Вулкан
Описание
Дети отправляются на охоту с дядей Стэна Джимбо и его другом Недом. Картман рассказывает о страшном горном чудище — Сказложопе. Некстати начинается извержение вулкана, которое грозит уничтожить Южный Парк.
Субтитры
rus__Notabenoid.srt
rus__Notabenoid.srt
00:02:01,820 --> 00:02:03,090
Хорошо, Мам.
00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:10,150
- Готов поохотиться?
- Мой дядя Джимбо сказал,
что мы должны быть там рано.
00:02:10,370 --> 00:02:14,060
Верно. Животных куда легче
пристрелить с утра.
00:02:14,270 --> 00:02:18,100
Вот, сынок. Я положила тебе
сырных палочек и чипсов.
00:02:18,310 --> 00:02:20,670
Не волнуйтесь, мы позаботимся о нем.
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,780
Для еще большей безопасности
я взял с собой боевого друга Неда.
00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:27,440
Здравствуйте, Миссис Картман.
Как поживаете?
00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:29,580
Используй спрей от насекомых...
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:34,780
...а если захочешь по большому,
не подтирайся ядовитым плющом.
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,080
Ну хватит!
00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:39,280
А еще в лесу может быть страшно...
00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:43,100
...но ты только помни,
мамочка совсем рядом.
00:02:44,580 --> 00:02:47,640
- Поехали! Поехали!
- Поцелуй мамочку.
00:02:47,850 --> 00:02:50,780
Жми на газ, твою мать! Поехали.
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:56,190
- Не бойся, Картман.
- Заткнись! Я ничего не боюсь.
00:02:56,390 --> 00:02:58,860
Может, твоя мамка и меня поцелует.
00:03:01,660 --> 00:03:03,460
Это отвратительно.
00:03:03,660 --> 00:03:07,190
- Ты, кусок дерьма, я убью тебя!
- Вот это дух!
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,670
Тестостерон, вот чего у вас много!
00:03:10,870 --> 00:03:13,700
Мальчики, минуточку внимания.
00:03:13,910 --> 00:03:18,280
Я хочу объяснить вам
несколько базовых правил охоты.
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:22,140
Ружье всегда должно быть на предохранителе.
00:03:22,350 --> 00:03:24,440
Не стреляйте ни во что, похожее на человека.
00:03:24,620 --> 00:03:27,680
Не проливать ни в коем
случае пиво на патронташ.
00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:30,750
- Дядя Джимбо, мы не пьем пиво.
- Что?!
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,980
Правильно, не думаю, что
8-летние дети пьют пиво.
00:03:35,190 --> 00:03:36,530
Шоколадное молоко!
00:03:36,730 --> 00:03:39,460
Мы будем много пить в этом походе.
00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:44,760
Все-таки охотиться трезвыми
- это все равно, что рыбачить трезвыми!
00:03:44,970 --> 00:03:50,840
Будет здорово выбраться на время
из города, подальше от цивилизации.
00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:54,840
Вот мы и приехали.
00:03:56,180 --> 00:04:01,280
Ну хорошо, каждый возьмите по пиву,
ружью и нескольким сигаретам.
00:04:01,490 --> 00:04:04,290
Эй! Мне не дали ружья!
00:04:04,490 --> 00:04:07,360
Круто. Совсем как ружье,
из которого я стрелял во Вьетнаме.
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:11,390
- Ты не был во Вьетнаме!
- Ты был на базе в Дананге?
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,230
Он любит все придумывать.
Не верьте ему.
00:04:14,430 --> 00:04:16,590
Я тебе твою хренову башку отстрелю!
00:04:16,770 --> 00:04:20,640
Осторожно, сынок, это опасно!
Ты можешь пролить пиво.
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:29,170
После этого мой дядя
повезет меня охотиться в Африку.
00:04:29,380 --> 00:04:31,010
Вау, круто!
00:04:31,220 --> 00:04:34,650
Мама говорила мне,
что в Африке много черных.
00:04:34,820 --> 00:04:38,260
Смотрите!
Это - черный медведь Скалистых Гор.
00:04:38,420 --> 00:04:42,450
Вымирающий вид...
Разве он не прекрасен?
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:45,220
О, Боже! Он нападает!
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,740
Он не нападал на нас. Он просто сидел!
00:04:50,950 --> 00:04:54,110
Тихо.
Это такая хитрость.
00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:55,780
- Что?
- Видите ли...
00:04:55,990 --> 00:04:59,320
...демократы издали законы,
которые запрещают охотиться.
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:01,050
Ненавижу демократов!
00:05:01,260 --> 00:05:05,590
Они сказали, что нам нельзя
стрелять в некоторых животных,
если они нам не угрожают.
00:05:05,790 --> 00:05:10,130
Поэтому перед выстрелом
надо крикнуть: "Он нападает!"
00:05:10,330 --> 00:05:12,300
Ты умный, дядя Джимбо.
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:16,200
- Джимбо, смотри!
- О, это олень!
00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:19,640
Похоже на 46-й калибр, Нед.
00:05:19,810 --> 00:05:22,440
Он нападает!
00:05:25,380 --> 00:05:27,080
Супер!
00:05:27,650 --> 00:05:32,280
Видели? Я был просто в ужасе
от этого злобного взгляда.
00:05:32,490 --> 00:05:34,220
Кролик! Кролик!
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,320
Вперед! Вперед!
00:05:38,530 --> 00:05:40,500
- Это и есть охота?
- Наверно...
00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:43,890
- Чуваки, на меня воспоминания нахлынули.
- Что?
00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:48,260
Вперед! Подтянитесь!
Прикройте Чарли в деревьях!
00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:54,240
Он твой, Стэн!
00:05:57,150 --> 00:06:01,380
- Он нападает!
- Он нападает!
00:06:04,020 --> 00:06:07,790
Стреляй, Стэн!
Я тебя прикрою, солдат!
00:06:08,590 --> 00:06:10,620
Я не могу.
00:06:10,790 --> 00:06:14,230
- Да что с тобой?
- Я не хочу стрелять в него.
00:06:14,430 --> 00:06:18,230
Ты о чем? Бред какой-то!
00:06:18,430 --> 00:06:21,600
- У тебя истерика!
- Я просто не хочу в него стрелять.
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,770
Мой племянник - слабак?!
00:06:23,970 --> 00:06:27,030
Хиппи! Возвращайся в Вудсток,
если не умеешь стрелять!
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:29,710
- Я могу пристрелить тебя!
- А я тебя!
00:06:29,910 --> 00:06:33,370
- Я убью тебя!
- Я наполню тебя свинцом!
00:06:34,050 --> 00:06:35,880
Эй, что это?
00:06:51,670 --> 00:06:53,240
Что за черт?
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,340
Да, Фрэнк? Это Рэнди.
00:06:57,550 --> 00:07:01,650
Хорошо. Слушай, тут
движется эта мелкая иголка.
00:07:01,850 --> 00:07:05,720
Она ходит туда-сюда
очень быстро. Что это значит?
00:07:08,030 --> 00:07:10,020
Дай, проверю.
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,420
Да, дымит.
00:07:13,170 --> 00:07:14,760
Да?
00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:16,630
Да?
00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,400
О, Боже! Вулкан!
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:35,650
- Мои сосиски не жарятся.
- Эти дрова не горят.
00:07:35,850 --> 00:07:39,690
Похоже, нам придется использовать
старый индейский огненный трюк.
00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:53,340
Остановись, упади и покатайся на земле, Нед!
00:07:56,540 --> 00:08:01,410
Черт! Я купил этот грузовик
совсем недавно! Как мы теперь попадем домой?
00:08:01,580 --> 00:08:03,950
Больно, Больно!
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:07,050
Эй, ребят! Сосиски теперь жарятся!
00:08:08,620 --> 00:08:13,720
Господин Мэр, вы не можете запретить
подачу стейков Солсбери в школах.
00:08:13,930 --> 00:08:15,790
Что дальше, запретите мясные рулеты?
00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:18,990
Мы знаем, как тебя это беспокоит, Шеф, но...
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:23,070
- Геологу нужно поговорить с вами.
- Моему геологу? Сейчас?
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:26,400
С инфекцией все в норме.
Мне не нужна проверка.
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:30,340
Нет, не гинеколог. Геологи изучают Землю.
00:08:30,540 --> 00:08:34,070
Я знаю! Как ты смеешь
сомневаться в моем интеллекте?!
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,810
Я училась в Принстоне!
Пошел вон из моего офиса!
00:08:38,020 --> 00:08:42,150
Я не в вашем офисе.
Я говорю с вами через спикерфон.
00:08:42,850 --> 00:08:45,690
- Просто пошлите сюда этого Геометрика!
- Геолога.
00:08:45,890 --> 00:08:49,690
- Ты уволен, приятель!
- Рад был поработать у вас.
00:08:49,890 --> 00:08:55,390
Мэр, у нас очень серьезная проблема.
У Мистера Эванса скоро будет извержение.
00:08:57,970 --> 00:09:00,140
Что от этого будет с городом?
00:09:00,350 --> 00:09:03,280
График показывает все
от нормального до плохого.
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,210
Сейчас Южный Парк тут.
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:21,230
- О, Боже!
- Мэр. несколько школьников...
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:24,030
...разбили лагерь на этой горе.
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,400
Это серьезно! Джонсон! Джонсон, ты там?
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:30,510
Вы уволили Джонсона. Я - его замена, Тед.
00:09:30,710 --> 00:09:33,180
Тед, у нас кризис!
00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:38,910
Позвони в газету, спасение
91 1 и на телевидение!
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:44,420
И моему стилисту.
Не волнуйтесь, все под контролем.
00:09:46,260 --> 00:09:51,760
И тогда Нед поднял гранату и... бум!
Ему оторвало руку!
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:56,260
Мы искали эту руку несколько
часов, но не нашли её.
00:09:56,470 --> 00:10:00,430
Говорят, что она до сих
пор где-то ползает.
00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:04,940
- Купился!
- Это не страшно.
00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:09,310
- Ты испугался. Ты чуть не описался.
- Заткнись! Я не описался!
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:12,320
Нед, передай мне джин.
00:10:13,790 --> 00:10:17,780
- Парни, будете пить?
