Вулкан — Дети отправляются на охоту с дядей Стэна Джимбо и его другом Недом. Картман рассказывает о страшном горном чудище — Сказложопе. Некстати начинается извержение вулкана, которое грозит уничтожить Южный Парк.

Предыдущая серия S01 E02 Набор веса 4000

Следующая серия S01 E04 Большой Эл-гомосек и его гомояхта

Вулкан

Volcano

Сезон: 01Серия: 03

Описание

Дети отправляются на охоту с дядей Стэна Джимбо и его другом Недом. Картман рассказывает о страшном горном чудище — Сказложопе. Некстати начинается извержение вулкана, которое грозит уничтожить Южный Парк.

Субтитры

00:01:57,020 --> 00:02:01,620 Будь осторожным, Эрик. В лесу может быть опасно.
00:02:01,820 --> 00:02:03,090 Хорошо, Мам.
00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:10,150 - Готов поохотиться? - Мой дядя Джимбо сказал, что мы должны быть там рано.
00:02:10,370 --> 00:02:14,060 Верно. Животных куда легче пристрелить с утра.
00:02:14,270 --> 00:02:18,100 Вот, сынок. Я положила тебе сырных палочек и чипсов.
00:02:18,310 --> 00:02:20,670 Не волнуйтесь, мы позаботимся о нем.
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,780 Для еще большей безопасности я взял с собой боевого друга Неда.
00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:27,440 Здравствуйте, Миссис Картман. Как поживаете?
00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:29,580 Используй спрей от насекомых...
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:34,780 ...а если захочешь по большому, не подтирайся ядовитым плющом.
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,080 Ну хватит!
00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:39,280 А еще в лесу может быть страшно...
00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:43,100 ...но ты только помни, мамочка совсем рядом.
00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:47,640 - Поехали! Поехали! - Поцелуй мамочку.
00:02:47,850 --> 00:02:50,780 Жми на газ, твою мать! Поехали.
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:56,190 - Не бойся, Картман. - Заткнись! Я ничего не боюсь.
00:02:56,390 --> 00:02:58,860 Может, твоя мамка и меня поцелует.
00:03:01,660 --> 00:03:03,460 Это отвратительно.
00:03:03,660 --> 00:03:07,190 - Ты, кусок дерьма, я убью тебя! - Вот это дух!
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,670 Тестостерон, вот чего у вас много!
00:03:10,870 --> 00:03:13,700 Мальчики, минуточку внимания.
00:03:13,910 --> 00:03:18,280 Я хочу объяснить вам несколько базовых правил охоты.
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:22,140 Ружье всегда должно быть на предохранителе.
00:03:22,350 --> 00:03:24,440 Не стреляйте ни во что, похожее на человека.
00:03:24,620 --> 00:03:27,680 Не проливать ни в коем случае пиво на патронташ.
00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:30,750 - Дядя Джимбо, мы не пьем пиво. - Что?!
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,980 Правильно, не думаю, что 8-летние дети пьют пиво.
00:03:35,190 --> 00:03:36,530 Шоколадное молоко!
00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:39,460 Мы будем много пить в этом походе.
00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:44,760 Все-таки охотиться трезвыми - это все равно, что рыбачить трезвыми!
00:03:44,970 --> 00:03:50,840 Будет здорово выбраться на время из города, подальше от цивилизации.
00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:54,840 Вот мы и приехали.
00:03:56,180 --> 00:04:01,280 Ну хорошо, каждый возьмите по пиву, ружью и нескольким сигаретам.
00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:04,290 Эй! Мне не дали ружья!
00:04:04,490 --> 00:04:07,360 Круто. Совсем как ружье, из которого я стрелял во Вьетнаме.
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:11,390 - Ты не был во Вьетнаме! - Ты был на базе в Дананге?
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,230 Он любит все придумывать. Не верьте ему.
00:04:14,430 --> 00:04:16,590 Я тебе твою хренову башку отстрелю!
00:04:16,770 --> 00:04:20,640 Осторожно, сынок, это опасно! Ты можешь пролить пиво.
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:29,170 После этого мой дядя повезет меня охотиться в Африку.
00:04:29,380 --> 00:04:31,010 Вау, круто!
00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:34,650 Мама говорила мне, что в Африке много черных.
00:04:34,820 --> 00:04:38,260 Смотрите! Это - черный медведь Скалистых Гор.
00:04:38,420 --> 00:04:42,450 Вымирающий вид... Разве он не прекрасен?
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:45,220 О, Боже! Он нападает!
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,740 Он не нападал на нас. Он просто сидел!
00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:54,110 Тихо. Это такая хитрость.
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:55,780 - Что? - Видите ли...
00:04:55,990 --> 00:04:59,320 ...демократы издали законы, которые запрещают охотиться.
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,050 Ненавижу демократов!
00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:05,590 Они сказали, что нам нельзя стрелять в некоторых животных, если они нам не угрожают.
00:05:05,790 --> 00:05:10,130 Поэтому перед выстрелом надо крикнуть: "Он нападает!"
00:05:10,330 --> 00:05:12,300 Ты умный, дядя Джимбо.
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:16,200 - Джимбо, смотри! - О, это олень!
00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:19,640 Похоже на 46-й калибр, Нед.
00:05:19,810 --> 00:05:22,440 Он нападает!
00:05:25,380 --> 00:05:27,080 Супер!
00:05:27,650 --> 00:05:32,280 Видели? Я был просто в ужасе от этого злобного взгляда.
00:05:32,490 --> 00:05:34,220 Кролик! Кролик!
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,320 Вперед! Вперед!
00:05:38,530 --> 00:05:40,500 - Это и есть охота? - Наверно...
00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:43,890 - Чуваки, на меня воспоминания нахлынули. - Что?
00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:48,260 Вперед! Подтянитесь! Прикройте Чарли в деревьях!
00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:54,240 Он твой, Стэн!
00:05:57,150 --> 00:06:01,380 - Он нападает! - Он нападает!
00:06:04,020 --> 00:06:07,790 Стреляй, Стэн! Я тебя прикрою, солдат!
00:06:08,590 --> 00:06:10,620 Я не могу.
00:06:10,790 --> 00:06:14,230 - Да что с тобой? - Я не хочу стрелять в него.
00:06:14,430 --> 00:06:18,230 Ты о чем? Бред какой-то!
00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:21,600 - У тебя истерика! - Я просто не хочу в него стрелять.
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,770 Мой племянник - слабак?!
00:06:23,970 --> 00:06:27,030 Хиппи! Возвращайся в Вудсток, если не умеешь стрелять!
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,710 - Я могу пристрелить тебя! - А я тебя!
00:06:29,910 --> 00:06:33,370 - Я убью тебя! - Я наполню тебя свинцом!
00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:35,880 Эй, что это?
00:06:51,670 --> 00:06:53,240 Что за черт?
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,340 Да, Фрэнк? Это Рэнди.
00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:01,650 Хорошо. Слушай, тут движется эта мелкая иголка.
00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:05,720 Она ходит туда-сюда очень быстро. Что это значит?
00:07:08,030 --> 00:07:10,020 Дай, проверю.
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,420 Да, дымит.
00:07:13,170 --> 00:07:14,760 Да?
00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:16,630 Да?
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,400 О, Боже! Вулкан!
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:35,650 - Мои сосиски не жарятся. - Эти дрова не горят.
00:07:35,850 --> 00:07:39,690 Похоже, нам придется использовать старый индейский огненный трюк.
00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:53,340 Остановись, упади и покатайся на земле, Нед!
00:07:56,540 --> 00:08:01,410 Черт! Я купил этот грузовик совсем недавно! Как мы теперь попадем домой?
00:08:01,580 --> 00:08:03,950 Больно, Больно!
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:07,050 Эй, ребят! Сосиски теперь жарятся!
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:13,720 Господин Мэр, вы не можете запретить подачу стейков Солсбери в школах.
00:08:13,930 --> 00:08:15,790 Что дальше, запретите мясные рулеты?
00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:18,990 Мы знаем, как тебя это беспокоит, Шеф, но...
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:23,070 - Геологу нужно поговорить с вами. - Моему геологу? Сейчас?
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:26,400 С инфекцией все в норме. Мне не нужна проверка.
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:30,340 Нет, не гинеколог. Геологи изучают Землю.
00:08:30,540 --> 00:08:34,070 Я знаю! Как ты смеешь сомневаться в моем интеллекте?!
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,810 Я училась в Принстоне! Пошел вон из моего офиса!
00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:42,150 Я не в вашем офисе. Я говорю с вами через спикерфон.
00:08:42,850 --> 00:08:45,690 - Просто пошлите сюда этого Геометрика! - Геолога.
00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:49,690 - Ты уволен, приятель! - Рад был поработать у вас.
00:08:49,890 --> 00:08:55,390 Мэр, у нас очень серьезная проблема. У Мистера Эванса скоро будет извержение.
00:08:57,970 --> 00:09:00,140 Что от этого будет с городом?
00:09:00,350 --> 00:09:03,280 График показывает все от нормального до плохого.
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,210 Сейчас Южный Парк тут.
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:21,230 - О, Боже! - Мэр. несколько школьников...
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:24,030 ...разбили лагерь на этой горе.
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,400 Это серьезно! Джонсон! Джонсон, ты там?
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:30,510 Вы уволили Джонсона. Я - его замена, Тед.
00:09:30,710 --> 00:09:33,180 Тед, у нас кризис!
