Картман и анальный зонд

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с создателями "Южного Парка"

компании "Комеди Сентрал"

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Мэтом Стоуном и Трэем Паркером.

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Привет. Меня зовут Трэй Паркер.

А я - Мэт Стоун.

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А это - Нечистый.

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Скажи: "привет", старина!

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Мы делаем шоу под названием

"Южный Парк".

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Мэт и Трэй, расскажите

нам немного о себе.

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Я встретил Мэтью в университете

Колорадо, где я посещал киношколу.

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Я встретил его в начале моей

учебы на кинофакультете

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и понял, что нашел парня,

который мог развеселить меня

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даже когда мне хотелось плакать.

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Ребята, кого бы вы назвали

прототипами своих персонажей?

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Думаю, для меня главный прототип

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это - Мэт.

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Должен сказать, что мой -

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Теодор Рузвельт,

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благодаря своей книге "Лихие всадники"

об испано-американской войне.

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Мэт и Трэй, расскажите

нам об этой серии.

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Эта серия называется

"Картману ставят анальный зонд",

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и эта серия, на самом деле,

наша любимая серия.

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В ней маленького брата Кайла

похищают инопланетяне,

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а у Картмана обнаруживается

странная штука,

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имплантированная ему в задницу.

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Думаю, что причина, по которой

это - любимая серия... м-м...

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Нечистого, во всяком случае,

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это то, что это - единственный выпуск,

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который был сделан Мэтом

и мной полностью самостоятельно.

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Дело в том, что это была пилотная серия,

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сделанная до того, как появился сериал,

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так что всю работу нам с Мэтом

приходилось делать самим.

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В течение нескольких месяцев

мы был заперты в холодной,

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темной, маленькой комнате...

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в течение долгого времени...

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А знаете, эта игра, "пни малыша",

выглядит забавно.

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Смогли бы вы когда-нибудь

проделать это по-настоящему?

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Ни у меня, ни у Трэя детей нет.

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Да, вся наша семья - это мы вдвоем,

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ну и, конечно, наш Нечистый.

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Мы еще не женаты,

мы даже не можем встречаться.

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И пока у нас не появятся дети,

мы не узнаем, будем ли мы их пинать

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Вы, ребята, изобразили инопланетян

как живых, с определенным...

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знанием дела,

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может, кого-нибудь из вас

когда-то похищали?

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Трэй,

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все хорошо,

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расскажи...

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Я рос очень близко от Южного Парка,

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и меня действительно похищали,

когда я был ребенком.

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Я помню, как это было...

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как это было ужасно,

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я помню...

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слишком много.

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Итак, сядьте поудобнее, расслабьтесь

и получайте удовольствие:

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Картману ставят анальный зонд.

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Все персонажи и события этого шоу,

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даже те, которые имеют отношение

к реальным людям - полностью выдуманы.

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Голоса знаменитостей

сымитированы... плохо.

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Данная программа содержит

непристойную лексику

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и в связи с этим не рекомендуется

для всеобщего просмотра.

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Сегодня прекрасный день...

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Черт!

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Мой братец снова увязался

за мной в школу!

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Айк! Тебе нельзя со мной!

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Вали домой, маленький дилдо!

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Чувак! Не называй моего брата дилдо!

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А что такое "дилдо"?

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Не знаю.

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Спорю, что и Картман не знает!

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Я знаю, что это!

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Ну? Что?

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Не скажу.

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Что за "дилдо", Кенни?

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(бу-бу-бу)

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Ага! Это как раз и есть

братец Кайла, точно?

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Чувак! Это круто!

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Ага! Вот гляньте-ка на это...

Готов, Айк?

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Пни малыша!!

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Не пни малыша.

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Пни малыша.

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О, Картман, ты выглядишь,

как будто не выспался этой ночью

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Это из-за того, что мне

снились странные кошмары

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Серьезно? О чем?

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Ну, мне снилось, что я лежу

в своей постели, в темноте,

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как вдруг яркий голубой

свет залил комнату.

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Потом дверь спальни начала открываться,

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дальше я помню, что

меня вытащили в коридор

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Потом я лежал на столе,

и эти страшные пришельцы

собирались делать мне операцию.

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У них были большие головы

и большие черные глаза.

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Чувак! Пришельцы! Конечно!

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Чиво?

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Это был не сон, Картман!

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Это были пришельцы!

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Нет, это был всего лишь сон.

И моя мама так сказала!

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Пришельцы существуют!

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Да! Они похищают людей и калечат коров!

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Ой, заткнитесь ребята,

вы просто хотите меня напугать.

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Это не пройдет.

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Здравствуйте, дети.

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Привет, Шеф.

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Что у нас сегодня на обед, Шеф?

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Ну, сегодня солсберский

бифштекс с лапшой

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и бобовая запеканка,

или винегрет на выбор.

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Клево!

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Кстати,

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никто из вас не видел космический

корабль пришельцев прошлой ночью?

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А?

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Да! Толстый видел.

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Нет! Это был всего лишь сон!

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И я не толстый, у меня крупная кость!

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Это были те самые, с высокими головами

и большими черными глазами?

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Они брали его к себе на корабль!

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У!

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Они установили тебе анальный зонд?

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Что такое анальный зонд?

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Это - когда они заправляют

такую большую металлическую

штуковину тебе в зад.

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Они поставили тебе зонд, Картман?

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Нет!

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Ну... то есть...

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Зачем бы им это делать?

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Чувак, они это сделали, да?

Пришельцы засунули это тебе в задницу!

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Нет!

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...анали зон

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Заткнись, дилдо!

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Ну, мне пора в кафе

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А вы, дети, присматривайте за толстяком.

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Он может быть на крючке у пришельцев.

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надпись "ПОВЕРЬ"

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Мы говорили тебе, Картман,

они существуют.

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Жаль, что так вышло с твоей задницей.

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Они ничего не делали с моей жопой,

черт бы вас побрал!

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Это был только сон!

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А почему ты так забавно ходишь, Картман?

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Заткнись!

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Нет, Айк! Отправляйся домой.

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Вот так. Эта игра для тебя.

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Пни малыша!

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Доброе утро, мисс Крэбтри.

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Садись, мы опаздываем!

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Черт! Он все еще там.

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Да ладно, не беспокойся о нем.

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Нет, чувак! Если с ним что-то случиться,

мои родители свалят все на меня.

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А ну усядьтесь там, сзади!!

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Ладно, все, все, жирная сучка.

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Что ты сказал?!!

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Я сказал "у меня жуткая чесучка".

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А!

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О, боже!

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Пришельцы!

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Айк!

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Остановите автобус!

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Мисс Крэбтри, вы должны

остановить автобус!

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Хочешь схлопотать докладную записку?!!

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Нет!

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Тогда сядь на место!!

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Но я...

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Картман! Это - те же пришельцы,

которых ты видел?

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Отвалите, ребята, это больше не работает.

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Мы должны что-то сделать!

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Сейчас мы нечего не можем сделать,

эта толстая сука нам не позволит.

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Что ты сказал?!!

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Я сказал "нас и заяц не догонит"

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А!

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Ну да. Это точно.

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Что же теперь делать?

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Моего младшего брата

только что похитили пришельцы!

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Ты пернул.

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Кто-то печет пирожки.

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Это - третья корова за месяц.

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Так у меня все коровы подохнут

уже до конца зимы.

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Здесь нет ничего странного.

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Коровы выворачивают себя

наизнанку постоянно.

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Люди говорят, они видели НЛО в округе.

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НЛО? Бу-га-га!

00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:17,860

Да, и черные армейские

вертолеты ЦРУ, и грузовики.

00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,960

Это - самое глупое,

что я когда-либо слышал.

00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:24,560

Что это было?

00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,460

Это... это был голубок.

00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:28,960

Что мне теперь делать, Барбрэди?

00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:33,460

Стоять и смотреть, как мою скотину

калечат одну за другой?

00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,560

Эй! Мой скот!

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Видел? Что-то странное происходит.

00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:49,860

Ничего странного.

Я верну этих коров назад.

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А теперь, дети, наш друг мистер Шляпа

расскажет нам о Христофоре Колумбе.

00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:02,560

Точно, мистер Гаррисон.

Христофор Колумб открыл Америку.

00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:04,960

И был лучшим другом индейцев.

00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:08,760

Он помог индейцам выиграть войну

против Фредерика Дугласа,

00:08:09,010 --> 00:08:11,860

освободил евреев от Наполеона

00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,125

и открыл Францию.

00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,360

Слушай, я не могу вот так просто сидеть.

00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:17,710

Я должен помочь моему

дурацкому братцу, или мне

придется появится дома без него,

00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,210

и мой папа начнет вопить:

"Где твой брат, Кайл!"?

00:08:20,245 --> 00:08:22,660

"Ты не смотрел за своим

маленьким братом, Кайл!"...

00:08:22,695 --> 00:08:24,575

ОК, давай спасуем школу

и пойдем найдем его.

00:08:24,610 --> 00:08:26,060

"... ты же знаешь, что он еще

несмышленыш, Кайл",

00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:27,210

"почисть зубы, Кайл!"

00:08:27,260 --> 00:08:29,160

"Где побывал этот палец, Кайл!!"

00:08:29,195 --> 00:08:29,650

Чувак!!

00:08:29,660 --> 00:08:31,160

Какие-то проблемы, мальчики?

00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:33,260

Да, мистер Гаррисон, мне нужно уйти.

00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:34,260

В самом деле, Кайл?

00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,610

Что на этот раз?

Опять простатит беспокоит?

00:08:36,645 --> 00:08:38,860

Нет, моего младшего брата

похитили инопланетяне.

00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:43,460

Это правда! Спросите Картмана!

Они установили ему анальный зонд.

00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:46,325

Это просто шутка.

00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,660

Это серьезно, мистер Гаррисон,

мне нужно идти.

00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,360

Освободите меня от занятий, пожалуйста?

00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:52,760

Я не знаю, Кайл, может,

спросим у мистера Шляпы?

00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,860

Я не хочу спрашивать у мистера Шляпы,

я спрашиваю Вас!!!

00:08:55,895 --> 00:08:58,360

О, я думаю, тебе лучше

поинтересоваться у мистера Шляпы.

00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,000

Мистер Шляпа, пожалуйста,

можно я уйду с урока?

00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:02,210

Ну, Кайл,

00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:03,020

НЕТ!

00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:03,960

СЛЫШАЛ МЕНЯ?!!

00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,060

ТЫ НА ПУТИ В АД!

00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,060

ТЫ УМРЕШЬ И ПОПАДЕШЬ В АД!!

00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,260

Хм, похоже, тебе лучше

отправиться на место, Кайл.

00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,000

К черту!

00:09:10,060 --> 00:09:12,360

Ха-ха. Мистер Шляпа послал тебя.

00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,160

А-а! Моя задница!

00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:15,660

Ни фига себе, Картман!

00:09:17,260 --> 00:09:19,010

О-о! Моя задница! О!

00:09:19,045 --> 00:09:20,760

Чувак, он пердит огнем!

00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:22,225

Это - анальный зонд пришельцев!

00:09:22,260 --> 00:09:24,360

Он стреляет огнем из задницы Картмана!

00:09:24,395 --> 00:09:26,225

Нет, это был всего лишь сон.

00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:30,160

Эрик, может быть, тебе

лучше сесть в угол, пока ты

не угомонишь свои горючие газы?

00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,660

Нет, мистер Гаррисон, я в порядке.

00:09:46,060 --> 00:09:48,360

Эй! Вам, коровы, не положено на поезд!

00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:49,960

Это - поезд для людей.

00:09:50,010 --> 00:09:52,610

Вам, коровы, нечего делать на

человеческом поезде, правильно?

00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:53,710

Ведь вы - коровы.

00:09:55,010 --> 00:09:59,060

Нет, нет, нет. И нечего сверлить меня

взглядом, это не пройдет.

00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,460

Всем стоять на месте, коровы!

00:10:04,110 --> 00:10:05,460

А ну, назад!

00:10:05,495 --> 00:10:06,360

А-а-а!

00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:15,661

А я проголодался.

00:10:15,862 --> 00:10:17,862

Как ты будешь есть,

если ты пердишь огнем?

00:10:18,010 --> 00:10:20,610

Ай, замолчи! Ты просто малой еще.

00:10:20,660 --> 00:10:22,710

О! Смотри! Там Венди Тестабургер.

00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:23,560

Где?

00:10:40,460 --> 00:10:44,510

Стэн хочет поцеловать Венди Тестабургер.

00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:46,460

Заткнись, толстая жопа!

Она мне даже не нравится.

00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:48,725

Я не толстый, а она тебе нравится,

это всем понятно,

00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,060

потому, что ты блюешь каждый раз,

когда она с тобой заговаривает.

00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:52,360

А вот и не нравится!

00:10:52,460 --> 00:10:53,360

Привет, ребята.

00:10:53,395 --> 00:10:54,260

Привет, Венди.

00:10:54,410 --> 00:10:56,510

Вот, Стэн, это - тебе.

00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,060

Пока, Венди.

00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:01,160

Чувак, что там в записке?

00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:03,260

Чтоб я сдох!

00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:06,860

Она хочет увидеться со мной

у пруда после школы!

00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:07,200

Ух ты!

00:11:07,260 --> 00:11:08,210

Может, она даст тебе себя поцеловать!

00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:09,560

Языком!

00:11:09,660 --> 00:11:11,560

бу-бу-бу

00:11:11,710 --> 00:11:14,410

Что? Откуда ты знаешь,

что у нее есть кошка?

00:11:18,860 --> 00:11:21,360

Ну, ладно вам! Нам нужно решить,

как мы выберемся из школы,

00:11:21,395 --> 00:11:22,810

чтобы вернуть моего брата.

00:11:22,860 --> 00:11:24,160

Здравствуйте, дети.

00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:24,930

Привет, Шеф!

00:11:24,940 --> 00:11:25,520

Как дела?

00:11:25,530 --> 00:11:26,100

Плохо.

00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:26,925

Почему "плохо"?

00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,160

Шеф, у Вас бывало такое,

что с Вами что-то происходило,

00:11:29,195 --> 00:11:30,560

а Вам никто не верил?

00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:34,660

О, дети, дети. Это - проблема,

с которой все мы сталкиваемся

00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:36,260

рано или поздно.

00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:40,260

Давайте, я спою вам одну песню,

возможно, она прояснит ситуацию.

00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:44,410

О женщина, я собираюсь

заняться с тобою любовью.

00:11:44,460 --> 00:11:47,860

Я хочу уложить тебя возле огня

00:11:47,895 --> 00:11:51,260

и ласкать твое нежно тело,

00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,160

заставить тебя стонать, обливаться потом...

00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,160

Э-э... Шеф...

00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:58,060

Шеф!

00:11:58,500 --> 00:11:59,125

Шеф!!!

00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:01,110

Мы занимаемся любовью,

занимаемся любовью, любовью...

00:12:01,660 --> 00:12:02,460

ШЕ-Е-Е-ЕФ!!!

00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,000

...А?

00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:06,960

Вам лучше?

00:12:06,970 --> 00:12:07,640

Нет.

00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:10,260

Да ладно вам, дети.

Что может быть такого уж плохого?

00:12:10,310 --> 00:12:12,460

Ведь сегодня у нас солсберский бифштекс!

00:12:12,910 --> 00:12:14,860

Пришельцы похитили младшего брата Кайла.

00:12:14,895 --> 00:12:15,710

ЧТО?!

00:12:16,610 --> 00:12:19,360

Так какого же черта вы все еще в школе

и едите тут этот солсберский бифштекс?!

00:12:19,460 --> 00:12:20,460

Идите ищите его, черт возьми!

00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:22,210

Мистер Гаррисон нас не отпустит.

00:12:22,260 --> 00:12:23,560

Он думает, мы сочиняем.

00:12:23,595 --> 00:12:24,860

Ты и так сочиняешь!