- Нет, у этой дряни вкус, как у мочи.
00:10:17,990 --> 00:10:20,650
- Как у мочи Картмана!
- Сейчас ты правда мою мочу попробуешь!
00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:24,820
Да что с вами?
Немного алкоголя не можете выпить?
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:28,300
Боже, посмотрите на этого сукиного сына!
00:10:30,070 --> 00:10:33,800
Видишь, Стэн?
Это - грязная маленькая сволочь!
00:10:34,010 --> 00:10:36,170
Я тоже грязная маленькая сволочь!
00:10:36,380 --> 00:10:38,870
Эй, парни, я знаю хорошую страшилку.
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,980
- Заткнись. Ты не умеешь никого пугать.
- Ах так?
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:46,810
- Вы когда-нибудь слышали о Сказлзаде?
- Каком заде?
00:10:46,990 --> 00:10:51,290
Сказлзад - существо,
которое живет на этой горе...
00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:54,550
...и убивает всех,
кто взбирается на вершину.
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:58,220
- Почему?
- Он обожает вкус крови...
00:10:58,430 --> 00:11:01,730
...и любит добавлять разные части
к своему деформированному телу...
00:11:01,940 --> 00:11:03,930
В каком смысле деформированному?
00:11:04,110 --> 00:11:07,480
Вместо левой ладони у него...
00:11:07,650 --> 00:11:09,750
- Крюк!
- Нож!
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:14,360
Нет, кусок сельдерея!
И да, он хромает.
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:18,390
У него нет одной ноги. Вместо нее...
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,460
Патрик Даффи!
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:25,600
Патрик Даффи?! Твою мать, это не страшно!
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,970
Что? Ты смотрел "Шаг за Шагом"?
00:11:29,270 --> 00:11:33,800
Он живет один на этой горе
и шьёт корзины и другие вещи.
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:39,280
Говорят, что в тихую ночь можно
услышать, как он шьет корзины.
00:11:41,450 --> 00:11:45,550
- Ты не умеешь рассказывать страшилки!
- Дай мне этот фонарик.
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:52,090
- Что это?
- Может, к нам идет Сказлзад?
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:53,560
Возможно.
00:11:53,770 --> 00:11:56,600
Надеюсь, он не порежет
меня своим сельдереем.
00:11:56,800 --> 00:12:00,130
Пошли вы! Идите к черту!
00:12:00,340 --> 00:12:06,040
Нед, почему бы нам не спеть?
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:33,040
Они думают, что Сказлзад не страшный?
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:36,540
Посмотрим, что они скажут,
когда увидят Сказлзада!
00:12:36,710 --> 00:12:38,370
Я напугаю их завтра.
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:52,750
- Стэн, вставай!
- Что, чувак?
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,430
Мне кажется, Картмана кто-то забрал.
00:12:55,630 --> 00:12:58,650
- Где мой дядя и Нед?
- Рыбачат с Кенни.
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:02,090
С Кенни? Но это же должен быть мой поход!
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:05,790
Почему им так нравится Кенни?
А я им не нравлюсь?!
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:10,130
- Стэн, знаешь, о чем я думаю?
- Что?
00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:16,250
Какое чудесное утро для рыбалки. Рыба!
00:13:19,390 --> 00:13:20,950
Вижу.
00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:24,800
Отличная реакция.
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,130
Дядя Джимбо, Картман пропал!
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,830
- Кто? Жирдяй?
- Ага.
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,940
О, черт. Ну, пойдем его искать.
00:13:33,140 --> 00:13:37,200
Нед, давай по-быстрому.
Взрывай сразу, весь заряд!
00:13:41,050 --> 00:13:44,350
Больше этого нам лицензия делать запрещает.
00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:48,750
Ох, здесь воняет дохлой рыбой.
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,890
Ну, ты сказал!
00:13:52,090 --> 00:13:55,620
Я никогда не видел такого
крутого чела, как ты, Кенни.
00:13:55,830 --> 00:13:59,360
Я сделаю тебя почетным племянником.
00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:06,640
Жители Южного Парка скромны и дружелюбны.
00:14:06,810 --> 00:14:10,440
Но скоро горячая лава поглотит их...
00:14:10,610 --> 00:14:15,950
...и положит конец их жалким жизням
с мучительной болью и нескончаемой агонией.
00:14:16,480 --> 00:14:19,110
Эй, я в ящике, я в ящике!
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,760
Что вы сделаете, чтобы
предотвратить неминуемую катастрофу?
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:26,860
Все, что мы знаем сейчас, это то,
что несколько наших учеников...
00:14:27,060 --> 00:14:31,860
...пошли в поход ну эту гору и...
Извините, можно я сначала начну?
00:14:32,070 --> 00:14:35,660
Вы же можете это отредактировать, верно?
Готовы? Три, два, один.
00:14:35,870 --> 00:14:37,530
Все мы знаем, в данный момент...
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:41,430
...несколько наших учеников
ушли в поход в эти горы.
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,270
Мы ничего не можем
сделать, пока не вернем их!
00:14:44,740 --> 00:14:49,310
Хорошо, люди, вперед за нашими детьми!
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,180
Вы все должны помочь детям!
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:58,310
Он не мог уйти далеко.
Разве что его могли утащить...
00:14:58,490 --> 00:15:01,980
Что-то тут сегодня мало животных, Джимбо.
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:06,600
Да, как будто что-то случилось.
00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:12,900
- Нед, что ты ел на завтрак?
- Не знаю. У меня сильные газы.
00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:15,300
Эй! Баран!
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:18,850
Он нападает!
00:15:20,590 --> 00:15:22,150
Хороший выстрел, Кенни!
00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:25,230
- Тебе нужно ружье побольше.
- Смотрите!
00:15:25,430 --> 00:15:29,190
Я - Сказлзад, повелитель гор!
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:31,560
Узрите мою ногу - Патрика Даффи!
00:15:31,770 --> 00:15:35,470
- Что это?
- Сказлзад! Картман не врал.
00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:38,540
Мы можем срубить много бабла,
если убьем эту хрень.
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:41,300
Мы будем на обложке "Ружей и Патронов"!
00:15:41,510 --> 00:15:43,950
Тут нужен HJ-14.
00:15:44,150 --> 00:15:46,880
Они так испугались.
00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:50,480
Огонь!
00:15:51,090 --> 00:15:53,210
Черт!
00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:58,920
- Черт, я, кажется, промазал.
- Вы нормальные?!
00:15:59,130 --> 00:16:02,720
Пошли, вперед! Вперед!
00:16:04,170 --> 00:16:05,400
Микрофон включен? Хорошо.
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,540
Люди, соберитесь в группы и обыщите гору.
00:16:08,740 --> 00:16:11,540
Сообщайте об успехах каждый час, ясно?
00:16:11,740 --> 00:16:14,680
- Мэр, у меня идея.
- Какая?
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:19,340
Если мы выроем большую канаву,
мы сможем перенаправить лаву к каньону.
00:16:19,550 --> 00:16:22,580
И тогда она протечет мимо Южного Парка.
00:16:22,790 --> 00:16:25,950
- Это хорошо, да?
- Да, скорее всего.
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:28,180
Тогда чего мы ждем?
00:16:28,390 --> 00:16:32,490
Хорошо, народ, в плане изменения.
Одна половина берет лопаты.
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,060
Похоже на его следы.
00:16:35,270 --> 00:16:38,330
Нед, приготовь HK-12 и Пластицин.
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:43,100
Бьюсь об заклад, этот урод
решил подняться повыше,
там ему безопаснее... Птица!
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:46,640
Чем выше он поднимается,
тем легче ему дышать.
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,970
Смотрите, там, наверху!
00:16:49,180 --> 00:16:51,740
Эй мужики, это же я!
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:55,610
- Мы уверены, что это Сказлзад?
- У него там вместо ноги Патрик Даффи?
00:16:55,820 --> 00:16:57,450
Я не могу сказать. Просто убьем его!
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,380
Я должен снять этот дурацкий костюм!
00:17:00,590 --> 00:17:03,920
- Кенни, ты идешь вперед.
- Нет, я смогу сделать это.
00:17:04,130 --> 00:17:08,030
- Я сам хочу прикончить это животное!
- Вот это дух! Давайте охотиться!
00:17:08,230 --> 00:17:10,130
Ребята, я просто пошутил!
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:15,570
Пока часть жителей пытаются
сохранить свой город, другая
часть ищут пропавших без вести.
00:17:15,770 --> 00:17:18,260
Но все они должны принимать
меры предосторожности.
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:22,500
Люди, послушайте.
Поскольку мы приближаемся к вершине горы...
00:17:22,710 --> 00:17:26,720
...шансы встретиться
с лавиной только увеличиваются.
00:17:26,890 --> 00:17:32,760
У меня есть специальный учебный
фильм, как спастись от вулкана.
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:36,270
Мистер Гаррисон, можете нажимать.
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,730
Стихийные бедствия могут быть причиной...
00:17:40,910 --> 00:17:45,280
...тревог и нежелательных стрессов.
И вулкан - не исключение.
00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:49,680
Что делать, если вулкан извергается
рядом с вами или вашей семьей?
00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,610
Здесь мы видим:
семья Стивенсонов на пикнике.
00:17:52,820 --> 00:17:56,280
Вдруг дочь слышит шум.
Это вулкан.
00:17:56,490 --> 00:17:59,220
Младший, кажется, волнуется.
Но не надо бояться...
00:17:59,430 --> 00:18:03,290
...Джейн узнала в школе, что делать,
если вулкан начинает извержение.
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:07,190
Вот именно, Джейн.
Надо лечь и прикрыть голову
00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:13,340
Так что вы сделаете, когда
услышите извержение вулкана?
00:18:13,810 --> 00:18:18,440
Правильно. Лягте и прикройте голову.
Похоже, вы поняли.
00:18:18,650 --> 00:18:20,410
Лягте и прикройте голову.
00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:23,100
Спасибо и до свидания.
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,110
Итак, есть вопросы?
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:30,590
Это - самая бредовая куча свинячьего
дерьма, что я видел за всю жизнь!
00:18:30,790 --> 00:18:32,380
Хватит!
00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:37,920
Я убью Сказлзада, а потом мы
посмотрим, кто из нас сволочь!
