть дедушкой.
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,453 Что ты делаешь?
00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:55,450 — Что они делают? — Я не знаю.
00:13:55,471 --> 00:14:00,437 Сейчас ты поймешь, какого это быть таким старым как я. Ты готов?
00:14:00,458 --> 00:14:02,460 Думаю да.
00:14:12,482 --> 00:14:16,469 — Ладно, теперь дай мне выйти отсюда. — Не так сразу.
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:19,436 Дай мне выйти, дедушка.
00:14:19,456 --> 00:14:22,426 Я не могу это терпеть. Музыка ужасная.
00:14:22,447 --> 00:14:25,490 Она дряная, но одновременно увечная и убаюкивающая тоже.
00:14:26,410 --> 00:14:29,463 Вот так. Теперь ты знаешь, какого это чувствовать себя как дедушка.
00:14:33,404 --> 00:14:36,410 Дедушка, я и понятия не имел как плохо тебе было.
00:14:36,431 --> 00:14:40,418 — Теперь я понимаю. — Ну сейчас ты меня убьешь, Билли?
00:14:40,439 --> 00:14:42,479 Конечно убью, дедушка. Обязательно.
00:14:44,442 --> 00:14:48,498 — Наш протест не действует. — Он подействует. Он должен.
00:14:49,446 --> 00:14:51,489 Это президент телекомпании.
00:14:52,410 --> 00:14:54,493 Леди и джентельмены, я Джон Уарсон.
00:14:55,413 --> 00:14:59,497 Я подготовил для вас заявление от имени телекомпании.
00:15:01,424 --> 00:15:02,490 Идите на хуй.
00:15:03,484 --> 00:15:06,433 Спасибо. Если есть еще какие-либо вопросы...
00:15:06,454 --> 00:15:10,404 ...вы можете задать их вон той кирпичной стене.
00:15:10,425 --> 00:15:14,458 Эй, тебе это с рук не сойдет.
00:15:17,442 --> 00:15:21,432 Ну все, никаких больше умеренных протестов.
00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:23,489 Пришло время для плана Б.
00:15:24,486 --> 00:15:27,485 Кэрол, а где передвижные туалеты?
00:15:28,407 --> 00:15:32,406 Вон там. Что, тебе нужно сбросить пару дружков на водичку?
00:15:32,427 --> 00:15:34,493 Аха, именно так.
00:15:36,464 --> 00:15:39,474 Хорошо, все что тебе нужно, это просто сидеть там.
00:15:39,494 --> 00:15:42,464 — Корова хорошо привязана? — Все нормально.
00:15:43,415 --> 00:15:45,438 Ладно, давайте ребята.
00:15:46,475 --> 00:15:50,415 — Почему мы его не пристрелим? — Это должно выглядеть естественно...
00:15:50,435 --> 00:15:53,402 — ...иначе нас поймают. — Аха, тупица.
00:15:53,439 --> 00:15:57,459 Хорошо, Билли, чуток повыше сейчас.
00:15:58,406 --> 00:16:01,403 Телекомпания не обращается с нами со всей серьезностью.
00:16:01,423 --> 00:16:05,446 В прошлом, людям приходилось умирать во имя того, во что верили.
00:16:05,467 --> 00:16:10,427 Мы приготовились сделать тоже самое. Готовы?
00:16:10,448 --> 00:16:15,485 Мистер Маккормик, вы будете для нас мучеником. С богом.
00:16:16,405 --> 00:16:21,478 Мы не позволим этим корпоративным полоумным разрушить умы наших детей.
00:16:21,499 --> 00:16:23,442 Пускай!
00:16:27,426 --> 00:16:33,425 Мы все поступим также, если до этого придется дойти.
00:16:34,430 --> 00:16:38,483 — Ты готов, дедушка? — Папа Римский срет в лесу?
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:43,423 Код 6. 105-й на север, 52-е шоссе.
00:16:47,461 --> 00:16:49,441 Продолжайте.
00:16:50,418 --> 00:16:53,434 Хорошо, ну вот и все. Пока дедушка, с тобой было хорошо.
00:16:53,455 --> 00:16:55,435 Режь уже эту чертову веревку!
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,451 Что это?
00:16:58,479 --> 00:17:02,419 Это похоже на Смерть.
00:17:03,476 --> 00:17:07,439 Ты как раз вовремя, ты ленивый шлюхин сын!
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:10,447 Давай, приступай! Что за...
00:17:11,427 --> 00:17:15,454 — Эй, он направляется в нашу сторону. — Почему Смерть идет за нами?
00:17:21,418 --> 00:17:24,401 — Помогите! — Беги, беги!
00:17:25,472 --> 00:17:27,481 Что мы будем делать?
00:17:28,425 --> 00:17:31,448 В течении дня, все больше жителей Южного Парка...
00:17:31,469 --> 00:17:36,439 ...выстреливают свои тела в здание Тун Централ.
00:17:36,459 --> 00:17:40,412 Сейчас Тун Централ находится под невероятным прессингом...
00:17:40,433 --> 00:17:43,470 ...и уже потеряли 20% своих спонсоров.
00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:47,419 — Вот держи, думаю это твой мальчик. — Спасибо.
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:50,410 Что такое? Ты что-нибудь сломал?
00:17:50,431 --> 00:17:53,468 Мам, здесь Смерть! Он пытается забрать нас!
00:17:53,488 --> 00:17:56,428 Тебе нужно оставить маму в покое.
00:17:56,448 --> 00:17:59,492 Я занимаюсь важным делом для твоего же блага.
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,448 — Но, Мам..! — Поговори с отцом.
00:18:02,469 --> 00:18:04,485 — Отопление включили? — Смерт идет!
00:18:05,406 --> 00:18:07,489 Держи выше 70. Позаботься о дедушке.
00:18:10,439 --> 00:18:14,430 Если родители будут меньше волноваться о том, что смотрят их дети по телевизору...
00:18:14,450 --> 00:18:18,496 ...и начнут волноваться больше о жизни своих детей, дела пойдут лучше.
00:18:19,417 --> 00:18:24,461 Родители посчитали себя оскорбленными, т.к они полагались на телевидение как на сиделку и воспитателя.
00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:36,484 — Точно чувак. — Правильно говоришь.
00:18:37,486 --> 00:18:40,459 Быстро, прыгый через окно!
00:18:47,536 --> 00:18:50,613 Вернись, ты, напыщенный сыночек педика!
00:18:52,527 --> 00:18:54,610 Не дай ему прикоснуться тебя, или ты умрешь.
00:18:55,531 --> 00:18:57,550 Я прямо тут, шлюхин сын.
00:19:02,548 --> 00:19:05,618 Терранс, какого цвета ветер?
00:19:07,528 --> 00:19:10,548 Я не знаю, почему бы тебе не проверить?
00:19:10,589 --> 00:19:14,585 Ты пернул! О Боже!
00:19:15,563 --> 00:19:18,525 Эй Филлип, ты знаешь как мой скафандр пахнет?
00:19:18,543 --> 00:19:24,542 — Нет, Терранс, почему бы тебе не сказать мне? — Ну, он пахнет как вонючий пердеж.
00:19:26,557 --> 00:19:27,559 Эй, смотрите!
00:19:28,604 --> 00:19:30,556 Вот еще один.
00:19:33,614 --> 00:19:36,577 Час спустя, упорные родители Южного Парка...
00:19:36,598 --> 00:19:41,564 ...все еще убивают себя перед зданием Тун Централ.
00:19:41,585 --> 00:19:45,572 Хуже того, кишечный грипп, который похоже распространяется здесь...
00:19:45,589 --> 00:19:50,609 Подожите. Я нахожусь там, где президент сообщества хочет сделать заявление.
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:54,589 — Постой, постой. — Леди и джентельмены...
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:59,600 ...ваши нацистские приемы старающиеся завонять нас своими протухшими фекалиями...
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,543 ...сработали.
00:20:03,551 --> 00:20:07,607 Поэтому, сегодня мы официально снимаем Терранса и Филлипа из эфира...
00:20:08,528 --> 00:20:13,568 и заменяем его с «Она Шериф», с актрисой Сьюзан Сомерс.
00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:17,565 А теперь валите отсюда, и забирайте свой понос с собой.
00:20:20,566 --> 00:20:23,556 Теперь, наконец-то, мы можем вернуться к нормальности.
00:20:23,576 --> 00:20:25,573 — Эй, Филлип. — Да, Терранс?
00:20:25,593 --> 00:20:30,587 — Там что монектка застряла у меня в заднице? — Я не знаю, давай посмотрю.
00:20:30,607 --> 00:20:35,533 Не смотри туда, Филлип, тебя пропердят.
00:20:36,574 --> 00:20:39,618 Мы прерываем программу, чтобы показать громкие помехи.
00:20:46,585 --> 00:20:50,579 О Боже мой, они убили Кенни. Ты сволочь!
00:20:50,599 --> 00:20:53,589 Я думаю, Смерть охотилась только за Кенни, все это время.
00:20:53,609 --> 00:20:57,579 Эй, ты должен был убить меня.
00:20:57,599 --> 00:20:59,579 Это нечестно, черт тебя дери!
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,596 Мой дедушка попросил убить его, и я сделал это.
00:21:07,524 --> 00:21:10,564 Билли...
00:21:10,584 --> 00:21:13,574 — Дедушка? — Верно, Билли.
00:21:13,594 --> 00:21:18,538 Меня зовут не Билли, дедушка. Почему ты выглядишь весь изможденный?
00:21:18,558 --> 00:21:22,528 Я попросил убить тебя, Билли, но я был неправ.
00:21:22,549 --> 00:21:26,579 — И теперь я застрял навечно в забвении — В забвении?
00:21:26,599 --> 00:21:29,569 Я был неправ, ставив тебя в такое положение.
00:21:29,589 --> 00:21:32,619 Также как ты неправ, ставя младшего Билли в такое.
00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:37,610 Ты был так одержим идеей убить себя, что ты не подумал об этом.
00:21:38,527 --> 00:21:43,593 — Ты должен подождать смерти по естественным причинам. — Но я уже жду 25 лет!
00:21:43,614 --> 00:21:48,520 Дай природе сделать свое или закончишь свою жизнь в забвении.
00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:53,587 Естественные причины, Билли, естественные причины.
00:21:56,589 --> 00:21:59,545 Ладно ребята, пошли домой.
00:22:06,543 --> 00:22:08,566 — Вот и они. — Мы сделали это, сынок.
00:22:08,587 --> 00:22:12,543 — Мы выиграли битву за твое благополучие. — О чем вы?
00:22:12,564 --> 00:22:14,610 Мы добились, чтобы Терранса и Филлипа сняли с эфира.
00:22:15,544 --> 00:22:19,564 — Ах ты сукин сын, твоя мама отстой! — Но посмотрите, что они запустили.
00:22:20,561 --> 00:22:25,538 — А теперь, вернемся к «Она — Шериф». — Нет, Боже, нет!
00:22:25,558 --> 00:22:30,561 — Ты был тем, кто стоял за всеми махинациаями. — Да, но ты была тупой шлюшкой, которая положила начало этому.
00:22:30,595 --> 00:22:32,544 Что он сказал?
00:22:32,566 --> 00:22:35,578 — Отвали, чавкающая жопа — Что?!
00:22:35,599 --> 00:22:39,545 Давайте все, назад в Нью Йорк.
00:22:39,566 --> 00:22:43,572 Эй, Стэн, раз теперь Терренса и Филлипа сняли с эфира, как ты будешь развлекаться?
00:22:43,593 --> 00:22:49,530 — Я не знаю. Мы могли бы начать нюхать выхлопные газы. — Мой дядя говорит, курить крэк круто.
00:22:49,551 --> 00:22:52,594 — Почему бы нам не пойти смотреть эти штучки из порно фильма. — Круто!
00:22:53,611 --> 00:22:57,557 — Что ты делаешь, дедушка? — Я еду в Африку
00:22:57,578 --> 00:23:03,524 Ты знал, что больше четырехсот человек за год съедаются львами в Африке.
00:23:03,545 --> 00:23:06,529 Это мой глупенький дедушка.
00:23:06,539 --> 00:23:09,029 Переведено на Нотабеноиде http://notabenoid.com/book/10656/132226
00:23:09,039 --> 00:23:10,029 Переводчики: Lendis

00:02:20,858 --> 00:02:24,864 А теперь задуй свечи, дедушка.
00:02:26,912 --> 00:02:29,902 - Какого это быть 102 летним, папа? - Пристрели меня.
00:02:29,922 --> 00:02:33,932 - Загадай желание, дедушка. - Я желаю что бы я был сдох.
00:02:34,853 --> 00:02:37,869 - Это глупо, дедушка. - Я не глупый, убей меня.
00:02:37,890 --> 00:02:42,860 - Я бы сделал это сам, но я слишком стар. - Кто хочет мороженое с тортом?
00:02:42,877 --> 00:02:45,886 - Я хочу. - Уже 8:00. Мое любимое ТВ шоу началось.
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:49,848 Это шоу для детей. Оно такое тупое.