00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:31,460

Ух ты!

00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:33,560

Что?

00:12:33,610 --> 00:12:34,425

Это было круто!

00:12:34,460 --> 00:12:38,060

Это что-то вроде симбиозного

преобразователя.

00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:40,860

Это может означать, что пришельцы

хотят наладить с нами контакт!

00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:44,360

А! Я понимаю. Вы хотите

присоединиться к этой шутке? Да?

00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,560

Это - не шутка, дети,

это - здоровая штуковина!

00:12:47,660 --> 00:12:48,460

Пожалуйста, Шеф,

00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:52,560

Если я не выберусь из школы и не найду

брата, мои родители от меня откажутся.

00:12:52,610 --> 00:12:54,560

Сейчас, сейчас...

00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:56,560

Ты должен помочь детям.

00:12:56,660 --> 00:13:00,260

Ребята, кажется, ваша шутка затянулась.

00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,960

Я хочу бифштекс!

00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:04,360

Учебная тревога!

Учебная тревога!

00:13:04,410 --> 00:13:05,460

Всем покинуть помещение!

00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:08,060

Ну вот, дети, это - ваш шанс!

00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:09,860

Круто! Спасибо, Шеф!

00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,960

Ну и ну! Первый контакт с пришельцами!

00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:16,260

Нужно подготовиться.

00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:19,360

Мы выбрались из школы.

Сегодня школы не будет.

00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,660

Ой, ребята, моя задница! Я серьезно!

00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,760

Ну, хватит, Картман, жечь тут все.

00:13:26,860 --> 00:13:28,960

Я бы с радостью, если бы мог, сукин сын!

00:13:29,060 --> 00:13:31,560

Ладно, так как нам заполучить назад

моего брата?

00:13:31,860 --> 00:13:34,260

Может, хватит уже по поводу твоего брата?

00:13:34,410 --> 00:13:37,460

Я знаю, что это был всего лишь сон,

я знаю, что у меня нет зонда в заднице

00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:40,160

и я знаю, что меня

не контролируют пришельцы!

00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,225

"Мне нравится петь

00:13:42,260 --> 00:13:44,660

о луне, о тебе и о весне,

00:13:44,695 --> 00:13:46,325

мне нравится петь

00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,160

о голубом небе и о чае для двоих..."

00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:53,425

Это что еще такое было?

00:13:53,460 --> 00:13:54,760

Он под контролем пришельцев!

00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:56,960

Эта штука у него в заднице

связывается прямо с ними.

00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:58,760

Сукин сын!

00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,860

Заткнитесь вы все,

меня не контролируют пришельцы.

00:14:07,110 --> 00:14:09,010

Эй, инопланетяне!

Если вы меня слышите,

00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:11,560

верните мне моего брата,

черт вас возьми!

00:14:11,595 --> 00:14:13,360

Больно, между прочим!

Жополиз!

00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:16,210

Кайл, смотри, это - они!

00:14:16,245 --> 00:14:17,860

Верните мне моего брата!

00:14:22,860 --> 00:14:25,360

О боже! Они убили Кенни!

00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:27,960

Ублюдки! А ну вернитесь!

00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:29,760

Вернитесь!!

00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:31,960

Черт! Мы были совсем близко!

00:14:31,995 --> 00:14:32,760

Эй, смотри!

00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:34,110

Кенни, вроде, в порядке.

00:14:34,145 --> 00:14:35,360

бу-бу-бу

00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:40,660

бу-бу-бу

00:14:45,660 --> 00:14:48,660

Ого. Бедный Кенни.

Теперь ты веришь, Картман?

00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:49,240

Нет!

00:14:49,260 --> 00:14:50,760

Картман, они убили Кенни!

00:14:51,260 --> 00:14:52,260

Он не мертв.

00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,760

Чувак, Кенни мертв.

00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:55,725

Видел?

00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,160

Ай, заткнитесь!

00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,760

Он мертв, Картман!

00:14:58,860 --> 00:15:01,560

Черт! У меня нет анального зонда!

00:15:02,260 --> 00:15:03,960

Пошли вы все! Я иду домой.

00:15:04,110 --> 00:15:06,060

Давай, вали домой!

Жирная курица!

00:15:06,095 --> 00:15:07,060

Дилдо!

00:15:08,210 --> 00:15:09,710

Теперь только ты у меня остался, Стэн.

00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:11,960

Извини, чувак. Мне нужно сходить

на встречу с Венди Тестабургер.

00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:12,760

Нет, ты не можешь.

00:15:12,860 --> 00:15:15,660

Бедный Айк, наверное, так напуган

там наверху, совсем один...

00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:16,825

Ты должен мне помочь, чувак!

00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:19,110

Чувак, как говорил Шеф,

я должен получить немного любви,

00:15:19,145 --> 00:15:20,460

пока есть желание и возможность.

00:15:21,460 --> 00:15:22,460

Черт.

00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:26,210

Здравствуй, Эрик.

00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:27,160

Привет, мам.

00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,510

Как дела?

00:15:28,610 --> 00:15:30,460

Хреново!

00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:34,060

А у меня для тебя

сахарно-пончиковый сюрприз.

00:15:34,095 --> 00:15:36,210

Не хочу я "сахарно-пончиковый сюрприз"!

00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:38,060

Все ребята в школе обзывают меня жирным.

00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,360

Ты не толстый, просто

у тебя крупная кость.

00:15:40,395 --> 00:15:41,410

Я так им и говорю!

00:15:41,460 --> 00:15:44,260

Ну, маленький кусочек ведь можно?

00:15:44,280 --> 00:15:44,640

Нет!

00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:47,260

Что, и малюсенький-малюсюсенький?

00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,925

Нет! Отстань, мам!

00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,660

А как на счет торта

с шоколадными курочками?

00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:54,910

Ну... звучит неплохо...

00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:56,760

Мам?

00:15:56,860 --> 00:15:57,640

Да, милый?

00:15:57,660 --> 00:16:01,060

Если кто-то позвонит или придет

- меня нет дома, ладно?

00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,660

Конечно, милый.

00:16:02,710 --> 00:16:04,360

Может, ты хочешь и сырных сухариков тоже?

00:16:04,410 --> 00:16:05,810

Да, я хочу и сырных сухариков тоже.

00:16:09,310 --> 00:16:12,210

Похоже, она не появится, Стэн.

Давай лучше поищем пришельцев.

00:16:12,245 --> 00:16:14,160

Но в записке написано, что она придет.

00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,160

Привет, Стэн.

00:16:16,460 --> 00:16:17,610

Ты не можешь говорить со Стэном, Венди.

00:16:17,660 --> 00:16:18,960

Его тошнит, когда

ты с ним заговариваешь

00:16:18,995 --> 00:16:20,260

Но почему, Стэн?

00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:23,610

Ребята, не могли бы вы

сразу перейти к делу?

00:16:23,645 --> 00:16:25,160

После мы могли бы поискать моего брата.

00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:25,740

А?

00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:27,260

Ну, просто заняться любовью у огня.

00:16:27,295 --> 00:16:29,060

Что случилось с твоим братом?

00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:31,460

По мере того, как количество

свидетельств об НЛО растет,

00:16:31,610 --> 00:16:34,560

все больше таинственных кругообразных

узоров появляется на полях

00:16:34,595 --> 00:16:36,010

около Южного Парка.

00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:40,360

Эти круги, если смотреть на них сверху,

образуют странные узоры...

00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,860

О... Это похоже на Тома Селлека.

00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:47,860

Может, пришельцы хотят наладить

с нами контакт здесь, на Земле?

00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,960

Нет, котик, это - мой торт!

00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:59,260

Плохой Кот! Это - мой торт, я сказал!

00:16:59,860 --> 00:17:02,860

Ма-а-ам! Кот ведет себя как дилдо!

00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:08,360

Тогда я, кажется, знаю одного котика,

который спит с мамочкой сегодня.

00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:10,260

Чиво?

00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:14,760

И теперь я должен идти домой без него,

и родители, скорее всего, меня убьют.

00:17:14,860 --> 00:17:16,560

Почему бы тебе не взять

с собой толстяка?

00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:17,320

Зачем?

00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:22,360

Ну, если ему что-то имплантировали

в зад, то, может быть, пришельцы

00:17:22,395 --> 00:17:24,310

используют его, как часть своего плана.

00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:27,660

Тебе нужно использовать толстяка

как приманку, чтобы вернуть их назад.

00:17:27,790 --> 00:17:31,760

А ты права, Венди.

Пошли, Стэн, возьмем Картмана.

00:17:31,860 --> 00:17:34,325

Идем, Стэн!...

00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,960

Стоп! А когда мы будем

заниматься любовью?

00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,160

Нет, котяра! Тебе нельзя!

00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:52,060

Прости, котик.

00:17:53,060 --> 00:17:54,960

Эрик! Посмотри, кто пришел!

00:17:55,060 --> 00:17:56,760

Мам, ну зачем...

00:17:56,860 --> 00:17:57,960

Мы идем играть на автобусную остановку.

00:17:58,020 --> 00:17:58,760

Не пойду.

00:17:58,860 --> 00:17:59,625

Мама сказала...

00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:03,210

Ничего, Эрик. Думаю,

тебе нужно провести время

со своими маленькими друзьями.

00:18:03,245 --> 00:18:05,410

Но, мама, я не хочу проводить

время с моими маленькими друзьями.

00:18:05,445 --> 00:18:07,060

Не расстраивай меня, Эрик!

00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,710

Почему бы тебе не пойти и

не поиграть на снегу?

00:18:10,740 --> 00:18:11,800

Чёрт!

00:18:13,860 --> 00:18:16,210

Ребята, мне нужно домой!

00:18:16,260 --> 00:18:17,925

Не будь таким трусливым котом, Картман.

00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,110

Благодаря этой веревке

мы будем уверены, что они

не заберут тебя снова на корабль.

00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:23,710

Ой, чувак, да это чушь какая-то...

00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,125

А вдруг пришельцы за ним не придут?

00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,860

Наверное, нам нужно подать им

какой-то сигнал.

00:18:28,810 --> 00:18:30,860

Эй, да он прямо как Рудольф.

00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,360

Все, что тебе нужно сделать, Картман,

это - пернуть как следует!

00:18:33,460 --> 00:18:35,260

И тогда инопланетяне

обязательно появятся!

00:18:35,460 --> 00:18:39,560

Да? Ну... может, я сегодня уже не смогу...

00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:42,160

Конечно сможешь! Давай Картман!

Начинай!

00:18:42,195 --> 00:18:43,560

Мне не хочется.

00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:44,760

Долго он не продержится.

00:18:44,860 --> 00:18:46,210

Давай! Чёрт возьми!

00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:49,360

Ну, хорошо! Вот вам! Слушайте!

00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:54,760

Почему все, что сегодня происходит,

так или иначе связано с моей задницей?

00:18:55,710 --> 00:18:58,360

Мне это осточертело!

Это - полное ребячество!

00:18:58,610 --> 00:19:00,660

Эй! Это происходит снова!

00:19:03,010 --> 00:19:05,960

Ух ты! Глянь на это!

Теперь ты нам веришь, Картман?

00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:09,560

Вам меня не напугать!

Я знаю, что вы все выдумали!

00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:13,460

Картман! У тебя из задницы торчит

80-и футовая параболическая антенна!

00:19:13,660 --> 00:19:15,960

Ага, да, конечно! Как же!

00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:21,560

Ну и ну! Пришельцы собираются

осуществить первый контакт.

00:19:22,210 --> 00:19:26,560

Эй! Мы здесь! Внизу!

Мы готовы принять вашу мудрость!

00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:31,710

У вас есть только 20 минут,

пока не начался "Сэнфорд и сын".

00:19:32,060 --> 00:19:36,660

Чуваки, вы меня конкретно достали!!

00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:39,560

Я знаю, что никаких

инопланетян не существует!

00:19:41,460 --> 00:19:43,160

А! Черт!

00:19:44,260 --> 00:19:45,260

Что за...?

00:19:45,460 --> 00:19:49,210

Точно вам говорю, в этом городе

происходит что-то странное.

00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:51,960

Вот и я о том же, мистер Гаррисон.

00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,760

Спускайтесь сюда, вонючие пришельцы!

00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,260

Давай, Кайл, попроси у них своего брата.

00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:01,540

Пришельцы...

00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,560

Сегодня утром вы забрали

моего брата Айка

00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:06,260

Он - немного веснушчатый

и выглядит, как футбольный мяч.

00:20:06,295 --> 00:20:08,360

Сначала я был рад,

что вы его прихватили,

00:20:08,460 --> 00:20:09,860

но сегодня я кое-что понял.

00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,660

Когда у тебя есть младший брат,

это - какая-то особенная вещь.

00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:13,200

Ага.

00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:14,525

Короче, ну, господа пришельцы,

00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,810

я всего лишь ребенок

в этом безумном мире,

00:20:16,845 --> 00:20:19,025

но если ваше сердце,

или что там у вас есть,

00:20:19,060 --> 00:20:23,160

подскажет вам вернуть моего брата,

вы сделаете мою жизнь снова яркой.

00:20:23,860 --> 00:20:25,110

Красиво сказано, чувак.

00:20:25,460 --> 00:20:26,210

Сработало?

00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:27,425

Нет. Они отваливают.

00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,110

Эй вы, костлявые задницы!

00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:30,952

Какого ***, я не понял!!!

00:20:30,987 --> 00:20:32,725

Вы ***, наверное, совсем ***,

00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,460

если можете не обращать

внимание на плачущего ребенка!!

00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:35,240

Ого! Чувак!

00:20:35,260 --> 00:20:41,660

Знаете, вы кто?

Вы все похожи на *** *** ***!

00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,110

Венди, что такое ***?

00:20:47,610 --> 00:20:49,960

Айк! Прыгай вниз, скорее!!

00:20:50,060 --> 00:20:52,960

Айк, прыгай! Ради бога, прыгай!!

00:21:05,010 --> 00:21:08,560

"Здравствуйте, коровы планеты Земля.

Мы пришли к вам с миром."

00:21:08,595 --> 00:21:10,825

"Серьезно?"

00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:13,960

Давай, Айк! Я обещаю, теперь

я буду хорошим!

00:21:14,060 --> 00:21:16,260

Не пни малыша.

00:21:16,660 --> 00:21:19,860

"Мы экспериментировали с разными

формами земной жизни,

00:21:19,895 --> 00:21:21,660

и выяснили, что вы -

наиболее разумные из всех.

00:21:21,695 --> 00:21:23,860

О чем это они там говорят?

00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:25,910

"Зачем вы выворачивали нас наизнанку?"

00:21:26,460 --> 00:21:28,460

"О, это была ошибка

Карла, он - новенький."

00:21:29,460 --> 00:21:32,160

"Да, простите меня, так вышло."

00:21:32,195 --> 00:21:33,125

Айк!

00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:36,960

"Возьмите этот прибор, это - наш подарок."

00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:42,660

Айк! Вспомни, как делал Дэвид Карузо!!

Сделай так!!

00:21:42,695 --> 00:21:44,410

Тепей я!

00:21:48,860 --> 00:21:51,260

"Прощайте, коровы,

да пребудет с вами мир!"

00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,060

Эй, ребята, избавьте меня от этого!!

00:22:01,660 --> 00:22:02,560

Помогите!

00:22:02,610 --> 00:22:04,985

Сукины дети!

00:22:05,020 --> 00:22:07,360

Дилды!!!

00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:09,960

Ну, я рад, что все закончилось.

00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:12,360

Ага! А как я рад тебя видеть, Айк!

00:22:12,460 --> 00:22:14,760

...он летят в небо

00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,860

Стойте! Куда вы, пришельцы!

00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:18,775

Вернитесь!

00:22:18,810 --> 00:22:22,160

Ну, Шеф? И где это "удивительное",

что вы хотели нам показать?

