Большой Эл-гомосек и его гомояхта — Стэн обнаруживает, что его пёс Спарки — голубой, и это его шокирует. Стэн пытается отучить Спарки от его наклонностей. В то же время третий класс готовится к решающей игре в американский футбол, в которой Стэну предстоит сыграть решающую роль.

Предыдущая серия S01 E03 Вулкан

Следующая серия S01 E05 Слон занимается любовью со свиньёй

Большой Эл-гомосек и его гомояхта

Big Gay Al's Gay Boat Ride

Сезон: 01Серия: 04

Описание

Стэн обнаруживает, что его пёс Спарки — голубой, и это его шокирует. Стэн пытается отучить Спарки от его наклонностей. В то же время третий класс готовится к решающей игре в американский футбол, в которой Стэну предстоит сыграть решающую роль.

Субтитры

00:02:22,940 --> 00:02:25,800 Где автобус? Мы опоздаем на уроки!
00:02:26,140 --> 00:02:27,800 - Привет, Спарки. - Кто это?
00:02:27,970 --> 00:02:30,270 Это - мой новый пес Спарки. Привязался ко мне.
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:33,280 - Уау, круто! - Хороший мальчик. Кто мой лучший друг?
00:02:33,450 --> 00:02:37,110 - Кто мой лучший друг? - Меня щас от вас стошнит!
00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,680 Он наполовину доберман, а наполовину волк. Самый крутой пес в горах.
00:02:40,850 --> 00:02:45,760 Да ладно! Все знают, что Сильвестер - самый крутой пес в Саут Парке.
00:02:47,430 --> 00:02:51,490 - Нифига, он не круче Спарки! - Вот смотри. Эй, Сильвестер!
00:02:51,660 --> 00:02:53,290 Спарки надерет ему зад!
00:02:53,470 --> 00:02:56,530 - Я ставлю доллар на Сильвестра. - Принимаю!
00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:59,830 Спарки! Надери ему задницу!
00:03:02,170 --> 00:03:04,570 Что он делает с его задницей.
00:03:04,740 --> 00:03:08,080 Может, и дерет он его задницу, но как-то не так он это делает.
00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:11,310 Спарки, плохая собака!
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,150 - Что?! - Я думаю, твой пес - гомик.
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:18,220 - Ты что хочешь сказать? - Твоя собака - гомосексуалист.
00:03:18,390 --> 00:03:19,650 Он просто запутался.
00:03:19,830 --> 00:03:22,520 И здорово озадачил этим другую собаку.
00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:25,320 Заткнись!
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:29,700 Собака Стена - гей! Собака Стена - гей!
00:03:30,470 --> 00:03:34,000 Хорошо, дети, я знаю, вы взволнованы возбуждены...
00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:37,470 ...и с нетерпением ждете игры на нашем поле с командной Мидл Парка.
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,110 - Мидл Парк? - На нашем поле?
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:41,110 Помните, чему я вас учил:
00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:45,440 Футбол, это - как заниматься любовью с по-настоящему красивой женщиной.
00:03:45,620 --> 00:03:48,450 Ты не следишь за счетом, важен сам процесс...
00:03:48,620 --> 00:03:52,320 ...и он доставляет истинное наслаждение.
00:03:52,490 --> 00:03:54,220 Теперь начнем тренировку.
00:03:54,390 --> 00:03:57,190 - Мистер Шеф, сэр? - Да, Пип, в чем дело?
00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:01,660 - Мне не дали шлема. - Мы не можем позволить шлемы всем.
00:04:01,830 --> 00:04:04,770 Мы не должны меняться с теми, у кого нет шлема?
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:08,400 - Неужели тем, у кого его нет, всякий раз должен быть я? - Боюсь, что так.
00:04:09,070 --> 00:04:11,570 Прости, сынок. Тащи свой зад туда!
00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:17,140 Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut. Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut...
00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,750 Мяч в игру!
00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:25,880 - Как идут тренировки, Шеф? - Ну, сойдет.
00:04:26,060 --> 00:04:30,500 Не стоит и напоминать, как важна эта игра для наших выпускников Саут Парка.
00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:33,690 - Для выпускников младших классов? - Ну, большинство из нас дальше не продвинулись.
00:04:33,870 --> 00:04:37,430 Можем ли мы сократить разрыв с Мидл Парком?
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:42,370 - Я не знаю. А какой разрыв у нас? - Мидл Парк - 70 очков.
00:04:42,540 --> 00:04:45,140 Я взял его! Я взял его!
00:04:45,310 --> 00:04:47,110 Думаю, шансов нет.
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:52,220 Глупости! Не с моим племянником в защите. Верно, Стэнли?
00:04:56,260 --> 00:04:58,450 - Молодчина! - Отличный пас, Стэн!
00:04:58,620 --> 00:05:01,460 Нэд, быстро погнали к букмекеру!
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:07,600 Дети, это была хорошая тренировка. Увидимся завтра.
00:05:07,770 --> 00:05:09,290 Стэн, это не твой пес?
00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:13,300 Он, должно быть, за мной пришел. Видите, он умный.
00:05:13,570 --> 00:05:17,370 Мой пес Рекс постоянно ходит со мной на тренировки.
00:05:17,540 --> 00:05:21,210 Но мой сам нашел дорогу. Это значит, что он умнее...
00:05:21,380 --> 00:05:24,540 - Спарки, фу! - Что он делает с моим псом?
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,380 - Опять это началось. - Фу, Спарки!
00:05:27,550 --> 00:05:30,650 Стэн забыл сказать, что его собака - гомосексуалист.
00:05:30,820 --> 00:05:33,020 Останови его!
00:05:35,330 --> 00:05:37,420 Хорошо, что моя собака не голубая.
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:41,090 Может, тебе следует называть твоего пса "Спаркетта", Стэн?
00:05:41,270 --> 00:05:42,930 Голубой пес.
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:50,600 Итак, Саймон и Саймон не были братьями в реальной жизни, только на ТВ.
00:05:50,780 --> 00:05:56,150 Спасибо, Эрик, но задание было об Азиатской культуре. Двойка тебе.
00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:59,440 - Черт возьми! - Кого мы вызовем следующим, мистер Шляпа?
00:05:59,620 --> 00:06:02,950 Как насчет Стэна, звездного квотербэка нашего Южного Парка?
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:05,780 Хорошая идея. Ладно, Стэнли, ты - следующий.
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:09,790 - Я пока не готов. - Придумай что-нибудь, как это сделал Эрик.
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:15,590 Ладно. Азиатская культура засоряла нашу Землю годами. Мы должны покончить с этим...
00:06:15,770 --> 00:06:17,500 Потрясающе. Пятерка с минусом.
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:21,260 - Вау, круто! - Какого черта он получил пять с минусом?
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:26,310 Стэнли может привести нашу команду к победе впервые за последние десятилетия.
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:30,240 Спортсмены получают лучшее, потому что они лучше обычных людей.
00:06:30,420 --> 00:06:33,750 - Это несправедливо! - Жизнь вообще несправедлива. Привыкайте.
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,280 Глупая марионетка.
00:06:35,450 --> 00:06:39,480 Не забудьте про задание. Оно для всех, кроме Стэна.
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:43,220 - Мистер Гаррисон, можно вопрос? - Что такое?
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:47,060 - Кто такие гомосексуалисты? - О, ну, Стэнли...
00:06:47,230 --> 00:06:50,960 ...Я думаю, ты пришел к нужному человеку. Садись.
00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:57,040 Стэнли, геи... Ну, геи - это зло.
00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:01,010 Зло в их черных сердцах, которые качают не кровь...
00:07:01,180 --> 00:07:04,670 ...а рвотную нефть, что сочится в их жилах...
00:07:04,850 --> 00:07:10,250 ...сгустки в их мозгах, которые являются причиной их нацистского агрессивного поведения.
00:07:10,420 --> 00:07:12,750 - Понимаешь? - Думаю, да.
00:07:12,930 --> 00:07:15,160 Я рад, что мы смогли об этом поговорить.
00:07:15,330 --> 00:07:19,630 А сейчас ты пойдешь тренироваться, как хороший маленький гетеросексуал.
00:07:20,970 --> 00:07:24,600 Вы видели, как я сегодня защиту блокировал? Я был крут.
00:07:24,770 --> 00:07:27,570 Тебе нужно быть намного круче, чтобы надрать зад Ковбоям.
00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:31,040 Кстати о заднице, вон идет Стэновский гомо-пес!
00:07:31,210 --> 00:07:35,700 Заткнись, чувак! Спарки, откуда у тебя розовый шарф?
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,370 Голубее собаки я не видел.
00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:42,210 Его нужно просто дрессировать, и все. Сидеть, Спарки.
00:07:42,390 --> 00:07:44,550 Хороший пес. Дай лапу.
00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:49,420 Молодец. А теперь, не будь геем!
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,760 Не будь геем, Спарк. Не будь геем!
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,590 - Сработало? - Не знаю.
00:07:54,770 --> 00:07:56,100 Он по-прежнему выглядит голубым.
00:07:56,670 --> 00:08:00,330 Эй, Стэн, твоя собака ходит на гей-парады?
00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:04,940 Да, может быть, тебе следует сводить его на концерт Барбары Стрейзенд?
00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:07,010 - Тупая голубая собака. - Голубая собака.
00:08:07,180 --> 00:08:08,740 Ребята, у меня идея.
00:08:14,990 --> 00:08:18,820 - Я хочу поставить 500 долларов на Коров Южного Парка. - Ты чо, тупой?
00:08:18,990 --> 00:08:21,720 Я говорю вам.
00:08:21,890 --> 00:08:25,590 Мой новый племянник - лучший защитник, который когда-либо был в школе.
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:28,260 Я гарантирую, они сократят разрыв.
00:08:28,430 --> 00:08:30,770 Я поставлю все мои деньги на Коров.
00:08:30,940 --> 00:08:36,030 - Я тоже ставлю 300 баксов на Коров. - Я тоже хочу поставить на Коров!
00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:39,110 Не стоит слишком увлекаться.
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:44,550 - Лучше бы ты был прав, Джимбо. - Не беспокойся.
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:49,210 - Ты уверен, что Стэн так хорош? - Не то, что бы уверен.
00:08:49,390 --> 00:08:52,290 Нам лучше придумать запасной план
00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:56,150 Идемте смотреть... Эй, букмекер, а что будет в перерыве?
00:08:56,330 --> 00:09:01,460 Старший брат Джона Стамоса Ричард Стамос споет песню "Любить тебя"
00:09:01,630 --> 00:09:05,330 - Люблю эту песню. - "Любить тебя?" Она потрясная.
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:09,500 В Миддл Парке будет незабываемая середина шоу.
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:14,340 Спарки, у нас для тебя подарок. Почему не...?
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:18,540 Где ты это взял? Только не розовая бандана. Плохой мальчик!
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:23,550 Обрати внимание, Спарки, это - Фифи.
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,650 - Он туда идет. - Молодец, возьми ее!
00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,490 Да!
00:09:31,930 --> 00:09:34,920 - Дерьмо! Что теперь? - Какая разница, что твой пес - гей?
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:36,330 Наверно, это не плохо.
00:09:36,500 --> 00:09:39,230 Никоим образом. Моя мама говорит, что Бог ненавидит геев.
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:44,270 Вот почему он сжег Содом во Франции.
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:48,710 Я знаю. Мистер Гаррисон сказал, что гомосексуалы - зло. Но Спарки не такой.
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,580 Может, он ошибается. Спроси кого-нибудь еще.
00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:53,010 Например?
00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:56,750 И снова "Иисус и ребята" на общественном городском канале.
00:09:57,050 --> 00:10:03,190 Угумс. Многие из вас жаждут ответов, и я - ваш пастырь, дети мои.
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:07,460 Давайте откроем линию, послушаем вопросы. Алло, вы в эфире!
00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:10,000 - Ээ, это Иисус? - Да, сын мой.
00:10:10,170 --> 00:10:15,330 Это говорит Роберт из Torrey Pines. Я спрашивал на прошлой неделе по поводу моей бывшей.
00:10:15,510 --> 00:10:19,270 - Помню, Роберт. И как оно нынче? - Все стало гораздо лучше, Иисус.
00:10:19,440 --> 00:10:23,000 Она с тех пор не вякнула ни разу. Хочу сказать спасибо за совет.
00:10:23,180 --> 00:10:26,240 И насчет подыхания за мои грехи. Это было действительно приятно с твоей стороны.