00:02:49,868 --> 00:02:51,911 Можно я съем торт в гостинной, мам?
00:02:51,928 --> 00:02:54,931 Хорошо, только возьми своего дедушку с собой.
00:02:55,852 --> 00:02:57,857 - Черт! - Следи за языком!
00:02:57,895 --> 00:02:59,894 А теперь возращаемся к Терренс и Филлип.
00:02:59,915 --> 00:03:05,859 - Эй, Терренс, я думаю мне нужно пернуть. - Подожди, прежде чем ты пернешь, потяни мой палец.
00:03:11,847 --> 00:03:12,913 Черт!
00:03:12,933 --> 00:03:17,853 - Хотел бы заработать доллар, Билли? - Меня зовут не Билли, а Стэн.
00:03:17,887 --> 00:03:20,881 - Черт возьми, ты хочешь доллар или нет? - Конечно.
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:24,927 - Ты только должен кое что сделать для меня. - Я не собираюсь убивать тебя.
00:03:25,848 --> 00:03:27,847 - Почему нет? - Потому что, мне не нужны проблемы.
00:03:27,868 --> 00:03:32,888 - Я убил моего деда, когда я был в твоем возрасте. - Оставь меня в покое, дед.
00:03:32,922 --> 00:03:34,915 К чему пришла американская молодежь?
00:03:34,932 --> 00:03:37,881 Ребенок даже не может убить собственного деда.
00:03:39,879 --> 00:03:44,903 Эй, Терренс, теперь когда ты пернул я мог бы пернуть тоже.
00:03:45,873 --> 00:03:47,879 Ты пернул.
00:03:48,870 --> 00:03:50,867 Кайл, что ты смотришь?
00:03:50,887 --> 00:03:53,924 - Филлип, хочешь цветок? - Да, конечно.
00:03:54,844 --> 00:03:57,857 Хорошо тогда, вот тюльпан.
00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:01,864 - Что это? Это ужасно. - Это Терренс и Филлип.
00:04:01,885 --> 00:04:04,865 - Возьми это, тупой ты хер. - Что он сказал?
00:04:04,885 --> 00:04:07,875 - Ты мудила, Филлип. - Что? Что? Что?
00:04:08,892 --> 00:04:11,898 Молодой человек, ты больше не будешь смотреть это шоу.
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:15,889 - Это недоразвитый тулетный юмор. - Но все смотрят Терренс и Филлип.
00:04:15,910 --> 00:04:18,900 Правда, значит так?
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:24,840 - Похоже ты собираешься пернуть. - Ты абсолютно прав, Терренс.
00:04:26,887 --> 00:04:28,886 - Прелесть. - Эрик, дорогой...
00:04:28,908 --> 00:04:32,864 ...мне только что позвонила мама твоего друга Кайла.
00:04:32,885 --> 00:04:37,868 Она сказала что это неприличное шоу и может сделать тебя матершинником.
00:04:37,888 --> 00:04:40,891 Это чушь собачья. Мама кайла е***ая еврейка.
00:04:40,912 --> 00:04:42,878 Ок, солнышко.
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:52,850 - Я не собираюсь убивать тебя, дед. - Неблагодарный.
00:04:52,870 --> 00:04:55,896 - Спокойной ночи, дед. - Шлюхин сын ты!
00:04:59,871 --> 00:05:00,897 Какого хрена, за что?
00:05:00,914 --> 00:05:04,851 Из-за твоей тупой матери я пропустил Терренс и Филлип прошлой ночью.
00:05:04,871 --> 00:05:07,920 Что за идея твой матери позвонить ко всем нашим мамам, прошлой ночью.
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,915 - Она сама это сделала. - Почему это происходит каждый месяц?
00:05:11,935 --> 00:05:16,935 Каждый месяц, примерно в одно и то же время у мамаши Кайла начинает свербеть в заднице...
00:05:17,856 --> 00:05:20,846 ...и я всегда попадаю под раздачу. - Дети, дети...
00:05:20,866 --> 00:05:25,893 - Коя-чья мать позвонила мне вчера. - Мне очень интересно, кто мог бы это быть?
00:05:25,913 --> 00:05:31,890 Она проинформировала меня что, некоторые из вас смотрят непреличное шоу Терренс и Филлип.
00:05:31,911 --> 00:05:35,887 Это шоу плохое, мистер Гаррисон. Вы правы, мистер Шляпа.
00:05:35,908 --> 00:05:38,920 Такие шоу как Терренс и Филлип мы называем туалетным юмором.
00:05:39,841 --> 00:05:42,868 Они не расширяют ваш кругозор.
00:05:42,898 --> 00:05:46,889 Дети, такие шоу бесмыссленый мерзкий мусор.
00:05:46,909 --> 00:05:49,878 Кенни, почему ты опоздал?
00:05:52,909 --> 00:05:54,915 Ок, Кенни, садись.
00:05:54,936 --> 00:05:58,926 Как я уже говорил, родители Саус Парка расстроены потому что...
00:05:59,847 --> 00:06:01,849 Да, Кенни, что?
00:06:01,894 --> 00:06:04,873 Я думал ты только что пришел из туалета.
00:06:04,894 --> 00:06:07,843 Ладно, ладно, иди.
00:06:07,864 --> 00:06:11,860 Как я говорил, вы наслаждаетесь шоу даже если оно не осонованно на реальных событиях.
00:06:11,901 --> 00:06:14,928 В жизни намного больше, чем два пердящих человека.
00:06:15,848 --> 00:06:19,875 Всегда, на протяжении всей истории, плохие шоу существовали.
00:06:19,895 --> 00:06:21,892 Обычно их закрывали.
00:06:21,916 --> 00:06:27,879 Вам следует просвещать умы, более интеллигентными развлечениями.
00:06:27,906 --> 00:06:31,893 - Воняет как будто ты там корову зарезал, Кенни. - Дети, обратите внимание!
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:36,904 Я собираюсь присоединиться к вашим родителям, что бы вы больше никогда не смотрели Терренс и Филлип.
00:06:36,924 --> 00:06:39,893 - Что? - Никогда не смотреть Терренс и Филлип?
00:06:39,927 --> 00:06:43,867 Имнно, дети. Вопросы имеются? Да, Стэнли?
00:06:43,888 --> 00:06:46,924 Это нормально убить кого то, если он хочет этого?
00:06:47,871 --> 00:06:50,888 - Ты о чем? - Мой дед постоянно просит убить его.
00:06:50,908 --> 00:06:54,938 - Иногда я задаюсь вопросом, должен ли я. - Тогда тебе следовало бы. Я думаю человек имеет право умереть, если хочет.
00:06:55,859 --> 00:06:58,856 - Правда? - Да. Один чувак по имени Джек Кеворкян...
00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:02,846 ...ходит и убивает людей, которые попросят его и у него нет никаких проблем.
00:07:02,873 --> 00:07:05,910 Может мы попросим его убить мамашу кайла?
00:07:05,930 --> 00:07:08,913 Вобщем, это нормально помочь кому-нибудь с суицидом, мистер Гаррисон?
00:07:09,844 --> 00:07:13,900 Стэн, я бы не прикоснулся к этому даже 20-метровым шестом.
00:07:23,328 --> 00:07:29,328 Не могу поверить, что мы пропустим Терренс и Филлип сегодня. Мне кажется у меня уже начались ломки.
00:07:31,266 --> 00:07:34,296 Чувак, не беспокойся, мы можем посмотреть их у меня дома, родителей не будет до поздна.
00:07:34,316 --> 00:07:36,306 Разве там не будет твоего деда?
00:07:36,326 --> 00:07:39,303 Чувак, просто убей его. Может быть он даст тебе денег.
00:07:39,323 --> 00:07:41,279 - Привет, дети. - Привет, Шеф.
00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:42,330 - Как поживаете? - Плохо.
00:07:42,350 --> 00:07:45,330 - Почему плохо? - Шеф, это нормально убить твоего деда?
00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:49,294 Стэн, ты не можешь убить моего деда, он уже мертв.
00:07:49,314 --> 00:07:53,308 - Я имею ввиду убить моего деда. - Нет, я не думаю что это нормально, Стэн.
00:07:53,328 --> 00:07:56,301 - Я думаю это незаконно. - Чувак, я же говорил тебе.
00:07:56,321 --> 00:08:00,338 Да, но что если он хочет умереть, потому что старый и просит помочь?
00:08:00,359 --> 00:08:04,325 Да, типа помощь в самоубийстве. Что насчет этого?
00:08:05,329 --> 00:08:08,356 Я бы не прикоснулся к этому и 40-метровым шестом.
00:08:09,313 --> 00:08:12,289 В чем дело, почему никто не хочет говорить об этом?
00:08:12,310 --> 00:08:15,356 Раньше я была не осведомлена об этом ужасном шоу.
00:08:16,273 --> 00:08:18,353 У меня есть клип, что бы продемонстрировать что я имею ввиду.
00:08:19,274 --> 00:08:21,271 - Филлип, угадай если смогешь? - Что смогешь?
00:08:21,291 --> 00:08:23,310 Пердеж.
00:08:24,278 --> 00:08:27,334 Судя по всему, это должно быть смешным.
00:08:27,355 --> 00:08:30,338 Он пернул прямо на его голову.
00:08:31,318 --> 00:08:35,291 Запретить просмотр этого шоу нашим детям, не достаточно.
00:08:35,312 --> 00:08:41,312 Нам нужно бойкотировать всю сеть. Кто за?
00:08:45,343 --> 00:08:49,280 Мне кажется я подцепил эту инфекцию от Кенни.
00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:54,260 - У меня зеленые-яблочные брызги. - Зеленые-яблочные брызги.
00:08:57,358 --> 00:09:00,324 Привет, дед, я привел друзей посмотерть тв, если можно.
00:09:00,345 --> 00:09:04,271 Билли, помоги деду вставить вилку в эту розетку.
00:09:04,292 --> 00:09:07,285 - Нет, дед, мне не нужны проблемы. - Убей меня, черт подери.
00:09:07,305 --> 00:09:10,345 - Я даже не могу убить оленя. - Тогда пусть твои друзья сделают это.
00:09:11,266 --> 00:09:13,345 - Ты можешь убить меня. - Я никого не убиваю...
00:09:14,266 --> 00:09:16,346 ...пока меня не выведут из себя. - Это правда?
00:09:17,266 --> 00:09:19,296 Тогда позволь я скажу тебе кое что, жирдяй...
00:09:19,316 --> 00:09:23,350 ...твоя мамаша была тут недавно, и я отымел её как маленькую сучку.
00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:25,283 Ага.
00:09:25,304 --> 00:09:30,274 Я выкопал скелет твоей пробабушки и проделал тоже самое с ней.
00:09:30,294 --> 00:09:33,354 - Отборный кусок задницы. - Эй, кусок дерьма, я убью тебя!
00:09:34,275 --> 00:09:36,351 - Вот это дух, бочка. - Пошли, Картман, он просто пытается спровоцировать тебя.
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:40,331 - Не говори так, про мою мать! - Мы посмотрим Филлип и Терренс на кухне.
00:09:40,352 --> 00:09:44,272 Я говорил тебе как я отодрал очко твоего папаши, толстяк?
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:48,305 - Я не верю тебе, сукин ты сын! - Картман, поешь кексиков.
00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:51,273 - Чувак, кексики, давай? - Я не знаю что делать?
00:09:51,293 --> 00:09:53,352 - Мой дед реально хочет умереть. - Я же говорил тебе, это номрально.
00:09:54,273 --> 00:09:56,300 - Может спросить совет Иисуса. - Точно.
00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,323 А теперь вернемся на горячую линию к "Иисус и ребята".
00:09:59,344 --> 00:10:04,324 Да, верьте в меня и вы найдете умиротворение. Первый звонок?
00:10:04,344 --> 00:10:09,338 - Это Иисус? - Да. Вам нужно убавить громкость ТВ, из-за него фидбек.
00:10:09,358 --> 00:10:13,274 - Извините. Это Мартин... - Мартин из Аспен Парк, да я знаю.
00:10:13,295 --> 00:10:18,318 - Как ты нахрен узнал это? - Может потому что я сын Божий, умник. Еще вопросы имеются?
00:10:18,339 --> 00:10:22,276 А, да. У меня есть кузин который жульничал на экзамене...
00:10:22,296 --> 00:10:26,319 Скажи маленькому Грегори, что жульничество это ложь, а ложь это неправильно, не важно в какой ситуации.
00:10:26,340 --> 00:10:29,342 Ок. Спасибо за совет, Иисус.
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,269 - Следующий звонок. Вы в эфире. - Иисус?
00:10:32,290 --> 00:10:35,350 - Да, сын мой. - Это нормально, убить кого нибудь...
00:10:36,271 --> 00:10:40,297 ...если он спрашивает тебя об этом, типа помощи в самоубийстве. Это нормально?
00:10:40,318 --> 00:10:42,270 - Сын мой... - Да?
00:10:42,291 --> 00:10:45,275 ...Я бы не прикоснулся к этому и 60-метровым шестом. Следующий звонок.
00:10:45,295 --> 00:10:46,342 - Черт подери! - Я слышал это.