00:22:22,260 --> 00:22:25,260

Э-э... это находится у меня

в спальне, дамы. Идемте.

00:22:25,460 --> 00:22:27,460

Идем, Айк. Мы как раз успеем к обеду.

00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:28,960

Спасибо за помощь, Венди.

00:22:29,060 --> 00:22:30,060

Всегда пожалуйста.

00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:31,860

Смотри-ка, а я не блеванул!

00:22:31,900 --> 00:22:32,800

Здорово!

00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:42,400

Извини.

00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,460

Смотри, жареная картошка!

00:22:44,500 --> 00:22:45,300

Клево!

00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:46,110

А это что такое?

00:22:46,180 --> 00:22:47,860

Я думаю, это были сырные сухарики.

00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,325

А это что?

00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:53,360

А это - чизбургер двухдневной давности.

00:22:53,395 --> 00:22:54,960

А это?

00:22:55,060 --> 00:22:56,160

А черт его знает.

00:22:59,460 --> 00:23:02,210

Автобус будет с минуты на минуту,

а Картмана все нет.

00:23:02,260 --> 00:23:03,960

Да, мы теряем друзей.

00:23:04,610 --> 00:23:08,360

Интересно, что это за штуку

инопланетяне подарили коровам?

00:23:10,460 --> 00:23:13,110

Ага, коровы! Я припер вас к стенке.

00:23:13,210 --> 00:23:15,410

Посмотрим, как вы теперь выкрутитесь!

00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:18,010

"Мне нравится петь

00:23:18,060 --> 00:23:20,710

о луне, о весне, и о тебе,

00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:25,360

мне нравится петь

о голубом небе и о чае для двоих..."

00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,760

О, привет, Картман!

00:23:27,860 --> 00:23:30,060

Пришельцы выкинули тебя как раз,

чтобы ты попал в школу.

00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,560

Ох, чувак,

00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:33,860

мне опять снились кошмары этой ночью.

00:23:33,895 --> 00:23:35,260

Да? О чем?

00:23:35,360 --> 00:23:38,010

Ну, я стоял в чистом поле,

00:23:38,060 --> 00:23:41,560

и у меня из задницы торчала

здоровенная параболическая антенна!

00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,560

И потом там еще были

сотни коров, инопланетян...

00:23:44,660 --> 00:23:46,110

а потом я поднялся к ним на корабль,

00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,160

и Скот Байо заразил меня конъюнктивитом.

00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:50,560

Это был не сон, Картман.

Это случилось на самом деле!

00:23:50,660 --> 00:23:53,360

Ну да! А почему же у меня

тогда нет красного глаза?

00:23:53,395 --> 00:23:55,460

Как это нет? У тебя глаз красный!

00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:57,660

Сукин сын!

00:24:09,614 --> 00:24:11,950

Перевёл Klop. 23 января 2004 года.

Отредактировал BigBorman.

6 апреля 2010 года.

00:00:03,713 --> 00:00:05,464

with the creators of

Comedy Central's "South Park, "

00:00:05,589 --> 00:00:07,883

Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,725

Hi, I'm Trey Parker.

- And I'm Matt Stone.

00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:18,019

And this here's ole Scratch.

Say hi, ole fellow.

00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:19,645

We do a show called

"South Park."

00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,941

Matt and Trey, tell us

a little bit about yourselves.

00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,861

Well, I-I met Matthew

at the University of Colorado

00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:28,654

where I was

going to film school.

00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:31,615

I actually met him

in Beginning Filmmaking class.

00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:34,243

I met him and found someone

who could make me laugh,

00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,120

even when I felt like crying.

00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,833

Guys, who would you say

are your role models?

00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:43,335

Well, I'd have to say

my biggest role model

00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:44,628

is Matt.

00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,130

I guess I'd have to say mine

00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:48,382

is Theodore Roosevelt,

for his work

00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:50,634

with the Rough Riders

in the Spanish American War.

00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,928

Matt and Trey,

tell us about this episode.

00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,097

This episode is called

"Cartman Gets an Anal Probe,"

00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,099

and it's our favorite episode.

00:00:57,224 --> 00:01:00,019

In it, Kyle's baby brother Ike

gets abducted by aliens,

00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:03,064

and Cartman has strange things

implanted in his ass.

00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:04,899

I think that the reason

this episode is--

00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:06,859

well, ole Scratch's favorite,

anyway,

00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,486

is because it's

the only episode that

00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:11,280

Matt and I animated

completely by ourselves.

00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,532

You see,

this was the pilot episode,

00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,451

done before we had a series.

00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,787

So Matt and I had to do

the whole thing by ourselves.

00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,789

For several months,

we were locked into

00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:22,541

a cold, dark, little room

00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:25,044

for long periods of time.

00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:28,130

You know, that "Kick the

Baby" game looks like fun.

00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:29,799

Have you guys ever

played it personally?

00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:32,218

Well, neither

Trey or I have children.

00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:33,886

That's right,

the only family we have

00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,222

is each other

and ole Scratch here.

00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:39,892

We're not married yet.

- We can't even get dates.

00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,103

But the truth is,

until we have children,

00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:44,480

we're not gonna know whether

or not we're gonna kick them.

00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,650

You guys seem to write

alien encounter material

00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,027

with a certain, uh, knowledge.

00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:53,781

Have either of you

actually ever been abducted?

00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:57,660

Trey, it's okay.

00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,995

Go ahead and tell.

00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,914

I grew up very near

to South Park,

00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:04,542

and so I was abducted

when I was a small child.

00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,168

I remember the experience.

00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,379

I remember how horrible it was.

00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:10,673

I remember too much.

00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,802

So sit back, relax, and enjoy

00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,554

"Cartman Gets an Anal Probe."

00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,192

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,194

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,904

♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,447

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:36,907

- ♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,742

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:40,452

- ♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:41,954

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor." ♪

00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,455

- ♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:45,207

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,879

- ♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,672

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:55,217

♪ School days

school days teachers... ♪

00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,178

Ah, damn it, my little

brother's trying to follow me

00:02:57,303 --> 00:02:59,597

to school again.

00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,932

Ike, you can't come

to school with me.

00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,018

Yeah, go home,

00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:05,603

you little dildo.

00:03:05,728 --> 00:03:07,104

Dude, don't call

my brother a dildo.

00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,315

What's a dildo?

- I don't know.

00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,941

And I'll bet Cartman

doesn't know either.

00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,359

I know what it means.

00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,986

Well, what?

00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,821

I'm not telling you.

00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:16,989

- What's a dildo, Kenny?

00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,913

Yeah, that's what Kyle's

little brother is, all right.

00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,414

Ow.

00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,416

Dude, that kicks ass.

00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:28,834

Yeah, check this one out.

00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,544

Ready, Ike?

Kick the baby.

00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:31,962

Don't kick the baby.

00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,172

Kick the baby.

00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:34,298

Aah!

00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,385

Whoa, Cartman,

00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,304

looks like you didn't

get much sleep last night.

00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,348

That's because I was having

these bogus nightmares.

00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,058

Really?

What about?

00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:46,101

Well, I dreamt that

I was lying in my bed,

00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,478

in the dark.

00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:49,230

When all of a sudden

00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:51,148

this bright blue light

filled the room.

00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,110

And slowly my bedroom

door began to open.

00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,862

And then the next thing

I remember,

00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,489

I was being drug

through a hallway.

00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,784

Then I was lying

on a table,

00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,411

and these scary aliens

wanted to operate on me.

00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,956

And they had big heads

and big black eyes.

00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,874

Dude, visitors.

- Totally.

00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,918

What?

- That wasn't a dream, Cartman.

00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,586

Those were visitors.

00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,004

No, it was just a dream.

My mom said so.

00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,673

Visitors are real.

- Yeah.

00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,258

They abduct people

and they mutilate cows.

00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,801

Oh, shut up, you guys,

00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:19,885

you're just trying

to make me scared.

00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,429

And it's not working.

00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:23,931

Hello there, children.

00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,474

Hey, Chef.

00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,976

What's gonna be

for lunch today, Chef?

00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:28,519

Well, today

it's Salisbury steak

00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:30,229

with buttered noodles

and a choice

00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:32,231

of green bean casserole

or vegetable medley.

00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:33,649

Kick ass.

00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,192

Say,

did any of you children

00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:36,610

see the alien spaceship

last night?

00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:38,153

Huh?

- Yeah, fat boy saw it.

00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,739

No, that--

that was just a dream.

00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,741

And I'm not fat.

I'm big boned.

00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,743

Oh, was it the ones

with the big long heads

00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,287

and the black eyes?

00:04:46,412 --> 00:04:47,871

Oh!

- They took him on their ship.

00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,374

Oh, did they give you

an anal probe?

00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,251

Oh!

- What's an anal probe?

00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,003

That's when they put

this big metal hoop-a-joop

00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:55,754

up your butt.

00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,506

Whoa, they gave you

an anal probe, Cartman?

00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,592

No, I mean...

why would they do that?

00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,052

Dude, they did, huh?

00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:03,345

Aliens stuck stuff up your ass.

00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,222

No.

- An probe.

00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:06,724

Shut up, dildo.

00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:08,267

Well, I got to get

to the cafeteria.

00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:09,852

You children watch

that fat boy, now.

00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,854

He could be under

alien control.

00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,443

We told you

they were real, Cartman.

00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,236

Sorry to hear

about your ass.

00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,280

God damn it, they didn't

do anything to my ass.

00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:23,157

It was just a dream.

00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:27,536

Why you walking

so funny, Cartman?

00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,038

Shut up.

00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:30,539

No, Ike, go home.

00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,875

This is it,

this one's for the game.

00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,877

Kick the baby.

00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,923

Good morning,

Miss Crabtree.

00:05:40,049 --> 00:05:42,176

Sit down,

we're running late!

00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:47,681

Damn it,

he's still there.

00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,308

Oh, don't worry about him.

00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,934

No, dude,

if something happens to him,

00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,394

my parents are

gonna blame me.

00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,688

Sit down back there!

Aah!

00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,815

Yeah, whatever,

you fat bitch.

00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,108

What did you say?

00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,651

I said I have a bad itch.

00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:00,819

Oh.

00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,739

Oh, my God!

00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,740

Visitors.

00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:09,453

Ike!

Stop the bus!

00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,830

Miss Crabtree,

you have to stop this bus.

00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,291

Do you want

an office referral?

00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:15,959

No.

- Then sit down!

00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:16,960

But I...

00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,466

Aah!

00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:26,637

Cartman, are those

the same visitors you saw?

00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:28,514

Shut up, you guys,

it's not working.

00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:29,973

We have to

do something.

00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:31,266

Well, we can't

do anything for now.

00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:32,601

That fat bitch won't let us.

00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,436

What did you say?

00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,563

I said that

rabbits eat lettuce.

00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:39,650

Oh.

Well, yes, they certainly do.

00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,028

What am I gonna do?

00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,947

My little brother's

been abducted by aliens.

00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,365

You farted.

00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,327

Somebody's baking brownies.

00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,168

That's the third cow

this month.

00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,712

At this rate,

all my cattle are gonna die

00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:02,256

before the winter's through.

00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,384

This is nothing

out of the unusual.

00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:09,096

Cows turn themselves

inside out all the time.

00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:12,474

People been saying they've

been seeing UFOs around.

00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,309

UFOs?

00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:17,688

Yeah, and black army

CIA helicopters and trucks.

00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:21,024

That's the silliest thing

I've ever heard.

00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:24,695

What was that?

00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,572

That--that was a pigeon.

00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,574

What am I supposed to do,

Barbrady?

00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:31,034

Just stand here

and watch my cattle

00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,870

get mutilated one by one?

00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,460

Hey, my cattle!

00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:44,381

You see?

00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,133

There is something

funny going on.

00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:47,968

There's nothing

funny going on.

00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,012

I'll get those cows back.

00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:53,974

And now, children,

00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,018

our friend Mr. Hat

is going to tell us

00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,811

about Christopher Columbus.

00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,730

That's right,

Mr. Garrison,

00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:02,608

Christopher Columbus

discovered America,

00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,943

and was the Indians'

best friend.

00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,446

He helped the Indians

win their war against

00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:08,989

Frederick Douglas,

00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,867

and freed the Hebrews

from Napoleon.

00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,327

And discovered France.

00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:14,995

Oh, man.

I can't just sit here.

00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,538

I have to help

my stupid brother.

00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:17,956

I'll come home

without him

00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,333

and my dad will

start yelling,

00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:21,293

"Where's your brother,

Kyle?

00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,128

You weren't looking out for

your little brother, Kyle."

00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,838

Okay, okay, let's

ditch school and go find him.

00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,006

"You know he can't think

on his own, Kyle.

00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,508

"Brush and floss, Kyle.

00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:28,926

Where has that

finger been, Kyle?"

00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:30,135

Dude.

00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,637

Is there a problem, boys?

00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,138

Yes, Mr. Garrison,

I have to go now.

00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:34,890

Oh really, Kyle?

00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,558

What is it this time,

another prostate tumor?

00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,769

No, my little brother's

been abducted by aliens.

00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,813

It's true.

Ask Cartman.

00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,732

They gave him an anal probe.

00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,109

That's a little joke.

00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:48,695

Mr. Garrison, seriously,

I have to go.

00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,697

Can I please be

excused from class?

00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,449

I don't know, Kyle.

Did you ask Mr. Hat?

00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:55,077

I don't want

to ask Mr. Hat!

00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,662

I'm asking you!

00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,413

Oh, I think

you should ask Mr. Hat.

00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,166

Mr. Hat, may I please

be excused from class?

00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,126

Well, Kyle, no.

00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,170

You hear me?

You go to hell.

00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,964

You go to hell

and you die.

00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:09,132

Hm, I guess you'll have to

take your seat, Kyle.

00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:10,467

Damn it.

00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,261

Ha-ha,

Mr. Hat yelled at you.

00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,596

Ow, my ass!

00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:15,931

Damn, Cartman.

00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,059

Ow, my ass!

00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:20,727

Dude, he's farting fire.

00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,354

It's the alien anal probe.

00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,356

It's shooting fire

from Cartman's rectum.

00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,358

No,

that was just a dream.

00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:27,943

Eric, do you need to

sit in the corner

00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,987

until your flaming gas

is under control?

00:09:30,112 --> 00:09:32,656

No, Mr. Garrison,

I'm fine.

00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,380

Hey, you cows can't

get on this train.

00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,257

This is a people train.

00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,509

You cows have no business

on a people train, all right?

00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,553

'cause you're cows.

00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:56,346

No, no, no.

00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:59,600

Don't try any of that cow

hypnosis on me, all right?

00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,226

'Cause it's not gonna work.

00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,061

Hold it right there,

cows.

00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,398

Come back here.

00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,822

Aah!

00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,907

Ooh.

I sure am hungry.

00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,909

How can you eat when

you're farting fire?

00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:20,621

Shut up, dude, you're

being totally immature.

00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,456

Hey, look,

there's Wendy Testaburger.

00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,541

Where?

00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:44,561

♪ Stan wants to kiss

Wendy Testaburger ♪

00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,563

Shut up, fat ass.

I don't even like her.

00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:49,107

I'm not fat and

you obviously like her

00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,068

because you throw up

every time she talks to you.

00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,444

I do not.

00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,488

- Hi, guys.

- Hi, Wendy.

00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,531

Here, Stan,

this is for you.

00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:57,908

Eww.

00:10:58,033 --> 00:10:59,368

Bye, Wendy.

00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,787

Dude, what does

the note say?

00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,497

Holy crap,

00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:05,457

it says she wants to

meet me at Stark's Pond

00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:06,917

after school.

00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,168

Whoa,

maybe you can kiss her.

00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,419

Or slip her the tongue.

00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:14,424

What, how do you

know she has a cat?

00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,263

Come on, you guys,

00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:21,848

we need to figure out

how to get out of school

00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,350

so we can get

my little brother back.

00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:24,976

- Hello there, children.

