Слон занимается любовью со свиньёй

00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:15,638

- Твоя сестра снова тебя отдубасила?

- Нет!

00:02:15,808 --> 00:02:17,668

Твоя сестра надрала тебе зад!

00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:21,508

Она просто злая из-за своих новых брекетов.

00:02:21,678 --> 00:02:24,048

Ты получил по жопе от девчонки.

00:02:24,218 --> 00:02:28,478

Я никогда не позволю надрать свой зад девчонке.

Если она только попытается, я сразу:

00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:32,848

"Тащи свой зад обратно в кухню, сучка,

и давай готовь мне пожрать!"

00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:34,928

Мои родители не верят мне.

00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:38,218

Они думают, что она такая невинная.

Но только она злая сука.

00:02:38,398 --> 00:02:44,628

Будь мужиком, Стэн. Просто скажи, "Эй, женщина!

Закрой свой рот и иди делай детей!"

00:02:45,138 --> 00:02:46,928

Что этот слон делает?

00:02:47,108 --> 00:02:50,008

Ты говоришь про этого?

Он мой новый любимчик.

00:02:50,178 --> 00:02:53,668

- Где ты его достал?

- Заказал по почте из Африки

00:02:53,848 --> 00:02:56,748

Они сказали что доставка займет 6 недель,

но вышло только 3!

00:02:56,918 --> 00:02:58,778

- Уау, это круто!

- Нет это не круто!

00:02:58,948 --> 00:03:03,248

Мама не хочет оставлять его в доме!

У него дерьмо больше чем наш диван.

00:03:03,418 --> 00:03:08,418

Вот почему мама подарила мне пузатую

свинку, его дерьмо маленькое.

00:03:10,128 --> 00:03:12,998

Даа, но свиньи не так умны как слоны.

00:03:13,998 --> 00:03:17,798

Эй! Минуточку!

Это что такое?

00:03:19,268 --> 00:03:21,568

Это новенький. Умственно отсталый.

00:03:21,738 --> 00:03:25,968

Оу, извини, милая.

Но тебе сюда нельзя.

00:03:26,138 --> 00:03:29,738

Для вас есть специальный автобус!

00:03:31,348 --> 00:03:34,878

Похоже, что тебе нигде не рады. Увидимся!

00:03:35,218 --> 00:03:39,918

Если баба только пасть на меня откроет,

я сразу, "Слышь, а ну иди мое белье постирай!"

00:03:40,088 --> 00:03:42,928

- А ну сядь быстро!

- Хорошо, хорошо

00:03:43,628 --> 00:03:49,328

Дети, наш друг мистер Шляпа

раскажет нам о генной инженерии.

00:03:49,498 --> 00:03:54,438

Так точно мистер Гаррисон, генная инженерия -

увлекательная новая наука.

00:03:54,608 --> 00:03:58,408

Вы можете скрещивать ДНК каких-нибудь

животных и сделать их лучше.

00:03:58,578 --> 00:04:00,368

- Мистер Гаррисон?

- Да, Кайл

00:04:00,548 --> 00:04:03,138

А можно уменьшить слона?

00:04:03,318 --> 00:04:05,938

Нуу, да, я думаю, что можно.

00:04:06,118 --> 00:04:11,248

Вы можете скрестить гены слона с генами

собаки или кошки или пузатой свинки.

00:04:11,418 --> 00:04:16,658

Объеденить моего слона с пузатой свиньей

и получить пузатого слона.

00:04:17,098 --> 00:04:20,288

- Умного как слон, маленького как свинья.

- Круто!

00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:23,328

- Я хочу пузатенького слона.

- Я заплачу 50 баксов.

00:04:23,498 --> 00:04:24,488

Это глупо.

00:04:24,668 --> 00:04:27,538

Заткнись!

С помощью генной инженерии можно что угодно.

00:04:27,708 --> 00:04:32,608

Могу дать слово, я клонирую человека,

прежде чем ты скрестишь свинью и слона.

00:04:32,778 --> 00:04:34,798

- Я могу дать, что ты не сможешь!

- Ну посмотрим!

00:04:34,978 --> 00:04:40,378

Ох, шлепни мне в зад и назови меня Чарли.

Два отличника в войне за клонирование.

00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:45,078

С помощью генетичекской инженерии

можно исправить ужасные ошибки Бога.

00:04:45,258 --> 00:04:46,518

Например немцев

00:04:46,688 --> 00:04:51,488

Ты можешь сходить в лабораторию

генной инженерии за городом, за помощью.

00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:55,758

Ты мог бы использовать это в твоем

научном проекте на следующий месяц.

00:04:56,638 --> 00:04:59,898

- Лаборатория генной инженерии? Шикаарно!

- Нам нужна свинья

00:05:00,068 --> 00:05:03,528

- Мы можем использовать свинью Картмана

- Не трогайте моего Флаффи!

00:05:03,708 --> 00:05:05,838

Мы не сделаем ей больно. Нам нужна ее кровь.

00:05:06,008 --> 00:05:10,238

Вы не будете использовать кровь Флаффи!

Ща как дам вам по яйцам!

00:05:10,418 --> 00:05:11,438

Кайл, нет!

00:05:11,618 --> 00:05:13,908

Мы можем поболтать наедине?

00:05:14,088 --> 00:05:18,518

Я не мог не заметить этот синяк.

У тебя проблемы дома?

00:05:18,688 --> 00:05:21,088

- Да

- Ох, бедненький

00:05:21,258 --> 00:05:26,198

Вот, садись здесь, выпей какао,

и расскажи о неприятностях мистеру Шляпе.

00:05:26,358 --> 00:05:31,728

Я твой друг. Ты можешь рассказать мне что угодно.

Скажи, кто тебя побил?

00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:35,928

- Это твой отец или мама?

- Это моя сестра

00:05:36,108 --> 00:05:39,438

Твоя сестра?

Ну ты даешь, жалкий слизняк!

00:05:39,608 --> 00:05:44,808

Хватит тратить время мистера Шляпы

на глупые проблемы и отдай обратно какао!

00:05:49,248 --> 00:05:52,308

Давай откроем горячию линию

для поддержки клиентов.

00:05:52,488 --> 00:05:53,818

Эй!

00:05:56,428 --> 00:05:58,858

- Привет, Шелли

- Пялишься на мои железки?

00:05:59,028 --> 00:06:00,398

Какие железки?

00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:04,228

- Ты пялишься на мои железки?

- Я и не заметил

00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:09,268

- Ах ты маленький лжец!

- Я думаю они выглядят шикарно! Тебе идет...

00:06:25,058 --> 00:06:26,788

- Готов идти?

- Идти куда?

00:06:26,958 --> 00:06:31,658

В лабораторию генной инженерии,

чтобы скрестить свинью с моим слоном

00:06:31,828 --> 00:06:34,058

Никто не будет скрещивать моего Флаффи!

00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:38,428

- Клянусь, я убью тебя Стэн!

- Почему твоя сестра такая злая?

00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:42,198

Если бы какая-нибудь девчушка попыталась бы

надрать мне задницу, я бы сказал:

00:06:42,368 --> 00:06:48,508

"Эй, тёлочка, почему бы тебе не пойти и связать мне свитер,

прежде, чем я ударю тебя по лицу!"

00:06:48,678 --> 00:06:51,238

Кто это сказал?

00:06:56,388 --> 00:06:58,148

Должно быть она.

00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:01,878

Выглядит так, будто никого нет дома.

Мы придём в другой раз.

00:07:02,058 --> 00:07:05,328

Мы скрещиваем Флаффи и моего слона.

00:07:05,498 --> 00:07:07,758

Я не дам им обидеть тебя.

00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,418

- Это просто свинья.

- Перестань быть ребёнком.

00:07:10,598 --> 00:07:15,038

- Я не дам телке надрать мой зад!

- По крайней мере я не свиноеб!

00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:18,768

Я забираю свою свинью.

Пошли вы, ребята! Я иду домой!

00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:20,838

Это дурацкая идея!

00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:24,638

Да что ты знаешь?

Ты никогда не получал оценку выше, чем единица.

00:07:24,818 --> 00:07:28,448

Почему бы тебе не уехать в Сан-Франциско

с другими евреями?

00:07:28,618 --> 00:07:31,448

в Сан-Франциско нет евреев, тормоз!

00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,608

Я тебе напинаю по яйцам!

00:07:34,088 --> 00:07:36,318

Могу я чем-нибудь помочь?

00:07:38,228 --> 00:07:41,598

Да. Мы хотим сделать смесь слона и свиньи.

00:07:41,768 --> 00:07:45,218

Блестящая мысль.

Огромные, размером со слона свиньи.

00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:49,428

Нет, маленькие толстопузые слоники, чтобы люди

могли держать их, как домашних животных.

00:07:49,608 --> 00:07:52,838

Это даже лучше.

Идём.

00:07:53,008 --> 00:07:57,068

Я так рад, что вас

заинтересовала генная инженерия.

00:07:57,248 --> 00:07:59,148

Никто не тронет тебя.

00:07:59,318 --> 00:08:02,908

Благодаря генной инженерии мы положим конец

00:08:03,088 --> 00:08:06,218

голоду, болезням, загрязнению, даже войне.

00:08:06,388 --> 00:08:09,188

Я создал всё это,

чтобы изменить мир к лучшему.

00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:13,388

К примеру здесь у нас обезьяна

с четырьмя задницами.

00:08:13,998 --> 00:08:18,228

- И как это меняет мир к лучшему?

- Мой четырёх задый страус.

00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:20,098

Моя четырёхзадая мангуста.

00:08:20,268 --> 00:08:23,138

А есть что-нибудь кроме

четырёх задых животных?

00:08:23,308 --> 00:08:26,608

Я думаю есть. Да, вот здесь.

00:08:26,778 --> 00:08:31,038

Крысы скрещенные с утками,

гориллы скрещенные с комарами.

00:08:31,218 --> 00:08:36,238

Здесь кролики скрещенные с рыбой,

чтобы сделать маленькую кроличью рыбку.

00:08:36,488 --> 00:08:39,178

Эти кроличьи уши привязаны нитками!

00:08:39,358 --> 00:08:42,588

а тут швейцарский сыр

скрещенный с мелом и бородой.

00:08:42,758 --> 00:08:47,428

- Ну так что там с нашим толстопузым слонёнком?

- Мне очень жаль дети.

00:08:47,598 --> 00:08:52,588

ДНК слона и свиньи не скрестить.

Разве вы не слышали эту песню от Бабника?

00:08:52,768 --> 00:08:53,758

Какую песню?

00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:01,578

Я могу помочь вам добавить

немного задниц вашему поросёнку.

00:09:01,748 --> 00:09:03,808

Держи свои руки подальше от Флаффи!

00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:08,318

Это удивительно, что мы можем сделать

с маленьким образцом крови в наши дни.

00:09:08,848 --> 00:09:12,348

- Что? Ой извини.

- Почему ты взял кровь Стэна?

00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:15,578

Прошу прощения, я ошибся.

Кто даст мне немного волос?

00:09:15,758 --> 00:09:19,858

- Берегись, генные инженеры сумасшедшие!

- Идём Флаффи!

00:09:23,028 --> 00:09:26,758

- Этот газ разрывает мой зад.

- Этот довольно свежий.

00:09:26,938 --> 00:09:28,728

Я так голоден.

00:09:28,908 --> 00:09:31,998

Кто-нибудь из вас знает что сегодня на ланч?

00:09:33,478 --> 00:09:37,538

- Пуддинг?

- Отвали, Пип, ты никому не нравишься!

00:09:37,718 --> 00:09:39,648

Что за имя такое, Пип?

00:09:39,818 --> 00:09:43,578

Фамилия моего отца Пиррип

а мое имя, Филлип...

00:09:43,748 --> 00:09:46,948

Может ты заткнешься?

Всем посрать!

00:09:47,118 --> 00:09:49,718

- Да, вали отсюда Пип.

- Ладно.

00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:52,348

Французы бесят меня.

00:09:52,528 --> 00:09:56,828

Эй придурки! Вы уже забросили

свой тупой научный проект?