00:10:47,262 --> 00:10:51,288 - Что за хрень со всеми? - Эй, парни, Терренс и Филлип начались.
00:10:51,309 --> 00:10:54,325 - Вы не думаете, что нам попадет за то что мы смотрим это? - Кайл, не будь таким ссыклом.
00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:58,269 Да, только потому что твоя мама тупая сука, не значит что мы должны страдать.
00:10:58,286 --> 00:11:00,346 Картман, не называй мою маму сукой!
00:11:01,263 --> 00:11:05,313 Сука. Твоя мама с-с-с-ука.
00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:07,320 Вернмся к Терренс и Филлип.
00:11:07,341 --> 00:11:12,260 - Филлип, хотел бы съесть, фасоли? - О да, я люблю фасоль.
00:11:12,281 --> 00:11:17,337 - Могу поспорить, я знаю что произойдет. - Билли, не возражаешь подержать это для деда, пожалуйста.
00:11:17,358 --> 00:11:20,355 Ок, дед, просто отойди с экрана.
00:11:21,275 --> 00:11:25,275 - Эй, Филлип, кажется я могу начать пердеть из за фасоли. - Ну только не перди на меня, Терренс.
00:11:25,312 --> 00:11:28,306 Чуваки, он опять собирается пернуть ему на голову.
00:11:28,346 --> 00:11:31,312 Эй, ты все пропустишь, Кенни.
00:11:31,333 --> 00:11:34,359 - Ты такой засранец, Терренс. - Это точно.
00:11:39,327 --> 00:11:44,271 - Кенни, ты пропустишь пердежь. - Боже, что за хренью вы занимаетесь?
00:11:44,291 --> 00:11:47,337 Мы не смотрим Терренс и Филлип, я клянусь, только Картман смотрит их.
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:51,341 Нет, я говорю что за хрень ты делаешь с дедом?
00:11:53,339 --> 00:11:56,355 Затяни потуже, Билли.
00:11:59,269 --> 00:12:02,263 Ты тупица! Ты пытался убить деда.
00:12:02,283 --> 00:12:05,323 - Я звоню маме. - Черт. Я был так близок.
00:12:05,343 --> 00:12:08,286 Четыре мальчика, из Саус Парк, Колорадо...
00:12:08,307 --> 00:12:12,266 ...пытались жестоко убить невинного дедушку.
00:12:12,287 --> 00:12:17,290 Мальчики, что подтолкнуло вас к этому и превратило вас в демонических сволочей.
00:12:17,311 --> 00:12:20,320 Мы не знали что делалаи, мы просто сидели и смотрели Терренс и Филлип и...
00:12:20,341 --> 00:12:24,311 Терренс и Филлип? Так значит всему виной это шоу.
00:12:24,332 --> 00:12:29,341 Разумы эти мальчиков были испорченны мусором на телевидении...
00:12:30,262 --> 00:12:32,325 ...и мы сыты этим по горло.
00:12:32,346 --> 00:12:34,319 О боже. О боже.
00:12:34,339 --> 00:12:37,359 Мы должны остановить эту сажу из эфира.
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:43,273 Мы будем маршировать к телекомпании и протестовать, пока наши запросы не удовлетворят.
00:12:43,293 --> 00:12:46,310 Нью-Йорк, мы идем!
00:12:52,401 --> 00:12:55,434 Мы доносим слово до этого завдения...
00:12:55,451 --> 00:13:00,461 ...мы требуем лучшего телевидения для наших детей.
00:13:01,402 --> 00:13:05,448 Мы хотим более качественного телевидения, как "Полный дом".
00:13:07,493 --> 00:13:13,473 - Я думаю, вы заразили меня кишечной инфекцией, мистер Гаррисон. - Нет нет, это маленькая сволочь Кенни, заразил меня.
00:13:14,423 --> 00:13:18,486 - Оу мэр, вы там подливку делали? - У меня только что был коричневый малыш.
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:29,410 - Чуваки, это круто когда родителей нет дома. - Я надеюсь они будут протестовать против тв шоу вечно.
00:13:29,435 --> 00:13:33,415 - Билли, подойди, я хочу показать тебе кое-что. - Мне обязательно?
00:13:33,435 --> 00:13:35,455 Да, обязательно, ты маленький хер!
00:13:35,475 --> 00:13:38,424 Я понял, что причина по который ты не хочешь убивать меня, Билли...
00:13:38,446 --> 00:13:41,448 ...в том, что ты не понимаешь что я чувствую.
00:13:41,493 --> 00:13:47,439 Но теперь, я нашел способ показать тебе какого это, быть дедом.
00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,453 Эй, ты что делаешь?
00:13:52,467 --> 00:13:55,450 - Что они там делают? - Я не знаю.
00:13:55,471 --> 00:14:00,437 Теперь ты увидишь, какого это, быть таким старым как я. Ты готов?
00:14:00,458 --> 00:14:02,460 Наверное.
00:14:12,482 --> 00:14:16,469 - Ок, теперь выпусти меня. - Еще не все.
00:14:16,489 --> 00:14:19,436 Выпусти меня, дед!
00:14:19,456 --> 00:14:22,426 Я так не могу больше. Эта музыка ужасна.
00:14:22,447 --> 00:14:25,490 Она отстойная, тупая и при этом страшно успокаивающая.
00:14:26,410 --> 00:14:29,463 Все. Ты ты знаешь какого это быть дедом.
00:14:33,404 --> 00:14:36,410 Дедушка, я понятия не имел какого это для тебя.
00:14:36,431 --> 00:14:40,418 - Теперь я понимаю. - Так теперь ты убьешь меня, Билли?
00:14:40,439 --> 00:14:42,479 Конечно, убью, дедушка. Убью.
00:14:44,442 --> 00:14:48,498 - Не похоже что наш проетст работает. - Он заработает. Должен.
00:14:49,446 --> 00:14:51,489 Смотрите, это президент компании.
00:14:52,410 --> 00:14:54,493 Дамы и господа, меня зовут Джон Ворсон.
00:14:55,413 --> 00:14:59,497 Я приготовил заявление в защиту телеканала.
00:15:01,424 --> 00:15:02,490 Иди на**й.
00:15:03,484 --> 00:15:06,433 Спасибо, дамы и господа. Если есть какие ниудь вопросы...
00:15:06,454 --> 00:15:10,404 ...мы можете направлять их прямо к той кирпичной стене.
00:15:10,425 --> 00:15:14,458 Эй, ты не уйдешь так!
00:15:17,442 --> 00:15:21,432 Ну все, больше никаких Мистеров хороших протестов.
00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:23,489 Время для плана Б.
00:15:24,486 --> 00:15:27,485 Кэрол, где здесь туалеты?
00:15:28,407 --> 00:15:32,406 Прямо там. Тебе нужно скинуть друзей в басейн?
00:15:32,427 --> 00:15:34,493 Да, в самом деле.
00:15:36,464 --> 00:15:39,474 Ок, дед, все что тебе нужно, это сидеть там. Мы сделаем все остальное.
00:15:39,494 --> 00:15:42,464 - Ты привязал корову? - Да, готово.
00:15:43,415 --> 00:15:45,438 Ок, давайте, парни.
00:15:46,475 --> 00:15:50,415 - Почему бы нам просто не пристрелить его? - Ты тупица Картман, это должно выглядеть натурально...
00:15:50,435 --> 00:15:53,402 ...или нас посадят. - Да, тупица.
00:15:53,439 --> 00:15:57,459 Отлично, Билли, еще немного повыше.
00:15:58,406 --> 00:16:01,403 Телекомпания не принимает нас всерьез.
00:16:01,423 --> 00:16:05,446 В прошлом, люди умирали за то, во что верили.
00:16:05,467 --> 00:16:10,427 Мы готовы делать то же самое. Готовы?
00:16:10,448 --> 00:16:15,485 Мистер МакКормик, вы будете мученником для нас всех. Бог в помощь.
00:16:16,405 --> 00:16:21,478 Мы не позволим этим полоумным корпорациям, губить умы наших детей.
00:16:21,499 --> 00:16:23,442 Запускайте!
00:16:27,426 --> 00:16:33,425 Мы будем следовать за ним, один за другим если это потребуется.
00:16:34,430 --> 00:16:38,483 - Ты готов, дед? - Ясен красен.
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:43,423 Код шесть. 105 на север, Дорога 52.
00:16:47,461 --> 00:16:49,441 Продолжайте.
00:16:50,418 --> 00:16:53,434 Ок, начинаем. Пока, дедушка. Было приятно знать тебя.
00:16:53,455 --> 00:16:55,435 Режь уже гребаную веревку!
00:16:56,449 --> 00:16:58,451 Что это?
00:16:58,479 --> 00:17:02,419 Выглядить как смерть.
00:17:03,476 --> 00:17:07,439 Давно пора, ты ленивая задница, шлюхин сын!
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:10,447 Давай, начинай! Что за...?
00:17:11,427 --> 00:17:15,454 - Эй, он идет к нам. - Почему смерть идет к нам?
00:17:21,418 --> 00:17:24,401 - Помогите! - Сваливаем, сваливаем, сваливаем!
00:17:25,472 --> 00:17:27,481 Что нам делать?
00:17:28,425 --> 00:17:31,448 В течении дня, все больше и больше жителей Саус Парка...
00:17:31,469 --> 00:17:36,439 ...продолжает стрелять своими телами в здание телекомпании.
00:17:36,459 --> 00:17:40,412 Сейчас телекомпания под невероятным прессингом...
00:17:40,433 --> 00:17:43,470 ...и потеряла почти 20% своих спонсоров.
00:17:44,420 --> 00:17:47,419 - Кэрэл, я думаю это твой мальчик. - Спасибо.
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:50,410 Что случилось Стэнли, солнышко? Ты что то разбил?
00:17:50,431 --> 00:17:53,468 Мам, тут смерть! И она пытается забрать нас с собой!
00:17:53,488 --> 00:17:56,428 Тебе нужно оставить мамочку в покое.
00:17:56,448 --> 00:17:59,492 Я делаю кое-что важное для твоего блага.
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,448 - Но, мам...! - Поговори с отцом.
00:18:02,469 --> 00:18:04,485 - Ты включил обогреватель? - Смерть ломится в дверь!
00:18:05,406 --> 00:18:07,489 Поддерживай температуру ниже 25. Позаботься о дедушке.
00:18:10,439 --> 00:18:14,430 Черт подери. Если родителе меньше беспокоились о том что их дети смотрят по ТВ...
00:18:14,450 --> 00:18:18,496 ...а больше о том что происходит в жизни своих детей, то все было бы лучше.
00:18:19,417 --> 00:18:24,461 Родители обижаются, потому что они полагаются на ТВ как на няню и учителя.
00:18:34,479 --> 00:18:36,484 - Точно, чувак. - Хорошая мысль.
00:18:37,486 --> 00:18:40,459 Быстро, прыгаем в окно!
00:18:47,536 --> 00:18:50,613 Вернись сюда, ты напыщенный сын женоподобной!
00:18:52,527 --> 00:18:54,610 Не дай ему тронуть себя, если он тронет тебя ты умрешь.
00:18:55,531 --> 00:18:57,550 Я здесь, шлюхин сын!
00:19:02,548 --> 00:19:05,618 Терренс, какого цвета ветер?
00:19:07,528 --> 00:19:10,548 Не знаю. Почему бы тебе не проверить?
00:19:10,589 --> 00:19:14,585 Ты пернул!
00:19:15,563 --> 00:19:18,525 Эй, Филлип, знаешь как пахнет у меня в скафандре?
00:19:18,543 --> 00:19:24,542 - Нет, Терренс, почему бы тебе не рассказать? - Ну, это воняет грязным пердежом.
00:19:26,557 --> 00:19:27,559 Эй, смотрите!
00:19:28,604 --> 00:19:30,556 Еще разок.
00:19:33,614 --> 00:19:36,577 Твердолобые родители из Саус Парка...
00:19:36,598 --> 00:19:41,564 ...продолжают убиваться об стену здания телекомпании, один за другим.
00:19:41,585 --> 00:19:45,572 Что еще хуже, кишечная инфекция которая распостраняется...
00:19:45,589 --> 00:19:50,609 Подождите. Президент компании хочет сделать завяление.
00:19:52,566 --> 00:19:54,589 - Подождите, подождите. - Дамы и господа...
00:19:54,610 --> 00:19:59,600 ...ваша срако-нацисткая тактика выгнать нас от вони ваших гниющих фекалий...
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:02,543 ...сработала.
00:20:03,551 --> 00:20:07,607 Поэтому сегодня, мы официально снимаем Терренса и Филлипа с телеканала...
00:20:08,528 --> 00:20:13,568 ...и заменяем их повторным показом "Она шериф", с Сюзанной Сомерс.
00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:17,565 А теперь убирайтесь отсюда и забирайте свою диарею с собой.
00:20:20,566 --> 00:20:23,556 Теперь, в конце концов, мы возращаемся к нормальности.
00:20:23,576 --> 00:20:25,573 - Эй, Филлип. - Да, Терренс?