- Hey Chef.

00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,353

How are you doing?

- Bad.

00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:27,938

Why bad?

- Chef,

00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:29,189

have you ever had

something happen to you

00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,565

but nobody believed you?

00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:32,693

Oh, children, children.

00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,736

That's a problem

we've all had to face

00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,279

at some time or another.

00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,615

Here, let me sing you

a little song.

00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,575

It might clear things up.

00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:44,413

♪ I'm gonna make love

to you woman ♪

00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,958

♪ Gonna lay you down

by the fire ♪

00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,877

♪ And caress your

womanly body ♪

00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:54,339

♪ Make you moan

and perspire ♪

00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,966

♪ Gonna get ♪

- Uh, Chef?

00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,634

♪ Those juices flowing ♪

- Chef.

00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,553

♪ We're making love baby ♪

- Chef!

00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:01,805

♪ Love baby

love love love love baby ♪

00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:02,806

Chef!

00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,600

Huh?

00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,769

Do you feel better?

- No.

00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,938

Oh, come on, children,

what can be so bad?

00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,983

It's Salisbury steak day.

00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,609

Visitors took

Kyle's baby brother.

00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,194

What?

00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,029

What the hell do you

think you're doing

00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,573

in school eating

Salisbury steak?

00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:21,241

Go find him, damn it.

00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,617

Mr. Garrison won't

let us out of school.

00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:23,744

He thinks

we're making it up.

00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:25,162

You are making it up.

00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,543

Whoa.

00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,880

What?

- That was cool.

00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:38,049

It's some kind of symbionic

metamorphosis device.

00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:40,719

This can mean the visitors

want to communicate with us.

00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,471

Oh, I see.

00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,723

Now you're gonna join in

on the little joke, huh?

00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,726

It's no joke, children.

This is big.

00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,603

Please, Chef, if I don't

get out of school

00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:51,188

and get my brother back

from the aliens,

00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,773

my parents are

gonna disown me.

00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:54,775

Uh, hold on, now.

Hold on, now.

00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,651

You got to help

the children.

00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,987

Hey, you guys sure

are going a long way

00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,781

to try and scare me.

00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,365

I want my Salisbury steak!

00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,451

Fire drill,

fire drill.

00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:05,994

Everybody out.

00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,871

Okay, children,

this is your chance.

00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,706

Killer.

Thanks, Chef.

00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,584

Man, oh, man.

00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,878

First contact with

the alien visitors.

00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,505

I've got to

get myself ready.

00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,340

♪ We got out

of school ♪

00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,133

♪ No more

school today ♪

00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,635

♪ We got out of school ♪

00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,136

Oh, you guys!

00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,846

My ass, seriously!

00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,848

Okay, Cartman, you can stop

farting fire now.

00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,142

I would if I could,

you son of a bitch.

00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,311

Okay, so how do we get

my little brother back?

00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,314

Hey, would you stop going on

about your little brother?

00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,066

I know

it was just a dream.

00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,776

I know I didn't

have an anal probe.

00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:40,320

And I know that

I'm not under alien control.

00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:43,323

♪ I love to singa ♪

00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,741

♪ About the moona and the juna

and the springa ♪

00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:46,368

♪ I love to singa ♪

00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,204

♪ About a sky of blue

or tea for two ♪

00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:53,708

What the hell was that?

00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:54,960

He is under

alien control.

00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,253

That thing in his butt

00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,462

is linked up

to the visitors.

00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,005

Oh, son of a bitch.

00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:05,220

You guys shut up.

00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,180

I'm not under alien control.

00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,099

Hey, if you visitors

can hear me...

00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,517

Hey.

- Bring me back

00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:11,893

my little brother,

God damn it!

00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,521

Ow, that hurts,

you butt licker!

00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:15,897

Kyle, look, it's them.

00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,233

Give me back

my brother!

00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:25,073

Oh, my God,

they killed Kenny!

00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,533

You bastards!

00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,118

Come back here!

00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:29,703

Come back!

00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,955

Damn it!

We were so close.

00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,082

Hey, look,

I think Kenny's okay.

00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:37,878

Oh.

00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,262

Wow, poor Kenny.

00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,305

Now do you believe us,

Cartman?

00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:49,681

No.

00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:50,807

Cartman,

they killed Kenny.

00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:52,100

He's not dead.

00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,185

Dude, Kenny is dead.

00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:55,812

See?

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,022

Shut up, you guys.

00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,857

He's dead, Cartman.

00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,818

God damn it, I didn't

have an anal probe!

00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,820

Screw you guys.

I'm going home.

00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,114

Go on and go home,

you fat chicken.

00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,240

Dildo!

00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,160

You're all I have left,

Stan.

00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,870

Sorry, dude, I gotta

go meet Wendy Testaburger.

00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,372

You can't.

Poor Ike must be so scared.

00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:15,582

Up there all alone.

00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:16,791

You gotta help me dude.

00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:18,209

Dude, like Chef says,

00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,336

I gotta get

a piece of loving

00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:20,962

while the getting's hot.

00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,797

Rats.

00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:25,967

Hello, Eric.

00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,177

Hi, Mom.

00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,428

How are you doing?

00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,388

Well, I'm pissed off.

00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:34,267

Here, I made you powdered

donut pancake surprise.

00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:36,061

I don't want powdered

donut pancake surprise.

00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,938

All the kids in school

call me fat.

00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:40,148

You're not fat,

you're big boned.

00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,816

That's what I said.

00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:44,110

You can have an

eensy-weensy bit, can't you?

00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,445

No.

00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,197

Just a weensy-eensy

woo-woo?

00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,074

No, leave me alone, Mom.

00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,701

How about a nice chocolate

chicken pot pie then?

00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,996

But...well,

that sounds pretty good.

00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,373

Uh, Mom?

00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:57,832

Yes, hon?

00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,334

If anybody calls

or comes over,

00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,252

I'm not here, okay?

00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:02,671

Sure, hon.

00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,422

You want some

Cheesy Poofs too?

00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,007

Yeah,

I want Cheesy Poofs.

00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,137

Well, looks like she's

not gonna show up, Stan.

00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,639

Let's go look for

the visitors now.

00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:13,974

But her note said

she'd be here.

00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:15,600

Hi, Stan.

00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,018

Ew.

00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,103

You can't talk to Stan,

Wendy.

00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,104

He throws up when you do.

00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,605

But why, Stan?

00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,399

Ew.

00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:23,900

Look, could you guys

just get down to business

00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:24,901

so we can find

my little brother?

00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,444

Huh?

00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,029

Just make sweet love

down by the fire.

00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,823

What happened to

your little brother?

00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,825

As the reports of

UFO sightings increase,

00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,077

more mysterious crop circle

patterns are appearing

00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:36,037

in fields all around

South Park.

00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,039

These crop circles,

when viewed from above,

00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,583

form strange patterns.

00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:43,962

Hey, that kind of

looks like...Tom Selleck.

00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,672

Could it be that

aliens are trying to

00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,799

make contact with us,

here on Earth?

00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,472

No, kitty,

this is my pot pie.

00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,725

No, kitty, that's a bad kitty!

00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,227

No, kitty, this is my pot pie!

00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,897

Mom, kitty's being a dildo.

00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:05,984

Well, then I know

a certain kitty kitty

00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,570

who's sleeping

with Mommy tonight.

00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,780

What?

00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,407

And now I have to

go home without him,

00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,367

and my parents are

gonna have me killed.

00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:16,494

Well, why didn't you go

get the fat kid?

00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:18,538

Why?

- Well...

00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,458

if the fat kid has something

implanted in his ass,

00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:22,959

maybe the visitors

are using him

00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,461

as part of their plan.

00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,296

You should use

the fat kid as bait

00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:27,630

to bring them back.

00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,299

Hey,

you're right, Wendy.

00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:31,718

Come on, Stan, we have

to go get Cartman.

00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:32,719

Come on, Stan.

00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,304

Ew.

00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:35,597

Hey, wait.

00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,724

When do I get to

make sweet love?

00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,981

No, kitty,

you can't have any.

00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,359

No, kitty,

this is my pot pie!

00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:49,819

Bad kitty!

00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,446

Oh.

Excuse me, kitty.

00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:54,783

Eric, look who's here.

00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,576

Dude, weak, Mom.

00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:57,911

Come on, Eric, we're gonna

go play at the bus stop.

00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,496

I can't.

My mom says--

00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,914

That's okay, Eric.

00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,290

I think you need

to spend time

00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,000

with your little friends.

00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:05,627

But Mom, I don't want

to spend time with my...

00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,295

Don't be difficult, Eric.

00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,215

Now, you go out and play

in the fun snow.

00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,424

God damn it.

00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:16,137

You guys,

I have to get home.

00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:17,847

Don't be such

a fraidy cat, Cartman.

00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,390

This rope will make sure

00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,810

they can't take you

on board again.

00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,561

Oh, man, this sucks.

00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,230

How come the visitors

aren't coming for him?

00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:26,648

I think we have

to signal them somehow.

00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,775

Ow!

00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,069

Hey, he's like Rudolph.

00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,404

Yeah, all you have to do is

fart some more, Cartman,

00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:35,365

and the visitors

are sure to come.

00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,033

Really?

00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,536

Uh, I don't think I have

to fart anymore tonight.

00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:40,703

Sure you do.

00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:41,913

Come on, Cartman, fart.

00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,456

I don't wanna.

00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:44,874

He can't hold it in forever.

00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,334

Fart, damn you!

00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,294

Okay, that does it.

00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:49,629

Now, listen,

00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,214

why is it that

everything today

00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,049

has involved things

either going in

00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,510

or coming out

of my ass?

00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:56,845

I'm sick of it.

00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,429

It's completely immature.

00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,473

Hey, it's happening again.

00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:04,769

Whoa, look at that.

00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,104

Now do you believe us,

Cartman?

00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,772

You guys can't scare me.

00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,440

I know

you're making it all up.

00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,985

Cartman, there's

an 80-foot satellite dish

00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,736

sticking out of your ass.

00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,114

Sure, you guys.

Whatever.

00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,492

Oh, boy,

00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,870

the aliens are going

to make first contact.

00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,997

Hey, down here!

00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:27,167

We are ready

for your wisdom!

00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,127

And you only

got 20 minutes

00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:31,921

before "Sanford and Son"

is on.

00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,424

You guys,

I am seriously

00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:36,676

getting pissed off

right now!

00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:39,679

I know there's

no such thing as aliens!

00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:44,142

Oh, God damn it!

00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:46,060

What the--?

00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:49,063

I tell you, there's crazy stuff

going on in this town.

00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:52,108

You can say that again,

Mr. Garrison.

00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,944

Come down here,

you stinking aliens.

00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,572

Uh, uh...

00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,073

Go on, Kyle,

00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,283

ask them for

your little brother back.

00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,826

V-visitors,

00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,494

this morning

you took my brother, Ike.

00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:04,996

He's the little freckled kid

00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,581

that looks like a football.

00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,374

At first I was happy

you took him away.

00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:09,792

But I've learned

something today.

00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,336

That having

a little brother

00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,921

is a pretty special thing.

00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,714

Yeah.

- Aw, heck, Mr. Visitors,

00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,674

I'm just a kid all alone

in this crazy world.

00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,134

But if you can find it

in your hearts

00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,552

or whatever you have

00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,221

to give my brother

back to me,

00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,389

it sure would make

my life brighter again.

00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:25,099

That was beautiful, dude.

00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,142

Did it work?

00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,602

Nope, they're leaving.

00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,520

Hey,

you scrawny assed!

00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:31,356

What the is

wrong with you?

00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:32,941

You must be

some kind of

00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:34,651

to be able to ignore

a crying child!

00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,069

Whoa, dude.

00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:37,153

You know what

you like?

00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,405

You like to...

00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:44,661

Hey, Wendy,

what's a?

00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,916

Ike, jump down, now!

00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:52,919

For the love of God,

Ike, jump!

00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:54,504

Don't hurt me.

00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:03,513

Moo.

00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:12,397

Come on, Ike.

00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,524

I promise I'll be nice

to you from now on.

00:21:14,649 --> 00:21:15,942

Don't kick the baby.

00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,741

What the hell are

they talking about?

00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:33,293

Ike!

00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,635

Ike, do your impersonation

of David Caruso's career!

00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,137

It's my turn.

00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:59,152

You guys,

get me down from here!

00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:01,738

Help!

00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:02,989

Help!

00:22:03,114 --> 00:22:04,991

Sons a bitches!

00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:07,702

Dildo!

00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:10,038

Phew, I'm sure glad

that's over with.

00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,206

Yeah, boy, am I glad

to see you, Ike.

00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:14,542

Fly in the sky.

00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,085

Wait.

00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:17,962

Where are you going,

alien visitors?

00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:19,589

Come back.

00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:21,132

Well, Chef, where's

this amazing thing

00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:22,675

you were gonna show us?

00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,302

Well, it's in

the bedroom, ladies.

00:22:24,427 --> 00:22:25,303

Come on in.

00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:26,804

Come on, Ike,

00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:28,222

we can make it

just in time for dinner.

00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:29,223

Thanks for your help,

Wendy.

00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:30,433

Whatever, dude.

00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:31,934

Hey, I didn't throw up.

00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:32,935

Cool.

00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:42,028

Ew.

00:22:42,153 --> 00:22:44,364

Sorry.

- Hey, look, a French fry.

00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:46,449

Cool.

- And what is that?

00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:47,700

I think it's part

of a Cheesy Poof.

00:22:47,825 --> 00:22:49,535

Hey, what's that?

00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:51,579

♪ I'm gonna make love ♪

- That's a hamburger.

00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:52,830

That's from like two days ago.

- ♪ To you woman ♪

00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:54,332

Well, hey, what about that?

00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:55,458

I don't know what

the hell that is.

00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:01,089

Gee, the bus will

be here any minute.

00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:02,673

And Cartman still

isn't around.

00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:04,509

Yeah, we're running

out of friends.

00:23:04,634 --> 00:23:05,885

I wonder what

that thing was

00:23:06,010 --> 00:23:07,387

that the visitors

gave the cows?

00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,101

Ha-ha, cows,

I got you cornered.

00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:15,478

Let's see you

get away now.

00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:18,731

♪ I love to singa ♪

00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:20,650

♪ About the moona and the juna

and the springa ♪

00:23:20,775 --> 00:23:22,402

♪ I love to singa ♪

00:23:22,527 --> 00:23:24,779

♪ About a sky of blue

or tea for two ♪

00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:27,240

Oh, hey, Cartman.

00:23:27,365 --> 00:23:28,616

Wow, Cartman.

00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:29,909

The visitors

dropped you off

00:23:30,034 --> 00:23:30,910

just in time

to go to school.

00:23:31,035 --> 00:23:32,412

Oh, man,

00:23:32,537 --> 00:23:33,996

I had this crazy

nightmare last night.

00:23:34,122 --> 00:23:35,540

Really?

What about?

00:23:35,665 --> 00:23:37,917

Well, I was standing

out in a field

00:23:38,042 --> 00:23:40,378

and I had

this huge satellite dish

00:23:40,503 --> 00:23:42,130

sticking out of my butt.

00:23:42,255 --> 00:23:44,465

And then there was

hundreds of cows and aliens

00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,467

and then

I went up on the ship

00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:48,386

and Scott Baio

gave me pink eye.

00:23:48,511 --> 00:23:49,470

That wasn't a dream,

Cartman.

00:23:49,595 --> 00:23:50,596

That really happened.

00:23:50,721 --> 00:23:51,931

Oh, right.

00:23:52,056 --> 00:23:53,433

Why don't I have

pink eye then?

00:23:53,558 --> 00:23:55,268

Cartman,

you do have pink eye.

00:23:55,393 --> 00:23:57,645

Oh, son of a bitch.

