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Картман и анальный зонд
Cartman Gets An Anal Probe
Сезон: 01Серия: 01
Описание
Выясняется, что инопланетянами в задний проход Картмана вживлён передатчик. Кроме того, пришельцы похищают Айка, младшего брата Кайла. Стэн пытается завязать отношения с Венди, а Кайл пытается спасти своего брата.
Субтитры
- 00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:03,425 A теперь - беседа у камина
- 00:00:03,460 --> 00:00:05,760 с создателями "Южного Парка" компании "Комеди Сентрал"
- 00:00:05,860 --> 00:00:08,860 Мэтом Стоуном и Трэем Паркером.
- 00:00:13,862 --> 00:00:16,353 Привет. Меня зовут Трэй Паркер. А я - Мэт Стоун.
- 00:00:16,564 --> 00:00:17,328 А это - Нечистый.
- 00:00:17,363 --> 00:00:18,563 Скажи: "привет", старина!
- 00:00:18,564 --> 00:00:20,560 Мы делаем шоу под названием "Южный Парк".
- 00:00:21,665 --> 00:00:24,365 Мэт и Трэй, расскажите нам немного о себе.
- 00:00:24,366 --> 00:00:28,766 Я встретил Мэтью в университете Колорадо, где я посещал киношколу.
- 00:00:28,867 --> 00:00:31,867 Я встретил его в начале моей учебы на кинофакультете
- 00:00:31,868 --> 00:00:34,568 и понял, что нашел парня, который мог развеселить меня
- 00:00:34,569 --> 00:00:36,869 даже когда мне хотелось плакать.
- 00:00:38,310 --> 00:00:40,910 Ребята, кого бы вы назвали прототипами своих персонажей?
- 00:00:41,460 --> 00:00:43,860 Думаю, для меня главный прототип
- 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:44,860 это - Мэт.
- 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,660 Должен сказать, что мой -
- 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,160 Теодор Рузвельт,
- 00:00:48,260 --> 00:00:50,860 благодаря своей книге "Лихие всадники" об испано-американской войне.
- 00:00:51,060 --> 00:00:53,160 Мэт и Трэй, расскажите нам об этой серии.
- 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,360 Эта серия называется "Картману ставят анальный зонд",
- 00:00:55,460 --> 00:00:57,260 и эта серия, на самом деле, наша любимая серия.
- 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:00,360 В ней маленького брата Кайла похищают инопланетяне,
- 00:01:00,395 --> 00:01:02,960 а у Картмана обнаруживается странная штука,
- 00:01:02,995 --> 00:01:03,400 имплантированная ему в задницу.
- 00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:05,560 Думаю, что причина, по которой это - любимая серия... м-м...
- 00:01:05,595 --> 00:01:06,960 Нечистого, во всяком случае,
- 00:01:07,260 --> 00:01:08,560 это то, что это - единственный выпуск,
- 00:01:08,660 --> 00:01:11,060 который был сделан Мэтом и мной полностью самостоятельно.
- 00:01:11,860 --> 00:01:13,685 Дело в том, что это была пилотная серия,
- 00:01:13,720 --> 00:01:15,510 сделанная до того, как появился сериал,
- 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:18,060 так что всю работу нам с Мэтом приходилось делать самим.
- 00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:20,660 В течение нескольких месяцев мы был заперты в холодной,
- 00:01:20,860 --> 00:01:22,860 темной, маленькой комнате...
- 00:01:23,060 --> 00:01:25,460 в течение долгого времени...
- 00:01:25,860 --> 00:01:28,260 А знаете, эта игра, "пни малыша", выглядит забавно.
- 00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:30,160 Смогли бы вы когда-нибудь проделать это по-настоящему?
- 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:32,660 Ни у меня, ни у Трэя детей нет.
- 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,000 Да, вся наша семья - это мы вдвоем,
- 00:01:35,060 --> 00:01:36,460 ну и, конечно, наш Нечистый.
- 00:01:36,660 --> 00:01:39,560 Мы еще не женаты, мы даже не можем встречаться.
- 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:44,860 И пока у нас не появятся дети, мы не узнаем, будем ли мы их пинать
- 00:01:46,060 --> 00:01:49,360 Вы, ребята, изобразили инопланетян как живых, с определенным...
- 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:50,525 знанием дела,
- 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:54,260 может, кого-нибудь из вас когда-то похищали?
- 00:01:55,860 --> 00:01:56,660 Трэй,
- 00:01:56,860 --> 00:01:58,160 все хорошо,
- 00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:59,960 расскажи...
- 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,025 Я рос очень близко от Южного Парка,
- 00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:04,860 и меня действительно похищали, когда я был ребенком.
- 00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:06,860 Я помню, как это было...
- 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:08,860 как это было ужасно,
- 00:02:09,060 --> 00:02:10,160 я помню...
- 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,160 слишком много.
- 00:02:12,860 --> 00:02:15,160 Итак, сядьте поудобнее, расслабьтесь и получайте удовольствие:
- 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,860 Картману ставят анальный зонд.
- 00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:21,300 Все персонажи и события этого шоу,
- 00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:22,520 даже те, которые имеют отношение к реальным людям - полностью выдуманы.
- 00:02:22,570 --> 00:02:23,750 Голоса знаменитостей сымитированы... плохо.
- 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,000 Данная программа содержит непристойную лексику
- 00:02:25,050 --> 00:02:26,060 и в связи с этим не рекомендуется для всеобщего просмотра.
- 00:02:53,030 --> 00:02:54,960 Сегодня прекрасный день...
- 00:02:55,060 --> 00:02:55,960 Черт!
- 00:02:56,060 --> 00:02:58,260 Мой братец снова увязался за мной в школу!
- 00:02:59,460 --> 00:03:01,660 Айк! Тебе нельзя со мной!
- 00:03:03,410 --> 00:03:05,160 Вали домой, маленький дилдо!
- 00:03:05,210 --> 00:03:07,360 Чувак! Не называй моего брата дилдо!
- 00:03:07,361 --> 00:03:08,361 А что такое "дилдо"?
- 00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:09,260 Не знаю.
- 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:10,960 Спорю, что и Картман не знает!
- 00:03:10,995 --> 00:03:12,260 Я знаю, что это!
- 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,660 Ну? Что?
- 00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:15,660 Не скажу.
- 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:16,960 Что за "дилдо", Кенни?
- 00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:19,360 (бу-бу-бу)
- 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,710 Ага! Это как раз и есть братец Кайла, точно?
- 00:03:26,060 --> 00:03:27,360 Чувак! Это круто!
- 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:29,560 Ага! Вот гляньте-ка на это... Готов, Айк?
- 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:30,910 Пни малыша!!
- 00:03:30,945 --> 00:03:32,060 Не пни малыша.
- 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:33,160 Пни малыша.
- 00:03:36,660 --> 00:03:39,560 О, Картман, ты выглядишь, как будто не выспался этой ночью
- 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,360 Это из-за того, что мне снились странные кошмары
- 00:03:42,395 --> 00:03:43,560 Серьезно? О чем?
- 00:03:43,660 --> 00:03:47,860 Ну, мне снилось, что я лежу в своей постели, в темноте,
- 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,360 как вдруг яркий голубой свет залил комнату.
- 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,360 Потом дверь спальни начала открываться,
- 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:59,360 дальше я помню, что меня вытащили в коридор
- 00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:04,160 Потом я лежал на столе, и эти страшные пришельцы собирались делать мне операцию.
- 00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:07,560 У них были большие головы и большие черные глаза.
- 00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:08,960 Чувак! Пришельцы! Конечно!
- 00:04:09,060 --> 00:04:09,550 Чиво?
- 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:10,860 Это был не сон, Картман!
- 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:11,725 Это были пришельцы!
- 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,860 Нет, это был всего лишь сон. И моя мама так сказала!
- 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:14,960 Пришельцы существуют!
- 00:04:15,060 --> 00:04:17,325 Да! Они похищают людей и калечат коров!
- 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,760 Ой, заткнитесь ребята, вы просто хотите меня напугать.
- 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:20,860 Это не пройдет.
- 00:04:22,660 --> 00:04:23,860 Здравствуйте, дети.
- 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:24,825 Привет, Шеф.
- 00:04:24,860 --> 00:04:26,525 Что у нас сегодня на обед, Шеф?
- 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,460 Ну, сегодня солсберский бифштекс с лапшой
- 00:04:29,495 --> 00:04:32,360 и бобовая запеканка, или винегрет на выбор.
- 00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:33,360 Клево!
- 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:34,100 Кстати,
- 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,360 никто из вас не видел космический корабль пришельцев прошлой ночью?
- 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:37,150 А?
- 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:38,760 Да! Толстый видел.
- 00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:40,960 Нет! Это был всего лишь сон!
- 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:42,760 И я не толстый, у меня крупная кость!
- 00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:45,860 Это были те самые, с высокими головами и большими черными глазами?
- 00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:47,560 Они брали его к себе на корабль!
- 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:48,300 У!
- 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,360 Они установили тебе анальный зонд?
- 00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:51,825 Что такое анальный зонд?
- 00:04:51,860 --> 00:04:55,360 Это - когда они заправляют такую большую металлическую штуковину тебе в зад.
- 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,490 Они поставили тебе зонд, Картман?
- 00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:58,100 Нет!
- 00:04:58,160 --> 00:04:59,560 Ну... то есть...
- 00:04:59,660 --> 00:05:00,725 Зачем бы им это делать?
- 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:03,460 Чувак, они это сделали, да? Пришельцы засунули это тебе в задницу!
- 00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:04,000 Нет!
- 00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:04,860 ...анали зон
- 00:05:05,260 --> 00:05:06,510 Заткнись, дилдо!
- 00:05:06,545 --> 00:05:07,760 Ну, мне пора в кафе
- 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,910 А вы, дети, присматривайте за толстяком.
- 00:05:09,945 --> 00:05:11,860 Он может быть на крючке у пришельцев.
- 00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:13,560 надпись "ПОВЕРЬ"
- 00:05:16,060 --> 00:05:17,560 Мы говорили тебе, Картман, они существуют.
- 00:05:17,595 --> 00:05:18,710 Жаль, что так вышло с твоей задницей.
- 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:21,360 Они ничего не делали с моей жопой, черт бы вас побрал!
- 00:05:21,395 --> 00:05:22,860 Это был только сон!
- 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,460 А почему ты так забавно ходишь, Картман?
- 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:28,100 Заткнись!
- 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,710 Нет, Айк! Отправляйся домой.
- 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:32,760 Вот так. Эта игра для тебя.
- 00:05:33,460 --> 00:05:34,360 Пни малыша!
- 00:05:38,660 --> 00:05:40,510 Доброе утро, мисс Крэбтри.
- 00:05:40,545 --> 00:05:42,360 Садись, мы опаздываем!
- 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:47,725 Черт! Он все еще там.
- 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:48,925 Да ладно, не беспокойся о нем.
- 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,160 Нет, чувак! Если с ним что-то случиться, мои родители свалят все на меня.
- 00:05:52,260 --> 00:05:53,660 А ну усядьтесь там, сзади!!
- 00:05:54,860 --> 00:05:56,860 Ладно, все, все, жирная сучка.
- 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,125 Что ты сказал?!!
- 00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,760 Я сказал "у меня жуткая чесучка".
- 00:05:59,795 --> 00:06:00,500 А!
- 00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:02,360 О, боже!
- 00:06:03,860 --> 00:06:04,660 Пришельцы!
- 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:07,360 Айк!
- 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:09,360 Остановите автобус!
- 00:06:09,460 --> 00:06:11,860 Мисс Крэбтри, вы должны остановить автобус!
- 00:06:11,895 --> 00:06:14,360 Хочешь схлопотать докладную записку?!!
- 00:06:14,395 --> 00:06:14,950 Нет!
- 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,260 Тогда сядь на место!!
- 00:06:16,295 --> 00:06:17,300 Но я...
- 00:06:24,260 --> 00:06:26,660 Картман! Это - те же пришельцы, которых ты видел?
- 00:06:26,695 --> 00:06:28,610 Отвалите, ребята, это больше не работает.
- 00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:29,825 Мы должны что-то сделать!
- 00:06:29,860 --> 00:06:32,760 Сейчас мы нечего не можем сделать, эта толстая сука нам не позволит.
- 00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,460 Что ты сказал?!!
- 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,460 Я сказал "нас и заяц не догонит"
- 00:06:36,495 --> 00:06:37,400 А!
- 00:06:37,660 --> 00:06:39,360 Ну да. Это точно.
- 00:06:41,610 --> 00:06:42,760 Что же теперь делать?
- 00:06:42,810 --> 00:06:44,810 Моего младшего брата только что похитили пришельцы!
- 00:06:45,710 --> 00:06:46,660 Ты пернул.
- 00:06:48,460 --> 00:06:50,560 Кто-то печет пирожки.
- 00:06:56,460 --> 00:06:58,325 Это - третья корова за месяц.
- 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:02,060 Так у меня все коровы подохнут уже до конца зимы.
- 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,325 Здесь нет ничего странного.
- 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:08,260 Коровы выворачивают себя наизнанку постоянно.
- 00:07:09,260 --> 00:07:12,460 Люди говорят, они видели НЛО в округе.
- 00:07:12,610 --> 00:07:14,325 НЛО? Бу-га-га!
- 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,860 Да, и черные армейские вертолеты ЦРУ, и грузовики.
- 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,960 Это - самое глупое, что я когда-либо слышал.
- 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:24,560 Что это было?
- 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,460 Это... это был голубок.
- 00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:28,960 Что мне теперь делать, Барбрэди?
- 00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:33,460 Стоять и смотреть, как мою скотину калечат одну за другой?
- 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,560 Эй! Мой скот!
- 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:46,025 Видел? Что-то странное происходит.
- 00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:49,860 Ничего странного. Я верну этих коров назад.
- 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:57,860 А теперь, дети, наш друг мистер Шляпа расскажет нам о Христофоре Колумбе.
- 00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:02,560 Точно, мистер Гаррисон. Христофор Колумб открыл Америку.
- 00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:04,960 И был лучшим другом индейцев.
- 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:08,760 Он помог индейцам выиграть войну против Фредерика Дугласа,
- 00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:11,860 освободил евреев от Наполеона
- 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,125 и открыл Францию.
- 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,360 Слушай, я не могу вот так просто сидеть.
- 00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:17,710 Я должен помочь моему дурацкому братцу, или мне придется появится дома без него,
- 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,210 и мой папа начнет вопить: "Где твой брат, Кайл!"?
- 00:08:20,245 --> 00:08:22,660 "Ты не смотрел за своим маленьким братом, Кайл!"...
- 00:08:22,695 --> 00:08:24,575 ОК, давай спасуем школу и пойдем найдем его.
- 00:08:24,610 --> 00:08:26,060 "... ты же знаешь, что он еще несмышленыш, Кайл",
- 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:27,210 "почисть зубы, Кайл!"
- 00:08:27,260 --> 00:08:29,160 "Где побывал этот палец, Кайл!!"
- 00:08:29,195 --> 00:08:29,650 Чувак!!
- 00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:31,160 Какие-то проблемы, мальчики?
- 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:33,260 Да, мистер Гаррисон, мне нужно уйти.
- 00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:34,260 В самом деле, Кайл?
- 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,610 Что на этот раз? Опять простатит беспокоит?
- 00:08:36,645 --> 00:08:38,860 Нет, моего младшего брата похитили инопланетяне.
- 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,460 Это правда! Спросите Картмана! Они установили ему анальный зонд.
- 00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:46,325 Это просто шутка.
- 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,660 Это серьезно, мистер Гаррисон, мне нужно идти.
- 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,360 Освободите меня от занятий, пожалуйста?
- 00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:52,760 Я не знаю, Кайл, может, спросим у мистера Шляпы?
- 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,860 Я не хочу спрашивать у мистера Шляпы, я спрашиваю Вас!!!
- 00:08:55,895 --> 00:08:58,360 О, я думаю, тебе лучше поинтересоваться у мистера Шляпы.
- 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,000 Мистер Шляпа, пожалуйста, можно я уйду с урока?
- 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:02,210 Ну, Кайл,
- 00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:03,020 НЕТ!
- 00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:03,960 СЛЫШАЛ МЕНЯ?!!
- 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,060 ТЫ НА ПУТИ В АД!
- 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,060 ТЫ УМРЕШЬ И ПОПАДЕШЬ В АД!!
- 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,260 Хм, похоже, тебе лучше отправиться на место, Кайл.
- 00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,000 К черту!
- 00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:12,360 Ха-ха. Мистер Шляпа послал тебя.