00:10:26,420 --> 00:10:29,610 Благословляю тебя, Роберт. Следующий звонок, Вы в эфире!
00:10:29,790 --> 00:10:35,120 Привет, Иисус. У меня пес, и он... гомосексуалист...
00:10:35,290 --> 00:10:39,560 Сынок, многие хотели бы знать мое мнение о гомосексуализме.
00:10:39,730 --> 00:10:43,790 И хочу раз и навсегда пояснить. Понимаешь, как...
00:10:43,970 --> 00:10:48,300 "Иисус и ребята" прощаются с вами! Оставайтесь на нашем канале, следующая передача - "Кинообзор Марти".
00:10:48,510 --> 00:10:49,770 - Твою мать! - Что он сказал?
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:52,100 Мою связь обрубил дебильный "Кинообзор Марти"!
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:54,680 "Кинообзор Марти" пошел? Охренеть!
00:10:54,850 --> 00:10:58,140 Да есть вообще кто-то, способный мне помочь? Есть ли кому-то дело?
00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:59,840 Давай, чувак... нам надо практиковаться.
00:11:00,020 --> 00:11:02,510 Нет, нифига не в порядке! Я не хочу пса-гомика!
00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:06,780 Я хочу мачо-пса! Хочу Рин-Тин-Тина!
00:11:21,110 --> 00:11:24,600 Детишки, нужно держать мяч правильно.
00:11:24,780 --> 00:11:28,070 Возьмите его, как держали бы свою партнершу.
00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:31,680 Нежно, но в то же время решительно.
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:36,840 Вам хочется одновременно тренироваться и держать.
00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:42,960 О, да. Точно, как заниматься любовью с футболом.
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:47,190 Поозорничать с футболом.
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,230 - Шеф? - Нежнее не бывает.
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:51,890 - Шеф? - Шлепнуть его.
00:11:52,070 --> 00:11:53,330 Шеф!
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:56,270 Ой, простите, дети. Давайте, поиграйте.
00:11:56,440 --> 00:12:00,210 - Мистер Шеф? - У нас до сих пор нет шлема для тебя.
00:12:00,380 --> 00:12:04,340 Может быть, я сегодня надену шлем, а кто-то другой останется без?
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,420 Будет ли это справедливым по отношению к другим детям?
00:12:07,590 --> 00:12:08,920 Полагаю, нет.
00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,480 Нам нужно поместить спуск на эту бомбу...
00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:16,090 ...чтобы она сработала в нужный момент в перерыве.
00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:17,750 Что за момент?
00:12:17,930 --> 00:12:22,390 Старший брат Джона Стамоса должен будет в перерыве петь "Loving You".
00:12:22,570 --> 00:12:25,430 Нужно, чтобы бомба сработала, когда он попадет в верхнюю фа.
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,540 - Что такое "верхняя фа"? - Ну это, типа. [поет]
00:12:36,450 --> 00:12:38,940 Поставить спуск на "дютындю"?
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,140 Нет, черт возьми. На "АААААААА"!
00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,320 Угу.
00:12:48,530 --> 00:12:50,290 Ты просек.
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:54,390 Ладно. Да-да, порядок.
00:12:54,570 --> 00:12:56,760 Ты чего такой, Стэн? Что стряслось?
00:12:56,930 --> 00:12:59,630 Не могу сконцентрироваться из-за моего пса-педика.
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:04,070 Ну, как говорится: "Нельзя научить педика-собаку кобельным трюкам".
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:07,300 Ой, да перестань ты пичкать детей гомофильской пропагандой.
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,280 Чего?! Да тебе прежде всех им симпатизировать!
00:13:10,450 --> 00:13:12,510 - В смысле? - Ты же - гей, нет что-ли?
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:16,480 Какого черта ты несешь?! Я - не гей!
00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:22,420 - А ведешь себя как вылитый гомик. - Это для приманивания цыпочек, дурья башка.
00:13:23,130 --> 00:13:25,600 - Чувак, что опять? - Не могу найти Спарки.
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,560 Обычно он бегает за мной на тренировку.
00:13:27,730 --> 00:13:30,860 Может быть, он пошел шопиться, кожаных штанишек захотел?
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:48,980 Здравствуй, песик! Я - Большой Эл-гомосек.
00:13:49,150 --> 00:13:51,710 Ты бродяга?
00:13:51,890 --> 00:13:54,980 Тогда я рад, что ты нашел мой заповедник.
00:13:55,160 --> 00:13:59,620 Мы тут все - большая дружная гей-семья. Хочешь жить с нами?
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:04,530 Давай, дружок. Никто не будет притеснять тебя здесь.
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:08,370 Пацаны, вы Спарки не встречали? Он до сих пор не вернулся.
00:14:08,540 --> 00:14:11,270 - Уже же два дня прошло! - Похоже он убежал.
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:15,240 - А бутик то ты прове... - Мы поищем его после игры, Стэн.
00:14:15,410 --> 00:14:17,240 - Я не играю. - Чего?!
00:14:17,410 --> 00:14:20,410 Я не буду играть в этот дебилизм. Мне надо собаку отыскать.
00:14:20,580 --> 00:14:23,710 Давай, Нэд. Тихонько.
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,820 - Эй, Энрике, привет. - Что мы тут забыли?
00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:32,120 Ну, мы обычно похищаем талисман Мидл Парка.
00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:34,990 Но на сей раз мы этого коня затрояним.
00:14:35,170 --> 00:14:39,570 И когда старший брат Джона Стамоса попадет в верхнюю фа... бабах!!
00:14:39,740 --> 00:14:42,640 И больше никаких мидлпарковских игрочил.
00:14:43,540 --> 00:14:45,570 Черт возьми, люблю я футбол!
00:14:46,610 --> 00:14:50,510 Спарки! Ау! Где же он может быть?
00:14:57,090 --> 00:15:00,960 Всем привет, это Фрэнк Хэммонд, Радио Саут Парка, АМ900.
00:15:01,130 --> 00:15:05,220 Добро пожаловать на сегодняшнюю встречу Мидл Парк Ковбойс против Коров Саут Парка!
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:08,260 Похоже, Шеф, тренер Коров, малость нервничает.
00:15:08,430 --> 00:15:11,420 Похоже, причина тому - отсутствие его куотербэка.
00:15:11,600 --> 00:15:13,760 Ну, давай же, Стэн.
00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:16,960 Мистер Шеф, а если Стэна не будет, можно мне надеть его шлем?
00:15:17,140 --> 00:15:18,470 Нет, Пип, прости уж.
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,100 Спарки!
00:15:23,650 --> 00:15:26,140 - Понеслась! - Ты теперь куотербэк, Кайл.
00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,310 - Но я никогда не пробовал. - Поздновато для этой херни теперь-то.
00:15:29,490 --> 00:15:33,580 Дыру в центре поля залатывает номер 12, Кайл Брофловски.
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,730 Не понял, где малыш Стэнли?
00:15:35,890 --> 00:15:39,020 Каково хрена этот еврейчик играет куотербэка?
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:44,790 Нэд, глянь! Энрике поставили на бровку.
00:15:44,970 --> 00:15:47,900 - И бомба вроде как на месте. - Угу.
00:15:53,510 --> 00:15:55,980 Привет, дружок, как поживаешь?
00:15:56,150 --> 00:15:59,240 - Нормально, а Вы как? - Супер! Спасибо, что спросил.
00:15:59,420 --> 00:16:02,150 Мой пес-педик сбежал. Может быть, он пришел сюда?
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:06,980 - Давай проверим. Заходи. - У Вас тут много собак-геев?
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:12,720 Здесь разнообразие всяких животных-геев. Вот тут расположился гей-лев.
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:17,360 У нас есть азиатский буйвол. Вот стадо гусей-геев.
00:16:17,530 --> 00:16:20,470 Хай, ребята! Я супер-рад вас встретить!
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,040 Wow, похоже эти зверьки всамделешно счастливы.
00:16:23,210 --> 00:16:28,080 Конечно счастливы, глупый зайка! Только тут они могут быть сами собой.
00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:30,410 Ты любишь танцевать?
00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:37,280 Картмэн, отдаешь мне мяч, кто-то бежит, и я кидаю, или типа того. Готовы?
00:16:37,450 --> 00:16:40,690 - Ты конченный. - Мы вам бошки вомнем внутрь.
00:16:40,860 --> 00:16:43,190 Это мы еще посмотрим.
00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,420 Становись, становись..
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,720 - Твою мать, Картмэн! - Что стряслось?
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:51,770 - Картмэн пернул! - Не, это были мои кеды.
00:16:51,940 --> 00:16:54,730 Давайте, Коровы! Нам могут дать штраф на затяжку игры.
00:16:54,910 --> 00:16:57,270 - Нифига, мужик! - Забирай мяч!
00:16:57,740 --> 00:17:00,340 - Чувак, мля. - Давай сюда.
00:17:01,110 --> 00:17:04,050 Мяч захвачен, Мидл Парк атакует!
00:17:04,210 --> 00:17:08,210 Потеря! Мидл Парк взял мяч, и они бегут к тачдауну!
00:17:08,390 --> 00:17:13,190 Счет 7-0 в пользу Мидл Парка, 14:57 до окончания первой четверти.
00:17:13,360 --> 00:17:14,760 Чертовщина.
00:17:14,930 --> 00:17:17,390 Не видел такой битвы со времен Родни Кинга!
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,160 Эй, Фрэнк, это не ПЦ, опять вляпаемся из-за тебя!
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,200 Точно, буду следить за собой.
00:17:22,370 --> 00:17:26,430 Если мы потеряем бабло из-за твоего племяша, ты будешь сушиться на вешалке для белья, Джимбо.
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,730 Не волнуйтесь, просто подождите перерыва.
00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:34,910 Спарки! Привет, Спарки, как ты тут?
00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:38,340 Я соскучился, старик. Ты меня реально напугал.
00:17:38,520 --> 00:17:41,110 Пошли домой. Я еще могу успеть на игру.
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:45,950 Мы сможем поработать над твоей негейностью вместе! Спарки?
00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:50,350 - Молодой человек, похоже, Вы не поняли до сих пор. - Что я не понял?
00:17:50,530 --> 00:17:52,760 Пошли, я кое-что тебе покажу.
00:17:52,930 --> 00:17:55,260 Осталась минута до перерыва..
00:17:55,430 --> 00:17:59,870 ...а счет 52:0 в пользу Мидл Парк Ковбойс.
00:18:01,370 --> 00:18:05,600 Не видел, чтобы англичанину так вдували со времен Хью Гранта!
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:09,340 - Мужик! Вот это совсем не круто! - Прости, прости.
00:18:09,510 --> 00:18:12,710 Ладно, Стэн. Тебе стоит прокатиться на Лодке Большого Эла-гомосека.
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:16,280 Заходи на борт, Стэнли.
00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:20,620 Всем привет, добро пожаловать на борт моей Лодки!
00:18:20,790 --> 00:18:24,780 Сегодня мы увидим мир геев сквозь время.
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:28,590 Коровы принимают подачу. Удар!
00:18:28,770 --> 00:18:31,030 Принят номером 23, Кенни Маккормик.
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,860 Он на 50, 40, 30..
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,330 Держи его!
00:18:35,510 --> 00:18:39,460 Маленький бегун пал! Мне кажется, он...
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,580 Да, он обезглавлен!
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:46,720 Боже, они убили Кенни! Сволочи!
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,350 - Да, это больно, Фрэнк! - Ай-яй-яй!
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:52,180 Эй! Это был грубый прием!
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:55,120 Дайте нам хотя бы соскрести его с поля!
00:18:55,290 --> 00:19:00,290 Похоже, Коровам не побить 72 очкового отрыва, близко не побить.
00:19:00,460 --> 00:19:04,090 Гейство существовало испокон веков.
00:19:04,270 --> 00:19:08,200 От египетских фараонов до японских сёгунов.
00:19:08,370 --> 00:19:11,310 О-оу, берегись, это - притеснители!
00:19:11,470 --> 00:19:15,100 Христиане, республиканцы, нацисты, ой-ёй-ёй!
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,510 Уфф, чуть не попались.
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:23,280 Ладно, направим нашу лодку в место, где геи живут свободно.
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:37,460 - Что думаешь об этом, Стэн? - Это охрененно.
00:19:37,630 --> 00:19:41,040 Прости что пытался изменить тебя, Спарк. Я не понимал.
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:42,640 Момент на вес золота!