00:20:25,593 --> 00:20:30,587 - Помоему у меня пенни застряло в заднице? - Не знаю, дай гляну.
00:20:30,607 --> 00:20:35,533 Не смотри туда, Филлип, он собирается пернуть.
00:20:36,574 --> 00:20:39,618 Мы прерываем эту программу на громкую заставку.
00:20:46,585 --> 00:20:50,579 О боже, они убили Кенни! Ты сволочь.
00:20:50,599 --> 00:20:53,589 Походу смерть, гналась за Кенни, все это время.
00:20:53,609 --> 00:20:57,579 Эй, ты должна убить меня.
00:20:57,599 --> 00:20:59,579 Это не справедливо, черт подери!
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,596 Мой дед просил меня убить его, и я убил.
00:21:07,524 --> 00:21:10,564 Билли...
00:21:10,584 --> 00:21:13,574 - Дедушка? - Да, Билли.
00:21:13,594 --> 00:21:18,538 Меня зовут не Билли, дедушка. Что с тобой? Почему ты выглядишь изможденным?
00:21:18,558 --> 00:21:22,528 Я просил тебя, убить меня, Билли, но я был не прав.
00:21:22,549 --> 00:21:26,579 - Теперь, мне суждено провести вечность в лимбе. - Лимб?
00:21:26,599 --> 00:21:29,569 Я был не прав, подтолкнув тебя на это.
00:21:29,589 --> 00:21:32,619 Как и ты не прав, делать это с маленьким Билли.
00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:37,610 Ты так одержим тем, что бы закончить свою жизнь, что совсем не думаешь о его жизни.
00:21:38,527 --> 00:21:43,593 - Ты должен ждать, когда умрешь естественной смертью. - Но я уже жду 25 лет!
00:21:43,614 --> 00:21:48,520 Пусть природа позаботится об этом, или закончишь в лимбе.
00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:53,587 Естественной смертью, Билли, естественной смертью.
00:21:56,589 --> 00:21:59,545 Ладно, парни, пошли по домам.
00:22:06,543 --> 00:22:08,566 - Вот где они. - Мы сделали это, сын.
00:22:08,587 --> 00:22:12,543 - Мы выиграли битву, за ваше благополучие. - Что?
00:22:12,564 --> 00:22:14,610 Мы добились снятия Терренс и Филлип с эфира.
00:22:15,544 --> 00:22:19,564 - Ты сукин сын, твоя мать отстой! - Но посмотрите что показывают теперь.
00:22:20,561 --> 00:22:25,538 - А теперь вернемся к Она Шерифф. - Нет! Боже, нет!
00:22:25,558 --> 00:22:30,561 - Ты стоял за всеми этими проделаками. - Ты тупая шлюха, которая начала это.
00:22:30,595 --> 00:22:32,544 Что он сказал?
00:22:32,566 --> 00:22:35,578 - Сам такой, жополиз. - Что, что, что?!
00:22:35,599 --> 00:22:39,545 Все, возращаемся в Нью-Йорк!
00:22:39,566 --> 00:22:43,572 Стэн, теперь когда Терренс и Филлип сняли с эфира что мы будем делать для развлечения?
00:22:43,593 --> 00:22:49,530 - Не знаю, мы могли бы начать нюхать бензин. - Мой дядя говорит, что курить крэк - это круто.
00:22:49,551 --> 00:22:52,594 Эй, почему бы не пойти посмотреть те порно фильмы?
00:22:53,611 --> 00:22:57,557 - Что ты делаешь, дед? - Я собираюсь в путешествие по Африке.
00:22:57,578 --> 00:23:03,524 Вы знали что более 400 человек львы съедают в Африке, каждый год.
00:23:03,545 --> 00:23:06,529 Это мой глупый дедушка.
00:23:06,539 --> 00:23:09,029 Переведено на Нотабеноиде http://notabenoid.com/book/13027/42449
00:23:09,039 --> 00:23:10,029 Переводчики: email

00:00:02,962 --> 00:00:04,672 Oh, jeez.
00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:06,257 We should get your bitch ass back in the kitchen
00:00:06,382 --> 00:00:08,843 and make me some pie.
00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:11,679 That is a hoot and a holler.
00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,472 Anyway, this next episode
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,474 is definitely Trey and I's most favorite episode.
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,059 It's called "Death."
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:19,061 In it, Stan's grandpa wants to die,
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:22,690 and all the parents in South Park are protesting a TV show.
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:24,942 Matt and Trey, let's get right to the point.
00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:26,527 Should old people legally be allowed to die
00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,404 at the hand of a loved one?
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,698 Matt and I are both firm believers in euthanasia.
00:00:30,823 --> 00:00:32,700 We think that once you get to be a certain age,
00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:35,369 things just get to be too boring and painful,
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:37,872 and you should be able to, well, you know,
00:00:37,997 --> 00:00:39,290 by people you love.
00:00:39,415 --> 00:00:41,083 That's why I've asked my family
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,127 to put a bullet in my head when I turn 30.
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:45,421 So, who are this Terrance and Phillip,
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,881 and why do they sound so different?
00:00:47,006 --> 00:00:48,716 "Terrance and Phillip" is a show
00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:50,509 that the boys in South Park like to watch,
00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,511 and the truth is, they're Canadian.
00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:54,972 That's why they're so silly.
00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:57,933 How many lives would you say that Kenny has left?
00:00:58,059 --> 00:01:01,562 Will they eventually run out, kind of like a video game?
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,314 There's something that people have to understand
00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:05,107 about this whole Kenny mess.
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,901 Trey and I created Kenny,
00:01:07,026 --> 00:01:08,903 so if we want to kill him, we can.
00:01:09,028 --> 00:01:09,904 That's our right.
00:01:10,029 --> 00:01:12,031 Leave us alone.
00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:13,741 So, are you guys as anti-Semitic
00:01:13,866 --> 00:01:15,910 as some might believe?
00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:17,328 You know, a lot of people have accused
00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:19,121 "South Park" of anti-Semitism,
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,540 but I am Jewish and proud of my heritage,
00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:22,917 and so I can say with some certainty
00:01:23,042 --> 00:01:25,461 that I am not anti-Semitic.
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,922 I am, however.
00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:30,925 So now, sit back, relax, and enjoy "Death."
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:45,981 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,775 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,568 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,445 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,905 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:54,615 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,325 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,035 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor." ♪
00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,537 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:00,871 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,168 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,546 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:02:08,671 --> 00:02:11,674 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,926 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,679 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Grandpa ♪
00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:20,558 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:23,644 Now, blow out the candles, Grandpa.
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,148 Hooray!
00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:29,316 How's it feel to be 102, Paps?
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:32,027 Shoot me! - Make a wish, Grandpa.
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,487 I wish I were dead!
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:36,031 That's our silly Grandpa.
00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,867 I'm not being silly, kill me!
00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:40,035 I'd do it myself, but I'm too damn old!
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:42,746 Ooh, who wants ice cream with their cake?
00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:44,331 Me. - I will!
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,041 It's 8:00. My favorite TV show is on.
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,793 That show's for babies.
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:49,670 It's so stupid!
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:50,921 Can I eat my cake in the living room, Mom?
00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,256 Please, can I?
00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:53,507 Oh, all right.
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,509 But take your Grampy with you.
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,761 Ah, damn it! - Language!
00:02:57,887 --> 00:03:00,181 <i>And now back to "Terrance and Phillip."</i>
00:03:00,306 --> 00:03:02,683 <i>Hey, Terrance, I think I have to fart.</i>
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,769 <i>Wait, before you do, pull my thumb.</i>
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:13,319 Ah, damn it!
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,821 How would you like to make a dollar, Billy?
00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,698 My name's not Billy, Grandpa, it's Stan.
00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:20,117 Damn it, Billy, do you want a dollar or don't you?
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,744 Sure. - Okay.
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,996 You just have to do one thing for me.
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:25,915 I'm not gonna kill you, Grandpa.
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,666 Why not? - 'Cause I'll get in trouble.
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:30,252 I killed my grandpa when I was your age!
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:31,670 Leave me alone, Grandpa.
00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:35,174 What has America's youth come to?
00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:38,010 Kids won't even kill their own grandparents!
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,931 <i>Hey, Terrance, now that you've farted,</i>
00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:43,849 <i>I think I might fart too.</i>
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,685 <i>Oh! You farted!</i>
00:03:48,771 --> 00:03:50,856 Kyle, bubby, what are you watching?
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,900 <i>Hey, Phillip, would you like a flower?</i>
00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:54,526 <i>I sure would, Terrance.</i>
00:03:54,652 --> 00:03:56,195 <i>All righty, then, here's a tulip.</i>
00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,865 What is this? It's horrible!
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,825 Dude, it's "Terrance and Phillip."
00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:03,619 <i>Take that, you stupid dick.</i>
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,246 What did he say?
00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:06,872 <i>You're an asshole, Phillip.</i>
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,832 Wh-wh-what?!
00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:10,417 Young man,
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,169 you are not to watch that show anymore.
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,046 It's immature toilet humor.
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,090 But everybody watches "Terrance and Phillip."
00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:19,218 Oh, really? Is that so?
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,470 <i>Oh, no, Phillip, looks like you're about to fart.</i>
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,930 <i>You're exactly right, Terrance.</i>
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,766 <i>Oh, no!</i>
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:27,851 Sweet.
00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:30,187 Eric, dear, I just got a call
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:32,856 from your friend Kyle's mother.
00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:35,317 She said that this show is naughty
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,820 and might make you a potty mouth.
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,113 That's a bunch of crap!
00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:41,073 Kyle's mom is a dirty Jew!
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,075 Oh. Okay, hon.
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,292 I'm not going to kill you, Grandpa!
00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:52,668 Ingrate!
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,336 Good night, Grandpa!
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,130 You pompous son of a whore!
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:00,968 Ow! What the hell was that for?
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,720 That's for your stupid mother!
00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:04,680 She made me miss "Terrance and Phillip" last night.
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,307 Yeah, what's the big idea
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:08,392 having your mom call all our moms last night?
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:09,476 Well, I didn't have her do it.
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,061 She did it on her own.
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,771 Why does this happen every month?
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:15,107 It seems like right about the same time every month
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:17,568 Kyle's mom gets a hair up her ass about something
00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:19,445 and I always end up getting screwed by it.
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:20,696 Children, children,
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:21,947 a certain student's mother
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,407 called me last night.
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:24,783 Ah, gee, I wonder whose mother
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,118 that could've been.
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:27,494 She informed me that some of you
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,371 might be watching a naughty show
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,082 called "Terrance and Phillip."
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,668 Watching that show is bad, Mr. Garrison.
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,170 That's right, Mr. Hat.
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,588 Shows like "Terrance and Phillip"
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:39,465 are what we call "toilet humor."
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,675 They don't expand your minds.
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,887 You see, children, these kind of shows
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,097 are senseless, vile trash.
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:49,266 Kenny, why are you late to class?
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,189 Oh, okay, Kenny, be seated.
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,024 Now, as I was saying, the reason
00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:59,443 the parents of South Park are so upset is because--
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:01,904 Yes, Kenny, what is it?
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,655 I thought you just came from the bathroom.
00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:07,618 Okay, okay, go ahead.
00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:09,912 As I was saying, you all seem to enjoy the show
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,789 even though it isn't based in reality.
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,999 There's much more to life than two young men
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,876 farting on each other.
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,669 And throughout history, there have always been shows
00:06:17,795 --> 00:06:19,838 that have come and gone that have been very bad,
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:22,091 and usually they get taken right off the air.
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:24,134 You see, you should be spending your time
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:28,055 enlightening your mind with more intelligent entertainment.
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,848 Whoa! Smells like you slaughtered a cow
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,184 in there, Kenny! - Pay attention, children!
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,186 I'm going to join your parents in requesting
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:37,231 that you don't watch "Terrance and Phillip" anymore ever.
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:38,857 What?
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,109 Not watch "Terrance and Phillip" ever?
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,610 That's right, children.
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,862 Are there any questions? Yes, Stanley?
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,989 Is it okay to kill somebody if they want you to?
00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:48,992 Wh-what do you mean?
00:06:49,118 --> 00:06:50,244 My grandpa keeps asking
00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:51,745 that I kill him all the time,
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,539 and sometimes I wonder if I should.
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:55,124 Well, then, you should-- I think that a person has
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,792 a right to die if they wanna. - Really?
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,669 Yeah, there's this guy named Jack Laborkian
00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,379 that goes around and murders people that ask him to,
00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:01,880 and he doesn't get into any trouble at all.
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,507 Wow! - Hey!
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,260 Maybe we can get him to kill Kyle's mom!
00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:07,803 So is it okay to assist somebody
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,304 with suicide, Mr. Garrison?
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:11,181 Uh, Stan,
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:14,143 I'm not touching that one with a 20-foot pole.
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:24,695 Man, I can't believe we're gonna miss
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,280 "Terrance and Phillip" today.
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,781 I think I'm already having withdrawal.
00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:32,327 Don't worry, dude, we can all go watch it at my house.
00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:33,787 My parents don't get home until late.
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,247 But won't your grandpa be there?