00:18:38,130 --> 00:18:40,430
Серьезно, парни!
00:18:40,630 --> 00:18:42,070
Убей его, Убей его!
00:18:47,470 --> 00:18:48,940
Давай, убей его!
00:18:50,010 --> 00:18:54,000
- Черт. Я не могу!
- Слабак! Дай сюда это ружье.
00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:59,380
- Вашу мать, не стреляйте!
- Какого черта?
00:18:59,550 --> 00:19:02,920
Я пытался вас испугать.
Теперь можете убрать ружье.
00:19:03,090 --> 00:19:05,990
Вот нам и обложка "Ружей и Патронов"...
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:10,220
Но я думаю, что сегодня
мы узнали много важного. Я думаю...
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:16,330
- Твою мать!
- Гору прорвало!
00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,770
О, боже, они убили Кенни!
00:19:28,780 --> 00:19:32,820
- Смотрите, вулкан!
- Быстро! Лягте и прикройте голову!
00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:38,260
Эта лава идет прямо на нас!
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:40,400
О, нет, смотрите!
00:19:41,900 --> 00:19:45,840
Что это за канава?!
Мы не сможем перейти на другую сторону!
00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:50,340
Пропавшие дети попали в ловушку
на пути горячей, ужасной лавы.
00:19:50,550 --> 00:19:54,310
Боже, прошу, спаси этих милых детей от...
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,250
Стоп, стоп, стоп!
Три, два, один.
00:19:57,450 --> 00:19:59,390
Боже, прошу, спаси...
00:19:59,590 --> 00:20:00,950
На помощь!
00:20:10,070 --> 00:20:12,560
Блин! Это настоящий Сказлзад!
00:20:12,770 --> 00:20:17,210
- Что? Сказлзад существует?
- О, Боже, посмотрите на его ногу!
00:20:17,410 --> 00:20:19,970
Привет, ребята. Я Патрик Даффи с ТВ.
00:20:20,180 --> 00:20:22,440
Быстро, Нед, стреляй в него!
00:20:22,650 --> 00:20:25,340
О, нет, у меня закончились патроны!
00:20:27,020 --> 00:20:31,010
- Что это?
- Это Сказлзад!
00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:34,520
У него Патрик Даффи вместо
ноги, и он шьет корзины.
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:39,320
Ничего не происходит, всем
отвернуться. Тут ничего интересного.
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:42,830
Ну, ребята, мне жаль,
что вы умрете из-за меня.
00:20:52,740 --> 00:20:54,940
Ого! Он сделал большую корзину!
00:20:55,140 --> 00:20:57,240
Он спасает нас!
00:21:01,950 --> 00:21:05,650
- Сказлзад спас их!
- И мои подсчеты оказались верными!
00:21:05,850 --> 00:21:09,550
Лава стекает по канаве в каньон.
00:21:10,490 --> 00:21:14,360
А куда она потечет дальше?
00:21:18,970 --> 00:21:21,560
Южный Парк спасен!
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:25,730
Эй, смотрите, Кенни жив!
00:21:26,210 --> 00:21:31,370
Теперь эти люди могут радоваться и
отметить свою победу над природой.
00:21:31,550 --> 00:21:34,310
Мне только что сообщили, что
Шеф из школьной столовой...
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:37,980
...хочет спеть песню об этой
удивительной битве за жизнь.
00:21:52,510 --> 00:21:55,240
Что вы можете сказать об
этом удивительном спасении?
00:21:55,450 --> 00:22:01,440
Мы всем обязаны этому дружелюбному,
но непонятному созданию.
00:22:02,090 --> 00:22:05,890
- Спасибо, Сказлзад.
- Друг.
00:22:06,090 --> 00:22:08,530
Как мило!
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,590
Я сделал это! Я хоть что-то убил!
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,600
- Что он сделал?
- Выключите камеры!
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,290
Это было просто.
00:22:19,070 --> 00:22:22,340
Нет! Почему, Боже, почему?!
00:22:22,540 --> 00:22:24,600
Нельзя было этого делать!
00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:26,780
- Почему?
- Определитесь уже, мужики.
00:22:26,980 --> 00:22:30,310
Некоторые вещи ты убиваешь,
а некоторые нельзя, понял?
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,640
- Нет.
- Только сейчас, когда уже поздно...
00:22:33,850 --> 00:22:39,220
...я вижу глупость оружия. Я никогда
не буду больше использовать оружие.
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,220
Я хотел, чтобы ты гордился
мной, как гордился Кенни.
00:22:47,430 --> 00:22:51,390
Но теперь Кенни мертв.
Ты всегда будешь моим племянником.
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,870
Ты просто не можешь убивать все подряд.
00:22:54,070 --> 00:22:57,170
- Понял?
- Я не пойму эту охоту.
00:22:57,380 --> 00:23:01,954
- Это тупость. Пойдем смотреть мультфильмы.
- Да, мультики это круто.
00:23:02,037 --> 00:23:05,700
Переведено на сайте www.notabenoid.com
http://notabenoid.com/book/10656/34488
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:09,300
Переводчики: Lendis,
simuladora, CaptainObvious
eng__English.srt
eng__English.srt
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:04,964
who's sleeping
with mommy tonight.
00:00:06,549 --> 00:00:08,551
That is a hoot and a holler.
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:11,345
This next episode
is by far our favorite.
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,180
It's called "Volcano."
00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:14,974
In it, the boys go camping
with Stan's uncle Jimbo
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:16,434
and his friend Ned.
00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:18,019
While camping,
they encounter
00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:20,229
a strange creature
in a deadly volcano.
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,939
I think the reason
that this episode is,
00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:24,025
well, Scratch's
favorite anyway
00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:25,568
is because it deals
with an issue
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,611
that is really important
to Matt and I.
00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:30,072
You see, we grew up
in the Colorado Rockies,
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,366
and there black bear
hunting is illegal.
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,785
Well, a few years ago
a man shot a black bear
00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:36,829
and her two cubs
out of a tree.
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,456
When taken to jail
the man said,
00:00:38,581 --> 00:00:40,374
"Well, they were coming
right for us,"
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,251
but he'd shot the black bears
out of a tree,
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,794
so it was ridiculous.
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:46,297
That's not funny.
00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:48,466
What America's
really dying to know is,
00:00:48,591 --> 00:00:50,718
is there really
a Scuzzlebutt?
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:53,721
People have to understand,
these are all works of fiction.
00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:55,347
There's no such thing
as aliens.
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:57,099
There's no such thing
as Scuzzlebutt.
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,518
And there's no such thing
as Patrick Duffy.
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:02,480
What happened to Ned to cause
him to speak the way he does?
00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:04,482
Well, Ned is actually
our favorite character
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:06,192
in all of South Park.
00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:09,653
He had a laryngectomy
from smoking too much
00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:11,614
and got throat cancer.
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,365
So now he talks like this.
00:01:13,491 --> 00:01:16,786
I guess we can all take
a lesson from Ned.
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:20,164
So sit back, relax
and enjoy "Volcano."
00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:34,303
♪ I'm going
down to South Park ♪
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,180
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,848
♪ Friendly
faces everywhere ♪
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:39,475
♪ Humble folks
without temptations ♪
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,893
♪ I'm going down
to South Park ♪
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:43,145
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:44,772
♪ Ample parking
day or night ♪
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,482
♪ People spouting
"Howdy neighbor" ♪
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:47,900
♪ Heading on
up to South Park ♪
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,652
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:54,532
♪ So come on
down to South park ♪
00:01:54,657 --> 00:01:56,492
♪ And meet some friends
of mine ♪
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,661
Now you be careful, Eric.
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,122
The woods can be
very dangerous.
00:02:01,247 --> 00:02:04,250
Okay, Mom.
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:06,210
Ready to go hunting, Cartman?
00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,671
Yeah, my Uncle Jimbo says
we gotta get up there early.
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:09,713
Right, Uncle Jimbo?
00:02:09,839 --> 00:02:11,507
That's right, Stanley.
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,634
Animals are much easier
to shoot in the morning.
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,136
Here, hon.
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:17,680
I packed you Cheesy Poofs
and Happy Tarts.
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,224
Don't worry, Miss Cartman,
we'll take care of him.
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:23,352
I brought my old war buddy,
Ned, to keep things safe.
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:27,022
Hello, Mrs. Cartman.
How are you today?
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,275
- Be sure to use
lots of bug spray,
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,860
and if you have
to poo-poo,
00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:33,028
don't wipe
with poison ivy.
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,656
Dude, that's sick, Mom!
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:38,826
And I know it can get scary
up in those woods,
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:42,663
but just remember,
Mommy's not far away.
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:45,082
Drive! Drive!
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:47,209
You give your mommy
a kissy.
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,128
Drive the car, damn it!
Drive!
00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:53,507
"Don't get scared up
in the mountains, Cartman."
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,759
Shut up!
I'm not scared of nothing.
00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:58,387
Maybe your mom can give me
a kiss too, Cartman.
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:03,017
Oh, oh!
That's disgusting.
00:03:03,142 --> 00:03:05,186
You piece of crap!
I'll kill you!
00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,854
That's the spirit, boys.
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:09,023
Let's get that
testosterone flowing.
00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:10,858
Yeeh!
00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,194
Now, boys, boys, I need
to get serious for a minute.
00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:16,280
I want you to understand
a few basic rules of hunting,
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,990
since this is your first time.
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,159
First of all, don't
ever walk with your gun
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,869
unless the safety's on.
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:24,205
Second, don't shoot anything
that looks human.
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:27,041
And third, never spill your
beer in the bullet chamber.
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,376
Uh, Uncle Jimbo,
we don't drink beer.
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:30,461
You what?!
00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:32,087
Yeah, that's right,
00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:34,340
I don't think eight-year-old
kids drink beer.
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:36,342
I like chocolate milk!
00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:38,844
Well, we'll be doing plenty
of drinking on this trip.
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:42,014
After all,
hunter sober is like...
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,308
Fishing...sober.
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,477
It sure will be nice
to get out of the city
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,646
for a while,
away from civilization.
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,486
Well, here we are.
00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:58,864
Okay, each of you young'uns
take a gun, a beer,
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,824
and some smokes.
00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:03,869
Hey, I didn't get a gun.