00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:38,910 Позвони в газету, спасение 91 1 и на телевидение!
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:44,420 И моему стилисту. Не волнуйтесь, все под контролем.
00:09:46,260 --> 00:09:51,760 И тогда Нед поднял гранату и... бум! Ему оторвало руку!
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:56,260 Мы искали эту руку несколько часов, но не нашли её.
00:09:56,470 --> 00:10:00,430 Говорят, что она до сих пор где-то ползает.
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:04,940 - Купился! - Это не страшно.
00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:09,310 - Ты испугался. Ты чуть не описался. - Заткнись! Я не описался!
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,320 Нед, передай мне джин.
00:10:13,790 --> 00:10:17,780 - Парни, будете пить? - Нет, у этой дряни вкус, как у мочи.
00:10:17,990 --> 00:10:20,650 - Как у мочи Картмана! - Сейчас ты правда мою мочу попробуешь!
00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:24,820 Да что с вами? Немного алкоголя не можете выпить?
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,300 Боже, посмотрите на этого сукиного сына!
00:10:30,070 --> 00:10:33,800 Видишь, Стэн? Это - грязная маленькая сволочь!
00:10:34,010 --> 00:10:36,170 Я тоже грязная маленькая сволочь!
00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:38,870 Эй, парни, я знаю хорошую страшилку.
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,980 - Заткнись. Ты не умеешь никого пугать. - Ах так?
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:46,810 - Вы когда-нибудь слышали о Сказлзаде? - Каком заде?
00:10:46,990 --> 00:10:51,290 Сказлзад - существо, которое живет на этой горе...
00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:54,550 ...и убивает всех, кто взбирается на вершину.
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:58,220 - Почему? - Он обожает вкус крови...
00:10:58,430 --> 00:11:01,730 ...и любит добавлять разные части к своему деформированному телу...
00:11:01,940 --> 00:11:03,930 В каком смысле деформированному?
00:11:04,110 --> 00:11:07,480 Вместо левой ладони у него...
00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:09,750 - Крюк! - Нож!
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:14,360 Нет, кусок сельдерея! И да, он хромает.
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:18,390 У него нет одной ноги. Вместо нее...
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,460 Патрик Даффи!
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,600 Патрик Даффи?! Твою мать, это не страшно!
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,970 Что? Ты смотрел "Шаг за Шагом"?
00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:33,800 Он живет один на этой горе и шьёт корзины и другие вещи.
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:39,280 Говорят, что в тихую ночь можно услышать, как он шьет корзины.
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:45,550 - Ты не умеешь рассказывать страшилки! - Дай мне этот фонарик.
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:52,090 - Что это? - Может, к нам идет Сказлзад?
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:53,560 Возможно.
00:11:53,770 --> 00:11:56,600 Надеюсь, он не порежет меня своим сельдереем.
00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:00,130 Пошли вы! Идите к черту!
00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:06,040 Нед, почему бы нам не спеть?
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:33,040 Они думают, что Сказлзад не страшный?
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:36,540 Посмотрим, что они скажут, когда увидят Сказлзада!
00:12:36,710 --> 00:12:38,370 Я напугаю их завтра.
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:52,750 - Стэн, вставай! - Что, чувак?
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,430 Мне кажется, Картмана кто-то забрал.
00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:58,650 - Где мой дядя и Нед? - Рыбачат с Кенни.
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:02,090 С Кенни? Но это же должен быть мой поход!
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:05,790 Почему им так нравится Кенни? А я им не нравлюсь?!
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:10,130 - Стэн, знаешь, о чем я думаю? - Что?
00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:16,250 Какое чудесное утро для рыбалки. Рыба!
00:13:19,390 --> 00:13:20,950 Вижу.
00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:24,800 Отличная реакция.
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,130 Дядя Джимбо, Картман пропал!
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,830 - Кто? Жирдяй? - Ага.
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,940 О, черт. Ну, пойдем его искать.
00:13:33,140 --> 00:13:37,200 Нед, давай по-быстрому. Взрывай сразу, весь заряд!
00:13:41,050 --> 00:13:44,350 Больше этого нам лицензия делать запрещает.
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:48,750 Ох, здесь воняет дохлой рыбой.
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,890 Ну, ты сказал!
00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:55,620 Я никогда не видел такого крутого чела, как ты, Кенни.
00:13:55,830 --> 00:13:59,360 Я сделаю тебя почетным племянником.
00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:06,640 Жители Южного Парка скромны и дружелюбны.
00:14:06,810 --> 00:14:10,440 Но скоро горячая лава поглотит их...
00:14:10,610 --> 00:14:15,950 ...и положит конец их жалким жизням с мучительной болью и нескончаемой агонией.
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,110 Эй, я в ящике, я в ящике!
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,760 Что вы сделаете, чтобы предотвратить неминуемую катастрофу?
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:26,860 Все, что мы знаем сейчас, это то, что несколько наших учеников...
00:14:27,060 --> 00:14:31,860 ...пошли в поход ну эту гору и... Извините, можно я сначала начну?
00:14:32,070 --> 00:14:35,660 Вы же можете это отредактировать, верно? Готовы? Три, два, один.
00:14:35,870 --> 00:14:37,530 Все мы знаем, в данный момент...
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:41,430 ...несколько наших учеников ушли в поход в эти горы.
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,270 Мы ничего не можем сделать, пока не вернем их!
00:14:44,740 --> 00:14:49,310 Хорошо, люди, вперед за нашими детьми!
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,180 Вы все должны помочь детям!
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:58,310 Он не мог уйти далеко. Разве что его могли утащить...
00:14:58,490 --> 00:15:01,980 Что-то тут сегодня мало животных, Джимбо.
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,600 Да, как будто что-то случилось.
00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:12,900 - Нед, что ты ел на завтрак? - Не знаю. У меня сильные газы.
00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:15,300 Эй! Баран!
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:18,850 Он нападает!
00:15:20,590 --> 00:15:22,150 Хороший выстрел, Кенни!
00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:25,230 - Тебе нужно ружье побольше. - Смотрите!
00:15:25,430 --> 00:15:29,190 Я - Сказлзад, повелитель гор!
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,560 Узрите мою ногу - Патрика Даффи!
00:15:31,770 --> 00:15:35,470 - Что это? - Сказлзад! Картман не врал.
00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:38,540 Мы можем срубить много бабла, если убьем эту хрень.
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:41,300 Мы будем на обложке "Ружей и Патронов"!
00:15:41,510 --> 00:15:43,950 Тут нужен HJ-14.
00:15:44,150 --> 00:15:46,880 Они так испугались.
00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:50,480 Огонь!
00:15:51,090 --> 00:15:53,210 Черт!
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:58,920 - Черт, я, кажется, промазал. - Вы нормальные?!
00:15:59,130 --> 00:16:02,720 Пошли, вперед! Вперед!
00:16:04,170 --> 00:16:05,400 Микрофон включен? Хорошо.
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,540 Люди, соберитесь в группы и обыщите гору.
00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:11,540 Сообщайте об успехах каждый час, ясно?
00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:14,680 - Мэр, у меня идея. - Какая?
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:19,340 Если мы выроем большую канаву, мы сможем перенаправить лаву к каньону.
00:16:19,550 --> 00:16:22,580 И тогда она протечет мимо Южного Парка.
00:16:22,790 --> 00:16:25,950 - Это хорошо, да? - Да, скорее всего.
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,180 Тогда чего мы ждем?
00:16:28,390 --> 00:16:32,490 Хорошо, народ, в плане изменения. Одна половина берет лопаты.
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,060 Похоже на его следы.
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:38,330 Нед, приготовь HK-12 и Пластицин.
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:43,100 Бьюсь об заклад, этот урод решил подняться повыше, там ему безопаснее... Птица!
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:46,640 Чем выше он поднимается, тем легче ему дышать.
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,970 Смотрите, там, наверху!
00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:51,740 Эй мужики, это же я!
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:55,610 - Мы уверены, что это Сказлзад? - У него там вместо ноги Патрик Даффи?
00:16:55,820 --> 00:16:57,450 Я не могу сказать. Просто убьем его!
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,380 Я должен снять этот дурацкий костюм!
00:17:00,590 --> 00:17:03,920 - Кенни, ты идешь вперед. - Нет, я смогу сделать это.
00:17:04,130 --> 00:17:08,030 - Я сам хочу прикончить это животное! - Вот это дух! Давайте охотиться!
00:17:08,230 --> 00:17:10,130 Ребята, я просто пошутил!
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:15,570 Пока часть жителей пытаются сохранить свой город, другая часть ищут пропавших без вести.
00:17:15,770 --> 00:17:18,260 Но все они должны принимать меры предосторожности.
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:22,500 Люди, послушайте. Поскольку мы приближаемся к вершине горы...
00:17:22,710 --> 00:17:26,720 ...шансы встретиться с лавиной только увеличиваются.
00:17:26,890 --> 00:17:32,760 У меня есть специальный учебный фильм, как спастись от вулкана.
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:36,270 Мистер Гаррисон, можете нажимать.
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,730 Стихийные бедствия могут быть причиной...
00:17:40,910 --> 00:17:45,280 ...тревог и нежелательных стрессов. И вулкан - не исключение.
00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:49,680 Что делать, если вулкан извергается рядом с вами или вашей семьей?
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,610 Здесь мы видим: семья Стивенсонов на пикнике.
00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:56,280 Вдруг дочь слышит шум. Это вулкан.