00:19:42,810 --> 00:19:49,080 А теперь песня "Loving You" в исполнении единственного и неповторимого Джона Стамоса... брата!
00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:51,240 Давай, Ричард!
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,560 Че за херня? Он не взял верхнюю фа.
00:20:08,730 --> 00:20:12,330 Ричард не может взять фа, все время лажает.
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:16,300 Нэд, нам надерут задницы!
00:20:16,510 --> 00:20:19,810 Ясно, куда ушел весь талант в этой семье!
00:20:21,410 --> 00:20:23,710 Спасибо за все, Большой Эл-гомосек!
00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:27,980 Без проблем, парень. Уверен, что не хочешь остаться на сэндвичи с сыром?
00:20:28,150 --> 00:20:31,450 Нет, спасибо. Мне пора возвращаться на игру. Пошли, песик.
00:20:31,620 --> 00:20:36,960 Стэн, когда вернешься в город, расскажи о нас, пожалуйста, хорошо?
00:20:37,130 --> 00:20:41,460 Расскажи им, что здесь есть геи-животные, отчаянно нуждающиеся в доме.
00:20:41,630 --> 00:20:44,430 Расскажу, Большой Эл, обязательно.
00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:47,540 Ой, мой морковный пирог!
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,200 Мидл Парк надругался над бедными Коровами!
00:20:51,370 --> 00:20:53,870 Не видел, чтоб столько детей было растлено с времен...
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:57,270 Ты сказал, что ставка была верной, Джимбо!
00:20:57,450 --> 00:21:00,240 Мы поставили все наши сбережения на эту игру!
00:21:00,420 --> 00:21:02,110 Ты - покойник, Джимбо!
00:21:02,290 --> 00:21:06,050 Поскорее бы это уже закончилось... Погодите-ка, что это там?
00:21:07,860 --> 00:21:10,190 Это Стэн, звездный куотербэк Саут Парка!
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:12,260 Где тебя черти носили, Стэн?!
00:21:12,430 --> 00:21:15,590 - Возвращал своего лучшего друга. - Давай на поле, парень.
00:21:15,770 --> 00:21:18,360 Покажи им пекло, Стэнли!
00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:22,900 Иисус, я о многом не просил. Все, что нам надо - один маленький заносик.
00:21:23,070 --> 00:21:26,130 - Прошу, прошу, Иисус! - Да оставьте меня в покое!
00:21:27,010 --> 00:21:28,980 Стэн отходит назад...
00:21:29,150 --> 00:21:31,510 Эй, Стэн! Я свободен... вроде.
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:35,310 И он кидает мяч Кайлу, маленькому еврейчику.
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:40,010 Ой мой! Не видел таких еврейских бегов с времен Польши, 1938!
00:21:40,190 --> 00:21:41,850 Мужик!
00:21:42,830 --> 00:21:45,290 Тачдаун!
00:21:45,460 --> 00:21:50,830 Финальный счет 73:6 в пользу Мидл Парка.
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,470 Саут Парк сократил отрыв!
00:21:56,370 --> 00:21:57,500 Речь!
00:21:57,670 --> 00:22:02,700 Стэн, что ты хочешь поведать миру об этой фееричной практически победе?
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,750 Реально клево, что мы сократили отрыв от Ковбоев.
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:07,010 Да, так держать!
00:22:07,180 --> 00:22:11,180 И, может быть, мы сможем сделать их еще больше в следующем году.
00:22:11,350 --> 00:22:15,650 - И быть геем - нормально. - Чего?
00:22:15,830 --> 00:22:18,920 Быть геем - это часть природы, и вообще прекрасно.
00:22:19,100 --> 00:22:20,890 Что за хрень он несет?
00:22:21,060 --> 00:22:24,930 Стэн, ты появился очень поздно. Где ты был все это время?
00:22:25,100 --> 00:22:27,230 Я был с моим новым другом Большим Элом-гомосеком.
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:31,070 Он показал мне заповедник и взял меня покататься на лодке...
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,610 ...где я познал волшебство гееты.
00:22:34,780 --> 00:22:36,540 Это правда, я покажу вам.
00:22:39,420 --> 00:22:43,510 Но оно было здесь, прямо тут. Здесь был танцпол-техно.
00:22:43,690 --> 00:22:48,210 Стэн, пора тебе слезть с сиропа от кашля. Серьезно. Я волнуюсь за тебя.
00:22:48,390 --> 00:22:52,660 Оливер! Я не видела тебя месяцы!
00:22:52,830 --> 00:22:54,560 - Сидней! - Вилли!
00:22:54,730 --> 00:22:55,960 Карлос!
00:22:56,130 --> 00:22:59,100 Спасибо большое за то, что привел всех сюда.
00:22:59,270 --> 00:23:03,760 - Вот ты где, как дела? - Супер, спасибо что спросил!
00:23:03,940 --> 00:23:07,170 Похоже, моя работа здесь закончена.
00:23:08,110 --> 00:23:11,410 Прощай, Стэнли! Мир тебе!
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:17,510 - Эй, ребята, я могу! - Что можешь?
00:23:23,260 --> 00:23:24,520 Нет!
00:23:30,699 --> 00:23:33,702 Переведено на сайте www.notabenoid.com http://notabenoid.com/book/10656/35017
00:23:33,744 --> 00:23:37,706 Переводчики: Wisem, guarin, simuladora, Lendis.

00:00:02,962 --> 00:00:04,130 Oh, boy.
00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:06,298 Beefcake. - I'll tell you.
00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:08,134 That is a hoot and a holler.
00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:09,677 This next episode is definitely
00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,429 both Trey and I's favorite episode.
00:00:11,554 --> 00:00:13,889 It's called "Big Gay AI's Big Gay Boat Ride."
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,349 In it, Stan finds out
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:17,476 that his dog Sparky is a homosexual.
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:21,188 How did your preoccupation with homosexuality develop?
00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:22,898 Well, we have noticed that America
00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:25,234 definitely has a preoccupation with gayness,
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,861 but we felt there was a part of homosexuality
00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:28,571 that has been left unexplored,
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,199 and that's animal homosexuality.
00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:34,702 I know people are curious about the two of you too.
00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:36,704 Are you guys, uh...
00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,539 a couple, if you know what I mean?
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:40,708 You--you mean, are we gay?
00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,209 Yeah.
00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:45,087 Well, I am a little.
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,797 I guess we're all a little gay.
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:49,759 Even little Scratch here. - Yeah.
00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:52,178 You must have gotten a lot of mail on this episode.
00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:53,471 What kinds of stuff do you get in the mail
00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:55,347 from fans in general?
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:58,309 We have great fans and great fan mail.
00:00:58,434 --> 00:00:59,810 People write such interesting,
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,812 fascinating things to us every week.
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:03,689 Let me give you an example.
00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:06,108 "Dear Trey and Matt,
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,027 I like your show."
00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:10,988 That's from Tom in New Jersey.
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:15,659 Why does Kenny have to die so often and so horribly?
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:16,744 Because he's poor.
00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,454 Aw.
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,206 Guys, is there stuff you put into the show
00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:22,833 that's subliminal, kind of like a little reward
00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:25,044 for the fans who are really paying attention?
00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:28,130 Yes. We definitely feel we owe it to our hardcore fans
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,841 to put hidden subliminal messages in every episode.
00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:32,718 That way, they can watch the episode over and over
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,011 and find something new every time.
00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:35,054 For instance, in this episode,
00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,847 if you look really hard,
00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:39,517 you can find a picture of me having sex with Matt's mom.
00:01:39,642 --> 00:01:40,893 What?
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:43,354 So now sit back, relax, and enjoy
00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:45,773 "Big Gay AI's Big Gay Boat Ride."
00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,121 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:02,123 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:03,833 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:05,376 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:06,836 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:08,671 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,381 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:11,882 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor." ♪
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,384 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,136 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:19,807 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:21,559 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:23,936 Hey, where's the school bus?
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,646 We're gonna be late for football practice.
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,398 Hiya, Sparky. - Who's that?
00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:28,691 That's my new dog Sparky.
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,151 He followed me to the bus stop.
00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:31,694 Wow, cool! - Good boy, Sparky.
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,154 Who's my best buddy?
00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:34,780 Who's your boy? Who's your buddy?
00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:36,824 Ugh. You're making me sick, dude.
00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:38,784 He's part Doberman and part wolf.
00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,536 He's the toughest dog on the mountain.
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,788 No way. Everybody knows that Sylvester
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:45,624 is the toughest dog in South Park.
00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:48,586 He's not meaner than Sparky!
00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:50,171 Oh, yeah? Let's see.
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:51,255 Hey, Sylvester!
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,756 Sparky'll kick his ass!
00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:54,508 I'll put a dollar on Sylvester.
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:55,801 You're on, dude.
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,637 That's it, Sparky, kick his ass!
00:03:01,891 --> 00:03:04,435 Huh. He's doing <i>something</i> to his ass.
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,395 He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,980 doing something to his ass.
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,690 Sparky, bad dog!
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:12,276 What? - Yeah, dude.
00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:13,360 I think your dog is gay.
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:14,653 What do you mean?
00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,614 That dog is a gay homosexual.
00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,533 He's just confused.
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:21,285 I think the other dog's the one that's confused.
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:23,746 Sick! Shut up, dude.
00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:26,957 ♪ Stan's dog's a homo ♪
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:29,084 ♪ Stan's dog's a homo ♪
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:32,129 <i>Okay, children, I know that you're all</i>
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,381 extremely excited and nervous and anxious
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:37,343 about the homecoming game against Middle Park.
00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:38,969 Who's Middle Park? - What's homecoming?
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,679 But just remember what I taught you
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,598 that football is like making love
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,309 to a really beautiful woman.
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:48,020 You can't always score, but when you do,
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:50,648 it makes all the trying worthwhile.
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,692 Now let's start practice.
00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:55,027 Uh, Mr. Chef, sir?
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:56,612 Yes, Pip, what is it?
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:57,905 I still don't have a helmet.
00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,114 I know, Pip.
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,115 The school can't afford helmets
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,367 for everybody.
00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:02,952 Yes, but couldn't we rotate
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,370 who doesn't have a helmet every week?
00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:05,871 Does it always have to be me?
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:08,249 Yes, Pip, I'm afraid it does.
00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:09,708 Oh. - Sorry, son.
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,460 Now get your ass in there.
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,921 Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut.
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:15,881 Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut,
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,049 hut, hut, hut.
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,760 Hike the damn ball!
00:04:21,971 --> 00:04:22,888 Hey, how's practice
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,014 coming there, Chef?
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,474 Huh? Oh, fine, fine.
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,892 I don't have to remind you
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,602 just how important this game is
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,354 to us South Park alumni.
00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:31,897 Elementary school alumni?
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,565 That's as far as most of us got.
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,567 You think we have a shot at beating the spread
00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:37,152 against Middle Park this year?
00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,363 I don't know. What--what's the spread?
00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:42,241 Middle park by 70 points. - Hmm.
00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:44,368 Hey, I got it! - I got it, I got it!
00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:46,829 I don't think we have a chance.
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,498 Nonsense, not with my nephew a quarterback.
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,041 Right, Stanley?
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,251 Huh?
00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:58,299 Attaboy! - Great pass, Stan!
00:04:58,424 --> 00:04:59,633 Come on, Ned, we got to get our asses
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,218 to the bookie!
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:05,431 Okay, that was a good practice, children.
00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,308 We'll see you here again tomorrow.
00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:09,143 Hey, Stan, isn't that your dog?
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:11,645 Yeah, he must have followed me to football practice.
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,188 You see, he is smart.
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,773 Uh, my dog Rex follows me
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:17,026 to football practice all the time.
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:18,986 Yeah, but my dog found his own way here.
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:20,404 That makes him smarter than your--
00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,323 Sparky, get down!
00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:24,283 Oh, my God, what is he doing to my dog?
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:25,617 There he goes again.
00:05:25,743 --> 00:05:27,202 Get down, Sparky, down!
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:28,871 Stan forgot to mention that his dog
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,289 is a gay homosexual.
00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:31,832 Make him stop!
00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:36,712 I'm sure glad my dog isn't gay!
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,673 Yeah, maybe you should name your dog Sparkette, Stan.
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:42,301 Gay dog.
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,013 And so you see, Simon and Simon
00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:47,765 were not brothers in real life,
00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,641 only on television.
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,353 Thank you for that presentation, Eric,
00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:54,563 but the assignment was on Asian cultures.