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:06,914
Sweet. This is like
the gun I used in 'Nam.
00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:08,707
You weren't in Vietnam,
Cartman.
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,960
Were you stationed
in Da Nang?
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:12,378
Cartman always
makes stuff up, Ned.
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:13,963
You can't believe
anything he says.
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,923
Hey, I'll blow
your freaking head off.
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,425
Hey, look out, son.
That's dangerous.
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,302
You're gonna spill your beer.
00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,767
My Uncle Jimbo
says that after this
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,644
he's gonna take me
hunting in Africa.
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,562
Wow, that'll be cool.
00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:34,233
My mom says there's a lot
of black people in Africa.
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,901
Boys, lookie there.
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,320
That there is
a Rocky Mountain black bear.
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,863
One of the few remaining
of its kind.
00:04:39,989 --> 00:04:42,032
Isn't it beautiful?
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,951
My God,
it's coming right for us!
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:49,164
Hey, it wasn't
coming right for us.
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,625
It was just sitting there.
- Shh, not so loud.
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,669
Now that there
is just a technicality.
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,337
What do you mean?
- You see, boys,
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,339
the Democrats have passed
a lot of laws
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,924
trying to stop us
from hunting.
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,676
Democrats piss me off!
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,761
They say we can't shoot
certain animals anymore
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,055
unless they're posing
an immediate threat.
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,141
Therefore,
before we shoot something,
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,685
we have to say,
"It's coming right for us."
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,353
Wow, you're smart,
Uncle Jimbo.
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,522
Jimbo, look.
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,733
Oh, it's a deer.
00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:19,194
Looks like about
a 45-gauge, Ned.
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,114
It's coming right for us!
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:27,036
Kickass!
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:28,829
Did you see that?
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,165
I was imperiled by
that ferocious, charging buck.
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,917
Rabbit, rabbit,
five o'clock.
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,880
Let's move!
Move!
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,049
Is this hunting?
- I guess so.
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,760
Uh, dude, I'm starting
to have flashbacks.
00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:45,179
What?
- Stand forth, pull up flank.
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,931
Look out for Charlies
up in the trees.
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,937
This one's yours, Stan.
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:59,777
It's coming right for us.
- It's coming right for us.
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,033
Shoot it, Stan.
- I got your back, soldier.
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:10,162
I can't.
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:11,997
What the--
What's wrong with you?
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,582
I don't wanna shoot
the bunny.
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,042
What the hell
are you talking about,
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,668
you don't wanna shoot
the bunny?
00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,295
You're babbling,
you're not making any sense.
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:19,797
You're hysterical.
- I'm not hysterical.
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,548
I just don't wanna
shoot the bunny.
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,300
No nephew of mine
is gonna be a tree-hugger.
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:25,094
Yeah, hippie,
go back to Woodstock
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:26,970
if you can't shoot anything.
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:29,264
I can shoot you, fatass!
- I can shoot you, too!
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,517
I'll kill you!
- I'll fill you full of lead!
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,562
Hey, what's that?
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,036
Hmm?
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:53,956
What the heck is this?
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,666
Yeah, Frank.
It's Randy.
00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:58,043
Uh-huh. Good.
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:01,130
Yeah, listen,
the little needle is moving.
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,923
Yeah, it's going
back and forth really fast.
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,843
What does that mean?
Uh-huh?
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:09,638
Uh-huh.
Let me check.
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,558
Yeah, it's smoking.
Uh-huh.
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:16,770
Oh, really?
Really?
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:19,857
Oh, my God, a volcano.
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,245
My weenies won't cook.
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,497
This wood won't burn.
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,207
Well, Ned, looks like
we'll have to use
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,834
the old Indian fire trick.
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,836
Yep.
00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:51,847
Hey, stop, drop
and roll, Ned.
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,185
Whoa!
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:58,312
God damn it, Ned.
I just got that van.
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:00,397
How the hell are we
supposed to get home?
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,816
Oh, it hurts, it hurts!
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,943
Hey, you guys.
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,904
This works pretty good
right now.
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:09,698
But you see, Mr. Mayor,
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,075
you can't stop serving
Salisbury steak
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,660
in our public schools.
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,621
What's next, meatloaf?
00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:18,707
We are quite aware
of your concerns, Chef, but--
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,043
Mayor, the geologist
is here to see you.
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,170
My geologist? Now?
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,546
Tell him
the infection is fine
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,215
and I don't need
another checkup.
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,175
No, Mayor, that's
a gynecologist.
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,093
A geologist studies
the earth.
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,179
Don't you think I know that?
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,056
How dare you insult
my intellect.
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,016
I went to Princeton
for God's sake.
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,643
You get out of my office.
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,394
I'm not in
your office, Mayor.
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,731
I'm talking to you
through a speaker.
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,317
Just send in the geometrist.
- Geologist.
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,319
You are fired, buddy!
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,530
Thank you, Mayor. It's
been great working for you.
00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:51,865
Mayor, we've got
a very big problem.
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,784
Mount Evanson
is about to erupt.
00:08:57,913 --> 00:08:59,957
What does this mean
to the town?
00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:02,960
Well, this graph shows
everything from normal to bad.
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:05,170
Right now,
South Park is here.
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,725
My God.
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,811
Mayor, some of
the school children
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:23,855
are up camping
on that mountain right now.
00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,232
Oh, this is big.
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:27,401
Johnson, Johnson,
are you there?
00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:29,152
Uh, you just fired
Johnson, Mayor.
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:30,779
I'm his replacement, Ted.
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,948
Ted, we have got
a major crisis here.
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,825
I want you to get
on the phone and call
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:37,119
"Inside Edition,"
"Rescue 911,"
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,954
oh, and
"Entertainment Tonight."
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,123
You better get
my stylist on the phone, too.
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:44,376
Don't worry.
Things are under control.
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:49,673
And then Ned picked
up the grenade and--boom!--
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:51,592
blasted his arm clear off.
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:54,344
We spent three hours
looking for that damn arm,
00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:56,179
but it was never
to be found.
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:59,182
Some say it's still
crawling around to this day.
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,936
Ha, gotcha!
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,896
Heh, that's not scary.
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,024
You were scared, Cartman.
You almost peed your pants.
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,151
Shut up!
I didn't pee my pants.
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,694
Hey, Ned, hand me that gin.
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,532
You boys want to tie one on?
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,618
No, no thanks.
That stuff tastes like pee.
00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:20,495
Yeah, Cartman's pee.
- Hey, you would taste my pee.
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:21,872
What the hell
is wrong with you?
00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:24,499
Can't you have
a little alcohol?
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:29,713
Christ, look at that
little bastard go!
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,340
Now you see that, Stan?
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,634
Now that is
a dirty little bastard.
00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:35,969
Hey, I'm a dirty
little bastard, too.
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,513
Hey, you guys,
I know a scary story.
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,974
Shut up, Cartman.
You can't scare anybody.
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,559
Oh, yeah?
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:45,437
You guys ever heard
of Scuzzlebutt?
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,688
What-lebutt?
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,357
Scuzzlebutt is a creature
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,984
that lives up
on this very mountain
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:54,363
and kills anybody
who dares climb to the top.
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:55,989
Why?
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,991
Because it loves
the taste of blood
00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:01,578
and likes to add pieces
to its deformed body.
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,038
Deformed how?
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,998
Well, on his left arm
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:07,292
instead of a hand,
he has...
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,710
A hook.
- A knife.
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,963
No, a piece of celery.
- Celery?
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,007
Yes, and he walks
with a limp,
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:16,426
because one of
his legs is missing.
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:18,261
And where his leg should be,
00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:21,264
there's nothing but...
Patrick Duffy.
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,475
Patrick Duffy?
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,435
Damn it, Cartman,
that's not scary.
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,813
What do you mean? Have you
ever seen "Step by Step?"
00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:30,857
So he lives alone
on this mountain
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,610
and weaves baskets
and other assorted crafts.
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,487
They say
that on quiet nights
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,906
you can hear him weaving
his baskets.
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:41,076
Ka-shink, ka-shink, ka-shink.
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,453
Cartman, you suck
at telling scary stories.
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,913
Yeah, give me
that flashlight.
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,043
What's that?
- Maybe it's Scuzzlebutt
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,837
coming to weave us
into wicker baskets.
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,672
Hey, it might be.
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,425
Gosh, I hope he doesn't
cut me with his celery hand.
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:57,718
Screw you guys!
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,928
Fatass!
- Go to hell!
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,931
Hey, Ned, why don't you whip
out the old cancer kazoo.
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:06,226
Let's do a little song.
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,770
♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,565
♪ Kumbaya ♪
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,025
♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:16,361
♪ Kumbaya ♪
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,739
♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:21,700
♪ Kumbaya ♪
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:26,496
♪ Oh Lord, Kumbaya ♪
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:30,292
♪ Someone's crying, Lord,
Kumbaya ♪
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,502
They don't think
Scuzzlebutt is scary, huh?
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,004
Let's see how
they like it
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,339
when they actually
see Scuzzlebutt.
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:38,216
I'll scare the hell
out of them tomorrow.
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:42,012
♪ Someone's crying, Lord,
Kumbaya ♪
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:45,599
♪ Oh Lord, Kumbaya ♪
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,188
Stan, Stan, wake up.
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,689
What, dude?
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,232
I don't know
where Cartman is.
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:55,525
I think something
took him away.
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,068
Where's my Uncle Jimbo
and Ned?
00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,987
They're out fishing
with Kenny.
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,948
With Kenny? But this is
supposed to be my camping trip.
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,784
Why do they like
Kenny so much?
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:05,827
Doesn't he like me anymore?
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,913
Well, Stan, you want
to know what I think?
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,040
What?
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:13,960
What a beautiful morning
for fishing.
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:16,171
There's one.
There's a fish right there.
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,884
Got it.
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:24,596
Great instincts, boy.
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,431
Uncle Jimbo,
Cartman's missing.
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,683
Who?
The fat kid?
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,811
Yeah.
- Ah, hell.
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,771
I guess we better
go look for him.
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,189
Ned, you gotta
cut it short.
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,316
Fire out the 12-20.
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,739
Well, I think
that's about the limit
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,282
for our fishing permit.