- 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,160 А-а! Моя задница!
- 00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:15,660 Ни фига себе, Картман!
- 00:09:17,260 --> 00:09:19,010 О-о! Моя задница! О!
- 00:09:19,045 --> 00:09:20,760 Чувак, он пердит огнем!
- 00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,225 Это - анальный зонд пришельцев!
- 00:09:22,260 --> 00:09:24,360 Он стреляет огнем из задницы Картмана!
- 00:09:24,395 --> 00:09:26,225 Нет, это был всего лишь сон.
- 00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:30,160 Эрик, может быть, тебе лучше сесть в угол, пока ты не угомонишь свои горючие газы?
- 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,660 Нет, мистер Гаррисон, я в порядке.
- 00:09:46,060 --> 00:09:48,360 Эй! Вам, коровы, не положено на поезд!
- 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:49,960 Это - поезд для людей.
- 00:09:50,010 --> 00:09:52,610 Вам, коровы, нечего делать на человеческом поезде, правильно?
- 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:53,710 Ведь вы - коровы.
- 00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:59,060 Нет, нет, нет. И нечего сверлить меня взглядом, это не пройдет.
- 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,460 Всем стоять на месте, коровы!
- 00:10:04,110 --> 00:10:05,460 А ну, назад!
- 00:10:05,495 --> 00:10:06,360 А-а-а!
- 00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:15,661 А я проголодался.
- 00:10:15,862 --> 00:10:17,862 Как ты будешь есть, если ты пердишь огнем?
- 00:10:18,010 --> 00:10:20,610 Ай, замолчи! Ты просто малой еще.
- 00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:22,710 О! Смотри! Там Венди Тестабургер.
- 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:23,560 Где?
- 00:10:40,460 --> 00:10:44,510 Стэн хочет поцеловать Венди Тестабургер.
- 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,460 Заткнись, толстая жопа! Она мне даже не нравится.
- 00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:48,725 Я не толстый, а она тебе нравится, это всем понятно,
- 00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,060 потому, что ты блюешь каждый раз, когда она с тобой заговаривает.
- 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:52,360 А вот и не нравится!
- 00:10:52,460 --> 00:10:53,360 Привет, ребята.
- 00:10:53,395 --> 00:10:54,260 Привет, Венди.
- 00:10:54,410 --> 00:10:56,510 Вот, Стэн, это - тебе.
- 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,060 Пока, Венди.
- 00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:01,160 Чувак, что там в записке?
- 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:03,260 Чтоб я сдох!
- 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:06,860 Она хочет увидеться со мной у пруда после школы!
- 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:07,200 Ух ты!
- 00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:08,210 Может, она даст тебе себя поцеловать!
- 00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:09,560 Языком!
- 00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:11,560 бу-бу-бу
- 00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:14,410 Что? Откуда ты знаешь, что у нее есть кошка?
- 00:11:18,860 --> 00:11:21,360 Ну, ладно вам! Нам нужно решить, как мы выберемся из школы,
- 00:11:21,395 --> 00:11:22,810 чтобы вернуть моего брата.
- 00:11:22,860 --> 00:11:24,160 Здравствуйте, дети.
- 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:24,930 Привет, Шеф!
- 00:11:24,940 --> 00:11:25,520 Как дела?
- 00:11:25,530 --> 00:11:26,100 Плохо.
- 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:26,925 Почему "плохо"?
- 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,160 Шеф, у Вас бывало такое, что с Вами что-то происходило,
- 00:11:29,195 --> 00:11:30,560 а Вам никто не верил?
- 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:34,660 О, дети, дети. Это - проблема, с которой все мы сталкиваемся
- 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,260 рано или поздно.
- 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:40,260 Давайте, я спою вам одну песню, возможно, она прояснит ситуацию.
- 00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,410 О женщина, я собираюсь заняться с тобою любовью.
- 00:11:44,460 --> 00:11:47,860 Я хочу уложить тебя возле огня
- 00:11:47,895 --> 00:11:51,260 и ласкать твое нежно тело,
- 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,160 заставить тебя стонать, обливаться потом...
- 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,160 Э-э... Шеф...
- 00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:58,060 Шеф!
- 00:11:58,500 --> 00:11:59,125 Шеф!!!
- 00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,110 Мы занимаемся любовью, занимаемся любовью, любовью...
- 00:12:01,660 --> 00:12:02,460 ШЕ-Е-Е-ЕФ!!!
- 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,000 ...А?
- 00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:06,960 Вам лучше?
- 00:12:06,970 --> 00:12:07,640 Нет.
- 00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,260 Да ладно вам, дети. Что может быть такого уж плохого?
- 00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:12,460 Ведь сегодня у нас солсберский бифштекс!
- 00:12:12,910 --> 00:12:14,860 Пришельцы похитили младшего брата Кайла.
- 00:12:14,895 --> 00:12:15,710 ЧТО?!
- 00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,360 Так какого же черта вы все еще в школе и едите тут этот солсберский бифштекс?!
- 00:12:19,460 --> 00:12:20,460 Идите ищите его, черт возьми!
- 00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:22,210 Мистер Гаррисон нас не отпустит.
- 00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:23,560 Он думает, мы сочиняем.
- 00:12:23,595 --> 00:12:24,860 Ты и так сочиняешь!
- 00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:31,460 Ух ты!
- 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:33,560 Что?
- 00:12:33,610 --> 00:12:34,425 Это было круто!
- 00:12:34,460 --> 00:12:38,060 Это что-то вроде симбиозного преобразователя.
- 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,860 Это может означать, что пришельцы хотят наладить с нами контакт!
- 00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:44,360 А! Я понимаю. Вы хотите присоединиться к этой шутке? Да?
- 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,560 Это - не шутка, дети, это - здоровая штуковина!
- 00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:48,460 Пожалуйста, Шеф,
- 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:52,560 Если я не выберусь из школы и не найду брата, мои родители от меня откажутся.
- 00:12:52,610 --> 00:12:54,560 Сейчас, сейчас...
- 00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:56,560 Ты должен помочь детям.
- 00:12:56,660 --> 00:13:00,260 Ребята, кажется, ваша шутка затянулась.
- 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,960 Я хочу бифштекс!
- 00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:04,360 Учебная тревога! Учебная тревога!
- 00:13:04,410 --> 00:13:05,460 Всем покинуть помещение!
- 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:08,060 Ну вот, дети, это - ваш шанс!
- 00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:09,860 Круто! Спасибо, Шеф!
- 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,960 Ну и ну! Первый контакт с пришельцами!
- 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,260 Нужно подготовиться.
- 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:19,360 Мы выбрались из школы. Сегодня школы не будет.
- 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,660 Ой, ребята, моя задница! Я серьезно!
- 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,760 Ну, хватит, Картман, жечь тут все.
- 00:13:26,860 --> 00:13:28,960 Я бы с радостью, если бы мог, сукин сын!
- 00:13:29,060 --> 00:13:31,560 Ладно, так как нам заполучить назад моего брата?
- 00:13:31,860 --> 00:13:34,260 Может, хватит уже по поводу твоего брата?
- 00:13:34,410 --> 00:13:37,460 Я знаю, что это был всего лишь сон, я знаю, что у меня нет зонда в заднице
- 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:40,160 и я знаю, что меня не контролируют пришельцы!
- 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,225 "Мне нравится петь
- 00:13:42,260 --> 00:13:44,660 о луне, о тебе и о весне,
- 00:13:44,695 --> 00:13:46,325 мне нравится петь
- 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,160 о голубом небе и о чае для двоих..."
- 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:53,425 Это что еще такое было?
- 00:13:53,460 --> 00:13:54,760 Он под контролем пришельцев!
- 00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:56,960 Эта штука у него в заднице связывается прямо с ними.
- 00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:58,760 Сукин сын!
- 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,860 Заткнитесь вы все, меня не контролируют пришельцы.
- 00:14:07,110 --> 00:14:09,010 Эй, инопланетяне! Если вы меня слышите,
- 00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:11,560 верните мне моего брата, черт вас возьми!
- 00:14:11,595 --> 00:14:13,360 Больно, между прочим! Жополиз!
- 00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,210 Кайл, смотри, это - они!
- 00:14:16,245 --> 00:14:17,860 Верните мне моего брата!
- 00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,360 О боже! Они убили Кенни!
- 00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:27,960 Ублюдки! А ну вернитесь!
- 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,760 Вернитесь!!
- 00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,960 Черт! Мы были совсем близко!
- 00:14:31,995 --> 00:14:32,760 Эй, смотри!
- 00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:34,110 Кенни, вроде, в порядке.
- 00:14:34,145 --> 00:14:35,360 бу-бу-бу
- 00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:40,660 бу-бу-бу
- 00:14:45,660 --> 00:14:48,660 Ого. Бедный Кенни. Теперь ты веришь, Картман?
- 00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:49,240 Нет!
- 00:14:49,260 --> 00:14:50,760 Картман, они убили Кенни!
- 00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:52,260 Он не мертв.
- 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,760 Чувак, Кенни мертв.
- 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:55,725 Видел?
- 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,160 Ай, заткнитесь!
- 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,760 Он мертв, Картман!
- 00:14:58,860 --> 00:15:01,560 Черт! У меня нет анального зонда!
- 00:15:02,260 --> 00:15:03,960 Пошли вы все! Я иду домой.
- 00:15:04,110 --> 00:15:06,060 Давай, вали домой! Жирная курица!
- 00:15:06,095 --> 00:15:07,060 Дилдо!
- 00:15:08,210 --> 00:15:09,710 Теперь только ты у меня остался, Стэн.
- 00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:11,960 Извини, чувак. Мне нужно сходить на встречу с Венди Тестабургер.
- 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:12,760 Нет, ты не можешь.
- 00:15:12,860 --> 00:15:15,660 Бедный Айк, наверное, так напуган там наверху, совсем один...
- 00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:16,825 Ты должен мне помочь, чувак!
- 00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:19,110 Чувак, как говорил Шеф, я должен получить немного любви,
- 00:15:19,145 --> 00:15:20,460 пока есть желание и возможность.
- 00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:22,460 Черт.
- 00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:26,210 Здравствуй, Эрик.
- 00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:27,160 Привет, мам.
- 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,510 Как дела?
- 00:15:28,610 --> 00:15:30,460 Хреново!
- 00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:34,060 А у меня для тебя сахарно-пончиковый сюрприз.
- 00:15:34,095 --> 00:15:36,210 Не хочу я "сахарно-пончиковый сюрприз"!
- 00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,060 Все ребята в школе обзывают меня жирным.
- 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,360 Ты не толстый, просто у тебя крупная кость.
- 00:15:40,395 --> 00:15:41,410 Я так им и говорю!
- 00:15:41,460 --> 00:15:44,260 Ну, маленький кусочек ведь можно?
- 00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:44,640 Нет!
- 00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:47,260 Что, и малюсенький-малюсюсенький?
- 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,925 Нет! Отстань, мам!
- 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,660 А как на счет торта с шоколадными курочками?
- 00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:54,910 Ну... звучит неплохо...
- 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:56,760 Мам?
- 00:15:56,860 --> 00:15:57,640 Да, милый?
- 00:15:57,660 --> 00:16:01,060 Если кто-то позвонит или придет - меня нет дома, ладно?
- 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,660 Конечно, милый.
- 00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:04,360 Может, ты хочешь и сырных сухариков тоже?
- 00:16:04,410 --> 00:16:05,810 Да, я хочу и сырных сухариков тоже.
- 00:16:09,310 --> 00:16:12,210 Похоже, она не появится, Стэн. Давай лучше поищем пришельцев.
- 00:16:12,245 --> 00:16:14,160 Но в записке написано, что она придет.
- 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,160 Привет, Стэн.
- 00:16:16,460 --> 00:16:17,610 Ты не можешь говорить со Стэном, Венди.
- 00:16:17,660 --> 00:16:18,960 Его тошнит, когда ты с ним заговариваешь
- 00:16:18,995 --> 00:16:20,260 Но почему, Стэн?
- 00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:23,610 Ребята, не могли бы вы сразу перейти к делу?
- 00:16:23,645 --> 00:16:25,160 После мы могли бы поискать моего брата.
- 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:25,740 А?
- 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,260 Ну, просто заняться любовью у огня.
- 00:16:27,295 --> 00:16:29,060 Что случилось с твоим братом?
- 00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,460 По мере того, как количество свидетельств об НЛО растет,
- 00:16:31,610 --> 00:16:34,560 все больше таинственных кругообразных узоров появляется на полях
- 00:16:34,595 --> 00:16:36,010 около Южного Парка.
- 00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:40,360 Эти круги, если смотреть на них сверху, образуют странные узоры...
- 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,860 О... Это похоже на Тома Селлека.
- 00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:47,860 Может, пришельцы хотят наладить с нами контакт здесь, на Земле?
- 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,960 Нет, котик, это - мой торт!
- 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:59,260 Плохой Кот! Это - мой торт, я сказал!
- 00:16:59,860 --> 00:17:02,860 Ма-а-ам! Кот ведет себя как дилдо!
- 00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:08,360 Тогда я, кажется, знаю одного котика, который спит с мамочкой сегодня.
- 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:10,260 Чиво?
- 00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:14,760 И теперь я должен идти домой без него, и родители, скорее всего, меня убьют.
- 00:17:14,860 --> 00:17:16,560 Почему бы тебе не взять с собой толстяка?
- 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:17,320 Зачем?
- 00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:22,360 Ну, если ему что-то имплантировали в зад, то, может быть, пришельцы
- 00:17:22,395 --> 00:17:24,310 используют его, как часть своего плана.
- 00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:27,660 Тебе нужно использовать толстяка как приманку, чтобы вернуть их назад.
- 00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:31,760 А ты права, Венди. Пошли, Стэн, возьмем Картмана.
- 00:17:31,860 --> 00:17:34,325 Идем, Стэн!...
- 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,960 Стоп! А когда мы будем заниматься любовью?
- 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,160 Нет, котяра! Тебе нельзя!
- 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,060 Прости, котик.
- 00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:54,960 Эрик! Посмотри, кто пришел!
- 00:17:55,060 --> 00:17:56,760 Мам, ну зачем...
- 00:17:56,860 --> 00:17:57,960 Мы идем играть на автобусную остановку.
- 00:17:58,020 --> 00:17:58,760 Не пойду.
- 00:17:58,860 --> 00:17:59,625 Мама сказала...
- 00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:03,210 Ничего, Эрик. Думаю, тебе нужно провести время со своими маленькими друзьями.
- 00:18:03,245 --> 00:18:05,410 Но, мама, я не хочу проводить время с моими маленькими друзьями.
- 00:18:05,445 --> 00:18:07,060 Не расстраивай меня, Эрик!
- 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,710 Почему бы тебе не пойти и не поиграть на снегу?
- 00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:11,800 Чёрт!
- 00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:16,210 Ребята, мне нужно домой!
- 00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:17,925 Не будь таким трусливым котом, Картман.
- 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,110 Благодаря этой веревке мы будем уверены, что они не заберут тебя снова на корабль.
- 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,710 Ой, чувак, да это чушь какая-то...
- 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,125 А вдруг пришельцы за ним не придут?
- 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,860 Наверное, нам нужно подать им какой-то сигнал.
- 00:18:28,810 --> 00:18:30,860 Эй, да он прямо как Рудольф.
- 00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,360 Все, что тебе нужно сделать, Картман, это - пернуть как следует!
- 00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:35,260 И тогда инопланетяне обязательно появятся!
- 00:18:35,460 --> 00:18:39,560 Да? Ну... может, я сегодня уже не смогу...
- 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:42,160 Конечно сможешь! Давай Картман! Начинай!
- 00:18:42,195 --> 00:18:43,560 Мне не хочется.
- 00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:44,760 Долго он не продержится.
- 00:18:44,860 --> 00:18:46,210 Давай! Чёрт возьми!
- 00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,360 Ну, хорошо! Вот вам! Слушайте!
- 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:54,760 Почему все, что сегодня происходит, так или иначе связано с моей задницей?
- 00:18:55,710 --> 00:18:58,360 Мне это осточертело! Это - полное ребячество!
- 00:18:58,610 --> 00:19:00,660 Эй! Это происходит снова!
- 00:19:03,010 --> 00:19:05,960 Ух ты! Глянь на это! Теперь ты нам веришь, Картман?
- 00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,560 Вам меня не напугать! Я знаю, что вы все выдумали!
- 00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:13,460 Картман! У тебя из задницы торчит 80-и футовая параболическая антенна!