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,773 You get a D-minus.
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:57,358 Aw, damn it!
00:05:57,483 --> 00:05:59,318 Who should we call on next, Mr. Hat?
00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:02,696 How about Stan, our little South Park quarterback star?
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:03,906 Oh, good idea.
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,491 Okay, Stanley, you're next.
00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:07,201 Um, I'm not really prepared either.
00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:09,661 Well, just make something up like Eric did.
00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:11,121 Okay, um,
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,790 Asian culture has...
00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,375 plagued our fragile Earth for many years.
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,459 We must end it--
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:16,835 Excellent. A-minus!
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:17,920 Hey! - Wow, cool!
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:18,962 Wait a minute!
00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:19,963 Why the hell does he get
00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,131 an A-minus?
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:22,508 Eric, Stanley just might
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:23,801 lead our team to victory
00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:25,177 against the Middle Park Cowboys
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,845 for the first time in decades.
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,555 And we treat star athletes better
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:29,932 because they're better people.
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,016 That's not fair!
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,017 Life isn't fair, kiddo.
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,310 Get used to it.
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,145 Stupid puppet.
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,189 Don't forget your assignments tonight, children.
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,358 They're due tomorrow for everybody but Stan.
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,235 Mr. Garrison, can I ask you a question?
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,945 Of course, Stanley. What is it?
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,280 What's a homosexual?
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:46,740 Oh, well, Stanley,
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,659 I guess you came to the right person.
00:06:48,784 --> 00:06:50,119 Sit down.
00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:53,580 Stanley, gay people...
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,542 well, gay people are evil.
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,752 Evil right down to their cold, black hearts,
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,838 which pump not blood like yours and mine,
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:02,714 but rather a thick vomitus oil
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,383 that oozes through their rotten veins
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:06,260 and clots in their pea-sized brains,
00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:08,387 which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,013 of violent behavior.
00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:12,641 Do you understand? - I guess.
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,893 Good, I'm glad we could have this little talk, Stanley.
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,395 Now you go outside and practice football
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,188 like a good little heterosexual.
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,526 You guys see me block that defense today?
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:24,278 I was kicking ass.
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:25,737 You're gonna need to kick more ass than that
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:27,156 to beat the Cowboys.
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,116 Hey, speaking of pounding ass,
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:30,826 here comes Stan's little homo dog!
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,369 Shut up, dude!
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,329 Sparky, where'd you get that pink scarf?
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:36,582 Man, that is the gayest dog
00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:37,833 I have ever seen.
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:38,834 He just needs some training,
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:39,835 that's all.
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,295 Sit, Sparky.
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:43,922 Good boy. Now shake.
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:47,885 Good boy. Now don't be gay!
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,220 Don't be gay, Spark.
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,221 Don't be gay.
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,057 Did it work? - I don't know.
00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:55,976 He still looks pretty gay to me.
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:59,188 Hey, Stan, your dog been to any pride marches lately?
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,482 Yeah, maybe you should take him
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,192 to a Barbra Streisand concert.
00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:06,862 Stupid little gay dog. - Gay dog.
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,614 Come on, you guys. I have an idea.
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:17,331 I want $500 on the South Park cows.
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,582 Are you crazy?
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:19,958 No, sirree, I'm telling you,
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,460 I got the line.
00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,504 My nephew Stan is the best quarterback
00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:25,088 the school's ever seen.
00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:27,883 I guarantee they'll beat the spread.
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,052 I'm gonna put all my money on the Cows.
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,387 I'll put $300 on the Cows too, if they guarantee...
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:35,349 Hey, I want to put some money on the cows too.
00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:36,934 Whoa, whoa!
00:08:37,059 --> 00:08:38,977 Don't get too carried away, now.
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,146 You better be right about this, Jimbo.
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,648 Yeah.
00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:44,441 Uh, don't-- don't worry yourself.
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:46,693 Are you sure Stan is that good?
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,862 Well, not that sure.
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,989 I think we better come up with a backup plan.
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,866 Uh, let's see here.
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,201 Hey, bookie, what--
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,577 what's the halftime show gonna be?
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,246 You haven't heard?
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:59,665 John Stamos' older brother Richard Stamos
00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,291 is gonna sing "Loving You".
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,751 I love that song.
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,128 "Loving you"? That's perfect.
00:09:05,254 --> 00:09:06,964 Come on, Ned, Middle Park's gonna get
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:09,341 a halftime show they'll never forget.
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:12,928 Okay, Sparky, we got you a present.
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,264 Now why don't--damn it, Sparky,
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:16,306 where do you keep getting this thing?
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:17,307 No pink bandana, Sparky.
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:18,308 Bad dog!
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,643 Now pay attention.
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,062 Sparky, this is Fifi.
00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:23,438 Ooh la la!
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:24,690 There he goes.
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:26,483 Attaboy, Spark, get her!
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:28,569 Yes!
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,657 Ah, crap. Now what do I do?
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:34,825 Who cares if your dog is gay?
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,034 Maybe it's not that bad.
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,411 No way, dude, my mom says
00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,121 God hates gay people.
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,165 That's why he smote the sodomies in France.
00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:45,168 I know, Mr. Garrison said
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:46,795 that homosexuals are evil, but...
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,380 but Sparky doesn't seem evil.
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,173 Well, maybe Mr. Garrison is wrong.
00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:51,174 You should ask somebody else.
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,759 Like who?
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,303 <i>And now back to "Jesus and Pals"</i>
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,471 <i>on South Park public access.</i>
00:09:56,597 --> 00:10:00,142 Yea, many of you are seeking answers,
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,769 and I am the way for you, my children.
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:03,812 Let's open the phone lines back up
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,272 for some questions.
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,232 Hello, caller, you're on the air.
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,568 <i>Yeah, is--is this Jesus?</i> - Yes, my son.
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:12,362 <i>This is Robert from Torrey Pines.</i>
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,990 <i>I called last week asking for advice on my ex-wife.</i>
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,367 Of course, Robert. How are things now?
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:18,744 <i>Everything is much better, Jesus.</i>
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,495 <i>She hasn't mouthed off since.</i>
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,748 <i>I just wanted to thank you for the advice.</i>
00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:24,583 <i>Oh, and for-- for dying for my sins too.</i>
00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:25,792 <i>That was really nice of you.</i>
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,294 Blessed art thou, Robert.
00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:29,004 Next caller, you're on the air.
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,505 <i>Uh, hi, Jesus?</i>
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,966 <i>I have a dog, and he's a--</i>
00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:34,843 <i>he's a homosexual.</i>
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,179 My son, a lot of people have wondered
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,890 what my stance on homosexuality is,
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,391 so I'd like to state once and for all
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:43,518 my true opinion. You see...
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,562 <i>That's all the time we have left for "Jesus and Pals."</i>
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:47,856 <i>Now stay tuned for "Marty's Movie Reviews."</i>
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,691 Damn it! - What'd he say?
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,860 I got cut off for Marty's stupid movie reviews!
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,363 Oh, "Marty's Movie Reviews" are on? Kickass!
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:56,156 Isn't there anybody who can help me?
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:57,866 Isn't there anybody who cares?
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,576 Come on, dude, we have to get to practice.
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,245 No, it's not okay. I don't want a gay dog.
00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:04,915 I want a butch dog. I want a Rin Tin Tin.
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,848 Now, children,
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,309 we've got to handle the ball better.
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,769 You've got to hold your football
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,729 like you would hold your lover.
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,940 Gently, yet firmly.
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,485 You want to be both nurturing
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,279 and clinging at the same time.
00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,073 Oh, yeah.
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:42,661 ♪ Just like making sweet love to the football ♪
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:45,414 ♪ Be naughty with the football ♪
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:46,873 ♪ Mmm ♪
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:47,999 Uh, Chef? - ♪ Spank it ♪
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,960 ♪ Ever so gently ♪
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,628 Chef? - ♪ Spank it ♪
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:54,089 Chef! - Oh, uh, sorry, children.
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,632 Uh, let's run some plays.
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,259 Ah, Mr. Chef, sir?
00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:00,053 No, Pip, we still don't have a helmet for you.
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,347 Righto, but how about I'll use a helmet today,
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,015 and one of the other children goes without.
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:06,268 That wouldn't be very fair to the other children,
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:07,352 now, would it?
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,770 Oh, I--I guess not.
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,398 What we want to do here, Carl,
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:13,525 is put a trigger on that bomb that makes it go off
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,819 at a specific moment during halftime.
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,487 And what moment would that be?
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,781 Well, John Stamos' older brother
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,200 is all set to sing "Loving you" during halftime.
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:25,162 We want that bomb to go off when he hits that high F.
00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:26,329 What high F?
00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:27,372 You know...
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,040 ♪ Loving you ♪
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:31,877 ♪ Is easy 'cause you're beautiful ♪
00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,004 ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,006 ♪ Ahh ♪
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:38,675 So you want the trigger on the "doot'n doo"?
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,887 No, damn it, the "Ahh"!
00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:43,430 ♪ Ahh ♪ - ♪ Ahh ♪
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,767 Great. - ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,560 ♪ Ahh ♪ - ♪ Doot'n doo-doo ♪
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,645 You got it. - ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,272 ♪ Ahh ♪
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,107 All right. Yeah, okay.
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:55,275 What's the matter, Stan?
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,526 You seem down.
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:57,944 I just--I can't concentrate
00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,279 'cause my dog is gay.
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:00,781 Well, you know what they say.
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:03,575 You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks.
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,076 Oh, stop filling his head
00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:07,037 with that queer-loving propaganda.
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:10,040 Say what? You of all people should be sympathetic.
00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:12,250 What do you mean? - Well, you're gay, aren't you?
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,795 What? What the hell are you talking about?
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,171 I am not gay!
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,173 Well, you sure do act like it!
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,176 I just act that way to get chicks, dumbass.
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:23,845 What's the matter, dude?
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,555 I don't know where Sparky is.
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,349 He usually follows me to football practice.
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,518 Maybe he went shopping for some leather pants.
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:30,602 Ow!
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,117 Hello there, little pup!
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:47,786 I'm Big Gay Al.
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,330 Have you been outcast?
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,874 Well, then, I'm so glad you found
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,751 my big gay animal sanctuary.
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,545 We're all big gay friends here.
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,296 Would you like to live with us?
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,132 Come on in, little fellow.
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,260 Nobody will ever oppress you here.
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:06,596 Have you guys seen Sparky?
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,098 He still hasn't come back.
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,599 Wow, it's been, like, two days.
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,142 I think he might have run away.
00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:12,686 Did you check the shopping mall--
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:13,770 Ow! - We'll help you look for him
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,188 after the game, Stan.
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:16,857 I'm not playing. - You what?
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,149 I'm not playing in that stupid game.
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,151 I have to find my dog.
00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:22,028 Come on, Ned, keep quiet.
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:23,488 Okay.
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,533 Hello there, Enrique.
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,577 What are we doing here?
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:29,870 Well, Ned, we always
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,830 kidnap Middle Park's mascot.
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:34,708 But this year, we're gonna booby-trap it instead,
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,418 and when John Stamos' older brother
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,169 hits that high F in "Loving You,"
00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:39,296 boom!
00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:40,922 No more Middle Park players.
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:45,427 God damn, I love football!
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,722 Sparky, where are you?
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,223 Where could he be?
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,607 Hello, everyone, this is Frank Hammond,
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,025 South Park Public Radio, AM 900.
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,484 Welcome to tonight's matchup
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:02,986 between the Middle Park Cowboys
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:04,821 and the South Park Cows.
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,948 Well, it looks like Chef, the South Park Cows' coach,
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:07,991 is a little nervous.
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,034 This is probably because
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,076 his star quarterback
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,161 has yet to show up.
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,622 Oh, come on, Stan.
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,624 Uh, Mr. Chef, if Stanley doesn't show up,
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:16,625 can I use his helmet?
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,209 No, Pip, I'm sorry!
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:20,045 Sparky!
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,671 Sparky!
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,549 Play ball!
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,092 You're gonna have to quarterback, Kyle.
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:27,594 But I never practiced quarterback.
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,804 It's a little late for that bullcrap now.
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,264 Filling in for quarterback
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:33,516 is number 12, Kyle "Broslovski."
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:35,602 Hey, hey, where's little Stanley?
00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,604 Yeah, why the hell is that little Jewish kid
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,022 playing quarterback?
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,149 Ned, look.
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,653 They've got Enrique on their sidelines.