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,166 Yeah. - Just kill him, dude.
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,876 Maybe he'll give you some money.
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,669 Hello there, children. - Hey, Chef.
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,129 How's it going? - Bad.
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:43,755 Why bad?
00:07:43,881 --> 00:07:45,132 Chef, is it okay to kill your grandpa?
00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,134 You can't kill my grandpa, Stan.
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:50,262 He's already passed on. - No, I mean kill my grandpa.
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,097 No, I don't think that's okay, Stan.
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,433 In fact, I think that's illegal.
00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:56,101 See, I told you, dude.
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,061 Well, yeah, but what if the grandpa wants to die
00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:00,355 'cause he's really old and he's just asking for help?
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:03,108 Yeah, like assisted suicide, what about that?
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,404 I don't want to touch that with a 40-foot pole.
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,157 What's the big deal?
00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:11,742 Why won't anybody talk about this?
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,327 And I myself was not aware
00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:15,370 of this horrible show until recently.
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:18,415 I have a clip to demonstrate exactly what I mean.
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,709 <i>Hey, Phillip, guess what? - What?</i>
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,420 <i>Fart.</i>
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:26,298 Now, apparently, that's supposed to be funny.
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:29,384 He farted right on his head.
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,346 Not allowing our kids
00:08:32,471 --> 00:08:34,932 to watch this show is not enough.
00:08:35,057 --> 00:08:38,268 We need to boycott the entire network!
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,437 All those in favor?
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,152 Oh, I think I've caught a touch of the flu
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:48,737 from little Kenny this morning.
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,948 I've got the green apple splatters.
00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,450 Heh, green apple splatters.
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,664 Hi, Grandpa, I brought my friends over
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:00,582 to watch TV if that's okay.
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,669 Billy, help Grandpa stick this fork in the outlet!
00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:05,337 No, Grandpa, I'll get in trouble.
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:06,672 Kill me, God damn it!
00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,799 No, I can't even kill a deer.
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,384 Well, then, have one of your little friends do it.
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:11,802 You can kill me, can't you?
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:13,470 I would never kill somebody.
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:14,846 Not unless they pissed me off.
00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,431 Oh, is that a fact?
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,809 Well, let me tell you something, porky,
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,769 your mom was over here earlier,
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,938 and I humped her like a little bitch.
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,022 What? - That's right.
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,065 Grandpa!
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,316 And then I dug up
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:27,818 your great-grandma's skeleton
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,570 and had my way with her too. - Hey!
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,446 Choice piece of ass, your great-grandma.
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,407 You piece of crap, I'll kill you!
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:35,158 That's the spirit, tubby!
00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:36,660 C'mon, Cartman, he's just trying to get to you.
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,620 Don't talk about my mom like that!
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,163 We can go watch "Terrance and Phillip" in the kitchen.
00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:41,665 I ever tell you about the time
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:43,542 I boofed your dad, fatso?
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:46,169 Ah! I can't believe that son of a bitch!
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:48,005 Here, Cartman, have some Snacky Cakes.
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:49,423 Ooh, Snacky Cakes? Good deal.
00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:50,716 I don't know what to do, dude.
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,050 My grandpa really wants to die.
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,719 I'm telling you, it's okay.
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:55,220 Maybe you should ask the Lord for guidance.
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,888 Hey, yeah.
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,181 <i>And now back to "Jesus and Pals"</i>
00:09:58,307 --> 00:09:59,808 <i>On South Park public access.</i>
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,060 Yea, believe in me and ye shall find peace.
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,062 First caller, you're on "Jesus and Pals."
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:05,856 <i>Yeah, is this Jesus?</i>
00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:07,649 Yes, caller, you need to turn your TV down.
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,359 That's why you're getting that weird feedback.
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,028 <i>Oh, sorry. This is Martin.</i>
00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,529 Martin from Aspen Park, yes, I know.
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,406 <i>How the hell'd you know that?</i>
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:15,907 Well, maybe because I'm the son of God, brainiac.
00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,075 Now, do you have a question?
00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:21,580 <i>Uh, yeah, I have this cousin who cheated on the SATs--</i>
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,415 Tell little Gregory that cheating is lying
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,917 and lying is wrong no matter what the circumstance.
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:29,254 <i>Oh. Okay, thanks for the advice, Jesus.</i>
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,089 Next caller, you're on the air.
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:33,050 Jesus? <i>- Yes, my son?</i>
00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:35,469 Jesus, is it okay to kill somebody if they ask you to
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,012 because they're in a lot of pain, you know,
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,848 like assisted suicide, is that okay?
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,558 My son... - Yes?
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,185 I'm not touching that with a 60-foot pole.
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,603 Next caller.
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,271 God damn it! - I heard that.
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,773 What the hell is wrong with everybody?
00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:49,441 Hey, you guys!
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,443 "Terrance and Phillip" is on! - Yeah!
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:52,778 Hey, do you think we'll get in trouble for watching it?
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,571 Kyle, don't be such a butthole.
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,239 Yeah, just 'cause your mom is a stupid bitch
00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:57,741 doesn't mean the whole world has to suffer.
00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,201 Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,370 A. Bitch.
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:04,915 Your mom is a b-b-b-bitch.
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,042 <i>And now back to "Terrance and Phillip."</i>
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,211 <i>Hey, Phillip, would you like to eat some beans?</i>
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,463 <i>Oh, yeah, I love beans!</i>
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,840 Uh-oh, I bet I know what's coming.
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:17,219 Billy, would you mind holding this for Grandpa, please?
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,262 Okay, Grandpa, okay, just, get out of the way of the TV.
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,972 <i>Hey, Phillip, it looks like</i>
00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:22,683 <i>those beans might make me fart.</i>
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,559 <i>Well, don't fart on me, Terrance.</i>
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:26,937 Dude, he's gonna fart on his head again!
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:31,108 Hey, you're gonna miss it, Kenny!
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:32,818 <i>You're such an asshole, Terrance!</i>
00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:34,403 <i>That's right, I am!</i>
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,951 Hurry up, Kenny, you're gonna miss the fart!
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:43,537 Jesus, what the hell are you doing?
00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:45,455 We're not watching "Terrance and Phillip," I swear.
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,249 I mean, Cartman was watching it.
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:51,253 No, I mean what the hell are you doing to Grandpa?
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:56,383 Tug a little harder, Billy.
00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:59,720 Ah! - You little jerk!
00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:01,638 You were trying to kill Grandpa!
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:02,848 I'm telling Mom!
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:05,058 Damn it, I was so close.
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:07,519 <i>Four third graders from South Park, Colorado,</i>
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,646 <i>were found trying to viciously murder</i>
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,523 <i>an innocent grandfather.</i>
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,775 Boys, how did you get driven so far to the edge?
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,778 What changed you into such demonic little bastards?
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,196 We didn't know what we were doing.
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,448 We were just sitting there watching
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:20,699 "Terrance and Phillip," and--
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,325 "Terrance and Phillip"? Aha!
00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:23,952 So it <i>is</i> that show that is to blame.
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,787 These boys' minds have been tainted
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:29,458 by the garbage on television that they see,
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:31,084 and we are fed up!
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,085 Huh?
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,045 Oh, God, oh, God!
00:12:34,171 --> 00:12:37,466 We have to stop this smut from going on the air!
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,135 We will march to the network and protest
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,637 until our demands are met.
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,931 New York, here we come!
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:55,108 We are spreading the word to this establishment
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,569 that we demand better television
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,362 for our children!
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:04,034 We want more quality television,
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:05,535 like "Full House"!
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:10,457 Ugh, I think you gave me the stomach flu, Mr. Garrison.
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:12,459 No, no, it was that little Kenny bastard
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,252 that gave it to me.
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:17,047 Whoa, Mayor, you, uh, making gravy in there?
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,924 I just had a brown baby boy.
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:25,722 Dude, this is sweet not having parents around.
00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:28,058 Yeah, I hope they protest TV shows forever.
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,267 Whoopee!
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,477 C'mere, Billy.
00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:31,895 I wanna show you something.
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,438 Aw, do I have to?
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,732 Yes, you do, you little pecker!
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,485 I realized that the reason you won't kill me
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:41,530 is because you don't understand how I feel, Billy.
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:44,157 But now I found a way to show you
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:47,953 what it feels like to be Grandpa.
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,704 Hey, what are you doing?
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:53,750 What are they doing in there?
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,585 I don't know.
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,295 Now you're about to see what it's like
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,755 to be as old as me.
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,173 Are you ready, Billy?
00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:02,717 I-I guess.
00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:14,271 Okay, you can let me out now.
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:16,731 Not just yet.
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,609 Let me out, Grandpa!
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:20,861 I can't take it anymore!
00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:22,112 This music is terrible!
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:23,613 It's-it's cheesy but lame
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,991 and eerily soothing at the same time!
00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:29,661 That's it! Now you know what it feels like to be Grandpa!
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:36,167 Grandpa, I had no idea how bad it was for you.
00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:37,586 Now I understand.
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,255 So now will you kill me, Billy?
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,924 Sure I will, Grandpa. I will.
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:46,928 It doesn't look like our protest is working.
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:49,014 It'll work. It has to.
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:51,975 Look, it's the president of the network.
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:55,145 Ladies and gentlemen, my name is John Warsog.
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:58,315 I've prepared a statement for you on behalf of the network.
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,695 you.
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,488 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:07,157 If there are any questions, you may direct them
00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:08,825 to that brick wall over there.
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:13,330 Hey! You will not get away with this!
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,710 That does it!
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,546 No more Mr. Nice Protesters!
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,924 It's time for plan B.
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:27,928 Ooh, Carol, where are the porta-potties?
00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:29,596 Over there, hon-- what, do you need
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,848 to drop some friends off at the pool?
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,683 Oh, yes, indeedy.
00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,605 Okay, Grandpa, all you have to do is sit there.
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:39,814 We'll do the rest.
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:41,358 You got the cow all tied up?
00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:42,692 Yep, all done.
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,569 Okay, c'mon, guys.
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:47,948 Why don't we just shoot him?
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,115 You dumb-ass, Cartman.
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,367 It has to look natural,
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:51,701 or else we'll all get busted.
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,036 Yeah, stupid.
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,829 That's good, Billy.
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,581 Little higher, now.
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:01,252 The network is not taking us seriously.
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,964 In the past, people have had to die
00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:05,715 for what they believed in,
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,301 and we are prepared to do the same!
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:09,427 Ready?
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:14,766 Mr. McKormick, you shall be a martyr to us all.
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,351 Godspeed.
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,521 We will not let these corporate half-wits
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,982 ruin our children's minds!
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,441 Launch!
00:16:27,237 --> 00:16:30,782 We will all follow suit one by one
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,242 if that's what it takes!
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:35,662 Are you ready, Grandpa?
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,622 Does the pope crap in the woods?
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:50,051 Carry on.
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,553 Okay, here we go.
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,430 Bye, Grandpa, it was nice knowing you.
00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,432 Cut the damn rope already!
00:16:55,557 --> 00:16:58,560 Whoa, what is that?
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:02,230 Whoa, it-it looks like Death!
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:04,858 It's about time,
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:07,444 you lazy-ass son of a whore!
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,738 C'mon, let's go!
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,239 What the...
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,199 Hey, he's coming towards us.
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:14,451 Why is Death coming after us?
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,206 Ah! - Ah!
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,044 Help! - Run, run, run!
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:26,796 What are we gonna do?
00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:29,883 <i>As the day progresses,</i>
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:31,551 more and more South Park residents
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:33,720 continue to slingshot their bodies
00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:36,598 into the side of the Toon Central building.
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,142 Toon Central is now under incredible pressure
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,310 to cancel the show
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:41,519 and has already lost
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,772 over 20% of their sponsors.
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:46,191 Here, Carol, I think it's your boy.
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:47,400 Oh, thanks.
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,860 What is it, Stanley, hon?
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,153 Did you break something?
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,280 Mom, Death is here,
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,199 and he's trying to take us all away with him!
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,451 Stanley, honey, you need to leave Mommy alone.
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,620 I'm doing something very, very important
00:17:58,745 --> 00:17:59,746 for your little well-being there.
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,331 <i>Yeah, but Mom!</i>
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:02,749 Here, honey, talk to your father.
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:03,917 Did you turn the heat down?
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,210 <i>Dad, Death is coming--</i>
00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:06,669 Keep the thermostat under 70.
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:07,921 Take care of your grandfather.
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,342 Damn it! You know, I think that if parents
00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,177 would spend less time worrying about
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:15,929 what their kids watch on TV and more time worrying
00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,555 about what's going on in their kids' lives,
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,349 this world would be a much better place.
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,351 Yeah, I think that parents only get so offended
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:22,936 by television because they rely on it as a babysitter
00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:24,646 and the sole educator of their kids.
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,032 Totally, dude. - Good point, man.
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:37,867 Ah!
00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:39,202 Quick! Jump through the window!
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:50,964 Come back here, you pompous son of a pansy!
00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:52,966 - Ah! - Don't let him touch you!
00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:54,968 You die if he touches you!
00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:57,262 I'm over here, you son of a whore!