- 00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:15,960 Ага, да, конечно! Как же!
- 00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,560 Ну и ну! Пришельцы собираются осуществить первый контакт.
- 00:19:22,210 --> 00:19:26,560 Эй! Мы здесь! Внизу! Мы готовы принять вашу мудрость!
- 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:31,710 У вас есть только 20 минут, пока не начался "Сэнфорд и сын".
- 00:19:32,060 --> 00:19:36,660 Чуваки, вы меня конкретно достали!!
- 00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:39,560 Я знаю, что никаких инопланетян не существует!
- 00:19:41,460 --> 00:19:43,160 А! Черт!
- 00:19:44,260 --> 00:19:45,260 Что за...?
- 00:19:45,460 --> 00:19:49,210 Точно вам говорю, в этом городе происходит что-то странное.
- 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,960 Вот и я о том же, мистер Гаррисон.
- 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,760 Спускайтесь сюда, вонючие пришельцы!
- 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,260 Давай, Кайл, попроси у них своего брата.
- 00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:01,540 Пришельцы...
- 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,560 Сегодня утром вы забрали моего брата Айка
- 00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:06,260 Он - немного веснушчатый и выглядит, как футбольный мяч.
- 00:20:06,295 --> 00:20:08,360 Сначала я был рад, что вы его прихватили,
- 00:20:08,460 --> 00:20:09,860 но сегодня я кое-что понял.
- 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,660 Когда у тебя есть младший брат, это - какая-то особенная вещь.
- 00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:13,200 Ага.
- 00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:14,525 Короче, ну, господа пришельцы,
- 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,810 я всего лишь ребенок в этом безумном мире,
- 00:20:16,845 --> 00:20:19,025 но если ваше сердце, или что там у вас есть,
- 00:20:19,060 --> 00:20:23,160 подскажет вам вернуть моего брата, вы сделаете мою жизнь снова яркой.
- 00:20:23,860 --> 00:20:25,110 Красиво сказано, чувак.
- 00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:26,210 Сработало?
- 00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:27,425 Нет. Они отваливают.
- 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,110 Эй вы, костлявые задницы!
- 00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:30,952 Какого ***, я не понял!!!
- 00:20:30,987 --> 00:20:32,725 Вы ***, наверное, совсем ***,
- 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,460 если можете не обращать внимание на плачущего ребенка!!
- 00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:35,240 Ого! Чувак!
- 00:20:35,260 --> 00:20:41,660 Знаете, вы кто? Вы все похожи на *** *** ***!
- 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,110 Венди, что такое ***?
- 00:20:47,610 --> 00:20:49,960 Айк! Прыгай вниз, скорее!!
- 00:20:50,060 --> 00:20:52,960 Айк, прыгай! Ради бога, прыгай!!
- 00:21:05,010 --> 00:21:08,560 "Здравствуйте, коровы планеты Земля. Мы пришли к вам с миром."
- 00:21:08,595 --> 00:21:10,825 "Серьезно?"
- 00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:13,960 Давай, Айк! Я обещаю, теперь я буду хорошим!
- 00:21:14,060 --> 00:21:16,260 Не пни малыша.
- 00:21:16,660 --> 00:21:19,860 "Мы экспериментировали с разными формами земной жизни,
- 00:21:19,895 --> 00:21:21,660 и выяснили, что вы - наиболее разумные из всех.
- 00:21:21,695 --> 00:21:23,860 О чем это они там говорят?
- 00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:25,910 "Зачем вы выворачивали нас наизнанку?"
- 00:21:26,460 --> 00:21:28,460 "О, это была ошибка Карла, он - новенький."
- 00:21:29,460 --> 00:21:32,160 "Да, простите меня, так вышло."
- 00:21:32,195 --> 00:21:33,125 Айк!
- 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,960 "Возьмите этот прибор, это - наш подарок."
- 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,660 Айк! Вспомни, как делал Дэвид Карузо!! Сделай так!!
- 00:21:42,695 --> 00:21:44,410 Тепей я!
- 00:21:48,860 --> 00:21:51,260 "Прощайте, коровы, да пребудет с вами мир!"
- 00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,060 Эй, ребята, избавьте меня от этого!!
- 00:22:01,660 --> 00:22:02,560 Помогите!
- 00:22:02,610 --> 00:22:04,985 Сукины дети!
- 00:22:05,020 --> 00:22:07,360 Дилды!!!
- 00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:09,960 Ну, я рад, что все закончилось.
- 00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:12,360 Ага! А как я рад тебя видеть, Айк!
- 00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:14,760 ...он летят в небо
- 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,860 Стойте! Куда вы, пришельцы!
- 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:18,775 Вернитесь!
- 00:22:18,810 --> 00:22:22,160 Ну, Шеф? И где это "удивительное", что вы хотели нам показать?
- 00:22:22,260 --> 00:22:25,260 Э-э... это находится у меня в спальне, дамы. Идемте.
- 00:22:25,460 --> 00:22:27,460 Идем, Айк. Мы как раз успеем к обеду.
- 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:28,960 Спасибо за помощь, Венди.
- 00:22:29,060 --> 00:22:30,060 Всегда пожалуйста.
- 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:31,860 Смотри-ка, а я не блеванул!
- 00:22:31,900 --> 00:22:32,800 Здорово!
- 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:42,400 Извини.
- 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,460 Смотри, жареная картошка!
- 00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:45,300 Клево!
- 00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:46,110 А это что такое?
- 00:22:46,180 --> 00:22:47,860 Я думаю, это были сырные сухарики.
- 00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,325 А это что?
- 00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:53,360 А это - чизбургер двухдневной давности.
- 00:22:53,395 --> 00:22:54,960 А это?
- 00:22:55,060 --> 00:22:56,160 А черт его знает.
- 00:22:59,460 --> 00:23:02,210 Автобус будет с минуты на минуту, а Картмана все нет.
- 00:23:02,260 --> 00:23:03,960 Да, мы теряем друзей.
- 00:23:04,610 --> 00:23:08,360 Интересно, что это за штуку инопланетяне подарили коровам?
- 00:23:10,460 --> 00:23:13,110 Ага, коровы! Я припер вас к стенке.
- 00:23:13,210 --> 00:23:15,410 Посмотрим, как вы теперь выкрутитесь!
- 00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,010 "Мне нравится петь
- 00:23:18,060 --> 00:23:20,710 о луне, о весне, и о тебе,
- 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:25,360 мне нравится петь о голубом небе и о чае для двоих..."
- 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,760 О, привет, Картман!
- 00:23:27,860 --> 00:23:30,060 Пришельцы выкинули тебя как раз, чтобы ты попал в школу.
- 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,560 Ох, чувак,
- 00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:33,860 мне опять снились кошмары этой ночью.
- 00:23:33,895 --> 00:23:35,260 Да? О чем?
- 00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:38,010 Ну, я стоял в чистом поле,
- 00:23:38,060 --> 00:23:41,560 и у меня из задницы торчала здоровенная параболическая антенна!
- 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,560 И потом там еще были сотни коров, инопланетян...
- 00:23:44,660 --> 00:23:46,110 а потом я поднялся к ним на корабль,
- 00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,160 и Скот Байо заразил меня конъюнктивитом.
- 00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:50,560 Это был не сон, Картман. Это случилось на самом деле!
- 00:23:50,660 --> 00:23:53,360 Ну да! А почему же у меня тогда нет красного глаза?
- 00:23:53,395 --> 00:23:55,460 Как это нет? У тебя глаз красный!
- 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,660 Сукин сын!
- 00:24:09,614 --> 00:24:11,950 Перевёл Klop. 23 января 2004 года. Отредактировал BigBorman. 6 апреля 2010 года.
- 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:03,587 <i>And now a fireside chat</i>
- 00:00:03,713 --> 00:00:05,464 <i>with the creators of Comedy Central's "South Park, "</i>
- 00:00:05,589 --> 00:00:07,883 <i>Matt Stone and Trey Parker.</i>
- 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,725 Hi, I'm Trey Parker. - And I'm Matt Stone.
- 00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:18,019 And this here's ole Scratch. Say hi, ole fellow.
- 00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:19,645 We do a show called "South Park."
- 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,941 <i>Matt and Trey, tell us a little bit about yourselves.</i>
- 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,861 Well, I-I met Matthew at the University of Colorado
- 00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:28,654 where I was going to film school.
- 00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:31,615 I actually met him in Beginning Filmmaking class.
- 00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:34,243 I met him and found someone who could make me laugh,
- 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,120 even when I felt like crying.
- 00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,833 <i>Guys, who would you say are your role models?</i>
- 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:43,335 Well, I'd have to say my biggest role model
- 00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:44,628 is Matt.
- 00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,130 I guess I'd have to say mine
- 00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:48,382 is Theodore Roosevelt, for his work
- 00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:50,634 with the Rough Riders in the Spanish American War.
- 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,928 <i>Matt and Trey, tell us about this episode.</i>
- 00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,097 This episode is called "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe,"
- 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,099 and it's our favorite episode.
- 00:00:57,224 --> 00:01:00,019 In it, Kyle's baby brother Ike gets abducted by aliens,
- 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:03,064 and Cartman has strange things implanted in his ass.
- 00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:04,899 I think that the reason this episode is--
- 00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:06,859 well, ole Scratch's favorite, anyway,
- 00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,486 is because it's the only episode that
- 00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:11,280 Matt and I animated completely by ourselves.
- 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,532 You see, this was the pilot episode,
- 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,451 done before we had a series.
- 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,787 So Matt and I had to do the whole thing by ourselves.
- 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,789 For several months, we were locked into
- 00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:22,541 a cold, dark, little room
- 00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:25,044 for long periods of time.
- 00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:28,130 <i>You know, that "Kick the Baby" game looks like fun.</i>
- 00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:29,799 <i>Have you guys ever played it personally?</i>
- 00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:32,218 Well, neither Trey or I have children.
- 00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:33,886 That's right, the only family we have
- 00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,222 is each other and ole Scratch here.
- 00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:39,892 We're not married yet. - We can't even get dates.
- 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,103 But the truth is, until we have children,
- 00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:44,480 we're not gonna know whether or not we're gonna kick them.
- 00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,650 <i>You guys seem to write alien encounter material</i>
- 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,027 <i>with a certain, uh, knowledge.</i>
- 00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:53,781 <i>Have either of you actually ever been abducted?</i>
- 00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:57,660 Trey, it's okay.
- 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,995 Go ahead and tell.
- 00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,914 I grew up very near to South Park,
- 00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:04,542 and so I was abducted when I was a small child.
- 00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,168 I remember the experience.
- 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,379 I remember how horrible it was.
- 00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:10,673 I remember too much.
- 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,802 So sit back, relax, and enjoy
- 00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,554 "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe."
- 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,192 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,194 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,904 ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,447 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:36,907 - ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,742 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:40,452 - ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:41,954 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor." ♪
- 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,455 - ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:45,207 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,879 - ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,672 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:55,217 ♪ School days school days teachers... ♪
- 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,178 Ah, damn it, my little brother's trying to follow me
- 00:02:57,303 --> 00:02:59,597 to school again.
- 00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,932 Ike, you can't come to school with me.
- 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,018 Yeah, go home,
- 00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:05,603 you little dildo.
- 00:03:05,728 --> 00:03:07,104 Dude, don't call my brother a dildo.
- 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,315 What's a dildo? - I don't know.
- 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,941 And I'll bet Cartman doesn't know either.
- 00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,359 I know what it means.
- 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,986 Well, what?
- 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,821 I'm not telling you.
- 00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:16,989 - What's a dildo, Kenny?
- 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,913 Yeah, that's what Kyle's little brother is, all right.
- 00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,414 Ow.
- 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,416 Dude, that kicks ass.
- 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:28,834 Yeah, check this one out.
- 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,544 Ready, Ike? Kick the baby.
- 00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:31,962 Don't kick the baby.
- 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,172 Kick the baby.
- 00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:34,298 Aah!
- 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,385 Whoa, Cartman,
- 00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,304 looks like you didn't get much sleep last night.
- 00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,348 That's because I was having these bogus nightmares.
- 00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,058 Really? What about?
- 00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:46,101 Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed,
- 00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,478 <i>in the dark.</i>
- 00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:49,230 <i>When all of a sudden</i>
- 00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:51,148 <i>this bright blue light filled the room.</i>
- 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,110 <i>And slowly my bedroom door began to open.</i>
- 00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,862 <i>And then the next thing I remember,</i>
- 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,489 <i>I was being drug through a hallway.</i>
- 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,784 <i>Then I was lying on a table,</i>
- 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,411 <i>and these scary aliens wanted to operate on me.</i>
- 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,956 And they had big heads and big black eyes.
- 00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,874 Dude, visitors. - Totally.
- 00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,918 What? - That wasn't a dream, Cartman.
- 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,586 Those were visitors.
- 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,004 No, it was just a dream. My mom said so.
- 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,673 Visitors are real. - Yeah.
- 00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,258 They abduct people and they mutilate cows.
- 00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,801 Oh, shut up, you guys,
- 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:19,885 you're just trying to make me scared.
- 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,429 And it's not working.
- 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:23,931 Hello there, children.
- 00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,474 Hey, Chef.
- 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,976 What's gonna be for lunch today, Chef?
- 00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:28,519 Well, today it's Salisbury steak
- 00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:30,229 with buttered noodles and a choice
- 00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:32,231 of green bean casserole or vegetable medley.
- 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:33,649 Kick ass.
- 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,192 Say, did any of you children
- 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:36,610 see the alien spaceship last night?
- 00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:38,153 Huh? - Yeah, fat boy saw it.
- 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,739 No, that-- that was just a dream.
- 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,741 And I'm not fat. I'm big boned.
- 00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,743 Oh, was it the ones with the big long heads
- 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,287 and the black eyes?
- 00:04:46,412 --> 00:04:47,871 Oh! - They took him on their ship.
- 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,374 Oh, did they give you an anal probe?
- 00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,251 Oh! - What's an anal probe?
- 00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,003 That's when they put this big metal hoop-a-joop
- 00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:55,754 up your butt.
- 00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,506 Whoa, they gave you an anal probe, Cartman?
- 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,592 No, I mean... why would they do that?
- 00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,052 Dude, they did, huh?
- 00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:03,345 Aliens stuck stuff up your ass.
- 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,222 No. - An probe.
- 00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:06,724 Shut up, dildo.
- 00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:08,267 Well, I got to get to the cafeteria.
- 00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:09,852 You children watch that fat boy, now.
- 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,854 He could be under alien control.
- 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,443 We told you they were real, Cartman.
- 00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,236 Sorry to hear about your ass.
- 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,280 God damn it, they didn't do anything to my ass.
- 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:23,157 It was just a dream.
- 00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:27,536 Why you walking so funny, Cartman?
- 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,038 Shut up.
- 00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:30,539 No, Ike, go home.
- 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,875 This is it, this one's for the game.
- 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,877 Kick the baby.
- 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,923 Good morning, Miss Crabtree.
- 00:05:40,049 --> 00:05:42,176 Sit down, we're running late!
- 00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:47,681 Damn it, he's still there.
- 00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,308 Oh, don't worry about him.
- 00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,934 No, dude, if something happens to him,
- 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,394 my parents are gonna blame me.
- 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,688 Sit down back there! Aah!
- 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,815 Yeah, whatever, you fat bitch.
- 00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,108 What did you say?
- 00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,651 I said I have a bad itch.
- 00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:00,819 Oh.
- 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,739 Oh, my God!
- 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,740 Visitors.
- 00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:09,453 Ike! Stop the bus!
- 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,830 Miss Crabtree, you have to stop this bus.
- 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,291 Do you want an office referral?
- 00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:15,959 No. - Then sit down!
- 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:16,960 But I...
- 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,466 Aah!
- 00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:26,637 Cartman, are those the same visitors you saw?
- 00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:28,514 Shut up, you guys, it's not working.
- 00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:29,973 We have to do something.
- 00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:31,266 Well, we can't do anything for now.
- 00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:32,601 That fat bitch won't let us.
- 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,436 What did you say?
- 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,563 I said that rabbits eat lettuce.
- 00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:39,650 Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do.
- 00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,028 What am I gonna do?
- 00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,947 My little brother's been abducted by aliens.
- 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,365 You farted.
- 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,327 Somebody's baking brownies.
- 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,168 That's the third cow this month.
- 00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,712 At this rate, all my cattle are gonna die
- 00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:02,256 before the winter's through.
- 00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,384 This is nothing out of the unusual.
- 00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:09,096 Cows turn themselves inside out all the time.
- 00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:12,474 People been saying they've been seeing UFOs around.