00:00:03,713 --> 00:00:05,464

with the creators of

Comedy Central's "South Park, "

00:00:05,589 --> 00:00:07,883

Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:10,845

[gentle music]

00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,725

Hi, I'm Trey Parker.

- And I'm Matt Stone.

00:00:15,850 --> 00:00:18,019

And this here's ole Scratch.

Say hi, ole fellow.

00:00:18,144 --> 00:00:19,645

We do a show called

"South Park."

00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:21,647

[both laugh softly]

00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:23,941

[male voice] Matt and Trey, tell us

a little bit about yourselves.

00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,861

Well, I-I met Matthew

at the University of Colorado

00:00:26,986 --> 00:00:28,654

where I was

going to film school.

00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:31,615

I actually met him

in Beginning Filmmaking class.

00:00:31,741 --> 00:00:34,243

I met him and found someone

who could make me laugh,

00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,120

even when I felt like crying.

00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:40,833

[male voice] Guys, who would you say

are your role models?

00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:43,335

Well, I'd have to say

my biggest role model

00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:44,628

is Matt.

00:00:44,754 --> 00:00:46,130

I guess I'd have to say mine

00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:48,382

is Theodore Roosevelt,

for his work

00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:50,634

with the Rough Riders

in the Spanish American War.

00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,928

[male voice] Matt and Trey,

tell us about this episode.

00:00:53,054 --> 00:00:55,097

This episode is called

"Cartman Gets an Anal Probe,"

00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:57,099

and it's our favorite episode.

00:00:57,224 --> 00:01:00,019

In it, Kyle's baby brother Ike

gets abducted by aliens,

00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:03,064

and Cartman has strange things

implanted in his ass.

00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:04,899

I think that the reason

this episode is--

00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:06,859

well, ole Scratch's favorite,

anyway,

00:01:06,984 --> 00:01:08,486

is because it's

the only episode that

00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:11,280

Matt and I animated

completely by ourselves.

00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,532

You see,

this was the pilot episode,

00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,451

done before we had a series.

00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,787

So Matt and I had to do

the whole thing by ourselves.

00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,789

For several months,

we were locked into

00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:22,541

a cold, dark, little room

00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:25,044

for long periods of time.

00:01:25,169 --> 00:01:28,130

[male voice] You know, that "Kick the

Baby" game looks like fun.

00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:29,799

Have you guys ever

played it personally?

00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:32,218

Well, neither

Trey or I have children.

00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:33,886

That's right,

the only family we have

00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,222

is each other

and ole Scratch here.

00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:39,892

We're not married yet.

- We can't even get dates.

00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,103

But the truth is,

until we have children,

00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:44,480

we're not gonna know whether

or not we're gonna kick them.

00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,650

[male voice] You guys seem to write

alien encounter material

00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,027

with a certain, uh, knowledge.

00:01:50,152 --> 00:01:53,781

Have either of you

actually ever been abducted?

00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:57,660

Trey, it's okay.

00:01:57,785 --> 00:01:59,995

Go ahead and tell.

00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,914

I grew up very near

to South Park,

00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:04,542

and so I was abducted

when I was a small child.

00:02:04,667 --> 00:02:06,168

I remember the experience.

00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,379

I remember how horrible it was.

00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:10,673

I remember too much.

00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,802

So sit back, relax, and enjoy

00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,554

"Cartman Gets an Anal Probe."

00:02:16,679 --> 00:02:18,222

[gentle music]

00:02:25,354 --> 00:02:28,691

[twangy music]

00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,192

♪ I'm going down

to South Park ♪

00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:32,194

♪ Gonna have

myself a time ♪

00:02:32,319 --> 00:02:33,904

all: ♪ Friendly faces

everywhere ♪

00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:35,447

♪ Humble folks

without temptation ♪

00:02:35,573 --> 00:02:36,907

- ♪ Going down

to South Park ♪

00:02:37,032 --> 00:02:38,742

♪ Gonna leave my

woes behind ♪

00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:40,452

- ♪ Ample parking

day or night ♪

00:02:40,578 --> 00:02:41,954

♪ People spouting:

"Howdy neighbor!" ♪

00:02:42,079 --> 00:02:43,455

- ♪ Headed on up

to South Park ♪

00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:45,207

♪ Gonna see if

I can't unwind ♪

00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:48,377

- [singing indistinctly]

00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,879

- ♪ So come on down

to South Park ♪

00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:51,672

♪ And meet some

friends of mine ♪

00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:55,217

all: ♪ School days

school days teachers... ♪

00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,178

Ah, damn it, my little

brother's trying to follow me

00:02:57,303 --> 00:02:59,597

to school again.

- [babbling]

00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:01,932

Ike, you can't come

to school with me.

00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:04,018

[babbling]

- Yeah, go home,

00:03:04,143 --> 00:03:05,603

you little dildo.

00:03:05,728 --> 00:03:07,104

Dude, don't call

my brother a dildo.

00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:09,315

What's a dildo?

- I don't know.

00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:10,941

And I'll bet Cartman

doesn't know either.

00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:12,359

I know what it means.

00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,986

Well, what?

00:03:14,111 --> 00:03:15,821

I'm not telling you.

00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:16,989

- What's a dildo, Kenny?

00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:19,325

- [mumbling]

00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,285

[laughter]

00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:23,913

Yeah, that's what Kyle's

little brother is, all right.

00:03:24,038 --> 00:03:25,414

[cries]

- Ow.

00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,416

[laughs]

- Dude, that kicks ass.

00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:28,834

Yeah, check this one out.

00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,544

Ready, Ike?

Kick the baby.

00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:31,962

Don't kick the baby.

00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:33,172

Kick the baby.

00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:34,298

Aah!

00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:36,592

[yawns]

00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,385

Whoa, Cartman,

00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,304

looks like you didn't

get much sleep last night.

00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:42,348

That's because I was having

these bogus nightmares.

00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:44,058

Really?

What about?

00:03:44,183 --> 00:03:46,101

Well, I dreamt that

I was lying in my bed,

00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:47,478

in the dark.

00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:49,230

When all of a sudden

00:03:49,355 --> 00:03:51,148

this bright blue light

filled the room.

00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:52,983

[ship whirring]

00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,110

And slowly my bedroom

door began to open.

00:03:55,236 --> 00:03:56,862

And then the next thing

I remember,

00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,489

I was being drug

through a hallway.

00:03:58,614 --> 00:03:59,949

[whines]

00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,784

Then I was lying

on a table,

00:04:01,909 --> 00:04:04,411

and these scary aliens

wanted to operate on me.

00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:06,956

And they had big heads

and big black eyes.

00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,874

Dude, visitors.

- Totally.

00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,918

What?

- That wasn't a dream, Cartman.

00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,586

Those were visitors.

00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,004

No, it was just a dream.

My mom said so.

00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,673

Visitors are real.

- Yeah.

00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:17,258

They abduct people

and they mutilate cows.

00:04:17,383 --> 00:04:18,801

Oh, shut up, you guys,

00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:19,885

you're just trying

to make me scared.

00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:22,429

And it's not working.

00:04:22,554 --> 00:04:23,931

Hello there, children.

00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,474

all: Hey, Chef.

00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:26,976

What's gonna be

for lunch today, Chef?

00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:28,519

Well, today

it's Salisbury steak

00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:30,229

with buttered noodles

and a choice

00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:32,231

of green bean casserole

or vegetable medley.

00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:33,649

Kick ass.

00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,192

Say,

did any of you children

00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:36,610

see the alien spaceship

last night?

00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:38,153

Huh?

- Yeah, fat boy saw it.

00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,739

No, that--

that was just a dream.

00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,741

And I'm not fat.

I'm big boned.

00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,743

Oh, was it the ones

with the big long heads

00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:46,287

and the black eyes?

00:04:46,412 --> 00:04:47,871

Oh!

- They took him on their ship.

00:04:47,997 --> 00:04:50,374

Oh, did they give you

an anal probe?

00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,251

Oh!

- What's an anal probe?

00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,003

That's when they put

this big metal hoop-a-joop

00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:55,754

up your butt.

00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:57,506

Whoa, they gave you

an anal probe, Cartman?

00:04:57,631 --> 00:05:00,592

No, I mean...

why would they do that?

00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,052

Dude, they did, huh?

00:05:02,177 --> 00:05:03,345

Aliens stuck stuff up your ass.

00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,222

No.

- An probe.

00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:06,724

Shut up, dildo.

00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:08,267

Well, I got to get

to the cafeteria.

00:05:08,392 --> 00:05:09,852

You children watch

that fat boy, now.

00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,854

He could be under

alien control.

00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,231

[eerie music]

00:05:14,356 --> 00:05:15,983

[hip-hop playing]

00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:17,443

We told you

they were real, Cartman.

00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:19,236

Sorry to hear

about your ass.

00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,280

God damn it, they didn't

do anything to my ass.

00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:23,157

It was just a dream.

00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:27,536

Why you walking

so funny, Cartman?

00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,038

Shut up.

- [babbles]

00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:30,539

No, Ike, go home.

- [squeals]

00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,875

This is it,

this one's for the game.

00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,877

[babbles]

- Kick the baby.

00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:38,380

[laughs]

00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,923

Good morning,

Miss Crabtree.

00:05:40,049 --> 00:05:42,176

Sit down,

we're running late!

00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:47,681

Damn it,

he's still there.

00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,308

Oh, don't worry about him.

00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,934

No, dude,

if something happens to him,

00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:52,394

my parents are

gonna blame me.

00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,688

Sit down back there!

Aah!

00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:56,815

Yeah, whatever,

you fat bitch.

00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,108

What did you say?

00:05:58,233 --> 00:05:59,651

I said I have a bad itch.

00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:00,819

Oh.

00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,739

[gasps]

Oh, my God!

00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,740

Visitors.

00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,200

[mumbling]

00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:09,453

Ike!

Stop the bus!

00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,830

Miss Crabtree,

you have to stop this bus.

00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:14,291

Do you want

an office referral?

00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:15,959

No.

- Then sit down!

00:06:16,085 --> 00:06:16,960

But I...

00:06:17,086 --> 00:06:20,172

[both screaming]

00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:22,466

Aah!

00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:26,637

Cartman, are those

the same visitors you saw?

00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:28,514

Shut up, you guys,

it's not working.

00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:29,973

We have to

do something.

00:06:30,099 --> 00:06:31,266

Well, we can't

do anything for now.

00:06:31,392 --> 00:06:32,601

That fat bitch won't let us.

00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,436

What did you say?

00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,563

I said that

rabbits eat lettuce.

00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:39,650

Oh.

Well, yes, they certainly do.

00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:41,402

[children groan]

00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:43,028

What am I gonna do?

00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,947

My little brother's

been abducted by aliens.

00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,365

[farts]

You farted.

00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,075

[laughter]

00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,327

Somebody's baking brownies.

00:06:50,452 --> 00:06:53,330

[twangy music]

00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:55,082

♪♪

00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,168

That's the third cow

this month.

00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,712

At this rate,

all my cattle are gonna die

00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:02,256

before the winter's through.

00:07:02,381 --> 00:07:03,757

[cows moo curiously]

00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,384

This is nothing

out of the unusual.

00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:09,096

Cows turn themselves

inside out all the time.

00:07:09,221 --> 00:07:12,474

People been saying they've

been seeing UFOs around.

00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,309

UFOs?

[laughs]

00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:17,688

Yeah, and black army

CIA helicopters and trucks.

00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:21,024

That's the silliest thing

I've ever heard.

00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:24,695

What was that?

00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,572

That--that was a pigeon.

00:07:26,697 --> 00:07:28,574

What am I supposed to do,

Barbrady?

00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:31,034

Just stand here

and watch my cattle

00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,870

get mutilated one by one?

00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:36,123

[whistling]

00:07:36,248 --> 00:07:37,291

[cows mooing excitedly]

00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:39,460

Hey, my cattle!

00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:42,880

[mooing continues]

00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:44,381

You see?

00:07:44,506 --> 00:07:46,133

There is something

funny going on.

00:07:46,258 --> 00:07:47,968

There's nothing

funny going on.

00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,012

I'll get those cows back.

00:07:52,473 --> 00:07:53,974

And now, children,

00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:56,018

our friend Mr. Hat

is going to tell us

00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,811

about Christopher Columbus.

00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,730

That's right,

Mr. Garrison,

00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:02,608

Christopher Columbus

discovered America,

00:08:02,733 --> 00:08:04,943

and was the Indians'

best friend.

00:08:05,068 --> 00:08:07,446

He helped the Indians

win their war against

00:08:07,571 --> 00:08:08,989

Frederick Douglas,

00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:11,867

and freed the Hebrews

from Napoleon.

00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,327

And discovered France.

00:08:13,452 --> 00:08:14,995

Oh, man.

I can't just sit here.

00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,538

I have to help

my stupid brother.

00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:17,956

I'll come home

without him

00:08:18,081 --> 00:08:19,333

and my dad will

start yelling,

00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:21,293

"Where's your brother,

Kyle?

00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,128

You weren't looking out for

your little brother, Kyle."

00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,838

Okay, okay, let's

ditch school and go find him.

00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,006

"You know he can't think

on his own, Kyle.

00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,508

"Brush and floss, Kyle.

00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:28,926

Where has that

finger been, Kyle?"

00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:30,135

Dude.

00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,637

Is there a problem, boys?

00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:33,138

Yes, Mr. Garrison,

I have to go now.

00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:34,890

Oh really, Kyle?

00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,558

What is it this time,

another prostate tumor?

00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:38,769

No, my little brother's

been abducted by aliens.

00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,813

It's true.

Ask Cartman.

00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,732

They gave him an anal probe.

00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,109

[laughs sheepishly, stammers]

That's a little joke.

00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:48,695

Mr. Garrison, seriously,

I have to go.

00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,697

Can I please be

excused from class?

00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,449

I don't know, Kyle.

Did you ask Mr. Hat?

00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:55,077

I don't want

to ask Mr. Hat!

00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,662

I'm asking you!

00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,413

Oh, I think

you should ask Mr. Hat.

00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,166

Mr. Hat, may I please

be excused from class?

00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:03,126

Well, Kyle, no.

00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:05,170

You hear me?

You go to hell.

00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:06,964

You go to hell

and you die.

00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:09,132

Hm, I guess you'll have to

take your seat, Kyle.

00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:10,467

Damn it.

00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:12,261

Ha-ha,

Mr. Hat yelled at you.

00:09:12,386 --> 00:09:14,596

[farts violently]

Ow, my ass!

00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:15,931

Damn, Cartman.

00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,224

[farting violently]

00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,059

Ow, my ass!

00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:20,727

Dude, he's farting fire.

00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,354

It's the alien anal probe.

00:09:22,479 --> 00:09:24,356

It's shooting fire

from Cartman's rectum.

00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:26,358

No,

that was just a dream.

00:09:26,483 --> 00:09:27,943

Eric, do you need to

sit in the corner

00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:29,987

until your flaming gas

is under control?

00:09:30,112 --> 00:09:32,656

No, Mr. Garrison,

I'm fine.

00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:34,199

[farts violently]

00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:35,742

[screaming]

00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:42,416

[twangy music]

00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:45,961

♪♪

00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,380

Hey, you cows can't

get on this train.

00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,257

This is a people train.

00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,509

You cows have no business

on a people train, all right?

00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,553

'cause you're cows.

00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:56,346

No, no, no.

00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:59,600

Don't try any of that cow

hypnosis on me, all right?

00:09:59,725 --> 00:10:01,226

'Cause it's not gonna work.

00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,061

Hold it right there,

cows.

00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:04,396

[cows mooing]

00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,398

Come back here.

[exclaims]

00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:11,486

[indistinct chatter]

00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:13,822

[farts violently]

Aah!

00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,907

Ooh.

I sure am hungry.

00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:17,909

How can you eat when

you're farting fire?

00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:20,621

Shut up, dude, you're

being totally immature.

00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,456

Hey, look,

there's Wendy Testaburger.

00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:24,541

[gasps]

Where?