00:17:56,490 --> 00:17:59,220 Младший, кажется, волнуется. Но не надо бояться...
00:17:59,430 --> 00:18:03,290 ...Джейн узнала в школе, что делать, если вулкан начинает извержение.
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:07,190 Вот именно, Джейн. Надо лечь и прикрыть голову
00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:13,340 Так что вы сделаете, когда услышите извержение вулкана?
00:18:13,810 --> 00:18:18,440 Правильно. Лягте и прикройте голову. Похоже, вы поняли.
00:18:18,650 --> 00:18:20,410 Лягте и прикройте голову.
00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:23,100 Спасибо и до свидания.
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,110 Итак, есть вопросы?
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:30,590 Это - самая бредовая куча свинячьего дерьма, что я видел за всю жизнь!
00:18:30,790 --> 00:18:32,380 Хватит!
00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:37,920 Я убью Сказлзада, а потом мы посмотрим, кто из нас сволочь!
00:18:38,130 --> 00:18:40,430 Серьезно, парни!
00:18:40,630 --> 00:18:42,070 Убей его, Убей его!
00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:48,940 Давай, убей его!
00:18:50,010 --> 00:18:54,000 - Черт. Я не могу! - Слабак! Дай сюда это ружье.
00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:59,380 - Вашу мать, не стреляйте! - Какого черта?
00:18:59,550 --> 00:19:02,920 Я пытался вас испугать. Теперь можете убрать ружье.
00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:05,990 Вот нам и обложка "Ружей и Патронов"...
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:10,220 Но я думаю, что сегодня мы узнали много важного. Я думаю...
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:16,330 - Твою мать! - Гору прорвало!
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,770 О, боже, они убили Кенни!
00:19:28,780 --> 00:19:32,820 - Смотрите, вулкан! - Быстро! Лягте и прикройте голову!
00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:38,260 Эта лава идет прямо на нас!
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:40,400 О, нет, смотрите!
00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:45,840 Что это за канава?! Мы не сможем перейти на другую сторону!
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:50,340 Пропавшие дети попали в ловушку на пути горячей, ужасной лавы.
00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:54,310 Боже, прошу, спаси этих милых детей от...
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,250 Стоп, стоп, стоп! Три, два, один.
00:19:57,450 --> 00:19:59,390 Боже, прошу, спаси...
00:19:59,590 --> 00:20:00,950 На помощь!
00:20:10,070 --> 00:20:12,560 Блин! Это настоящий Сказлзад!
00:20:12,770 --> 00:20:17,210 - Что? Сказлзад существует? - О, Боже, посмотрите на его ногу!
00:20:17,410 --> 00:20:19,970 Привет, ребята. Я Патрик Даффи с ТВ.
00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:22,440 Быстро, Нед, стреляй в него!
00:20:22,650 --> 00:20:25,340 О, нет, у меня закончились патроны!
00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:31,010 - Что это? - Это Сказлзад!
00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:34,520 У него Патрик Даффи вместо ноги, и он шьет корзины.
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:39,320 Ничего не происходит, всем отвернуться. Тут ничего интересного.
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:42,830 Ну, ребята, мне жаль, что вы умрете из-за меня.
00:20:52,740 --> 00:20:54,940 Ого! Он сделал большую корзину!
00:20:55,140 --> 00:20:57,240 Он спасает нас!
00:21:01,950 --> 00:21:05,650 - Сказлзад спас их! - И мои подсчеты оказались верными!
00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:09,550 Лава стекает по канаве в каньон.
00:21:10,490 --> 00:21:14,360 А куда она потечет дальше?
00:21:18,970 --> 00:21:21,560 Южный Парк спасен!
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:25,730 Эй, смотрите, Кенни жив!
00:21:26,210 --> 00:21:31,370 Теперь эти люди могут радоваться и отметить свою победу над природой.
00:21:31,550 --> 00:21:34,310 Мне только что сообщили, что Шеф из школьной столовой...
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,980 ...хочет спеть песню об этой удивительной битве за жизнь.
00:21:52,510 --> 00:21:55,240 Что вы можете сказать об этом удивительном спасении?
00:21:55,450 --> 00:22:01,440 Мы всем обязаны этому дружелюбному, но непонятному созданию.
00:22:02,090 --> 00:22:05,890 - Спасибо, Сказлзад. - Друг.
00:22:06,090 --> 00:22:08,530 Как мило!
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,590 Я сделал это! Я хоть что-то убил!
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,600 - Что он сделал? - Выключите камеры!
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,290 Это было просто.
00:22:19,070 --> 00:22:22,340 Нет! Почему, Боже, почему?!
00:22:22,540 --> 00:22:24,600 Нельзя было этого делать!
00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:26,780 - Почему? - Определитесь уже, мужики.
00:22:26,980 --> 00:22:30,310 Некоторые вещи ты убиваешь, а некоторые нельзя, понял?
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,640 - Нет. - Только сейчас, когда уже поздно...
00:22:33,850 --> 00:22:39,220 ...я вижу глупость оружия. Я никогда не буду больше использовать оружие.
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,220 Я хотел, чтобы ты гордился мной, как гордился Кенни.
00:22:47,430 --> 00:22:51,390 Но теперь Кенни мертв. Ты всегда будешь моим племянником.
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,870 Ты просто не можешь убивать все подряд.
00:22:54,070 --> 00:22:57,170 - Понял? - Я не пойму эту охоту.
00:22:57,380 --> 00:23:01,954 - Это тупость. Пойдем смотреть мультфильмы. - Да, мультики это круто.
00:23:02,037 --> 00:23:05,700 Переведено на сайте www.notabenoid.com http://notabenoid.com/book/10656/34488
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:09,300 Переводчики: Lendis, simuladora, CaptainObvious

00:00:02,378 --> 00:00:03,754 I know a certain kitty-kitty
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:04,964 who's sleeping with mommy tonight.
00:00:06,549 --> 00:00:08,551 That is a hoot and a holler.
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:11,345 This next episode is by far our favorite.
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,180 It's called "Volcano."
00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:14,974 In it, the boys go camping with Stan's uncle Jimbo
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:16,434 and his friend Ned.
00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:18,019 While camping, they encounter
00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:20,229 a strange creature in a deadly volcano.
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,939 I think the reason that this episode is,
00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:24,025 well, Scratch's favorite anyway
00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:25,568 is because it deals with an issue
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,611 that is really important to Matt and I.
00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:30,072 You see, we grew up in the Colorado Rockies,
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,366 and there black bear hunting is illegal.
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,785 Well, a few years ago a man shot a black bear
00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:36,829 and her two cubs out of a tree.
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,456 When taken to jail the man said,
00:00:38,581 --> 00:00:40,374 "Well, they were coming right for us,"
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,251 but he'd shot the black bears out of a tree,
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,794 so it was ridiculous.
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:46,297 That's not funny.
00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:48,466 What America's really dying to know is,
00:00:48,591 --> 00:00:50,718 is there really a Scuzzlebutt?
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:53,721 People have to understand, these are all works of fiction.
00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:55,347 There's no such thing as aliens.
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:57,099 There's no such thing as Scuzzlebutt.
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,518 And there's no such thing as Patrick Duffy.
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:02,480 What happened to Ned to cause him to speak the way he does?
00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:04,482 Well, Ned is actually our favorite character
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:06,192 in all of South Park.
00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:09,653 He had a laryngectomy from smoking too much
00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:11,614 and got throat cancer.
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,365 So now he talks like this.
00:01:13,491 --> 00:01:16,786 I guess we can all take a lesson from Ned.
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:20,164 So sit back, relax and enjoy "Volcano."
00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:34,303 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,180 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,848 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:39,475 ♪ Humble folks without temptations ♪
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,893 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:43,145 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:44,772 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,482 ♪ People spouting "Howdy neighbor" ♪
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:47,900 ♪ Heading on up to South Park ♪
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,652 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:54,532 ♪ So come on down to South park ♪
00:01:54,657 --> 00:01:56,492 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,661 Now you be careful, Eric.
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,122 The woods can be very dangerous.
00:02:01,247 --> 00:02:04,250 Okay, Mom.
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:06,210 Ready to go hunting, Cartman?
00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,671 Yeah, my Uncle Jimbo says we gotta get up there early.
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:09,713 Right, Uncle Jimbo?
00:02:09,839 --> 00:02:11,507 That's right, Stanley.
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,634 Animals are much easier to shoot in the morning.
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,136 Here, hon.
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:17,680 I packed you Cheesy Poofs and Happy Tarts.
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,224 Don't worry, Miss Cartman, we'll take care of him.
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:23,352 I brought my old war buddy, Ned, to keep things safe.
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:27,022 Hello, Mrs. Cartman. How are you today?
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,275 - Be sure to use lots of bug spray,
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,860 and if you have to poo-poo,
00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:33,028 don't wipe with poison ivy.
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,656 Dude, that's sick, Mom!
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:38,826 And I know it can get scary up in those woods,
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:42,663 but just remember, Mommy's not far away.
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:45,082 Drive! Drive!
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:47,209 You give your mommy a kissy.
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,128 Drive the car, damn it! Drive!
00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:53,507 "Don't get scared up in the mountains, Cartman."
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,759 Shut up! I'm not scared of nothing.
00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:58,387 Maybe your mom can give me a kiss too, Cartman.
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:03,017 Oh, oh! That's disgusting.