00:09:56,998 --> 00:10:01,998

- Нет, мы уже наполовину закончили.

- Наполовину? Значит все что у вас есть это тупая свинья.

00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:05,298

- Скорей всего гей-свинья.

- Это больше чем у вас.

00:10:05,478 --> 00:10:09,498

Нет! Наш клон человека

уже почти готов.

00:10:10,008 --> 00:10:12,878

Господи, они клонировали ногу!

00:10:13,118 --> 00:10:15,308

Эй, я тебе задницу надеру!

00:10:17,218 --> 00:10:21,558

В пятницу мы клонируем целого человека,

а вам удачи с вашей тупой свиньей.

00:10:21,728 --> 00:10:23,158

Привет, дети.

00:10:23,328 --> 00:10:24,848

- Как дела?

- Плохо.

00:10:25,028 --> 00:10:26,018

Почему плохо?

00:10:26,198 --> 00:10:29,718

Нам надо скрестить слона со свиньей,

а у них ДНК не скрещивается.

00:10:29,898 --> 00:10:32,628

Ну, конечно, не скрещивается, дети.

00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:35,798

Разве вы не слышали эту песню Лавербоя?

00:10:37,978 --> 00:10:43,848

- Свинослон? Кстати, отличная идея.

- Я ж говорил.

00:10:44,008 --> 00:10:48,138

Только представьте, карманный слон,

которого можно держать дома.

00:10:48,318 --> 00:10:51,648

Дети, это золотая жила.

00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,408

Слышали, пацаны? Мы разбогатеем!

00:10:53,588 --> 00:10:56,218

Только забудьте об этой генной инженерии.

00:10:56,388 --> 00:11:01,758

Если вы хотите скрестить свинью и слона,

то помогите им заняться любовью.

00:11:02,098 --> 00:11:04,088

Не думаю что слон захочет заниматься

любовью со свиньей.

00:11:04,268 --> 00:11:07,498

Моя свинка не захочет заниматься

любовью с этим слоном!

00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:10,638

Захотят, просто помогите им создать

подходящее настроение.

00:11:10,808 --> 00:11:15,138

- И как это сделать?

- Первым делом напоите их.

00:11:15,878 --> 00:11:18,278

- Может ко мне зайдем?

- Нам вообще-то работать надо.

00:11:18,448 --> 00:11:21,178

Мне кажется, что слона

придется долго спаивать.

00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:25,308

- Может, хоть на минутку зайдем?

- Что, опять боишься что сестра тебе наваляет?

00:11:25,488 --> 00:11:27,478

Заткнись, Картман!

00:11:27,958 --> 00:11:32,588

- Да, она ведь просто девчонка.

- Если какая-нибудь телка попробует меня тронуть, то я ей такой:

00:11:32,758 --> 00:11:38,218

"Слышь, почему бы тебе не перестать одевать меня

почтальоном и заставлять танцевать на столе для тебя

00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:41,198

пока ты куришь крэк в нашей спальне

00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:46,328

и трахаешься на кровати моего отца

с каким-то парнем, которого я даже не знаю."

00:11:48,678 --> 00:11:53,738

- Блин, ты вообще сейчас о чем?

- Я хотел сказать что ты слабак.

00:11:53,918 --> 00:11:56,508

Стэн, ты можешь использовать семейную любовь

как оружие против неё

00:11:56,688 --> 00:12:02,248

В следующий раз, когда она надерет тебе задницу,

скажи ей "Шелли, ты моя сестра. Я люблю тебя!"

00:12:02,428 --> 00:12:06,448

- Ты больной она моя сестра!

- Попробуй. Нам нужно забрать свинью Картмана.

00:12:06,628 --> 00:12:09,428

Не смейте! Оставьте Флаффи в покое.

00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:11,428

- Пошли, Кенни.

- Кайл, нет!

00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:16,968

Никакой слон не будет заниматься любовью

с Флаффи! Кайл, я напинаю тебе по яйцам!

00:12:17,608 --> 00:12:18,628

Дерьмо!

00:12:19,508 --> 00:12:22,168

А сейчас вернемся к Jesus and Pals...

00:12:22,348 --> 00:12:27,648

- Ты пялишься на мой шейный воротник?

- Нет, то есть, да? Какой еще шейный воротник?

00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:31,888

Шелли, прежде чем ты снова разобьешь

мое лицо в кровавое месиво...

00:12:32,058 --> 00:12:36,548

Я только хочу что бы ты знала,

что ты моя сестра и я люблю тебя.

00:12:41,828 --> 00:12:46,598

Когда-нибудь, Шелли, я буду больше чем ты.

Ты пожалеешь, что сделала это.

00:12:46,768 --> 00:12:51,938

Ты никогда не будешь больше

чем я, Стэн. Никогда!

00:12:52,278 --> 00:12:58,078

Восхитительно, просто поражает.

Сын мой, я думаю мы наконец закончили это.

00:12:58,248 --> 00:13:01,708

Да, мы сделали это, отец.

Мой собственный человеческий клон.

00:13:01,888 --> 00:13:06,578

- Надеюсь это не гей-клон.

- Да, это так тупо.

00:13:06,758 --> 00:13:08,488

Давай слон, продолжай пить.

00:13:08,658 --> 00:13:12,818

Мне интересно как ему надо напиться,

что бы заняться сладкой любовью со свиньей.

00:13:15,368 --> 00:13:18,028

- Черт возьми! Это не сработает.

- Здравствуйте, дети

00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:22,828

Я пришел проверить как проходит, наш небольшой

предпринимательский эксперимент.

00:13:23,008 --> 00:13:25,568

Они оба пьяные,

но не собираются заниматься сексом!

00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:30,008

Дети, вы не можете просто поставить

пьяную свинью с пьяным слоном...

00:13:30,178 --> 00:13:33,048

...и ожидать от них

мамбо на матрацах.

00:13:33,218 --> 00:13:38,048

Вам нужно задать настроение. Я покажу

вам парни, что я имею ввиду.

00:14:07,348 --> 00:14:10,718

Дамы и господа,

мистер Элтон Джон!

00:14:23,728 --> 00:14:25,068

Спасибо, Элтон.

00:14:32,478 --> 00:14:33,968

Смотри, это работает.

00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:40,668

Теперь, дети, собирайтесь вокруг

и смотрите на прелести жизни.

00:14:40,848 --> 00:14:43,748

Красоты матери природы.

00:14:44,888 --> 00:14:47,188

- Фуу!

- Флаффи!

00:14:48,358 --> 00:14:52,618

Теперь, я знаю что чувствуют

все эти белые женщины.

00:14:54,378 --> 00:14:58,038

Как привлекательно,

наше создание, увенчалось успехом.

00:14:58,208 --> 00:15:02,278

- Пап, ты лучший.

- О, боже! У него всего один зад!

00:15:02,448 --> 00:15:05,648

Он не имеет смысла для меня.

Я должен сжечь комнату.

00:15:07,018 --> 00:15:10,978

Весь этот эксперимент

становится очень плохим.

00:15:11,158 --> 00:15:12,348

Моя плохой?

00:15:15,198 --> 00:15:18,028

Он выходит из под контроля.

Мы должны уничтожить его!

00:15:18,198 --> 00:15:20,528

Но он же наш научный проект!

00:15:22,968 --> 00:15:27,168

- Он слишком опасен, сын.

- Но пап, я хочу человеческого клона!

00:15:27,338 --> 00:15:28,898

Нет, сын!

00:15:32,248 --> 00:15:37,518

Ты сделал ужасную ошибку. Ты поставил

всех людей Южного Парка в опасность!

00:15:37,688 --> 00:15:41,018

Все равно они все тупые.

Ладно, парни, пошли.

00:15:41,188 --> 00:15:42,818

Они все геи.

00:15:43,728 --> 00:15:45,788

Они когда-нибудь собираются просыпаться?

00:15:45,958 --> 00:15:49,328

Они проснутся.

Будет не приятное зрелище.

00:15:49,498 --> 00:15:54,368

- Я думал ты сказал, что мать-природа красивая.

- Да, когда это мать природа, переходит от красивой в уродливую?

00:15:54,538 --> 00:15:57,898

Обычно около 9.30 утра, дети.

00:15:59,108 --> 00:16:00,698

Началось.

00:16:05,408 --> 00:16:11,108

Нет ничего хуже чем напиться

и проснуться утром, рядом со свиньей.

00:16:12,658 --> 00:16:15,888

- Или с большим жирным слоном.

- Как мы узнаем что она беременна?

00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:18,718

В ближайшую пару дней

можем и не узнать.

00:16:18,898 --> 00:16:22,488

Пару дней? Но клон Терранса

будет готов уже завтра.

00:16:22,668 --> 00:16:25,858

Отличная работа, Эйнштейн!

Почему бы нам, тем временем не построить ракету?

00:16:26,038 --> 00:16:27,868

О слава будде, я нашел вас парни.

00:16:28,038 --> 00:16:30,968

Скажите, вы не видели

ничего странного, в последнее время?

00:16:31,138 --> 00:16:33,368

Мы видели, как слон

занимался сексом со свиньей.

00:16:33,538 --> 00:16:38,208

- Не не, я сказал странного.

- Эй, да ты тот ненормальный белый с холма.

00:16:38,378 --> 00:16:43,938

Сэр, если создание мутантов животных, скрещенных

с людьми это ненормально, то...

00:16:48,218 --> 00:16:51,888

Неважно.

Я боюсь что там произошло происшествие, на ранчо.

00:16:52,058 --> 00:16:57,998

Просто, я создал большого мутанта-клона

этого маленького мальчика там, и он вырвался на свободу.

00:16:59,298 --> 00:17:02,498

- Мою версию большого мутанта?

-Больше чем обычный клон?

00:17:02,668 --> 00:17:08,268

Он ужасно опасен. Его мозг это индиетичная версия твоего.

Мне нужно, что бы ты помог мне найти его.

00:17:12,848 --> 00:17:15,838

Стэн, ты одел другую шапку?

00:17:17,588 --> 00:17:22,618

Эй! Я знаю одного молодого

человека, который остается после уроков!

00:17:24,988 --> 00:17:27,688

Как думаешь насколько он большой?

Готов поспорить он весит 200 килограмм.

00:17:27,858 --> 00:17:31,228

Давай, Стэн, ты не знаешь

куда бы ты пошел?

00:17:31,698 --> 00:17:32,828

О боже!

00:17:34,638 --> 00:17:40,408

Как мы видим, что разрушающее существо

на самом деле 8-ми летний Стэн Марш из Саус Парка.

00:17:40,578 --> 00:17:43,938

Когда я просил, почему он сеет хаос

на его собственный город

00:17:44,108 --> 00:17:49,448

маленький мальчик просто ответил,

"Моя Стэн..."

00:17:49,618 --> 00:17:51,208

Возращаемся к вам в студии.

00:17:51,388 --> 00:17:54,478

Спасибо, Том. Полиция сообщает,

если вы увидите этого 8-ми летнего мальчика...

00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:57,958

вы должны немедленно убить его

и сжечь его тело. На этом все.

00:17:58,128 --> 00:17:59,888

А теперь вернемся к Jesus and Pals.

00:18:00,058 --> 00:18:03,458

Эта дорога вымощена золотом,

для тех кто ищет правду...

00:18:07,068 --> 00:18:08,328

Иисус.

00:18:10,268 --> 00:18:14,268

Офицер Барбреди, мой злой генетический клон

разрушает этот город. Мы должны найти его.

00:18:14,438 --> 00:18:17,038

Вы мальчики, слишком часто

смотрите секретные материалы.

00:18:17,208 --> 00:18:20,378

Такой вещи как генетический клон

не существует...

00:18:24,748 --> 00:18:27,308

- Давайте, идем!

- Вот ты где!

00:18:27,488 --> 00:18:33,258

Стэнли, ты расхреначил весь мой оружейный магазин!

Тебе бы лучше иметь хорошее обьяснение этому!

00:18:33,428 --> 00:18:36,088

Это был не я, дядя Джимбо,

это был мой злой генетический клон.