- 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,309 UFOs?
- 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:17,688 Yeah, and black army CIA helicopters and trucks.
- 00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:21,024 That's the silliest thing I've ever heard.
- 00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:24,695 What was that?
- 00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,572 That--that was a pigeon.
- 00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,574 What am I supposed to do, Barbrady?
- 00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:31,034 Just stand here and watch my cattle
- 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,870 get mutilated one by one?
- 00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,460 Hey, my cattle!
- 00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:44,381 You see?
- 00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,133 There is something funny going on.
- 00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:47,968 There's nothing funny going on.
- 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,012 I'll get those cows back.
- 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:53,974 And now, children,
- 00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,018 our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us
- 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,811 about Christopher Columbus.
- 00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,730 That's right, Mr. Garrison,
- 00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:02,608 Christopher Columbus discovered America,
- 00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,943 and was the Indians' best friend.
- 00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,446 He helped the Indians win their war against
- 00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:08,989 Frederick Douglas,
- 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,867 and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon.
- 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,327 And discovered France.
- 00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:14,995 Oh, man. I can't just sit here.
- 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,538 I have to help my stupid brother.
- 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:17,956 I'll come home without him
- 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,333 and my dad will start yelling,
- 00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:21,293 "Where's your brother, Kyle?
- 00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,128 You weren't looking out for your little brother, Kyle."
- 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,838 Okay, okay, let's ditch school and go find him.
- 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,006 "You know he can't think on his own, Kyle.
- 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,508 "Brush and floss, Kyle.
- 00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:28,926 Where has that finger been, Kyle?"
- 00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:30,135 Dude.
- 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,637 Is there a problem, boys?
- 00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,138 Yes, Mr. Garrison, I have to go now.
- 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:34,890 Oh really, Kyle?
- 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,558 What is it this time, another prostate tumor?
- 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,769 No, my little brother's been abducted by aliens.
- 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,813 It's true. Ask Cartman.
- 00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,732 They gave him an anal probe.
- 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,109 That's a little joke.
- 00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:48,695 Mr. Garrison, seriously, I have to go.
- 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,697 Can I please be excused from class?
- 00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,449 I don't know, Kyle. Did you ask Mr. Hat?
- 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:55,077 I don't want to ask Mr. Hat!
- 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,662 I'm asking you!
- 00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,413 Oh, I think you should ask Mr. Hat.
- 00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,166 Mr. Hat, may I please be excused from class?
- 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,126 Well, Kyle, no.
- 00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,170 You hear me? You go to hell.
- 00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,964 You go to hell and you die.
- 00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:09,132 Hm, I guess you'll have to take your seat, Kyle.
- 00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:10,467 Damn it.
- 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,261 Ha-ha, Mr. Hat yelled at you.
- 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,596 Ow, my ass!
- 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:15,931 Damn, Cartman.
- 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,059 Ow, my ass!
- 00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:20,727 Dude, he's farting fire.
- 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,354 It's the alien anal probe.
- 00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,356 It's shooting fire from Cartman's rectum.
- 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,358 No, that was just a dream.
- 00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:27,943 Eric, do you need to sit in the corner
- 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,987 until your flaming gas is under control?
- 00:09:30,112 --> 00:09:32,656 No, Mr. Garrison, I'm fine.
- 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,380 Hey, you cows can't get on this train.
- 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,257 This is a people train.
- 00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,509 You cows have no business on a people train, all right?
- 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,553 'cause you're cows.
- 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:56,346 No, no, no.
- 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:59,600 Don't try any of that cow hypnosis on me, all right?
- 00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,226 'Cause it's not gonna work.
- 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,061 Hold it right there, cows.
- 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,398 Come back here.
- 00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,822 Aah!
- 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,907 Ooh. I sure am hungry.
- 00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,909 How can you eat when you're farting fire?
- 00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:20,621 Shut up, dude, you're being totally immature.
- 00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,456 Hey, look, there's Wendy Testaburger.
- 00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,541 Where?
- 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:44,561 ♪ Stan wants to kiss Wendy Testaburger ♪
- 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,563 Shut up, fat ass. I don't even like her.
- 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:49,107 I'm not fat and you obviously like her
- 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,068 because you throw up every time she talks to you.
- 00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,444 I do not.
- 00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,488 - Hi, guys. - Hi, Wendy.
- 00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,531 Here, Stan, this is for you.
- 00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:57,908 Eww.
- 00:10:58,033 --> 00:10:59,368 Bye, Wendy.
- 00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,787 Dude, what does the note say?
- 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,497 Holy crap,
- 00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:05,457 it says she wants to meet me at Stark's Pond
- 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:06,917 after school.
- 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,168 Whoa, maybe you can kiss her.
- 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,419 Or slip her the tongue.
- 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:14,424 What, how do you know she has a cat?
- 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,263 Come on, you guys,
- 00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:21,848 we need to figure out how to get out of school
- 00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,350 so we can get my little brother back.
- 00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:24,976 - Hello there, children. - Hey Chef.
- 00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,353 How are you doing? - Bad.
- 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:27,938 Why bad? - Chef,
- 00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:29,189 have you ever had something happen to you
- 00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,565 but nobody believed you?
- 00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:32,693 Oh, children, children.
- 00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,736 That's a problem we've all had to face
- 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,279 at some time or another.
- 00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,615 Here, let me sing you a little song.
- 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,575 It might clear things up.
- 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:44,413 ♪ I'm gonna make love to you woman ♪
- 00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,958 ♪ Gonna lay you down by the fire ♪
- 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,877 ♪ And caress your womanly body ♪
- 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:54,339 ♪ Make you moan and perspire ♪
- 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,966 ♪ Gonna get ♪ - Uh, Chef?
- 00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,634 ♪ Those juices flowing ♪ - Chef.
- 00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,553 ♪ We're making love baby ♪ - Chef!
- 00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:01,805 ♪ Love baby love love love love baby ♪
- 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:02,806 Chef!
- 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,600 Huh?
- 00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,769 Do you feel better? - No.
- 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,938 Oh, come on, children, what can be so bad?
- 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,983 It's Salisbury steak day.
- 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,609 Visitors took Kyle's baby brother.
- 00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,194 What?
- 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,029 What the hell do you think you're doing
- 00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,573 in school eating Salisbury steak?
- 00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:21,241 Go find him, damn it.
- 00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,617 Mr. Garrison won't let us out of school.
- 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:23,744 He thinks we're making it up.
- 00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:25,162 You are making it up.
- 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,543 Whoa.
- 00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,880 What? - That was cool.
- 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:38,049 It's some kind of symbionic metamorphosis device.
- 00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:40,719 This can mean the visitors want to communicate with us.
- 00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,471 Oh, I see.
- 00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,723 Now you're gonna join in on the little joke, huh?
- 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,726 It's no joke, children. This is big.
- 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,603 Please, Chef, if I don't get out of school
- 00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:51,188 and get my brother back from the aliens,
- 00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,773 my parents are gonna disown me.
- 00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:54,775 Uh, hold on, now. Hold on, now.
- 00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,651 You got to help the children.
- 00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,987 Hey, you guys sure are going a long way
- 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,781 to try and scare me.
- 00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,365 I want my Salisbury steak!
- 00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,451 Fire drill, fire drill.
- 00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:05,994 Everybody out.
- 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,871 Okay, children, this is your chance.
- 00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,706 Killer. Thanks, Chef.
- 00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,584 Man, oh, man.
- 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,878 First contact with the alien visitors.
- 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,505 I've got to get myself ready.
- 00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,340 ♪ We got out of school ♪
- 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,133 ♪ No more school today ♪
- 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,635 ♪ We got out of school ♪
- 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,136 Oh, you guys!
- 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,846 My ass, seriously!
- 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,848 Okay, Cartman, you can stop farting fire now.
- 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,142 I would if I could, you son of a bitch.
- 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,311 Okay, so how do we get my little brother back?
- 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,314 Hey, would you stop going on about your little brother?
- 00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,066 I know it was just a dream.
- 00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,776 I know I didn't have an anal probe.
- 00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:40,320 And I know that I'm not under alien control.
- 00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:43,323 ♪ I love to singa ♪
- 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,741 ♪ About the moona and the juna and the springa ♪
- 00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:46,368 ♪ I love to singa ♪
- 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,204 ♪ About a sky of blue or tea for two ♪
- 00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:53,708 What the hell was that?
- 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:54,960 He is under alien control.
- 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,253 That thing in his butt
- 00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,462 is linked up to the visitors.
- 00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,005 Oh, son of a bitch.
- 00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:05,220 You guys shut up.
- 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,180 I'm not under alien control.
- 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,099 Hey, if you visitors can hear me...
- 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,517 Hey. - Bring me back
- 00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:11,893 my little brother, God damn it!
- 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,521 Ow, that hurts, you butt licker!
- 00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:15,897 Kyle, look, it's them.
- 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,233 Give me back my brother!
- 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:25,073 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
- 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,533 You bastards!
- 00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,118 Come back here!
- 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:29,703 Come back!
- 00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,955 Damn it! We were so close.
- 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,082 Hey, look, I think Kenny's okay.
- 00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:37,878 Oh.
- 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,262 Wow, poor Kenny.
- 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,305 Now do you believe us, Cartman?
- 00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:49,681 No.
- 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:50,807 Cartman, they killed Kenny.
- 00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:52,100 He's not dead.
- 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,185 Dude, Kenny is dead.
- 00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:55,812 See?
- 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,022 Shut up, you guys.
- 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,857 He's dead, Cartman.
- 00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,818 God damn it, I didn't have an anal probe!
- 00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,820 Screw you guys. I'm going home.
- 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,114 Go on and go home, you fat chicken.
- 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,240 Dildo!
- 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,160 You're all I have left, Stan.
- 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,870 Sorry, dude, I gotta go meet Wendy Testaburger.
- 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,372 You can't. Poor Ike must be so scared.
- 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:15,582 Up there all alone.
- 00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:16,791 You gotta help me dude.
- 00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:18,209 Dude, like Chef says,
- 00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,336 I gotta get a piece of loving
- 00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:20,962 while the getting's hot.
- 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,797 Rats.
- 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:25,967 Hello, Eric.
- 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,177 Hi, Mom.
- 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,428 How are you doing?
- 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,388 Well, I'm pissed off.
- 00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:34,267 Here, I made you powdered donut pancake surprise.
- 00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:36,061 I don't want powdered donut pancake surprise.
- 00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,938 All the kids in school call me fat.
- 00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:40,148 You're not fat, you're big boned.
- 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,816 That's what I said.
- 00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:44,110 You can have an eensy-weensy bit, can't you?
- 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,445 No.
- 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,197 Just a weensy-eensy woo-woo?
- 00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,074 No, leave me alone, Mom.
- 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,701 How about a nice chocolate chicken pot pie then?
- 00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,996 But...well, that sounds pretty good.
- 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,373 Uh, Mom?
- 00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:57,832 Yes, hon?
- 00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,334 If anybody calls or comes over,
- 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,252 I'm not here, okay?
- 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:02,671 Sure, hon.
- 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,422 You want some Cheesy Poofs too?
- 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,007 Yeah, I want Cheesy Poofs.
- 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,137 Well, looks like she's not gonna show up, Stan.
- 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,639 Let's go look for the visitors now.
- 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:13,974 But her note said she'd be here.
- 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:15,600 Hi, Stan.
- 00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,018 Ew.
- 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,103 You can't talk to Stan, Wendy.
- 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,104 He throws up when you do.
- 00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,605 But why, Stan?
- 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,399 Ew.
- 00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:23,900 Look, could you guys just get down to business
- 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:24,901 so we can find my little brother?
- 00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,444 Huh?
- 00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,029 Just make sweet love down by the fire.
- 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,823 What happened to your little brother?
- 00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,825 <i>As the reports of UFO sightings increase,</i>
- 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,077 <i>more mysterious crop circle patterns are appearing</i>
- 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:36,037 <i>in fields all around South Park.</i>
- 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,039 <i>These crop circles, when viewed from above,</i>
- 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,583 <i>form strange patterns.</i>
- 00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:43,962 Hey, that kind of looks like...Tom Selleck.
- 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,672 <i>Could it be that aliens are trying to</i>
- 00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,799 <i>make contact with us, here on Earth?</i>
- 00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,472 No, kitty, this is my pot pie.
- 00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,725 No, kitty, that's a bad kitty!
- 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,227 No, kitty, this is my pot pie!
- 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,897 Mom, kitty's being a dildo.
- 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:05,984 Well, then I know a certain kitty kitty
- 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,570 who's sleeping with Mommy tonight.
- 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,780 What?
- 00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,407 And now I have to go home without him,
- 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,367 and my parents are gonna have me killed.
- 00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:16,494 Well, why didn't you go get the fat kid?
- 00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:18,538 Why? - Well...
- 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,458 if the fat kid has something implanted in his ass,
- 00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:22,959 maybe the visitors are using him
- 00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,461 as part of their plan.
- 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,296 You should use the fat kid as bait
- 00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:27,630 to bring them back.
- 00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,299 Hey, you're right, Wendy.
- 00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:31,718 Come on, Stan, we have to go get Cartman.
- 00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:32,719 Come on, Stan.
- 00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,304 Ew.
- 00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:35,597 Hey, wait.
- 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,724 When do I get to make sweet love?
- 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,981 No, kitty, you can't have any.
- 00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,359 No, kitty, this is my pot pie!
- 00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:49,819 Bad kitty!
- 00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,446 Oh. Excuse me, kitty.
- 00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:54,783 Eric, look who's here.
- 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,576 Dude, weak, Mom.
- 00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:57,911 Come on, Eric, we're gonna go play at the bus stop.
- 00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,496 I can't. My mom says--
- 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,914 That's okay, Eric.
- 00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,290 I think you need to spend time
- 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,000 with your little friends.
- 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:05,627 But Mom, I don't want to spend time with my...
- 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,295 Don't be difficult, Eric.
- 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,215 Now, you go out and play in the fun snow.
- 00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,424 God damn it.
- 00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:16,137 You guys, I have to get home.
- 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:17,847 Don't be such a fraidy cat, Cartman.
- 00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,390 This rope will make sure
- 00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,810 they can't take you on board again.
- 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,561 Oh, man, this sucks.
- 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,230 How come the visitors aren't coming for him?
- 00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:26,648 I think we have to signal them somehow.
- 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,775 Ow!
- 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,069 Hey, he's like Rudolph.
- 00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,404 Yeah, all you have to do is fart some more, Cartman,
- 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:35,365 and the visitors are sure to come.
- 00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,033 Really?
- 00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,536 Uh, I don't think I have to fart anymore tonight.
- 00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:40,703 Sure you do.
- 00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:41,913 Come on, Cartman, fart.
- 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,456 I don't wanna.
- 00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:44,874 He can't hold it in forever.
- 00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,334 Fart, damn you!
- 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,294 Okay, that does it.
- 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:49,629 Now, listen,
- 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,214 why is it that everything today
- 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,049 has involved things either going in
- 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,510 or coming out of my ass?
- 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:56,845 I'm sick of it.
- 00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,429 It's completely immature.
- 00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,473 Hey, it's happening again.
- 00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:04,769 Whoa, look at that.
- 00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,104 Now do you believe us, Cartman?
- 00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,772 You guys can't scare me.
- 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,440 I know you're making it all up.
- 00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,985 Cartman, there's an 80-foot satellite dish
- 00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,736 sticking out of your ass.
- 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,114 Sure, you guys. Whatever.
- 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,492 Oh, boy,
- 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,870 the aliens are going to make first contact.
- 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,997 Hey, down here!
- 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:27,167 We are ready for your wisdom!
- 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,127 And you only got 20 minutes
- 00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:31,921 before "Sanford and Son" is on.
- 00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,424 You guys, I am seriously
- 00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:36,676 getting pissed off right now!
- 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:39,679 I know there's no such thing as aliens!
- 00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:44,142 Oh, God damn it!
- 00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:46,060 What the--?
- 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:49,063 I tell you, there's crazy stuff going on in this town.
- 00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:52,108 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,944 Come down here, you stinking aliens.
- 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,572 Uh, uh...
- 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,073 Go on, Kyle,
- 00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,283 ask them for your little brother back.
- 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,826 V-visitors,
- 00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,494 this morning you took my brother, Ike.
- 00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:04,996 He's the little freckled kid
- 00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,581 that looks like a football.
- 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,374 At first I was happy you took him away.
- 00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:09,792 But I've learned something today.
- 00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,336 That having a little brother
- 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,921 is a pretty special thing.