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,738 And it looks like that bomb is still attached.
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:47,781 Yay.
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,497 Hi, little fella, how are you doing today?
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,790 Fine, how are you?
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,167 I'm super, thanks for asking.
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,627 My gay dog ran away and I was wondering
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:02,045 if maybe he came here.
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,130 Well, let's see. Come on in.
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,883 Do you have lots of gay dogs here?
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,635 We have all sorts of gay animals here
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:09,886 at Big Gay AI's.
00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:11,346 Over here we have a gay lion.
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,639 Roar.
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,057 And we have gay water buffalo,
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,308 gay hummingbirds.
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,227 Here's a gaggle of gay gooses!
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:20,397 Hi, fellas, it's so super to see you!
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,899 Wow, it seems like the animals here are really happy.
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:24,985 Of course they are, silly buns!
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,486 It's the one place where gay animals
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:27,779 can really be themselves.
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:28,947 Do you like to dance?
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,285 Cartman, you hike me the ball,
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,829 then somebody run, and I'll throw it or something.
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,163 - Ready? - Break.
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,707 You guys are toast.
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,583 Yeah, we're gonna pound your heads in.
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:43,044 We'll just see about that!
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,170 Set, set...
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,548 Damn it, Cartman!
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,634 What's the matter? - Cartman farted!
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,386 No, I didn't! That was just my shoes.
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,721 Come on, Kyle,
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,639 we'll get a delay of game penalty!
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,308 No way, dude! - Hike the ball!
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:58,685 Oh, dude, weak.
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,228 That's right, you get back there.
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,813 Hike! - The ball is snapped.
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,106 Middle Park blitzes.
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,151 Fumble! Middle Park gets the ball.
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:08,194 They run it in for a touchdown!
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:09,863 The score is 7-0, Middle Park,
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:13,033 with 14:57 remaining in the first quarter.
00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:14,617 Hells bells.
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:15,785 I haven't seen a beating like that
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,120 since Rodney King!
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,538 Now, Frank, that's not very PC.
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:20,165 You're gonna get us in trouble again.
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,083 Right, right, I--I got to watch that.
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,002 If we lose our money 'cause of your nephew,
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:26,129 we're gonna hang you out to dry, Jimbo.
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,547 Don't y'all worry.
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,632 You just wait till halftime.
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:32,302 Sparky!
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,220 Hiya, Sparky, how's it going?
00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:36,097 I missed you, old pal.
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,474 You really had me scared.
00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:39,309 Come on, let's go home.
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,061 I can still make it in time for the game.
00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:43,146 We can work on making you not gay together.
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:45,774 Sparky?
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,067 Young man, it appears
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,693 you still don't understand.
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:49,694 What don't I understand?
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:50,945 Come this way.
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:52,655 I have to show you something.
00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:54,532 With just over a minute to go in the half,
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:56,868 the score is Middle Park Cowboys 52,
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,870 South Park Cows, zero.
00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:03,208 Oh, my! I haven't seen an Englishman
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,627 take a blow like that since Hugh Grant!
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,504 Dude! Now, that is not cool.
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,214 Sorry, sorry.
00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:10,799 Okay, Stan, I think you should get in line
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,717 for my big gay boat ride.
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:15,011 Step aboard, Stanley.
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,057 Hello, everyone, and welcome aboard
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:20,058 the big gay boat ride!
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:21,601 On this adventure,
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:22,727 we'll be seeing the world of gayness
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,687 throughout time.
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:26,689 And the South Park Cows are set to receive.
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,149 There's the kick.
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,944 It's taken by number 23, Kenny McCormick.
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,738 He's at the 50, the 40, the 30...
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,492 The little running back is down!
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,244 I think he's...
00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,454 yes, he's been decapitated!
00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:43,414 Oh, my God,
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:44,707 they killed Kenny!
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,626 You bastards!
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:48,211 That's got to hurt, Frank!
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:49,212 Ouch-eroo!
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:50,755 Hey, come on,
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,340 that was roughing!
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,634 At least let us scrape him off the field!
00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:56,302 Looks like the South Park Cows
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:58,429 aren't even gonna beat the 72-point spread,
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,181 not by a long shot.
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,183 You see, gayness has existed
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:03,977 since the beginning of time,
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,812 from the Egyptian pharaohs,
00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:08,064 to the shoguns of Japan.
00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:11,151 Uh-oh, look out, it's the oppressors!
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:13,736 Christians and Republicans and Nazis, oh my!
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:17,407 Oh! Oh, gosh, that was close.
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,534 Okay, let's steer our big gay boat out of here
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,203 and into a place where gays are allowed to live freely.
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:26,457 ♪ We are gay and it's okay ♪
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,835 ♪ 'Cause gay means happy and happy means gay ♪
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,420 ♪ We're not sad anymore ♪
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:31,880 ♪ 'Cause we're out the closet door ♪
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:34,424 ♪ It's okay to be gay ♪
00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:35,800 So what do you think, Stan?
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,343 This kicks ass.
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:39,179 I'm sorry I tried to change you, Spark.
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:40,930 I just didn't understand.
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:42,515 Isn't this precious?
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,267 And now here to sing the touching song
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:46,436 "Loving You" is the one and only,
00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:48,938 John Stamos' brother!
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,315 All right, Richard!
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,028 ♪ Loving you ♪
00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:59,324 ♪ Is easy 'cause you're beautiful ♪
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:02,035 ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,120 ♪ Ahh ♪
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:05,705 ♪ Ahh ♪
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:06,873 What the hell?
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:08,333 He didn't sing the high F!
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,210 Richard Stamos can't sing a high F.
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:12,170 He always screws it up like this.
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,672 Ned, we are gonna get our asses kicked!
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,174 ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:17,634 It's obvious where all the talent
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,636 in that family went!
00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:23,973 Thanks for everything, Big Gay Al.
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:25,308 No problem, kids.
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,643 Are you sure you don't want to stay
00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:28,102 for some toasted cheese sandwiches?
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,270 No thanks. I've got to get back
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,355 for the big football game.
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,481 Come on, boy.
00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:33,107 Oh, Stan...
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,859 when you get back to town,
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,028 tell them about us, will you?
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,030 Tell them there are gay animals here
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,491 who need homes, desperately.
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:42,659 I will, Big Gay Al.
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:43,826 I will.
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:47,705 Oh, my carrot cake.
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:50,083 And these South Park Cows are being absolutely
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:51,876 molested by Middle Park.
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,920 I haven't seen so many children molested since...
00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:55,505 I thought you said beating the spread
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:57,257 was a sure thing, Jimbo!
00:20:57,382 --> 00:21:00,343 Yeah, we all put our life savings in this game!
00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:02,136 You're a dead man, Jimbo!
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:03,930 Well, this should just about wrap it up for--
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:06,099 wait a minute, what's this?
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:07,767 Yeah! Yoo-hoo!
00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:10,228 It's Stan, the South Park star quarterback.
00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:12,272 Where the hell have you been, Stan?
00:21:12,397 --> 00:21:13,940 I've been getting my best friend back.
00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:15,650 Just get in there, boy.
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,235 Give 'em hell, Stanley!
00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:20,905 Jesus...now, I haven't asked you for much.
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:22,907 But all we need is one little score.
00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,826 Please, please, Jesus.
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,244 Leave me alone.
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:27,662 Hike! - Stan hikes the ball.
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:28,997 He steps back to pass.
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,541 Hey, Stan, I'm open I think.
00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:33,918 And he throws it to Kyle, the little Jewish kid.
00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:37,005 Oh, my!
00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,464 I haven't seen a Jew run like that
00:21:38,589 --> 00:21:40,216 since Poland, 1938!
00:21:40,341 --> 00:21:41,426 Dude!
00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:43,803 Touchdown!
00:21:43,928 --> 00:21:45,513 Yeah! - Whoo!
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:47,140 The clock runs out, and the final score is
00:21:47,265 --> 00:21:49,017 Middle Park Cowboys 73,
00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:50,893 South Park Cows 6.
00:21:51,019 --> 00:21:53,479 South Park beats the spread.
00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:56,024 Yeah! Yoo-hoo!
00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:57,525 Speech!
00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:59,193 Stan, what do you want to tell the world
00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:01,571 about this stunning almost victory?
00:22:01,696 --> 00:22:03,614 Uh, it's really cool
00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:05,408 that we beat the spread against the Cowboys.
00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:07,076 Yeah, all right!
00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:09,996 And maybe we can beat 'em even more next year.
00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:11,205 Whoo!
00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:13,416 And it's okay to be gay.
00:22:14,292 --> 00:22:15,668 What?
00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:17,503 Being gay is just part of nature
00:22:17,628 --> 00:22:18,963 and a beautiful thing.
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,923 What the hell is he talking about?
00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:23,343 Uh, Stanley, you arrived very late in the game.
00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:25,011 Where were you that whole time?
00:22:25,136 --> 00:22:27,138 I was with my new friend, Big Gay Al.
00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:29,057 He showed me his big gay animal sanctuary
00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:30,767 and took me on a big gay boat ride,
00:22:30,892 --> 00:22:33,186 where I learned all about the wonders of gaiety.
00:22:34,771 --> 00:22:36,689 It's true. I'll show you.
00:22:39,442 --> 00:22:41,444 But it was here. It was all right here.
00:22:41,569 --> 00:22:43,488 There--there was a techno dance club.
00:22:43,613 --> 00:22:45,490 Stan, you need to lay off the cough syrup.
00:22:45,615 --> 00:22:46,866 All right? Seriously.
00:22:46,991 --> 00:22:48,242 I'm worried about you, man.
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:49,660 Oliver!
00:22:49,786 --> 00:22:50,912 I thought you ran away
00:22:51,037 --> 00:22:52,622 all those months ago.
00:22:52,747 --> 00:22:53,623 Sidney!
00:22:53,748 --> 00:22:54,624 Willie!
00:22:54,749 --> 00:22:56,042 Carlos!
00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:57,377 I want to thank you so much
00:22:57,502 --> 00:22:59,045 for bringing everybody here.
00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:01,464 Oh, there you are, dude. How's it going?
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:03,758 I'm super, thanks for asking.
00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:06,010 It looks like now my work here is done.
00:23:08,137 --> 00:23:10,181 Good-bye, Stanley. Peace be with you.
00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:11,224 Wow!
00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,562 You guys, you guys! I can do it.
00:23:16,687 --> 00:23:17,563 Do what?
00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:19,273 ♪ Loving you ♪
00:23:19,399 --> 00:23:22,110 ♪ Is easy 'cause you're beautiful ♪
00:23:22,235 --> 00:23:23,111 ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪
00:23:23,236 --> 00:23:24,570 No!
00:23:24,695 --> 00:23:25,822 ♪ Ahh ♪
00:23:27,365 --> 00:23:29,784 <i>♪ Now you're a man ♪</i>
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,160 <i>♪ A man, man, man ♪</i>
00:23:31,285 --> 00:23:32,829 <i>♪ Now you're a man, man ♪</i>
00:23:32,954 --> 00:23:34,372 <i>♪ Man, man, man, man, man ♪</i>
00:23:34,497 --> 00:23:36,541 <i>♪ Now you're a man ♪</i>
00:23:36,666 --> 00:23:38,084 <i>♪ M-A-N, man ♪</i>
00:23:38,209 --> 00:23:42,046 <i>♪ Man, man, man, man ♪</i>
00:23:42,171 --> 00:23:44,090 <i>♪ Now you're a man ♪</i>

00:00:01,961 --> 00:00:02,837 [both laughing]
00:00:02,962 --> 00:00:04,130 Oh, boy.
00:00:04,255 --> 00:00:06,298 Beefcake. - I'll tell you.
00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:08,134 That is a hoot and a holler. - [sighs]
00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:09,677 This next episode is definitely
00:00:09,802 --> 00:00:11,429 both Trey and I's favorite episode.
00:00:11,554 --> 00:00:13,889 It's called "Big Gay AI's Big Gay Boat Ride."
00:00:14,015 --> 00:00:15,349 In it, Stan finds out
00:00:15,474 --> 00:00:17,476 that his dog Sparky is a homosexual.
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:21,188 [Male Voice] How did your preoccupation with homosexuality develop?
00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:22,898 Well, we have noticed that America
00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:25,234 definitely has a preoccupation with gayness,
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,861 but we felt there was a part of homosexuality
00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:28,571 that has been left unexplored,
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:32,199 and that's animal homosexuality.