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,060 <i>Oh, Terrance?</i>
00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:06,187 <i>What color is the wind?</i>
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,731 <i>Hmm, I don't know, why don't you check?</i>
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:11,776 <i>Oh, you farted!</i>
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:18,074 <i>Hey, Phillip, you know what my spacesuit smells like?</i>
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,951 <i>No, Terrance, why don't you tell me?</i>
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:23,079 <i>Well, it smells like a dirty fart.</i>
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,375 Hey, look!
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,378 <i>Oh, there's one!</i>
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:37,135 Hours have passed, and still, the die-hard South Park parents
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,888 are killing themselves in front of the Toon Central building
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:41,598 one by one.
00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:43,224 Worse yet, the stomach flu
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,602 that seems to be going around is...
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:47,061 wait, wait, I'm getting word
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,396 that the president of the network
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,024 is going to make a statement.
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,359 Wait, wait.
00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:55,069 Ladies and gentlemen,
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,614 your Nazi-ass tactics of trying to stink us out
00:19:57,739 --> 00:20:02,243 with your rancid feces... has worked.
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,204 Therefore,
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,955 today, we will officially be taking
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,082 "Terrance and Phillip" off the network
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,668 and replacing it with reruns of "She's the Sheriff,"
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:13,546 starring Suzanne Somers.
00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:14,923 Now, get away from here,
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,424 and take your diarrhea with you!
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,595 Huh?
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,389 Now, at last, we can return to normality.
00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:25,558 <i>Hey, Phillip? - Yes, Terrance?</i>
00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:28,603 <i>Is there a penny stuck in my butt?</i>
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,647 <i>I don't know, Terrance, let me check.</i>
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,482 Uh-oh, don't look there, Phillip.
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:34,025 You're gonna get farted on.
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,905 <i>We interrupt this program to bring you loud static.</i>
00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:44,535 Ah!
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:50,625 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastard!
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,210 Wow, I guess Death was just coming
00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:53,711 after Kenny the whole time.
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:56,631 Hey, you were supposed to kill me!
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,842 That's not fair, God damn it!
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:02,553 My grandpa asked me to kill him and I did it!
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:06,975 Whoa!
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:10,478 Billy...
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:11,854 Grandpa?
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:13,564 That's right, Billy.
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:15,441 My name's not Billy, Grandpa.
00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:16,651 And what's wrong with you?
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,194 Why do you look all haggard?
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:20,405 I asked you to kill me, Billy.
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:22,156 But I was wrong,
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:25,493 and now I'm forced to spend eternity in limbo.
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,120 Limbo?
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:29,539 I was wrong to put you in that position, Billy.
00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:33,126 Just like you're wrong to put little Billy in it now.
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:34,961 You're so obsessed with ending your life,
00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:37,630 you're not thinking about what you're doing to his.
00:21:37,755 --> 00:21:41,050 You must wait to die of natural causes.
00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:43,761 But I've been waiting for 25 years!
00:21:43,886 --> 00:21:48,057 Let nature run its course, or else end up in limbo!
00:21:48,182 --> 00:21:50,435 Natural causes, Billy.
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,437 Natural causes...
00:21:56,774 --> 00:21:58,776 C'mon, you guys, let's go home.
00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:08,661 Here they are. - Well, we did it, son.
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:11,164 We fought a battle for your well-being and won.
00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:12,749 What do you mean?
00:22:12,874 --> 00:22:13,750 We got "Terrance and Phillip"
00:22:13,875 --> 00:22:15,376 taken off the air.
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,420 You son of a bitch! Your mom sucks!
00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:20,256 But look what they put on.
00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:22,925 <i>And now back to "She's the Sheriff."</i>
00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:25,219 No! God, no!
00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:28,222 <i>You were the one behind all these shenanigans!</i>
00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:30,433 <i>Yeah, well, you're the stupid ho that started it.</i>
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,268 What did he say?
00:22:32,393 --> 00:22:34,187 <i>Up yours, butt-munch!</i>
00:22:34,312 --> 00:22:35,646 Wh-wh-what?!
00:22:35,772 --> 00:22:39,275 C'mon, everybody, back to New York!
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,818 Hey, Stan, now that "Terrance and Phillip"
00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:42,403 has been taken off the air,
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,405 what are we gonna do for entertainment?
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:46,574 I don't know, we-we could start breathing gas fumes.
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:49,035 My uncle says that smoking crack is kinda cool.
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,620 Hey, why don't we go watch
00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:51,829 some of those porno movie thingies?
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:53,748 Cool! - Yeah!
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,416 What are you doing, Grandpa?
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:57,543 I'm planning a trip to Africa.
00:22:57,668 --> 00:23:00,588 Did you know over 400 people are eaten naturally
00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:03,091 by lions in Africa every year?
00:23:03,216 --> 00:23:04,801 That's my silly Grandpa.
00:23:07,845 --> 00:23:08,721 Oh!

00:00:01,961 --> 00:00:02,837 [both laughing]
00:00:02,962 --> 00:00:04,672 Oh, jeez.
00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:06,257 We should get your bitch ass back in the kitchen
00:00:06,382 --> 00:00:08,843 and make me some pie. - [laughs]
00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:11,679 That is a hoot and a holler.
00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:13,472 Anyway, this next episode
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,474 is definitely Trey and I's most favorite episode.
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:17,059 It's called "Death."
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:19,061 In it, Stan's grandpa wants to die,
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:22,690 and all the parents in South Park are protesting a TV show.
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:24,942 Matt and Trey, let's get right to the point.
00:00:25,067 --> 00:00:26,527 Should old people legally be allowed to die
00:00:26,652 --> 00:00:28,404 at the hand of a loved one?
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,698 Matt and I are both firm believers in euthanasia.
00:00:30,823 --> 00:00:32,700 We think that once you get to be a certain age,
00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:35,369 things just get to be too boring and painful,
00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:37,872 and you should be able to, well, you know,
00:00:37,997 --> 00:00:39,290 by people you love.
00:00:39,415 --> 00:00:41,083 That's why I've asked my family
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,127 to put a bullet in my head when I turn 30.
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:45,421 So, who are this Terrance and Phillip,
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:46,881 and why do they sound so different?
00:00:47,006 --> 00:00:48,716 "Terrance and Phillip" is a show
00:00:48,841 --> 00:00:50,509 that the boys in South Park like to watch,
00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:52,511 and the truth is, they're Canadian.
00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:54,972 That's why they're so silly.
00:00:55,097 --> 00:00:57,933 How many lives would you say that Kenny has left?
00:00:58,059 --> 00:01:01,562 Will they eventually run out, kind of like a video game?
00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,314 There's something that people have to understand
00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:05,107 about this whole Kenny mess.
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:06,901 Trey and I created Kenny,
00:01:07,026 --> 00:01:08,903 so if we want to kill him, we can.
00:01:09,028 --> 00:01:09,904 That's our right.
00:01:10,029 --> 00:01:12,031 Leave us alone.
00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:13,741 So, are you guys as anti-Semitic
00:01:13,866 --> 00:01:15,910 as some might believe?
00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:17,328 You know, a lot of people have accused
00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:19,121 "South Park" of anti-Semitism,
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,540 but I am Jewish and proud of my heritage,
00:01:21,665 --> 00:01:22,917 and so I can say with some certainty
00:01:23,042 --> 00:01:25,461 that I am not anti-Semitic.
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,922 I am, however.
00:01:28,047 --> 00:01:30,925 So now, sit back, relax, and enjoy "Death."
00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:34,053 <i>[light music]</i>
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:44,480 [twangy music]
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:45,981 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:47,775 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,568 all: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,445 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,905 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:54,615 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,325 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,035 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
00:01:58,160 --> 00:01:59,537 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:00,871 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:04,667 [singing indistinctly]
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,168 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,546 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:02:08,671 --> 00:02:11,674 all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
00:02:11,799 --> 00:02:13,926 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
00:02:14,051 --> 00:02:16,679 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Grandpa ♪
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:18,097 [moans]
00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:20,558 all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:23,644 Now, blow out the candles, Grandpa.
00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,771 [wheezing]
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,148 all: Hooray!
00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:29,316 How's it feel to be 102, Paps?
00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:32,027 Shoot me! - Make a wish, Grandpa.
00:02:32,153 --> 00:02:33,487 I wish I were dead!
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:36,031 [laughs] That's our silly Grandpa.
00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:37,867 I'm not being silly, kill me!
00:02:37,992 --> 00:02:40,035 I'd do it myself, but I'm too damn old!
00:02:40,161 --> 00:02:42,746 Ooh, who wants ice cream with their cake?
00:02:42,872 --> 00:02:44,331 Me. - I will!
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,041 It's 8:00. My favorite TV show is on.
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,793 That show's for babies.
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:49,670 It's so stupid!
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:50,921 Can I eat my cake in the living room, Mom?
00:02:51,046 --> 00:02:52,256 Please, can I?
00:02:52,381 --> 00:02:53,507 Oh, all right.
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,509 But take your Grampy with you.
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,761 Ah, damn it! - Language!
00:02:57,887 --> 00:03:00,181 <i>And now back to "Terrance and Phillip."</i>
00:03:00,306 --> 00:03:02,683 <i>Hey, Terrance, I think I have to fart.</i>
00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,769 <i>Wait, before you do, pull my thumb.</i>
00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:08,606 <i>[both fart, laugh]</i>
00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:10,649 [moans]
00:03:10,774 --> 00:03:13,319 [gunshot] Ah, damn it!
00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,821 How would you like to make a dollar, Billy?
00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:17,698 My name's not Billy, Grandpa, it's Stan.
00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:20,117 Damn it, Billy, do you want a dollar or don't you?
00:03:20,242 --> 00:03:21,744 Sure. - Okay.
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,996 You just have to do one thing for me.
00:03:24,121 --> 00:03:25,915 I'm not gonna kill you, Grandpa.
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,666 Why not? - 'Cause I'll get in trouble.
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:30,252 I killed my grandpa when I was your age!
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:31,670 Leave me alone, Grandpa.
00:03:31,795 --> 00:03:33,214 <i>[both fart, laugh]</i>
00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:35,174 What has America's youth come to?
00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:38,010 Kids won't even kill their own grandparents!
00:03:38,135 --> 00:03:39,678 ♪♪
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,931 <i>Hey, Terrance, now that you've farted,</i>
00:03:42,056 --> 00:03:43,849 <i>I think I might fart too.</i>
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:44,934 <i>[farts]</i>
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,685 <i>Oh! You farted!</i>
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:48,646 [laughs]
00:03:48,771 --> 00:03:50,856 Kyle, bubby, what are you watching?
00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:52,900 <i>Hey, Phillip, would you like a flower?</i>
00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:54,526 <i>I sure would, Terrance.</i>
00:03:54,652 --> 00:03:56,195 <i>All righty, then, here's a tulip.</i>
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,030 <i>[farts]</i>
00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,865 What is this? It's horrible!
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:01,825 Dude, it's "Terrance and Phillip."
00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:03,619 <i>Take that, you stupid dick.</i>
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,246 What did he say?
00:04:05,371 --> 00:04:06,872 <i>You're an asshole, Phillip.</i>
00:04:06,997 --> 00:04:08,832 Wh-wh-what?! <i>[both laugh]</i>
00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:10,417 Young man,
00:04:10,542 --> 00:04:12,169 you are not to watch that show anymore.
00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:14,046 It's immature toilet humor.
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,090 But everybody watches "Terrance and Phillip."
00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:19,218 Oh, really? Is that so?
00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:21,470 <i>Oh, no, Phillip, looks like you're about to fart.</i>
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:22,930 <i>You're exactly right, Terrance.</i>
00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,014 <i>[farts]</i>
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,766 <i>Oh, no!</i>
00:04:25,891 --> 00:04:27,851 [laughs] Sweet.
00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:30,187 Eric, dear, I just got a call
00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:32,856 from your friend Kyle's mother.
00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:35,317 She said that this show is naughty
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,820 and might make you a potty mouth.
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,113 That's a bunch of crap!
00:04:39,238 --> 00:04:41,073 Kyle's mom is a dirty Jew!
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,075 Oh. Okay, hon.
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,292 I'm not going to kill you, Grandpa!
00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:52,668 Ingrate!
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,336 Good night, Grandpa!
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,130 You pompous son of a whore!
00:04:56,255 --> 00:04:59,008 ♪♪
00:04:59,133 --> 00:05:00,968 Ow! What the hell was that for?
00:05:01,093 --> 00:05:02,720 That's for your stupid mother!
00:05:02,845 --> 00:05:04,680 She made me miss "Terrance and Phillip" last night.
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,307 Yeah, what's the big idea
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:08,392 having your mom call all our moms last night?
00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:09,476 Well, I didn't have her do it.
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,061 She did it on her own.
00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,771 Why does this happen every month?
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:15,107 It seems like right about the same time every month
00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:17,568 Kyle's mom gets a hair up her ass about something
00:05:17,693 --> 00:05:19,445 and I always end up getting screwed by it.
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:20,696 Children, children,
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:21,947 a certain student's mother
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,407 called me last night.