00:18:36,268 --> 00:18:41,028

Стэнли, что за хрень вселилась в тебя?

У тебя серьездный долг в столовой, мистер.

00:18:41,198 --> 00:18:43,828

Я поговорю с твоим отцом!

00:18:44,008 --> 00:18:48,638

- Жди пока твой отец услышит об этом.

- Смотри, Стэн, вот он идет.

00:18:48,808 --> 00:18:49,798

Стой!

00:18:52,848 --> 00:18:57,108

- Чувак, он узнает тебя.

- Это хорошо, чувак. Просто успокойся.

00:19:01,358 --> 00:19:03,588

Что мы должны сделать с ним?

00:19:04,088 --> 00:19:08,388

Стэн? Хотел бы ты пойти домой

и познакомиться со своей сестрой?

00:19:12,398 --> 00:19:16,198

Итак запомни, у Шелли большая проволока во рту

и металлическая плита на спине.

00:19:16,368 --> 00:19:20,238

Когда ты увидешь Шелли, надери ей задницу.

Шелли очень плохая.

00:19:20,408 --> 00:19:23,378

- Моя плохая?

- Нет, Шелли плохая. Ты хороший.

00:19:27,418 --> 00:19:29,708

Он расхреначивает дом.

Остановите его!

00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:42,058

Какого хрена тебе надо?

00:19:47,998 --> 00:19:53,528

- Мне очень жаль за все.

- Эй, у них наш клон. Он принадлежит нам.

00:19:53,708 --> 00:19:57,698

Нет сын. Это животное позор

для всех генетических инженеров.

00:19:57,878 --> 00:20:00,908

Мальчики мне, мне очень жаль,

что я причинил вам такие неудобства.

00:20:01,078 --> 00:20:03,708

Я пытался играть в бога и я провалился.

00:20:04,148 --> 00:20:06,488

Папочка, нет!

00:20:06,658 --> 00:20:11,348

Все что я хотел - создать что нибудь

полезное. Но у меня не получилось.

00:20:11,528 --> 00:20:14,498

Пожалуй, нам не стоило играть

с созданиями бога.

00:20:14,658 --> 00:20:19,358

Пожалуй, мы должны оставить природу одну,

с простой одно-задой схематикой.

00:20:19,538 --> 00:20:23,098

Вы сволочи, это не конец!

Ждите до завтра!

00:20:24,468 --> 00:20:28,138

О боже! Они убили Кенни!

Вы сволочи!

00:20:28,808 --> 00:20:32,408

Мама и папа дома.

Мой дом это катастрофа! Вы должны помочь.

00:20:32,578 --> 00:20:35,018

Я не помощник. Я хочу съесть немного пирога.

00:20:35,178 --> 00:20:38,118

- Вы не можете оставить меня одного!

- Серьезно? Смотри.

00:20:38,288 --> 00:20:41,518

Да, чувак. Мы должны узнать

беременна ли свинья Картмана. Увидимся.

00:20:41,688 --> 00:20:47,148

- Большое спасибо!

- Ну держись, сейчас ты получишь.

00:20:47,928 --> 00:20:50,588

Это не справедливо.

Все ненавидят меня.

00:20:50,768 --> 00:20:55,258

Весь город хочет убить меня.

Мама и Папа выгонят меня отсюда.

00:20:55,438 --> 00:20:59,368

Я не хочу что бы меня выгнали.

Я хочу остаться здесь.

00:21:01,008 --> 00:21:03,978

Стэнли, что, во имя бога,

ты делал?

00:21:04,148 --> 00:21:06,508

Все в городе растроенны тобой,

молодой человек.

00:21:06,678 --> 00:21:09,238

Что происходит?

Ты подсел на наркотики?

00:21:09,848 --> 00:21:15,348

Это не его вина.

Это был не Стэн. Он был...

00:21:15,858 --> 00:21:18,118

Он был со мной все это время.

00:21:19,498 --> 00:21:22,728

Ну, Стэн, извини нас

мы поспешили с выводами.

00:21:22,898 --> 00:21:26,298

Милый.

Пожалуйста прости нас, сын.

00:21:28,138 --> 00:21:32,798

Шелли, ты спасла мне жизнь.

И все же, ты сделала намного больше.

00:21:32,978 --> 00:21:36,998

Ты научила меня что значит, значение семьи.

Семьи не ладят.

00:21:37,178 --> 00:21:41,908

Когда нагрянут войска зла,

мы побеждаем их вместе.

00:21:51,698 --> 00:21:55,858

А теперь аплодисменты,

Кейси и его сорняку.

00:21:56,538 --> 00:21:59,198

Ок, Кайл, мы готовы увидеть

твой научный проект.

00:21:59,368 --> 00:22:02,968

Ну, наша свянья еще не родила.

Но она может в любой момент.

00:22:03,148 --> 00:22:04,538

Ну, я полагаю ты получишь двойку.

00:22:04,708 --> 00:22:08,668

Ок, Терранс, Я знаю класс

не может ждать, что бы увидеть твой проект.

00:22:08,848 --> 00:22:14,048

Спасибо, мистер Гаррисон.

Ребята, м-р Гаррисон, одноклассники, для нашего научного-проекта...

00:22:14,218 --> 00:22:18,658

Билл Фосси и я породили создание

генетически превосходящее человека.

00:22:18,828 --> 00:22:22,348

Я представляю вам

пятизадую обезьяну.

00:22:22,858 --> 00:22:25,058

Мистер Шляпа, разве это не красиво?

00:22:27,868 --> 00:22:31,738

Подождите, подождите, свинья только что родила!

У неё ребенок.

00:22:32,768 --> 00:22:36,638

- Как он выглядит?

- Он выглядит как свинья или как слон?

00:22:40,178 --> 00:22:43,118

Он выглядит типа как, мистер Гаррисон.

00:22:43,288 --> 00:22:48,378

Разве это не удивительное совпадение?

Каковы были шансы?

00:22:50,188 --> 00:22:52,718

Вы ребята, получаете первое место.

00:22:55,458 --> 00:22:57,758

Хорошая работа, свинья.

00:22:57,768 --> 00:23:00,258

Переведено на Нотабеноиде

http://notabenoid.com/book/10656/45055

00:23:00,268 --> 00:23:01,258

Переводчики: email, Lendis, Ghozt, letsfocusonme

00:23:01,268 --> 00:23:02,258

mistikomanka, igumnovf

00:00:03,963 --> 00:00:05,214

with the creators of Comedy

Central's "South Park, "

00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,800

Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

00:00:12,972 --> 00:00:13,931

With a--

00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:19,687

Hello, I'm Trey Parker.

00:00:19,812 --> 00:00:20,855

And I'm Matt Stone.

00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:21,981

And this is ole Scratch.

00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:23,983

Say hi, old fella.

00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:26,360

This episode is called

"An Elephant Fucks a Pig."

00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:28,070

But the networks had it changed

00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:29,864

to "An Elephant Makes Love

to a Pig."

00:00:29,989 --> 00:00:31,532

Which is kind of silly,

00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:33,075

because if an elephant

was on top of a pig,

00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,535

it wouldn't be making love to

it,

00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:37,663

it would be fucking it.

00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,290

Would you agree with

the statement, "This episode

00:00:39,415 --> 00:00:41,292

confirms that

Matt Stone and Trey Parker

00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:43,627

are nothing but sick weirdos"?

00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:46,213

You know, what is so sick and

wrong about two beings

00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:47,882

sharing the most intimate

of moments?

00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:50,217

That's what I want to know.

00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,678

Do you come at

the gene splicing of DNA

00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,305

from personal experience?

00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:56,015

Well, yes, I actually made

Trey

00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,642

from splicing a tomato

and a flounder.

00:00:58,768 --> 00:01:01,520

Guys, do you have

strong ethical views

00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:04,106

on whether we should tamper

with nature in real life?

00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,691

Well, both Matt and I think

00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,735

that genetic engineering

is great,

00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:10,112

and that everything should be

spliced with everything.

00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,906

Why, that's the only way

00:01:12,031 --> 00:01:13,532

we're ever gonna become

perfect beings.

00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,159

Isn't that right, ole Scratch?

00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,203

I think we should

splice pigs with elephants

00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:19,121

and tomatoes with apples.

00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,707

I myself would like to be

spliced with Fiona Apple.

00:01:26,045 --> 00:01:28,005

And so now, sit back, relax,

00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:31,050

and enjoy

"An Elephant Fucks a Pig."

00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:44,855

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,857

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,567

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,111

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:51,570

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,405

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,116

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:56,617

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor." ♪

00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,119

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:01:58,244 --> 00:01:59,870

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:04,542

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,627

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,547

Stan,

where'd you get that black eye?

00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:11,757

Nothing, I mean nowhere.

00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,467

Your sister beat

you up again, huh?

00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:14,844

No!

00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:17,388

Yeah, your sister kicked

your ass!

00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,014

She's just pissed off

00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:20,182

'cause she got headgear

at the dentist.

00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,350

She's taking it out on me.

00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,935

Yeah, but that sucks you

00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,562

get your butt kicked by a girl,

Stan.

00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:25,896

I would never let a woman

kick my ass.

00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:27,523

If she tried anything,

00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,025

I'd be like,

"Hey, you get your bitch-ass

00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:32,570

back in the kitchen

and make me some pie!"

00:02:32,695 --> 00:02:34,530

My parents don't even believe

that she beats me up.

00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,323

They think she's all innocent

and sweet.

00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:37,992

But I know that

she's an evil bitch.

00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,326

Be a man, Stan.

00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,328

Just say, "Hey, woman!

00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:44,373

You shut your mouth and make

babies!"

00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,125

Hey, Kyle, what's that

elephant doing?

00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,668

You mean this one?

00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,461

Yeah.

- He's my new pet elephant.

00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:51,755

Wow, dude.

Where'd you get a pet elephant?

00:02:51,881 --> 00:02:53,465

I got it mail order

from Africa.

00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:54,842

The ad said it would take

4 to 6 weeks,

00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:56,468

but it only took 3!

00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:58,429

Wow, that's cool!

- No, it's not cool!

00:02:58,554 --> 00:03:00,139

My mom won't let me keep him

in the house!

00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:01,390

She says he's too big

and that its poop

00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,975

is bigger

than our couch.

00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,186

That's why my mom got me

a potbellied pig

00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:07,062

because

its poop is small.

00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:13,319

Well, yeah, but pigs aren't

smart like elephants.

00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,779

Hey! Wait a minute!

00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:17,531

What is that thing?

00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:21,285

Uh, oh. This is the new

retarded kid.

00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,871

Oh, I'm sorry, little girl.

00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,706

But you still can't get on.

00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:28,876

You have to take

the special ed bus!

00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:33,047

Boy, it looks like you're not

welcome anywhere, elephant.

00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:34,798

See you!

00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:36,842

If a woman ever gave me crap,

00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,678

I'd say,

"Hey, you go do my laundry!"

00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,513

Sit down, kid!

00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:43,098

Yes, ma'am.

00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:45,684

And now, children,

our friend Mr. Hat

00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:49,063

is going to tell us all

about genetic engineering.

00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:50,856

That's right, Mr. Garrison,

00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:54,068

genetic engineering

is an exciting new science.

00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:56,487

You can splice DNA from some

animals

00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:58,155

and make them better.

00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,949

Mr. Garrison?

- Yes, Kyle.

00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,408

With genetic engineering,

00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:02,868

can you make

an elephant smaller?

00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,704

Well, yes,

I suppose you could.

00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,790

You could splice elephant genes

00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,251

with a dog or cat

or potbellied pig genes.

00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:11,710

That's it!

00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,587

I'm going to combine

my elephant

00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,256

with a potbellied pig

and make potbellied elephants.

00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:17,716

They'd be smart

like elephants,

00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,009

but small like pigs.

00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,302

That'd be cool!

00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,512

I want a potbellied elephant.

00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:23,055

Yes, I'll pay $50 for one.

00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,181

That's stupid.

00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,724

Shut up, Terrance!

00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,309

We can genetical engineer

anything we want.