00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:34,702 [Male Voice] I know people are curious about the two of you too.
00:00:34,827 --> 00:00:36,704 Are you guys, uh...
00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,539 a couple, if you know what I mean?
00:00:38,664 --> 00:00:40,708 You--you mean, are we gay?
00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:42,209 Yeah.
00:00:43,294 --> 00:00:45,087 Well, I am a little.
00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:46,797 I guess we're all a little gay.
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:49,759 Even little Scratch here. - Yeah.
00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:52,178 [Male Voice] You must have gotten a lot of mail on this episode.
00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:53,471 What kinds of stuff do you get in the mail
00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:55,347 from fans in general?
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:58,309 We have great fans and great fan mail.
00:00:58,434 --> 00:00:59,810 People write such interesting,
00:00:59,935 --> 00:01:01,812 fascinating things to us every week.
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:03,689 Let me give you an example.
00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:06,108 "Dear Trey and Matt,
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,027 I like your show."
00:01:09,195 --> 00:01:10,988 That's from Tom in New Jersey.
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:15,659 [Male Voice] Why does Kenny have to die so often and so horribly?
00:01:15,785 --> 00:01:16,744 both: Because he's poor.
00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:18,454 [softly] Aw.
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,206 [Male Voice] Guys, is there stuff you put into the show
00:01:20,331 --> 00:01:22,833 that's subliminal, kind of like a little reward
00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:25,044 for the fans who are really paying attention?
00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:28,130 Yes. We definitely feel we owe it to our hardcore fans
00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,841 to put hidden subliminal messages in every episode.
00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:32,718 That way, they can watch the episode over and over
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,011 and find something new every time.
00:01:34,136 --> 00:01:35,054 For instance, in this episode,
00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,847 if you look really hard,
00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:39,517 you can find a picture of me having sex with Matt's mom.
00:01:39,642 --> 00:01:40,893 What?
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:43,354 So now sit back, relax, and enjoy
00:01:43,479 --> 00:01:45,773 "Big Gay AI's Big Gay Boat Ride."
00:01:45,898 --> 00:01:48,400 <i>[pleasant music]</i>
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:58,619 <i>[twangy music]</i>
00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,121 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:02,123 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:02:02,248 --> 00:02:03,833 all: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:05,376 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:06,836 ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:08,671 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:10,381 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:11,882 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,384 ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
00:02:13,509 --> 00:02:15,136 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:18,305 [singing indistinctly]
00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:19,807 ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
00:02:19,932 --> 00:02:21,559 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:23,936 Hey, where's the school bus?
00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:25,646 We're gonna be late for football practice.
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,398 Hiya, Sparky. - Who's that?
00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:28,691 That's my new dog Sparky.
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,151 He followed me to the bus stop.
00:02:30,276 --> 00:02:31,694 Wow, cool! - Good boy, Sparky.
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:33,154 Who's my best buddy?
00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:34,780 Who's your boy? Who's your buddy?
00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:36,824 Ugh. You're making me sick, dude.
00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:38,784 He's part Doberman and part wolf.
00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,536 He's the toughest dog on the mountain.
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,788 No way. Everybody knows that Sylvester
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:45,624 is the toughest dog in South Park.
00:02:45,749 --> 00:02:47,126 [growling]
00:02:47,251 --> 00:02:48,586 He's not meaner than Sparky!
00:02:48,711 --> 00:02:50,171 Oh, yeah? Let's see.
00:02:50,296 --> 00:02:51,255 Hey, Sylvester!
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,756 Sparky'll kick his ass!
00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:54,508 I'll put a dollar on Sylvester.
00:02:54,633 --> 00:02:55,801 You're on, dude.
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,637 That's it, Sparky, kick his ass!
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:01,765 [dogs panting]
00:03:01,891 --> 00:03:04,435 Huh. He's doing <i>something</i> to his ass.
00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,395 He's not kicking his ass, but he's definitely
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,980 doing something to his ass.
00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:09,690 Sparky, bad dog!
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:11,192 [mumbling]
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:12,276 What? - Yeah, dude.
00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:13,360 I think your dog is gay.
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:14,653 What do you mean?
00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,614 That dog is a gay homosexual.
00:03:16,739 --> 00:03:17,865 [dogs panting]
00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,533 He's just confused.
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:21,285 I think the other dog's the one that's confused.
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:22,369 [mumbling]
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:23,746 Sick! Shut up, dude.
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,206 [whining]
00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:26,957 ♪ Stan's dog's a homo ♪
00:03:27,082 --> 00:03:29,084 ♪ Stan's dog's a homo ♪
00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:32,129 <i>Okay, children, I know that you're all</i>
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,381 extremely excited and nervous and anxious
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:37,343 about the homecoming game against Middle Park.
00:03:37,468 --> 00:03:38,969 Who's Middle Park? - What's homecoming?
00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,679 But just remember what I taught you
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:42,598 that football is like making love
00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,309 to a really beautiful woman.
00:03:45,434 --> 00:03:48,020 You can't always score, but when you do,
00:03:48,145 --> 00:03:50,648 it makes all the trying worthwhile.
00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,692 Now let's start practice. [whistle blows]
00:03:53,817 --> 00:03:55,027 Uh, Mr. Chef, sir?
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:56,612 Yes, Pip, what is it?
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:57,905 I still don't have a helmet.
00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,114 I know, Pip.
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,115 The school can't afford helmets
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:01,367 for everybody.
00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:02,952 Yes, but couldn't we rotate
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,370 who doesn't have a helmet every week?
00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:05,871 Does it always have to be me?
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:08,249 Yes, Pip, I'm afraid it does.
00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:09,708 Oh. - Sorry, son.
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,460 Now get your ass in there.
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:13,921 Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut.
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:15,881 Hut, hut, hut, hut, hut, hut,
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,049 hut, hut, hut.
00:04:17,174 --> 00:04:19,760 Hike the damn ball!
00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:21,845 [grunts] - [screaming]
00:04:21,971 --> 00:04:22,888 Hey, how's practice
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,014 coming there, Chef?
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,474 Huh? Oh, fine, fine.
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,892 I don't have to remind you
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,602 just how important this game is
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,354 to us South Park alumni.
00:04:30,479 --> 00:04:31,897 Elementary school alumni?
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,565 That's as far as most of us got.
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:35,567 You think we have a shot at beating the spread
00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:37,152 against Middle Park this year?
00:04:37,278 --> 00:04:39,363 I don't know. What--what's the spread?
00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:42,241 Middle park by 70 points. - Hmm.
00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:44,368 Hey, I got it! - I got it, I got it!
00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:46,829 I don't think we have a chance.
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,498 Nonsense, not with my nephew a quarterback.
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,041 Right, Stanley?
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,251 Huh?
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:54,295 [grunts]
00:04:56,088 --> 00:04:58,299 Attaboy! - Great pass, Stan!
00:04:58,424 --> 00:04:59,633 Come on, Ned, we got to get our asses
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,218 to the bookie!
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:02,803 [whistle blows]
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:05,431 Okay, that was a good practice, children.
00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,308 We'll see you here again tomorrow.
00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:09,143 Hey, Stan, isn't that your dog?
00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:11,645 Yeah, he must have followed me to football practice.
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,188 You see, he is smart.
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:14,773 Uh, my dog Rex follows me
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:17,026 to football practice all the time.
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:18,986 Yeah, but my dog found his own way here.
00:05:19,111 --> 00:05:20,404 That makes him smarter than your--
00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,323 [dogs panting] Sparky, get down!
00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:24,283 Oh, my God, what is he doing to my dog?
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:25,617 There he goes again.
00:05:25,743 --> 00:05:27,202 Get down, Sparky, down!
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:28,871 Stan forgot to mention that his dog
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,289 is a gay homosexual.
00:05:30,414 --> 00:05:31,832 Make him stop!
00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:33,917 [yelping]
00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:36,712 [laughing] I'm sure glad my dog isn't gay!
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,673 Yeah, maybe you should name your dog Sparkette, Stan.
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:42,301 [laughing] Gay dog.
00:05:43,969 --> 00:05:46,013 And so you see, Simon and Simon
00:05:46,138 --> 00:05:47,765 were not brothers in real life,
00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:49,641 only on television.
00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,353 Thank you for that presentation, Eric,
00:05:52,478 --> 00:05:54,563 but the assignment was on Asian cultures.
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,773 You get a D-minus.
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:57,358 Aw, damn it!
00:05:57,483 --> 00:05:59,318 Who should we call on next, Mr. Hat?
00:05:59,443 --> 00:06:02,696 How about Stan, our little South Park quarterback star?
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:03,906 Oh, good idea.
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:05,491 Okay, Stanley, you're next.
00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:07,201 Um, I'm not really prepared either.
00:06:07,326 --> 00:06:09,661 Well, just make something up like Eric did.
00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:11,121 Okay, um,
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,790 Asian culture has...
00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:14,375 plagued our fragile Earth for many years.
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:15,459 We must end it--
00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:16,835 Excellent. A-minus!
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:17,920 Hey! - Wow, cool!
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:18,962 Wait a minute!
00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:19,963 Why the hell does he get
00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:21,131 an A-minus?
00:06:21,256 --> 00:06:22,508 Eric, Stanley just might
00:06:22,633 --> 00:06:23,801 lead our team to victory
00:06:23,926 --> 00:06:25,177 against the Middle Park Cowboys
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:26,845 for the first time in decades.
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,555 And we treat star athletes better
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:29,932 because they're better people.
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,016 That's not fair!
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,017 Life isn't fair, kiddo.
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,310 Get used to it.
00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:35,145 Stupid puppet. [bell rings]
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,189 Don't forget your assignments tonight, children.
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,358 They're due tomorrow for everybody but Stan.
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,235 Mr. Garrison, can I ask you a question?
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,945 Of course, Stanley. What is it?
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:45,280 What's a homosexual?
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:46,740 Oh, well, Stanley,
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,659 I guess you came to the right person.
00:06:48,784 --> 00:06:50,119 Sit down.
00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:53,580 Stanley, gay people...
00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,542 well, gay people are evil.
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,752 Evil right down to their cold, black hearts,
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,838 which pump not blood like yours and mine,
00:07:00,963 --> 00:07:02,714 but rather a thick vomitus oil
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:04,383 that oozes through their rotten veins
00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:06,260 and clots in their pea-sized brains,
00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:08,387 which becomes the cause of their Nazi-esque patterns
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,013 of violent behavior.
00:07:10,139 --> 00:07:12,641 Do you understand? - I guess.
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,893 Good, I'm glad we could have this little talk, Stanley.
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,395 Now you go outside and practice football
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:18,188 like a good little heterosexual.
00:07:18,313 --> 00:07:20,482 ♪♪
00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:22,526 You guys see me block that defense today?
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:24,278 I was kicking ass.
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:25,737 You're gonna need to kick more ass than that
00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:27,156 to beat the Cowboys.
00:07:27,281 --> 00:07:29,116 Hey, speaking of pounding ass,
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:30,826 here comes Stan's little homo dog!
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,369 Shut up, dude!
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,329 Sparky, where'd you get that pink scarf?
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:35,581 [barks]
00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:36,582 Man, that is the gayest dog
00:07:36,707 --> 00:07:37,833 I have ever seen.
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:38,834 He just needs some training,
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:39,835 that's all.
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,295 Sit, Sparky.
00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:43,922 Good boy. Now shake.
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:47,885 Good boy. Now don't be gay!
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,220 Don't be gay, Spark.
00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,221 Don't be gay.
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:52,639 [grunts]
00:07:52,764 --> 00:07:54,057 Did it work? - I don't know.
00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:55,976 He still looks pretty gay to me.
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:59,188 Hey, Stan, your dog been to any pride marches lately?
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,482 [laughing] Yeah, maybe you should take him
00:08:01,607 --> 00:08:03,192 to a Barbra Streisand concert.
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:04,610 [laughing]
00:08:04,735 --> 00:08:06,862 Stupid little gay dog. - Gay dog.
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,614 Come on, you guys. I have an idea.
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:12,117 ♪♪
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:17,331 I want $500 on the South Park cows.
00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,582 Are you crazy?
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:19,958 No, sirree, I'm telling you,
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,460 I got the line.
00:08:21,585 --> 00:08:23,504 My nephew Stan is the best quarterback
00:08:23,629 --> 00:08:25,088 the school's ever seen.
00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:27,883 I guarantee they'll beat the spread.
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,052 I'm gonna put all my money on the Cows.