00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:27,544

[romantic music]

00:10:27,669 --> 00:10:34,551

♪♪

00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:44,561

♪ Stan wants to kiss

Wendy Testaburger ♪

00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,563

Shut up, fat ass.

I don't even like her.

00:10:46,688 --> 00:10:49,107

I'm not fat and

you obviously like her

00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,068

because you throw up

every time she talks to you.

00:10:51,193 --> 00:10:52,444

I do not.

00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:54,488

Hi, guys.

all: Hi, Wendy.

00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:56,531

Here, Stan,

this is for you.

00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:57,908

[vomits]

- Eww.

00:10:58,033 --> 00:10:59,368

all: Bye, Wendy.

00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:01,787

Dude, what does

the note say?

00:11:01,912 --> 00:11:03,497

Holy crap,

00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:05,457

it says she wants to

meet me at Stark's Pond

00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:06,917

after school.

00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,168

Whoa,

maybe you can kiss her.

00:11:08,293 --> 00:11:09,419

Or slip her the tongue.

00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:11,463

[mumbling]

00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:14,424

What, how do you

know she has a cat?

00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:18,595

[laughter]

00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,263

Come on, you guys,

00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:21,848

we need to figure out

how to get out of school

00:11:21,973 --> 00:11:23,350

so we can get

my little brother back.

00:11:23,475 --> 00:11:24,976

Hello there, children.

all: Hey Chef.

00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,353

How are you doing?

- Bad.

00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:27,938

Why bad?

- Chef,

00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:29,189

have you ever had

something happen to you

00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,565

but nobody believed you?

00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:32,693

Oh, children, children.

00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,736

That's a problem

we've all had to face

00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,279

at some time or another.

00:11:36,405 --> 00:11:38,615

Here, let me sing you

a little song.

00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,575

It might clear things up.

00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:44,413

♪ I'm gonna make love

to you woman ♪

00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:47,958

♪ Gonna lay you down

by the fire ♪

00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:50,877

♪ And caress your

womanly body ♪

00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:54,339

♪ Make you moan

and perspire ♪

00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,966

♪ Gonna get ♪

- Uh, Chef?

00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,634

♪ Those juices flowing ♪

- Chef.

00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,553

♪ We're making love baby ♪

- Chef!

00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:01,805

♪ Love baby

love love love love baby ♪

00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:02,806

Chef!

00:12:02,931 --> 00:12:05,600

Huh?

00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,769

Do you feel better?

- No.

00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,938

Oh, come on, children,

what can be so bad?

00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:12,983

It's Salisbury steak day.

00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,609

Visitors took

Kyle's baby brother.

00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,194

What?

[items clattering]

00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:18,029

What the hell do you

think you're doing

00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:19,573

in school eating

Salisbury steak?

00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:21,241

Go find him, damn it.

00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,617

Mr. Garrison won't

let us out of school.

00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:23,744

He thinks

we're making it up.

00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:25,162

You are making it up.

00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:26,246

[farts violently]

00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:30,125

[mechanical whirring]

00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:31,543

Whoa.

00:12:33,128 --> 00:12:34,880

What?

- That was cool.

00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:38,049

It's some kind of symbionic

metamorphosis device.

00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:40,719

This can mean the visitors

want to communicate with us.

00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:42,471

Oh, I see.

00:12:42,596 --> 00:12:44,723

Now you're gonna join in

on the little joke, huh?

00:12:44,848 --> 00:12:47,726

It's no joke, children.

This is big.

00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,603

Please, Chef, if I don't

get out of school

00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:51,188

and get my brother back

from the aliens,

00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:52,773

my parents are

gonna disown me.

00:12:52,898 --> 00:12:54,775

Uh, hold on, now.

Hold on, now.

00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:56,651

You got to help

the children.

00:12:56,777 --> 00:12:58,987

Hey, you guys sure

are going a long way

00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,781

to try and scare me.

00:13:00,906 --> 00:13:02,365

I want my Salisbury steak!

00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,451

Fire drill,

fire drill.

00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:05,994

Everybody out.

00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,871

Okay, children,

this is your chance.

00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,706

Killer.

Thanks, Chef.

00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:10,916

[alarm blaring]

00:13:11,041 --> 00:13:12,584

Man, oh, man.

00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:14,878

First contact with

the alien visitors.

00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:16,505

I've got to

get myself ready.

00:13:16,630 --> 00:13:18,340

all: ♪ We got out

of school ♪

00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,133

♪ No more

school today ♪

00:13:20,258 --> 00:13:21,635

♪ We got out of school ♪

00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,136

[farts violently]

Oh, you guys!

00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,846

My ass, seriously!

00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:26,848

Okay, Cartman, you can stop

farting fire now.

00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,142

I would if I could,

you son of a bitch.

00:13:29,267 --> 00:13:31,311

Okay, so how do we get

my little brother back?

00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:34,314

Hey, would you stop going on

about your little brother?

00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,066

I know

it was just a dream.

00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:37,776

I know I didn't

have an anal probe.

00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:40,320

And I know that

I'm not under alien control.

00:13:40,445 --> 00:13:41,488

[radio static]

00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:43,323

♪ I love to singa ♪

00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,741

♪ About the moona and the juna

and the springa ♪

00:13:44,866 --> 00:13:46,368

♪ I love to singa ♪

00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,204

♪ About a sky of blue

or tea for two ♪

00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:50,330

[radio static]

00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:53,708

What the hell was that?

00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:54,960

He is under

alien control.

00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,253

That thing in his butt

00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:57,462

is linked up

to the visitors.

00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,005

Oh, son of a bitch.

00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:05,220

You guys shut up.

00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,180

I'm not under alien control.

00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:09,099

Hey, if you visitors

can hear me...

00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:10,517

Hey.

- Bring me back

00:14:10,642 --> 00:14:11,893

my little brother,

God damn it!

00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,521

Ow, that hurts,

you butt licker!

00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:15,897

Kyle, look, it's them.

00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,233

Give me back

my brother!

00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,277

[dramatic music]

00:14:20,402 --> 00:14:22,487

[muffled groan]

00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:25,073

Oh, my God,

they killed Kenny!

00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,533

You bastards!

00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,118

Come back here!

00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:29,703

Come back!

00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,955

Damn it!

We were so close.

00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,082

Hey, look,

I think Kenny's okay.

00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:35,375

[mumbling]

00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:36,459

[cows mooing]

00:14:36,585 --> 00:14:37,878

Oh.

00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:40,797

[mumbling]

00:14:40,922 --> 00:14:42,173

[siren wailing]

00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:45,510

[solemn music]

00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,262

Wow, poor Kenny.

00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:48,305

Now do you believe us,

Cartman?

00:14:48,430 --> 00:14:49,681

No.

00:14:49,806 --> 00:14:50,807

Cartman,

they killed Kenny.

00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:52,100

He's not dead.

00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,185

Dude, Kenny is dead.

00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:55,812

See?

00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,022

Shut up, you guys.

00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,857

He's dead, Cartman.

00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,818

God damn it, I didn't

have an anal probe!

00:15:01,943 --> 00:15:03,820

Screw you guys.

I'm going home.

00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,114

Go on and go home,

you fat chicken.

00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:07,240

Dildo!

00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,160

You're all I have left,

Stan.

00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,870

Sorry, dude, I gotta

go meet Wendy Testaburger.

00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,372

You can't.

Poor Ike must be so scared.

00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:15,582

Up there all alone.

00:15:15,707 --> 00:15:16,791

You gotta help me dude.

00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:18,209

Dude, like Chef says,

00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:19,336

I gotta get

a piece of loving

00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:20,962

while the getting's hot.

00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:22,797

Rats.

00:15:22,923 --> 00:15:24,674

[bright music]

00:15:24,799 --> 00:15:25,967

Hello, Eric.

00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,177

Hi, Mom.

00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,428

How are you doing?

00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:30,388

Well, I'm pissed off.

00:15:30,513 --> 00:15:34,267

Here, I made you powdered

donut pancake surprise.

00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:36,061

I don't want powdered

donut pancake surprise.

00:15:36,186 --> 00:15:37,938

All the kids in school

call me fat.

00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:40,148

You're not fat,

you're big boned.

00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,816

That's what I said.

00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:44,110

You can have an

eensy-weensy bit, can't you?

00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,445

No.

00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,197

Just a weensy-eensy

woo-woo?

00:15:47,322 --> 00:15:49,074

No, leave me alone, Mom.

00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,701

How about a nice chocolate

chicken pot pie then?

00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,996

But...well,

that sounds pretty good.

00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,373

Uh, Mom?

00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:57,832

Yes, hon?

00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,334

If anybody calls

or comes over,

00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,252

I'm not here, okay?

00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:02,671

Sure, hon.

00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,422

You want some

Cheesy Poofs too?

00:16:04,547 --> 00:16:06,007

Yeah,

I want Cheesy Poofs.

00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,137

Well, looks like she's

not gonna show up, Stan.

00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:12,639

Let's go look for

the visitors now.

00:16:12,764 --> 00:16:13,974

But her note said

she'd be here.

00:16:14,099 --> 00:16:15,600

Hi, Stan.

00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:17,018

[vomits]

- Ew.

00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,103

You can't talk to Stan,

Wendy.

00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,104

He throws up when you do.

00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:20,605

But why, Stan?

00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,399

[vomits]

- Ew.

00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:23,900

Look, could you guys

just get down to business

00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:24,901

so we can find

my little brother?

00:16:25,026 --> 00:16:26,444

Huh?

00:16:26,569 --> 00:16:28,029

Just make sweet love

down by the fire.

00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,823

What happened to

your little brother?

00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,825

As the reports of

UFO sightings increase,

00:16:31,950 --> 00:16:34,077

more mysterious crop circle

patterns are appearing

00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:36,037

in fields all around

South Park.

00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,039

These crop circles,

when viewed from above,

00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,583

form strange patterns.

00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:43,962

Hey, that kind of

looks like...Tom Selleck.

00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,672

Could it be that

aliens are trying to

00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,799

make contact with us,

here on Earth?

00:16:49,259 --> 00:16:50,719

[meows]

00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,472

No, kitty,

this is my pot pie.

00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,725

[meows]

No, kitty, that's a bad kitty!

00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,227

[meows]

No, kitty, this is my pot pie!

00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:02,897

[hisses]

Mom, kitty's being a dildo.

00:17:03,023 --> 00:17:05,984

Well, then I know

a certain kitty kitty

00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,570

who's sleeping

with Mommy tonight.

00:17:08,695 --> 00:17:10,780

What?

00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:12,407

And now I have to

go home without him,

00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,367

and my parents are

gonna have me killed.

00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:16,494

Well, why didn't you go

get the fat kid?

00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:18,538

Why?

- Well...

00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:21,458

if the fat kid has something

implanted in his ass,

00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:22,959

maybe the visitors

are using him

00:17:23,084 --> 00:17:24,461

as part of their plan.

00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,296

You should use

the fat kid as bait

00:17:26,421 --> 00:17:27,630

to bring them back.

00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:29,299

Hey,

you're right, Wendy.

00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:31,718

Come on, Stan, we have

to go get Cartman.

00:17:31,843 --> 00:17:32,719

Come on, Stan.

- [vomits]

00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,304

Ew.

00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:35,597

Hey, wait.

00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,724

When do I get to

make sweet love?

00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,395

[meows]

00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:44,981

No, kitty,

you can't have any.

00:17:45,106 --> 00:17:46,399

[meows]

00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:48,359

No, kitty,

this is my pot pie!

00:17:48,485 --> 00:17:49,819

[farts violently]

Bad kitty!

00:17:49,944 --> 00:17:51,446

Oh.

Excuse me, kitty.

00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,198

[glass shatters]

00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:54,783

Eric, look who's here.

00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,576

Dude, weak, Mom.

00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:57,911

Come on, Eric, we're gonna

go play at the bus stop.

00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,496

I can't.

My mom says--

00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:00,914

That's okay, Eric.

00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,290

I think you need

to spend time

00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:04,000

with your little friends.

00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:05,627

But Mom, I don't want

to spend time with my...

00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,295

Don't be difficult, Eric.

00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,215

Now, you go out and play

in the fun snow.

00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,424

God damn it.

00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:12,550

[meows]

00:18:14,094 --> 00:18:16,137

You guys,

I have to get home.

00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:17,847

Don't be such

a fraidy cat, Cartman.

00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,390

This rope will make sure

00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:21,810

they can't take you

on board again.

00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,561

Oh, man, this sucks.

00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,230

How come the visitors

aren't coming for him?

00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:26,648

I think we have

to signal them somehow.

00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,775

[farts violently]

Ow!

00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:31,069

Hey, he's like Rudolph.

00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:33,404

Yeah, all you have to do is

fart some more, Cartman,

00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:35,365

and the visitors

are sure to come.

00:18:35,490 --> 00:18:37,033

Really?

00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:39,536

Uh, I don't think I have

to fart anymore tonight.

00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:40,703

Sure you do.

00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:41,913

Come on, Cartman, fart.

00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,456

I don't wanna.

00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:44,874

He can't hold it in forever.

00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,334

Fart, damn you!

00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:48,294

Okay, that does it.

00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:49,629

Now, listen,

00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,214

why is it that

everything today

00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:53,049

has involved things

either going in

00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:55,510

or coming out

of my ass?

00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:56,845

[farts violently]

I'm sick of it.

00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:58,429

It's completely immature.

00:18:58,555 --> 00:19:00,473

Hey, it's happening again.

00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:02,809

[mechanical whirring]

00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:04,769

Whoa, look at that.

00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,104

Now do you believe us,

Cartman?

00:19:06,229 --> 00:19:07,772

You guys can't scare me.

00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:09,440

I know

you're making it all up.

00:19:09,566 --> 00:19:11,985

Cartman, there's

an 80-foot satellite dish

00:19:12,110 --> 00:19:13,736

sticking out of your ass.

00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,114

Sure, you guys.

Whatever.

00:19:16,239 --> 00:19:17,824

[satellite pinging]

00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,492

Oh, boy,

00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,870

the aliens are going

to make first contact.

00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,997

Hey, down here!

00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:27,167

We are ready

for your wisdom!

00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,127

And you only

got 20 minutes

00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:31,921

before "Sanford and Son"

is on.

00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,424

You guys,

I am seriously

00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:36,676

getting pissed off

right now!

00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:39,679

I know there's

no such thing as aliens!

00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:44,142

Oh, God damn it!

00:19:44,267 --> 00:19:46,060

What the--?

00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:49,063

I tell you, there's crazy stuff

going on in this town.

00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:52,108

You can say that again,

Mr. Garrison.

00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,944

Come down here,

you stinking aliens.

00:19:55,069 --> 00:19:56,571

[eerie music]

00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,572

Uh, uh...

00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,073

Go on, Kyle,

00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,283

ask them for

your little brother back.

00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:01,826

V-visitors,

00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,494

this morning

you took my brother, Ike.

00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:04,996

He's the little freckled kid

00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,581

that looks like a football.

00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,374

At first I was happy

you took him away.

00:20:08,499 --> 00:20:09,792

But I've learned

something today.

00:20:09,918 --> 00:20:11,336

That having

a little brother

00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:12,921

is a pretty special thing.

00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,714

Yeah.

- Aw, heck, Mr. Visitors,

00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,674

I'm just a kid all alone

in this crazy world.

00:20:16,799 --> 00:20:18,134

But if you can find it

in your hearts

00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:19,552

or whatever you have

00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,221

to give my brother

back to me,

00:20:21,346 --> 00:20:23,389

it sure would make

my life brighter again.

00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:25,099

That was beautiful, dude.

00:20:25,225 --> 00:20:26,142

Did it work?

00:20:26,267 --> 00:20:27,602

Nope, they're leaving.

00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,520

Hey,

you scrawny assed [bleep]!

00:20:29,646 --> 00:20:31,356

What the [bleep] is

wrong with you?