- 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,714 Yeah. - Aw, heck, Mr. Visitors,
- 00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,674 I'm just a kid all alone in this crazy world.
- 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,134 But if you can find it in your hearts
- 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,552 or whatever you have
- 00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,221 to give my brother back to me,
- 00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,389 it sure would make my life brighter again.
- 00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:25,099 That was beautiful, dude.
- 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,142 Did it work?
- 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,602 Nope, they're leaving.
- 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,520 Hey, you scrawny assed!
- 00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:31,356 What the is wrong with you?
- 00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:32,941 You must be some kind of
- 00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:34,651 to be able to ignore a crying child!
- 00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,069 Whoa, dude.
- 00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:37,153 You know what you like?
- 00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,405 You like to...
- 00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:44,661 Hey, Wendy, what's a?
- 00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,916 Ike, jump down, now!
- 00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:52,919 For the love of God, Ike, jump!
- 00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:54,504 Don't hurt me.
- 00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:03,513 Moo.
- 00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:12,397 Come on, Ike.
- 00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,524 I promise I'll be nice to you from now on.
- 00:21:14,649 --> 00:21:15,942 Don't kick the baby.
- 00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,741 What the hell are they talking about?
- 00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:33,293 Ike!
- 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,635 Ike, do your impersonation of David Caruso's career!
- 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,137 It's my turn.
- 00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:59,152 You guys, get me down from here!
- 00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:01,738 Help!
- 00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:02,989 Help!
- 00:22:03,114 --> 00:22:04,991 Sons a bitches!
- 00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:07,702 Dildo!
- 00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:10,038 Phew, I'm sure glad that's over with.
- 00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,206 Yeah, boy, am I glad to see you, Ike.
- 00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:14,542 Fly in the sky.
- 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,085 Wait.
- 00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:17,962 Where are you going, alien visitors?
- 00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:19,589 Come back.
- 00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:21,132 Well, Chef, where's this amazing thing
- 00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:22,675 you were gonna show us?
- 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,302 Well, it's in the bedroom, ladies.
- 00:22:24,427 --> 00:22:25,303 Come on in.
- 00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:26,804 Come on, Ike,
- 00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:28,222 we can make it just in time for dinner.
- 00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:29,223 Thanks for your help, Wendy.
- 00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:30,433 Whatever, dude.
- 00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:31,934 Hey, I didn't throw up.
- 00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:32,935 Cool.
- 00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:42,028 Ew.
- 00:22:42,153 --> 00:22:44,364 Sorry. - Hey, look, a French fry.
- 00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:46,449 Cool. - And what is that?
- 00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:47,700 I think it's part of a Cheesy Poof.
- 00:22:47,825 --> 00:22:49,535 Hey, what's that?
- 00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:51,579 ♪ I'm gonna make love ♪ - That's a hamburger.
- 00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:52,830 That's from like two days ago. - ♪ To you woman ♪
- 00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:54,332 Well, hey, what about that?
- 00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:55,458 I don't know what the hell that is.
- 00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:01,089 Gee, the bus will be here any minute.
- 00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:02,673 And Cartman still isn't around.
- 00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:04,509 Yeah, we're running out of friends.
- 00:23:04,634 --> 00:23:05,885 I wonder what that thing was
- 00:23:06,010 --> 00:23:07,387 that the visitors gave the cows?
- 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,101 Ha-ha, cows, I got you cornered.
- 00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:15,478 Let's see you get away now.
- 00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:18,731 ♪ I love to singa ♪
- 00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:20,650 ♪ About the moona and the juna and the springa ♪
- 00:23:20,775 --> 00:23:22,402 ♪ I love to singa ♪
- 00:23:22,527 --> 00:23:24,779 ♪ About a sky of blue or tea for two ♪
- 00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:27,240 Oh, hey, Cartman.
- 00:23:27,365 --> 00:23:28,616 Wow, Cartman.
- 00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:29,909 The visitors dropped you off
- 00:23:30,034 --> 00:23:30,910 just in time to go to school.
- 00:23:31,035 --> 00:23:32,412 Oh, man,
- 00:23:32,537 --> 00:23:33,996 I had this crazy nightmare last night.
- 00:23:34,122 --> 00:23:35,540 Really? What about?
- 00:23:35,665 --> 00:23:37,917 Well, I was standing out in a field
- 00:23:38,042 --> 00:23:40,378 and I had this huge satellite dish
- 00:23:40,503 --> 00:23:42,130 sticking out of my butt.
- 00:23:42,255 --> 00:23:44,465 And then there was hundreds of cows and aliens
- 00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,467 and then I went up on the ship
- 00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:48,386 and Scott Baio gave me pink eye.
- 00:23:48,511 --> 00:23:49,470 That wasn't a dream, Cartman.
- 00:23:49,595 --> 00:23:50,596 That really happened.
- 00:23:50,721 --> 00:23:51,931 Oh, right.
- 00:23:52,056 --> 00:23:53,433 Why don't I have pink eye then?
- 00:23:53,558 --> 00:23:55,268 Cartman, you do have pink eye.
- 00:23:55,393 --> 00:23:57,645 Oh, son of a bitch.
- 00:00:01,168 --> 00:00:03,587 <i>And now a fireside chat</i>
- 00:00:03,713 --> 00:00:05,464 <i>with the creators of Comedy Central's "South Park, "</i>
- 00:00:05,589 --> 00:00:07,883 <i>Matt Stone and Trey Parker.</i>
- 00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:10,845 <i>[gentle music]</i>
- 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,725 Hi, I'm Trey Parker. - And I'm Matt Stone.
- 00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:18,019 And this here's ole Scratch. Say hi, ole fellow.
- 00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:19,645 We do a show called "South Park."
- 00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,647 [both laugh softly]
- 00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,941 <i>[male voice] Matt and Trey, tell us a little bit about yourselves.</i>
- 00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,861 Well, I-I met Matthew at the University of Colorado
- 00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:28,654 where I was going to film school.
- 00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:31,615 I actually met him in Beginning Filmmaking class.
- 00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:34,243 I met him and found someone who could make me laugh,
- 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,120 even when I felt like crying.
- 00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,833 <i>[male voice] Guys, who would you say are your role models?</i>
- 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:43,335 Well, I'd have to say my biggest role model
- 00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:44,628 is Matt.
- 00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,130 I guess I'd have to say mine
- 00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:48,382 is Theodore Roosevelt, for his work
- 00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:50,634 with the Rough Riders in the Spanish American War.
- 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,928 <i>[male voice] Matt and Trey, tell us about this episode.</i>
- 00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,097 This episode is called "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe,"
- 00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,099 and it's our favorite episode.
- 00:00:57,224 --> 00:01:00,019 In it, Kyle's baby brother Ike gets abducted by aliens,
- 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:03,064 and Cartman has strange things implanted in his ass.
- 00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:04,899 I think that the reason this episode is--
- 00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:06,859 well, ole Scratch's favorite, anyway,
- 00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,486 is because it's the only episode that
- 00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:11,280 Matt and I animated completely by ourselves.
- 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,532 You see, this was the pilot episode,
- 00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,451 done before we had a series.
- 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,787 So Matt and I had to do the whole thing by ourselves.
- 00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,789 For several months, we were locked into
- 00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:22,541 a cold, dark, little room
- 00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:25,044 for long periods of time.
- 00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:28,130 <i>[male voice] You know, that "Kick the Baby" game looks like fun.</i>
- 00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:29,799 <i>Have you guys ever played it personally?</i>
- 00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:32,218 Well, neither Trey or I have children.
- 00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:33,886 That's right, the only family we have
- 00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,222 is each other and ole Scratch here.
- 00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:39,892 We're not married yet. - We can't even get dates.
- 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,103 But the truth is, until we have children,
- 00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:44,480 we're not gonna know whether or not we're gonna kick them.
- 00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,650 <i>[male voice] You guys seem to write alien encounter material</i>
- 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,027 <i>with a certain, uh, knowledge.</i>
- 00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:53,781 <i>Have either of you actually ever been abducted?</i>
- 00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:57,660 Trey, it's okay.
- 00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,995 Go ahead and tell.
- 00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,914 I grew up very near to South Park,
- 00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:04,542 and so I was abducted when I was a small child.
- 00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,168 I remember the experience.
- 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,379 I remember how horrible it was.
- 00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:10,673 I remember too much.
- 00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,802 So sit back, relax, and enjoy
- 00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,554 "Cartman Gets an Anal Probe."
- 00:02:16,679 --> 00:02:18,222 <i>[gentle music]</i>
- 00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:28,691 <i>[twangy music]</i>
- 00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,192 ♪ I'm going down to South Park ♪
- 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,194 ♪ Gonna have myself a time ♪
- 00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,904 all: ♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
- 00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,447 ♪ Humble folks without temptation ♪
- 00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:36,907 - ♪ Going down to South Park ♪
- 00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,742 ♪ Gonna leave my woes behind ♪
- 00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:40,452 - ♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
- 00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:41,954 ♪ People spouting: "Howdy neighbor!" ♪
- 00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,455 - ♪ Headed on up to South Park ♪
- 00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:45,207 ♪ Gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
- 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:48,377 - [singing indistinctly]
- 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,879 - ♪ So come on down to South Park ♪
- 00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,672 ♪ And meet some friends of mine ♪
- 00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:55,217 all: ♪ School days school days teachers... ♪
- 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,178 Ah, damn it, my little brother's trying to follow me
- 00:02:57,303 --> 00:02:59,597 to school again. - [babbling]
- 00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,932 Ike, you can't come to school with me.
- 00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,018 [babbling] - Yeah, go home,
- 00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:05,603 you little dildo.
- 00:03:05,728 --> 00:03:07,104 Dude, don't call my brother a dildo.
- 00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,315 What's a dildo? - I don't know.
- 00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,941 And I'll bet Cartman doesn't know either.
- 00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,359 I know what it means.
- 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,986 Well, what?
- 00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,821 I'm not telling you.
- 00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:16,989 - What's a dildo, Kenny?
- 00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:19,325 - [mumbling]
- 00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,285 [laughter]
- 00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,913 Yeah, that's what Kyle's little brother is, all right.
- 00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,414 [cries] - Ow.
- 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,416 [laughs] - Dude, that kicks ass.
- 00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:28,834 Yeah, check this one out.
- 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,544 Ready, Ike? Kick the baby.
- 00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:31,962 Don't kick the baby.
- 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,172 Kick the baby.
- 00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:34,298 Aah!
- 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:36,592 [yawns]
- 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,385 Whoa, Cartman,
- 00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,304 looks like you didn't get much sleep last night.
- 00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,348 That's because I was having these bogus nightmares.
- 00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,058 Really? What about?
- 00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:46,101 Well, I dreamt that I was lying in my bed,
- 00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,478 <i>in the dark.</i>
- 00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:49,230 <i>When all of a sudden</i>
- 00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:51,148 <i>this bright blue light filled the room.</i>
- 00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:52,983 [ship whirring]
- 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,110 <i>And slowly my bedroom door began to open.</i>
- 00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,862 <i>And then the next thing I remember,</i>
- 00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,489 <i>I was being drug through a hallway.</i>
- 00:03:58,614 --> 00:03:59,949 [whines]
- 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,784 <i>Then I was lying on a table,</i>
- 00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,411 <i>and these scary aliens wanted to operate on me.</i>
- 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,956 And they had big heads and big black eyes.
- 00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,874 Dude, visitors. - Totally.
- 00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,918 What? - That wasn't a dream, Cartman.
- 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,586 Those were visitors.
- 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,004 No, it was just a dream. My mom said so.
- 00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,673 Visitors are real. - Yeah.
- 00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,258 They abduct people and they mutilate cows.
- 00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,801 Oh, shut up, you guys,
- 00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:19,885 you're just trying to make me scared.
- 00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,429 And it's not working.
- 00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:23,931 Hello there, children.
- 00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,474 all: Hey, Chef.
- 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,976 What's gonna be for lunch today, Chef?
- 00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:28,519 Well, today it's Salisbury steak
- 00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:30,229 with buttered noodles and a choice
- 00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:32,231 of green bean casserole or vegetable medley.
- 00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:33,649 Kick ass.
- 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,192 Say, did any of you children
- 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:36,610 see the alien spaceship last night?
- 00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:38,153 Huh? - Yeah, fat boy saw it.
- 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,739 No, that-- that was just a dream.
- 00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,741 And I'm not fat. I'm big boned.
- 00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,743 Oh, was it the ones with the big long heads
- 00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,287 and the black eyes?
- 00:04:46,412 --> 00:04:47,871 Oh! - They took him on their ship.
- 00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,374 Oh, did they give you an anal probe?
- 00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,251 Oh! - What's an anal probe?
- 00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,003 That's when they put this big metal hoop-a-joop
- 00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:55,754 up your butt.
- 00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,506 Whoa, they gave you an anal probe, Cartman?
- 00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,592 No, I mean... why would they do that?
- 00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,052 Dude, they did, huh?
- 00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:03,345 Aliens stuck stuff up your ass.
- 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,222 No. - An probe.
- 00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:06,724 Shut up, dildo.
- 00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:08,267 Well, I got to get to the cafeteria.
- 00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:09,852 You children watch that fat boy, now.
- 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,854 He could be under alien control.
- 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,231 <i>[eerie music]</i>
- 00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:15,983 [hip-hop playing]
- 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,443 We told you they were real, Cartman.
- 00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,236 Sorry to hear about your ass.
- 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,280 God damn it, they didn't do anything to my ass.
- 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:23,157 It was just a dream.
- 00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:27,536 Why you walking so funny, Cartman?
- 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,038 Shut up. - [babbles]
- 00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:30,539 No, Ike, go home. - [squeals]
- 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,875 This is it, this one's for the game.
- 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,877 [babbles] - Kick the baby.
- 00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:38,380 [laughs]
- 00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,923 Good morning, Miss Crabtree.
- 00:05:40,049 --> 00:05:42,176 Sit down, we're running late!
- 00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:47,681 Damn it, he's still there.
- 00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,308 Oh, don't worry about him.
- 00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,934 No, dude, if something happens to him,
- 00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,394 my parents are gonna blame me.
- 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,688 Sit down back there! Aah!
- 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,815 Yeah, whatever, you fat bitch.
- 00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,108 What did you say?
- 00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,651 I said I have a bad itch.
- 00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:00,819 Oh.
- 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,739 [gasps] Oh, my God!
- 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,740 Visitors.
- 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,200 [mumbling]
- 00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:09,453 Ike! Stop the bus!
- 00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,830 Miss Crabtree, you have to stop this bus.
- 00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,291 Do you want an office referral?
- 00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:15,959 No. - Then sit down!
- 00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:16,960 But I...
- 00:06:17,086 --> 00:06:20,172 [both screaming]
- 00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,466 Aah!
- 00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:26,637 Cartman, are those the same visitors you saw?
- 00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:28,514 Shut up, you guys, it's not working.
- 00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:29,973 We have to do something.
- 00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:31,266 Well, we can't do anything for now.
- 00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:32,601 That fat bitch won't let us.
- 00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,436 What did you say?
- 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,563 I said that rabbits eat lettuce.
- 00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:39,650 Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do.
- 00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:41,402 [children groan]
- 00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,028 What am I gonna do?
- 00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,947 My little brother's been abducted by aliens.
- 00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,365 [farts] You farted.
- 00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,075 [laughter]
- 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,327 Somebody's baking brownies.
- 00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:53,330 <i>[twangy music]</i>
- 00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:55,082 ♪♪
- 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,168 That's the third cow this month.
- 00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,712 At this rate, all my cattle are gonna die
- 00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:02,256 before the winter's through.
- 00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:03,757 [cows moo curiously]
- 00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,384 This is nothing out of the unusual.
- 00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:09,096 Cows turn themselves inside out all the time.
- 00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:12,474 People been saying they've been seeing UFOs around.
- 00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,309 UFOs? [laughs]
- 00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:17,688 Yeah, and black army CIA helicopters and trucks.
- 00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:21,024 That's the silliest thing I've ever heard.
- 00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:24,695 What was that?
- 00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,572 That--that was a pigeon.
- 00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,574 What am I supposed to do, Barbrady?
- 00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:31,034 Just stand here and watch my cattle
- 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,870 get mutilated one by one?
- 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:36,123 [whistling]
- 00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:37,291 [cows mooing excitedly]
- 00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,460 Hey, my cattle!
- 00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:42,880 [mooing continues]
- 00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:44,381 You see?
- 00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,133 There is something funny going on.
- 00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:47,968 There's nothing funny going on.
- 00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,012 I'll get those cows back.