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,387 I'll put $300 on the Cows too, if they guarantee...
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:35,349 Hey, I want to put some money on the cows too.
00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:36,934 Whoa, whoa!
00:08:37,059 --> 00:08:38,977 Don't get too carried away, now.
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,146 You better be right about this, Jimbo.
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,648 [chuckles] Yeah.
00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:44,441 Uh, don't-- don't worry yourself.
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:46,693 Are you sure Stan is that good?
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:48,862 Well, not that sure.
00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:50,989 I think we better come up with a backup plan.
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:52,866 Uh, let's see here.
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:54,201 Hey, bookie, what--
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:55,577 what's the halftime show gonna be?
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,246 You haven't heard?
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:59,665 John Stamos' older brother Richard Stamos
00:08:59,790 --> 00:09:01,291 is gonna sing "Loving You".
00:09:01,416 --> 00:09:02,751 I love that song.
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,128 "Loving you"? That's perfect.
00:09:05,254 --> 00:09:06,964 Come on, Ned, Middle Park's gonna get
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:09,341 a halftime show they'll never forget.
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:12,928 Okay, Sparky, we got you a present.
00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,264 Now why don't--damn it, Sparky,
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:16,306 where do you keep getting this thing?
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:17,307 No pink bandana, Sparky.
00:09:17,432 --> 00:09:18,308 Bad dog!
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,643 Now pay attention.
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:22,062 Sparky, this is Fifi.
00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:23,438 Ooh la la!
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:24,690 There he goes.
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:26,483 Attaboy, Spark, get her!
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:28,569 Yes!
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:33,657 Ah, crap. Now what do I do?
00:09:33,782 --> 00:09:34,825 Who cares if your dog is gay?
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,034 Maybe it's not that bad.
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,411 No way, dude, my mom says
00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:39,121 God hates gay people.
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:42,165 That's why he smote the sodomies in France.
00:09:42,291 --> 00:09:43,875 [mumbling]
00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:45,168 I know, Mr. Garrison said
00:09:45,294 --> 00:09:46,795 that homosexuals are evil, but...
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,380 but Sparky doesn't seem evil.
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,173 Well, maybe Mr. Garrison is wrong.
00:09:50,299 --> 00:09:51,174 You should ask somebody else.
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,759 Like who?
00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:54,303 <i>And now back to "Jesus and Pals"</i>
00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,471 <i>on South Park public access.</i>
00:09:56,597 --> 00:10:00,142 Yea, many of you are seeking answers,
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,769 and I am the way for you, my children.
00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:03,812 Let's open the phone lines back up
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,272 for some questions.
00:10:05,397 --> 00:10:07,232 Hello, caller, you're on the air.
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,568 <i>Yeah, is--is this Jesus?</i> - Yes, my son.
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:12,362 <i>This is Robert from Torrey Pines.</i>
00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,990 <i>I called last week asking for advice on my ex-wife.</i>
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:17,367 Of course, Robert. How are things now?
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:18,744 <i>Everything is much better, Jesus.</i>
00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,495 <i>She hasn't mouthed off since.</i>
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,748 <i>I just wanted to thank you for the advice.</i>
00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:24,583 <i>Oh, and for-- for dying for my sins too.</i>
00:10:24,708 --> 00:10:25,792 <i>That was really nice of you.</i>
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:27,294 Blessed art thou, Robert.
00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:29,004 Next caller, you're on the air.
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,505 <i>Uh, hi, Jesus?</i>
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,966 <i>I have a dog, and he's a--</i>
00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:34,843 <i>he's a homosexual.</i>
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,179 My son, a lot of people have wondered
00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,890 what my stance on homosexuality is,
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,391 so I'd like to state once and for all
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:43,518 my true opinion. You see...
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,562 <i>That's all the time we have left for "Jesus and Pals."</i>
00:10:45,687 --> 00:10:47,856 <i>Now stay tuned for "Marty's Movie Reviews."</i>
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,691 Damn it! - What'd he say?
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,860 I got cut off for Marty's stupid movie reviews!
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,363 Oh, "Marty's Movie Reviews" are on? Kickass!
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:56,156 Isn't there anybody who can help me?
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:57,866 Isn't there anybody who cares?
00:10:57,991 --> 00:10:59,576 Come on, dude, we have to get to practice.
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,245 No, it's not okay. I don't want a gay dog.
00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:04,915 I want a butch dog. I want a Rin Tin Tin.
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:06,416 [sighs]
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,170 <i>[melancholy music]</i>
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:17,302 ♪♪
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:21,848 Now, children,
00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:24,309 we've got to handle the ball better.
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,769 You've got to hold your football
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,729 like you would hold your lover.
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,940 Gently, yet firmly.
00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,400 <i>[funky music]</i>
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,485 You want to be both nurturing
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,279 and clinging at the same time.
00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,073 Oh, yeah.
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:42,661 ♪ Just like making sweet love to the football ♪
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:45,414 ♪ Be naughty with the football ♪
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:46,873 ♪ Mmm ♪
00:11:46,998 --> 00:11:47,999 Uh, Chef? - ♪ Spank it ♪
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:49,960 ♪ Ever so gently ♪
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,628 Chef? - ♪ Spank it ♪
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:54,089 Chef! - Oh, uh, sorry, children.
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,632 Uh, let's run some plays.
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,259 Ah, Mr. Chef, sir?
00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:00,053 No, Pip, we still don't have a helmet for you.
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,347 Righto, but how about I'll use a helmet today,
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,015 and one of the other children goes without.
00:12:04,141 --> 00:12:06,268 That wouldn't be very fair to the other children,
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:07,352 now, would it?
00:12:07,477 --> 00:12:08,770 Oh, I--I guess not.
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,398 What we want to do here, Carl,
00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:13,525 is put a trigger on that bomb that makes it go off
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,819 at a specific moment during halftime.
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,487 And what moment would that be?
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,781 Well, John Stamos' older brother
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,200 is all set to sing "Loving you" during halftime.
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:25,162 We want that bomb to go off when he hits that high F.
00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:26,329 What high F?
00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:27,372 You know...
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,040 ♪ Loving you ♪
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:31,877 ♪ Is easy 'cause you're beautiful ♪
00:12:32,002 --> 00:12:34,004 ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,006 ♪ Ahh ♪
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:38,675 So you want the trigger on the "doot'n doo"?
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,887 No, damn it, the "Ahh"!
00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:43,430 ♪ Ahh ♪ - ♪ Ahh ♪
00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:45,140 [all singing]
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,767 Great. - ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪
00:12:46,892 --> 00:12:48,560 ♪ Ahh ♪ - ♪ Doot'n doo-doo ♪
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,645 You got it. - ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,272 both: ♪ Ahh ♪
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,107 All right. Yeah, okay.
00:12:54,232 --> 00:12:55,275 What's the matter, Stan?
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:56,526 You seem down.
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:57,944 I just--I can't concentrate
00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:59,279 'cause my dog is gay.
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:00,781 Well, you know what they say.
00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:03,575 You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks.
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,076 Oh, stop filling his head
00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:07,037 with that queer-loving propaganda.
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:10,040 Say what? You of all people should be sympathetic.
00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:12,250 What do you mean? - Well, you're gay, aren't you?
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:14,795 What? What the hell are you talking about?
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,171 I am not gay!
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,173 Well, you sure do act like it!
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,176 I just act that way to get chicks, dumbass.
00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:23,845 What's the matter, dude?
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:25,555 I don't know where Sparky is.
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,349 He usually follows me to football practice.
00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:29,518 Maybe he went shopping for some leather pants.
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:30,602 Ow!
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:33,605 <i>[melancholy music]</i>
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:38,235 ♪♪
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:41,238 <i>[dramatic music]</i>
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:44,407 ♪♪
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,117 Hello there, little pup!
00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:47,786 I'm Big Gay Al.
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,330 Have you been outcast?
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,874 Well, then, I'm so glad you found
00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:54,751 my big gay animal sanctuary.
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,545 We're all big gay friends here.
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,296 Would you like to live with us?
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,132 Come on in, little fellow.
00:14:01,258 --> 00:14:03,260 Nobody will ever oppress you here.
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:06,596 Have you guys seen Sparky?
00:14:06,721 --> 00:14:08,098 He still hasn't come back.
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,599 Wow, it's been, like, two days.
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:11,142 I think he might have run away.
00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:12,686 Did you check the shopping mall--
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:13,770 Ow! - We'll help you look for him
00:14:13,895 --> 00:14:15,188 after the game, Stan.
00:14:15,313 --> 00:14:16,857 I'm not playing. - You what?
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:18,149 I'm not playing in that stupid game.
00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:20,151 I have to find my dog.
00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:22,028 Come on, Ned, keep quiet.
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:23,488 Okay.
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,533 Hello there, Enrique.
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,577 What are we doing here?
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:29,870 Well, Ned, we always
00:14:29,995 --> 00:14:31,830 kidnap Middle Park's mascot.
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:34,708 But this year, we're gonna booby-trap it instead,
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,418 and when John Stamos' older brother
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,169 hits that high F in "Loving You,"
00:14:38,295 --> 00:14:39,296 boom!
00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:40,922 No more Middle Park players.
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:43,133 [both laughing]
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:45,427 God damn, I love football!
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,722 Sparky, where are you?
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,223 Where could he be?
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:52,434 <i>[marching band music]</i>
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,269 [all cheering]
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,521 ♪♪
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,607 Hello, everyone, this is Frank Hammond,
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,025 South Park Public Radio, AM 900.
00:15:00,150 --> 00:15:01,484 Welcome to tonight's matchup
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:02,986 between the Middle Park Cowboys
00:15:03,111 --> 00:15:04,821 and the South Park Cows.
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,948 Well, it looks like Chef, the South Park Cows' coach,
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:07,991 is a little nervous.
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,034 This is probably because
00:15:09,159 --> 00:15:10,076 his star quarterback
00:15:10,201 --> 00:15:11,161 has yet to show up.
00:15:11,286 --> 00:15:13,622 Oh, come on, Stan.
00:15:13,747 --> 00:15:15,624 Uh, Mr. Chef, if Stanley doesn't show up,
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:16,625 can I use his helmet?
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,209 No, Pip, I'm sorry!
00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:20,045 Sparky!
00:15:20,170 --> 00:15:21,671 Sparky!
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:24,549 Play ball!
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,092 You're gonna have to quarterback, Kyle.
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:27,594 But I never practiced quarterback.
00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:29,804 It's a little late for that bullcrap now.
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,264 Filling in for quarterback
00:15:31,389 --> 00:15:33,516 is number 12, Kyle "Broslovski."
00:15:33,642 --> 00:15:35,602 Hey, hey, where's little Stanley?
00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:37,604 Yeah, why the hell is that little Jewish kid
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,022 playing quarterback?
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:41,149 Ned, look.
00:15:42,776 --> 00:15:44,653 They've got Enrique on their sidelines.
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:46,738 And it looks like that bomb is still attached.
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:47,781 Yay.
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:50,909 [wind whistling]
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:55,497 Hi, little fella, how are you doing today?
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,790 Fine, how are you?
00:15:56,915 --> 00:15:59,167 I'm super, thanks for asking.
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,627 My gay dog ran away and I was wondering
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:02,045 if maybe he came here.
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,130 Well, let's see. Come on in.
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,883 Do you have lots of gay dogs here?
00:16:07,008 --> 00:16:08,635 We have all sorts of gay animals here
00:16:08,760 --> 00:16:09,886 at Big Gay AI's.
00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:11,346 Over here we have a gay lion.
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,639 Roar.
00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:14,057 And we have gay water buffalo,
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:15,308 gay hummingbirds.
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,227 Here's a gaggle of gay gooses!
00:16:17,352 --> 00:16:20,397 Hi, fellas, it's so super to see you!
00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:22,899 Wow, it seems like the animals here are really happy.
00:16:23,024 --> 00:16:24,985 Of course they are, silly buns!
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,486 It's the one place where gay animals
00:16:26,611 --> 00:16:27,779 can really be themselves.
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:28,947 Do you like to dance?
00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:32,242 [electronic music playing]
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,285 Cartman, you hike me the ball,
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,829 then somebody run, and I'll throw it or something.
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,163 Ready? all: Break.
00:16:37,288 --> 00:16:38,707 You guys are toast.
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,583 Yeah, we're gonna pound your heads in.
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:43,044 We'll just see about that!
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:44,170 Set, set...
00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:45,213 [farting]
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,548 Damn it, Cartman!