00:03:03,142 --> 00:03:05,186 You piece of crap! I'll kill you!
00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,854 That's the spirit, boys.
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:09,023 Let's get that testosterone flowing.
00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:10,858 Yeeh!
00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,194 Now, boys, boys, I need to get serious for a minute.
00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:16,280 I want you to understand a few basic rules of hunting,
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,990 since this is your first time.
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,159 First of all, don't ever walk with your gun
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,869 unless the safety's on.
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:24,205 Second, don't shoot anything that looks human.
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:27,041 And third, never spill your beer in the bullet chamber.
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,376 Uh, Uncle Jimbo, we don't drink beer.
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:30,461 You what?!
00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:32,087 Yeah, that's right,
00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:34,340 I don't think eight-year-old kids drink beer.
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:36,342 I like chocolate milk!
00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:38,844 Well, we'll be doing plenty of drinking on this trip.
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:42,014 After all, hunter sober is like...
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,308 Fishing...sober.
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,477 It sure will be nice to get out of the city
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,646 for a while, away from civilization.
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,486 Well, here we are.
00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:58,864 Okay, each of you young'uns take a gun, a beer,
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,824 and some smokes.
00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:03,869 Hey, I didn't get a gun.
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:06,914 Sweet. This is like the gun I used in 'Nam.
00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:08,707 You weren't in Vietnam, Cartman.
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,960 Were you stationed in Da Nang?
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:12,378 Cartman always makes stuff up, Ned.
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:13,963 You can't believe anything he says.
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,923 Hey, I'll blow your freaking head off.
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,425 Hey, look out, son. That's dangerous.
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,302 You're gonna spill your beer.
00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,767 My Uncle Jimbo says that after this
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,644 he's gonna take me hunting in Africa.
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,562 Wow, that'll be cool.
00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:34,233 My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,901 Boys, lookie there.
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,320 That there is a Rocky Mountain black bear.
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,863 One of the few remaining of its kind.
00:04:39,989 --> 00:04:42,032 Isn't it beautiful?
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,951 My God, it's coming right for us!
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:49,164 Hey, it wasn't coming right for us.
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,625 It was just sitting there. - Shh, not so loud.
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,669 Now that there is just a technicality.
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,337 What do you mean? - You see, boys,
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,339 the Democrats have passed a lot of laws
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,924 trying to stop us from hunting.
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,676 Democrats piss me off!
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,761 They say we can't shoot certain animals anymore
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,055 unless they're posing an immediate threat.
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,141 Therefore, before we shoot something,
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,685 we have to say, "It's coming right for us."
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,353 Wow, you're smart, Uncle Jimbo.
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,522 Jimbo, look.
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,733 Oh, it's a deer.
00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:19,194 Looks like about a 45-gauge, Ned.
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,114 It's coming right for us!
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:27,036 Kickass!
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:28,829 Did you see that?
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,165 I was imperiled by that ferocious, charging buck.
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,917 Rabbit, rabbit, five o'clock.
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,880 Let's move! Move!
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,049 Is this hunting? - I guess so.
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,760 Uh, dude, I'm starting to have flashbacks.
00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:45,179 What? - Stand forth, pull up flank.
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,931 Look out for Charlies up in the trees.
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,937 This one's yours, Stan.
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:59,777 It's coming right for us. - It's coming right for us.
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,033 Shoot it, Stan. - I got your back, soldier.
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:10,162 I can't.
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:11,997 What the-- What's wrong with you?
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,582 I don't wanna shoot the bunny.
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,042 What the hell are you talking about,
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,668 you don't wanna shoot the bunny?
00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,295 You're babbling, you're not making any sense.
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:19,797 You're hysterical. - I'm not hysterical.
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,548 I just don't wanna shoot the bunny.
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,300 No nephew of mine is gonna be a tree-hugger.
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:25,094 Yeah, hippie, go back to Woodstock
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:26,970 if you can't shoot anything.
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:29,264 I can shoot you, fatass! - I can shoot you, too!
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,517 I'll kill you! - I'll fill you full of lead!
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,562 Hey, what's that?
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,036 Hmm?
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:53,956 What the heck is this?
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,666 Yeah, Frank. It's Randy.
00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:58,043 Uh-huh. Good.
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:01,130 Yeah, listen, the little needle is moving.
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,923 Yeah, it's going back and forth really fast.
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,843 What does that mean? Uh-huh?
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:09,638 Uh-huh. Let me check.
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,558 Yeah, it's smoking. Uh-huh.
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:16,770 Oh, really? Really?
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:19,857 Oh, my God, a volcano.
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,245 My weenies won't cook.
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,497 This wood won't burn.
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,207 Well, Ned, looks like we'll have to use
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,834 the old Indian fire trick.
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,836 Yep.
00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:51,847 Hey, stop, drop and roll, Ned.
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,185 Whoa!
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:58,312 God damn it, Ned. I just got that van.
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:00,397 How the hell are we supposed to get home?
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,816 Oh, it hurts, it hurts!
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,943 Hey, you guys.
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,904 This works pretty good right now.
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:09,698 But you see, Mr. Mayor,
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,075 you can't stop serving Salisbury steak
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,660 in our public schools.
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,621 What's next, meatloaf?
00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:18,707 We are quite aware of your concerns, Chef, but--
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,043 <i>Mayor, the geologist is here to see you.</i>
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,170 My geologist? Now?
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,546 Tell him the infection is fine
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,215 and I don't need another checkup.
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,175 <i>No, Mayor, that's a gynecologist.</i>
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,093 <i>A geologist studies the earth.</i>
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,179 Don't you think I know that?
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,056 How dare you insult my intellect.
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,016 I went to Princeton for God's sake.
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,643 You get out of my office.
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,394 <i>I'm not in your office, Mayor.</i>
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,731 <i>I'm talking to you through a speaker.</i>
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,317 Just send in the geometrist. <i>- Geologist.</i>
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,319 You are fired, buddy!
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,530 <i>Thank you, Mayor. It's been great working for you.</i>
00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:51,865 Mayor, we've got a very big problem.
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,784 Mount Evanson is about to erupt.
00:08:57,913 --> 00:08:59,957 What does this mean to the town?
00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:02,960 Well, this graph shows everything from normal to bad.
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:05,170 Right now, South Park is here.
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,725 My God.
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,811 Mayor, some of the school children
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:23,855 are up camping on that mountain right now.
00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,232 Oh, this is big.
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:27,401 Johnson, Johnson, are you there?
00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:29,152 <i>Uh, you just fired Johnson, Mayor.</i>
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:30,779 <i>I'm his replacement, Ted.</i>
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,948 Ted, we have got a major crisis here.
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,825 I want you to get on the phone and call
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:37,119 "Inside Edition," "Rescue 911,"
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,954 oh, and "Entertainment Tonight."
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,123 You better get my stylist on the phone, too.
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:44,376 Don't worry. Things are under control.
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:49,673 And then Ned picked up the grenade and--boom!--
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:51,592 blasted his arm clear off.
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:54,344 We spent three hours looking for that damn arm,
00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:56,179 but it was never to be found.
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:59,182 Some say it's still crawling around to this day.
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,936 Ha, gotcha!
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,896 Heh, that's not scary.
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,024 You were scared, Cartman. You almost peed your pants.
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,151 Shut up! I didn't pee my pants.
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,694 Hey, Ned, hand me that gin.
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,532 You boys want to tie one on?
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,618 No, no thanks. That stuff tastes like pee.
00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:20,495 Yeah, Cartman's pee. - Hey, you would taste my pee.
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:21,872 What the hell is wrong with you?
00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:24,499 Can't you have a little alcohol?
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:29,713 Christ, look at that little bastard go!
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,340 Now you see that, Stan?
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,634 Now that is a dirty little bastard.
00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:35,969 Hey, I'm a dirty little bastard, too.
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,513 Hey, you guys, I know a scary story.
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,974 Shut up, Cartman. You can't scare anybody.
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,559 Oh, yeah?
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:45,437 You guys ever heard of Scuzzlebutt?
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,688 What-lebutt?
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,357 Scuzzlebutt is a creature
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,984 that lives up on this very mountain
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:54,363 and kills anybody who dares climb to the top.
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:55,989 Why?
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,991 Because it loves the taste of blood
00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:01,578 and likes to add pieces to its deformed body.
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,038 Deformed how?
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,998 Well, on his left arm
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:07,292 instead of a hand, he has...
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,710 A hook. - A knife.
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,963 No, a piece of celery. - Celery?
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,007 Yes, and he walks with a limp,
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:16,426 because one of his legs is missing.
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:18,261 And where his leg should be,
00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:21,264 there's nothing but... Patrick Duffy.
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,475 Patrick Duffy?
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,435 Damn it, Cartman, that's not scary.
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,813 What do you mean? Have you ever seen "Step by Step?"
00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:30,857 So he lives alone on this mountain
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,610 and weaves baskets and other assorted crafts.
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,487 They say that on quiet nights
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,906 you can hear him weaving his baskets.
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:41,076 Ka-shink, ka-shink, ka-shink.
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,453 Cartman, you suck at telling scary stories.
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,913 Yeah, give me that flashlight.
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,043 What's that? - Maybe it's Scuzzlebutt
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,837 coming to weave us into wicker baskets.
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,672 Hey, it might be.
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,425 Gosh, I hope he doesn't cut me with his celery hand.
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:57,718 Screw you guys!
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,928 Fatass! - Go to hell!
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,931 Hey, Ned, why don't you whip out the old cancer kazoo.