00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,811

Oh, yeah? I bet I can

00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,521

genetically clone

a whole human being

00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:32,356

before you crossbreed

an elephant and a pig.

00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:34,525

I'll bet you can't!

- Watch me, plebeian!

00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,318

Well, spank my ass

and call me Charlie.

00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,778

Isn't this exciting?

00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,114

Two A+ students

in a cloning war.

00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:42,241

Yes, Mr. Garrison,

genetic engineering

00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:44,743

lets us correct God's

horrible, horrible mistakes,

00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,245

like German people.

00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:47,538

You know, you boys might

want to visit

00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:49,248

the genetic engineering ranch

00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,208

outside of town for help.

00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,668

And you could both use this for

your

00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,670

science fair

projects next month.

00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,173

Genetic engineering ranch?

Sweet!

00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,550

Wait, wait.

We still need a pig.

00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,093

We can use Cartman's pig.

00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,137

Hey!

You leave Fluffy out of this!

00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,514

We're not gonna hurt her.

We just need some of her blood.

00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,266

You're not using any

of Fluffy's blood!

00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:08,934

Else I'll kick you in the nuts!

00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,186

Kyle?

Kyle, no!

00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:12,980

Stanley, can I talk to you

for a minute?

00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:14,732

Okay.

- I couldn't help notice

00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:16,317

that black eye you have.

00:05:16,442 --> 00:05:18,193

Are there problems at home?

00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:19,653

Yes.

00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,281

Oh, dear.

Here, Stanley, sit down.

00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,949

Have some cocoa,

00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,909

and tell your friend Mr. Hat

all about it.

00:05:26,035 --> 00:05:28,037

I'm your friend Mr. Hat, Stan.

00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,872

You can tell me anything.

00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,498

Now, who hit you?

00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,625

Is it your father

or your mother?

00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:35,669

Neither.

It's my sister.

00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,713

Your sister?

Oh, for Pete's sake.

00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,173

Don't be such a little wuss!

00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,591

Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time

00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,176

with pansy little

foo-foo problems

00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:44,553

and give me back my cocoa!

00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:52,019

Let's open the phone lines

back up for some questions.

00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:53,145

Hey!

00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:56,940

Hi, Shelly.

00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:58,609

Are you looking

at my headgear?

00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:00,152

Headgear?

What headgear?

00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:01,779

Are you looking

at my headgear?

00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,697

Oh, gosh,

I didn't really notice.

00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,199

You little liar!

00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:06,950

No, I think

it looks terrific!

00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,410

It matches your--

00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,678

Ready to go, Stan?

- Go where?

00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:28,305

To the genetical engineering

ranch.

00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,807

We got Cartman's pig

so we can splice

00:06:29,932 --> 00:06:31,433

its genes with my elephant.

00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,435

Nobody's splicing

nothing from Fluffy!

00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,355

I swear I'm gonna kill you,

Stan!

00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,107

Why is your sister

so mean to you, dude?

00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,983

Yeah, If some sissy chick

tried to

00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:43,237

kick my ass, I'd be like, "Hey,

listen,

00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:46,448

missy, why don't you go

knit me a sweater

00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,242

before I slap you in the face?"

00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:49,868

Who said that?

00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,876

This must be it.

00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,545

Yeah, looks like

nobody's home.

00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:01,672

Guess we should come

back some other time.

00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:03,340

No, Cartman.

We're going in there

00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,092

and splicing Fluffy

and my elephant together.

00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,511

It's okay, Fluffy,

I won't let them hurt you.

00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:08,929

It's just a stupid pig.

00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,556

Yeah, quit being

such a baby.

00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:11,890

Baby? Well, at least I don't

get my ass

00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,517

kicked by a girl!

00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:14,768

At least I'm not

a little pig!

00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,353

Hey! I'm taking my pig and--

00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:18,522

Screw you guys!

I'm going home!

00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:20,566

This whole idea

is stupid anyway!

00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:22,609

What the hell would you know,

you fat, sweaty Mongoloid?

00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,153

You never get higher than a D!

00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:25,779

Hey!

Why don't you go back to

00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,906

San Francisco

with the rest of the Jews?

00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:30,909

There's no Jews

in San Francisco, retard!

00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:33,704

I'll kick you in the nuts!

00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:34,913

Can I help you?

00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,001

Uh, yeah.

00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,336

We wanna crossbreed

an elephant with a pig.

00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:42,671

Brilliant idea.

00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,965

Huge, elephant-sized pigs.

00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,925

No, no, we want to make

little potbellied elephants

00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,178

that people can keep

in their houses as pets.

00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,721

Oh, that's

an even better idea.

00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,514

Come on in.

00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,433

I'm so pleased that

you children are interested

00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:56,101

in genetic engineering.

00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:59,188

It's okay, Fluffy.

Nobody's gonna hurt you.

00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,315

It's thanks to the wonders

of genetic engineering,

00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,192

that soon there will be

an end to hunger,

00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,527

disease, pollution, even war.

00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,112

I've created things that

00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,780

will change the world

for the better.

00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,992

For instance, here's

a monkey with four asses.

00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,245

How does that

make the world better?

00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,664

And here, of course,

is my four-assed ostrich

00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,875

and my four-assed mongoose.

00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,211

Do you have anything besides

just animals with four asses?

00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:24,463

Oh, well, I suppose so.

00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:26,715

Oh, yes, over here.

00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,842

Here I have rats

spliced with ducks

00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,886

and gorillas spliced

with mosquitoes.

00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,347

And here I have rabbits

spliced with fish

00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,682

to make little bunny fish.

00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:38,602

Hey, these bunny ears are

tied on with little strings!

00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,229

And over here,

a Swiss cheese

00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,314

spliced with chalk and a beard.

00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,066

Well, what about

our potbellied elephant?

00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,193

Oh.

Well, I'm sorry, children.

00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:49,780

But pig and elephant

DNA just won't splice.

00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:52,366

Haven't you ever heard

that song by Loverboy?

00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:53,492

Which song?

00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:56,078

♪ Pig and elephant DNA ♪

00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,704

♪ Just won't splice ♪

00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,331

However,

maybe I could help you

00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,291

add a few asses

to that swine of yours.

00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,585

You can keep your hands

off of Fluffy's ass!

00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,087

You know, it's amazing

what we can do

00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,256

with a little

blood sample these days.

00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:08,423

Ow!

- Hmm?

00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,175

What? Excuse me.

00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,094

Wait, what are you

taking Stan's blood for?

00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,512

Oh, pardon me, I tripped.

00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,264

Could I have some hair, please?

00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,224

Watch out, Stan,

genetic engineers are crazy!

00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:18,517

Come on, Fluffy!

00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:24,815

This gas is hurting my anus.

00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,358

Yeah, that's pretty fresh.

00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:28,652

Ooh, I sure am hungry.

00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,153

Hello, gentlemen.

Any of you blokes know

00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:31,989

what's for lunch today?

00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,701

Lunchy munchies?

Hmm?

00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,411

Go away, Pip,

nobody likes you!

00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,538

Yeah, what kind of a name

is Pip anyway?

00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:41,373

Well, my father's family name

being Pirrip

00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,458

and my Christian name,

Phillip, my infant tongue--

00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,419

God damn it!

Would you shut the hell up?

00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:46,628

Nobody gives a rat's ass!

00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:47,963

Yeah, go away, Pip.

00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,590

Right-o.

00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:52,217

God.

French people piss me off.

00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,261

Hey, dumb asses!

You morons give up

00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,346

on your stupid science fair

project yet?

00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,265

No,

we're already halfway done.

00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,267

Halfway?

Then all you've got

00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,685

is a stupid pig.

00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:02,769

Yeah.

- Probably a gay pig too.

00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:03,979

Stupid gay pig.

00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,147

It's more than you've got!

00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,440

Wrong!

We've already got

00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:09,735

our human clone well under way.

00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,862

Oh, my God!

They cloned a foot!

00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:15,157

Hey, I'll kick your ass!

00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,950

Oh, ho!

00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,453

By Friday, we're gonna

clone a whole human being.

00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:21,413

Good luck with your stupid

little pig.

00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,998

Hello there, children.

- Hey, Chef.

00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,791

- How you doing?

- Bad.

00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,084

Why bad?

00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,169

We need to genetically

engineer

00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,420

a pig and an elephant,

00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,130

but their genes won't splice.

00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,007

Oh, of course

they won't splice, children.

00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,092

Haven't you ever heard

that song by Loverboy?

00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,471

♪ Pig and elephant DNA

just won't splice ♪

00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:39,473

A pig-elephant?

00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:42,309

Say, that's not a bad idea.

00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,685

I told you guys.

00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,896

Imagine a pint-sized elephant

00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,981

that you could keep

in the house.

00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:51,485

Children, we could

make a fortune with this.

00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,362

You hear that, dudes?

We'll be rich!

00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:55,697

Forget about all that genetic

engineering hoosa fudge.

00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,325

If you want to combine a pig

and an elephant,

00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:01,370

just get them

to make sweet love.

00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:02,454

What?

- I don't think an elephant

00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:03,955

would make love to a pig.

00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,457

I don't think my pig

would wanna

00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:07,334

make love

to that stupid elephant!

00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:09,002

Sure they would,

00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:10,462

but you're gonna have to

get them in the mood.

00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:11,630

Well, how do we do that?

00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:12,673

Do what I do,

00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:14,966

get them good and drunk.

00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:16,968

Hey, uh,

you guys wanna come over?

00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:18,011

We've got work to do.

00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,262

I think it takes a while

00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,806

for an elephant to get drunk.

00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:21,890

Really, you guys don't wanna

come over

00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,684

for just a little bit?

00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:24,976

Why, is your sister gonna

kick your ass again?

00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,061

Shut up, Cartman!

00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,523

Yeah, Stan,

she's just a girl.

00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:32,442

Yeah, if some girl tried to

kick my ass, I'd be like,

00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,528

"Hey, why don't you stop

00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,363

dressing me up

like a mailman

00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:38,365

and making me dance for you

00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,742

while you smoke crack

in your bedroom

00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,161

and have sex with some guy

I don't even know

00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:45,038

on my dad's bed!"

00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,002

Cartman, what the hell

are you talking about?

00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:52,087

I'm just saying

you're just a little wuss.

00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,422

That's all.

00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:54,631

Stan, you can use family love

00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,299

as a weapon against Shelly.

00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:57,884

The next time she's going to

kick your ass,

00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,720

just tell her, "Shelly,

you're my sister.

00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:00,721

And I love you."

00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,557

Sick, dude.

She's my sister!

00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,058

Try it.

We'll see you in a while.

00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,601

We've gotta

go get Cartman's pig.

00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:07,894

No, you don't

gotta get Cartman's pig!

00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,646

You leave Fluffy out of this!

00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,273

Come on, Kenny.

- Kyle, no!

00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,483

No elephant is gonna

make love to Fluffy!

00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:17,195

I -Kyle, I will kick you

in the nuts!

00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,447

Crap!

00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,198

And now back to

00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:21,783

"Jesus and Pals"

on South Park public--

00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,286

Are you staring

at my neck brace?

00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,579

No.

I mean, yes?

00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,497

I mean, what neck brace?

00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:28,915

Shelly,

00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,500

before you beat my face

00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,085

into a bloody pulp again,

I just want you

00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,254

to know that you're my sister,

00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,589

and I love you.

00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,513

Someday, Shelly,

I'm gonna be bigger than you.

00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:45,974

And you're gonna wish you'd

never done any of this to me.

00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,977

You'll never be bigger

than me, Stan.

00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,270

Never!

00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,064

Beautiful.

00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:54,858

It's absolutely beautiful.

00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:56,359

My son,

00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:57,944

I think we've finally done it.

00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,321

Yes, we have, Dad.

00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,448

My very own human clone.

00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:03,533

Hope it's not a gay clone.

00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:06,453

Yeah. That was stupid.

- That's so stupid.

00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,371

Come on, elephant,

keep drinking.

00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:09,831

Damn, I wonder how drunk he

needs to be

00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,625

to make sweet love to the pig.

00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:16,838

Damn it!

This is never gonna work!