- 00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:53,974 And now, children,
- 00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,018 our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us
- 00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,811 about Christopher Columbus.
- 00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,730 That's right, Mr. Garrison,
- 00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:02,608 Christopher Columbus discovered America,
- 00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,943 and was the Indians' best friend.
- 00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,446 He helped the Indians win their war against
- 00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:08,989 Frederick Douglas,
- 00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,867 and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon.
- 00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,327 And discovered France.
- 00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:14,995 Oh, man. I can't just sit here.
- 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,538 I have to help my stupid brother.
- 00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:17,956 I'll come home without him
- 00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,333 and my dad will start yelling,
- 00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:21,293 "Where's your brother, Kyle?
- 00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,128 You weren't looking out for your little brother, Kyle."
- 00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,838 Okay, okay, let's ditch school and go find him.
- 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,006 "You know he can't think on his own, Kyle.
- 00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,508 "Brush and floss, Kyle.
- 00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:28,926 Where has that finger been, Kyle?"
- 00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:30,135 Dude.
- 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,637 Is there a problem, boys?
- 00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,138 Yes, Mr. Garrison, I have to go now.
- 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:34,890 Oh really, Kyle?
- 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,558 What is it this time, another prostate tumor?
- 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,769 No, my little brother's been abducted by aliens.
- 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,813 It's true. Ask Cartman.
- 00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,732 They gave him an anal probe.
- 00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,109 [laughs sheepishly, stammers] That's a little joke.
- 00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:48,695 Mr. Garrison, seriously, I have to go.
- 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,697 Can I please be excused from class?
- 00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,449 I don't know, Kyle. Did you ask Mr. Hat?
- 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:55,077 I don't want to ask Mr. Hat!
- 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,662 I'm asking you!
- 00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,413 Oh, I think you should ask Mr. Hat.
- 00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,166 Mr. Hat, may I please be excused from class?
- 00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,126 Well, Kyle, no.
- 00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,170 You hear me? You go to hell.
- 00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,964 You go to hell and you die.
- 00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:09,132 Hm, I guess you'll have to take your seat, Kyle.
- 00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:10,467 Damn it.
- 00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,261 Ha-ha, Mr. Hat yelled at you.
- 00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,596 [farts violently] Ow, my ass!
- 00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:15,931 Damn, Cartman.
- 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,224 [farting violently]
- 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,059 Ow, my ass!
- 00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:20,727 Dude, he's farting fire.
- 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,354 It's the alien anal probe.
- 00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,356 It's shooting fire from Cartman's rectum.
- 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,358 No, that was just a dream.
- 00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:27,943 Eric, do you need to sit in the corner
- 00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,987 until your flaming gas is under control?
- 00:09:30,112 --> 00:09:32,656 No, Mr. Garrison, I'm fine.
- 00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:34,199 [farts violently]
- 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:35,742 [screaming]
- 00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:42,416 <i>[twangy music]</i>
- 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:45,961 ♪♪
- 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,380 Hey, you cows can't get on this train.
- 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,257 This is a people train.
- 00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,509 You cows have no business on a people train, all right?
- 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,553 'cause you're cows.
- 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:56,346 No, no, no.
- 00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:59,600 Don't try any of that cow hypnosis on me, all right?
- 00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,226 'Cause it's not gonna work.
- 00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,061 Hold it right there, cows.
- 00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:04,396 [cows mooing]
- 00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,398 Come back here. [exclaims]
- 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:11,486 [indistinct chatter]
- 00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,822 [farts violently] Aah!
- 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,907 Ooh. I sure am hungry.
- 00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,909 How can you eat when you're farting fire?
- 00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:20,621 Shut up, dude, you're being totally immature.
- 00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,456 Hey, look, there's Wendy Testaburger.
- 00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,541 [gasps] Where?
- 00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:27,544 <i>[romantic music]</i>
- 00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:34,551 ♪♪
- 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:44,561 ♪ Stan wants to kiss Wendy Testaburger ♪
- 00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,563 Shut up, fat ass. I don't even like her.
- 00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:49,107 I'm not fat and you obviously like her
- 00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,068 because you throw up every time she talks to you.
- 00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,444 I do not.
- 00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,488 Hi, guys. all: Hi, Wendy.
- 00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,531 Here, Stan, this is for you.
- 00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:57,908 [vomits] - Eww.
- 00:10:58,033 --> 00:10:59,368 all: Bye, Wendy.
- 00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,787 Dude, what does the note say?
- 00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,497 Holy crap,
- 00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:05,457 it says she wants to meet me at Stark's Pond
- 00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:06,917 after school.
- 00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,168 Whoa, maybe you can kiss her.
- 00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,419 Or slip her the tongue.
- 00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:11,463 [mumbling]
- 00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:14,424 What, how do you know she has a cat?
- 00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:18,595 [laughter]
- 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,263 Come on, you guys,
- 00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:21,848 we need to figure out how to get out of school
- 00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,350 so we can get my little brother back.
- 00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:24,976 Hello there, children. all: Hey Chef.
- 00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,353 How are you doing? - Bad.
- 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:27,938 Why bad? - Chef,
- 00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:29,189 have you ever had something happen to you
- 00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,565 but nobody believed you?
- 00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:32,693 Oh, children, children.
- 00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,736 That's a problem we've all had to face
- 00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,279 at some time or another.
- 00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,615 Here, let me sing you a little song.
- 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,575 It might clear things up.
- 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:44,413 ♪ I'm gonna make love to you woman ♪
- 00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,958 ♪ Gonna lay you down by the fire ♪
- 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,877 ♪ And caress your womanly body ♪
- 00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:54,339 ♪ Make you moan and perspire ♪
- 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,966 ♪ Gonna get ♪ - Uh, Chef?
- 00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,634 ♪ Those juices flowing ♪ - Chef.
- 00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,553 ♪ We're making love baby ♪ - Chef!
- 00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:01,805 ♪ Love baby love love love love baby ♪
- 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:02,806 Chef!
- 00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,600 Huh?
- 00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,769 Do you feel better? - No.
- 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,938 Oh, come on, children, what can be so bad?
- 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,983 It's Salisbury steak day.
- 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,609 Visitors took Kyle's baby brother.
- 00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,194 What? [items clattering]
- 00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,029 What the hell do you think you're doing
- 00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,573 in school eating Salisbury steak?
- 00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:21,241 Go find him, damn it.
- 00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,617 Mr. Garrison won't let us out of school.
- 00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:23,744 He thinks we're making it up.
- 00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:25,162 You are making it up.
- 00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:26,246 [farts violently]
- 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:30,125 [mechanical whirring]
- 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,543 Whoa.
- 00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,880 What? - That was cool.
- 00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:38,049 It's some kind of symbionic metamorphosis device.
- 00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:40,719 This can mean the visitors want to communicate with us.
- 00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,471 Oh, I see.
- 00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,723 Now you're gonna join in on the little joke, huh?
- 00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,726 It's no joke, children. This is big.
- 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,603 Please, Chef, if I don't get out of school
- 00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:51,188 and get my brother back from the aliens,
- 00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,773 my parents are gonna disown me.
- 00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:54,775 Uh, hold on, now. Hold on, now.
- 00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,651 You got to help the children.
- 00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,987 Hey, you guys sure are going a long way
- 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,781 to try and scare me.
- 00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,365 I want my Salisbury steak!
- 00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,451 Fire drill, fire drill.
- 00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:05,994 Everybody out.
- 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,871 Okay, children, this is your chance.
- 00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,706 Killer. Thanks, Chef.
- 00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:10,916 [alarm blaring]
- 00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,584 Man, oh, man.
- 00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,878 First contact with the alien visitors.
- 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,505 I've got to get myself ready.
- 00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,340 all: ♪ We got out of school ♪
- 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,133 ♪ No more school today ♪
- 00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,635 ♪ We got out of school ♪
- 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,136 [farts violently] Oh, you guys!
- 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,846 My ass, seriously!
- 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,848 Okay, Cartman, you can stop farting fire now.
- 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,142 I would if I could, you son of a bitch.
- 00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,311 Okay, so how do we get my little brother back?
- 00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,314 Hey, would you stop going on about your little brother?
- 00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,066 I know it was just a dream.
- 00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,776 I know I didn't have an anal probe.
- 00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:40,320 And I know that I'm not under alien control.
- 00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:41,488 [radio static]
- 00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:43,323 ♪ I love to singa ♪
- 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,741 ♪ About the moona and the juna and the springa ♪
- 00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:46,368 ♪ I love to singa ♪
- 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,204 ♪ About a sky of blue or tea for two ♪
- 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,330 [radio static]
- 00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:53,708 What the hell was that?
- 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:54,960 He is under alien control.
- 00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,253 That thing in his butt
- 00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,462 is linked up to the visitors.
- 00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,005 Oh, son of a bitch.
- 00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:05,220 You guys shut up.
- 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,180 I'm not under alien control.
- 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,099 Hey, if you visitors can hear me...
- 00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,517 Hey. - Bring me back
- 00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:11,893 my little brother, God damn it!
- 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,521 Ow, that hurts, you butt licker!
- 00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:15,897 Kyle, look, it's them.
- 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,233 Give me back my brother!
- 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,277 <i>[dramatic music]</i>
- 00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:22,487 [muffled groan]
- 00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:25,073 Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
- 00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,533 You bastards!
- 00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,118 Come back here!
- 00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:29,703 Come back!
- 00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,955 Damn it! We were so close.
- 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,082 Hey, look, I think Kenny's okay.
- 00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,375 [mumbling]
- 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:36,459 [cows mooing]
- 00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:37,878 Oh.
- 00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:40,797 [mumbling]
- 00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,173 [siren wailing]
- 00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:45,510 <i>[solemn music]</i>
- 00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,262 Wow, poor Kenny.
- 00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,305 Now do you believe us, Cartman?
- 00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:49,681 No.
- 00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:50,807 Cartman, they killed Kenny.
- 00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:52,100 He's not dead.
- 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,185 Dude, Kenny is dead.
- 00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:55,812 See?
- 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,022 Shut up, you guys.
- 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,857 He's dead, Cartman.
- 00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,818 God damn it, I didn't have an anal probe!
- 00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,820 Screw you guys. I'm going home.
- 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,114 Go on and go home, you fat chicken.
- 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,240 Dildo!
- 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,160 You're all I have left, Stan.
- 00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,870 Sorry, dude, I gotta go meet Wendy Testaburger.
- 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,372 You can't. Poor Ike must be so scared.
- 00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:15,582 Up there all alone.
- 00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:16,791 You gotta help me dude.
- 00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:18,209 Dude, like Chef says,
- 00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,336 I gotta get a piece of loving
- 00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:20,962 while the getting's hot.
- 00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,797 Rats.
- 00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,674 <i>[bright music]</i>
- 00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:25,967 Hello, Eric.
- 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,177 Hi, Mom.
- 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,428 How are you doing?
- 00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,388 Well, I'm pissed off.
- 00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:34,267 Here, I made you powdered donut pancake surprise.
- 00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:36,061 I don't want powdered donut pancake surprise.
- 00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,938 All the kids in school call me fat.
- 00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:40,148 You're not fat, you're big boned.
- 00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,816 That's what I said.
- 00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:44,110 You can have an eensy-weensy bit, can't you?
- 00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,445 No.
- 00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,197 Just a weensy-eensy woo-woo?
- 00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,074 No, leave me alone, Mom.
- 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,701 How about a nice chocolate chicken pot pie then?
- 00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,996 But...well, that sounds pretty good.
- 00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,373 Uh, Mom?
- 00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:57,832 Yes, hon?
- 00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,334 If anybody calls or comes over,
- 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,252 I'm not here, okay?
- 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:02,671 Sure, hon.
- 00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,422 You want some Cheesy Poofs too?
- 00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,007 Yeah, I want Cheesy Poofs.
- 00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,137 Well, looks like she's not gonna show up, Stan.
- 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,639 Let's go look for the visitors now.
- 00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:13,974 But her note said she'd be here.
- 00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:15,600 Hi, Stan.
- 00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,018 [vomits] - Ew.
- 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,103 You can't talk to Stan, Wendy.
- 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,104 He throws up when you do.
- 00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,605 But why, Stan?
- 00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,399 [vomits] - Ew.
- 00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:23,900 Look, could you guys just get down to business
- 00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:24,901 so we can find my little brother?
- 00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,444 Huh?
- 00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,029 Just make sweet love down by the fire.
- 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,823 What happened to your little brother?
- 00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,825 <i>As the reports of UFO sightings increase,</i>
- 00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,077 <i>more mysterious crop circle patterns are appearing</i>
- 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:36,037 <i>in fields all around South Park.</i>
- 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,039 <i>These crop circles, when viewed from above,</i>
- 00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,583 <i>form strange patterns.</i>
- 00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:43,962 Hey, that kind of looks like...Tom Selleck.
- 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,672 <i>Could it be that aliens are trying to</i>
- 00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,799 <i>make contact with us, here on Earth?</i>
- 00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,719 [meows]
- 00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,472 No, kitty, this is my pot pie.
- 00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,725 [meows] No, kitty, that's a bad kitty!
- 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,227 [meows] No, kitty, this is my pot pie!
- 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,897 [hisses] Mom, kitty's being a dildo.
- 00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:05,984 Well, then I know a certain kitty kitty
- 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,570 who's sleeping with Mommy tonight.
- 00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,780 What?
- 00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,407 And now I have to go home without him,
- 00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,367 and my parents are gonna have me killed.
- 00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:16,494 Well, why didn't you go get the fat kid?
- 00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:18,538 Why? - Well...
- 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,458 if the fat kid has something implanted in his ass,
- 00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:22,959 maybe the visitors are using him
- 00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,461 as part of their plan.
- 00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,296 You should use the fat kid as bait
- 00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:27,630 to bring them back.
- 00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,299 Hey, you're right, Wendy.
- 00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:31,718 Come on, Stan, we have to go get Cartman.
- 00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:32,719 Come on, Stan. - [vomits]
- 00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,304 Ew.
- 00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:35,597 Hey, wait.
- 00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,724 When do I get to make sweet love?
- 00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,395 [meows]
- 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,981 No, kitty, you can't have any.
- 00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,399 [meows]
- 00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,359 No, kitty, this is my pot pie!
- 00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:49,819 [farts violently] Bad kitty!
- 00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,446 Oh. Excuse me, kitty.
- 00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,198 [glass shatters]
- 00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:54,783 Eric, look who's here.
- 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,576 Dude, weak, Mom.
- 00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:57,911 Come on, Eric, we're gonna go play at the bus stop.
- 00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,496 I can't. My mom says--
- 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,914 That's okay, Eric.
- 00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,290 I think you need to spend time
- 00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,000 with your little friends.
- 00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:05,627 But Mom, I don't want to spend time with my...
- 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,295 Don't be difficult, Eric.
- 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,215 Now, you go out and play in the fun snow.
- 00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,424 God damn it.
- 00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:12,550 [meows]
- 00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:16,137 You guys, I have to get home.
- 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:17,847 Don't be such a fraidy cat, Cartman.
- 00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,390 This rope will make sure
- 00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,810 they can't take you on board again.
- 00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,561 Oh, man, this sucks.
- 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,230 How come the visitors aren't coming for him?
- 00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:26,648 I think we have to signal them somehow.
- 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,775 [farts violently] Ow!
- 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,069 Hey, he's like Rudolph.
- 00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,404 Yeah, all you have to do is fart some more, Cartman,
- 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:35,365 and the visitors are sure to come.
- 00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,033 Really?
- 00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,536 Uh, I don't think I have to fart anymore tonight.
- 00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:40,703 Sure you do.
- 00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:41,913 Come on, Cartman, fart.
- 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,456 I don't wanna.
- 00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:44,874 He can't hold it in forever.
- 00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,334 Fart, damn you!
- 00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,294 Okay, that does it.
- 00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:49,629 Now, listen,
- 00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,214 why is it that everything today
- 00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,049 has involved things either going in
- 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,510 or coming out of my ass?
- 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:56,845 [farts violently] I'm sick of it.
- 00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,429 It's completely immature.
- 00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,473 Hey, it's happening again.
- 00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:02,809 [mechanical whirring]
- 00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:04,769 Whoa, look at that.
- 00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,104 Now do you believe us, Cartman?
- 00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,772 You guys can't scare me.
- 00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,440 I know you're making it all up.
- 00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,985 Cartman, there's an 80-foot satellite dish
- 00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,736 sticking out of your ass.
- 00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,114 Sure, you guys. Whatever.
- 00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:17,824 [satellite pinging]
- 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,492 Oh, boy,
- 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,870 the aliens are going to make first contact.