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:06,226 Let's do a little song.
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,770 ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,565 ♪ Kumbaya ♪
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,025 ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:16,361 ♪ Kumbaya ♪
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,739 ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:21,700 ♪ Kumbaya ♪
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:26,496 ♪ Oh Lord, Kumbaya ♪
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:30,292 ♪ Someone's crying, Lord, Kumbaya ♪
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,502 They don't think Scuzzlebutt is scary, huh?
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,004 Let's see how they like it
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,339 when they actually see Scuzzlebutt.
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:38,216 I'll scare the hell out of them tomorrow.
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:42,012 ♪ Someone's crying, Lord, Kumbaya ♪
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:45,599 ♪ Oh Lord, Kumbaya ♪
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,188 Stan, Stan, wake up.
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,689 What, dude?
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,232 I don't know where Cartman is.
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:55,525 I think something took him away.
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,068 Where's my Uncle Jimbo and Ned?
00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,987 They're out fishing with Kenny.
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,948 With Kenny? But this is supposed to be my camping trip.
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,784 Why do they like Kenny so much?
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:05,827 Doesn't he like me anymore?
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,913 Well, Stan, you want to know what I think?
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,040 What?
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:13,960 What a beautiful morning for fishing.
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:16,171 There's one. There's a fish right there.
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,884 Got it.
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:24,596 Great instincts, boy.
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,431 Uncle Jimbo, Cartman's missing.
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,683 Who? The fat kid?
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,811 Yeah. - Ah, hell.
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,771 I guess we better go look for him.
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,189 Ned, you gotta cut it short.
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,316 Fire out the 12-20.
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,739 Well, I think that's about the limit
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,282 for our fishing permit.
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,202 Oh, man, it smells like dead fish.
00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:51,748 Oh, man, that is nasty.
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,084 Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen a kid
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,627 as cool as you, Kenny.
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:58,171 I'm making you my honorary nephew.
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,805 The people of South Park are humble and friendly,
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,974 but now a ticking time bomb of hot lava
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,434 waits to engulf these people and end their miserable lives
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,061 with one last fleeting moment
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,689 of excruciatingly painful, burning agony.
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:18,900 Hey, I'm on TV! I'm on TV!
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,610 Mayor, what are you doing
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,487 to prepare for this inevitable catastrophe?
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:26,449 All we know right now is that some of our children
00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:29,911 are camping on that mountain and--uh, I'm sorry.
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,788 Can I start over? - Huh?
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:35,584 - You can edit this, right? Ready? Three, two, one.
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,335 All we know right now
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,087 is that some of our children
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,172 are up camping on that mountain.
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:44,009 We can't do anything until we get them.
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:49,055 Okay, people, let's go get those kids!
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:52,058 Come on, everybody. You gotta help the children.
00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:56,313 Well, he couldn't have gone far.
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:58,064 Unless something drug him off.
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:01,818 There's not many animals out today, Jimbo.
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,863 Yeah, it's almost like something funny's going on.
00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,492 Christ, Ned, what'd you have for breakfast?
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:12,662 I don't know, man. I've got some bad gas.
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:15,040 Wait, there's a ram.
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,875 It's coming right for us!
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,796 Nice shooting, Kenny!
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,090 Here, you need a bigger gun.
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:27,135 Look! - I am Scuzzlebutt,
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,929 Lord of the mountains.
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:31,306 Behold my Patrick Duffy leg.
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,099 What is it?
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,185 Dude, it's Scuzzlebutt! Cartman wasn't lying.
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:38,229 Holy crow! We could make a mint killing this thing.
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:41,024 We'll be on the cover of "Guns & Ammo."
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,693 This calls for some HJ-14.
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:46,613 Those guys are totally scared.
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,074 Fire in the hole!
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:51,993 Holy crap!
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:56,247 Damn it, I think I missed.
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,667 What the hell is wrong with you people?
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,835 Come on, let's move! Move!
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,755 Wait, wait, ahhh!
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,423 Is it on? Okay.
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:08,343 Okay, people, form groups and search the mountain.
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,262 Report back here every hour. You got that?
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:14,432 Mayor, I might have an idea. - Oh, what?
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,393 Well, if we can dig a very large trench,
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,062 we can divert the lava into a canyon,
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:22,315 and then it would bypass South Park pretty much completely.
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,401 And that would be good, right?
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:25,860 I'm pretty sure.
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,946 Well, what are we waiting for?
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,156 Okay, people, change of plans.
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,242 Half of you grabs shovels.
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,995 These look like his tracks. He must have gone this way.
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:38,081 Ned, prepare some HK-12 and some Plasticine.
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,667 I'll bet that sucker is headed for a higher elevation.
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:43,753 The higher up it--bird!
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:46,256 The higher up it goes, the better it can breathe.
00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:48,717 Look, up there!
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,553 You guys, it's just me.
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,388 Are we sure it's Scuzzlebutt?
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,348 Does it have Patrick Duffy for a leg?
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,183 I can't tell. Let's kill it.
00:16:57,308 --> 00:17:00,145 Got to get out of this stupid costume.
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,730 Kenny, you take the front.
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,481 No, I can do it, Uncle Jimbo.
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,108 I want to bag that animal.
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,777 That's the spirit, kiddo. Let's hunt!
00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,863 You guys, you guys, I was just kidding!
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:11,573 - As some people of South Park
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,283 try desperately to save their mountain town,
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,243 others look for the missing townspeople.
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,996 But all must take every precaution necessary.
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,081 Okay, people, listen up.
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,375 As we near the top of the mountain,
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:26,171 the chances of our encountering some lava becomes great.
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,465 Therefore, I have special ordered
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:30,633 this training film to assist us
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,635 in volcano safety.
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,763 Mr. Garrison, if you would, please.
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:40,018 Harbingers of sorrow, natural disasters can be
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:42,771 the cause of troubling and undesirable stress,
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,981 and a volcano is no exception.
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:47,400 But what should you do if a volcano erupts near you
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,027 or your family?
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,987 <i>Here, we see the Stephens Family</i>
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:52,697 <i>enjoying--Sunday picnic.</i>
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,908 <i>But suddenly, daughter hears a noise.</i>
00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:57,077 <i>It's a volcano. Junior seems worried.</i>
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,745 <i>But have no fear, Junior.</i>
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:00,288 <i>Jane learned in school what to do</i>
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:03,041 <i>when you hear a volcano erupt.</i>
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,710 <i>That's right, Jane, duck and cover.</i>
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:13,093 <i>So what will--do when you hear a volcano erupting?</i>
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:16,096 <i>That's right, duck and cover.</i>
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:18,181 <i>Looks like you got the idea.</i>
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,183 Duck and cover.
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,852 Thank you and good-bye.
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,854 Okay, any questions?
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:27,315 That has got to be the most ridiculous
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,318 load of pig crap I have ever seen.
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,278 That's enough out of you!
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,989 I'm gonna bag Scuzzlebutt,
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,991 then we'll see who's a little bastard.
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:40,161 Hey, seriously, you guys!
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,913 Kill it, Stan. Kill it.
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,963 Come on, Stan, kill it!
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:51,923 Oh, damn it, I can't do it!
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,092 You pansy! Give me that gun.
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,302 Hey! - Cartman?
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:57,929 God damn it, don't shoot me!
00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,514 What the Sam Hill?
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,307 I was just trying to scare you guys.
00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:02,976 You can put the gun down now.
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:06,104 So much for the cover of "Guns & Ammo."
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:08,148 Yepper, but I think we've learned
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:10,316 some important lessons, Ned. I think--
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,318 Whoa!
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,028 Holy crap.
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,406 The mountain, it's blown its top!
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:23,830 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:25,957 No, I'm okay.
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,128 Look, the volcano.
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:32,255 Quick, duck and cover!
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:38,344 That lava is coming right for us.
00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:40,597 Oh, no, look.
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,142 What the hell is this trench doing here?
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:45,894 We can't get across!
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,896 It now looks as if the missing children
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,231 are trapped in the path of hot, nasty lava.
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:54,194 God, please deliver those darling kids from--
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,197 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Three, two and one.
00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:59,449 God, please deliver--
00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,159 Help!
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,503 Jiminy, it's the real Scuzzlebutt!
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:14,631 What? Scuzzlebutt's real?
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,674 Oh, my God! Look at his leg!
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:19,552 Hi, kids, I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,679 - Quick, Ned, shoot it!
00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:25,391 Oh, no, out of ammo.
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:29,270 What is that thing?
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,272 That's Scuzzlebutt.
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,567 Yeah, he has Patrick Duffy for a leg and weaves baskets.
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:37,362 This isn't happening. Everyone look away, please.
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:39,405 Nothing to see here.
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:42,909 Well, boys, I'm sorry I got you all killed.
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:50,250 Ahhh!
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,004 Whoa, he built a wicker basket.
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,423 Hey, he's saving us.
00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:04,389 Scuzzlebutt saved the day.
00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:06,266 And my calculations worked.
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:09,644 The lava's following the trench into the canyon.
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,772 Hmm, where exactly does the canyon go?
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,565 - Uh...
00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:21,990 South Park is saved.
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:25,785 Hey, look, Kenny's okay.
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:28,997 - And now these humble people can rejoice and celebrate
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,708 their jovial victory over nature.
00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:34,335 I'm getting word that the chef of the school cafeteria
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:38,047 wants to sing a song about this thrilling struggle of humanity.