00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,298

Hello, children.

00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,925

I thought I'd check

and see how

00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,719

our little entrepreneurial

venture is going.

00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:23,845

Rotten.

They're both really drunk,

00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,388

but won't have sex!

00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,682

Oh, children,

you just can't stick

00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,726

a drunk pig

with a drunk elephant

00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:32,854

and expect them to do

the mattress mambo.

00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,564

You need to set the mood.

00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,525

Let me show you boys

what I'm talking about.

00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:41,029

♪ Tonight is right for love ♪

00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,989

♪ You know I

wanna touch you ♪

00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,283

♪ Where the lights don't go ♪

00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,911

♪ Tonight is right for love ♪

00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:52,958

♪ Love gravy ♪

00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:55,502

♪ Expressing love so sweet ♪

00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,712

♪ I want to keep you burnin' ♪

00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,798

♪ Like a dog in heat ♪

00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:02,300

♪ Tonight is right for love ♪

00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:07,013

♪ Love gravy ♪

00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:10,308

Ladies and gentlemen,

Mr. Elton John!

00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:13,436

♪ Ooh, tonight ♪

00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:17,357

♪ Oh, it's right ♪

00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,693

♪ Ooh, tonight is right

for love ♪

00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,820

♪ Love gravy ♪

00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,656

Thank you, Elton.

00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,825

♪ Tonight is right for love ♪

00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:32,163

♪ Love gravy ♪

00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,916

Hey, look!

It's working!

00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,335

Now, children, gather round

00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:40,338

and watch the wonders of life.

00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:42,591

The beauty of Mother Nature.

00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:45,802

Oh, sick!

00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,053

Fluffy!

00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,221

Hmm.

00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,556

Now I know how all those

00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,683

white women must have felt.

00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,688

Oh, how luscious.

00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:57,939

Our creature has come

to fruition, boys.

00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,691

Dad, you're the best.

00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:00,775

Oh, my God!

00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,235

He only has one ass!

00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:03,445

He's of no use to me.

00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,488

I'll have to burn the room.

00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:07,866

Oh, no.

00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:08,992

This entire experiment

00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,619

is turning out very bad.

00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:13,246

Me bad?

00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,666

Egads!

He's out of control.

00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,209

We'll have to destroy him!

00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,502

But he's our

science fair project!

00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,341

He's too dangerous, son.

00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:26,843

But, Dad,

I want a human clone!

00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,720

Son, no!

00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,684

Oh, son, you've made

a horrible mistake.

00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,227

You've put all the people

of South Park

00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:37,437

in jeopardy!

00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:38,730

They're all stupid anyway.

00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,690

Come on, guys, let's go.

00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,692

Yeah, they're all gay.

00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:45,028

Aren't they ever

gonna wake up?

00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,613

Oh, they will.

00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,990

It's gonna be one ugly sight.

00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,659

I thought you said

the wonder of Mother Nature

00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:52,035

was a beautiful thing.

00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,244

Yeah, when does

Mother Nature

00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:54,871

go from beautiful to ugly?

00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,791

Usually about 9:30

in the morning, children.

00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,752

Uh oh.

Here we go.

00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:07,550

Ah, there's nothing worse

than getting all drunk

00:16:07,676 --> 00:16:10,261

and waking up the next

morning next to a pig.

00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,182

Or a big, fat elephant.

00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,725

Hey, how do we know

if she's pregnant?

00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,310

Well, boys,

we might not know that

00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,813

for a couple of days.

- Couple of days?

00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:22,148

But Terrance is going to have

his human clone by tomorrow.

00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,900

Well, good job, Einstein!

00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,443

Why don't we just build

a rocket in the meantime?

00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,821

Oh, thank Buddha

I found you boys.

00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:30,532

You must tell me, have you seen

anything odd lately?

00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,284

Uh, we saw an elephant

have sex with a pig.

00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,078

No, no, I said odd.

00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,831

Hey, you're that crazy

cracker from up on the hill.

00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:41,668

Sir, if making mutant animals

spliced with humans is crazy,

00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,837

then...

00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,214

Uh...

00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,340

Hmm.

00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,426

Oh, never mind.

00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:50,802

I'm afraid there's been a bit

00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,470

of an incident

at the ranch.

00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,847

You see, I've created

a large mutant clone

00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:55,473

of that little boy there,

00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,976

and he's broken free.

00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,770

A big, mutant version of me?

00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:01,938

Is he bigger

than a regular clone?

00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,857

He's terribly dangerous.

00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:05,984

His brain is

identical to yours.

00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,153

I need you to help me find him.

00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:17,120

Stan, are you wearing

a different hat?

00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,413

Hey!

00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:19,622

I know a certain young man

00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,166

who's itching for detention!

00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:25,962

How big do you think he is?

00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,088

I bet he weighs 400 pounds!

00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:28,715

Come on, Stan,

00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,716

don't you even know

where you would go?

00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:32,761

Oh, my God!

00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,890

It appears that the

horrible, destructive creature

00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:40,310

is 8-year-old Stan Marsh

of South Park.

00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,520

When asked why

he was wreaking havoc

00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:45,690

on his hometown,

the little boy replied simply,

00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,319

"Me Stan."

00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:51,154

Back to you in the studio.

00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,073

Thanks, Tom.

Police are requesting that

00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:54,866

if you see this little

8-year-old boy,

00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,242

you immediately kill him

and burn his body.

00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,827

That's all for now.

00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,788

And now back to

"Jesus and Pals."

00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,664

Yea, the way

is paved with gold

00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,333

for ye who seek truth and--

00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:07,962

Jesus!

00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,925

Officer Barbrady,

my evil genetic clone

00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:12,967

is destroying the town.

00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,886

We have to find him.

00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:16,930

You boys have been watching

"The X Files" too much.

00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:19,349

There's no such thing

as genetic clone--

00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:20,350

Whoa!

00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:22,852

You kids go on home.

00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,479

There's nothing to see here.

00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,939

Come on, let's go!

00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:27,565

There you are!

00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:30,276

Stanley, you tore up

my entire gun shop!

00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:33,071

You better have a good

explanation for this, mister!

00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:34,322

It wasn't me, Uncle Jimbo.

00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,949

It was my evil genetic clone.

00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:38,243

Stanley, what the hell

has gotten into you?

00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:40,912

You have got severe

lunchroom duty, mister!

00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,665

I'm gonna have a word

with your father, Stanley!

00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:44,707

Yeah, you wait

till your father

00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:45,917

hears about this.

00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,586

Wait, Stan, there he goes.

00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:49,712

Stop!

00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,050

He recognizes you, dude.

00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:55,885

That's good.

That's good, dude.

00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,011

Just calm down.

00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,643

What should we do with him?

00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:06,104

Stan, how would you like to

go home

00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,522

and meet your sister?

00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:13,736

So remember, Shelly's the one

00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:14,988

with a big

wire coming out of her mouth

00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,489

and a metal plate on her back.

00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:17,824

When you see Shelly,

kick her ass.

00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,076

Shelly bad.

Shelly very bad!

00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,286

Me bad?

00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:24,080

No, Shelly bad.

You good.

00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,168

He's tearing up the house.

00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:29,169

Stop him!

00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:43,349

What the hell do you want?

00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,940

Boys! Boys, I'm lusciously

sorry for everything.

00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:53,443

Hey, they got our clone.

He belongs to us.

00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,278

No, son, this beast

is a disgrace

00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:57,197

to genetic engineers

everywhere.

00:19:57,322 --> 00:20:00,867

Boys, I'm sorry I've caused

you such inconvenience.

00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,452

I tried to play God

and I failed.

00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:06,372

Daddy, no!

00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,249

All I ever wanted

was to genetically

00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,168

engineer something useful.

00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,045

But I failed.

00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,130

Perhaps we shouldn't be

toying with God's creations.

00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:16,341

Perhaps we should

leave nature alone

00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:18,968

to its simple

one-assed schematics.

00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:21,179

You cheating bastards.

This isn't over!

00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:22,972

Just wait until tomorrow!

00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,351

Oh, my God!

They killed Kenny!

00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,603

You bastard!

00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:29,854

Mom and Dad are home.

00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,022

My house is a disaster!

00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:32,315

You guys gotta help me.

00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,483

I ain't helping crap.

00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:34,943

I wanna eat some pie.

00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,319

You can't just

leave me here alone!

00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:37,862

Oh, yeah?

Watch me.

00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,322

Yeah, Stan,

we have to go find out

00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:40,615

if Cartman's pig

is pregnant or not.

00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,617

See ya!

- Thanks a lot!

00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,952

Oh, boy,

00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:46,996

you are gonna get it now.

00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,165

It isn't fair.

00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,500

Everybody hates me.

00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,293

The whole town wants me killed.

00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,921

Mom and Dad are

gonna send me away.

00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:56,923

I don't wanna be sent away.

00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:58,508

I wanna stay here!

00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,053

Stanley, what--

what in God's name

00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:03,888

have you been doing?

00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:06,432

Everybody in town

is upset with you, young man.

00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:07,642

What's going on?

00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,102

Are you on drugs?

00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,604

It's not Stan's fault.

00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:13,523

Huh?

- It wasn't Stan.

00:21:13,648 --> 00:21:15,358

He was--

00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:18,027

He was with me the whole time.

00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:20,363

Oh.

Well, Stan, we're, uh--

00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,615

we're sorry we jumped

to conclusions.

00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:23,741

Oh, honey.

00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:25,576

Please forgive us, son.

00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:30,290

Shelly, you saved my life.

00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:32,750

And yet you've done

so much more than that.

00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:34,961

Today you've taught me

the meaning of family.

00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:36,587

Sure, families don't always

get along.

00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,756

But when the forces of evil

descend upon us,

00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:40,675

we conquer them

by sticking together.

00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:54,981

Everyone, let's give Casey

and his weed a big hand.

00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:57,734

Okay, Kyle,

we're ready to see

00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,360

your science project.

00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:01,279

Well, our pig

hasn't given birth yet.

00:22:01,404 --> 00:22:03,114

But she should any time now.

00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:04,699

Oh, well, then

I guess you get an F.

00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,159

Okay, Terrance,

I know the class

00:22:06,284 --> 00:22:08,578

can hardly wait to see yours.

00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:10,038

Thank you, Mr. Garrison.

00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,665

Boys, Mr. Garrison,

fellow students,

00:22:12,790 --> 00:22:14,292

for our science fair project

00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:16,002

Bill Fossey and I have spawned

a creature

00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:18,129

genetically far

superior to man.

00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:19,464

I present to you

00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:21,507

the five-assed monkey.

00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:25,178

Oh, Mr. Hat,

isn't it beautiful?

00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:29,974

Wait, wait,

the pig just gave birth!

00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:31,225

It had a baby!

00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:34,187

What's it look like?

00:22:34,312 --> 00:22:35,855

Does it look like

a pig or elephant?

00:22:40,276 --> 00:22:43,237

It kind of looks like

Mr. Garrison.

00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:46,407

Oh, gee, isn't that

an amazing coincidence?

00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:48,493

What are the odds of that?

00:22:48,618 --> 00:22:50,203

Hmm.

00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:52,246

You boys get first prize.

00:22:55,083 --> 00:22:56,959

That'll do, pig.

00:00:03,963 --> 00:00:05,214

with the creators of Comedy

Central's "South Park, "

00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,800

Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

00:00:12,972 --> 00:00:13,931

With a--

00:00:14,056 --> 00:00:18,477

[both vocalizing]

00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:19,687

Hello, I'm Trey Parker.

00:00:19,812 --> 00:00:20,855

And I'm Matt Stone.

00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:21,981

And this is ole Scratch.

00:00:22,106 --> 00:00:23,983

Say hi, old fella.

00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:26,360

This episode is called

"An Elephant Fucks a Pig."

00:00:26,485 --> 00:00:28,070

But the networks had it changed

00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:29,864

to "An Elephant Makes Love

to a Pig."

00:00:29,989 --> 00:00:31,532

Which is kind of silly,

00:00:31,657 --> 00:00:33,075

because if an elephant

was on top of a pig,

00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,535

it wouldn't be making love to

it,

00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:37,663

it would be fucking it.