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,634 What's the matter? - Cartman farted!
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,386 No, I didn't! That was just my shoes.
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:52,721 Come on, Kyle,
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,639 we'll get a delay of game penalty!
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,308 No way, dude! - Hike the ball!
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:58,685 Oh, dude, weak.
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,228 That's right, you get back there.
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:01,813 Hike! - The ball is snapped.
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,106 Middle Park blitzes.
00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,566 [all shouting]
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,151 Fumble! Middle Park gets the ball.
00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:08,194 They run it in for a touchdown!
00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:09,863 The score is 7-0, Middle Park,
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:13,033 with 14:57 remaining in the first quarter.
00:17:13,158 --> 00:17:14,617 Hells bells.
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:15,785 I haven't seen a beating like that
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,120 since Rodney King!
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:18,538 Now, Frank, that's not very PC.
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:20,165 You're gonna get us in trouble again.
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,083 Right, right, I--I got to watch that.
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:24,002 If we lose our money 'cause of your nephew,
00:17:24,127 --> 00:17:26,129 we're gonna hang you out to dry, Jimbo.
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:27,547 Don't y'all worry.
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:29,632 You just wait till halftime. [chuckles]
00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:30,842 ♪♪
00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:32,302 Sparky!
00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:34,220 Hiya, Sparky, how's it going?
00:17:34,345 --> 00:17:36,097 [barks] - I missed you, old pal.
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,474 You really had me scared.
00:17:37,599 --> 00:17:39,309 [barks] - Come on, let's go home.
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,061 I can still make it in time for the game.
00:17:41,186 --> 00:17:43,146 We can work on making you not gay together.
00:17:43,271 --> 00:17:44,647 ♪♪
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:45,774 Sparky?
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:47,067 Young man, it appears
00:17:47,192 --> 00:17:48,693 you still don't understand.
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:49,694 What don't I understand?
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:50,945 Come this way.
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:52,655 I have to show you something.
00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:54,532 With just over a minute to go in the half,
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:56,868 the score is Middle Park Cowboys 52,
00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,870 South Park Cows, zero.
00:17:58,995 --> 00:18:01,081 [all screaming]
00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:03,208 Oh, my! I haven't seen an Englishman
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,627 take a blow like that since Hugh Grant!
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,504 Dude! Now, that is not cool.
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,214 Sorry, sorry.
00:18:09,339 --> 00:18:10,799 Okay, Stan, I think you should get in line
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,717 for my big gay boat ride.
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:15,011 Step aboard, Stanley.
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:17,514 <i>[percussive music]</i>
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,057 Hello, everyone, and welcome aboard
00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:20,058 the big gay boat ride!
00:18:20,183 --> 00:18:21,601 On this adventure,
00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:22,727 we'll be seeing the world of gayness
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,687 throughout time.
00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:26,689 And the South Park Cows are set to receive.
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:28,149 There's the kick.
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,944 It's taken by number 23, Kenny McCormick.
00:18:31,069 --> 00:18:33,738 He's at the 50, the 40, the 30...
00:18:33,863 --> 00:18:35,240 [all shouting]
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,492 The little running back is down!
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,244 I think he's...
00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:41,454 yes, he's been decapitated!
00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:43,414 [gasps] Oh, my God,
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:44,707 they killed Kenny!
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,626 You bastards!
00:18:46,751 --> 00:18:48,211 That's got to hurt, Frank!
00:18:48,336 --> 00:18:49,212 Ouch-eroo!
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:50,755 Hey, come on,
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,340 that was roughing!
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,634 At least let us scrape him off the field!
00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:56,302 Looks like the South Park Cows
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:58,429 aren't even gonna beat the 72-point spread,
00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,181 not by a long shot.
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:02,183 You see, gayness has existed
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:03,977 since the beginning of time,
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:05,812 from the Egyptian pharaohs,
00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:08,064 to the shoguns of Japan.
00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:11,151 Uh-oh, look out, it's the oppressors!
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:13,736 Christians and Republicans and Nazis, oh my!
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:14,988 [gunshot]
00:19:15,113 --> 00:19:17,407 Oh! Oh, gosh, that was close.
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,534 Okay, let's steer our big gay boat out of here
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,203 and into a place where gays are allowed to live freely.
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:26,457 all: ♪ We are gay and it's okay ♪
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,835 ♪ 'Cause gay means happy and happy means gay ♪
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,420 ♪ We're not sad anymore ♪
00:19:30,545 --> 00:19:31,880 ♪ 'Cause we're out the closet door ♪
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:34,424 ♪ It's okay to be gay ♪
00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:35,800 So what do you think, Stan?
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,343 This kicks ass.
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:39,179 I'm sorry I tried to change you, Spark.
00:19:39,304 --> 00:19:40,930 I just didn't understand.
00:19:41,055 --> 00:19:42,515 Isn't this precious?
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,267 And now here to sing the touching song
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:46,436 "Loving You" is the one and only,
00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:48,938 John Stamos' brother!
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,315 All right, Richard!
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:52,358 <i>[piano music]</i>
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,028 ♪ Loving you ♪
00:19:55,153 --> 00:19:59,324 ♪ Is easy 'cause you're beautiful ♪
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:02,035 ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,120 [off-key] ♪ Ahh ♪
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:05,705 ♪ Ahh ♪
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:06,873 What the hell?
00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:08,333 He didn't sing the high F!
00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:10,210 Richard Stamos can't sing a high F.
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:12,170 He always screws it up like this.
00:20:12,295 --> 00:20:14,672 Ned, we are gonna get our asses kicked!
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:16,174 ♪ La, la, la, la, la ♪
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:17,634 It's obvious where all the talent
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,636 in that family went!
00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:23,973 Thanks for everything, Big Gay Al.
00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:25,308 [barks] - No problem, kids.
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,643 Are you sure you don't want to stay
00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:28,102 for some toasted cheese sandwiches?
00:20:28,228 --> 00:20:29,270 No thanks. I've got to get back
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:30,355 for the big football game.
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:31,481 Come on, boy.
00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:33,107 Oh, Stan...
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,859 when you get back to town,
00:20:34,984 --> 00:20:37,028 tell them about us, will you?
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,030 Tell them there are gay animals here
00:20:39,155 --> 00:20:41,491 who need homes, desperately.
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:42,659 I will, Big Gay Al.
00:20:42,784 --> 00:20:43,826 I will.
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:47,705 Oh, my carrot cake.
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:50,083 And these South Park Cows are being absolutely
00:20:50,208 --> 00:20:51,876 molested by Middle Park.
00:20:52,001 --> 00:20:53,920 I haven't seen so many children molested since...
00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:55,505 I thought you said beating the spread
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:57,257 was a sure thing, Jimbo!
00:20:57,382 --> 00:21:00,343 Yeah, we all put our life savings in this game!
00:21:00,468 --> 00:21:02,136 You're a dead man, Jimbo!
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:03,930 Well, this should just about wrap it up for--
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:06,099 wait a minute, what's this?
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:07,767 Yeah! Yoo-hoo!
00:21:07,892 --> 00:21:10,228 It's Stan, the South Park star quarterback.
00:21:10,353 --> 00:21:12,272 Where the hell have you been, Stan?
00:21:12,397 --> 00:21:13,940 I've been getting my best friend back.
00:21:14,065 --> 00:21:15,650 Just get in there, boy.
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,235 Give 'em hell, Stanley!
00:21:18,528 --> 00:21:20,905 Jesus...now, I haven't asked you for much.
00:21:21,030 --> 00:21:22,907 But all we need is one little score.
00:21:23,032 --> 00:21:24,826 Please, please, Jesus.
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,244 Leave me alone.
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:27,662 Hike! - Stan hikes the ball.
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:28,997 He steps back to pass.
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,541 Hey, Stan, I'm open I think.
00:21:31,666 --> 00:21:33,918 And he throws it to Kyle, the little Jewish kid.
00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:37,005 Oh, my!
00:21:37,130 --> 00:21:38,464 I haven't seen a Jew run like that
00:21:38,589 --> 00:21:40,216 since Poland, 1938!
00:21:40,341 --> 00:21:41,426 Dude!
00:21:42,552 --> 00:21:43,803 Touchdown!
00:21:43,928 --> 00:21:45,513 Yeah! - Whoo!
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:47,140 The clock runs out, and the final score is
00:21:47,265 --> 00:21:49,017 Middle Park Cowboys 73,
00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:50,893 South Park Cows 6.
00:21:51,019 --> 00:21:53,479 South Park beats the spread.
00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:56,024 Yeah! Yoo-hoo!
00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:57,525 Speech!
00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:59,193 Stan, what do you want to tell the world
00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:01,571 about this stunning almost victory?
00:22:01,696 --> 00:22:03,614 Uh, it's really cool
00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:05,408 that we beat the spread against the Cowboys.
00:22:05,533 --> 00:22:07,076 Yeah, all right!
00:22:07,201 --> 00:22:09,996 And maybe we can beat 'em even more next year.
00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:11,205 Whoo!
00:22:11,331 --> 00:22:13,416 And it's okay to be gay.
00:22:14,292 --> 00:22:15,668 What?
00:22:15,793 --> 00:22:17,503 Being gay is just part of nature
00:22:17,628 --> 00:22:18,963 and a beautiful thing.
00:22:19,088 --> 00:22:20,923 What the hell is he talking about?
00:22:21,049 --> 00:22:23,343 Uh, Stanley, you arrived very late in the game.
00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:25,011 Where were you that whole time?
00:22:25,136 --> 00:22:27,138 I was with my new friend, Big Gay Al.
00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:29,057 He showed me his big gay animal sanctuary
00:22:29,182 --> 00:22:30,767 and took me on a big gay boat ride,
00:22:30,892 --> 00:22:33,186 where I learned all about the wonders of gaiety.
00:22:34,771 --> 00:22:36,689 It's true. I'll show you.
00:22:39,442 --> 00:22:41,444 But it was here. It was all right here.
00:22:41,569 --> 00:22:43,488 There--there was a techno dance club.
00:22:43,613 --> 00:22:45,490 Stan, you need to lay off the cough syrup.
00:22:45,615 --> 00:22:46,866 All right? Seriously.
00:22:46,991 --> 00:22:48,242 I'm worried about you, man.
00:22:48,368 --> 00:22:49,660 Oliver!
00:22:49,786 --> 00:22:50,912 I thought you ran away
00:22:51,037 --> 00:22:52,622 all those months ago.
00:22:52,747 --> 00:22:53,623 Sidney!
00:22:53,748 --> 00:22:54,624 Willie!
00:22:54,749 --> 00:22:56,042 Carlos!
00:22:56,167 --> 00:22:57,377 I want to thank you so much
00:22:57,502 --> 00:22:59,045 for bringing everybody here.
00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:01,464 Oh, there you are, dude. How's it going?
00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:03,758 I'm super, thanks for asking.
00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:06,010 It looks like now my work here is done.
00:23:08,137 --> 00:23:10,181 Good-bye, Stanley. Peace be with you.
00:23:10,306 --> 00:23:11,224 Wow!
00:23:11,349 --> 00:23:14,102 [shimmering tone]
00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:16,562 You guys, you guys! I can do it.
00:23:16,687 --> 00:23:17,563 Do what?
00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:19,273 ♪ Loving you ♪
00:23:19,399 --> 00:23:22,110 ♪ Is easy 'cause you're beautiful ♪
00:23:22,235 --> 00:23:23,111 ♪ Doot'n-doot'n doo-doo ♪
00:23:23,236 --> 00:23:24,570 both: No!
00:23:24,695 --> 00:23:25,822 ♪ Ahh ♪
00:23:27,365 --> 00:23:29,784 <i>♪ Now you're a man ♪</i>
00:23:29,909 --> 00:23:31,160 <i>♪ A man, man, man ♪</i>
00:23:31,285 --> 00:23:32,829 <i>♪ Now you're a man, man ♪</i>
00:23:32,954 --> 00:23:34,372 <i>♪ Man, man, man, man, man ♪</i>
00:23:34,497 --> 00:23:36,541 <i>♪ Now you're a man ♪</i>
00:23:36,666 --> 00:23:38,084 <i>♪ M-A-N, man ♪</i>
00:23:38,209 --> 00:23:42,046 <i>♪ Man, man, man, man ♪</i>
00:23:42,171 --> 00:23:44,090 <i>♪ Now you're a man ♪</i>

Скриншоты

Большой Эл-гомосек и его гомояхта — скриншот 1

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