00:21:38,172 --> 00:21:41,926 ♪ Ooh baby every time that we kiss ♪
00:21:42,051 --> 00:21:43,553 ♪ Hot lava ♪
00:21:43,678 --> 00:21:45,805 ♪ Every time that we make love, hot lava ♪
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,390 ♪ Hot lava ♪
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,183 ♪ Lava so hot it makes me sweat ♪
00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:50,852 ♪ Lava so warm and red and wet ♪
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:52,395 ♪ Lava ♪
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,813 Mayor, what do you have to say
00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:55,189 about this wonderful outcome?
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,317 Well, we owe everything
00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:01,529 to this friendly, yet misunderstood creature.
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:04,324 Thank you, Scuzzlebutt.
00:22:04,449 --> 00:22:05,867 Friend.
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:08,703 Oh, how sweet.
00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:13,666 I did it, I did it! I finally killed something.
00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,168 Oh, my God, what has he done?
00:22:15,293 --> 00:22:16,669 Turn off the cameras.
00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:18,338 Hey, that was easy.
00:22:18,463 --> 00:22:20,256 No!
00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:22,383 Why, God? Why?
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,677 Damn it, Stan. You shouldn't have done that.
00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:26,054 What, why?
00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:27,972 Yeah, make up your mind, dude.
00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:30,350 Stan, some things you kill and some things you don't. See?
00:22:30,475 --> 00:22:31,809 No.
00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:33,770 Only now, in this late hour,
00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:35,897 do I see the folly of guns.
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:39,275 I'll never use a gun again.
00:22:44,614 --> 00:22:46,199 But I just wanted you to be proud of me,
00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:47,450 like you were with Kenny.
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,243 But Kenny's dead now, Stan.
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:51,329 And you're always gonna be my nephew.
00:22:51,454 --> 00:22:53,581 And you just can't kill anything.
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,291 You understand?
00:22:55,416 --> 00:22:57,335 Dude, I don't understand hunting at all.
00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:59,462 Yeah, it's stupid. Let's go watch cartoons.
00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:01,589 Yeah, cartoons kick ass.

00:00:02,378 --> 00:00:03,754 I know a certain kitty-kitty
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:04,964 who's sleeping with mommy tonight.
00:00:05,089 --> 00:00:06,424 [laughter]
00:00:06,549 --> 00:00:08,551 That is a hoot and a holler.
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:11,345 This next episode is by far our favorite.
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,180 It's called "Volcano."
00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:14,974 In it, the boys go camping with Stan's uncle Jimbo
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:16,434 and his friend Ned.
00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:18,019 While camping, they encounter
00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:20,229 a strange creature in a deadly volcano.
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,939 I think the reason that this episode is,
00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:24,025 well, Scratch's favorite anyway
00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:25,568 is because it deals with an issue
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,611 that is really important to Matt and I.
00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:30,072 You see, we grew up in the Colorado Rockies,
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,366 and there black bear hunting is illegal.
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,785 Well, a few years ago a man shot a black bear
00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:36,829 and her two cubs out of a tree.
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,456 When taken to jail the man said,
00:00:38,581 --> 00:00:40,374 "Well, they were coming right for us,"
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,251 but he'd shot the black bears out of a tree,
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,794 so it was ridiculous.
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:46,297 That's not funny.
00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:48,466 What America's really dying to know is,
00:00:48,591 --> 00:00:50,718 is there really a Scuzzlebutt?
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:53,721 People have to understand, these are all works of fiction.
00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:55,347 There's no such thing as aliens.
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:57,099 There's no such thing as Scuzzlebutt.
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,518 And there's no such thing as Patrick Duffy.
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:02,480 What happened to Ned to cause him to speak the way he does?
00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:04,482 Well, Ned is actually our favorite character
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:06,192 in all of South Park.
00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:09,653 He had a laryngectomy from smoking too much
00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:11,614 and got throat cancer.
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,365 [imitating electronic speech] So now he talks like this.
00:01:13,491 --> 00:01:16,786 I guess we can all take a lesson from Ned.
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:20,164 So sit back, relax and enjoy "Volcano."
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:22,291 <i>[gentle music]</i>
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:32,510 <i>[upbeat music]</i>
00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:34,303 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,180 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,848 both: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:39,475 ♪ Humble folks without temptations ♪
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,893 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:43,145 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:44,772 ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,482 ♪ People spouting "Howdy neighbor" ♪
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:47,900 ♪ Heading on up to South Park ♪
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,652 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:53,030 ♪ [muffled singing] ♪
00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:54,532 ♪ So come on down to South park ♪
00:01:54,657 --> 00:01:56,492 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,661 Now you be careful, Eric.
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,122 The woods can be very dangerous.
00:02:01,247 --> 00:02:04,250 Okay, Mom.
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:06,210 Ready to go hunting, Cartman?
00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,671 Yeah, my Uncle Jimbo says we gotta get up there early.
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:09,713 Right, Uncle Jimbo?
00:02:09,839 --> 00:02:11,507 That's right, Stanley.
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,634 Animals are much easier to shoot in the morning.
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,136 Here, hon.
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:17,680 I packed you Cheesy Poofs and Happy Tarts.
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,224 Don't worry, Miss Cartman, we'll take care of him.
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:23,352 I brought my old war buddy, Ned, to keep things safe.
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:27,022 Hello, Mrs. Cartman. How are you today?
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,275 - Be sure to use lots of bug spray,
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,860 and if you have to poo-poo,
00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:33,028 don't wipe with poison ivy.
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,656 [laughter] Dude, that's sick, Mom!
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:38,826 And I know it can get scary up in those woods,
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:42,663 but just remember, Mommy's not far away.
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:45,082 [laughter] - Drive! Drive!
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:47,209 You give your mommy a kissy.
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,128 Drive the car, damn it! Drive!
00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:53,507 "Don't get scared up in the mountains, Cartman."
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,759 Shut up! I'm not scared of nothing.
00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:58,387 Maybe your mom can give me a kiss too, Cartman.
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,930 [muffled speech]
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:03,017 Oh, oh! That's disgusting.
00:03:03,142 --> 00:03:05,186 You piece of crap! I'll kill you!
00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,854 That's the spirit, boys.
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:09,023 Let's get that testosterone flowing.
00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:10,858 Yeeh!
00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,194 Now, boys, boys, I need to get serious for a minute.
00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:16,280 I want you to understand a few basic rules of hunting,
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,990 since this is your first time.
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,159 First of all, don't ever walk with your gun
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,869 unless the safety's on.
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:24,205 Second, don't shoot anything that looks human.
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:27,041 And third, never spill your beer in the bullet chamber.
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,376 Uh, Uncle Jimbo, we don't drink beer.
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:30,461 You what?!
00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:32,087 Yeah, that's right,
00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:34,340 I don't think eight-year-old kids drink beer.
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:36,342 I like chocolate milk!
00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:38,844 Well, we'll be doing plenty of drinking on this trip.
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:42,014 After all, hunter sober is like...
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,308 Fishing...sober.
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,477 It sure will be nice to get out of the city
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,646 for a while, away from civilization.
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,486 Well, here we are.
00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:58,864 Okay, each of you young'uns take a gun, a beer,
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,824 and some smokes.
00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:03,869 Hey, I didn't get a gun.
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:06,914 Sweet. This is like the gun I used in 'Nam.
00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:08,707 You weren't in Vietnam, Cartman.
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,960 Were you stationed in Da Nang?
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:12,378 Cartman always makes stuff up, Ned.
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:13,963 You can't believe anything he says.
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,923 Hey, I'll blow your freaking head off.
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,425 Hey, look out, son. That's dangerous.
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,302 You're gonna spill your beer.
00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,767 My Uncle Jimbo says that after this
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,644 he's gonna take me hunting in Africa.
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,562 Wow, that'll be cool.
00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:34,233 My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,901 Boys, lookie there.
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,320 That there is a Rocky Mountain black bear.
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,863 One of the few remaining of its kind.
00:04:39,989 --> 00:04:42,032 Isn't it beautiful?
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,951 My God, it's coming right for us!
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:49,164 Hey, it wasn't coming right for us.
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,625 It was just sitting there. - Shh, not so loud.
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,669 Now that there is just a technicality.
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,337 What do you mean? - You see, boys,
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,339 the Democrats have passed a lot of laws
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,924 trying to stop us from hunting.
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,676 Democrats piss me off!
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,761 They say we can't shoot certain animals anymore
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,055 unless they're posing an immediate threat.
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,141 Therefore, before we shoot something,
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,685 we have to say, "It's coming right for us."
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,353 Wow, you're smart, Uncle Jimbo.
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,522 Jimbo, look.
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,733 Oh, it's a deer.
00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:19,194 Looks like about a 45-gauge, Ned.
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,114 It's coming right for us!
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:27,036 Kickass!
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:28,829 Did you see that?
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,165 I was imperiled by that ferocious, charging buck.
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,917 Rabbit, rabbit, five o'clock.
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,880 Let's move! Move!
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,049 Is this hunting? - I guess so.
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,760 Uh, dude, I'm starting to have flashbacks.
00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:45,179 What? - Stand forth, pull up flank.
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,931 Look out for Charlies up in the trees.
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,937 This one's yours, Stan.
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:59,777 It's coming right for us. - It's coming right for us.
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,033 Shoot it, Stan. - I got your back, soldier.
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:10,162 I can't.
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:11,997 What the-- What's wrong with you?