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,202
Oh, man, it smells
like dead fish.
00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:51,748
Oh, man, that is nasty.
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,084
Yeah, I don't think
I've ever seen a kid
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,627
as cool as you, Kenny.
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:58,171
I'm making you
my honorary nephew.
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,805
The people of South Park
are humble and friendly,
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,974
but now a ticking
time bomb of hot lava
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,434
waits to engulf these people
and end their miserable lives
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,061
with one last fleeting moment
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,689
of excruciatingly painful,
burning agony.
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:18,900
Hey, I'm on TV!
I'm on TV!
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,610
Mayor,
what are you doing
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,487
to prepare for this
inevitable catastrophe?
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:26,449
All we know right now
is that some of our children
00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:29,911
are camping on that mountain
and--uh, I'm sorry.
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,788
Can I start over?
- Huh?
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:35,584
- You can edit this, right?
Ready? Three, two, one.
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,335
All we know right now
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,087
is that some of our children
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,172
are up camping
on that mountain.
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:44,009
We can't do anything
until we get them.
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:49,055
Okay, people,
let's go get those kids!
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:52,058
Come on, everybody.
You gotta help the children.
00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:56,313
Well, he couldn't
have gone far.
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:58,064
Unless something drug him off.
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:01,818
There's not many animals
out today, Jimbo.
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,863
Yeah, it's almost like
something funny's going on.
00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,492
Christ, Ned, what'd
you have for breakfast?
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:12,662
I don't know, man.
I've got some bad gas.
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:15,040
Wait, there's a ram.
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,875
It's coming right for us!
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,796
Nice shooting, Kenny!
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,090
Here, you need a bigger gun.
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:27,135
Look!
- I am Scuzzlebutt,
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,929
Lord of the mountains.
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:31,306
Behold my Patrick Duffy leg.
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,099
What is it?
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,185
Dude, it's Scuzzlebutt!
Cartman wasn't lying.
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:38,229
Holy crow! We could make
a mint killing this thing.
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:41,024
We'll be on the cover
of "Guns & Ammo."
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,693
This calls for some HJ-14.
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:46,613
Those guys
are totally scared.
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,074
Fire in the hole!
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:51,993
Holy crap!
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:56,247
Damn it,
I think I missed.
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,667
What the hell
is wrong with you people?
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,835
Come on, let's move!
Move!
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,755
Wait, wait, ahhh!
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,423
Is it on?
Okay.
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:08,343
Okay, people, form groups
and search the mountain.
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,262
Report back here every hour.
You got that?
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:14,432
Mayor, I might have an idea.
- Oh, what?
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,393
Well, if we can dig
a very large trench,
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,062
we can divert the lava
into a canyon,
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:22,315
and then it would bypass South
Park pretty much completely.
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,401
And that would be good,
right?
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:25,860
I'm pretty sure.
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,946
Well, what are we
waiting for?
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,156
Okay, people,
change of plans.
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,242
Half of you grabs shovels.
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,995
These look like his tracks.
He must have gone this way.
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:38,081
Ned, prepare some HK-12
and some Plasticine.
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,667
I'll bet that sucker is headed
for a higher elevation.
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:43,753
The higher up it--bird!
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:46,256
The higher up it goes,
the better it can breathe.
00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:48,717
Look, up there!
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,553
You guys, it's just me.
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,388
Are we sure
it's Scuzzlebutt?
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,348
Does it have
Patrick Duffy for a leg?
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,183
I can't tell.
Let's kill it.
00:16:57,308 --> 00:17:00,145
Got to get out
of this stupid costume.
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,730
Kenny, you take the front.
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,481
No, I can do it,
Uncle Jimbo.
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,108
I want to bag that animal.
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,777
That's the spirit, kiddo.
Let's hunt!
00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,863
You guys, you guys,
I was just kidding!
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:11,573
- As some people of South Park
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,283
try desperately
to save their mountain town,
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,243
others look
for the missing townspeople.
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,996
But all must take
every precaution necessary.
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,081
Okay, people, listen up.
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,375
As we near the top
of the mountain,
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:26,171
the chances of our encountering
some lava becomes great.
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,465
Therefore,
I have special ordered
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:30,633
this training film
to assist us
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,635
in volcano safety.
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,763
Mr. Garrison,
if you would, please.
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:40,018
Harbingers of sorrow,
natural disasters can be
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:42,771
the cause of troubling
and undesirable stress,
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,981
and a volcano is no exception.
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:47,400
But what should you do
if a volcano erupts near you
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,027
or your family?
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,987
Here, we see
the Stephens Family
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:52,697
enjoying--Sunday picnic.
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,908
But suddenly,
daughter hears a noise.
00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:57,077
It's a volcano.
Junior seems worried.
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,745
But have no fear, Junior.
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:00,288
Jane learned in school
what to do
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:03,041
when you hear
a volcano erupt.
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,710
That's right, Jane,
duck and cover.
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:13,093
So what will--do when you
hear a volcano erupting?
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:16,096
That's right,
duck and cover.
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:18,181
Looks like you got the idea.
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,183
Duck and cover.
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,852
Thank you and good-bye.
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,854
Okay, any questions?
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:27,315
That has got to be
the most ridiculous
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,318
load of pig crap
I have ever seen.
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,278
That's enough out of you!
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,989
I'm gonna bag Scuzzlebutt,
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,991
then we'll see
who's a little bastard.
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:40,161
Hey, seriously, you guys!
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,913
Kill it, Stan.
Kill it.
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,963
Come on, Stan, kill it!
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:51,923
Oh, damn it,
I can't do it!
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,092
You pansy!
Give me that gun.
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,302
Hey!
- Cartman?
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:57,929
God damn it,
don't shoot me!
00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,514
What the Sam Hill?
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,307
I was just trying
to scare you guys.
00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:02,976
You can put
the gun down now.
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:06,104
So much for the cover
of "Guns & Ammo."
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:08,148
Yepper,
but I think we've learned
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:10,316
some important lessons, Ned. I think--
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,318
Whoa!
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,028
Holy crap.
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,406
The mountain,
it's blown its top!
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:23,830
Oh, my God,
they killed Kenny!
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:25,957
No, I'm okay.
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,128
Look, the volcano.
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:32,255
Quick, duck and cover!
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:38,344
That lava is coming
right for us.
00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:40,597
Oh, no, look.
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,142
What the hell is this
trench doing here?
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:45,894
We can't get across!
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,896
It now looks
as if the missing children
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,231
are trapped in the path
of hot, nasty lava.
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:54,194
God, please deliver
those darling kids from--
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,197
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Three, two and one.
00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:59,449
God, please deliver--
00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,159
Help!
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,503
Jiminy, it's the real
Scuzzlebutt!
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:14,631
What?
Scuzzlebutt's real?
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,674
Oh, my God!
Look at his leg!
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:19,552
Hi, kids,
I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,679
- Quick, Ned, shoot it!
00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:25,391
Oh, no, out of ammo.
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:29,270
What is that thing?
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,272
That's Scuzzlebutt.
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,567
Yeah, he has Patrick Duffy
for a leg and weaves baskets.
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:37,362
This isn't happening.
Everyone look away, please.
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:39,405
Nothing to see here.
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:42,909
Well, boys, I'm sorry
I got you all killed.
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:50,250
Ahhh!
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,004
Whoa, he built
a wicker basket.
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,423
Hey, he's saving us.
00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:04,389
Scuzzlebutt
saved the day.
00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:06,266
And my calculations worked.
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:09,644
The lava's following
the trench into the canyon.
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,772
Hmm, where exactly
does the canyon go?
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,565
- Uh...
00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:21,990
South Park is saved.
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:25,785
Hey, look, Kenny's okay.
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:28,997
- And now these humble people
can rejoice and celebrate
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,708
their jovial victory
over nature.
00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:34,335
I'm getting word that the chef
of the school cafeteria
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:38,047
wants to sing a song about this
thrilling struggle of humanity.
00:21:38,172 --> 00:21:41,926
♪ Ooh baby every time
that we kiss ♪
00:21:42,051 --> 00:21:43,553
♪ Hot lava ♪
00:21:43,678 --> 00:21:45,805
♪ Every time that
we make love, hot lava ♪
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,390
♪ Hot lava ♪
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,183
♪ Lava so hot
it makes me sweat ♪
00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:50,852
♪ Lava so warm
and red and wet ♪
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:52,395
♪ Lava ♪
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,813
Mayor, what do you
have to say
00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:55,189
about this
wonderful outcome?
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,317
Well, we owe everything
00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:01,529
to this friendly,
yet misunderstood creature.
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:04,324
Thank you, Scuzzlebutt.
00:22:04,449 --> 00:22:05,867
Friend.
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:08,703
Oh, how sweet.
00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:13,666
I did it, I did it!
I finally killed something.
00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,168
Oh, my God,
what has he done?
00:22:15,293 --> 00:22:16,669
Turn off the cameras.
00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:18,338
Hey, that was easy.
00:22:18,463 --> 00:22:20,256
No!
00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:22,383
Why, God?
Why?
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,677
Damn it, Stan.
You shouldn't have done that.
00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:26,054
What, why?
00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:27,972
Yeah, make up
your mind, dude.
00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:30,350
Stan, some things you kill
and some things you don't. See?
00:22:30,475 --> 00:22:31,809
No.
00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:33,770
Only now,
in this late hour,
00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:35,897
do I see the folly of guns.
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:39,275
I'll never use a gun again.
00:22:44,614 --> 00:22:46,199
But I just wanted you
to be proud of me,
00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:47,450
like you were with Kenny.
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,243
But Kenny's dead now, Stan.
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:51,329
And you're always gonna
be my nephew.
00:22:51,454 --> 00:22:53,581
And you just
can't kill anything.
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,291
You understand?
00:22:55,416 --> 00:22:57,335
Dude, I don't
understand hunting at all.
00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:59,462
Yeah, it's stupid.
Let's go watch cartoons.
00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:01,589
Yeah, cartoons kick ass.
eng__SDH.srt
eng__SDH.srt
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:04,964
who's sleeping
with mommy tonight.
00:00:05,089 --> 00:00:06,424
[laughter]
00:00:06,549 --> 00:00:08,551
That is a hoot and a holler.