00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:39,290

Would you agree with

the statement, "This episode

00:00:39,415 --> 00:00:41,292

confirms that

Matt Stone and Trey Parker

00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:43,627

are nothing but sick weirdos"?

00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:46,213

You know, what is so sick and

wrong about two beings

00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:47,882

sharing the most intimate

of moments?

00:00:48,007 --> 00:00:50,217

That's what I want to know.

00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,678

Do you come at

the gene splicing of DNA

00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:54,305

from personal experience?

00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:56,015

Well, yes, I actually made

Trey

00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:58,642

from splicing a tomato

and a flounder.

00:00:58,768 --> 00:01:01,520

Guys, do you have

strong ethical views

00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:04,106

on whether we should tamper

with nature in real life?

00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,691

Well, both Matt and I think

00:01:05,816 --> 00:01:07,735

that genetic engineering

is great,

00:01:07,860 --> 00:01:10,112

and that everything should be

spliced with everything.

00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,906

Why, that's the only way

00:01:12,031 --> 00:01:13,532

we're ever gonna become

perfect beings.

00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,159

Isn't that right, ole Scratch?

00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:17,203

I think we should

splice pigs with elephants

00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:19,121

and tomatoes with apples.

00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:21,707

I myself would like to be

spliced with Fiona Apple.

00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,292

[abrupt guitar notes]

00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,920

[laughs]

[both laugh]

00:01:26,045 --> 00:01:28,005

And so now, sit back, relax,

00:01:28,130 --> 00:01:31,050

and enjoy

"An Elephant Fucks a Pig."

00:01:40,476 --> 00:01:43,354

[twangy music]

00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:44,855

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:44,980 --> 00:01:46,857

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:01:46,982 --> 00:01:48,567

all: ♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:50,111

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:51,570

♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:53,405

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:55,116

♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:56,617

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,119

♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:01:58,244 --> 00:01:59,870

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:01:59,995 --> 00:02:03,040

[singing indistinctly]

00:02:03,165 --> 00:02:04,542

♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,627

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,547

Stan,

where'd you get that black eye?

00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:11,757

Nothing, I mean nowhere.

00:02:11,882 --> 00:02:13,467

Your sister beat

you up again, huh?

00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:14,844

No!

- [chuckles]

00:02:14,969 --> 00:02:17,388

Yeah, your sister kicked

your ass!

00:02:17,513 --> 00:02:19,014

She's just pissed off

00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:20,182

'cause she got headgear

at the dentist.

00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:21,350

She's taking it out on me.

00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:22,935

Yeah, but that sucks you

00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:24,562

get your butt kicked by a girl,

Stan.

00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:25,896

I would never let a woman

kick my ass.

00:02:26,021 --> 00:02:27,523

If she tried anything,

00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,025

I'd be like,

"Hey, you get your bitch-ass

00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:32,570

back in the kitchen

and make me some pie!"

00:02:32,695 --> 00:02:34,530

My parents don't even believe

that she beats me up.

00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,323

They think she's all innocent

and sweet.

00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:37,992

But I know that

she's an evil bitch.

00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:39,326

Be a man, Stan.

00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,328

Just say, "Hey, woman!

00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:44,373

You shut your mouth and make

babies!"

00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,125

Hey, Kyle, what's that

elephant doing?

00:02:46,250 --> 00:02:47,668

You mean this one?

00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,461

Yeah.

- He's my new pet elephant.

00:02:49,587 --> 00:02:51,755

Wow, dude.

Where'd you get a pet elephant?

00:02:51,881 --> 00:02:53,465

I got it mail order

from Africa.

00:02:53,591 --> 00:02:54,842

The ad said it would take

4 to 6 weeks,

00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:56,468

but it only took 3!

00:02:56,594 --> 00:02:58,429

Wow, that's cool!

- No, it's not cool!

00:02:58,554 --> 00:03:00,139

My mom won't let me keep him

in the house!

00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:01,390

She says he's too big

and that its poop

00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,975

is bigger

than our couch.

00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:05,186

That's why my mom got me

a potbellied pig

00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:07,062

because

its poop is small.

00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,690

[muffled speech]

00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:13,319

Well, yeah, but pigs aren't

smart like elephants.

00:03:13,444 --> 00:03:15,779

Hey! Wait a minute!

00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:17,531

What is that thing?

00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:21,285

Uh, oh. This is the new

retarded kid.

00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,871

Oh, I'm sorry, little girl.

00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:25,706

But you still can't get on.

00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:28,876

You have to take

the special ed bus!

00:03:29,001 --> 00:03:30,920

[kids moaning and chattering

indistinctly]

00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:33,047

Boy, it looks like you're not

welcome anywhere, elephant.

00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:34,798

See you!

00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:36,842

If a woman ever gave me crap,

00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:39,678

I'd say,

"Hey, you go do my laundry!"

00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,513

Sit down, kid!

00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:43,098

Yes, ma'am.

00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:45,684

And now, children,

our friend Mr. Hat

00:03:45,809 --> 00:03:49,063

is going to tell us all

about genetic engineering.

00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:50,856

That's right, Mr. Garrison,

00:03:50,981 --> 00:03:54,068

genetic engineering

is an exciting new science.

00:03:54,193 --> 00:03:56,487

You can splice DNA from some

animals

00:03:56,612 --> 00:03:58,155

and make them better.

00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,949

Mr. Garrison?

- Yes, Kyle.

00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,408

With genetic engineering,

00:04:01,533 --> 00:04:02,868

can you make

an elephant smaller?

00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:05,704

Well, yes,

I suppose you could.

00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:07,790

You could splice elephant genes

00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,251

with a dog or cat

or potbellied pig genes.

00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:11,710

That's it!

00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,587

I'm going to combine

my elephant

00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,256

with a potbellied pig

and make potbellied elephants.

00:04:15,381 --> 00:04:16,674

[all gasp]

00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:17,716

They'd be smart

like elephants,

00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,009

but small like pigs.

00:04:19,134 --> 00:04:20,302

That'd be cool!

00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,512

I want a potbellied elephant.

00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:23,055

Yes, I'll pay $50 for one.

00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,181

That's stupid.

00:04:24,306 --> 00:04:25,724

Shut up, Terrance!

00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,309

We can genetical engineer

anything we want.

00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:28,811

Oh, yeah? I bet I can

00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,521

genetically clone

a whole human being

00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:32,356

before you crossbreed

an elephant and a pig.

00:04:32,481 --> 00:04:34,525

I'll bet you can't!

- Watch me, plebeian!

00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,318

Well, spank my ass

and call me Charlie.

00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:37,778

Isn't this exciting?

00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:40,114

Two A+ students

in a cloning war.

00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:42,241

Yes, Mr. Garrison,

genetic engineering

00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:44,743

lets us correct God's

horrible, horrible mistakes,

00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,245

like German people.

00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:47,538

You know, you boys might

want to visit

00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:49,248

the genetic engineering ranch

00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,208

outside of town for help.

00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,668

And you could both use this for

your

00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,670

science fair

projects next month.

00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,213

[bell rings]

00:04:56,338 --> 00:04:58,173

Genetic engineering ranch?

Sweet!

00:04:58,299 --> 00:04:59,550

Wait, wait.

We still need a pig.

00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,093

We can use Cartman's pig.

00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,137

Hey!

You leave Fluffy out of this!

00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,514

We're not gonna hurt her.

We just need some of her blood.

00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,266

You're not using any

of Fluffy's blood!

00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:08,934

Else I'll kick you in the nuts!

00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,186

Kyle?

Kyle, no!

00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:12,980

Stanley, can I talk to you

for a minute?

00:05:13,105 --> 00:05:14,732

Okay.

- I couldn't help notice

00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:16,317

that black eye you have.

00:05:16,442 --> 00:05:18,193

Are there problems at home?

00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:19,653

Yes.

00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:22,281

Oh, dear.

Here, Stanley, sit down.

00:05:22,406 --> 00:05:23,949

Have some cocoa,

00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,909

and tell your friend Mr. Hat

all about it.

00:05:26,035 --> 00:05:28,037

I'm your friend Mr. Hat, Stan.

00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:29,872

You can tell me anything.

00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,498

Now, who hit you?

00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,625

Is it your father

or your mother?

00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:35,669

Neither.

It's my sister.

00:05:35,794 --> 00:05:37,713

Your sister?

Oh, for Pete's sake.

00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,173

Don't be such a little wuss!

00:05:39,298 --> 00:05:40,591

Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time

00:05:40,716 --> 00:05:42,176

with pansy little

foo-foo problems

00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:44,553

and give me back my cocoa!

00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:48,599

[moody string music]

00:05:48,724 --> 00:05:52,019

Let's open the phone lines

back up for some questions.

00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:53,145

Hey!

00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:56,940

Hi, Shelly.

00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:58,609

Are you looking

at my headgear?

00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:00,152

Headgear?

What headgear?

00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:01,779

Are you looking

at my headgear?

00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,697

Oh, gosh,

I didn't really notice.

00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,199

You little liar!

00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:06,950

No, I think

it looks terrific!

00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:08,410

It matches your--

[screams]

00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:12,331

[smacking and thudding]

00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:13,332

[Stan continues screaming]

00:06:13,457 --> 00:06:15,918

[thudding]

00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,086

[Stan continues screaming]

00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:19,755

[Shelly panting]

00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,217

[electricity zapping,

Stan screaming]

00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:24,676

[glass shatters, Stan screams]

00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,678

Ready to go, Stan?

- Go where?

00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:28,305

To the genetical engineering

ranch.

00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,807

We got Cartman's pig

so we can splice

00:06:29,932 --> 00:06:31,433

its genes with my elephant.

00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,435

Nobody's splicing

nothing from Fluffy!

00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,355

I swear I'm gonna kill you,

Stan!

00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,107

Why is your sister

so mean to you, dude?

00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:39,983

Yeah, If some sissy chick

tried to

00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:43,237

kick my ass, I'd be like, "Hey,

listen,

00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:46,448

missy, why don't you go

knit me a sweater

00:06:46,573 --> 00:06:48,242

before I slap you in the face?"

00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:49,868

Who said that?

00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:55,749

[foreboding music]

00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,876

This must be it.

[thunder crashes]

00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,545

Yeah, looks like

nobody's home.

00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:01,672

Guess we should come

back some other time.

00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:03,340

No, Cartman.

We're going in there

00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,092

and splicing Fluffy

and my elephant together.

00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:07,511

It's okay, Fluffy,

I won't let them hurt you.

00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:08,929

It's just a stupid pig.

00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:10,556

Yeah, quit being

such a baby.

00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:11,890

Baby? Well, at least I don't

get my ass

00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,517

kicked by a girl!

00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:14,768

At least I'm not

a little pig [bleep]!

00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:16,353

Hey! I'm taking my pig and--

00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:18,522

Screw you guys!

I'm going home!

00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:20,566

This whole idea

is stupid anyway!

00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:22,609

What the hell would you know,

you fat, sweaty Mongoloid?

00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,153

You never get higher than a D!

00:07:24,278 --> 00:07:25,779

Hey!

Why don't you go back to

00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:27,906

San Francisco

with the rest of the Jews?

00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:30,909

There's no Jews

in San Francisco, retard!

00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:33,704

I'll kick you in the nuts!

00:07:33,829 --> 00:07:34,913

Can I help you?

00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,291

[muffled scream]

00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,001

Uh, yeah.

00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,336

We wanna crossbreed

an elephant with a pig.

00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:42,671

Brilliant idea.

00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,965

Huge, elephant-sized pigs.

00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,925

No, no, we want to make

little potbellied elephants

00:07:47,050 --> 00:07:49,178

that people can keep

in their houses as pets.

00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:50,721

Oh, that's

an even better idea.

00:07:50,846 --> 00:07:52,514

Come on in.

00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,433

I'm so pleased that

you children are interested

00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:56,101

in genetic engineering.

00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:59,188

It's okay, Fluffy.

Nobody's gonna hurt you.