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:24,783 Ah, gee, I wonder whose mother
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,118 that could've been.
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:27,494 She informed me that some of you
00:05:27,619 --> 00:05:29,371 might be watching a naughty show
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:32,082 called "Terrance and Phillip." [all giggling]
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,668 Watching that show is bad, Mr. Garrison.
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,170 That's right, Mr. Hat.
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,588 Shows like "Terrance and Phillip"
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:39,465 are what we call "toilet humor."
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:41,675 They don't expand your minds.
00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,887 You see, children, these kind of shows
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:47,097 are senseless, vile trash.
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:49,266 Kenny, why are you late to class?
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,189 Oh, okay, Kenny, be seated.
00:05:55,314 --> 00:05:57,024 Now, as I was saying, the reason
00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:59,443 the parents of South Park are so upset is because--
00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:01,904 Yes, Kenny, what is it? - [mumbling]
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:03,655 I thought you just came from the bathroom.
00:06:03,781 --> 00:06:04,948 [mumbles loudly]
00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:07,618 Okay, okay, go ahead.
00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:09,912 As I was saying, you all seem to enjoy the show
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,789 even though it isn't based in reality.
00:06:11,914 --> 00:06:13,999 There's much more to life than two young men
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,876 farting on each other. [loud diarrhea sounds]
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,669 And throughout history, there have always been shows
00:06:17,795 --> 00:06:19,838 that have come and gone that have been very bad,
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:22,091 and usually they get taken right off the air.
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:24,134 You see, you should be spending your time
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:28,055 enlightening your mind with more intelligent entertainment.
00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,848 Whoa! Smells like you slaughtered a cow
00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:32,184 in there, Kenny! - Pay attention, children!
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:34,186 I'm going to join your parents in requesting
00:06:34,311 --> 00:06:37,231 that you don't watch "Terrance and Phillip" anymore ever.
00:06:37,356 --> 00:06:38,857 What?
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,109 Not watch "Terrance and Phillip" ever?
00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:41,610 That's right, children.
00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,862 Are there any questions? Yes, Stanley?
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,989 Is it okay to kill somebody if they want you to?
00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:48,992 Wh-what do you mean?
00:06:49,118 --> 00:06:50,244 My grandpa keeps asking
00:06:50,369 --> 00:06:51,745 that I kill him all the time,
00:06:51,870 --> 00:06:53,539 and sometimes I wonder if I should.
00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:55,124 Well, then, you should-- I think that a person has
00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:56,792 a right to die if they wanna. - Really?
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,669 Yeah, there's this guy named Jack Laborkian
00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,379 that goes around and murders people that ask him to,
00:07:00,504 --> 00:07:01,880 and he doesn't get into any trouble at all.
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:03,507 Wow! - Hey!
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,260 Maybe we can get him to kill Kyle's mom!
00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:07,803 So is it okay to assist somebody
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,304 with suicide, Mr. Garrison?
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:11,181 Uh, Stan,
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:14,143 I'm not touching that one with a 20-foot pole.
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,186 [mumbles loudly]
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:17,563 [diarrhea sounds]
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:18,689 [Kenny yells]
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:24,695 Man, I can't believe we're gonna miss
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,280 "Terrance and Phillip" today.
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,781 I think I'm already having withdrawal.
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:30,284 [moaning]
00:07:30,409 --> 00:07:32,327 Don't worry, dude, we can all go watch it at my house.
00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:33,787 My parents don't get home until late.
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,247 But won't your grandpa be there?
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:37,166 Yeah. - Just kill him, dude.
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,876 Maybe he'll give you some money.
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,669 Hello there, children. - Hey, Chef.
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,129 How's it going? - Bad.
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:43,755 Why bad?
00:07:43,881 --> 00:07:45,132 Chef, is it okay to kill your grandpa?
00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:47,134 You can't kill my grandpa, Stan.
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:50,262 He's already passed on. - No, I mean kill my grandpa.
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,097 No, I don't think that's okay, Stan.
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,433 In fact, I think that's illegal.
00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:56,101 See, I told you, dude.
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,061 Well, yeah, but what if the grandpa wants to die
00:07:58,187 --> 00:08:00,355 'cause he's really old and he's just asking for help?
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:03,108 Yeah, like assisted suicide, what about that?
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:07,404 I don't want to touch that with a 40-foot pole.
00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,157 What's the big deal?
00:08:10,282 --> 00:08:11,742 Why won't anybody talk about this?
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,327 And I myself was not aware
00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:15,370 of this horrible show until recently.
00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:18,415 I have a clip to demonstrate exactly what I mean.
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,709 <i>Hey, Phillip, guess what? - What?</i>
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,420 <i>Fart. [farts]</i>
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:26,298 Now, apparently, that's supposed to be funny.
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:29,384 [laughs] He farted right on his head.
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:32,346 Not allowing our kids
00:08:32,471 --> 00:08:34,932 to watch this show is not enough.
00:08:35,057 --> 00:08:38,268 We need to boycott the entire network!
00:08:38,393 --> 00:08:40,437 All those in favor?
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,898 [loud diarrhea]
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:47,152 Oh, I think I've caught a touch of the flu
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:48,737 from little Kenny this morning.
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,948 I've got the green apple splatters.
00:08:51,073 --> 00:08:53,450 [all laughing] - Heh, green apple splatters.
00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,410 ♪♪
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,246 [moans]
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,664 Hi, Grandpa, I brought my friends over
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:00,582 to watch TV if that's okay.
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,669 Billy, help Grandpa stick this fork in the outlet!
00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:05,337 No, Grandpa, I'll get in trouble.
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:06,672 Kill me, God damn it!
00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,799 No, I can't even kill a deer.
00:09:08,924 --> 00:09:10,384 Well, then, have one of your little friends do it.
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:11,802 You can kill me, can't you?
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:13,470 I would never kill somebody.
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:14,846 Not unless they pissed me off.
00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,431 Oh, is that a fact?
00:09:16,557 --> 00:09:18,809 Well, let me tell you something, porky,
00:09:18,934 --> 00:09:20,769 your mom was over here earlier,
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:22,938 and I humped her like a little bitch.
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,022 What? - That's right.
00:09:24,147 --> 00:09:25,065 Grandpa!
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:26,316 And then I dug up
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:27,818 your great-grandma's skeleton
00:09:27,943 --> 00:09:29,570 and had my way with her too. - Hey!
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:31,446 Choice piece of ass, your great-grandma.
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:33,407 You piece of crap, I'll kill you!
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:35,158 That's the spirit, tubby!
00:09:35,284 --> 00:09:36,660 C'mon, Cartman, he's just trying to get to you.
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,620 Don't talk about my mom like that!
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,163 We can go watch "Terrance and Phillip" in the kitchen.
00:09:40,289 --> 00:09:41,665 I ever tell you about the time
00:09:41,790 --> 00:09:43,542 I boofed your dad, fatso?
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:46,169 Ah! I can't believe that son of a bitch!
00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:48,005 Here, Cartman, have some Snacky Cakes.
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:49,423 Ooh, Snacky Cakes? Good deal.
00:09:49,548 --> 00:09:50,716 I don't know what to do, dude.
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,050 My grandpa really wants to die.
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:53,719 I'm telling you, it's okay.
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:55,220 Maybe you should ask the Lord for guidance.
00:09:55,345 --> 00:09:56,888 Hey, yeah.
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:58,181 <i>And now back to "Jesus and Pals"</i>
00:09:58,307 --> 00:09:59,808 <i>On South Park public access.</i>
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,060 Yea, believe in me and ye shall find peace.
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:04,062 First caller, you're on "Jesus and Pals."
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:05,856 <i>Yeah, is this Jesus? [feedback whines]</i>
00:10:05,981 --> 00:10:07,649 Yes, caller, you need to turn your TV down.
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,359 That's why you're getting that weird feedback.
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,028 <i>Oh, sorry. This is Martin.</i>
00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,529 Martin from Aspen Park, yes, I know.
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:14,406 <i>How the hell'd you know that?</i>
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:15,907 Well, maybe because I'm the son of God, brainiac.
00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,075 Now, do you have a question?
00:10:18,201 --> 00:10:21,580 <i>Uh, yeah, I have this cousin who cheated on the SATs--</i>
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,415 Tell little Gregory that cheating is lying
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:25,917 and lying is wrong no matter what the circumstance.
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:29,254 <i>Oh. Okay, thanks for the advice, Jesus.</i>
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,089 Next caller, you're on the air.
00:10:31,214 --> 00:10:33,050 Jesus? <i>- Yes, my son?</i>
00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:35,469 Jesus, is it okay to kill somebody if they ask you to
00:10:35,594 --> 00:10:37,012 because they're in a lot of pain, you know,
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,848 like assisted suicide, is that okay?
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,558 My son... - Yes?
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,185 I'm not touching that with a 60-foot pole.
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,603 Next caller.
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,271 God damn it! - I heard that.
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:47,773 What the hell is wrong with everybody?
00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:49,441 Hey, you guys!
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,443 "Terrance and Phillip" is on! - Yeah!
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:52,778 Hey, do you think we'll get in trouble for watching it?
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,571 Kyle, don't be such a butthole.
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,239 Yeah, just 'cause your mom is a stupid bitch
00:10:56,365 --> 00:10:57,741 doesn't mean the whole world has to suffer.
00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:59,201 Don't call my mom a bitch, Cartman!
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,370 A. Bitch.
00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:04,915 Your mom is a b-b-b-bitch.
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,042 <i>And now back to "Terrance and Phillip."</i>
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,211 <i>Hey, Phillip, would you like to eat some beans?</i>
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,463 <i>Oh, yeah, I love beans!</i>
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,840 Uh-oh, I bet I know what's coming.
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:17,219 Billy, would you mind holding this for Grandpa, please?
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,262 Okay, Grandpa, okay, just, get out of the way of the TV.
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,972 <i>Hey, Phillip, it looks like</i>
00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:22,683 <i>those beans might make me fart.</i>
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:24,559 <i>Well, don't fart on me, Terrance.</i>
00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:26,937 Dude, he's gonna fart on his head again!
00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:28,438 [mumbles loudly]
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:31,108 Hey, you're gonna miss it, Kenny!
00:11:31,233 --> 00:11:32,818 <i>You're such an asshole, Terrance!</i>
00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:34,403 <i>That's right, I am!</i>
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:35,737 [laughter]
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,155 [exploding diarrhea]
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,907 [moans]
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,951 Hurry up, Kenny, you're gonna miss the fart!
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:43,537 Jesus, what the hell are you doing?
00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:45,455 We're not watching "Terrance and Phillip," I swear.
00:11:45,580 --> 00:11:47,249 I mean, Cartman was watching it.
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:51,253 No, I mean what the hell are you doing to Grandpa?
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,380 ♪♪
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:56,383 Tug a little harder, Billy.
00:11:56,508 --> 00:11:59,720 Ah! - You little jerk!
00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:01,638 You were trying to kill Grandpa!
00:12:01,763 --> 00:12:02,848 I'm telling Mom!
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:05,058 Damn it, I was so close.
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:07,519 <i>Four third graders from South Park, Colorado,</i>
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,646 <i>were found trying to viciously murder</i>
00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,523 <i>an innocent grandfather.</i>
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:13,775 Boys, how did you get driven so far to the edge?
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,778 What changed you into such demonic little bastards?
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:18,196 We didn't know what we were doing.
00:12:18,321 --> 00:12:19,448 We were just sitting there watching
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:20,699 "Terrance and Phillip," and--
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:22,325 "Terrance and Phillip"? Aha!
00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:23,952 So it <i>is</i> that show that is to blame.
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,787 These boys' minds have been tainted
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:29,458 by the garbage on television that they see,
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:31,084 and we are fed up!
00:12:31,209 --> 00:12:32,085 Huh?
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,045 Oh, God, oh, God!
00:12:34,171 --> 00:12:37,466 We have to stop this smut from going on the air!
00:12:37,591 --> 00:12:40,135 We will march to the network and protest
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,637 until our demands are met.
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,931 New York, here we come!
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:47,684 [cheers and applause] [loud diarrhea]
00:12:51,980 --> 00:12:55,108 We are spreading the word to this establishment
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,569 that we demand better television
00:12:57,694 --> 00:12:59,362 for our children!
00:12:59,488 --> 00:13:00,906 [cheers and applause]
00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:04,034 We want more quality television,
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:05,535 like "Full House"!
00:13:05,660 --> 00:13:07,496 [cheers and applause]
00:13:07,621 --> 00:13:10,457 Ugh, I think you gave me the stomach flu, Mr. Garrison.
00:13:10,582 --> 00:13:12,459 No, no, it was that little Kenny bastard
00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,252 that gave it to me.
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:17,047 Whoa, Mayor, you, uh, making gravy in there?
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,924 I just had a brown baby boy.
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:21,176 [both laugh]
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,053 ♪♪
00:13:23,178 --> 00:13:25,722 Dude, this is sweet not having parents around.
00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:28,058 Yeah, I hope they protest TV shows forever.
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:29,267 Whoopee!
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,477 C'mere, Billy.
00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:31,895 I wanna show you something.