00:00:08,676 --> 00:00:11,345
This next episode
is by far our favorite.
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,180
It's called "Volcano."
00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:14,974
In it, the boys go camping
with Stan's uncle Jimbo
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:16,434
and his friend Ned.
00:00:16,559 --> 00:00:18,019
While camping,
they encounter
00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:20,229
a strange creature
in a deadly volcano.
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,939
I think the reason
that this episode is,
00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:24,025
well, Scratch's
favorite anyway
00:00:24,150 --> 00:00:25,568
is because it deals
with an issue
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:27,611
that is really important
to Matt and I.
00:00:27,737 --> 00:00:30,072
You see, we grew up
in the Colorado Rockies,
00:00:30,197 --> 00:00:32,366
and there black bear
hunting is illegal.
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:34,785
Well, a few years ago
a man shot a black bear
00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:36,829
and her two cubs
out of a tree.
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:38,456
When taken to jail
the man said,
00:00:38,581 --> 00:00:40,374
"Well, they were coming
right for us,"
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:42,251
but he'd shot the black bears
out of a tree,
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,794
so it was ridiculous.
00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:46,297
That's not funny.
00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:48,466
What America's
really dying to know is,
00:00:48,591 --> 00:00:50,718
is there really
a Scuzzlebutt?
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:53,721
People have to understand,
these are all works of fiction.
00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:55,347
There's no such thing
as aliens.
00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:57,099
There's no such thing
as Scuzzlebutt.
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,518
And there's no such thing
as Patrick Duffy.
00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:02,480
What happened to Ned to cause
him to speak the way he does?
00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:04,482
Well, Ned is actually
our favorite character
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:06,192
in all of South Park.
00:01:06,317 --> 00:01:09,653
He had a laryngectomy
from smoking too much
00:01:09,779 --> 00:01:11,614
and got throat cancer.
00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,365
[imitating electronic speech]
So now he talks like this.
00:01:13,491 --> 00:01:16,786
I guess we can all take
a lesson from Ned.
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:20,164
So sit back, relax
and enjoy "Volcano."
00:01:20,289 --> 00:01:22,291
[gentle music]
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:32,510
[upbeat music]
00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:34,303
♪ I'm going
down to South Park ♪
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,180
♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
00:01:36,305 --> 00:01:37,848
both: ♪ Friendly
faces everywhere ♪
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:39,475
♪ Humble folks
without temptations ♪
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,893
♪ I'm going down
to South Park ♪
00:01:41,018 --> 00:01:43,145
♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:44,772
♪ Ample parking
day or night ♪
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,482
♪ People spouting
"Howdy neighbor" ♪
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:47,900
♪ Heading on
up to South Park ♪
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,652
♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:53,030
♪ [muffled singing] ♪
00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:54,532
♪ So come on
down to South park ♪
00:01:54,657 --> 00:01:56,492
♪ And meet some friends
of mine ♪
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,661
Now you be careful, Eric.
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,122
The woods can be
very dangerous.
00:02:01,247 --> 00:02:04,250
Okay, Mom.
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:06,210
Ready to go hunting, Cartman?
00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,671
Yeah, my Uncle Jimbo says
we gotta get up there early.
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:09,713
Right, Uncle Jimbo?
00:02:09,839 --> 00:02:11,507
That's right, Stanley.
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,634
Animals are much easier
to shoot in the morning.
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,136
Here, hon.
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:17,680
I packed you Cheesy Poofs
and Happy Tarts.
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:20,224
Don't worry, Miss Cartman,
we'll take care of him.
00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:23,352
I brought my old war buddy,
Ned, to keep things safe.
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:27,022
Hello, Mrs. Cartman.
How are you today?
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,275
- Be sure to use
lots of bug spray,
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,860
and if you have
to poo-poo,
00:02:30,985 --> 00:02:33,028
don't wipe
with poison ivy.
00:02:33,154 --> 00:02:35,656
[laughter]
Dude, that's sick, Mom!
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:38,826
And I know it can get scary
up in those woods,
00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:42,663
but just remember,
Mommy's not far away.
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:45,082
[laughter]
- Drive! Drive!
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:47,209
You give your mommy
a kissy.
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:49,128
Drive the car, damn it!
Drive!
00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:53,507
"Don't get scared up
in the mountains, Cartman."
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,759
Shut up!
I'm not scared of nothing.
00:02:55,885 --> 00:02:58,387
Maybe your mom can give me
a kiss too, Cartman.
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,930
[muffled speech]
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:03,017
Oh, oh!
That's disgusting.
00:03:03,142 --> 00:03:05,186
You piece of crap!
I'll kill you!
00:03:05,311 --> 00:03:06,854
That's the spirit, boys.
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:09,023
Let's get that
testosterone flowing.
00:03:09,148 --> 00:03:10,858
Yeeh!
00:03:10,983 --> 00:03:13,194
Now, boys, boys, I need
to get serious for a minute.
00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:16,280
I want you to understand
a few basic rules of hunting,
00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:17,990
since this is your first time.
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,159
First of all, don't
ever walk with your gun
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:21,869
unless the safety's on.
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:24,205
Second, don't shoot anything
that looks human.
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:27,041
And third, never spill your
beer in the bullet chamber.
00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:29,376
Uh, Uncle Jimbo,
we don't drink beer.
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:30,461
You what?!
00:03:30,586 --> 00:03:32,087
Yeah, that's right,
00:03:32,213 --> 00:03:34,340
I don't think eight-year-old
kids drink beer.
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:36,342
I like chocolate milk!
00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:38,844
Well, we'll be doing plenty
of drinking on this trip.
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:42,014
After all,
hunter sober is like...
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,308
Fishing...sober.
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,477
It sure will be nice
to get out of the city
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:48,646
for a while,
away from civilization.
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,486
Well, here we are.
00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:58,864
Okay, each of you young'uns
take a gun, a beer,
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,824
and some smokes.
00:04:00,950 --> 00:04:03,869
Hey, I didn't get a gun.
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:06,914
Sweet. This is like
the gun I used in 'Nam.
00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:08,707
You weren't in Vietnam,
Cartman.
00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:10,960
Were you stationed
in Da Nang?
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:12,378
Cartman always
makes stuff up, Ned.
00:04:12,503 --> 00:04:13,963
You can't believe
anything he says.
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,923
Hey, I'll blow
your freaking head off.
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,425
Hey, look out, son.
That's dangerous.
00:04:18,550 --> 00:04:20,302
You're gonna spill your beer.
00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,767
My Uncle Jimbo
says that after this
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:28,644
he's gonna take me
hunting in Africa.
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,562
Wow, that'll be cool.
00:04:30,688 --> 00:04:34,233
My mom says there's a lot
of black people in Africa.
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:35,901
Boys, lookie there.
00:04:36,026 --> 00:04:38,320
That there is
a Rocky Mountain black bear.
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:39,863
One of the few remaining
of its kind.
00:04:39,989 --> 00:04:42,032
Isn't it beautiful?
00:04:42,157 --> 00:04:43,951
My God,
it's coming right for us!
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:49,164
Hey, it wasn't
coming right for us.
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,625
It was just sitting there.
- Shh, not so loud.
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,669
Now that there
is just a technicality.
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,337
What do you mean?
- You see, boys,
00:04:55,462 --> 00:04:57,339
the Democrats have passed
a lot of laws
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:58,924
trying to stop us
from hunting.
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,676
Democrats piss me off!
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,761
They say we can't shoot
certain animals anymore
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,055
unless they're posing
an immediate threat.
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,141
Therefore,
before we shoot something,
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,685
we have to say,
"It's coming right for us."
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:11,353
Wow, you're smart,
Uncle Jimbo.
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,522
Jimbo, look.
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,733
Oh, it's a deer.
00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:19,194
Looks like about
a 45-gauge, Ned.
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,114
It's coming right for us!
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:27,036
Kickass!
00:05:27,161 --> 00:05:28,829
Did you see that?
00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,165
I was imperiled by
that ferocious, charging buck.
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,917
Rabbit, rabbit,
five o'clock.
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,880
Let's move!
Move!
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:40,049
Is this hunting?
- I guess so.
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,760
Uh, dude, I'm starting
to have flashbacks.
00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:45,179
What?
- Stand forth, pull up flank.
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:47,931
Look out for Charlies
up in the trees.
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,937
This one's yours, Stan.
00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:59,777
It's coming right for us.
- It's coming right for us.
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:06,033
Shoot it, Stan.
- I got your back, soldier.
00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:10,162
I can't.
00:06:10,287 --> 00:06:11,997
What the--
What's wrong with you?
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,582
I don't wanna shoot
the bunny.
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,042
What the hell
are you talking about,
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,668
you don't wanna shoot
the bunny?
00:06:16,794 --> 00:06:18,295
You're babbling,
you're not making any sense.
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:19,797
You're hysterical.
- I'm not hysterical.
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:21,548
I just don't wanna
shoot the bunny.
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,300
No nephew of mine
is gonna be a tree-hugger.
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:25,094
Yeah, hippie,
go back to Woodstock
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:26,970
if you can't shoot anything.
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:29,264
I can shoot you, fatass!
- I can shoot you, too!
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,517
I'll kill you!
- I'll fill you full of lead!
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,435
[rumbling]
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,562
Hey, what's that?
00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:39,942
[humming]
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:47,741
♪♪
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:49,326
[snores]
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,036
Hmm?
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:53,956
What the heck is this?
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,666
Yeah, Frank.
It's Randy.
00:06:55,791 --> 00:06:58,043
Uh-huh. Good.
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:01,130
Yeah, listen,
the little needle is moving.
00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:02,923
Yeah, it's going
back and forth really fast.
00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:05,843
What does that mean?
Uh-huh?
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:09,638
Uh-huh.
Let me check.
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:12,558
Yeah, it's smoking.
Uh-huh.
00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:16,770
Oh, really?
Really?
00:07:16,895 --> 00:07:19,857
Oh, my God, a volcano.
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,860
[dramatic musical sting]
00:07:22,985 --> 00:07:24,403
♪♪
00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:26,530
[slurps, sighs]
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,245
My weenies won't cook.
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,497
This wood won't burn.
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,207
Well, Ned, looks like
we'll have to use
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,834
the old Indian fire trick.