- 00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,997 Hey, down here!
- 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:27,167 We are ready for your wisdom!
- 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,127 And you only got 20 minutes
- 00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:31,921 before "Sanford and Son" is on.
- 00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,424 You guys, I am seriously
- 00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:36,676 getting pissed off right now!
- 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:39,679 I know there's no such thing as aliens!
- 00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:44,142 Oh, God damn it!
- 00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:46,060 What the--?
- 00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:49,063 I tell you, there's crazy stuff going on in this town.
- 00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:52,108 You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
- 00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,944 Come down here, you stinking aliens.
- 00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:56,571 <i>[eerie music]</i>
- 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,572 Uh, uh...
- 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,073 Go on, Kyle,
- 00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,283 ask them for your little brother back.
- 00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,826 V-visitors,
- 00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,494 this morning you took my brother, Ike.
- 00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:04,996 He's the little freckled kid
- 00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,581 that looks like a football.
- 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,374 At first I was happy you took him away.
- 00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:09,792 But I've learned something today.
- 00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,336 That having a little brother
- 00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,921 is a pretty special thing.
- 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,714 Yeah. - Aw, heck, Mr. Visitors,
- 00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,674 I'm just a kid all alone in this crazy world.
- 00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,134 But if you can find it in your hearts
- 00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,552 or whatever you have
- 00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,221 to give my brother back to me,
- 00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,389 it sure would make my life brighter again.
- 00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:25,099 That was beautiful, dude.
- 00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,142 Did it work?
- 00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,602 Nope, they're leaving.
- 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,520 Hey, you scrawny assed [bleep]!
- 00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:31,356 What the [bleep] is wrong with you?
- 00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:32,941 You must be some kind of [bleep]
- 00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:34,651 to be able to ignore a crying child!
- 00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,069 Whoa, dude.
- 00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:37,153 You know what you [bleep] like?
- 00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,405 You like to [bleep]...
- 00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,991 [bleeps continue]
- 00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:44,661 Hey, Wendy, what's a [bleep]?
- 00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:47,580 [babbles]
- 00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,916 Ike, jump down, now!
- 00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:52,919 For the love of God, Ike, jump!
- 00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:54,504 Don't hurt me.
- 00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:57,632 [cows mooing]
- 00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:03,513 Moo.
- 00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:12,397 Come on, Ike.
- 00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,524 I promise I'll be nice to you from now on.
- 00:21:14,649 --> 00:21:15,942 Don't kick the baby.
- 00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,741 What the hell are they talking about?
- 00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:33,293 Ike!
- 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,635 Ike, do your impersonation of David Caruso's career!
- 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,137 It's my turn.
- 00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:59,152 You guys, get me down from here!
- 00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:01,738 [farts violently] Help!
- 00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:02,989 Help!
- 00:22:03,114 --> 00:22:04,991 Sons a bitches!
- 00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:07,702 Dildo!
- 00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:10,038 Phew, I'm sure glad that's over with.
- 00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,206 Yeah, boy, am I glad to see you, Ike.
- 00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:14,542 [babbles] Fly in the sky.
- 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,085 Wait.
- 00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:17,962 Where are you going, alien visitors?
- 00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:19,589 Come back.
- 00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:21,132 Well, Chef, where's this amazing thing
- 00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:22,675 you were gonna show us?
- 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,302 Well, it's in the bedroom, ladies.
- 00:22:24,427 --> 00:22:25,303 Come on in.
- 00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:26,804 Come on, Ike,
- 00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:28,222 we can make it just in time for dinner.
- 00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:29,223 Thanks for your help, Wendy.
- 00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:30,433 Whatever, dude.
- 00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:31,934 Hey, I didn't throw up.
- 00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:32,935 Cool.
- 00:22:33,061 --> 00:22:36,105 <i>[romantic music]</i>
- 00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:40,026 ♪♪
- 00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:42,028 [vomits] - Ew.
- 00:22:42,153 --> 00:22:44,364 Sorry. - Hey, look, a French fry.
- 00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:46,449 Cool. - And what is that?
- 00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:47,700 I think it's part of a Cheesy Poof.
- 00:22:47,825 --> 00:22:49,535 Hey, what's that?
- 00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:51,579 ♪ I'm gonna make love ♪ - That's a hamburger.
- 00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:52,830 That's from like two days ago. - ♪ To you woman ♪
- 00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:54,332 Well, hey, what about that?
- 00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:55,458 I don't know what the hell that is.
- 00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:01,089 Gee, the bus will be here any minute.
- 00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:02,673 And Cartman still isn't around.
- 00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:04,509 Yeah, we're running out of friends.
- 00:23:04,634 --> 00:23:05,885 I wonder what that thing was
- 00:23:06,010 --> 00:23:07,387 that the visitors gave the cows?
- 00:23:07,512 --> 00:23:10,515 [mooing]
- 00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,101 Ha-ha, cows, I got you cornered.
- 00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:15,478 Let's see you get away now.
- 00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:16,896 [radio static]
- 00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:18,731 ♪ I love to singa ♪
- 00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:20,650 ♪ About the moona and the juna and the springa ♪
- 00:23:20,775 --> 00:23:22,402 ♪ I love to singa ♪
- 00:23:22,527 --> 00:23:24,779 ♪ About a sky of blue or tea for two ♪
- 00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:26,030 [spits]
- 00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:27,240 Oh, hey, Cartman.
- 00:23:27,365 --> 00:23:28,616 Wow, Cartman.
- 00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:29,909 The visitors dropped you off
- 00:23:30,034 --> 00:23:30,910 just in time to go to school.
- 00:23:31,035 --> 00:23:32,412 Oh, man,
- 00:23:32,537 --> 00:23:33,996 I had this crazy nightmare last night.
- 00:23:34,122 --> 00:23:35,540 Really? What about?
- 00:23:35,665 --> 00:23:37,917 Well, I was standing out in a field
- 00:23:38,042 --> 00:23:40,378 and I had this huge satellite dish
- 00:23:40,503 --> 00:23:42,130 sticking out of my butt.
- 00:23:42,255 --> 00:23:44,465 And then there was hundreds of cows and aliens
- 00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,467 and then I went up on the ship
- 00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:48,386 and Scott Baio gave me pink eye.
- 00:23:48,511 --> 00:23:49,470 That wasn't a dream, Cartman.
- 00:23:49,595 --> 00:23:50,596 That really happened.
- 00:23:50,721 --> 00:23:51,931 Oh, right.
- 00:23:52,056 --> 00:23:53,433 Why don't I have pink eye then?
- 00:23:53,558 --> 00:23:55,268 Cartman, you do have pink eye.
- 00:23:55,393 --> 00:23:57,645 Oh, son of a bitch.
- 00:02:51,857 --> 00:02:53,108 "Картман и анальный зонд"
- 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:59,450 Черт! Мой младший брат снова пытается увязаться за мной в школу.
- 00:02:59,630 --> 00:03:02,690 Айк, ты не можешь пойти в школу со мной.
- 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:07,230 - Иди домой, ты, маленький фаллоимитатор. - Чел, не называй моего брата фаллоимитатором!
- 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,200 - Что такое фаллоимитатор? - Я не знаю.
- 00:03:09,370 --> 00:03:12,740 - Картман тоже наверняка не знает. - Я знаю, что это!
- 00:03:12,910 --> 00:03:15,640 - Ну, и что это? - Я не скажу тебе.
- 00:03:15,810 --> 00:03:17,900 Что такое фаллоимитатор, Кенни?
- 00:03:20,850 --> 00:03:24,940 Да, это младший брат Кайла, все верно.
- 00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:28,650 - Чувак, круто. - Это еще не все.
- 00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:32,090 - Готов, Айк? Пинка малышу. - Не надо пинка малышу.
- 00:03:32,260 --> 00:03:33,660 Пинок малышу.
- 00:03:36,860 --> 00:03:39,420 Похоже, тебе не удалось поспать хорошенько.
- 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,400 - Мне снились кошмары. - Правда? О чем?
- 00:03:43,570 --> 00:03:47,840 Нуу, я лежал на кровати, в темноте...
- 00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:52,240 когда вдруг этот яркий синий цвет осветил всю комнату.
- 00:03:52,450 --> 00:03:56,710 И медленно дверь в комнату стала открываться. И следующее, что я помню...
- 00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,780 ...меня тащат по коридору.
- 00:03:59,950 --> 00:04:04,410 А потом я лежу на столе, а эти страшные инопланетяне хотят меня оперировать.
- 00:04:04,590 --> 00:04:07,220 У них большие головы и черные глаза.
- 00:04:07,390 --> 00:04:09,490 - Чел, пришельцы! - Что?
- 00:04:09,660 --> 00:04:13,760 - Это были пришельцы. - Это всего лишь мой сон. Моя мама сказала.
- 00:04:13,930 --> 00:04:17,800 - Они реальны. - Они похищают людей и калечат коров.
- 00:04:17,970 --> 00:04:21,930 Заткнись. Вы пытаетесь запугать меня, только это не работает.
- 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,770 - Привет, дети. - Привет, Шеф.
- 00:04:24,950 --> 00:04:29,350 - Что сегодня на завтрак? - Солсбери стейк с макаронами и маслом.
- 00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:33,350 - Тушеная фасоль или смесь овощей. - Зашибись.
- 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,960 Никто из вас не видел корабль инопланетян прошлой ночью?
- 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:38,680 Да, жиртрест видел.
- 00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:42,730 Это был только сон. И я не жирный, у меня широкие кости!
- 00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:46,350 Были ли это те с большими головами и черными глазами?
- 00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:50,700 - Они забрали его на свой корабль. - Они сделали тебе анальный зонд?
- 00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:51,860 Что это?
- 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,060 Ну, это - когда они вставляют металлический зонд тебе задницу.
- 00:04:55,240 --> 00:05:00,580 - Они вставили анальный зонд, Картман? - Нет. Я имею в виду, зачем им это делать?
- 00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:04,010 Они это сделали, да? Пришельцы вставили тебе в зад!
- 00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:06,180 - Анальный зонд. - Заткнись, фаллоимитатор.
- 00:05:06,350 --> 00:05:09,650 Я собираюсь в столовую. Присматривайте за жирным.
- 00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:11,920 Он может быть под контролем пришельцев
- 00:05:16,030 --> 00:05:18,860 Они были реальные. Прости за твой зад.
- 00:05:19,030 --> 00:05:23,800 Чёрт возьми, они ничего не делали с моей задницей! Это был только сон.
- 00:05:26,010 --> 00:05:28,440 - А почему у тебя такая странная походка? - Заткнись!
- 00:05:29,140 --> 00:05:30,770 Нет, Айк, иди домой
- 00:05:30,940 --> 00:05:34,970 Ну, всё. Последняя игра. Пни малыша.
- 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,720 - Доброе утро, мисс Crabtree - Садитесь, мы опаздываем!
- 00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,660 - Он еще там. - Не волнуйся
- 00:05:48,830 --> 00:05:52,320 Если с ним что-нибудь случится, мои родители будут винить меня.
- 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:54,800 Эй там! Сядь!
- 00:05:54,970 --> 00:05:57,900 - Как скажешь, жирная сучка. - Что ты сказал?!
- 00:05:58,070 --> 00:06:00,440 Я сказал, у меня зуд.
- 00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:02,970 О! Мой Бог!
- 00:06:04,010 --> 00:06:06,140 - Пришельцы! - О, нет!
- 00:06:06,310 --> 00:06:08,940 Айк! Остановите автобус!
- 00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:11,710 Вы должны остановить этот автобус!
- 00:06:11,890 --> 00:06:14,680 - Хочешь к директору попасть? - Нет.
- 00:06:14,850 --> 00:06:16,620 - Тогда сядь! - Но я...
- 00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:28,400 - Это те самые пришельцы, которых ты видел? - Заткнись, это не работает.
- 00:06:28,570 --> 00:06:31,160 - Мы должны что-то сделать. - Мы не можем.
- 00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:34,640 - Эта жирная сучара не позволит нам. - Что ты сказал?
- 00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:40,250 - Я сказал кролики едят салат. - О, да, несомненно.
- 00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:45,420 Что мне делать? Моего брата похитили пришельцы.
- 00:06:45,590 --> 00:06:47,550 Ты перданул.
- 00:06:48,420 --> 00:06:50,480 Кто-то печет пирожные.
- 00:06:56,130 --> 00:06:58,290 Это третья корова за этот месяц.
- 00:06:58,470 --> 00:07:03,060 В таком случае, весь мой скот сдохнет до окончания зимы.
- 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:08,040 Ничего необычного. Коровы сами выворачиваются на изнанку все время.
- 00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:12,440 Люди говорят, здесь где-то видели НЛО.
- 00:07:12,610 --> 00:07:14,640 НЛО?
- 00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:17,810 И черные вертолеты армии ЦРУ и грузовые машины.
- 00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:22,080 Это - глупейшая вещь, которую я когда-либо слышал.
- 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,530 - Что это было? - Голубь.
- 00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:29,030 Что мне делать?
- 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:34,430 Просто стоять здесь и смотреть, как мой скот мочат одного за другим?
- 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:38,630 Мой скот!
- 00:07:43,140 --> 00:07:45,840 Видишь? Происходит что-то странное.
- 00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:50,040 Там ничего странного. Коров я тебе верну.
- 00:07:52,490 --> 00:07:57,920 А теперь наш друг мистер Шляпа расскажет нам о Христофоре Колумбе.
- 00:07:58,090 --> 00:07:59,960 Верно, Мистер Гаррисон.
- 00:08:00,130 --> 00:08:04,830 Колумб открыл Америку и был лучшим другом индейцев.
- 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,830 Он помог им выиграть войну против Фредерика Дугласа...
- 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:13,340 ...и освободил евреев от Наполеона, и открыл Францию.
- 00:08:13,510 --> 00:08:18,940 Я должен помочь своему тупому брату. Если я приду домой без него, мой папа будет орать:
- 00:08:19,110 --> 00:08:22,810 "Где твой брат? Ты проглядел его."
- 00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,920 - Пойдем найдем его. - "Он не может позаботиться о себе.
- 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:29,150 Щетка и зубная нить. Где был этот палец?"
- 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,190 - Чувак! - Есть проблемы?
- 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,090 - Да, мне надо идти. - Правда, Кайл?
- 00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:40,200 - Что на этот раз? Обострение геморроя? - Мой брат похищен пришельцами.
- 00:08:40,370 --> 00:08:43,930 Это правда. Спросите Картмана. Они вставили ему анальный зонд.
- 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:48,600 - Это шутка такая. - Мистер Гаррисон, серьезно, я должен идти.
- 00:08:48,780 --> 00:08:52,970 - Пожалуйста, могу я идти? - Я не знаю. Ты спросил у мистера Шляпы?
- 00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:55,940 Я не хочу спрашивать у мистера Шляпы. Я спрашиваю у вас!
- 00:08:56,120 --> 00:09:01,320 - Я думаю, ты должен спросить у мистера Шляпы. - Мистер Шляпа, пожалуйста, могу я идти?
- 00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:04,890 Ну Кайл, нет! Ты слышишь меня? Иди ты к черту!
- 00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:09,260 Ты умрешь и будешь гореть в аду! Теперь иди на свое место.
- 00:09:09,430 --> 00:09:13,060 - Черт! - Ха-ха, мистер Шляпа наорал на тебя.
- 00:09:13,270 --> 00:09:15,560 - Моя задница! - Черт, Картман!
- 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,210 - Моя задница! - Чувак, он огнем пердит!
- 00:09:20,370 --> 00:09:24,170 Это анальный зонд пришельцев. Это он пускает огонь из его задницы!
- 00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:26,140 Нет, это был только сон.
- 00:09:26,310 --> 00:09:30,610 Тебе нужно посидеть в углу, пока твое газоотделение не нормализуется?
- 00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:33,720 Нет, мистер Гаррисон, я в порядке.
- 00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:49,820 Коровы, вам нельзя на этот поезд. Этот поезд для людей.
- 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:54,940 Вы, коровы, не можете попасть в поезд для людей, хорошо? Вы - коровы.
- 00:09:55,110 --> 00:09:59,770 Не надо пытаться меня загипнотизировать, хорошо?
- 00:09:59,950 --> 00:10:03,850 - Потому что это не сработает. - Стойте там спокойно, коровы.
- 00:10:04,350 --> 00:10:06,040 Вернулись сюда!
- 00:10:14,090 --> 00:10:17,760 - Я так жрать хочу. - Как ты можешь жрать, когда ты пердишь огнем?