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,438 Aw, do I have to?
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,732 Yes, you do, you little pecker!
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,485 I realized that the reason you won't kill me
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:41,530 is because you don't understand how I feel, Billy.
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:44,157 But now I found a way to show you
00:13:44,282 --> 00:13:47,953 what it feels like to be Grandpa.
00:13:48,078 --> 00:13:49,704 Hey, what are you doing?
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:53,750 What are they doing in there?
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,585 I don't know.
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:57,295 Now you're about to see what it's like
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:58,755 to be as old as me.
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,173 Are you ready, Billy?
00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:02,717 I-I guess.
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:05,720 [Enya's "Orinoco Flow" plays]
00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:12,727 ♪♪
00:14:12,853 --> 00:14:14,271 Okay, you can let me out now.
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:16,731 Not just yet.
00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,609 Let me out, Grandpa!
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:20,861 I can't take it anymore!
00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:22,112 This music is terrible!
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:23,613 It's-it's cheesy but lame
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,991 and eerily soothing at the same time!
00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:29,661 That's it! Now you know what it feels like to be Grandpa!
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,329 ♪♪
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:36,167 Grandpa, I had no idea how bad it was for you.
00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:37,586 Now I understand.
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,255 So now will you kill me, Billy?
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:42,924 Sure I will, Grandpa. I will.
00:14:44,175 --> 00:14:46,928 [sighs] It doesn't look like our protest is working.
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:49,014 It'll work. It has to.
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:51,975 Look, it's the president of the network.
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:55,145 Ladies and gentlemen, my name is John Warsog.
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:58,315 I've prepared a statement for you on behalf of the network.
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,359 [clearing throat]
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,695 [bleep] you.
00:15:03,820 --> 00:15:05,488 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:07,157 If there are any questions, you may direct them
00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:08,825 to that brick wall over there.
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:13,330 Hey! You will not get away with this!
00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:17,292 [crowd gasping]
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,710 That does it!
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,546 No more Mr. Nice Protesters!
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,924 It's time for plan B.
00:15:24,049 --> 00:15:27,928 Ooh, Carol, where are the porta-potties?
00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:29,596 Over there, hon-- what, do you need
00:15:29,721 --> 00:15:31,848 to drop some friends off at the pool?
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,683 Oh, yes, indeedy.
00:15:33,808 --> 00:15:36,686 [both laugh]
00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,605 Okay, Grandpa, all you have to do is sit there.
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:39,814 We'll do the rest.
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:41,358 You got the cow all tied up?
00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:42,692 Yep, all done.
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,569 Okay, c'mon, guys.
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:46,738 [all grunt]
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:47,948 Why don't we just shoot him?
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,115 You dumb-ass, Cartman.
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:50,367 It has to look natural,
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:51,701 or else we'll all get busted.
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:53,036 Yeah, stupid.
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,829 That's good, Billy.
00:15:54,955 --> 00:15:56,581 Little higher, now.
00:15:56,706 --> 00:15:58,416 [cow moos]
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:01,252 The network is not taking us seriously.
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,964 In the past, people have had to die
00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:05,715 for what they believed in,
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:08,301 and we are prepared to do the same!
00:16:08,426 --> 00:16:09,427 Ready?
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:14,766 Mr. McKormick, you shall be a martyr to us all.
00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,351 Godspeed.
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,521 We will not let these corporate half-wits
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,982 ruin our children's minds!
00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,441 Launch!
00:16:23,566 --> 00:16:24,693 [drumroll]
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,112 [grunts] - [gasps]
00:16:27,237 --> 00:16:30,782 We will all follow suit one by one
00:16:30,907 --> 00:16:32,242 if that's what it takes!
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:33,994 [all moaning in pain]
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:35,662 Are you ready, Grandpa?
00:16:35,787 --> 00:16:37,622 Does the pope crap in the woods?
00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:41,376 [indistinct radio chatter]
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,294 <i>[suspenseful music]</i>
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,338 [cow moos]
00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:46,464 ♪♪
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:50,051 Carry on. [engine turns over]
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:51,553 Okay, here we go.
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,430 Bye, Grandpa, it was nice knowing you.
00:16:53,555 --> 00:16:55,432 Cut the damn rope already!
00:16:55,557 --> 00:16:58,560 [thunder crackles] - Whoa, what is that?
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:02,230 Whoa, it-it looks like Death!
00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,648 [moans]
00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:04,858 It's about time,
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:07,444 you lazy-ass son of a whore!
00:17:07,569 --> 00:17:09,738 C'mon, let's go!
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,239 What the...
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:13,199 Hey, he's coming towards us.
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:14,451 Why is Death coming after us?
00:17:14,576 --> 00:17:15,577 [moans]
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,162 [children screaming]
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:20,206 Ah! - Ah!
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,044 Help! - Run, run, run!
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:25,587 [moans]
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:26,796 What are we gonna do?
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:28,131 [Death shrieks]
00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:29,883 <i>As the day progresses,</i>
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:31,551 more and more South Park residents
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:33,720 continue to slingshot their bodies
00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:36,598 into the side of the Toon Central building.
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,142 Toon Central is now under incredible pressure
00:17:39,267 --> 00:17:40,310 to cancel the show
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:41,519 and has already lost
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,772 over 20% of their sponsors.
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:46,191 Here, Carol, I think it's your boy.
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:47,400 Oh, thanks.
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:48,860 What is it, Stanley, hon?
00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:50,153 Did you break something?
00:17:50,278 --> 00:17:52,280 Mom, Death is here,
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,199 and he's trying to take us all away with him!
00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:56,451 Stanley, honey, you need to leave Mommy alone.
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,620 I'm doing something very, very important
00:17:58,745 --> 00:17:59,746 for your little well-being there.
00:17:59,871 --> 00:18:01,331 <i>Yeah, but Mom!</i>
00:18:01,456 --> 00:18:02,749 Here, honey, talk to your father.
00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:03,917 Did you turn the heat down?
00:18:04,042 --> 00:18:05,210 <i>Dad, Death is coming--</i>
00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:06,669 Keep the thermostat under 70.
00:18:06,795 --> 00:18:07,921 Take care of your grandfather.
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:10,173 [Death shrieks]
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,342 Damn it! You know, I think that if parents
00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,177 would spend less time worrying about
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:15,929 what their kids watch on TV and more time worrying
00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,555 about what's going on in their kids' lives,
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,349 this world would be a much better place.
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,351 Yeah, I think that parents only get so offended
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:22,936 by television because they rely on it as a babysitter
00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:24,646 and the sole educator of their kids.
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:31,778 [mumbling]
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:36,032 Totally, dude. - Good point, man.
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:37,867 [shrieks] - Ah!
00:18:37,992 --> 00:18:39,202 Quick! Jump through the window!
00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:40,662 ♪♪
00:18:40,787 --> 00:18:42,705 [Cartman grunts] [Death shrieks]
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:50,964 Come back here, you pompous son of a pansy!
00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:52,966 all: Ah! - Don't let him touch you!
00:18:53,091 --> 00:18:54,968 You die if he touches you!
00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:57,262 I'm over here, you son of a whore!
00:18:57,387 --> 00:19:00,265 ♪♪
00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,060 <i>Oh, Terrance?</i>
00:19:04,185 --> 00:19:06,187 <i>What color is the wind?</i>
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,731 <i>Hmm, I don't know, why don't you check?</i>
00:19:08,857 --> 00:19:10,567 <i>[farts] [both laugh]</i>
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:11,776 <i>Oh, you farted!</i>
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:15,238 [laughing]
00:19:15,363 --> 00:19:18,074 <i>Hey, Phillip, you know what my spacesuit smells like?</i>
00:19:18,199 --> 00:19:19,951 <i>No, Terrance, why don't you tell me?</i>
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:23,079 <i>Well, it smells like a dirty fart.</i>
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:24,622 <i>[both laugh]</i>
00:19:24,747 --> 00:19:26,207 [laughing]
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:27,375 Hey, look!
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,668 [laughing]
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,378 <i>[farts] Oh, there's one!</i>
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:33,798 [all laughing]
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:37,135 Hours have passed, and still, the die-hard South Park parents
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:39,888 are killing themselves in front of the Toon Central building
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:41,598 one by one.
00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:43,224 Worse yet, the stomach flu
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,602 that seems to be going around is...
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:47,061 wait, wait, I'm getting word
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,396 that the president of the network
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:51,024 is going to make a statement.
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:53,359 Wait, wait.
00:19:53,484 --> 00:19:55,069 Ladies and gentlemen,
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,614 your Nazi-ass tactics of trying to stink us out
00:19:57,739 --> 00:20:02,243 with your rancid feces... has worked.
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:04,204 [flies buzzing] Therefore,
00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:05,955 today, we will officially be taking
00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,082 "Terrance and Phillip" off the network
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,668 and replacing it with reruns of "She's the Sheriff,"
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:13,546 starring Suzanne Somers. [cheers and applause]
00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:14,923 Now, get away from here,
00:20:15,048 --> 00:20:16,424 and take your diarrhea with you!
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,593 [cheers and applause]
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,595 Huh?
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,389 Now, at last, we can return to normality.
00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:25,558 <i>Hey, Phillip? - Yes, Terrance?</i>
00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:28,603 <i>Is there a penny stuck in my butt?</i>
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,647 <i>I don't know, Terrance, let me check.</i>
00:20:30,772 --> 00:20:32,482 Uh-oh, don't look there, Phillip.
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:34,025 You're gonna get farted on.
00:20:36,486 --> 00:20:38,905 <i>We interrupt this program to bring you loud static.</i>
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:41,241 <i>[static sizzles]</i>
00:20:41,366 --> 00:20:43,409 [groaning]
00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:44,535 Ah!
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,204 ♪♪
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:50,625 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny! You bastard!
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,210 Wow, I guess Death was just coming
00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:53,711 after Kenny the whole time.
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:56,631 Hey, you were supposed to kill me!
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:59,842 [moans] - That's not fair, God damn it!
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:02,553 My grandpa asked me to kill him and I did it!
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,473 ♪♪
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:06,975 Whoa!
00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:10,478 Billy...
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:11,854 Grandpa?
00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:13,564 That's right, Billy.
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:15,441 My name's not Billy, Grandpa.
00:21:15,566 --> 00:21:16,651 And what's wrong with you?
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:18,194 Why do you look all haggard?
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:20,405 I asked you to kill me, Billy.
00:21:20,530 --> 00:21:22,156 But I was wrong,
00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:25,493 and now I'm forced to spend eternity in limbo.
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,120 Limbo?
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:29,539 I was wrong to put you in that position, Billy.
00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:33,126 Just like you're wrong to put little Billy in it now.
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:34,961 You're so obsessed with ending your life,
00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:37,630 you're not thinking about what you're doing to his.
00:21:37,755 --> 00:21:41,050 You must wait to die of natural causes.
00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:43,761 But I've been waiting for 25 years!
00:21:43,886 --> 00:21:48,057 Let nature run its course, or else end up in limbo!
00:21:48,182 --> 00:21:50,435 Natural causes, Billy.
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,437 Natural causes...
00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:55,064 <i>[eerie whistling]</i>
00:21:56,774 --> 00:21:58,776 C'mon, you guys, let's go home.
00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:05,908 ♪♪
00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:08,661 Here they are. - Well, we did it, son.
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:11,164 We fought a battle for your well-being and won.
00:22:11,289 --> 00:22:12,749 What do you mean?
00:22:12,874 --> 00:22:13,750 We got "Terrance and Phillip"
00:22:13,875 --> 00:22:15,376 taken off the air.
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,420 You son of a bitch! Your mom sucks!
00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:20,256 But look what they put on.
00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:22,925 <i>And now back to "She's the Sheriff."</i>
00:22:23,051 --> 00:22:25,219 No! God, no!
00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:28,222 <i>You were the one behind all these shenanigans!</i>
00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:30,433 <i>Yeah, well, you're the stupid ho that started it.</i>
00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:32,268 What did he say?
00:22:32,393 --> 00:22:34,187 <i>Up yours, butt-munch!</i>
00:22:34,312 --> 00:22:35,646 Wh-wh-what?!
00:22:35,772 --> 00:22:39,275 C'mon, everybody, back to New York!
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,818 Hey, Stan, now that "Terrance and Phillip"
00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:42,403 has been taken off the air,
00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:44,405 what are we gonna do for entertainment?
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:46,574 I don't know, we-we could start breathing gas fumes.
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:49,035 My uncle says that smoking crack is kinda cool.
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,620 Hey, why don't we go watch
00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:51,829 some of those porno movie thingies?
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:53,748 Cool! - Yeah!
00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,416 What are you doing, Grandpa?
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:57,543 I'm planning a trip to Africa.
00:22:57,668 --> 00:23:00,588 Did you know over 400 people are eaten naturally
00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:03,091 by lions in Africa every year?
00:23:03,216 --> 00:23:04,801 That's my silly Grandpa.
00:23:04,926 --> 00:23:07,720 [both laugh]
00:23:07,845 --> 00:23:08,721 [farts] - Oh!
00:23:08,846 --> 00:23:11,891 [laughter]

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