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,836
Yep.
00:07:45,591 --> 00:07:48,260
[yelling]
00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,761
[laughs]
00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:51,847
Hey, stop, drop
and roll, Ned.
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,516
[laughs]
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,185
both: Whoa!
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:58,312
God damn it, Ned.
I just got that van.
00:07:58,437 --> 00:08:00,397
How the hell are we
supposed to get home?
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:02,816
Oh, it hurts, it hurts!
00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,943
Hey, you guys.
00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:06,904
This works pretty good
right now.
00:08:07,029 --> 00:08:09,698
But you see, Mr. Mayor,
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,075
you can't stop serving
Salisbury steak
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:13,660
in our public schools.
00:08:13,785 --> 00:08:15,621
What's next, meatloaf?
00:08:15,746 --> 00:08:18,707
We are quite aware
of your concerns, Chef, but--
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:21,043
Mayor, the geologist
is here to see you.
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:23,170
My geologist? Now?
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:24,546
Tell him
the infection is fine
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,215
and I don't need
another checkup.
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:28,175
No, Mayor, that's
a gynecologist.
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,093
A geologist studies
the earth.
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,179
Don't you think I know that?
00:08:32,304 --> 00:08:34,056
How dare you insult
my intellect.
00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,016
I went to Princeton
for God's sake.
00:08:36,141 --> 00:08:37,643
You get out of my office.
00:08:37,768 --> 00:08:39,394
I'm not in
your office, Mayor.
00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,731
I'm talking to you
through a speaker.
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,317
Just send in the geometrist.
- Geologist.
00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:47,319
You are fired, buddy!
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,530
Thank you, Mayor. It's
been great working for you.
00:08:49,655 --> 00:08:51,865
Mayor, we've got
a very big problem.
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:53,784
Mount Evanson
is about to erupt.
00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:57,788
[dramatic musical sting]
00:08:57,913 --> 00:08:59,957
What does this mean
to the town?
00:09:00,082 --> 00:09:02,960
Well, this graph shows
everything from normal to bad.
00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:05,170
Right now,
South Park is here.
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:08,173
[dramatic musical sting]
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:15,305
♪♪
00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:18,725
My God.
00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,811
Mayor, some of
the school children
00:09:20,936 --> 00:09:23,855
are up camping
on that mountain right now.
00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,232
Oh, this is big.
00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:27,401
Johnson, Johnson,
are you there?
00:09:27,526 --> 00:09:29,152
Uh, you just fired
Johnson, Mayor.
00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:30,779
I'm his replacement, Ted.
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,948
Ted, we have got
a major crisis here.
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,825
I want you to get
on the phone and call
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:37,119
"Inside Edition,"
"Rescue 911,"
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,954
oh, and
"Entertainment Tonight."
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:41,123
You better get
my stylist on the phone, too.
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:44,376
Don't worry.
Things are under control.
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:49,673
And then Ned picked
up the grenade and--boom!--
00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:51,592
blasted his arm clear off.
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:54,344
We spent three hours
looking for that damn arm,
00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:56,179
but it was never
to be found.
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:59,182
Some say it's still
crawling around to this day.
00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:00,809
[growls]
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,936
[laughter]
- Ha, gotcha!
00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:04,896
Heh, that's not scary.
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:07,024
You were scared, Cartman.
You almost peed your pants.
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,151
Shut up!
I didn't pee my pants.
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,694
Hey, Ned, hand me that gin.
00:10:13,614 --> 00:10:15,532
You boys want to tie one on?
00:10:15,657 --> 00:10:17,618
No, no thanks.
That stuff tastes like pee.
00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:20,495
Yeah, Cartman's pee.
- Hey, you would taste my pee.
00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:21,872
What the hell
is wrong with you?
00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:24,499
Can't you have
a little alcohol?
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:29,713
Christ, look at that
little bastard go!
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,340
Now you see that, Stan?
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,634
Now that is
a dirty little bastard.
00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:35,969
Hey, I'm a dirty
little bastard, too.
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,513
Hey, you guys,
I know a scary story.
00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:40,974
Shut up, Cartman.
You can't scare anybody.
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:42,559
Oh, yeah?
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:45,437
You guys ever heard
of Scuzzlebutt?
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:46,688
What-lebutt?
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,357
Scuzzlebutt is a creature
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,984
that lives up
on this very mountain
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:54,363
and kills anybody
who dares climb to the top.
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:55,989
Why?
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:57,991
Because it loves
the taste of blood
00:10:58,116 --> 00:11:01,578
and likes to add pieces
to its deformed body.
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,038
Deformed how?
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,998
Well, on his left arm
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:07,292
instead of a hand,
he has...
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:08,710
A hook.
- A knife.
00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:11,963
No, a piece of celery.
- Celery?
00:11:12,089 --> 00:11:14,007
Yes, and he walks
with a limp,
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:16,426
because one of
his legs is missing.
00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:18,261
And where his leg should be,
00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:21,264
there's nothing but...
Patrick Duffy.
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:23,475
Patrick Duffy?
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,435
Damn it, Cartman,
that's not scary.
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,813
What do you mean? Have you
ever seen "Step by Step?"
00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:30,857
So he lives alone
on this mountain
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:33,610
and weaves baskets
and other assorted crafts.
00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:35,487
They say
that on quiet nights
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,906
you can hear him weaving
his baskets.
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:41,076
Ka-shink, ka-shink, ka-shink.
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,453
Cartman, you suck
at telling scary stories.
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:44,913
Yeah, give me
that flashlight.
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:45,914
[muffled speech]
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,417
[rumbling]
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,043
What's that?
- Maybe it's Scuzzlebutt
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:51,837
coming to weave us
into wicker baskets.
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,672
Hey, it might be.
00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,425
Gosh, I hope he doesn't
cut me with his celery hand.
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:57,718
[laughter]
- Screw you guys!
00:11:57,843 --> 00:11:59,928
Fatass!
- Go to hell!
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,931
Hey, Ned, why don't you whip
out the old cancer kazoo.
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:06,226
Let's do a little song.
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,770
♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,565
♪ Kumbaya ♪
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:14,025
♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:16,361
♪ Kumbaya ♪
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,739
♪ Kumbaya, my Lord ♪
00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:21,700
♪ Kumbaya ♪
00:12:21,825 --> 00:12:26,496
♪ Oh Lord, Kumbaya ♪
00:12:26,621 --> 00:12:30,292
♪ Someone's crying, Lord,
Kumbaya ♪
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:32,502
They don't think
Scuzzlebutt is scary, huh?
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,004
Let's see how
they like it
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:36,339
when they actually
see Scuzzlebutt.
00:12:36,465 --> 00:12:38,216
I'll scare the hell
out of them tomorrow.
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:42,012
♪ Someone's crying, Lord,
Kumbaya ♪
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:45,599
♪ Oh Lord, Kumbaya ♪
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,144
[rooster crows]
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,188
Stan, Stan, wake up.
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,689
What, dude?
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:54,232
I don't know
where Cartman is.
00:12:54,357 --> 00:12:55,525
I think something
took him away.
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,068
Where's my Uncle Jimbo
and Ned?
00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,987
They're out fishing
with Kenny.
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,948
With Kenny? But this is
supposed to be my camping trip.
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:03,784
Why do they like
Kenny so much?
00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:05,827
Doesn't he like me anymore?
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,913
Well, Stan, you want
to know what I think?
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,040
What?
- [farts]
00:13:11,917 --> 00:13:13,960
What a beautiful morning
for fishing.
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:16,171
There's one.
There's a fish right there.
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,884
Got it.
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:24,596
Great instincts, boy.
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:26,431
Uncle Jimbo,
Cartman's missing.
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:28,683
Who?
The fat kid?
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,811
Yeah.
- Ah, hell.
00:13:30,936 --> 00:13:32,771
I guess we better
go look for him.
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,189
Ned, you gotta
cut it short.
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,316
Fire out the 12-20.
00:13:40,779 --> 00:13:42,739
Well, I think
that's about the limit
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:44,282
for our fishing permit.
00:13:44,407 --> 00:13:47,202
Oh, man, it smells
like dead fish.
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,829
[muffled speech]
00:13:48,954 --> 00:13:51,748
Oh, man, that is nasty.
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:54,084
Yeah, I don't think
I've ever seen a kid
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,627
as cool as you, Kenny.
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:58,171
I'm making you
my honorary nephew.
00:13:58,296 --> 00:13:59,172
[muffled speech]
00:13:59,297 --> 00:14:01,299
[somber music]
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,805
The people of South Park
are humble and friendly,
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,974
but now a ticking
time bomb of hot lava
00:14:09,099 --> 00:14:11,434
waits to engulf these people
and end their miserable lives
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,061
with one last fleeting moment
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,689
of excruciatingly painful,
burning agony.
00:14:15,814 --> 00:14:18,900
Hey, I'm on TV!
I'm on TV!
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:20,610
Mayor,
what are you doing
00:14:20,735 --> 00:14:22,487
to prepare for this
inevitable catastrophe?
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:26,449
All we know right now
is that some of our children
00:14:26,575 --> 00:14:29,911
are camping on that mountain
and--uh, I'm sorry.
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:31,788
Can I start over?
- Huh?
00:14:31,913 --> 00:14:35,584
- You can edit this, right?
Ready? Three, two, one.
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,335
All we know right now
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,087
is that some of our children
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:41,172
are up camping
on that mountain.
00:14:41,298 --> 00:14:44,009
We can't do anything
until we get them.
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:49,055
Okay, people,
let's go get those kids!
00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:52,058
Come on, everybody.
You gotta help the children.
00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:56,313
Well, he couldn't
have gone far.
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:58,064
Unless something drug him off.
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:01,818
There's not many animals
out today, Jimbo.
00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:04,863
Yeah, it's almost like
something funny's going on.
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:07,490
[rumbling]
00:15:07,616 --> 00:15:09,492
Christ, Ned, what'd
you have for breakfast?
00:15:09,618 --> 00:15:12,662
I don't know, man.
I've got some bad gas.
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:15,040
Wait, there's a ram.
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,875
It's coming right for us!
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,796
Nice shooting, Kenny!
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,090
Here, you need a bigger gun.
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:27,135
Look!