- 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,730 Заткнись, ты ведешь себя незрело.
- 00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:23,870 - Смотри, там Венди Тестабургер. - Где?
- 00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:46,260 - Стэн хочет поцеловать Венди Тестабургер - Заткнись, жиртрест, я не хочу этого.
- 00:10:46,430 --> 00:10:51,190 Я не жирный. Тебе она нравиться, потому что тебя рвет каждый раз, когда она с тобой разговаривает.
- 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,920 - Неправда. - Привет, ребята.
- 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:54,260 Привет, Венди.
- 00:10:54,430 --> 00:10:57,800 Стэн, это тебе.
- 00:10:57,970 --> 00:10:59,340 Пока, Венди.
- 00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,000 Чел, что там написано?
- 00:11:02,170 --> 00:11:06,340 Святое дерьмо! Она хочет встретиться со мной у пруда Старка после школы.
- 00:11:06,510 --> 00:11:10,310 - Ого, может быть, ты сможешь поцеловать ее. - В засос.
- 00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:15,020 Что? Как ты узнал, что у неё есть киска?
- 00:11:18,890 --> 00:11:22,880 Давайте узнаем, как можно смыться из школы, чтобы вернуть моего брата назад.
- 00:11:23,060 --> 00:11:25,430 Привет, дети. Как дела?
- 00:11:25,630 --> 00:11:27,030 - Плохо - Почему плохо?
- 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:31,000 У тебя было такое, чтобы с тобой что-то происходило, но тебе никто не верил?
- 00:11:31,170 --> 00:11:36,370 Дети, с этой проблемой рано или поздно сталкивается каждый.
- 00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:40,980 Здесь я бы хотел вам спеть песню. Возможно, это все прояснит.
- 00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,660 Шеф!
- 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,870 - Ты чувствуешь себя лучше? - Нет!
- 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:12,640 Да ладно, дети, что может быть так плохо? Сегодня день Солсбери стейка.
- 00:12:13,010 --> 00:12:16,170 - Пришельцы забрали братишку Кайла? - Что?!
- 00:12:16,420 --> 00:12:19,320 Что вы тут жрете Солсбери стейки?
- 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,110 - Найдите его! - Мистер Гаррисон нас не отпустил.
- 00:12:22,290 --> 00:12:26,190 - Он думает, что мы это выдумали. - Вы это и выдумали.
- 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,520 - Что? - Это было круто!
- 00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:38,100 Это некое симбиотическое мутирущее устройство.
- 00:12:38,270 --> 00:12:41,600 Это может означать, что пришельцы хотят поговорить с нами.
- 00:12:41,770 --> 00:12:44,770 Я понял. Вы теперь решили вместе надо мной шутить.
- 00:12:44,940 --> 00:12:47,570 Это не шутка, дети. Это прорыв.
- 00:12:47,750 --> 00:12:51,010 Если я не смогу уйти из школы и вернуть Айка...
- 00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:53,180 ...мои родители отрекутся от меня.
- 00:12:53,390 --> 00:12:56,480 Успокойтесь сейчас же. Детям надо помогать.
- 00:12:56,660 --> 00:13:00,220 Вы, ребята, далеко зашли, пытаясь меня напугать.
- 00:13:00,390 --> 00:13:02,520 Я хочу свой стейк Солсбери.
- 00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:08,030 Пожарная тревога, пожарная тревога! Все вон! Хорошо, дети, это ваш шанс.
- 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,760 Круто. Спасибо, Шеф.
- 00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:16,370 Первый контакт с инопланетянами. Я должен быть готов.
- 00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:19,940 Мы смылись из школы. Сегодня больше никакой школы.
- 00:13:20,110 --> 00:13:21,770 Мы смылись из школы.
- 00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:26,940 - Ребята, моя задница, серьезно! - Хорошо, ты можешь перестать пердеть огнем.
- 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:31,180 - Я не могу, сукин ты сын! - Как мы вернем моего брата назад?
- 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:34,330 Может, перестанешь болтать о своём брате?
- 00:13:34,490 --> 00:13:37,790 Это был только сон! У меня нет никакого анального зонда!
- 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,450 Я не нахожусь под контролем пришельцев!
- 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,080 - Что это было? - Он под контролем пришельцев.
- 00:13:55,250 --> 00:14:00,150 - Он прикладом подключен к пришельцам. - Сукин сын!
- 00:14:04,140 --> 00:14:07,200 Ребята, заткнитесь. Я не под контролем пришельцев.
- 00:14:07,370 --> 00:14:11,830 Если Вы, пришельцы, слышите меня, верните моего брата, черт побери!
- 00:14:12,010 --> 00:14:14,500 Это больно, ты, передатчик!
- 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:18,470 - Кайл, это они. - Верните моего брата!
- 00:14:23,090 --> 00:14:26,780 - О, Боже, они убили Кенни! - Сволочи!
- 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:32,190 Вернитесь сюда! Вернитесь! Черт возьми, мы были так близки!
- 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,800 Эй, смотрите, я думаю, Кенни в порядке.
- 00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,170 Ой, бедный Кенни.
- 00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:49,440 - Теперь-то ты веришь нам? - Нет.
- 00:14:49,610 --> 00:14:52,610 - Картман, они убили Кенни. - Он не мертв.
- 00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:55,750 Чувак, Кенни мертв. Видишь?
- 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,910 - Заткнитесь, ребята. - Он мертв, Картман.
- 00:14:59,090 --> 00:15:04,150 Черт возьми, у меня не было анального зонда! Удачи вам, ребята. Я пошел домой.
- 00:15:04,330 --> 00:15:08,230 - Вали домой, жирный цыпленок! - Фаллоимитатор!
- 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:12,060 - Ты - всё, что у меня осталось. - Прости, я встречаюсь с Вэнди.
- 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:16,830 Ты не можешь. Бедный Айк, должно быть, так напуган, совсем один. Помоги мне.
- 00:15:17,010 --> 00:15:21,570 Как говорит Шеф: "Я занимаюсь любовью, пока возбужден."
- 00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:22,740 Крысы!
- 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,310 - Привет, Эрик. - Привет, мам.
- 00:15:27,490 --> 00:15:30,610 - Как дела? - Ну, меня всё достало.
- 00:15:30,790 --> 00:15:34,250 Смотри, я сделала тебе сюрприз в виде блина, посыпанного пончиком.
- 00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:38,230 Я не хочу! Все дети в школе называют меня жирным.
- 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,590 - Ты не жирный, у тебя широкая кость. - Я так же им сказал.
- 00:15:41,770 --> 00:15:44,860 Можешь попробовать хоть маленький кусочек?
- 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,940 - Всего лишь малюсенький кусочек? - Нет. Оставь меня в покое, мам.
- 00:15:49,110 --> 00:15:52,670 А как насчёт хорошего шоколадного куриного пирожка?
- 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,740 Ну, это звучит неплохо.
- 00:15:56,110 --> 00:15:58,050 - Мам? - Да, сладкий?
- 00:15:58,220 --> 00:16:01,450 Если кто-нибудь будет звонить или придет, меня нет, хорошо?
- 00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:06,080 - Конечно. Хочешь ещё немного сырных шариков? - Да, я хочу сырных шариков.
- 00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:12,390 Её всё нет. Давайте поищем пришельцев.
- 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:16,120 - Но в её записке сказано, что она будет здесь. - Привет, Стен.
- 00:16:16,730 --> 00:16:21,830 - Его тошнит, когда ты с ним говоришь. - Но почему, Стен?
- 00:16:22,210 --> 00:16:25,640 Может приступим к делу и найдем Айка?
- 00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:29,340 - Придай сладострастье огню. - Что случилось с Айком?
- 00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:31,540 Когда наблюдение за НЛО возросло...
- 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:36,240 ...загадочные круги стали появляться на полях.
- 00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:40,880 Эти круги, когда смотришь сверху, выглядят странно.
- 00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:44,120 Эй, это похоже на Тома Селлека.
- 00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:49,100 Может быть, инопланетяне пытаются так связаться с нами на Земле?
- 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:55,370 Нет, кися, это мой пирожок.
- 00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:59,910 Нет, кися, ты плохой котенок. Нет, кися, это мой пирожок!
- 00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,140 Мам! Кися ведет себя как пися!
- 00:17:03,310 --> 00:17:08,840 Я знаю некую киску, которая будет спать сегодня ночью с мамочкой.
- 00:17:09,620 --> 00:17:10,950 Что?!
- 00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:14,960 Я пойду домой без него, и родители меня убьют.
- 00:17:15,130 --> 00:17:17,560 - Почему ты не схватил жирдяя? - Почему?
- 00:17:17,730 --> 00:17:21,360 Если у жирдяя в жопе что-то внедрено...
- 00:17:21,530 --> 00:17:24,430 ...может, он - часть плана пришельцев.
- 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,870 Используй жирного, чтоб заманить их обратно.
- 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,870 Ты права. Пошли, Стен. Надо схватить Картмана.
- 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,200 Пошли, Стен.
- 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,310 Эй, подождите. А когда я займусь любовью?
- 00:17:42,820 --> 00:17:45,250 Нет, кися, ты больше не получишь!
- 00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:50,220 Нет, кися, это мой пирог! Плохая кися!
- 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,960 Прости меня, котенок.
- 00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:56,430 - Эрик, смотри, кто тут. - Отличная работа, мам!
- 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,800 - Давай поиграем на автобусной остановке. - Я не могу, мама говорит...
- 00:17:59,970 --> 00:18:03,630 Всё в порядке. Ты должен проводить больше времени со своими друзьями.
- 00:18:03,810 --> 00:18:07,240 - Но я не хочу проводить время... - Не будь таким капризным!
- 00:18:07,410 --> 00:18:12,440 - А теперь иди и поиграй в снежки. - Проклятье!
- 00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:17,780 - Мне надо домой. - Ты что, испугался?
- 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,910 Эта веревка точно не даст тебе снова оказаться на борту.
- 00:18:22,390 --> 00:18:25,290 - Это отстой! - Почему их до сих пор нет?
- 00:18:25,460 --> 00:18:28,360 Думаю, надо посигналить им как-то.
- 00:18:29,070 --> 00:18:31,000 Эй, он как Рудольф.
- 00:18:31,170 --> 00:18:35,570 Всё, что тебе надо сделать, это пернуть, и пришельцы точно появятся.
- 00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:39,770 Правда? Не думаю, что сегодня я буду пердеть.
- 00:18:39,940 --> 00:18:42,340 - Конечно будешь. - Давай, бзди!
- 00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:45,310 - Я не хочу! - Он не сможет сдерживаться вечно.
- 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,540 - Перди, чтоб тебя! - Хорошо, выходит!
- 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:52,310 Почему всё сегодня так сложно...
- 00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:55,760 ...каждый входит в мой зад или выходит?
- 00:18:55,930 --> 00:18:58,720 Меня это задолбало! Это полностью преждевременно!
- 00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:00,690 Опять!
- 00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:06,290 - Тпру, посмотри. - Теперь ты нам веришь?
- 00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:09,700 Вам меня не напугать. Вы постоянно это делаете.
- 00:19:09,870 --> 00:19:13,970 У тебя из задницы торчит 24-метровая спутниковая тарелка!
- 00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:16,370 Ага, конечно, парни, как бы ни так.
- 00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:22,280 О, инопланетяне идут на первый контакт.
- 00:19:22,450 --> 00:19:26,980 Эй! Тут, внизу! Мы готовы к вашей мудрости.
- 00:19:27,590 --> 00:19:32,050 И у вас всего 20 минут, пока не началось "Сенфорд и сын"!
- 00:19:32,230 --> 00:19:36,790 Эй ребята, я серьезно сваливаю прямо сейчас.
- 00:19:36,970 --> 00:19:39,770 Я знаю, что пришельцев не существует.
- 00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:44,270 О, черт!
- 00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:49,440 Что за..? Говорю тебе, в этом городе происходит что-то странное.
- 00:19:49,610 --> 00:19:52,340 Можешь повторить, мистер Гаррисон.
- 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:56,180 Спускайтесь сюда, вы, вонючие инопланетяне!
- 00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,890 Попроси их вернуть твоего брата назад.
- 00:20:01,060 --> 00:20:06,020 Пришельцы, вы забрали моего брата. Он в веснушках и похож на футбольный мяч.
- 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:10,400 Поначалу я был рад, что вы его забрали, но я кое-что понял:
- 00:20:10,570 --> 00:20:13,200 Иметь младшего брата - это что-то особенное.
- 00:20:13,370 --> 00:20:16,810 Черт, я всего лишь ребенок, который совсем один в этом сумасшедшем мире.
- 00:20:16,970 --> 00:20:20,880 Если вы чувствуете то же самое, то верните моего брата...
- 00:20:21,050 --> 00:20:23,570 ...это снова сделает мою жизнь яркой.
- 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,440 Это было красиво.
- 00:20:25,620 --> 00:20:27,380 - Это сработало? - Нет.
- 00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:31,390 Ах ты, тощезадый кусок говна! Какого хера с тобой не так?
- 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,420 Ты, должно быть, ублюдок, раз не понимаешь плача ребенка!
- 00:20:35,590 --> 00:20:39,650 Ты знаешь, что любишь нахер делать? Ты любишь трахаться!
- 00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:44,760 Эй, Венди, что такое "хер"?
- 00:20:47,940 --> 00:20:53,000 Айк, спрыгивай! Сейчас же! Ради бога, Айк, прыгай!
- 00:20:53,180 --> 00:20:54,340 Не порань меня.
- 00:21:11,130 --> 00:21:14,190 Обещаю, я буду мил с тобой с этого момента.
- 00:21:14,370 --> 00:21:16,060 Не пинай малыша.
- 00:21:22,070 --> 00:21:23,870 О чём это они?
- 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,860 Айк, быстро сделай пародию на Дэвида Карузо!
- 00:21:43,030 --> 00:21:44,790 Мой выход.
- 00:21:57,040 --> 00:22:00,880 Ребята, спустите меня отсюда!
- 00:22:01,950 --> 00:22:04,880 Помогите! Сукины дети!
- 00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,020 Член!
- 00:22:07,950 --> 00:22:12,580 - Я рад, что всё закончилось. - Мальчик, я рад тебя видеть, Айк!
- 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,750 Она улетает в небо.
- 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,790 Стойте! Куда вы, пришельцы? Вернитесь!
- 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:22,490 Где та удивительная вещь, которую вы хотели нам показать?
- 00:22:22,670 --> 00:22:25,460 Она в спальне, дамы. Входите.
- 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,100 Мы можем сделать это в обед.
- 00:22:28,270 --> 00:22:30,300 - Спасибо за помощь. - Не за что.
- 00:22:30,470 --> 00:22:32,970 - Эй, я не блюю. - Круто.
- 00:22:41,490 --> 00:22:42,850 Прости.
- 00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:45,450 - Эй, смотрите, французское жаркое. - Круто.
- 00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:48,490 - Что это? - Это кусочек сырных шариков.
- 00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:51,630 - Эй, а это что? - Это гамбургер.
- 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,130 - Ему уже 2 дня! - Как насчет этого?
- 00:22:55,300 --> 00:22:56,600 Не знаю.
- 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,930 Автобус скоро будет. Картмана всё еще нет.
- 00:23:02,110 --> 00:23:04,200 У нас кончаются друзья.
- 00:23:04,370 --> 00:23:07,240 Интересно, что же пришельцы дали коровам?
- 00:23:10,150 --> 00:23:14,670 Тёлки, я загнал вас в угол. А щас я посмотрю, как вы уберетесь отсюда.
- 00:23:25,460 --> 00:23:26,690 Эй, Картман.
- 00:23:26,860 --> 00:23:30,590 Пришельцы высадили тебя прям перед занятиями.
- 00:23:30,770 --> 00:23:35,000 - У меня был странный кошмар прошлой ночью. - Правда? Про что?
- 00:23:35,170 --> 00:23:37,700 Ну, я стоял на поле.
- 00:23:37,870 --> 00:23:41,310 У меня из зада торчит спутниковая антенна...
- 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,970 ...и ещё там были коровы и пришельцы.
- 00:23:44,150 --> 00:23:47,710 Потом я улетел на корабле, и Скот Байо заразил меня конъюнктивитом.
- 00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,250 Это был не сон. Это было на самом деле.
- 00:23:50,420 --> 00:23:55,150 - Верно. Тогда почему у меня нет конъюнктивита? - У тебя он есть!
- 00:23:55,330 --> 00:23:57,660 Сукин сын!
- 00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,380 Перевод: rrz, simuladora.
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