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,582 I don't wanna shoot the bunny.
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,042 What the hell are you talking about,
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,668 you don't wanna shoot the bunny?
00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,295 You're babbling, you're not making any sense.
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:19,797 You're hysterical. - I'm not hysterical.
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,548 I just don't wanna shoot the bunny.
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,300 No nephew of mine is gonna be a tree-hugger.
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:25,094 Yeah, hippie, go back to Woodstock
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:26,970 if you can't shoot anything.
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:29,264 I can shoot you, fatass! - I can shoot you, too!
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,517 I'll kill you! - I'll fill you full of lead!
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,435 [rumbling]
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,562 Hey, what's that?
00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:39,942 [humming]
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:47,741 ♪♪
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:49,326 [snores]
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,036 Hmm?
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:53,956 What the heck is this?
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,666 Yeah, Frank. It's Randy.
00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:58,043 Uh-huh. Good.
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:01,130 Yeah, listen, the little needle is moving.
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,923 Yeah, it's going back and forth really fast.
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,843 What does that mean? Uh-huh?
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:09,638 Uh-huh. Let me check.
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,558 Yeah, it's smoking. Uh-huh.
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:16,770 Oh, really? Really?
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:19,857 Oh, my God, a volcano.
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,860 <i>[dramatic musical sting]</i>
00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:24,403 ♪♪
00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:26,530 [slurps, sighs]
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,245 My weenies won't cook.
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,497 This wood won't burn.
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,207 Well, Ned, looks like we'll have to use
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,834 the old Indian fire trick.
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,836 Yep.
00:07:45,591 --> 00:07:48,260 [yelling]
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,761 [laughs]
00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:51,847 Hey, stop, drop and roll, Ned.
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,516 [laughs]
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,185 both: Whoa!
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:58,312 God damn it, Ned. I just got that van.
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:00,397 How the hell are we supposed to get home?
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,816 Oh, it hurts, it hurts!
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,943 Hey, you guys.
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,904 This works pretty good right now.
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:09,698 But you see, Mr. Mayor,
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,075 you can't stop serving Salisbury steak
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,660 in our public schools.
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,621 What's next, meatloaf?
00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:18,707 We are quite aware of your concerns, Chef, but--
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,043 <i>Mayor, the geologist is here to see you.</i>
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,170 My geologist? Now?
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,546 Tell him the infection is fine
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,215 and I don't need another checkup.
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,175 <i>No, Mayor, that's a gynecologist.</i>
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,093 <i>A geologist studies the earth.</i>
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,179 Don't you think I know that?
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,056 How dare you insult my intellect.
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,016 I went to Princeton for God's sake.
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,643 You get out of my office.
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,394 <i>I'm not in your office, Mayor.</i>
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,731 <i>I'm talking to you through a speaker.</i>
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,317 Just send in the geometrist. <i>- Geologist.</i>
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,319 You are fired, buddy!
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,530 <i>Thank you, Mayor. It's been great working for you.</i>
00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:51,865 Mayor, we've got a very big problem.
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,784 Mount Evanson is about to erupt.
00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:57,788 <i>[dramatic musical sting]</i>
00:08:57,913 --> 00:08:59,957 What does this mean to the town?
00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:02,960 Well, this graph shows everything from normal to bad.
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:05,170 Right now, South Park is here.
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:08,173 <i>[dramatic musical sting]</i>
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:15,305 ♪♪
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,725 My God.
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,811 Mayor, some of the school children
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:23,855 are up camping on that mountain right now.
00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,232 Oh, this is big.
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:27,401 Johnson, Johnson, are you there?
00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:29,152 <i>Uh, you just fired Johnson, Mayor.</i>
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:30,779 <i>I'm his replacement, Ted.</i>
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,948 Ted, we have got a major crisis here.
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,825 I want you to get on the phone and call
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:37,119 "Inside Edition," "Rescue 911,"
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,954 oh, and "Entertainment Tonight."
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,123 You better get my stylist on the phone, too.
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:44,376 Don't worry. Things are under control.
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:49,673 And then Ned picked up the grenade and--boom!--
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:51,592 blasted his arm clear off.
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:54,344 We spent three hours looking for that damn arm,
00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:56,179 but it was never to be found.
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:59,182 Some say it's still crawling around to this day.
00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:00,809 [growls]
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,936 [laughter] - Ha, gotcha!
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,896 Heh, that's not scary.
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,024 You were scared, Cartman. You almost peed your pants.
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,151 Shut up! I didn't pee my pants.
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,694 Hey, Ned, hand me that gin.
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,532 You boys want to tie one on?
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,618 No, no thanks. That stuff tastes like pee.
00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:20,495 Yeah, Cartman's pee. - Hey, you would taste my pee.
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:21,872 What the hell is wrong with you?
00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:24,499 Can't you have a little alcohol?
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:29,713 Christ, look at that little bastard go!
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,340 Now you see that, Stan?
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,634 Now that is a dirty little bastard.
00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:35,969 Hey, I'm a dirty little bastard, too.
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,513 Hey, you guys, I know a scary story.
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,974 Shut up, Cartman. You can't scare anybody.
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,559 Oh, yeah?
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:45,437 You guys ever heard of Scuzzlebutt?
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,688 What-lebutt?
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,357 Scuzzlebutt is a creature
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,984 that lives up on this very mountain
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:54,363 and kills anybody who dares climb to the top.
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:55,989 Why?
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,991 Because it loves the taste of blood
00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:01,578 and likes to add pieces to its deformed body.
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,038 Deformed how?
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,998 Well, on his left arm
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:07,292 instead of a hand, he has...
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,710 A hook. - A knife.
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,963 No, a piece of celery. - Celery?
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,007 Yes, and he walks with a limp,
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:16,426 because one of his legs is missing.
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:18,261 And where his leg should be,
00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:21,264 there's nothing but... Patrick Duffy.
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,475 Patrick Duffy?
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,435 Damn it, Cartman, that's not scary.
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,813 What do you mean? Have you ever seen "Step by Step?"
00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:30,857 So he lives alone on this mountain
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,610 and weaves baskets and other assorted crafts.
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,487 They say that on quiet nights
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,906 you can hear him weaving his baskets.
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:41,076 Ka-shink, ka-shink, ka-shink.
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,453 Cartman, you suck at telling scary stories.
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,913 Yeah, give me that flashlight.
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:45,914 [muffled speech]
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,417 [rumbling]
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,043 What's that? - Maybe it's Scuzzlebutt
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,837 coming to weave us into wicker baskets.
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,672 Hey, it might be.
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,425 Gosh, I hope he doesn't cut me with his celery hand.
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:57,718 [laughter] - Screw you guys!
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,928 Fatass! - Go to hell!
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,931 Hey, Ned, why don't you whip out the old cancer kazoo.
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:06,226 Let's do a little song.
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,770 ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,565 ♪ Kumbaya ♪
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,025 ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:16,361 ♪ Kumbaya ♪
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,739 ♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:21,700 ♪ Kumbaya ♪
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:26,496 ♪ Oh Lord, Kumbaya ♪
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:30,292 ♪ Someone's crying, Lord, Kumbaya ♪
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,502 They don't think Scuzzlebutt is scary, huh?
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,004 Let's see how they like it
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,339 when they actually see Scuzzlebutt.
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:38,216 I'll scare the hell out of them tomorrow.
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:42,012 ♪ Someone's crying, Lord, Kumbaya ♪
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:45,599 ♪ Oh Lord, Kumbaya ♪
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,144 [rooster crows]
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,188 Stan, Stan, wake up.
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,689 What, dude?
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,232 I don't know where Cartman is.
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:55,525 I think something took him away.
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,068 Where's my Uncle Jimbo and Ned?
00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,987 They're out fishing with Kenny.
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,948 With Kenny? But this is supposed to be my camping trip.
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,784 Why do they like Kenny so much?
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:05,827 Doesn't he like me anymore?
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,913 Well, Stan, you want to know what I think?
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,040 What? - [farts]
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:13,960 What a beautiful morning for fishing.
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:16,171 There's one. There's a fish right there.
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,884 Got it.
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:24,596 Great instincts, boy.
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,431 Uncle Jimbo, Cartman's missing.
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,683 Who? The fat kid?
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,811 Yeah. - Ah, hell.
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,771 I guess we better go look for him.
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,189 Ned, you gotta cut it short.
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,316 Fire out the 12-20.
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,739 Well, I think that's about the limit
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,282 for our fishing permit.
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,202 Oh, man, it smells like dead fish.
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,829 [muffled speech]
00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:51,748 Oh, man, that is nasty.
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,084 Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen a kid
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,627 as cool as you, Kenny.
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:58,171 I'm making you my honorary nephew.
00:13:58,296 --> 00:13:59,172 [muffled speech]
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:01,299 <i>[somber music]</i>
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,805 The people of South Park are humble and friendly,
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,974 but now a ticking time bomb of hot lava
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,434 waits to engulf these people and end their miserable lives
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,061 with one last fleeting moment
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,689 of excruciatingly painful, burning agony.
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:18,900 Hey, I'm on TV! I'm on TV!
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,610 Mayor, what are you doing
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,487 to prepare for this inevitable catastrophe?
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:26,449 All we know right now is that some of our children
00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:29,911 are camping on that mountain and--uh, I'm sorry.
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,788 Can I start over? - Huh?
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:35,584 - You can edit this, right? Ready? Three, two, one.
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,335 All we know right now
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,087 is that some of our children
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,172 are up camping on that mountain.