- I am Scuzzlebutt,
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,929
Lord of the mountains.
00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:31,306
Behold my Patrick Duffy leg.
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,099
What is it?
00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,185
Dude, it's Scuzzlebutt!
Cartman wasn't lying.
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:38,229
Holy crow! We could make
a mint killing this thing.
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:41,024
We'll be on the cover
of "Guns & Ammo."
00:15:41,149 --> 00:15:43,693
This calls for some HJ-14.
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:46,613
[chuckles] Those guys
are totally scared.
00:15:46,738 --> 00:15:49,074
Fire in the hole!
00:15:50,784 --> 00:15:51,993
Holy crap!
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:56,247
Damn it,
I think I missed.
00:15:56,373 --> 00:15:58,667
What the hell
is wrong with you people?
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:00,835
Come on, let's move!
Move!
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,755
Wait, wait, ahhh!
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:05,423
Is it on?
Okay.
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:08,343
Okay, people, form groups
and search the mountain.
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,262
Report back here every hour.
You got that?
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:14,432
Mayor, I might have an idea.
- Oh, what?
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,393
Well, if we can dig
a very large trench,
00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,062
we can divert the lava
into a canyon,
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:22,315
and then it would bypass South
Park pretty much completely.
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,401
And that would be good,
right?
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:25,860
I'm pretty sure.
00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,946
Well, what are we
waiting for?
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,156
Okay, people,
change of plans.
00:16:30,281 --> 00:16:32,242
Half of you grabs shovels.
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:34,995
These look like his tracks.
He must have gone this way.
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:38,081
Ned, prepare some HK-12
and some Plasticine.
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,667
I'll bet that sucker is headed
for a higher elevation.
00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:43,753
The higher up it--bird!
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:46,256
The higher up it goes,
the better it can breathe.
00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:48,717
Look, up there!
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,553
You guys, it's just me.
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,388
Are we sure
it's Scuzzlebutt?
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,348
Does it have
Patrick Duffy for a leg?
00:16:55,473 --> 00:16:57,183
I can't tell.
Let's kill it.
00:16:57,308 --> 00:17:00,145
Got to get out
of this stupid costume.
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,730
Kenny, you take the front.
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,481
No, I can do it,
Uncle Jimbo.
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:05,108
I want to bag that animal.
00:17:05,233 --> 00:17:07,777
That's the spirit, kiddo.
Let's hunt!
00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,863
You guys, you guys,
I was just kidding!
00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:11,573
- As some people of South Park
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,283
try desperately
to save their mountain town,
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,243
others look
for the missing townspeople.
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:17,996
But all must take
every precaution necessary.
00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,081
Okay, people, listen up.
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,375
As we near the top
of the mountain,
00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:26,171
the chances of our encountering
some lava becomes great.
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,465
Therefore,
I have special ordered
00:17:28,590 --> 00:17:30,633
this training film
to assist us
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,635
in volcano safety.
00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,763
Mr. Garrison,
if you would, please.
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:37,640
[cheerful music]
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:40,018
Harbingers of sorrow,
natural disasters can be
00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:42,771
the cause of troubling
and undesirable stress,
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:44,981
and a volcano is no exception.
00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:47,400
But what should you do
if a volcano erupts near you
00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:49,027
or your family?
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,987
Here, we see
the Stephens Family
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:52,697
enjoying--Sunday picnic.
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,908
But suddenly,
daughter hears a noise.
00:17:55,033 --> 00:17:57,077
It's a volcano.
Junior seems worried.
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:58,745
But have no fear, Junior.
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:00,288
Jane learned in school
what to do
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:03,041
when you hear
a volcano erupt.
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,710
That's right, Jane,
duck and cover.
00:18:05,835 --> 00:18:09,047
[rumbling]
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:13,093
So what will--do when you
hear a volcano erupting?
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:16,096
That's right,
duck and cover.
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:18,181
Looks like you got the idea.
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,183
Duck and cover.
00:18:20,308 --> 00:18:22,852
Thank you and good-bye.
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,854
Okay, any questions?
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:27,315
That has got to be
the most ridiculous
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,318
load of pig crap
I have ever seen.
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,278
That's enough out of you!
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,989
I'm gonna bag Scuzzlebutt,
00:18:35,115 --> 00:18:36,991
then we'll see
who's a little bastard.
00:18:37,117 --> 00:18:40,161
Hey, seriously, you guys!
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:41,913
Kill it, Stan.
Kill it.
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:49,963
Come on, Stan, kill it!
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:51,923
Oh, damn it,
I can't do it!
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,092
You pansy!
Give me that gun.
00:18:54,217 --> 00:18:56,302
Hey!
- Cartman?
00:18:56,427 --> 00:18:57,929
God damn it,
don't shoot me!
00:18:58,054 --> 00:18:59,514
What the Sam Hill?
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,307
I was just trying
to scare you guys.
00:19:01,432 --> 00:19:02,976
You can put
the gun down now.
00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:06,104
So much for the cover
of "Guns & Ammo."
00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:08,148
Yepper,
but I think we've learned
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:10,316
some important lessons, Ned. I think--
00:19:11,151 --> 00:19:12,318
Whoa!
00:19:12,443 --> 00:19:14,028
Holy crap.
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,406
The mountain,
it's blown its top!
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,616
[rumbling]
00:19:21,035 --> 00:19:23,830
Oh, my God,
they killed Kenny!
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:25,957
No, I'm okay.
[screaming]
00:19:28,793 --> 00:19:30,128
Look, the volcano.
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:32,255
Quick, duck and cover!
00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,966
[all screaming]
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:38,344
That lava is coming
right for us.
00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:40,597
Oh, no, look.
00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,142
What the hell is this
trench doing here?
00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:45,894
We can't get across!
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,896
It now looks
as if the missing children
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:50,231
are trapped in the path
of hot, nasty lava.
00:19:50,356 --> 00:19:54,194
God, please deliver
those darling kids from--
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,197
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Three, two and one.
00:19:57,322 --> 00:19:59,449
God, please deliver--
00:19:59,574 --> 00:20:01,159
Help!
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,831
[grumbles]
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:09,959
[dramatic music]
00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,503
Jiminy, it's the real
Scuzzlebutt!
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:14,631
What?
Scuzzlebutt's real?
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,674
Oh, my God!
Look at his leg!
00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:19,552
Hi, kids,
I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,679
- Quick, Ned, shoot it!
00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:25,391
[gun clicks]
Oh, no, out of ammo.
00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:26,726
[grumbles]
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:29,270
What is that thing?
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,272
That's Scuzzlebutt.
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:34,567
Yeah, he has Patrick Duffy
for a leg and weaves baskets.
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:37,362
This isn't happening.
Everyone look away, please.
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:39,405
Nothing to see here.
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:42,909
Well, boys, I'm sorry
I got you all killed.
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:48,414
♪♪
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:50,250
Ahhh!
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:52,627
♪♪
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,004
Whoa, he built
a wicker basket.
00:20:55,129 --> 00:20:57,423
Hey, he's saving us.
00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:01,844
[grumbles]
00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:04,389
Scuzzlebutt
saved the day.
00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:06,266
And my calculations worked.
00:21:06,391 --> 00:21:09,644
The lava's following
the trench into the canyon.
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,772
Hmm, where exactly
does the canyon go?
00:21:12,897 --> 00:21:14,565
- Uh...
00:21:16,109 --> 00:21:18,903
[all screaming]
00:21:19,028 --> 00:21:21,990
South Park is saved.
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:25,785
Hey, look, Kenny's okay.
- [muffled speech]
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:28,997
- And now these humble people
can rejoice and celebrate
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:31,708
their jovial victory
over nature.
00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:34,335
I'm getting word that the chef
of the school cafeteria
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:38,047
wants to sing a song about this
thrilling struggle of humanity.
00:21:38,172 --> 00:21:41,926
♪ Ooh baby every time
that we kiss ♪
00:21:42,051 --> 00:21:43,553
♪ Hot lava ♪
00:21:43,678 --> 00:21:45,805
♪ Every time that
we make love, hot lava ♪
00:21:45,930 --> 00:21:47,390
♪ Hot lava ♪
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,183
♪ Lava so hot
it makes me sweat ♪
00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:50,852
♪ Lava so warm
and red and wet ♪
00:21:50,977 --> 00:21:52,395
♪ Lava ♪
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,813
Mayor, what do you
have to say
00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:55,189
about this
wonderful outcome?
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:57,317
Well, we owe everything
00:21:57,442 --> 00:22:01,529
to this friendly,
yet misunderstood creature.
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:04,324
Thank you, Scuzzlebutt.
00:22:04,449 --> 00:22:05,867
Friend.
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:08,703
Oh, how sweet.
00:22:11,414 --> 00:22:13,666
I did it, I did it!
I finally killed something.
00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,168
Oh, my God,
what has he done?
00:22:15,293 --> 00:22:16,669
Turn off the cameras.
00:22:16,794 --> 00:22:18,338
Hey, that was easy.
00:22:18,463 --> 00:22:20,256
No!
00:22:20,381 --> 00:22:22,383
Why, God?
Why?
00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:24,677
Damn it, Stan.
You shouldn't have done that.
00:22:24,802 --> 00:22:26,054
What, why?
00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:27,972
Yeah, make up
your mind, dude.
00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:30,350
Stan, some things you kill
and some things you don't. See?
00:22:30,475 --> 00:22:31,809
No.
00:22:31,934 --> 00:22:33,770
Only now,
in this late hour,
00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:35,897
do I see the folly of guns.
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:39,275
I'll never use a gun again.
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,527
[gunshot]
[muffled screaming]
00:22:44,614 --> 00:22:46,199
But I just wanted you
to be proud of me,
00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:47,450
like you were with Kenny.
00:22:47,575 --> 00:22:49,243
But Kenny's dead now, Stan.
00:22:49,369 --> 00:22:51,329
And you're always gonna
be my nephew.
00:22:51,454 --> 00:22:53,581
And you just
can't kill anything.
00:22:53,706 --> 00:22:55,291
You understand?
00:22:55,416 --> 00:22:57,335
Dude, I don't
understand hunting at all.
00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:59,462
Yeah, it's stupid.
Let's go watch cartoons.
00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:01,589
Yeah, cartoons kick ass.
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