00:20:31,481 --> 00:20:32,941

You must be

some kind of [bleep]

00:20:33,066 --> 00:20:34,651

to be able to ignore

a crying child!

00:20:34,776 --> 00:20:36,069

Whoa, dude.

00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:37,153

You know what

you [bleep] like?

00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,405

You like to [bleep]...

00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,991

[bleeps continue]

00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:44,661

Hey, Wendy,

what's a [bleep]?

00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:47,580

[babbles]

00:20:47,705 --> 00:20:49,916

Ike, jump down, now!

00:20:50,041 --> 00:20:52,919

For the love of God,

Ike, jump!

00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:54,504

Don't hurt me.

00:20:54,629 --> 00:20:57,632

[cows mooing]

00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:03,513

Moo.

00:21:10,853 --> 00:21:12,397

Come on, Ike.

00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:14,524

I promise I'll be nice

to you from now on.

00:21:14,649 --> 00:21:15,942

Don't kick the baby.

00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,741

What the hell are

they talking about?

00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:33,293

Ike!

00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,635

Ike, do your impersonation

of David Caruso's career!

00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:44,137

It's my turn.

00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:59,152

You guys,

get me down from here!

00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:01,738

[farts violently]

Help!

00:22:01,863 --> 00:22:02,989

Help!

00:22:03,114 --> 00:22:04,991

Sons a bitches!

00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:07,702

Dildo!

00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:10,038

Phew, I'm sure glad

that's over with.

00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,206

Yeah, boy, am I glad

to see you, Ike.

00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:14,542

[babbles]

Fly in the sky.

00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,085

Wait.

00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:17,962

Where are you going,

alien visitors?

00:22:18,087 --> 00:22:19,589

Come back.

00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:21,132

Well, Chef, where's

this amazing thing

00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:22,675

you were gonna show us?

00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,302

Well, it's in

the bedroom, ladies.

00:22:24,427 --> 00:22:25,303

Come on in.

00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:26,804

Come on, Ike,

00:22:26,929 --> 00:22:28,222

we can make it

just in time for dinner.

00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:29,223

Thanks for your help,

Wendy.

00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:30,433

Whatever, dude.

00:22:30,558 --> 00:22:31,934

Hey, I didn't throw up.

00:22:32,060 --> 00:22:32,935

Cool.

00:22:33,061 --> 00:22:36,105

[romantic music]

00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:40,026

♪♪

00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:42,028

[vomits]

- Ew.

00:22:42,153 --> 00:22:44,364

Sorry.

- Hey, look, a French fry.

00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:46,449

Cool.

- And what is that?

00:22:46,574 --> 00:22:47,700

I think it's part

of a Cheesy Poof.

00:22:47,825 --> 00:22:49,535

Hey, what's that?

00:22:49,660 --> 00:22:51,579

♪ I'm gonna make love ♪

- That's a hamburger.

00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:52,830

That's from like two days ago.

- ♪ To you woman ♪

00:22:52,955 --> 00:22:54,332

Well, hey, what about that?

00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:55,458

I don't know what

the hell that is.

00:22:59,587 --> 00:23:01,089

Gee, the bus will

be here any minute.

00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:02,673

And Cartman still

isn't around.

00:23:02,799 --> 00:23:04,509

Yeah, we're running

out of friends.

00:23:04,634 --> 00:23:05,885

I wonder what

that thing was

00:23:06,010 --> 00:23:07,387

that the visitors

gave the cows?

00:23:07,512 --> 00:23:10,515

[mooing]

00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,101

Ha-ha, cows,

I got you cornered.

00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:15,478

Let's see you

get away now.

00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:16,896

[radio static]

00:23:17,021 --> 00:23:18,731

♪ I love to singa ♪

00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:20,650

♪ About the moona and the juna

and the springa ♪

00:23:20,775 --> 00:23:22,402

♪ I love to singa ♪

00:23:22,527 --> 00:23:24,779

♪ About a sky of blue

or tea for two ♪

00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:26,030

[spits]

00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:27,240

Oh, hey, Cartman.

00:23:27,365 --> 00:23:28,616

Wow, Cartman.

00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:29,909

The visitors

dropped you off

00:23:30,034 --> 00:23:30,910

just in time

to go to school.

00:23:31,035 --> 00:23:32,412

Oh, man,

00:23:32,537 --> 00:23:33,996

I had this crazy

nightmare last night.

00:23:34,122 --> 00:23:35,540

Really?

What about?

00:23:35,665 --> 00:23:37,917

Well, I was standing

out in a field

00:23:38,042 --> 00:23:40,378

and I had

this huge satellite dish

00:23:40,503 --> 00:23:42,130

sticking out of my butt.

00:23:42,255 --> 00:23:44,465

And then there was

hundreds of cows and aliens

00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,467

and then

I went up on the ship

00:23:46,592 --> 00:23:48,386

and Scott Baio

gave me pink eye.

00:23:48,511 --> 00:23:49,470

That wasn't a dream,

Cartman.

00:23:49,595 --> 00:23:50,596

That really happened.

00:23:50,721 --> 00:23:51,931

Oh, right.

00:23:52,056 --> 00:23:53,433

Why don't I have

pink eye then?

00:23:53,558 --> 00:23:55,268

Cartman,

you do have pink eye.

00:23:55,393 --> 00:23:57,645

Oh, son of a bitch.

00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:59,450

Черт! Мой младший брат снова

пытается увязаться за мной в школу.

00:02:59,630 --> 00:03:02,690

Айк, ты не можешь пойти в школу со мной.

00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:07,230

- Иди домой, ты, маленький фаллоимитатор.

- Чел, не называй моего брата фаллоимитатором!

00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,200

- Что такое фаллоимитатор?

- Я не знаю.

00:03:09,370 --> 00:03:12,740

- Картман тоже наверняка не знает.

- Я знаю, что это!

00:03:12,910 --> 00:03:15,640

- Ну, и что это?

- Я не скажу тебе.

00:03:15,810 --> 00:03:17,900

Что такое фаллоимитатор, Кенни?

00:03:20,850 --> 00:03:24,940

Да, это младший брат Кайла, все верно.

00:03:26,020 --> 00:03:28,650

- Чувак, круто.

- Это еще не все.

00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:32,090

- Готов, Айк? Пинка малышу.

- Не надо пинка малышу.

00:03:32,260 --> 00:03:33,660

Пинок малышу.

00:03:36,860 --> 00:03:39,420

Похоже, тебе не удалось поспать хорошенько.

00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,400

- Мне снились кошмары.

- Правда? О чем?

00:03:43,570 --> 00:03:47,840

Нуу, я лежал на кровати, в темноте...

00:03:48,010 --> 00:03:52,240

когда вдруг этот яркий синий цвет

осветил всю комнату.

00:03:52,450 --> 00:03:56,710

И медленно дверь в комнату стала

открываться. И следующее, что я помню...

00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:59,780

...меня тащат по коридору.

00:03:59,950 --> 00:04:04,410

А потом я лежу на столе, а эти страшные

инопланетяне хотят меня оперировать.

00:04:04,590 --> 00:04:07,220

У них большие головы и черные глаза.

00:04:07,390 --> 00:04:09,490

- Чел, пришельцы!

- Что?

00:04:09,660 --> 00:04:13,760

- Это были пришельцы.

- Это всего лишь мой сон. Моя мама сказала.

00:04:13,930 --> 00:04:17,800

- Они реальны.

- Они похищают людей и калечат коров.

00:04:17,970 --> 00:04:21,930

Заткнись. Вы пытаетесь запугать меня,

только это не работает.

00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:24,770

- Привет, дети.

- Привет, Шеф.

00:04:24,950 --> 00:04:29,350

- Что сегодня на завтрак?

- Солсбери стейк с макаронами и маслом.

00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:33,350

- Тушеная фасоль или смесь овощей.

- Зашибись.

00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,960

Никто из вас не видел

корабль инопланетян прошлой ночью?

00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:38,680

Да, жиртрест видел.

00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:42,730

Это был только сон.

И я не жирный, у меня широкие кости!

00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:46,350

Были ли это те с большими головами

и черными глазами?

00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:50,700

- Они забрали его на свой корабль.

- Они сделали тебе анальный зонд?

00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:51,860

Что это?

00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,060

Ну, это - когда они вставляют

металлический зонд тебе задницу.

00:04:55,240 --> 00:05:00,580

- Они вставили анальный зонд, Картман?

- Нет. Я имею в виду, зачем им это делать?

00:05:00,750 --> 00:05:04,010

Они это сделали, да?

Пришельцы вставили тебе в зад!

00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:06,180

- Анальный зонд.

- Заткнись, фаллоимитатор.

00:05:06,350 --> 00:05:09,650

Я собираюсь в столовую.

Присматривайте за жирным.

00:05:09,820 --> 00:05:11,920

Он может быть под контролем пришельцев

00:05:16,030 --> 00:05:18,860

Они были реальные. Прости за твой зад.

00:05:19,030 --> 00:05:23,800

Чёрт возьми, они ничего не делали

с моей задницей! Это был только сон.

00:05:26,010 --> 00:05:28,440

- А почему у тебя такая странная походка?

- Заткнись!

00:05:29,140 --> 00:05:30,770

Нет, Айк, иди домой

00:05:30,940 --> 00:05:34,970

Ну, всё. Последняя игра.

Пни малыша.

00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:41,720

- Доброе утро, мисс Crabtree

- Садитесь, мы опаздываем!

00:05:46,430 --> 00:05:48,660

- Он еще там.

- Не волнуйся

00:05:48,830 --> 00:05:52,320

Если с ним что-нибудь случится,

мои родители будут винить меня.

00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:54,800

Эй там! Сядь!

00:05:54,970 --> 00:05:57,900

- Как скажешь, жирная сучка.

- Что ты сказал?!

00:05:58,070 --> 00:06:00,440

Я сказал, у меня зуд.

00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:02,970

О! Мой Бог!

00:06:04,010 --> 00:06:06,140

- Пришельцы!

- О, нет!

00:06:06,310 --> 00:06:08,940

Айк! Остановите автобус!

00:06:09,420 --> 00:06:11,710

Вы должны остановить этот автобус!

00:06:11,890 --> 00:06:14,680

- Хочешь к директору попасть?

- Нет.

00:06:14,850 --> 00:06:16,620

- Тогда сядь!

- Но я...

00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:28,400

- Это те самые пришельцы, которых ты видел?

- Заткнись, это не работает.

00:06:28,570 --> 00:06:31,160

- Мы должны что-то сделать.

- Мы не можем.

00:06:31,340 --> 00:06:34,640

- Эта жирная сучара не позволит нам.

- Что ты сказал?

00:06:34,810 --> 00:06:40,250

- Я сказал кролики едят салат.

- О, да, несомненно.

00:06:41,510 --> 00:06:45,420

Что мне делать? Моего брата

похитили пришельцы.

00:06:45,590 --> 00:06:47,550

Ты перданул.

00:06:48,420 --> 00:06:50,480

Кто-то печет пирожные.

00:06:56,130 --> 00:06:58,290

Это третья корова за этот месяц.

00:06:58,470 --> 00:07:03,060

В таком случае, весь мой скот сдохнет

до окончания зимы.

00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:08,040

Ничего необычного. Коровы сами

выворачиваются на изнанку все время.

00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:12,440

Люди говорят, здесь где-то видели НЛО.

00:07:12,610 --> 00:07:14,640

НЛО?

00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:17,810

И черные вертолеты армии ЦРУ

и грузовые машины.

00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:22,080

Это - глупейшая вещь, которую

я когда-либо слышал.

00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,530

- Что это было?

- Голубь.

00:07:26,690 --> 00:07:29,030

Что мне делать?

00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:34,430

Просто стоять здесь и смотреть,

как мой скот мочат одного за другим?

00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:38,630

Мой скот!

00:07:43,140 --> 00:07:45,840

Видишь? Происходит что-то

странное.

00:07:46,010 --> 00:07:50,040

Там ничего странного.

Коров я тебе верну.

00:07:52,490 --> 00:07:57,920

А теперь наш друг мистер Шляпа

расскажет нам о Христофоре Колумбе.

00:07:58,090 --> 00:07:59,960

Верно, Мистер Гаррисон.

00:08:00,130 --> 00:08:04,830

Колумб открыл Америку

и был лучшим другом индейцев.

00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,830

Он помог им выиграть войну

против Фредерика Дугласа...

00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:13,340

...и освободил евреев от Наполеона,

и открыл Францию.

00:08:13,510 --> 00:08:18,940

Я должен помочь своему тупому брату. Если я

приду домой без него, мой папа будет орать:

00:08:19,110 --> 00:08:22,810

"Где твой брат?

Ты проглядел его."

00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,920

- Пойдем найдем его.

- "Он не может позаботиться о себе.

00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:29,150

Щетка и зубная нить.

Где был этот палец?"

00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,190

- Чувак!

- Есть проблемы?

00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:34,090

- Да, мне надо идти.

- Правда, Кайл?

00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:40,200

- Что на этот раз? Обострение геморроя?

- Мой брат похищен пришельцами.

00:08:40,370 --> 00:08:43,930

Это правда. Спросите Картмана.

Они вставили ему анальный зонд.

00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:48,600

- Это шутка такая.

- Мистер Гаррисон, серьезно, я должен идти.

00:08:48,780 --> 00:08:52,970

- Пожалуйста, могу я идти?

- Я не знаю. Ты спросил у мистера Шляпы?

00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:55,940

Я не хочу спрашивать у мистера Шляпы.

Я спрашиваю у вас!

00:08:56,120 --> 00:09:01,320

- Я думаю, ты должен спросить у мистера Шляпы.

- Мистер Шляпа, пожалуйста, могу я идти?

00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:04,890

Ну Кайл, нет!

Ты слышишь меня? Иди ты к черту!

00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:09,260

Ты умрешь и будешь гореть в аду!

Теперь иди на свое место.

00:09:09,430 --> 00:09:13,060

- Черт!

- Ха-ха, мистер Шляпа наорал на тебя.

00:09:13,270 --> 00:09:15,560

- Моя задница!

- Черт, Картман!

00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,210

- Моя задница!

- Чувак, он огнем пердит!

00:09:20,370 --> 00:09:24,170

Это анальный зонд пришельцев.

Это он пускает огонь из его задницы!

00:09:24,340 --> 00:09:26,140

Нет, это был только сон.

00:09:26,310 --> 00:09:30,610

Тебе нужно посидеть в углу,

пока твое газоотделение не нормализуется?

00:09:30,780 --> 00:09:33,720

Нет, мистер Гаррисон, я в порядке.

00:09:45,830 --> 00:09:49,820

Коровы, вам нельзя на этот поезд.

Этот поезд для людей.

00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:54,940

Вы, коровы, не можете попасть

в поезд для людей, хорошо? Вы - коровы.

00:09:55,110 --> 00:09:59,770

Не надо пытаться меня

загипнотизировать, хорошо?

00:09:59,950 --> 00:10:03,850

- Потому что это не сработает.

- Стойте там спокойно, коровы.

00:10:04,350 --> 00:10:06,040

Вернулись сюда!

00:10:14,090 --> 00:10:17,760

- Я так жрать хочу.

- Как ты можешь жрать, когда ты пердишь огнем?

00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,730

Заткнись, ты ведешь себя незрело.

00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:23,870

- Смотри, там Венди Тестабургер.

- Где?

00:10:40,350 --> 00:10:46,260

- Стэн хочет поцеловать Венди Тестабургер

- Заткнись, жиртрест, я не хочу этого.

00:10:46,430 --> 00:10:51,190

Я не жирный. Тебе она нравиться, потому что тебя

рвет каждый раз, когда она с тобой разговаривает.

00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,920

- Неправда.

- Привет, ребята.

00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:54,260

Привет, Венди.

00:10:54,430 --> 00:10:57,800

Стэн, это тебе.