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:44,009 We can't do anything until we get them.
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:49,055 Okay, people, let's go get those kids!
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:52,058 Come on, everybody. You gotta help the children.
00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:56,313 Well, he couldn't have gone far.
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:58,064 Unless something drug him off.
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:01,818 There's not many animals out today, Jimbo.
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,863 Yeah, it's almost like something funny's going on.
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:07,490 [rumbling]
00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,492 Christ, Ned, what'd you have for breakfast?
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:12,662 I don't know, man. I've got some bad gas.
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:15,040 Wait, there's a ram.
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,875 It's coming right for us!
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,796 Nice shooting, Kenny!
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,090 Here, you need a bigger gun.
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:27,135 Look! - I am Scuzzlebutt,
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,929 Lord of the mountains.
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:31,306 Behold my Patrick Duffy leg.
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,099 What is it?
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,185 Dude, it's Scuzzlebutt! Cartman wasn't lying.
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:38,229 Holy crow! We could make a mint killing this thing.
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:41,024 We'll be on the cover of "Guns & Ammo."
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,693 This calls for some HJ-14.
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:46,613 [chuckles] Those guys are totally scared.
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,074 Fire in the hole!
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:51,993 Holy crap!
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:56,247 Damn it, I think I missed.
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,667 What the hell is wrong with you people?
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,835 Come on, let's move! Move!
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,755 Wait, wait, ahhh!
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,423 Is it on? Okay.
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:08,343 Okay, people, form groups and search the mountain.
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,262 Report back here every hour. You got that?
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:14,432 Mayor, I might have an idea. - Oh, what?
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,393 Well, if we can dig a very large trench,
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,062 we can divert the lava into a canyon,
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:22,315 and then it would bypass South Park pretty much completely.
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,401 And that would be good, right?
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:25,860 I'm pretty sure.
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,946 Well, what are we waiting for?
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,156 Okay, people, change of plans.
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,242 Half of you grabs shovels.
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,995 These look like his tracks. He must have gone this way.
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:38,081 Ned, prepare some HK-12 and some Plasticine.
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,667 I'll bet that sucker is headed for a higher elevation.
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:43,753 The higher up it--bird!
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:46,256 The higher up it goes, the better it can breathe.
00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:48,717 Look, up there!
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,553 You guys, it's just me.
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,388 Are we sure it's Scuzzlebutt?
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,348 Does it have Patrick Duffy for a leg?
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,183 I can't tell. Let's kill it.
00:16:57,308 --> 00:17:00,145 Got to get out of this stupid costume.
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,730 Kenny, you take the front.
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,481 No, I can do it, Uncle Jimbo.
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,108 I want to bag that animal.
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,777 That's the spirit, kiddo. Let's hunt!
00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,863 You guys, you guys, I was just kidding!
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:11,573 - As some people of South Park
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,283 try desperately to save their mountain town,
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,243 others look for the missing townspeople.
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,996 But all must take every precaution necessary.
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,081 Okay, people, listen up.
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,375 As we near the top of the mountain,
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:26,171 the chances of our encountering some lava becomes great.
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,465 Therefore, I have special ordered
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:30,633 this training film to assist us
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,635 in volcano safety.
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,763 Mr. Garrison, if you would, please.
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:37,640 <i>[cheerful music]</i>
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:40,018 Harbingers of sorrow, natural disasters can be
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:42,771 the cause of troubling and undesirable stress,
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,981 and a volcano is no exception.
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:47,400 But what should you do if a volcano erupts near you
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,027 or your family?
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,987 <i>Here, we see the Stephens Family</i>
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:52,697 <i>enjoying--Sunday picnic.</i>
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,908 <i>But suddenly, daughter hears a noise.</i>
00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:57,077 <i>It's a volcano. Junior seems worried.</i>
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,745 <i>But have no fear, Junior.</i>
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:00,288 <i>Jane learned in school what to do</i>
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:03,041 <i>when you hear a volcano erupt.</i>
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,710 <i>That's right, Jane, duck and cover.</i>
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:09,047 [rumbling]
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:13,093 <i>So what will--do when you hear a volcano erupting?</i>
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:16,096 <i>That's right, duck and cover.</i>
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:18,181 <i>Looks like you got the idea.</i>
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,183 Duck and cover.
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,852 Thank you and good-bye.
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,854 Okay, any questions?
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:27,315 That has got to be the most ridiculous
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,318 load of pig crap I have ever seen.
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,278 That's enough out of you!
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,989 I'm gonna bag Scuzzlebutt,
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,991 then we'll see who's a little bastard.
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:40,161 Hey, seriously, you guys!
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,913 Kill it, Stan. Kill it.
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,963 Come on, Stan, kill it!
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:51,923 Oh, damn it, I can't do it!
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,092 You pansy! Give me that gun.
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,302 Hey! - Cartman?
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:57,929 God damn it, don't shoot me!
00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,514 What the Sam Hill?
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,307 I was just trying to scare you guys.
00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:02,976 You can put the gun down now.
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:06,104 So much for the cover of "Guns & Ammo."
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:08,148 Yepper, but I think we've learned
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:10,316 some important lessons, Ned. I think--
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,318 Whoa!
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,028 Holy crap.
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,406 The mountain, it's blown its top!
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,616 [rumbling]
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:23,830 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:25,957 No, I'm okay. [screaming]
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,128 Look, the volcano.
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:32,255 Quick, duck and cover!
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,966 [all screaming]
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:38,344 That lava is coming right for us.
00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:40,597 Oh, no, look.
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,142 What the hell is this trench doing here?
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:45,894 We can't get across!
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,896 It now looks as if the missing children
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,231 are trapped in the path of hot, nasty lava.
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:54,194 God, please deliver those darling kids from--
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,197 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Three, two and one.
00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:59,449 God, please deliver--
00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,159 Help!
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,831 [grumbles]
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,959 <i>[dramatic music]</i>
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,503 Jiminy, it's the real Scuzzlebutt!
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:14,631 What? Scuzzlebutt's real?
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,674 Oh, my God! Look at his leg!
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:19,552 Hi, kids, I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,679 - Quick, Ned, shoot it!
00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:25,391 [gun clicks] Oh, no, out of ammo.
00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:26,726 [grumbles]
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:29,270 What is that thing?
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,272 That's Scuzzlebutt.
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,567 Yeah, he has Patrick Duffy for a leg and weaves baskets.
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:37,362 This isn't happening. Everyone look away, please.
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:39,405 Nothing to see here.
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:42,909 Well, boys, I'm sorry I got you all killed.
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:48,414 ♪♪
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:50,250 Ahhh!
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:52,627 ♪♪
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,004 Whoa, he built a wicker basket.
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,423 Hey, he's saving us.
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:01,844 [grumbles]
00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:04,389 Scuzzlebutt saved the day.
00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:06,266 And my calculations worked.
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:09,644 The lava's following the trench into the canyon.
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,772 Hmm, where exactly does the canyon go?
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,565 - Uh...
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:18,903 [all screaming]
00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:21,990 South Park is saved.
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:25,785 Hey, look, Kenny's okay. - [muffled speech]
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:28,997 - And now these humble people can rejoice and celebrate
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,708 their jovial victory over nature.
00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:34,335 I'm getting word that the chef of the school cafeteria
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:38,047 wants to sing a song about this thrilling struggle of humanity.
00:21:38,172 --> 00:21:41,926 ♪ Ooh baby every time that we kiss ♪
00:21:42,051 --> 00:21:43,553 ♪ Hot lava ♪
00:21:43,678 --> 00:21:45,805 ♪ Every time that we make love, hot lava ♪
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,390 ♪ Hot lava ♪
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,183 ♪ Lava so hot it makes me sweat ♪
00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:50,852 ♪ Lava so warm and red and wet ♪
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:52,395 ♪ Lava ♪
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,813 Mayor, what do you have to say
00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:55,189 about this wonderful outcome?
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,317 Well, we owe everything
00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:01,529 to this friendly, yet misunderstood creature.
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:04,324 Thank you, Scuzzlebutt.
00:22:04,449 --> 00:22:05,867 Friend.
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:08,703 Oh, how sweet.
00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:13,666 I did it, I did it! I finally killed something.
00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,168 Oh, my God, what has he done?
00:22:15,293 --> 00:22:16,669 Turn off the cameras.
00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:18,338 Hey, that was easy.
00:22:18,463 --> 00:22:20,256 No!
00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:22,383 Why, God? Why?
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,677 Damn it, Stan. You shouldn't have done that.
00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:26,054 What, why?
00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:27,972 Yeah, make up your mind, dude.
00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:30,350 Stan, some things you kill and some things you don't. See?
00:22:30,475 --> 00:22:31,809 No.
00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:33,770 Only now, in this late hour,
00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:35,897 do I see the folly of guns.
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:39,275 I'll never use a gun again.
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,527 [gunshot] [muffled screaming]
00:22:44,614 --> 00:22:46,199 But I just wanted you to be proud of me,
00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:47,450 like you were with Kenny.
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,243 But Kenny's dead now, Stan.
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:51,329 And you're always gonna be my nephew.
00:22:51,454 --> 00:22:53,581 And you just can't kill anything.
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,291 You understand?
00:22:55,416 --> 00:22:57,335 Dude, I don't understand hunting at all.
00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:59,462 Yeah, it's stupid. Let's go watch cartoons.
00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:01,589 Yeah, cartoons kick ass.

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