00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,315

It's thanks to the wonders

of genetic engineering,

00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:03,192

that soon there will be

an end to hunger,

00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:05,527

disease, pollution, even war.

00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,112

I've created things that

00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,780

will change the world

for the better.

00:08:08,906 --> 00:08:11,992

For instance, here's

a monkey with four asses.

00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,577

[grumbles]

00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,245

How does that

make the world better?

00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,664

And here, of course,

is my four-assed ostrich

00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,875

and my four-assed mongoose.

00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,211

Do you have anything besides

just animals with four asses?

00:08:22,336 --> 00:08:24,463

Oh, well, I suppose so.

00:08:24,588 --> 00:08:26,715

Oh, yes, over here.

00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,842

Here I have rats

spliced with ducks

00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,886

and gorillas spliced

with mosquitoes.

00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:33,347

And here I have rabbits

spliced with fish

00:08:33,472 --> 00:08:35,682

to make little bunny fish.

00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:38,602

Hey, these bunny ears are

tied on with little strings!

00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:40,229

And over here,

a Swiss cheese

00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:42,314

spliced with chalk and a beard.

00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:44,066

Well, what about

our potbellied elephant?

00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,193

Oh.

Well, I'm sorry, children.

00:08:46,318 --> 00:08:49,780

But pig and elephant

DNA just won't splice.

00:08:49,905 --> 00:08:52,366

Haven't you ever heard

that song by Loverboy?

00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:53,492

Which song?

00:08:53,617 --> 00:08:54,660

[rock music]

00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:56,078

♪ Pig and elephant DNA ♪

00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,704

♪ Just won't splice ♪

00:08:57,829 --> 00:08:59,331

However,

maybe I could help you

00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,291

add a few asses

to that swine of yours.

00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:03,585

You can keep your hands

off of Fluffy's ass!

00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,087

You know, it's amazing

what we can do

00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:07,256

with a little

blood sample these days.

00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:08,423

Ow!

- Hmm?

00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,175

What? Excuse me.

00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,094

Wait, what are you

taking Stan's blood for?

00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,512

Oh, pardon me, I tripped.

00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,264

Could I have some hair, please?

00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,224

Watch out, Stan,

genetic engineers are crazy!

00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:18,517

Come on, Fluffy!

00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:24,815

This gas is hurting my anus.

00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:26,358

Yeah, that's pretty fresh.

00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:28,652

Ooh, I sure am hungry.

00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,153

Hello, gentlemen.

Any of you blokes know

00:09:30,279 --> 00:09:31,989

what's for lunch today?

00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,701

Lunchy munchies?

Hmm?

00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,411

Go away, Pip,

nobody likes you!

00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,538

Yeah, what kind of a name

is Pip anyway?

00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:41,373

Well, my father's family name

being Pirrip

00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,458

and my Christian name,

Phillip, my infant tongue--

00:09:43,584 --> 00:09:45,419

God damn it!

Would you shut the hell up?

00:09:45,544 --> 00:09:46,628

Nobody gives a rat's ass!

00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:47,963

Yeah, go away, Pip.

00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,590

Right-o.

00:09:49,715 --> 00:09:52,217

God.

French people piss me off.

00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,261

Hey, dumb asses!

You morons give up

00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,346

on your stupid science fair

project yet?

00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,265

No,

we're already halfway done.

00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:00,267

Halfway?

Then all you've got

00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:01,685

is a stupid pig.

00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:02,769

Yeah.

- Probably a gay pig too.

00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:03,979

Stupid gay pig.

00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,147

It's more than you've got!

00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,440

Wrong!

We've already got

00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:09,735

our human clone well under way.

00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,862

Oh, my God!

They cloned a foot!

00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:15,157

Hey, I'll kick your ass!

00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:16,950

Oh, ho!

00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,453

By Friday, we're gonna

clone a whole human being.

00:10:19,578 --> 00:10:21,413

Good luck with your stupid

little pig.

00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,998

Hello there, children.

- Hey, Chef.

00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,791

How you doing?

Both: Bad.

00:10:24,916 --> 00:10:26,084

Why bad?

00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,169

We need to genetically

engineer

00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,420

a pig and an elephant,

00:10:28,545 --> 00:10:30,130

but their genes won't splice.

00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:32,007

Oh, of course

they won't splice, children.

00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,092

Haven't you ever heard

that song by Loverboy?

00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:35,886

[rock music]

00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,471

♪ Pig and elephant DNA

just won't splice ♪

00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:39,473

A pig-elephant?

00:10:39,598 --> 00:10:42,309

Say, that's not a bad idea.

00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,685

I told you guys.

00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:45,896

Imagine a pint-sized elephant

00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,981

that you could keep

in the house.

00:10:48,106 --> 00:10:51,485

Children, we could

make a fortune with this.

00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,362

You hear that, dudes?

We'll be rich!

00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:55,697

Forget about all that genetic

engineering hoosa fudge.

00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,325

If you want to combine a pig

and an elephant,

00:10:58,450 --> 00:11:01,370

just get them

to make sweet love.

00:11:01,495 --> 00:11:02,454

What?

- I don't think an elephant

00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:03,955

would make love to a pig.

00:11:04,081 --> 00:11:05,457

I don't think my pig

would wanna

00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:07,334

make love

to that stupid elephant!

00:11:07,459 --> 00:11:09,002

Sure they would,

00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:10,462

but you're gonna have to

get them in the mood.

00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:11,630

Well, how do we do that?

00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:12,673

Do what I do,

00:11:12,798 --> 00:11:14,966

get them good and drunk.

00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:16,968

Hey, uh,

you guys wanna come over?

00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:18,011

We've got work to do.

00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,262

I think it takes a while

00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:20,806

for an elephant to get drunk.

00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:21,890

Really, you guys don't wanna

come over

00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,684

for just a little bit?

00:11:23,809 --> 00:11:24,976

Why, is your sister gonna

kick your ass again?

00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,061

Shut up, Cartman!

00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,646

[muffled speech]

00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:29,523

Yeah, Stan,

she's just a girl.

00:11:29,648 --> 00:11:32,442

Yeah, if some girl tried to

kick my ass, I'd be like,

00:11:32,567 --> 00:11:34,528

"Hey, why don't you stop

00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,363

dressing me up

like a mailman

00:11:36,488 --> 00:11:38,365

and making me dance for you

00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:40,742

while you smoke crack

in your bedroom

00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,161

and have sex with some guy

I don't even know

00:11:43,286 --> 00:11:45,038

on my dad's bed!"

00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,002

Cartman, what the hell

are you talking about?

00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:52,087

I'm just saying

you're just a little wuss.

00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,422

That's all.

00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:54,631

Stan, you can use family love

00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,299

as a weapon against Shelly.

00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:57,884

The next time she's going to

kick your ass,

00:11:58,009 --> 00:11:59,720

just tell her, "Shelly,

you're my sister.

00:11:59,845 --> 00:12:00,721

And I love you. "

00:12:00,846 --> 00:12:02,055

[muffled speech]

00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,557

Sick, dude.

She's my sister!

00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,058

Try it.

We'll see you in a while.

00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:06,601

We've gotta

go get Cartman's pig.

00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:07,894

No, you don't

gotta get Cartman's pig!

00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,646

You leave Fluffy out of this!

00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,273

Come on, Kenny.

- Kyle, no! [indistinct shouts]

00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,483

No elephant is gonna

make love to Fluffy!

00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:17,195

I -Kyle, I will kick you

in the nuts!

00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,447

Crap!

00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,198

And now back to

00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:21,783

"Jesus and Pals"

on South Park public--

00:12:21,908 --> 00:12:24,286

Are you staring

at my neck brace?

00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,579

No.

I mean, yes?

00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,497

I mean, what neck brace?

00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:28,915

[grunts]

- Shelly,

00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,500

before you beat my face

00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,085

into a bloody pulp again,

I just want you

00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,254

to know that you're my sister,

00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:35,589

and I love you.

00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:41,511

[Stan screaming]

00:12:41,636 --> 00:12:43,513

Someday, Shelly,

I'm gonna be bigger than you.

00:12:43,638 --> 00:12:45,974

And you're gonna wish you'd

never done any of this to me.

00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,977

You'll never be bigger

than me, Stan.

00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,270

Never!

00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:51,897

[panting]

00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,064

Beautiful.

00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:54,858

It's absolutely beautiful.

00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:56,359

My son,

00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:57,944

I think we've finally done it.

00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,321

Yes, we have, Dad.

00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:01,448

My very own human clone.

00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:03,533

Hope it's not a gay clone.

00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:06,453

Yeah. That was stupid.

- That's so stupid.

00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,371

Come on, elephant,

keep drinking.

00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:09,831

Damn, I wonder how drunk he

needs to be

00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,625

to make sweet love to the pig.

00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:14,002

[gulping, squeals]

00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,462

[elephant trumpets]

00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:16,838

Damn it!

This is never gonna work!

00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,298

Hello, children.

00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:19,925

I thought I'd check

and see how

00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:22,719

our little entrepreneurial

venture is going.

00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:23,845

Rotten.

They're both really drunk,

00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,388

but won't have sex!

00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,682

Oh, children,

you just can't stick

00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,726

a drunk pig

with a drunk elephant

00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:32,854

and expect them to do

the mattress mambo.

00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,564

You need to set the mood.

00:13:34,689 --> 00:13:36,525

Let me show you boys

what I'm talking about.

00:13:36,650 --> 00:13:37,901

[mellow music]

00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:41,029

♪ Tonight is right for love ♪

00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,989

♪ You know I

wanna touch you ♪

00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:45,283

♪ Where the lights don't go ♪

00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:47,911

♪ Tonight is right for love ♪

00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:52,958

♪ Love gravy ♪

00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:55,502

♪ Expressing love so sweet ♪

00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:57,712

♪ I want to keep you burnin' ♪

00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:59,798

♪ Like a dog in heat ♪

00:13:59,923 --> 00:14:02,300

♪ Tonight is right for love ♪

00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:07,013

♪ Love gravy ♪

00:14:07,138 --> 00:14:10,308

Ladies and gentlemen,

Mr. Elton John!

00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:13,436

♪ Ooh, tonight ♪

00:14:13,562 --> 00:14:17,357

♪ Oh, it's right ♪

00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,693

♪ Ooh, tonight is right

for love ♪

00:14:19,818 --> 00:14:21,820

♪ Love gravy ♪

00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,154

[applause]

00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,656

Thank you, Elton.

00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,825

♪ Tonight is right for love ♪

00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:32,163

♪ Love gravy ♪

00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:34,916

Hey, look!

It's working!

00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,335

Now, children, gather round

00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:40,338

and watch the wonders of life.

00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:42,591

The beauty of Mother Nature.

00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,175

[elephant trumpeting

and pig squealing]

00:14:44,301 --> 00:14:45,802

Oh, sick!

00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:47,053

Fluffy!

00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,221

Hmm.

00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,556

Now I know how all those

00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,683

white women must have felt.

00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,688

Oh, how luscious.

00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:57,939

Our creature has come

to fruition, boys.

00:14:58,064 --> 00:14:59,691

Dad, you're the best.

00:14:59,816 --> 00:15:00,775

Oh, my God!

00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,235

He only has one ass!

00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:03,445

He's of no use to me.

00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,488

I'll have to burn the room.

00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:06,740

[glass shatters]

00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:07,866

Oh, no.

00:15:07,991 --> 00:15:08,992

This entire experiment

00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:10,619

is turning out very bad.

00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:13,246

Me bad?

00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:14,581

[frog flopping]

00:15:14,706 --> 00:15:16,666

Egads!

He's out of control.

00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,209

We'll have to destroy him!

00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,502

But he's our

science fair project!

00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:22,589

[babbles gibberish]

00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:24,341

He's too dangerous, son.

00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:26,843

But, Dad,

I want a human clone!

00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:28,720

Son, no!

00:15:28,845 --> 00:15:29,846

[glass shatters]

00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,765

[gate shatters]

00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:34,684

Oh, son, you've made

a horrible mistake.

00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,227

You've put all the people

of South Park

00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:37,437

in jeopardy!

00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:38,730

They're all stupid anyway.