00:10:57,970 --> 00:10:59,340

Пока, Венди.

00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,000

Чел, что там написано?

00:11:02,170 --> 00:11:06,340

Святое дерьмо! Она хочет встретиться

со мной у пруда Старка после школы.

00:11:06,510 --> 00:11:10,310

- Ого, может быть, ты сможешь поцеловать ее.

- В засос.

00:11:11,720 --> 00:11:15,020

Что? Как ты узнал, что у неё есть киска?

00:11:18,890 --> 00:11:22,880

Давайте узнаем, как можно смыться из школы,

чтобы вернуть моего брата назад.

00:11:23,060 --> 00:11:25,430

Привет, дети. Как дела?

00:11:25,630 --> 00:11:27,030

- Плохо

- Почему плохо?

00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:31,000

У тебя было такое, чтобы с тобой что-то

происходило, но тебе никто не верил?

00:11:31,170 --> 00:11:36,370

Дети, с этой проблемой рано или

поздно сталкивается каждый.

00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:40,980

Здесь я бы хотел вам спеть песню.

Возможно, это все прояснит.

00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:03,660

Шеф!

00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,870

- Ты чувствуешь себя лучше?

- Нет!

00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:12,640

Да ладно, дети, что может быть так плохо?

Сегодня день Солсбери стейка.

00:12:13,010 --> 00:12:16,170

- Пришельцы забрали братишку Кайла?

- Что?!

00:12:16,420 --> 00:12:19,320

Что вы тут жрете Солсбери стейки?

00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:22,110

- Найдите его!

- Мистер Гаррисон нас не отпустил.

00:12:22,290 --> 00:12:26,190

- Он думает, что мы это выдумали.

- Вы это и выдумали.

00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,520

- Что?

- Это было круто!

00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:38,100

Это некое симбиотическое

мутирущее устройство.

00:12:38,270 --> 00:12:41,600

Это может означать, что

пришельцы хотят поговорить с нами.

00:12:41,770 --> 00:12:44,770

Я понял. Вы теперь решили

вместе надо мной шутить.

00:12:44,940 --> 00:12:47,570

Это не шутка, дети. Это прорыв.

00:12:47,750 --> 00:12:51,010

Если я не смогу уйти из школы

и вернуть Айка...

00:12:51,220 --> 00:12:53,180

...мои родители отрекутся от меня.

00:12:53,390 --> 00:12:56,480

Успокойтесь сейчас же.

Детям надо помогать.

00:12:56,660 --> 00:13:00,220

Вы, ребята, далеко зашли,

пытаясь меня напугать.

00:13:00,390 --> 00:13:02,520

Я хочу свой стейк Солсбери.

00:13:02,690 --> 00:13:08,030

Пожарная тревога, пожарная тревога! Все вон!

Хорошо, дети, это ваш шанс.

00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,760

Круто. Спасибо, Шеф.

00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:16,370

Первый контакт с инопланетянами.

Я должен быть готов.

00:13:16,540 --> 00:13:19,940

Мы смылись из школы.

Сегодня больше никакой школы.

00:13:20,110 --> 00:13:21,770

Мы смылись из школы.

00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:26,940

- Ребята, моя задница, серьезно!

- Хорошо, ты можешь перестать пердеть огнем.

00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:31,180

- Я не могу, сукин ты сын!

- Как мы вернем моего брата назад?

00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:34,330

Может, перестанешь болтать о своём брате?

00:13:34,490 --> 00:13:37,790

Это был только сон!

У меня нет никакого анального зонда!

00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,450

Я не нахожусь под контролем пришельцев!

00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,080

- Что это было?

- Он под контролем пришельцев.

00:13:55,250 --> 00:14:00,150

- Он прикладом подключен к пришельцам.

- Сукин сын!

00:14:04,140 --> 00:14:07,200

Ребята, заткнитесь.

Я не под контролем пришельцев.

00:14:07,370 --> 00:14:11,830

Если Вы, пришельцы, слышите меня,

верните моего брата, черт побери!

00:14:12,010 --> 00:14:14,500

Это больно, ты, передатчик!

00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:18,470

- Кайл, это они.

- Верните моего брата!

00:14:23,090 --> 00:14:26,780

- О, Боже, они убили Кенни!

- Сволочи!

00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:32,190

Вернитесь сюда! Вернитесь!

Черт возьми, мы были так близки!

00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,800

Эй, смотрите, я думаю, Кенни в порядке.

00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,170

Ой, бедный Кенни.

00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:49,440

- Теперь-то ты веришь нам?

- Нет.

00:14:49,610 --> 00:14:52,610

- Картман, они убили Кенни.

- Он не мертв.

00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:55,750

Чувак, Кенни мертв. Видишь?

00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,910

- Заткнитесь, ребята.

- Он мертв, Картман.

00:14:59,090 --> 00:15:04,150

Черт возьми, у меня не было анального зонда!

Удачи вам, ребята. Я пошел домой.

00:15:04,330 --> 00:15:08,230

- Вали домой, жирный цыпленок!

- Фаллоимитатор!

00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:12,060

- Ты - всё, что у меня осталось.

- Прости, я встречаюсь с Вэнди.

00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:16,830

Ты не можешь. Бедный Айк, должно быть,

так напуган, совсем один. Помоги мне.

00:15:17,010 --> 00:15:21,570

Как говорит Шеф: "Я занимаюсь

любовью, пока возбужден."

00:15:21,750 --> 00:15:22,740

Крысы!

00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,310

- Привет, Эрик.

- Привет, мам.

00:15:27,490 --> 00:15:30,610

- Как дела?

- Ну, меня всё достало.

00:15:30,790 --> 00:15:34,250

Смотри, я сделала тебе сюрприз

в виде блина, посыпанного пончиком.

00:15:34,430 --> 00:15:38,230

Я не хочу!

Все дети в школе называют меня жирным.

00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:41,590

- Ты не жирный, у тебя широкая кость.

- Я так же им сказал.

00:15:41,770 --> 00:15:44,860

Можешь попробовать хоть маленький кусочек?

00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:48,940

- Всего лишь малюсенький кусочек?

- Нет. Оставь меня в покое, мам.

00:15:49,110 --> 00:15:52,670

А как насчёт хорошего

шоколадного куриного пирожка?

00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,740

Ну, это звучит неплохо.

00:15:56,110 --> 00:15:58,050

- Мам?

- Да, сладкий?

00:15:58,220 --> 00:16:01,450

Если кто-нибудь будет звонить

или придет, меня нет, хорошо?

00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:06,080

- Конечно. Хочешь ещё немного сырных шариков?

- Да, я хочу сырных шариков.

00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:12,390

Её всё нет.

Давайте поищем пришельцев.

00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:16,120

- Но в её записке сказано, что она будет здесь.

- Привет, Стен.

00:16:16,730 --> 00:16:21,830

- Его тошнит, когда ты с ним говоришь.

- Но почему, Стен?

00:16:22,210 --> 00:16:25,640

Может приступим к делу и найдем Айка?

00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:29,340

- Придай сладострастье огню.

- Что случилось с Айком?

00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:31,540

Когда наблюдение за НЛО возросло...

00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:36,240

...загадочные круги

стали появляться на полях.

00:16:36,420 --> 00:16:40,880

Эти круги, когда смотришь

сверху, выглядят странно.

00:16:41,060 --> 00:16:44,120

Эй, это похоже на Тома Селлека.

00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:49,100

Может быть, инопланетяне пытаются

так связаться с нами на Земле?

00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:55,370

Нет, кися, это мой пирожок.

00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:59,910

Нет, кися, ты плохой котенок.

Нет, кися, это мой пирожок!

00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:03,140

Мам! Кися ведет себя как пися!

00:17:03,310 --> 00:17:08,840

Я знаю некую киску, которая будет

спать сегодня ночью с мамочкой.

00:17:09,620 --> 00:17:10,950

Что?!

00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:14,960

Я пойду домой без него,

и родители меня убьют.

00:17:15,130 --> 00:17:17,560

- Почему ты не схватил жирдяя?

- Почему?

00:17:17,730 --> 00:17:21,360

Если у жирдяя в жопе что-то внедрено...

00:17:21,530 --> 00:17:24,430

...может, он - часть плана пришельцев.

00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,870

Используй жирного, чтоб заманить их обратно.

00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,870

Ты права. Пошли, Стен.

Надо схватить Картмана.

00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,200

Пошли, Стен.

00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,310

Эй, подождите. А когда я займусь любовью?

00:17:42,820 --> 00:17:45,250

Нет, кися, ты больше не получишь!

00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:50,220

Нет, кися, это мой пирог!

Плохая кися!

00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,960

Прости меня, котенок.

00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:56,430

- Эрик, смотри, кто тут.

- Отличная работа, мам!

00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:59,800

- Давай поиграем на автобусной остановке.

- Я не могу, мама говорит...

00:17:59,970 --> 00:18:03,630

Всё в порядке. Ты должен проводить

больше времени со своими друзьями.

00:18:03,810 --> 00:18:07,240

- Но я не хочу проводить время...

- Не будь таким капризным!

00:18:07,410 --> 00:18:12,440

- А теперь иди и поиграй в снежки.

- Проклятье!

00:18:14,090 --> 00:18:17,780

- Мне надо домой.

- Ты что, испугался?

00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,910

Эта веревка точно не даст тебе

снова оказаться на борту.

00:18:22,390 --> 00:18:25,290

- Это отстой!

- Почему их до сих пор нет?

00:18:25,460 --> 00:18:28,360

Думаю, надо посигналить им как-то.

00:18:29,070 --> 00:18:31,000

Эй, он как Рудольф.

00:18:31,170 --> 00:18:35,570

Всё, что тебе надо сделать, это пернуть,

и пришельцы точно появятся.

00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:39,770

Правда? Не думаю,

что сегодня я буду пердеть.

00:18:39,940 --> 00:18:42,340

- Конечно будешь.

- Давай, бзди!

00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:45,310

- Я не хочу!

- Он не сможет сдерживаться вечно.

00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:48,540

- Перди, чтоб тебя!

- Хорошо, выходит!

00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:52,310

Почему всё сегодня так сложно...

00:18:52,490 --> 00:18:55,760

...каждый входит в мой зад или выходит?

00:18:55,930 --> 00:18:58,720

Меня это задолбало!

Это полностью преждевременно!

00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:00,690

Опять!

00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:06,290

- Тпру, посмотри.

- Теперь ты нам веришь?

00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:09,700

Вам меня не напугать.

Вы постоянно это делаете.

00:19:09,870 --> 00:19:13,970

У тебя из задницы торчит

24-метровая спутниковая тарелка!

00:19:14,180 --> 00:19:16,370

Ага, конечно, парни, как бы ни так.

00:19:18,220 --> 00:19:22,280

О, инопланетяне идут на первый контакт.

00:19:22,450 --> 00:19:26,980

Эй! Тут, внизу!

Мы готовы к вашей мудрости.

00:19:27,590 --> 00:19:32,050

И у вас всего 20 минут, пока

не началось "Сенфорд и сын"!

00:19:32,230 --> 00:19:36,790

Эй ребята, я серьезно сваливаю прямо сейчас.

00:19:36,970 --> 00:19:39,770

Я знаю, что пришельцев не существует.

00:19:41,810 --> 00:19:44,270

О, черт!

00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:49,440

Что за..? Говорю тебе, в этом городе

происходит что-то странное.

00:19:49,610 --> 00:19:52,340

Можешь повторить, мистер Гаррисон.

00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:56,180

Спускайтесь сюда, вы, вонючие инопланетяне!

00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:00,890

Попроси их вернуть твоего брата назад.

00:20:01,060 --> 00:20:06,020

Пришельцы, вы забрали моего брата. Он

в веснушках и похож на футбольный мяч.

00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:10,400

Поначалу я был рад, что вы его забрали,

но я кое-что понял:

00:20:10,570 --> 00:20:13,200

Иметь младшего брата -

это что-то особенное.

00:20:13,370 --> 00:20:16,810

Черт, я всего лишь ребенок, который

совсем один в этом сумасшедшем мире.

00:20:16,970 --> 00:20:20,880

Если вы чувствуете то же самое,

то верните моего брата...

00:20:21,050 --> 00:20:23,570

...это снова сделает мою жизнь яркой.

00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,440

Это было красиво.

00:20:25,620 --> 00:20:27,380

- Это сработало?

- Нет.

00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:31,390

Ах ты, тощезадый кусок говна!

Какого хера с тобой не так?

00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,420

Ты, должно быть, ублюдок,

раз не понимаешь плача ребенка!

00:20:35,590 --> 00:20:39,650

Ты знаешь, что любишь нахер делать?

Ты любишь трахаться!

00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:44,760

Эй, Венди, что такое "хер"?

00:20:47,940 --> 00:20:53,000

Айк, спрыгивай! Сейчас же!

Ради бога, Айк, прыгай!

00:20:53,180 --> 00:20:54,340

Не порань меня.

00:21:11,130 --> 00:21:14,190

Обещаю, я буду мил с тобой

с этого момента.

00:21:14,370 --> 00:21:16,060

Не пинай малыша.

00:21:22,070 --> 00:21:23,870

О чём это они?

00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,860

Айк, быстро сделай

пародию на Дэвида Карузо!

00:21:43,030 --> 00:21:44,790

Мой выход.

00:21:57,040 --> 00:22:00,880

Ребята, спустите меня отсюда!

00:22:01,950 --> 00:22:04,880

Помогите! Сукины дети!

00:22:05,080 --> 00:22:07,020

Член!

00:22:07,950 --> 00:22:12,580

- Я рад, что всё закончилось.

- Мальчик, я рад тебя видеть, Айк!

00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:14,750

Она улетает в небо.

00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,790

Стойте! Куда вы, пришельцы? Вернитесь!

00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:22,490

Где та удивительная вещь,

которую вы хотели нам показать?

00:22:22,670 --> 00:22:25,460

Она в спальне, дамы. Входите.

00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,100

Мы можем сделать это в обед.

00:22:28,270 --> 00:22:30,300

- Спасибо за помощь.

- Не за что.

00:22:30,470 --> 00:22:32,970

- Эй, я не блюю.

- Круто.

00:22:41,490 --> 00:22:42,850

Прости.

00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:45,450

- Эй, смотрите, французское жаркое.

- Круто.

00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:48,490

- Что это?

- Это кусочек сырных шариков.

00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:51,630

- Эй, а это что?

- Это гамбургер.

00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:55,130

- Ему уже 2 дня!

- Как насчет этого?

00:22:55,300 --> 00:22:56,600

Не знаю.

00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,930

Автобус скоро будет.

Картмана всё еще нет.

00:23:02,110 --> 00:23:04,200

У нас кончаются друзья.

00:23:04,370 --> 00:23:07,240

Интересно, что же пришельцы дали коровам?

00:23:10,150 --> 00:23:14,670

Тёлки, я загнал вас в угол.

А щас я посмотрю, как вы уберетесь отсюда.

00:23:25,460 --> 00:23:26,690

Эй, Картман.

00:23:26,860 --> 00:23:30,590

Пришельцы высадили тебя

прям перед занятиями.

00:23:30,770 --> 00:23:35,000

- У меня был странный кошмар прошлой ночью.

- Правда? Про что?

00:23:35,170 --> 00:23:37,700

Ну, я стоял на поле.

00:23:37,870 --> 00:23:41,310

У меня из зада торчит

спутниковая антенна...

00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,970

...и ещё там были

коровы и пришельцы.

00:23:44,150 --> 00:23:47,710

Потом я улетел на корабле,

и Скот Байо заразил меня конъюнктивитом.

00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,250

Это был не сон.

Это было на самом деле.

00:23:50,420 --> 00:23:55,150

- Верно. Тогда почему у меня нет конъюнктивита?

- У тебя он есть!

00:23:55,330 --> 00:23:57,660

Сукин сын!

00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,380

Перевод: rrz, simuladora.