00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:40,690

Come on, guys, let's go.

00:15:40,815 --> 00:15:42,692

[laughs]

Yeah, they're all gay.

00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:45,028

Aren't they ever

gonna wake up?

00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,613

Oh, they will.

00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:48,990

It's gonna be one ugly sight.

00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,659

I thought you said

the wonder of Mother Nature

00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:52,035

was a beautiful thing.

00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,244

Yeah, when does

Mother Nature

00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:54,871

go from beautiful to ugly?

00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:57,791

Usually about 9:30

in the morning, children.

00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:58,959

[elephant gasps]

00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,752

Uh oh.

Here we go.

00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,881

[elephant groans, trumpets]

00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:07,550

Ah, there's nothing worse

than getting all drunk

00:16:07,676 --> 00:16:10,261

and waking up the next

morning next to a pig.

00:16:10,387 --> 00:16:12,430

[Fluffy squeals]

00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,182

Or a big, fat elephant.

00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:15,725

Hey, how do we know

if she's pregnant?

00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,310

Well, boys,

we might not know that

00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:19,813

for a couple of days.

- Couple of days?

00:16:19,938 --> 00:16:22,148

But Terrance is going to have

his human clone by tomorrow.

00:16:22,273 --> 00:16:23,900

Well, good job, Einstein!

00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,443

Why don't we just build

a rocket in the meantime?

00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,821

Oh, thank Buddha

I found you boys.

00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:30,532

You must tell me, have you seen

anything odd lately?

00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,284

Uh, we saw an elephant

have sex with a pig.

00:16:33,410 --> 00:16:35,078

No, no, I said odd.

00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,831

Hey, you're that crazy

cracker from up on the hill.

00:16:37,956 --> 00:16:41,668

Sir, if making mutant animals

spliced with humans is crazy,

00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:43,837

then...

00:16:43,962 --> 00:16:46,214

Uh...

00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,340

Hmm.

00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,426

Oh, never mind.

00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:50,802

I'm afraid there's been a bit

00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,470

of an incident

at the ranch.

00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,847

You see, I've created

a large mutant clone

00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:55,473

of that little boy there,

00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,976

and he's broken free.

00:16:58,101 --> 00:16:59,227

[muffled speech]

00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,770

A big, mutant version of me?

00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:01,938

Is he bigger

than a regular clone?

00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,857

He's terribly dangerous.

00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:05,984

His brain is

identical to yours.

00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,153

I need you to help me find him.

00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:12,615

[people screaming]

00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:17,120

Stan, are you wearing

a different hat?

00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,413

Hey!

00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:19,622

I know a certain young man

00:17:19,748 --> 00:17:21,166

who's itching for detention!

00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:23,043

[indistinct speech]

- [screams]

00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:24,294

[glass shatters]

00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:25,962

How big do you think he is?

00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,088

I bet he weighs 400 pounds!

00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:28,715

Come on, Stan,

00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,716

don't you even know

where you would go?

00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:31,468

[muffled speech]

00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:32,761

Oh, my God!

00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:34,804

[men screaming]

00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,890

It appears that the

horrible, destructive creature

00:17:37,015 --> 00:17:40,310

is 8-year-old Stan Marsh

of South Park.

00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:42,520

When asked why

he was wreaking havoc

00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:45,690

on his hometown,

the little boy replied simply,

00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:49,319

"Me Stan

[speaks gibberish]."

00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:51,154

Back to you in the studio.

00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,073

Thanks, Tom.

Police are requesting that

00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:54,866

if you see this little

8-year-old boy,

00:17:54,991 --> 00:17:56,242

you immediately kill him

and burn his body.

00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:57,827

That's all for now.

00:17:57,952 --> 00:17:59,788

And now back to

"Jesus and Pals."

00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,664

Yea, the way

is paved with gold

00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:03,333

for ye who seek truth and--

00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,795

[babbling gibberish]

00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:07,962

Jesus!

00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:10,006

[babbles gibberish]

00:18:10,131 --> 00:18:11,925

Officer Barbrady,

my evil genetic clone

00:18:12,050 --> 00:18:12,967

is destroying the town.

00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:14,886

We have to find him.

00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:16,930

You boys have been watching

"The X Files" too much.

00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:19,349

There's no such thing

as genetic clone--

00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:20,350

Whoa!

00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:21,559

[water splashes]

00:18:21,684 --> 00:18:22,852

You kids go on home.

00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,479

There's nothing to see here.

00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,939

Come on, let's go!

00:18:26,064 --> 00:18:27,565

There you are!

00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:30,276

Stanley, you tore up

my entire gun shop!

00:18:30,401 --> 00:18:33,071

You better have a good

explanation for this, mister!

00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:34,322

It wasn't me, Uncle Jimbo.

00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,949

It was my evil genetic clone.

00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:38,243

Stanley, what the hell

has gotten into you?

00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:40,912

You have got severe

lunchroom duty, mister!

00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,665

I'm gonna have a word

with your father, Stanley!

00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:44,707

Yeah, you wait

till your father

00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:45,917

hears about this.

00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,586

Wait, Stan, there he goes.

00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:49,712

Stop!

00:18:49,838 --> 00:18:52,590

[babbles gibberish]

00:18:52,715 --> 00:18:54,050

He recognizes you, dude.

00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:55,885

That's good.

That's good, dude.

00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,011

Just calm down.

00:18:57,137 --> 00:19:00,974

[babbles gibberish]

00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:03,643

What should we do with him?

00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:06,104

Stan, how would you like to

go home

00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,522

and meet your sister?

00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:10,150

[babbles gibberish]

00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:12,152

[crickets chirping]

00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:13,736

So remember, Shelly's the one

00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:14,988

with a big

wire coming out of her mouth

00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:16,489

and a metal plate on her back.

00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:17,824

When you see Shelly,

kick her ass.

00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:20,076

Shelly bad.

Shelly very bad!

00:19:20,201 --> 00:19:21,286

Me bad?

00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:24,080

No, Shelly bad.

You good.

00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:27,125

[items crashing, clattering]

00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:28,168

He's tearing up the house.

00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:29,169

Stop him!

00:19:29,294 --> 00:19:31,087

[muffled speech]

00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:32,797

[microwave beeps, whirs]

00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:35,884

[all shouting indistinctly]

00:19:36,009 --> 00:19:39,095

[panting]

00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:43,349

What the hell do you want?

00:19:43,474 --> 00:19:45,435

[babbles gibberish]

00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,729

[screams, groans]

00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,940

Boys! Boys, I'm lusciously

sorry for everything.

00:19:51,065 --> 00:19:53,443

Hey, they got our clone.

He belongs to us.

00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:55,278

No, son, this beast

is a disgrace

00:19:55,403 --> 00:19:57,197

to genetic engineers

everywhere.

00:19:57,322 --> 00:20:00,867

Boys, I'm sorry I've caused

you such inconvenience.

00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,452

I tried to play God

and I failed.

00:20:02,577 --> 00:20:03,870

[gunshot, clone groans]

00:20:03,995 --> 00:20:06,372

Daddy, no!

00:20:06,497 --> 00:20:08,249

All I ever wanted

was to genetically

00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,168

engineer something useful.

00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,045

But I failed.

00:20:12,170 --> 00:20:14,130

Perhaps we shouldn't be

toying with God's creations.

00:20:14,255 --> 00:20:16,341

Perhaps we should

leave nature alone

00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:18,968

to its simple

one-assed schematics.

00:20:19,093 --> 00:20:21,179

You cheating bastards.

This isn't over!

00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:22,972

Just wait until tomorrow!

00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:24,432

[microwave beeps, Kenny thuds]

00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,351

Oh, my God!

They killed Kenny!

00:20:26,476 --> 00:20:28,603

You bastard!

00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:29,854

Mom and Dad are home.

00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,022

My house is a disaster!

00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:32,315

You guys gotta help me.

00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:33,483

I ain't helping crap.

00:20:33,608 --> 00:20:34,943

I wanna eat some pie.

00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:36,319

You can't just

leave me here alone!

00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:37,862

Oh, yeah?

Watch me.

00:20:37,987 --> 00:20:39,322

Yeah, Stan,

we have to go find out

00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:40,615

if Cartman's pig

is pregnant or not.

00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:42,617

See ya!

- Thanks a lot!

00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:43,952

Oh, boy,

00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:46,996

you are gonna get it now.

00:20:47,121 --> 00:20:49,165

It isn't fair.

00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:50,500

Everybody hates me.

00:20:50,625 --> 00:20:52,293

The whole town wants me killed.

00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:54,921

Mom and Dad are

gonna send me away.

00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:56,923

I don't wanna be sent away.

00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:58,508

I wanna stay here!

00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:00,551

[sobs]

00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:02,053

Stanley, what--

what in God's name

00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:03,888

have you been doing?

00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:06,432

Everybody in town

is upset with you, young man.

00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:07,642

What's going on?

00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,102

Are you on drugs?

00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:11,604

It's not Stan's fault.

00:21:11,729 --> 00:21:13,523

Huh?

- It wasn't Stan.

00:21:13,648 --> 00:21:15,358

He was--

00:21:15,483 --> 00:21:18,027

He was with me the whole time.

00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:20,363

Oh.

Well, Stan, we're, uh--

00:21:20,488 --> 00:21:22,615

we're sorry we jumped

to conclusions.

00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:23,741

Oh, honey.

00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:25,576

Please forgive us, son.

00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:30,290

Shelly, you saved my life.

00:21:30,415 --> 00:21:32,750

And yet you've done

so much more than that.

00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:34,961

Today you've taught me

the meaning of family.

00:21:35,086 --> 00:21:36,587

Sure, families don't always

get along.

00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,756

But when the forces of evil

descend upon us,

00:21:38,881 --> 00:21:40,675

we conquer them

by sticking together.

00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,885

[smacking and grunting]

00:21:43,011 --> 00:21:44,721

[rats chattering]

00:21:44,846 --> 00:21:46,139

[lawn mower purring]

00:21:46,264 --> 00:21:49,267

[lawn mower buzzing]

00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:54,981

Everyone, let's give Casey

and his weed a big hand.

00:21:55,106 --> 00:21:56,524

[tepid applause]

00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:57,734

Okay, Kyle,

we're ready to see

00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,360

your science project.

00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:01,279

Well, our pig

hasn't given birth yet.

00:22:01,404 --> 00:22:03,114

But she should any time now.

00:22:03,239 --> 00:22:04,699

Oh, well, then

I guess you get an F.

00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,159

Okay, Terrance,

I know the class

00:22:06,284 --> 00:22:08,578

can hardly wait to see yours.

00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:10,038

Thank you, Mr. Garrison.

00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,665

Boys, Mr. Garrison,

fellow students,

00:22:12,790 --> 00:22:14,292

for our science fair project

00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:16,002

Bill Fossey and I have spawned

a creature

00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:18,129

genetically far

superior to man.

00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:19,464

I present to you

00:22:19,589 --> 00:22:21,507

the five-assed monkey.

00:22:21,632 --> 00:22:23,051

[grumbles]

00:22:23,176 --> 00:22:25,178

Oh, Mr. Hat,

isn't it beautiful?

00:22:25,303 --> 00:22:27,180

[applause]

00:22:27,305 --> 00:22:29,974

Wait, wait,

the pig just gave birth!

00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:31,225

It had a baby!

00:22:31,351 --> 00:22:32,602

[kids chattering indistinctly]

00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:34,187

What's it look like?

00:22:34,312 --> 00:22:35,855

Does it look like

a pig or elephant?

00:22:40,276 --> 00:22:43,237

It kind of looks like

Mr. Garrison.

00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:46,407

Oh, gee, isn't that

an amazing coincidence?

00:22:46,532 --> 00:22:48,493

What are the odds of that?

00:22:48,618 --> 00:22:50,203

Hmm.

00:22:50,328 --> 00:22:52,246

You boys get first prize.

00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:54,957

[applause]

00:22:55,083 --> 00:22:56,959

That'll do, pig.

00:22:58,127 --> 00:23:01,005

[twangy music]

00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:08,137

♪♪